12 years ago
Sugar Dating: Live & Learn – How Have You?

12 years ago
Sugar Dating: Live & Learn – How Have You?

Sugar Daddy Dating: Take it Step, by Step

“Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these.” -Anonymous Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby Blogger

There have been some beautiful,  painful, and honest examples of how the hard times don’t just hit one of us when they come, but in some way or another, all of us. May I thank all of those who have shown such love and honesty on this blog!


First and foremost, you need to honor yourself, to love yourself, to hold yourself in high esteem before you get involved with anyone. If you find yourself involved with someone who continuously belittles you, you gotta ask yourself a few questions: why would anyone knock someone down psychologically? Why would someone who professes to care about someone belittle them constantly?

When you first embarked on your sugar dating life; creating your profile, choosing which pics to display, etc., you may have had a different idea of how your experience would be than how it has actually evolved. Many think that Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies can be put into one or two general categories; especially if they’re not familiar with the concept of ‘no-strings-attached’, or ‘mutually beneficial’ dating. Yet, it’s likely that after a while, your original notions of what it would be like to arrange a relationship with someone  on this site has changed.

So, the resolve may be to take it “Step by Step”. It may mean changing your profile text to reflect how your own expectations have changed. You might receive messages from SD’s or SB’s that make you think twice about what your profile says or maybe encourage you to add something you hadn’t thought of before…

Has anyone here changed something in his or her life, because of a SD or SB – whether it was from a message, a profile, or actual encounter?

Who thinks that there may be a SD or SB out there who can bring you positive change?

What, if anything, would come in the way of you making the leap to arrange a mutually beneficial relationship?… Distance? Family? a Partner? Work? Kids? Lack of confidence?

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215 Responses to “Sugar Dating: Live & Learn – How Have You?”

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    Nice post. There’s a similar topic thats related to this in Yahoo answers or Google groups, I think. I’ll find the link and post it back here.

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  27. MASTERPIECE says:

    Absolutely agree! If we all are clear and honest from the beginning we can change the tide to fantastic blog entries of wonderful experiences — everyone wins.

  28. sweetredhead269443 says:

    I would not personally meet a SD that I thought we didn’t have some sort of connection over the phone or emails, im ect. I am not going to waste his time or mine.
    I think you need to be clear before the meeting. No I am not saying everything, but the basics yes. At least know you are on the same page.

    I think if you do not communicate before a meeting it leads to a lot of wasted time and disappointment.

    Know what you want and don’t settle for less than that. The SD or SB is out there for each of us.

    I am probably scaring some SD’s off this way LOL but if your scared off by a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it then your not the one for me 🙂

  29. MASTERPIECE says:

    As for knowing what you want, I am off to meet a SD tonight and already he has stated he really just wants to meet people and go out on dates. He is fishing for another good ole fashioned LTR ie. no arrangement. He sounds interesting, but this is not off to a good start. I will be clear, no problem on that, and told him I’d meet for a glass of wine– that’s it.

    However, some advice to other SD’s: Restate your intentions from the first phone conversation. We SB’s want the reassurance you are not wasting time and looking for something else. If that’s really what you want, then try match.com.

    So, SD’s, take the lead, please. Leadership is the ultimate aphrodisiac. If there is chemistry, reassure and state you will take the lead on the arrangement. Don’t diminish your chances with a new SB as we don’t want to have to “be strong” and bring this up.

  30. MASTERPIECE says:

    thank you sweetred. Re: searching…I am a paid member and I think it would be good to get the SA techies on this to make searching easier. (if the moderator is reading this, also make the blog link to be able to go back to HOME without having to log back in. We girls just can’t help but try and improve things =))

  31. sweetredhead269443 says:

    John Smith you live and learn and hopefully as I think in your case I think you learned that honesty and respect is a key component to any type of relationship. Regrets in life are a hard pill to swallow. I try hard not to do anything I will regret later. Do I have regrets, sure we all make mistakes. Life is a learning process. If you are open to learning it opens up many doors for you.

    MASTERPIECE exactly, you need to know what YOU want. If you don’t know what you want then how do you know what you are looking for. Never settle for anything. Compromise yes, life is full of compromises, but never compromise on what is important to you.

    There is no clear cut step by step process in a SD/SB relationship. We are all here for our own and different reasons. You have heard different success and horror stories on these blogs. That’s what it is for I think. learn from each other.

    to search (if your not a paid member) you can search by location only (state)

  32. MASTERPIECE says:

    ps. how do you search on someone’s profile name? I don’t see any search feature by name.

  33. MASTERPIECE says:

    I am new to this site and these blogs are helpful to see the full range of maturity as to where people are at..meaning there are no clear guidelines as to how this all works. There are no clear cut answers but I do know one thing: it all has to start with an honest conversation with myself first.

    I came here for guidelines, step by step, but now I need to log off and ask myself –what do I really want and how can I be really clear about that from the beginning? What gets in my way from being clear? Do I want to be “nice” and compromise what I really want?

    I’ve already learned I have to be clear about what are my expectations, what will I be flexible about, and what I won’t. I have to trust my instincts!

    I’ve listened to the mainstream media interviews about how this site, and I couldn’t disagree more about the idea of this equating to prostitution.

    After being married twice, I’ve realized one could say the same about that. Last time I checked there was sex and money in marriage also. Both my former husbands after many years together stopped wanting to have sex as much (and being adventurous) and wanted me all to themselves, all the time.

    I think we all need to join together to drive a new paradigm of relationships. The old definition of the puritanical Christian relationships is not working.

    At the end of the day it is still about mutuality, clear agreements, flexibility, honesty, and looking forward to being together.

    Of course there will be ups and downs in a SB/SD arrangement, but I actually think there will be a higher chance for fulfillment because the communication level about expectations is high from the beginning. I work hard and have a good job. I’m looking for someone who will appreciate that and add to my life. It’s a great story for the modern working girl.

    Once you’re married there is a greater chance for being “stuck” with what someone evolves into, ie. After 5 years together, I don’t want to do the missionary position forever. (and that’s after high dollar counseling.)

    I’m excited about the road less traveled, and the possibilities of what we could start here for modern dating.

  34. Bubbles4u2me says:

    Wow John Smith. You must be a writer because as you explained that story I felt like I was watching a movie. Damn, I even shed a tear. Well considering the mess you made, I think it would be honorable for you to contact this woman and pour your heart out to her as you have to the hundreds of people that read this blog daily. Let her know that you were a whoring loser and that you have change……wait a minute you didnt say that you have changed………..??????????

  35. John Smith says:

    What have I learned about honesty? Well, I really screwed over a wonderful girl and a wonderful opportunity when I met this woman inadvertently on this site. The day I met her, she had only been on here for a few hours, and literally she cancelled off a few hours later. A gem, she was and I used and abused her. I never stopped the constant flow of emails, phone calls, text messages, and communication with hundreds of women the entire time I was seeing her. I told her she was the only one I was with and respected her too much and us too much to anything other than that. The reality was, I was screwing anything with legs. Prostitutes, sluts, sophisticates, fat girls, skinny girls, black girls, asians. It was endless and I was insatiable. I lied to her, I lied to the others, I lied to my wife (whom I’m still with but say we’re due to be divorced). Literally, while this gem was driving back from a rendezvous (which was amazing) I was already lining up my next ‘job’ within the hour with another chic.

    The funny thing is, she would have been perfectly fine with what I was doing with the others if I had only been honest and treated her the way she asked me to. She told me to be up front & let her know if I was seeing others- I insisted I wasn’t. She said ‘please don’t hurt me’ because she knew the longer we were together, the stronger the ties. I acted mad because she said it, but in reality I was angry because I was so guilty. My guilt shown through in lots of things- insisting she not buy me a Christmas present, insisting I give her an overabundant amount of cash (even when she said no), insisted on not letting her drive up to visit anymore and instead flying her. The things that really confused her? Well, I flew in to Dulles Airport and spent the night with her and her friends at dinner. Introductions were made, and I buddied up with them. She was thrilled & I was worried about my next lay.

    Yeah, I wasn’t very honest or honorable or gentlemanly. I told her I prided myself on being a gentlman and treating the ‘ladies’ with respect. I guess that was just another lie to cover everything else.

    I’m going to miss her, god, truly I will. I know I hurt her more than I can imagine. When I’m old, grey, bald and sitting in my lazyboy recliner with my beer, I’ll look back and regret alot of the things I’ve done to many women, but I think it will be her memory that haunts me the most. Looking into those blue eyes and lying to someone who was so honest and hopeful and had been hurt so badly in the past. I’m so sorry…

  36. Max says:

    Hey!! Found your blog on yahoo – thanks for the article but i still don’t get it.

  37. sweetredhead says:

    I totally agree with you SBinTexas. let it all out up front. That is what I have been doing and weeded out a lot . maybe scared a few too lol. But I am up front and honest about what I want and what i am willing to do. I think Honesty in any type of relationship is your best bet.

  38. Oliver says:

    Hey! You did a great job with this blog. I loved Sugar Daddy Dating: Live & Learn. how have you?

  39. Max says:

    Thanks for this post!

  40. lisa says:

    I’m doing ok, I guess. Working and making about 100 dollars more than I did at my last job HOWEVER after union dues that take half of that, an increase in bus far (now I spend 80 dollars a month of the bus) and my apartment starting to charge 20 dollars for water, well all of the extra is gone and i’m actually now making a few dollars less. Just getting by, paying bills but no groceries or frills.
    Still haven’t heard from that sd and we are suppposed to meet this week and he is on the site everyday including this morning. I have to be headed off to work now,have to work all day.

