11 years ago
Message Anxiety

11 years ago
Message Anxiety

Everyone has their own message style.

Some people write long, informative messages while others write short and sweet memos.

Sugar Daddy messages tend to be upfront and sometimes a little hard-hitting. Not desperate to flatter or charm, Sugar Daddy messages often look more like business merger proposals than online love letters.

What’s YOUR message style?

Do your messages sit well with you? Or do you find yourself editing them over and over again, never fully satisfied with the end result? If you answered yes to either question, you’ve experienced message anxiety!

Message anxiety is a major problem for many online daters. Some daters say that they’ve lost a chance at finding true love because of their inability to write and send messages in a timely fashion.

If all else fails, write first, think later. At the very least, this approach will give you some material to work with, and maybe even a whole message- just don’t forget the subject line!

Leave a Reply

89 Responses to “Message Anxiety”

  1. Francesco says:

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  2. LadyJ says:

    For those of you who have been SB for awhile. Can you give me some advice on writing your profile. What or what not to add. What are the guys looking for? I’ve been on the site for almost a week and have only heard from one SD. Any help would be appeciated.

  3. Derek says:

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  7. Online Dating Com says:

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  8. London says:

    i only get message anxiety when I see they have been online that day but not checked their messages yet from last week or last month?? Makes me want to hit re-send or it makes me think there’s a bug in the site? So I never contact them never knowing.. :/

  9. Atalanta says:

    okay I will get to all the comments later…Thursday. lol

    BUT, GND’s comment above reminded me of “The Great Gatsby.”

    “Her voice is full of money.”

    No, I haven’t tried to talk like that, but I like to think that my voice is melodic. Don’t we all?

    Message anxiety. eck. Glad to be past that. I feel for everyone having to write those messages. Best of luck!

    And I will stop by later!

  10. ~Nico~213385~ says:

    Very well stated SE….

  11. SuthrnExec says:

    All true – but it’s not an either/or situation. Many times this is a situation when one or both are walking on eggshells and many times afraid to bring up a subject because they aren’t sure exactly how to bring it up. Sometimes people assume certain things that are not as obvious to the other party. He may assume that she understands that he will pamper her, take her shopping, etc. But what he doesn’t understand is that many SBs have been burned – thus the requirement for open communication. Don’t be fearful of bringing up a subject – just do it in the right way and I promise you both will be glad you did.

    It is tempting to generalize with SDs and SBs and come to a conclusion that she is only a gold-digger or he is not real because of this or that. While it is true that human nature many times follows similar patterns across individuals, it is also true that each of us is an individual – so don’t make broad assumptions until you have had the conversations to address the questions you have in your mind. If, after the conversations, you still are uneasy, then trust your gut. No matter how many times the bad things happen to us, each person deserves an opportunity to convince us they are legit.

  12. Alicia*299952 says:

    I totally agree with Lisa – being used is no fun so its better to find out now if he is serious then after you’ve been used

  13. Alicia*299952 says:

    Lisa – I totally agree with getting to know someone through email!

    Beach – I used to live in Montreal!

    Joules & Nico – I’m the same way when I write an sd, I will pick something from his profile that I relate to and write to him – generally I don’t write long initial emails – those come later =)

  14. lisa says:

    I would think that anytime a sd brings up sex there would be nothing wrong with bringing up spoiling. I would much rather be dumped by a potential because I brought up spoiling when he was persuing intimacy than to become intimate with him and end up dumped.

  15. ~*Kitty*~ says:

    One personal note:
    Though I sympathize with the SB side; that he hasn’t spoiled you yet, therefore he’s probably not genuine. Alternatively, wouldn’t a comment to him that he needs to start spoiling set off redflags for him that you are not a genuine SB, and is just in it for the money?
    Just a different perspective.

  16. raine says:

    Yes indeed, kitty; as long as chin-ups aren’t involved I’ll be fine. 😉

    *I’m all about the challenge, but should it really be this hard?

  17. lisa says:

    Hi everyone. Well the gloomy skies turned into sunshine and a beautifule but breezy day. Had a nice visit with my parents, walked to and from the store, not one drop of rain.

