9 years ago
Arrangement Beginning, Middle, and End

9 years ago
Arrangement Beginning, Middle, and End

Arrangement Full Circle

Arrangements will always have a beginning, middle, and end. Many here have said that they prefer to discuss the entire duration of their arrangement with a potential sugar before it begins.

It is common for the terms of an arrangement to change over time. For instance, one sugar baby says that her monthly allowance usually starts at around 15K, but then declines by about 2K every month…

SeekingArrangement: Are you currently in an arrangement?

Miami Sugar Baby: Yes, I’ve been with my current SD for over a year. We met on the site and he’s bought me credit cards, which I’ve used to pay bills, buy clothes, and pretty much take care of all my living expenses. My allowance started out at around 15K, then it went to 10K, now it’s about 7K a month from this particular sugar daddy.

“I think that it is important to discuss the beginning, middle and end expectations. Contract for a set time-frame; 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, extensions with added perks. An arrangement pre-nup?”OCSugarBaby

Yet some sugars choose not to discuss the time-span of their arrangements. In Sugar Daddy Endings‘, some commented that discussing the end of an arrangement before it began would drain the spontaneity and fun from the relationship. Others believe things should just be left to chemistry; when it comes time to part ways, you’ll just ‘know’.

Do you think it’s a good idea to discuss the duration of your arrangement with a potential sugar? If so, how and when would you approach the topic?

Do your expectations from a sugar change over time? Will you want more, less, or different kinds of benefits as the relationship progresses?

Have you been with a sugar who’s expectations fell out of sync with yours? Care to share?

Topic Suggestion by OCSugarBaby

Leave a Reply

311 Responses to “Arrangement Beginning, Middle, and End”

  1. Zandeh says:

    its important to know what you’re doing before you start

  2. LANDON says:

    yeah i avoid checks people will try it and try to pull the wool over your eyes as well.. I always avoid people that talk excessively just go on an on. So I already know where thats going to lead to..

  3. hello Landon! haven had a check presented to me as of yey I kinda funny about Checks in genral un less they come from my Uncle sam! lol

  4. LANDON says:

    Oh yeah never ever ask for a check. I learned my lesson.

  5. LANDON says:

    I just want to say I love all the comments on here it is so true. I am male I was an escort for about 3 years I see that men do men the same way women are done. When the arrangement are off they usually disappear or maybe they want some new candy. The difference with escorting is you should always let the client know what you will expect or he or she will try to get something for nothing or play the old bait and switch routine…

  6. Marcy says:

    OMG> Sweetnpetite.

    Did you mean to put $100 – $150 each time? Or $1,000 – $1,500???

    Because $100 – $150 is ridiculous! Unless it’s more of a companionship thing, and you’re just providing him with a dinner date.

    I think he is trying to lowball you.

  7. acir says:

    hi.. i just signed up here.. can anyone give advice how to deal with SDs??? what are the questions have to be brought up? where am i going to start. is this some kind of play thing relationship?

  8. sweetnpetite says:

    Hey sugars out there.I need help i am working with one sd and he travels alot so he wants to do the allowance weekly or evertime we meet.
    He is offering 100.00-150.00 every time we meet,
    What is a fair come back to him or is that reasonable?I am new at all this.HELP.

    • Rick says:

      If you can get the equivalent of your rent each month, plus a little something left over, you’re doing well. People who suggest $1000-$1500, are living in a very rarefied atmosphere. That’s $50K-75K a year, and there are very few SDs who can afford that.

    • Anonymous says:

      I do not consider 150 a fair amount.

  9. johngage says:

    I would like to ask some advice from the various SD/SB’s here. Initially when the arrangement started, I and my SB used to stay in communication wiv each other on a fairly regular basis (Facebook, phone calls, e-mails, text messages…etc) but now its become a case that I always have to be the one that initiates contact, and weeks and sometimes months pass before we see each other. She’s also become quite distant. Before, when we met she used to let me know when she arrived back home safe (we live in different countries) and would say thank you. This time when she left, she did not contact me at all, not even to say thank you for her presents (Christian Louboutin shoes, IPhone, Rolex watch…etc). My question is, Was this just plain rude, or am I being too needy? Should I just call it off? Just would like to know other people’s experiences as this is my first arrangement. Thank you in advance.

    • OCSugarbaby says:

      johngage: No need to call it off. I think she already has. I know you may have feelings for her and enjoy her company but she is not really showing respect for you. Many, many, many other’s will. You deserve total respect. I would cut ties and not respond to her for a while to see if she realizes just how great she had it. I am sure she will contact you when you stop doing the pursuing. Call it a female instinct.

    • Rick says:

      Move on. Find someone who appreciates how well you treat them.

  10. GLPlayground says:

    @Gigi – I would still ask what was the initial talk between you and him? I think it’s always best to talk about it upfront before meeting up. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

  11. Affluentamber says:

    Alright Ladies, I’ll keep this concise…..
    A) Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. If you’re not honest and upfront from the start you’re wasting not only your potential SD’s time but also your own- only leading to frustration.
    B) If a SD is serious about meeting and taking the arrangement to the next level he should be willing to travel to you…. If he offers up the excuse of being too busy (or perhaps he’s married), then he should be willing to arrange your travel and a little extra for the time and effort you’ve exerted, upfront.

    But perhaps that’s just me- I’m more interested in the quality NOT quantity.
    Alright, that’s all for now
    All my best

  12. I changed my profile any input from you guys especially my pictures (phone camera)

  13. lisa says:

    It could be months……. My box has been empty forever :)

  14. how long before any sd responses

  15. Gigi says:


    I’m new here as well. I am planning on meeting my SD next week and had no idea how to move forward. I really learned a lot from reading these entries and have formed a few questions of my own for him.

    Of course chemistry is a must! I just wasn’t sure how to mention money. He hasn’t brought it up yet and neither have I, but I feel it’s something that needs to be shared on our meeting. He lives a few hours away from me and wants me to drive there (to him) for our introduction. Is this reasonable?


  16. SaccharineCoatedCeasarSaladSD says:

    Have you considered saying ‘Im not to sure, but I want to continue seeing you. Perhaps we can figure it out together?’

  17. Abby says:

    Hello Everyone,

    I am new to this site. I just started into the sugardaddy and sugarbaby thing. I am alittle nervous but excited. I met a sugardaddy who seem like a wonderful gentlemen. He really wants to get to know me . He also would like to know what I want from himand what i expect from him. Im not to sure. How do ask him what I expect and or how much of an allowance should i ask for.?

  18. I am still amazed at the inteligence I have found here WOW what a combination beauty and smarts tough competetion lol but I hope to be sb potential and no hurt feelings from any advisors or mentors I put my profile number I will be changing everything I just wonder about my pics now?

  19. i was told go to your profile then replace your number with theirs and i appreciate pos and neg feedback im changing my profile (not taking docs advice instead listnening her I am concerned of my photos and seeking a mentor lol

  20. simple_emmy says:

    Hi everyone,
    im new to this blog, ive been a member of SA for quite a while but since i joined in i never had a chance to meet or get a prospective SD, i dont know the problem, is it an issue for SD’s if your from somewhere else? but your willing to relocate or to meet that person, how will i know if an SD is truely interested in me? I am losing hope and I just want to meet someone real coz most of the men are just playing around. I wanted to start meeting new people and hope that i might meet someone i can connect with. help me please

  21. Sheree says:

    sorry real gem i tried to have a look at your profile but being a sb myself apparently i cant view your profile from links.
    I would of been honest sorry.

  22. I will be updating changing my profile any advice on my pics please Am I SB quality?

  23. hoping waiting for wisdom and sugars opinions?

  24. is my a computer a mess or does noone care to advice me lol

  25. hi its me again i was asking advice on profile etc369682 i am going to be modifying and wish someone would be honest and tell me and i cute enough to be a sb still lol my pics were takin quickly on camera phone and since i will be updating profile thought id beg the truth I have seen so many beautiful women here and I have always thought I was a doll lol my hometown college town is easy for dates and sbm but i am tired of supporting men so i got advice from my doctor whos my friend he felt i should come here he recommended this site (he obviously thinks I am a cutie-“hes very taken 6 kids”) but he cares for me so upon his advice I jumped a profile on and after advice and reading from you guys THANK YOU SO MUCH OC AND NY AND NC all your advice is well taken but will people please be honest am i past the sb prime lol I am not the model I see so many BOY OH BOY THEIR ARE SOME GORGEOUS WOMEN HERE!!! I never felt competion before but man am I out of my league (noone will hurt my feelings i assure you) just want the truth

  26. no advice for me I humbly seek any advice thank you369682profile number

  27. Sheree says:

    Hi i am genuinly new to all this type of thing…i have had a fair few men email me saying hello and starting chats assuming to be my sd.
    I have explained to them all that i am new and asked what they are looking for.
    They have mostly all come back with basic responses of wanting pretty much a girlfriend.
    Can someone please tell me what type of first meetings are acceptable or noted as GOOD as i want to be able to determine which is a good date or a cheap date in the sd and sb world.
    Do i have any expectations before a first date during or after?
    if someone could please tell me their experiences that would be very very helpful.
    X S

    • Rick says:

      Usually the first meeting is to determine if there is any chemistry, usually dinner, drinks or lunch. And no allowance is provided for that. If there is a connection, then if initial meeting is used to negotiate the terms of the arrangment.

  28. se_vnt3 says:

    I want different kinds of benefits as the relationship progresses.

  29. I am a real sweetie ready to live and I read all the welcomes and friendlies and only a few have even spoke to me lurker I asked your opinion of profile I am genuinely seeking a network of friends and goal orientated people I just had a bad spell but I am still here happy and ready to have fun AM I NOT PRETTY YOUNG ENOUGH Pleasse be honest I can take it

  30. 369682profile numer seeking advice on photos (camera phone) and info my doc helped me and advised this to be a great place for me (he thinks im special”blushing”) he is married happily lol but thinks I am a real rare gem gal ( He calls me that because I collect the rarest of rare gemstones (I got the love from grandma Ruby-she left me her collection and I have beyond thousands of gemstones(anybody seeking something rare let me know also seeking any mentor maybe or new friend nyc you are sweet and oc thank you for the compliment I am browsing around trying to learn what does the x and check marks in mail mean and why do noone rely if only to say nno thanks? I cant tell if they have been read or not?

  31. i can not find blogs i left? i was talking now i only see my blogs?

  32. OCSugarbaby says:

    Welcome to the Blog Valgal! Join the fun and keep posting. 😉 ~OC

  33. valgal says:

    Hi all!

    I’m new to SA and the blog but I have been reading the comments and one thing stands out above all else is the intelligence of the commenters! I’m excited to begin participating in this community!

    Anyway – I’m new, I’m here and I’m looking forward to e-getting to know you all.


  34. Jessi says:

    :) Welcome fellow newbie SBs! :)

    Laura- I’m sorry you had to go through that. I had no idea sd’s could be so obnoxious and toxic! It sounds like he was trying to undermine your confidence because he felt unworthy of you. Silly man.

    Thanks for sharing that story. I have a better perspective on how this can go now. I don’t mind longer posts, what you wrote is important for all- especially new SBs figuring it out.

    Classy- Great question. I was wondering the same thing about receiving money. Thanks for posting it.

    OC- Love the “Sugar Quotes of the Day”…:)

    Happy Lurker- Love the symphonic metaphor.

  35. RedMaru says:

    Welcome Classy!
    I second what OCSugarbaby said in regards to your question

  36. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi sunshine,
    Lovely name by the way, I have been thinking about what you said in the matter of teachers etc.
    To be honest we are all functioning as teachers on this blog. offering others the wisdom of Sugar Land.
    I myself am much into music.
    Imagine an orchestra as the Sugar World and we are all sitting there on the podium. The audience has turned out in large numbers to hear us and look at us (Ady and so on).
    Some people are excellent in being the first violinist and having the limelight shine on them.
    Others are content to be in the back and play that deep bass.
    It all adds to that wonderful harmony in sugar land.
    A bass player can also be a very a warm SD in fact and a mentor.
    Perhaps so much more than the first violinist, by nature an egotist.
    He will be much more demanding and laying the law on you.
    Not to speak of the conductor who has millions of women at his feet.
    So where will you be seated in five years time in this Sugar orchestra ?
    I myself am that guy you will see up front once every two years in the Concerto de Aranjuez. There is not much demand for it.
    Still it keeps me happy.

  37. OCSugarbaby says:

    Classy: If you are nervous about giving up too much information… It may be too soon. Setting up banking info for an allowance is usually not stressful. Once you meet and feel that there is chemistry to proceed with an arrangement one option is to have it sent directly to your bank account. You can always set up a separate Sugar account for this. You can then give him the bank name, routing number and account number. Paypal also works, but has its limits. If you read the previous blogs we talk about some ways this can work. However if you are reluctant to give him that information, you need to build some further trust then proceed. Give it some thought. If he is moving too fast just let him know where your comfort level is and a true SD will put your comfort first. True SD’s are never in a hurry!

  38. Classy_Sassy says:

    Thanks for the warm welcome OC! Since I’m new…I was wondering if you gals would help answer my quick question. How do/should I receive monetary payment…is it safe to give them your full name & bank info, or should you ask for a check/cashiers check? I’m just really nervous about giving up too much information.

  39. NYC SB says:

    LOL OC that is too funny!!!!

  40. OCSugarBaby says:

    Here is another Sugar Quote of the day…

    “When sugar burns…throw out the POT”… ~OC

    Hiya sunshine (NYC SB)

  41. NYC SB says:

    Good Morning OC!

  42. NYC SB says:

    Sugar quote of the day: IF something is worth trying once it is worth trying 10 more times.

    Sugar dating is a learning process… you meet people and you learn from your experience and then you meet more people until you find that perfect SD that has all that you need and in return you can offer him all that he needs!

  43. OCSugarbaby says:

    Good Morning NYC SB! You are right about the financial part. It can be tricky not to at least talk about it briefly in an email some time after you set up a meeting/dinner but not too early in the emailing stage. That would be tacky. The SD should take the lead, but that does not always happen.

  44. NYC SB says:

    Classy – If you have no expectations you will get taken advantage of! I speak in terms of allowance. Chemistry is everything and once you find that with someone you want to make sure that he will in fact facilitate your financial life. If you dont voice your opinion about it he can just go along for the ride (no pun intended) and not take care of your needs. There are many scam artists on this site (both SDs and SBs) so always take care of your #1 (that would be yourself)!

  45. OCSugarbaby says:

    Welcome to the Blog SpicySTL and Classy!

    Spicy: It sounds like you have your head together. That is a good thing, it can be a bumpy ride.

    Classy: Everyone needs to find his or her own grove when it comes to Sugar dating. With the influx of new SB’s joining SA, the SD’s seem to be overwhelmed with emails (so they say). I know that my email in box has tripled. It is quality over quantity! Get your feet wet and send out a few emails. Keep them thoughtful and personal to each SD. However, do not get disappointed when you do not hear back. It takes time. Have fun and read some of the old blogs to gain a better understanding of some of our experiences. It will at least be good for a few laughs! ~OC

  46. Classy_Sassy says:

    Hello all, so I am new to the site & can’t wait to see what happens! I was wondering if I should be emailing potential SD’s, or should I wait for an interested SD to email me? Maybe a little off both??

    p.s. I think that the best way to start anything is with no expectations…with no expectations there are no limits :)

  47. spicySTL says:

    I had my first meeting with a potential SD over the weekend and needless to say we did not discuss monetary issues. Why? Mainly because I knew it would have been a major mood killer and i really wanted to know what this guy was about.