  41. lovelyfifi says:

    hey Lisa

    i have been reading all your posts ..how are you doing lately financally and spiritually? some sd’d dont know what they want or some of them just enjoy the time spent on here looking at pictures than what they really sighned up for.You going to get a lot of time waters and when ur not looking or caring anymore thats when the real one will show up..lately am not writting any mails to any sd’s am just going to enjoy the blog and current sd though i see him 4 times a month atleast its worth it ..till i find a new sd that is gonna catch up on the in btn time the old one is away am just enjoying the blogs and participating..btw ladies don’t expect to get a good sd without spending a lil on yurself.looks count a lot when it comes to these wonderful men..the perfume you wear also counts on the first meeting and the way you dress up for the first meeting..fake sd’s will be theatened and you can tell by the way they act and ladies try to look at the small things on his body like his fragrance a real sd you will tell and the first meeting point is very important too or where he takes you for dinner ..i hope that helps

  42. BlkButtafly says:

    Hmmm food for thought Lisa thanx! I see Stephan made a poll about it! 🙂

  43. lisa says:

    I think a few days or a week is sufficient as I have not had any luck with anyone that I talked to long term, or any of those out of state sds that are supposudly going to be in my city in the next month or two. these seem to disappear and you never meet them. The ones I have met have been guys that I have talked to a few days to a week. The ones that drag on and especially those who don’t answer in full sentences or your questions are usually time wasters.
    I think it is more important what you say in your emails than how long you chat but I would avoid anyone that wants to meet right away like today or tomorrow, especially when they don’t give much info and don’t want to know more about you.

  44. BlkButtafly says:

    how long do you think a SD/SB should chat before they meet?

  45. lovelyfifi says:

    annonymous am sorry to hear about your experience but not every sb is like that .some of us are responsible people with executive positions at work but we just need that extra attention and to be pampered and loved by the one..the problem here is that most sb look at us working sbs as a threat in a way and they tend to go for school sb’s ..if your responsible as you say you are then try to find an sb that will be compartible with you .if you don’t like the needy ones then don’t go there.And if your going to help someone out there is no need to advertise that i dont think its gentlemanly like.Any man that talks about what they offered and didnt receive nothing in return you seem to forget the most important thing besides sex ..time what about the time that young school girl took to just go out to dinner with you talk or even the companionship she offered.I just think some sd’s seriously don’t know what they want when it comes to this..You have an upper hand in this arrangement your free to move on and find someone compartible for you. that said not all of us are needy as you take us we need the same from you though with an extra $$ and we are bold enough to say what we want.Don’t expect me to leave my position at work to just fly over as if it means nothing to me.Get a grip we both have responsibilities we have to have a 50-50 in this arrangement if am going to leave my work and travel to you let next time be your turn .Anyhow i know there is someone out there for everyone we just need some patience .and the right one will come .am taking my time and am sure my compartible partner will come by..good luck to all the wonderful sd’s and sb’s

  46. Jim Spence says:

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  47. NitemareSD says:

    Try writing “its not all about the money with me, I also value…”

  48. Ashley says:

    Well i have a question for the women who have been sucessful with this site. I have never done this before and don’t know what to put on my profile that won’t make me seem like all i want is money. I do ned help in that department buti also want companionship. what do i have to do and how does it all work? what are the steps to be taken?

  49. lorealcausei'mworthit says:

    Hey, thanks for responding to me blog re sd online and no financial arrangement taking place. I did speak with him and he explained a exec he worked with had contacted him, but she has no idea as his profile name is different. So now he is leading this lady along emailing and joking to me about the private details that have been shared.
    I find it cruel as well as an invasion of privacy. I laid it out today and told him i need to step back as i have self respect and worth. He played it cool, but so tired of busy with work, but i’m meant to drop my life when availability presents. that is part of the joy having your own life that is seperate to this, so i have put a new profile up and i’m ready to enter a real sd/sb arrangement.
    We both agree that we care for each other, but i’m not a fan of hard, this should be easy given the criteria we all excepted.
    Best of luck and thanks for the advise
    Mwa xx

  50. Shaena says:

    I am totally new to this! I think this blog is great, and have a little more insight in the world of SD/SB relationships from reading many of your posts…ty:)

    The main reason I decided to give this a try is because I met a man about 10 years ago who had tried to give women money for friendship, but they always took advantage of him. I was serving drinks in a bar one night, and he was so sweet and funny, he asked me if i would go for a coffee with him after work and he would pay me to spend a half an hour with him at the coffee shop. I figured why not! He was quite a bit older than I am, he told me that he wasn’t looking for any type of sexual realationship, just someone to talk to.
    We became good friends, and he helped me on a pretty regular basis, but we never had an actual arrangement. The first year I bought him a Christmas gift, when he came into my work, i went straight over to him and put the gift on the table. He looked up at me and just started crying, I didn’t know what was wrong. Then he said that’s the 1st gift he’d gotten in over ten years! Not even a thing from his own kids. (Meanwhile I was thinking it’s only a cell phone.) But after I heard that, I almost burst out in tears lol. He was about to give up looking for this kind of friendship, but we met at the right time I think! We had many great times and we both got a wonderful friendship out of the deal.

    In the past 10 years, I have had a couple of relationships that just plain failed. Because I have children, it’s difficult to date…as you all know. I would like to find a relationship of this sort because I’m tired of the so called normal ones. I wouldn’t concider this type of thing before because I have kids, but oddly enough they are why I am doing this now. Now that they are teenagers it’s even more difficult to date. It would be nice to have some kind of relationship that never involves my children.

    I just have one comment/question….I am 37 years old, but many people think my kids are my younger brother and sister! Last month I went to play pool with a friend and got asked for my ID. Do 37 year old ladies actually ever get genuine SD’s? I know I look young, but wouldn’t my age scare off any potential SD? Or could this be a huge bonus? I see many comments from SD’s saying no drama, maybe they would concider an older SB that looks younger?

    I could have said I was younger and gotten away with it I’m sure, but I agree SBinTexas, I have to be honest, and it is a very good thing:)

  51. SBinTexas says:

    From the “live and learn” category, I see that a lot of the ladies here (and gents too) feel that they’ve been taken advantage of because they gave (either money or sex) but didn’t get what they wanted in return(be it money or sex).

    Why does this keep happening? Lack of clear communication.

    You must be honest and upfront about what you want from the outset. Guys, if you want sex, just say so! Don’t be creepy or freakish about it, don’t scare a decent girl away, but on the other hand, let the lady know that you’re not a monk or a eunuch, either.

    Have this conversation BEFORE entering an arrangement, BEFORE any money changes hands. Just as with any contract (verbal or written), both parties need to understand just exactly what the terms of the deal are going to be BEFORE they sign up…

    Ladies, same goes for you. The majority of guys on this site (and everywhere else) always want sex. Free sex, preferably, and trust me, they’ll say or do anything to get it.

    Do NOT offer your body, your most intimate self, to any man who advertises himself as a SD UNTIL you know he is for real. Be honest and upfront with him about your financial needs, and keep your boundaries solid.

    Any REAL sugar daddy will have no problem with putting some money in your bank account FIRST to prove that he is real and serious. If he can’t do that, move on…

    If he CAN do that, then be prepared to hold up your end of the bargain. Women who take advantage of the GOOD SD’s out there are hurting the HONEST SB’s who DO honor their commitments.

    With every SD I’ve ever had, we knew in the first 5 minutes of meeting if we had chemistry and were physically attracted to each other. By the end of that first date, we knew whether or not we had mental chemistry and attraction. We knew if we wanted to see each other again…or not.

    If he contacted me for a 2nd date, I would know by the end of the evening how serious he was about being an SD. If all he wanted to talk about was sex but made no mention of what’s in it for me, I’d never see him again.

    If guy can’t put his money where his mouth is, he is not an SD and is not worth another minute of your time.

    If, on the other hand, a guy comes to that 2nd meeting prepared to make a solid offer and does so without you having to ask, he’s a real SD. He’s a man who knows what he wants, what it takes to get it, and knows another little secret as well: so, what’s the secret?

    The man who puts his money where his mouth is the guy who ALWAYS gets the girl!!!:)

    The solution: know exactly what you want, what you can realisitically give, and be honest with the other person. You’ll get far better results, avoid the pain of getting used, have longer-lasting, healthier relationships and best of all, you’ll weed out the idiots, game-players and scammers a lot easier this way.

    Honesty. It’s a good thing.

  52. lisa says:

    I wish I could fly into the arms of a great sd. this time last year, right after my birthday I began a relationship with a man I met online months ago but just wasn’t into. I gave him a second chance and he made my birthday great and we had some great times together, then he started trying to change me and make me someone I wasn’t (he wanted me to be a cocktail waitress so I would make more money) and since I am a basically a non drinker and not comfortable around drinking, and not as young as his daughter whom he bragged made 200 a night in tips (she is no longer working as a waitress so obviosly it wasn’t that great of a job). He also tried to change my fashion style (I am known for my colorful clothes ( I guess I must have a little black blood in me because I like the bright colors many black people like and I get alot of compliments from blacks that like my fashion sense) he wanted me to wear jeans all the time, which lacks creativity. He just dumped me after several months for no reason, but I think his lover is his job. Anyway it’s time to find someone new. I had a sd in late may/early june and then met a guy for shopping in late august and another in early september so if the pattern continues I should meet a new sd in late nov/early dec .

    Gail, I’ve had my 21st birthday twice already. lol

  53. Gail says:

    So Nitemare, could you be oh so kind and wish her the happiest birthday ever:) LOL…..Its Friday:) Time for appletini’s….would you like one? And tell me, does you name Nitemare SD depict who you really are? LOL again….

    Love all the quotes…Creator and Cutie:)


  54. NitemareSD says:

    The lisa character’s posts are some really great black comedy. I have believed for a long time lisa does not exist but is merely an entertaining work of fiction.

    Lisa will never be so lucky as to get burned out and, being safer than stepping outside on a sunny midday in her neighborhood, fly blind into the arms of some anonymous SD awaiting at a far away airport.

  55. Cutie says:

    “He who said money can’t buy happiness clearly doesn’t know where to shop” 🙂

  56. cre8tor says:

    “If you are having a bad day, get another one and get it quick.”

    “as you grow older, you’ll find that the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do.”

    “Be willing to relinquish the life you’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for you.”

    My thoughts for day

  57. lisa says:

    the scary thing is that they have moved the office temporarily to an apartment in the building connected to mine. if they decide to burn it again, it could catch the whole building. They are already starting to tear down the gutted office. I don’t know why but it makes me sick to see something like this happen even if it is a dumpy complex.
    I did hear from one gentle I was talking to a few months ago, one that flaked out on me, and well he’s making exuses now that he is in financial trouble. he needs to remove his ad until he gets back on his feet.

