9 years ago
Making it Mutually Beneficial

9 years ago
Making it Mutually Beneficial

Some have said that happiness is the only true measure of whether a mutually beneficial arrangement is actually ‘mutually beneficial’. Finding raw sugar isn’t as hard as finding the sweet sugar only chemistry can develop.

Common Expectations

Monthly Allowance




What do you expect before calling your arrangement ‘mutually beneficial’?

What’s on your weekend sugar agenda?

Leave a Reply

440 Responses to “Making it Mutually Beneficial”

  1. Jade says:

    Does anyone else read the blogs from the bottom up ?

  2. valencia says:

    midwest- hello, I’m not sure. I am waiting for reply with the group I’m travelling with, as there is a mandatory dinner and I would hate to double book.

  3. cleo says:

    jamesny: funny, i think i may have fallen into ‘smut writer voice’ there :)

    thank you for that, i would really love to have the universe drop one of those in my lap. wait, i mean drop me in his lap…

    you are not helping my crush on you sir

  4. JamesNY says:

    Cleo, your last post is one of the most genuinely erotic pieces of prose I’ve read in a long time. And it’s not even sexual. Some confident man with a deep voice, a rumbly ribcage and a good sense of humor is going to be very happy to get to know you, hopefully soon!

  5. Lily says:

    Flo – I know, darling. *mwah* I never got the feeling that you personally had enough reason to care about anything I did (or didn’t do), but did see that you were voicing some viewpoints out loud, which is fair enough. and that’s why I said I never had any feeling that I had mixed feelings about how much I like you, just like I like everyone on this blog! woohooo feelin’ the love!!!

  6. hello says:

    hello all

  7. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Just finished catching up…been a few days :(

    A BIG BIG BIG thank you to cleo for taking all of this on with arranging the Toronto meet! Muah!!! (P.S. If there is anyone else interested in joining – it is not too late! :D)

  8. cleo says:

    omg i am SO behind!

    i already read for an hour!

    i love men, love having them around and their smell and those deep laughs… i especially love men with big chests and deep voices and rumbliness in their ribcages… i think bald spots are cute and that they are most loveable sometimes when they are being the most asinine. i miss having a man to curl up beside and share skin with…


    that’s what i got from that hour… that and omg i have to email kitty!!!

  9. Flo Rida says:

    Mssexifine – some SDs are open to women of color, some only want a woman of color, alas it is what it is but ultimately it’s their choice as it is yours.

  10. Flo Rida says:

    Lily – just to be clear I never have or had a problem with your wording but some SD bloggers did. Sorry I was their rude spokesperson BUT you’ve been a darling since.

    NYC SB – i’m so sorry for your break ups. I know you’ll come out of this with regret & sadness but a stronger person.

    Anne – to photo collectors – ‘Dearest you have photos of me already’ then rapidly change topic – do not say or use the word ‘no’.

  11. FL Guy says:

    This is my first post on this blog. There is some interesting reading on here.
    I never knew this blog existed.

    I have been on and off SA several times over the last few years, and have had great success. So, I thought I would say hi, and hopefully add some valuable insight at some point.

  12. Lily says:

    hey Jetset, just email me through my blog (click my blue name here on the post) and we can swap photos between us. :)

  13. NYC SB says:

    NLS – In sugarbowl where there are 1 sd to 10 sbs its ok to take a proactive approach and contact people… expect people to not reply thought… take a look at my blog … i have a nice write up about initiating contact with sds

    sorry if my comments came off as mean… clearly my mood is somewhat altered

  14. Thanks Midwest, Valencia, ESB, and NYSB for your feedback. It’s greatly appreciated. I think you may be right NYSB. I was laughing at ur comment about my headline that says, “where is prince charming” and your response was, “this isn’t the website for that.” hahaha…ur right. I will revise my profile tonight and see if that works. Also, I havent sent out many emails. I’m new to this so I wasn’t sure what the proper etiquette was. Do we email them? Do they email us? etc . One guy emailed me 3 days in a row, and when I finally responded, he didn’t write me back! I was just too busy those days because I had midterms. Oh well….
    Thanks again for all ur help! Hope u all are having a beautiful day:0)

  15. Mssexifine says:

    I would also like to ask do other sugar babies of color find it difficult to get a variety on daddy’s? I’m not blonde, bruntte, or fair skinned so I just find a lot of rejection can anyone tell me why? I’m a pretty girl I know that already so why does it matter that I’m black ?

  16. Mssexifine says:

    I am new to the sugar baby thing online so when is it ok to make the arrangements what is the proper etiquette

  17. NC Gent says:

    Good afternoon all. Hope all is well in sugar land.

    Bella — to answer your question – go ahead and email some potential SDs. Some helpful hints — don’t use a form letter; mention something in their profile that caught your eye; ask them a question about one of their interests; and use proper grammar (not chat or text speak). Most importantly, be prepared for some rejection — we ALL experience it here. Best wishes in your search.

  18. MindyNYC says:

    @ NYC SB – sry to hear, but congrats on being smart, strong and taking care of yourself.

  19. JetSet says:

    I’d love to share before and after photos.. How do i do that?

  20. Anna Molly says:

    Thanks Anne! I just wish they were a little lighter is all. I do have fun with them though…sometimes they’re more green and sometimes more brown, depending on the eyeshadow color 😀

  21. Anne SB says:

    Anna Molly: Your eyes sound lovely! I’m sure they can capture anyone!

  22. midwest says:

    I went brunette a few times. It does make your blue eyes pop! I had a hard time keeping the color from wahing out. You may have to re-color frequently until the blonde hair grows out.

  23. kitty says:

    hmm.. Maybe I’ll bleach my hair blonde and be a Blonde Asian…

  24. Anna Molly says:

    I love my brunette hair 😀

    I have the fair skin because I have some Irish ancestry and dark brown/green eyes…which I’m not too crazy about, sigh.

  25. Anne SB says:

    Hey All,

    I have a question regarding “photo-collectors”. I want to be very polite and say no.

    JetSet: Welcome to the brunette club! We have tons of fun too!!


  26. NYC SB says:

    Jet Set – having seen your pictures… you are gorgeous as a blonde… im sure you have the megan fox look going as a brunette… fun

  27. kitty says:

    Jetset: A lot of my Blonde friends went Brunette and they love it. Esp the ones with fair skin and bright green/blue eyes… they got a lot more attention too! I’m sure it’ll improve prospects too

  28. Lily says:

    Jetset, i’m dying to see before and after photos. drastic makeovers are so fun!!!

    NYC SB – you’ll land on your feet, for sure.

  29. JetSet says:

    NYC SB

    Sorry about things with NYC SD. Thats too bad. Maybe you just need some cool down spa time to refocus on what you’re looking for. Or maybe you are ready to move to the next step with someone in the future. Keep your pretty little chin up!

    In other news,

    I went brunette!! Its the first time i’ve ever been anything but blonde. I didn’t want to say anything till i had photos and now i do!!

    We’ll see where things go with prospects. Though most of them knew i was going to the dark side! 😉


  30. NYC SB says:

    Kitty – thanks :) I will be ok

    Lily – yes exactly…

  31. Lily says:

    Ok, so NYC SD was juts a generous, rich guy you were dating who did the sugar thing of his own accord, right?

    Your feelings got too entangled and it stopped beign sweet for you?

    either way, ((((hugs)))))

  32. kitty says:

    NYC: Sorry about the recent events. Like many have already said, you are a strong woman. I am sure you’ll get through this stronger. Didn’t know you juggled bf with SD though. That’s a challenge I’m sure many cannot accomplish.

  33. NYC SB says:

    you are right lily … NYSE SD is very proud of the fact that he is an SD

  34. Lily says:

    NYC SD is the one who would never consider himself a SD, right? Or was that NYSE SD?

  35. midwest says:

    Lily <3

    ESB- that's the spirit. BG will be fine. As a young adult, she is learning how to cope and knows you are there to back her up.

  36. NYC SB says:

    Lily – I ended it because for him sugar dating was just that… a short term arrangement… however, i saw a future with him in some way… so rather than hope that he is looking for the same and put my heart on the line i decided to give up and focus on other things

    thanks all for the kind words… none of this has been easy… broke bf has not taken the break up well… i feel terrible about it but my feelings towards him were not as strong as his feelings towards me… the right thing was to let him go and be with someone who will love him in return… he does not see it that way

  37. Lily says:

    By the way, midwest, I totally like you. I imagine you to be all about composure, thoughtfulness, class, and clarity. I have never had any mixed impressions from you, only very positive.

    In fact, I’ve never had any mixed feelings about any of the ladies who have been posting here today and yesterday, and if I scratch my head and wonder if I’ve ever had any mixed feelings about anyone on this blog at all, the answer is actually NO.

    I’ve felt under fire from certain hit & run posters, but even Jade, who bothered people a lot with her attitude in her first few posts, I tried to see things in the best possible light, and easily did so, and liked her. I guess I’m just happy to err on the side of liking someone and imagining the best. I do that too much, in life, probably, but on an internet blog, what does it hurt?? Even Flo, who was getting miffed at me a month or two ago for my wording (and I can see why), did so in a way that never left me feeling anything but good towards her.

    Maybe this is just a cracker jack group of people! :)

    Can ya’ll tell I spent most of the 90s cheerleading in the deep south??? :)

  38. ESB says:

    NYC SB: So sorry to hear about the break up. I know that hurts. HUGS darling.. You are a strong woman, I’m sure you’ll come through this the better for it.

  39. Lily says:

    ESB – I know you guys can’t see the context with magic crystal balls, I just hoped that this was a totally non-judgmental forum that would assume that what someone posts on this SA blog about their sugar questions/comments/experiences/dreams is indeed an extremely narrow piece of what that person is all about, and not jump to big conclusions and slam one another based on what they choose to dish about here on a sugar blog.

    midwest- you’re right. I guess he really is a “john” and it wasn’t a test. sigh.

  40. Bella says:

    Hey All,
    I’m new to the SA website, and Internet Dating in general, and I was wondering if I should email a SD, or wait for a reply?

    Anyway, you all seem to have a great blogosphere here, and I’d like to thank you for your response(s) in advance :)

  41. Anna Molly says:

    NYC SB ~ Sorry to hear about NYC SD! That stinks :(

  42. midwest says:

    NYCSB- gracious, you have been busy. Hopefully, this will allow you some time to focus on NYSE SD. I always wondered where you found time to sleep :-)

    Lily- its the women who fall into his requests that make it tough for the rest of us. Lashing out won’t change his behavior…in fact he could get angry and lash back. That doesn’t do anyone any favors. NEXT!!

  43. NYC SB says:

    NLS – you are not geting responses because
    1) Where is prince charming – not the website for that
    2) I want someone to treat me like a princess – shows that entitlement attitude that most SDs (as they have said on the blog) hate…
    3) negativity – in your about me section its all about the negative “dated losers” etc

    try revising the profile wording… your pics are awesome and you should have no problems

  44. ESB says:

    Midwest, nope, new guy. I really like him, he’s very interesting. Said he wanted to talk to me a bit more before meeting, but last night he said “how about tomorrow?” OK!! hmm.. maybe I’m to compulsive? IDK, just something about him.. Can’t explain it. Sometimes you can just feel you’ve made a friend. We’ll see. I’m excited about this, but BG is NOT happy. I’m in the middle being peace maker between her and her father. Not easy all things considered. She just does NOT want to spend the night there. I’m hoping spending time with her sister who is home for spring break will ease that anger. Just wish the X would lighten up. Make all our lives easier…

    Lily: Deep breaths… the only context we have on your life, past or present, is what you post. We see only what you post. Go back and re-read you’re first weeks of posts, see the impression you started us with… you’ve come a long way baby.

  45. Lily says:

    NYC SB, can you repeat the reason NYC SD was cut? I’m too lazy to scroll up….

    good for you for breaking up with broke bf at a better time than back when you knew it was inevitable.

  46. NYC SB says:

    Yaz – not to rehash yesterdays convo… but what you said is completely on point… most men on here are not looking for LTR… even if they are single… it is important to keep remembering this while he is wining and dining you and whisking you away to exotic locations…

    On that note lets share some news: Broke up with hot broke bf… that was tough… NYC SD was cut too… for the reason stated above

    So I am down to one SD

  47. Lily says:

    Can I just share an icky exchange I had lately?

    I saw a brief profile saying he is seeking a woman who appreciates travel and excitement. I ask him, “what sort of excitement do you have to offer?”

    he responds, “depends, what kind of sexual services are you willing to perform?”

    I respond, “Not any. Not in that fashion, that they would ever be “services”.

    I love sex with a chosen partner, and am very adventurous with the right man, but that chemistry cannot be forced, bought, or traded for.

    If you are looking for a service provider, I must disappoint you.”

    *****you see, I was hoping that his question was just ” a test ” to weed out prostitutes, and I was glad to see it, if that’s what it was.*******

    he responds simply, “get real”

    So then I get mad.

    I write:

    I am real. You get real. This isn’t Seeking Prostitute, this is Seeking ARRANGEMENT which is theoretically between a financially generous man and a beautiful woman, who *share chemistry* after a couple of dates to get to know each other, and both excitedly enter into an arrangement where the sexual side will be heartily enjoyed by both.

    Is this your way of confessing that you are so unattractive that no woman would ever genuinely desire to be intimate with you?

    *I’m a horrible person for hitting below the belt, aren’t I????

  48. midwest says:

    ESB- I’m glad I didn’t spend too much time on him. All that happened in the course of a day. Have a wonderful date tonight! Is this the rescheduled date?

  49. Lily says:

    Taken out of contest, I can certainly see how people would imagine that I wander about with an “all about me” mindset. I am really not one to blow my own horn and talk about how great I am, but if you all could understand the *context* of where I am today and how I got here, and who I am in general and how I treat people, no one would suspect me of being a massively selfish and self-interested person, for a moment. What I describe on this blog, my very recent decision to try out aspects of a sugar lifestyle and seek out something (or more than one somethings) interesting as a repreive from my normal Modus Operendi and see if I can’t get different results…. is a very small percentage of the types of decisions and lifestyle I am living TODAY and on a lifetime scale, so small it wouldn’t even register as a blip.

    And midwest, thank you. I have learned a great deal from you, too.

  50. ESB says:

    Good morning sugar Family!!

    Midwest: I think I spoke to this guy too. He is VERY disrespectful, and demanding!! Wanted nude pics of me, got angry when I said I couldn’t do that… wanted to take me to his swingers club “to show me off, I wouldn’t have to participate”.. yea… NO! buh bye!!

    Yaz: Have a blast on Spring Break… but please be careful!! Sorry, it’s the mom in me.

    NLS: Dang girl. I have no idea why you are not getting any responses! You look great. I haven’t had time to read your profile, but maybe someone else here could help with that. Have you tried sending out emails? I’ve found I get 1 response to 10-15 that I send out. If the ones I am talking to don’t work out, I’ll be sending out more in a few days. (I hate when we make plans and they don’t come through, makes me think he’s going to poof on me AGAIN!)

    I admit to loving men also… can’t help it, they are just so irresistible… but finding the right one? Not so easy!!

    Got a crazy day planned. Went for my walk/run, did my work out, cooled down while catching up on the blog, and am now going to shower and head out…I have a sales appointment, then a job interview this afternoon. Got a sugar date tonight, BG is staying with her dad, so I can stay out as late as I want. Gonna make getting up in the morning awful, but I’m sure it will be worth it!!

  51. midwest says:

    Lily- hoenstly, its a little of both. Your innocence allows you to charge forth blissfully and fearlessly. There is a side of you that reminds me of a kid in a candy store and, if taken the wrong way, can be mistaken as having that “all about me” attitude. You alsays manage to temper it and ask if something is appropriate. Experience plus age will guide you…that shows maturity. These are only my opinions and pls know it is not intended to be disrespectful in any way. I have learned a great deal from you..

  52. Yaz says:

    I hope everyone has a wonderful day today!

    Heigh-ho Heigh-ho it’s off to work I go 😉

  53. MindyNYC says:

    Morning All!
    Has anyone else read Rielle Hunter’s GQ interview? Brings up a lot of interesting issues. I’m still digesting…

  54. Lily says:

    midwest, thanks for tempering your comments about me while I was sleeping.

    Since innocence is the trait you believe to be so important, would my exuberance and passion translate to that type of innocence that you feel is powerful and necessary to instigate lovely chains of events, or do you feel that my behavior and mindset is just plain misguided and foolish? Not being defensive (well, not overly so, promise!), just genuinely asking and welcome honest comments.

    Shoo – I said I wanted to fall in love with a rich man someday. I didn’t say from SA. The comments were genera, musing, “Would you choose love or money….?” and I thought were general food for thought discussion starter questions, nothing to do with SA or why we are here. That’s how I took it.

    OC – I LOVE LOVE LOVE MEN too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really love the way some of them smell, sound, walk, laugh, joke, kiss me, siiiiiiigh……… I am boy crazy and I will always be the first to admit it. the bulk of my twenties was spent celibate and married to the sexiest man alive. Now I’m happy to see ‘hotness’ on a man in a huge variety of different and not-so-GQ-cover type ways, and especially beneath the surface, and I am soooo happy not to be forced to live in celibacy. All the lovely men I have found (very few from SA, but a c ouple) since my divorce have helped me with that aim/goal. God love em.

  55. Yaz says:

    Morning Ladies and Gents :-)

    Anna, I missed you again. Dang…

  56. katie says:

    Mornin Sugars :)
    how is everyone today?

  57. Anna Molly says:

    Hi Midwest! 😀

  58. midwest says:

    Good morning Anna, LatinSB, Valencia DallasSB and all othere!

    My response to cam daddy was much like all the others. I was hoping to share with our newer sbs that there are precautions (having your video all over the net) with some people. There are likely many women who would accept those terms for a variety of reason including desparately needing financial help. Don’t let that cloud your judgment.I’m not saying he was right/wrong, but don’t do anything you are uncomfortable with.