    OPOV I loathe those “hey check out my profile” emails and what is really at the lowest point is when they contact me and attach their profile essay to it. lol

    Cat I would be weary of this one if he hasn’t spoiled you yet. Walking around town is not a sugarbaby experience, that’s more like a regular date for couples who are broke are just so deeply in love that they enjoy anything together. I would keep mentioning spoiling and if he continues to change or ignore the subject, it sounds like he has no intention. Do not get intimate with him on this weekend if you don’t have a sound agreement. If he wants to delay spoiling you, then you need to delay getting intimate with him. Once he gets what he wants out of you, he has no need to spoil you. There are many men who lie to get into a woman’s panties.

  18. raine says:

    SE: Eh, you have a point there. Seemed like a good idea in my head (heh).

    I just wish these SDs didn’t turn common courtesy/humanity into rocket science! Not looking for one to fall in my lap, you understand, but still…I get enough headaches on the outside! The last thing I want to do is be defensive from the start.

  19. ~*Kitty*~ says:

    raine: tell me about it.. we need to whip SBs and SDs alike into shape!

  20. SuthrnExec says:

    If an SD won’t talk finances with a potSB, what makes you think they would pay for a seminar! LOL Of course, maybe you were thinking they should be offered for free??

  21. raine says:

    Hi again, folks.

    Kitty/SE: you guys really oughta get some seminars going…oh wait, the work starts tomorrow*.

  22. Mia says:

    Tried to post helpful advice for Cat, but you know…. the blog wouldn’t let me. 🙁

  23. ~*Kitty*~ says:

    I agree with Suthrn, communication is so key in making arrangements work. I am not trying to be sexist, however SDs do have the upperhand in the arrangement and should therefore be more frank in initiating the topic of finances.

  24. ~*Kitty*~ says:

    Hey Everyone!
    I haven’t been around in a couple weeks. I finally had enough time to catch up I feel like I just read a novel! I am glad all of you are doing well. Everyone seems to be the usual ups and downs of the Sugar-ing. Hope there are more ups than downs though.

  25. SuthrnExec says:

    Cat, I would not take a “wait and see” approach until the trip nor would I kick him to the curb without talking more about it and openly mention that all he seems to talk about is “sex and the city”. If you’ve not met face to face, it will be easier in a way to have the conversation now then it will when you’re together. SDs need to understand things from the SBs point of view and go overboard to make sure the SB is comfortable with things all along the way. You should be able to tell when someone is not totally comfortable with everything, even if you don’t know them all that well yet.

  26. gurlnextdoor*274735* says:

    Cat I agree with Nico, that sounds like a good idea. A lil shopping trip before you actually meet. 🙂

  27. gurlnextdoor*274735* says:

    Good evening everyone, hope everyone is doing well this evening.

  28. ~Nico~213385~ says:

    Cat ~ just my knee jerk reaction, not knowing many of the details, I would suggest no overnight trips without knowing whether he’s for real or not.

    While covering trip expenses and such is very sweet and I would hope he had good/honest intentions, the fact is, he’s not met with your expectations to this point and/or given you reason to believe he would.

    Perhaps a ‘teaser’ so you both come off your hard stance. By that I mean a shopping trip in advance of your out of town trip so you can have something nice for the trip. This shows good faith on both your parts and a willingness to be flexible and allow yourselves a chance to get to know each other in person to see if things progress to that ‘next’ level.

    Just a thought.

  29. raine says:

    Oh man, Cat, you need a few bux to pay off the tickets?lol

  30. raine says:

    Later, BG. (I’m already @ work, know that feeling; that last comment came in a bit tardy.)

  31. Cat says:

    I will be back later, being moderated too much.

  32. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    I’m off Sugars, i have to work!!! :S
    i really don’t feel like it

  33. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    raine~ i get that!!!

  34. raine says:

    ^clarification alert: I go into that mode occasionally.

  35. Cat says:

    Nico: The getaway is supposed to be a time for him to relax from his crazy business and personal life and for us to spend more time together and really get to know each other, although we have alreday spoken openly about our lives and many many other subjects, because we do speak everyday.

  36. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    Raine~ i get the mofo thing too, lol

  37. Cat says:

    Posted an answer to all your replies, but you just can’t see it yet…

  38. raine says:

    I’m okay, BG. You and Nico have a point about factoring in the time together, actually.

    I just go into ‘I wish a mofo would’ mode, especially when sex is mentioned. 😐

  39. Cat says:

    I am being moderated…?

  40. ~Nico~213385~ says:

    Cat ~ how long have you both been in contact with each other? Is the getaway a time for you both to meet and get to know each other?

