9 years ago
Got Trust?

9 years ago
Got Trust?

We’ve discussed the importance of confirming chemistry with a potential Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby before making an arrangement, yet meeting a potential in-person before committing to anything is preferred for many other reasons as well.

What would you do if a sugars’ profile didn’t match reality upon meeting in person? Has this ever happened to you?

How do you feel about meeting a potential sugar via webcam before meeting in person? Would it help or hurt the trust factor in a new arrangement?

Does anyone have a story about how you came to trust, or distrust a sugar? Care to share?

Leave a Reply

563 Responses to “Got Trust?”

  1. bobo d says:

    warning do not meet Sugar Baby F – 422938 she is a ripoff artist hooker. asked for $400 and snuck out the back door. how can i get this person banned from this site?

  2. raregemgal369682 says:

    Hey everyone good to see you check out profile changes open to advice please love ya sugars

  3. cleo says:

    SDinLA: it was hilarious and affirming. i’m 38 years old and they FIT ME. Not in that i’m squeezing my fat ass into something and look like an overstuffed sausage way but in a ‘holy holy shit you need to wear that’ (actual words from the friend who was helping me) kind of way that blew her mind. she had no idea how hot i used to be.

    she actually wants me to wear the low slung jeans and the lace up bodysuit as an outfit… i’m not sure about the skin of my hips hanging out *g*

    i don’t know if i can handle the married guy thing because i have ever and always been the ‘nice girl’ type, and nice girls don’t. but i’m not really nice and i’m not averse to trying it. if i can’t handle it so be it, but i believe i can and i’ve given it a great deal of thought.

    i suspect that it would be easier to have a married sd than 2 sd’s but again i don’t know… i do think i could figure it out without having to sleep with a second man though… my actions tend to be pretty clear statements to me. [like for several years i said i was going to have a kid with a sperm donor and then i realized that i never even looked at a catalogue.]
    Michael: if you don’t feel like you can reciprocate that look?

    wait and see her once more to see how she is and then make a decision. that said, loving affection and being in love are similar but not the same.
    ladies: if you have to change your id on the blog because of a stalker…

    why do you tell us you used to be here as someone else?
    Midwest: i don’t know, mr. darcy isn’t my guy… now aragorn before he got all i’m an angsty king… yummm

  4. MindyNYC says:

    new blog topic!

  5. Jade says:

    Hello VillaCypris !

  6. raregemgal369682 says:

    where is all the sugar love I miss

  7. raregemgal369682 says:

    Hi NYSB good to see you

  8. raregemgal369682 says:

    I have learned much and find my mojo is in no problem I tolk a few trips to St. Louis and enjoyed the attention still given to me I definately still stand out beautifully Even had a celeb try to give attentions but he will be in local friend group to insure good city relations and perks etc. So am most excited for a new SD to charm

  9. TexasSugah says:

    Happy Easter ya’ll…

    WOW I take a break from the blog and wowzers!

    Just moved on to a new SD site. The old one was working my last nerve. Now on SD4Me.

    Ironically, I have yet to give SA a real chance. I think I might since this is really building my sugarbabe self esteem. Lots of interest.. talked to a great one last night but.. we’ll see.

    Another that I think is all about let’s have phone sex.. AHHHH NO..

    I’ll have to read back up and see what’s happening on the blog.

    Hope everyone had a sugar filled weekend!

  10. VillaCypris says:

    Midwest – thank you – nice to see you as well! :)

    raregem gal…. i remember you!! hope things are going well …

    hi cleo, jade, lily, esb, redmaru, yaz, oc, la plage lol… 😉

  11. VillaCypris says:

    Hi NYC SB 😉

    I’m just back from family celebrations as well. We are lucky, to have them near…. xx

  12. NYC SB says:

    I boys and girls :) happy easter for those who celebrate… and for the rest happy easter candy day :) For some of us that is the only kind of sugar we will get this weekend

    Had a great lunch with the family and then i came home went for a run and worked out… looking forward to going to work tomorrow…. NOT

  13. ESB says:

    Happy Easter Sugar Family!! Or maybe I should say Resurection Day! Depending on what you believe… won’t go into details unless asked…

    Had a great day with my kids. They were all here… 20 YO left work early so she could be with me. Poor baby is so broken… at least she is eating again… had me worried for a few days.

    BF is headed to the funeral today, out of state… he’ll be back tomorrow, so I’m headed over there for the night. Can’t wait to see him again.

    MY I missed some fun last night! SSSD was in a VERY frisky mood. Love your twist on the snipe turned SD hunt… they sound like the same creature almost! 😉

  14. raregemgal369682 says:

    OC hi I did modify after my return my sd didnt want me to blog early flags which taught me some lessons lol, he was ownership and turned mean awwww. Oh well he just confirmed watch out for self first. I have made some museum gems also and am bery excited every time I make someones dream bauble.

  15. Flo – how are you doing this weekend? thinking of you. mail me off blog via my own blog if you feel like it. I’d love to say hello and talk a bit via email.

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Welcome Back Raregemgal! (new name) Oh my you
      really have been gone a while. Sorry to hear
      that your SD went back into the lily pond. My thoughts on your profile
      would be to start fresh with a new profile. It will give a new
      re-birth to your searching efforts. Nice to see you again sweetie :)

  16. Jade, no I never expected! I was just comparing the tone of last night’s very sexy chat with today’s very non-sexy talk.

  17. cleo says:

    (no i haven’t caught up, if anyone said anything to me i’ll answer later when i get home from work)

  18. cleo says:

    can i put out a teeny tiny ongoing request?

    can everyone attending a meet anytime/anywhere try and remember that the organizers are a) human and b) volunteers and react accordingly?


  19. Lisa says:

    oops, I see my old blog name showed up above, i’m just Lisa now

  20. Lisa 2 sds, 2 x-lovers, 2 apartments says:

    Hi RedMaru I cleaned my place and did laundry this morning. Met family at busstop as they were coming home from church, visited with them, came back to my apartment, will go back to see them later. Kind of boring.

  21. RedMaru says:

    Happy Easter Sugars! The weather is heating up in GA. Nice day overall. Tidying up and letting some sun into my place

  22. raregemgal369682 says:

    By the way I am a new cub cougar lol I was told.

  23. raregemgal369682 says:

    Opinion please is it better hunting if premiere member?369682 profile number

  24. raregemgal says:

    369682 open to advice and sugar sorry haven;t blogged in awhile a sd had me busy but had to part ways he became deviant creepy amazing go from prince back to frog lol

  25. raregemgal says:

    oc long time no talk how ya been 369682 remember me?

  26. raregemgal says:

    369682 hi sugars any advice for a hidden swan 2 b discovered?

  27. RedMaru says:

    Happy Easter everybody!
    Lovely day here in Atlanta and I’m finally up. Went to see Clash of the Titans remake it was good.

  28. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Happy Easter all!

    Nice to see you Villa!

    Lisa – I’m sure the 5 lbs are barely noticable!

    SSSD – Mr. Darcy came through with flying colors! He was just terribly misunderstood.

    Ready for dessert!! :-)

  29. Beach_Girl says:

    Happy Easter !!!

  30. Jade says:

    Why would you want a kinky Easter the day Jesus rising is celebrated?

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Here Comes Peter Cotten Tail…
      Oh wait he was here already!
      At least I think so. Gosh I have
      eaten at least a pound of
      chocolate. Off to Church!
      My tummy hurts…
      Happy Easter Everyone :)

  31. Yaz says:

    Happy Easter Sugar Fam! :-)

  32. Lily says:

    Plain vanilla chat this easter, but last night was a kinky Easter eve! 😉

    low key day off yonder in Lily land. Rambunctious furry fellows, plenty if chaos this way comes…. Happily so. :)

  33. VillaCypris says:

    Welcome, AM!


    I’ve been keeping up on your latest exploits and am SO THRILLED for you and the new apartment, SD, etc. That is WONDERUL. YEY!!!!!!

    No worries about the diet…. you can always get back on the healthy eating streak no problem.

    I must head off to meet the family…. talk to you again soon Lisa and AM! xx

  34. Anna Molly says:

    Hi Lisa! Happy Easter to you! Good to hear you’re loving your new apartment and I’m sure Percy is loving it too 😀

  35. Anna Molly says:

    Thanks VC! I’m a very lucky lady 😀

    I haven’t been bike riding yet. I really wanted to hit some golf balls this weekend, but I can’t find my clubs…LOL

  36. Lisa says:

    Happy Easter and good morning Villa, good to see you on the blog.

    Sorry to say i’ve fallen off my healthy diet. Well I eat well at home but since we no longer have a fridge and microwave at work, i’m stuck eating junk food or fast food and i’ve gained back that 5 lbs.

    Things are going well at the new apartment.
    Hope you have a good day, good to see a familiar blogger

  37. VillaCypris says:

    Fabulous, thanks! Been busy, the weather in the tundra has been 30 degrees above normal, so lots of walking/running stairs and my first bike ride of 2010.

    ha. Belated congrats on your SD!! I’ve been away too long, obviously. :)

  38. Anna Molly says:

    Hey VC!! Good to see you!! How have you been?

  39. VillaCypris says:

    Hi Anny Molly! Beautiful here as well. Enjoy your walk, I’ll be out as well! x

  40. Anna Molly says:

    Guten Morgan!!

    Hope everyone has a nice Easter! It’s beautiful here today and I have a walk planned for later.

    Hopefully someone will be around later to chat because I obviously missed all the fun last night! 😀

  41. VillaCypris says:

    Good morning all!!! 😀

    HAPPY EASTER to those who observe the day ….

    ChampagneSB … funny you should mention it, for I, too have met one of MY best girlfriends on this very blog… more than one actually! 😉

    Hi Lily! You’re the only one I “see” on there this morning…. hope all is well on your side of the pond… x

  42. Lily says:

    Sheesh, the subtle flirting is out the window!!!
    It’s full on now, past the come hither subtleties and now I’m bracing myself for sssd to start bragging about size, since he’s already set forty his durability/lasting-power. 😉

  43. Beach_Girl says:

    SSSD~ Thank you, I wish I could be cured of insomnia! Night!!! 😉

  44. SSSD says:

    Sweet dreams… of six hours of insomnia cure… 😉

  45. Beach_Girl says:

    :( oh ouch… night… lol
    Talk soon SSSD!

  46. SSSD says:


    Good night, Beach Girl!

  47. Beach_Girl says:

    SSSD~ OMG, wow!!! I need me some of that! you will have to teach me though!

  48. SSSD says:

    No. They got tired after six or seven hours of sex…

  49. Beach_Girl says:

    SSSD~ What? Are you kidding??? did they not like sex? You are with the wrong SBs… hint hint!!!:D
    I am sure you could keep me awake all night 😉

  50. SSSD says:

    Although… funny story… I’ve had several SBs fall asleep on me during, um, nocturnal activity…

    Guess it’s an editorial response. 😉

  51. Beach_Girl says:

    SSSD~ I am still Wide Awake! 😀

  52. SSSD says:

    No, won’t let you sleep. Not for several hours at least… 😉

  53. Beach_Girl says:

    SSSD~ sounds like an amazing plan 😛
    When, where???? I am willing… maybe i’ll get to sleep!!! 😀

  54. SSSD says:

    Sure! Let me lend you a hand. Or another part of my body… 😉

  55. Beach_Girl says:

    SSSD~ I might need help in the SD hunting category… 😀

  56. SSSD says:

    Mr. Darcy was a poofter.

  57. SSSD says:

    I confess I read Pride Prejudice and Zombies. The only way to tolerate the book, IMO. (Ducking the flames…)

    Ah, ladies, but forget the snipe hunting… let’s talk about the SD hunting. Another mythical beast that is found rooting about the muck. Similar techniques to what I outlined before may entice the SD to draw near, but to bag the specimen, well, that will require more instruction.

    For some in depth, probing interviewing and deep instruction, contact me!

  58. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    TMW – Welcome to the club!

    Mr. Darcy is the poor, tormented and lovely gent in Pride & Prejuidice. I LOVE him!

  59. raregemgal says:

    HI would anyone care to have a sugar party in St. Charles, MO soon

  60. wrong time zone wrong time zone indeed! grrr.

    but not too much action while I slept! What’s up with everyone? All blogged out?

  61. TMW says:

    Even though I’m “the male SB” may I be part of the STSBC? My credentials are: Growing up in a town of 700 and currently still live in a smaller area in the Midwest. Small town boy, yes. 😉

    @Midwest: I may have missed something, but are you talking about Mr. Darcy from “Married With Children?” I have a theory about the Darcy couple, if so.

    @Everybody: Have a great night!

  62. Hey Shoogar – vegemite? Nectar of the gods. Grew up on the stuff.

    My daughter – who was born in the US – voluntarily asks for vegemite on toast for breakfast, and vegemite and cheese sandwiches for school lunch. Yum!!

    And yes the women do glow, but the men too often chunder (look it up).

  63. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Hi Kitten! It was perfect! Completely lazy home sp day today! How was your day?

  64. Beach_Girl says:

    SDinLA~ Did your Kids have a fun time looking for the eggs?

    ChampagneSB~ Girl, I’m too curious, if we talked off line let me know!!! 😉

    SSSD~ Ha… snipe hunting 😀

  65. Beach_Girl says:

    Hi Midwest~ how was your sleep-in morning?

    Shoogar~ how was Karaoke last night? did you have fun?

  66. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    *sigh* What is it about Mr. Darcy?

  67. SSSD – My, my. Funny how the rules for snipe hunting changing throughout the years. I don’t remember wearing heels or a short skirt while in the woods. But you know me, I’m always up for rule breaking. 😉

    Michael AZSD aka searching 1+1=omfgjingleheimerschmitt – Great story about the Drop Bear! I didn’t know you came from the land down under. Do women really glow and men plunder? And what’s up with those vegemite sandwiches? I would pick peeps all day long over those! Oh, and I’m with ChampagneSB, don’t be too frightful of your SBs overt affection or the look. As ChampagneSB said, she may just be extra appreciative and or feeling extra frisky! Only time will tell…

    Lipstick Lily – Why must you be on a different time zone?? :(

    SDinLA – I personally love Le Cirque in Vegas for fine dining. And love Mon Ami Gabi at Paris Hotel for outdoor casual dining.

    cleo – got it. Let’s connect on Monday. :)

    ESB – I’m a girly girl too! Pink toenails are perfect for Easter, but also can be very sexxxy!

    Jade – I don’t watch that show, but please…do TELL.

    Hope I didn’t miss anything/anyone.

  68. ChampagneSB says:

    HI Lilly! – I am certain I have not emailed you before. But I will if you want me to! (Sorry, it’s not meant to be a riddle, just a situation that I had to change my blog name).

  69. SSSD says:

    Lily, I would never forget you and Riga. Never ever. Especially after that Latvia story.

    Shoogar, there is such a thing as a snipe. It’s a long billed bird. And I can show you how to hunt them! Really! You just need to come up to my room and you can practice. The key to effective snipe hunting is you must bend waaay over, from the waist. You want to be as high as possible, so wear your high heels. Because the ground cover is high, short shorts or short skirts are the best way to avoid pesky burrs.

    Again, I am happy to personally instruct you in this very difficult and skilled hunt!

  70. ChampagneSB – the riddle is killing me. Email me and fess up who you were. I have only one guess and if it’s right, then we have emailed off-blog before…… so do it again! (or, if I’m wrong, then for the first time if you want to!)

  71. Did I clear the blog? Sheesh you guys have SO much fun when I’m nowhere around and now here I am, ready to play and everyone is out on a saturday afternoon/evening, cavorting away from the blog! Sigh. Off to bed. There will be hundreds of blog posts to review and feel I missed out on when I wake up, I’m sure of it.

  72. Can I sign up for the ruby red Louboutins if I promise to get myself to her next karaoke bar appearance and sing that Over the Rainbow (in sequins) number alongside her? And video proof? :)

  73. Anna Molly says:

    SDinLA ~ Well then, send some of that sweet sugar my way! 😉

  74. ChampagneSB says:

    Michael – Uh oh…Are you sure? Personally, I can be really affectionate with my SD (and I’ve probably had That Look in my eyes ;)) BUT that doesn’t necessarily equal broken sugar rules. Sometimes I just feel extra happy and appreciative :)

    Then again, you know her best, so who am I to say? Maybe you need to review the rules 😉

  75. SDinLA says:

    Nom nom nom….

    what was that? Did you say something AM?

    It’s OK, I have enough candy here for 1,000 kids.

  76. Anna Molly says:

    SDinLA ~ You naughty boy! 😉

  77. Shoogar – in Australia, we used to tell the tourists about Drop Bears.

    Related to the koala, they had very sharp claws and dropped from trees onto your back and shoulders if you walked under a tree where they were. Particularly bad at dusk, and would claw you big-time.

    A friend of mine had scars from a notorbike accident, he used to show the scars, because the Drop Bears got him one night.

    And the sharks? Don’t worry, they are only dangerous if they bite you.

  78. Uh oh.

    My SB came in last night for the night – had a great time. BUT she was she was VERY affectionate (most unusual) and had That Look in her eyes. Methinks that the one of the rules of SB/SD dating is about to be broken by her….

    Now what do I do?

  79. ChampagneSB says:

    Mmmmm…Cadbury eggs. Love those things.

    SDinLA – I am with you on the peeps (oh, and that good help is hard to find…) Just shopped for my kiddo’s basket…not a peep in sight. Although I did get a toothbrush to accompany all the *sugar* :)

  80. SDinLA says:

    Taking a break from Easter Egg hiding…

    Why is good help so hard to find? I expressly instructed my assistant *not* to buy any Peeps, yet here I am with a plethora of yucky yellow chicks and pink bunnies. Free Peeps at SDinLA’s place for anyone who wants them!

    cleo: ‘what not to wear’ with old 80s clothes sounds hilarious, masochistic, or a little of both. Re: multiple SDs/SBs, I guess if I were a SB, the married guy thing would be even less possible than the multiple thing, so I apologize for forgetting that it’s often a part of the equation.