    Latin SB- you have great curves! Log in more often as people do searches by most recent login. Don’t be afraid to approach those men you find interesting. The worst that happens is they say no or nothing at all. I haven’t looked at your full profile, but can tonight.

    Valencia- when is your date?

  59. Anna Molly says:

    Good Morning! How is everyone in Blogville today? 😀

  60. DallasTexasBaby says:

    Morning sugar town !

  61. valencia says:

    newlatinsugar – you are soooo pretty :) I think they will reply to you in time. I’m also new and there are like 3 SD in my region – its a very poor region :( I need to move to a big city like DC, SA, ATX, NYC etc. :))

  62. Thanks Flo Rida! I will browse past blogs for any suggestions but if any of you want to give me your advice feel free to check out my profile. I know I’m putting myself out there but I’m new to this and am wondering why no one is messaging me. I wonder if I’m doing something wrong here. Or is it because there are soooo many wonderful SB’s to chose from and very few SD’s?
    Thanks everyone!

  63. MindyNYC says:

    G’night all! I didn’t mean to lurk so much today, but someone always said what I wanted to say before I had a chance to lol – I guess that’s what happens in a room full of intelligent people :)

    As for ‘allowance/cam’ guy…I’d hope all of those things and more would be up for discussion within a solid sugar relationship, and no one would require a monetary bonus for agreeing. Maybe a shopping trip or specially cooked dinner to show appreciation, but certainly not a payment schedule. But hey wth do I know? I’m an ol’ school SB…

  64. Didn’t mean to be rude. Hello, SanDiego SB. Hope you are doing well. Good night, SanDiego SB. I’m exhausted.

  65. Anne SB says:

    OC: Have Fun!! Hugs!

  66. Hmm…

    The plot thickens.


    Say that 3x without slipping up.

  67. SanDiego sb says:

    hey sugarsss. omg i havnt been on the blogs in foreverrrr. hows everyone doing?

  68. SSSD says:

    Shoogar Shoes wrote: “But SA offers admission to anyone and everyone who wants to be here so it is our responsibility individually to grasp with utter certainty what it is we want, seek it and hope to achieve it with the right person.”

    I say: Right on, SS.

    Hey! Just noticed:

    SS is Shoogar Shoes.

    SSSD is me… SS-SD?


  69. Yaz says:

    Flo~ Got ya! G’nite!

  70. Yaz says:

    FLo~ I dont mind if they are commenting about me….It might just be a misunderstanding, I really don’t know. I see SSSD and I stated the same points. I was just a bit lost after James comments…

    I have to go take a shower and go to bed. Metro, Boulot, Dodo again tommorrow….

    Good night sugars :-)

  71. Flo Rida says:

    Yaz – just check the weather report as Miami ocean can get choppy, also do this the first day as you might be hungover & tired the second day & operating a high speed potentially lethal machine tired & hungover is not a good idea – sorry for being preachy

    nite all

  72. Flo Rida says:

    Midwest – just be careful he is not recording camsex & then posting it to a website. i’m not a techiee so I don’t know how you can detect or prevent this.

    Yaz – I wouldn’t think certain SD’s are necessarily commenting about you.

    TexasSugar – congrats

    i’m off for the night – ciao all.

  73. Yaz says:

    Good Night Midwest :-)

  74. Yaz says:

    There will be no sleeping for me! lol I want to go to Miami Beach Marina and rent a jet ski and have fun on the water, visit their museums, see historic buildings (if they have any), make friends with the locals, and party all night long! lol So much to do and so little time! Some of my friends want to spend the entire weekend at the beach tanning, I am already tanned enough LOL so I will be walking around discovering the vibrant city of Miami and taking lots and lots of pictures! 😀
    I LOVE discovering a new city!!! :-)

  75. TexasSugah.. who might have a sugardaddy! says:

    Midwest – Ok dude has issues. I’m fine with the allowance but the other.. I don’t believe in other people in the room when I’m naked.. two is enough. That’s just me.

    And cam sex.. yeah that stuff get recorded and we’ll all see it LOL (it takes on a life of it’s own).

    You’re right.. I was totally down on myself, left over from divorce. But I’m just so excited. Not that my worth is tied to a man but that I could be successful in another arena. I could get my groove back.. and if I get that deposit.. ya’ll will know!

    He’s so cool.. I’d date him if he was average joe.

    Shoo – girl no.. she was, interesting.. I mean if she hadn’t gotten in that car I would not have pegged her as married to anyone exceptional. What she was wearing was expensive, I noticed after we got closer, but no hace juego.. it didn’t go together.

    And I’m going to set up a sugar account tomorrow.. before he asks for the number..

    thanks ya’ll

  76. Midwest says:

    I’m off to dreamland. Have a wonderful night.

    Yaz, if I should miss you, have a super-fantabulous time!

  77. Midwest says:

    It’s been a long time since I’ve been around the spring breakers, but they will be up 24/7. Plan on sleeping when you get home :-) Be careful!

  78. Yaz says:

    Yes Midwest! A lot of dancing! 😀

  79. OC – Understood. I am also one to forge ahead with positivity no matter what. I try not to be contemptuously distrustful of human nature or question motives.

    I just finished my last bit of writing for the day (ahead of deadlines, YESSS!), so going for a walk outside now in the cool breeze!

    Have a great night, everyone. Enjoy those martinis!

  80. Yaz says:

    I love chatting with you guys but I also value the input from the blog SDs as well thats why I would love to hear from them on this subject. I was only speaking from experience ( not a whole lot of it lol) so if my posts have rubbed them the wrong way, I do apologize.

    I need to read the money over love convo….

  81. Midwest says:

    Yaz – James signed off, but I’m sure he will address your question tomorrow. As for the cocktail, consider it a warm up! Yay Miami – go dancing and have some plantains for me please!

    SS – We need one of your famous toasts!

  82. Anna Molly says:

    You really can’t see my halo in my avatar :(

    oh well, I’m too tired to fix it….blah.

  83. Yaz says:

    Midwest~ I dont drink during the week…..lol BUT I might be doing a lot of drinking in a few days tho……Spring Break Baby!!!! 😀

  84. Anna Molly says:

    I don’t even know what’s been going on as I have been MIA..sorta, the last few days. I’m lost too Yaz :)

  85. Anna Molly says:

    Midwest ~ I could absolutely use a drink this evening for all of the manual labor I did today..LOL. So yes, I would be more than happy to join you in a toast 😀

  86. Yaz says:

    I wasnt part of this afternoon’s money over love conversation so SSSD lost me there lol….

  87. Midwest says:

    Martinis for the ladies! Yaz and Anna – will you join us in a toast to the lighter side of sugar?

  88. Midwest says:

    Martinis for the ladies! Yaz and Anna – will you join us in a toast to the lighter side of sugar?

  89. Yaz says:

    SSSD pretty much summed up what I had said earlier. Most men are NOT here for a long term relationship especially the married ones so SBs need to understand that SB/SD relationships are not meant to last.

    I guess it is James M’s choice of words that I dont understand….

    James M~ If you are still lurking, would you care to enlighten me? :-)

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Hi Yaz, you are correct in stating that sugar runs it’s course. All good sugar must end sometime :)
      Kick off your shoes and we will pour you a drink…

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        Sugars, I hate to chug and run. But I haven’t seem my Sugar in two days!
        Plus he needs me to pour him a drink :) Toast to Spring and Peeps!!!

  90. Midwest says:

    Yaz – Hi sweetie! I don’t think the comments were directed towards one sb in particular, but to point out a general overall tone.

    OC and Anna – It’s not an offer I would consider seriously, but wonder if anyone here would. I also wonder if the guys feel it was completely off or something they have thought about offering. Is it a lack of having an open mind or feeling like his intentions were dishonorable? I’m with Anna in that he did seem disrespectful and is the self-proclaimed dom. We all want something different.

  91. Midwest – I would say “ixnay” on that “addyday”, but that’s just ME.

    Yaz – I went back up and re-read everything myself. I didn’t sense bad attitudes, but chalked some of the conversations as being (NC Gent’s words here) a bit of an estrogen fest. But what do you expect when you place an excess of women in a room together?


    I feel a Shaggy song coming on…Mr. Lover, Lover..

  92. Yaz says:

    What was so cynical about this afternoon’s conversation?

  93. Yaz says:

    Sorry, I just got home from work and I am catching up on all the comments here and it seems to me that SSSD and James M’s comments were directed towards me?

  94. TexasSugah – congratulations! I can sense your excitement and remember your fear when you first joined. See, persistence pays. Not sure I would allow a lady in a Maserati bragging about hitting the divorce lottery watch my child though. (I’m sure you weren’t serious about that anyway…)

    OC – should we direct you to MAA now? (Men Addicts Anon) Ha ha. :)

    Midwest – I always have bleu cheese stuffed olives! NYC SB is probably having one or her second one already in a swank city bar. We will have to start without her.

  95. Yaz says:

    JamesM wrote “There was a lot of “bad” attitude flowing this afternoon.”


    So expressing how SA has made me a not so naive young woman anymore is showing a “bad attitude”?

    I am re-reading my earlier posts scratching my head here……..

  96. Anna Molly says:

    Hi Midwest! Yes, it is a rarity 😀

    Midwest ~ I think I know who you’re talking about. Is he from Chitown? I talked to him before I met my sweet sugar from heaven 😉

    I found him to be somewhat disrespectful to be honest. We exchanged some emails then I decided to give him my number, but told him DO NOT CALL before texting me first and what do you think he did…LOL. He knew my situation, but obviously it didn’t matter. He kept calling at the worst times too..LOL.

    I can’t tell you what to do with the arrangement offer; only you know what you are comfortable with. :)

  97. Midwest says:

    Hi OC – It’s raining men, hallelujah!

    SS- Thanks! You two are sistas!

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Shoo I spent my day in yet another meeting, being the only woman in a room of 18 men. No I am not the secretary taking notes :)
      I doooo love men! My job rocks

      Hi Midwest!

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Midwest I have some long lengthy thoughts on that arrangement scenario. But three words sum it up.
      NO Thank You. You didn’t just fall off the sugar truck and land infront of his web cam! No need to detail the
      reasons for why this is so not cam-riffffic

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        Shoo no. In the case of loving men it is a good thing. Trust me I have had my fair share of crusty pots email me their “smeckle” and think I would want to rock their world. But I always kept my attitude positive and never let that negativity grab hold.
        I just wanted to inject some man love to today’s blog.
        Ooooh make my martini a little dirty and I will let you have my olives~

  98. Midwest says:

    SS – I have Grey Goose – got some blue cheese filled olives? Where’s NYCSB?

  99. Oh, and I think I need a drink too! I wrote a 3,000 word article on workers’ comp today. B o o o r i n g. This blog was my break.

  100. Midwest says:

    TexasSugah – Yeah!!! Perhaps open a second account only for sugar. Watch the deposit amounts as it can attract attention. He can also do a prepaid credit card, cash when you see him, or paypal. Best wishes!

    So here’s one to ponder…

    I was talking to a man from SA yesterday and he offered the following:

    1- Allowance
    2- Bonus of $xxx if he gets cam sex
    3- Bonus of $xxx to have a threesome with a woman
    4- Bonus of $xxxx to have a threesome with a guy
    5- If I had cam sex with him immediately, he would wire the first month’s allowance plus a bonus into my account the next day.

    What do you sb/sds think of this offer?

  101. Nice points, Midwest. Lily (or as I lovingly call her, “Lils”) knows I am always one of the first ones to challenge her innocence and newness in this arrangement world. Challenges (if delivered in a caring, straight-forward) way, can often lend to a person’s growth.

  102. Midwest says:

    Anna- Hi! It’s rare we are on at the same time anymore!

    James – I think she’s hiding NYGent and TexasSD too! Hmmmm…

    SS- Very true. I, too, feel like coming here to fall in love with a rich man will be a challenge on SA. However, it has been done.

    Lily – I’m not speaking as if you “are not in the room” but address this to others:
    I’ve held my opinions for a long time. Lily’s youth, passion and “dive-in” attitude challenges our train of thought and our values. We all have to remember that Lily, although American, is surrounded by a very different culture than ours and we could show tolerance. She is also learning the ropes and seeks advice from the blog. I rarely agree with her approach and I hope that the more she is here, the greater her respect for what I consider the “art of being an sb” will be. That said, she admits fault, changes behavior, and has the passion to seek what life has to offer. She defends what she ultimately decides she wants and has every right to do so. I have learned both good and bad from her. I appreciate the efforts she has made to divert her epic posts to her blog and her willingness to be open to sometimes harsh criticism.

    I need a drink :-) Mondays shouldn’t require this much typing!

  103. TexasSugah says:

    Evening Sugars.. I have a have great true story.

    So NYCSD and I had a great conversation with picture exchanges. He LOVES my body. I’m so excited. We’re a perfect match.

    Miami SD is also very interested. I don’t know who to choose. Looks like I might see each only like once a month but the help is GREAT! OMG

    So I was talking to my parents about them, combining them into one guy. They were skeptical, but I need their help with childcare.

    We were leaving the restaurant and a lady who looked a lot like me was getting into Maserati. My father asked if he could see the inside (yeah I know). The lady, with about an 8 year old in tow, said sure. He asked how much and she explained that it was 120K. She volunteered that she got it in the divorce along with the house and a great settlement. She then said, “yeah he was my sugardaddy but we got married. That didn’t work so well.” All three of us made an exchange jokingly while her son was out of earshot. I mentioned that I needed my parents to watch my son while I dated a guy like her ex. She high fived me and said “I’ll watch your kid.”

    So now.. I have childcare. LOL.. that really sealed the deal. I guess seeing is believing.

    I’m so excited.

    OH… how do ya’ll get your allowance. MiamiSD wants my account number to deposit funds. Is that normal? Can the money go the other way (scam)??? I think I’m going to call my bank too but…. what’s normal??

    OMG.. I think I have a real sugardaddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  104. James.M says:

    It’s about time!
    Or, even better, perhaps that’s a sign the economy is improving.

    Well, I’m off to begin to (re)fight the war in the Pacific with Tom and Steven. Nite all

  105. Anna Molly says:

    LOL…SDN is just fine, busy with work from what I hear 😀

  106. James.M says:

    Good. I was worried we might have discovered what happened to SDN.

  107. Anna Molly says:

    Ummm, no? Hehehe

  108. James.M says:

    You seem to have the spring cleaning thing going. You didn’t find any bodies in the dungeon, did you?

  109. Anna Molly says:

    Hi *waves back* 😀

  110. James.M says:

    Oops, there’s Alluring Anna. Hi, AA *waving*

  111. SSSD said: “This is a modern day lab experiment of primal evolutionary biology.”

    THAT should be the tagline/slogan for Seeking Arrangement! Brilliant.

    Midwest – I think the innocence becomes lost when women (and men even) begin this type of dating pursuit without recognizing or understanding the definition of an ARRANGEMENT. They fail to enter the arrangement world with a concise outline of what they are seeking. I think it was Lily above who said, “I just want to fall in love with a rich man. Problem solved.” Nothing against Lily, but being on the outside looking in, SA is not for that type of mindset. They have a sister company (seeking millionaire dot com) for that. But SA offers admission to anyone and everyone who wants to be here so it is our responsibility individually to grasp with utter certainty what it is we want, seek it and hope to achieve it with the right person.

  112. James.M says:

    Midwest — “I think we’re alone now”
    Tommy James and the Shondells, 1967

  113. Anna Molly says:

    Hi everybody! Just stopping in to see what was going on. I’m still cleaning….ugh! I’ll never get done with my spring cleaning 😀

  114. James.M says:

    Ha! Had me worried there for a moment. It looked like you were sucking a lemon!

  115. Midwest says:

    Oops – that was supposed to be a kiss!

  116. Midwest says:

    James – 😡

    ABBA – Mama Mia, here I go again, my my….

    Maybe that should be one of the karaoke songs in TO! Dedicate it to Sincere…or some Barry White :-)

  117. James.M says:

    Midwest — And ABBA! Don’t forgtet ABBA!

  118. James.M says:

    I must agree with Midwest. I perused the blog shortly after y’all made numerous derogatory comments about men. Frankly, if a group of men said similar things about women, you would have screamed bloody murder and made all sorts of disparaging comments about how sexist they were. I wondered why you were even on SA looking for men, if your comments reflected your reality!

    A part of that undefinable third characteristic is attitude. A man likes to be with a woman who likes to be with a man (and vice versa, I’m sure). There was a lot of “bad” attitude flowing this afternoon. If that truly represents your basic attitude about men, you will not be able to hide it from pot SDs for long, and it will come back to bite you in your (beautiful) behinds.

    Letting off steam is OK and necessary; just don’t begin to believe your rants.

  119. Midwest says:

    Yes! Genesis is in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame – Truly one of the greatest bands ever!!!

  120. Midwest says:

    NY Gent and Sincere – You brighten my day <3

    SSSD – Touche'

    James NY – Absolutely true on both sides…it's the variety and the unidentifiable 3rd characteristic that separates one person from another.

    Ladies – I'm glad you're having fun, but I will say my first reaction when catching up…it all sounded a bit cynical. Reality is, it's very hard to keep your innocence and hope in possibilities here…but you can and should. "Never lose your childish innocence. It’s the most important thing. ” Katherine in Under the Tuscan Sun

  121. sugarbarbie says:

    Hey he responded cool:) Still interested just busy. hopefully i will meet one of these drag their feet-ers soon. :)

  122. SSSD says:

    Yaz wrote: “I just wanted to add that most men on SA will admit to being extremely shallow. They do want brains and beauty but are more than happy to settle with just beauty. Sad but true. They want that drop dead gorgeous girl that will turn heads everywhere they go.”

    I found it amusing how the thread about shallow men followed shortly after half the female participants here claimed to value money over love in some way.

