9 years ago
Eyes Spy an Arrangement


In Allison’s breathtaking (literally) journey through the valley of the computer dusters, Intervention’s arguably most popular episode ever reveals how she affords her rent, car, food, and her main priority: more duster…


click to watch

“I’m pissed. I had to hang out with someone I don’t even care about to earn that money.” -Allison

Since A&E aired their long awaited update on Allison this Monday, debate rages on about her sugar daddy, or “John”, as her sister implied. What say you?

When (if ever) is it wrong to support a sugar baby or sugar daddy? If they’re addicted to drugs? What about shopping or sex-pursuit addictions?

**extra: click HERE to read Sugar Dating Legal Advice by IRLSD**

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439 Responses to “Eyes Spy an Arrangement”

  1. SBnxtdoor says:

    Elegant– I just caught up with everyone’s postings and I am so very sorry about your ordeal. Sounds like you found Dr. Jekyl. Take a breather and regroup.

  2. SBnxtdoor says:

    sorry my sentence structure is so lame this evening

  3. SBnxtdoor says:

    I have to report that I am in rare form. A potSD e-mailed me as I was running out the door and I decided to wait until I got home to reply to take the time to carefully reply to his e-mail. When I got home there was a second e-mail that said because I did not contact him right away, we both would now miss out, him on the most fun he ever had and me on 7k per month. I responded jokingly that he must be more impatient than I and that I wanted to reply when I could take the time to carefully and thoughtfully reply to him. His follow up e-mail said send me your number or “walk and wonder” Gals, that just rubbed me the wrooooong way. I told him just that and I informed him that being with someone who is arrogant, impatient, and demanding is not worth 100k per month to me. He then said that he meant that in a warm, friendly way. Look, I do realize that you can not hear someone’s tone of voice via e-mail, but this is an example of how communication can go terribly wrong between two people via cyberspace quickly. I think I saved myself some grief but had he simply been more formal and polite he wouldn’t have risen my Sicilian temperment. I could have just laughed off the “walk and wonder” comment, but do I really need to be with someone who wants me to feel indebted to them for knowing them or rather someone that I feel grateful to have met?

  4. mommapoppins says:

    Good morning sugar family! Hope all had a wanderful night! It looks as though it will be a wanderful day for all!

    lily- thanks for the welcome!

  5. sugarbarbie says:

    Good morning sugarland!

  6. ElegantSugar says:

    Taz – there is a new blog! :)

  7. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    TexaSD – sorry I missed you :( You have (maybe had?) my email addy – say hi sometime since we obviously don’t have our timing down anymore 😉

    Elegant – so glad to hear your night turned around my dear 😀

    Good morning to everyone else in sugarland!!

  8. ElegantSugar says:

    Good morning, Sugar Family!

    I am watching the beautiful snow fall over the city. Small flakes, large flakes. Just beautiful. I know it’s different if you have to be in it, but wow, just gorgeous.

    LASB – thanks, sweetie. I handled everything like a lady and stayed positive throughout. Positive thoughts create positive action (as hokey as that may sound). I never allow obstacles the power to defeat me.

    So many of you made such valid points in making sure you have an ‘escape’ when you travel with a new SD. I was so blind-sided by this man’s actions, shocked and appalled. Had I not had the means or sense to make other plans, I would have either been stranded or stuck with him. Such a bad situation. I finally had to send him a text (and I normally wouldn’t pose threat on anyone) telling him if he sent me one more nasty text, his wife would find out all. He wrote back threatening me if his wife found out anything, he would come after my family and it would be ten-fold. What a jerk. His ego was so shot that I chose to walk away for good instead of forgiving him for his belligerent behavior. He didn’t realize he was dealing with a WOMAN and not a child.

    Lily – Cafe XO Patron is a coffee-flavored tequila that is DELICIOUS! If you like espresso, you will just love this. I normally don’t drink shots at all, but with Cafe XO Patron I make an exception. Especially when it is ICE cold.

    Details about the turnaround (I will try to keep it brief). There was a pot SD I was communicating with (from this same city) in the beginning of Jan. Although we never met, I was crazy, crazy, crazy about him. (Intellectually, physically, you name it) he asked me to travel to Europe with him and I had other travel obligations for work so couldn’t make it. His trip was 2 weeks long and I knew we wouldn’t communicate much because of time differences, etc. Well, we both kind of lost touch with one another. I noticed one day his account was deleted. I decided not to contact assuming he found a SB or just had a change of heart about things. And in the back of my mind, I kind of thought he was too good to be true anyway and maybe wasn’t even a real person. I thought of him yesterday after things went so sour with BCSD and dug up his email address and sent a simple “are you still around?” message. He wrote back RIGHT AWAY. Anyway, we ended up meeting for wine last night and he was just as simply AMAZING in person as he was over email, phone and text. The chemistry between us is UNREAL and he was sooo sweet in listening to my horror story about BCSD. He allowed me to get it all out and he listened so intently. Then we talked about everything else under the sun. We talked about how we both disappeared, but he said he always thought of me and wanted to stay in touch, but was respecting my silence (as I was his). I think I smiled the entire time I was with him. I am rarely just absolutely captivated by a man – he had me at HELLO. ha ha.

    Ok, enough of my novel (did I just take Lily’s job? Just kidding, Lil.)

    Chitown – I hope my coat suggestions helped.

    Hi NC Gent – thanks for your words earlier and virtual hugs.

    Thank you ALL OF YOU for being so very supportive. It made such a huge difference to have SOMEWHERE to go to ‘talk’ about things.

  9. NC Gent says:

    new blog — I will post my response there.

  10. Anna Molly says:

    SDN – you are such a gentleman! 😀

    Good morning everyone!

  11. NC Gent says:

    Newbie — when you write the potential SD, say something that you liked in his profile. Make sure you use proper grammar and look and check for spelling errors. Also, ask him a question about one of his interests — most people can’t resist responding to a question on a topic for which they are passionate. Remember, you only have one chance to make a first impression. Best wishes!

    Midwest — we have to plan details on the fishing trip. It will be fun!

  12. SD NEOhio (SDN) says:

    sugarbarbie: Sorry for the late reply. First when I say travel expenses I don’t mean some expenses, I mean all of them. Hotel, cab/car, plane, tips, etc. If there were going to be other costs the SB needed help with, such as hair or new dress I would cover those also.

  13. Lily says:

    I typically make the first contact, newbie. If he’s into you, he wont’ care who did.

  14. Lily says:

    Hello to you, mommapoppins! Welcome!!!

    Elegant –yay! Details?

    Midwest — breathless good or breathless bad?

  15. LASB says:

    Newbie – I’m no SD, but this question has been asked before, so I’ll just say that it’s ok to make first contact with the pot SDs. I actually met one SD who said he never writes to anyone. There are so many women writing to him, that he doesn’t have the time or incentive to go searching for them. That’s just my understanding, so wait and see who else will chime in.

  16. newbie says:

    I dumped SD I was seeing and have decided to move on I need more SD advice I am not one to wait for anything so I want to take things into my own hands and contact potential SD’s. To SD’S on this blog how do you feel when a SB contacts you and what makes you more likely to respond do you take this new relationship any less since you didn’t initiate first contact? God I am so green but I really do appreciate the help

  17. LASB says:

    Oh, ok. I guess I’m all alone. :( Just got in and catching up.

    Elegant – If there’s anyone who can turn a salt disaster around, it’s you. I’m not at all surprised that it worked out for you and I’m so glad you’re back to being your chipper self!

  18. TexaSD says:

    ok, well then, I will just do the same.

  19. TexaSD says:

    Taz- See, when i am up, your past out, this blows…

  20. TexaSD says:

    I am here

  21. mommapoppins says:

    Hi everyone, I am new to seekingarrangement.com, just wanted to introduce my self. Have a wanderfuld evening!

  22. SBnxtdoor says:

    Hey everyone. Had a pot date this week with a guy that was local. I wanted there to be chemistry but just wasn’t. He was cute. I guess I want my SD to have a boyfriend like feel or at least some guy that I just want to jump his bones. The pickin’s are slim. The potSD who became a business allie and I have chemistry with keeps flirting but, he informed me today that he is going to try to be a good boy and be serious with a gal he dated a couple years ago.

  23. ElegantSugar says:

    Hi Taz…I am here lurking. Mostly reading and getting caught up. Safe and sound in a new place and staying in this city because I have family here I’m going to visit tomorrow.

    My night had a HUGE and amazing turn around. Too much to write here, but wow, it is funny how things happen when you least expect it. Right place, right time and my bad situation had a very bright ending after all…sans BCSD. :)

  24. ElegantSugar says:

    Obviously, that was supposed to be $150.oo NOT %

  25. ElegantSugar says:

    Chitown –

    Ralph Lauren makes an adorable belted trench that stops right below the butt, great for all shapes but specifically wonderful for petite women. (micro-fiber though, not wool) Around $450

    Laundry makes a very, very cute wool single-breasted coat. ADORABLE and affordable. %150.00 Go to smartbargains.com

    Vivienne Westwood has a gorgeous wool wrap coat. But that one is going to cost you about $1,400.00

  26. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Haha – yes just getting back to the blog NOW!

    TexaSD – I saw you up there – you around still???? How is your SB search going?

    MMD – Hi back!! Glad to hear that you had a wonderful vday :)

    Wooohooo ESB – told you it worked 😉 I am sprinkling sugar dust for you!!

    Aaaaand I am assuming everyone is gone! Lol..this is why I don’t post this late…TexaSD? Yaz? Any late night lurkers?? I am here for a few minutes lol!

  27. Chitown SB says:

    guess I’m the only one here…. probably means I should get to sleep

  28. Chitown SB says:

    anybody have any recommendations for a great chic wool wintery coat? I want it to be at least past my butt and be flattering to my figure. I am 5’3ish and slim, so I would qualify as petite.

  29. Chitown SB says:

    Good evening to whoever is still here. How is everyone tonight?

    Elegant: I am SO sorry to hear of your misfortune.It happens to the best of us. Thank goodness you are safe. It can be very hard to know all aspects of someone’s personality ad capacity to be either decent or awful with such a short “courtship”, so don’t beat yourself up too bad. It was still an experience to be learned from, and hopefully it didn’t do too much damage to your ability to take chances. If this jerk keeps messing with you, I’m sure you’d have sugars of both types willing to beat him up for you 😉

  30. always2sweet says:

    night hon! I need to the same, bikram yoga in the AM is gonna kick my ass lol. Later sugars

  31. MoonPatrol says:

    I have not had luck on dating sites like Match .com
    I truly don’t know what these women are looking for. I must appear like Frankenstein to them is my guess. I get The arrangement concept well, but haven’t gone full throttle with it which is why I am not getting much results. I did go full throttle with it last year and ended up flying out of a curve, knocking down a flimsy wooden fence and spilling over into some grass. I didn’t go to the hospital but was sore fore four weeks. (Life as motorcycle rider analogy) Right now I have body armor and am only riding on Sundays out in the country.

  32. ESB says:

    A2S: read up on the blog.^^ V-day, drama with an x lover, XBF being a pain in my hiney. Then there is the money situation… BG wants a place of our own, I can’t give it to her yet. I just need some money to pay off bills, find a decent place… then my life will be just fine!! :)

    ON the bright side, I have a job interview on Thrus., 3 pots who seem iteresting, and my kids love me more than life. I jokingly posted on FB I’d like to move to TX where it is warmer, and my daughters friend said I’d have to tak my 800 daughters with me.!! Made me laugh, but then I said I’m gonig to have to sit down and count how many girls from the HS actually do call me mom!! BG has lots of friends whom I’ve adopted. They all want their say in who, when and IF I date. Silly girls. Love them!!

    OK going to bed now. Meds are kicking in and I’m getting to chatty! Night all!!

  33. always2sweet says:

    Thanks Moon!

    ESB yeah, I am doing a BFA witha double enphasis on photography and constuctivist sculpture/installation. The funny thing is that I have never considered myself an artist

    Yeah, I think the arts are something that will haunt you if you let them go, that how I kind of feel about dance. I’m helping a friend coreograph a solo piece now, and it hurts my heart a little that I can never seriously dance again. But life has taken me in another direction anyway, so I will be happy for him

    3 gentlemen, EH! And no sexy talk so far, even better! I will definately be sending positive thoughts your way in regards to those situations. I could definately use some sugar in my life…even a relatively realistic pot to get to know would be nice, but like I said before I’m going to try a bit of a different approach with this, a more positive attitude(revamping the profile and changing up the pics as well) we shall see what happens

    btw whats going on that has you down(or do you feel like sharing) you know if you ever need a talk I am just an email away

  34. ESB says:

    Moon: I have given up dating IRL. Have not had a date in … 5 months? and I’m kinda ok with it. Less drama, I have enough with the jerk I was involved with a few years ago. Then there is the XBF who is making me crazy. I think taking this break has been good for me, especially after my disastrous trip to AZ a month ago.

    A2S: You’re an art student!? That is AWESOME. So was I!! I took graphic arts, really wish I continued with it. I only attended 2 years. I was lucky that I had enough grants and scholarships that I didn’t have to pay any of it. I had a hard time deciding between my love of painting and my love of music. Really wish I had gone on in music, but life made me give it up a 2nd time, so maybe it’s best I went the route I chose.

    Focusing on the positive is always the best road to choose. My life is not a bed of roses right now, but BG is helping me stay on top of things, and keeps me going day after day.

    I now have 3 gentlemen I am talking to. I love the fact that NONE of them has even TRIED to bring up sex. That is refreshing!! Keeping my fingers crossed now!

  35. MoonPatrol says:

    Good luck with the inspiration to get your art going in a confident manner. I go to art openings sometimes and am always respectful of the person who made it even if I don’t like it. I did some hard partying in the Navy around 26-30 at times, but then again I didn’t have to study.

  36. always2sweet says:

    MoonPatrol: it is definately a great time to be back in school. I’m glad that I decided to go back and finish my BFA, and maybe the fashion thing will happen in the near future *fingers always crossed on that one* Im kind of an over achiever, so school does get a little stressful I pretty much strive for strait A’s(my standing GPA is a 4.0 right now, but I think its gonna drop a smidge this semester b/c I hate one of my classes with a firey passion lol). I got a lot of partying out of the way between 18 and 21 lol so now I’m more focused on getting sh*t done that kind of fell to the way side during my “off” years…dont get me wrong though, this girl still works hard and plays hard 😉

  37. CarpathianCutie says:

    Hey Moon- I always send a short cheerful note. After all, you’re emailing a stranger and I like to think that my hello can brighten up a day. It’s more fun to be positive and cheerful. Besides what else can you write to someone you don’t know.

    As for the guy I wrote about earlier-I’m not going to pursue it. If a man keeps asking me over and over why I’m on this site and then states that I’m only “dating for money,” someone has an issue and it’s not me. I just can’t get over how quickly he went from funny and interesting to icky.

  38. always2sweet says:

    hey ESB I’m doing pretty good I must say. Been spending a lot of time on campus and doing my internship(I’m working at a center for contemporary arts) and trying to put together an art show. I got offered a solo show in the fall, so hopefully I will be confident enough in the work that I’m doing to go foreward with that. Other than that, still going through financial BS, but just trying not to be such a Debbie Downer lol focusing only on the positive and the potential for the future :)

    How have you been, love?

  39. MoonPatrol says:

    no stories to supply tonight from me as I ‘m an armchair SD and have no real LAdy friends to speak of OH Well as they say

  40. MoonPatrol says:

    Go Cutie– I like it when people respond quickly but I’m approaching from the SD position. I know I try to respond to women i’m interested in but some are a no from the start.

  41. ESB says:

    Sugar dreams MMD!! I’m not to far behind you!!

    Gonna put this out there now. I am house sitting for the next few days, may not be able to get on here. He is an IT specialists, really dont’ want them to know I am on this sight. Not something I want to have to explain!! I will be checking on my room mate from time to time, (he is havig surgery on Wed.) I will try to get on when I am here.

  42. CarpathianCutie says:

    ESB- my only exciting news is that I sent out two emails today and got two replies! Whee!! :) :)

  43. ESB says:

    Moon: thank you for your concern, but actually, I can not drink wine. I’m terribly allergic to sulfates. Break out in hives, it’s ugly!! AND I am on some meds right now that if I drink alcohol, I’ll be sick to my stomach. I should be off by this weekend, but not sure how long that side affect will continue. I have learned my lesson early on that my drinking and being on a date is NOT a good combination!!

  44. Midwest Mistress of the Dark says:

    Hi ESB! Yes, positive thoughts!

    I’m off to get my rest…looks like I missed most fo the activity tonight. Even with the BB, it’s tough to log in from work. Have a wonderful evening.

  45. ESB says:

    A2S: it’s been a long time! How are you?

    I’m pumped up and can’t sleep. Waiting for my pain pills and muscle relaxers to kick in to I can go crash… anyone else got some exciting news tonight?

  46. MoonPatrol says:

    ESB — why not have a glass of wine with him. ? A bottle means you are going to get tipsy (both of you) Too early for that?

  47. MoonPatrol says:

    Always– its a good time to be in school . When I was full time in college I got my partying in. but I regret missing the Grateful Dead concert to write an astronomy paper, but at least it paid off with a B+.

  48. ESB says:

    LASB, MMD, LilSB,(that name makes me think of a rapper!) Cutie, Moon Patrol, SugarBarbie, and if I missed anyone, I’ll make up for it later!! HI!! good to see everyone tonight!!

    I am back to 3 pots. wow, the newest one… I almost dismissed him! Said he had “ulterior motives” which ended up meaning “to persuade me to share a bottle of wine at dinner next week” AAwww.. so far, so good. I have this feeling about him, really weird, and I am so nervous! So not lilke me! But a good nervous! OK Deep breaths!!

    This is turning out to be a fairly good day, and after yesterday was such a flop!! Positive thinking “The Secret” and “What the Bleep Do We Know”, I am successfull there for I will be successful. Just gotta believe it!

  49. MoonPatrol says:

    Mistress- By that formula I’m a lot richer than that millionaire thats in debt.! I’ve known that for a long time. If every man had his liquid worth written on his forehead, a lot of the big players would probably have Minus signs on them,.
    Yes I’ve talked with Lisa here but don’t know how else to get a hold of her!

  50. always2sweet says:

    hey all! just trying to catch up on everything, not sure I’ll be able to follow all that is going on, but I miss you sugars…school, and internship, and life in general have had me running around like mad! The only time I’ve had to even touch a computer is to write papers, or do something at the internship. But I miss SA and think I am ready to throw myself back into the sugar search(oddly, a high up I was talking to at my college about finaid issues made a joke suggesting that I get a sugar daddy…I kinda took that as a sign that maybe I should get back on the perverbial horse).

  51. lil'SB says:

    Thanks LASB, I look forward to hearing your update! I also hate crass profiles =(

  52. Midwest Mistress of the Dark says:

    sugarbarbie – I have learned that frequently men do not disclose their true income/ net worth on their profile. I’m at an advantage in that I can research extra information that helps me verify who they are. Additionally, a man can have a net worth of $5MM and be in buried in debt and a man can have a net worth of $1MM and be debt free. Bottom line, if he can afford to provide you what you are seeking, the rest is a bonus.

  53. LASB says:

    DC – I totally agree and I have a crappy 12 key phone, so I use text speak when texting, but not on email or any other time. It’s really just his profile that said something like “luv 2 luv u” and worse things than that. lol. Oddly though, he’s been very sweet and intellectually stimulating. But maybe he made his profile from a BB or iphone. He used to work in telcom, so maybe it comes from that. In any case, I don’t next someone for that. I next them for being @$$holes. haha.

  54. Midwest Mistress of the Dark says:

    It’s SD night on the blog!!! Hello to SG2, SDN, TexasSD, NC Gent, Moon and JSO. You guys are the cream of the crop and it’s time for you to find some real sugar!

    NCGent – James says YES to the fishing trip! Woo Hoo!

    Moon – sounds like you and Lisa should put previous posts aside and visit…not necessarily for sugar, but to share.

    Lisa and Elegant – these guys have no idea what they have lost. Elegant, I’m so sorry that you are having to endure this. Meanwhile, it’s a very real reminder that an SB can never be too safe. You went out with this guy a few times before and were comfortable enough in your own judgement and surrounded by bloggers who think you couldn’t fail. This guy turned the minute he had you and that shows it could happen to anybody!

    Ladies – always, always, always have a back-up plan. Send one of us infor on who you are meeting, do google and internet checks, check the dirtsearch page. You could even leave a print-out of e-mails, pictures, etc at your desk for someone to find if you don’t return when expected. I don’t mean to sound paranoid, just cautious.

    TT and Photogirl – Hi ladies! I’ve missed you!

    Lily – you leave me breathless!

  55. CarpathianCutie says:

    LASB- I met him here on SA. My recent string of emails from SDs- and I’m loosely calling them that-here on this site generally consists of “hi-send me photos” or they just send me their phone number.
    One guy sent me his first email- you’re perfect- when can we meet- and believe it or not, that turned me off. Anyone who is uber eager to meet in a first email is not, in my opinion looking for sugar.