    SSSD: I’m not a big fan of most of the celeb chef establishments in Vegas, I understand why they exist, but I’d rather gamble- I’d hook up an IV for nutrition and just keep playing if they’d let me. Re: Shoogar’s lack of ruby red Louboutins, guess you need to buy her a pair! 😉 (and it was me who suggested the Small town SB Admirers Club and volunteered to open the Latvian chapter, not Sincere, but you’re right, it sounds like we really need to do something given the overlap in our likes.)

    Anna Molly: Cadbury Eggs > Peeps, no contest! I’ve eaten 3 of the ones I am supposed to be hiding already.

    Loving all the small town stories, but need to go finish hiding eggs and decorating.

    Have a great Saturday all…

  81. Jade says:

    Anyone watch millionaire match maker show last night? Those two guys where so annoying !!!!!!!

  82. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Marshmallow treats covered in dark chocolate…heaven!

  83. Anna Molly says:

    Bye ESB 😀

  84. Anna Molly says:

    Cadbury Eggs….mmmmm 😀

  85. ESB says:

    OK, I’ve killed enough time today. Gotta get somethings done. Happy Easter everyone… oh.. gotta get me some Peeps!! Can’t have Easter with out Peeps!! 😉

    Have a great weekend!! HUGS!!

  86. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Lily – Special e-mail to you through the blog…a must see!

    ESB – Awww!

  87. Lily says:

    Stephan, can you delete my comments above, outlining the lives of my SDs?
    And any post about any billionaire from the last week or 10 days, please.

  88. ESB says:

    I AM very much a girly girl. BG loves greens and blues. It’s just not me. I like red to pink to white. French is great also, but just feeling like spring today, so there ya go.

    BF justs called, said he has to figure something out. Needs to see me this weekend… he drives truck, is gone most of the week, when he is home, I’m at work. Said we will have to ditch our kids for a few hours, go watch the sunset from the dock, catch up. Wants to see the sun light up my pretty green eyes again.. he is just so sweet.. and OMG, LOOKS??!! I keep pinching myself… why me and how did this happen? There has to be SOMETHING wrong with him!! I Hope I don’t find it to soon. Im totally enjoying this man! YUMM!!!

  89. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    ESB – You’re such a girly girl :-) I’m going to experiment w a new color on my toes. I love the french, but once in a while it’s nice to change it up.

    I may take some new pics today too.

  90. ESB says:

    Midwest, I am painting my toe nails while blogging… a nice shade of pink. Looks very “Springy”

  91. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Rainy, lazy day today. I’ve decided to pour a glass of wine and have a home spa day! Any favorite home treatments you would like to share?

  92. cleo says:

    shoog: check yer mail first

  93. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    ESB – I’m very happy for you! We will be here growing and evolving in our own ways, but coming back to our secret little sugar world to take a peek. I feel like we are all coming of age again.

    You two have me beat on small towns when I hear about your graduating class! I do remember playing the snipe hunting trick…too much fun! My favorite memory is taking the rowboat for a two hour trek to the country store…lazy summer days. It was more about the adventure than the destination.

  94. ESB says:

    Leave the batteries in, SS, we love your energy level!!

  95. Ha ha ha, ESB! I have had people ask me how to take my batteries out because of all my non-stop energy! Very happy for you with your new possibility. I can *see* you smiling from here. You deserve it. :)

    I’m really, really, really leaving…

  96. ESB says:

    AM: I will be back from time to time… relationships for me haven’t lasted more than 3 months… so I’m not terminating anything here. Just going to see where things go. I love you people, love hearing the success stories, and just learning about people in general. Like what SS said ^^, learing the many sides of relationships, the inner workings of them, figuring out what is what, and how and why things work or don’t… I’ve learned alot from here!! Had that discussion with the BF. He has a friend in an abusive relationship, and I’m trying to help him understand why she insists on staying there. I don’t agree with it, but do understand that dependancy abusers put on people. Different levels of abuse, but it’s all the same tactic! I was there for years!!

  97. ESB says:

    SS: if you didn’t make a mistake once in a while, even with just bolding, I’d think YOU were a robot! Love ya hun!!

  98. Ugh! hate it when I do that. Oh well.

  99. cleo: While addressing thanks to the men on opening up regarding my question on affection, I didn’t mean to overlook your post. You always provide profound feedback. I can see you have been on the same path as I have been. Discovering and understanding human relationships is fascinating to me. Forcing myself to delve into further understanding the absolute phenomena of the male and female psyche in regards to intimate relationships have caused me to approach relationships with a new kind of awareness and honesty. I have learned to break out of old patterns and move more gracefully with the mystery and unpredictability of relationships! (Sugar and otherwise)

    PS – Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

  100. Just caught up quickly before I head out…

    NYC SB: Duly noted that I need to add a shopping spree with you in the city for breakup list number three! Also, I agree with Midwest that traditional dating seems to be a natural progression for you. Some guy out there is going to come sweep you off your feet. There is life after sugar!

    ESB: Glad you found your knight in shining armor too.

    The bottom line is, whether it’s an arrangement or a traditional relationship, they are all REAL relationships with REAL people (unless you go the Roxxxy Android route) and if they make you happy and make your heart sing – that is all that counts! Life is short.

    have a wonderful day, all!

  101. Anna Molly says:

    The only bad thing about my school was that there were no boys in my 8th grade class, only girls…LOL.

  102. Anna Molly says:

    ESB ~ Don’t leave the blog! Blogville will miss you :(

  103. ESB says:

    I never went in the trunk either, I was usually the driver… mom’s ginormous buick would hold lots of kids!! Seat belts were never used back then!!

  104. ESB says:

    We were the same. Most of us still keep in touch, but some are so bitter of stupid HS stuff, they avoid everyone that has to do with that small town. I don’t think I was one of the “mean girls”, but I’m sure I had my moments. I remember being picked on my fair share of the time. For the most part though, we are still “family”. That is the only good part of that little place.

    I usually tell people I graduated 7th in my class.. don’t always tell them out of 20! 😉

  105. Anna Molly says:

    We would do that too…I was never put in the trunk though 😀

  106. ESB says:

    Thank you AM.

    Hmm Drive Inns… we had what was car load night. Only the driver paid. We would get as many people in a car as possible, even putting some in the trunk!! Also put lots of beer in the trunk… it was more drunk night than anything. Aahhh.. good times, good times 😉

  107. Anna Molly says:

    ESB ~ 20 in you class is small, but I can top that. I went to a school where there were only 35 students all together! We had grades K-8th, but we had so much fun and I developed some very close friendships. I still talk to the girls I was best friends with!

  108. Anna Molly says:

    Congrats ESB!! I’m so happy for you! I wish you all the best 😀

  109. ESB says:

    SS: I got caught in that embarrasing game too… and had a blast playing it on the rookies the following year!! Some traditions are worth passing on.

    I too grew up in a small town. Graduated with 20 in my class!! gossip was a way of life. Nothing else to do, so the old ladies would gather at the soda fountain, add their bits and pieces to the already not-so-true stories, and pass them on with added flourish! So glad to be out of that!

  110. ESB says:

    Good morning Sugar Family! As usual, I missed some fun on here. Just droping in to say HI and that you probably won’t be seeing much of me anymore. I met a wonderful man, and to say the least, I am smitten. Not sure where this is going to go, but I am in for the ride. No more SDs, I can’t do that to him. If things don’t work out, I’ll be back. I have NO idea what I am going to do finacially, but right now, not to worried about it. I’m trying to go slow, but it is so hard when there is this much chemistry. He is ALL about his family, I already met one brother (his twin!) and one sister, who has the same name as me. Wierd. We are trying to figure out how we will see each other tomorrow with all the family stuff going on…. his best friends father dying, my daughter breaking up with her BF of 4 years (she is a basket case!) and we just want to spend a few hours talking in person, not on the phone.

    Anyway, I’ll be around for a while…. how is everyone?

  111. Anna Molly says:

    Shoog…LOL, we didn’t have Snipe hunting in Tennessee 😀

  112. Two funny small town stories:

    My first movie ever was “Porky’s” at the drive-in 20 miles from our small town. It was long before I ever kissed a boy or knew what “making out” was. My mom took us. She still barely spoke English at the time and thought it was going to be a cartoon about Porky Pig. Needless to say, she realized it wasn’t about the cartoon Porky (it took her 30 minutes because she was flirting with the guy at the hot dog stand and by then, my young eyes were bigger than half dollars) so anyway, after she made this realization, she drove us across the street to the roller skating rink instead.

    Do any of you ladies know about “snipe” hunting? I was tricked into that little game. For those who don’t know. There is no such thing as a snipe. It’s a practical joke. My friends took me out into the middle of the woods and gave me an old grain sack and told me to make this funny noise to catch a snipe. I had to walk around with this sack close to the ground and go, “Cooo cooo, waaaaah” and that would make a snipe run into the bag. The point is, they all leave you there and watch in the background as you try to catch this imaginary bird!

    Out of the house for the day. The weather is gorgeous here today!!!

  113. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Cleo- I wasn’t really serious..buy yeah, stay away from the bulls.

    AM – Too funny!

    SG2- Ahhhh…the drive-in! There is still one not too far from here…wanna go :-)

  114. cleo says:

    midwest all the farmboys i knew refused to go cow tipping, would give a litany of reasons not to in fact…

  115. Anna Molly says:

    Midwest ~ YES!! I’ve been cow-tippin’…LOL. YAY! I’m in, I’m in!! 😀

    SG2 ~ Do I have Naughty Molly stories from the drive-in? What do you think 😉

    Have fun OC! 😀

  116. cleo says:

    lily: miss ocsb is correct on this one… unless you’re changing a fair number of details…

  117. cleo says:

    midwest i don’t think it should just be cowtipping , country doesn’t have to mean farm.

    heck i come from a place that had 90,000 people in it and our ‘cottage’ was an a-frame my parents built on land that they CLAIMED and had an outhouse and a lake with buckets for plumbing…

  118. SouthernGent2 says:

    Anna Molly – you got any naughty Molly stories from the drive-in? 😉 yhm btw

  119. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Anna – If you have been cow-tippin’, you can join :-)

    I would *love* to wear the costumes! How hot would that be? I swear I should have born in the 40s!

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Good Morning STSB Charter Members! Actually we all would qualify for the membership if we
      utilize the blog as our “little town”…
      Miss Lily, I love you to pieces but my SD (who has the slight crush) asked me to mention to
      you that you may be passing on too much detail in regards to your SD’s background.
      You did not mention names of where they worked but you might want to consider changing the info
      or going to the far end of the discreet spectrum. Sorry! Just passing on the message. He
      just wanted to keep YOUR identity safe. You would never want to leave a trail of your
      involvement in cyber-space.
      I wore out those teenagers yesterday on the slopes! Wimps :)
      NYGent I found that ice cold snowballs work very well in getting them out of bed!
      ahhh now they up early in fear of being ambushed again. Plus I think they
      can smell the blueberry pancakes I just made. Oh and Bacon! Get’s ’em
      every time!

      Have a great day you guys! Signing off as a marshmellow rolled in yellow sugar!

  120. Anna Molly says:

    I spent a good portion of my childhood on a farm out in the country and want to know if this would qualify for your “small town girls club”?

    When we left the farm we moved to a very small town. We had three forms of entertainment: We could go roller skating, go to the drive-in or park at Leon’s Burger Shack and watch the cars go by…LOL. We had one traffic light and going to the mall was a chore 😀

  121. Anna Molly says:

    What a great idea Midwest!! Do we get to wear the costumes too? How fun would that be 😉

  122. Midwest aka Charter member of the US Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Good morning! God I feel GREAT!

    NYC SB – That choice seems like such a natural progression for you! I’m so excited! In my mind, this is what sugar is all about. You were in a challenging place a few years ago. Sugar, combined with your drive and intelligence, brought you to a place where you are now self-sufficient with a long-term plan in place. I hope you find happily ever after and KNOW you will succeed in anything you set your mind to. You go girl!!

    Shoogar – downloading now! Great songs! Should you, Anna and I do the closing number for Chicago?

    Buxum – YES!

  123. Anna Molly says:

    Good Morning Everyone! 😀

    Hope y’all aren’t too hungover this morning..LOL

  124. AdrianeSB says:

    haha, so true, she’s unstoppably and infectiously bubbly! And pro in multitasking 😀

    I’m still coughing my lungs out, probably have to cancel tomorrow’s date as well, so maybe it’s best if I didn’t come to infect you guys :( but let’s see how I’m feeling on Monday…

  125. ChampagneSB says:

    Whew! 9 hours of sleep and I am fresh as a daisy :) Time to go get my hair done… Happy Saturday everyone!

    Buxom – Awesome! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

    Hi Lily! Giggling at your “hunting IRL” comment. 5 SBs could be some serious competition 😉

  126. Lily says:

    Adriane’s the only one on this blog that can confirm that my IRL persona, even over six hours or so of hanging out, is exactly the same as my nonstop-energy blog persona. :) *mwah!*
    hyvää pääsiästä, muru!

    By the way, one of the euro meet sugar babes lives in my freaking neighborhood & we’re meeting monday evening for drinks. Wanna join, Adriane? teija, if you’re still lurking, take the train into town and join us as well. And I have another sugarbabe-newbie friend who recently started seeking, who could join us too. That would make 5 of us. :) then we go hunting IRL. 😉

  127. AdrianeSB says:

    Lily, you are an amazing energizer bunny 😀

    buxom, congrats, that’s such an exhilarating feeling, keeping my fingers crossed!!

  128. buxombeautylv says:

    This lil SB went to market. This lil SB came home. This lil SB had fun fun fun, and giggled alllllllllll the way home!

    Tonight’s pot date was great. I am cautiously excited about this one. whee!

  129. Lily says:

    SSSD, don’t you forget what I said about Riga!!!!

  130. Lily says:

    I have a:

    1 date per month SD (married, 3 kids, 2 careers)

    1 four-day-trip per 6-8 weeks SD (own law practice, married, 3 kids)

    and my reliable once-a-week-during-business-hours (baby at home he cares for 50% of the time, exploding career as partner in an IT company, married to a high powered career woman) SD

    and i still have too much idle time on my social calendar.

    I think NYC SB’s on to something.

    Two solid contenders who are offering every single string attached and I’m unsure what to do (not to mention two millionaires & two billionaires I am in daily contact with who I have hit it off with, live).

    Like I told a talented lady recently, when it rains, it freakin’ pours. 2 months ago I had a crush on McPoofer who had just vanished the first time, was considering starting my first arrangement, and no suitable boyfriend options anywhere to be seen or in recent memory.

  131. SSSD says:

    SincereSD: Wow and I thought I had it tough with an asian mother who never thought anything I did was good enough and expected me to be the next Nobel prize winner.

    Oh my God, Sincere, you are my long lost brother!!!

    SincereSD: We can be the charter members/founders of the SBs from Small Towns Admirers Club, I volunteer to open the Latvian Chapter

    I belong to that club. In fact, Sincere, SDinLA and I should open something together…

    Riga is a place with a lot of, um, natural resources.


  132. SSSD says:

    SDinLA: Alternatively, I’ve heard that donning ruby red Louboutins, clicking the heels together three times and saying “Unlimited shoegasms, unlimited shoegasms, unlimited shoegasms” will magically transport you to SSSD’s door.

    Guess she didn’t have those red Louboutins.

  133. SSSD says:

    SDinLA reviewed: If you’re a Thomas Keller fan, the Bouchon here in Beverly Hills is worth a visit. No substitute for the French Laundry, or even Per Se, but I had an enjoyable lunch and much preferred the setting to the Vegas Bouchon.

    I was terribly disappointed by the Vegas Bouchon when I went last year (or was it the year before that…)

    I’m just

  134. cleo says:

    shoogar: recently i installed a skylight, the people who live above me were furious
    SDinLA my friend and i regularly play ‘what not to wear’ in our closets and today i tried on EVERYTHING that usually just hangs in the corners and gets forgotten… including my 80’s lace up thong bodysuits i used to wear with tight jeans and very big hair. funny thing, they fit again…

    i didn’t own the clubs but i did party with the rock stars

    god it was funny trying on the things that i keep just because they’re souvenirs…

  135. cleo says:

    SSSD: as i said, it’s a different deal with a single SD. i don’t mind falling for you and enjoying a year or so of crazy romance and wonderful sex and good times while i finally realize a cherished dream…

    but that’s with a single SD. with a married one who is going home to another woman it seems like the choice is to have two sd’s or a regular guy on the side and the latter feels less honest.

    please remember, i’ve never been an sb, this is all conjecture
    SDinLA again i was speaking to the married sd. i can’t imagine trying to juggle multiple single sd’s… that seems impossible.

    i also really don’t know if i COULD juggle even if my SD were married. i too have always been a serial monogamist but if this place doesn’t get you at least wondering about the assumptions you’ve made about yourself then what’s it for?
    Sincere: if one were to have an afternoon sd and a travel sd (for example) the timing at least would be fine. you’d have to be careful not to pick two who wanted similar commitments or that would be a problem.

    again, i don’t know that i could do it emotionally, but it’s certainly worth exploring as a thought…

    i like your point about the damsel thing. that’s a side of it for the SD i hadn’t considered…
    hmm i come from a smaller town too… and have lived on more than one farm…

    evening sugars! here i come in the scroll!