    I always try to be upbeat and positive when I am aroung others and I get alot of compliments from the customers at my job (not anything that management knows about but you know they just come up and say hi when they recognize me so I must have some kind of good effect on people. I just need a little spoiling, it’s my birthday and I want something special. Everything in my apartment is falling apart (I bought everything when I moved in 3 years ago and now it’s starting to fall apart, first coffee maker (that makes me a real grouch as I hate instant coffee), tv is on the blink, stereo cd player stopped working. I hate to see what breaks next. lol

    have a great day everyone. I have been running errands all day and have more to run.

  58. Bluewater Sailor says:

    How does that song go…

  59. Cutie says:

    Please show us more of that Lisa (and don’t worry about the arson guy, his grudge was against the leasing office not residents of the complex)

  60. Cutie says:

    YES Suthrn! I also love Lisa’s random outbursts of positivity. Lisa they make you so endearing. I’m sure if you were to maximize this aspect of your personality you’d have a lot to bring to a lucky SD.

  61. SuthrnExec says:

    Lisa, I do love it when you look on the bright side!

  62. lisa says:


    I hope I survive my birthday on sunday. I got sunday off from work and my daughter and mom are taking me to eat. I will probably be awake all night tonight though worrrying that whoever burned down the leasing office (this a 2 story brick building that is fairly large and now it’s hollowed out) will come by and set my building on fire being that I live in the front across from the office. everything seems to happen close to me, fire, 2 people murdered in parking lot (2 incidents), body found at bottom of pool a few months ago, near me again.

  63. cre8tor says:

    lots of hugs here today. I could use one too. this job is getting me down and I would much rather be creating things than sitting in this here chair. Oh well….in a few days I get to travel to Boston (yes BT) to see my SD! yesssss. didn’t someone say something about connection, enjoyment of company? I want to add laughter and just the happiness of sharing the same room.

  64. Bluewater Sailor says:

    Before time gets away from me Lisa I truly hope that you have a spectacular birthday this weekend !

    Cheers !

  65. lisa says:

    Hi everyone

    My computer has been running really slow.
    still looking for a sd. My new pictures don’t seem to be helping as my profile has hardly been viewed lately. I guess rather than just update it, I should redo it completely so it will come up as a new profile. Will do that later this week. Been working hard all week and hoping I would lose some weight, I weigh almost 100 and want to be back to 95. I haven’t eaten a meal since sunday and have lived off chips at work all week. Checked the scale and only lost 1 pound. Tomorow is payday though and that means I can get the toiletries and have food to eat. I think i’ll go on a junkfood binge. Gotta have some meat though too.
    My birthday’s this weekend and I’m hoping to get some life into my profile and find me a sd before Christmas.

  66. Gail says:

    Blondie…LOL…my days and nites are consumed with trying to make a living…I just got a call from a company that didn’t hire me a month ago. They want me to come back in….Maybe I’ll give them a second chance. I guess it didn’t work out with the one they hired.

    I long for the movie nite. which hopefully it will be this weekend. But I did look at the movie trailers on the web…had to stop..couldn’t get anything done. LOL again…Hugs back to you…Sqoooshy ones:)

  67. dreamer says:

    hugs back! lol

  68. BlondeinNYC says:

    Big fat sqooshy hugs to you Gail and dreamer 🙂 🙂
    Gail- the movie, did you watch it yet???????

  69. Gail says:

    I am certain LOVE is what makes this blog go round….sometimes faster or slower depending on the day and the SB and SD, that are sharing and caring:)

  70. dreamer says:

    lol i love you guys

  71. Gail says:

    Hey Blondie:) Good morning sunshine!!! LOL…sqooshy hugs this morning? LOL….how comforting for SuthernExec…I am having coffee…it’s gonna get me speeding all over town today…Have a good day everyone!

  72. BlondeinNYC says:

    oh gosh dreamer thank you 🙂 I try to look at situations from both sides; sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

    SuthernExec, big fat sqoooshy hug to you 🙂

  73. Gail says:

    Dreamer-So true…so true about how we think about things. Different minds on different days or circumstances. It so easy to believe that people just don’t care, when in fact they just aren’t thinking like you. I hope that makes sense. Thats why now, I try to step back and count to 1000 instead of 10, if someone on this blog says something that doesn’t hit me right.

  74. dreamer says:

    thanks blondie 😀 i always love reading your comments. They give me a great new perspective on how to see things. I think we all forget sometimes that we only like to think of things the way we want them to be, but sometimes we need to try to think of things by another p.o.v. 🙂

  75. SuthrnExec says:

    Yep – there’s nothing like that “rush” you feel when you talk or see that special someone. Definitely got to enjoy the person’s company…

    Huge accepted!

  76. BlondeinNYC says:

    Oh and call me silly, but I like to think of the entire SD/SB arrangement as “dating with perks.” Ha ha. I personally wouldn’t spend time with someone I didn’t like, so to me, I am spending time with someone who’s company I really enjoy, hope they really enjoy mine and it’s all good as the cool kids say.

    Everything balances out in the end.

    And to my SA family, thank you for all the kind words and emotional support. If I knew who you were, I’d give you a huge hug.

  77. SuthrnExec says:

    I think that if you’re looking for long-term benefits, long-term positive changes, I think entering the relationship with an attitude that Dreamer reflects will give the greatest opportunity for positive change.

    Here’s my thinking – if someone enters into a relationship looking for immediate gratification ONLY (the SD is an ATM, etc.), when the relationship ends what is left? On the other hand, if entering the relationship understanding how the SD or SM arrived at where they are and the person is open to mentoring, guidance, etc. I think the long-term affects are much more positive and lasting.

    I have over-simplified it a bit but I did so to make the point. Certainly there are a lot of intangibles but I think everyone here understands that. Of course, there are SDs that have the attitude of instant gratification as well, and they miss out on the long-term positive affects as well – for I certainly believe a SD can reap great positive change from a SD/SB relationship. No doubt, the more valuable benefits and positive changes are those that are NOT money-related.

    My 2 cents….

  78. BlondeinNYC says:

    Dreamer that was beautifully written, heartfelt and true. I always look forward to yours, Cre8tor and Gail’s comments. Each of you combine clear sighted practicality, wisdom, intelligence and humor.

  79. dreamer says:

    wow thanks guys 😀 i wasnt sure how anyone was gonna take it

  80. SuthrnExec says:

    Dreamer, you nailed it!

  81. Anonymous says:

    What you wrote is excellent and very true. You made great points. I had to read it twice to get the full effect.

  82. dreamer says:

    i think slowly but surely that my main lesson from this entire thing is that rich people are people too. I know it sounds bad, but hear me out. When you are raised in a middle or low end household it seems like everything is hard. And it is. Ive been there, im not complaining, i have loved my life. I have learned that many people such as SBs believe that an SD/M can come down and save us from all the things we are running from. Whether it be bills, debt, family, or everyday life. I have become friends with a SD who treats his SBs great and he always gets his heart stepped on, but of course, he never lets them know. 90% Of the SDs on this site have worked hard and saved and invested wisely, if they have decided they want someone in their life to share the happiness that comes with money its not because they want to give handouts, its because they want someone who would appreciate their work (which is their pride and joy, or they wouldnt be so succesful) and i just wanted to share my observation…

  83. Jinx says:

    that’s really great to hear to the anoymonous guy above.
    I wouldn’t mind having physical intimacy but I don’t think that is something a potential SD should require of you

    But than again we all write our own rules especially in this community we all have diferent opinions AND requirments that we want from any potential SB/SD. You really do not know what the expectations from the other are going to be.

    So you really do need to take time inquire what your SD or SB are looking foe in particular

  84. Anonymous says:

    Just to be clear, I never received anything physical besides a few kisses from one potential SB and I was kind enough to pay for her semester of college. She didnt have time to call every once in awhile to just talk. I never demanded or asked for anything physical when i gave money to any potential SBs.

  85. SuthrnExec says:

    Come on, ladies and gentlemen…

    “Has anyone here changed something in their life, because of a SD or SB – whether it was from a message, a profile, or actual encounter?

    “Who thinks that there may be a SD or SB out there who can bring you positive change?

    “What, if anything, would come in the way of you making the leap to arrange a mutually beneficial relationship?… Distance? Family? a Partner? Work? Kids? Lack of confidence?”

  86. lisa says:

    Bluewater sailor
    I grew up in a small town that was conted one of the poorest areas in the US. The school I attended was a technical school that had many programs and I enrolled for the Office administration course that took about a year and was quite costly with tuition and books and supplies. Unfortunately it was a small school and our equipment was outdated. I don’t know your age but do you remember the TRS-80 computer? that was what I trained on and the remington manual typewriter (that big scary looking thing). I made top grades but the employment placement the school promised never came and I ended up working a company that someone at church worked for. It was an insurance agency ran by very old and very sweet couple that were really cheap. I worked 8 hours days with no break and made mininum wage. I put in overtime until they got smart and cut me out of it. I used a manual machine and outdated computer and most of my skills from school were not used. It was a good job in the sense that I made friends. Then circumstances changed and I had to move to the city only to find myself competing with women who had big resumes and stacks of references whereas I was 20 and had 5 months work experience in which my elderly bosses forgot to even write me a recomendation letter. I had never heard of the machines they wanted me have knowledge of when I interviewed and not having a car didn’t make my any more of a good candidate. I ended up in telemarketing in which I sucked at and then to retail. My current job is ok but of course it doesn’t pay enough and there is so much lifting. I dropped a stock tote on my foot today and my back is killing me because I had to lift some heavy cases today. Of course our company does not have workers comp. I had to actually sign a form when I was hired agreeing to no workers comp.
    It’s good exercise but kind of hard work for someone like myself who weighs less than 100 lbs.

    And no I cannot take government handouts because my famiily would find out and disown me. And I don’t think I have paid enough taxes to deserve anything back as I always make under 10k a year so most of my taxes come back to me.

  87. NitemareSD says:

    Let me add that I would rather get something so explicit (and wrong #) than get into an extended exchange only to find out later that the SB is just looking for $1K for each brief encounter. 😉 or the SD wants something odd from a legit SB

  88. NitemareSD says:

    Well if you let that bother you you are going to get very down. Use the Block feature.

    Realize there various strategies including “mass” mailings that don’t have anything to do with you. Just a numbers game that someone might respond. Could be used for a scheme or way out there desire. Could even be someone looking for perfectly mainstream thing.