    You don’t need to bring up $$ on the first meeting to know if a guy is full of it. After him guzzling down 3 glasses of scotch i was able to find out that although he is a prominent surgeon, he’s also a cheap bastard who will pay for dinners and that’s pretty much it.

    No women wants to be with a man that she has to ask for money….at least not me. I’m a southern girl and i was raised that if a man wants to do something for you he will…..chemistry is everything.

    Please understand, there are ways that a woman can hint at things but I don’t think she should come right out and say, ” So I was thinking of about 7k as my allowance!” I don’t know a man alove who wouldn’t call it a night after that.

    Have realistic expectations, be honest and upfront and if he isn’t the SD that he claims to be……leave right where you found him.

  48. SF SD says:

    Rosie, you might take a look at D-Dubs “resume” discussion in the next blog for starters. There’s lots of discussion about first meetings in previous blogs as well.

  49. Rosie says:

    for a beginner, i think it is a good idea to wright out a game plan for your first SD/SM date. Possabley make mental notes and talk about Arr. Theroughley without beating a dead horse. sooo anyone have any tips?

  50. OCSugarbaby says:

    Hi Ginaz and NYC SB!!!
    Married vs Single, local or long distance, kids or no kids, college student or career… The list is long of pro’s and con’s. Nevertheless, one person’s pro may be another person’s con. Each SB or SD has his or her own set. That is what makes this experience so unique!
    That is also why it is important to have an idea in your head of what you personally feel works for your lifestyle. Also equally important, is to keep an open mind. I never thought long distance would be on my short list. If I narrow my scope to only SD’s in SoCal, it would hinder my experience. LOL So, maybe I will open up my short list to all of California!
    (Just kidding, I have no idea where I will find someone with the right personality and chemistry. Until then the distance factor is not something I will limit).
    Trust me we all have an image in our heads of what we like in the normal dating realm. Keep an open mind and you may find a flower among the thorns. 😉 ~OC

  51. Sunshine says:

    I’m ‘worried’ about the backbone thing. Because yes, you have money, you can buy, rent or have gold diggers who search you out.

    I consider and know myself to be an asset, and my purpose was/is to be around more people (to date/befriend) with common interests, pursuits, goals, etc. Not the I don’t mind or aim to be at the ‘bottom of the totum pole or in the middle is good’….. I actually had I guy tell me that, not an SD (haven’t spoken to any), but it made me think, ok, men and women with no sense of goals and pursuit aren’t a compliment to my life and my goals. It’s too much they don’t understand.

    Not to say being a teacher is bad, which he was, but I’m the person who thinks, why not, the principal or become a professor, or own your own school, or implement a school-wide program. We all have our roles in life, we all need each other to make our society and world work, but, wanting to be a teacher or whatever it is for the rest of your life, without anything else or change or variations is BORING to me. IMHO (maybe I’m crazy, but, hey, It’s how I feel)

    And yes, exotic, I have that look. But depending on who’s looking, exotic may not be what they want. We all, like and are attracted to what we like. :)

    LOL @ saying your going to throw up and that’s what made the SD crack a smile….. 10lbs off is not okay, but the woman who purges afterward, RIGHT ON, ugh…… ^5 or certified bs… funny

  52. ginaZ says:

    NYCSB..sounds like this pot SD, while there is attraction, fun and the like, may not be enough. Shopping (while nice) won’t help propel you forward. Hopefully he will come around and if not, the pot today may be the one!

    Before I give my profile an overhaul I contacted a handful of pot and may give it another pass. this time I decided to meet only single/seperated/divorced SD’s. The pool get’s smaller I know, but it may be easier for me to have an arrangement with someone unencumbered. Plus the karma thing, as I hope to one day marry I’d like to not be on the receiving end of my husbands infidelity.

    Stephen, curious to have a topic about this. married sugar daddies. proportionally how much more are there married SD’s versus single. what are some of the benefits of one or the other…

  53. NYC SB says:

    Ginaz – we have spoken about an arrangement and it became very clear that while he has $$$ he is very uncomfortable with financial assistance but is willing to provide for shopping (shoes) and travel and activities. While this is great I need to sit back and think about whether this is what i need in my life. I have a more traditional bf (the Harvard MD) who already does this for me… What I really need is finances so I can get ahead… I have many goals and they will not be achieved with new shoes or clothes… I have relayed this to him and he is pondering… Thus date 3… which im positive will be such great time (as always)… decisions decisions decisions

    Unrelated note… meeting a pot today… keep your fingers crossed sugar family!

  54. ginaZ says:

    Lisa have you found a sugar daddy, how has your search gone?

  55. ginaZ says:

    The sugar family as it is now welcomes the new into the fray with open arms. I think the blog is warm, I know I for one feel safer when it’s less caustic and more supportive. The new folks bring a surge of energy, and always the constancy of regulars, like OC SB are those familiar voices that give the blog a certain balance.

    So a shout out to OCSB:)

    NYCSB your yummy pot SD, I can see where you would be a bit perplexed, as he’s married, but it feels like a girlfriend experience without the possibility of it ever happening. Has this pot talked about the arrangment aspects? Something must be going right though as it it will be your third date.

    Regarding dating outside your race, i know for me I’m very open. I’m white with a meditteranean blend, and as I’ve dated all nationalities and races in my regular life, i want to be open in this context as well. Think of sugar dating as a way to explore diffrent ages, backgrounds, class differences.

  56. Gemini29 says:

    OC- Eh, I’m not super impressed by people who certify themselves here…its just proves they have money, not that they are generous with it. It could even be a bit of an ego boost to them, sort of like being members of an elite club. Also it basically ensures that women will flock to you first. Must be hard on the inbox though, lol.

    But I digress. I just don’t agree with rewarding bad behavior, like letting discourteous behavior slide just because someone has money. More power to Stina for valuing herself and how she should be treated more than a guy’s yearly paycheck and what he can theoretically “do” for her. But I think we all agree on that. :)

    I’ve got to say that the women (and guys!) on this blog all seem so smart and got-it-together, its refreshing to see that most SBs have a LOT of self-respect and the backbone to stand up for themselves. Its so nice this venue is here for us to share our disappointments, successes, and questions, but most of all the support for each other. :)

  57. OCSugarbaby says:

    Awwwh Vixen you are so sweet! Thank you. XXOO

  58. Vixen says:

    Hello sugar fam.

    Lisa- I know how you feel. I definitely miss the old but its great to see the newbies. To be honest even though the oldies were very welcoming, something about the group still seemed very exclusive. OCsugarbaby has certainly made the blog more warm and inviting than ever before. Lisa if you’re truly interested in a reunion i’m sure we could email the old peeps.

    OC-its always nice to see u on here

  59. OCSugarbaby says:

    Gemini: Maybe we should go easy on the guy. Many SD’s are genuine. I think that proving the considerate part is wanted by both parties. I give credit to any SD that certifies themselves with SA. Yes it is proof of worth, however that is all. But… they are putting out there that they have the $$$.
    But as we all know, it takes more than $ugar to make an arrangement work. Much more!

  60. Gemini29 says:

    Stina – Awesome, you go girl! Just because he has a lot of money doesn’t mean he should be able to get away with treating women like crap. That has never flown in my book. Manners before money.

    There should be a level above Certified. It should be more than just proving they have wealth….. like proving they are actually generous and considerate. Oooh a Generous level!

  61. Laura says:

    He kept saying he was certified haha..I called him Mr. Certified bull**ter
    Stina, you rock. :-)

  62. Stina says:

    Yes! It’s important to me. I’m not even thinking, much less long or hard about spending time with him. He had his time and he missed it. As far as I’m concerned, if he wants to try to make me like him I’m sure he knows what that may entail. I’m not even worried about it. He kept saying he was certified haha..I called him Mr. Certified bull**ter

  63. OCSugarbaby says:

    Stina: Sounds like he may be confused. Think long and hard about continuing. Do you want to spend time with someone who is considerate and communicates? Are those things important to you?

  64. Stina 360382 says:

    Lol, funny enough, he IMs me today. Calls me meanie! Haha! I said I’m not mean, I’m a very nice person and he hurt my feeling cause I felt like he blew me off. How are you going to make plans with someone then don’t follow through and when that person says look you are wasting my time..then say that if I was pressed for time we could meet the next day or the next?? I’m not cool with that.. He says that he’s going to continue to pursue me! LOL! I said it’s a free country….he says he’s gonna make me like him. Whatever…is this a game?? I’m confused.

  65. OCSugarbaby says:

    Bitter party of one! I think that the postings are interesting and the new and old posters are fun, insightful, and add dimension to the topic. :)
    I still think of myself as a newbie! I came on in December. It was a warm and welcoming place. It still is! As long as I post, I will continue to welcome the new and old posters. I have some great contacts from when I started to blog and love to add to them with the new sugars that arrive daily. You can never have enough friends that understand what you are going thru. Diversity Rules! Nothing wrong with being new, we were all there at one time.

  66. Laura says:

    And Stina, your story is similar to one of my own. (Maybe it’s the same guy. :-) ) Don’t worry – keep looking and you’ll find someone.

  67. Laura says:

    Jessi, I’m white and a size 4. One of the pot SDs I met with had asked me for my ‘stats’ in an email and then we met. We went to a fancy restaurant, sat down, and he said, kind of snarky / smiling, You’re not 110 pounds. I was like, What?!? He tells me, You said you were 110. But you’re 120.

    I am 110. And funnily enough, I was weighed earlier that day when I had my yearly obgyn exam.

    When the waiter came to take my order, I wasn’t even hungry but I ordered the most expensive dinner on the menu. And I don’t drink wine, but I ordered a glass of the most expensive wine. And I ordered dessert later. I stuffed myself sick.

    I was the soul of politeness throughout dinner. The check came and he paid. We got up to leave and I said, Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom and throw up.

    This guy was 250 pounds, minimum, and barely taller than me (I’m 5’4), and he was criticizing my weight?

    After I made my bathroom comment, he laughed and told me that I was cute and not to take it so personally. He said I needed a thick skin if I wanted to be a SB.

    Needless to say, that was the last time I saw him. So us 0-6 white girls don’t have the greatest time of it either. A lot of the guys I interviewed were super-picky and obnoxious. And they were definitely not prizes themselves. SDs are willing to spend money for companionship – why? For some guys, it may be because they are busy and want a no hassle relationship and they use money to facilitate that, but for other guys, the money is used to balance out their flaws.

    That’s true of non-SB/SD relationships, too. I’m sure we all know couples that stay together because of money and status instead of love.

    I’m always typing long posts. Sorry. :-) I just wanted to cheer you up. Some guys are creeps. And cheap. I had to weed through 14 to find one decent guy, and now he’s starting to flake out.

    And Lisa, it’s not the fault of us newbies that the ‘fun’ posters have disappeared. Anyone is welcome to post, right? And I think the people posting now are very nice and funny.

    Hope everyone has a sugary sweet evening.

  68. Stina 360382 says:

    I’m mixed too and I don’t have a problem….I mean I’m sure there are white guys out there that wouldn’t want to date me but I don’t care about them lol…to each his own yanno? Don’t feel bad about yourself…there takes all kinds. I know of 50 year olds that are sb’s so I don’t think there is a set guide line as to how you are suppose to look. There are guys out there that think you should look a certain way but like I said-there are guys that will take you as you are…
    This is my perspective..I don’t know if I’m right or wrong but if you think of it this way then then you wouldn’t feel so bad. =)

  69. Jessi says:

    Hey Guys,

    I was wondering about the interracial thing because I have a difficult time getting together w/white men. They tell met they’re looking for white SBs, size 0-6, model types. I was curious as to how others were doing w/that.

    I’m mixed, have an exotic look, which I thought would be an asset, but it seems to be an issue for the men I speak to.

    And, I wear a 12 because a of a knee injury. I’m usually a muscular 8, which I miss badly. (Can’t wait to start school and take dance class again. My knee will be better then.) 😉

    Anyway, I figure ethnic men would be appreciative of my bodacious curves, but no sugar so far. Before writing the blog, I was starting to feel like I wasn’t pretty enough to be a Sugar Baby. Don’t like that feeling at all! :(

    So, gotta get ready for a first date w/a pot sd. Wish me success! :)

  70. DesertBunny says:

    Sorry that you feel that way, Lisa. I have a feeling that if you continue to post… your other favorites will too :)

    Besides, isn’t there always room for more sugar fam?

  71. Stina says:

    I don’t know the stats but I have been approached by a lot of guys out of my race. I don’t even see race….No one of my own race has even contacted….not even anyone close to my race.

  72. lisa says:

    Alot of the fun people that made the blog from it’s early days have disappeared, the blog has become so on topic that it’s kind of boring , no warmth no more. The people I look forward to reading the posts of are no longer here, it’s more like a revolving door anymore.

  73. Sunshine says:

    I would like to know the stats on interraccial SD/SB relationships.

    I’ve contacte a couple of men outside of ‘race’, so we’ll see how that goes. I definitely know men of different cultures and ethnicities are attracted to me, but forming a ‘relationship’, I don’t know we’ll see.

    I’ve contacted men of the same ethnicity and have yet to have a response (I am a newbie and am sure they are busy working and busy with life)…. But I wonder, and am sure that those men, have ventured out to other ethnicities. I don’t think men are ever exclusive to their race. As, I too, like what I like, and in differences, there are some features or characteristics that are a must, otherwise the attraction wouldn’t be there. Thus, a personal deal breaker.

    I’m excited about all this….. Don’t drewl on sugar, I might melt :) LMAO!

  74. Stina says:

    Banished?? What do you mean?? kicked off? I see a lot of the same people on previous posts….I’m confused…don’t leave me….

  75. lisa says:

    Stina there are plenty of quality people on here, you just gotta put on your rubber gloves and dig through the **** to find them.

    That’s my contribution for today, I don’t enjoy the blog anymore as many of the family has been banished. :( Life is going very well for me though :)

  76. Stina says:

    Hi everyone…

    Well, Mr. Certified didn’t follow through. I text him early in the day to confirm and I got no answer back. So later on about two hours before our set time to meet; I was like look…if you aren’t going to be able to make it you need to tell me either way, I’m sure you time is precious and so is mine. Anyways, long story short he tells me he is still in Vegas. I told him that he had all day to tell me he wouldn’t be able to make it and that I didn’t appreciate being blown off. He said that I was too up tight for him and I was over reacting lol! I’m this close to giving it up…is there anyone out there that isn’t full of crap??

    I’m starting to feel like I’m not worth it or something…

  77. OCSugarbaby says:

    Laura: I hate to say this but NYC SB is right, not a good sign. You are right to keep the conversation diverted for now. Your SD should be making you feel good about yourself. Remember you make your own choice of who you want to spend your time with. His comments have nothing to do with YOU! But, you seem like a girl with your head on straight. You already know that! 😉

  78. NYC SB says:

    Laura – your SD is trying to make u feel jealous… i cant believe people still use those tactics …

  79. Laura says:

    Vixen and SugarDiplomat, thanks for your replies. It sounds as though you both have great relationships with your respective SD and SB. But what you guys do is definitely more like ‘dating’ than I want right now. And I was pretty clear about that from the beginning with my SD.

    Vixen, it sounds like your SD respected the boundaries and let you decide when to take things further (ie, bring him to your place). He’s a good guy.