  136. NYC SB says:

    Well comments above are maybe a day or two overdue but such things happen when you work tons of hours at a place that blocks the blog
    FB – a bit late on the bandwagon but I hope you are ok! Im sorry about your experience
    Flo – I am sorry things are shitty right now… im in a very similar boat sister… except work keeps me busy enough so I don’t have the time to sit at home and be miserable or work out… that’s what I really want to just mope around for a weekend
    Shoogar – number 3 on the break up list is email NYC SB and set up a massive shopping spree
    NYGent – The 17k allowance… again it happens… but its rare… almost as rare as a non sex arrangement. Even though my first SD was on this site I met him IRL… he certainly was a rare breed. In all honesty the motivation behind such lavish allowance was to ultimately lure the SB into marrying him. This didn’t work with me and since he moved on to e harmony and found himself an age appropriate fiance.
    OC – glad to see you having such fun!
    JamesNY – date 2 (ensuring sugar has appeared) is usually my rule as well… it should be an expedited dating experience… IRL well that’s another story… never less than 3 dates though
    Lily – Carpet bombing approach – I did that for NY metro area SDs… ended up being overwhelmed… and probably missed out on many good SD pots
    SA blog gods – HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING A BLACKBERRY APP FOR THE BLOG! (please say yes! And get one out ASAP)

    Lastly, yes I have fallen in love with an SD or at least gotten super close to that… it wasn’t the support or the lifestyle but it was the person and how I felt while I was with him. I forgot the cardinal rule in SD/SB dating… its not meant to be forever. Which lead me to realize that I indeed want someone with a future. I also realized that I make good money at my job (enough for my bills and a comfortable lifestyle), my trading is vastly improving so the income that was supposed to be a little extra is becoming somewhat substantial. As such I have decided to retire for sugar dating (at least for a little while) and be with someone who will not wave the money card at me or the nsa card at me. I think I am ready for a real relationship with is reciprocated in kind by both parties. I will continue the blog and my stories, of course I am available for advice and will be on the blog as much as I can.

    OK its 1am and I have to wake up and work out in the am and then go to work… so I couldn’t fully catch up on the blog… oh well maybe tomorrow!

  137. Beach_Girl says:

    SDinLA~ yeah That makes sense!!! i hate marshmallow’s so… I wouldn’t like them!
    I am actually listening to some 80’s rock lol… the memories! lol

  138. SDinLA says:

    Beach_Girl: they sell Peeps in Canada, I’ve seen them in Vancouver! They come in other shapes now, not just yellow chicks, I’ve seen pink bunnies too. And they are *disgusting* They taste “cheap” if that makes sense…

  139. Beach_Girl says:

    Anna ~ I don’t like marshmallow’s … I guess i wouldn’t like them!

  140. Anna Molly says:

    Peeps are marshmallow chicks rolled in sugar…you either love them or hate them.

    IMHO, they’re nasty!

  141. Beach_Girl says:

    I have no idea what peep’s are… not sure we have them here

  142. FLSB says:

    Midwest : good night, proud to be part of your group and MWM- man with money?

  143. Anna Molly says:

    Hey BG! I’m good!

    I don’t like Peeps either…yuck!!

  144. But what about PEEP SHOWS??? Hmmm?

    Ha ha.


  145. Beach_Girl says:

    Shoogar~ Have a great time tonight!!! sing your little heart out!

    Anna Hey girl! how you been?

  146. SDinLA says:

    Knock em dead at karaoke Shoogar!

    No Peeps, those are nasty… :-)

  147. Ok, guys. Friends are here! Thanks for the fun tonight.

    Have fun on your Easter egg hunt tomorrow, SDinLA! I hope your kids have the BEST chocolate bunny, peep-filled, Cadbury egg, jelly bean day they will never forget! (Darn, wish I was there. I love all those things!)

    Good night, Beach – I hope you get some real sleep tonight.

    Good night, AM. Stay naughty, naughty.

    Good night anyone else lurking.

    Sit Ubu, sit. Good dog. Ruff!

  148. Anna Molly says:

    Aww, I’m blushing!

  149. It should be RAWR NAUGHTY MOLLY. She’s a hottie!

  150. SDinLA says:

    Didn’t realize Molly was here….

    Friday night and it’s “Anna” and not “Naughty?”

  151. Hi, AM! My friends are late. I think I am moving to limoncello!

  152. ha ha ha. Good dad! And I won’t tell you to sit!

    Oh, I don’t know why I thought it was Cheers or something. Thanks for answering my question. I will sleep well tonight. See, that’s all I need. No melatonin for me! But the wine does help too.

  153. Anna Molly says:

    Never watched Spin City

  154. Anna Molly says:

    That was Family Ties wasn’t it?

  155. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: Family Ties and Spin City both ended with the “Sit Ubu Sit!” thing

    Re: Easter Egg Hunt, well this year she has them on Sunday, so she’ll have hers for them then. I get them tomorrow, so that’s my turn. No formal contest, but damned if I’m going to let hers be more memorable than mine! :-)

  156. But WHICH show was it. The show would end with a snapshot of a black dog holding a frisbee in his mouth and a voice would say, “Sit Ubu, Sit. Good dog.” and then it would end with a snappy bark from the dog! I know I’m not imagining this.

    Oh wow, glad I’m not in Canada. I have wine shipped to my house so never a need to run out for that, but I’m always running out late for other things. Some of my friends only drink beer and sometimes I have to run out for other things. We have a drive-through convenient store near my house opened really late and I bet they even carry melatonin!

    SDinLA – delayed thought. what do you mean by ‘outdo the ex-wife’ with the Easter egg hunt? That was kind of funny. Do you guys have a contest?

  157. Beach_Girl says:

    Shoogar~ No I didn’t know that, I will have to try and get to the store tomorrow, but since on the weekend it closes at 5pm… I might not have the time… LOL i’m in CANADA! We have labor laws! no nonsense working 24/7 here… lol

  158. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar, I answered your question about Ubu, see above!

  159. I prefer Veuve. Yuuum. And yes, it is really that easy.

  160. I KNOW there was a show that ended with that statement. It’s going to drive me mad until I remember.

    Beach – of you take melatonin you need to take seratonin too. Did you know that? Stores only open until 9? I thought you were a city girl?

  161. Beach_Girl says:

    I think so SDinLA lol…

  162. SDinLA says:

    So a case of ’75 Dom/Cristal/Veuve Clicquot, a karaoke machine and repeated uttering of “shoegasm” and Shoogar’s good for the evening?

  163. Beach_Girl says:

    OMG Shoogar, yes I think there was something like that lol… I don’t remember what sitcom though…
    I tried everything girl… I have to get melatonin ? i think it’s called but I get home too late, and here the stores are only open until 9pm…

  164. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: Must be the wine.

    Gary Goldberg’s production company was “Ubu Productions” named after his dog.

    Family Ties and Spin City were some of the shows he produced.

  165. Ha ha ha! I don’t know if it’s the wine or if SDinLA’s Waltons comment was just the funniest thing ever.

    Does anyone remember what sitcom it was from the 80’s that ended with, “Sit Ubu, sit. Good dog” or did I just make that up in my head?

    Beach – try a hot, steamy bubble bath, relaxing music and a glass of red wine. Or champagne. Unless champagne makes you excited – which it does for me.

    Confessions of an SB. Right here. Right now.

    Now, I’m thinking of U2. Woooo. ADHD in high gear tonight!

  166. Beach_Girl says:

    SDinLA~ I use to love hiding all the eggs… so much fun! I’m sure your kids will love it!

  167. Beach_Girl says:

    Shoogar~ I am wired… wish I didn’t have to work so early tomorrow. Still insomnia I think…

  168. SDinLA says:

    Goodnight Champagne… this is starting to resemble the SA version of The Waltons with the goodnights.

    No karaoke with Shoogar for me alas, staying in and resting up so I can outdo my ex-wife with the Easter Egg Hunt for the kids tomorrow.

  169. Good night, ChampagneSB – see you back here soon!

    Beach – are you sleeping tonight? Or still on insomnia high?

  170. Beach_Girl says:

    Night ChampagneSB… see you soon!

    SDinLA~I have no proof of that time lol… I was too young 😉
    It’s so not the same anymore… really sad!!! But some of the same people are around!

  171. SDinLA – Undisputed?? We will have to see about that. Although I didn’t do any night-club owning or rock star hanging out….I did have an Emerson Boombox and access to MTV and Song Hits Magazine (does anyone remember those?) and a lot of big haired, Molly Ringwald dancing times in my room. Ah, those self-seeking years of 80’s obscure music, hairbrush singing times in my room were the start of it all! The karaoke start. It wasn’t one mint julep, in my case.

    Goodnight, Midwest. Toronto will never be the same, methinks.

  172. ChampagneSB says:

    And, good night Beach 😉 Didn’t realize you were still around!

  173. SDinLA says:

    Goodnight, Midwest.

    Beach_Girl: when I see pictures from that time, I am ashamed at some of the clothing I wore. Thankfully my hair was never too bad. Those were the days on the Sunset Strip though, pale shadow of what it once was these days.

  174. ChampagneSB says:

    Good night Midwest! I am doing the same.

    SDinLA and Shoogar – enjoy your karaoke!

  175. Beach_Girl says:

    Sorry SDinLA lol… guess i’m tired.. And not that I was there lol, I was too young to get in lol…. I know a few Rock Stars too 😉

  176. Beach_Girl says:

    SDonLA~ The 80’s on Sunset where the best, it’s so different now!!

  177. Beach_Girl says:

    Midwest~ night! see you soon, enjoy you luxury!

    Shoogar~ have fun at Karaoke!

  178. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: since we’re making this a confessional, while I am not a huge karaoke aficionado as you are, I am the undisputed King of all 80s music, particularly, bad and/or obscure 80s music.

    I went through a nightclub-owning, hanging out with rock stars stage back then… ah the foolish things we do when we are young.

  179. Midwest aka Charter member of the Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    SDinLA- I guess neither are up and coming :-)

    Shoogar – Bittersweet – got it! I have homework for Toronto!

    The fire is dying, drink is drained and I’m ready to put this long week to a close. Enjoy karaoke Shoogar! Time to sleep until I wake up…a rare luxury!

    Sweet thoughts sugars!


  181. ChampagneSB says:

    Midwest – married white male?

  182. “Pushed around and kicked around. Always a lonely girl…

    I cannot hit the high notes in that song! Have you seen Destiny’s Child vs. Bronski Beat Smalltown Boy? Now that one I can do! “Say my name, say my name…”

    Love Bronski Beat, by the way. Surprised (but not) that you called them out!

  183. SDinLA says:

    MWM = Married White Male? Misogynistic Women-hating Male? (in honor of Shoogar’s Redundancy Department)

  184. Midwest aka Charter member of the Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Macho? Millionaire? Momma’s boy? Married? Ahhhhh…. ding, ding!

  185. Beach_Girl says:

    Midwest~ I think MWM is married white male… not sure though.

  186. Midwest aka Charter member of the Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    What is MWM…as in Sexy MWM wants to meet you?

  187. SDinLA says:

    Midwest: I haven’t been in a comedy club in ages, no idea about up and coming comedians. If you like Stephen Wright, you’ll probably like Mitch Hedburg and Daniel Tosh, although the former is dead and the latter hardly up and coming.

    Shoogar: “Smalltown Boy” by Bronski Beat please, you can just change it to “Smalltown Girl” 😉

  188. Midwest – if you have never heard Bitter:Sweet’s songs, look them up now on YouTube (“Dirty Laundry” and “Get What I Want”) and also look up the lyrics. Memorize them. We shall sing them together! Tell me those 2 songs aren’t perfect for SB representin’!

    Oh, and I don’t mind that Steven Wright’s material is old. I still love him. Perhaps because his routine conjures up wonderful memories with my dad. I think his delivery is unique and genius.

  189. Midwest aka Charter member of the Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    SDinLA – That would be a huge disappointment! What up and coming comedians should we be looking for?

    Shoogar – Shake it! YES! SD is right…you could sell that all day long…or be a spotlight on YouTube!

  190. Midwest – the more the merrier, I say! How about we divide and conquer the room?! What you say?

    SDinLA – I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Steven Wright and have always wanted to see him live!! I’m so jealous. I can quote (to an annoying fault) almost all of his one-liners from the 80’s! “I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.” I used to spend Friday nights watching SW with my dad all the time. Thanks for the GREAT memory. Oh, and why does Asian and cheesy always seem to end up in the same sentence?! Ha ha ha.

    Glass 2 of Darioush is going down oh so smoothly! I have another hour before karaoke!

  191. SDinLA says:

    Midwest: I saw Stephen Wright doing stand-up way back in the 80s when he was an unknown. Last year, I saw him on Letterman or Leno, one of the late night talk shows, and he did the *exact* same set he did 20 some years ago, and the way they were presenting it, it was as if the set was new material. I guess they’re counting on everyone who saw him back then no longer watching Late Night talk.

    Shoogar: hahahahaha, that is great! If he can do a karaoke video with you in it to accompany the song, something super cheesy like the Asian karaoke DVDs, I’d buy that!

  192. Midwest aka Charter member of the Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Shoogar – I see we are going to have to share the spotlight…can there be more than one extrovert in the room?

  193. Midwest – I vote SHAKE WHAT YOUR MAMA GAVE YA!

  194. Midwest aka Charter member of the Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    SDinLA – Indeed I do! “but for a while I was suspect” Who said it?

    I think I’m going to have to crank up my stereo as my unfortunate neighbors have decided everyone within a 5 mile radius wants to hear their rap….or I can go dance…hmmmm.

  195. SDinLA – I am really going to expose my karaoke junkie side here by sharing this, but, oh well. I am amongst karaoke lovers so here goes. I have a friend who can turn any song into a karaoke version so I have sent him Bitter:Sweet’s “Dirty Laundry” AND “Get What I Want” and asked him to make CDs for me. What fun those two songs would be on stage!! It’s pretty bad when you show up to a karaoke bar with your OWN CDs! I have been known to walk into the crowds and sit on an elderly gentleman’s lap while singing. His wife encouraged it! It was their 50th wedding anniversary. It was so fun to sit there and see her laughing and patting her husband on the shoulder while he blushed away! So fun.

  196. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: I’ve never seen Bitter:Sweet at a karaoke place though. I requested that song from Lily the other day, and I’d definitely be requesting it from you if it were an option…

    Midwest: you know what they say killed the cat…

  197. ChampagneSB says:

    Shoogar – Thank you! And, no, THAT kind of stuff doesn’t scare me! I love the blog. It’s a great way to connect with (sometimes) like minded individuals. Plus, I met one of my best girlfriends on the blog!

    Good stuff, generally speaking :)

  198. Welcome back, ChampagneSB! Please don’t allow our ricocheting of topics (and moods) scare you away! 😉

    Ah, but, Beach, please do not mistake my love for karaoke to translate to my being able to carry a tune in a bucket! I am more about entertaining the crowd!

    SDinLA – guess what I am listening to right now? Bitter:sweet’s “Dirty Laundry” – I just can’t get enough of that song! And that’s the kind of mood I am in right now. Simply bad….

  199. Beach_Girl says:

    ChampagneSB~ not fair lol…. i’m too curious!

    Midwest~ totally understand 😉
    HAHHAHa the guys sing like a virgin lol…

  200. ChampagneSB says:

    All this karaoke talk is kind of making me want to go out! Ahhh…I was planning on staying in, enjoying some wine, and getting some beauty sleep.

  201. Midwest aka Charter member of the Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Shoogar – I’m in! Only if the guys will sing “Like a virgin” !

    Beach – I’m taking the privacy route…sorry honey!

  202. Beach_Girl says:

    not Had,,,, but HAS an amazing voice …. gezzz

  203. ChampagneSB says:

    Beach – Thanks! Probably 😉

  204. Beach_Girl says:

    Shoogar~ Midwest Had an AMAzing voice! she can sing… ME? Sing? HA people would pay big bucks for me to shut up…I love music but I cannot hold a tune!!! sorry …

  205. Beach_Girl says:

    ChampagneSB~ Welcome or welcome back, do I know you?

  206. Midwest – Redneck woman is a FUN one! I want to see you in action singing that one!

    Midwest and BG – at an upcoming Sugar Meet the three of us will have to get up and sing a really good one! “I like my women a little on the trashy side…” might be a good choice! Sexy, fun, naughty and gets the crowd going! What do you ladies think? And the crowd goes wiiiiiild….

  207. ChampagneSB says:

    Good evening everyone! Wow…I confess I have been lurking. It’s quite interesting and amusing :) Although, I’m one of the “old” bloggers … lol.

    I wonder … Once one starts down this path and style of “dating”, it seems difficult to go back to “normal” dating. Normal men seem so…shall I say, mediocre? (and that’s putting it nicely) after some of the SD’s I have met on the site.

  208. Beach_Girl says:

    Shoogar~ that is so funny…. Van Halen lol

    Midwest ~ sitting and smiling with the dress! i guess the legs one

  209. Midwest aka member of the newfound Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Shoogar- That was HYSTERICAL!!! I had the crowds yelling “Hell Yeah” to Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson one very drunken night. “I don’t need no designer tag to make my man want me” … oh my!

    BG – Which one? The legs?

  210. Midwest – I have a funny story (don’t I always?) about Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” in a karaoke bar. I was in LA visiting my sister and we went to a karaoke bar. It was a somber crowd, to say the least. My sister and I got on stage and sang that song and suddenly the dance floor was crowded and EVERYONE was singing. When we finished, the dance floor emptied except for one big, meathead type guy in a ripped muscle shirt (drunker than Cooter Brown), still dancing and singing and he shouted, “VAN HALEN ROCKS!!!” to which the karaoke police took control and asked the man in the white tee to exit the dance floor and “get his artists right!”

    It was very funny and probably one of those location situations as I sit here and laugh and type and realize it’s probably not so funny when you read it.

  211. Beach_Girl says:

    Midwest~ you took off my fav pic of you though…

    Interesting profile??? do tell?

