10 years ago
Sugar Community Standards

10 years ago
Sugar Community Standards

Escorts and Johns aren’t what the sugar community wants or needs.

We at SeekingArrangement do our best to inform and protect users, both non-members curious about mutually beneficial arrangements, and current members who value the high quality sugar on the site.

“Too many people seem to mistakenly think that SBs are escorts, and that honestly troubles me. I hate to see that happening to the sugar community. I think it paints with too broad a brush. Not all situations are just crude money for sex transactions – please don’t take a beautiful thing (the love that can happen between a successful older man and a much younger woman) and lower it to that standard! The two are worlds apart.” – TXSugarBabe

Do you think that money should never be actually talked about between SD’s and SB’s? If so, how do you ensure mutual benefit?

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152 Responses to “Sugar Community Standards”

  1. Brittany says:

    I met one SD and we have been seeing each other quite often, actually more often than we had discussed at our first meeting. I love it though, he is quite the gentleman. We both feel lucky that we found one another. I get a very generous weekly allowance in addition to many other things, gifts and just anything he may want to get me on his own…Hes my hunny but I was wondering are you allowed to have 2

  2. Marme says:


    We should do this post the usernames of who is fake. I want to look out for my girls. :) I just hope i dont start getting hate mail from SD’s now :(

  3. Sue says:

    I’ve come across a lot of strange pots on this site….SB’s need to post the phony SD’s they have come across to save other gals from going through the same nightmare… PLEASE SD’s, stop lying and pretending to have money when you really don’t! Your Sb will find out eventually…..
    MCO Florida…fake
    Gleno Oklahoma….fake
    Michael threesome Las Vegas…fake
    Romeo seeking Juliet… Beverly Hills….fake
    All Liars……Be warned!!!

  4. MALE_Sugar_Baby says:

    Life is frustrating for me — I hear about so many SD and SBs; but, how does one get a Sugar Mommy around here?

  5. Bunny says:

    You just know… sign of true SD/SB relationship :)

  6. Laila says:

    Hi Bob,

    Thank you for your prompt and informative response!

    Any input on the most common froms of supplying the allowence? I know that cash is probably preferred, but what else are people doing? Direct deposit…?


  7. bob says:


    just because money goes into your account does not mean it is taxable income

    a GIFT, is money or the fair market value of goods given to someone WITHOUT any consideration. ie you do nothing in exchange for these goods / monies. after he gives you over 13,000$ per calender year the gift GIVER not recipient – is liable for gift tax on it.

    GIFTS are not considered income by the irs, so they can be deposited in the bank with no tax liabilities.

    depending on your SDs financial (and marital!) status he may or may not claim the funds were given without consideration on your part if ever questioned by it by the IRS.

    If you are acting as a PA for example then it’s not really a gift as there is a duty you have to fulfill to earn your allowance, so then it’s income and taxable.

  8. Laila says:

    Hi everyone,

    I’m new here, and I was just reading through your posts – they are very informative.

    I am wondering about one thing that I did not see an answer for. In what form does the SD provide your allowence? I’m asking from a tax standpoint. How should that be handled? Because once the money is deposited into your account, it will come up as taxable income, right? So do you ask for cash or…? (I am not looking for someone to give me gifts, only an allowence type of arrangement, so money would be involved.)

    Let’s say you agree on $3,000 monthly allowence. Would you specify the details, like deposited into my account on the 1st of evey month…? And then what do yu do if he forgets?It’s a touchy subject. How have you ladies handled it in the past?

    Thank you!


  9. new sb says:

    Hi everyone,

    I am a new SB and have had two strange experiences…Of the two pot SDs I have met, both have said that having met me, they would be into a real relationship with strings! the first one said same deal with compensation and the second one seemed to not want to do what he had originally said by email now that he wanted to date me. When I got upset, he then said we could revert to the original agreement. He seems like just a sweet, lonely guy who is genuine (lovely dinner and $200 or so for cabs and such). This is all very perplexing.

  10. Farm Girl says:

    You know, those two guys are wondering what happened and why there is such a jump in the number of times their profiles have been viewed! LOL

  11. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi Paige,
    Some more wisdom on the place of venue, where is best to meet an SD in London ?
    The Harrods Department store of course !
    On the ground floor there is a cappucino shop, really superb.
    For the rest there are some 30 other places to eat in the department store. Harrods is perfect for the SB. You could stay her for a week.
    He can immediately take her shopping there.
    Another test if he is really an SD of quality.
    Visit the shop several times to, so you know your way.
    Please, do not wear black ! You are not going to a funeral, are you ?!
    Marine blue would suit your better on that first date.
    Ground floor, mmmmmm there is the jewelry section.
    A strong of pearls would go fabulously with marine blue, very classy.
    Enjoy !

  12. lisa says:

    tough competition out there one guy who will go out with a woman for free and another that works 6 days a week at a jewelry store and loves his football

    Good night everyone

  13. NC Gent says:

    I cant see those profiles :(

  14. lisa says:

    ok i’m headed to Dallas for that one, lol I guess I should paint myself brown and put some little bumpy things on me along with some laces, gotta compete with that football, lol

  15. lisa says:

    ok I viewed the first one, what a bag of hot air, probably lives in mommy’s basement and works at mcd, lol

    going to check out other one now

  16. Midgetfury74 says:

    Lisa/Abby… check this one out… WHOA, talk about intense in my opinion. /index.php?page=profile&id=995429

  17. lisa says:

    when I click that profile it’s a sb’s profile, not a sd, I don’t see it?
    sd4m, correct?

  18. Midgetfury74 says:

    Ally.. that guy is just ridiculous! “Again, I’m willing to spend time with the right woman at NO COST to her, which is the deal of the century! “……

  19. NC Gent says:

    Good evening all from Chicago! I am on the road this evening and I am all by my lonesome — any SBs looking for a meaningful one night date?? lol jk H

  20. ally says:

    this guys profile is hysterical;

  21. lisa says:

    Hi everyone

    It’s best to come out and ask what he is looking for in an arrangement. This is best done in the response email. If he is a true sd, he will have some idea. If the word “arrangement” confuses him, he’s on the wrong site, lol

  22. Nico~346434~ says:

    Belle…I never assume anything. I would ask him what he’s hoping to find through the site. Some people create profiles with the hope of finding a SB but many are looking for a girlfriend.