  56. LASB says:

    MoonP – He’s not that old – only 40. His emails are very well written and I’ve hung out with him, so I know he’s not stupid or illiterate. It’s just his profile that’s awful. It’s crass and full of text speak. Also, learning from Rahm Emanuel, it may not be such a great idea to use the word “retard” that way. BTW, I find Rahm incredibly sexy, so I’m going to forgive him. :)

  57. DC SB says:

    LASB: my SD uses text/chat lingo on occasion.. and he’s exceptionally smart. He is very busy and texting/emailing/calling/writing/speaking with several people at any given moment and rarely has the time to sit and write eloquent texts to me. So I would consider it less lack of intelligence and more so that they’re very busy.
    My parents also use WORSE text lingo than I do (I like writing everything out). My mom’s hands hurt at the end of the day from being on her BB all day long, and it’s the quickest- she’s at the very top of her field and has several degrees.

    Definitely don’t completely discredit these pot SDs ladies!
    (Unless they use it in a crude way like, aye y0 mam1z [email protected] 1 [email protected] @+chu 4 a s3c).

  58. DC SB says:

    Barbie – I tended to stick w/ a certain income level. ie 1 mil+
    If they had less/wanted to spend less time with me, then I wouldn’t have minded having more than 1 SD.

  59. MoonPatrol says:

    LASB- Typing is hard and mistakes happen a lot so we don’t always go back and fix them. I can handwrite very well because I grew up without computers. My grammar is flawless when I try that is. This guy of yours may either be an illiterate engineer or just be lazy. If he is a retard when he writes then he’s just that a bad writer and probably speaker too.

  60. LASB says:

    Carpathian – Did you meet him on an SD site? I’ve been experiencing a similar thing. And I hear ya on the trash talk. If they are really judgmental, I just say “Next” without even continuing the conversation. I learned my lesson on that one– showed up to a date where he badmouthed everything, even his own mom!!!

  61. sugarbarbie says:

    So SB’s wondering…Do you have a set allowance/amount of companionship necessary for all income types,.. so would you ask for the same amount to someone that claims they make 200k as you would someone that claims over a million?

    or is there a income level that you just stick too or won’t go below?

    The reason why I ask is because the coffee date I have wed morning, he claims 500k-1mil a year (big gap)
    then I have another that texted that he would like to meet in next few days…but has yet picked a date….he claims 200k-300k

    if all else was the same as far as how often they wanted to meet etc….would you ask the same amount?

  62. LASB says:

    lil’SB – I meet the text speak/bad speller guys as long as they seem nice, because you never know. The pot I’m seeing on Wednesday uses it on his profile, but so far he seems real. Not sure about getting an allowance, but he is at least a man of means and highly intelligent. To me, it’s weird that an educated and accomplished guy older than me would not have proper sentences, so I’ll ask him about his profile and see what the says. Of course, after reading Elegant’s story, I may just have the blinders on and see what I want to be seeing, and maybe I’m just not seeing the salt yet. I’ll update you after the date.

  63. CarpathianCutie says:

    I don’t think it was that, because he then went on about all the other women he met on the site and how they were such losers. IMHO, if there’s anything I’ve learned from dating IRL, it’s this- if you meet someone and they start trashing people that they’ve dated – it’s a red flag. A huge one. It’s a shame, he was funny and interesting up to that point, and then he wouldn’t leave it alone- kept going back to it.
    Maybe he just really doesn’t like women? I don’t know.

  64. MoonPatrol says:

    He was probably trying to find out id you are interested in him beyond the money. Some guys feel like schmucks if they think the woman is with them only because he paid them to be. that might have been what he was pondering and if itys that I would still meet him but if he’s trying top trash your reputation and self-worth, yes go poof on him. The question is what did he mean?If you feel bad about it don’t meet him.

  65. MoonPatrol says:

    Sugar Barbie- I don’t care about a woman’s nails or her dress. As long as the nails aren’t dirty and same with the dress.

  66. CarpathianCutie says:

    Hey all! I’m so sorry I missed the NYC meeting, it sounds like fun, but work got in the way…sigh.

    If you’re all talking about strange conversations, I have one for you. A POT and I have been emailing each other for a week or so, and he asks for my phone number. We’re talking and laughing a lot- it was a nice, fun, friendly conversation, then he says,”Oh, you only date for money.” I was flabbergasted. Seriously, my mind shut down. Of course I realize that later on I should have said the same thing back to him. Oh and he still wants to meet for drinks, but you know, I’ve lost my enthusiasm for meeting up with him.

  67. DC SB says:

    Lily, hahaha. Yes you’re speaking my language as well. I know the Hawaii Prince Hotel – I had a fashion show, appearance or pageant there (one of those). Ala Moana was my second home, definitely.. and I became a regular at all my favorite spots, the Starbucks, Bebe, Dior, Yummy’s.
    I also spent the other half of my youth in Kaneohe.. which I equally adored. So different from Waiks. We had views of the bay, and lived next to Coconut Island (where they filmed Giligan’s Island) and our place sat on a peacock reserve so the peacocks would sit on our roof and in our lawn :)
    Ugh making me miss it so :(

  68. Lisa says:

    Good evening everyone

    Sorry to here about everyone’s problems

    Sorry to hear about your sd Elegant sugar. I’ve been lucky to never have a bad sd experience but I did meet a guy on regular dating site that showed up drunk for a coffee date. Had to “lose” him in the mall

  69. sugarbarbie says:

    SD NEOhio – I once went to visit a POT in Ohio. He paid the expenses for the ticket and hotel room. But I was expecting our agreed upon amount when I got there….But he chickened out at the last second. Before leaving for Ohio I invested in a new dress, had my hair done, nails, brows, then there was the cost of the cab to and from the airport. Yeah I had roundtrip tickets and a room paid for but I was out money I didn’t have to spend.

    I was talking to a POT the other day and he told me that we would discuss and agree on an arrangement before he flies me out. And that once we agreed on an arrangement he would make flight arrangements and overnight me 20% of the monthly amount.

    He advised me not to do it any other way. Why should the SB take that risk when the SD is the one financially capable of taking it?

  70. lil'SB says:

    Hi everyone! I hope you’re all staying warm and dry! Toronto’s getting it’s fair share of snow now, so let me say I can commiserate with everyone who’s sick of snow =( (I hate winter…it’s so hard to feel sexy under layers and layers of bulky clothing! Every layer adds another 5lbs!)

    Erg, I feel so bad for you Elegantsugar, you seemed so sure of this one and then everything went sour. *hugs* to you. Guess no one can ever be sure of SDs, I gotta keep in mind age is certainly not an accurate indicator of maturity (which is a shame because I tend to be attracted to older men FOR their maturity…erg).

    On another topic, I’ve been a little bothered lately. Is it so wrong if I’m so turned off by horrible spelling and chatspeak (ex. how r u swetie?) and people calling me ‘bella’ in the initial message that I immediately discard them as a pot SD? Usually I send a nice rejection letter telling them they’re not my type and wish them luck on their continued search, but I can’t help but wonder if I’ve turned down some really great and interesting guys this way…it’s been messing with my head a LOT lately. ><

  71. SD NEOhio (SDN) says:

    ESB: We will make him pay!!!

  72. SD NEOhio (SDN) says:

    LASB: I completely understand how an SB would want the money and make her own travel plans. Iwould be glad to do that once I felt comfortable that I wasn’t just sending $1k or more to a stranger that may poof on me. Not the end of my financial world but wouldn’t take many to jade me.

  73. TexaSD says:

    Lily- It happens, I used to do it too. Lol now I feel slightly better haha

  74. Lily says:

    I scared everyone away.

  75. Lily says:

    I have spent most of my shopping life as a young lady at Ala Moana. You guys are talking my language.

    DC, the neighborhood you are describing is within a stone’s throw of where I was freakin’ born. The old Kaiser hospital which is now the Hawaii Prince Hotel. Very close to the Ilikai and it’s famous lagoon/rainbow-painted hotel. Also right next to Waikiki Beach park. Actually i have lived in so many of the various high rises during various phases of my life (either for just a month while visiting, or for chunks of my childhood) that I have to say I feel at home in Waikiki as I feel in no other spot on earth.

  76. TexaSD says:

    Taz- I am guessing your gone now huh?

  77. DC SB says:

    Elegant! I’m sorry your guy turned out to be a complete jerk.. you deserve much better. Thank goodness the other guy is still there for you and supportive. He sounds like a keeper.

  78. ESB says:

    Yes, and did what you suggested. I’ll let you know the response I get… if any!! Running BG to her dad’s now… TTFN

    OH, yea, If I was that close to Ala Moana, I’d be in so much trouble.. shoud get me an SD, and spend a day there.. We’d have a BLAST!!! OMG!!! Can you imagine us in that place? Good times, girl!! LOL.. GTG

  79. TexaSD says:

    Taz- ya its been awhile lol

  80. DC SB says:

    PS ESB did you get my email?

  81. DC SB says:

    ESB, listen.. I got into SO much trouble living across the street from Ala Moana – everyday after school I’d go over to just “window shop” and ended up buying new items everytime. Haha. =)
    We definitely should! You have to get an SD!

  82. LASB says:

    DC SB – I hear ya on that hawaiian food. Although I grew up in Cali, half of my family is from Hawaii. When I go and visit, they make the best spread of all sorts of Hawaiian dishes. Kalua pork, chicken long rice, haupia, poke, lau lau, poi etc. mmmmmm…

  83. ESB says:

    Ala Moana!! My heart be still.. found memories.. so gotta go back. I think we should see if we can get SDs to take us, what do you think DC??

  84. DC SB says:

    Lily, no way! I spent half of my time living in Waikiki/Town – I was across from Ala Moana, but right by the bridge that heads into Waiks and across from Waikiki yacht club/Ala Moana beach park :)
    I’m also hitting my 5 year mark.
    Definitely WAY too long to have not gone back.. I miss the food more than ANYTHING in the world.

  85. MoonPatrol says:

    Oh by now I thought I would have luck with at least emails. But I think i’m not getting it, I guess I don’t really have the SD mentality underneath. I think you have to be Very Business-like about yourself and I’m not that way. I used to feel pushy about being the one in the band who goes up to the bar after our gig and asks the owner or designated bartender for the band’s cash. I’m hoping I get to talk to a few out of town pots but they seem timid ’bout me.

  86. LASB says:

    SDN – I agree, but it’s more if I have to change my ticket to come home sooner. And what if he’s really an a**, and he cancels my return or something. I am just someone who wants to be prepared for the worst. I guess that’s why SBs would rather make their own reservations and have the money sent to them.

  87. ESB says:

    LASB: He drives down the edge of the road, and shoves the snow further back, and when he passes the driveways, the snow goes from his blade into the end of the drive, it happens to everyone on the street. Not much you can do about it, but it is really annoying having to dig out the mountain he leaves behind.

    The other day, I was out there shoveling my heart out and all these “good ‘ole boys” were driving by in their pick up trucks with blades on the front, bobcats, and front loaders. All going to help someone, and NONE of them stopped to offer me any help!! Chivalry is DEAD in East MD!! I seriously thought about flashing a booby to make one stop, but with all the layers I had on, it would have been impossible!!

    TT: 2 more poofed on me, but to give them credit, one is in Mardi Gras, the other out of the country, and today one told me I have an amazing smile… awww.. then said he has ulterior motives for saying it… great!! LOL I’m learning to laugh at it now. Not taking it as personally. MEN!!

    SDN: I will gladly stand by your side to shovel snow. When the plow comes by, we will be loaded with snow balls to smash his windshield with!! That will teach him! :)

  88. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    LASB – I know most would knock me for being in contact for so long without meeting him – hell not too long ago I may have too lol – but it works for us and I suppose that is all that matters. If things never progressed further than this I would not have any regrets at all for not actively searching in the sugar bowl.

    SDN – good to hear!!!!

  89. East Coast Filly says:

    LASB, All but one of the pots I’ve ever met were somewhat local, a couple were about 1.5 hr drive away. Something I did last year as a newb. Never again!
    There was only one that I traveled to and he got me a plane ticket and hotel room in my name and a nice chunk of change to come see him (that was given to me when I got there) I felt completely safe but you kinda always keep one eye open and facing the door just in case. He was the real deal and he put up with all my hesitations about coming and all my questions and made every attempt to make sure I was 100% sure I was doing the right thing. He was the only one (that I hadn’t met prior) I ever considered traveling to.

  90. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Tyvm LASB! He is definitely the best mentor/friend I have ever had :) I don’t think I could consider him a SD at all…I am very grateful! Not what I was ‘looking’ for – but what do I know 😛 Glad I had an open mind :)

  91. SD NEOhio (SDN) says:

    LASB: Any pot SD should offer to pay for everything up front. I would offer to make arrangements and pay but I know some SBs would rather have the travel expenses sent to them.

    TT: Life is good but very busy at work.

  92. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Ok time for my bath – *hopefully* I will be back before the blog is sleeping 😛

  93. MoonPatrol says:

    I got to go and try my new romantic light bulb from 1890 edison technology!

  94. LASB says:

    Taz – Congrats on your pot! Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

  95. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    I don’t even want to talk about snow. I was lucky this year until now considering I am in Canada 😛

  96. MoonPatrol says:

    IRLSB: Theres a difference in buying a girl a car and paying her note for one.
    All the stuff I say is based on my wealth and way of seeing things. If someone thinks a babe that needs a car is a good thing to provide then have fun with that.
    Elegant S – We men get weird about our money and our.. you know whats…Its usually the closest two things to our hearts. The problem is when someone stops being kind because both of those areas are not being satisfied .

  97. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Lily – my pot sd and I are still in very close contact it is going really well – I am just taking my time and taking care of some things I would never dream of involving in my sugar life :) I am very happy though and still have my profile hidden 😉

    Hi SDN!! How is your sugar life my friend?? :)

    Hiya ESB – any luck for you lady??

    Gawd I have missed all of you!!

  98. LASB says:

    SDN and ESB- Can’t you slip the guy something so that he helps you, rather than blocks you in? For ESB, maybe even just bake him cookies and flirt a bit. Sorry, I don’t know much about snow plow politics or even how it works, but I’m guessing what you are talking about is that he plows everyone else’s snow on/near your driveway. (?)

  99. LASB says:

    So anyhow, my thought is that anywhere I go, it needs to have a major airport nearby, that I can get to easily if I need to make an escape. Also places where hotel rooms are cheap or I have enough friends (Dallas, Denver, NYC, Miami) are fine too. Remote towns in Mexico don’t cut the mustard. Do any of the rest of you think this way, or do you just ask for an advance on your allowance if he asks to meet you out of town? Mostly, I don’t want my bank account to take a 1k hit to meet a potential salt daddy.

  100. SD NEOhio (SDN) says:

    ESB: How about we shovel together? It is snowing here and I hate that f**ing plow! I think that guy has it out for me.

  101. ESB says:

    Evening TT! nice to see you again! Hi SDN!!

  102. SD NEOhio (SDN) says:

    TT: Hey Taz!

  103. Lily says:

    How are things going with your potential, TT? And thanks! I think two definites and two solid IRL potentials (plus 3-4 SA potentials which are in no way a sure thing) is definitely nothing to complain about. It’s luck, indeed.

  104. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Elegant – ~~BIG HUGS~~ to you sugar!

    Hi to all the veteran SD’s I saw while perusing the blog tonight :) (TexaSD, SG2, heck I will throw SDN, JSO, Moon, NC in too!…hmm is my memory on target? Did I miss any of you?? :)

    Where are all the bloggers? Great question TexaSD!!! I am here but usually after I catch up – everyone is gone and it is late – I miss my late night chats with you Mr Texa! Lmao – you probably won’t even read this *shakes head* lol…

    Lily – happy for all of your sugar luck :)

    Ummm…ok time for a nice hot bath 😀 I am so proud of myself – I caught up before 2am!! Yay me! :)

  105. East Coast Filly says:

    Elegant, are you from NYC? Just curious as you got me to thinking about some of the guys I have met along the way. I am just outside of NYC and was ranging from guys in their early 40s and up contacting me with 50 being the average age. Wonder if any one of us girls here in NYC have met him?

  106. Lily says:

    I’m here. seriously. I’ll call you to bitch and complain if you want. I have a few sugar vents I can’t share here on the blog to chip in, if your misery loves company. email me your number. Or we can skype.

  107. LASB says:

    Hey Elegant,
    sorry about the salty date. :( Glad you were able to get out of there in one piece. Your story definitely makes me think twice about these so called sugar vacations. That does present another issue, in terms of having a solid plan and finances for making a getaway.

    A few days ago, I got in a huge argument with a pot who wanted our first meet to be in this remote town in Mexico, where he is building a house. To that, I said “no way am I going there to some 3rd world place to meet a stranger!!” And then he called me narrow minded. Really, you are going to attack my character over that? Not very gentlemanly. NEXT!!!

  108. ESB says:

    Holy cow… rumor has it schools are closed again tomorrow… at this rate the kids will be going to school until July to make up the snow days. Sheesh!! At least my drive way is clear, for now, but it is raining, going to turn to snow as the night gets colder… and if I have to run Baby Girl to her dad’s I need to do it BEFORE the roads get icy. Meh, so hate my car, too! I want a 4 wheel drive cross-over with butt warmers!! :)

  109. ElegantSugar says:

    I actually feel like I need to go on a Sugar Sabbatical after the series of drama that unfolded. I am just not accustomed to dealing with immature , asinine men like that. Geesh.

    I am not meaning to ignore all other posts. I promise to catch up on everything as soon as I get settled in again this evening.

    So glad I have all of you here…

  110. Lily says:

    So awesome you don’t need to start all over and you have this other great guy just waiting to pick up the sugar pieces and sweetne your life properly. Let’s hope second time’s the charm!

  111. sugarbarbie says:

    Thanks, Lily. Hopefully my coffee date goes well and I can keep things as is.

    NC Gent – Thanks you just saved me a ton of time. I’ll stick with orange.

  112. ElegantSugar says:

    Thanks so much all of you. I have actually been in touch with the other pot today. Like I have mentioned many times, I am always honest and upfront with my pots. He knew I was coming here to spend a few days with my “choice”, the BadChoice SD (hereafter referred to as BCSD) . I sent him a text last night when things starting turning sour with BCSD and he was right there (although just via text) and really was supportive. He has made me feel so much better and even told me to stop wasting my time with other “boys”.

    BCSD keeps texting me really nasty things. Like how much this trip cost him and I should pay him back (there hasn’t been any allowance at all, thank goodness). I wouldn’t accept a dime now if he TRIED. I want nothing to ever do with this man again. The texts are flat out juvenile. Name calling and just ridiculous texts. From a 50 yr old MARRIED man too. Is it that he is accustomed to having drama in his life so needs it? I don’t get it. Rhetorical question…

    Anyway, I will be glad to be back home.

  113. Lily says:

    You want this guy to be your regular SD, with a regular arrangement? Then try to be honest and direct with him. Package this request with plenty of compliments about how you’ve valued him over the years and your attraction and interest in him is genuine, and you imagine that it could be intensified/solidified by a regular arrangement and playing these types of special, mutually beneficial roles in one another’s lives. Or then don’t. Just find someone else.

  114. NC Gent says:

    Orange = premium paid member, blue is not paid. If you are an SD and you aren’t orange, you can’t read emails. Basically, pretty much a no-go if an SD is blue. You can only surf profiles. SBs can read and reply if they have pics posted. SDs can send 10 emails if they are blue and have pics posted.

  115. sugarbarbie says:

    ok totally off topic…Anybody know why some of the boxes are orange and some blue? does it mean anything?

  116. sugarbarbie says:

    Elegant – That sucks, Sorry that happened to you. I’m sure if the other POT is still interested in you.

  117. sugarbarbie says:

    Lily- we met in 99′ and on our second date he gave me money and every since then it has been the same….over the years I would get involved in a relationship and wouldn’t see him for a while but have called him and asked for help a few times ( with rent or when I needed the car) and kept in touch. Whenever I am single we go back to seeing each other regularly again, whenever he is in town. I think his book keeper is the reason he is scared to do something more regular. IDK
    If I secure another sd I will not feel a need to pressure him to do more and accept his gifts as extra. But, I really need some security right now.

  118. Lily says:

    NC Gent is right. The other wonderful pot will warm right back up to you.

    Email me if you want! I’m here.

  119. East Coast Filly says:

    Ugh, elegant, I am sorry to hear about your bad experience. As long as you got home safe! You just never know who you are really dealing with. In your case you took precautions and got to know him a bit first but he hid himself well apparently. Its safe to say most of us have been there.

  120. NC Gent says:

    Sorry Elegant — huge hugs — if you ever need to talk about it, just let me know. I have made bad sugar decisions like that in the past… maybe you can gently let the “other’ SD know that you are available — I am sure you can think of a way to do that gracefully.

  121. VA SB says:

    Hi Everyone – just dropping by to say hello. Finally went into work today (I’ll be heading home in a few)….lots of good activity on the blog….Valentine’s Day CAN be a bummer, but I’m glad some people had fun… My day was so-so, but that’s okay, because I didn’t want to do much of anything.