  89. Jinx says:

    I did . I told him I would like to decline his offer.
    And wished him the best on his search.
    But it just really bothered me

  90. SuthrnExec says:

    I’m not a SB but I would either ignore the email or send a reply that says, “Not interested.” If you get lots of email like that from SD that obviously don’t read your profile, you may have to get creative. I’m sure other SBs have some insight into how to do that.

  91. Jinx says:

    any thoughts anyone?

  92. Jinx says:

    anyways I thought I would tell you about an offer I got randomly from an SD.
    He lived in panama and he would pay me 1500 to have sex with him his friend and another SB.
    I felt beyond disrespected, obviously he did nor take the time read my profile and I almost started to think the worst of all SDs

  93. Jinx says:

    as first time SB there are so many pro’s and cons to this lifestyle

  94. Jinx says:

    That is true.

  95. stephan says:

    there are a lot of comments about Young and New Sugar Babies, And daddies on this post ‘Welcome New Sugar Babies, Daddies‘, check it out 🙂

  96. bostonTerrier says:

    also as a young sb i think older sds try to take advantage of our young age. they want trial “dates” to be sure of whether or not they’re seriously interested which is a crock of sh*t. i really think our intelligence is undermined and some guys – not all – just look at us like we’re sex things.

    being a virgin makes a difference with me and how things progress with a sugar daddy … but i’ve learned if i am respected completely, i can return the respect and a great friendship is created.

    if a sb just sees her sd as an atm, more likely than not he is just using her for sex so in the regard it’s perfectly fine to look at a sd as an atm … she is after all just a young vagina in his eyes.

  97. Jinx says:

    Anyways. .

  98. Jinx says:

    I as a young SB I would like to state it does seem like we treat the men her like an ATM machines.
    I think we should take the time to be gracious an humble as well…these are men we are talking about there needs to be a certain level of respect.
    Plus isn’t this supposed to be mutually benifical?
    There is no fun in it being one sided
    You are there for HIM to provided him companionship either emotionally of physically and in that you should be selfless
    He is providing for you!!!
    But at the same time he should treat you as the lady you are

  99. Mina says:

    Smart man, this one. 🙂

  100. SuthrnExec says:

    Indulge my analytical for a moment – Anon and Mina, I think you’re both right. From my observation and what I have read from other SD’s experiences, the best experiences are between those who know the relationships here take time, trust and maturity. If I were to plot this using trend analysis, the younger SB/SD tend to be the ones who are expecting the ATM-type response (SB) or sex at the first meeting (SDs). This is not an absolute, but it happens more with the younger set than the older. I do not rule the younger set out, by any means, nor do I lump the entire age-group in there. I think it just reflects life in general – as we get older, we’re more patient, balanced, wise to the world’s ways, etc.

    I will shut-up now and go sit in my rocking chair… 🙂

  101. Mina says:

    I dont think it has to do with age, I’m a younger SB myself and understand that these types of relationships take time, trust, among other things. There are a few new SBs that have posted thinking the “real deal” SD will email and change their life completely within a few days… Get real.
    Don’t bunch us youngins together 😉

  102. Anonymous says:

    Hey Gail and SuthrnExec,
    Thanks for the advise. I might just be in a bad area. Another thing might be the younger women I talk to on here because I am younger myself. Its just disappointing. The women on here think this site is a cash machine, sign up for it and rich guys send you money for nothing. Its disappointing for a few women who understand and respect the site and the good men on here. I know some girls need help but its give and take. That is life.

  103. SuthrnExec says:

    cre8tor, I am committed to stay as balanced as I possibly can!

  104. SuthrnExec says:

    Thank you cre8tor – very relaxing, in fact.

    Anon – I am a pretty cautious individual in general, so that characteristic really becomes prominent when dealing with people I don’t know. On sites like this, I make it a point to get to know someone before I extend help in the form of $$ or a considerable amount of time. Usually, my “slowness to act” (as perceived by the hustlers) will frustrate the scam artists and they will move along. I have helped a couple of ladies that I got to know on this board but only after being able to determine they are genuine, first-class individuals.

  105. Gail says:

    I also agree with Creator….life without sex…nahhhhh..I am not going to even think about it…I will drive the bus for it…LOL…..

  106. Gail says:

    Anony-Sorry to hear of your bad experiences with SB. It’s not like that with all SBs. Being able to talk and honestly share what is expected on both sides is very important. It sound like you gave too much too soon to someone who didnot hold up her end. You may be bitter now, but I am sure you have learned from this experience. What a wonderful heart and person you are:)

    Suthrn Gent- By the way, that was me Anony asking you about country living…LOL thanks for cleaning that up:)

    Bluewater Sailor-Lively personality today? LOL!!!!

  107. Bluewater Sailor says:

    No wonder I am always crashing into the furniture !

  108. Anonymous says:

    I just wanted to say that perhaps the SD arent that “real” is because they arent sure what they are getting. I know I have got burned by SB on here. I am nice and sweet SD that gave money to SBs. In return, I got nothing but empty promises. Most of the women here have bad attitudes and think that they can receive money for nothing. So as the quality of the SB out there increased so will the quality of the SD on here increase. I am sorry to be bitter. I helped a SB from here about 2 months ago because she needed tuition payment and she was going to get kicked out of school. What did I get? Basically nothing, she was too busy. Anyone can reply to my message and I respect anyone’s well thought out response.

    Thank you 🙂

  109. cre8tor says:

    balance in life is a good thing. Without sex you are waaayy off balance. Welcome back SuthernExec. Hope it was a good time.

  110. SuthrnExec says:

    all right now… no jokes containing references to both the country and sex in them…(prob heard them all anyway! LOL) the sex-free profile comment was for those who say that some SD’s talk about sex in their profiles…

  111. Anonymous says:

    Good Morning Everyone!!! It’s a new day, different things to blog about I hope:)

    Welcome back to the Suthrn Exec. Legitimate-Yes, Card-carrying-Yes, Sex-Free? Hmmmmm….LOL….Is that what country weekend living does to you?

  112. cre8tor says:

    Yikes! Man overboard! Throw him a lifesaving device. I see sharks.

  113. Bluewater Sailor says:

    Lisa, this is silly. For every single suggestion or piece of advice that someone on this blog offers you, you have a thousand different reasons why is it impossible. Has everything in your life ended on such a downbeat note ?

    Case in point…technical school. All it left you with was training on outdated equipment and an unpaid student loan ? Come on surely there must have been something positive that came from that ?

    As to medical care, if you are too restless to read even a magazine, I would suggest that you should seek professional medical care to help. The reasoning that the free clinics are across town is foolish. go to the fancy medical center and ask them questions. Frequently such places have a branch of the free clinic that may be able to help you. At least go there and ask someone for gods sake !

    And as to not taking hand outs from the government hell with that ! You have presumably been paying taxes for years, take advantage of anything the government can help you with !

    Again this is absolutely ridiculous. Nothing positive in your life is going to change unless you decide you want it to change and unless you take the first steps toward making those changes. No one can do it for you it has to come from within.

    Now you can write back and tell me point by point why all of the points I made above are invalid. Or you can write back and tell me I am picking on you and I don’t understand your situation. OR you can get up and do something to begin making a change in your life…the choice is yours.

  114. SuthrnExec says:

    WOW! Go to the country for the weekend and the Blog increases by a magnitude!

    Good Monday morning all – one legitimate, card-carrying, sex-free profiled SD in attendance!

  115. ExecA says:

    Hi BlondieinNYC.

    I’d like to try and help you, but I have the same problem of trying to contact you.

    If you give details that are found on your public profile

    – i.e. age, height, body type, Ethnicity, smoking habit, drinking habit, state (location)

    Then I can narrow the search right down and find you very quickly.


  116. lisa says:

    Yes medicare is for senior citizens (my parents have this) and medicaid is state issued assistance for people of all ages. I was brought up not to take handout from the governement and I geuss it still sticks with me. Mom said it’s better to go without than take handouts so growing up I went to school all day without lunch because mom refused free lunches for me and we didn’t have enough food in the house to pack a lunch or anything. I already cost the tax payers 4 thousand dollars when my daughter was born because I never paid that hospital bill.
    I’m ok I just get frustrated sometimes and need companionship and a little help and maybe a night out occasionally. I can’t get out after dark where I live which means, 6 pm I’m stuck inside.
    Well I have to be getting ready for bed soon. the downside of my new job is that I work mornings which means going to bed earlier and getting up at the unGodly hour of 6 am. 🙁 I am a zombie till 10. I enjoy getting home early though.

  117. BlondeinNYC says:

    Lisa, medicare and medicaid are governmental insurance programs for people who don’t make very much money.

  118. lisa says:

    my mom who is 68 has not been to the doctor since she was 34 and only then for a pre marriage blood test that was required back years ago when she married my stepdad, and says she hasn’t had a physical since I was born. she is very healthy too. We will all die of heart attacks as my family live to be old and then we die within minutes with a heart attack.
    I haven’t been to the doctor since my daughter was born 17 years ago.

  119. lisa says:

    Medicare is for senior citizens and well I’m not quite that old yet, have another 20+ years to qualify and then it will gone. lol
    I didn’t qualify for medicaid (a different program) even when I was pregant because even though I was unemployed and had no insurance, because my husband had left me recently (had to be at least 6 months), his imcome was too high and I ended up going to 3 hospitals before one would take me and I ended up at the county hospital with horrible care and a huge bill that I couldn’t pay. I live alone and cannot claim my daughter so it is just me and well I make too much money as far as they are concerned. Of course after taxes, ss tax, huge uniion dues, and the fact that I am spending 3 times as much on transport to work as I used to (due to the raise in fares and not having a ride home anymore), my check covers only the basics. It’s not as easy as it seems to get help, and i can’t take time off from work to run all over town.
    Believe me I see the people going into the hospitals near me and there are no rif raf people because they only take private insurance and medicare, not medicaid.

  120. Anonymous says:

    “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”

  121. BlondeinNYC says:

    Lisa, have you looked into medicare? You might be eligible and if you are, you can go to those fancy medical centers and get a complete and thorough physical.

  122. Rose M. says:

    I know that a different conversation has taken place here in the comments, but I wanted to add my own thoughts to the original post.

    I am a new SB, but I do think there is a SD/M out there for me who could bring a positive change in me mentally. Someone who will appreciate my doting, my sense of adventure, my conversation, my smile. Someone who will give back to me, in his/her own ways, to help me find stability, to stimulate my mind, to introduce me to new ideas, thoughts, and ways to live.