    From the marketing material it seems the general proposition of this site is “drop dead gorgeous” + “physically generous” in return for “drop dead wealthy” + “financially generous”, with NSA on top of it all. After all, this is Seeking Arrangement, not Seeking Long Term Relationship. Therefore SDs looking for something long term are either rare or confused.

    This is a modern day lab experiment of primal evolutionary biology.

  123. Flo Rida says:

    Sincere – f-hilarious. I meant sports agency. I have connections in the sports world & they say that they knew Tiger was up to no good when he was hanging around with MJ & Sir Charles. His father kept him in check but when his father passed he got a touch of the ‘god complex’. At the end of the day he should have followed Kobe’s advice – ‘I should have paid her off like Shaq does’. I also think this is where Big Ben has got it wrong as he keeps on putting himself in bad positions.

  124. SincereSD says:

    NYC SB says: Sincere is really Brandon Wade in disguise so he knows EVERYTHING lol

    shhh … don’t tell anyone :-p

  125. SincereSD says:

    Flo says: back to work at the agency.

    Ok, Flo … we’ve been retained by Tiger Woods to work on his new advertising campaign. Here’s the slogans that we need to create the mock-ups for.

    1. Nike Campaign: Just do Her!

    2. Viagara Campaign: When 18 holes are not enough …

    3. Trojan Campaign: When you need great protection, wear 2 … in case you get a hole-in-one

    4. New Tiger Condoms Campaign: Protect your Wood … Tiger Condoms

    Wrong type of agency … well just eliminate his mistresses!

  126. Oh, and I’m not worried. I’m very familiar with covert actions shrouded in secrecy. Always two steps ahead. :)

  127. Flo – I figured that out after I realized you were merely sharing the only Vietnamese phrases you knew. I have absolutely zero accent whatsoever. I mean, completely nondescript. This is intentional. (you should know, spy stuff) And Florida isn’t where I grew up. I figured you were just complimenting yourself anyway. You know, since you are me.

  128. Flo Rida says:

    Shoogar – if you have a leak the best way to flush out the mole (spy slang) is again the Matt Damon Angelina Jolie movie on the founding of OSS – CIA & Leonardo DiCaprio Jack nicholson movie on Boston gangsters and that is ‘disinformation’. You feed a speicfic piece of disinformation to a specific person & see if it comes out the other side if it does then that’s the mole because that’s the only person you gave the disinformation to.

    you’ll have to keep track of the specific disinformation & be patient.

    Also think of who has motive and access to close personal information – this must be a very limited list – an insider.

    As I said i’m very good at this stuff & I offered my help before.

    Back to work at the agency. Kidding!

  129. Flo Rida says:

    Shoogar – I do not know your identity and if I did I wouldn’t tell anyone. In asian custom it is always appropriate to be overly gracious & complimentary. In male asian custom bring your designated drinker & be overly gracious. It’s hilarious when this happens ‘Your house is very beautiful’ ‘No your house is much larger and nicer than mine’ ‘No your house is much more nicely decorated and you must be very proud’ ‘No your house is the envy of the entire street’ This can literally go on for 7-10 toasts and people can get very drunk (hence the designated drinker). Even though i’m English I understand Asians.

    Having said that you could be wholly (northeast) American in terms of culture (Florida is part of Northeast). Would you prefer if I said ‘hey ugly gal – how you doing?’

    As Matt Damon said in Rainmaker after any murder you’ve made 12 mistakes. Sorry.

    Lastly on the after date check in – after call check in – you have to understand that ‘man time’ is run on a different clock than ‘woman time’ and I would say 7-14 days is about right for a check in (if you are really interested) BUT it’s better to move to pot2.

    back to work at the agency.

  130. Jade says:

    Even with half a head you look pretty hot SS !

  131. ESB says:

    gotta go play mom… be back later!

  132. ESB says:

    SS: Relax.. I think you are beautiful just from your attitude and demeanor here on the blog. I have NO idea what you look like. Maybe they saw a pic before it was deleted? Just guessing…

  133. ESB says:

    Sat. interview was just a bit weird. It was a group interview. There was 4 of us, and he just told us what the practice was all about (chiroprator), what the hours would be, what the job would be, the pay… he said he likes to give clients compliments as they wald through the door instead of saying “How are you?” So, he went down the line, said something nice about each of us, the first her hair was so perfect, the second had really nice shoes, the 3rd, loved the broach she was wearing, and said I had the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen (something to that effect). BIG RED FLAG!! I very much doubt they will be calling me back. That was just a bit to personal. The office manager said she’d be calling to set up times for us to sit in on the job, to see if we really want it. Then have a formal one-on-one interview. I haven’t heard anything doubt I will.

    I have another one tomorrow, and am kinda excited about it. Local lady needs a PA, so I’m hoping for the best. At least doors are opening now!! that is better than the nothing I’ve been getting for 6 months!!

  134. Oh, and the translation is: “I think Flo is an intelligence officer.”


    This would explain my feelings of certain clandestine, espionage actions taking place where my identity has been divulged through some kind of subterfuge?

  135. Anne SB says:

    ESB: I’ll take the silence lightly then. By the way, how did your interview go?

  136. NYC SB says:

    Shoogar – elementary my dear!

    Flo is a spy so she knows everything… im sure she deduced your identity based on your correspondence with her …

    Sincere is really Brandon Wade in disguise so he knows EVERYTHING lol

  137. ESB says:

    Anne: I usually do that in about a week or so.. but the SD I have I was talking to in Sept, let him go because of some personal issues I was having, I sent him an email, and he just hapend to end an arrangement, and with in a week, here we are… if he ever gets out of meetings!! LOL… I will not let him live this down.. I’m having so much fun teasing him about it… that is what I wanted most, someone I could have fun with, laugh with, and AT!! We are becoming great friends!!

  138. Anne SB says:

    FLO/NYCSB: Yea I usually let them slip, but I’m interested. I didn’t think of the negotiating part so I’m going to hold out for a little longer.

    Where would I be without you all!

  139. Anne SB – Flo has given you perfect advice.

    NYC SB – a week was usually my rule too unless (like you), I just really wasn’t that overly interested.

    I’m curious about something that is only slightly bugging me. Flo & SincereSD both made mention today that you both think I’m pretty. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE? I have only shared my photos with 2 bloggers and have met 2 in person. I haven’t had a profile up on SA for a little over a month and when I did, did not even use a photo with my face. I had half body shot photos only on my Sugar & the City blog, but even took those down. I could be a very bored and lonely 72 year old man on this end for all you two know.

  140. sugarbarbie says:

    Dang Flo i wish i read that last week. I had a pot that I thought things were going well. We were talking about meeting then he poofed. After 4 days of not hearing from him I wrote him saying, hey haven’t heard from you in a while, I’m wondering if you are still interested. of course no reply.

  141. NYC SB says:

    Anne – for me its usually a week… but only if i am REALLY interested in the pot… otherwise I just let it slip through

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Flo no need for me to join the non English convo’s. I prefer english, still trying to master it.

      For the record… I am OC and I ADORE men all men.
      Short, tall, cute, fugly, rich poor, young or old
      Men, Men, Men, MEN men…

  142. Flo Rida says:

    Anne – it’s when you feel right about doing it – BUT it erodes your negotiating position & just prepare yourself for possible rejection or no response at all. An example of what it could say would be

    ‘I know it’s been some time, I wanted to say hi & re-connect. I appreciate you’ve been busy.’

    Any man who doesn’t get the message from that is either completely dense, legitimately busy (and he should then apologize slightly to profusely) or simply not interested (sorry but it happens to best of us).

    Good luck! Back to work at Government agency not with three letters in its name.

  143. Flo Rida says:

    Shoogar – Is fearr liom Gaeige bhriste na Bearla Chliste (translate – Broken Gaelic is better than clever English). I think ‘Silim go bhfuil Flo oifigeach Chliste’ means ‘I think that Flo is a clever English officer’ though how officer got in there i’ll never know.

    Top ov da morning too yer! Get her done & go about your business.

  144. Anne SB says:


    When is it appropriate to send a “Still Interested?” mail and what should it say?

    Thanks all.

  145. sugarbarbie says:

    Shoogar that’s true…thanks for the feedback

  146. NYC SB says:

    JamesNY – as always on point and helpful

  147. Anna Molly says:

    James ~ What did you have for lunch today?

  148. Anna Molly says:

    Who wouldn’t want to wink at you darlin’

  149. I want to! I want to!

    Sílim go bhfuil Flo oifigeach Chliste!

    It’s Irish and no it’s not, ” That slim Flo is magically delicious!”

    Great post, JamesNY.

  150. Anna Molly says:

    James ~ Loved your comments, but I always do :)

  151. JamesNY says:

    Hi Anna! Thanks for the wink after that long speech!

  152. Anna Molly says:

    Hi James!! 😉

  153. Flo Rida says:

    OC – i’m very sorry – the English translation is ‘Are you well? You are very pretty. Do you like OC? How much is this? What time is it? Go to bed dear, very tired.’ If you know Vietnamese people they can verify the translation. I do agree I should not have used your name, but there was no intent to harm. By all means insert my name into some foreign language.

    Jade – I agree with Shoogar most models are vapid! and shallow but men seldom complain it’s called evolution & is hard wired into men.

    NYC SB – Jade(?) – people used to say of Jack Welch that he wanted highly intelligent people around him who agreed with everything he said. Most SD do not value intelligence BUT if you get a SD who keeps asking you ‘what do you think? (on important matters beyond where you’re going to eat) it is kinda freaky.

    Back to work at government agency with letters in its name (not).

  154. JamesNY says:

    Wow, you guys are feeling a little cynical today. We need some sunny days, fast, to brighten the mood!

    I’ve had a number of relationships that didn’t make it past the 4-6 month point, sure. But in hindsight, they probably shouldn’t have lasted as long as they did. I’ve had several others last longer than that, sometimes much longer. The good ones, the ones that keep me coming back for more.

    I’ve never been a particular believer in the looks/brains dichotomy. That’s the stereotype, and it’s true to a point — personally, I think it’s largely a matter of what a woman chooses to focus her attention on. But there’s plenty of smart good-looking women and I’ve never felt I had to trade one for the other.

    When I’m choosing, I need to find a woman attractive, of course, but there are 1000 different forms of female beauty. Experiencing a new one is part of the pleasure. I need her to be intelligent enough to be interesting over time, of course, but that doesn’t necessarily mean a Ph.D. Wisdom is not the same as knowledge.

    Personally, what I look for — and what I find sustains the relationship — is something else, a third quality. A woman can be smart and beautiful and still not be someone you want to become emotionally involved with. I’m not sure I could put it into words — well, let’s just say I’m sure I could not put it into words that I’d be entirely comfortable expressing here. But there is a quality of connection, involving some combination of mutual trust, understanding, sexual excitement, liberation, adventure, appreciation, generosity, that makes an arrangement fly. As difficult to find and maintain as it is to describe.

    I won’t pretend to know how many of the other men you might meet around here think the same. And the problem of sorting the wheat from the chaff runs both ways — I’ve been burnt or disappointed several times for each success. But I am here, too, and I’m as real as they come, and my life is happier for it. So hang in there everybody!

  155. Or, she was saying “pretty please, don’t be upset, OC.” I’m not sure.

    dep = pretty
    lam= please
    không = no

  156. sugarbarbie – Do it then! What is the worst case scenario? He tells you, “no, I’m not ready just yet until…” At least this will then give you a guideline on how to move forward with him. Right?

  157. OC – in my limited knowledge of phonetic Vietnamese –> English translation, I think Flo was saying something in her typical, “I am really OC” type of comment. Methinks?

  158. yaz.....at work says:

    Lol yup NYGent thats pretty accurate :-) …A friend of mine forwarded this to me on FB

  159. sugarbarbie says:

    I guess I’m used to the people on here that are asking for your email or pics in the first couple messages. We have corresponded about 14 times in the last 5 days. But it has stayed pretty light. I wonder if he wants me to take the initiative. I could get used to that….I think.

  160. NY Gent – SO perfect! Ha ha.

  161. NYC SB says:

    lol NYGent – thats awesome!

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Flo since you did not say it in ENGLISH and posted my blog name in your post and said it to another blog’er I will assume you
      said something horrible about me! Not very nice :(

  162. Anna Molly says:

    I liked that NYGent 😀

  163. NYGent says:

    I couldn’t resist posting the following received from a friend:


    Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild,
    fertile and naturally beautiful!

    Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to
    trade, especially for someone of real value.

    Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and
    convinced of her own beauty.

    Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a
    warm and desirable place to visit.

    Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all
    conquering past.

    Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

    Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to
    meeting new people.

    After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past
    and the wisdom of the ages….An adventurous spirit and a thirst for
    spiritual knowledge.


    Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.

    THE END.

  164. Hi sugarbarbie – EVERY situation is so very different. You can usually tell by the tone and content of the email messages if they are ready for that face to face meeting. Sometimes they want YOU to take that initiative as not to feel they are pressuring you. If he doesn’t bring it up and you are getting “antsy”, it is fine (if you are comfortable with being forward) to say, “So, I look forward to meeting you soon. When do you think we can make that happen?” Or something else (in your own words) depending on how the flow of your email/phone/text conversations have been thus far.

  165. Lisa on the good side of the freeway says:

    In my experience, I have met all my sds within a week of first email, with the exception of one long distance one. My current one, emailed me on jan 26th, we met for dinner on Feb 1.
    I have never met any sd that was supposed to be in my town in a few weeks or a month or so, they all seemed to poof. So for me, if the emails went on for more than a week with the local sds, a meeting never happened. It seems for me that the ones that I put in the most effort to meet, poofed, the ones I met, took very little effort and seemed to come along on pure luck.

  166. sugarbarbie says:

    Hey you all. Been away for a bit.

    AnneSB I wonder if the POT I am corresponding with is a time waster or just very busy. I would love to figure it out too.

    How long would you correspond with a POT before they take the initiative and discuss meeting arrangements. Or better yet how long would you give them before doing something about it. I really am not looking for a pen pal.

  167. SincereSD – WordPress plugins and php codes? A piece of cake. I guesstimate you should have that completed within 48 hours. Chop, chop. :)

  168. NYC SB says:

    Anne SB – you are kind of right… while they claim they want an intelligent SB a lot of them would rather have a pretty little thing that has nothing to say… still I am who I am and I cant keep my mouth shut but I do bite my tongue every once in a while

  169. Yaz – Pretty girl, I know you’re a smart one. You should be familiar with my “counseling shoes” always feeling the need to step in and offer words of advice when I feel a sugar sister’s statement has a pessimistic feel that could lead to hindrance of constructive personal growth.

    AnneSB – That is the case for some SDs. When I went through a period of pot SD dating while trying to find my next arrangement, I found I was questioning whether or not I should downplay my intelligence level and did so on a few of those dates where I could tell the guy wasn’t looking for smart. Ultimately, this made me feel ‘plastic’ and unhappy. No amount of money is worth that feeling to me. (Unless it’s for a part in a big screen movie, of course. But, I’m not an actor.) I know HOW to be that ‘arm candy’ girl in the shor, tight dress and heels. I know how to flirt overtly and exude prowess sexuality. But I want (and need) to be with a man who wants more than that.

  170. SincereSD says:

    Shoogar Shoes says: SincereSD – I’m not impressed. Embed some colorful pie charts and bar graphs then you will be speaking my language! Hey, was that your way of calling me a GEEK, by the way? Why, thank you.

    Shoogar, you’re a tough cookie. To embed graphics, I need to add some WordPress plugins and some php code. Btw, this was just a teaser. I’ll be trending the data over time and calculating standard deviation, mean, variance, moving averages, etc. :roll:

    if you are a geek, you have to be the flirtiest and best looking geek I know.

    ESB says: SincereSD: interesting stats… kinda scary you found all that out.. how do you have enough time?

    Well, my SB and I both were curious about the behavior of sugarians (ppl in the sugar lifestyle) so we both set out understand the demographics and behavior. There are some interesting patterns and I’m hoping one day she will make this part of her graduate thesis.

  171. Anne SB says:

    Yaz: I have tons of typos too! I think that’s a pretty legit reason to be an SB because what you learn is really what stays, the money gets spent and the gifts get old.

  172. yaz...at work says:

    Lots of typos in my posts lol Sorry guys. I am at work and I am not supposed to be blogging right now haha

  173. Anne SB says:

    back to any old post…

    SHOO/NYCSB: Sometimes I feel SD’s don’t want an intellectual girl. Once I show I’ve got a brain thats full of more that cotton candy they hit the ground running. The ones I’ve met rather that I sit and bat my eyes at everything they say rather than say anything back.

  174. yaz...at work says:

    The main reason why I am a SB today? Because, I don’t just want a monthly cash gift from my SD, I want him to tell me AND show me how he has gotten where he is today. In about 5 to 10 years, I want to be “there” too. :-)

    Funny thing is although I am learning a lot from my SD right now, the best mentoring I have ever gotten came from another SD ( He wasn’t even a pot). Everything he has been through in his life helped him become the man he is today. The good AND the bad. Boy, have I learned a lot from that man…..

  175. Anne SB says:

    Hey Sugars,

    I think the next blog should be about spotting time wasters. A poof-daddy can be hard to spot sometimes.

    NY SB: I never thought about sugar dating that way, but I think you’re right. I’m still not used to the unconventional courting procedure though.

  176. yaz...at work says:

    “Yaz – I think it’s dangerous to include SA (or sugar dating pursuits) as a basis for your outlook on men and relationships – as a whole.”