    If he is the gentleman you say he will understand and respect your question and not hesitate in providing clarification.

  23. Shep says:

    I would have to agree with elle. Best to ask and get it out of the way. Otherwise you could up in a situation of being pressed to do something you may not be comfortable with.

  24. elle says:

    Out of lurk mode for a bit. The rain I am getting here is absolutely insane, not summer-y at all – I’ve been tempted to do a raindance to get some sun back haha

    Anyways, Belle – I’m always fairly blunt when it comes to that. If the kind of arrangement a potential SD is looking for is not stated in the profile or talked about, I casually ask it during an email. I’ll respond to what he has said and throw in “so what kind of arrangement are you interested in” then I give a few brief details of what I’m thinking of – it’s worked everytime so far, they come back with specifics of allowances/shopping/travel/etc. Just my advice :)

    Well, I’ve got a potential SD meet tomorrow, quite excited, he seems really great from what I know so far. Hope everyone’s having a good day!

  25. Belle says:

    Good morning everybody,

    Things are looking up :) Ahh…up at 4 am silly nerves. grr! Anyway just thought I would drop a line to ask a question that has most likley already been answered,,not sure. I am chatting with one very polite gentlemen and courious as to how someone should broach the subject of what type of arrangment he is seeking? His profile states that not much about what he is looking for but a fair bit about himself. any suggestions????

    Belle xx

  26. lisa says:

    Good morning everyone

    Headed out to work, another short day
    Have a great day everyone

  27. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi Page,
    let me try and bring some wisdom to you in the sugar world.
    The etiquette book for the modern woman states that on date one there is just innocent fun. The guy may walk you home, but it ends in a wave with your hand, saying something like ‘tah tah”.
    Second date may end in a slight kiss, if there is chemistry.
    No wet kisses or any French kiss.
    Third date is to establish if he reallly, really really is the guy (SD) for you.
    Now this may end in some romping between the sheets.
    These rules are simple, but profoundly effective.
    Also you earn his respect this way.
    Now when do you expect nice gifts ?
    The etiquette book for the modern man states that from date one there should be gifts. The most romantic one I arranged for, was a rose bearing her name. Few weeks after we met again and I had dried one rose and had it made into a plastic presse papier to remember me by.
    As an SD is supposed to be a gentleman, a mentor, he will know how to be a generous giver from day one on.
    This is also how you can screen potential SDs.
    If I come across a rose named Paige I will send you one.
    Life is like a bed of roses.

  28. Nico~346434~ says:

    haha….I would love to. It’s hard to justify the expense when truly I CAN do it but it doesn’t leave time for ‘relaxing.

  29. lisa says:

    You can get someone to clean cheaply in Texas. I remember my step uncle who lived down by the border always had a maid for his elderly mother. My place is so small and takes only an hour to clean so I wouldnt waste my money, lol now if I could hire someone to lift heavy stuff for me at work, lol

  30. Nico~346434~ says:

    would prefer to have somebody else managing the house work…with as much travel across state as I do I should just get somebody to do the ‘dirty’ work. *hint*

  31. lisa says:

    I did my housework yesterday. Just relaxing now. Waiting for my days off, 2 more days to go. I do that housework/computer combo myself, lol

  32. Nico~346434~ says:

    Hello Lisa :) good evening to ya!! I being a domestic goddess tonight and jumping on and off the computer while doing household chores. How are you?

  33. lisa says:

    Just make sure there is no intimacy before $ is discussed and I agree with Nico, both things should be separate. Not being intimate when you receive your allowance will keep it from sounding like something else.

    Have a good night everyone. I’ve had a long day, tired now, going to relax.

  34. Nico~346434~ says:

    Christina….I would recommend not discuss $$ and sex in the same discussion…this will almost guarantee not to cloud the issue. It is ‘support’, an ‘allowance’ and just that. All other aspects of the relationship (i.e. sex) are to be treated and respected as separate issues. To discuss how often you see each other is not to suggest you are actually being ‘intimate’ each of these times….so discuss ‘time’ as a vague term and let the hints of the date suggest where you two end up at the end of the night.

  35. lisa says:

    Just ask him what he is looking for in an arrangement and after he tells you, you tell him you’re looking for financial assistance, shopping, travel, or whatever you have in mind.

    Any serious sd should have no problems discussing it.

  36. christina says:

    Everyone is different on how they would like to handle this type of situation. So again I ask. What questions do you ask with out sounding like you are getting paid for ____???

  37. lisa says:

    Hi everyone

    Good evening Nico

  38. Nico~346434~ says:

    *raises a glass to toast SouthernGent2*

  39. SouthernGent2 says:

    Do you think that money should never be actually talked about between SD’s and SB’s? If so, how do you ensure mutual benefit?

    Of course it has to be talked about early on, but from that point there is no reason to discuss it the way I would prefer to do things. My belief is that I commit a certain set amount weekly or per month. That’s what it will be. I don’t want to hear someone crying to me about this problem or that problem, this bill or that bill. It is what it is, and should be considered a bonus to her lifestyle. That is how I see things, and I think this way the relationship should get the full concentration of both parties. And if its simply not enough, then there are other options out there on SA.

  40. christina says:

    I think it’s a very fine line…I think that too many girls are considering subjecting themselves to SD that they are not attracted to so money is somthing that comes into play too much. It’s not about the money or the arrangement. It’s about how you guys click just like any other relationship it’s just that you have financial benefits. I come on here and get so confused about how this or that is suppose to work when really I don’t even have to ask questions. I’ve been in a relationship with an older guy a couple of times and he did take care of me. But it wasn’t something we discussed it was just somthing that he wound up doing cause I would mention something that needed to be taken care of or something and he would jsut offer to help. Or if I spent the weekend with him he automatically took me shopping. When you get involved with an older weathly man or I don’t even think he has to be wealthy, not too poor though lol…but when you get involved it’s kind of understood. And guys of that generation are just like that by nature.

  41. christina says:

    Okay, what questions should be asked? What can you ask with out sounding like an escort? I thought these things were just suppose to go smoothly and chemistry was suppose to be the key?