  212. Midwest aka member of the newfound Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Shoogar – Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey!

    Tootsie – still waiting!

    I did see one interesting profile though :)

  213. Ha ha ha! I would HAVE to be donning ruby red Louboutins, a tight sparkly dress and throw in some added curvaceous come-ons to keep THIS crowd awake during a song like “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” – they are much too rowdy for a song like that!

  214. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: After this evening’s posts, the most singularly appropriate request I could have is for “Over the Rainbow” 😉

    Just make sure the Louboutins are ruby red…

  215. tootsie says:

    Thank you midwest will do and thank you.

  216. Midwest aka member of the newfound Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    SDinLA – The elevator or co-op is where grain is bought and sold. It’s very much like the stock exchange. Let’s put these farmers on Wall Street and see how they do!

    Beach – It’s an honor and a privilege to be stalked by you :)

  217. SDinLA – HA. My smartphone ain’t so smart! (and there’s the Midwest girl in me coming out!) I have a BB and to actually come on SA blog and post from it, is labor intensive and might possibly cause the phone to spontaneously combust. Right there. While I’m on stage. That would only be fun if I were singing a Van Halen song and it sparked at the right key!

    I will take requests now though, before leaving. I do a nice rendition of “Hey Big Spender!” How appropriate. Yes, there are high kicks in Louboutins involved.

  218. Midwest aka member of the newfound Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    Shoogar – I agree, the gents shared honestly and openly…very refreshing perspectives. I skipped the wine tonight and went straight for the bourbon. I hardly ever drink liquor, but it’s going down nicely!

    Shamefully, the only french restaurant I have visited was at Epcot :( Should I add that to my wish list?

  219. SDinLA says:

    Midwest: I have no idea, I’m a city boy, through and through. “Buying/selling at the elevator” where I come from might refer to a negotiation for a quickie on the ride up to your flat, or perhaps a deal for the evening’s recreational pharmaceutical purchase.

  220. Beach_Girl says:

    Midwest aka member of the newfound Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC
    HAHHA love the new name. Love the new photo on your profile BTW!! 😉
    Stalking shall resume for you LMAO

  221. Tootsie – Click through to my name and I will see your profile.

  222. Beach_Girl says:

    SDinLA~ I agree that it was a long dinner, but I was on Vacation!
    There is this little French restaurant here, hole in the wall… The menu is on a black board, and they only have 15 tables, it’s amazingly good… Love it!
    I love those little restaurants that are very unique and small… We have tons here.
    One little French restaurant, Cafe des Artistes in Cali was amazing… not sure if it’s in Santa Monica or something.

  223. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: I vote for karaoke, but only if you do as Lily did and check in with the blog via smartphone and take song requests

  224. Blame the post above on Darioush. Thank you.

  225. Midwest aka member of the newfound Small Town SBs Club aka STSBC says:

    SDinLA – I have not driven a combine, but have ridden in one. I also learned about buying/selling at the elevator (somewhat). Is that like forex?

    I LOVE hole in the wall restaurants! My favorite is a Cambodian Thai restaurant that has about 6 tables and the best food ever! Their “mild” kicks @ss, but’s it’s superb!

  226. I agree with SDinLA, you have to be in the mood</i for French Laundry. Or bring some toothpicks to prop your eyes open by course 7!!

  227. Ok, the night is still young. I am sitting here enjoying a nice 2006 Darioush Cabernet and spending time with you guys for now. Trying to decide if I should end this week (and begin the weekend) with friends by going out for some mindless merriment at a local Karaoke bar.

    It was wonderful to read all of the men’s responses on giving and accepting of affection in sugar relationships. I can see why, Midwest, you would be intrigued and confused. I think there’s a fine tightrope we balance on when we choose to sugar date and the general rules of dating are altered (have to be altered) somewhat, which is why I prosed the question in the most delicate way possible. Clearly, from reading all of the responses, it is an area of concern for the men and most of them (if not all) have to deal with it at some point during their sugar endeavors. Thank you all for opening up and answering honestly, without abandon. It helps us as SBs to understand your thought processes in this type of pursuit.

    SincereSD said: “Nice job, Shoo. You missed your calling in life. Call up one of the big Madison Avenue (Ad) Agencies and get a job as their Chief Creative Officer.”

    Ah, but Sincere, as much as I would love to take credit for the witty lyricism of which I shared, I cannot tell a lie. I merely changed the words of those quoted by our masked six-shooter friend, The Lone Ranger.

    tootsie35: Midwest is right. Screening is KEY in a sugar pursuit. Sad, but true, but we have to take the bad with the good.

    I second SSSD and Beach_Girl, could we resume flirting at some point??

    I hope everyone else has a nice favorite beverage of choice in hand as we enter into a relaxing weekend!

  228. SDinLA says:

    SincereSD: We can be the charter members/founders of the SBs from Small Towns Admirers Club, I volunteer to open the Latvian Chapter

    Midwest and all the other Midwesterners/small town girls: as the Beach Boys sang, “The Midwest farmers’ daughters really make you feel alright.”

    The one SB I felt like might have been the “one who got away” was a 4th generation farmer’s daughter from South Dakota. There was something incredibly sexy about a woman who could drive a combine.

    Then again, come to think of it, the single most batshit crazy potential SB I ever encountered was also a small town girl, but maybe she was the outlier.

    SincereSD: Every family meal turned into an impromptu therapy session for us kids. It’s a wonder we all survived. As to being “cured” of wanting to rescue the damsels in distress, it wasn’t any one thing he said, more just a gradual process of getting me to recognize the pattern and then to examine the underlying causes of my feeling the need to do so. Avoiding profiles with “Princess” in them helped a lot too! 😉

    Beach_Girl: The French Laundry is amazing, but you have to be in the mood. Sometimes I’d rather slum it and do the hole-in-the-wall thing, and the prospect of sitting there for hours amidst all that decadent cuisine is unappealing.

  229. Beach_Girl says:

    tootsie~ You need to put your profile # here so we can look. It is hard to find One Good SD. It takes time and patience. Maybe you need to screen them more as Midwest said!

  230. tootsie says:

    Thank you midwest if someone could take a look at my profile though I would like the input for I have had nothing but issues, I am easy on the eyes well educated and for the most part a good person and I am having such a hard time finding one good SD.

  231. Beach_Girl says:

    Midwest~ Awww thank you!!!! I have no idea what ” that small town girl thing” is…. but YAY me! lol

  232. Midwest says:

    Tootsie – If you are getting the dates, I doubt it’s your profile. It may be your screening. Many of us do get stood up from time to time. It’s all a part of the process. Don’t post your profile number on here…too many lurkers.

    Beach – Wonderful! I am sitting outside by the fire on my swing and enjoying a lovely spring night! You have that “small town girl” thing going…we’ll make you an honorary member!

    Hi FLSB! So true, so true!

    There’s a story about my friend rescuing a lamb when she was six…sad then, funny now! I grew up on a ranch…whole different feeling.

  233. Beach_Girl says:

    SDinLA~ I loved the French Laundry, Been there on my trip to Napa Valley…

    SSSD~ Yes , were has all the flirting gone?!?

  234. tootsie35 says:

    Would one of you lovely ladies mind looking at my profile to see what I could change maybe that would help.

  235. FLSB says:

    SincereSD: Small town girl. Will not argue with you. or reck your car. or pull a Houdini after a tuition payent. 😉 ~ just saying

  236. Project finished and sent! Yeeeessss!!

    Midwest – Very few know or believe it when I tell them, but I grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, USA, myself. Yes, a Midwest Farmer’s daughter. Well, my dad wasn’t a farmer, but bought a farm for my mom because she always wanted one. (go figure) I was nearing the first decade of my life before I realized our “PETS” were slowly disappearing one by one and our deep freezer was always full of neatly wrapped packages that oddly enough, didn’t come from the grocery store!

    Time to scroll up and read the chapters of today’s posting created by my abrupt throw of ice water!

  237. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!

    Unlimited Shoegasims… Oh My… A dream come true!!!

    Small town SBs are the best apparently???? Shoot, i’m not from a small town, how sad for me 😀

    Midwest~ Hey girl, how have you been?

  238. tootsie35 says:

    Okay though I have reaad the blog very often this is my first post. I haver returned home from being stood up by a pot SD I even called to confirm. I sat for fourty minutes nothing no phone call no text zilch. I have to say that I am beyond frustrated with all the poof daddys I seem to attract. What am I doing wrong?

  239. Midwest says:

    Shoogar – Did he come bearing Loboutins?

    Newbie – We’ve all been there – definitely read the archives and blogs. If you have specific questions, feel free to ask. I second Shoogar, block and next.

    Be very careful about accepting money…some men offer a gift just to show they appreciated your visit. Others may expect something. Until your screening skills are honed, I would be hesitant to accept the money.

  240. SincereSD says:

    SDinLA says: Re: Psych majors and Pygmalion… try having a mother who is a psychoanalyst.

    Wow and I thought I had it tough with an asian mother who never thought anything I did was good enough and expected me to be the next Nobel prize winner. I can imagine what is was like as my psych major friend even tries to analyze her cats.

    SDinLA says: SincereSD: I’ve been blessed with recent SBs who are much like the ones you describe. The shared characteristics are the same: they are either from small towns or from another country. Then again, when you’re dealing with 19-22 year olds, one inevitably has to deal with the entitled ones as well. I have some horror stories from my earlier days that would curl any SDs toes (until my therapist cured me of the desire to “rescue” women.) I like to think the recent gems have been due to me getting better at choosing, as well as karma paying me back for the horror stories.

    Maybe there is something to the profiling the “ideal” SB. I can see this now … all of a sudden, all SB from small town will be spoken for and there will be a bidding war against potential suitors.

    Sorry to hear about your misadventures with bad SBs. I think our “white knight” syndrome make us more susceptible to manipulators and we have to learn lessons the hard way in the school of life.

    I’m curious though, what did your therapist say to cure you of the “damsel in distress” affliction?

  241. Naughty Molly says:

    Hi all! I hope everyone has a fun weekend planned 😀

  242. Midwest says:

    PS – Small town girls ROCK!! Especially midwestern small town girls – right OC? :-)

  243. newbiesugabb – BLOCK and exit immediately! Hopefully you did not give him any personal information and are not using a real email address to correspond with him. Kindly tell him you are finished with all communication with him and STOP responding altogether and do it NOW.

    I’m trying to finish a project so could the sweet gentleman typing in the words shoegasm four times in one post kindly discontinue use of the word? It’s like a magnetic pull from the dark side or something. But oh my, look who just magically appeared at my doorstep??? Could it be…?

  244. Midwest says:

    Evening sugars!

    Deep discussions of love, “in love” and affection…I’m intrigued and confused. I accept that you don’t choose with whom you fall in love, but I always felt the sugar world allows us to cross into opening your heart without the risk of a broken heart. I’m good with giving someone 95% of my heart even if I know there’s an expiration date. During this short journey so far, I have cared about my past sd and know that we are better people for having become a part of each other’s lives.

    I don’t think we would be good sbs if we did it any differently. Love freely…you will never run out!

    My $0.02

  245. SDinLA says:


    try plugging that into a formula in your Excel spreadsheet…

    Alternatively, I’ve heard that donning ruby red Louboutins, clicking the heels together three times and saying “Unlimited shoegasms, unlimited shoegasms, unlimited shoegasms” will magically transport you to SSSD’s door.

    BTW, did anyone ever figure out how to say “unlimited shoegasm” in Latvian?

  246. newbiesugabb says:

    I don’t think I am cut out for this I just ended a 30 minute back and forth email argument with the ‘CRAZY” he said he fell in love with me I HAVE ONLY MET HIM ONCE. He gave me 500 dollars I DIDN’T ASK HIM FOR IT. I told him i didn’t want it and he insisted. now he accuses me of seeing other people. I fear he is a stalker. Okay need some help here. I obviously have no clue to what iam doing. Some body help me

  247. Working on a last minute, impromptu Friday night project so can’t read and respond to all that’s been posted until much later…


    …did someone say UNLIMITED SHOEGASMS???

    I’m not a mathematician (nor do I play one on TV), but I don’t think I need to be one to know unlimited means more than multiple!

    I likey. And whatever that was referring to, I AM SO IN.

    Back to my regularly scheduled impromptu project! That would be from the Department of Oxymoron Department.

  248. SincereSD says:

    cleo says: Sincere: i’m not shoogar but “deliver your future into the hands of your friends”

    Cleo, I was looking for something with more of a hero theme to it! It’s my sarcastic take on the need to rescue a damsel in distress.

    Jade says: I made the mistake of acting like I was into a guy and I noticed after that the allowance and gifts got smaller even to the point of nothing at all now, because he thinks I like him as “lovers” and not as Sugar daddy.

    Jade, the opposite is true with me. The more I like someone the more generous I am with them.

    cleo says: hmm falling in love with an SD >>> and the balancing act is of keeping the love without falling over to the ‘in love’ side of the fence. i want to love my SD (you know, when i actually have one) but not be IN love with him do you know?

    I think you will find that having 2 SD is a deal breaker for most men who are looking for ongoing sugar relationships. As for myself, I’ve had 2 SB concurrently and found it hard to maintain quality time with either one of them … to the point where most dates are conjugal in nature.

    On the subject of love, I truely think some people fall in love easier than others; for example, those with a more dependent personality or those with lower self-esteem are more susceptable. Then there are those who fall in love with the treatment. In any case, love is hard to deal with in a sugar relationship and while it’s not a deal breaker for me … if the drama gets too deep, I exit stage left.

  249. SDinLA says:

    SSSD: The flirting went away because Shoogar started talking about money, sex and expectations, pouring a virtual bucket of ice water over the flirty banter.

    Re: Psych majors and Pygmalion… try having a mother who is a psychoanalyst.

    Re: med school tuition converted into “monthly allowance”, no salt rubbing there, I learn way more from my mistakes, of which there are many, than my successes. Besides, when I convert everything I spent on my ex-wife, including the divorce settlement, into a “monthly allowance” for the entire time we were together, that monthly allowance would probably pay for a BBJ (Boeing Business Jet, which is disturbingly similar to another acronym one sees on the internet regarding prurient matters) to fly us all to a forum meet in an exotic locale every 3 months, suitable accommodations and entertainment for all, monogrammed grenade launchers as party favors, *and* unlimited shoegasms for Shoogar.

    And, yeah, can’t beat those huge windows on a Gulfstream.

    Cleo: I don’t know if having multiple SDs or SBs means one will balance one’s emotions. If you’re the type of person who is prone to the emotions, I would think all that would do is make it messier because you’d have more than one person in the equation *when* you fell in love with one of them. I find myself agreeing with SincereSD and SSSD- maybe it’s something about the Pygmalion and “Knight in shining armor” elements that attracts men into the role of a SD- that this only works for me as a serial monogamist. I want all the elements of “falling in love” but with a clearly defined, mutually agreed upon denouement. Multiple SBs is like more headaches without the reward I seek. If I wanted to sleep around, I’d go out to parties and hook up with random models and aspiring actresses like I did in my early 20s.

    The money thing to me is simple: As I said, my ex-wife cost me an obscene amount on a monthly basis at the end of the day (although she is the mother of my children, and they are priceless to me.) I’ve been a provider of financial support (even if often against her will) in every single relationship I have had, whether a marriage, a conventional girlfriend or a SB. An arrangement is just a neater, tidier way for me to frame the relationship, one that provides both parties with a graceful exit strategy to let us both avoid what we both say we don’t want (marriage, the expectations of “happily ever after” etc.) But that’s specific to me, there’s a broad spectrum of expectations that falls under the umbrella of “SB/SD” and to that you have to say, “suum cuique.”

    Restaurant review: If you’re a Thomas Keller fan, the Bouchon here in Beverly Hills is worth a visit. No substitute for the French Laundry, or even Per Se, but I had an enjoyable lunch and much preferred the setting to the Vegas Bouchon.

  250. SincereSD says:

    Shoogar Shoes says: SincereSD says: “Shoo, help me here. I need one a more appropriate lyric for this post.” “That SA put firewood there but that every man must gather ….” How’s that? I grew up watching old westerns, by the way. 😉

    Nice job, Shoo. You missed your calling in life. Call up one of the big Madison Avenue (Ad) Agencies and get a job as their Chief Creative Officer.

    Shoogar Shoes says: Have you felt those SBs were struck by cupids arrow because of their actions or because they told you so? I’m curious about this because I have wondered if I should tone down the way I am in some of those areas? If I like someone (SD, IRL, pot SD, etc), I really put focus on letting them know I like them and I’m inherently a very affectionately giving person. Sometimes these actions can become misconstrued as my falling for them or wanting more. This natural act for me has both helped me and hurt me. So I guess my question is, in this type of pursuit, is it better to tone down affection and keep things more sterile?

    Fwiw, I love (errr … like) a woman who is affectionate, likes PDA and is somewhat flirty. I do not misconstrue that as a sign of being in love but rather a sign of affection that my SB genuinely likes me and feels strong chemistry. Chemistry is hard to fake for an extended period and I’ve been in relationships where it took me a while to see the truth beyond her barbie doll SB good looks.