    Things have just been strange over the last few weeks with my SD. I don’t get it. The other thing he’s started doing is talking about his ‘fantastic’ wife and ‘fantastic’ marriage. I’ve NEVER asked about his wife or marriage. Why would I? But he brings it up! And in random conversations. I don’t respond to the comments and try to change the subject. I feel like asking him, If she’s so fantastic and the marriage is so great, why are you out with me? Why have you been cheating on her for five years?

    It’s just weird. And things were going so well!

    And Jessi, I don’t know what city you’re in, but $150 doesn’t even rent a non-cockroach infested hotel room in my city. What a loser. One day I should type up a few of my stories from searching for the perfect SD. Cheapness was the the least of their problems! :-)

    (And I’m sure the SDs have plenty of SB horror stories so no offense meant.)

  80. Jessi says:

    NYC SB – I’ll watch out for that, thanks a million.

    Oh, Sugar Gods. Bring us what we seek…

  81. NYC SB says:

    Jessi – it is true… while some arrangements last a while others end fairly quickly… not quoting any statistics but in my experience average life span is 3 months. I think this is bc after this period one party or both start catching feelings and things get complicated…

  82. Jessi says:

    Gemini29- Thanks. I wish there was a “tony” near me! :))

    tony- Welcome, just got here myself. I’m glad you found someone. I hope it works out.

    I’d like to hear comments on what I call “non-traditional” (older, average-full body, perhaps ethnic) SBs. What are the statistics on inter racial arrangements? How do they compare to same ethnicity/race arrangements? Maybe we could have this as a blog topic? What say you Babies?

    Michael SD’s comment, “Often used to describe an ongoing relationship that may end suddenly at the whim of either party”. Wow, that really hit me. This is serious stuff isn’t it? As an SB, I really need know what I’m doing so that I’m not left in the cold…(But then that’s the case in any relationship. Still, it sure was a splash of cold H2O!)

    I’d better get someone to buy me that book! :)

  83. Michael SD says:

    Hi Sunshine,

    NSA = No Strings Attached

    Often used to describe an ongoing relationship that may end suddenly at the whim of either party, ie no responsibilities or obligations exist for the relationship to continue. In a sense it is total freedom which usually manages to scare the living daylights out of most people when they experience it.


  84. tony says:

    HI Tropical
    I had nearly given up my search,my budget all up is about 10k a month
    and still could not find the right Lady would send emails,no reply which I
    find strange as weeks later those same Ladies are still looking,my emails are polite and friendly,never mention sex ?.
    Then I found a profile of a Lady from Melbourne I liked,but only 24,still
    we emailed and texted for a few weeks,then met for a weekend away.
    This went great!,we have lots of plans for trips etc,although the distance
    is a little difficult we will have fun.We have texted each other most days
    since and will spend next weekend together.
    OC thankyou for your reply,always enjoy reading your post`s

  85. Sunshine says:

    Hello Sugas :)

    I’m new here.

    Can someone tell me what NSA means please?

    Thanks for the rundown Adr-SB, at least I know someone is on the same page as me :)

    And, from this forum, I think I have lucked up, and found a good group of Sugas (nice people, period.)


  86. Tropical SB says:

    Tony I am in Oz and well over 30. I find a SB/SD type arrangement a delightful departure from normal dating. Can enjoy each other without the pressure to develop into a serious live-in relationship or marriage. But it is hard to find an SD because I don’t live in Sydney or Melbourne. My last SD required his budget to also cover my travel/accom to visit him so I was left less ‘allowance’; cancelled arrangement after the first month. We had fun together and still chat occasionally and he has the same problem as you.

  87. OCSugarbaby says:

    Tony: Welcome to the Blog! We can be entertaining now can’t we?! There are a few of us that are over 30, single and only desire 1 SD relationship.
    The challenge is finding the right person who mixes well into your life. Keep posting, we love adding to our family! ~OC

  88. tony says:

    Hi Everyone this is my first time to blog,I have been a sd for about 2yrs
    but it is very hard in sydney to find the right lady,as I prefer someone
    over 30,and most are under 23 and only 20 or so anyway.
    I have never disscused how long would the arrangement be only
    the time we meet,allowance etc.This type of arrangement I think is more
    difficult than a normal relationship.I am single so meeting is never a
    problem and I only see 1 girl at a time,as it feels like cheating,but I
    understand she has her own life and may date or have other sd.
    Love reading all your blogs,I have learnt a lot from them.
    good luck to you all in your search !!

  89. Gemini29 says:


    Yuck. What a sugar dud he turned out to be.

    Hope you have more luck with the next one!

  90. Jesse I guess a “try out” isn’t so bad….lmao when I read that one.

    go for it, JUST KIDDING

    Have fun be safe!

  91. Jessi says:

    **SF SD – Thanks, I appreciate your comments. :)

    BTW, he emailed me this afternoon trying to “sell” me on the idea–as if it were a great offer (“this is what you’ll get if you decide to see me again…”)…I would say “ha, ha”, but it isn’t funny.

  92. SF SD says:

    > Jessi – “Is that a normal request?”

    It’s normal in the sense that there are guys here (and on all social web sites) who will try to get something for nothing, then attempt to persuade you that it’s *you* who do not understand the game. His offer was indeed an insult, and you are right to move on.

    I hope the next guy is a real sugar.

  93. Jessi says:


    I just got off the phone with that pot sd and can you believe he wanted to get together and “try it out” for $150.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NOT my ballpark figure! And I’m not feeling comfortable with that “try it out” stuff. Is that a normal request? I was shocked, disappointed, yuckified…:(

    ANYWAY, I guess that’s the end of it.

    I’m meeting someone else tonight for coffee and hopefully he will be a better candidate.

    **Sigh** I’m glad that’s over. What an insult! Whew!

  94. SugarDiplomat SD says:

    Laura, I can sort of see where your SD is coming from – especially after you also shared how he refers to what you’re doing as “dating.”

    This doesn’t apply to all, of course, but there is absolutely a group of SD’s who view their arrangements as a step up from GFE (the girlfriend experience), and even more so because it is long term. In my own case, I never seek to become part of my SB’s regular life but nevertheless my previous SB introduced me to several of her friends, once she was comfortable with our relationship.

    This has also happened with my current SB, and even more so. Within the first ten days of going out together I was already her date to a co-worker’s birthday party, and since then I have met some of her other close friends and even three of her relatives. She happens to be single so she tells her friends that I am her boyfriend even though I am 15 years her senior. In return I take her with me as “arm candy” to diplomatic functions (mostly receptions and cocktail parties) that I have to attend as part of my job, but I don’t introduce her as my girlfriend … merely as a friend.

    Then yesterday afternoon my current SB texts me to ask “so, what are we doing tonight?” even though we didn’t have plans and I honestly didn’t think we were going to see each other more this week (we had already gone out for two out of the previous four weeknights). But since I had a free schedule I answered: Close your eyes, envision your idea of a perfect date, and then tell me so I can make it happen.

    And here’s where the girl surprises me: Instead of just the two of us she suggested we should double-up with two other girls (a friend and a family member of hers), for a night of dinner following by drinks and dancing. So a few hours later I am out on the town with three girls, learning some new latin dance moves and having a blast till 4 a.m.

    Laura, perhaps your new SD is simply trying to establish another level of intimacy in order to bring a new dimension or more of the girlfriend experience into what you have. But you are not obligated to bring him home or have him meet friends. Instead, share a secret or do something fun and crazy together that you normally don’t do with others. That will make him feel special and you can still keep the rest of your life off bounds.

  95. Jessi says:


    Ady is ADORABLE!

  96. Jessi says:

    Thanks, Vixen.

    Signing off for today.

  97. Vixen says:

    NYC SB- Hmm i’m wondering if you and I are thinking about the same SD from DC. I went on a date with an SD about a year ago who was heavily into BDSM and contract signing. Maybe they all just run in some underworld circle with the nation’s capital being home base :)

    Laura- I am going to be a hypocrite. My SD does know where I live. Often we meet at my apartment and spend entire weekends together whether bowling, going to six flags..etc. Since he prefers me to cook for him it works out pretty well. He’s met my other SB friends and I’ve met and hung out with his SD friends and his private condo (wife doesn’t know about it) is always available to me. HOWEVER, in your case I highly recommend you do not allow your SD entry into your home. Your allowance is not worth the violation you will feel plus possible repercussions. What makes his request more absurd is how pushy he is being about it. I made the choice to invite my SD into my apartment after a period of time. He didn’t request it and was genuinely surprised when I offered. Introducing him to your friends is an absolute no-no unless they are fellow SBs themselves. Should your SD ask again, remind him what your expectations and desires are in your arrangement. Reiterate to him that this isn’t a matter of trust but of mutuality. Since you will never be introduced to his friends or into his home, it is only fair you treat him accordingly as well. Tit-for-tat.

    Jessi- I co-sign completely with NYC SB. If he continues to avoid the subject then it may be he’s not looking to offer up any sugar.

  98. Jessi says:

    I’m dying for a waffle sundae w/choc. ice cream and fresh strawberries!

  99. Laura says:

    RedMaru, Happy Lurker, NYC SB, thanks for your advice. My SD does actually refer to our arrangement as ‘dating’. I don’t do that, though. I also think it’s silly because he’s married and married people can’t ‘date’ other people. : )

    Happy Lurker, you are right about the home being the castle. I guess I could start picking out the hotels (he has asked me to pick places before but I let him do it). If I act enthusiastic about a certain hotel, maybe my feelings will be contagious. We live in a large city and there are many historic hotels and b&bs.

    RedMaru, I’m glad you understood my explanation. When he didn’t, I thought it was me. Honestly, after interviewing a dozen potential SDs, this guy was by far the best. If this doesn’t work out, I think I’ll give up.

  100. Jessi says:

    NYC SB- It’s cool. That’s exactly what I’m looking for: honest and to the point. I will follow your advice…

    It’s be nice if I could have something within 2 weeks (before school starts). :)

  101. NYC SB says:

    Jessi sorry if i came out blunt… i just dont want you being taken advantage of

  102. Jessi says:

    Hi NYC SB,

    Thanks for your input. That was the direction my instinct was telling me to go, so thanks for confirming! :)

  103. NYC SB says:


    it sounds like he is getting very attached to you… best is to try and keep non sugar lives separate otherwise you risk potentially falling for him. My frist sd was single and we met at his appartment but i never let him see my place. If he keeps on pushing on going to your place you can always tell a white lie and say you have a roommate


    Its a fine line with negotiating your first arrangement… you dont want to sound pushy but at the same time you dont want to enter anything without a clearly defined arrangement. when he asks you out again ask him if he has thought about pursuing an arrangement and his thoughts on it. if he brushes you off i think that he is not looking to support someone but just get a gf and take her out to dinner and things like that. if thats not what you want then move on.


    i hope you dont mind me being nosey but this guy wouldnt be from DC?

  104. Jessi says:

    Hi Everyone,

    I met a pot sd on Friday and we felt very comfortable with each other. We briefly discusses the arrangement and I mentioned an ballpark amount. He said he’s think about it and then we dropped it and got to know about each other more. Last night we went to dinner and a movie & he held my hand…

    I feel I should ask him about the arrangement, but, as an SB virgin, I’m not sure if it’s appropriate or what to say exactly.

    It’s clear he likes me, but I don’t want to scare him off. I read getting to know the sd before discussing business is the way to go, but my instinct tells me to bring it up.

    Any suggestions?


  105. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi Laura,
    You really are upset and I am unhappy to read it.
    Never talk about other SBs and past experience. It is negative energy.
    The time you spend together is short enough so focus on the positive.
    Your home is your castle, there you are safe. You are so right to meet on neutral ground, a good hotel or such. I would never let an SB enter my private territory. The best argument is always to say that you like to be spoiled and pampered in luxurious surroundings . Staying home is not getting away from it all. As an arrangement is always limited as to time 3/6/9/ months, you had better keep him out of your home.
    It can only lead to repercussions at the end of the affair.
    As to mingling with your friends, your mantra had better be “I just wish to spend time with you alone”.
    Just defend your fortress with a bit of diplomacy.
    After all you after a woman and any woman is able to have him round her finger.
    Next time that he touches the subject again, give him that radiant smile and lead the conversation away to another subject.
    Do keep on posting, you express yourself very well in writing.

  106. racheljayok says:

    I forgot to mention how important it is for SB to invest in themselves and pinch off money at every allowance because it’s sane to say that you DON’T know when the well is going to dry up. I bet tons of SB who were receiving 15k a month, cars, clothes and gifts were at the top of their game, until the rug was pulled from under their feet. I had a SD offer me 6k, car, and a flat and right before we decided to meet- HE vanished- it happens all the time.

  107. racheljayok says:

    I think it’s a good idea to speak vaguely on the arrangement, whereas it’s length or the physical part. There should be no issue if you are both expressing what you want in an arrangement. I would approach it a bit before meeting, so neither wastes ones time, and I would also go over it fully by the next meeting or over dinner.

    If I were to go into an arrangement and we decided on a certain price, I wouldn’t ask for more unless it was offered because then you wouldn’t be sticking to the arrangement. It’s fair to say that if your SD decided he wanted to see more of you, I would expect more.

    I was with a SD who met on a week, to week basis and had the same amount throughout, however, I had a hard time sticking to my end of the bargain because he was very into sadistic bdsm, over time, I started to value myself a bit more on what I wanted, and that was- if I were going to role play in the bedroom with my SD, that was another thing, but to meet solely on letting him be sadistic with me, and then getting paid afterwards, that was more on a pay for play basis and I didn’t really like having a rod broken on my ass lol! I mean, he even had me sign an actual contract! I knew then, that I wanted something better for myself, an MUTUAL arrangement.

  108. Farm Girl says:

    Hi All!

    Lisa – I promised to tell you about the Funeral History Museum. It was unusual. In my opinion, the best thing was a coffin custom-made for a family. Their only child had died, so the grief-stricken couple made arrangements for the coffin to be built on a rush. They gave explicit instructions for the burial including that the child should be placed between them in the coffin. The husband planned to shoot the wife, then himself.

    The conference was great. Brief overview: Always wash your hands with soap and never kiss a monkey on the mouth.

    I’m back in Austin for the weekend to pack, but had to catch-up on the blog first. I really like the new job. Found an apartment and leased some land for the horses. Still need that SD with a moving company. :)

  109. RedMaru says:

    Morning sugars!
    Have had a busy week!
    OCSugarbaby- I promise no more Greyhound buses
    Saw the 20/20 docu at the gym.
    Welcome Laura and no you are no being overly sensitive, you need to be comfortable in this too know though I don’t know a better way to explain it to him since you already have

  110. Laura says:

    Hello everyone. I’ve never posted before but you all seem so friendly and helpful that I’m hoping you won’t mind offering me advice. Lisa, OC, Nico, NYC SB, all of you sound like you have experience in the sugar world so please chime in.

    I met a SD at this site. We get along wonderfully. He’s smart, kind, thoughtful. I was actually surprised that no one had snagged him before, but he later told me that he’s been with several women via this site but it never worked out long-term. I didn’t press for details, though I had the impression he wouldn’t have minded sharing. Personally, in the non-sugar world, if a date disparaged a former gf or ex-wife, I dropped him. I always thought, He’ll be saying those things about me someday. So I had no desire to hear him complain about other SBs.

    I am single. He is married with kids. From the very beginning, he has pressed to come to my condo. He keeps telling me that I’ll be more comfortable and relaxed at my own place instead of a hotel. It’s not cheapness on his part because he is very generous financially. He has also started pressing me to meet my friends (none of whom know I have this ‘arrangement’). I mentioned that a close friend was having a birthday and that meant I couldn’t meet him tonight and he said he’s looking forward to meeting her soon.