    I would bring up the issue of finances at a time OTHER THAN when he mentions sex ~ keep the two as far apart as possible.

    Further clarification on your relationship to this point would help an outsider to give more of an opinion.

  41. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    raine~ you really think she should kick him to the curb???
    depends how long they have been seeing each other i would think??? maybe i’m wrong
    how you doing by the way 🙂

  42. raine says:

    Hi, Cat. I presume this is another one? Either way…just ugh. He’s gotta be kidding — at least that’s all I’m hearing anyway.

    Barring that, I got nothin’…other than NEXT!

  43. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    cat~ i don’t know , i wish i could help!
    I’d think he would have spoiled you by now! how long have u 2 been together?

  44. Cat says:

    Hey Sugar Fans!
    I have to ask an off-topic question…
    I have a pot SD who I get along with really well, who I am attracted to. The thing is, we are planning on spending a weekend together soon and all he seems to talk about when I mention our getaway and what we could do, is sex or walking around the city. Now, I’m no gold digger, but he has not spoiled me in any way, and when he brings up sex, I can’t help but bring up finances or spoiling…because he has never brought it up or made it clear that he wants to spoil me other than when I brought it up, once. I understand that sexual compatibility is important, but I wonder if that is all he really wants out of this weekend.
    Should I cut the cord on this one? Should I just wait and see?

  45. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    and anyway, they are all short, i’m tall and with heels 6’1″ so…. it’s ok though
    i’ll find someone , somewhere…. at some point. i think lol
    It is hard to write a hello letter to get them to write back
    i didn’t get that one right yet lol

  46. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    lol, it’s cool f**k them all lol
    they don’t know what they are missing out on lol

  47. raine says:

    I’m sorry, BG, how are you today?

    That dude looks how I feel about this part of the process (or might, once I get my pics up/the ball rolling)…

  48. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    I don’t agonize but i get no responses back either so…..

  49. raine says:

    Oh dear…SE [hi!], I’d just brought my profile out of hiding last night! Does that mean I’ve had emails piled up until it was hidden, or…wait, my pics aren’t up yet? Based on that, would I have had any to begin with? (hope that made sense.)

  50. SuthrnExec says:

    I’m sure you do well with what you write BG – I just hope no one agonizes over it like the dude in the picture at the top of the page!

  51. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    SE~ I try and write about me and if their profile says i like something or another i tell them if i do!
    i never know what to write so…. i’m at a complete loss!

  52. SuthrnExec says:

    My profile is currently hidden so I don’t get email from any new people, but I do recall the “profile pasters” and I usually deleted those along with the one-liners. For SB/SD arrangement to work successfully there has to be chemistry and an established relationship – why would you start out with a one-line email if that’s your end-goal? Of course that’s a rhetorical question – so it speaks to the fact that those who do that either haven’t thought about what they’re doing or they are after something other than a true SB/SD.

  53. raine says:

    ^not anticipating anything to warrant them; I’m just trying to cover the bases.

    Anyone else in here?

  54. raine says:

    Hi, OPOV. Copying/pasting profiles verbatim? Yeah…..that’s just plain capital-L lazy.

    *I even have rejection letters prepared just in case.

  55. OPOV says:

    Good Morning Everyone

    When it comes to emailing someone I try to keep it brief but longer than the one sentence come-on that at times tends to be the norm here. After all, it’s not like I can pass myself as some drop dead knockout with a defined six-pack. So I have to say something to get someone’s interest.

    One of the things I can’t stand beyond the “hey, check me out” emails is when someone who initiates contact will repeat what is in their profile, word for word. I mean, if you can’t take 2 or 3 minutes to say something in your email …

  56. raine says:

    Hi, all. Kinda blank on this one; haven’t made the contacts yet. For those who have seen my profile, my emails will be virtually identical in length — I try to get to the point these days.

  57. lisa says:

    Gotta go now


  58. lisa says:

    Good morning Nico

  59. lisa says:

    this man made over 100k a year too.