    I hope that becomes truth for me. Has it become so for any of you?

  123. lisa says:


    I do have a computer but unfortunately my desktop crashed so i’m using a laptop which I just can’t get the feel for. I like my big clunky computer. I really don’t have any computer skills other than using the internet. My computer is bare bones, no additional software other than the basic so I use it for communication and keeping up with current events. I have always been shy but I have got out and tried things many times only to fall on my face. And even though I might sound like a taker of men, I have been the giver in every relationship I have had and got little in return. I have worked hard and am probably at the best job I have ever had now, even if it is a grocery store clerk, it’s ok, and I like my coworkers and most important, no stress. I did attend a technical school when I finished high school and got the top grade when I graduated but ended up with low paying jobs and a huge loan which has been in default for along time. We trained on outdated equipment which didn’t help much when I moved to the big city, I was a 21 year old woman with 5 months experience and few skills.
    I’m keeping my head above water now as far as rent but I have no food in my house until I get paid at the end of the week. It’s a struggle everyday and I just want to have some fun and a few things as my birthday and christmas come along.
    As far as health clinics, there are none in my area except the private ones. I live in a bad neighborhood but if I look across my porch, I can see the medical center which is few blocks away in one of the best areas of the city. But they do not take any charity cases. The free ones are way on the other side of town in a much worse area and an area I avoid. My city is a scary place with too much violent crime happening in the daylight.
    A big issue I have is that I cant’ stay focussed on anything and lose my concentration too easy and am hyper active. I can’t sit for very long and actually stand most of the time I am on my computer. I can’t even read a book or magazine anymore because I get restless.
    Hope things do get better for you as I know it is difficult to get back up when you fall in to deep. Then it takes more than just a paycheck to get back up. I keep my bills to a minimum by living in the cheapest place I can find, no cable, basic phone service, and internet, groceries once a month,etc. no frills.

  124. BlondeinNYC says:

    Everyone who’s given me encouraging words of support, I thank you very much. And I do really appreciate it.

    To clarify matters to the Doubting Thomases here, I’m in a specialized field, which because I want to eat, buy dog food and oh, I don’t know pay bills (yes, I know silly ideas) I have also done a lot of temping. I have absolutely no problem temping and enjoy it, being around people and working. Um, not to mention the silly fact that I have a paycheck at the end of the week.

    The stock market, especially if you’re in New York City, has a very strong impact on the job market here, if it’s going to be bad, we get it first, then the rest of the country, i.e. the ripple effect.

    For me, July and August were very bad, September seemed to be a new beginning, it looked like I’d be able to catch up and get everything back on track, and then everything came to a standstill in October.

    I started on this site because I wanted to meet a different class of men, and have different dating experiences.

    I’m a smart, educated, intelligent woman who is compassionate and kind. Speaking of which, Lisa, I was not bitter or nasty to you, I was trying to reach you. Reading all your comments, it’s obvious that you have many issues about self-esteem, money, men, relationships etc., If you have computer skills and you own a computer, you could get a much better paying job and possibly a career. Do you understand that you’re holding yourself back? Look, all over Texas there are low-cost and sliding scale mental health clinics, I’m not saying you’re crazy, but I’m saying that maybe you need to talk to someone who can show you a different way to think about yourself and what happened to you.

    See, I’m doing it again, and will probably get blasted by it.

    Oh well.

  125. yael says:

    That’s cool BT…. You’ll make an even better lawyer with your sociology experience and perspective…. siciology enables people to look at people and their actions and perspectives rather than just cases, and facts…. also if your school offers classes in intderdiciplinary studies(INT)/critical thinking I would suggest those but I’m sure you cirriculum is packed as it is with the required classes but just a suggestion if you have the time or interest…. forewarning.. most INT classes require alot of knowledge on current events and reading and analysis but it’s very interesting….

  126. bostonTerrier says:

    yael –

    school is going great, thanks for asking 🙂 i’m majoring in sociology [when i told my mother my major she said – “you’re definitely going to law school now, sociologists aren’t in demand”] and it’s finally getting interesting.

    the weather here is odd. some days are FREEZING but others are pretty nice. a few days back it was 66 degrees and then the next day it was like 40 + wind which made it feel like -20 degrees to be quite honest. i’ll take this weather over january and february’s weather though … i’ll be trapped inside when i am not walking to classes 🙁

  127. yael says:

    bluewater- It seems you may be of the last of a dying breed…. but maybe not… however you do have a very seemingly clear and practical approach that is honest and decent… many people in the world and esp on the net are not this caliber of person…

  128. yael says:

    I guess there is no easy way… LOL.. no instant ‘just add water’ type situations….

    I also agree with Lisa… that people should also know the limits and limitations of theri particular arrangements and prepare for them accordingly… while no one can truly dominate the whima of the heart, in establishing a realistic foundation and expectations, people can begin to at least keep things under some control…. and aviod confusion, possible heartbreak and drama….

  129. Bluewater Sailor says:

    Interesting points all. Lisa you mentioned something interesting though. As a relationship morphs into a “regular” relationship the financial benefit ends. In my own experience, I would not expect that the financial aspect of things would end in fact quite the opposite. If I find myself moving into a more committed relationship with the sb would I not want continue to help her in any way I can ? In fact, I would think even more so.

  130. yael says:

    Bluwater… I think regarding your question that as adults people should be able to discuss their feelings if they are devloping them… but this also has alot to do with the type of arrangement they have.. is it practical and condusive to their needs in the long run?… if one of them is married, this can complicate things…. especially if they are not going to end things with their spouse….

    I have begun talking over the phone with a potential and at least he is candid about saying that he IS looking for something serious in the long run and not just a fling, but his schedule right now doesn’t permit it… but many people are not upfront about things and some people have problems with feelings and commitment in general….

    An arrangement in many ways still has the parameters of any relationship to some extent…. both parties must be open and honest about their feelings, and desires, goals, and motivations…. open communication is a great virtue… if the parties involved can be open with each other it is easier to deal with feelings, devlop trust and rapport….

    If any element of communication is not working the relationship/arrangement will not work either….. especially in the long run… you must build in order to develop even a working, arrangment I think…

  131. lisa says:

    I think too many people have lost the meaning of this type of relationship.
    It is important to have a connection with someone and chemistry but don’t expect it to become more than an arrangement. When I was seeing a married guy, our relationship was steady but it never went past the point and so there where no disappointments. He was just a wonderful man in my life whom i spent time with and shared secrets. We had our own lives and so should anyone on this site. It seems everyone wants to go from a mutual relationship where intimacy, friendship, and financial assistance is involved into a regular relationship where no financial benefit is present. there are alot of sites for that. It’s kind of like opening up a smokers club and having everyone stop smoking while at the club, it takes away from the who purpose. NSA means no commitments or expectations, enjoy it while it lasts.

  132. yael says:

    BT… how’s school going for you up there?… is it really cold yet?….

  133. yael says:

    Gail, Cre8tor… thanks for the kind mords… things will work out.. I’m sure of it…. I think just for the reasons you listed… I’m gonna leave that whole situation out of my profile… it probably would send up red flags in many peoples minds…. too bad so many are scammers….

    I hope Blondie will stay upbeat… it’s frustrating to have economic hardships… it’s easy to get in a rutt and feel hopeless.. and the job situation in NY is dire… as well as in many areas of the country…. even getting a job in a store or something like being a waitress is hard in larger metro areas… it seems there is an abundance of workforce for those jobs…. and a lack of availability…. I found myself in a similar position a few years back and decided to go back to school and get my degree… with the help of alot of financial aid and student loans but the best time to take time to go back to school is when the economy is rough…. I took the loans and need based scholarships and lived on campus in the senior living quarters which was like a private apartment with your own kitchen bathroom and amenities… not having to pay overhead for a couple of years was definitely a benefit… it’s harder if you have kids… but there are alot of people who find ways to do it… so I hope she will find a way…. it’ll not only buy her some time.. but it’ll improve the quality of life in the long run……

  134. cre8tor says:

    if you all read my comment somewhere…forget where….I’m at the “involved” stage. When do we let our guard down? i suppose it would depend on the situation. If you are in a SD/SB thing and only one is involved that is not a good thing. Then would be the time to just suppress. Its usually pretty easy to know when the level of connection has changed. But then aren’t we totally defeating the purpose of this type of relationship? What if one of them is married?

  135. Gail says:

    Bluewater Sailor-I definately would not be able to shut myself off from the emotion. Especially if there was a true connection. Being able to share time with someone that I enjoy is what I want. It’s not a good feeling to spend time with someone that I have little in common with. Should I ever meet someone that I felt strongly about I would never hesitate to share my true feelings. I have withheld my emotions before, and lost someone that truly cared for me. I will never do it again:) How was your coffee?

  136. Bluewater Sailor says:

    Sorry there was more to that…let’s get off that subject and let me pose a question to the blog. Last week I posted this:

    The initial thread of this section really got me to thinking. Changing, tweaking, expanding profiles is one thing in order to attract a different, hopefully better class of respondent. But the idea of changing your thoughts of how a relationship like this works is a very interesting question. We have all written at one point as to our thinking about the NSA aspects of the SD/SB dynamic but I wonder if anyone has ever spent time with a SB/SD and started to think to themselves “maybe this has the potential to be more”.

    I doubt that anyone can shut themselves off from emotion completely and I don’t think it is a sea change in thinking to go from NSA to “involved” so surely if we care for someone, spend enough time with them, realize we share a lot in common when do we let our guard down and start to think of a deeper level of relationship ? Or do we just supress those thoughts and try to keep the arrangement as is ?

    I am curious as to what the blog thinks on this subject…

  137. Bluewater Sailor says:


  138. lisa says:

    cre8tor, stop jumping to conclusions. My statement about him wanting to walk over women has nothing to do with blondie being the right sb for him.

    I was stating his nasty attitude towards me giving my honest opinion based on experiences on this site. I was just sugesting that he might give blondie a little help and maybe they could have an arrangement. I wasn’t thinking about her being walked over, completely separate thought, just suggesting he pitch in and help out as you never know what would happen.
    I know you don’t like me and anything I say is going to be put down, but please keep it to yourself, I have already given up on this sd stuff as it’s a waste of time but I get sick of getting put down for everything I say but I am just as good as anyone on this site, lets’ be realistic if we were just looking for a nice man to have a relationship with, we would meet someone in real life (I have plenty of opportunities for that) or on a non sd site.
    Nasty nasty attitudes on here today.