    This is the problem. I don’t feel comfortable letting him into my non-sugar life since he cannot reciprocate. Why should he be allowed into my home when I’ll never be allowed into his? Why should he meet my friends when I’ll never meet his? It’s not tit-for-tat on my part. I just want to avoid any emotional kinks and potential problems. If he comes to my place, he gets to see me and know me in a more intimate way than I can ever know him. And the same thing applies to meeting my friends.

    I do not want to be hurt. For that reason, I’ve been very clear about my boundaries and I’ve tried to explain things to him. He does not understand. He gets very upset. He tells me that I don’t trust him. That isn’t true. I just don’t want him to get deep into my non-sugar life because when our arrangement ends, how will I feel?

    Am I being overly sensitive, as he says? Do you SBs understand where I’m coming from? Is there another way to explain this to him? I like him and I’m otherwise very happy with our arrangement and I know he is, too. But a SD is not a boyfriend, right?

  111. Arvonnigs says:

    oh i failed to say time is money so as long as we all know that i think things will be just fine and there is enough good times and laugh to go around

  112. Arvonnigs says:

    well i think that it should be talked about. i think for the most part if your sd is moving you to a new place then yes you need to know how its going to kept after they end the terms.but other wise i believe we are all grown men and woman and know that nothing last for ever and be smart with all the gifts,and money you get as a thank you! thats all.i use to dance just like i told my “friends” when you see me i expect this and that and if you cant up keep the deal then dont look my way.simple and real dont treat me like gold one day then like a penny the next! but to each its own..

  113. DesertBunny says:

    Thanks, OCSugarbaby. Perhaps we have some things in common… nglvbunny at gmail

  114. Gemini29 says:

    Ooh good luck NYC SB! Hope its a great evening!

  115. ginaZ says:

    NYC SB have fun, sure sounds like you have all the ingredients for a delectable evening!

  116. NYC SB says:

    yes we are meeting up tonight… its dinner/drinks and a car will be picking me up – should be fun!

  117. ginaZ says:

    Sounds yummy NYC SB, perhaps you may with your super SB powers. Is there a date #2 on the horizon?

  118. NYC SB says:

    Ginaz – Im willing to shape and mold this piece of candy into a fine SD :) He is really really really attractive! I was half ready to offer him an allowance 😉

  119. ginaZ says:

    Thankyou SugarDiplomat SD, welcome and you seem like a mighty fine SD, funny, and most thoughtful indeed:)

    OCSB…There’s a 3 hour lag on the blog, our midnight (PST) reads as 3 in the a.m. But if I were Cinderella I’d still be scrambling for cover.

    All of the new insights are helping, encouraging signs. NYC SB, a yummy delectable man though not the true blue SD. Along these lines I have to agree sometimes those with A LOT of wealth may not be as generous as those with less. Looking for my happy medium.
    Perhaps one day soon we’ll do a tour of the best SD towns/cities. Rent a deluxe bus and go on a SB tour perhaps?

  120. NYC SB says:

    SugarDiplomat SD – love your sense of humor… i hope there are more SDs like you out there… i could use one right about now

  121. OCSugarbaby says:

    NYCSB: Honey I didn’t leave you out, hahaha just emailed you!

    Stephan: Wink, wink, morning! It is a sugary fine day today!!!

    Anyone else lurking? If I find my way back I will see you all later! ~OC

  122. OCSugarbaby says:

    Nico! Hello to you my suga sister

    SFSD: A very sunny “Good Morning” to you way up there in SFO!

    Ginaz: What the heck were you doing up blog’ing at 3am?

    I am off for another afternoon of sightseeing with my Mom in downtown LA. It is comical, seriously it is like the blind leading the blind! I have not been here in CA long enought to qualify as a guide of anything. Wish me luck! I may have to leave a trail of bread crumbs to find my way back to the OC!!! 😉

  123. OCSugarbaby says:

    SugarDiplomat SD: Welcome! That is very sweet.

  124. SugarDiplomat SD says:

    Stina, best to not talk politics until you’re both comfortable with each other overall.

    My current SB and I hold opposing political views. We don’t avoid the topic completely but we did not get together to discuss politics so we just focus on the fun things in life instead.

    If anything, if ever politics come up we just keep it lighthearted and make fun of it. We already laugh a lot together so it is easy to turn our opposing political views into something more to laugh about too.

    A couple of examples…

    A few days ago I texted her the news that I had a surprise present. Later, when she opened the gift bag she pulled out a political campaign tshirt from the side that I support but which she doesn’t. You should have seen her face! But then she smiled and laughed a lot a few seconds later when she discovered that hidden underneath the tshirt, at the bottom of the bag, was another gift (a watch which she had seen online and really wanted).

    And also, last week I gave her a new Android G1 Google-phone and preloaded it for her with two phonenumbers and contact list photos for her speeddial list: One of me and one of her “favorite” political figure (not!).

    Bottom line: if you have opposing political views stay clear of discussing politics until you’re on solid ground in other areas. And even then, keep it light.

  125. SF SD says:

    > HL – “In the end it all boils down to “the pleasure of your company”.

    Well said. Thanks for de-lurking.

  126. OCSugarbaby says:

    Welcome to the Blog Jessi, Gemini29 and Dessert Bunny! Dessert Bunny, glad you continue to post. 😉

    Stina, Stina, Stina your curious nature is so fun! Keep asking and the blog will provide! lol

    SouthrnGent2: It is very common to have a 3-5k allowance for just a 1 or 2 time meeting arrangement. If you enjoy spending time with an educated, down to earth, fun honest to goodness normal girl… Those girls will have their pick of SD’s and allowances. They will be the ones that are not in a hurry to be in an arrangement. They have no financial woes, yet they have goals and the allowance provides the ability to reach those goals (further education, real estate, investments, and business ventures).

    I feel the same way about the 10-20k range SB’s. Many have careers or a business that they are getting off the ground. Some use the money to sustain themselves and are knee deep in getting a non-profit organization off the ground or business. Your vision of them just sitting around eating bon-bons may be a very select few. It takes a very smart woman with a keen sense for business to attain that type of allowance and even more understanding that is practical to use that money wisely.

  127. NYC SB says:

    Stina – I have talked to the ones from NYC and yesterday met the brand new certified profile one… they are clearly not making up figures about their income and networth but that doesnt make them a better SD than anyone else. It all comes back to generosity… just bc you have money it doesnt mean that you are generous. The one last night didnt have a clue that an SD goes beyond nice dinners… soooo there you have it! However, he was beyond hot … the whole tall dark and handsome about him… yummy!

  128. DesertBunny says:

    Stina… I have… every bit as cute and kind in person.

  129. Stina says:

    Has anyone ever met anyone off of the certified profiles? Is there more of a level of trust you can have with them?

  130. Happy Lurker says:

    Hi all,
    What a nice subject, the blog swings again from one question to another.
    As to the duration set up 3/6/9 beforehand, it would not suit me at all.
    You make plans for life, but life overtakes you. Before meeting I try to explain clearly what type of gentleman I am, so the chance for chemistry will be there at the first meeting. I always think long term.
    To be honest, I am not such a good SD as my time is very limited to spend in any arangement, once a month is what it adds up to.
    As to staying at Claridge’s or bunk in a Four Seasons Hotel, the difference lies in the pleasure you derive from a good establishment.
    I like a bit of luxury when staying in another country.
    Choosing for a Mc Laren would mean that I am a car nut, bu then again at the top end of the car market there are so many different ones to choose from. My preference is a DB 9 which has a kind of 007 aura.
    I could not find the time for a 15 K Euro SB, an investment you need to look after on a daily/weekly basis.
    No, my outlook is that I wish to meet somebody nice and sympathetic and that we could laugh a lot together. Then I would see to it that she is kept out of financial worries. Of course every person finds himself in a different position, so expectations vary.
    In the end it all boils down to “the pleasure of your company”.
    Ever thought of how you are going to do so ?

  131. DesertBunny says:

    Alright, I admit that I have been a blog ‘lurker’ for the past couple of weeks. I must come out now :)

    It’s so nice to hear such well thought and honest opinions from sincere people experiencing the same things that I am. As it has been mentioned here before… you simply cannot discuss such things with just anyone.

    So, thank you everyone. You are appreciated :)

  132. ginaZ says:

    SF SD thank you for your very thoughtful reply, it does give one perspective and your analogies are spot on.

  133. SF SD says:

    > Stina – two grown ass people should be able to have a conversation with one another through IM with out anything getting blown up.

    At one time spirited debate and educated discourse were considered to be signs of strength in our country. Unfortunately, our democratic traditions have devolved considerably, particularly during the past 25 years, leaving us with a system of orthodoxies, neither willing to sincerely engage the other, lest a sacred view be tested with the light of evidence and reason. Both ends of the political spectrum bear some accountability in this, though accountability as a principle seems to have largely been replaced by finger pointing and self-delusion. For those of us who embrace the spirit of this country’s founders, it is a sorry spectacle indeed.

    Bringing this back to earth, I wonder if there might be some value in pointing out your willingness to engage in open discourse on topics of the day. There might be a “daddy in the rough” who would find this a refreshing change — and in fact might be turned on by it. Just a random thought….

    > SouthernGent2 – “I am sure there are guys out there that give 10k allowances. But why? Why would a guy do that?”

    This question has stimulated some very interesting discussion. Let me add one more angle, purely conjectural on my part. Why would one stay at Claridge’s when the Four Seasons is likely to be quite satisfactory. Why purchase a McLaren Roadster when BMW makes a very serviceable model at one-fifth the price? Of course, some folks simply derive pleasure from extravagance.. But it may also be true that those who maintain an elite lifestyle simply calculate the value-for-money equation differently from those of us who are simply well-to-do. Certainly, one would want to support an SB in a manner befitting one’s station in life. And, on a comparative basis, $10,000 a month for an SB might seem inconsequential if one has a spouse who burns through $50K in pocket money during the same period.

  134. ginaZ says:

    My first SD was a Republican who hated Bush so we got along fine. But it is true in general differing views on the political front can be a deal breaker, whether in a SD/SB relationship or traditional dating. I have to agree with NYC SB on the first date I keep things under wraps unless the conversation naturally steers in that direction. In general though, I’ve decided to be open in this context, I can respect that someone has a different view than I, as long as they aren’t argumentative or try to convert me:)

  135. Stina says:

    This also shows me that I can’t have a view on anything. If he is willing to blow up that quickly…then I’m not the one.

  136. Stina says:

    Hey! I agree, but two grown ass people should be able to have a conversation with one another through IM with out anything getting blown up. And quiet honestly, I didn’t say anything THAT deep. lol!

  137. NYC SB says:

    whatever happened to the good old rule of dating “never talk about politics, money or religion on the first date”?

    I avoid talking about politics and religion period because more often than not people have strong oppinons and they cannot be reasoned with… case and point stinas pot…

  138. elle says:

    Stina, definitely don’t apologize or feel bad for expressing your views to the pot SD. You should never dumb yourself down for anyone. So many pot SDs I’ve spoken with really look for and appreciate a woman who can stand her own in a conversation and has opinions, etc. Your pot may have just been really intense about politics and is very serious about that kind of thing, but it’s his loss not yours :)

  139. Stina says:

    uhhhh huh?? I hope you didn’t think I meant you didn’t have brains……I mean all woman with brains…….not just democratic woman…… :/

  140. lisa says:

    Republican women have brains too

  141. Stina says:

    Well! Too late now!! Lol! I just figured it would show another side of me beside sitting there talking to him about what he can buy for me. Different strokes for different folks. I’m sure there is a SD out there that would appreciate a woman that has her own brain! Haha! Good lord!

  142. lisa says:

    Stina We Republicans have some very strong views often not compatible with liberals. It’s best to keep politics out of it. If you have opposing veiws, just listen and change the subject as soon as possible.

  143. SouthernGent2 says:

    NSA – there is no such thing. There are strings somewhere or another no matter what happens or is agreed upon.

  144. Stina says:

    Hey guys I was just informed about a site called DirtSearch dot org. You guys can go on there to search your Pot SD names. It’s comes up with all kinds of stuff to keep you safe ;).
    So this one I’ve been talking to for about a month now and he doesn’t live here. He’s coming in next week to visit me. Anyways, we’ve been IMing and through my search of him I found out he donate the the republican campaign. So I told him I voted for Obama and we went into a discussion about both parties. He had some valid points and I thought I had some valid points. Well, to my surprise he goes, “okay, goodbye.” and signs off! I’m like WTF?? Then after about ten minutes, I’m thinking I’ll give him some time to cool off and I’ll call him; he comes back on. And says, “this isn’t going to work, best of luck.” :-O huh???????? I thought it was a good sign that I was a female that can handle a conversation and talk in a intelligent manner other then shopping and such???

    Do SD’s just want us to be dim witts??? Can we have opinions and ideas?? I’m sooooooo confused…

  145. Nico says:

    Wow, disappear from the blog for a bit and everybody reappears :) OC…good to see you girl!! It’s been far too long :)

    As for the question, or at least in part, in terms of the duration:

    I would discuss a ‘trial period’. A time where we got to know each other. From there it would, for me, matter what he was looking for and I think it’s more case specific. I let things typically run their course.

  146. Adri-SB says:

    Shame, i’m 19! Im young! Im ripe! Why can I find a nice sugar daddy that fits my standards? =[ -sigh- Lol

  147. ginaZ says:

    SugarKitty, it’s very interesting to get the full spectrum. There appears to be a vast range of experiences, sugardaddies and sugar babies. Perhaps if I were younger, I would like some semblance of what you have. Enjoy yourself!

  148. Gemini29 says:

    Hello Sugar Girlies (and Daddies!)

    I’ve been lurking on the blog for a bit! Just created a profile (hasn’t been approved yet though..)

    What do most Sugar Babies post on their profile as far as allowance amount? I don’t want to go too high, but neither do I want to imply that a nice dinner is “spoiling”, lol.

    Anyway hellos to you all! You all seem like a really nice group of people on this blog, super sweet!

  149. NYC SB says:

    SugarKitty- he is ok with lesbians bc he probably finds the idea of you and another woman arousing

  150. SugarKitty says:

    DC: I am surprised myself how my SD relationship is sounding more and more the kept woman type… Still happy with it though :)
    We do not live together, but when I am staying at the country of his main residence, I stay at one of his villas about 15-20 minutes away from his house, eventhough we end up sleeping over alot.

    As for your question about seeing others, he has made it somewhat clear that he would not appreciate me seeing other men, but it is not forbidden.
    Also, I am bisexual, and he allows me to freely mingle in the lesbian/bi circles. Personally I don’t get how he differentiates it from seeing males, but he told me he cannot feel any type of jealousy etc from it and therefore it is fine.

  151. NYC SB says:

    NSA – no strings attached

  152. stina 360382 says:

    What’s a NSA damnit! I’ve been trying to figure it out on my own for a month now but I can’t put it together..lol…

  153. Jessi says:

    Greetings All!

    I’m new to this whole world, including on-line dating. I’m a non-traditional SB, as I am over 25 and I’m NOT a size 0-6.

    I have to express my gratitude for this blog and for all you sharing your experiences. I’ve learned a lot so far and am feeling more confident about this. Thank you all so much!

    I’m glad this question is up because I have a couple of meets and wasn’t sure how to handle them. At least now I have some guide line thanks to this blog. I wasn’t aware that SB-ing was an ongoing thing–that arrangements can be short as 3 months. I have a lot to learn about this!