    To all the SDs who visited over the last few days – HI!!! (waving frantically)….You don’t know me, but I just wanted to make sure you noticed me 😉

    Elegant – sweetie, we ALL have our moments. We’re human after all that sometimes we make mistakes. I’m glad you have a way to correct the situation (moving to a new hotel) and won’t be talking to him again. It’s no fun with a sugar-date turns sour….

    ESB – I see an email, so I’m going to read it now….


  122. ESB says:

    Elegant: I think you have my email. I got it working, so if you’ll feel better, let it all out. Big hugs for you sweetie. We are all here to encourage and listen when one of us needs to vent… so vent away!!

    Now, I’m going to go find my shovel, and may have to shove it where the sun don’t shine if that plow comes by again. arrggg.. I really hate snow!!

  123. ESB says:

    OH, and it’s snowing… AGAIN!!!!! I wanna move to a warmer state. Global Warming? WHERE!!!

  124. ESB says:

    F’n snow plow just closed my drive way… AGAIN!! gotta go shovel again… later peeps!! HUGS!!

  125. ElegantSugar says:

    The peculiar thing is that I went on three dates with him prior to making my decision. We talked on the phone almost every day and our texts to one another were pretty frequent. Things were good enough for me to let down another wonderful pot and choose him. (not to make it sound all “pageant-like”…but you guys know what I mean…)

    It was like he shifted his personality after I told him I was ‘selecting’ him. I cannot tolerate a jealous or possessive man and this was a side I didn’t see – until last night. It actually scared me. He was so horrible and turned into such a mean person and was even shouting by the end of the night.

    I wasn’t going to write about it here at all, but I have felt so horrible all day. Thanks for being here…and ‘listening’.

  126. Lily says:

    sugarbarbie, I’m confused. It’s been a decade-long relationship? He is interested in really helping you? I think it’s the champagne but I just dont’ seem to understand the relationship dynamics.

  127. Lily says:

    Elegant!!!!!!! This is your new SD?! Gosh I am so sorry the sugar turned to salt so quickly. Darn it darn it darn it. Are you ok??

  128. ESB says:

    Is anyone else having troubel with Y! mail? I can’t get into it, it keeps logging me in and out.. very weird!

  129. ESB says:

    Elegant, I was there. I know how you feel. At least you had the means to escape him. I did not. I’m so sorry sweetie. I am glad you are safe though.

  130. FloridaSB says:

    ElegantSugar, everyone has a bad judgement call every once in a while!

  131. ESB says:

    Hello Everyone! Looks like everyone was here earlier! Sorry I missed it, but I DO have a job… and I have a job interview on Thurs!! Wooo hoooo!! Please everyone keep your fingers crossed. I may be able to keep the one I have AND work this one if I get it. I won’t be home much, but will start getting caught up on my bills, and life will be wonderful again.

    Waikiki is beautiful!! I can not wait to go back there!! Learned to surf, got the best tan of my life, and relaxed ’til I melted into the sand. Great place!! Def. going back some day! Can’t imagine being lucky enough to grow up there, or any of the islands!!

  132. ElegantSugar says:

    Hi guys…

    I saw my name a few times above and I promise to get back on later to get caught up.

    My sugar trip turned out to be a big mistake. Long story and I probably won’t share, but wow, was I ever wrong in my judgment this time.

    Moving to another hotel (away from this guy who is NOT very nice after some drinks and NOT a gentleman…at all). Also trying to book an earlier flight home.

    Wow. Sometimes I surprise myself with bad decisions. And I thought I knew it all…


  133. sugarbarbie says:

    This one in particular is married, he had brought it (allowance of 1500/wk) up some years ago around 2006…. but then said how about we hold off and I just continue giving you a little to help you out when I see you. :(
    He is always generous, I arrive to his beach house to a delicious spread, something great to drink and we will either hang out on the balcony or cuddle up and watch tv for a couple of hours and I leave. He has been there for me since 99′ and we have had sex 2x….kiss and cuddle a lot though. He usually gives me about $300 and he always gives it too me as soon as I get there. (Plus he bought my car and paid my rent a few times).
    Lately, we could never align our schedules. But when I lost that client the other day I texted him “looks like my evenings will be opening up” To this he replied “Is that a good thing or bad thing?” I said “both, I guess” He said “well lets make it a good thing” So he knows my income is in trouble and that taking up a new client will keep us apart.
    So a little while ago he texted “let’s meet thursday at 930” I agree and he replied “of course that’s tentative for now” Grrrr!
    It drives me crazy, I can’t depend on what he is going to give me because there’s always a chance of something happening…kid gets sick, wife wants to come to the beach house etc… that causes him to cancel.


    I really want to move closer to the beach over by where he stays, was thinking about asking him to cover the rent or something, and what ever extra he gives me will just be extra! I have a feeling that when we meet next the topic is going to come up and I want to be prepared to say what I want. Should I send a text now hinting at that and plant the seed…Maybe he’ll think it’s his idea…lol

    Sorry so long!

  134. Lily says:

    Stop bragging! It’s arctic over here….

  135. LASB says:

    Ok, I am glad winter is over, but holy heck it’s hot today! I guess that’s my cue that I can’t hide the winter layer under a coat anymore. Heading down to the pool to try to work some of it off. Have a great day!

  136. Lily says:

    Yay! Yay! Yay! Thank you, Goddess…!!

  137. Lily's blog Domme says:

    Good girl. I will let you come back to the blog and play now.

  138. Lily says:

    yes, Goddess. *bowing deeply* …running off to corner to pout and wait for attention. Sniff.

  139. Lily says:

    running to my gmail….

  140. Lily's blog Domme says:

    And by the way, please don’t address me as “man.” (“Goddess” will do, thank you. ) Now go stand in the corner and think about the error of your ways. 😉

  141. Lily's blog Domme says:

    You have mail. I’ll tell you the story off the blog, since it has nothing to do with sugar and I’m not trying to force anything onto anyone. (I mean anyone besides you.)

  142. Lily says:

    man who pushed you down the rabbit hole..? who did that? I haven’t been around long enough to hear this one…. tell me! I want details. I’m home alone with a bottle of champagne and drooling over the male cast of House M.D.!

  143. Lily's blog Domme says:

    Lily – I hear ya on the real Doms. I’m 98% Domme, but those 2% of real Masters can tap into the 2% of my switchablilty and wow is it HOT! The man who pushed me down the rabbit hole was one of those, and it’s been one of the most intense, incredible experience of my life.

  144. Lily says:

    sugarbarbie, are they married or not? To me, that’s the crucial difference. I don’t know how I would ask or try to jedi-mind-power my way into an regular-allowance-based-arrangement with a single man that I didn’t meet on a sugar site, no matter what. But a non-single guy…. well that’s much easier, since they have nothing to offer you but fun in the moment and why not throw in some financial assistance along the way, if it’s an affair with no traditional long term potential? They can understand that you are spending time with them that you could be potentially out finding a husband who would provide for your future, and since he’s there occupying your time in the moment, he is compensating you so that at least you enjoy some tangible perks and security in the short run while you are removing yourself from the marriage market (where conceivably you could secure long term financial assistance from a life partner)…. and in exchange you offer him discretion.

  145. Lily says:

    OMG, not since? THat’s such a long time for a kama’aina to be away!!!!!!!!

    I just had a 5 year break, which ended about 18 months ago. It was tough.

    I’m from Waikiki. City girl. I didn’t go to middle school/high school there, though, although I was back all summer to visit my dad (joint custody deal, a Tennessee/Hawaii split).

  146. Lily says:

    Yes, yes, yes, definitely text a GOM something steamy like that to leave him flustered and wanting to see you!

    My Blog Domme — yes that is me all over. Man you are good. Sharp as a tack. And smart as a … *whip*? Hardy har har… couldn’t resisit that joke.

    However, although I normally top from underneath most men, because men and their psychology are painfully easy for me to discern, navigate, and manipulate, sometimes I run across a genuine Dom and he…. well. Sigh. He makes me wonder what is going to happen next. This guy is one of the few real ones. He has some sort of party planned that will involve me as the center piece. Somehow, knowing his class, discretion, and lack of involvement in the BDSM scene/community, I don’t even worry about what ‘party’ means…in terms of if anyone else will be involved. But I’m not sure. And I’ll go. He’s a good man, trustworthy, and he has the most delightful (but kinky) intentions.

    Never had a Domme IRL before…. but would love one.

  147. DC SB says:

    Lily, you’re from Hawaii? I pretty much am too- what island/part? I graduated HS & left for college- haven’t been back to the islands since =(

  148. sugarbarbie says:

    Meeting attractive wealthy older men that like to spoil me isn’t hard…but it’s not secure enough…It’s gifts, and in case of emergency type situations. I want to transition it into an arrangement without making everything weird.

  149. Lily's blog Domme says:

    Lily – So I see you’re a top-from-the-bottom type. I can’t wait to get my hands on you.

  150. sugarbarbie says:

    Generous Older Men (men I dated in the past that happened to be older and very generous….not officially an SD)

  151. Lily says:

    I know it’s not an easy and perfect system to try to turn a rich, married suitor into an SD, but I’m just gonna use trial and error and give it my best shot.

  152. Lily says:

    GOM? What’s a GOM?

  153. sugarbarbie says:

    Lily – trying to figure out which of my ex GOM to send something like that too!

  154. FloridaSB says:

    wow, Lily, that’s quite a text 😉

  155. Lily says:

    You can email me and I’ll share. :)

    Subtlety has never gotten me anywhere.

    Today I texted HandsomeSD:

    I’ve thought about you all day. And it tingles. I want you to make me breathless, excited, dizzy, embarassed, scared, overwhelmed, and confused. That’s pretty high expectations for any man. Does it stress you out & make you feel unpleasant pressure…? Or does thinking about the fire burning within me (that could be yours to play with) make you excited, alive, hard….? Are we on for the lingerie/shoe shopping sometime soon? If I’m ever going to dress and undress to please you, I need you to take charge of that part of my shopping life & have you select my panties, heels, and corsets to appeal to your tastes. The department store in the city has everything, and it’s more of an innocent item to appear on your credit card, rather than the specialty boutiques which ONLY carry pretty things for pretty women, and may be hard to explain at home. Or then, a pocket full of cash works, too.

    His response: Whoa —

    So yeah, I’m not subtle. But this is an ex lover, and one whom I met on a kinky dating site geared towards our interest in power exchange and D/s psychological games, me being ‘sassy’ and ‘tough to tame’ and challenging him to prove his masculine authority, and him delighting in stepping up and providing discipline and power and getting me to finally shut the fuck up and wipe my smug, self-satisfied cheshire-cat grin off my face and give me some other thougths and feelings for awhile. He loves it. Even with blindfolds, gags, and dungeons. Ridiculous but so erotic. The sexual compatibility here is absolutely amazing and I am so glad to have a different angle to enjoy all these adventures with him, now that I’m over my search-for-husband-number-two and on to enjoying my present life.

    Now I’m trying to package sugar into the setup as we go for round 2 as lovers.

  156. LASB says:

    Lily – Thanks for the reply. I was thinking something a bit more subtle, but that’s a start. lol. You know there was so much discussion about this picture on your blog, I was half disappointed that it was gone by the time I clicked on your blog. I think it’s good not to leave too much of a trail to these SDs, though.

  157. Lily says:

    sugarbarbie, that’s completely easy to accomplish.

  158. Lily says:

    IRLSD, it sounds like things are now awesome in sugarland for you. So cool.

  159. sugarbarbie says:

    I really want to move…I live with family now and it has its pros and cons. I wonder under what circumstances would a SD help me secure a new place.

  160. Lily says:

    TXTemptress & LASB, seems like we are both doing the turn-IRL-Prince-Into-SD thing. It’s a tricky dance, isn’t it? BUt I am so sick of SA fakers. At least you can determine that someone is SD material IRL quite easily, when they aren’t seeking you out as SB meat, and just interested in honestly dating you. Besides, no one in this country is on SA. What’s a girl to do?

  161. Lily says:

    LASB, I’m chiming.

    “Your trip overseas sounds amazing! That’s exactly the kind of thing I would love to reward myself with, –especially with someone like you— if I had the extra budget to really enjoy myself on the trip. When I’m traveling, I just love to go sightseeing, shopping, exploring, dining, and splurge on just about everything new & amazing that I see, that I know I won’t have a chance to find again for quite some time. That racks up a pretty high tab, and I just don’t see where I could shuffle my budget around to allow for it. Of course, if you decide you would so much rather have company on this trip as opposed to winging it solo, and want to offer to pick up the bill for the entire journey, that would be amazingly generous and I don’t see how I could say no to such an offer. It would certainly make my winter.”

  162. Lily says:

    TXTemptress I LOVE your solo V-Day. awesome.

    Yes, in this country there are hottie women galore. I have about 15 or 20 friends who are far hotter than me. My house parties are like Playboy Mansion parties, except in my flat and not at a mansion. :)

  163. LASB says:

    Good Morning! (Afternoon for some)

    Newbie – Your pot sounds like a scam artist. Is he also getting tested for STDs or just making you do it. And 24 hours at a hotel with no sex before presenting an allowance? That seems very odd to me and not at all gentlemanly. LA is full of con artists posing as SDs, so be careful. They will also try to say that they’ve been burned before so they need a “test drive,” so please don’t fall for that line either. I heard quite a few horror stories early on, so luckily I’ve known who to steer clear of.

    Bella – I’m so happy for you!!! Sounds like things are going perfectly!

    TexaSd – Welcome back. Maybe NYC SB aka Gossip Girl will fill you in. Hey, where have all the other New Yorkers been lately? Aside from Bella, ever since their meet, they’ve been absent.

    Elegant – I need your choice of words help again! I have a IRL pot, though he may not yet know that he’s a pot. haha. He asked if I wanted to travel with him overseas. How do I make it clear that I’m only going if he pays without having it sounding tacky? Anyone else, feel free to chime in.

  164. sugarbarbie says:

    IRLSD I am jealous about the sushi…been craving it.

  165. FloridaSB says:

    Lily …
    I’ve had short term success on this site before & yes, I’m back looking again.
    I have meetings with two POTs this week.

    I had an SD for about 3 years, not related to any site, and then I found as SD here about a year and a half ago.
    Unfortunately that one only lasted for three months.
    My fault, I was used to an SD that didn’t want a lot of texts/emails/phone calls & since this one was married, I kind of assumed it would be the same.
    He gave me my allowance for the third month, but then I went two full days without contacting him, and he ended things. Saying he needed more communication!!

    Anyway .. I’m back on the search .. I have a good feeling about both that I am meeting with. One is just looking for once a week meetings & a generous allowance for what the time together. The other is undecided on the amount of time that he’s looking for, but the allowance would be reflective of the amount of time we spend together. Both are what I like to hear!
    Both are married. Those seem to work better for me, as I’m in a relationship myself.

  166. Anna Molly says:

    SG2 ~ Awwww *blushing* :)

  167. SouthernGent2 says:

    Anna Molly – he is lucky I am not there to steal you away haha

  168. Anna Molly says:

    SG2 ~ Yes! I have met someone and he is fantastic! 😀

  169. NC Gent says:

    Hi ChiTownSB — I guess a lot of guys do that for lunch, but I am guessing they are going for “the view’ and not the food — not my thing, but if it works for him :)

  170. SouthernGent2 says:

    Hi Anna Molly. Did I see above you have landed the big fish? 😉

  171. TXTemptress says:

    Morning Sugarland :)

    Hope everyone had a great Valentine’s Day! I’ve met someone on another site (not a SD site) and though he is not a POT, he was coming to town on business and wanted to meet for dinner. Too bad he is not POT because he is sincere and just amazing. For three days he has been more excited to meet me as I was to meet him. He had business to finish up before today so we made it a quick dinner. Very enjoyable conversation and that’s a first in awhile. He is gorgeous, successful and intelligent-someone step in an intervene and turn my Prince into a SD…lol. He said we will get together for dinner again soon and he’s looking forward to it. This time I will eat more and not let my nerves take away my appetite.

    I am one who even if I am alone, I celebrate me so last night I got dressed up and I took a helicopter tour of the city and had a midnight dinner at one of the elegant restaurants here. A gentleman picked up the tab for dinner and sent roses to my table along with his business card. Not a POT-he works where I work basically and keeping my SBlife under cover is hard enough already. I don’t do local anyway because of where I work and almost being blackmailed once in the past. Yesterday wasn’t a total lost….two good dinners and one with a great guy. BUT if cupid is working overtime, I need some POT sent my way :) My sugar level is very low right now…lol

    I am wanting to change my blanket emails, does anyone have a good one they can share that gets you responses? I’d appreciate it. Well, off today but on hunting for POT. Wish me luck. :)

  172. Chitown SB says:

    TexaSD… a strip club for lunch?

  173. Anna Molly says:

    And for a second time…..HI SG2! 😀

  174. SouthernGent2 says:

    Sugarbarbie – you will look great I am sure. Have a good time.

  175. TexaSD says:

    NC- Well I have a few stories to share, I will later, I am going to meet up for lunch, Seriously Who eats at a strip club for lunch? oh well, hopefully the food is as good as the show… I will be back on here in a few hours, if I can..

  176. Anna Molly says:

    Hello NC 😀

  177. NC Gent says:

    You’re welcome sugarbarbie — take pics lol

    Hi Anna – so cool you are smitten….

    Hi TexaSD — I am doing well thank you — how is your sugar world?

  178. Chitown SB says:

    Some of the comments on here make me so sad. Is the bowl truly drying up of sugar? *tear

    Well, my v-day date with PrinterSD was decent last night. A shorter date than we have had before, but still good. we had a few drinks at the bar, where we discussed an upcoming trip to NYC. He also told me to pick out a new wool coat and send him the link so I can have something to look forward to while he was away on business this week. I then gave him my v-day gift upstairs (his own special dance). We went to dinner at a fantastic seafood restaurant that he had never been too, but he thought I would love. The food was soo good. We had planned on hitting a jazz club after dinner, but were both in food comas, so we called it a night. He gave me another installment of my allowance (which he raised), kissed me sweetly and hailed me a taxi.

    I have also been talking to another pot from Michigan. He is very sweet and he seems genuine. He send me a prepaid visa card to “prove his intentions” so I am waiting for that one in the mail. I hope he comes through because he seems too nice to be a disappointment. Unlike PrinterSD, this one (who I will call sweetSD) is married… but I am finding myself more ok with that than I expected. We shall see where is goes.

    the other 2 pots I had seem to have poof’d on me…. live and learn, then move on I guess.

  179. TexaSD says:

    Sugar Barbie- You know, if you send some pics, I could seriously help you with that lol

  180. Anna Molly says:

    IRLSD ~ Glad to hear you had a wonderful V-Day :)

  181. TexaSD says:

    NC Gent, How are you?

    Anna- you should be… besides it keeps you on your toes 😉

  182. sugarbarbie says:

    NC and southern gent- thank you for the clothing advice. I am off to try on heels with my slim jeans and cute tops. Hopefully I’ll get a sexy combo!

  183. Anna Molly says:

    TexaSD ~ Yes, a lot of the regulars have been quiet lately. Nobody is hiding anything…..that I know of. Hmmmm, now I’m paranoid…LOL

  184. NC Gent says:

    Hey TexaSD — I haven’t seen TXSB around much. Exchanged a few emails with her a few weeks ago, but that was about it.. she was doing fine :)

  185. IRLSD says:

    To update everyone about my sugary valentine’s–it was divine. I went over to her place–got pink roses and picked up some sushi. I thanked her for driving four hours just to be back in time to see me and told her that had I known she would be out of town I would have never asked her for such a favor. She seemed to genuinely enjoy being able to spend valentine’s with me. I told her how happy I am with her and she said the same about me. There was such a general jump in comfort level which was very nice. It was the hope of something like this that kept me sugar-searching :)

  186. TexaSD says:

    Anna- Everyone has been hush hush, why?? I emailed TXSB, Seriously i think everyone now kinda needs a Blackberry or Iphone, or some kind of smart phone… I hate waiting for email… I feel out of the loop. Like something went down, and you have no idea what, and everyone is drawing lines in the sand, trying not to make anyone upset or something… even photo is hush… Then I am guessing now Lisa, is with no SD? Because i think a month or some ago, the last time I dropped in, She had “Lisa who actually has a SD” in her name, that has changed, as well as her demeanor. hmm… Other than that, there is a lot of California people online now.

  187. NC Gent says:

    Hi Lily — I go to Copenhagen 3-4 times a year, and I am amazed by the number of very attractive slender blondes… is it the same in Finland?

  188. Anna Molly says:

    TexaSD ~ The only other thing I can tell you is that I too have found a really great guy….I’m very lucky and very smitten :)

  189. Anna Molly says:

    Thanks James 😀

  190. TexaSD says:

    Finland- whoa, thats crazy, why?

    Anna- Come on, I know Naughty Molly wants to also, that would make her more naughty…

  191. Lily says:

    TexaSD, I am from Hawaii originally, and now I am living in Finland.