    Never said that I was basing myself on SA alone to understand men and relationships.
    Lol Shoogar Shoes don’t worry about me :-) SA has made me realize a few things. I faced a lot of rejection before I found my current SD. I couldnt understand why it was so hard for me to find a SD online when IRL businessmen were throwing themselves at me at work ( I used to work at as front desk clerk in a hotel)
    My SD always says that he finds me more mature than most girls my age and he treats me great but I am not holding my breath hoping that this will last forever and ever. One day it will end and I will have to move forward. I think it helps A LOT when SBs realize that this is all just temporary. I have learned to accept the gifts, the mentoring, the financial help, the physical connection and everything else that comes from him. When it does end, I will not come out of it bitter or mad because he has found a prettier girl, younger girl or whatever, I will be grateful to him for giving me the opportunity to experience a lifesytle I am not able to afford on my own……just yet! :-)

    Thats what I meant.

  177. Lily says:

    Nope, not asking too much, ESB.

  178. NYC SB says:

    I think its unfair to base our outlook on men and relationships based on SA but it sure does give me with an intimate look of the male psyche… more so than any other dating experience has… what you see in SA is a raw male persona and what it does in its most natural anonymous state… eye opening for sure

    Yaz – thanks 😀

    Shoogar – thanks 😀

  179. ESB says:

    I’m just being silly.. he just texted me…had a great room reserved, but it looks like it’s for nothing.. I can’t get there for an hour, and he will be in meetings for another 45 min. Kinda short time for our first time.. he has to leave by 6… it’s 4 now, it would be 5 by the time I got there… meh.. we shall try again for another time… sigh…

  180. Ha ha, ESB. If everything came with a manual, we wouldn’t be challenged in life and our growth and evolution as humans would halt as we know it. I would say waiting for your SD to get out of meetings is so much sweeter than some challenges other SBs face. :)

  181. ESB says:

    SS: You are a wise woman.. I tried to move forward with out ANY idea what I really wanted, there for, I got burned BAD… anda then there are all the poofers.. but i know what I want now, so I am making sure I get it. IF he ever gets out of his meetings!!

  182. midwest says:

    Working and lurking…what a stimulating conversation.

    ESB- bummer about the cancellation. Hopeflly, he will make quick efforts to reschedule. Meanwhile, keep your options open. The search is difficult enough without having to start over.

    I would never stop working even if I could. I may work less or volunteer, but I believe strongly in leaving your legacy (in a good way). A true SD will realize the impact leaving behind a career can have on a person…reentry after an absence, benefits, retirement, etc. A true offer would come with accomodations for all those and then some. A real SD would also respect the limitations of travel due to work (they do ask you to have a goal) and families. Do your sorting and leave the rest to the fake SBs!!

    Lily- if you give your heart to a married man, it would be unfair to EXPECT the same in return. You cannot help with whom you fall in love, however, you can control what actions and expectations occur as a result.

    “It is better to have loved once…”. So true <3

  183. Yaz – I think it’s dangerous to include SA (or sugar dating pursuits) as a basis for your outlook on men and relationships – as a whole. It is ONE type of dating and one that is generally fleeting. Unfortunately, I DO believe it can be a playground for some SDs and SBs both who treat it purely as a game of cat and mouse. But there are some really good men and women here as well. They are just far and few between. With the exception of ONE really bad experience and a couple of unsavory ones, I have been fortunate to mostly have met really good ones (SDs and pots) through SA. What has helped me is that I chose to take it upon myself as a project to really understand what it is I want in an arrangement and yes, I learned through my own trial and error. Moving forward, I will be unwavering with outlining my needs AS WELL AS understanding and accepting theirs.

  184. ESB says:

    OK, I’m back, feeling crapy.. all steamed up and no where to go… frustration at it worst.. he WILL PAY!! Hmm… this is bringing the dom out in me! 😉

    Anyway, I would not give up my day job to be a SB. maybe it’s a pride thing, but I like the idea of supporting myself, and as stated, these arrangements don’t tend to last… I want stability…

    For the next question, I’d take love…. AFTER all my bills are paid, and I am debt free… and if that lucky man I fall for has enough money to support me in the style I prefer… well, life can be good!! I won’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers… but I do prefer a man with some looks. He doesn’t have to be drop dead gorgeous, but I don’t want people looking at us and saying “she can do so much better than that”. He has to be health conscientious, keep up in a conversation, and make me look like I made a good choice. Not asking to much, I don’t think.

  185. yaz...at work says:

    Lol NYCSB, I have seen you and you’re hot.

  186. yaz...at work says:

    Shoogar Shoes ~ Nothing is left indeed. They will get bored with her and find a “fresher” and younger SB in a matter of weeks. This site is truly a playground for most SDs. They aren’t looking for a girlfriend or a long-term companion (especially the married ones). Many will claim that they want a physical, intellectual and emotional connection with their SB but just like NYCSB stated earlier they will drop that SB as quickly as they picked her up.
    Nothing personal, just the nature of the game. This site has given me a whole new outlook on men and relationships.

  187. Jade says:

    Sometimes the man thinks he may want a ‘hot chic’ then when they go out, he will not like the attention that comes with it. (depending on the man of course)

    Sometimes it is hard for good looking girls to find a sugar daddy because the guy is instantly thinking. ” why would this girl like me if not for money ? “

  188. NYC SB – I do believe you are deeper than a raindrop. I don’t know what you look like so can’t comment on the average looks. :)

  189. NYC SB says:

    but then again it could be just me having the depth of a raindrop with average looks 😛

  190. NYC SB says:

    Isnt that why most of them dont last past the 6 month mark? realistically speaking most of mine have been in the 4-6 month range…

  191. Lily – SO true about the good vs. bad heart. Yes, the combination of good looks and brains is very poisonous combination if the heart isn’t in the right place.

    Yaz – You bring up a very valid point. In the same token, wouldn’t you agree this is also why SB/SD relationships are often short-lived? After the sex, and the ego-boost of envious on-lookers, what’s left if there isn’t an intellectual or emotional connection?

  192. yaz...at work says:


  193. yaz...at work says:

    Interestin convo…..

    I just wanted to add that most men on SA will admit to being extremely shallow. They do want brains and beauty but are more than happy to settle with just beauty. Sad but true. They want that drop dead gorgeous girl that will turn heads everywhere they go.

  194. Lily says:

    I mind, too. My ex is both the hottest man I’ve ever seen IRL and the most intelligent man I’ve ever known very well, in the sense of IQ points (not EQ or anything meaningful or humane). Those two ingredients are a nasty combination if someone doesn’t have a good heart.

  195. Jade – Most female models ARE shallow. It’s the nature of the beast in that world, as you know. Some men don’t mind that. Just like some women don’t mind if the guy is gorgeous but doesn’t know the definition of vacuous. I mind.

  196. Lily – It’s not that I can’t stand gorgeous men. I do like them. I appreciate a fine looking male specimen in the same way I appreciate the Van Gogh giclee on my wall. Or the same way I appreciate my morning bowl of oatmeal. It’s hot and steamy, but it’s just THERE.

    When it comes to relationships, I cannot be fully intimate purely on physical attraction alone. And no, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker. Physical attraction IS important; it just isn’t the ALL for me.

  197. Jade says:

    Two rain drops together make a hell of a splash !

  198. Jade says:

    I am just saying if chemistry is what is important then the girls would also be after a male model type just like the sugar daddy’s are after a female model type in most cases. On the flip-side one can say female models also are shallow, think they are “all knowing” and want the world to revolve around them with the dept of a rain drop.


  199. Lily says:

    I can’t stand gorgeous men either, Shoo.

    I married one, and it sucked. Never again.

    Oh wait, Eurosexy is gorgeous. Crap. But then again, I was way, way into him before he revealed photos. And even then he was WAY hotter IRL so that was kinda an accident. What if, Shoo, the guy who has captured your attention with his prose in letters, and charm/wit, then turns out to be smoking? that’s not a dealbreaker, is it?

  200. Blech. Maybe I am numb from having their existence in my life for so many years. Most of them, I label as “rocks with lips”. Even the ones who are my friends. They primp more than I do. People are often surprised when they see/meet the significant men from my past. They always assume they are going to meet a big, brawn model type. Nope. Just not for me.

  201. NYC SB says:

    Shoogar – depth of a rain drop… sure… but they are also very pretty to look at… kinda like shoes… no they cant have a conversation with me and enrich my life but they sure do bring a smile to my face

  202. Most male models have the depth of a raindrop. I can’t be turned on by that. At. All. But I’ve never made the claim ONCE to being normal.

    Back to work.

  203. Anna Molly says:

    Hi everybody! Trying to get some spring cleaning done! Hope everyone had a good weekend 😀

  204. Lily says:

    I wish to fall head over heels in love with a rich man.

    Problem solved.

  205. KittyL says:

    Jade: And then they go on SA! LOL

    Copied from a friend’s Facebook Status:
    I just need 4 animals in my life: a Jaguar in my Garage, a Mink on my back, a tiger in my bed and a JAckass to pay for it all. LMAO

  206. Jade says:

    I heard men who are better looking are more normal and grounded about life. When a man asks for chemistry I want to write back ” hell ya if your a male mode type “

  207. Jade says:

    Most guys get girls pregnant then complain they got to fat and out of shape and that equals out of love for them.

  208. AdrianeSB says:

    Lisa said it perfectly. I don’t believe in everlasting love, I’d rather have the wealth.

  209. KittyL says:

    How about a rich male model stud? :)

  210. NYC SB says:

    male model stud… yummm

  211. KittyL says:

    Jade: even non-pot friend-SDs said that. Which surprised me.

  212. NYC SB says:

    Kitty I think that if the man in question felt the same about me then I would choose love… otherwise I will pick the wealth…

  213. Jade says:

    Kitty they are telling you that so you pick them instead of some hot male model stud that you really want to sleep with * cough * I mean, Love !

  214. KittyL says:

    I would be more inclined to choose Love because I can always make money but I can never give myself the love of a relationship. I’ve asked this Q to many pot SDs and they all advised to take wealth as love won’t last.

  215. Lisa on the good side of the freeway says:

    I would have to choose wealth. Love is wonderful I presume although i’ve never been in love. However I have learned that love doesn’t pay the bills and lack of money can interfer with love. Money can buy happiness. Also it is a misconception that lack of wealth or being poor makes one happy. It’s often said that poor people are better than the wealthy but there are many rotten poor people. Being rich doesn’t necessarily make you unhappy or bad and being poor doesn’t make you happy or a good person.

  216. Jade says:

    I would pick love KittyL .

  217. KittyL says:

    Another question of choice: Love or Wealth?

    If during an arrangement, you meet someone that you’ve fallen in love with. And you have to choose between Love or an arrangement that will get you financially stable in the future; what would you choose?

    There are probably a lot of little “possible details…” in there, but hypothetically speaking?

  218. Jade says:

    If one is working full time it is pretty hard to find the time to hang out with a sugar daddy if you are at work or when you get home you are way to tired to be hanging out and travel is sure out of the question with a job.

  219. Lisa on the good side of the freeway says:

    I would have to be at my job 15+ years to get 3 weeks vacation.

  220. NYC SB says:

    Lisa – My job has about 5 weeks (close to 6 weeks) of vacation… however there is no way i can take that time off at a moments notice… so the “spontaneous” travel arrangements are hard for me

  221. Lisa on the good side of the freeway says:

    ESB that sucks. You get all worked up in anticipation only to have him cancel.

  222. NYC SB says:

    ESB – I would NEVER give up my career for an SD unless there was a written contract stating that he would support me for x months…

    as you can see SDs have things “come up” all the time be it meetings or other SBs and they can drop you just as fast as they picked you up… at the end of the day it is your life that is impacted by the lack of allowance not theirs…

  223. Lisa on the good side of the freeway says:

    I’d love to give up my “career” but it would be unwise as these arrangements, just like marriage and dating, are temporary. What I come across to much are sds that expect a sb to be fully employed yet be free to travel at moment’s notice. I’m not sure about other jobs, but at my job I only get one week vacation a year and I am limited on when I can take it plus have to give a month’s notice.

  224. AdrianeSB says:

    Lily, oh no, one of those situations again :( real feelings make this much more complicated and it’s a bummer he’s not really looking for a sugar relationship, but as Jade already said, just an affair with sex.

    ESB, that’s something I’ve been thinking about too, but I wouldn’t quit unless I find a very very rich husband (and no prenup or a very good deal in case of a divorce):) As a SB I wouldn’t see myself secure enough to just let my own life go down the drain…

  225. Lily says:

    Flo – you’re right, this is an area in which I am clueLESS….

    nycsb – i’d ask you to coach me but i don’t know if he’s gonna keep pursuing me or not, so maybe it’s a moot point.

    esb-thanks for your perspective. sigh. matters of the heart.

  226. ESB says:

    SD just texted me. His boss called a meeting, so he may have to cancel today… I’m wondering how many times that is going to happen? Kinda agrivating… I was really looking forward to seeing him!

  227. ESB says:

    that leads to a discussion I’ve had before: Should an SB give up her career for her SD? Should she have her own means of support out side of the arrangement? Some SBs think they should live off their sugar. For me, I’ts a pride thing. I want to make it on my own. Just need a little help getting there.

  228. ESB says:

    Jade: I agree to an extent, but for me, I’d like to know that when the arrangement has run it’s coarse, I have my own income to fall back on. I am just in need of getting out of this whole I’ve dug myself into. I am hoping that once I get these bills under control, and if the SD and I are in agreement, we can continue to see each other, and I can start putting away money for my future. I’d like to buy a house someday, help my kids with college, buy what I want when I want… this doing with out ALL the time is tiresome!! I’m not saying I want name brand clothes and what not all the time, but to buy BG an outfit at her favorite store, or some nice clothes just because I wanna.. that would be nice!!

  229. NYC SB says:

    Jade – you are so right… most sbs are on here bc they require financial assistance… i am amazed at how many men want you to travel with them without compensation… just becasue my flight and hotel is taken care of it does not cover for lost wages…

  230. Wonderland says:

    Wonderland: Hello sugars! Stopping by to say hi.
    No SD yet but I might take a break from the search and come back when my profile expires…. NC Gent: still have your email and will write to you when I get the chance to sit down.


  231. Jade says:

    All the gifts in the world do not pay the bills unless you have an ebay site to list the stuff for sale . I think the whole point is to make the sugar baby feel like her bills are paid in full so she can relax and spend time with him instead having to work. If I have bills that are do I just do not feel like being sexual at all from all the stress .

  232. NYC SB says:

    Lily – I think if you fall for him you need to know that there is no future… when I know a man is married even if I have feelings for him I expect to get hurt at some point. I take it upon myself to NOT fall for him and if I do then I have no one to blame but myself (and maybe him for being lovable)… its much harder to fall for a single man and then having it unrequited

  233. NYC SB says:

    Mandy – there are TONS of guys on this site that are not offering an allowance… sometimes I scratch my head at that as well

  234. ESB says:

    Lily: I was in a relationship with a married man that lasted YEARS. He married someone else while seeing me, which hurt more than I can describe, so we stopped seeing each other, but every time we stopped, the “Off” only lasted 6 months at the most. I’d get frustrated, and hurt, tell him to leave me alone, he’d call a few months later, we would see each other again, I’d tell him to go, he’d call a few weeks later… we just couldn’t stay away from each other… long story short… if you know you can’t keep your heart out of it, don’t do that to yourself. It’s a miserable existence, it totally sucks, and really not a place you want to be. NOW he denies even really knowing me. It took me a long time to see that through all that charm and sexiness, he was/is just another snake.

  235. Flo Rida says:

    Lily – two suggestions – 1 do a preemptive strike & tell him that you think he’s amazing but you wish to cut ties 2 – make someone else (NYCSB) your relationship coach and submit to her decisions before you do anything with him again. Just a thought if you do not trust yourself.

    TexasSugar (i think) yes a small or full allowance pre-meet has been know to occur but it is extremely rare.

    Ok back to work at Hertz!

  236. Mandy says:

    Did he tell you no allowance upfront? Why is he on an arrangement site then ? ( SCRATCHING HEAD )
    Sounds like he needs another kind of site where married people have affairs that are mutual sex.

  237. Lily says:

    NYC SB- I like my local SD, I would never have any relationship of any kind with someone I don’t very much LIKE. It’s not that. It’s just that I would fall in love with this guy and be in pain, pining for him, between get-togethers, and since he doesn’t want to provide an allowance, that leaves me feeling kind of….. uncompensated for all that missing/pining/pain, ya know? PLUS that he’s not single and can’t plan a future for us. An allowance might change my thinking and have it be more sweet than bitter, but since that’s not his bag, baby….. then what to do?

  238. Lily says:

    Actually, I am open with all my IRL friends about my sugar activities, I just don’t use the terminology. They all get it and are happy for me as a foreigner out here to have some people supporting me and treating me very well, etc, after many years of dangling on my own without support (either emotional or otherwise) and being my own hero. Those who know me IRL can see that it’s about time I start getting some princess treatment after some of the stuff I’ve gone through and come out stronger on the other side of. If that makes any sense at all.

    The only sticking point with anyone would be that if the gentleman is married. And even that isn’t a sticking point around here because of the lack of puritanical attitude towards marriage vows in this country. Fidelity is rare, and an understood reality that isn’t even shamed or hidden.

  239. NYC SB says:

    Flo – I love the hertz identity the best lol

    Lily – Why not have an arrangement with someone you like? Obviously he is not single so the allowance is sort of a compensation for not being able to have a future together…

  240. Lily says:

    TexasSugah, thanks! I guess he may pan out to be a SD for me but may not. He is NOT an allowance daddy anyways, only a travel/gift daddy (and nothing lavish, from what I gather between the lines, although I refused a day of shopping with him to even find out), and the way I feel, not a potSD at all. He’s in an open marriage (wife has a steady beau back home for when he’s away) and I find myself only thinking thoughts of how to get him out of that open marriage and settled down with me in a traditional relationship……., ok, ok, waaaaaaaay in the back of my mind in that guarded place where you let yourself entertain thoughts you’d never act on. I just don’t think I’m cut out to be his SB when I think I’d definitely fall in love with him if I see him even one or two more times.