  139. Gail says:

    Creator-Are you glad it’s not you or I today? It’s nice to have peace.

    BT-LOL…we all know you are the SB of your area! enjoy your day.

  140. bostonTerrier says:

    this blog is too much … i wish you all the best of luck in your sd searches … so long as you don’t search in boston


  141. cre8tor says:

    Yael: its all in how you present it I suppose. Remember, the men that will read your profile have read quite a few others and quite a few of those will have been fakes, pros or women just interested in separating a man from his money. You have a legit, heart felt need to help out a family member but, truthfully, I wouldn’t expect a lot from this venue. Just reality…sorry.

    I believe BlondeinNYC is starting a temp job tomorrow. From what I see, she has been doing whatever necessary to keep herself afloat. And, it doesn’t have to just be a gentleman that reaches out to help.

    I believe Bluewater Sailor is a little tired of reading the complaints against SD’s. Little hard to read when you happen to be a SD that is real. And making a judgment call about what type of woman he is attracted to is very high handed and then to suggest that Blonde could be his type puts a judgment on her as one that shuts up and let’s a guy walk over her. STOP!

  142. Gail says:

    Yael- I admire you for your caring spirit and hope all works out for your family. Its seems that its been hard times for some here. We need to pull together and have a forgiving view of people. Believe that people are doing the best they can. I have missed you. Its close to lunch would you like a nice apple martini? (smile)

    Mika-Hello and welcome:) they are truly times that we do get along:) Never a dull moment here, don’t ya think? Apple martini for you? ID please….(smile)

  143. lisa says:

    I feel for blondieinnyc but find it hard to believe that in the past months (at least 3 as I first chatted with her in early august, right before i lost my job, and she was about to get evicted then, I would think she could find a something like work in a grocery store (i just started and make over 9 dollars and hour and my checks are small because I don’t get alot of hours but 200 dollars a week is better than nothing and it paid the rent. I know she wants a job in her field (i’m still curious what her profession and degree is in) but one can work and put our resumes. My job is not great but it’s better than sitting at home worrying about my dream job.

    I’ve noticed alot of hatefulness on this blog latelly too.
    Sorry to hear of your situation yael, I hope you find a true sd soon

  144. yael says:

    but somehow.. it’s a problem… to actually have someting big and life altering come up as opposed to… not being able to pay your rent or something… I pay all my bills fine.. so I was never even on this site for such little problems.. I just wanted a financially stable guy who appreciated spoiling a worthy woman…. and now I find a need and I just wanted an SD’s opinion or a seasoned SB’s perspective… on if it seemed like something needy to even ask about… but whatever… I’ve noticed a far nastier tone in this blog over the past few weeks anyway and therefore have stayed a bit away… besides just being a bit too consumed with this problem…

  145. bostonTerrier says:

    the only logical help for blondeinnyc is to get a job.

    with the holiday season around the corner i am sure it would be possible to get 2 seasonal positions, if it was manageable. it’s not logical to expect to find a reliable sd in a short time to pay for/help with finances.

    my mother went through far tougher times raising 3 kids under 5 while she was a full time college student and only 23 so i am sure you’ll survive blonde.

  146. yael says:

    it’s funny how if I was just bellyaching about being broke… noone would see it as a scam… but say something thats’a real problem… and all of a sudden…??? what is that about????

  147. lisa says:

    wow Bluewater sailor, what brought that on?? You seem very irritable today. I have no venom as I am just speaking my mind, you probably prefer a woman who just shuts up and lets you walk all over her. I am just speaking from experience and what I have come across on this site. I have met some nice guys but unfortunately the fakes seem to outnumber the legits.
    I wish I could help BlondieinNyc even though she was bitter towards me I understand she is very stressed out and worried but I am struggling myself, after rent, I have 80 cents left. So I was hoping to see some gentlemen on here give her some help. Who knows, she might be the right sb for you.

  148. yael says:

    That was addressed to Mika

  149. yael says:

    you would think it was a scam… you seem to be new on this blog anyway… but I was adressing those that I are familiar with me from alot of previous blogs before… but it’s all good…. anyways.. unless you are planning to help your opininon is not the needed one… but thanks anyway… if I sound a bit rude it’s because I was aking about something personal..not if you believed it or not… but it is what it is…. and it’s an idea I had.. not a solicitation for people to send money online.. they would meet with me as any regular ‘date’ and this would be my arrangement… but I guess you missed that part in your prudent scan seeking device…

  150. lisa says:

    I have had a few sds contact me that were into some pretty sick stuff, that know sb wouldn’t want to get into. what true sd would be into anything that caused pain to a woman or degraded her? These are also the ones that are no into allowances. I think they need to join a different site. But I have noticed that there are alot of guys that like to spread themselves around and join very site there is . I have came across several guys on SA that were on regular dating sites a few years back and I doubt there are true sds because these are the ones that didn’t want to even buy lunch.
    I took my profile off because i have given up on these guys but when I ran one, I was always friendly and left any sexual connotations out.

  151. Bluewater Sailor says:

    I absolutely refuse to engage in a verbal battle with you two. If you can restrain your venom toward men on this site for just a minute perhaps you too can help out Blonde at this unfortunate time.

    Just sugar Gail thank you !

  152. mika says:

    oh wait I thought you meant SB’s ohhh well yes I do understand that too.
    Although I do applaud some ppls shameless sexuality some SD do seem to go overboard on that

  153. mika says:

    actually I leave my profile devoid of sex talk. It seems particularly raunchy but do know what your talking about.
    I think slot of SB’s think that sex will attract a An Potentalial SD to them. And it does but mostly it turns out to be extremely perverse and possibly dangerous individuals.
    But i’m simply saying that is gratifying

  154. mika says:

    that sounds a bit like a scam to me but that is all entirely my opinion. Anyway any gentleman out today??

  155. lisa says:


    have you noticed how many of the sds talk alot about sex in their profiles though? Almost every sd that contacts me mentions intimacy or being open minded sexually in their first email to me. I feel if they can be upfront about sex (which is only part of a true sd/sb relationship) then a sb should be upfront about an allowance if the sd doesn’t mention it when telling of his expectations. if he avoids the subject but goes overboard on sexual talk, then he is most likely looking for sex and not a sb.

  156. mika says:

    plus you get laid!!!!!
    SD/SB thing can so completly and totally stimulating and satisfying but just need to find the correct person.

  157. yael says:

    Hey you all this is WAAAAAYYYY off subject but I wanted a little feedback and you all have had great opinions and feedback on many things before in the past….

    I just went to a family get together after being long estrandged from this side of the family, not for any particular reason, but just being busy… etc..etc… you know the things that keep us all away from close family and before you know it… ten years have flown by… but anyways.. I saw one of my first cousins… one of the ones I was closest to and I didn’t recognize her…. she was thin, and sickly and jaundiced…

    Later on… an aunt of mine confided that she had a kidney disease and is in desperate need of a transplant… Medicare and the kidney foundation will cover it.. but that means very little because the co-pay… is still $5000…. and that must be paid before a donor can even be found…. I am volunteering as a donor.. if we are a match and I know that either way we will find a donor.. but my family is not rich… we’ve also suffred alot due to the financial situation of the country… many having lost their jobs at the plants where they worked.. so $5000 is ALOT of money for us…. we have about $1000 but the community they live in is so small.. about 2000 people in the town…. that this has just about exhausted local means…

    I was thinking about chaning my profile and setting my arrangement to be based on who would be willing to help my cousin with this transplant…. I’m not trying to go for some one-night dael.. or nothing crazy.. it’s not really in me to do that.. but I am not interested in shoppoing sprees and trips as of yet… this takes priority in my needs for an arrangement…. (I know… waaay too loyal and noble maybe)… but this is MY family and it’s all I got……. I wanted to get opinions.. on this… maybe from a SD perspective will this come off as too needy?… if you met a SB and she approached you about this arrangement how would you feel about it?…. would it deter you?… I thus far haven’t gotten much luck with a traditional SD but all the same… I think it’s cause too many SDs are afarid of being used…Would any of you feel used if this came up?…. I think it’s alot better than some people expecting shoes or clothes or bill payment… even though that isn’t even a big deal or shouldn’t be to a SD (but I’m noticing that it is incresingly becoming an issue…

    I’d really appreciate any feedback…. I’m even sure it’s tax deductible because all money can be transferred and paid either to medicaid or the kidney foundation.. so I understand…..

  158. mika says:

    blah I cannot spell right now. But still I just want to be taken care off treated with respect that is deserving only of a lady and I simply want to have fun whether it’s fine dining and fun in the sun or heated lust in primal form

  159. mika says:

    I’d prefer some action. The whole SD/SB thing is totally ideal an realistic for me.
    It seems like we are simply revering to our SD like an ATM machine.
    It almost like we are demanding it instead of being gracious and greatful.

    I can’t wait to find my SD !

  160. NitemareSD says:

    Hmmm…my “friend” took some action after I took action…and found himself BLOCKED still. 🙁

    Thus we are stuck only with our talk. :p

  161. cre8tor says:

    all talk/no action seems to be the reality of quite a few dating arenas. Why any different here? Just keep looking…takes time.

  162. cre8tor says:

    shall we all focus on our sister here and not ourselves and attacking each other? pleeeez?

  163. mika says:

    well.. I am a particularly young sb. And I simply like to be pampered and live comfortably.
    But you are right slit of guys in here are all talk no action

  164. lisa says:

    It would be better if I had a sd. My refridgerator is empty after paying rent and so I will be living off the food samples at work until I get paid at the end of the week. Nothing special planned on my birthday though. My parents are on a fixed income so they struggle. I think they are getting me a starbucks card which is always a great gift for me, especially when all the holiday flavors are coming out at sbks.

  165. Gail says:

    Step by Step….coffee during the day…tea at nite. Warm weather, birthday coming, new sundress, and a daughter that loves you:) Life is good today! LOL…..