  42. christina says:

    Hey people…anyone out there I know? Early and bored…what’s the new discussion?!

  43. Farm Girl says:

    Can I get more info on “Danny”? I was just contacted by one here in TX.

  44. Happy Lurker says:

    Sweet UK
    They don’t like Europeans op here.

  45. sweet SB UK says:

    Why are my posts being moderated and deleted?

  46. The Lone Gunman says:

    NitemareSD Says:
    “Lone – you’ve only found 3? You must be one lazy dude.”

    I didn’t have to strain myself very hard for those three–and SA doesn’t pay me to scour the site and do their job for them. (Note to Seeking Arrangement: I am Open–Amount Negotiable.)

    As for the phoney pictures, there are tools available that will match the stolen Internet picture with the web site(s) they came from. Amazingly, many of the pictures are taken from German porn (or wanna-be porn) web sites, discussion groups and adverts.

  47. lisa says:

    Good morning everyone

    There are plenty of fakes and time wasters that have been on the site forever, some of these guys contact every woman on the site, “danny” for example, “explorer” and on and on

    Headed out to work. Short day today.

    Have a good day everyone

  48. sweet UK SB says:

    The pot SD is sweet, so it seems. He says he wants an ‘all round’ relationship. I noticed something weird though. When he emailed me, somehow he’d addressed it to me like this in the header of the email:

    [My name, my age, my occupation…my email address]

    e.g. sweet SB, 21, student [email protected]

    I found this reallt odd :s What might this mean? He has lots of pot SBs and can’t remember their names/ages/jobs?

    Well, he makes more of an effort than the guy I’m supposedly ”seeing” (non SD, just a BF type). The pot SD calls me most days, texts or emails, really seems to enjoy talking to me etc. The other guy is busy with work, admittedly but he used to call every night. Nothing went wrong but now he keeps saying he’ll call and never does. If he wanted to speak to me, he’d make time. Jeez, if you’re not interested, why don’t you just say so and stop making me think we have some kind of relationship? Or just communicate?? Is it that hard to send a text message if you are busy? ‘Sorry hun, I’m busy’ or ‘let’s talk next week’ or ‘maybe it’s not working out’. Just don’t leave me hanging and stupidly hoping something will happen. Argh. I don’t get men =(

    Sigh. So when they’re potentially investing/”paying” (in a very roundabout way) in your company/the relationship, then the guy makes an effort and then it means something?? I find guys really confusing and this seems really messed up.

  49. missCLEVELAND says:

    This is not a escort site.. If I got a benjamin for how many flippin guys asked for *one time meets* I would of payed my way through my student loans by now. Sheesh. 😛

  50. NitemareSD says:

    Lone – you’ve only found 3? You must be one lazy dude.

  51. NitemareSD says:

    Don’t feel sad. There are any number of girls available to satisfy his needs. You can’t accomodate everyone. Just do the best you can.

  52. Jules 22 says:

    Hello Everyone,
    I’m so glad that this blog is here otherwise I would be so clueless. I totally agree that some of the guys on here are looking for escorts not SBs it makes me sad. Just last night I had a guy who wanted to give me a ridiculous amount of money upfront and basically go into a 2 yr contract. Get this for 2 30min sessions per week for BJs. I knew he wasn’t for real when we had been talking and he said he wasn’t interested in greet and meet coffee or dinner because he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. Winner, lol

    I’m meeting my first pot SD tomorrow wish me luck. And thanks again everyone for the amazing advice and horror stories :)

  53. The Lone Gunman says:

    Nico and Nell:

    I DID report one of them some time ago; it’s still up there.

    If that’s ‘quick to act’, then I’m the Flash.

  54. nell34 says:

    100% agree with Nico…report any fake profiles that you come across. I’m not sure there is a way to screen those fake photos. Even on traditional dating sites people put up fake pictures. It’s unfortunate that people have such little confidence in themselves that they have to do that but it happens. My philosophy; if you don’t like what I look like then stop looking.

  55. Paige says:

    I joined this site only a week ago and have been really excited to get heaps of messages. they have been so varied from just a few words (who do they think will bother to reply?) to great long essays. some have been really crude, I dont understand why they dont just hire an escort. Some start well but after a bit of a chat become crude or really dull.

    I have found reading these blogs really helpful but would really like some advice from some of you girls with a little more sugar experience. I am getting close to arranging some meetings with a few potentials but I’m not really sure how to play things. I have just left school and am about to start university here in London which is ever so expensive so obviously I’d love some financial help and to have some dates to the sort of locations that most students never get to.

    Obviously if things go well and I become a guys SB I expect to end up in his bed but there is no way I will be doing that on a first date like lots of guys on here seem to expect. and I dont expect to be given cash in a brown envelope every time we meet, I would become an escort if that was what I wanted. I know there is no formula or absolute rule but I’d like some idea of how soon I ought to expect to be droping my panties if all goes well and when I ought to expect some nice gift in relation to this?

  56. Nico~346434~ says:

    What would you suggest as a ‘screening’ process to eliminate this from happening? When put on ‘notice’ of phony profiles or misuse of the site, they are quick to act. Perhaps reporting the profiles to the powers that be would benefit….

  57. lisa says:

    Good evening nell34, I agree that things have to be discussed upfront to avoid wasting each other’s time. Kind of like asking questions at a job interview even if you are not sure you will get the job, you need to see if the situation will work.

  58. nell34 says:

    Evening Lisa! Apparently you and I are the only ones “out and about” in the online world. :)

    My 2 cents: money should be talked about, this is a mutually beneficial relationship therefore the parties involved need to discuss what is acceptably beneficial whether it be travel, an allowance, shopping…etc. I think this needs to be discussed as soon as possible, unless it is blatantly obvious that the chemistry to make a successful SD/SB relationship isn’t there and then it should be time to move on.

  59. lisa says:

    Good evening everyone. Where is everyone?

  60. Equestry Anne says:

    NC Gent and lisa –

    I changed my profile pic(s) yesterday, making the smiling photo the main picture. Deleted the other two. Already there has been an uptic in profile views! Hooray! Thank you both for taking the time to give me feedback.