    Best probably to cut ties and move on towards just sticking with my local SD who is good to me and a wonderful friend, and a future potSD whom I have a total blast with like best-of-friends, plus great benefits, but no crazy endorphins hitting my brain and making me stupid enough to turn down a shopping spree with a millionaire.

    But if he asks me to see him again or calls me I don’t know if I have the strength to resist/refuse….

  241. ESB says:

    Very True!! I Learned the hard way about traveling to him. Never again, not for the first meet. Won’t get burned like that again!!

  242. KittyL says:

    That’s why it’s so important! And you really don’t want to tell your real friends you are going all the time and with who, so with this support network it’s safer too!

  243. ESB says:

    KittyL, this is much more frustrating than IRL dating. I have NEVER had a guy POOF on my IRL. It happens on here WAY to often… enough to make you crazy. I have learned to laugh about it, and it is his lose for doing so!

  244. KittyL says:

    ESB: Definitely agree… There needs to be a support system with searches just like with regular dating.

  245. ESB says:

    IMHO the best of SA are at those meets. Those of us on the blog. I have met 2 of the most incredible women at the DC meet. We have so much to talk about, can tell each other things our IRL friends may not understand or approve of…. Although my BFF is the one who directed me here, and LOVES the stories I share with her of my misfortunes. At least we can laugh and cry about this together.

    It is just nice to have someone who understands the frustrations to share them with, or the triumphs to celebrate with!

  246. ESB says:

    IMHO the best of SA are at those meets. Those of us on the blog. I have met 2 of the most incredible women at the DC meet. We have so much to talk about, can tell each other things our IRL friends may not understand or approve of…. Although my BFF is the one who directed me here, and LOVES the stories I share with her of my misfortunes. At least we can laugh and cry about this together. It is just nice to have someone who understands the frustrations to share them with, or the triumphs to celebrate with!

  247. KittyL says:

    TexasSugah: More of a Friendly meeting… It’s preferred to have SBs and SDs to hear both sides of the story. SB horror/heavenly stories are just as entertaining as SD Horror/Heavenly stories.

  248. TexasSugah says:

    AZSD- yeah I’m letting that boat sail on. It’s one thing for a woman to cry but a guy? Before the waitress took the drink order, cmon. I’m a counselor by trade… This was not good.

    Lily-oh wow! I was hoping this was the major match for you. But you don’t want to get hurt. I think I would have taken the shopping spree.

    Ok it’s killing me about two things on the blog. The meets. Are these where SBs just meet and hang out like sisters of a different cloth or do you actually have a chance to meet someone (SD).

    MiamiSD woke me up this morning wondering why I didn’t text him back.
    I think we’ve turned a corner. His concern is if he starts caring for me I might never meet him. He can’t come here right now because of business.

    Has anyone started an arrangement sans first meet?

    And whats the contract deal??

  249. ESB says:

    Thank you Lily. He was supposed to deposit the money in my account, not there yet. I have to leave to meet him shortly… I think that is why I am nervous… will he hold up his end of the arrangement? or will I get burned again?

  250. Lily says:

    FWB means Friends with Benefits

    MBR means Mutually Beneficial Relationship

    Good luck ESB!!!

  251. ESB says:

    Flo: I knew that!! Damn, brain stuck on pause today… Thanks for clearing that up for me!! LOL

  252. ESB says:

    Flo Rida: You are all the above. One amazing woman… I admire you!

    To fat and old? Define OLD? Some of these guys in their late 40’s think their money can buy them models in their 20’s, but their looks wont’ get them last years’ rejects. Should learn to seek in their own gene pool… wow, that was harsh!! Sorry!! But I think you know what I mean.

  253. Flo Rida says:

    ESB – FWB – friends with benefits – MBR – mutually beneficial relationship.

  254. Flo Rida says:

    Mandy – sounds like a casting call for a movie or a stage show – those are brutal and they do not hold back – probably the embodiment of ‘next’. Tell him a full body shot next to today’s New York Times would save him & everyone’s money.

    NYC SB – now here are the following things I could be: Hertz employee, Citigroup Infrastructure group, Sports investment banking, Runway model, Spy, Seinfeld writer, Tax accountant, Executive admin & Office Manager, Writer, Sports agent, Pilot. Also my nationality could be: English, German, American, Vietnamese, other Asian country, other European country, Cuban, other Latin American country I have enough cover stories, multiple layers deep – I scare myself BUT I know how to protect identity & also create false ones.

  255. ESB says:

    OK, My brain is in a fog… FWB/MBR What do they mean?

    I can not concentrate today. Meeting my SD this afternoon for our first time. I’m excited but NERVOUS!! I feel like a school girl going on her first date… which is so far from the truth!! NO butterflies, just simple nerves. I have NO idea why I am this time. Very strange for me.

  256. KittyL says:

    Hey Yaz

    FloRida: Yes, I over generalized

  257. yaz.....at work says:

    Wow….All the girls were too fat and too old? How about him being too picky?

  258. Mandy says:

    One sugar daddy told me he had over 80 girls travel to meet him and every single one was to fat and old. I find that hard to believe out of 80 girls !!!!! ( He was no looker himself, so I told him it looks like he missed his perfect matchs )

  259. Lily says:

    I’m left wondering if I’ll ever see eurosexy again. And you know, it’s ok if I do or if I don’t. He was wonderful, the trip was wonderful, and…. I refused the shopping spree because I liked him so much it took my breath away and I guess I don’t want an arrangement with him.

    I might want him to look me up someday if he’s ever single. Sigh. Not sure I really can handle an arrangement with anyone who really makes my heart skip a beat. Doesn’t seem to feel that way. Friends with benefits is great, I can do a MBR with a cool pal, but when my heart beats fast and my hands shake and I feel crazy attracted….. I find myself not wanting a relationship, but starting to romanticize and imagine a future and…….

    ahhhh thin skin. Sensitive heart. romantic nature. Can’t seem to valet my heart too well for sugar.

    Anyone else feel like this? I can have great sex with a FWB/MBR, but minus the butterflies-in-tummy. But god I love those butterflies.

  260. NYC SB says:

    Cleo – I agree it is all in the presentation… also I would much rather someone who has had an SB before and knows the ropes rather than someone who has never had one and is just trying out the lifestyle…

  261. cleo says:

    worried is a strong word, wondering anyway

  262. cleo says:

    nyc sb it’s all about the presentation isn’t it?

    one guy i met had married in his profile but he ISN’T – he does live with someone though.

    TLG never kills his profile whether he has an sb or not – but he isn’t looking he just knows these things are ephemeral

    i’m getting worried, TLG disappeared and isn’t answering email. he good? anyone know?

  263. Lisa on the good side of the freeway says:

    Ok parents are on bus to airport. Looks like I have the day to myself. I think i’ll walk over to the mall for a latte and some lunch.

    Have a good day everyone

  264. yaz.....at work says:

    Bonjour Sugars!!!! :-)

    How is everyone today?

  265. NYC SB says:

    FLO – aha! you work for NCIS… I watch the show lol

  266. Flo Rida says:

    NYC SB – In Rainmaker Matt Damon’s character says after a murder the killer has made 12 mistakes any one of which can lead to capture, Special Forces teams spend 6 months to a year in pre-operational readiness mode & spend 1-2 weeks in planning mode and seldom to missions go to plan. You shouldn’t worry about the amateur liar for he-she is easy to tell, you should worry about the skilled negotiator – liar who is skilled at covering his-her tracks.

    KittyL – the same works in reverse for SBs who’ve been on this site for 1-2 years, or IRL people unmarried in their 30s or 40s – you are not married ERGO you are unmarriable – what’s wrong with you. I don’t think you can say that someone who’s been on site number of years is fake – what you should ask is ‘tell me, if you’re comfortable, your experiences in the Sugar bowl – what has worked and what hasn’t & let’s see if we’re a fit’ and from that discussion you’ll learn a lot

    Still under cover not working for a government agency with three letters in its name.

  267. NYC SB says:

    My issue is not with them searching all the time… but rather lying about it… I get emails from people that “just joined” or are “new to SA” and their profile number starts with a 1 or a 2… sorry buddy but you have been around the block a few times… this is a red flag for me

  268. Lisa on the good side of the freeway says:

    Good morning everyone

    Beautiful day here. Going over to parents to get them ready to leave for their trip soon

  269. KittyL says:

    Shoogar: You have a point. My over generalizing does lead to closed-mindedness

  270. KittyL says:

    KittyL: “…Now, there are lot of SDs that finds someone, spends a period of time with them, have the arrangement not work out and go back on the prowel.”

    I meant that I can understand that they search for awhile… then finds someone so goes off searching then back on…

  271. KittyL – Yes, he is actually always in full search mode. He has a theory he follows that works for him. He has a constant pipeline of pot SBs; should one of his SBs under contract not work out. I think the “pipeline” theory could be the same for many SDs. Truth is, many SB/SD relationships are short-lived. And the way I see it, the SD is either going to become weary of the constant exchange or keep his profile up and continue seeking. This is why I preach to SBs about not checking if their SD (or pot SD, for that matter) continues logging in. The constant quest for that perfect sugar relationship is part of the game. This is my opinion only, of course.

  272. KittyL says:

    Shoogar: Would you say this SD is in full search mode at all times? I guess it will be difficult to generalize that because a SD always has a profile up that he is definitely actively searching

  273. KittyL – I know of a genuine SD who has been on the site for 2 years. Reason being, he generally has multiple SBs at a time and each one is given an arrangement contract for a length of time. His approach is probably an anomaly though.

  274. KittyL says:

    *sigh*… forgot to close my bold… Need to review before post.. Sorry

  275. KittyL says:

    After a gagillion hrs of Blog catching-up and got nothing out of it…

    Sincere: Wrt to your stats: Your statistics have once again confirmed my suspicion that there are a lot of SDs out there are aren’t looking for an “arrangement.” Maybe it is easier to look for something like a quick lay or a “pay-per-play” type transaction. If the ratio for SD:SB is like 100:1* (*Sincere please insert the exact stat here) then theorically, it shouldn’t take 2 yrs to find this special someone. Now, there are lot of SDs that finds someone, spends a period of time with them, have the arrangement not work out and go back on the prowel. But I have observed many MANY to have been on continuously for 2 years. Why is that??

  276. Flo Rida says:

    NewLatinSugar & Dimplez – it has to be either pics or profiles – if you search the archives for either of these you’ll get plenty of advice. If you want to link your profile by copying into the ‘website’ section of the text entry then people can also look & give advice.

    Shoogar – ich verstehe, allez klar (german for I understand, all clear)

  277. I meant Military slang terms, not Vietnamese…

  278. Morning, all. Just my quick morning ‘drive-by’ before I get busy with work!

    Flo – I can see you wrote out the Vietnamese language phonetically, but toi khong biet (pronounced: “toy kohng bee-ech”). Translation: I don’t understand. You said something about being pretty and by use of “em” addressed me as being significantly younger than you, which I doubt I am. Sadly, I am more familiar now with Vietnamese slang terms that evolved from the Vietnam War, such as “lima charlie” (loud and clear) and “fubar” (can’t type that one out, but you know). I spoke fluent Vietnamese until about the age of 8. I’m sure if I enrolled in classes it would all come back to me as I do believe we store everything from childhood years and onward into some sort of memory bank. Good and bad thing, I suppose. Chào. (prounounced: “jow”)

  279. Michael AZSD says:

    Can’t sleep, so cruising the blog. Anybody else here?

    Hey Texassugah – this has happened to me, twice. Both times happened on the first time we got together in person to talk, both were contacts from SA.

    The first time we were chatting very easily, and tears started to run down her face. Turned out it was an anniversary of a previous major relationship, and it was actually a really good ice-breaker for both of us, as we very quickly got deep in discussion about relationships and bonded quite well. We saw each for a few months.

    The second time was again on a first date. Again, started talking about relationships, tears started flowing. The pot SB was in a world of hurt from a previous relationship, was having trouble managing and making life decisions, and then started discussing her therapist. All in the first 30 minutes. Gorgeous looking woman, but just had ‘high-maintenance’ written all over her. Easy decision not to pursue that relationship!

  280. NewLatinSugar says:

    Same thing is happening with me. Hmmmm…I think I need some advice.

  281. AdrianeSB says:

    Good morning/night everyone!

    I love reading this blog, with or without the “useless banter”, there’s always good tips for eveyone and the general feeling is friendly. I lurk most of the time, probably because I search my sugar from different forums in my home country, but I’m addicted to the blog anyway :) It’s kinda comforting to know that I’m not alone in this lifestyle.

    I have no restrictions for commenting on my blog, hoping someone would actually comment on my ramblings 😀

  282. Dimplezddd78 says:

    I am new to all of this. I am not getting any responses and I don’t know why. What am i doing wrong.

  283. Beach_Girl says:

    Shoogar Elegant Shoes~ LOL good night!

  284. Flo Rida says:

    Shoogar – em kweh (spelling) khong? em dep lam, em tich OC khong? Bao nhieu dienh? Mai yer (spelling)? That’s about the limit of my Vietnamese – I dated a Vietnamese guy IRL, almost married him but not quite. De ngooh de, met lam.

  285. G’night, beach girl beach. (Just felt you needed three names too…) :)

  286. Beach_Girl says:

    Nite OC
    Nite Shoo elegant sugar

  287. Beach_Girl says:

    OC~ you’re the one making the changes, just makes me laugh!

  288. Yes, I’m off too. Good night, Sugars. :)

  289. OC – I, personally, enjoyed your PEEP show avatar the most. Oh, and stuffing the handbag before spraying it is to prevent it from getting wrinkles. Botox for handbags. Ha.

    TexasSugah – Wow. Hard to know how to respond to the pot SD crying without knowing the why. Not asking though – I’m sure it’s personal. Well, you must have made him feel comfortable enough to let that floodgate open. He probably needed it.

  290. TexasSugah says:

    Evening sugars….

    A late nite.. just thinking about getting some pampering done tomorrow. I had a sugar date tonight.

    WOW.. during dinner he started to cry. Yes, cry. I was like, ” You need to talk to someone.” I was.. concerned.

    Next, I haven’t heard from NYCSD, but that’s normal. We’re supposed to meet next week.

    Miami SD mentioned an allowance today so the elephant is out of the closet. He may be the winner simply by being first. LOL

    Crying on a date.. is that a first?

    Night all

  291. OC – I see a blonde girl, wispy bangs, red lips and goggles?

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      I changed the masked Blonde to Samantha from Sex and the City.. I get bored quickly with them.

      Where’s Anne SB? She must be busy fighting off those NY SD’s. Her New profile is on FI-ya!

  292. Beach_Girl says:

    OC~ what posting episode? what happened?

  293. You probably already know this, OC, but be sure to stuff the bag fully with tissues and spray with leather protectant spray and don’t use anything on it that contains oil, waxes or silicones.

    Does this post fall into the “I woke up and ate a banana” category?

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Good Tips on the bag Shoo. OC and white clothing are a mess waiting to happen. But I will break it out and think of the wonderful generous (all knowing SD) that bought it for me. Yes, no hand cream or lipstick to ever be placed inside of it.

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        Tears of joy? Doesn’t sound like he is ready for the sugar thing? Sorry TexasSug.
        Miami May be a better choice. And NO I did not see him in the closet with the elephant :)

        Beach! You have to stop spell checking my posts. haha
        I am ready for sugar dreams, nighty night and better tomorrows :)

  294. Beach_Girl says:

    HA you were trying to type to fast girl, you did it again lol bad .. bag!

  295. Beach_Girl says:

    oh you changed it OC, S Hitty to S Hiddy! HA

  296. Ha ha ha! You are a witty one, OC!

    OH, and thanks cleo and ESB for approving of my epic novels!

    Flo – See, even with triple bypass surgery, Vietnamese blood just doesn’t give up until 80’s and beyond. I credit Pearl Cream. By the way, I have forgotten the language. But still understand it enough to know the ladies at the nail salon are talking about me.

  297. Great story, OC. What a fabulous surprise! What will you be doing with your GUCCI pennies now? Why do I feel a rap song coming on?

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Shoo hmm don’t know what I will put my pennies towards. I am such a saver! He laughs at me all the time about that.
      Ohhh the bag is soooo beautiful and soft and WHITE of all colors. Crap, I am almost afraid to use it!

  298. Elegant = Shoogar = Ele = Elle = ME.

    For those not in the KNOW.

    Maybe I should just become Shoo Diddy? or S. Diddy? Or the blogger formerly known as….?

  299. Flo Rida says:

    Escape Artist – if you google ‘Flo Rida – paper – turned over – I don’t’ you’ll see an old archived blog on how I discussed ‘arrangement’ in person. i’m too lazy to re-write it. Hope it helps.

    Elegant – me banter, moir, ich, hush you crazy girl! Seriously though I met the first author of a Vietnamese-English translation disctionary – he lived in Houston – he eventually had triple heart bypass surgery & died in his 80s(?). Interesting man. Spearately sorry about the ‘Man U’ row I don’t even like football BUT my cover story does and in spy school you have to ‘live’ your cover to be credible.

    NYC SB – Midwest – i’ll email you both Monday.

    OC – I thought I was you and i’m still in the closet. I borrowed ‘gods’ from Eton College where senior students had privileges including wearing whatever waistcoats they wishes. Btw the only women students & Eton in my day are Master’s daughters & my father was not a master. I went to Roedean in Susex (names changed of course).

  300. Ah, OC, I see. Thank you for clearing that up. I wondered as I do recognize my posts can be a bit lengthy at times, not always with purpose and sometimes filled with superfluous wording. <— case in point.

    cleo – I am discussing rooming with a tentative SB attendee so will be splitting the cost of hotel accommodations. I don’t think any of us are looking for 5 star, but something safe, (meaning no entry from the outside type of place), clean and maybe within walking distance or short cab ride to the event venue?