    Some of the telltale signs of Cupid influence I’ve seen are:
    – She says, “I love you” in the passion of the moment or when she thinks you are not listening;
    – Tears or sadness what I leave, have to cancel a date or when you mention your family;
    – Constant email, text or calls telling you how much she misses you;
    – Willingness to continue the relationship without an allowance after you try and break it off

  251. newbiesugabb says:

    I had a pot turn the tables on me. Okay i must say i started on CL mad move but it seemed good because i had no idea where to start. So i met a couple of guys no one seemed to really get what i was trying to do. Maybe because i was unclear of what i was doing myself. Then this old pot emails me and right away he seems to get it. We talk to each other for a while and he starts writing me all this mushy crap falling in love and what not…i am totally not into this and I decide to meet with him once just to see if there is an attraction and well there is not I am repulsed by him probably because he started to try and kiss me right away. and all the emails we had exchanged he just seemed like a horny old man. I chose to end it with him and now all my dreams of getting debt free seem to be out the window is this always like this. I read the blogs and i was very surprised because non of the POT SD ever had offered me 5 K before well i have only been hunting for 2 weeks…but am stumped to say the least

  252. SSSD says:

    Shoogar wrote: Have you felt those SBs were struck by cupids arrow because of their actions or because they told you so? I’m curious about this because I have wondered if I should tone down the way I am in some of those areas? If I like someone (SD, IRL, pot SD, etc), I really put focus on letting them know I like them and I’m inherently a very affectionately giving person. Sometimes these actions can become misconstrued as my falling for them or wanting more. This natural act for me has both helped me and hurt me. So I guess my question is, in this type of pursuit, is it better to tone down affection and keep things more sterile?

    Great question. I think this depends upon the SD. Like your point about more mature SBs who can better control their feelings, SD’s have a spectrum of maturities. Of course it has less to do with chronological age then emotional maturity, although there is some correlation.

    Some SDs will confuse your focus with cupids arrow. Others will merely appreciate the level of attention.

    Cleo also wonders if having more than one SD can help balance emotions. I agree with this and totally understand it. But it’s not for me. I like falling head over heels, but for a limited time. More dangerous, but it’s what I like. And, as Sincere points out in his Win-Win post, it is important to leave residual value to the SB — an improvement in their life.

    My first SB educated me on this, long ago. When I first met her it was an overseas relationship. I was very much in love or at least the start of that process. I asked her at a tender moment, what will happen to us? She said, straight out, “After a year you will hurt me when we will break up, but we’ll have a wonderful year together.” I thereafter made it my mission to always leave a good memory and lifetime value.

    Hey, what happened to the flirting? 😉

  253. SSSD says:

    SincereSD wrote: You’ll laugh at this but a friend once said that I had the “Pygmalion” syndrome. Her interpretation was that my generosity was nothing more than an extension of a business persona which she claims is a controlling personality. (Morale of my story is don’t tell any of your deep dark secrets to friends who are pysch majors.)

    You are right, we seem alike, at least to psych majors: I’ve heard the same comparison to Pygmalion. In fact the NYT article references my being “smitten with my own creations.” (The author of that article was a sociology major.)

    As SDinLA later mentions, I, too, needed to be cured of a desire to “rescue” women. I’m sure many SDs could write a lot about that.

    BTW, SDinLA covered a semester of Stanford Medical School tuition, which should be quite a lot of monthly stipend. 😉 Not to rub salt in the wound, SDinLA…

    And I hear you about the aircraft. Once you start getting to the Global Express, you really should consider 737s. The thing I miss outside of Gulfstreams are the windows. They really have the best windows…

  254. SincereSD says:

    OCSugarBaby says: SincereSD, Hola Papi! Yes, well said. However you must HAVE goals to achieve them. … I like the kudo’s to the small town girls. (OC grew up in a population of 997). :)

    Hi OC, great to hear about your transition to IRL sugar. Yes, there’s a definate allure to small town girls, close friendships and their appreciation of the good things in life (as opposed to some who feel entitled).

    Shoogar Shoes says: Yes, I can see where that can easily happen with a younger SB. I think the older women get, the more we are able to manage those feelings. Especially if we enter into an arrangement understanding from the beginning – it is an interim and NOT a future.

    Shoo, if I could figure women out, I would not be in this predication. I don’t think age is as much of a factor here as the emotion makeup of a person. I’ve had 2 SB fall in love with me, one in their early 20’s and one in their mid-30. While I haven’t run a Briggs-Meyer personality test on them, I’m guess they are more of the INFP profile.

    While we set out for these relationships to be NSA with friendship … sometimes emotions come into play. I always wonder though, are they in love with the man or the treatment?

  255. Anna Molly says:

    Hi newbiesugabb! Please don’t give up…we all have had our share of disappointments, rudeness and everything in-between. Finding a sugar can be hard at times, but it can also be fun and a VERY rewarding experience. I went through times where I wanted to give up too and I think we all feel that way at one point or another.

    It took a few moths for me to find my sugar and I couldn’t ask for a better SD. 😉

    NYC SB, Lily and Shoogar have blogs (click on their names to view) and they are full of information as well as the past blogs here. That is the best place to start. Hope this helps!

    I didn’t refresh before I posted, so I’m sure I’ve just repeated something that someone else has already said..LOL. 😀

  256. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: I used to be the Supervising Manager (or was that Managing Supervisor?) of the Department of Redundancy Department

    In the immortal words of Yogi Berra, “Sometimes you can observe a lot just by watching.”

    Off to a luncheon appointment myself, have a wonderful afternoon all…

  257. SincereSD says:

    Shoogar Shoes says: SSSD Says: “So much angst over sex and money…
    I second that. And that angst has made me consider leaving the Sugar Bowl. Is it even all worth it?

    All in favor, say aye. Sincere says, “AYE!”

    I always say that money and sex are at the root of all evil. The bible and history books are full of stories of deeds of greed and lust. Troy was reputed to be destroyed over sex and jealously over a woman.

    This is the cognitive dissonance facing all sugar couples at some point in time. Does he (or she) really care for me for is he (or she) in this for sex (or money). The fact that there are so many player SD-types and entitlement SB-types here on SA don’t help mitigate this perception.

    Shoogar Shoes says: it is disheartening that the majority of the messages are ALL ABOUT money or sex. But why is that disheartening to me? If I’m being honest, this is what it’s all about. Right? Rich man meets beautiful woman to spoil. I guess for me and the type of person I am, I want it to be more meaningful. But I am someone who cares about people and maybe too much. So, although I have had success in this pursuit and some look up to me because of it, I still question at times if it is for me and if I do all the right things.

    Shoo, I must admit I also struggle with this dilemma all the time. I am caught in the twilight zone between wanting a more meaningful relationship and the reality of my current situation. I struggle with the “morality” of what I am doing and don’t relish my long term prospects as a lonely old SD. But at end of the day, I rationalize my participation in sugarbowl … I am helping my SB achieve her dreams and goals while she provides me with intimacy and her friendship. In business, I call that a Win-Win outcome.

  258. cleo says:

    shoogar we’ve been on a similar quest. i am really trying to explore what i actually want and need rather than what i think i want. one of the things that’s helped with that has been to look at what i’ve done rather than what i’ve said.

    a lot of things i thought i wanted have been allowed to fall by the wayside since then, and some new wants have appeared. and i am not talking about shoes even though my shoe collection is pathetic. desires in terms of personal growth and goals and the like.

    and for me as well the romantic side of the equation has been of great fascination. i’m something of an amateur socio anthropologist so i find human interaction amazingly interesting and then when combined with my own series of romantic less than winners i can’t help but examine the ideas and expectations of my upbringing and my culture like a pretty diamond with an intriguing flaw.

    and it’s interesting what i’m starting to see, definitely clarity is growing anyway…

  259. cleo says:

    shoogar: i have this ongoing policy of saying the nice things i think. i’m beginning to think i should curtail it in early dating because i think it comes across in some was as coming on too strong or something…
    hmm falling in love with an SD

    you know this is why i’ve been really questioning my serial monogamist nature with regard to the sugar bowl. is it not, in fact, saner to have a couple of SD’s to balance out the emotional mess of being a single woman sleeping with a taken man?

    of course it’s an entirely different answer if the SD is single isn’t it?

    and the balancing act is of keeping the love without falling over to the ‘in love’ side of the fence. i want to love my SD (you know, when i actually have one) but not be IN love with him do you know?

    so i wonder if having two very dear friends with benefits might not be a better choice than one… and not because you get more allowance.
    newbie: read shoogar shoes or lily’s blog – linked from their names

  260. cleo – EVERYONE here is Shoogar! 😉

    By the way, regarding my post above: I realize person = human being.

    But I have repeatedly admitted to all of you that I work for the Department of Redundancy Department.

    newbiesugabb – spend some time perusing the archives here. And feel free to ask specific questions on here as well. A ton of experienced SBs and SDs right here! :)

    I’m out the door for the day everyone! Oysters are calling my name! Enjoy your day and behave. Badly.

  261. Jade says:

    I made the mistake of acting like I was into a guy and I noticed after that the allowance and gifts got smaller even to the point of nothing at all now, because he thinks I like him as “lovers” and not as Sugar daddy.

  262. newbiesugabb says:

    Hello so i am new to this whole thing. And wanted to see if you guys could point me in the direction of some help. I have met some weird people doing this and not actually what i was hoping for. I am almost about to give up would like help websites to go to..etc. thank you.

  263. cleo says:

    Sincere: i’m not shoogar but

    “deliver your future into the hands of your friends”

    pete townsend

  264. SDinLA, thank you and your answer makes perfect sense as well.

    This is an area I pursue with great interest (IRL and sugar dating) because of hit or misses in my own personal experiences with relationships. I would say in the past year and a half I have been on my own quest in self-discovery and how I can improve as a person, as a woman, as a human being; especially in the areas of romantic relationships. A part of this exercise, for me, has been to delve into the primordial roots of my own feminine psyche, understanding myself (and women) a little more – thus, enabling me to develop confidence in my own female nature and then learning how to blend that in and engage in a healthy way with my romantic male counterparts. It is an ongoing process and a challenge, which I welcome.

    Geesh, too deep for a Friday?! All the flirting and talk of sex this week has me switching gears. What a balancing act!

  265. SDinLA says:

    Shoogar: regarding your question about toning down affection. I think it will vary depending on the personality of the SD. Personally, if there isn’t enough chemistry, attraction etc. to make both parties *want* to be affectionate and such, I would not even have pursued matters with that potential SB. So in my case, the expression of affection in and of itself would never be a deal killer or even perceived as a negative thing.

    As to how do you know when a SB is or has crossed the boundary? I don’t think that’s cut and dried either, it’s usually a combination of actions and words– although a couple have come right out and said it.

  266. Ah, great answer, JamesNY and thank you. Makes perfect sense. It’s all situational, I guess. And yes, it was I, who touted those very words right here in Arial font. Great memory! 😉

  267. JamesNY says:

    Sorry, meant to say “as an SD.”

  268. JamesNY says:

    OC, well of course, if you’re lucky, in the midst of all the world’s churning about sex and money you can find love! However each of us may define it, however fleeting it might be. You are a romantic at heart. Good luck with those teens, I can’t tell you how frustrated I’ve been watching precious vacation days in exotic locales waste away while they lie like slugs!

    Shoog, that’s a tough question. I’ve had one SB say and start to act like she was falling in love with me for real, and it was fun for a while, but when I responded by taking actions to change my life she ran for cover … so now I prefer women who are clear about the boundaries. With those set, I’m happy to be showered with affection and to return it. Those boundaries also help me from getting any illusions! I forget who — was it you? — who wrote recently about how the best thing an SD can keep in mind about his SB is that it is temporary — “you are not my future, you are the bridge to my future.” So well put and something I’ve had trouble remembering in the past. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do as an SB is to keep that well in mind, because cupid’s arrows can strike us too.

  269. SDinLA says:

    Flo: I haven’t been a participant here for very long, and have not had the pleasure of conversing with you, but you have my condolences– change is always hard, we humans are creatures of habit, but you seem like a strong woman and I hope you rediscover your joie de vivre soon.

    SincereSD: I’ve been blessed with recent SBs who are much like the ones you describe. The shared characteristics are the same: they are either from small towns or from another country. Then again, when you’re dealing with 19-22 year olds, one inevitably has to deal with the entitled ones as well. I have some horror stories from my earlier days that would curl any SDs toes (until my therapist cured me of the desire to “rescue” women.) I like to think the recent gems have been due to me getting better at choosing, as well as karma paying me back for the horror stories. To whit:

    Bad SB 1: fell in love with me, stopped the intimacy as a result, expected the business relationship to continue indefinitely.

    Bad SB 2: *claimed* she was falling in love with me, so ended things unilaterally, coincidentally one week after I covered her Stanford medical school tuition for the semester.

    Bad SB 3: Assumed erroneously that I would exercise the buy out on the SL I was leasing her when the lease expired (well after we stopped seeing each other.) Vindictively trashed the car before returning it when I said that her assumption was erroneous.

    I guess I was kind of a walking advertisement for SSSD’s modus operandi re: contracts in my younger days. :-)

    SSSD: I was factoring everything except depreciation, with that included 8k/month suddenly seems reasonable! 😉 The GLEX is roomier than the GV we had before, and the pilots like it better too, but it’s a bit of a hangar queen in comparison to the Gulfstreams, and Bombardier’s support also pales in comparison. Actually, not corporate per se. 4-500 hours is a lot, but the plane is used by various family members. I have 2 branches of the family who have fleets of jets and have started charter companies just to make better use of the assets, and that’s probably all I should say if I want to retain my privacy. :-)

  270. Lily – go get some beauty rest, will you? Stop beating that pretty little head of yours with questions (although, I have been guilty of doing this so should take my own advice?) and take two aspirins and call me in the morning! And damn you for introducing me to skype! My contact list is filling up and I still haven’t figured out how to use it properly. As if I needed ONE more electronic mode of communication???

    Hi, AM! Glad it isn’t just me wondering…

  271. Lily says:

    I think right now I have an abundance of options of every hue that can be found in the rainbow. Largely from my carpet bombing technique. 😉 but if I were in a US city, I’d approach it MUCH differently.

    To sugar date or not to sugar date. That is the question. To make serious commitments or interim arrangements.

    Sigh. I think all options in front of me are too sweet, I don’t know what to do.

    I was in this position 8 years ago. I had two very strong suitors. I chose badly. I just don’t want to do that again.

  272. Anna Molly says:

    Great question Shoog! I too would like to know the answer to that one. All SD’s should chime in because I’m sure it’s an individual thing.

  273. OC – You missed all the fun and sexual tension here on Sunday. We are just balancing all of that out now with a bit of seriousness. Enjoy the slopes! :)

  274. SincereSD says: “Shoo, help me here. I need one a more appropriate lyric for this post.”

    “That SA put firewood there but that every man must gather and light it himself. In being prepared physically, mentally and sexually to fight for your SB when necessary for which is right….”

    How’s that? I grew up watching old westerns, by the way. 😉

  275. SincereSD says:

    Sorry for those for you that didn’t recognize the lyrics about, it’s the Lone Ranger’s Creed. I being silly this morning, suffering from caffine withdraw.

  276. SincereSD – This presents another question. (For other SDs and/or SBs too, but Sincere has been open with discussing emotional factors in this pursuit in the past, which is why I’m specifically addressing him – but anyone/everyone feel free to jump in and respond.)

    Have you felt those SBs were struck by cupids arrow because of their actions or because they told you so? I’m curious about this because I have wondered if I should tone down the way I am in some of those areas? If I like someone (SD, IRL, pot SD, etc), I really put focus on letting them know I like them and I’m inherently a very affectionately giving person. Sometimes these actions can become misconstrued as my falling for them or wanting more. This natural act for me has both helped me and hurt me. So I guess my question is, in this type of pursuit, is it better to tone down affection and keep things more sterile?

  277. SincereSD says:

    SSSD says: Sincere: Total agreement. Well put.

    “Hi-yo, Silver, away!” Sincere says as his horse galloped toward the setting sun.

    I believe….. That to have a friend, a man must be one.

    That all men are created equal and that everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world ….

    Shoo, help me here. I need one a more appropriate lyric for this post.

    SSSD in all seriousness, based on what your postings I can tell we both share the same goals for our SB.

    You’ll laugh at this but a friend once said that I had the “Pygmalion” syndrome. Her interpretation was that my generosity was nothing more than an extension of a business persona which she claims is a controlling personality. (Morale of my story is don’t tell any of your deep dark secrets to friends who are pysch majors.)

  278. SincereSD says: “The downside I’ve found with these SB is that relationship gets a little too real and many time, they will be struck by cupids arrow or wrestle with their feelings.”

    Yes, I can see where that can easily happen with a younger SB. I think the older women get, the more we are able to manage those feelings. Especially if we enter into an arrangement understanding from the beginning – it is an interim and NOT a future.

  279. Lily – I agree with you. I followed that same approach (maybe not 800), but I reached out to quite a few at a time and then dwindled it down to a select few to actually meet. It works.

  280. Lily says:

    I don’t think it’s wrong to send out a thousand little quips. It took me a thousand minutes, max, and that’s less than twenty hours, spread out over months. Less than fifteen minutes per day, plus the trouble of browsing (which exists regardless of whom you contact). A little hobby, but a reasonable one.
    Given that these are men far away I’m sending a little note to, it’s wise to expend little energy, as I’m unlikely to get a response from those who are seeking local women only.

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Lily I do not think your carpet bombing approach was wrong. It just would not be the best way to
      market your profile and your sugar desires. My 10+ years in the marketing industry makes me
      open my mouth more than I should perhaps. Sorry. I just would want you to find the quality SD that you
      seek and DESERVE!
      If you are happy I am happy for YOU!

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        Way to serious and not enough fun in here today!
        I think I will need to ensue a snow ball fight to get my teenage
        cohorts out of bed and onto the slopes! Ohhh icy cold
        wake up call…. hehe

  281. SSSD says:

    Sincere: Total agreement. Well put.

  282. SincereSD says:

    SSSD says: Wow, Sincere, where did you find those SBs? A woman who is wise with my money is a turn on.

    I suppose it’s the luck of the draw. The only common denominator I can see here is that all of the SB came from smaller towns and are used to a more moderate lifestyle.

    I agree that being “wise” with money and expectations is a real turn on and it makes me want to treat her even better. It’s a real pleasure to be with a SB who wants to be with me because of me … rather than for purely monetary reasons. I know this is an insecurity that all SD wonder about all the time.