  61. Happy Lurker says:

    Christina, how can you get yourself out of this mess ?
    You mean the relationship with the man you live with has turned our ?
    Could it be, that the man in whose house you live, looks upon you in a different way, than you look at him ? I think he is of the opinon that he is in a relationship with you. Now he feels betrayed.
    Why don’t you have a password on your computer ?
    Better move out of that house and live your own life elsewhere.
    This will be the end result anyway.
    Now that you got yourself an SD with a generous allowance, you can afford it.
    “I wish you much pleasure with the worm ” from Anthony and Cleapatra.

  62. christina says:

    Thank you another SB! That helps a bit!

  63. another SB says:

    Christina – it seems to me from some of your posts on this blog that you yourself are not comfortable with being an SB? Maybe your friend thinks it is out of character for you and is trying to express concern – something men (ahem!) might have trouble doing. Maybe the two of you could plan a little tete-a-tete where you discuss – nothing confrontational, just a casual sit-down maybe with wine. Tell him what you are thinking as your reasons for pursuing/investigating the SBSD lifestyle….?

    I know I speak for everyone on SA’s blog when I say that we are all supportive no matter your choices – even if you end up saying that this is not for you. Nobody is judging anyone. : )

  64. christina says:

    Um hello haha! No one wants to touch the subject? =(

  65. lisa says:

    Equestry Anne the third pic is the best one, make it your main pic

  66. Equestry Anne says:

    NC Gent – Thank you for your honesty and feedback on the photos. I’ll make some changes. You said the narrative seems good enough. Do you have suggestions for improvement there, as well?

  67. lisa says:

    Hi Nitemare extremely tiring, lotsa work, etc. In pain, tired, and hungry now. I got a letter from a friend though, that made me smile.

    Now off to soak in a hot bath for awhile. Be back in awhile

  68. NitemareSD says:

    Welcome home Lisa, how was your day?

  69. sweet UK SB says:

    A potential SD wanted to add me on Facebook…after having chatted once on msn! I was like WTF? Then he called me at 8am, when I was getting ready for work… :s

  70. NC Gent says:

    Hi EquestryAnne – I looked at your profile. Seems good enough, but in the third pic you look much cuter… so much that the other ones are not that flattering. The first one is ok, but the middle one may not be the best. Sorry for being brutally honest, but I think your pictures may not be doing you justice – third pic is great!

  71. missCLEVELAND says:

    So on tuesday im having my first SD experience. We
    are both avid blackjack / poker players, and decided
    we both needed a slight change of scenery. Anyways..
    we’ve been talking for a few weeks now, cam / off
    cam (nothing scandelous, I promise) and im a little
    nervious. Can you guys give me any tips that might
    come in handy? Wish me luck you guys! :)

  72. Equestry, I’d think you picking him up is way easier than him finding his way around a strange city. It’s more comfortable for both of you in the end for you not to have to give directions while you drive, time which could otherwise be spent talking and getting a feel for each other. If you were going to drive quite a ways out of town maybe rent a car so it saves wear and tear on yours, but I’d still do the driving, some people are so awful with directions.

    I’ve asked people early on what their ideal arrangement would be mostly because they live in a place far enough away that I have no idea why they’re contacting me (I put my travel issues in my profile) and that seems like the easiest way for me to figure out if I honestly suit what they’re seeking.

    Money probably has to be talked about eventually unless you have a gentleman who’s natural inclination is for over the top spoiling. for myself I’d rather talk about it over e-mail or IM just to minimize either hurt feelings or either party feeling pressure and being uncomfortable.

    With my pot SD we talked online a bit and he watched me on my webcam a few times and then gave me a gift. A couple months (of lots of e-mails from me with pictures and lots of camshows two or three times a week) later I asked if he would help me buy a replacement corset and he said yes and sent me money for that. When we met he gave me money for shopping. He and I were both very new to things and we never actually talked about allowances but that wasn’t on either of our radars. I guess for us it was a lot about sex, but that’s how I am and that’s what he needed. Now he’s suffering an attack of guilty conscience after we met (he has a wife and some young kids). Sigh. It’s understandable and all, but still, I miss him.

  73. christina says:

    Okay yall, I need some advice and help. I have a friend that I live with and he has helped me out a lot. He is older and we like each other quit a bit and we spend a lot of time together but we’ve never slept together. I do this on purpose cause I don’t want to complicate things more then they already are. Well he was out of town and I left for the night and now he is back. He found my dating sites and now he’s looking all through it while I’m not there. He’s acting all mad about it and looking through my profile and texting me about it. Well like I said he’s not my man I jsut live there and I know he has his dating sites and his porn sites that he goes to and I don’t jugde him on it. But he’s making me feel really bad about this. Should I feel bad?? How can I get myself out of this mess?

  74. racheljayok says:

    Equestry- I think you should discuss what you both expect out of eachother/the relationship in your next meet. You can go over do’s and don’ts, boundaries, your schedules things you didn’t go over in the first meet.

    I don’t think it was bad that you picked him up no. It’s possible that he didn’t feel comfortable renting a car in a new area, and just rather felt better to have you pick him up and show him around. If you are all that worried about it, on your next meet, tell him that you cannot pick him up, and that you prefer you both meet eachother at the meeting place. See what he shows up with.

  75. I too have read this blog nonstop over the last few days. I have tried commenting, but my posts seem to get lost as they are always awaiting moderation. I am on tenterhooks re Christina’s experiences. Days of Our Lives and Eastenders have nothing on this. LOL

    i would also appreciate feedback on my profile. I know that NC Gent offered, but I belive my two responses were lost. I have posted my profile number beside my name. Hope to read from you soon.

    Thanks Guys and Gals

  76. Equestry Anne says:

    Hello Everyone,

    I have been reading this blog since joining the site two months ago. Thank goodness for all of the information and support available here. My first SD “experience” was disappointing. I was not well prepared or informed, and rushed things by asking for an arrangement after meeting him at a hotel restaraunt and then proceeding to his room and having sex. Yes, he gave me a decent sum of money after the encounter, but I felt used and abandoned. Even though he was super hot and handsome, sex on the first or second date is not my style. And he was married – I was hoping to become his mistress over the long-term; but he ditched me after that first meeting. In retrospect, I think I was too fast and easy.