    Oh, what a dream to have someone take care of me. I’ve been working hard since age 15 and I’m looking forward to starting this semester (back in school) with my finances taken care of. I want to concentrate on studies with peace of mind. :)

    Thanks again to all of you.

  154. NYC SB says:

    Completely off topic here but I had to let it out… I am honestly starting to wonder if there truly is such a thing as NSA. I really dont think there is… otherwise how can you still want to spend time with the person or be intimate with him/her. More importantly with NSA the expectation is that when the connection ends neither party is hurt. If someone becomes a part of your life and you suddenly lose them then of course its going to bother you even though the premise of the relationship is NSA… anyways I’m done ranting for now!

  155. Stina*360382* says:

    DC! Read your email, I have a question for you! I don’t know if it’s appropriate to put on here hehe.

  156. Stina*360382* says:

    I put my number so people can be nosey on my site 😀

  157. DC says:

    The difference is that a kept woman pretty much “works” for her man IMO. I would imagine he expects her to either live with him or be available round the clock. I would also imagine he would expect that she is monogamous.

    I have a life outside the time I spend with an SD. I also see others because none of them have requested otherwise. I do not pry into their life when they are not with me and vice versa.

    Most of them are content that I have a guy I see on a regular basis that is not an SD. Since they are married this gives them some comfort that I will not become attached.

    Sugar Kitty- it sounds like you won the SD lottery! Congrats! Do you also see other people? Has he made any requests in that department? Just curious….

    As much as I like my SD I don’t think I would want to see him more than a few times a month to be honest

  158. SugarKitty says:

    A bit off the topic question, what is the usual allowance ? Seems to me that most men have it rather high ( 5-10k+) or negotiable. Negotiable being the 1-3 k on average then?

  159. Stina says:

    Well extreme or too high I’m going to keep a positive attitude to getting that myself. Why not shoot for the stars?? haha!

  160. lisa says:

    Sugarkitty, it’s not opposition to such high allowance, it’s just based on everyone’s experience on the blog, that not many sds can afford to pay a woman 10k a month as that comes out to 120k a year plus extras which just seems extreme.

  161. SouthernGent2 says:

    SugarKitty – good points made after I posted my reply to you. It never even occurs to me that some do see their sb 2-3 times per week. Under that kind of structure, maybe I can see the much higher allowance. But I simpy think on the terms of 2-3 times per month at very most.

  162. ginaZ says:

    On a slightly different note, Jetblue just closed the $599 deal as the demand was so high. hopefully they’ll do it again soon.

  163. ginaZ says:

    SugarKitty looks like you found a great guy. Perhaps the European SD’s are a different breed all together. A kept woman is as NC Gent alluded to, it’s also a time thing. There is a huge difference between getting together a few times a month versus three times a week or two weeks out of the month. The larger allowance would also mean you would need to be available (typically) whenever the SD wants you to be. I could never do that at any price as I’m a single mother and a FT student, studying and going to the University 4-5 times a week. I actually prefer once a week at most, or the occasional holiday.

  164. Steely Damned says:

    Song of the day-BROWN SUGAR by the Rolling Stones…..

    That one is for you Adri!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoever said that to you, well I have a song for him too……. 😉


    Sugar Kitty: from one sugar european to another, the difference between an SDSB arrangement and a kept woman is just that:

    She’s kept.

    Kept from dreaming, kept from challenging herself and exploring the world, kept from having any type of identity except being a wealthy man’s wife or lover.

    I’m sure you are smart enough to know to enjoy the perks of an arrangement but to maintain your identity and go for your goals and amibitions. Be a Sugar-sucess story as many young women on here have used this relationship as a platform to bolster themselves to better opportunities and NOT better things.

    Good luck hun and have fun

    Steely D

  165. SugarKitty says:

    DC: This guy is absolutely amazing, there is always a positive and relaxed aura about him. He’s very spontanious, always curteous etc etc. Could go on about him for ages and ages :)

    Anyway, what do you see as the difference between a SDSB arrangement and a kept woman arrangement?

  166. SugarKitty says:

    Now now, I do go to university and will be finishing my degree in finance in one year…

    NC Gent made a good point about availability. Me and my SD have spent atleast 2 weeks out of a month together so far. We are both Europe based, where as I study in a different country from his main residence (but stay a lot in that country as well), it is very easy for both of us to travel where ever, when ever.

  167. DC says:

    14K—-wow! I could pay off my debt in 2 months!

    Well if a guy has unlimited bank, like some here do, he may be willing to pay the going rate to have the hottest babe on his arm. Supply and demand.

    But I agree with NCgent. I am only doing this because I have been unable to find work in this economy. If I was getting 14K a month I would imagine it would be more of a kept woman type arrangement (although I may be wrong about this) and would expect this SD to want me to be at his beck and call for that amount. I would not be very motivated to look for a $12/hr admin job.

    But more power to you Sugarkitty especially if your SD is a good guy and treats you well aside from the $$$

  168. ginaZ says:

    10k Euro is like 14k in US, plus all the rest. Oh my goodness!

    Dunno…I’m still a cornflake girl, boy shorts, sushi, maybe some nice over the knee boots, a nice bottle of champagne, gas in my car, and a bit of help for college tuition and rent.

  169. NC Gent says:

    For my 2 cents on the matter — there is an abundance of sweet, extremely attractive SBs in the $1k to $3k range, so I have found no reason to go out of that range. I have talked to a few SBs that were getting $5k a month, but they were seeing their SDs several times a week and they were basically always available. I only see my SB about once or twice a month, which is all we both have time for. More power to you sugarkitty though :)

  170. ginaZ says:

    OCSugarbaby given up on Ca SD’s? Still wishin’ for a stand up guy, with follow through, no crazy marital issues, emotionally sound, kind, of a generous nature. Sigh.

    Taking a break, but will resume my search. NYC SB, perhaps a tour of the places you mentioned…sounds interesting. I did think at some point it would be nice to converge, a few of us SB’s. a SB convention? A respite. Maybe even invite some SD’s for meet and greet. Stephen…anything in the works?

    Wow sugarkitty! 10k euro plus rent and hobbies! More power to you girl, but on the other side of the pond I haven’t met anyone with that kind of bank:)

  171. SouthernGent2 says:

    SugarKitty – that is a good question. Just thinking about it, I am sure there are guys out there that give 10k allowances. But why? Why would a guy do that? Is a guy really that desparate? And what about the girl? Does she not have her own career outside SA to consider? I just know that me personally could not / would not support someone that wants such an amount no matter if I had Bill Gates money. I would simply be enabling her day to day, month to month. That wouldn’t be right imo.

  172. SugarKitty says:

    Hi all, new to the forum but I am in a SD relationship already :) Only 2 months so far, but all is going very well and both me and my SD are looking to keep spending time together.

    As for allowence, we didn’t really discuss it when we first started the arrangement, but now it seems to be set around 10+ K in euros a month + upkeep (travel, rent, hobbies etc etc).

    So my question is to Souhtern Gent, why do bigger allowances seem weird and somewhat unacceptable to you?

  173. OCSugarbaby says:

    Well said DC! Exactly.

  174. DC says:

    Sure thang Adri!

    Just remember that it’s important to NOT have different standards for dating guys from this site as opposed to a regular dating site like Match. As sugar babies we may have to do the pursuing for a change or be more flexible if a sugar daddy seems flaky because of their busy schedules…but never put up with someone who is rude or treats you with disrespect no matter how much they offer you.

  175. Adri-SB says:

    DC – Thanx. Oh god how I wish I had friends like you guys in my area. All of my friends dont know that I started this, I dont want to be judged.

  176. DC says:

    OC- it’s my pleasure! 😉

    Adri-SB- What I normally do when guys like that contact me and react that way is thank my lucky stars that they revealed what a-holes they are right away. Doesn’t matter how cute or rich they are….they get deleted immediately. And I don’t bother reading them the riot act either because what is the point. If that is how they feel I doubt anything you or I say will make them feel differently.

    Just remember that for everyone of these jerks there are just as many nice, sincere, respectful SDs out there who understand what a true SD/SB relationship is about. Don’t be discouraged. It can take months to find one of the good ones…you just need to be patient

  177. Adri-SB says:

    Ok thanx =]

  178. OCSugarbaby says:

    Adri: I am by no means an expert on SD/SB exchanges. But my feeling is that you need to take the profile for exactly what it is. A one dimensional version of what that person wishes to portray. It is not in any way the full scope of what they are looking for or who they are as a human being. After the initial exchange, if they seem to be rude or just flat out not what you are looking for, thank them for responding and say goodbye. No harm no foul. Just don’t let the exchange get to the point of anyone calling you out for knowing what you want and don’t want. That is what the BLOCK button is for in the email box.

  179. Adri-SB says:

    OCSB – You seem to know alot about SB/SD exchange. I have a queston for you.

    What if you run into a guy, and on his profile he seems like a great guy.
    Then when you conversate he is totally different and only wants sex. And when you proceed to tell him that you’re not going to have sex for money, he gets rude and starts calling you an idiot and that you’re on the wrong site and you wont ever get anywhere in life because you refuse to see the fact that everyone wants sex and unless I give a rich man what he wants, there is no point. What would you do?

    Me being a newbie and all, I think im just ready to call it quits.

  180. OCSugarbaby says:

    Welcome to the Blog Miss Cleveland and Sexxi Choc! I love it when our sugar family grows.

    Ddubs: Long time no see. lol You have been missed my friend.

    Goddess: Don’t stay away so long! 😉

    Adri: Ehhh blow it off. The right SD will come along who appreciates the whole package.

    Michael Sd: A pleasure to meet you! I like your style…

    Southern Gent2: You keep us up on all the good current events. Plus you always have wonderful insight to share.

    RedMaru: No more Greyhound busses!

    SouthernGirl: May I introduce you to SuthernGent2… just kidding! Welcome back.

    DC: That is so sweet of you to help Stina. I found that keeping in touch off the blog can be very helpful. Some things just can’t be said for all to read! It is helpful to have someone to let your hair down with so to speak.

    Ginaz: Have you given up on CA SD’s? We need to host a casting call for CA SD’s!

    NYCSB: Now hold on, you know that there are some VERY clued in SD’s on here, but finding them is the hard part. I think they feel the same way about finding us. However we are RIGHT here! lol

    Morning Lisa!

  181. Adri-SB says:

    Thanx everyone for your support, I was really starting to feel bad cause im new to this so I really didnt know….

  182. DC says:

    Hey Stephen:

    Is that true about the 20/20 feature Friday night?

    I can’t stand Stossel. Knowing him he will focus on the negative but it should ramp up traffic at the site like with the NY Times article.

  183. NYC SB says:

    RedMaru – it appears that the sugar family was right yet again… sorry for your experience… it looks like most of the men on here havent the slightest clue as to what it means to be an SD

  184. NYC SB says:

    GinaZ – you should do a tour of the best SD towns – NYC, Chicago, Vegas and Miami – Im willing to partake as well 😀

  185. RedMaru says:

    Morning sugars! hows everyone today?
    Hi Adri-SB I read your post sorry about your encounter with that jerk. Being a black SB myself it does seem to get frustrating but keep chin up, he doesn’t speak for the SD population.

    As far discussion of the duration, its good to get it out there early on so there’s no confusion. I believe in time and place so it should be done over dinner when both parties are in a good and relaxed mood and able to talk with one another about expectations, duration, etc.

    I believe expectations can change how they will change is dependent on the arrangement. In my case I hope that the relationship will grow to the point that after all is said and done we will be friends and since my perfect SD would be a mentor as well, he would take pride in watching as my stability increases and my goals come closer to realization.

    Have I been with a sugar whos expectations fell out of sync with yours? Yes I hate to say it with my first experience that happened recently. This flake pot contacted me promising spoiling if I was willing to travel. After emails and phone convos we decided on a date to meet. He made a rather mysterious request of asking me to pay for transport on which he would reimburse me claiming that he had been burned too many times. Though a slight alarm went off, I said no biggie cause he was in the state next door. Date was fine though slightly on the cheap for the income he was claiming($400 – $500, 000 annual income) with pizza for dinner at his patio house and he reimbursed and paid for trip back(Greyhound so not a major expense for him) promising to send financial assistance when he did his books and a bday gift (as my bday was last month) Weeks and my bday past with nothing not even a bday greeting except excuses of being busy, hospitalization for chest pains. So I brought the topic again with him asking what I needed and when I told him a midpoint of my range he did a complete 360 balking at giving anything saying it was sex for money, he didn’t believe in allowance he was trying to build a relationship/friendship but asking when was I coming back and it would be the same as before me paying my way. I basically told him that I didn’t have the resources to come see him on his whim so I didn’t see this going anywhere as he hadn’t lived up to his end. This resulted in a rant that me and other girls like me were no better than prostitutes and he could get sex for free(I doubt it) so why should he help me and that I wouldn’t amount to anything. So in short, it fell way out of sync.

    Sorry bout the long form again

  186. ginaZ says:

    Adri-SB the guy who wrote you that awful bit, was a jerk! And I think Michael SD has a much broader realistic view. You sound great, so patience and hopefully you will find someone who will appreciate you:) I really think there is a wide variety of SD’s and SB’s, a mix of ages, backgrounds. SA may give us all the opportunity to meet someone we wouldn’t normally otherwise meet! I was intrigued by the SB on SA who is 72 looking for a platonic relationship:)

    Regarding the jetblue deal, when I first mentioned this I thought wow! I want to get one for myself, and in the context of SA what a great gift to give a SB! I started fantasizing about all the places jetblue flies: New York, Montego Bay, Aruba, Chicago…

    So girls and guys get your bags ready, pack your boy shorts, string bikini and your carry on bag. D-dubs…if I can’t make the deadline this month, good to know next month is a possibility.

  187. Sexxi Choc Georgia SB says:

    Hi everyone!!! Just thought I’d drop in and say hello. I’ve been on the site a while but never really been on the blog. If anyone wants to check out my profile my profile number is 278947.

  188. SouthernGent2 says:

    I noticed last night a preview on 20/20 about Seeking Arrangement. Should be interesting with Stossel doing the story. Supposed to air Friday night at 10 eastern.

  189. Michael SD says:


    I think the SD who told you black women were not interesting was only speaking for himself. Whilst I cannot conduct a survey online on this site, I expect there are a reasonable number of SD (of various races) who would be happy with a nice black SB like you. He also sounds like a jerk.

    In fact I would quote a co-worker who told me years ago: “There are black women, and then there’s the rest…” I suspect my former co-worker would be thrilled to wine and dine you. He had a bias.

    As for me, sorry but you are the wrong gender. Some of the black male SB have caught my eye tho.

    Hang in there.


  190. Adri-SB says:

    D-Dubs – good lord, wish i knew flight info like that.
    And i’d step up, depending on where you lived =]

  191. D-Dubs says:

    y’all were talking before about the Jet Blue $599 flight pass for the month of September.

    you are required to book flights at least 3 days prior to flying. you are not required to wait until then.
    there really is no catch to it. if the airline has vacant seats available for sale, you are allowed to book one. they suggest that you go online to see if seats are available, then call and book online with the account number you’ll get with your pass.

    the only thing close to a “catch” is that you must cancel any reservation within 3 days of traveling. if you are a no show on a flight you reserved, then you will have every other reservation you’ve made cancelled, and it will cost $100 to reinstate your flight pass. this is being done to prevent people from just booking a ton of flights and then not taking them. I actually like that restriction because it will keep more seats open on planes.

    how do I know all this?
    my company bought me one for the month of september. (sept 8th to oct 8th to be exact). rumor has it they will run the same offer for the month of october too if this goes well. the time between labor day and thanksgiving is notoriously the slowest for air travel. this is why Jet Blue is offerring this.

    btw…I’m back active on the site, and looking again. been a few months…

    I have until Friday to buy one for an SB that steps up between now and then…lol.