  166. lisa says:

    it’s beautiful and sunny hear. warm too. I can’t believe it’s still warm because the weather usually starts to get cold around my birthday but it looks like I will be wearing the new sundress my daughter bought me yesterday.

  167. lisa says:

    I drink tea at bedtime but love coffee the rest of the day. I have been known to drink coffee before bed though, might be the reason I have trouble sleeping. lol
    My ex husband used to make some really good tea that had a lot of milk in it, not someothing I had ever tried before (it was something he grew up drinking in the middle east) it was really good and kinda sweet and you could really taste the tea. Only good memory of me ex. lol

  168. Gail says:

    Bluewater Sailor-I am brewing an extra pot…sugar and cream?

  169. Gail says:

    BT-50% sugar???? LOL….nothing like being extra sweet for your daddies!

    Lisa:) Coffe yet? No matter what…I love your opinions and thoughts. It just another day on the blog. Hopefully the sun will come out today. It’s been raining like crazy here.

  170. bostonTerrier says:

    i love tea … especially green or english breakfast. whenever i have coffee it’s 50% sugar … my friends say it’s syrup with a side of coffee 🙂

  171. lisa says:

    Bluewater sailor
    i would appreciate it if you and others would stop attacking me. What is your problem? It seems like no matter what I say on this site, some has a problem with it. I am taking up and trying to get help for blondeinnyc whom attacked my opinions the other day with a very nasty post, but I make it a point to be extra nice to those who treat me like crap. she is trying the best she can but has found herself on hard times and just wants to stay afloat. I would think that she could have found some job while looking for the job she wants, one just to pay a few bills like working at a grocery store or restaraunt but I guess she does’t want to do that and anyway it’s too late for that as she needs help asap. so let’s focus on helping here and stop attacking other people for their posts. gee I would hate to have an sd that was so nasty and critical of everyone.

  172. Gail says:

    Good Morning BT:) Had your coffe yet? (smile) I have been off here for a couple days. Nice to see we are still blogging. I forgot to turn back my clock, so I am running behind. Look forward to chatting with everyone today!

  173. bostonTerrier says:

    and, and i did not just join the conversation. my first comment above was in direct response to this post.

    again, it’s all about educating yourself sailor.

  174. bostonTerrier says:

    bluewater sailor:

    i have two sds and am well aware from experience that most of the guys here are all talk. of several guys i’ve met 2 have been serious. i’m not making hasty conclusions without actually knowing from my own experience.

    it’s best that you know someone background before you make judgements on them.

    i disagree in that this blog is the best way to meet people from the site – my profile does an excellent job of doing that. i’m smart, young, and attractive – i have no problems meeting guys. i simply stated the FACT that most guys are not serious. they’re looking for dates or sex sans an arrangement.

    maybe you should read all the past blogs and see my comments in them. educate yourself before you make judgements.

  175. Anonymous says:

    Be content to act, and leave the talking to others.

  176. Bluewater Sailor says:

    Some of us have already been asked to help with this situation and offered to in whatever way that we can…and have done so without the need to wave a flag making it known to everyone.

    Lisa you and BT are very quick to join the conversation with somewhat harsh assumptions as to the motives and methods of the men on here. Cre8tor seems to be the only SB who spoke up without turning this into yet another chance to bemoan the lack of real SD’s on the site.

    If you believe what Blonde had to say about the blog being the best way to get to know the others on here, think of the impresion you make with your words.

  177. lisa says:

    I agree. It’s funny the guys that we want to take interest do nothing but those who we loathe we have to hide from. I have 2 guys interested in me at my apartment complex right now and I don’t like either of them. I always spoke to them when I would see them because I am a friendly person but that doesn’t mean i want to get involved with them. One used to be a janitor at my complex until new owners took over last week so he is out of work now and moved but is still hanging around here because he does activities with the chldren here. the other is a guy who works in a department store, has no car and lives in a smaller apartment than me and has at least 2 babymamas. I could like both as humans but not as intimate material and niether has any money so it would be like dating myself. I have to hide in myapartment today on my day off because both guys are around and i want to avoid them as the come up to my apartment and knock on my door wanting to come in. I don’t want either of these guys in may apartment and I want to enjoy my day off in peace, not talking to some guy that makes me uncomfortable.

    It’s time to offer a little more than just your chatter and help keep a regular participant on the blog. come on guys

  178. bostonTerrier says:

    lots of sds on this site are all talk, less action.

    it’s sad but … true

  179. lisa says:

    O.K where are all the sds that post on this blog? Can’t someone lend a helping hand to a sb so that she can stay on her feet? Come on guys, show that you are legit. Where did you disappear to NitemareSd?

  180. BlondeinNYC says:

    I’m just trying to figure out the mystery! I’ve only blocked people who (a) stopped emailing me, it was like, “eh, what’s the point” or (b) demand sex in my apt IMMEDIATELY. So, like as the kids say, “I’m stumped!” But on the off chance that it’s someone who flew into the ether, I’ve unblocked them. Hmmmm

  181. cre8tor says:

    BlondeinNYC….not only do the ladies express a more detailed side of ourselves on this blog. Maybe the men do as well. NightmareSD…can you help out one of our family?

  182. BlondeinNYC says:

    Nitemare, how do you know I blocked him??? Oh, come out behind that curtain…lol!

  183. NitemareSD says:

    I know a great SD gentleman in NYC that you would have a good chance of getting along with, but you blocked him at some point.

  184. BlondeinNYC says:

    cre8tor, I really appreciate it, very, very much. I’ve got money coming in from a temp job, well if they don’t cancel or cut it short for the month of November and I think December, I just have to get the back rent and the utilities paid. I always make sure I have dog food.

  185. cre8tor says:

    can’t search on numbers. I’ll touch base w/Stephan if that’s okay. toss around a couple thoughts w/you as I have a good friend in NY. Doesn’t hurt to do a little brain storming

  186. BlondeinNYC says:

    Hey cre8tor, thanks for dropping a note :). Um, good question! My profile’s 233868 does that help???

  187. cre8tor says:

    how do i get in touch with you?

  188. BlondeinNYC says:

    I have changed and updated my profile; I asked someone who I’ve become friends with via the blog to take a look at it and give me a critique. Never underestimate the advice from a man…lol!

    I haven’t gotten emails from guys reading my profile, but I have had a few men actually hunt me down after reading what I’ve written here on the blog. I find that very interesting. Think about it, the writers are mostly women, we use this blog to vent, exchange information and advice and pep talks. Men read this blog to learn what we’re really thinking, we really want and need in our lives.

    When you think about it, this blog perhaps, is the biggest service that the website provides, possibly more important than searching for men all day or all day.

    Women always complain that men have no idea what we want. The men on this site are taking the time to find out what we want via this blog. So, Kudos to Stephan for getting the dialogues rolling. Stephan thank you!

    For people who’ve gotten to know me via the blog, you’ve found out that I’m a movie buff, that I am compassionate, kind and if anything painfully honest. I think that an NSA relationship is and can be very beneficial for both parties. Women and men who aren’t looking for a relationship that’s solely headed towards marriage, a relationship where each party spoils and pampers their partner in specific ways is a pretty damn good thing, right?

    In addition to being a fun and friendly person, someone who you know would never embarrass you in social situations, who looks like a girly girl but likes to get sweaty and play with fish etc., I have a darn good sense of fashion and if the guy wants, can play at personal shopper or stylist. I’ve done for a bunch of my single guy friends and let me tell you, it’s a blast.

    I’m going out on a limb here; and I’ve thought long and hard about doing so, but I really don’t know where else to turn so I’m asking for help. Serious help.

    I’m in a field that was hit pretty hard by all the stock insanity, and every day my field is getting more and more awful. I’ve finally found a head hunter who does my field, believes in me and is pushing my resume all over the place. That’s amazing. However, with all the damn closings, I’m not sure how it’s going to help me in the short run. The long run is something else.

    As you can see, I’m nattering on because I’m embarrassed to ask for help in a public forum, so well, you know. Okay, here’s the deal. I’m seriously behind in my rent and my utilities are about to be shut off. It’s just me and the dog, I don’t have any family to go to and ask for help. They’re all dead.

    I’ve signed on with a million temp agencies and actually have a gig for a month starting Monday, so that will help a lot. However, if I don’t pay my back rent, I’m going to be evicted. And then, I don’t know what will happen to me. I’m a single woman without family and I’m terrified of falling through the cracks never to return. I’m not being melodramatic, I’m scared out of my mind to the point where I am up till 3 am every night thinking about it.

  189. lisa says:

    I agree dreamer, sometimes things don’t cross our minds until we come face to face with a situation. sometimes it’s necessary to make changes to profiles but sometimes we learn something about ourselves. I was never into grey haired men or bald men but after meeting and dating a grey haired man a while back and having a affair for several years with a guy who was balding I have a thing for bald men.
    I have met some pretty sloppy guys though that showed up looking like they spent the day cleaning the garage, made me add to my profile when I still had one up, that I wanted a clean well dressed man. I also have learned that any guy that you meet that looks around at the stores and says expensive purses or shoes are silly or that the cheap stuff is as good as the expensive are usually the guys that are frugal on dates and want you to settle for the cheap stuff.

  190. stephan says:

    thanks for the tip off cre8tor!!!

  191. dreamer says:

    wow. What a thread. I have been on 3 first (and last) dates with potential sds. Nothing was exchanged except experience. Each one taught me what i dont want in an sd and i have changed my profile accordingly each time.

  192. cre8tor says:

    about time Stephan! I was going through withdrawals 🙂

  193. stephan says:

    EVERYONE! TECHNICAL ISSUE — The blog comments where not meant to be ‘moderated’ but an error occurred and has now been fixed. Please accept my apologies!!!!!!! Comments ON! 😀 🙂

  194. cre8tor says:

    I have been online off and on for quite some time. Started at traditional dating sites….met a lot of “strange” relationships and decided to try this type of thing. At least I know its expected to be different from the get go. My profile has changed over time just as I have learned more what I seek and then how to ask for it in my profile. I do not wish to waste anyone’s time, especially my own, so everything is real and current. I actually had one potential give me some suggestions on the profile from his perspective. Very helpful indeed.

  195. racheljay says:

    Loreal, I think you need to llet him know that you saw his prifile, and if he continues to see you, that you should work out an arrangemnent. I think you stated you aren’t after money but if he’s posting here, and his intentions are nit for a beneficial agreement, then he needs to look elsewhere.