    Live and Learn.

    Just had a lovely lunch date with my second pot SD yesterday. Nice man, 25 years older than myself, but super super polite, funny, fun to talk with, and a total gentleman. Much more attractive in person than in his photos and profile. He has been divorced for 20 years and was vague about his romantic history in that time, citing obsession with work and scattered female couplings here and there. He says he’s trying to understand the Seeking Arrangement protocol and figure out how this whole deal should work. He spoke about owning a multinational company, flying often to South America, his career as a fighter pilot in the air force (I had a career in aviation, so we have this topic in common, which is nice), was well versed in politics, etc. Although I was at first unsure about having a relationship with someone so much older than myself, it was actually refreshing to talk with someone articulate and educated. His manners were impeccable and he treated me better than any date in recent memory. On the topic of intimacy, this fellow just said that he likes (and needs) to take things very slowly – he has always been that way. Even when he was in the military, he could never round up women like his fighter pilot buddies. I guess I should respect and understand that, but coming from *normal, red-blooded America* such an inclination seems odd to me. Men always want IT. At least the men I date always do. ;-p

    He flew from his town to mine (on short notice) for this lunch date. Due to my co-parenting schedule, I am not available to travel until school starts in September. This pot SD said, as the waiter brought the bill for lunch, that he would like to see me again and asked if I’d like to get together in September. I felt happy that I’d “passed” the interview and smiled and said yes, I’d like to see him again. He said we’d keep in touch between now and then. I sent an email when I got home thanking him for the nice meal and telling him how lovely it was to meet him and that I am looking forward to seeing him again.

    My question is this: Sugar Daddies, how should the next meeting(s) occur? Should he offer to fly me to his town and put me up in a hotel? He acts like he has never had a SB and doesn’t quite know how to accomodate or treat one. I suggested a few weeks ago that he read the blog for tips but he hasn’t done it. Maybe he doesn’t have time. I shouldn’t have to do all of the suggesting… When he came to my town, I actually picked him up in my car, rather than him renting a car. And I chose the restaraunt. I feel like he should have rented a car, even tho we were in my town. But maybe I’m just being too picky? A 67 year old man shouldn’t have a 43 year old woman picking him up. It makes me feel like his driver! But perhaps he’s truly clueless. HELP!!!

    Also – Would you guys please give me feedback on my profile? I am not getting very many inquiries. 325011

    Thanks so much.

  77. SincereSD says:

    NYC SB says, “Sexual compatibility is very important with any relationship.”

    I totally agree. But like many others that’s not the only thing I’m looking for in a SB relationship.

    The challenge is how do you ascertain sexual compatibility? In most cases, it should be a topic of discussion but I keep it classy and sensual. I am always pleasantly surprised when a SB brings the topic up early in the discussions.

    Why does it need to be discussed? Well, I’ve been with women where we have great fit as friends but no sparks in the bed and visa versa. Several years ago, I broke off a SB relationship where we were a great fit everywhere except for the intimacy.

    However if a relationship based purely on sex works for you, who am I to judge? I know there are plenty of SB who are willing to forego chemistry for an allowance and plenty of SD who just care about sex. It’s likely that most SD are looking for just sex if that’s all they care to discuss. Similarly, if a SB starts her conversation with “I’m looking for $XXXX per visit”, she doesn’t care about anything but the $$$.

  78. SincereSD says:

    NitemareSD says “Too many escorts mistakenly think they are SBs …”

    Seen my fair share of escorts on sugar sites and have my BS detector on high alert. Some of the telltale signs for me are:

    * Photos – explicit or a variety of provocative, professionally shot pictures
    * Email – overly explicate emails or email handle
    * Offer phone number quickly – unwilling to chat online or voicemail is always full
    * Comments like I’m not a “pro”
    * Interested only in money or wants just “Pay for visit”

    Call me a bit jaded but part of my background check of a pot SB is to scan the several escort databases and craigslist. This approach has certainly helped to filter out escorts but I’m definitely spending too much time looking at escort forums when I start recognizing their pictures on sugardating sites.

  79. SincereSD says:

    FWIW, I think the key details of a SD relationship should be discussed and agreed upon. These can include details such:

    * dates – frequency, regular schedule, etc.
    * allowance – how much, when and how it’s paid, (gifts) etc.
    * other – discretion, contact outside dates, ongoing, etc.

    Communication is an important part of any relationship and i think these need to be discussed to ensure both parties are satisfied (no pun intended) and expectations are met. But then, I’ve heard from others who are perfectly happy to leave gifts and allowances up to the whim of the SD. That’s great if one finds a good SD … however, I understand there are lot of posers in sugarworld.

    As for myself, I used to less concerned about the details and rely more on spur of the moment … generosity and passion to guide the relationship. Based on my past experience, I can honestly say this approach doesn’t work. In one case, we weren’t on the same page as far as the basics were concerned … and in the other, my generosity was not recognized (appreciated?) even though I greatly exceeded her expectations in her profile.

    The morale of my story … suggest your expectations and boundaries. It can be an awkward conversation but it will go a long way to ensuring a successful sugar relationship.

  80. lisa says:

    Good morning everyone

    Off to work
    Have a great day everyone

  81. Goodgirl says:

    Hey sugar fam!!! Bringing a new friend in for a sec to show what the sugar life is about and want him to see my avatar :) also, i’ve been drinking a little 😉 I’ll read back though in the morning and reply to all…. good night!!!!! 😀

  82. RachelJay says:

    Not bad at all.

  83. RachelJay says:

    I think it all depends on the individual’s standpoint. If that is the type of arrangement they both seek, then it is okay for money to be brought up. If not, then it should be like any other relationship with both being taken care of.

  84. christina*355905* says:

    I’m attracted to someone who has a sense of humor and likes to make me happy and gives me what ever I want and just offers to do stuff for me so I don’t have anything to worry about. That turns me on…in return I am attracted to them…it’s weird…if you are sweet and make me laugh I like you….that bad?

  85. TXSugarBabe says:

    Was I physically attracted to all of my daddies?

    That’s a BIG 10-4! Yessir-eee!!!:)

  86. Sweetredhead*269443* says:

    I am a medical receptionist

  87. christina*355905* says:

    What do you do?! I need a job!