    The downside I’ve found with these SB is that relationship gets a little too real and many time, they will be struck by cupids arrow or wrestle with their feelings.

    I hope that my generosity helps my SB achieve her goals and make life easier. I would hate to see her get corrupted by money which is a trap that many of fall into.

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      SincereSD, Hola Papi! Yes, well said. However you must HAVE goals to achieve them. Perhaps when
      an SD meets someone who does not have a clear set of them. Or an understanding as to how to outline them. Helping them to outline them and
      show them that being goal orientated will help them acheive great things!
      I like the kudo’s to the small town girls. (OC grew up in a population of 997). :)

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      I am waiting for 3 teenagers to shag it out of bed and into their ski clothes. I think it will be a very loooong while!

  283. Well, let me be clear on something. My post isn’t meant in a negative way as far as how I feel about arrangements as a whole. I believe in them and for many reasons, arrangements make sense to me and for my life right now. They can be very beautiful experiences. With the exception of one (short-lived) bad choice, mine have been extremely rewarding on many levels and all great experiences. I have met some of the most wonderful people SDs and pot SDs and bloggers.

    For me, this very blog that I love so much and my silly little “how to” sugar blog, which I started in hopes of being a helpful resource, have turned into areas that are the ones actually causing me angst. To OC’s point, the blog loses focus on the support of one another and HOW to make this pursuit a fabulous one.

    I told an SB friend yesterday I was considering deleting my blog – only because I don’t have the time to respond to all of the messages and yes, it is disheartening that the majority of the messages are ALL ABOUT money or sex. But why is that disheartening to me? If I’m being honest, this is what it’s all about. Right? Rich man meets beautiful woman to spoil. I guess for me and the type of person I am, I want it to be more meaningful. But I am someone who cares about people and maybe too much. So, although I have had success in this pursuit and some look up to me because of it, I still question at times if it is for me and if I do all the right things.

    There is still rich terrain for me to explore in this so I’m still learning too.

  284. JamesNY says:

    “So much angst over sex and money …”

    Um, that’s what makes the world go round!

  285. Lily says:

    Oh, and i also might not be long in the sugar world either. It’s a bit contrite, all the business-like-approach.

    Also I might end up dating someone traditionally. It’s been a great 2 months & counting, though. April’s sure gonna be interesting.

  286. Lily says:

    Yeah, at least that, just in February and March. December & January was a hundred or two. Definitely over a thousand, all in all.

    I browse recent log-INS & send a 1 liner flirt or greeting to anyone with potential. There is a great big pool of men on SA, so…. Gotta be proactive because the ladies’ pool is even bigger. Plus, because of my location, no one finds me.

  287. cleo says:

    shoogar? i would have left if it weren’t for this group… i hear what you say

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Waay too much angst over sugar and sugar allowance (sex and money)!
      Who cares how much the mythological SB or SD contributes or
      accepts. It is and should be a private matter.
      What seems to be missing from the blog lately is the support and
      conversation of how to attract that fantastic person that will
      fit perfectly into your sugar world!
      OC’s words of wisdom for the day:
      Think Good Thoughts
      Speak Good Words
      Take Good Actions

      Three steps that will bring more to you than
      you can EVER imagine.

      Just woke up to a snow covered wonderland! Caffinated and
      ready to ski my buns off today! Yippee

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        Lily there is something to say for Sugar Retirement. I am truly enjoying
        myself! Leaving the sugar world has been perfect for both; my sugar
        and myself. However I am still mentoring sugars in their sugar
        journey. That has been fun and excitment enough in the bowl for now!
        Holy carpet bombing Lily! That is a marketing style I prefer to steer clear of.
        Many other marketing strategies would work far better for you 😉

  288. cleo says:

    sssd those who have the one don’t wish to part with it without the other… fun wow

    truly though, if i met a man on sa who was single and we had a good enough spark i might rather not ‘sugar’ date him… but at the same time there is a beautiful clarity to the sugar world…

  289. SSSD Says: “So much angst over sex and money…

    I second that. And that angst has made me consider leaving the Sugar Bowl. Is it even all worth it?

  290. SSSD says:

    So much angst over sex and money…

  291. SSSD says:

    Wow, Sincere, where did you find those SBs?

    A woman who is wise with my money is a turn on.

    RE: plane costs I was factoring in all costs including amortized acquisition cost, resale, cost of money, depreciation, maintenance, crew, hangar, and so on. And 500 hours is a lot. Must be corporate?

    Global Express is a lovely aircraft!

  292. JamesNY says:

    Cleo and Mindy, I completely understand the distinction you’re drawing. My first meeting in person is after we’ve established compatibility and some sense of what we’re both looking for, but usually nothing specific monetarily. Best not to put in writing. The first meeting is not just for a quick hello and coffee, but an opportunity to get to see how we feel being together, do we make each other laugh, do we feel comfortable, do we have some spark. If it goes well, I wouldn’t leave that first meeting without some mutual clarity of intention and discussion of the arrangement. Sometimes logistics alone can make it infeasible, and if that’s the case there’s no use in pursuing it further. If we didn’t reach that point naturally by the end of our conversation, I would probably pull the plug. May sound a bit ruthless but when I’m looking for an SB, I want to get to the actual arrangement part, and I have a pretty good idea about the type of woman I’m looking for. Just laying it out there honestly for you guys.

  293. SincereSD says:

    2. You are too generous

    I am always pleasantly surprised when a SB tells me that my allowance is too generous. This is ironic because I’ve also have several pots tell me I’m a cheap SOB. In case, the regular allowance is only part of the benefits I provide to my SB.

    I’ve experienced this scenario with two SB.

    One was an exchange student from South American who lived a low key lifestyle. She cut my allowance in half and routinely chastised me for wasting money on expensive restaurants. I was able to convince her to move into a private condo because we had this habit of keeping her roommates awake at night 👿

    The another is my current SB who cut my allowance offer by 25%. I won’t go into details here as she may be reading the blog. I am extremely happy she wants to be with me and she views the spoiling as an additional benefit. However, we do get into fights because she feels I am too generous with gifts and other surprises.

  294. cleo says:

    flo rida – hugs – your seat by the fire awaits you

  295. SincereSD says:

    SSSD says: NYGent wrote that SBs that decline an allowance are rare. Actually several SBs tried to decline my initial compensation, but I understand his point.

    Good morning, Happy Easter weekend to all!

    To respond to SSSD and NYGent’s comments about SB’s declining allowances, I have the following experiences:

    1. Stigma attached to receiving money in exchange for sex

    After a magical evening together on our first date (and lots of great email exchanges prior to meeting) and “slightly under the influence”, I ended up back at her place. The chemistry was strong and let’s just say we didn’t quite make it to the bedroom. The next morning, I was feeling a bit guilty that I had perhaps taken advantage of this woman and tried to open up a conversation about a allowance. She deferred the discussion.

    After our 3rd date and having her rebuff all attempts to work out the allowance, I gave her a bank draft for several months of allowance as I surmised this was an unpleasant subject for her to discuss. She started to cry and her reaction was that she couldn’t accept my money because it would like her feel like a escort. Her response was I treated her like a lady and she had fun with me …. and that was all she wanted.

    I left confused thinking why was she on a sugar dating site? Eventually she did cash my draft and was accepting of the allowance but I could see her discomfort.

    (to be continued)

  296. Michael AZSD aka looking for 1+1=omfg says:

    Flo – we’ll miss you. Come back soon, we’ll be waiting for you. I am sure you will rebuild and come back stronger than ever. Xxx

  297. Flo Rida says:

    SE – the old me would give you advice but who am I too give advice.

    NYGent – I know a CEO who spends $1 million on his mistress (not an arrangement).

    Bear in mind if you own a plane you might have 3 pilots and 1 mechanic full time (if you don’t want to keep on hiring temp pilots) in addition to plane costs.


    i’m leaving blog (at least for short time) – I don’t have the heart to give advice or contribute. PS i’m NYGent in disguise – joking!

  298. Anna Molly says:

    Wow Lily…800 messages!! Wow, that is amazing! Carpet bombing indeed…I think you annihilated it..LOL. 😀

    Good morning everybody 😀

  299. Michael AZSD aka looking for 1+1=omfg says:

    800???? Are you serious??? That already IS carpet bombing!

  300. Lily says:

    Alice in Wonderland 3D!!

  301. Lily says:

    I’ve sent out 800+ messages in 8 weeks. 1/3 respond, 2/3 ignore me.
    Try carpet bombing.

  302. Michael AZSD aka looking for 1+1=omfg says:

    Happy Good Friday to all!! Off to the gym, bit of work and then relax time! Going to see movie with my 11 y.o. daughter – any recommendations?

    Sleepover tonight so bringing in my SB tonight (yay!!), meditation party tomorrow night (I’ll let you know how THAT goes), then hangout with friends Sunday. Will be a great weekend!!

    Do we all have great plans for the weekend?

  303. Lily,

    Location, I’m in France and I’ve been looking for European SDs… I have reached out a few times but I get no response which is discouraging!! I’m not too sure what to do anymore..!

  304. Lily says:

    Happy Gooooood Friday!!

  305. Lily says:

    SE!! What?

    Location, and….do you reach out?

  306. I’ve had my profile back up for a couple of weeks and so far have received no interest whatsoever, not even one message! I feel like this isn’t going to work for me this time around… Which is frustrating because I had so much fun last time! :(

    Does anybody have any advice? Like, what sort of pictures I should be posting etc…


  307. What would you do if a sugars’ profile didn’t match reality upon meeting in person? Has this ever happened to you?

    Thankfully this has never happened to me! *phew* But if I did find myself in this situation, I would leave, right away. I don’t like deceitful people.

    How do you feel about meeting a potential sugar via webcam before meeting in person? Would it help or hurt the trust factor in a new arrangement?

    I’ve done this before, it’s definitely reassuring to know that they have been honest about the way they look and I think it helps build trust.

  308. cleo says:

    mindy: so a club i don`t wanna be in!

    in it, don`t wanna be :)

  309. MindyNYC says:

    Just arrived back and am catching up…lol, you guys are a hoot and so clever!

    Yes, all jokes aside, that is a serious resolution I’ve made for 2010.
    I would only accept a nsa SD if it was for a less than 3-4 months term at a very high allowance.

    Cleo – I soooo hear you! I hereby grant you entry into my cobweb club rotfl

    SSSD – I took off my tiara cuz I haven’t taken the princess test yet (left u msg on last blog topic). I neeed to feel the pea under the mattress!

    JamesNY – when I read your approach of booking the hotel for a 2nd date, it initially made me uncomfortable. Is the casual (coffee?) meet also counted (so actually 2 dates)? If we knew that the mental and physical chemistry existed prior to our meet, and the 1st date was more to test to see if it existed in person. You had discussed and ready to offer allowance, then yes go right ahead and book! In fact, it’s your approach I prefer as long as it’s handled in the right way – which I’m sure you do.
    It’s the men who haven’t secured/offered up the allowance part of the arrangement, but push for an intimate 2nd date (let’s watch a movie at my place), and get pissy when I ask for further explanation or I decline, that irk me.

    BuxomBeauty – Buxom – I usually only do searches on someone I’m developing a crush on, and think our dates will be more of a formality (a TRUE potential SD).
    If you think there may be true potential, no other red flags, mental chem seems to be there, then I would still meet him (in a very public place) and keep my antenna up.

  310. Lily says:

    I must admit, dating billionaires, even on just a first date, is kind of mind blowing, and private air transportation is a major factor.
    I don’t think either of the billionaires I’ve recently gone out with want to pay an “allowance” to a SB. They are perks-only SDs or single looking for a girlfriend ( and apparently not into me enough to want me to be her! Sigh).

    Seriously, the obscenely rich probably get SO Icked out by leeches all-around trying to absorb money from them that I can understand why asking for an allowance would ruin the fun. Then again, they are the best travel/gift daddies on earth.

  311. Lily says:

    Hey you, my dear IRL playmate. 😉

  312. AdrianeSB says:

    This secretly frisky SB just got up, good morning blog :) You guys are hilarious!

  313. SDinLA – I much prefer discussions of designer combative wear! 😉

    All the frisky SBs have gone to bed, I guess OR are out still. I, on the other hand, have insomnia this evening! :(

  314. SDinLA says:

    Damn, I got here too late for the flirting, all we’ve got now is talk of plane costs.

    SSSD: 8k/hour is high, must be super low utilization not bringing down the hourly fixed costs to a decent number. Our costs for a Global Express, ave. about 4-500 hours use a year are quite a bit lower than that.

    Shoogar: 40k/month maintenance is not out of line, depends what you include in that figure. Last I saw, our total fixed costs on the big jet are over a mill a year, and at medium usage, variable costs more than double that number, and that’s leaving depreciation out of the calculation.

    Lots of other variables too: is it part of a company/family fleet with its own flight dept. or a single plane?

    That said, been easy to find bargains/deals for the past 18 months in charter/fractional, they’ve really been hurting.

  315. SSSD says:

    Depends on the size of jet. My figures are the annualized all-in costs, assuming reasonable use.

  316. SSSD – I completely believe it. My first SD told me the monthly cost just to maintain his jet was about $40k a month. This is when he wasn’t even USING it! We flew it to Atlanta (a very short flight from where we are) and that cost alone (fuel, etc.) was nearly $10k – waaaay more than what 2 first class tickets would have been!

  317. SSSD says:

    A jet costs between $1500 and $8000 an hour to operate. More if you are fractional or charter. So an SD that uses a private jet could easily have more than $17k per month in arrangement-oriented expenses. Again it depends on how you are counting the cost. I believe the SA site asks the SD for how much an SD is willing to spend in total, which includes how much the SB will receive but also includes other expenses.

    I have been with rich women. They still enjoy being spoiled, though they need no financial support.

  318. I’m out of here guys! Phone date with a friend of mine out west – we haven’t caught up in a while…and the only way is to schedule a DATE! Bye. Have a great night. Be good . And be good at it. ‘night. 😉

  319. cleo says:

    michael: ah it’s okay, my hair needs a wash anyway…
    sssd: it’s in line with a fully kept mistress, not a part time one. at least that’s how i would think of it.

    if a man could afford it and wanted to keep a woman who was capable of making 300k a year why mightn’t he not pay her that through various means… she would likely be acting as a hostess at events and the like anyway

  320. SSSD says:

    Several persons mentioned that $17k is a mythical allowance.

    I agree it seems quite unlikely as a monthly cash allowance for an SA arrangement.

    It is within the bounds of mistresses.

    If it includes all costs of an arrangement (including the amortized cost of gifts and travel expenses, for example), it definitely can happen. But it is rare.

  321. Michael AZSD aka looking for 1+1=omfg says:

    Cleo said “collapses in a puddle of … laughter” – just don’t get it in your hair!!!

  322. cleo says:

    sssd i’m all in with the financial benefits, but if someone wants intimacy fast and i want to slow it down a touch it seems fair to offer to stall the start of the arrangement as a compromise

    to my mind, a gentleman… once he hit second or so base might start the arrangement just to ‘get it out of the way’ and allow them to proceed naturally… but i do understand how it feels to be burned so it’s tough both ways

  323. cleo says:

    shooger i’ve heard that it’s not the size of the pencil but the quality of the signature… but you know, it is harder to draw fine art with a teeny tiny stub…

  324. SSSD says:

    NYGent wrote that SBs that decline an allowance are rare. Actually several SBs tried to decline my initial compensation, but I understand his point. After all, this is SA where the front page of the site strongly implies the point for the SB is to receive financial benefits.

  325. I’m laughing so hard. No wonder this blog is so addicting!!!

  326. Ha! Now it’s not so long. Well, we all know it’s not the size of your handle that’s important.

  327. cleo says:

    *collapses in a puddle of… laugher*

  328. M says:

    Thanks Shoogar. And yes, I do have a long handle.

  329. Ha ha ha, MichaelAZDaka1=1=omgjingleheimerschmitt! Funny. And yes, that was me poking fun at your looooong handle.

  330. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    One of life’s great dichotomies – we want to be deep, and we want to be deep….

  331. cleo says:

    oh shooger that’s a penetrating image

  332. cleo says:

    er i mean

    “micheal what a coincidence, so do i”

  333. cleo – hmmm. I might have to explore that thought a little more deeply.

  334. cleo says:

    sssd and michael and the three of us?

    hmm let me think for a sec

    totally not into orgies
    always wanted to try one
    you guys are all yummy



  335. cleo says:

    what a coincidence, so do i

  336. SSSD says:

    Cleo, Mindy and Shoogar need it bad — ok, I’m game!

  337. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Ummm – I have next weekend free…

  338. cleo says:

    shooger i’m hitting the six month mark :( and years since it was with someone really good

    not fun is it?

  339. cleo says:


  340. Gentlemen. Typing gremlins are at it again…

  341. MindyNYC – love your closing statement! ha ha. I imagine you finished with a nice salute?!

    Exactly. Arrangements without sex are not what they are cracked up to being – at all. My first SD encouraged me to date other men (which I did a little) because he was realistic in knowing he couldn’t expect me NOT to date. But that didn’t work out for 2 reasons. One, the events and black tie affairs kept me too busy to fit anything else in (combined with my other responsibilities) and two, it is difficult to date someone IRL and tell them you don’t want it get serious. They always get serious. (At least in my experiences they have…) So yes, ladies and gentleman of the jury, during my first 6 month arrangement – Shoogar Shoes had NO SEX.

  342. cleo says:

    NyGent if we were discussing allowance or sex before starting anything i would make that offer. i have made it on the first meet before.