  196. Bluewater Sailor says:

    The initial thread of this section really got me to thinking. Changing, tweaking, expanding profiles is one thing in order to attract a different, hopefully better class of respondent. But the idea of changing your thoughts of how a relationship like this works is a very interesting question. We have all written at one point as to our thinking about the NSA aspects of the SD/SB dynamic but I wonder if anyone has ever spent time with a SB/SD and started to think to themselves “maybe this has the potential to be more”.

    I doubt that anyone can shut themselves off from emotion completely and I don’t think it is a sea change in thinking to go from NSA to “involved” so surely if we care for someone, spend enough time with them, realize we share a lot in common when do we let our guard down and start to think of a deeper level of relationship ? Or do we just supress those thoughts and try to keep the arrangement as is ?

    Anybody ? Anbody ? Bueller ?

  197. BlondeinNYC says:

    lorealcausei’mworthit people use this site for many things; companionship, sex, dating, what have you. You didn’t go wrong, you followed your heart and what you believed in. The only thing I can suggest is that if you’ve got a good relationship with this guy, ask him. Just ask him what’s going on in his head. If he can’t give you an honest answer, or if you don’t like what he’s telling you, then it’s time to move on.

  198. BerkshireSD says:

    @Loreal. Many things could explain the SD being logged on. I find SBs I have been with also continue to log on.

    You have to decide what you will accept, even whether you will ignore the behavior, and when, how, if you will discuss it with him.
    Its all up to you.

  199. NitemareSD says:

    A working phone (esp. Cell) is an essential tool for us. Best, a second annonymous cell.

    I can’t tell you how immediate a turn off it is to see an excuse that there are no more minutes on the SB’s phone.

    That, along with other forms of avoidance of calling create great suspicion and doubt, and almost always disqualifies the SB.

  200. lisa says:

    if he isn’t helping you financially he isn’t a sd. sounds like he is out for free sex. As I have said before many times there is nothing wrong with having a great dating relationship with a man, just going out and spending time together but if no allowance or perks are offered, this is not a sd/sb relationship and anyone looking to just do regular dating should use another site.

  201. lorealcausei'mworthit says:

    This is my first blog and first sd arrangement. Great guy, i stated as Mischaboca, that i was looking for strength and qualities in a man, mainly honesty and loyalty, which i beleive can still be provided in NSA/SD situations.
    No matter what situation in life honesty and the fore mentioned morals and ethics apply, or one may assume. I am very independent, purchased my own property have raised a 9yo by myself and have never asked a man for a cent.
    The sd i met was not my normal type of guy but he was adorable and kind. At no stage did i ask for money or did he offer, we shared fantastic dinners and 5star hotels which he paid for. I purchased him a gift as a thank you for the great times we were having, he never purchased anything for me.
    He travels alot with his job, so we spent time together when we could. We clarified his work situation and having children himself.
    We both stated we were fond of each other and missed each other whilst he would be away. Things were fine, hassle free the way i like it.
    I receive a text saying wonderful things and wanting to get home, sorry getting to the point….skip ahead.
    Put my male friend onto this site and he asked for me to check his profile, i jump on the find my SD who (we both) removed our profiles to find he had created a new profile the same night as my text and it was right under my friends profile….irony or a sign.
    We discussed being exclusive, which apparently only i was. I
    care for people and don’t want their money, i enjoy the companionship and going out.
    Did i go wrong or is he a SD who uses the site for free sex, as he stated early on he didn’t won’t to be a SD he was comfortable with the idea which was fine with me.
    So why is he back offer SD services??????? Is it free sex with NSA and move on after 4mths

  202. Goddess says:

    I’ve changed my profile quite a few times, based on the kind of attention it was (or was not) attracting. It’s really not in my best interests to misrepresent myself, so I’ve been tweaking it as I go to more accurately reflect who I am.

    I’ve also gotten a second cell phone, pre-paid wireless, so that I can give a potential SD a way to reach me via voice as soon as he asks for it, instead of waiting until I’m sure of him. I’m not a fake or a flake, but I think I was perceived as such because of my reluctance to give out my phone number right away. Now, if he turns wacky, like the guy that Babycakecutie mentioned, it’s no big deal to dump that number and get a new one.

  203. bostonTerrier says:

    i’d have to end my sd relationship post-law school, around the time i plan on getting married and my friend/boyfriend completes his doctorate engineering degree and finally has his company rooted in the ground.

    i find it ironic how i’ve managed to date a “mini” sd while having my actual sd on the side. it’s kind of changed my perspective on guys i date. now i’d never date anyone who isn’t in college/plans on pursuing a graduate degree … let alone someone with a low gpa. it’s set my sights quite a bit higher and now here i am dating someone with a 5.0 at mit in demand by about 100% of the technology companies he interviews with.

    having an sd while i am in school makes life easier – i have a few fantastic dates a month, don’t have to worry about shopping or plane tickets homes, and my time isn’t taken away from my school work to actually get a job.

  204. racheljay says:

    Nice blog!

    I’ve learned not be afraid to ask for what I want. And this blog has def showed me that.

    I’m a nice person. And sometimes I can be so nice that I put others happiness before my own.

    Now, I’m no pushover whatsoever. But I am a pleaser.

    When getting the dreaded question: “What type of monthly allowance
    are you seeking?” I always freeze up because I don’t want to chase them away by asking for too much. Or underestimate myself by asking for too little, afraid that I may be “breaking their bank”

    In fact, a lot of times I tend to “negotiate” and this usually results in less than what I wanted.

    I’ve learned not to trust everyone I meet on these sites. Trust needs to be earned.

    I had a SD that I trusted completely. One day he let me down when I needed him. Always have a plan b. One of the worst things a SB or SD can feel is that of having pla A crushed.
    Being excited for a meeting, or trip. Taking time off from work and having these elaborate plans only to get a one sentence response on how “something came up”

    Giving the benefit of the doubt may not always be best.

    Anyone can claim to be someone they are not, as a SB, I need to take necessary precausions for my safety.

    I’ve changed how I look at married men. Not all are assholes lol.

    I was raised in a Christian home. Adultry was a HUGE bad. I vowed to never mess with a married man, then I came accross this lifestyle. I still haven’t fully, but I’m closely contemplaiting it 😉

    In closing, I love what this lifestyle has to offer. If anything came between me cutting a mutual benificial relationship it would probably be a long term committment to a partner.

  205. MishBocaRatonGrl says:

    Haha! Cute .

    It’s just me ranting. But all very truthful. I’d rather not have an SD if it means being w/ someone I don’t truly care for.

  206. SuthrnExec says:

    MishBoca, I think you may be a candidate for the SB cloning project…

  207. MishBocaRatonGrl says:

    When I first joined SA, I wasn’t too blunt on my profile, and I had to change it within the first few days. The quality of my emails have greatly improved.

    I personally, feel very strongly about what I want from an arrangement, and before money does come my morals, though they might be weaker then the average human on E-Harmony they still are mine. I personally, have to be physically, mentally attracted to this person. Money doesn’t blind me into doing something I normally wouldn’t do. (Though, I don’t judge those whom are easily swayed)

    I can’t do the one night stand pay me for sex kinda deal, just isn’t in me, and I’d be trying to fool myself if I tried to have a situation like that. I personally stated in my profile, I have a GOOD job (for my age) and support MYSELF fully, I have no children or obligations or any NEED of their financial help. I love being in a mutually beneficial relationship because, I’ve always been the one in my day – to – day life that… Gave, and gave, and gave until I really had enough. Now I’d like to give, and return.

    I don’t hound potential SD’s with my wants needs and desires off the bat. I clearly state what I’m looking for, and want. Then leave that discussion for later. I’ve turned down many, politely. Even though a lot consisted of generous offers. [ Cars , Credit Cards, Condo’s on Southbeach…] and the list goes on.

    I really, just want someone, where it clicks. I change my profile often, when I feel it’s needed.

    I prefer Quality over Quantity when it comes to the messages I recieve.

  208. Babycakecutie says:

    thanks southern exec 🙁 I should’ve known before I decided to go to that source.

    I feel better this morning. A true sugar daddy relationship takes time, and care… it can’t be rushed, no matter what the circumstances


  209. SuthrnExec says:

    Babycakecutie, the courage you’ve demonstrated in making this confess is to be commended – DON’T EVER LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN! 🙂

    There’s a reason it’s also known as “Crapslist”.

  210. Babycakecutie says:

    Also the guy texted and called me for the next few hours after (it’s already 2am mind you and we met around 10…

    I wish the world was filled with more gentleman
    and fewer creepsters

    lots of love and best wishes


  211. Babycakecutie says:

    Umm never again is all I have to say.

    I got a little desperate and tried out craigslist to find a quick sugardaddy….

    BAD IDEA! Stay away from craigslist. I ended up downtown at the marriott… sipping wine with a biotech nerd. I thought this was okay, he was charmingly geeky, and I had posted a funny ad about how I wanted a successful businessman who could help me in times of need…

    anyway, this guy obviously had nooo idea what a sugar daddy was, let alone that he should help me pay for parking at his hotel room. Once I got the gist of it when I mentioned “financial help” and making an arrangement while we were in the elevator to check out his view, I even let things linger in his room, me standing aghast as he fumbled over the idea of donating money to a nice college girl. I bolted. He follows me in the elevator, asking me to stay because “why waste the night” you know “this could be salvaged” or “i really like you, you’re gorgeous”… but then he didn’t even pay for parking! I’m out another 10 bucks and really just needed someone to alleviate my stress so I could return the favor– I’m a great sugar babe, I get dressed up, give the goofiest fella a chance (case in point), listen fully, and love even more passionately… but craigslist is just a jackpot for DUDS

    Stay away babies,
    stick to this site
    this is where the magic happens, and people understand terms before they impede upon other people’s well beings

    Much love
    and sweet dreams


  212. SuthrnExec says:

    The process has helped me become more empathetic, I think, with both sides of this delicate relationship. Already, my work schedule and responsibilities have impacted the process of establishing a mutually beneficial relationship – but I am patient, so it will all come together. Certainly as my attitude changes and my goals change, my profile will likely subtly evolve to reflect those changes…

  213. BlondeinNYC says:

    Oh my freaking god! That’s all I have to say. WOW.