  192. JamesNY says:

    Lily, thanks for letting us all relax a bit!

    AM, the pleasure is mutual! 😉

  193. Anna Molly says:

    I want to tell you, but Naughty Molly won’t let me…LOL 😉

  194. TexaSD says:

    Anna- oh, I know I have missed more than that… Come on…. I know you want to tell me

  195. SanDiego sb says:

    goodmorning sugars. how was everyones vday?

  196. Anna Molly says:

    TexaSD ~ Well, let’s see….hmmm. Yaz found a cool SD! That was big news and Taz is talking to someone too.

    I have deleted my profile and there were two NYC meet-ups over the last couple of months. I didn’t make the one back in Jan. and I sorta made it to the one on the 12th.

    I haven’t seen Napa around in a while and TXSB is here sometimes, but not as much as she used to be. Beach Girl seems to be missing in action right now, but I do hope she makes an appearance pretty soon 😀

    Really don’t know what else there is to catch up on, but I’m sure someone will have something to add. 😀

  197. TexaSD says:

    Lily: Well Since we haven’t been introduced, Hello… Where you from?

  198. Lily says:

    I’m here, too. Then again I am always here when not out on a sugar date. 😉 Sittin in my office chair at my desk. Doin’ other things but keep the SA blog in one window…

  199. TexaSD says:

    Anna- Cool I scored… So, update me over the last few months

  200. Anna Molly says:

    Lisa ~ Sorry to hear about your troubles dear, I know things will work out for you :)

    Hi TexaSD! Haven’t seen you around here in a while! 😀

    JamesNY ~ It is always a pleasure to see you darlin’ 😉

    Hello and welcome to any and all new bloggers and the not so new too 😀

  201. TexaSD says:

    TexasD- Napa, umm, what about you? Seriously no lurkers either? Ain’t my day, and now you all wonder why I don’t come on so much lol

  202. TexaSD says:

    TXSB- dude, where are you?

  203. Lily says:

    Lisa, feel better. I hope you manage to get your thinking into a more empowered state of mind somehow or another. I wish I could have come up with a more useful suggestion to get that ball rolling for you, but surely as bright as you are, and with all the clever people here giving you their advice, some solutions can be found…

  204. Lily says:

    James, got it. I removed them. I imagine my life over here, ten thousand miles away from where I was born, to be so disconnected with my home country but the internet makes the earth small, so I gotta imagine that even though I only have 5 followers on the blog, you just never know. This is a small country and he does live with his business partner/girlfriend. Sigh.

    I was just excited to show him off to ya’ll. I guess I have to convince one of my SDs that I wanna show off to come with me to a NY meet up.

  205. Lisa says:

    Lily how do I volunteer when I work all day, weekends, etc and have limited transportation? I have a couple days off a week, one which I have spend with my parents, the other for running errands that can’t be done on work days. I get off work around 3 or 4 and am free till 10pm but i’ve got to be inside by 5:30.

    Gotta catch my bus now. Have a good day everyone

  206. NYCBella says:

    Lils~I don’t think you even need the pics to reinforce your already verbally detailed description. You’ve already painted a nice picture in people’s minds that it’s just extraneous to have the photos…not to mention JamesNY’s point about not having permission for use his image.

  207. Lisa says:

    Hi TexaSD

    I’ve been ok, feeling a little discouraged lately though.

    I’m off to meet my parents now for our weekly “lunch and coffee” get together. I started doing this a few months ago after we had some conflict between us. Now i’m kinda stuck doing it every week as they expect it and I really can’t afford it anymore.

    Have a good day everyone

  208. Lily says:

    Lisa, again just hugs. ((((hugs)))) Try to think about baby steps, if a huge life altering decision seems too much right now. Reach out and find little ways to improve your resume. Volunteering is a great way to get skills and network, and find yourself with a paying gig before too long.

  209. JamesNY says:

    Lily, did that man give you permission to display photos of him in public? They are still recognizable. No sugar coating from me, speaking as an SD and a lawyer: if he did not give you permission, that is a bad idea.

  210. NYCBella says:

    Lisa~I understand what you mean, and you are right…making major life changes should be you doing it for you, and not for a man you just met. Though I take the bus as well (so I can empathize), even though we have lots of public transportation here in the NYC area…it can be very frustrating. Of course, if the NY SD offered to put up your rent upfront for the yearlong lease (ala IRL SD), you’d know you had a home for the next 12 months and could use that time to get the rest of your life in order. There’s lots of work here for those willing to work hard (and from your posts you sound like a very hard worker)…esp. in retail. Hmmm, the ultimate is being able to maximize your energy to be most financially beneficial.

  211. Lily says:

    I blurred yet again. Certainly they are cartoony enough and non-recognizable now??

  212. TexaSD says:

    Lisa, How are you? Long time no see

  213. NYCBella says:

    Oops, Lily~U’d changed the photos while I was writing my super long post…lol. Hmmm…you can still click on the pics and enlarge them. I think it’s a better idea to just remove them IMHO. Esp for discretions sake (for both of you…imagine if his wife found out and happens to take out her anger on you…). Though it sounds like HSD wants to get caught if he’s flaunting you in front of people he knows…hmmm…interesting…

  214. Lisa says:


    I am just afraid of leaving everything and going off to a place where I know no one. And really you need to get to know someone more than a few days.
    I left everything behind several years ago to start fresh. I had been living with my family for many years after my husband left me. I moved away to get my freedom from my controlling mom and ending up losing my freedom again thanks to being a victim of crime.

    I guess because i’m older, I always look at the end of the situation, rather than get caught up in the moment. Men are so temporary these days, that I had to ask myself, what happens in a few months or weeks when he gets tired of me? I would be without a job, no way to get home to Texas, and no way to get an apartment.

  215. East Coast Filly says:

    hey Lily, yes I think making them smaller was a good idea. You know him and if you think he’d be ok with it, go ahead and leave them up. Hope we weren’t too harsh (I saw Elegants comments after I wrote mine so I see we were on the same train of thought). Just want to protect the innocent, lol. If he wants to be seen with you in public and get busted that way let it be just make sure its never your fault.

  216. NYCBella says:

    Suggggaaa…..ah, honey, honey…..

    Morning all! Bella’s in a world of bliss. :-)

    Hope you all had a nice weekend. Just to recap…our triple NYC sugar date was nice. Good call, NYC SB on the restaurant. DC, sorry, we didn’t get to talk as much, but I look forward to seeing everyone in the future.

    Lily~Your photoshop is no good, luv. He’s totally recognizable (If you really want to hide his identity, don’t post his photos, or make sure to really pixilate his face). But glad to hear things are going well with you! :) (Oh, and yes, he’s very handsome.)

    Lisa~Sorry you and your SD aren’t working out, however, it seems that he was offering you a very good opportunity by relocating to NY. I moved here 7 years ago not knowing a single person, and yes, it was scary at first, but the city is so amazing that you soon get over that. Besides it sounds like anything is better than your current situation. Though I understand how it’s easy to keep yourself in a situation because of fear or the need for sympathy that comes from a victim mentality. But, I think if you decide to take the plunge and proactively change your situation (either by going to school, moving, or just starting fresh), you’ll find yourself much happier in the long run. And just think of the adventure! I mean no offense, but that’s just my $0.02.

    Newbie~Welcome and good luck with your pot…he sounds like a fake/flake, and just too much high maintenance. Esp when you gotta focus on your work. I did a double major as well and it’s super difficult to manage and maintain a decent GPA (one that’s acceptable for grad schools), without having outside drama.

    Looks like Nando (my cute lil-okay not so little anymore at 12lbs-kitty) is jealous because he hasn’t had 100% of my attention this weekend. He’s currently pinned down both my forearms by laying across them while laying in my lap while I type. I can’t scroll back…lol. So sorry for typos. He’s just too cute to move right now…already passed out.

    Last night I made dinner for SD, part of it was a fondue bouillabase (sp?) seafood concoction. And then I threw in several other southern specialties since he hasn’t had any real Southern home cooking before. Dinner was a hit, and then he pulled out chocolate covered strawberries (that he made!)…which were uber yummy. And very sweet as it was his first time to ever cook anything. The evening was very “sweet” and has restored my faith in Valentine’s Day. (1st one I ever enjoyed!). Yay! 2010 is gonna be a good year. :)

    Ok…this smitten kitten has to get back to work, but I’ll check in again soon.

  217. Lily says:

    My ex boyfriend in college used to say that all the time! “department of redundancy department” ….I’m rolling in the floor.

    Did you guys take another look now that they are uber cartoonified and do you still think they are too identifiable? I think images add so much to stories…. I hate to not be able to use any at all. I thought cartoonifying was a brilliant idea. :(

  218. Lily says:

    Ugh. So many typos. I certainly do NOT think having these images will lead to any negative consequences…… but you knew what i meant. BTW, the dating site I met him on, geared towards bdsm, had a *more* recognizable pic of him, than those. And that profile has been sat there for years (we get such low volume on english speaking dating sites of any variety, out here in a small, remote, northern country!). Speaking of which, my sub profile is sitting there as well, even though I delete it, it remains. Irritating.

  219. Lily says:

    Elegant, you’re right. I have now ‘cartoonified’ him so much that no one could definitively recognize him. Besides, I won’t keep them up on my blog forever, just for awhile. It’s such a small audience, that speaks/reads english, so not this area’s pool, that the woman he lives with (they are not married) is so unlikely to ever know.

    Whereas, walking around shopping for sailboats on valentines day yesterday, holding hands and looking goofy into each other, running into more than ten people he know, some he introduced me to….. now *that* could get back to her, and easily. And he’s taken me out for drinks to a crowded spot on friday night and sunday brunch at a full restaurant. So he’s obviously playing with fire himself, but I certainly think having those cartoon versions of him up on my blog for a few days or so will hurt anything. People in this country wouldnt know what ‘sugar’ is…. it’s just not in the culture or venacular (in terms of people actively pursuing/advertising for it, dating sites geared torwards it, etc….of course it can happen, but just not connected with the internet, at least in this country’s language).

  220. ElegantSugar says:

    Ha ha! I just laughed at what I wrote above, “I only have a minute to spare at the moment…”

    I’m from the Department of Redundancy Department.

  221. East Coast Filly says:

    Good morning all! Hope everyone had a nice weekend and for those fortunate to have a valentine hope it was a fun night!

    Lily: let me start first by saying I like reading your blog and check back whenever there is an update but I was a little surprised to see pics of your man on there. I know you cartoonized them but I can tell what he looks like, If I saw him in a room full of people I would totally recognize him. I would never want anyone to put me on blast like that maybe you should take them down??? Sorry if this seems mean but I think if he knew you did this he would FREAK!!

    With that being said…yes hes hot :)-

  222. ElegantSugar says:

    Oh, by the way, Lily….YES, he IS handsome. :)

  223. Lily says:

    IRLSD, you must be right. Men LOVE innocence. Nothing is sexier than innocence, or so they say. I have a certain hopeless-romantic, sweet, and humble quality about me that I just don’t usually play up. I usually downplay that and play up my confident, vixen-esque side, since so few can actually pull that off with any finesse, charm, or charisma. This country is full of the shy sweeties, and I want to stand out.

    I should put that photo on my SA profile. perhaps instead of the profile midriff one. I do also really like the first one of my legs (obviously, it’s my blog profile pic), and like the one showing my belly button, too. I’ll keep those up…. But honestly, I have enough local SD action without worrying about SA potSDs. But I am corresponding back and forth with 3-5, for the hell of it. I just ain’t holding my breath that someone in London or new york (or further!) is really going to get something truly happening. They are usually just talk, talk, talk when it comes to distance arrangements… But I really would like one!

  224. ElegantSugar says:

    I know you have “cartoonized” him, but even then…if someone really knew him, the blurred photos are still recognizable.

    If I’m out of line for sharing my opinion on this, so be it.

  225. ElegantSugar says:

    Hello Everyone…

    I only have a minute to spare at the moment. Darn it. I really wanted to catch up and respond to some of the postings. Perhaps tonight I will have time.

    I definitely just wanted to say one thing to Lily. Darling, I am saying this as your Sugar friend…I strongly feel you should remove the photos of your Handsome SD from you blog. He is the married one, right? If I am wrong, my apologies. And even then, if he is single, I still do not feel his photo should be on your blog. Discretion is so very important with Sugar dating.

  226. TexaSD says:

    I can see there is a lot of people I don’t know in here now lol

  227. SouthernGent2 says:

    Newbie – anything to help out a Trojan girl 😉

  228. Lily says:

    Oh and I have been writing all kinds of emails back and forth with SafetyNetGuySD letting him know exactly what role I am willing to play in his life, and have him play in mine, and it seems he is now perfectly willing to play by my rules. Problem solved. Dinner tomorrow night with him.

  229. newbie says:

    southerngent you truly live up to your name you have put a smile on my face this morning thank you for the advice

  230. Lily says:

    You can email me and we can discuss it if you’re slightly interested. I hate the place you are in and wish I could help. ((((hugs))))

  231. IRLSD says:

    MoonPatrol said, “The worst SB’s are the ones that need a car and rent money and are so desolate they want every thing before you’ve even shook hands!”

    My current SB needs rent and car money and a whole lot more, but I enjoy giving it to her :) For me, providing for someone I truly care about is very satisfying.

  232. IRLSD says:

    Newbie, I agree with everyone else’s comments. Be up-front with him. You don’t need 24 hrs with someone in sugar-dating to know if an arrangement will materialize or not. I know it’s hard bringing up money, but in all honesty, if he’s a real SD he wouldn’t ask for such a time commitent without offering anything up front.

  233. TexasSugah says:

    Moon- you’re description of Houston Sugars maybe because you haven’t talked with me. Lol

    seriously, I don’t blame you for not wanting to venture in to unsettled waters. I wouldn’t either. If a woman is toxic, wish her well and move on lest her negativity become a part of you.

    Personally, I have men who talk with me and become more than expected with out physical contact. Unfortunately, this comes with zero perks for the amount of ime I invest.
    I give wake up calls or texts, advice of interactions either personal or business, touch base during the day and night recaps. All that with my career, grad school etc.

    Sigh. So you see there’s a lot of work I do witg little return because they 2 are building relationships with me. I guess it’ll pay off. In the meantime I learn vicariously about leadership.

    I think my willingness to give so much stems from my time spent with eastern cultures. What I consider normal is extraordinary to others. You’d think I’d have someone in this venue of life but nein. Lol.


  234. IRLSD says:

    Lily, I think we like #4 because it has an air of innocence mixed in with seduction. Plus, a smile is priceless. I told my SB last night that it was her smile in her SA profile pic that I fell for.

    I asked my guy friend about your pics and he voted for #10, #1, #4 in that order. He says #10 has an air of playfulness without bordering on being trashy, #1 has a sexy sophistication, and #4 is simply sweet.

    My SB is not dating IRL. At the beginning I told her she could but she said that she is happy and that I don’t leave her with enough energy to date anyone else. In all honesty, I brought it up because of the issue of unprotected intercourse—if she’s sleeping with other guys, I’d need to know, but she insisted that it is not an issue at all even though I told her that I would not mind. But in all honesty, as things are getting better between us, I would mind if she is with another guy. It’s hard to predict how things will change if there is another guy in the picture.

  235. Lisa says:

    Lily I have deleted my profile.

  236. Lily says:

    Lisa, email me your profile URL link? Unless you are totally uninterested in the pot SD I am email pen pals with in Tennessee…

  237. SouthernGent2 says:

    Newbie – good luck with this guy. See if he comes through with the 50% that NC suggested. Otherwise he is just trying to play you. Now if you were at USC as in University of South Carolina, you might have NC and myself fighting over you 😉

  238. Lily says:

    I updated my blog with my ‘plan of attack’ for new potSD I have dubbed HandsomeSD, complete with blurred/cartoonified photos, in case you want to judge for yourselves whether it seems I could be blinded by lust or if he is genuinely handsome.

  239. Lisa says:

    Good morning everyone

    TexasSugah: I’m in a situation where I’m limited on what I can do. I don’t know if you ride the bus, but I do and it really limits my being able to get around. I’m also unable to step outside my apartment after dark due to the high crime in my neighborhood. I work days so when I get off I have very few daylight hours left to do anything. I’m 44 on top of that and did not attend college, just a technical school back in 86 which I had a huge loan that I had trouble paying back due so with that and several credit issues now, my credit is horrible, and i’m pretty much in a hole that I won’t get out of.

    newbie, I would be weary of this potential sd as there are many on here, both sds and sbs that are out to scam.

  240. NC Gent says:

    I am guessing that Newbie is located in the State of Frustration at this point :)

  241. newbie says:

    california i attend USC i really have to much school work to deal with I don’t have time to sort out the fakes i’m a double major I sometimes barely have time to think with a job and school

  242. NC Gent says:

    Newbie — sorry for your frustrations, and I completely understand. I would tell send him an email stating what you told us, and tell him you need 50% now or you are done sugar dating…. get your response sooner rather than later — your are right, student loan debt isn’t the end of the world..

  243. SouthernGent2 says:

    Newbie – its a learning process. There are many legit guys out there that are willing to help you out. You just have to learn how to sort through them. Don’t get discouraged, just get selective. What state are you located?

  244. newbie says:

    he wants to have lunch with me on wednesday but i told him no because I have a lot of school work to deal with I think maybe I should accept and discuss this with him if this doesn’t work out I think that will be the end of my sugar dating experience all this lying is taking a toll on me emotionally I want to quite before it starts affecting my grades in school it’s just not worth it I would rather drown in student loans then give up my good grades for pointless pursuits

  245. TexasSugah says:


    Dag I’m sorry. If we factor out men.. SDs and all, what can be done to help your situation? Small changes make huge differences. Especially training and education.

    Although I can’t afford it really, I’m in a 2nd masters program to make more.
    Let’s talk a bit… I’d like to help.

  246. Lily says:

    Newbie, I’m afraid it definitely seems like he is out for just trying to get a free test drive and isn’t a genuine SD. I’m so sorry. :(

  247. NC Gent says:

    Hey SG2 – hope you are doing well and not FOS any more lol

    Newbie — SG2 gave you some great advice also…. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I am guessing this guy is a scammer :(

  248. SouthernGent2 says:

    Sugarbarbie – I agree with NC, go with the nice jeans and heels. You can’t go wrong with that look for a first meeting. But be aware, some here thing NC and I are just FOS 😉

  249. NC Gent says:

    Newbie — tell him you understand his concerns, and you are willing to meet him part way…. so he needs to come up with half the allowance as a good faith gesture on his part. If he balks at that, you have a fake/scam SD on your hands that is just looking to hang out with a nice young co-ed. If he comes up with the funds, it looks like you have a good SD on your hands. Either way, you will find out soon. You have been extremely patient IMHO.

  250. SouthernGent2 says:

    Newbie – I see lots of red flags there. He should have already given you some sort of small allowance when you met him the second time to prove he is serious about you. I also suspect he is lying when he says no sex for your 24 hrs together. Be prepared, he is very likely to try the test drive tactic on you it appears to me. You may end up giving him what he wants while you end up getting next to nothing for it.

    How old is this potential? Do you feel he might be taking advantage of your youthful age?

    And as for a hotel, I really don’t see much wrong with it if there are some discretion issues for him. But make sure its an upscale hotel. If he wants to go to a Holiday Inn Express, he is likely a phony.

  251. NC Gent says:

    Good morning sugarbarbie — I love slim jeans and a nice top — maybe a form fitting sweater to go with the jeans? I also like heels with nice jeans, but that may be just me… anways wear something that makes you feel sexy confident and comfortable (and obviously appropriate for the setting). Best wishes on your first sugar date!

  252. sugarbarbie says:

    hi everyone. I was writing on the other blog….I was wondering where everyone was.

    I was wondering if anybody had advice on what /i should wear for my sugar date . We are meeting for coffee early in the morning. It cooold here so… i was thinking slim jeans and a cute top. Not sure this is my first sugar date.

  253. newbie says:

    completely off topic but I need advice and I have nowhere else to go I’m 19 and in college and fairly new to the whole sugar daddy dating scene I have been speaking with a potential sugar daddy for about three weeks now we have gone out to lunch twice we e-mail constantly but here is the problem I didn’t bring up the topic of an allowance he did and we agreed on 3,000 but recently after our second i asked if he could start my allowance seeing as the new semester has started and I need to buy books and supplies but he said he couldn’t do that and he would not provide my allowance till we are official becoming official requires me to spend 24hrs with him no sex though and to be fully tested for std’s we both are looking for long term so this is not a problem but the fact that he won’t give me the allowance pissed me off because I need for school not to spend on frivolous things so i have finally gave in and said I would spend this weekend with him but this is were it gets weird he says he’s single but wants to spend the weekend at a hotel so should i be worried or is this a case of someone being overly careful on his part in real life we do click and get along well so maybe that is clouding my judgment in seeing the red flags i would also really love an SD’S point of view on this thank you

  254. SD NEOhio (SDN) says:

    Morning everyone. I am working and lurking. Have a meeting but will be back later.