  192. Adri-SB says:

    Ok you guys, I have a question:

    I’m having a hard time finding a SD.
    I never asked any of them why they weren’t interested and continued searching.
    Recently i’ve got a message from a guy who’ve i’ve contacted and not only did he deny me, but he told me this, and this is copy and pasted:

    “Sorry hun you seem like a great gal judging your profile and all, but on here nobody is looking nor interested in an black girl, so you might as well call it quits on here.”

    What do you guys think?
    Is this true?

  193. Goddess says:

    Hey all! I’m also back after a several month hiatus. Glad to see some familiar names on here. :)

    Yes, it’s definitely good to discuss the intended duration of the arrangement! Feelings and circumstances can change and it doesn’t have to be a time commitment, but it’s helpful if both parties have an understanding of the others’ “ideal arrangement” from the outset. Wishes are much easier to grant when we know what they are. :)

    Time duration commitments in arrangements may not be typical, but I’ve had one before. I had a heavy courseload one semester and he promised he would continue our arrangement until at least the end of the semester, so I could focus on what I needed to focus on instead of worrying about rent. I was very thankful to have someone so supportive of my goals. I think he appreciated the stability as well.

    As far as expectations falling out of sync, I think that’s just part of life. It happens in all relationships – friendships, marriages, work colleagues – of course it can happen in the sugar realm too! This is a good reason for disclosing expectations at the beginning, so there’s less room for misunderstandings and disappointments down the road.

  194. miss CLEVELAND says:

    Im a boyshorts kinda gal. . . I wish I could have someone take me out to buy lingerie :) Neiman Marcus, I’ve never been, but I heard its the greatest store on earth..

  195. Adri-SB says:

    SFSD – LOL are you serious? Thats crazy….
    I think im gonna write a book now, because if people can write about that… then i should be able to write about anything =]

  196. SouthernGirl*302249* says:

    Hey y’all!

    Took a bit of a hiatus from the sugar world…but now I’m back and ready to start looking again!

    To derail just slightly and answer the topic questions….

    1. Do you think it’s a good idea to discuss the duration of your arrangement with a potential sugar? If so, how and when would you approach the topic?

    –Absolutely! In my experience, SD’s normally bring up their ideal time frame within the first couple of conversations. If a potential SD didn’t mention it, I wouldn’t mind broaching the subject!

    Do your expectations from a sugar change over time? Will you want more, less, or different kinds of benefits as the relationship progresses?

    –Of course sugar expectations change over time! What a silly question. I would hope that as my sugar relationship progressed, my SD would become more attuned to exactly what I needed/wanted and go about things from there. The same applies in reverse, too!

    Have you been with a sugar who’s expectations fell out of sync with yours? Care to share?

    –Yes. I think, if most people in the sugar bowl are honest, this has happened to everyone. But no, I won’t share!

  197. DC says:

    Hey Lisa!

    Stina- I am not on the blog all the time

  198. DC says:

    Hi Stina-

    Got your e-mail. I will respond in a bit. Nursing a slight headache.

    SFSD- LOL…..sometimes I wish I had an evil twin. I need to channel my inner bitch more I am told

  199. SF SD says:

    And wouldn’t you know it, after exhaustive research I found a book on Amazon called, “Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal with It.” Sounds like Book Report Number Two to me.

    I tried heading for the lingerie section of Neiman Marcus, but they don’t let me in there any more.

  200. OCSugarbaby says:

    SFSD: I can’t speak for the others but the Lingerie section of Neiman Marcus is my first stop when I shop! Great topic!

  201. Stina says:

    Well obviously I’m a retard so here’s mine if she ever comes back on lol! indasun25 at yahoo

  202. Stina says:

    Lol!! I did! I got one of those email daemon things back saying it wasn’t an address. The name at yahoo right? Not working…

  203. SF SD says:


    The -alt in the email address means that it belongs to DC’s evil twin. We don’t talk about it much here. Shhhhhhh! 😉

  204. SF SD says:

    OC, when I said this was a great topic I never dreamed it would lead to an underwear roll call. Could I suggest “Big Girl Panties” for a future blog? Stephan?

  205. Stina says:

    Whats the -alt part? I’m confused haha…

    Anyways, yeah, I let one of my friends come over here where I live to have dinner and things to see how she can handle it. I live with someone who takes care of me; like bare necessities, home, food…you know. Well for some reason he likes to peck me on the lips now which is new. But my friend saw that and she told me later how grossed out she was. It kind of hurt my feelings. Different strokes for different folks is all I say and I don’t judge. I would never say anything like that to my friend, it’s just not necessary. If you don’t like it then keep it to yourself.

  206. Stina says:

    Hey Dc! Finally! Haha, I blogged you once before when I saw that you were here but I got no response so I just figured you wasn’t interested or you just didn’t get it. I’m living in Federal Way right now but Seattle itself isn’t that far. I’m 28, how old are you? I’m no spring chicken haha. I’ll email ya!

  207. Dani says:

    OC: I only recently started talking on the blog. I always thought it was interesting, but since my first meeting, I realized how important it is for me. I told my friend that my “date” offered to pay my rent after only one date, and she thought it was awesome. I told her because I knew she was naive enough not to understand what was really going on. I haven’t told her 95% of the details about him (she knows age, location, ect- the minimum details). She definitely wouldn’t understand the lifestyle. She thinks I should date a guy that is 23/24. I’ve already told her they bore to tears, which is completely true!

  208. OCSugarbaby says:

    Do you guys know what you are looking for in an arrangement or do you just wait for the SD to bring up the topic?

  209. OCSugarbaby says:

    Dani: I know how you feel, some days I just wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. My friends do not know. That is hard. But I could not bring myself to EVER fess up.

    That is why the blog is so special to me. It is a safe haven to go to and talk things thru without judgement or harsh criticism. 😉

  210. lisa says:

    Reminder: If you live in Texas Fri 21-Sun 23 is the tax free holiday and all thongs, boyshorts, and granny panties are tax free, providing each pair costs less than 100 dollars each

  211. lisa says:

    Good evening DC well i’ve just found out something new about myself

    I got an email from some woman a foreign name (probably the Ukraine, lol) it said “I saw you on the website “wealthymen” and you are the wealthy man of my dreams. And she can hardly wait to meet me because i’m the man for her. So Lisa is a wealthy man, so I guess I am a sd, lol

  212. ginaZ says:

    Ditto on the boy shorts! I used to be a thong girl, but no more:) Stina, I have my insecure moments, so I understand. First meets are generally awkward for me. If I had a choice of
    a good looking hottie who was a bit of a jerk or not too smart, or a slightly less attractive gent with a fantastic personality, I’d opt for the latter. but yes…a girl can dream.

    NYC SB I’m right there with ya. Tall dark handsome, charismatic sign me up! I love a man who gets me a bit weak in the knees. On a side note I went on a real date with a handsome man who progressively got less attractive as the date wore on. But is I had my druthers I’d love to fall in love and nix the SA thing. Of course now I like someone a bit more together, accomplished. I used to fall for the pretty boys, but no more.

  213. DC says:

    Hi Stina!

    I am in Seattle, moved here a year ago although I am probably twice your age.

    What part of Seattle are you in?

    As for confidence…well I am an older SB meeting men around my age or a little younger. A few have been very good looking. No matter how I feel that day I suck it up and muster up all my self confidence and just try and project that because I think for both men and women it’s the sexiest quality one can have. Matter of fact my last meeting with my SD was nerve wracking. I was relaxed and confident and he was shaking like a leaf. Said I intimidated him at first. I had to really get him to relax because he was making ME so nervous as a result.

  214. Adri-SB says:

    OCSB – Woot woot! I love Victoria Secrets! I just love lingerie really. I have no SD either but im working on it. And boy when he catches a glimpse of me…. lol!

    Stina – If I lived in Seattle I would totally be your friend but im in Orlando =[ Keep searching though =]

  215. Dani says:

    I’m not from Seattle, but I know how you feel Stina. No one really knows what I’m doing. They think that I just go on a lot of dates with a lot of different men. They think I get picked up at a bar lol.

  216. Stina says:

    Hey, I’m gonna keep asking this…is there any SB’s in Seattle?? The little hand full of friends I have are not very supportive…I have to hide all of this =( . Would be nice to have some partners.

  217. Stina says:

    Oopps… I can’t make up my mind what I want my name to be. hehe

  218. OCSugarbaby says:

    Stina? Sting? lol Your secret is safe with us!

    Adri: I love Boyshorts! I just blew a ton of money on new lingerie that had matching boyshorts, but sadly now NO SD to show them off to. They super sexy!

  219. Dani says:

    I always show the confidence. In fact, my meeting with my pot, he didn’t even know I was nervous (I don’t think I’ve ever been that nervous in my life!!!).

  220. Adri-SB says:

    Forget panties and thongs, im a boyshorts girl =]

  221. Sting says:

    Hey! I recent that suggestion….I indeed wear my big girl thong all the damn time…I was just confiding in you guys…is that okay??? I will never let him know my insecurities as with any guy; either in the sugar world or other, they like woman that have confidence. :p

  222. NC Gent says:

    Heya OC — I thought about crediting you on that because I did indeed steal that from you. Also, I thought about modifying it to thong for the sugar baby twist — good suggestion! I will steal that one later!

  223. OCSugarbaby says:

    NC: Big Girl Panites? Hey that’s my line! However if she wears the big girl panties I doubt if that would bring her confidence, she may need to try the Sugar Hottie thong!

    That is funny, as far as the attraction I typically have a very strong and solid “Ohhhh yea” factor when I see someone that I am attracted to.

  224. Adri-SB says:

    NC Gent – I agree completely.
    Confidence can make anyone beautiful in the eyes of a wise man.

  225. NC Gent says:

    Stina — put on your big girl panties, and get some confidence! Believe or not, as guys (well most) get older, they find common interests to be more important — maybe that is ONE of the things that attracted him to you, besides your raging beauty. Just be confident – men like that just as much as women :)

  226. NYC SB says:

    I have a weak spot for a tall dark and hansome man… pair that with a charisma and im smitten… im not asking for much… going over the top would be to have such a man plus the loyalty from him… then im marrying the man!

  227. Stina says:

    Not stingy…I realize he probably has more then one…but for me to even meet him intimidates me…I am insecure…there! I said it. lol! I don’t think I’m good looking enough for him.

  228. Dani says:

    I think there are a lot of factors that go into attraction. I have found that if initially I wasn’t attracted to a guy (even a non-SD) but he was nice, sweet, funny, and was good to me, he became much more attractive to me.

    On this site, I have found that many of the extremely good looking SDs have either some seriously weird sexual fantasies (and they explain what they are in their first email) or they don’t have good personalities. I am NOT saying that all good looking SDs are like that, that has just been my experiences.

  229. Adri-SB says:

    ginaZ – Yes I know. I prefer a sexy smart man who knows how to treat a lady.
    A girl can dream cant she?

    Stina- Lol when you’re a sugar a baby you cant be to stingy. He may have multiple sugar babies if he’s the full package lol.

  230. Stina says:

    Well for me I can say it’s probably because I think if he is a good looking guy and he has money he can have whom ever he wants. Especially if his personality isn’t too bad lol.

  231. ginaZ says:

    Adri-SB…wow those are a lot of variables! And you’re right…there can be one without the other. But I know I could never be with a jerk, or someone who isn’t kind. For me I’ve changed all the way around, a smart man (not know-it-all) is a major turn on. NYC SB…oh how I’d love to have it all though. I do have a thing for sexy tall men with a lean build.

    OK in no short order:

    Hottie who is smart and sweet and tall, generous and kind. Where art thou?

  232. Adri-SB says:

    Stina – Well everyone is different. Mainly depending on how long you’ve been a Sugar Baby. Some may have had previous arrangements with attractive men and is used to it. Some are intimidated because they think attractive wealthy men are hard to find and when one goes after them insetad of vice versa, they can feel either very good, or like it may be a trap. So it depends on what kind of person you are. Either way there is nothing wrong with intimidation because it can end up a good thing or a bad thing. Just dont let them see you sweat. :)

  233. Adri-SB says:

    Physical attraction – Sexy but can always can be one of these scenarios:

    Hottie with the brain cells of rock.
    Hottie thats shallow.
    Hottie that doesnt understand that no means NO.
    Hottie thats arrogant and conceited/cocky.

    Mental attraction – Intelligent but can always can be one of these scenarios:

    Smart but isnt used to attractive women, leading to outrageous actions.
    Smart but doesnt have any common sense.
    Smart but feels money can get him whatever he wants, no matter how unattractive he is.
    Smart and deceitful.

    Emotional Attraction – Connects with you emotionally and makes you feel like he understands you but can always can be one of these scenarios:

    Sweet guy but has a temper.
    Sweet guy but a little too sensitive and falls in love very easily.
    Sweet guy but jealous.
    Sweet guy but you may not be the only one who he is “sweet” to.

    So to sum it all up, no matter what attraction, there might always be a catch, so pick wisely. :)

  234. Stina says:

    Wait a minute…what’s wrong with being a gold digger?

    I have a good question that I think should be addressed.
    What if a Pot SD contacts you and he is a very good looking guy. How do you not feel intimidated by this?

  235. NYC SB says:

    i think physical attraction is just so important to me … yes other attributes make up if the guy is not the hottest thing in the world but if i have to be honest i need to have initial physical attraction and see if we click in other areas… especially if i am going to have an intimate relationship with this man i need to find him somewhat hot

  236. ginaZ says:

    Attraction for me mostly stems with something beyond the exterior. So in that way physical, if someone in the context of an “arrangement” is a bit shorter, or round in the middle I overlook that, the other stuff are deal breakers. Someone kind, a gentlemen, smart, good heart. These all really make a difference to me.

    Case in point: Met a super rich gazillionare on SA, but he was rude. So if there was any attraction, it vanished quickly!

    Regarding time line, going back to what OCSB said, the same works well for me as well. Check in, in three month increments, 3/6/9. I took a chance recently flying into see someone for 3 nights two days, but I probably won’t do that again unless they meet me on my home turf. There are too many variables that you can’t be aware of from afar. In general I discuss just enough to know we’re on the same page, then meet right away to see if there is chemistry.

    On a side note, I’ve hidden my profile for now, but I’ll redo, change pictures start anew.
    Patience amidst poof daddies!

  237. Stina says:

    Doesn’t take a lot more than physical attraction to make one attracted to their SD? Does anyone take into a count their personality, character, their accomplishments?? Of course these are things that you will eventually have to take time to get to know but isn’t that part of the fun of getting to know someone?? I would hate if I was the type of person that just took one look at a person and didn’t even give them a chance because they weren’t good looking to me in a conventional way.

    Just wondering if there are other things to a person than looks that turns them on…..

  238. Dani says:

    Hey Everyone!!

    A few weeks ago several of you gave me advice about meeting a pot. The meeting went well, in fact I’m seeing him again soon! He’s flying me to meet him and I’m spending the weekend with him (which I’m excited about). He also already offered to pay my rent. I’ve never had an SD before, so this is a good sign, right????

    Do you think it’s a good idea to discuss the duration of your arrangement with a potential sugar? If so, how and when would you approach the topic?

    I think discussing how long an arrangement will last will be a bit of a downer. I wouldn’t want to know that in, let’s say, a week that our arrangement will end. I think in an arrangement the duration should be judged by the couple and how it feels for them.