  60. ~Nico~213385~ says:

    Good morning Sugar Family 🙂

    As to the topic ~ I have a tendency to fall in the middle when writing e-mails. My initial e-mail is more than one line but always relates to the common interest found in that individual’s profile ~ whether it be his eyes, smile, the way he writes or something in particular he wrote. Then they become more and more ‘elaborate’ as the conversation progresses….although I will edit it at times to refrain from smothering a person with too much of my personality *winks*

  61. lisa says:

    I agree with the suit part, in Houston hardly any of them wear suits. I find a man in suit irresistable so I really dont’ care much for the dressed down look, lol

    I know there are probably those out there that don’t use computers and all but from my experience it seems that many people who are frugal or just dont’ buy the latest gadgets when everyone else is, are usually the same way with other people. I had a boyfriend who did not own a laptop or cell phone. He had both but they were owned and issued by his company. He also didn’t have cable or a nice television. This spilled over into his generousity with me. He bought me clothes but at a cheap place and now that it’s only been a year, everything has fallen apart, including the jeans.

    I just feel that if a man won’t spend on himself, he won’t spend on a sb.

  62. SuthrnExec says:

    Lisa, I know several Sr. executives that don’t have a computer and use one sparingly at work. They exist. Look around – not EVERY person you see has a laptop or a blackberry – there is probably a few company execs in the crowd. And not all executives or business owners wear suits – so don’t be deceived just by appearance.

  63. lisa says:

    I prefer to write a detailed long message but sometimes I find myself writing short ones simply because I get tired a writing out a nice message only to never get a response or to get a one or two word response with no answers to the questions I asked.

  64. Lauren Renee says:

    Good Morning

    Usually when I make the first contact I just write a very short email. I’m always nervous when I contact someone first and try to write something that doesn’t seem like I’m rambling. I never want to write an essay long message because I know that the person will never respond. So I just don’t want to waste my time writing messages.

  65. lisa says:

    Gail get out of that bed, it’s time for coffee!

  66. lisa says:

    I try to hang on to my potentials but can’t help but be weary. The other ladies on here seem to meet sds that actually want to meet and many see results.
    The first sd is the one that is looking for a ltr so I don’t know about him. One of the reasons I’m looking for a sd is to have something casual as I’ve come to value my freedom and privacy. I will write him back but I will remind him that he was the one that cancelled when I was looking forward to meeting him.

    sd 2, well I just can’t get used to these businessmen without computers. When I go anywhere in my city, I see business men with their laptops and bberrys everywhere, so it’s hard to believe he doesn’t have either.

  67. SouthernGent2 says:

    SoExec, yes my business has certainly been impacted. But I have been around long enough to work around it. I have always lived my life in moderate terms anyway. When I travel, I have always stayed in mid price hotels rather than expensive four and five star hotels. I just try to manage cash flow and expenses more closely.

  68. SuthrnExec says:

    Lisa, my question was directed at SG2 because I posted it before I knew you were blogging this morning. But, glad it hasn’t negatively impacted you – I hardly think you’re on the bottom – it may be challenging where you are, but there are many people much worse off than you – you have a great attitude, you’re very witty, so don’t let it bring you down!

  69. SuthrnExec says:

    Good morning Lisa! I’m sure the owner of the company doesn’t want to email from the company computer so that he can remain discrete. He may have an admin assistant that works at his computer occasionally so he wants to be careful. Likely he’s not very techie so he is just being careful.

    Re: pot #1 – not too sure about him either – from what you say, he sounds sort of iffy – but maybe it’s all an honest mistake. Why not give him another shot? If he’s a pretender, he likely won’t follow through so you wouldn’t be out anything – but if he’s for real, there may be good things coming your way.

  70. lisa says:

    I’m not sure if the above question was directed at me or someone else who posted but for me personally I see no difference. Ever since I moved to my own apartment a few years ago I have struggled and went without essentials so I am still strugling, no difference. I see no difference when anything happens, low paying job, no car, challenges to do simple things because of weather conditions and not being able to get out and do things.

    All in all the economic sitiuation hasn’t really impacted me, I’ve always been at the bottom anyway 🙂

  71. SuthrnExec says:

    Good luck – hope it goes well for you. Just curious – is the economy impacting you negatively or is it presenting different opportunities to you?

  72. lisa says:

    Good morning everyone
    Looks like a nasty rainy day here. I guess I will have to cancel spending the day with my parents.
    Well I got a reply for sd potential 1 , he is the one that bailed on me back in August. He wrote me today and asked if I still lived in (a city that I don’t live in) so I don’t know if he has me confused with someone else or not. Also said that he remembers coming to see me a long time ago and couldn’t get in touch with me (yeah right it’s more like he cancelled on me an hour before our meeting). I think he is totally screwed up and wonder if I should even answer his email.
    Potential sd 2 hasn’t wrote yet as he doesn’t have a computer in his home and has to be careful about emailing from the company computer (although he is suppose to own the company??)