  255. SouthernGent2 says:

    Lily – I used to be fairly regular with my posting. I am without right now. I have some work related issues going on that are priority right now. I always have potentials close at hand, but right now having to keep all that at a distance.

  256. Anna Molly says:

    Good Morning everyone!

    Hi SG2! Nice to see you :)

  257. Lily says:

    Hello SouthernGent2. I don’t really remember if I have seen your posts. Do you have a SB? WHich state do you live in?

  258. SouthernGent2 says:

    Good morning everyone. Markets are closed today. Should be a slow and boring day. Maybe dropping in here can change that a bit.

  259. Lily says:

    By the way, Good morning!!!!!!!!!!!

    I want the post-mortem on everyone’s V-Day dates (elegant??)….

    I am so many hours ahead that my V-day date was already done and posted on my blog before some of you guys even went out.’

    IRLSD, does your SB date IRL? Would you mind it if she did?

  260. Lily says:

    Lisa, I’m so sorry that things kinda suck for you right now. I absolutely believe it can only get better from here. I have an SD in mind in Tennessee that can’t find a great lady to see occasionally (did you see my previous post)… we are email buddies only because he’s from my home area in the states and I am soooo far away (he’s not even near a hub or anything, so traveling in either direction is just too exhausting to consider an ongoing arrangement, so we are friends only) and he has been telling me about his problems finding a girl who isnt’ a scammer or a pro. Maybe you email me through my blog and I can email you his pic and details and if you like, I can give him your address with a warm ‘intro?’ That is, if photogirl doesn’t want him….

  261. Lisa says:

    I deleted it because I wasn’t getting any response lately and anyway my sd has deserted me with no explanation. Had a great time in NY in December. Hasn’t wrote in the last few days. I guess because I was reluctant to quit my job and leave everything I have here (family and possessions) and go live in New york. That’s not something I could do with someone I have only spent a few days with.

    Meanwhile I’m dodging an the men in the apartment complex that think because i’m a single white woman, I want to “git wit them” Had some guy banging on my door the other day. sorry i’d rather be alone than get involved with some illegal alien or drug dealer.

    Going to bed now. Off tomorrow and need to catch up on my sleep. Did a lot of very heavy lifting at work today so i’m sore.

    Good night

  262. MoonPatrol says:

    Lisa; Why did you delete your profile? Put it back.
    If I didn’t have to go to work promptly, I wouldn’t need a car either!

  263. MoonPatrol says:

    I don’t know if I can last another three months on this site. I am tired of paying for it, although its not much its the principle. And I spend A lot of time caring for this process by mailing people and being creative and supple with words.maybe it is a time thing.
    I have a lot of filters in my mind and have said goodbye too a fair amount of desolates and scammers. By the way desolate is such a good word to desribe a lot of the Houston SB’s I will share the definition:
    *deserted of people and in a state of bleak and dismal emptiness : a desolate moor.
    * feeling or showing misery, unhappiness, or loneliness : I suddenly felt desolate and bereft.
    I will add that this is pertaining to financial situations.

  264. Lisa says:

    Yikes I don’t have a car, but I do have rent money. And I live in Houston.

    I’ve deleted my profile, now i’ll go climb back under the rock I came from.

    :( What a sucky valentine’s day

  265. MoonPatrol says:

    Texas S..H
    My stuff Ain’t perfect, I haven’t dated SB’s since late last year.
    I can;t handle sharing if thats what you mean, at least not in this type of relationship, but who knows maybe I can . I was with one black girl that was all for me having two babes and she called herself SB#2.
    Th worst SB’s are the ones that need a car and rent money and are so desolate they want every thing before you’ve even shook hands!

  266. JSO-TXSD says:

    hey photo how are you girl

  267. TexasSugah says:

    Moon- what do you mean by the worst? In which areas and maybe you should take them being out on sugar dates as a hint. That is if you’re looking for a woman who’s with you only.

  268. photogirl says:

    MoonPatrol & Lisa – Maybe you two should meet…

  269. TexasSugah says:

    Oh my gosh, I really don’t know what to say about the Houston scene. As a Black woman, who knows. Houston is pretty interracially retarded so what might be easy for one woman isn’t for me.

    One thing Ive noticed is that men aren’t interested in whether a woman is well traveled or read, nor if she’s educated. It’s just how big their ta tas are. Well I’m a DD so I can’t say anything, but y’all get the picture.

    Guy in Chicago.. Wants a LTR/wife. Again!!! Ok that’s flattering but that also mean he’s not going to necessarily be generous up front. Because once you take that turn, they want you to forget their wealth.

    Funny thing is that Im not all that into him. He’s just into it.

  270. JSO-TXSD says:

    Moon – I have not had any luck in the last 6 months. But I am keeping hope alive. It is all a timed based deal. You just have to be willing to wait it out. That is what I have been doing.

  271. MoonPatrol says:

    I am about as frustrated as the next SD. I do enjoy the fast I’m having from active SB’s because my checkbook is looking swell again!
    Would you say the sb’s in Houston are lame or what?

  272. MoonPatrol says:

    I said the SB’s that I know in Houston are bad and I don’t know you!
    As For SD’s My sample of what Houston Men look like comes from selling tickets at the Astros games and observing the customers. Our town has a lot of burly men, with various size of bellies, and most have black sunglasses. Most are nice and kind of fun to talk with and have a sense of humor. I don’t know how they treat the ladies though !

  273. JSO-TXSD says:

    I am all about just a hook up
    Hey everyone. been awhile since I have been on. Hope everyone is good.

  274. Lisa says:

    Houston Sds are pretty lame too

  275. Lisa says:

    The Sb’s in Houston are the worst I know:

    Gee thanks :(

  276. MoonPatrol says:

    Texas SB- Glad you know what a booty call is. Sounds kind of lame and desperate to fly someone in for a bed session.
    I, me-MoonPatrol and not happy with the dilapidated response I get from SB’s I write to. The Sb’s in Houston are the worst I know. The ones in other cities seem more interesting. The ones in other cities however, don’t want to talk until I’m a week away from landing on their runways.
    I’m going to take my membership down when it expires in 8 days and try to nurture the existing connections I already have on email. I been working too hard on this process. All theses girls are out on Valentine,s day it seems. I thought they were pretty much single. Kind of makes me wonder is all.

  277. ESB says:

    Now to be fair, I would NEVER mention a pot’s name on the blog if he was a TRUE SD, but this guy, NOPE! Was into some creepy stuff. Not for me, thank you very much!

    I’m out, headed to bed. Got a long day tomorrow.

    Have a great night Everyone!! HUGS!!

  278. ESB says:

    TExasSugah: I just dropped a pot SD from Chicago… he was DEF only wanting sex. His name was Steve? Same guy?

  279. TexasSugah says:

    Thanks Midwest….

    I just had a SD call me from chicago. We haven’t talked in about 3 weeks. He wants to fly me there but Im thinking he’s just after sex. Ahhh no.

    I guess I need to set him straight. *sigh*

  280. ESB says:

    DC: rub it in girl! I am SO jealous! He is such a keeper. Clone him for me? PLEASE!!

  281. DC SB says:

    Happy Vday to everyone on the blog PS. I’ve been totally preoccupied w/ my man/SD to have done much of anything this weekend =)

  282. ESB says:

    DC: I love you!! <3, you just made my day! :)

  283. DC SB says:

    I’m ESB’s Valentine.

  284. ESB says:

    :) a plan…. sweet revenge!! I’m not going down alone!! Mwaa haa haa ha.. :) I just don’t want my kids to find out just exactly how involved I was in all this.

    Funny thing is, if X #2 would just mind her own business, X#3 wouldn’t be looking my way! Geez, I’m dizzy thinking about how this goes round and round… anyway, I feel better getting that off my chest. Relate this to Sugar life… if you have a married SD, be careful. Some women can be pretty nasty when they find out their man is skirting around behind their back.

  285. Midwest Mistress of the Dark says:

    ESB – You will come out of this stronger and wiser. Hopefully it will be soon. It sounds like you have a plan.

  286. ESB says:

    MMD: Trust me, if either of these women come after me, they will be told what little I know. If he won’t protect me, I will not protect him. I’m not totally inocent here, but what is going on now has nothing to do with me. I broke all ties with him over a year ago. When I moved out, he wanted to see my new place, was SO excited to see me free of the crap I was living through, and that was 4 months after I was out. He didn’t know until then… I didn’t WANT him to know. It just makes me angry that this is happening… and the reason I really do not want a married SD!

  287. Midwest Mistress of the Dark says:

    ESB – It sounds like a departure from unnecessary drama is due. I know you can’t really separate yourself from this, but certainly keeping it to a minimum is helpful. People who want to take others down into the flames with them are an absolute waste of time and energy. I’m sorry that you are caught up in the middle of it. I’m sure you will figure out the right thing to do.

    Although my personal life is not exactly as I would like it to be, I have not found myself in that dark place that sneaks up on all of us at some point for the past few years. I’ve found perspective and peace that reminds me that it is better to be free of drama, cruelty and people who bring you down. It is liberating and infectious. I don’t mean to preach, but it is well worth the effort.

    Happy SB!

  288. ESB says:

    MMD: You and james. give me hope. and then there is the AWESOME SD that DC found. I am trying to stay hopeful, but today… I do this to myself every year. I KNOW I have no one in my life right now, but was hoping for something from someone. Don’t know why I do this to myself.

    I think the real life drama I have going on right now has alot to do with it. A POS from my past is trying to protect HIS A$$, and the woman he is seeing, and I’m the one who got thrown under the bus. I have his X and soon to be X gunning for me. He felt he “owed” me a warning… he owes those women the truth!! They both need to know he left his current wife for someone else… NOT ME!! I haven’t even seen him since last June, or talked to him since Oct. This is the thanks I get for listening to someone and trying to be his friend! Men are such jerks!! (present company excluded!! :) )

  289. Midwest Mistress of the Dark says:

    Happy Valentine’s Day sugars! It was a pleasant evening indeed, although distance has limited our time together.

    ESB and TexasSuugah – I’ve said it a million times…I am walking proof that there is an SD for everyone. Take time when you feel down, but please don’t give up. This does take effort, but it is truly worth the roller coaster ride that many endure. Screening and remaining objective in the face of financial hardships can carry you a long way.

  290. ESB says:

    I posted before I was finished. I had a pot once that looked just like him!! He poofed on me though. Darn. He was the one looking for a test drive, and I just couldn’t do it.

  291. ESB says:

    I’m feeling sorry for myself, so I texted my son. He always cheers me up. I asked him to come over, spend some time with his old mom, and he said he was having a big dinner/supper with his GF’s family. I LOVE this girl and her family. Anyway, he said “Mom, it could be so much worse. Brad Cooper could really be gay!” I nearly cried from laughing. So, now I’m thinking… is he really gay? OMG, I so hope not. He is my current fantasy!

  292. Lily says:

    FloridaSB, are you searching?

  293. photogirl says:

    FloridaSB – Welcome… nice to have another FL blogger!

  294. photogirl says:

    LASB – I agree… it was awful…I actually went to watch the entire episode on youtube… I assume her SD had no idea about her problem until her parents called him and threatened to tell his wife if he didn’t cut ties. But it did show at the end of the episode that she had been clean for two months(this was back in ’08) and was still seeing her SD… so maybe he helped her get clean?

    Elegant – It is delicious! You know I had to go get some of that after you enlightened me.

  295. LASB says:

    That was the first one I watched. I only watched it because people were talking about it earlier on the blog. But no one said anything about how horrible it was. Or maybe I just missed that part.

  296. FloridaSB says:

    Thanks for the welcome :-)

  297. Lily says:

    I didn’t watch it yet either. I wasn’t planning on it. I normally skip them.

    Hey, ES, what on earth is Patron XO Cafe? I’m so ignorant…

  298. LASB says:

    Elegant – No worries. Glad I could be of service.

  299. ElegantSugar says:

    LASB – I haven’t watched it yet…but I think I will skip it now thanks to your PSA! :)

  300. LASB says:

    Does anyone else think this is the most horrid youtube clip on this ever?

    Dear BlogGod,
    Seriously, it wasn’t necessary to post that awful, unsugary clip to get your point across. A photo with a needle or a line of coke would have done. I pray that you never make me watch something like that again and I hate that I watched way more of it that I should have. Amen.

  301. ElegantSugar says:

    That was supposed to be PATRON!

    The Veuve is spelling for me now…

  302. ElegantSugar says:

    Finished getting dressed, enjoying a glass of champagne and waiting for my date (SD) to pick me up at the hotel.

    HI IRLSD, Lily, nycsb #2, LASB, FloridaSB!

    Photogirl – guess what a certain Valentine had in my surprise package waiting for me in my room??? THAT’S RIGHT! Parton XO Cafe! One of my favorites!!! I think he’s a keeper! :)

    Have a fabulous night, all!

    I promise to catch up on the post later on…(this week).

  303. Lily says:

    FloridaSB– Welcome!!!!!!!!!!

  304. LASB says:

    NYCSB #2 – I’ve seen the same. I’m only 5’0″, so they think I won’t notice if they lie about being 6″ shorter. I’ve also received photos that look like they were scanned out of high school yearbooks. On the other hand, I’ve gotten photos where the guy was not good looking at all, and then in person he was super hot. One time, the guy was so not good looking that I didn’t even bother to dress nicely. I think I wore a t-shirt since I knew I wasn’t going to be super attracted to him and was only meeting him to be polite since we had had a pretty good exchange and had agreed to meet before I received his photo. Then when I got there he was smoking hot and I was sitting there feeling totally insecure in my t-shirt. Lesson learned.

  305. nycsb #2 says:

    I met someone from SA and he claimed to be 5’8 but he was more like 5 feet and I’m only 5’6. He reminded me of Napoleon… He was not athletic either or single… Another man I met claimed to be in his late 40’s but he had to be in his 60’s. I love old men that claim to have ‘blonde’ hair but it’s really GRAYYY!!


  306. LASB says:

    You’re welcome, FloridaSB. I love it too, even though I just signed up a few days ago. Welcome to the blog. Make yourself at home. :)

    IRLSD – It’s refreshing to see that you are starting to see through the eyes of an SB. It’s not always how you suspect, and I think you are starting to get that.

  307. FloridaSB says:

    New to the blog here ..

    First thanks to LASB for the mention of Vumber! I just signed up for the trial, and so far I think it’s great.

    I’ll be contributing in the future, just getting my feet wet with this post!

    Have a wonderful Valentine’s night.

  308. Lily says:

    Awww, IRLSD I love all the love I sense happening there between you and your SB! BTW, both you and the other SD who commented on my pics mentioned #4 as being a fave, and I don’t get it–that one shows ONLY my cute smile but no figure at ALL, I’m completely hidden from the neck down besides a little sliver of decolette. Odd that the men love that pic, when there are much sexier ones.

  309. Lisa says:

    Good evening everyone

    Hard day at work and very depressing watching all the men buying flowers and candy. Spending the evening alone with my cocktail weenies and cheese. And then again it was 19 years ago today that my husband came in and announced he was leaving me. We had been together long enough, and he needed to go spend time with his “family” funny I thought his wife and soon to be born child were his family.

    So i’m not a big fan of V-day either. Bring on tomorrow

  310. IRLSD says:

    Now I feel bad about making my SB meet me tonight. I didn’t realize the softball game was over 2 hrs away and she drove another car back and forth just so she could be back in time to meet me. I feel terrible. I know exactly how I’ll make it up to her though :)

  311. IRLSD says:

    Lily, my favorite pictures are #4, #1, and #2 in that order. All nice pics though :)

    My first experience with misleading pics was the second SB pot I met from SA. She was hot in her pics but IRL had a 6 week old baby and about 50 lbs of added pregnancy fat on her. The one I met right after her was outright morbidly obese and had totally photoshopped pics. Then I met one who said she was athletic but only if Sumo wrestling is a sport–her pics were cleverly cropped. This third one insisted that she looks just like Megan Fox, maybe, just 100 lbs fatter. Anyways, I am not sure what they will accomplish in the long run with this strategy.

    Also, the third one insisted when we were e-mailing that she is the hottest SB on earth and that every single SD she had met was begging her to be their SB. When I met her, it turned out the two SDs she had met were in their 60s (profiles claiming to be in their 30s) and had asked her to accompany them to a hotel room for a one-night stand. Just like she couldn’t see herself in bed with a 60+ year old man, I can’t see myself in bed with someone who weighs 50-100 lbs more than I do.

  312. Lily says:

    Hi Elegant!

    Photogirl, I sent you mail back!

  313. ElegantSugar says:

    Hi everyone! I still need to go back up and read the 123 comments, but will probably have to wait until the morning to do so. Just finished glass 2 of Veueve and have to get ready for dinner now. Have a fabulous evening…for no other reason than…IT’S SUNDAY! :)

  314. Lily says:

    IRLSD, you’re right, I have no idea what the tax laws here are. I’m gettin’ myself an account/bookkeeper asap to keep on top of it! My SDs are local citizens, yes, and I’m an American, of course. Permanent resident over here though.

    SBs send photos of themselves 20 pounds lighter??! Seriously?!

    I have been known to send uber-recent pics, and all sorts of different ones that give as *accurate* a picture of what I look like IRL, not to mislead! I mean, how far is that going to go, IRL, if the overwhelming first impression he has of me is disappointment?! So not the right foot to be starting off on. I guess I don’t know how I would go about it if I suffered from lack of interest in my accurate photos, though… I guess the temptation would be there to show misleading photos to try to get to a live meeting, and then try to just dazzle with charisma upon meeting…?! But I dunno, I still think that’s a terrible idea and you gotta suck it up and wait for someone who is into you the way you realistically are.

    Hey, did you scroll all the way down and see the 13 photos that I took in order to spruce up my SA profile? Which did you like?

  315. photogirl says:

    Hello everyone!

    NOT a fan of V-Day… but do sincerely hope all of you are enjoying your day…with or without sugar.

    Lily – You have g mail.

    ESB – I’ve already ate my weight in chocolate and watched the sappy movies 😉

  316. IRLSD says:

    College SB, do exactly as you said. Get a safety deposit box and deposit $1000 a month there and the rest deposit in small sums randomly. You can even open two savings accounts in two separate banks for this purpose. In all honesty, the IRS is typically after bigger fish and if they question you just say it’s money from a benefactor to help you through school.

    I was also thinking that an SB could be considered a dependent for purposes of taxation and therefore not liable to tax for prividing her living expenses, even though she could not be claimed as a dependent on taxes because she is not related to the SD (plus, SDs are in tax brackets that do not get deductions for dependents anyways). If I meet someone and feel sorry for him/her and provide his/her living expenses, it is clearly not a gift. Comes back to the whole charitable giving issue.

  317. IRLSD says:

    Lily, I am assuming you’re an American citizen living abroad. If your SDs are citizens of other countries, you can receive unlimited gifts from them tax-free because they are not liable to U.S. gift tax and you, as the recipient, are never taxed for gifts.

    As for your description of your physique (and your pics on your blog), it’s the kind I like–super-skinny and not too busty. Everyone has different tastes, I suppose, but I am particular about a woman’s physique and it is hard for me when the SB weighs 20+ lbs more than her pics (happens all the time on SA). In all honesty, I have such a specific view of what a woman’s body should ideally look like that it knocks off about 95% of women.

  318. Lily says:

    ESB! Don’t say that. Hang here with me. 😉 Just kidding, enjoy your flick.

  319. ESB says:

    OK, I’m depressed and am going to go eat my weight in chocolate and watch some sappy chick flick. Hope you all have a great night! HUGS!!

  320. Lily says:

    Oh, and IRLSD, I met one guy through work, one guy through a kinky dating site 1 year ago, and the two actual SDs I have right now I met through a local dating (sexy-themed, I admit, kind of craigs-list-y) site where I put up an ad that painstakingly outlined what sort of a meaningful, chemistry-only type affair I am seeking and what sort of mutual benefits I expect. It was written in overly elaborate and superfluous english so as to weed out the men in this country who don’t speak amazing english (i.e. anyone not qualified to be an SD –the lower class the person is, around here, the worse their english is). I got very few responses (less than ten), but out of those, all three of the men that I met were very interested in going forward. I was attracted to two of them, so I went for it, but not attracted to the third, so I ditched him.