  343. MindyNYC says:

    Oh, yes, ladies, they exist and are not an urban myth. I seem to attract them like crazy. My 2 non sugar friends have a great time teasing me lol. They say I’m too nurturing and understanding (ie therapist). My situations have not been like Shoogars (I have only been offered Shoogars situation on a pay per outing basis)…I’m referring to another type you need to look out for: The type that will pull your heart/ sympathies and make you forget what you originally wanted in an arrangement…

    Most nsa SD’s, just like their SB counterparts, don’t advertise the nsa part and wait until you’re already involved. Some of the ones I’ve met aren’t even aware of it themselves (that’s what makes it hard to leave). There is a misconception and pressure on men to always “want sex” no matter the age and some when faced with the reality, realize it’s the last thing they really want (or realize they only want to do ‘give’ a ‘certain’ type of sex). Problem is, they don’t want to lose you, and are not ready to admit that their drive is virtually gone or they have another issue (fear, performance anxiety).

    This just happened (again) with the SD I had hoped to transition with. 2 months (after 7 dates) into our arrangement (I had been receiving an allowance that was more than I required), I found out he was a nsa SD.
    A day before we were supposed to meet for our first ‘night’ (8th date, last Wednesday, planned 2 weeks prior). He abruptly canceled with a flimsy excuse. I made him finally confess that he did not think ‘sex was important and was happy at the level we were at (kissing, holding holds, very light making out)’ and just wanted us to ‘smoke a joint and watch tv’ (I don’t smoke)…I feel conned. I think more upset about the fact that he hadn’t been honest with me, and it took a lot for me to pry the truth from him. We’ll remain friends, but I’m just not interested in an arrangement with him.

    It’s hard when someone you care about and are attracted to (may be able to pleasure themselves) can not or does not care to perform with you or would prefer to rely strictly on toys. All that 3x a day, rip the sheets talk was basically just that – talk.

    It ‘sounds’ like a great arrangement for an SB, but in reality it isn’t. It gets very old very quickly! You’ll be enticed and understanding in the first arrangement, but you’ll avoid it like a plague the second time.

    Like Shoo said, we all have needs. Inside of the arrangement there must be a relationship that exists with give and take, sexual expression, sharing. I want to connect on all levels. Sexual intimacy is an important component to the overall chemistry and romance of the relationship. When the sexual part of the relationship becomes off limits it creates a distance, frustration, misunderstandings etc.

    2010 resolution: Mindy will get laid properly and regularly! LOL!

  344. cleo says:

    JamesNY: your terms are acceptable due to the fact that you have done extensive chatting beforehand and take your time with your dates. this would make it easy to be comfortable with you (i mean if we didn’t know each other from here already)

    but some quick emails and a coffee? come on. i mean i know sugar dating is accelerated but geeze, i have a standing offer from an escort agency that would be FAR more lucrative than sugar dating ever will be if i wanted to do that!

    i’ll take that bet.

  345. JamesNY – Ha ha ha! I got a complete kick out of your descriptive way of describing very nonchalantly and colorfully that you were dating the best friend of our Chief Sexecutive’s intern? So funny. I have stories too that seem ludicrous and even at times when I’m telling them and hearing myself telling them, I’m thinking, “really?” to myself. ha ha.

  346. NYGent says:

    Cleo: almost no SBs will decline an allowance at any stage, whether first, second or third date. If you are declining allowance until 3rd or 4th date on the theory that it’s not fair to accept the quid without providing the quo then you are very rare in my experience, even though that may be the honorable thing to do.

    As for $17K it’s a myth. Don’t believe the people who claim it. The billioonaires IRL may pay it, as in Flo Rida’s SD, but no SD’s on this site pay $17K a month for more than maybe a month or two at most (ok maybe 1 in a thousand, but that’s not a number even worth worrying about).

  347. Celeste says:

    Shoogar Shoes thank you!

  348. JamesNY says:

    Cleo, last word then bed for me: thanks sweetie! I bet we would have sparks! But that’s my point, we’ve “talked” enough on the blog to have a good sense of each other already. And I’m definitely talking about more than coffee — my first meetings are a leisurely lunch or dinner, focused on each other as boy and girl, with the preliminaries already out of the way.

  349. JamesNY says:

    Cleo, not sure of the word count, but I believe in plenty of emails before meeting. Again, it’s a time and circumstance thing, but I won’t meet until I feel there’s a good mental and friendly connection already. And I won’t meet anyone who isn’t able to write — I need those emails to bridge the gaps between meeting! The allowance would make a difference — NYGent’s comments concerning his experiences, not just tonight but extensively in the past, cover that better than anything I could add.

  350. NYGent says:

    cleo: sure. they key is are you always advancing, progressing, even if slowly. If yes, then I can keep going. It’s when things are just marching in place, going nowhere, or worse, that it’s time to call it a day.

    I told my last SB on our third date that she was “worth waiting for” as long as we were moving toward each other and not just stagnating. I would have waited a fairly long time if she had at least consistently inched toward me. But she not only didn’t do that but started retreating the other direction. That’s when it ended. So it’s really all a matter of direction in my view.

  351. cleo says:

    JamesNY: not to worry, i’d have sex with YOU on the second date … heck i might jump you on the first date (if i wanted you for real/felt spark.) but you have been a person to me for a long time already

  352. cleo says:

    shoogar women feel vulnerable naked, men feel empowered… as a general rule. i think a lot of them don’t get that we are receiving into our womanhood. there is something incredibly powerful and sacred about sex if it’s done right(and i don’t mean it has to be polite.)

    and frankly if you make the date long enough it will probably work anyway. but i don’t know what to say to mr coffee date who wants to have sex on our next meeting. i mean sir i met you for an hour, and we’ve exchanged 400 words. i am not an escort, how am i to just open my legs and smile?

    and even if i liked him and was attracted to him and got little rushes of heat in my nethers at the thought of him i wouldn’t be able to have him in my body an hour after that.

  353. JamesNY says:

    Shoog, thank you for the complete and candid explanation of your first NSA SD. It makes sense to me now, in its own way, and you’re very clear about how rare a situation it was. Like many of us who’ve been around the block a time or two, I’ve got some stories too — very wealthy or powerful people often have colorful lives that don’t fit the pattern of us mere mortals. Sometimes when I tell them, I have trouble believing them myself and I have to say, it’s true, it really happened! Like when I was seeing a woman who was being NSA sponsored to law school by the owner of a giant tech company, who drove the cast-off cars of her buddy, a now disgraced baseball sluggger, and whose bisexual girlfriend was seeing a certain cigar-loving president long before the blue dress went to the dry cleaners … I heard the whole routine the Secret Service used. And they never gave up the logs! I’m much less crazy now.

  354. Email sent, Celeste! :)

  355. SB says:

    Hi! If anyone knows of the web address of those “Blacklist” warning sites, where you can find and list scam daddies, please post! Thanks.

  356. Celeste says:

    Shoogar Shoes I have sent you mail, thank you for not sharing my email :)

  357. cleo – you said the KEY WORDS! Comfort Level. I am all about comfort levels.

  358. cleo says:

    nyjames: oh and i decline starting an allowance UNTIL said third or fourth date. does that make a difference?

    genuinely curious, not trying to put you on the spot

  359. cleo says:

    james : are you a lengthy email/phone guy first or do you like email someone ‘hey you’re cute, want to get a drink tomorrow?’ (yes, i’m exaggerating, please know what i mean)

    because my comfort level changes a LOT based on whether we’ve exchanged 200 words or 2000

    do you know what i mean?

  360. Celeste – NEVER would I publish anyone’s email address. Just create a fake email through hotmail or something. Trust me, you will like this! :)

  361. cleo says:

    nygent: but if you had to advance the runner the old fashioned way, a base at a time… that would still be all right?

  362. Celeste – $17k is an exaggerated number, in my opinion. I have met a billionaire who wouldn’t pay that…NOR would I ever ask for that amount. And it isn’t about the Louboutins or Gucci for all SBs, only some. My take on it, I am not going to expect more than I have already been able to afford myself. BUT..some SBs seek an arrangement strictly for these things they could not otherwise afford. Just like there are different types of SDs, there are different types of SBs. I’m on a different kind of mission all together.

  363. Celeste says:

    Shoogar Shoes I do not want to have my email published at all. You won’t do that will you?

  364. JamesNY says:

    Cleo, I feel like I’m letting you down, but I’m going to be honest: at my age, in sugar world, in my circumstances, and in the abstract, that probably wouldn’t work for me. Just too darn frustrating and I don’t have that much time. And definitely not with an allowance flowing. I would never ever expect more than a kiss or two on the first date but after that, whether it’s explicitly stated or not, I’m covering all the bases by booking the hotel room. If I don’t get a strong sense that’s happening, there probably isn’t a second date. The woman will usually give you a pretty good idea without being crass about it.

  365. cleo says:

    i would have left SA long ago were it not for this blog. or at least i would check it much less

  366. Celeste says:

    Shoogar Shoes That sounds like an amazing SD. You were very fortunate. I have not met any SDs that would have the type of lifestyle you describe. I can only dream of having some of the things, some of the SBs here, say they get. Allowances of 17k for something, etc.. To me that is Flamboyant. I just don’t know if I would fit into that lifestyle? I do not have the budget to get Louboutin’s or to shop for Gucci. I wear very ordinary clothes and shoes. I would be out of place, I would think. I would need a lot of grooming and I don’t think most SDs want to embark on something that demanding. But I can always dream that some Very wealthy SD want to show me 😉

  367. NYGent says:

    Cleo: baseball is a metaphor for everything. On the first date i’m looking at least for a bunt single to get on base. I’ll take a bases on balls too. On the second date i’d like to advance to third on the hit and run, or maybe steal second and be in a position to score. On the third date i’m looking for that RBI to bring me home, that’s the tough part, can you deliver in the clutch or pop out to the shortstop and leave the runner stranded.

    That, at least, is the small ball, advance the runner strategy. Others will swing for the fences on every at bat, and either homer or strike out. For that it helps to play in a park with short fences down the right field line, against a pitcher with mediocre stuff, I will refrain from SA analogies to that.

  368. Celeste – if you don’t mind, click on my name and email me. I want to send you a link that I think you would enjoy.

  369. Finding the RIGHT SD can be a lot of work – but yes, worth it!

  370. Celeste says:

    Shoogar Shoes I know what you mean, finding a SD is a lot of work, fun, but hard!

  371. Oh, and for the record, he (my first SD) told me he WANTED to have sex with me -on many, many occasions, but never crossed that line because he is a very respectful man who stuck by his words. He told me he knew I was not attracted to him sexually and even admitted it was easier to buy chemistry from the younger girls, but couldn’t do it with me. But we danced our asses off many nights and laughed A LOT and some very deep, intellectual conversations. It was a wonderful and beautiful experience in its own right.

  372. Oh, and thank you, Celeste. I have been lucky, to a degree. A lot of it has also been work. Not in the work sense that it was draining or an act of labor – but you know, it’s like anything else in life. You have to put your ALL into something if you want it.

  373. Celeste says:

    Most people say that about me too. mid to late 20’s

  374. I wouldn’t say it isn’t easier for older SBs at all. I think it’s a matter of the person, not the age. Most men think I am in my mid to late 20’s.

  375. Celeste says:

    Shoogar Shoes you were very lucky, I only ask for what I need. But I am still single and searching. Not easy for the older SBs. Although you seem to have it all Shoogar, you are a very lucky SB 😉

  376. cleo – ha ha. I actually I had to read your post several times! I thought you meant base pay! I think I am the adult. Not sure I’m happy about it.

  377. Celeste – the allowance was HIGH. Trust me, if I wasn’t having sex with him, I needed to make myself worthy somehow! One of the bloggers here have met my first SD and saw his lifestyle – it makes sense. And I am very much a mentor-y type of girl, so it worked.

  378. Celeste says:

    Cleo I think that if you kiss and kiss more, tease a little and build anticipation then it’s ok. If it’s the same little kiss as the first date then you don’t feel it either!
    Chemistry is so important, you need it, I think, to make it work.

  379. cleo says:

    oh nygent of course

    i am assuming that you are least advancing a base per date

    did i just talk about bases? am i still an adult?

  380. NYGent says:

    Cleo: the issue is trend lines. If by date 3 or 4 nothing has happened yet but each date has been more touchy feely than the last, then ok. But if by date 3 or 4 the chemistry and electricity is no more advanced than date 1, time to pack it in.

  381. cleo says:

    JamesNY: hmm

    i am a slow burn rather than a quick spark. all i know from the first meet is that i want to see you again, kiss you whatever but that’s it. i know if i do NOT want you and i know i probably want you but i want time for my body and brain to sync up

    that said, i am happy to neck and make out and heavy pet and so on and generally i’m just saying ‘hey let’s play tonight but wait for date 3 or 4 for the act… you know build a little anticipation and comfort.

    would you assume that meant i wasn’t into it?

  382. Celeste says:

    I should say, more of a romantic relationship. I need chemistry.
    Shoogar Shoes If you both agreed than it’s good, but having to help mentor his other SBs? that is a little odd to me.

  383. Actually my name is Michael AZSD aka searching 1+1=omfg

    Friday night typo gremlins….

  384. NYGent says:

    Shoogar OMG 5-6 SBs at a time?! I could possibly see juggling several pots for a time until you choose 1 (or maybe 2) but half a dozen actual arrangements at once, of different varieties, I don’t think I can feel a lot of sympathy for him. That is far different from a 1SB to 1SD situation where SD went into it expecting intimacy and started the $$ and SB failed to follow thru.

  385. James said “I might add I don’t like very young women and I prefer a touch of experience too. Just my taste.”

    I am with you James. I live in Phoenix, with 60,000 ASU students here, and many many young girls on sa.com in this area. Problem is, there are not many on SA.com who are 30s or 40s in the Phoenix area! Travel is obviously ok, but always nicer and easier to find someone close to home. I am a single parent, sole custody of my beautiful young daughter so local is much easier.

    My preference is for people who have life scars, are ok with showing them, and have assimilated the experiences enough to laugh about them.

    Just my $0.02

  386. Celeste says:

    I actually want a romantic relationship, I would not enjoy having a SD not interested in me that way. As Shoogar Shoes said, we all have needs.

  387. There are a lot of factors to my rare situation that I should outline. I do not want new SBs or SB lurkers assuming what I had (a NO SEX arrangement) is common. Here are some of those factors:

    – He was in his 60’s and although I am often attracted to older men, he is not one I would have been attracted to. No natural chemistry – and we both knew this and were okay with it. We had (and still have) great friendship chemistry!

    – He had 5-6 SBs at a time. Each one had a different role (position, some literally. Ha). Mine wasn’t a sex role for him and we both agreed to this.

    – He had the wealth and lived the lifestyle to afford several SBs (think Hugh Heffner lifestyle) and being in his 60’s and having sex with all of us probably would have caused him cardiac arrest at some point! 😉

    – He intentionally selected me (as an older SB, I’m not college-aged or in my 20’s) to mentor and to help mentor his younger SBs.

  388. SSSD – Au contraire, mon frere! I did not say I was lucky to find that situation. I meant, it is A lucky situation for an SB who wants precisely THAT. Wasn’t for me. At. All.

  389. TNVolSB says:

    Shoogar – Yes, I think you were foolish! haha j/k – I’m sure you went where your heart led you :) And lol about the dsi – really, must’ve been a goblin!

    NYGent – I don’t expect to find a non-sex SD, just think it would be nice if I did find such a diamond in the rough :) Or at least someone who thinks I’m too much of a sweetie to ignore 😉

  390. NYGent says:

    JamesNY I agree with you. I didn’t use to think it was true, had this 1940s movies romantic notion that Jennifer Jones will eventually fall for Joseph Cotten if he’s just patient enough. Then all the blog ladies told me screw that, if she’s not hotly into him within the first 5 minutes she never will be.

  391. JamesNY says:

    Cleo, of course it would depend on the individual and the vibe. But I’ll be honest with you, in my experience, after you’ve chatted online and/or on the phone, and then met once casually, and then gone out, and she says she needs more time, my radar tells me she’s not really into it or into you. IRL, different story, the chase can be part of the fun. May sound brutal but that’s my expectation. I’ve never tried to persuade anyone into this choice, I assume they made the decision already with their eyes wide open. I might add I don’t like very young women and I prefer a touch of experience too. Just my taste.

  392. SSSD says:

    Oh, ok, Shoogar. You post a message that implies you want it, you post a message that implies that you’re lucky to find one that didn’t… what’s a guy to think? I guess I should just keep buying those shoes…

    SSSD – depends. Where will YOU be?? Ha!

    Under the bed? 😉

  393. SSSD says:

    Sorry to hear about that experience, NYGent, but you handled it like a gentleman. Kudos!

  394. NYGent – I always express quite strongly how VERY RARE my first arrangement situation was. I have explained it numerous times. I could probably vet 1,000 more SDs from SAs and would NOT come across that situation again.

  395. SSSD – depends. Where will YOU be?? Ha!

  396. NYGent says:

    Lily/TVVol Shoogar is right, there is isn’t 1 in a 100 SDs who willingly enters into an arrangement agreeing to no sex. What sometimes happens (happened to me) is SD starts the $$ and sugar flowing and SB reneges and doesn’t follow thru with her end of the bargain. It’s the obverse of SB providing intimacy then SD not following thru with the $$. Both are sh***y behavior but if the SB is young and naive she needs to be cut more slack than the sD. I am still friends with my ‘platonic’ SB and help her out from time to time even though she totally reneged on the deal after lots of sugar from me. She’s young and too much of a sweetie to ignore despite her “breach of implied contract.”