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Shoo I love your big words. We actually had some fun with that several decades ago on the blog. One of my favorite SD’s SFO SD always kept us entertained. Too bad he has not made it back to the blog in a few months. He is missed!

      In sugar news, I had a great time with my sugar friend (SB) we went shopping. Go figure!
      I have been saving my sugar pennies to buy this new GUCCI bag I have wanted since Christmas. But lo and behold when I went purchase it I was told it was already paid for. Dang he out smarted me again! Now how in the heck did he know I was going to go into THAT exact GUCCI store? I told him he must have a device planted on me somewhere! He won’t admit it but I think he had a security guard lurking to keep us safe. Which was just another act of kindness he so thoughfully does. It is a big bad ugly world out there and it is nice to know someone was keeping both of us from harms way.

  301. cleo says:

    you guys what kind of hotel do you want? are we talking days inn? marriot?? four seasons? everyone at the same place?

    please don’t really use names on here, email me names but discuss qualities. thanks :)

    may first… that weekend, formal meet saturday :)

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Shoo, no my sweet sugar sister. Big words meaning no foul or potty mouth words! lol That was a saying from the blog back in the beginning.
      Big words do not mean or elude to epic novels :)

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Lisa you never said what you and your fabulous new SD bought for your apartment! I offered up New Fluffy Bath towls
      They seemed fitting since you love your long splashy time in the tub. Sweet Dreams Miss Lisa Lou!

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        NYC SB and Mandy you both have a good point. I totally get the part of not wanting to feel excluded. That SUCKS! lol Mandy you should have seen the mess the blog became about 7 months ago. Yikes it was like the diary of a mad woman. Kind of like… “I woke up this morning and I ate a banana then I …” you get the picture.

  302. cleo says:

    hey if anyone still talks to CdnGent i may have met his event planner/EA … tell him to email me if he is still looking…

  303. cleo says:

    Michael anyone from the blog is welcome, feel free to bring your sb (i think you have one?)

    email me at torontosugarmeet at gmail dot com.

    as to who is going?

    taz, midwest, me, shoogar, beach, five to seven other sb’s and three or four sd’s but i only believe like 2 of them :)

  304. Beach_Girl says:

    Woo Hoo Toronto Meet may 1st…
    Can’t wait… who is going by the way?

  305. Midwest says:

    Hi Yaz!

    Michael – I believe one or two SDs are planning to go, I’m sure you would be welcome to join us. I can’t speak to how many there are total, but it should be a fun group based on who I know will be there.

  306. Michael AZSD says:

    Hey Cleo – is the Toronto meet on May 1st for SBs only? How many people are you expecting?

  307. Yaz says:

    Hi y’all! :-)

  308. Midwest says:

    Cleo – Yeah! I’m so excited. I’ll try to take a half day on Fri and get there sooner. I think one of the Indy ladies will be joining me, so I want to see what her schedule will allow.

  309. Lisa on the good side of the freeway says:

    Good evening everyone.

    Got my parents ready for their trip tomorrow. They’re leaving in the morning but their flight doesn’t leave till late afternoon.

    Off tomorrow, not sure if i’ll see sd tomorrow since I can’t see him this friday. Going to sleep late in the morning to get my hour back, I was a walking zombie most of the day at work, now i’m waking up

  310. cleo says:

    taz: yes you are, but i’ve had you on my mental list all along

    several lurkers are coming which should be cool

  311. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    I hope I am one of those recent emailers cleo 😀

  312. ESB says:

    SincereSD: interesting stats… kinda scary you found all that out.. how do you have enough time?

    I’m off to dream land… I just hope I can sleep.. I’m a little anxious about tomorrow. Hope you all have a great night. Sugar HUGS!!

  313. cleo says:

    Okay the toronto meet is officially the weekend of may 1st, specific times and locations to be determined privately.

    friday night we will gather informally and do something silly like karaoke

    saturday night we’ll go out for a nice dinner in a private room (somewhere we can all afford and do keep those restaurant suggestions coming!) and then on to a lounge or whatever suits the mood if a lounge isn’t it. i do have a place in mind :)

    i owe a couple of recent emailers an email but everyone else should have been contacted, i’ll send a formal notice of date tomorrow!

  314. cleo says:

    shooger i thoroughly approve of your novels :)

    and well said

  315. ESB says:

    Good evening Sugar family!!

    SS: <3! I love your epic novels.. they are full of wisdom and advice and always good advice, not blowing hot air up your own skirt!

  316. Geez, when you’re typing in this little box, you don’t realize it’s going to be an epic novel once you submit it. :/

  317. SincereSD – I’m not impressed. Embed some colorful pie charts and bar graphs then you will be speaking my language! Hey, was that your way of calling me a GEEK, by the way? Why, thank you. :)

    When I had a profile, I always conducted advance searches with a particular age/income range, so I never ran into the younger SDs. Well, there was one. He found my profile and wrote me (he was mid-20’s) and actually was able to prove his wealth (offline). He wanted an older SB because his intelligence level wasn’t compatible with women his age. He tried the younger ones and said those arrangements failed miserably.

    OC – Last year I flew from one coast to the other via Virgin and it was my first time in the air with Internet. Instead of sleeping during the five hour flight (as I originally planned) I was online the ENTIRE time. I hadn’t discovered the SA sugar blog yet, but I’m sure I would have been a blogging maniac so probably a good thing.

    Also, I can’t help but to feel the big words comment might/could be directed at me. I am not meaning any harm by it, I swear. I have met 2 bloggers in person and they can confirm I speak in the EXACT same way that I write. Growing up, my two favorite books were the Dictionary and Thesaurus. I was new to U.S. soil, Vietnamese was my first language and I was about to begin school where I was going to be the only ethnically challenged amongst my peers. This was in an area and time where “my type” was picked on and often viewed as being ignorant. My dad told me equipping myself with a large vocabulary would be the best weapon I could carry with me. His words, “the pen is mightier than the sword” still ring in my ears from time to time.

    I enjoy the bantering on the blog. I know Flo and I are especially guilty of doing this, but again, it isn’t meant to be harmful or annoying. It’s just fun. Flo keeps me on my toes. If I see two other bloggers with this same type of exchange, I am not annoyed by it, I just view it as being something I’m not in on and they are having their own fun. No harm intended.

    Something I learned in life when I become upset, angry or annoyed is to ask myself this question, “was the action delivered with malicious intent?” If the answer is no, I have no reason to be upset and it is my responsibility only to dissolve that negative emotion.

    I like this blog. Glad I found it. It is obviously enjoyable, otherwise, I would have opted out long ago. I’m not obligated in any way to stay here. Plus, it is only a very, very small percentage of my life. (-SincereSD steps in to compile a pie chart now-) But, a social interaction I enjoy very much.


  318. cleo says:

    nycsb yeah i totally agree that any forum needs someone to be in control, and thus of course there will always be disagreements about how sensitive the trigger finger should be *grin*

    i saw this great old whale gun today at the antique market… lovely :)
    Midwest: D) live with their parents
    e) play sports professionally

  319. Midwest says:

    SincereSD – Interesting stats…again!

    As for the young men, I always assume that either a) they inherited their wealth b) internet success or 3) lying their a**** off! Since they are not of my interest anyway, I don’t pay too much attention to them.

    I’m curious about the serial sds myself. It leaves a lot to the imagination. Hmmmmm.

  320. SincereSD says:

    Argh, I need to do a better job of proofreading. I meant RENEW instead of REVIEW.

  321. SincereSD says:

    Shoogar Shoes says: Whachoutalkinboutestrogenfest???

    Hey Shoogar, just between us girls, have you noticed the following commonality in SD profiles. :-p

    – Serial membership: My SB tells me that the many of orange SD profiles are serial premium members. I’m guessing that 60% of the premium SD review their membership on a consistent basis, maybe taking a couple weeks off here and there. There’s a breakdown of the SD membership for a selected area by tenure on SA:

    Member # Percentage of total
    0-100,000 6.7%
    100k-200k 17%
    200k-300k 22.6%
    300k-400k 30.1%
    400k+ 23.6%

    – Length of search: Surprisingly, over half the SD’s have been members and have been looking for over 2 years. Which begs the question, are they looking for a casual hookup or are they serious about finding a SB. With the ratios of SB:SD approaching 10:1, it can’t be that hard to find a SB with the right balance of chemistry and expectation.

    – Phooey or real: You can be the judge but are there really that many mutli-millionaires and do they all somehow end up on SA? One wonders how someone who is in their mid 20’s or early thirties can amass that much wealth, especially when they can’t spell or take the time to fill out more than 2 lines in their profile.

    Just some food for discussion at your next estrogenfest! 👿

  322. Mandy says:

    I think when people post about things that the rest of us know nothing about and are not in on the big secret, then yes, it is very annoying to be made to feel left out when you can keep that kinda stuff to email.

  323. NYC SB says:

    OC – sorry I was not making myself very clear… I agree that mods are needed. Case and point, even though my blog is unprotected and I dont delete any comments… unless a fellow sb leaves her email on there because I dont want my blog linked to anything happening to this woman if her email got in the wrong hands… so I definitely understand that part :)

    What I was trying to say is that the personal touch of this blog makes it feel unlike any other blog… if we cut out all of the personal banter the blog would quickly turn boring (for me at least)… hope you and your lovely sugar pie honey bun are doing great 😀

  324. NYC SB says:

    is should have been isnt… cant type today

  325. NYC SB says:

    OC and Mandy – while I somewhat agree with you on having personal banter off blog is that the sole reason why we are so addicted to the blog? Great advice from great sugar friends who make the blog experience personal… at least that is why I keep on coming back on the blog …

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Ok, so why don’t you open your blog for full unmoderated comments? Not poking at you NYC SB but I was thinking you would understand the need for SA to assist with keeping some guidlines. Your beautiful blog is so helpful! I would never imagine wanting it to be a chat room or a clique that is password protected.
      Loved your last post btw. I read it to my sugar and he is a fan! :)

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        I am OC and I am OUT of the Blog closet and it
        feels G O O D
        Whoa I better watch my sugar for signs of addiction. Nah he is too
        busy to become addicted. Wait, that is what I said in the beginning!
        Stephan can we put a passwork on this sucker to keep my sugar from
        catching the blog fever? LOL

  326. SincereSD says:

    To add to the list above on the blog topic:

    Common Expectations: Monthly Allowance, Intimacy, Appearances, Punctuality

    While i don’t need a monthly allowance, I also look for the following:
    – Chemistry: someone once said chemistry is the fine line that justify a sugar relationship. Personally I find it hard to be intimate with someone who is faking it or not into me.
    – Respect: I’ll treat my Sb with total respect and I expect the same from her
    – Dates: Agreement on the number of dates and when

  327. ESB says:

    Opps, thought I said this, edited with the typo’s… I am feeling more and more like me and less and less like the victim I allowed myself to become. My light is shining through!! I knew I’d be back, fell down that rabbit hole and just couldn’t find my way back out. I’m getting there.. as soon as the bills are caught up, I’ll be walking in sunshine, and all will be right with my world! :)

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      SSSD you should be use to the personalities by now! Plus in my own defense, you know that I play best with others who are on the playground to truly help and share sugar ups and downs. My sunny disposition gets pushed to it’s limits with those who make you play kick ball with your hands tied behind your back. However I should know better by now that those sugars come and go on the blog. The estrogen gets the best of me sometimes with that scenario. My bad. I have enjoyed seeing you take a stance towards some sugars. Hehe you are always the Victor! Love that!

      Wi-Fi a go-go is so fun. A must have on a private plane. Sugar’n at 20k feet! Now if I can only talk my Sugar into installing Karaoke. I really need to talk him into buying more planes! My industry needs the boost in revenue. Not to mention I love knowing the latest and greatest technology before it is out to market :)

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        On a more personal note…
        I came clean yesterday with my Sugar about the blog. He was not
        fazed by my participation at all. Very sweet man! He completes me.
        However he did say he could tell when I had been on the internet
        and it had frustrated me. (I thought I could hide that part).
        We both agree that being a blog advisor (god, mod or whatever you
        choose to call it) has not been fun over the past few months.
        As I stated earlier, I will not be passing on emails any longer. Just gonna sugar blog when
        I feel the urge which will not change. No need to group me in your mod attacks!
        Here comes the harsh words I am sure… Please be kind to the SA folks, they work hard to
        keep this place a clean and un-Craig’s List like venue. Meaning link and email free not to mention
        people using their big words.
        I enjoy helping new Sugars with their profiles or assisting with getting their profile approved in less than
        two hours! Yep! Nice to have Friends in high places.
        I will no longer feel uncomfortable or fear agreeing with someone
        like Mandy who last night asked those having lengthy one to one convo’s to take them off-line. No one wants to
        create blog clog! I fear no more :)
        Love you all for your understanding LOL

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        Nope not done yet. Thought of something else that shows my love for
        this silly thing we call the sugar family blog…
        Imagine if you will creating a sugar blog (some of you may be able to
        visualize this with complete clarity) and you open it to the public.
        Your intentions are to have this amazing sugar spot for new and old sugars
        to share their thoughts ideas and vent about sugar life.
        Now you sit back and watch it evolve. From time to time it has graffiti
        sprayed all over it. But you clean it up and it goes back to Sugarific.
        Then it is voted as a group to become a blog of the people and it takes on
        a feel of emails and links being posted and passed like the flying Wollenda’s.
        New sugars are left in the dust of rapid posts about cooking and daily routines.
        I ask those of you with your own personal sugar blogs; Open your comments for all to post without moderation. Let it flow with what comes to mind in the moment. Which I
        must say it is fun to be non sugar silly but when it goes to the extreme it loses it’s sweetness.

        With that being said, sugar is sugar is sugar and respect for the blog and its creators
        is to me just being respectful of a sugar arrangement. It is mutually beneficial…
        I can’t imagine my coming to the blog and not having NC GENT being the first to say hello and assist
        me with my sugar dilemma. It opened my world! Thank you NC :)
        My point is caring and sharing is what this blog started off as. Sugarific is what I hope it stays as…

        Turbulence, perfect because flying and blog’ing just makes me a blog hog! Enough on this for now :)

  328. Midwest says:

    Hi Photo! Thanks!

    NC Gent – My knee is still a little sore from my first skiing expedition *sigh*. I’ll try it again nex year though!

    Off for a bit.

  329. ESB says:

    SS and Midwest: <3!!

    I am getting NOTHING done today. OK, not entirely true, doing wash, did the dishes, drying nails as I type… but just don't feel like moving much further than the key board… but I am content. biggest problem is… I just want to keep eating!! AArrgggg.. so gotta loose that last 6 lbs. it may not sound like much, but there is sits on my thighs screaming inthe mirror everytime I look.

    Estrogen fest… giggle.. what, in here? Nah… no idea what you are talking about! 😛

  330. NC Gent says:

    Hi SSSD — I appreciate a good estrogen fest now and then :) I have come to learn that women’s aggression takes on many different masks, whereas most men seem to have one mode of attack :)

    Hi Photogirl – good to see you.

    Midwest — I hope to get in some skiing before the season ends, hopefully some time next week.

  331. Midwest says:

    NC Gent – Sounds like you need a fishing break soon. Get that work done so you can give yourself a little R and R.

    OC – I’ll send a few.

    SSSD – Very good point. Personally, I love the blog when it is people genuinely sharing great advice and gentle criticisms.

  332. photogirl says:

    Good afternoon everyone!

    Escape Artist and Valencia – You will find you’ll receive great feedback from the sd/sb’s here. Welcome!

    Midwest – New photos :) Good for you!

    OC – Glad you had a wonderful weekend!

    Shoo – It really is a beautiful day here! Much needed weather :)

  333. SSSD says:

    Estrogen fests are fine when taken in moderate doses. 😉

    More specifically, they are fine when the women in question are in good moods. If and when it turns in certain ways, men, oft mistaken as primary aggressors quickly learn where aggression really lives…

  334. NC Gent says:

    Heya Midwest – hugs — I am working and lurking but mainly working…. ughhhhh

  335. Midwest says:

    NC Gent – That’s why your presence helps even thing out a bit :-) Good morning/ afternoon to you!

    Hi OC! Got some new pics…so excited!

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Midwest new pics! Whoohoo.
      I would love to see them. Haha since you saw mine :)
      Need to sign off, my flight is leaving. Fabulous weekend with
      a blog SB. Lot’s of laughs and martini’s but huh, no
      headache. Which is always a GOOD thing!

  336. AdrianeSB says:

    midwest, thank you :) Yes that site is way too addicting, just like playing with Barbie dolls 😀

  337. NC Gent says:

    Good afternoon SS — you ALWAYS make me giggle :)

    Hi OC ** hugs **

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Hola NC Gent! Yes, yes even the Estrogen Fest gets to me from time to time.
      Thanks for the Hug, great way to start my day :)

  338. Wha…??? Quiet, NC Gent! Whachoutalkinboutestrogenfest??? Oh no, he di’nt!! Beeyotch. (Two snaps and a full-circle!) Ha ha. Good afternoon to you, my friend and you KNOW I’m kidding.

    Out to enjoy the sun now.

    Have a fabulous day, all!

  339. NC Gent says:

    Afternoon all — sprung forward I guess – almost said good morning. It is nice to see some more (and gentlemanly) SDs on the site. Sometimes, even the “estrogen fest” even gets to me…..

  340. Hi everyone,

    Just popping in for a second then out the door. The weather is splendidly gorgeous today so I must go bask in it!!

    ESB – you ARE glowing! Wow. Congratulations on everything!

    Midwest – you have mail.