    Gotta take a shower now

  73. SouthernGent2 says:

    Doing well SoExec. Just trying to keep my head above water for the most part. Have a meeting planned with someone new this week also. Its been awhile.

  74. SouthernGent2 says:

    I will always delete the one sentence messages I get. I don’t know some girls do that. Of course I am hidden right now, thus not getting any messages from anyone new.

  75. SuthrnExec says:

    SG2, good morning – how goes it?

  76. SouthernGent2 says:

    Three paragraphs on a first message. Start by saying why I messaged and what made her profile stand out. Say something funny to get her attention. Second paragraph stating in very general terms what I am looking for (where if she is interested she will want to ask questions in a reply). Third paragraph just to close and reaffirm my interest and state that I am hoping for a reply.

  77. SuthrnExec says:

    Good morning everyone!

    Re: the topic — I enjoy writing, so my messages tend to be a little longer – I think I sort of fall into the middle – I edit them but I don’t obsess over them. I try to pick out something that caught my eye or something that was side that tells me of something we have in common. The “tone” of my emails are usually conversational – definitely not like a business document – I write too many of those for business and I would not write the same way in a personal communiqué.

  78. Joules*300035* says:

    As for my writing style, if it’s an initial email that i’m sending to a pot then i keep the message short but eye-catching. i always pick out something from his profile and talk about it a little bit and relate with what he said in his profile.

    as for regular emails after i’ve established contact with a pot or an SD then i edit edit edit! i always pre-type the message in a document and figure out how to word and re-word every single part to the message.

    i take these contacts/emails VERY SERIOUSLY and yes, i do tend to make my messages seem more business-like at times but so far it’s worked out quite well for me!

    once steady contact has been established, my emails are usually quite long (so are my pots’ replies!)

  79. Joules*300035* says:

    hey everyone, just thought i’d make a quick appearance. i had two new pots contact me over the last few days but no replies after my initial reply to their message (figures, huh?!). i still haven’t heard back from my SD so am thinking i may just have to call his cell today to see what’s going on out his way since it’s been well over a week since I heard from him via email.

    hope everyone’s doing great and had a good weekend (mine was FABULOUS!)

  80. Lagrangedw says:

    I am blunt and to the point. I know what I want and am articulate enough to ask for it.

  81. Jasmine says:

    Okey I think everyone went to bed.well good night!! 🙂 hugs&kisses.

  82. Jasmine says:

    I’m honest and upfront and plus about who I am.that way the sd would know who I am and what I’m about.why would I lie? If I do that,that would mislead the person into something more wrong.

    Hello everybody!

  83. bella says:

    I tend to be very detailed oriented and come off blunt with what I want but I’m very new at this so sugar daddy virgin here lol I’m really not sure what to expect from a pot sd and what to offer any sugges.
    I want my first experience to be delightful but don’t know how to kick start it??

  84. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    Hi Y&F

  85. ♥ϒoung&ƒabulous♥ → 300345 says:

    Hi Sugars!!!!! How’s everyone’s night going???

  86. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    Hi Lisa & GND

  87. Beach_Girl*306486 says:

    I really have a hard time writing messages, not sure what to write or what to say. Should i tell them more about me? Should i tell them less? i have no clue what so ever????? i’m clueless in Montreal !

  88. gurlnextdoor*274735* says:

    I try to write the way I talk, this means that my messages have a tendency to come out with lots of “lol”s in them and are a bit poetic. I want the SD to get a sense of who I am through my emails, so I try my best not to edit them too much.

  89. lisa says:

    I tend to write long informative messages whenever a sd first contacts me. If I’m the first to make contact I usually send a medium one, not to lengthy but enough to show I’m not just sending emails to hundreds of guys.
    I prefer a long imformative email back. I like to use emailing to get to know as much as I can about a potential sd. On the other hand, I really dislike one and two word messages or those “hi” messages and I don’t bother to answer them anymore.
    To me it is easier to be open and honest in an email as you can set your own pace as compared to being on the phone with a stranger where as you might not like their voice or you might have those akward silent moments. I know that if I had have talked to my lover on the phone prior to meeting him, I would have backed out because I find his voice very imtimidating on the phone, he sounds dominant where in real life he’s a sweety.