  88. christina*355905* says:

    Half of these guys haven’t been on since ’06?! What the heck??

  89. Sweetredhead*269443* says:

    There does not have to be tension. Know what you want and what you are looking for. Never settle. Don’t be afraid to say NO this is not what I am looking for. Don’t let them blind you by what they say they will give you, it is never worth it. There is so much more to a sugar relationship than sex and money.
    That is my 2 cents. Hi everyone Long time no see. Been busy with work. Still loving my new job. It’s so nice to go to work everyday when you enjoy what you do.

  90. christina*355905* says:

    I think my profile is great! How come no one has hit me up?! I’m starting to get a little insecure here! lol….

  91. christina*355905* says:

    So much tension!

  92. NitemareSD says:

    NYC SB Says:

    July 31st, 2009 at 11:25 am
    Nitemare – no allowance sd? how would that work?


    I’ll let you know when I think of something. Something based on the stories of the guys who say they aren’t into allowance, just want to “spoil” with (insert: trips, movie tickets, dinner, shopping, an apt, a car, bubble gum, VS, whatever)

  93. NitemareSD says:

    What? You mean if you actually go out and meet someone, you can actually find someone?

  94. Happy SB says:

    Going to dinner – back on the blog later. I have missed my sugar family!

  95. Happy SB says:

    Christina – well, that is the really funny thing. I did not know if he was ‘REAL.’ I just decided to take a pragmatic approach to this whole thing – if he was real, I would know soon enough. I think he is sweet and funny and caring – I enjoy our time together. If he were to lose all of his money tomorrow, I would not want to stop spending time together. That is not to say I am wishing for any such ‘tests,’ I am just saying that I genuinely like him. I truly look forward to seeing him – once he sets up a date, I think of it often and smile the whole time.

    Definitely a win-win.

  96. christina*355905* says:

    How did you know happy that he was the real thing Happy?? I mean it seems like they know how to act normal even when they are fake!

  97. Happy SB says:

    I haven’t been on the site for awhile because I have been too busy meeting potential SD’s. (I have also changed my ‘Name’ on this site. : )

    I met many frogs, some were complete neanderthals. One man claiming to be a gentleman asked me how much it would take to get me naked. Yuck. Not enough money in the world, buddy….lol.

    Finally met someone sooooo wonderful and I could not be happier. But in answer to NCGENT’s post – I find my SD super super sexy and am unbelievably physically attracted to him. HOWEVER, the first time we met, I was NOT at ALL – I was too busy looking for signs of a serial killer. I almost missed out!!

    THANKFULLY, even though I was trying to remember any crime show (especially L& O SVU) during our meeting, I eventually relaxed enough to really LISTEN to him. He has a great sense of humor (so cliche, I know) AND he admitted that he was nervous, too. I had to remember to stay positive otherwise why bother meeting anyone – so although still cautious, I kind of let some of my paranoia go and gave him a chance.

    Glad I did.

    Lisa – so glad your mom called you. That is a big step in the right direction for all of you. AND she was worried about your Percy! : )

  98. NYC SB says:

    haha yes! band of SBs on the prowl

  99. christina*355905* says:

    Wish you lived by me NYC SB!! You could be my row dawg! I need some homies out here that are in the same boat as I like to travel in 😉

  100. lisa says:

    sweet UK never feel you have to do anything. Even if he has already booked his flight,etc your safety and comfort is of the utmost importance and if it doesn’t feel right to you, you are under no obligation to go. Remember if he is wealthy, a few hundred dollars for his flight and hotel won’t break him.

  101. NC Gent says:

    Good plan SweetUK I with him or any other SD :)

    Christina – it took me 7 mos to find an SB – it can be as difficult as dating with an extra financial twist thrown in – hang in there!

  102. sweet UK SB says:

    Also looking for a gentleman….

  103. sweet UK SB says:

    He’s already booked his flights and hotel. I feel like I have to meet him. I will meet him in a very public place, have dinner and that be that. Definitely make my own way there and back. Will see what he;s like.

  104. NYC SB says:

    Christina – dont get discouraged… as with regular dating you need to meet many frogs until you find your prince or in this case your daddy :)

  105. christina*355905* says:

    I wanna a gentalman! ugg! I’m already jaded and I’ve been on one date!

  106. NC Gent says:

    Unfortunately I believe you shouls have some concern – if you proceed at all, proceed very cautiously. Best wishes.

  107. sweet UK SB says:

    NC – ahhh I am worried :(

  108. sweet UK SB says:

    NC: I don’t have an SD, but at some level I would find him attractive, this would then translate into physical attractiveness, because for me in order to find someone attractive on all levels, including physically, there has to be an emotional and intellectual (maybe chemical?) attraction.

    Also – though he seems very explicit, I think to myself: well, if he wasn’t serious, he wouldn’t call to talk most days or bother flying up, right? If he really did want just an escort experience, surely he could do that back home much more easily? (he lives in a major city)

  109. NC Gent says:

    And SweetUK. I would NEVER talk like that with any lady until I knew her extremely well and had been dating for a long time – doesn’t seem very gentlemanly to me.

  110. NC Gent says:

    Interesting comment NYC SB… I have always wondered in the back of my mind if I was dating out of my league because of my money. I always figured I was doing a “few points” better than I deserved. On the other hand, I am much more attracted to a sweet “6” than a bitchy”9″ lol maybe some of that is happening to me too. Just curious SBs – do all of you find your SD PHYSICALLY attractive?

  111. sweet UK SB says:

    Christina: many thanks :) Maybe I will suggest meeting at another bar outside the hotel.

    NYC: Oh God, I don’t want any sort of Escort type set up!! He says he wants a serious, long term SD/SB relationship and that it will grow over time and he says he doesn’t want to pressure me :S

    DC: Thanks very much for your advice. He said meeting in the hotel bar, then dinner elsewhere and that would be that…I’m just trying to be safe..


    Also he keeps talking about stockings and how he’d like to fuck me in a skirt and stockings. (This is when he does his telephone fantasy talk) he said something about buying me stockings. :s

  112. aj says:

    Hi everyone…Stephan, why is my comment from yesterday still awaiting moderation?