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Escape Artist welcome! Oh dear you do not need to wonder the archives as someone earlier posted. Ask your questions and I or the other experienced Sugars will be happy to answer you.
      To answer your first question…
      “How to bring up the arrangement expectations”
      First, you need to have a VERY clear set of expectations
      for yourself. With that said, you also need to have the
      flexibility to fit into or around the person you meet and have
      chemistry with. Know what you hope to find or goals that you
      would like to accomplish with sugar dating. Write them down,
      Stay them aloud. Formulate a plan in which to meet them.
      When to bring it up? That is a comfort level decision. First, you must
      see if there is chemistry. I would never consider talking about the
      financial aspect before even meeting. However, I would bring up
      other expectations like traveling to meet, asking his expectations
      (minus the financial) is a great way to draw out a few of his
      must have’s or not have’s.
      Again, welcome and pull up a chair and ask your questions! ~OC

  341. Midwest says:

    ESB – You are positively GLOWING! I’m so happy for you!

    Michael – you are a kind and wise gentleman…nice to meet you!

    Cleo – Those men who don’t follow up with you don’t deserve you! There is going to be one, very special SD who makes you swoon, appreciates who you are and enjpys everything about you.

    Escape Artist – what are your specific questions. Hopefully, we can help you out!

    AdrienneSB- I peeked at your blog today…love it! I really like the website with the outfits and backgrounds…very cool.

  342. ESB says:

    I am off to get BG. She is all excited about something, so it’s going to be non-stop chatter on the drive back from her friends. Kinda nice to have that.

    My one pot just asked me to come see him this week.. hmm.. not sure what to do. I should be working, but since that is falling apart, I’m going to give it some thought. I think I might want to talk to him a bit more before driving to see him.. I’d much rather he come to me… really don’t want to make THAT mistake again. He can’t stop working, but would have time for me on and off during the day, but I think we need to talk more about what is expected… I’m really justs thinking out loud here. My trip to AZ was such a disaster, I’m really thinking now this is really not a good idea. Thanks for hearing my thoughts. :) LOL Sometimes I get over eager for something, don’t really think it through.. OCD!! yea, def going to give this more thought.. Be back later… Have fun!!

  343. ESB says:

    Good Morning sugar family!! Its finally stopped raining here in eastern MD. YEAH!! I missed my morning jog, already took my shower, but maybe this evening I’ll venture out…

    I am meeting with my new SD to start the arrangement tomorrow. I’ve been chatting with my 2 pots on and off the last 2 days, and feel like I can take on the world. Attitude has so much to do with how your actual life is. I believe I am successful, therefor, I AM!! 😉

    I’m loving all the wonderful advice everyone is giving to our new “sister” Bravo!! Valencia, come back here often, be a sponge, learn from our mistakes, and move forward with confidence! Men loves curves, and women in all sizes and ages… I think I’m the oldest here.. in my 40’s, and I am finallly finding success. I have found some wonderful men who don’t want to stand out in the crowd for being seen with women 20-30 years their Jr. All 3 of the guys I’m talking with are my age, or a few years in either direction. There is someone for everyone… go find yours!!

  344. Michael AZSD says:

    Cleo – thank you.

    I think that certain something also starts to develop with age, maturity and experience. by way of example, I met the most stunning 60 y.o woman through a school related event recently – yes, she was moderately good looking in the traditional sense, but she glowed from within, and very clearly had a very strong sense of who she was, what she wanted from the world. And that came across in the way she carried herself, they way she interacted with everybody – from kids upwards – and the gentleness she had. She knew what she wanted and wasn’t going to take any b.s. from anybody, but all in a very gentle way. She had all the 40 y.o. guys following her around!! very funny to watch.

    I don’t know how to define it but I certainly know it when I find it.

    Don’t believe the intimidation thing. Maybe when you were younger, but certainly not now.

    Anyway, off to the gym, then brunch with some friends. Back later.

  345. Midwest says:

    Good morning! How wonderful to sleep with the windows open and wake up to birds singing! Yes!!!

    Valencia – You have received lots of great advice! Many of our curvy ladies on the blog have recently met wonderful SDs. I’m 42 and have a few curves myself. It really is all in your attitude. Men are visual creatures and many of them appreciate the femininity a woman brings them…soft skin, ample breasts, hips to put their arms around *sigh*. Embrace the woman in you and celebrate her. Always keep your comments positive about your features when you are exchanging conversation. If he should say something durogatory, reply with some flirty, sweet self-complimentary statement.

    Confidence is sexy!

    We all want something different!

    I’ll just bet he’s a little nervous about meeting this woman who is intelligent, funny, attractive and ready to be his new sb. :-)

    As for your suit, can you button up with something sweet underneath, then reveal the inner goddess when it’s time for dinner? All the other tips will take you from day to night very easily.

  346. cleo says:

    MichaelAZSD: i really like your vibe sir. i was just about to amen your post to valencia when i read your post to me. i like that, your every comment is a wish to the universe.

    that said, it’s not just click. i’ve had plenty of ‘click’ dates where they never followed up. you are correct that you must be divorced from the outcome – i’m learning that… but there’s something else. some indefineable something that has some women fighting them off and some fighting for attention…

    and it has nothing to do with looks. i was far more “beautiful” than the “hottest” girl i went to college with but i got much less attention. i’m considering believing the intimidation thing people keep telling me… but it feels like a crock :)

    [i mean really, why is a 5’11, statuesque, muscles covered in curves, ridiculously intelligent, sharp and funny and confident, could have been a model if noses were in when she was a teenager *laugh that was supposed to be funny*, multilingual woman intimidating?]

    i did finally get it though, i get male attention, i just get it after i leave the room! i’m always hearing from my friends about the reactions after i go.
    Escape Artist it is… we’ve talked about a lot of it, if you don’t get immediate answers you could wander the archives.
    everyone: maybe we should make that faq…

  347. Escape Artist says:

    Hello to all,

    This is new to me and I am wondering how you best accept or discuss, bring up the arrangement expectations. Is this a place to talk about those questions? Have had a few responses and wondering how to move forward.

  348. AdrianeSB says:

    valencia, you already have gotten excellent answers and I say amen to them all. And you’re not old, I’m 38 and curvy, and have no trouble finding interested pots. Being yourself and confident is the key. I meet the pots usually for lunch, so they will see me in my work attire first. I think that’s a good thing actually, as they’ll see you can dress properly and how you carry yourself in public. Good luck with the date :)

  349. Michael AZSD – I think women (myself included, at times) do tend to be over-thinkers when it comes to men. We often forget your requests are truly quite simple. BTW, loved your comment on my blog regarding SBs taking initiative AND the spending money on shoes and clothes comment. Ha ha. I laugh, but I agree. I am happy to buy my own shoes and clothes (which I do) and would rather use the funds towards a future that will enable me to continue doing so and to possibly one day be able to surprise my SD (whether we were still together or not) with a gift that I now could not financially provide.

  350. Valencia,

    I just worked on a project with Spanx! They have a very cute body shaper called “Bod-a-bing” that looks great under suits. It is a stylish, v-neck mesh tank that slims and trims all the right places. Would look great with a black skirt (show your legs!). This black tank worn with a black skirt can almost look like an evening dress once you remove your jacket. I am sure you are allowed to carry a purse, right? Throw in a stylish necklace (v-necks are perfect for necklaces large or small) and you now have a daytime turned evening outfit!

  351. Michael AZSD says:

    Thanks Shoogar – it’s just what I believe. We all want a connection, not just eye candy. If you can connect on an emotional level, it is just great.

    Trust me, us guys are easy. Just be confident, fun to be with, be using your brain, be honest, and are comfortable with yourself. The rest will follow.

    As you said in yr post, ‘Feel beautiful inside, darling, and it will seep through.” The inner beauty is just so obvious to the whole world, and sometimes even to us men.

  352. valencia says:

    @cleo : Thanks. Self- deprecation isn’t HOT, even I was the cutest gal out there. I should work on that. I guess I’m a jaded from past experiences regarding my lbs.

    @michael : Thank you. You’re right. If I was nearly as much confident in my appearance, than I am with how I can hold up a conversation, then maybe just maybe I’d really be amazing.
    After 15 years of not seeing her and you’re dreaming of her, that’s awesome. What a lucky woman to be thought of that way. Chemistry is where it’s at.
    Good words to end with.

    @Texassugah : Thank you. Yeah, his loss, but it still stings. I’ll be in the plain ol’ white blouse and black suit number. I actually went to sephora today to get some blotting papers and non frizz crème. I’m from texas too, btw.

    @shoogarshoes : Thanks. What do you think pant suit or skirt? I have both. I’ll be wearing a spanx top lol to keep my breast squashed down the entire week, for a more professional look. They, the group I’m travelling want nothing more than your face and hands showing and anything not button below the neck is “trashy”. That being said, I’m not sure I can take a cami with me or have a place to change shirts since I’m not allow to carry a bag. I’m very restricted and whatever fits into my padfolio is all I can take with my during the workday. The SD is going to think I’m a mortician lol :(

  353. Michael AZSD – great response to Valencia. Hearing all of that from a SD rather than SB somehow gives it more power.

  354. Valencia,

    There are ways you can transform your day suit into evening wear. Will it be a pant suit or skirt suit? Wear a silk cami underneath the suit, possibly with peekaboo lace trim (classy not trashy style). If you are top heavy, make sure you are wearing the right size so it doesn’t appear as though you squeezed into the top. Also, exchanging the jacket for a fitted 3/4 length sweater over the cami will give it more of an evening look. Go from your office shoes to sexy sling back stilettos or peep toe pumps, depending on whether or not you are going with pants or a skirt. Freshen up your makeup and voila! Feel beautiful inside, darling, and it will seep through.

  355. Michael AZSD says:

    Cleo –
    re yr post re Valencia – amen. Every thought is prayer. Be careful what you say, the universe hears every thought and every word.

  356. TexasSugah says:

    Valencia- you’re not older. I’m 36 and feel like I’m still young.
    I know that you’re worried about size, that was my deal. I have a couple of serious potSDs and they aren’t concerned.

    Tonight I chatted with a local potSD that I just met. He was worried that I was too thin. If you’ve exchanged pictures don’t worried. Like my buddies say” no vale la pena”. It’s not worth it.

    On your clothes, take a cami with you. One that’s meant to wear under suits. Or a nice blouse so you can whisk off your jacket. Make sure you can refresh your make up and hair.

    The most important thing is your convo.

    You’ll do fine.

  357. Beach_Girl says:

    Hey Sugars!

    Don’t forget move the clock ahead tonight… YAY spring is finally here!! 😀

    Cleo~ did you finally get a date for the TO meet?
    May 7th is not good for me, the sunday is mothers days,
    May 21st is our long weekend.. Not good for me either, I work
    let me know when you figure it out!

    Good night Sugars!

  358. Michael AZSD says:

    Hey Valencia

    It’s all in the mind. The sexiest woman I ever met still sets my teeth on edge even now, 20 years later. She was nothing special to look at but we got under each others skin and into each others heart. I haven’t seen her for 15 years, and I still dream of her.

    Looks are never your problem, it is your view of them that is causing the issue. Be confident in who you are and what you do, and life will come running to you. This is what carries the day!! Be confident, strong, funny and gorgeous. Be detached from the outcome, and just have a great time.

    If he doesn’t want you, it is his loss. He should be so lucky to spend time with you!! Don’t worry about “a previous SB who are thin, flawless and etc” – if she was so great, why isn’t the pot SD still with her!

    It’s all about the chemistry – if it ain’t there, it ain’t there. It isn’t rejection, sometimes (often actually) the ‘click” just isn’t there. In that case, say “thanks very much for a great evening, wonderful to meet you and good luck for the future.”

    BTW just saw “Shutter Island” – omfg what a great movie!!

  359. cleo says:

    lisa your posts are really cheering me up lately. it’s great to see your life taking a turn for the better!
    valencia: holy cow girl i only have one very important thing to say:

    you are the loudest voice you will ever hear, be very careful what you say to yourself.

    or geeze girl, not everybody likes a tiny little stick or i never would have had sex in my life!

  360. valencia says:

    I’m very self-conscious about meeting my SD in 9-11 days. I’m very curvy (double digit size), short and older, 27. As looks are my problem, I’m confident that my mind will keep him interested over dinner, as is, I see a lot that we have in common.

    Assuming that he’s had previous SB who are thin, flawless and etc just puts a ton on my shoulders for not being ____ enough. Ultimately, though I want only dinner and a good conversation, I’m scared about the rejection.

    Do you ever get nervous before meeting someone one? I’ll be in a suit all day and won’t have time to change, it is okay to show up in my “work suit” for our dinner?

  361. Lisa on the good side of the freeway says:

    Good evening

    Hope things work out ESB. I haven’t gotten a raise in the almost 2 years that i’ve been at my job but then again my starting pay was the maximum they pay for my position. Anyway the allowance helps.

    Spent the evening helping parents get ready for their trip to London on monday. The BA strike is around their travel dates, actually the first ministrike ends the day before they return.
    Daughter will be staying over with me evenings after work (she and my parents live in the next building) and we are going to have a mother/daughter day at the Galleria this next friday. I am going to surprise her by giving her birthday money early and more than she expects so she will be able to have fun shopping. She’s feeling a little sad that she only has a hundred to spend from her paycheck so she will be happy when I surprise her with more.

    Got to go to bed soon as I have to be up at 6 am and with the time change, I will miss an hour of sleep.

    I’ve got to get to the movies sometime, the threatre in the mall is within view of my bedroom window.

    Have a good night everyone

  362. ESB says:

    cleo: Except for the funeral, yes, it was. The interview was more of an information session. There was 4 of us all together. He told us what the job was, what the business was about, what was expected of us, and the starting pay… which totally sucks. BUT there will be pay increases often, as I prove myself, so Im sure I’ll be making what I want soon enough, but I need the cash now. Next interview is Tues. I hope that one goes better.

    The movie was good. I liked the effects. It’s always fun to hang with BG. I’ll get her back early afternoon. We can play PS3 all day.. she still needs to teach me how!!

    I talked to my SD this morning.. we can NOT wait to get this started. He is going to see if he can make time for me on Monday. I am so looking forward to our time together. Love a man who makes me laugh!!

  363. cleo says:

    Michael: yes that’s it here too. the people who live in the burbs go out on the weekends, the downtowners go out during the week when it’s quiet and you don’t need reservations.
    ESB I don’t feel sad to be in alone, i’m about to watch a bunch of tv and hang out with my cats and my beautiful space. ohh and my neighbour and i made an awesome dinner together and now i hear the rain

    i’m going out all day tomorrow, that is enough for me!

    sounds like you had an awesome day!

  364. ESB says:

    Or not!! LOL

  365. ESB says:

    Evening Sugar Family!! What a day!! Was late to the funeral, had to leave early for my job interview, went to see “Alice” with BG, then took her to her BFFs for the night, so here I sit with all of you!! How sad are we to be home alone on a Sat. night? I am so glad I have all of you to keep me company!!

  366. TexasSugah says:

    Cleo-No sugar plans.. that’s going to be next week. I’m so nervous and I don’t know much about him. It’s really weird. Anyway…

    I’ve had juvederm and radiesse. Great results. I don’t know if they can be used for the lip area but I did the () around my mouth and also around the eyes.

    I’m thinking about getting more done. I think I might do Accent.. anyone done that??

    Oh I’m excited about Blink.. I read another book of his.. outliers. It deals with my field so… cool.

    It’s a saturday night and I’m in. I don’t really want to do average joe dating.. my quote “its better to be alone than poorly accompanied”

    A potSD and I had the conversation about finances. I told him point blank that I want a man in my life who will help take care of me (he’s into the GF deal) so I had to word it carefully. We’ll see how that goes but I mean he can’t be shocked.. I’m just really looking forward to having the extra support and having someone special.

  367. lil'SB says:

    Oooh, cleo do let me in on those sweet locations, I wouldn’t mind exploring new places myself and play ‘local tourist’ for an evening.

  368. Michael AZSD says:

    Hey Cleo – Thursday night is it!

    I lived in London for a few years and Thursday night was always ‘pub night’ – that was the night the locals went out to play. Save Friday and Saturday night for the tourists.

  369. Lily says:

    Blink rocks!!!!

    One of the best books ever!!

  370. Midwest says:

    Mandy – This site has moderators who do a great job. We’d love to hear from you about blog topics and any wonderful news you may have to share! Happy sugaring!

  371. cleo says:

    i am researching having my upper lip ‘filled’ since all the women in my family go pruney on the upper lip pretty early. since i’m going to live to be ancient i want to keep my upper lip for a few extra years.

    has anyone done the research and willing to share?

  372. cleo says:

    oh! i did do one smart thing, i asked the client i most want to pick up in a bar (married, and i don’t date clients) where he and his boys go because i’m tired of getting hit on by 25 year olds.

    he made some AWESOME suggestions but in toronto you go out thursday night if you want to find the local talent.

  373. cleo says:

    TS: hmmm more like roman style legions with magicians as part of the force fighting monsters and the like. and we meet the king and the lowest boy in the land and so see the politics from all sides.

    i like it but if you want a single book that is one of the best fantasy novels i’ve read in years? “covenants” by lorna freeman is fantastic. OR the much more complex sextet that starts with ‘kushiel’s dart’ by jaqueline carey which is a lot sexier and has spies and stuff.

    the fury books are by jim butcher …

    oh i LOVE workshops but in my world it’s like a teacher of thirty years talking to teachers of one-twenty years and sharing knowledge and getting excited about questions.

    no sugar plans, might be an eye twinkle though…you?

  374. TexasSugah says:

    Sounds clash of the titans-y. Hmmm I majored in History for my BA. I love period books and movies. Sounds like a good one. How long??

    I’m so done with workshops. *rolls eyes* professional development that isn’t.

    Any sugar plans Cleo?

  375. cleo says:

    hey texas sugah

    actually i’m reading ‘princeps fury’ which is a politically intriguing fantasy novel with echoes of rome and monsters to boot. lovely for a break.

    i’m trying to learn to read better books but somehow i keep coming back to the candy. i seem to learn by doing, speaking, interacting, workshopping etc

  376. TexasSugah says:

    Hey Cleo…. What book are you reading. I love to when there no homework looming.
    I just finished 5 temptations of a CEO and now I’m reading the 5 dysfunctions of a team. Looking forward to Blink. Are you reading fiction or non?