    Do your expectations from a sugar change over time? Will you want more, less, or different kinds of benefits as the relationship progresses?

    I don’t have experience in this because my meeting with the pot was my first ever meeting. I would think that expectations might change over time. As time progresses, the relationship would as well. I think both people would feel more comfortable with each other. I think personally, I would probably want more (but in a different way). From what I have heard usually the allowance goes up over time. I guess the SD is willing to invest more money in someone (that he may have developed some kind of feelings for).

    Have you been with a sugar who’s expectations fell out of sync with yours? Care to share?

    Again, I don’t have experience in this, but I do think the key to any kind of relationship/arrangement is to have open communication. I’ve been saying that to all my friends since I was about 15. My friends never listened to me in high school, but they do now!

    As for being attracted to your SD, I think there are many types of attraction. I think being mentally attracted, where you feel a connection with him is extremely important. He could be the hottest guy in the world, but if you can’t connect with him, then what’s the point?

  239. DC says:

    Hi everyone!

    Just checking in.

    Have a few pot SDs. Still seeing my SD from a few months back but very rarely as he is extremely busy. I seem to be running into many sugar flakes lately. The kind that e-mail and e-mail and then right before you are set to meet they have an attack of conscience. Very frustrating but I guess better to find out before too much is invested.

    Then there is the very well off man who expressed a little interest months ago, said lets meet for coffee and the fell off the face of the earth only to resurface a week ago and ask if I had any luck. Then says lets meet for coffee this week, I say I would love to and once again….poof! Okay, I learned my lesson LOL

    Is this a common occurrence for the SBs here?

    As for the questions- I think it’s a great idea to put as much on the table up front as possible. If that is a turn off for some…well so be it. But that works best for me

    As for the attraction question- there absolutely needs to be an attraction for me. And I have to like who they are as human beings. I also need to respect what they do…i.e. I could not be with someone who made their fortune from something illegal no matter how much they paid me. I have an SD interested now who is offering a nice allowance and I have to decline because the attraction is not there for me. But I am sure there are women here who can fake it very well if the $$ is right.

  240. NYC SB says:

    I was not attracted to my first SD… learned my lesson… now no attraction no arrangement

  241. OCSugarbaby says:

    Gina: Thanks for the hug. Sunny skies and sugar dreams are still on the menu!

    Vixen: You need to pop in more often too! Miss Ginaz will stick around, I am sure of that. Toads are bound to cross my path along the “Sugar Trail” it is the Lizards that scare the heck out of me!!! Thanks for the kind words.

    SFSD: I knew my idea of discussing a duration time frame was not all that “off base”… Thanks for sharing your story. I love your stories!!!
    I emailed Dorky Guy last week and have not heard back from him.

    D: No Attraction = No OC 😉

    Busy week for me. My Mom is coming to CA to visit me tomorrow. First time I will have family out visiting since I moved here. I have been so lonely without them! It is like Christmas for me!!! Have a good day everyone. ~OC

  242. Steely Damned says:

    NC Gent-Well I think the first experience is a learning experience and I think why it takes longer with each go around is you start to really be able to identify what you do/don’t want so you look a little bit harder and take a bit more extra time. Glad to know that SD’s (real ones at least) take their time on finding the right match, I will feel extra special if I meet a guy who took his time in finding me, but guy out there looking for me don’t take too long LOL


  243. NC Gent says:

    Adri-SB – well said… I would just die if I found out my SB wasn’t attracted to me, but then again, that is something you can only fake for so long.

    Steely — I found my first SB in one day. It took me 7 months to find the second. Maybe a trend :)

    Thanks for the nice comment SF SD :)

    re: jetblue deal — you can’t book until 3 days before departure, so may not be that many seats… there is always a catch huh?

  244. Steely Damned*361352 says:

    Well to keep on topic, I must have been really lucky the first go around on Seeking Arrangement because I found a great SD within two weeks or so, but now it seems like the sugar process seems to be taking a bit longer for me, but perhaps the Supremes had a lost hit in a vault somewhere that is called, “You Can’t Hurry Sugar,” because believe me Diana Ross, I am in no hurry for love.

    A bit bored today as I took the day off. But I’ll put up my number so if anyone wants to have a gander at my profile they may.


  245. NitemareSD says:

    >jetblue is running a special, $599, you can fly anywhere for one month.

    That sounds so wonderful. Thank you for mentioning it.

  246. ginaZ says:

    OC SB…read back a bit on the blog. Just wanted to give you a big hug from SoCal. There’s some good lovin’ round the bend! A SD phenom for an extra special SB. Sometimes a pause in between is always good.

    I’ve had to readjust myself. I will repost with a new profile and pictures, hoping to attract the right person. I had these big lofty goals of a summer vacay in Greece or Machu Pichu.

    On a slightly different note for anyone who wants to manifest this for themselves, jetblue is running a special, $599, you can fly anywhere for one month. sigh.

  247. Adri-SB says:

    If you’re not attracted, then whats the point?
    Then you’re not a Sugar Baby, you’re a gold digger.

  248. D says:

    …This may be a stupid question… But is everyone here ALWAYS attracted to their SD’s or SB’s or do you simply look around that? I’ve spoken to a few girls who said they don’t care. I for one don’t think i could even entertain the idea if i wasn’t attracted.

  249. Adri-SB says:

    Thanks to:
    ginaZ for caring.
    OCSB for getting me the hookup lol
    Stephan because well… ya know you rock!
    Lol :)

  250. bob says:

    i’m kind of confused by this one. I’d argue thats it’s naive and counterproductive to discuss the term of an arrangement unless there is some overriding reason, like a plan to move out of the country, or something of the like.

    this is an arrangement were talking about, not a rental agreement!

    arrangements last until one party’s interests wane, or the other finds things they don’t like about the other person, or life gets int he way.

    these issues arent going to go away just because the lease isnt up for it’s 3 month renal period!

  251. Vixen says:

    OK so apparently theres been alot going on with certain sugars that I was unaware of so here it goes:

    OCSugarBaby- Sorry to hear about ur sugar breakup :( Your connection with your SD always sounded quite genuine. Hopefully your next SD will be just as passionate and caring. I wish you the least number of toads on the road to meet ur SD.

    NYC SB- Welcome back! Sorry time with ur pot was cut so short but you seemed to have enjoyed yourself. Cheers..wishing you many more sugar vacays.

    GinaZ- Welcome back girl!!! This time don’t go MIA on us. There are people here who look forward to what you have to say.

    Goodgirl (GG)- You’ve got mail!

    Everyone else welcome. If you feel your question is being ignored, please repost it. Someone is bound to notice and give an answer.

  252. SF SD says:

    Woo woo! Great topic. Here goes…

    > Do you think it’s a good idea to discuss the duration of your arrangement with a potential sugar?

    Having a set period of time has worked pretty well for me. It gives both parties the option of moving on without having to “break up.” If things are still going great, it provides a natural point to extend and adjust the understanding. My current arrangement is “until you graduate,” but I have a feeling there could be a connection long after that.

    > Do your expectations from a sugar change over time? Will you want more, less, or different kinds of benefits as the relationship progresses?

    I’ve always stuck with the allowance agreement and ended up doing more. She might need specific kinds of help at the beginning, while support becomes more “forward looking” later on. There’s no question that relationships become both more personal and more intimate as time progresses.

    > Have you been with a sugar who’s expectations fell out of sync with yours? Care to share?

    Mmmmm, yes. Let’s just say that we stopped connecting. I was never able to figure out whether a chaotic personal life was simply the norm for her, or whether this was just the SB equivalent of “I’ve got a headache.” The time limit came in handy.

    A few comments on the comments…

    > Steely – “I try to be honest with potential SD’s but still tactful and aloof till I know that this guy is a good apple.”

    Even after you get started, there’s still that initial period where you’re kind of checking each other out. Is your new sugar really who they claim to be? Are they following through on their promises? Could they still be looking around? Are they developing a sense of who you are? Do they have good instincts? After a month with my current SB I was able to say to her, “I trust you completely.” I could never have said this to Miss Chaos (above), who never really understood why it wasn’t a good idea to call me at home or what it took to arrange an afternoon off in the middle of the week.

    > SouthernGent2 – “If anything, the monthly allowance should increase over time if the relationship prospers and gets better for both parties.”

    Ideally it should be that way, and good for you if that has been your experience. I can think of several reasons, though, why generosity might be front-loaded. If an SD miscalculates or misrepresents his ability to support his sugar, things can trail off pretty fast. From the other angle, SBs are sometimes “under water” financially and reticent to bring this up at first. This can be followed by a series of urgent requests as the car insurance expires and the collectors close in.

    > Laila – “Just like you would be after any other relationship where you loved the other person. We remained “friends” and continue to email each other once a month or so. I am no longer in love with him, but I still miss him a little.”

    Yes, I can understand this.

    > NC Gent – “I think it is really hard to be in an intimate relationship/arrangement with someone for an extended period of time and not to develop some feelings. If you don’t, you are pretty much an emotional zombie. Everyone says NSA or business arrangement, etc but that is one thing to say, but another thing to practice.”

    Wise counsel, sir.

    Nice to see a collection of faces old and new. Anybody know about Dorky Guy? He seemed to be hitting his stride. And what ever happened to Jai?


  253. OCSugarBaby says:

    Welcome D! It is not easy setting expectations, however with the right person it will happen. Some feel that it is the duty of the SD to initiate this conversation. Some do not have a problem stating what they expect and can provide to the arrangement. Some just never bring it up and hope for the best. YOU have to find your comfort level. However, with the right person and a good comfort level, it can happen without feeling weird about it.

    Maybe others can share their views.

  254. D says:

    I’m new to this and found reading your comments really helpful. If you do bring up this subject when do you guys think is best? and it what way.. I find it rather weird bringing it up and find that some say it’s a must and others say to stay away.

    How do you communicate your expectations on all levels to a potential SD without having him running?

  255. stephan says:

    Thank You OC 😀

    Welcome to the blog Adri!

  256. elle says:

    hihi everyone :) special hello to ginaZ for finally returning!!!

    i am positively exhausted from working outside all day in the humidity. ugh. had a good meet with a pot SD last night, i do have my reservations though so i’m not sure about it all, we’ll see. anyways just wanted to stop in before i head out with friends, have a good night sugarsss :)

  257. OCSugarBaby says:

    Adri- Your profile has been approved! Whoohoo 😉 Thanks Stephan!

  258. ginaZ says:

    Adri-SB sass and class ditto. I’m far and away NOT a Stepford SB! Perhaps that’s why it takes a bit longer to find the right SD:)

    Adri, sounds like you had an intense intro. Glad you’re OK. Some SD’s may have a rather skewed idea of reality. I’ve also found that age is relative, some older SD’s may be less mature than their younger counterparts.

  259. Adri-SB says:

    Sass and class = The key ingredients to make anyone stand out.

  260. OCSugarBaby says:

    Hi Lisa Penelope! That would be funny if we were all the same. Not! I am far too sassy to be a clone.

  261. Adri-SB says:

    Lisa – What is a Stepford Sugarbaby? i’m new to it so I wanna know all the lingo. Lol :)

  262. lisa says:

    the stepford sugarbabies :(

  263. Adri-SB says:

    Thats good. So how long have you been a Sugar Baby?

  264. OCSugarBaby says:

    Times are a changing on the blog, a happy place filled with happy people. People who can understand what you are going thru and share their experiences and support. 😉

  265. Adri-SB says:

    Besides NYC [just thought i’d add that in]

  266. Adri-SB says:

    OCSugarBaby – Awwwww thanx. Arent you just so nice. Ya know whats funny? All the other Sugar Babies i’ve ever talked to were so mean to me. =/

  267. OCSugarBaby says:

    Adri-I just emailed Stephan for you. I asked him to check and see if it can be approved soon! 😉

  268. Adri-SB says:

    That sucks lol. I want to start talking to people… hopefully someone can upgrade my account for me =]

  269. NYC SB says:

    Adri – initial pictures and profile takes about a day or two… however any changes made after that take less than 24 hours in my experience

  270. Adri-SB says:

    Thank You OC Sugar Baby =]
    Hey how long does it take for profiles and pictures to be approved?

  271. OCSugarBaby says:

    Welcome to the Blog Adri, Male Sugar Baby and KT!

    Gina, you better not leave again! You have been missed.

    KT? Are you a fellow OC girl? I love to hear sweet sugar stories. I am so happy for you. Right now my mind is all over the place as to what will or won’t work. I am sure my sugar family will help me keep my head straight.

    Adri- Yea you are right, no amount of communication would have helped with that scenario. A true SD gentleman’s word should be golden. You would hope! Welcome!

    NC-You are right feelings are real and no one wants a zombie 😉

  272. Adri-SB says:

    I know this has nothing to do with the discussion but can anyone tell me why my profile and my pictures are taking so long to be approved?

  273. Adri-SB says:

    NYC – Exactly. He got too caught up in the relationship and was infuriated when I told him I didnt feel the same way. He became a stalker almost, and I even had to call the police on him. He felt because he had the money, he owned me.

  274. NYC SB says:

    Adri – sounds exactly like my SD… while you cannot anticipate how your feelings will develop for someone it is always best to do what feels right for you… if both parties develop feelings to the point of marriage then why not? however its a delicate situation when its one sided and it usually leads to break ups :\

  275. NYC SB says:

    good to hear that there are many long term sugar arrangements going on

  276. Adri-SB says:

    Well i’m new to this site and i’ve had only one Sugar Daddy before and he was ok. HE stated the arrangment before it actually started, which I admit did drain some fun. The thing is with the arrangement that he stated was completely different from his actions as time went by. He started expecting more and more out of me. And this arrangement, might I add, only lasted for 4 months. He started talking sexual, and wanted us to get married. Im only 19 and this was my first time being a sugar baby. I told him up front that this is not what we arranged. Then he told me “Well when you make arrangements before – hand, you dont what know what you’re getting into. So when you state what you want early, you dont know what comes up ahead, because feelings change.” I couldnt argue with that, because it is known for people to have a change of heart. So I say, before – hand arrangements should not be made for those who dont think they can keep their word. But hey, everyone is different =]

  277. NC Gent says:

    Welcome back, GinaZ!

    Hi KT-OC — sounds like your 2.5 year arrangement/relationship was similar to mine. Glad to hear someone else has one like mine – I met my first SB through craigslist but I never would go there now (but that is how I found SA lol)

  278. KT-OC says:

    I’ve had several relationships that I now see fall into this category (isn’t it amazing- that “aha” moment when you realize what your dating life has been all about?)

    Never once have I put a timeframe on anything. Every situation has ebbed and flowed along with my feelings and his. We are two people with different emotional needs and positions… it is important to remember that at all times for me.

    The longest one I’ve had has been going on for about 2 1/2 years now. He’s someone who I feel entirely comfortable with and consider a trusted friend and advisor. Given how I met him, I NEVER would have assumed the connection would span 10% of my life. He’s an adventurous and independent spirit- putting a timeframe on our arrangement together would have detracted from the spontaneity of everything.

  279. ginaZ says:

    Thanks NYC SB!!!

  280. ginaZ says:

    OCSB said..

    “Ending- If the relationship ends, will you get a month’s allowance as a sweet sugar parting gesture?”

    Yes, and yes! A true SD will makes this overture.

  281. NYC SB says:

    welcome back!!!!

  282. ginaZ says:

    A shout out to OC SB, NYC SB and the sugar family:)

    It’s been a little while but…I couldn’t resist!