    The problem with the situation now, where I want to keep my fingers on the pulse of the local sugar scene, in case the arrangement (s) I have now happen to ‘poof’ on me, is that if I refresh that ad, one of my current SDs may notice and have them get upset. So I kind of have only strictly IRL options for finding new potential SDs at the moment. Which works for me, actually. But I’d also like to keep an ad running in case anyone truly spectacular comes in the door that blows everyone else out of the water. I think I’m an addict, like you were until just recently. 😉

  321. Lily says:

    College SB… hmmm, good question about storing cash. I dunno, I have had SafetyNetGuySD wire me the money directly to my account. I will continue to have him do that and I’ll declare it a gift (gotta get myself an accountant!! This week….) and he can deal with that. I know he won’t mind. So far ZazazoomSD has done gift daddy stuff, per my request, but I know in the future on an ongoin basis, it will be cash only if there isn’t anything I need him to buy for me in lieu of the cash. I’ll spend that cash on every possible expense I can (food, transportation, etc), and whatever’s left, I think I can deposit it without it being a huge red flag. When I get my company registered, I was thinking about billing my SDs and calling it consulting. The only problem is that then I only get a third of that money if I pull it out as income. But if I want to use that money on things that can be called a business expense (my traveling, business clothes, business lunches, office furniture, offic esupplies) which is almost darned near everything, then I can spend it without paying taxes on it first. So far I don’t have a huge chunk of cash in excess of my living expenses to deal with, but I think March may be a different story. Both SDs pitching in my entire overhead (so that’s living expenses x 2) plus these two pot SDs potentially getting involved. However, an allowance-paying-SD is a rare thing to find IRL, whereas a pamper-and-spoil gift/travel daddy is not. So I dont’ think I’ll have huge-chunks-of-cash concerns unless I go online trolling for another allowance SD. Eh. Not worried about it for now. :) I’m so Scarlet O’Hara sometimes.

    IRLSD — thank you! Chocolate covered cherry was the inspiration. :) I try to dress fun and stylish but still have some modicum of elegance, and still keep the horribly cold temperatures in mind–can’t show a lot of skin without looking ridiculous. I usually like the outfit in question if it doesn’t hide my shape/waistline, and bonus points for somewhat showing off long-ish legs. Otherwise, if I stick to red, black, white, dark brown (occasionally blue/pink/purple, but seldom) I usually think that the outfit looks understated but put together. I don’t have big breasts to advertise, or a great bum to outline. No Jessica Rabbit figure here (only B cups, and a 116 lbs/5’7″ frame), sadly, but lots of men think that slim girls are vixen-esque as well, so if I just play up on the elongated and slender thing, it looks sexy enough. However, I got dissed here on SA yesterday for not being busty enough for his liking. Sigh.

    My Blog Domme –yes, come!!! I have 2 SDs and 2 pots. You can have some sugar. no problem, and I LOVE to share the wealth.

    Hey, everyone –does anyone want to contact a fabulously sweet SD in Tennessee? I’ve been in contact with him for like a month (email, phone) and since we’re so far apart and I’ve found local options, he & I are just pen pal buddies and he is super happy for me for all the local action I’ve found. But he’s so wishing to find a great SB closer to him, and everyone on SA ends up being trying to scam him, or escorts, or otherwise just leaving him cold. He has a very reasonable allowance budget in mind (perhaps 2-4k/mo), for someone that wouldn’t mind traveling to his place in Florida or seeing him in his place in TN or going to meet him in some other location on a somewhat regular basis. He’s looking for the genuine deal, a great connection, someone that really captures his fancy that he can truly help and spoil. He seems so real, not like any of these ‘poof daddies’ or ‘vulture SDs’ or the like. Of course, I don’t *really* know him, but I have a strong, strong feeling that he is the real deal, especially that we’ve continued a very friendly dialogue after we agreed that he and I will most likely never meet. I’ve been giving him advice on finding a real SB. Wouldn’t hurt to contact him, right? Message me through my blog if you are interested….

  322. ESB says:

    EVERYONE!! there will be a DC area meet this Sat. Anyone else interested? I know DC, VA and I would LOVE to meet some more of you. It’s a great way to let out the stress of the challenges we face on here. Can’t always post EVERYTHING on the blog.

  323. LASB says:

    College SB – If I ever needed to stash money, I’d put a small bit in the fireproof box as a decoy, but then scatter the rest in less obvious places like in shoes, my makeup bag, pocket inside a suitcase, etc. I guess it depends if you have roommates or a lot of guests, or live alone, etc.

  324. College SB says:

    Thank you all so much for your advice!!

    Does the consensus agree that it would be fairly safe and UTR if I deposited the money once a month in a safety deposit box at a random time and then maybe smaller, more random amounts in a savings account?

    tbh, I’m seriously thinking of just stashing the money in a hidden fireproof box in the back of my closet, but HELLO suspicious!!

  325. IRLSD says:

    Lily, I like your outfit–elegant yet sinful 😉

    Out oc curiosity, do you meet these guys at work or in their social circles, etc?

  326. Lily's blog Domme says:

    Lily – You are making Finland sound so sugary and fun. Maybe I’ll pack up and join you. Then I can really put your little sub behind where it belongs.

  327. Lily says:

    nyc sb#2, thanks! And I totally, totally get what you mean. I haven’t run into much of that yet, that any pot SDs would actually think that it’s enough to just buy me dinner and drinks, that they would have a chance to score just based on that. BUt it would irk me to no end if they did think that.

    I changed my profile on SA with a specific, and not small dollar amount, so as to avoid even initiating any contact with any guy who doesn’t have a pretty significant budget to spend in my direction. If it’s going to an overseas thing, he needs to have a pretty large chunk of disposable sugar funds anyways, just to swallow all the travel expenses without cringing, so I might as well just put it out there up front that a significant allowance is all I’m open to right now. I have plenty of non-sugar-daddy type SDs right now all happy to pitch in what I need to live on, so if I’m going to go to the trouble of trading one of them in (potentially) for someone else, it better be worth all the trouble of long haul flights, etc…. the right level of assistance would make it worth that, for me, but otherwise, local is nice & convenient. THese guys’ wives makes it a discrete thing that won’t end up in awkward same-restaurant-on-friday-night type of thing…. perfect. Married & local. THat’s my thing, for the most part. Whereas before I was all about the single & far. (the first guy I got all smitten with). Funny.

  328. Lily says:

    Oh and to Chitown, I am not exactly ‘living the live’ completely large or anything, but…. I do admit, that every single one of the four men (two actual SDs and two pots) that I have found here locally are the real deal, the do-what-they-say-and-genuinely-care type. No broken promises. Actually that’s characteristic of the people around here in general, not bullshitting or playing games. Part of the reason I dont’ want to return to the US, I’m used to the honesty and I love being able to live my life with a bit of naivete and not worry so much about who is being two-faced. Also, I have genuine chemistry and a strong mental connection with all 4, who don’t see me as a sugar baby at all, per se, but all are just crazy attracted to me but happen to not be single, and see that pampering me is their way to compensate for their lack of even being in a position to possibly fulfill the role of securing my future. I start to wonder what on earth I would even be doing with a single SD, how those dynamics would even work…. They all get so attached and so dreamy-in-infatuation…how would you keep a single SD from changing the agreement and becoming obsessed with marrying you, nearly instantly?

  329. nycsb #2 says:


    I read your blog~ congrats on all those guys!!!

  330. nycsb #2 says:


    I know exactly how you feel, I specifically wrote that I seek financial assistance!!!! I’m not looking to be anyone’s gf and I don’t care how rich or good-looking you are, just buying me dinner and drinks isn’t gonna fly with me. I have plenty of guys doing that without being on SA!!!!! They should learn to read…

  331. Lily says:

    So it’s you and me on V-day right now, huh LASB… or did I scare you off too?

  332. Lily says:

    Oh and to explain, I meant I am geographically challenged in the SA dating pool. Not in the sugarbowl in general. :) I can find sugar even in the arctic circle, apparently. :)

  333. Lily says:

    Established Men? What is that? Oh and sorry to say that I cleared the blog but we were cross-posting, LASB.

  334. Lily says:

    Why has the blog cleared? Sniff sniff.

  335. LASB says:

    Lily – I have to laugh at you! You have 4 SDs that have kept you pretty well engaged, so I don’t think you’re challenged at all. That being said, I’d love to hear where else people are “shopping.” NYCSB found hers on SD4Me. My current pot (well, the one I actually still like after a decent amount of exchanges) was found on Established Men.

  336. Lily says:

    anyone else finding pot SDs elsewhere than SA? I’m geographically challenged in this pool, and although I have emailed back and forth with quite a few, nothing so far has ever turned out to be promising.

  337. Lily says:

    I had in mind that I’d be dressed in the colors of a chocolate covered cherry. :) I had a red chenille scarf to match the top, and a full length chocolate brown shearling coat (suede outer, long toscana shearling inner) on top. We spent about 6-8 hours together today and it was all smiles and sparks and flirting. I couldn’t help but remember how he is with me (and how insanely well endowed he is), when we are alone, and I want to be alone with him again so badly…

    But, I didn’t bring up an arrangement proposal at all. Again. The dates are so fun and the groundwork all exists, so…. I’m kind of biding my time at the moment. But a couple of helpful signals arose again. I kept things very non-pressure-y and mentioned, “You have your life, and I have mine…. You won’t receive any pressure from me in regards to your personal relationships.” And he seemed totally happy and at ease about my attitude. He withdrew a hell of a lot of cash from the atm and his wallet had a difficult time closing and I linked arms with him and joked, “Hmmm…tall, handsome, and a bulging pocket full of money—I am so easy to please when it comes to my taste in men.” He enjoyed that little half-joke immensely, since I delivered it adorably. He knows my attraction to him is very genuine. But the most promising part was over brunch (a 3.5 hour long brunch with champagne, yum!) when he and I were discussing passion and Valentine’s Day and non-traditional relationships, he said that it has always been the way that the woman who makes a man’s heart beat faster is the woman getting the flowers, the chocolates, the lingerie, the love, the attention, even the money — simply whatever she needs to be taken care of. Just as I suspected, his view of romance and being a gentleman is tied very closely to being able to provide for and offer security to the object of his romantic passion.

    The fact that when discussing passion, romance, affairs, and mistresses he immediately linked offering relief from any financial woes with being enamoured of his mistress…. leads me to believe that an arrangement is not going to be difficult to orchestrate.

    But still, I am going to avoid using words like arrangement or allowance, because this is a man who has never had to suffer from lack of female attention, and any sense of ‘paying for’ the time and attention of a female would probably strike him as laughable. But being my knight in shining armour who plans elaborate romantic escapades as well as covers any expenses I might need covering in between our times together, seems right up his alley.

    We decided that our next date, perhaps in this coming week if his schedule allows for it, will be shopping at my favorite designer boutique for lingerie ensembles, from heels & stockings to garters & corsets.

    He’s rich and generous and crazy about me, and those features in and of themselves, without any ‘arrangement’ negotiations, are pretty much the best groundwork for success in sugarland, as far as I can tell. And he gives me butterflies as well. Yum.

  338. Lily says:

    IRLSD, check my blog again now and tell me what you think… good outfit choice for a V-day brunch and yacht shopping?

    Actually everyone who gives a shit about fashion, what do you think about my outfit? Cute for wintertime (warm but not leaving me shapeless….?) or was it too conservative. Not conservative enough…? He was in jeans and a leather jacket himself. But he’s always hot, he doesn’t have to be decked out in one of his fine suits.

  339. Lily says:

    Chitown, I did NOT meet the SDs and pot SDs that are currently in my life on SA. I found them locally.

  340. LASB says:

    Oh yeah, so come to the LA meet on Feb 25th and I’ll share some of this sun with you.

  341. LASB says:

    Winter is finally over! It’s going to hit 80 today!!! :) :) :)

  342. Chitown SB says:

    Well, it looks like I have v-day plans after all.

    PrinterSD and I are having dinner tonight and drinks at his hotel… this will be date no. 3… he gave me a partial allowance on our last date, and we are supposed to discuss it in more detail on this one. Wish me luck, as I too, am having a tough time with the money talk.

    I am so jealous of you Lily… but you are a beacon of hope for the rest of us that the good life and good men are out there.

  343. LASB says:

    Oh, I’m also going to add that it seems to be a geographical issue. California men are the cheapest species on the planet. I’ve not had these types of conversations with any New Yorkers.

  344. LASB says:

    IRLSD – Some are travel daddys, but many think that if they take you to dinner, that should be enough. Typically when I get the gasp of shock when I tell them that yes, I seek an allowance, I just say, “This is what this website is about. If I wanted a regular boyfriend, I’d go to Match. My profile spells out exactly what I seek, and you should have read it before replying.” They seem to have the attitude that they understand what the site is for and even what my profile says, but that women (I specifically) should make an exception for them because they are that great. A few guys have played the ignorance card saying “mutually beneficial” and “benefactor” are not clear descriptions because a lot of people consider the sex to be a benefit. SERIOUSLY?!!!

  345. IRLSD says:

    Lily, I read your blog. You’re the only person I know who can out-write me, lol.

    Why not just take the segment you wrote about him, change the tense from third to second person, and tell him the truth? If I ever got that from someone I liked, I’d be very touched, to say the least. I’m not sure what percentage of men truly find an allowance-type sugar relationship appealing, but he obviously has the means and wants the escape from his drab relationship. It’s easier to turn an ordinary girl into an SB than to turn an ordinary guy into an SD simply because it is easier to give than to ask.

  346. Lily says:

    I love Lilies!!!!

  347. TexasSugah says:

    Hey Sugars!

    I’ve been busy with work and school. I deleted my account here. It was a waste of time and a disappointment. I just feel that I’m to old at 36 for a sugar baby deal. I’m working more from the girlfriend/wife angle.

    I’m only talking with one guy. The same one. We haven’t met. He was injured for a couple of weeks. Now I hope it’ll be this month. If not.. I’ll have to let him go.

    How long do ppl generally talk to a long distance SD if you’re expecting him to come to you?

  348. IRLSD says:

    Thank you nycsb #2 and LASB for flower advice. I’ll keep that in mind. My guess is that, unfortunately, by this evening only the wilted flowers will be left :(

    LASB, do you think the guys opposed to giving allowances have some alternate form of an arrangement in mind (e.g. gift daddy, travel daddy) or they are just clueless or they are looking for one-night-stands or mistresses or what? Women sleep with successful older men all the time even when not paid an allowance (the wealth or success or power itself is a strong attraction), but my guess is that there is no website for that.

  349. LASB says:

    Good Morning Sugars!

    ElleSB – Awesome questions! I have been experiencing the same thing. I also get the “you don’t need an SD” line as an excuse. A recent pot that because of what I do for a living and because I have so many jobs, that I should be supporting him on a crappy investment. Yes, he actually asked for me for money!!! I told him to find his own SD. LOL. Others try to insinuate that to give me an allowance would make me a hooker and that it’s wrong, etc, etc. So then why are you on a site called Sugar Daddy for Me or Seeking Arrangement? Having had this conversation so many times, I’ve developed a few zingers just to make them go away and stop wasting my time. Seriously, I’m not as jaded as I’m coming across here, but I’m also not as ignorant as I was when I started the Sugar search.

    IRLSD – Personally, I like Orchids. White and/or red tulips are nice too. I’m glad you salvaged your V-day and I’m sure it’s going to be awesome for both of you.

  350. nycsb #2 says:

    I’m a newbie SB so I don’t think I’ll be much of a help but def NOT red roses!!! Guide for you:

    Pink roses are commonly presented as gifts and lovingly grown by gardeners alike. Pink roses can mean quite a variety of things from “thank you for your assistance” to “I’m thinking of you.” Pink roses like yellow are the perfect gift for just about anyone. You can choose darker pink for someone with a wild outgoing personality and pale pink for a gift recipient who is shy or calm and collected.

    White roses represent purity and true love. They can be an excellent gift for a fiancé, a spouse on a wedding anniversary or the birth of a child. You also have the benefit of knowing white roses will always match a picky recipients décor incase this is a consideration as well.

    Yellow roses have traditionally symbolized friendship. They’re such a sunny and cheerful flower that they’ve also been given to acknowledge or congratulate someone for a recent good fortune or happiness. Yellow roses, like pink, have the benefit of being an appropriate gift for just about anyone. You could present them to a wife or girlfriend who loves yellow flowers as well as a coworker, grandparent, friend or sibling.

    Orange roses could be considered to have a similar meaning as yellow roses. They can also represent excitement or something new. If you’re starting a new chapter in your life or embarking on an exciting adventure with someone special orange roses could be an excellent gift giving choice.

    Maybe DAISIES: Innocence, Loyal Love (don’t know about this one), I’ll Never Tell, Purity

  351. IRLSD says:

    So what is the right flowers and color for an SB on Valentine’s? I know the SBs know the answer to this one.

  352. IRLSD says:

    Nycsb #2, my typical arrangement has been 4K/month, meeting twice a week for 2 hrs on average. But I tend to throw in a lot of extras. For one SB, after a week I paid off a $3000+ 401-K loan that became due (she didn’t even know about it being due, but I told her that if she lost her job, her 401K loan would have to be paid within 30 days otherwise she’d be liable for income tax on it plus a 10% penalty). I know that some SDs see their SBs less than I do, but I guess I prefer the pseudo-BF/GF relationship than a glorified escort relationship, and I see the allowance/arrangement as something concrete for her to plan based on, even though in reality I see it as my duty to make sure she has no financial worries. If she is worrying about bills, I have let her down as her SD and if I am getting drama or the cold shoulder, she has let me down as my SB.

  353. ESB says:

    ok Sugars, I need to go do “something” today. Hope you all have a day filled with sugar!

  354. nycsb #2 says:

    Yeah, it does take time: I went from UHHHHHHHHHHHH to saying something more tha that, haha. Plus, I find it much harder to say/ask for a monthly allowance when I feel a connection to him… I suck at ‘arrangements’!!

    If I ask for $3,000-4,000, what’s a reasonable amount of times to meet?

  355. IRLSD says:

    Nycsb #2, I second ESB. If they ask, you’re doing both of you a favor by being up-front. It’s OK to say, “It’s awkward talking about money, but I’ve given this some thought and think that an allowance of $x per month is fair, and I can meet x number of times at such-and-such time of the day” (hopefully he has told you how much he wants to see you by that point). Add to it that you’re looking for only one SD. If what you ask for is reasonable and the guy balks then he either lacks the means or the desire to be an SD.

  356. ESB says:

    nycsb#2: Good morning!! I think that is something that comes with time. I was the same way at first, kinda chicken to say what I want. Now, I just put it out there. I usually wait til he asks, in an email, then say I want $xx monthly for an allowance. I work full time, so being his arm candy while traveling just won’t work for me.

  357. nycsb #2 says:

    Hello AM, you wrote while I was writing so I didn’t see you!

  358. nycsb #2 says:

    HAPPY V-DAYYYY! I’ll be spending my V-day perusing SA, hahaha!

    Hello Elle, ESB, IRLSD, NYC SB!!!

    I’m still relatively new to the whole ‘arrangement’ thing and haven’t met too many people b/c I’m darn picky and would like to get to know someone a bit before meeting, but I still have a problem saying in person when I meet them that I want x, y, and z in the arrangement… I know exactly what I want *a monthly allowance* yet I have issues when it comes to saying it in person even if the SD asks what I’m looking for.

    For one SD, he told me to think about it since he knew that I felt uncomfy saying, I want this, this and this. I ended up emailing him what I wanted/needed and he said it was fine and we’ll be meeting soon to discuss in further detail… I remember the first person I met, he asked me what kind of an arrangement I wanted and all I could say was, UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH… I felt so uncomfy… that probably could’ve turned into an arrangement but I just couldn’t go through with it…

    So in my experience, I feel much better just saying in an email what I want and need… wish I would stop pussying out and just say what I want and need, especially when I know what I want- a monthly allowance!!!!

  359. ESB says:

    Good Morning AM!! Happy V-day to you!

  360. ESB says:

    and anything I toss out there that will help, please feel free to claim as your own!

  361. Anna Molly says:

    Happy Valentines day everyone! Hope it’s full of love and laughter! XOXO 😀

  362. ESB says:

    ElleSB: you run into ALL kinds on here. Ya just don’t know what you are getting until you actually meet them face to face. Weird how different a person can be in person than on the phone.

  363. ElleSB says:

    Haha, I actually just have one face/shoulders webcam photo and I have yet to send a single extra before meeting. So no worries there — you lot cover just about everything on the blogs. I believe someone mentioned that some of the men on here think they have too much game to believe they need to “pay” for the benefits of an SB. This might be what I’m running into.

    ESB: Thanks! That is such a perfect way to phrase the question and I think I just might steal it!

  364. ESB says:

    ElleSB: No good lines, just come right out and ask them. “Things are moving right along, think you could share your name with me?”

    I agree on the picture thing. I have 3 on my profile, what do you want more pictures for? They were all taken last spring, summer. I will send one tasteful pic, full body shot, fully dressed, just to prove I am who I say I am. That one was taken a few weeks ago. Anyone who requests nudes, delete, block, and walk away. So many men think this is a great way to get sex, and often DO NOT give any “allowance” in return. Just be careful.

  365. IRLSD says:

    ElleSB, my policy on more pics is that if the SA profile does not have face and body pics, I will ask for them, fully clothed of course. If the pictures show the face and give a good idea of her physique, I never ask for more pics. I think that is fair. I have become quite wary of highly cropped pictures, or ones where the SB is positioned at a funny angle, especially if she has her face to the camera and her body twisted.

  366. ElleSB says:

    I’m so sorry that you had such a horrible experience, ESB. :( As awful as it must have been, I have to say that I really appreciate that you’ve come out the other side and can advise less experienced SBs from a cautious perspective.