    Also, thanks for the copy of the book! I will email you a review when I am done with it!

  113. NYC SB says:

    On attraction – while you may grow to like someone as a person that does not mean you will be sexually attracted to him! I have been in an arrangement where I had zero sexual attraction with even though he treated me like a queen. Did the fact that he took such good care of me and treated me good make up for the fact that i did not find this man attractive? Somewhat… but not really…

  114. DC says:

    Sweet UK-

    I think Christina’s advice is excellent.

    Try to think of this date as a non sugar date. Would you go out with someone you were not attracted to who was so sexually forward with you before you even met? If the answer is yes…then go for it. But if this makes you uncomfortable in any way do not let the fantasy of the arrangement cloud your judgment.

    In the beginning when I first started considering arrangements I was so giddy at the prospect that I was ready to meet guys that I was not attracted to who acted like 20 year olds and were very sexually explicit.

    My standards are a bit higher now and if anyone is that explicit before we meet I stop being in contact with them. And for me there absolutely has to be some kind of compatibility….mentally, emotionally and physically or I can’t do it. I am willing to be patient and know if I let someone go for the above reasons, that another prospect will turn up. It may take a while but I’m not in any rush.

    Can’t hurt to meet him but meeting in their hotel lobby usually implies that he may have some expectations. But you have already stated that you will not be intimate with him on the first date so hopefully he will not pressure you.

    Good luck!

  115. NYC SB says:

    Sexual compatibility is very important with any relationship. In my experience the type of men that have brought up sex talk so quickly are simply looking for an escort. If you are ok with such set up than who am I to judge.

    However, if you are looking to be spoiled (in addition to being financialy taken care of) than such conversation is inappropriate. A gentleman will never bring such thing up…

  116. lisa says:

    Hi everyone, rainy day in Houston, much more pleasant temperature wise. Just got back from the mall before it started to pour. Got some nice new curtains for my living room and had a nice lunch and coffee. Found a message on my ans machine from my mom. They are moving and had a question about some wires that were in my old room. We had a nice conversation, as we have been in conflict for over 6 weeks with my parents and daughter not speaking to me so it was nice to talk a little to my mom, even it was to ask about wires and to see if percy was feeling better.

    Christina it’s hard to tell on this one. I just find it odd that he was able to talk freely to you about things, suggesting the big allowance and condo but when you finally meet, he is so hard to communicate, can’t see to just say what he wants. I hope it all works for you but i’m clueless on this one

  117. christina*355905* says:

    Also! I am the same way, and that is a good thing that just means you give people a chance so you get to know them for who they are inside. I think it’s a very good quality and I wish more people attained this. Be straight up about where you wanna meet, he should understand and if he doesn’t then that’s a HUGE sign. Good Luck!!

  118. christina*355905* says:

    I’m new to this but I’ll give it a try. I am a pretty experienced dater lol..my family calls me a serial dater lol…so! If I were you I would take a step back and think about why I am uncomfortable?? Is this something (sexual convo, meeting for a drink) you would normally feel uncomfortable about with someone that you met in person or online with out the mutual ageement thing? Then I would take instincts above anything after that. You feel uncomfortable so any time I ever felt uncomfortable or hesitant about a guy and I told myself to just lighten up well, there was always a reason for me to be leary. I think use your womans intuition. Better safe than sorry. Even if he turns out to be a good guy doesn’t matter you have to do what you have to do to make the situation comfortable and easy for yourself. And he should understand that.

  119. sweet UK SB says:

    Also – he sent me some photos and honestly I do not find him attractive physically. I am hoping we will get on in person and then I’ll start to like him :-). I find that a lot with guys, at first I don’t find them attractive but then once I get to know them, I do…

  120. sweet UK SB says:

    Hello all :-)

    New to the blog and quite new to SA but have been reading the blog with interest for the last few days.

    I contacted a guy on another SD website and he seemed interested pretty quickly. He called me and we had a long chat. He was quite, erm, graphic on the telephone which did scare me a bit. Was he just trying to see if we might be (sexually??) compatible? He asked detailed questions about what I prefer, past experiences and so on.

    He had an SB for about a year, but she met a long term BF and wanted to get serious. The SD said he gave a monthly allowance of £1000 (maybe $2000? Dunno the exchange rate) plus shopping etc. He’s also suggested holidays, or more that I could accompany him on business – to some nice places! Anyway, he’s been calling me most days and is flying up to meet me (1hr flight)in a couple ok weeks and I am scared!

    He seems quite nice, other than he keeps asking me about sexual things and as I said is quite graphic on the phone. From what I can tell he seems legit and if he’s flying up, surely he is quite serious? I emphasised that I would not be sleeping with ANYONE the first time and I am not the kind of girl to sleep around either. He tried to reassure me by saying there is a big difference between fantasy and reality. I get the feeling he loves being a daddy in a fantasy.

    Anyway, he’s going to get a hotel in town. He suggested meeting at the bar there for drinks, but I am worried it won’t be safe to meet at his hotel – am I being paranoid? What if he tries to force me to his room or has some dodgy drink spiking thing going on? OK these are unlikely but I am just trying to be careful. Then we’re going out for dinner and I am definitely going home afterwards!!

    I must sound so silly, but any advice or comments would be great..

  121. NYC SB says:

    TXSB – you have the concept right… most men on here expect a woman to jump in bed with them the same night. I cannot tell you how many pots have told me to bring an overnight bag with me just in case … this is before my first meet… at this point i say thanks but no thanks

  122. TXSugarBabe says:

    As for ensuring mutual benefit, well….men are intuitive creatures. They can tell right away if a woman is attracted to them – it’s an animal instinct – both people feel it. And it’s obvious that two people who are attracted to one another are eventually going to wind up in bed together.

    So what’s the big rush, guys?;) Let things take their natural course…

  123. TXSugarBabe says:

    Just as in traditional dating, it is customary for the guy to present the lady with a gift somewhere around the 2nd or 3rd date….flowers, chocolates, perfume, a card/book, something not too extravagant but also a sign that he’s really into her.

    Why should SD dating be any different, really? Only difference is the level of disposable income the man can justify spending on gifting her – and what he thinks will impress her as to his sincerity and interest level.