    Do you think it’s a good idea to discuss the duration of your arrangement with a potential sugar? If so, how would you approach the topic?

    In the past I did mention not only duration of time but allowance from the onset. Either the pot SD brought it up, or I did. No, not right away. About 20 minutes into a phone conversation the subject is broached. If there is enough of a connection most successful meetings have begun with lunch where we continue to get to know one another. On the topic of time and money, it’s delicate, but if there’s enough mutual chemistry the arrangement can begin soon after. I want the pot SD to know I’m interested in a LT NSA arrangement, and like OC suggested, a 3/6/9 month increment is good. Deal breaker for me, the pot SD who is of the “try before you buy attitude.”
    In some ways it’s better to talk, ever so lightly about some of this just to know you are on the same page. To begin either the SB or pot SD can ask the other if they have had a previous arrangement before…

    Do your expectations from a sugar change over time? Yes, as you get to know one another you make adjustments. Will you want more, less, or different kinds of benefits as the relationship progresses? Yes, though not always monetary.

    Have you been with a sugar who’s expectations fell out of sync with yours? Care to share? Yes, a recent 3 day holiday where it was obvious from my end the gentlemen had unrealistic expectations, in other words he was fixed on the fantasy, where as I am real, and found it exhausting trying to match his fantasy. I knew we were not compatible for the long term. Also, I’ve come to realize a married SD may not be a good match for me.

  283. NYC SB says:

    GinaZ — please return 😀

  284. NYC SB says:

    Mina – SD had a family emergency and had to jet off… but not before booking a spa day for me… would have loved more time with him instead

    I am not sure how rested I am as this was a very party mode vacation… overall good time away from work :)

  285. MALE_Sugar_Baby says:

    Hello ALL —

    As to the popular questions: I think that an arrangement should be approached as any other relationship in that relations depend upon the people; consequently, the length of an arrangement will depend upon the “fit” between the sugar mommy and sugar baby.

  286. OCSugarbaby says:

    Mina- No worries, I knew what you meant. I did however state that a possible 3/6/9 months to start and keep re-newing the agreement as things progress and evolve. I will keep an open mind. I am hoping to read some other ideas on here!

    NYCSB- Welcome back! I hope you come back from your Vacay rested, you work far too hard.

    Now if I could only ha-lla loud enough for Miss GinaZ to return to the blog… hahaaha I think she may have heard me…

  287. Mina says:

    That came out all wrong.. I wasn’t calling you tacky, darling! I see what you’re saying but I meant that in the beginning of a relationship to say “Ok, I want this to only last 3/6/or however many months” then terminate the realtionship then. But I absolutely think two people should discuss with one another every few months to make sure their needs and wants are taken care of and expectations are met.

    NYC SB – How did the sugar vacation turn into a non sugar vacay? Where did you go?

  288. NYC SB says:

    stephan – I have not forgotten about the book review… been spending way too much traveling lately… you should have it by the end of the week.

    Another pet peeve – can SA put an indicator in the mail box which will tell me which emails i have responded to??? I cannot keep track… ::blush face::

  289. NYC SB says:

    Hi all!

    Back from a lovely sugar turned non sugar vacation!

    on the topic:

    Do you think it’s a good idea to discuss the duration of your arrangement with a potential sugar? If so, how would you approach the topic?

    I think its good to state up front if you are looking for something longer term or you are looking for a one time thing. However, I am not sure I could tell a pot SD that I only want to see him for 3 months or 6 months or whatever the case may be… I usually state that I am looking for a NSA long term arrangement as I do not feel comfortable sleeping around with random men. Then I leave it at that… the arrangement can last as long as things are good between the two of us and when things turn sour then I run for the door.

    Do your expectations from a sugar change over time? Will you want more, less, or different kinds of benefits as the relationship progresses?

    I believe that the originally set allowance shouldnt change unless the SD offers more due to the connection that has developed over time. If say after a while I see an SD has become attached to me I would never use that to get more money or gifts as I think that would be very deceitful and manipulative from my end. An exception being an unforeseen financial problem that I cannot take care of myself.

    Have you been with a sugar who’s expectations fell out of sync with yours? Care to share?
    My last SD wanted a traditional relationship with me after a while and that I not what I signed up for… thus I ended the relationship

  290. OCSugarbaby says:

    Mina- I don’t believe in a weekly agreement! But I will go down the path of short or long term expectations. I have been asked that in the past and found it to be refreshing that they were feeling out the situation. I don’t want to commit to a short term or long term, but I want to set expectations upfront and be realistic. Check point if you will at 3 or 6 or 9 month intervals to see if or how things could be better. I have never been called tacky, but oh well there is always a first! LOL

  291. Mina says:

    My question to Miami Sugar Baby,
    Did you save anything or simply spend each month?

  292. Mina says:

    Do you think it’s a good idea to discuss the duration of your arrangement with a potential sugar? If so, how would you approach the topic?
    I think it’s tacky to put a specific time frame on things (as far as months or worse, weeks) but I don’t see anything wrong with mentioning whether you are looking for something short or long(er) term. One of my SDs and I have a “go with the flow” relationship and we’ve been together for a year and a half.

    Do your expectations from a sugar change over time? Will you want more, less, or different kinds of benefits as the relationship progresses?
    More. I’m greedy, ha. JK (mostly) I don’t mind asking for things, especially if it’s something I’ve wanted for quite some time, but only after I’m comfortable with the guy.

    Have you been with a sugar who’s expectations fell out of sync with yours? Care to share?
    I’ve had SDs in the past who have wanted to spend more time with me than my schedule and personal life could handle. It’s somewhat flattering but lunch and rendezvous a few times a week are just too much, especially when I have so much going on outside of my sugar life.

  293. OCSugarBaby says:

    To me the point of discussing the allowance, duration and ending is to keep it real. It is not the normal dating realm. I am not being cold, actually I have shifted my mind set going in to a future arrangement. I do want to open my heart to the possibility of love. Nevertheless, being realistic about what it is. It is an A-r-r-a-n-g-e-m-e-n-t, and that is a pre-determined agreement for the relationship. Agreements need to be clear and agreed upon by both people involved. Let us say that one person does not keep their part of the agreement. Do you just “go with it and see where things go and if it turns out great that’s awesome.” as Honey stated. On the other hand, do you communicate upfront and state some guidelines and expectations? I prefer the expectation setting to be upfront.

    Allowance- Agreed and set up

    Duration- 3/6/9 months to start and keep re-newing the agreement as things progress and evolve. Sugar does not last forever. The normal duration is less than one year. Are you keeping your expectations real? Are you saving as much Sugar $$$ as you can so when it ends abruptly you have a nest egg? You really should not COUNT on the allowance; it can go POOF faster than a potential poof daddy.

    Ending- If the relationship ends, will you get a month’s allowance as a sweet sugar parting gesture? Or will he cut and bail? All I am saying is set your expectations up front and if it ends in 4 months due to the SD’s decision (which could be a vast list of reasons, not all bad ones, but valid nonetheless) will he see your 6 months agreement to the end? Will he provide you with the two-month allowance that would fulfill the agreement? Parting on good terms needs to be the expectation of both sugars, you both want the best for each other, that is non-negotiable!!!

    I can’t write all my thoughts or negotiating skills within this comment (SA would have a second best selling book).

    I am just a advocate for communication, they are not mind readers.

    Just something to think about…

  294. NC Gent says:

    Hi Honey — my first SB and I definitely had some very strong feelings for each other, but it would have never worked out for various reasons, so we left it at that. I think it is really hard to be in an intimate relationship/arrangement with someone for an extended period of time and not to develop some feelings. If you don’t, you are pretty much an emotional zombie. Everyone says NSA or business arrangement, etc but that is one thing to say, but another thing to practice.

  295. Laila says:

    This is to answer to “Honey.” Yes, that has happened to me! :(

    I was with my SD for 2 years, and I fell in love with him by the end of year one. I tried to actually break it off because of that, but then we continued… I was only seeing him as I considered it to be a real relationship with the additional benefit if being taken care of by him, but I had a suspicion that he was seeing some other girls too.

    We finally ended when he moved overseas for his business. After he left, I was so down for months… Just like you would be after any other relationship where you loved the other person. We remained “friends” and continue to email each other once a month or so. I am no longer in love with him, but I still miss him a little. Call me crazy, but I’ve only been in love twice, and one was him.

    As far as discussing how long things will last between two people does not seem like a great idea to me… It takes all the fun out of it!

    With that said, if we agree that a SD would support me to a certain degree financially each month, I would not be okay with him decreasing that amount, because I am counting on receiving that.

  296. Honey says:

    Do you think it’s a good idea to discuss the duration of your arrangement with a potential sugar?

    It really depends, there are some very good points stated but its kind of like if you started dating someone and in the beginning of your relationship you had that discussion, it just doesn’t happen really. It kind of makes things weird, in my opinion its better to just go with it and see where things go and if it turns out great that’s awesome. Its a different form of relationship that’s pretty much built on the same things.

    I have a question for everyone…

    Have any of you ever had an exclusive monogamous relationship with a SD or SB were you fell in love and were only with each other?

  297. gurlnextdoor says:

    Ok everyone I’m back. :) I broke up with my bf and now I’m back and ready to find the SD of my dreams. Now to answer the questions.

    Do you think it’s a good idea to discuss the duration of your arrangement with a potential sugar? If so, how would you approach the topic?
    I think it is, that way you both avoid some headaches in the future. I think this should be discussed at the same time as how much the allowance will be, how many times will you meet, etc.

    Do your expectations from a sugar change over time? Will you want more/less or different kinds of benefits as the relationship progresses?
    I think they do, but as with all other types of relationships that’s natural. I would want more benefits as the relationship progresses personally.

    Have you been with a sugar who’s expectations fell out of sync with yours? Care to share?
    Yes, he wanted a “pay to play” type of arrangement instead of giving me a monthly allowance and so it fell apart.

  298. SouthernGent2 says:

    Interesting discussion. Seriously, what guy, no matter how wealthy, is going to give a girl 15k per month? Why would any guy do that? I know it happens on rare occasion, but it makes little sense.

    Second, if a girl was getting a high amount such as that, why would she accept a pay cut month to month? That makes little sense to me either. If anything, the monthly allowance should increase over time if the relationship prospers and gets better for both parties.

  299. elle says:

    hey all :) great topic!!

    to start, unless one party has a specific duration in mind, there is not really an urgent need to discuss it. however since these arrangements are not overly long term that could be brought up.

    i definitely think expectations can change slightly over time as each arrangement is unique and so are the people in it – so the relationship will change as the people and their situations do.

    alright, well i’ve got a date for drinks with a potential in an hour so i’ve got to get ready! send sugar vibes for mee ! :)

  300. Steely Damned says:

    Well in the real world as well, you just have to be smart and keep an eye out and use good judgement. I try to be honest with potential SD’s but still tactful and aloof till I know that this guy is a good apple. Well it’s late here in Londres and I must be getting to bed, but I’ll respond when another topic comes into play as I’ve given my views on this one. Au revoir sugars xx

  301. NC Gent says:

    Yes — as has been often said here — there are scammers on both sides of the table in the sugar world :)

  302. Steely Damned says:

    Well some blokes see “Communication, Trust, and Commitment” as:

    Hi I TRUST when I COMMUNICATE that I want to f*ck you, you will honour this COMMITMMENT.

  303. NC Gent says:

    Hello all! I personally am not in favor of discussing the term of the arrangement, unless one party knows that it is going to be very short.

    I had a 2.5 year arrangement, and it just kept going and going (which we were both happy with) and it ended naturally a few months after she graduated from college. The terms of our arrangement changed over time – after about a year or so of seeing each other, she stopped taking a regular allowance and she would only make a request for assistance when she needed it (I kept inquiring also). Basically, she trusted me to help her when she needed it and I trusted her to tell me when she needed help. Of course, I still spoiled her plenty :)

    I had another arrangement that didn’t end quite as smoothly, and there was a lot of dishonesty in the arrangement. It started out as a great friendship/lover arrangement, but over time, she just wanted it to be sex and money, which I wasn’t too keen on. We parted ways somewhat amicably, and I just try to focus on just the positives when I look back at that arrangement.

    Yes things change, and every arrangement is different. IMHO, the keys to a mutually satisfying arrangement are communication, trust and commitment — I guess not unlike any relationship or friendship :)

  304. Steely Damned says:

    Hello there!!! New to the blog and new to the site!!!!! (well not new, but last time I joined was a year ago and deleted the profile since a LOT can happen in a years time and now have a new and accurate one in hopes of finding a top notch SD) Glad there is a blog now, this is great stuff.

    So to answer the questions:

    Do you think it’s a good idea to discuss the duration of your arrangement with potential sugar? If so, how would you approach the topic?

    **I think it’s good to acknowledge that these relationships don’t last very long. It’s not a marriage where you make a lifelong commitment. The last and only arrangement I had was about 6 months, I saw my SD twice per month (once in my city and once in his we’d alternate) and it ended naturally. SB’s thinking that they have won the lotto when they finally find an SD and think that they can assume that he will always be there should come down from Sugar cloud 9 and not quit their day job or school anytime soon. SD’s and perhaps SB’s are good at wishful thinking and like to talk long term (ladies who hasn’t heard, “don’t worry I’ll take care of it” from an SD who ends up doing anything but) but to wrap up my answer: Arrangements run their course……….and a level headed SB needs to always keep that in mind.

    Do your expectations from a sugar change over time? Will you want more/less or different kinds of benefits as the relationship progresses?

    ** If you are a “smart” sugar baby you hopefully will want less over time. Hopefully you are getting the loans paid for school on time, maybe your SD helped you with your CV or knew a good job for you and you are working really hard, maybe he even helped you start up your own business, and perhaps you saved up enough to not have to ask for any more financial assistance at all. I think (in my case) I came here to get the fuel for the car so I could get to where I want to go to in life. And It isn’t to fine restaurants and random hotel rooms………

    Have you been with a sugar who’s expectations fell out of sync with yours? Care to share?

    **Yes as a matter of fact. I like how in the initial message I always say, “let’s get the basic conversation out of the way so when we are in person we can have a more in depth or pleasure conversation about something else besides what I’m looking for and what he is looking for.” What I don’t like is when I go into detail about what my expectations are, describe my past experiences and what i liked/didn’t like, and what i hope to be able to bring to the arrangement and the guy just gives a very blase reply. “Oh well I just want chemistry.” Nothing else. I’m trying NOT to waste your time, so give me something: how many times do you want or have time to meet me? what do you like to do for fun so I can arrange a date? what type of assistance are you looking to offer a lady? Even more ironic is when the profiles are more in depth than the conversation. Who wrote your profile?

    Okay soapbox off………. next in line to comment!

  305. OCSugarbaby says:

    Thanks Stephan! The new topic should be fun. No one here is going to bash an old sugar. But to gain realistic expectations upfront and for the end may make things easier later on.

    So, yes! I think it is a very good idea to discuss the duration. I think I will start with a short duration with extensions next time around. I think that it can be discussed with poise and grace on both sides.

    Do expectations change? Yes! You can develop real and true feelings for this person. But, you need to understand that two perfect sugars may not be in the same place in their “hearts” at the same time.

    I have learned a great deal about sugar dating (and myself as a person) from my last arrangement and I hope to make some changes next go around. My sugar experience has been VERY positive. But, a positive persona draws positive persona back to you! Time will tell…

    I am hoping all of my sugar family will find their way back to the blog. It will be a positive experience, we CAN make it fun and exciting again!