    I’ve been using grammar, conversational style, and shared interests to judge who to meet. Anyone who’s interested in m0re pix plz over a conversation is thrown out right away; I hand out my email sparingly and only arrange meetings locally. I always have a few friends who could come and get me without asking questions. Do you have any good lines for requesting a full name? Google is quite the gossip monger.

  367. ESB says:

    NYC SB: I heard you guys had some fun. So wish I could be there. Glad to hear your weekend is going well!

  368. NYC SB says:

    Hi sugars… happy Vday

    Had a lovely lovely time with NYSE last night… going to my conference today… met a lot of his trader friends… i am in heaven… after the conference i am going to another dinner with him and a bunch of his clients… one of which is a super duper cute trader/analyst…

    NYC Meet up was great… turned out to be a tripple SD/SB date… fun fun fun

  369. ESB says:

    IRLSD: It sux that there are people out there that would do that period. Those of us who are trusting by nature get jaded after these experiences, and I really hate seeing that happen to me. My friends see me becoming more and more jaded, and less trusting, and they really dont like it. Dating can really change a person!

  370. IRLSD says:

    ESB, I used to give my full name to the SB pots and ask them to google me. I have a unique name and it gets over 20,000 hits and I have nothing to hide–googling me can only help make a potential SB more comfortable. But after the SB who blackmailed me, I have been a bit more hesitant giving out too much information. It is in my nature to be very open, but it sucks that there are people who take advantage of my honesty.

  371. ESB says:

    ElleSB: More careful initial screening would be a good thing. Some even go as far as googling the man b4 meeting. I should do that more. You can do back ground checks, make sure they are who they say they are, and that there is no criminal records. I tend to be to trusting, but after what I’ve been though, not so much anymore.

  372. ElleSB says:

    I switched computers for a bit and missed your posts… many thanks to both of you! Do you think a more careful initial screening would help? Actually, I joined the site for a trial run last fall and 3 days in the first pot I spoke to seriously listed a high allowance and asked me how much I wanted… but I backed out because I wasn’t serious — or ready. Now I’ve read through most of the blog archives and I know more. I just hope for the luck some of you have had!

    Happy Valentine’s Day!

  373. ESB says:

    Thank you IRLSD. You are the first, and probably the only, one to say that to me.

  374. ESB says:

    I just checked out the sister sight, seeking millionaire.. Im a little disapointed. If these guys are really what they claim, why are there so few Premium accounts? hmm.. suspicous if you ask me…

  375. IRLSD says:


  376. IRLSD says:

    Thank you ESB :)

  377. ESB says:

    I knew a SD would be better for answering her questions, well done IRLSD.

  378. IRLSD says:

    JC, I agree with you. But dropping off $560 at the bank and then $420 two weeks later will not raise that much suspicion. And neither will going to the safety deposit box once a month, especially if the times appear random. Lots of people pick up their jewelry on a Friday night or Saturday morning and drop it off a few days later.

    As for a Suspicious Activity Report, banks are only obliged to file one if the transaction is more than $2000, so keeping the sums small is not a problem. As for multiple accounts, they should be in different banks, not in the same bank.

    I used to have two sugar accounts–one at Chase and one at Washington Mutual and then they merged, which sucked for me, so I ended up closing one of them. I withdraw tons of cash from the account so I would not be surprised if an SAR has been filed on me many times, but so what? The source of the money is clearly legit. Plus, is withdrawing $10K/month suspicious for someone making a 7-figure income? It is the equivalent of someone with a $20,000 income withdrawing $100/month. Plus, if the govt suspects me, they will wiretap me and follow me about and find it’s all going to SBs and I seriously doubt it is worth their effort beyond that.

  379. IRLSD says:

    Taz, I agree 100% and I will do just that :) I really like this SB and she has, in all honesty, been very good to me, so I will put the effort into getting it to work instead of what I typically do–i.e. look for a replacement at the first sign of trouble.

  380. IRLSD says:

    ElleSB, as I said in a previous blog posting, the problem is that most men lack either the financial means or the desire for genuine sugar-dating. Plus, in a use-or-get-used world, most people prefer to be the user than the gotten-used (personally, I prefer to get used–better karma that way). Now in terms of finding the needle in the haystack, it takes a lot longer than a few weeks for most people. If your questions in regards to allowance get negative responses, just remind them of the purpose of the site and tell them you’re looking for a benefactor (see the definitions of benefactor in the last blog).

    My style is to offer a monthly allowance, and unless there are major forseeable problems, to offer it all up front and then leave it up to the SB to keep up her end of the bargain. Believe me, it sounds like the way to go, but many (definitely not all) SBs just get so comfortable receiving that they forget this is a two-way relationship. I’ve gotten more assetive about what I want in return, so it has been less of an issue for me lately, but I’ve been through that quite a bit.

    I typically prefer to be the one to offer the arrangement and I do it very early–either before we meet or on or immediately after the first date. I have no problems with an SB bringing it up, but I find it more awkward that way (SBs never say exactly what they want, so it’s hard to pin down an arrangement when they bring it up).

    As for acting desperate, what ESB said is true–the vultures will take advantage of you. Remember that the damsel-in-distress is sexy but a desperate woman is not necessarily so and may not elicit any desire beyond a one-episode pay-for-play meet. There is a fine line, I know, but the problem with someone desperate is she they will essentially do anything for money, so the SD does not feel like anything more than a lump of cash in her eyes and will see her like a POA in return. A damsel-in-distress, on the other hand, develops a physical and emotional bond with her “knight in shining armor” and he can enjoy his position in her life.

  381. ESB says:

    ElleSB: We all have been there. I have met some rather nastly “creeps” through here. You need to be patient, weed through the crap, and take your time. I got burned bad a month ago, learned my lesson. A few things I have learned:

    Make the pot come to YOU. Safer to be on your terf.

    Build trust, not just chemisty. Safety first!

    Trust your instincts. If it don’t feel right, walk away.

    Try to have a small allowance chata before you meet. Just say up front, I would lik $xx. If he balks, decide if you want to negotiate. If he low balls you, he is prabaly looking for just sex, no allowance.

    NEVER be desperate. He will take advantage if he is a fake. There are more FAKES on here than real SDs. Keep reading the blogs, there is a wealth of information on here. Learn from our mistakes, try not to make you own, and please feel free to ask. I’d hate for something bad to happen to someone so young.

  382. ElleSB says:

    After a few weeks of going on dates, I have yet to come across a man who has any interest in a monthly allowance. This *is* sugar dating, right? Almost all of them seem to want some kind of “travel baby” to fly out with them on business trips. They don’t want pre-allowance test drives or arrangements. They want instant girlfriends with instant chemistry and instant sex — despite a 20-30 year age gap and no chemistry, real or feigned! I’m not here for the money per se, but I think it’s reasonable to ask for an allowance up front. I guess my question is, how do I get in contact with the SDs that offer this? What language do you use to convey your needs? How soon do you bring the allowance up? What do you do when a man clearly has no intention of offering an allowance? I see sugar dating as more or less exactly what IRLSD said: “You are not performing a job for the SD and he is providing for you out of the kindness of his heart.” THAT would be perfect!!

    In my profile I listed my amount as open/negotiable because I have enough money to support my current spartan existence — any allowance on top of that will let me pursue my dreams, passions, etc. I’m not asking for endless strings or commitment. Should I relist myself as, say, $3,000-$5,000? Do SDs see those numbers and expect an SB to supply $X of satisfaction? I don’t want to advertise myself as a commodity, but maybe SBs have to.

    Basically, I’ve waited until the second date to bring up the allowance (date 1 = chemistry only!). I usually follow the blog advice and ask the pot what he’s looking for, what his ideal arrangement would look like. Maybe these aren’t the right questions. When the question gets turned back over to me, I say something like, “Well, in addition to a relationship with a successful, established, intelligent, confident older man (I’ve usually already mentioned that I, at 20, am solely attracted to men in the 35-55ish range), I *am* looking for a monthly allowance.” Some of the responses I’ve received are downright vicious. One man said “You should think long and hard about what that means.” Okay, so to him it meant prostitution? Ironically, before that point he had done his best to make me feel like a piece of meat. After “the allowance talk” but before acquiescing to the possibility of an allowance, another pot became coercive-bordering-on-blackmail.

    A couple of men have emailed me offering small per-meeting ‘allowances’ with the understanding that they would see me maybe once a month. Hmm. Some of them seem genuinely sweet, but that sounds like p4p to me. To sum up: ugh. I find this incredibly frustrating. Would so appreciate all of your advice!

  383. ESB says:

    Good Morning Sugar family!! HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!

    TT: Great advice to IRLSD!

    I saw the videos. They were a bit repititious, kind boring, but I got the point. Interesting concept!

    Lisa: OMG!! NO!! I thought he was all into you!! I’m so sorry sweety. I hope something turns up for you soon. When was the last time you heard from him?

  384. Lisa says:

    Good morning everyone

    Hope everyone has a nice Valentine’s day

    Mine is going to be lousy :(
    Have to work all day

    I have a question for everyone. Is it normal for an sd to just poof? After 7 months my sd has stopped emailing. No explanation or anything. Not sure what happened. What is it with men that they always do this? I’ve deleted my profile on SA.

  385. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Hello sugars – I am a bit late on everything lol…didn’t read ALL of the blog/previous blog…hope everyone is having a very very sugary valentine’s weekend!! :)

    One comment to make:

    IRLSD – go tomorrow and give this girl a chance!!! Give her some time to get her ‘new’ life adjusted and settled and maybe to breathe for a few moments – I am sure she will show her true colors soon enough – and perhaps that will mean showing you an IMMENSE amount of gratitude! :) Could be otherwise as well…you won’t ever know if you don’t give her a fair chance, and IMHO, you have followed through on your part – allow her the fair opportunity to do that without judgment or expectations to ‘match’ what you feel you have put in. If you are having issues with baggage from past experiences – TALK TO HER! If she cares she will try and be sensitive to that I am sure. My point is – give her a chance to do that before you start moving on again…or harboring negative feelings and notions. On the flip side – please don’t give/offer to give anything else at the moment. Please allow her to get to know and enjoy YOU – not just your generosity!

  386. JC says:

    IRLSD, Having two separate bank accounts and keeping up a safety deposit box to store money obtained from sugar dating is not a good idea.

    Here is part of a list of what is considered suspicious by banks and can lead to the filing of a SAR (suspicious activity report)

    Customer opens several accounts in one or more names, then makes several cash deposits that are less than $10,000.

    Customer conducts unusual cash transactions through night deposit boxes, especially large sums that are not consistent with the customer’s business.

    Customer makes frequent deposits or withdrawals of large amounts of currency for no apparent business reason, or for a business that generally does not generate large amounts of cash.

    Customer makes frequent purchases of monetary instruments for cash, in amounts less than $10,000.

    Customer’s activity increases in the safe deposit box area, possibly indicating the safekeeping of large amounts of cash.

    Customer often visits the safe deposit box area immediately before making cash deposits of sums less than $10,000.

    Customer rents multiple safe deposit boxes.

  387. Lily says:

    OH, and HandsomeSD, the one I am trying to lure into an IRL arrangement (who is completely green to arrangements) texted me that he is so thrilled to have reconnected with me and has time to see me tomorrow. Which now, by the look of the clock, is today. I can’t wait to see him!

    I stayed up all night hosting a valentines party and then napping, and after that cleaning my apartment, and now posting on SA. :) I had 50 people show up for a party that I gave only 7 days notice for! I’m shocked so many people were able to come. It was so much fun, I absolutely love my friends. One of my single girlfriends heard me out on every single one of the SDs that I have been discussing on the blog, and since she’s been ‘warmed up’ to the concept for several weeks now, I was pretty direct with her about sugar dating of married men and she is so accepting.

    It’s nice to have an IRL friend who is down with it. In fact, she’s pretty jealous and when I described aspects (perks) of my arrangement with zazazoomSD her face lit up like Christmas and got a dreamy look and admitted that it sounds amazing and she thinks I deserve every bit of spoiling that I’m getting and would love some of that herself. She would never, ever, ever post a profile on SA or engage in any other way of finding an SD, but…. she would love one if she had one, that’s for sure. I need to find an SD who has an SD friend who is interested in slowly easing this beauty into an arrangement, minus any of the terminology and making sure that every bit of her benefits are translated somehow into something palatable that she could freely tell her friends about without them raising eyebrows and wondering if she’s a hooker.

    With two local pots (who haven’t been SDs before so not at all a guarantee that it will work out there) and two first-time-SDs that are already engaged in an arrangement with me, would you guys think I’m crazy that I’d love a long distance arrangement with someone very interesting that I would see maybe once per month for an unforgettable trip somewhere awesome (I’m thinking going to Uganda/Rwanda to scout out the Gorillas while they are still living)…..? Of course if I end up with 4 local men wanting to be my local SD I’ll have to weed that down, but regardless of how the local sugar scene goes for me I’d still like an AMERICAN, fabulously wealthy SD who can take a few days away from his life every month and meet me somewhere exotic for an experience (not just a vacation, but some sort of an experience to remember) in which money is no object.

    The college I went to hosts/arranges trips all over the world, every month, to any alumnae who want to pay the exhorbitant fees, and I’ve always wanted to do that. They get experts and academics to join in on the trip so it’s not just a trip to the galapagos islands, for example, it’s one with some of the world’s premier evolutionary biologists who are there to teach and lead you on how to best experience and learn. That’s just one example. THe gorillas were another. Often it’s cultural (involving the arts, and attending performances), but I’m more interested in the physical side of earth and seeing more of that than I have so far. Wouldn’t that be a nifty arrangement idea to the right guy who would love to bank up a series of memories like that with me by his side?

    Anyway, I’m off to bed, to feel smug that although I have no valentine, I have the best friends ever, and I hosted a fantabulous par-tay tonight.

  388. Lily says:

    IRLSD, click on “Lily” on one of my posts and it will click through to my sugar blog ramblings. They are too long, as you probably already anticipate. I just can’t manage to keep my thoughts concise.

    Flo – you are right about SafetyNetGuySD. I texted him today that, “Sorry for being abrupt with you. Let’s get together as soon as you can and agree to talk about fun things only. No divorce talk (I feel terrible when I think about your wife & also it reminds me of my own divorce and complications therein). Let’s agree to not talk about any hypothetical future at ALL, but instead only FUN things…. art, wine, literature, performances we’d like to see, and your stories from your trips to Africa, etc… Deal? Light and fun, and let’s aim to be in touch/talk 2-3 times per week & see each other once per week for a nice chunk of time together. That way I’ll have more to tell you about when we meet, and I’ll have a chance to miss you! :)

    He texted back, “Lily, I totally agree on EVERYthing. I know I was overeager and pushy, but there’s a reason for that. You see, you are so different than the persian girls I have been with. :) Have a nice party and if you are free on tuesday, I would like to take you for a dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in the city.”

    Me: Tuesday is great.

    So let’s see if he can just calm down when we have dinner and just… relax and have fun, and not be eyeing me like a predator in terms of sizing me up for wife#2 potential, or pushing to hang with my mom or bond with his baby. If it doesn’t work out, then this doesn’t continue into March. If it does, great. I would like to save that cash for a rainy day or actually…. to get my mom a first class plane ticket to come see me this spring. She isn’t very able to travel overseas in economy class seating, due to health issues. (before you think I’m crazy for not banking the excess cash for a future month this year in which perhaps every SD has vanished, remember that I’m not in any debt and have a decent sized divorce settlement that I’m living off and can pay my own life for the rest of the year out of pocket without any problems, so I’m not financially desperate.)

    zazazoom is already covering all my expenses for next month, and has offered to cover anything on top of that if I think of something that I would like or need, so… I’m thinking of an iMac for my home office, so I can keep my macbook in my bag strictly for portable purposes.
    I’m sorry to ramble, I just have no one else to muse about sugar and what to ask for when your SD asks you to tell him if there’s anything you could use in your life. If I get the iMac for my desk, though, SafetyNetGuySD will notice and wonder if I’m being extravagant and probably have mixed feelings about his contribution if “I’m” spending so much on a third computer.

    Jewelry just doesn’t interest me. Am I the only one here who feels that way? A solid gold flute, does, though, as I’m passionate about playing the flute (for 20 years now), although I’m not pursuing it actively right now. It will be incorporated to my professional singing career as it unfolds, but not a major part. But a gold flute is, like, 20-30k minimum. I could save up my sugar cash and purchase that and treasure it dearly for the rest of my life and not worry about being audited. And, it retains value.

    Does anyone else have any clever ideas of places to invest sugar cash that holds value?

  389. ESB says:

    MMD: I had a man on this sight approach me about a resort in Jamaica he wanted me to go to. Hedonism was the theme. I politely declined. It’s just not my thing.

    IRLSD: I find when someone gives more than I expect, I have a hard time expressing my gratitude. I can’t find the words, I don’t have the money to get him anything, but I do find ways to show it physically. But sometimes, that just don’t seem like enough. What are you expecting in return for your generosity? The answer to that would be helpful to me!!

    I just got back from seeing the movie “Valentine’s Day” AWESOME!! The scene where the piñata get trashed… LOVED IT!! I so feel her pain!! That’s all I’m going to say about it, don’t want to ruin it for anyone who may go see it.

  390. IRLSD says:

    Flo Rida: “maybe the ‘effort’ you are asking of SBs is too high, or SBs you are picky are not compatible with you, or SBs are just bad SBs, or there is something less attractive about the offer than you think…”

    I can’t disagree per se, but no one complains. Things don’t work out for various reasons, but more or less invariably I have been the one who has ended things, not the SBs, and I am quite aware of that. Not that I am the perfect SD, but if things were bad, they’d complain or leave or at least not want to get back with me after things ended. I think part of the problem is that I see this as more than a sex-for-money deal, and once there are feelings involved then there are complications.

    As for your previous comment that I should not talk about sugar dating at work, we are a pretty inappropriate bunch in that sense. Our topic of discussion on Thursday was anal sex and who has had it and what their experiences have been like. Definitely borders on the ‘too much detail’ side of things for a professional workplace, but heck, my employees are my best friends. (As a side note, I’ve never done it and I don’t see the draw, but that is just my personal take)

  391. ESB says:

    Flo: Thank you for your understaning of how I felt. Sole destroying? Yea, that pretty much covers it!

  392. IRLSD says:

    Funny how Flo Rida thinks I give to little and Midwest Mistress of the Dark thinks I give too much. In all honesty, I give what I am comfortable with, neither more nor less, and SBs have not really complained about it, mostly because they didn’t really expect more and the reality is that it’s not easy to find someone who will give more. It is not the giving that is the issue because I truly enjoy the giving part. The issue is that when I give more, I end up expecting more in return whether I want to or not. I know that I am not obligated to offer more, but I do so out of the kindness of my heart. Yet I know that if I say no, the SB would be bummed. In the same way, if I happen to ask for something beyond the nitty gritty of the arrangement, the SB is not obligated to say yes, but if she says no, I’d be bummed. So if we stick to the arrangement and nothing more nor less, there is less of an issue, except that the relationship starts to feel mechanical and gets old quick. It’s better if it feels natural, not tit-for-tat. But natural gets complicated… Once I figure this out, I’ll let you all know.

  393. IRLSD says:

    College SB, there is no point reporting it to the IRS because it is not income and the courts have said it is not income (see U.S. vs Harris–in that case the SD gave his two SBs something like 500K over several years and the courts decided it was neither a gift nor income but a non-deductible charity). It is a charitable contribution for the betterment of your life. You are not performing a job for the SD and he is providing for you out of the kindness of his heart. This is how I see sugar-dating. Yes, an escort is taxed, but it is a job for her–she is paid for her time, and yes the IRS is looking to tax pimps and prostitutes although I have no idea how–might as well tax drug dealers, hitmen, and arms smugglers too then. A benefactor is not an employer and if it so happens that you find your benefactor irresistible and sleep with him, there is still no taxable event here.

    In all honesty, if you want to save $2000 per month, get a safety deposit box at the bank and put your money there. Or have two savings accounts, put 500 in each and 1000 in a safety deposit box. Also, keeping the amounts random makes it look less like a job to the bank, so don’t go with exactly 1000 every two weeks because it’ll look like you’re getting paid a regular salary by someone under the table. Also, certain things are tax-exempt, such as if an SD writes a check directly to an educational institution for any amount, it would never be construed as a gift for the purposes of gift tax, so have your SD pay your college tuition and deduct that from his monthly allowance. Same goes for health care expenses if the money is given directly by the gifter to the health care provider.

    The reality is that all this cash-based stuff is shady because cash is typical of illegal pursuits (e.g. prostitution and drug dealing) so the laws governing it are rather strict. Stay under the radar so you are not questioned, because if you’re questioned by the IRS you’ll waste more than your allowance on a tax attorney.

    Maybe SA should have a tax attorney write a one or two page opinion on this topic and have a link to it somewhere in the tabs on their home page.

  394. Midwest Mistress of the Dark says:

    IRLSD – I see a pattern where you go above and beyond financially, then feel cheated when you don’t get the same reciprocity. I do see that the lady’s responsibility is to show great appreciation, but I wonder when it becomes an obligation to provide more than what is agreed upon on either side. Just my $0.02.