  377. Mandy says:

    Since some of you have each emails already, can you save the personal conversations for email instead of posting it here please. It just makes the blog full of useless information . Thanks !

  378. cleo says:

    (oh and i have a book to finish!)

  379. cleo says:

    nc i am having a lovely day, bailed on my evening and intend to curl up with the internet and maybe some hockey.

    i might put a soup together, i have a few dying veggies in my fridge…. sounds nice huh?

  380. NC Gent says:

    Hi all – hope you are having a great day.

    No sugar news in my world — or this weekend :)

  381. Hi LASB – were your ears ringing? We were talking about you in the last blog during your hiatus. :)

  382. ah, Flo. No. No. No. Do not apologize. I know the lack of tone, inflection & body language makes it difficult to sense exactly which emotion is being conveyed in some of the things we say here. I was totally kidding. He did leave me a voice mail with his thoughts and I’m pretty sure “bloody tosser” was in his rant somewhere. I just laughed – as he knew I would. He and I have been friends for a looong time and he is self-admittedly a rude Brit. We have had our stand-offs with one another, believe me, but I appreciate his candid ways. Like most Brits, he doesn’t stand for any sort of nonsense or tomfoolery. In fact, your personality here strikes me as being very similar to his. Probably why I like you. (Did I just admit that?)

  383. LASB says:

    Ok Sugars, I’m finally here and it’s super quiet. Guess I missed the party.

    So, the neighbor is pouring it on thick. He asked for my business card under the guise of wanting to do some business together, but never mentioned business during our one phone call And he’s already talking about traveling the world together. He’s super attractive, but it’s such a bad idea. Well, I guess I can always move to the building next door.

  384. Flo Rida says:

    Shoogar – I apologize to you (not to him) let’s end the drama. Just to explain, most people are very uncomfortable with conflict and with rejection, i’m very accepting of both & will play certain roles to get what I want (of course it’s like playing with fire and I do get burned) BUT here I have nothing to gain (apart from the pleasure of annoying a Manc – but they win all the time so I don’t feel too sorry for them) i’m very sorry for the discomfort it caused you. So sorry. Tell ‘he who must not be named’, i’m just a silly little girl who likes playing silly little games (which is not too far from the truth).

  385. Flo Rida says:

    Shoogar – i’m OC kidding! i’m ok with a bit of drama – I might be amenable talking to him on a dial in conference call but not if he’s pissy :-)

  386. Flo – wish I would have never mentioned my MANCHESTER U friend. He exploded my voice mail and wants to have an all out war with you. I told him I’m out of it. I had to explain I don’t even know you and cannot even confirm if you are a real person. And then he asked what everyone else here on the blog seems to ask. So, are YOU really Flo? Geez. You bloody blokes are crazy.

  387. Flo Rida says:

    MichaelAZSD – I disagree with the ‘run from any SB-person who describes themselves as a Princess’ INSTEAD you should ask ‘is the juice worth the squeeze’ & sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t.

    SSSD – I didn’t read the NYTimes article so I have no idea who you are – which is fine by the way.

    Jade – GREAT tips, i’ve thought about writing scripts for phone chats to help SBs and SDs BUT I don’t have the need & I don’t have the energy.

    Cleo – Shoogar – others – I can’t figure out the registration! Silly me.

    Grusse, Tschuss

  388. Michael AZSD says:

    Morning all from sunny Arizona!

    At last, I have found a great SB relationship!! Both of us have similar expectations, and are very comfortable to what the relationship is all about, and we are both enjoying it immensely. She is cute, funny, smart and is very clear about the relationship, and we are both making sure it works for both of us! Mutual physical and emotional attraction.

    Very funny how we met – her sister is also on SA, and emailed me. I need someone who can travel to meet me on occasion, so she said “no problem, I have a cute sister, I think you would like her”. So we emailed a few times, talked a few times, and met last weekend in Vegas. It was great. Meeting again twice next week.

    Monthly Allowance – I just asked “what are yo looking for? do you anything specific in mind?” and we can to a good understanding in 30 seconds. I fund her by using paypal, works well.

    Intimacy – this is what this is all about, right? But I think this also has to include emotional intimacy, otherwise it is pretty empty and probably short-lived relationship.

    Appearances – I take pride in mine, and I expect my partner to take similar pride.

    Punctuality – just don’t be a flake. We all know that life happens, but if you make honest effort to be there on time, no problem.

    For some reason, I met lots of flakes through SA. I started one relationship with someone from LA, but it turned out she was just a bit crazy so I ended it quickly. Soon after, starting getting several pleading calls and emails from her for $$. I ended up blocking her ph number!

    Another pot was cute, but young. Had dinner and all very pleasant. Arranged to meet again the next night, so I drove there again (2 hour drive each way), we agreed to meet at 730. She txted me at 8, said she would be late. At 945, I told her not to bother. Guys – here is a tip: run from any pot SB who describes herself as a princess!

  389. RedMaru says:

    Morning sugars three blogs past and Im back! I’ve missed you guys! I’m moved into my new place and am adjusting okay. Just getting used to the quiet again as the sounds of my relatives and the dog kinda grew on me. Hee Hee
    What do I expect before calling an arrangement mutually beneficial? Its kinda been said already so I’m not going to be a parrot. But if I could add I would say respect on both sides and understanding. These are important to me due to my experience with a flake through another site who wanted all the perks but felt he didn’t have to do anything on his part

  390. My ideal arrangement includes romance (chemistry), significant purpose AND an expiration date.

    Romance/Chemistry: Mutual physical & emotional attraction with harmonious effect; the kind of connection that regardless of the gap(s) in between our time together (whether it is 1 day or 3 weeks), we are looking forward to the next time. We genuinely enjoy sharing occurrences in life with one another; significant or menial. A quick email or text saying, “hey, I’m having a hectic day, but thinking of you” is something sent out purely out of desire, not obligation. Intellectual stimulation is a huge factor for me as well. Without it, the physical and emotional cannot happen.

    Purpose: There’s something significant to be accomplished or attained on both sides. We have entered the arrangement with an understanding and agreement that neither one of us are out to pursue just a dream fantasy of sex, jet-setting and buying expensive shoes. (Not that those are bad things.) Real goals are involved.

    Expiration: I am at a chapter in life where, for various reasons, an arrangement is what works for me. Knowing there is an end takes off the pressure of future expectations on both sides.

    As far as multiple SDs – not for me. I don’t have an opinion of others choosing this, but I simply don’t have the emotional or physical time.

  391. AdrianeSB says:

    Jade, thank you for posting, found several interesting points I really need to remember…

    ESB, congrats! Good indeed comes in twos :)

    Good morning/afternoon to everybody!

  392. Anna Molly says:

    Congrats ESB!! I’m so happy for you!! 😀

  393. TexasSugah says:

    ESB- congrats on the job interviews and arrangement.

    Good sometimes comes in twos!

    Yeah.. Imma let it go. I think I’m having issues from that one meet with the guy who was sooo tiny. Poor baby. Just don’t want to be at dinner at a 5 star spot and he say…. Ahhhh sorry.

    I’m letting it go.

  394. ESB says:

    Good Moring Sugar family!!

    Jade: I read that little blurb on Yahoo last night. Found it interesting, and made me think of a blogger who claimed to talk to her potSD for 4 then 6 hours. How does anyone find that much time to talk on the phone? That is a full time job!! Anyway, I think the 15 minute limit is great. I usually do my talking while driving between appointments. If it is someone I’ve known forever, we tend to talk til I’m getting out of the car!!

    TexasSugah: if he is all gung ho on you, then yes, the weight issue is yours. Let it go. If you saw me, you’d think “Skinny”, but I look in the mirror and see “thunder thighs”. We women are NEVER happy with our bodies. Well, it is rare I should say. I was happy once, but that was years ago. I am NOT 30 anymore, won’t look like I’m that young ever again. Not possible!!

    I have a job interview this afternoon, and another one Tues. I am finally getting some responses from all the resumes and applications I’ve been sending out for 6 months. Believe it or not, I’ve had my best luck with Craigslist. What is in the paper or other job search engines have way too much competition. I got no response from them. I started to look at Craigslist a few weeks ago, and have interviews with 3 of the 5 I responded to.

    <b<What do you expect before calling your arrangement ‘mutually beneficial? We are both happy, both enjoying our time together, and the benefits are reciprocated.

    What’s on your weekend sugar agenda? Taking BG to see “Alice in Wonderland”. We have a funeral to go to today, so that will be our cheer up after and my celebration for getting into an arrangement!!

  395. Anna Molly says:

    Good Morning Everyone!

  396. FL-SD says:

    Good morning all ! Having coffee and catching up this morning. Jade – thanks for the help… The phone is the most difficult for me. Your comments will help.
    TexasSugah-well we guys tend to be pretty visual, if you’ve exchanged pictures and he’s good to go, I’d say your concerns are not an issue for him.
    It sounds like he’s already sold on the relationship.

  397. TexasSugah says:

    Jade- awesome tips. I’m going to read this again!

    Hey y’all… Up early with little guy. But was thinking,
    potSD, NYork let’s call him, emailed to say he has been busy but is ready to meet. He’s already detailled what he’s offering. He’s all gung ho, like this is a fore gone conclusion. I’m thinking, how do you determine that site unseen?

    As y’all know I’m paranoid about my weight. I’ve sent pictures. I think it’s my own issues at work here. Right??

  398. Jade says:

    First impressions are everything: We all know that. But did you realize that first impressions actually begin before your first date, usually by phone?
    Talking on the phone is a tricky dating stage that comes after exchanging emails but prior to meeting face-to-face. First dates never happen, because your potential mate had a negative “pre-first-impression” of you on the phone.
    7 phone tips that really work:

    1. Watch your tone. Use a cheerful voice, even if something the other person says annoys you or you’ve had a bad day.
    2. Give intentional responses. If the other person says something vague such as “How are you?”, remember that they are not inquiring about your health or your mood. In the early stages of getting-to-know-you, everything you say is used to project what type of person you are. “How are you” is actually a Rorschach test! Use this vague question to give an intentional response, to share something about yourself. For example:
    Your date says, “How are you?”
    You say, “I’m great! I just returned from an exhilarating run in Central Park with my best friend from college.”
    What does that say about you? It says you are fitness oriented (you run), you’re the type of person who has sustainable relationships (you’ve maintained a friend for years since college), and you’re an energetic, positive person (“I’m great!”).
    Obviously, don’t make anything up, but proactively think of something positive about yourself that you want to share whenever you’re asked a mundane question.
    3. Turn the tables. Follow up your intentional response with a related question that lets the other person talk about themselves, such as “So, do you run? What kind of exercise do you like? ” or “How about you, do you have an old friend you spend time with?”
    Finding a “conversation bridge” from something you said (“So, speaking of running…”) also helps you evaluate in a casual way what type of person they are, without making them feel as though this is a job interview and you’re ticking off a checklist of requirements.
    4. Don’t grill. Getting other people to talk about themselves is not the same thing as peppering them with frequent or mundane questions. There are two elements here: quantity and quality. Don’t ask more than one question per minute (inject comments and reflections in between questions, make the flow more organic) and don’t grill with boring questions, even if they asked you a boring question first (avoid: How are you? What are you doing? How was work? Was the traffic bad?).
    5. Be fun. If there’s a lull in the conversation flow, try to be fun and spark some banter. Pick a neutral, third-party topic, and ask a question about it. For example, “Hey, did you happen to see David Letterman last night? He did the Top Ten things overheard waiting in line to see ‘Avatar’. Guess what #1 was?”
    Asking the other person to guess something is a great way to flirt and keep things interesting. And raising a third-party topic (e.g., The David Letterman Show) will make you seem easygoing because you aren’t like all the other people probing to find out if they’ve found Mr. or Ms. Right (avoid: What do you do for work? Tell me about your parents. Do you golf?).
    6. Give positive feedback. Make the other person feel relaxed and confident by acting happy that they called and giving positive feedback on their conversation skills, even if their phone skills aren’t great (women, take note: The initially shy or awkward guys usually make better husbands in the long run than the instantly suave, charismatic ones!). For example, say, “I had a rough day at work, but your call cheered me up!” or “Oh, that’s an interesting question…”
    7. Know when the party’s over. End the conversation quickly when you sense the energy level dropping. But blame it on an external factor rather than sounding bored. For example, “Oh, I just realized it’s 9 p.m. and I didn’t call my grandma yet to wish her happy birthday today! So sorry about that, I was really enjoying our conversation…. But good luck on that big presentation tomorrow, and I hope to talk to you soon!” This says four things: You’re a family-oriented person (you’re calling your grandma, awww… that’s sweet!), you’re boosting the other person’s confidence so they feel good being around you (you enjoyed the conversation), you’re a good listener and thoughtful person (you remembered their big presentation tomorrow), and you’re not too needy (you said, “Hope to talk to you soon” rather than “When will I see you? Will you call me tomorrow?”).
    More Phone Guidelines
    Phone call duration. 15 minutes is usually a good amount of time for early-stage getting-to-know-you calls, while 30 to 60 minutes is appropriate for deepening intimacy as the relationship grows. Anything longer than that should be saved for in-person on the next date. Always leave the other person wanting more and feeling anticipation to see you.
    Landline phone vs. cell phone. Try to speak on a landline phone whenever possible. There’s nothing more irritating than spotty reception and always saying, “What? Sorry I couldn’t hear you.”
    What never to do. While talking on the phone, NEVER chew food or gum, NEVER go to the bathroom or flush a toilet, even if you mute the phone (how many times that mute button doesn’t work, I can’t begin to count…), NEVER multitask while you’re on the phone by checking email, loading the dishwasher, etc. Give your full attention. It makes a huge difference!

  399. cleo says:

    is there anyone who has emailed me about the toronto meet that i haven’t answered at least once?




    email me
    toronto sugar meet at gmail dot com if you’re interested

  400. SSSD says:

    Midwest: Projects were companies and charitable activities as noted in the New York Times article.

  401. cleo says:

    nyjames: i’ve recently gotten my first laptop (!!) and i’ve been watching torrents in bed. i’m not sure i like it. there’s a reason that i never had tvs in my bedroom.

    and you are right about vacation treats.

    that said, our regular violent agreements have much to do with my deeply hidden blog crush on you!

  402. Midwest says:

    What do you expect before calling your arrangement ‘mutually beneficial’? I don’t consider it an official arrangement until we have seriously discussed being in an arrangement and he has offered his allowance. In return, I fully understand that my sd is expecting intimacy. I won’t accept gifts/ allowance unless I know I’m interested mentally and physically. I will say that since my former sd and I entered an arrangement a week after our first and only date, we did agree I could have another date or two just to be sure. He didn’t have to wait too long…he was hard to resist :-)

    What’s on your weekend sugar agenda? I get to be a sugar momma this weekend and treat my favorite younger man!

    SSSD – I’m curious, what type of “projects” did you and your sbs explore?

  403. TexasSugah says:

    Concerned- what made you ” put him on blast”?

  404. Concerned says:

    Hey sugar world, just wanted to let all my friends know that Tony # 132470 is as fake and as phony as they come. Protect your self and ignore this creep. Some people are so slimy.

  405. TexasSugah says:

    SSSD – Well that’s a totally different deal. I totally understand the whole issue of serial monogamy. In my life in an Islamic/middle eastern culture I’m accustomed to spending time with women who were second wives or those in a muta’a (temporary marriage).

    Both situations were mutally beneficial to all involved. I am fine with the man I’m involved with being with another, but only one other. Which is fine in the sugardaddy world. or being a mistress. Where I believe that men and women are equal they are different. The romantic component that you mention, I feel, should be shared between the two.

    Witness, the history of the placage in New Orleans during the early 1800s. Those arrangements were fruitful, and many partners fell in love. It was a product of the age and an outlet for both partners.

    In short, I agree with you. To that end, I seek only one. One who is like minded.

  406. SSSD says:

    Clearly there are others who are ok with multiple SB or multiple SD, based on comments on this blog.

    I embrace the diversity even though it is not an approach I would find palatable.

    I have mentored multiple persons, so that is not the issue. I have financially supported multiple persons, so that is not the issue. I have managed multiple projects and teams, so that is not the issue. So by process of elimination that leaves the romantic attachment component that forces the exclusivity in my arrangements. QED

  407. TexasSugah says:

    SSSD- it’s interesting that you should mention the uncomfortable issue of having more than one SD. I was thinking about that today. I’m not sure how that works. Especially when the two know about each other. It just seems weird.

    I don’t think I could have more than one because it would entail physical contact with more than one man. I would expect my SD to appreciate that I’m only with him.

    Almost every guy I’ve chatted with has mentioned they wanted exclusivity.

  408. NYC SB says:

    SSSD – your posts are always relevant… one can learn so much from reading

  409. SSSD says:

    By coincidence my post at the last topic was more relevant to this one. :)

  410. SSSD says:

    Flo, no we haven’t met, and this was a conversation years ago.

    I find the diversity of experiences here interesting. For example I have never felt comfortable with my SB having another SD, even though I can rarely meet my SB due to scheduling and travel. It’s just some primitive emotional thing, I suppose, because rationally I find nothing wrong with it.

    To me the arrangement must have the romance, big time, as well as mentoring to the long term benefit of the SB. And a time limit. And a project as the stabilizing leg of the stool, so to speak.

    If I did not have the romance requirement I would just find hook ups. Outside the US where social mores are more conservative this is particularly easy. But I don’t get satisfaction from that, hence the desire for romance and mentoring. Yet I can’t make a commitment, hence the project and time limit.

    Different strokes, as they say.

    (reposted from old topic)