    The allowance is merely a way the man shows his appreciation for a lady and that he wants to ensure she remains interested in spending her free time with him (as opposed to spending it with others who don’t have any problem providing her a comfortable allowance)…

    But if you start talking about money in exchange for any kind of sexual favors, you’re getting into messy legal ground there….um, unless you’re in Las Vegas.


  124. TXSugarBabe says:

    wow, thanks for quoting me in this post, Stephan! What an honor!

  125. NYC SB says:

    Nitemare – no allowance sd? how would that work?

  126. vixen says:

    Stephan-ok got it open now

    NYC-Thanks for the tip girl

  127. NitemareSD says:

    stephan Says:
    July 31st, 2009 at 10:42 am
    Do you think that money should never be actually talked about between SD’s and SB’s?
    I think it would be very rare around here to find that, and very difficult to accomplish in practice no matter what.

    However, I do know one for which money isn’t discussed.

    Nevertheless, I did announce last night my new conversion to a no-allowance-SD policy. Well, its more a guideline I suppose.

  128. NYC SB says:

    Vixen – right click on the link rather than just click then select save as and voila it opens :)

  129. stephan says:

    Vixen: hmm that shouldn’t be – just a sec, i’ll help u via email :)

  130. stephan says:

    Angela: thank you! Long time no blog indeed! glad to see you back – suga fam. is always here for ya!

  131. vixen says:

    Stephan- when i try opening the book all i get is a blank new window?

  132. NYC SB says:

    perfect – will have something for you by next week 😀

  133. stephan says:

    all: you’ve got mail :)

  134. Icarus says:

    Someone said Twitter?

  135. christina*355905* says:

    Dude, I’m so trying not to treat this thing like Facebook or twitter! haha!! Stop posting already! (me)

  136. Angela300373 says:

    Long time no blog everyone~! Hope all is well…I think I found a Daddy! Not from any site but it just HAPPENED! He loves shopping!
    I will write a review Stephan! I read the whole book within a few hours of receiving it!

  137. Happy Lurker says:

    Money should never actually be talked about ?
    Huuuu ????
    In all the postings on this blog, it really is in the centre of attention.
    It is the reason for an SB to be on SA persuing an SD.
    It is the complaints of the SBs, how much and when and cash and …….
    For a very long time now an other approach has been missing, the observations of TX are a refreshing element. Yes, love is what makes the arrangement beautiful. If this is lacking between two people it is a failure.
    TX thanks for putting the record straight.

  138. ChrystalCLEVELAND says:

    I sent you stephan an email :)

  139. Nico~346434~ says:

    As to the question….I prefer to get the ‘formalities’ out of the way and, as uncomfortable and awkward as it may be, I prefer to get it addressed relatively early on. Chemistry is known the minute you meet somebody so, why not determine your level of compatibility on all other levels before moving forward.

  140. massachusettsgent says:


    how about that free copy of the pdf you offer.

    thanks in advance.

    my email address is with stephan as well

  141. aj says:

    Hi all! Absolutely money should be discussed. But that is not to say that it is what the relationship is based off of. IMO anyhow, often times SD has the means at the point he is in his life to help out SB, and in addition to that there is often a strong bond/friendship/relationship that develops. Obviously sex is a part of that often times. To share something or offer a glimpse into ones financial life (if that is what it comes down to when “discussing” money…) is ultra personal IMO and something I would never share with someone I did not trust. If a man wants an escort, he can easily get one (or a woman for that matter). But I have found many of the men on this sight want much more than that and have much more to offer than just money.

  142. NYC SB says:

    Stephan you have mail!

  143. stephan says:

    Nitemare: It’s not available on Kindle yet, but the PDF version is now available here on the sugar daddy book website.

  144. NitemareSD says:

    Well the damn book isn’t available on Kindle is it? How is anyone supposed to read it then?

    Anyone paying alimony knows no sex for cash has its place in the legal system as well.

  145. stephan says:

    NYCSB: if you review it and I can post it on the blog so the sugar family can see what you think, I’ll give you a free PDF copy :)

    anyone else is interested? if so email me at stephan at seekingarrangement dot com.

    Sugarmony bloggers: your books have been sent! 😀

  146. NYC SB says:

    I am tempted to review this book… then maybe I will make my potential SDs read in before we have a meeting :)

  147. stephan says:

    NYC SB: agreed! The book is a great tutorial for SD’s and SB’s, check out the new book website! http://www.SeekingArrangementBook.com

    i’ve found many great sugar tutors right here on the blog as i’m sure many of us have. i love all the different views shared.

  148. NYC SB says:

    I think there should be a tutorial for SDs and SBs alike as to what this site is about. In addition, in the area where the SD and SB disclose their desired allowance there should be an option to select whether you would be open to an arrangement where the support comes in form of gifts or cash…

    Remeber sex for cash is illegal however compainionship for cash is quite legal 😀

  149. NitemareSD says:

    Feelings? What are you talking about, feelings! Have you people gone nuts? Surely this can’t be any more than the SD handing over money and the SB giving sex! What has happend to you Tru-SBs out there? Goodness, surely a Tru-SD doesn’t have feelings?

    Too many escorts mistakenly think they are SBs, and that honestly troubles me, except for those occassions when an escort would fill the bill just fine.

  150. Jennifer says:

    I agree. otherwise, it becomes a game and you are both fooling yourselves! Obviously if she is seeking a SD, there is to be some form of gift/s as reciprocity for her company and time. Most SD’s are older men and if that is so, then the Sugar Baby is giving you herself (bodily) and her time, which for a woman is a fleeting thing.

    In today health crisis (where kissing can transmit Herpes, hepatis, etc., etc.,), I would not want to be with a ‘pro’ if I was a man. The same a SB does not want to be with a man who is indiscreet!
    I’d prefer a discriminating woman and if I have the means…then share a bit. After all…none of us can take anything with us!

  151. Honeypot says:

    I believe the SD should bring up the money or arrangement in the beginning to avoid the weirdness get all the important stuff out the way so you can enjoy your time with the Sb

  152. bob says:

    should it never be talked about? no. should it be the key issue in an arrangement? no.