    As for who to support: I agree that sugar should not support self-destructive habits of any kind.

  395. Flo Rida says:

    IRLSD and CollegeSB – i’m sorry if I sounded snappy earlier, i’m in a bad mood.

    Sugarbarbie – exotic dancing is legal and taxable income so she should be paying taxes.

    OK staying off blog until I get into better mood. ciao

  396. Midwest Mistress of the Dark says:

    Sugarbarbie – Hedonism is in Jamaica. If you’ve never heard of it, google it. I would be cautious of going here with someone I knew well much less someone I barely knew. There is a nude and prude side. You can’t guarantee what his plans are, but just be informed.

  397. Flo Rida says:

    IRLSD – though I agree you are providing a high level of support maybe the ‘effort’ you are asking of SBs is too high, or SBs you are picky are not compatible with you, or SBs are just bad SBs, or there is something less attractive about the offer than you think (otherwise by definition you would be getting less drama and more longevity) try something different OR in the words of Dr. Phil ask yourself ‘how’s that working out for you’

    CollegeSB – though prostitution is illegal, escorting is legal and also taxable. I have no idea if prostitution is taxable. So what that means is that escorts should be paying taxes and many do.

    As said before SB gift income is not taxable BUT SD gift giving above $13k per year is, the IRS will not complain. If you SB wish to pay taxes for SD gifts then i’m sure the IRS will not complain, they may however choose to audit you based on substantitation of income and this poses a risk related to whether you declare all your SD gifts as income or indeed whether you deduct expenses against that income. i’m not sure it’s wise to pay taxes onsomething that is not taxable and it raises potential risks for SDs who are looped into this as technically as said before SD are legally responsible for paying gift taxes (for gifts in excess of $13k per year). Enough already…

  398. sugarbarbie says:

    I had a friend that was a stripper and got a business license as an entertainer and filed taxes that way. and was able to buy a house using thos tax returns

  399. College SB says:

    I do have one more question though, so thank you all for bearing with me.

    What if I said the money was from a job related to the SD? Ex: consulting, personal shopping, concierge, etc. – freelance type stuff. I understand that I would then most likely have to pay taxes on it, but that’s not a problematic issue.

    I had a friend who used to be an escort, and this is how she filed her taxes and etc.


    Yes, I am aware that this is reminiscent of money laundering, but I would really like to build up a little future nest egg.

  400. College SB says:

    Thank you, IRLSD. I am going to peruse the other blog right now!

  401. Flo Rida says:

    OK i’m an idiot – I just posted quick comments to Lily, ESB sugarbarbie and IRLSD on the previous blog (not knowing this one existed). Ciao peeps

  402. IRLSD says:

    To reply to Flo Rida’s post from the last blog, it has been discussed before that SBs are cheaper than escorts per hour in theory but I would say not in practice. As a friend of mine put it, “The cheapest sex is the sex you pay for,” and he was referring to escorts not SBs. Plus, you have to consider the amount of time, effort, and drama that goes into an SB vs an escort and the fact that an escort’s financial woes would not be my problem (I am assuming here, since I’ve never been with an escort, so if I’m wrong please correct me). On top of that, I’ve met 20 SBs on SA and not one has found a better deal–or even an SD for that matter– and I tend to pick the youngest and most attractive ones, so the hunt for an SD is a difficult one. Sometimes is shocks me that some of these hotties that I did not want for whatever reason just cannot find an SD despite maximal effort over months and months. So I don’t think that what I provide is too little by any standards around here, especially when you add up all the extras. The effective cost of an SB (money that I spend that I would not have spend if I was not sugar-dating) is very high. With my SB pair it was 25+K over eight weeks and with another SB it was even more over the same over the same period of time. With my current SB, in the past two weeks, the cost has been over $7K plus twelve months of upcoming rent. Is this really too little for someone who would otherwise squeak by a couple of grand per month?

  403. IRLSD says:

    LASB, I like your Valentine’s plans :)

    I have come to conclude that in 90% of relationships there is one person who is more into the other person and puts in 90% of the effort and gets 10% of the appreciation. In my own sugar life, I’ve seen that too–either I like the SB more or the SB likes me more. In the former case, I over-spoil the SB and the SB starts taking me for granted, and in the latter case I feel like the SB is too much for a married man to handle. It’s such a fine line to tread. The problem in sugar-dating that makes the relationships last less is that, to put it crudely, I have to pay for the relationship, so at the end of every month I have to ask myself whether the situation I am in is worth the money I am paying. It’s one thing to get abused but another to pay to get abused, hence why so many sugar relationships are fleeting.

  404. LASB says:

    Oh wow, SanDiego! Way to intercept that pass! haha. Creeps be gone!!

  405. SanDiego sb says:

    ooohhhh ok good never mind haahhah. the guy that wanted me to go blonde for him ( see last blog) had a place in jamaica too. so i was like waiiiiitttt DONT DO ITTTTTTTTT lol.

  406. LASB says:

    Hi IRLSD. Sorry to hear about your V-day and SB troubles. I hear ya on the expectations. I had a very similar experience with an ex BF. The more I gave, the more he expected, and the less he reciprocated. It took a year for me to realize how miserable I was in that relationship.

    So after much debate, I figured out a good V-day plan. I’m going to opt out of the celebrations and just get some work done. By “work” I mean, I will walk down to the Barney’s Warehouse Sale to both update my wardrobe and get exercise. Carrying all those shoes and dresses back is a workout!

  407. IRLSD says:

    College SB, the previous blog discussed this in detail. To summarize things, if your SD is married, giving charitably to his poor mistress has been ruled to be exempt from tax by the courts, but he likely does not want the IRS snooping around the issue or re-trying its luck in court. Technically, anything you do to hide a cash transaction (e.g. breaking it down into smaller parcels) is money laundering and illegal in and of itself, even if the source of the money is legit (and the SB will be in trouble for that, not the SD). Banks are obligated to report any suspicious activity over $2,000. But remember that every bank transaction leaves a permanent trace and the government, thanks to these anti-terror laws, pretty much gets to see every banking transaction. So even if you deposit $100 a day, our government will know that even though the bank will never file a Suspicious Activity Report.

    You can take the cash and spend whatever you can in cash. You can buy money orders (less than $2000 a day is not reportable) from the post office or Wal Mart or wherever (NOT the free money order your bank provides, because they will register the cash in your account and then buy the money order from the money in your account) and use money orders to pay for rent, credit card bills, whatever. I know it’s inconvenient, but such is life. And of course, you can deposit small amounts (well below 2K), but the IRS can come along and ask you where you got the money.

    If you call it a gift, then if it amounts to more than 13K per year your SD will have to report it on his gift tax return, and I can guarantee you that he won’t want to put your name on an official document his wife has to sign and then file that with the IRS. And I can also guarantee you that if the IRS comes around asking questions from a married SD, the SB will be history quick, so tread carefully.

  408. LASB says:

    College SB – You may want to read through the previous blog. That issue was discussed pretty extensively there. Maybe try a word search for “taxes” so you’re not having to read every comment.

    A while back, someone had recommended that I get a trackphone so that I’m not giving my business/cell number out to pots. I looked into it and it seemed that I’d have to carry around two phones. Today I decided to try Vumber. It’s a virtual number that forwards straight to my cell phone. I can also use it from my phone so that the Vumber shows up on their caller ID. I’ll let you know how it goes, but so far it seems super easy.

  409. sugarbarbie says:

    just remember the word gift everything is a gift.

  410. College SB says:

    Hello SBs and SDs!

    I have a question that pertains to legal matters. Say my SD is giving me 4k a month and I want to put half (2k) of that in the bank in a savings account monthly. . . what legal/inquisitive issues may arise?

  411. sugarbarbie says:

    On the flip side of things, I received huge uproar of support from my list so looks like I’m not done in this town after all :) Just got to find a new venue.

  412. sugarbarbie says:

    ok today must be the day of the creeps, got flowers was sooo happy until I read the card…from my ex “you tore my heart open. Now, I drip blood. My blood spells out your name, over and over and over again. Soon there will be a blood ocean tilled by your name…love you”

    Is it just me or is that creepy?

    San Diego SB his profile says New York, Miami Beach.

    The thought of being stuck with somebody on a trip I don’t know kind of creeps me out. And a red flag goes up when a POT wants to fly me in and stay at his house. Why not just fly me in for an evening and then there is no pressure, hang out all night…I can sleep on the plane ride home lol.

  413. ESB says:

    SanDiego: Duster is the aerosol cans you buy to blow off your electronic equipment. Gets the gunk down the keyboard, what ever. It is canned air. Not cheap! It’s a big problem with teens.

  414. SanDiego sb says:

    oh and hey sugarbarbie…. where does your pot live, the ones going to jamaica (just curious….cause he sounds awfullll familiar)

  415. ESB says:

    IRLSD: I can just imagine being a girl in a creepy situation far from home would be even worse. You have no idea!! lol

  416. SanDiego sb says:

    okkkkkkk so i just watched the you tube. and im not asking anyone to admit if they have done drugs before… but is a duster the same thing as wip’ds? orrrr…. what is it? lol

  417. IRLSD says:

    Sugarbarbie, I wouldn’t go to a foreign third world country with a total stranger, especially crime-ridden Jamaica. In fact, the one time I flew in out of town SBs it was a bad idea. I didn’t like them (yes, another SB duo) from the first moment and it was not a fun weekend at all for me. One of the days I took them to the waterpark, and I did everything I could to lose them in the lazy river so I could have some peace away from them. I was a bit surprised when two weeks later they asked if I’d fly them back when the weekend was obviously no fun. And this was on my turf. I can just imagine being a girl in a creepy situation far from home would be even worse.

  418. IRLSD says:

    Chitown, I agree, but I’m debating whether to talk about everything or just pretend like nothing happened. I think my texts yesterday were very blunt. I just re-read them and they pretty much say exactly what I said on the blog (sometimes I wish my SBs were all reading the blog so they can read everything that goes on in my life and through my mind because when I say it in person, I am never sure if it really sinks in).

    Anyways, I am kind of in a grumpy mood and a big part of me doesn’t even want to see her tomorrow, and wants to tell her to just sign the papers for the alarm system on Monday (I mean, how the hell would the alarm guy know that she is not me given that my name does not confer gender bias to the average person–not like they’d ask her for an ID to install an alarm), and to just meet on Wednesday by which time I might be over this. She needs her car payment by Tuesday, but I can stop by the bank and pay it for her myself I’m sure. The problem is that I came to expect more from her, so perhaps I should take time off from her to temper my expectations. But then again, to cancel things now would appear bitter and vindictive when it is really not. It’s just that the mood got ruined yesterday.

    And last night I ended up going out by myself from 8-12 or so and my wife was thankfully asleep then. I went to bed (I sleep in a different room from her) and in the morning she asked if I wanted intimate time and I told her I was tired and going to sleep more. I don’t feel like dealing with her right now either.

  419. ESB says:

    Sugarbarbie: Be cautious. I know a trip to warm sandy beaches is SO tempting right now, I’d give anything to go! but you don’t know this guy. He could end up being like the last pot I met, who treated me like crap once I actually met him. I think meeting on your own turf make more sense. Get a good feel for who he is in person before taking off for paradise. Yes, you may be missing out on a great opportunity, but you may also be saving your self some embarrassment, even your life! Take a moment to think through the consequences before making a decision.

  420. sugarbarbie says:

    OK JamaicanPOT just texted me. I haven’t heard from him in a few days and kind of forgot about him. So he told me the last time we spoke that he was planning a trip to Jamaica. Just now I tell him it’s snowing here again to which he replied, that’s ridiculous come with me to Jamaica. To that I replied LOL!

    We have texted each other and IM’d for a total of maybe 3 days. Have yet to even have the talk about an arrangement. That just doesn’t seem smart to me.

    So I have read your posts in the bast that describes trips made with your SDs. How long did you know them before you took your trips or flew to other countries to meet them?

  421. Chitown SB says:

    I agree with the consensus that sugar is supposed to be sweet, and help both parties get further in life. Funding a drug addiction does just the opposite. It would be tough if I was involved with someone and then later discovered that they had a problem of this nature, but I stand by the tough love idea.

    IRLSD- I understand the pain of being burned and how it can make you easy to jump to conclusions about where your current arrangement is headed. Try and enjoy tomorrow night and talk to your SB about why you are upset, and maybe reiterate what the details of your arrangement are. As long as you are both honest about what you expect and can realistically offer in return, you should be able to move forward, especially since you seem to enjoy her company the rest of the time. good luck!

  422. sugarbarbie says:

    Thanks IRLSD i will

  423. ESB says:

    IRLSB: Awww You are sweet. I’d never take advantage of ANYONE like that. My dream is to make it on my own, just need some help getting out of this hole. I’m busting my butt to find a new job, so in the mean time, I believe that something will turn up, and things will improve for me.

  424. IRLSD says:

    ESB, find the house and let me know when to come sign the papers, lol.

    I must admit that these leasing office babes seem like such a tempting target for me. They’re all young and attractive and total SB material, plus they’ve seen my last two months’ paystubs and have seen me with hot SBs so they know what I am into.

  425. IRLSD says:

    Sugarbabie, if anything, I’d e-mail him some picks, tell him why it took you time to get them to him, and wait for his response.

    He is obviously concerned that he is wasting time with someone with fake pics. Believe me, I’ve been burned (and robbed) by this several times, so I tend to be rather blunt about it myself now. If I start looking again (I hope I won’t have to), I will be up-front asking about weight as I’ve gotten too many pre-pregnancy pics (those pregnancies where the girl goes from a size 2 to a size 16 and never loses weight thereafter).

  426. IRLSD says:

    Lily, where do I find your blog?

  427. IRLSD says:

    Lily and VA SB, thank you for the advice. I think I carry around too much toxic baggage from previous SBs-gone-wrong so I always interpret things in a bad way. I will try to make the best of it and see what happens. I have to say that this SB has been great so far (I guess I don’t post enough about the amazing things because I get accused of gloating in front of my previous blog SB), but she just touched off the wrong nerve yesterday. Unfortunately, everything an SB does reminds me of something similar another SB did before, and it’s hard to keep my previous experiences out of things no matter how hard I try.

    I had a pair of SBs who would always cancel at the last minute and reschedule or be an hour late, so I eventually dumped them even though I was quite fond of them. Ever since, they’ve been trying to get back with me, but my rule is, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” When I was with them, I told them that and I told them that they’d never find another SD like me (I know, I sound arrogant) so they better make it work because I won’t give them a second chance. The reason for no second sugar chances is because the first time around there can be a pretense that the SB is genuinely interested in me, but once we break up and she comes crawling back a month later begging for me back, it just looks like she ran out of money and that she is interested only in my wallet, not me. I told them all this several times very clearly (and used examples from SBs before them) and they ignored my advice. Now (i.e. 4 months after having broken up and with them utterly unable to find another SD), they want to see me to offer their “sincere apoligies” “in person” for how they treated me. Part of me wants to meet them just out of curiosity for what their apology will sound like.

  428. sugarbarbie says:

    lily read your blog couldn’t comment there but I liked your response to the question about a sponsor…so gonna steal that. I had read your blog a while ago when I was looking into the thought of becoming a sb. definitely bookmarking.

    I am a little frustrated with with my POTs today. Maybe I’m just on edge due to my unfortunate work drama. But POT1 my localPOT is married and we just can’t seem to get our schedules line up. WestcoastPOT i wondering if he is even a POT anymore. He is an experienced SD I’m wondering if my inexperience turned him off. He contacted me said he like my profile, gave me his phone number and email. I called and we talked for hrs and it was fun. several times we would try to get off the phone but then another conversation would start…that’s so against “the rules”. In my profile I have shots of my body sans my head and shots of my head sans my body. So he asked me to send him a photo with both, nothing naughty just so he knows none of the pictures were fake. I said I will because I was expecting some photos from an event last week. Well I didn’t get the pictures yet. I call him next day and the first thing he says is”thanks for the picture, haha.” Sarcasm, whoa. I explained he was cool we have another great convo, but I don’t get the feeling he is interested in me as a POT, just really enjoys talking with me. In IRL I would pull back and see if he contacts me….is that the right approach in sugarland or should I elbow in there and close the deal?

  429. ESB says:

    IRLSD: I agree with DC, sounds like this woman is going to take advantage of you, and I really hate to see that. My thoughts are to proceed with caution. You laid it all out, and I hope she takes it to heart. At the same time, WOW, wish someone would get ME a year least on a house! I’m looking for 3 bdrm, 2 bth, small yard, small place would be best? Any takers? (yes, I’m dreaming here!)

  430. VA SB says:

    Hi SugarFamily! I haven’t been around a while, but I’ve been trying to just lay low and take things as they come. I hope everyone is well today and for those of you who attended meets this weekend – I hope you had a BLAST!!!

    I don’t think sugar relationships should involve supporting an unhealthy addiction of any sort. Sure, having an SD or SB will allow you to pursue things that you “enjoy”, but if it’s not good for you – than it shouldn’t be happening….Drugs, sex addiction, alcohol, all of those things can result in harm to the person and there should not be anything to enable the behavior.

    IRLSD – It’s unfortunate that you’re having troubles. My recommendation would be to see what happens now. I mean, you’ve told her your expectations now and she knows you were not happy with her with the schedule changes and the requests for additional assistance without anything in return from her. Going forward, I would stick with what you’re comfortable with. You’ve given her quite a bit already and to continue giving her more would only reinforce the behavior and she would continue to ask for more. You would eventually become even more annoyed with her behavior and that is where the drama comes in. Spend some quality time with her tomorrow evening and simply enjoy each other’s company. If half of the conversation revolves around what she needs and wants from you, and her focus is “not” on you (the person), then that’s very telling.

    That’s my $0.02. Just don’t let her try to take advantage of you…


  431. Lily says:

    I have more details and a plea for help (how to write an email to the man from last night) on my blog. I don’t want to clutter up the blog with loooong posts, so I put it on my sugar blog and I’d love if any of you who have the patience to look at it and read through my situation would then come here and comment to me and give advice…?

  432. Lily says:

    IRLSD – this amount of money and assistance is negligible if you two have an AH-MAY-ZING time when you are together tomorrow night. Try to focus your energies elsewhere for now, think about something else, get yourself in a great mood, and when you go see her tomorrow, try to have an unbelievable time that afterwards you’ll have such a sweet taste in your mouth that you’ll forget all about the hassle of getting her all moved in and secure. You’ll be glad you do it. IMagine it like any other relationship. You give 60% and expect 40% and hopefully the other person will do the same, and everyone is happy.

  433. IRLSD says:

    So to update you guys on last night’s sugar dilemma, she told her sister that she’d be leaving the softball thing early because it is a school night so she will spend the evening with me. She said that the softball thing was scheduled a long time ago and that she was working on getting out of it all along after she met me.

    Anyways the whole thing left me with a bitter taste and created our first sugar drama (although I was the only one creating drama–she just kept texting back that she agrees completely with whatever I said).

    Thinking about the issue more, I realize that the problem is that she has been asking for more than what we had arranged (signing a 13 month lease in my name, getting her cable/electricity/alarm in my name, $1000 extra for moving expenses, $1000 extra for her overdue car payments), so it is natural for me to expect more than what we had arranged as well. I told her this and she agreed completely. But in retrospect, it was a big mistake on my part–I should have been firm about sticking to our arrangement from the beginning with no extras for either of us, then no one would be disappointed. It’s not at all that I mind the extra pitching-in at all and in fact it is not about the money, but the altered expectations.

    Any advice on where to go from here on this issue?

  434. IRLSD says:

    When (if ever) is it wrong to support a sugar baby or sugar daddy?

    My rule of thumb is that the sugar should be making their life better, not worse. I would always tell my IRL SB that if I ever became a burden in her life, I’d leave, and at the point in which she didn’t need me any more things ended. I had another SB who ended up just sitting at home with no work or school living off sugar, and her lack of ambition became such a turn-off that things ended quickly. Yet another SB got so comfortable with sugar that she wanted it to last forever instead of building a future for herself. I make it very clear on first sugar dates that I do not want a dependant or a welfare recipient, but rather someone who will use the help to get their lives on the right footing forever.

  435. sugarbarbie says:

    I heard on here that there is somebody for everybody. It took me a while before I realized what here problem was… spray cans? OMG wonder if the SD does spray cans too? I could not be with an addict but if I already emotionally involved with someone before I found out bout there problem…cutting completely out of my life would be hard unless there addiction was affecting me in some way. But being that I am strongly against drug addiction I would not put up with that…I would try to get them help and then wash my hands with them, sex addiction same thing…shopping addiction, well what the heck is wrong with that hehe we would be best of friends :)

    Snowing here again, wonder how bad it will get.

  436. sugarbarbie says:

    Was watching the video and really thought it was a spoof.

  437. Lily says:

    Am I first?

    It’s an unhealthy arrangement if either of the two individuals are unhealthy. Or, at least, lacking in the potential to be anything sweet. Delightful and warm relationships are had when two people are healthy, balanced, and capable of truly connecting with another. Arrangements are no exception, just because you add in the mutual benefits.