  397. SSSD says:

    Shoogar, your post strongly implies that you want it and want it badly. Hmm… where will you be this weekend? 😉

  398. Not sure what dsi is and how it ended up in my sentence. (???) Typing gremlins, methinks.

  399. Ha ha ha, TNVolSB! Well, yes, it was a nice deal and pretty sweet and some have told me I was foolish for walking away from it, and dsi but let’s face it – we’re all human and have needs and desires. Know what I mean? I wanted more of a connected relationship with someone on a human level. It’s relatively easy to meet a wealthy man to pay your bills, but much harder to find one you connect with, want intimacy with WHO WILL AGREE to having a deadline on the whole deal. My case is a difficult one to meet.

  400. TNVolSB says:

    A No-sex SD would be quite nice! Great company, financial assistance, guidance maybe? And only my company expected in return! Wow, I can see ending up wanting sex from something like that, too Shoogar!

  401. TNVolSB says:

    lol can I join the cast?

  402. Oh yes, Lils. My first arrangement ever was NO SEX. VERY, VERY rare. In my opinion. The irony is, that’s why I didn’t want to continue! We became and still are friends. (without benefits!) :)

  403. Wait, no that’s not what I meant. I was asking about No-Sex-Allowed arrangements with No-Sex-Allowed SDs! Do THOSE exist?

  404. So glad you got the Choos off, though, so I can stop being reminded of Mr. Choo man who didn’t dig me.

  405. I SEE the lips! Yay! I changed mine too. Sticking with pink shoes – but switched from Jimmy Choo to Alexander McQueen. (R.I.P.)

  406. I mean no sex on the first date… (is that what you meant?)

  407. I can’t see your new avatar yet. :(

  408. Lily – they do. And they especially do if you tell them that’s YOUR rule!

  409. It will be THE ONE, when it appears, Shoo.

    OC, I love the term cupcake daddy! and frosting lickers! and I love that your sugar has a slight blog crush on me. It proves that strange strange things are possible (How could anyone have a blog crush on me? I’m, like, Miss Girl-You-Love-to-Hate, …I thought?).

  410. MindyNYC says:

    No sex (or heavy making out) on the 1st date no matter what, but wait no more than 4 – you may be unwittingly heading to a nsa arrangement. It’s not an urban myth, nsa SD’s exist too (I’ve had my fair share).

    IMO, many SD’s wouldnt mind waiting (beyond 3 dates) but due to prior bad experiences and stories would prefer to start by the 3rd date. He wants to know he isnt being strung along and your desire for him is more than monetary. Just as we have our insecurities, so do they. So, yes, I take it slow, but let my desire show (ain’t nothing wrong with making out!). I believe it’s best to learn to be comfortable in each other’s physical space, so when you share sexual space you can express without feeling nervous.

    TNVolSB – that was a good one!!

  411. TNVolSB says:

    Ha! I was impressed by the use of “smarmed” as well. Well done, sir. Er.. Ma’am.

  412. I would almost have sex with you, cleo, just because you used the word smarm. ha ha. You know I’m a geek like that though.

  413. cleo says:


    i don’t get it, i know some amazing women who escort, call them. really, try five you’ll find one you like.

    but i’ve even been smarmed all nicely for sex early by men faking a connection i nearly believed

  414. Oh, I definitely know they are all over SA. I used to receive their messages with their blatant come-ons. I guess they don’t have the time to go out to a night club at last call and meet that drunk girl, sans panties or they don’t know about the escort services? Not sure why they would come here just for sex. (???) If there is a lurker willing to share their thoughts with me on this, click on my name and email me. I’m actually pretty interested in the logic behind it.

  415. cleo says:

    shoogar: and yet, here they are.
    ocsb: hey and sometimes if the licking is good enough i don’t even mind that i got fooled! happy skiing oc!

    i am off to work for the evening

  416. There are much easier ways for men to get sex.

    Frosting licker. Hilarious.

  417. Lily – what avatar is it? Could it be the one….?

  418. cleo says:

    omg ocsugarbaby i see you didn’t lose your funny while you were away

    steer clear of the frosting lickers!

    met one just the other day… he did not convince me to part with my panties.

  419. TNVolSB says:

    Frosting lickers – that made me smile 😛 I agree, OC – if you don’t want the cake, too – sugar must not be for you. Didn’t intend that rhyme, but it might be a good mantra huh?

  420. cleo says:

    jade: fine, but if you want it on the first date? call an escort

    or at least don’t pretend you’re looking for more

  421. TNVolSB says:

    Hey bloggers, how is everyone today?

    FB – I know I’m new here and idk you but I was so concerned about your creep pot experience! I’m sorry that happened to you, and I hope the zero contact continues, and you get to smile today :)

    I got some good info about my *hopefully* upcoming 1st ever 1st date (or is that a ‘meet’? :P) and when to rip clothes off! I’m liking what I’m hearing from all you experienced sugars :)

  422. Jade says:

    Cleo – Guys are on here for the most part for the sex with the girls !

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Jade my love, sugar arrangements do include ahhh um.. $ex. I think you may have
      been talking about men that come on SA to find Sex or women who come on just to find $ugar. That is like licking the frosting
      off the cupcake and putting it back in the glass case. Yuck! However both men and woman
      have been known to come to SA and do that. It is important to trust but being a bit sugar savy is what
      we are here to help with! Here’s to hoping the sugar family steers clear of the
      frosting lickers…

  423. Anna Molly says:

    Who doesn’t have a slight blog crush on Lily? 😉

  424. Stingray63 says:

    I met a potential sb in Portland Oregon back in November of last year. On her profile she had athletic listed for her body type. She sure didn’t look athletic to me after we met. She told me that her body weight was over 180lbs. Believe me, I know what athletic means. She didn’t fit the description at all. My last sb was a model. I started thinking if she lies about one thing, she’ll start lying about other things down the road. Unfortunately for her, I walked away.


    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Welcome Stingray, Being honest is important on both sides of the sugar coin. Good Luck in your sugar journey :)

  425. Anna Molly says:

    Hi OC! Nice to hear you had fun!! 😀

    I could use that 12 step program for blog addiction 😀

  426. Anna Molly says:

    Nope, still a black square

    • OCSugarBaby says:

      Hi Sugars! I have been busy teaching the “12 Step Blog Addiction” seminar…
      It requires you to go out into the light of the real world. I can only teach it
      for a few hours a day :)
      Actually I have been off island playing with my sugar! Tan, relaxed and ready to
      go back to work on Monday!
      Frequent Blogger… I emailed you my cell number! Use it my love!!!
      Enjoy this “sugar-riffic” day ~OC

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        Anna Molly thanks! I am living proof that the blog addiction program works.
        I can now go days on end without even reading it. It has required me to
        replace this addiction with another (GUCCI purse shopping). But at least I
        get outdoors more often! My sugar does like when I read him the latest blog posts; over
        our evening cocktail. He has a slight blog crush on Lily! 😉

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        Haha Anna Molly, I don’t! I dig “DA boys”…. lol
        I tease him that he does have a slight blog crush and he just grins :)

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        TNVolSB… sing it girl…”oh no no no the frosting’s NOT the first to go go go”

      • OCSugarBaby says:

        Cleo, ya good thing. But hey even OC can be fooled by a smooth cupcake daddy!
        But only once!!! hahah
        I just checked out the ski reports. I am still off til Monday. Swoosh, Swoosh!
        OC is off to the slopes. Yippee!!! Happy Easter Everyone 😉

  427. Flo Rida says:

    Suggestion for new name.

    Lipstick Lily looking lasciviously lustingly longingly at Latvian Lovelies.

    Sorry couldn’t resist back to my boring movie on HBO

  428. Anna Molly says:

    All I see is a black square :(

  429. Anna Molly says:

    Does anyone have a story about how you came to trust, or distrust a sugar? Care to share?

    Well, I don’t think there was one particular instance where I said..yes, now I trust him. I do trust my SD completely and I hope that he trusts me too.

    I may be a flirt, but it’s all in good fun. I’m extremely happy with my SD and I couldn’t ask for a more handsome, smart, sexy and caring SD 😀

  430. Anyone notice my new avatar? A saucy little minx gave it to me. She knows who she is.

  431. cleo says:

    JamesNY: so if i met you on a sugar meet (which is not a date but a meet as arranged by the two of us) and then you asked me out and i went but i didn’t sleep with you OR accept an allowance because i wasn’t ready for intimacy *quite*

    that would be it? even if i said i expected to be ready by date three or so?

  432. Anna Molly says:

    Thanks James! I was actually surprised that the dealership gave me a hard time about it. I eventually had to go to the owner and explain my concerns and in the end things worked out just fine 😀

  433. Anna Molly says:

    Hi James! So good to see you Sweetie 😉

  434. JamesNY says:

    AM, smart girl!

    Profile photos — have had a couple of fakes, but only a couple. Definite turn-off. I’ve seen some women who didn’t put complete photos on their profile, but usually had some exchange of photos before meeting. What’s interesting is that actual photos can be pretty bad indicators too — often they are less flattering than the reality.

    Trust — we could, collectively, write an encyclopedia about it. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the number one issue we deal with here. We need to trust to do this, and we keep on trusting, but we know that more often than not that trust will eventually be broken. We think we learn from our experiences, and hopefully we do, but then it happens again. To all of us, no matter how smart we think we are. That’s why I think there is something brave in doing this. Or antisocial. 😉

    Number of dates — three dates IRL, second date in sugar world. Absolute rule! :-)

  435. Anna Molly says:

    I was almost fired from a job because I refused to go on test drives with men who came into the dealership alone.

  436. Jade says:

    I just wanna say for everyone to please….” DO NOT GET IN A CAR WITH A STRANGER ! ”

    Think if this was my sister, mother or daughter …would you want them to meet a stranger online and get in the car with them? If you would not want them to do it then please, hold yourself in the same high regard.

    * stepping off my soap box *

  437. Frequent Blogger says:

    Hey Sugar Fam,

    Thank you all for the support. The stress from last night kept me sleeping in till now. I feel a lot better and I’ve received no phone calls and no e-mails, no sign of life from creep pot. My friend called from an anonymous number to threaten him, but he didn’t pick up. Maybe this is good, he backed off. I can’t be too sure.

    Flo: You mentioned that you knew about privacy protection can you perhaps enlighten me?

    Cleo/Midwest/Beach: Thank you all so much for staying up with my last night. Goodness I’m so happy you did because it gave me a little peace of mine and the support really helped.

    All: I love you all so much! Thank you for being concerned and supportive.

    I’m going to leave the blog as FB and my old name like cleo suggested just in case. I’ll be back though. (((HUGS)))

  438. Anna Molly says:

    Slow again today! Hi all 😀

  439. cleo says:

    Flo Rida: if i could afford it i’d fly to you and eat sympathy ben and jerry’s with you… before we went and chopped that tree into kindling!

    never tried a fiberglass axe handle, i bet there are fewer splinters?

    change is hard, we get into our patterns and even when they go negative we stick with them because we’re used to them. fear is good, it means you have something to lose and you care enough about it to not wish to.

  440. Flo Rida says:

    Shoogar – the L word – yes i’m a lesbian – so kidding! email me off blog i’ll eventually answer. The pain is because i’m scared – I know this is crazy but I just got used to things & it caught me by surprise.

    Cleo – I used a 5 and a half pound fibre glass handle axe – a friend of mine who is a third dan black belt in taekwondo said when you fight those three minutes are the longest three minutes of your life – total focus. Poor tree but I never did like pine trees anyway – I do like oaks though.

    Lipstick or not Lipstick, that is the question – Lily – xx

  441. cleo says:

    oh and shoogar?

    i stopped with the one night stands in my 20s because they made me feel bad about myself… but i’ve had a couple as a sexually mature adult in my 30s and they have been awesome

  442. cleo says:

    shooger: i’m a tease too, it’s why i asked :)

    i had sex the day i met a man once, about 12 hours after i met him in fact and then we dated for a few months. was funny, we both liked to wait and we were both at this conference and neither expected to see each other again. we admitted later we couldn’t stand the idea of the regret if we didn’t do it.

    that is the one and only time i slept with a man i liked the day i met him and frankly i regret it.

    i’m more the 3-10 dates type but usually it comes from agreement between the two of us. there is something so amazingly powerful about the time BEFORE why does everyone want to rush it so much (long distance caveat understood of course)

    and chopping wood is SOOO cathartic!

  443. Lily says:

    Actually I am, but not on my iPhone!

    Running around today, far from computer….

  444. NE sugar says:

    RedMaru- Thank you. I have no regrets on not meeting with that pot. I’m usually enticed into living on the edge, but this is one of those circumstances not worth the risk.

    Shoogar- “Some men don’t like the dance though. They want you two-stepping before they can say TANGO.”
    hahaha so funny in its accuracy.
    I’m usually a fan of the three date idea, however, it depends on the nature of these dates. I just had a great date conversationally but no intimacy involved at all. Two more dates of that and I would not immediately follow him home into bed. But if the next date gets a little steamy…. then I’m back on the three path. There just needs to be a bit of physical tease and waiting before the actual sex. hm.. *sigh* I’m getting myself all excited for more dates with this guy 😉

  445. Very true, Lils. Very true. You are no longer Lipstick Lily?

  446. Lily says:

    And some wish they could but can’t remember the steps.

  447. Ah, the dance. Yes, indeed! Can be a wonderful thing. Some men don’t like the dance though. They want you two-stepping before they can say TANGO.

  448. buxombeautylv says:

    Shoogar Shoes – What you say about teasing and building up to sex is exactly the way I feel about it. I’m generally a 3date girl – if we’re not ready by the 3rd date, we’re not going to be. It could be the 2nd date but I normally like to wait until the 3rd, just because of the anticipation factor. Plus I simply enjoy the little courtship dance. It’s fun!

  449. Lily says:


    I bought airfare for my friend in Copenhagen and braided her hair, painted her nails, took her out dancing, but….mostly it was the dumb stories. She claims I helped a lot.

  450. Note to self: Next heartbreak task list:

    1) Chop down tree with vigor and purpose.
    2) Have Lily over for dumb stories and distraction.

  451. Lily says:

    Flo – I wanna come over to your place and mommy you so bad. I always do that in the breakup aftermath of pals, I’m good at it!!! Mostly by telling dumb stories and distracting.

  452. Celeste says:

    Frequent Blogger I hope that you are all right, we are all here to help you!

  453. RE: Waiting for Sex: I know cleo’s question was for SDs, but I would like to answer. :)

    Call me a prude (or whatever), but I never have sex on a first date (IRL or Sugar) – even if I’m hot and heavy attracted to the other person. I’m not a “random encounters” sex kind of girl and having sex on a first date makes it feel that way – to me and I know I won’t like myself afterward. I’m not saying I need to be courted for a gazillion years before it happens, but I prefer the teasing that can take place in between the actual act of sex. I mean, HOT & HEAVY teasing. Yes, I’m a tease. There’s a reason for this. Teasing adds to the anticipation and anticipation builds arousal and makes the sex that much better. Most importantly, during that time of teasing, you are able to express needs and desires to one another and to me, that is just as important as chemistry. If a man opens that floodgate for me before we ever have sex, he is going to know a lot of what I desire before we ever have sex and my hope is to find out his desires too. SEX CAN BE MIND BLOWING when approached that way. Communication is key to great sex (trite as that may sound, it’s so true). Other than no sex on the first date, I don’t have a rule of 2nd or 3rd date because depending on your SD (or real life situation), if that person is long-distance, it may be weeks in between your dates. More weeks = more teasing!

    *Shoogar Shoes steps down from sex lesson soapbox.*

    FB – Hope you are okay. Glad the other bloggers were up to be here for you.

    Flo – I want to hug you too. So not yourself. I have some questions for you. (As Always, feel free to email and answer off blog –if you feel like answering at all.) Did you have a contract with SD? I thought you did. If so, did it end early? I’m just curious because of your apparent heartache. If there was a contract involved, what happened to make this so hard? Did you fall in L? I just feel your pain through your posts. :(

    Oh, and wish I would have known about chopping down a tree 2.5 years ago when I went through a heartache journey myself. Even though I did the breaking up, didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt like hell.

  454. RedMaru says:

    Hey NE Sugar! Sounds like you did the right thing. A truly legit SD would have had no problem meeting at a restaurant or Starbucks at the very least. Something I learned the hard way to keep in mind

  455. NE sugar says:

    What would you do if a sugars’ profile didn’t match reality upon meeting in person? Has this ever happened to you?

    I’d be disappointed, I don’t like being lied to but it wouldn’t be an end all for me. I’d still make it through the date and if there’s major chemistry anyways I don’t think it’d matter.

    How do you feel about meeting a potential sugar via webcam before meeting in person? Would it help or hurt the trust factor in a new arrangement?

    I’ve met one potential through webcam, it was great to connect and know we hit it off before even meeting up. Unfortunately, it’s now like our first meet isn’t going to be a get to know each other experience but rather dive right into an arrangement. Not that I mind, he’s gorgeous, but it would be nice to have an original meet with no expectations.

    Does anyone have a story about how you came to trust, or distrust a sugar? Care to share?

    A pot.sugar and I were supposed to meet this week. I was going to drive to meet him, but he refused to tell me a location to meet him at. I kept asking that we meet at a public restaurant for the first time, and he would keep saying of course, he understood and then just told me to drive down and meet him at one of the gas stations off of the exit. It was definitely a ‘red flag’ situation where communication was not at the level I’d expect for meeting someone new, so I canceled the meet up. I’m not sure if he was legit or not, but I do not trust him enough to find out.

  456. RedMaru says:

    Hey sugarfam! Hows everybody! Looking forward to my day off tomorrow even though its a furlough day for all state employees :(

    FB – though I don’t have all the details it sounds like it wasn’t good. Keep chin up and I add to the blog hugs and reassurances that your sugar fam is here for ya.

    What would you do if a sugars’ profile didn’t match reality upon meeting in person? Has this ever happened to you?
    What did I do because it has happenend to me. Not SA but another site. Well his pictures were from ten years ago if that counts. Being that I was already there, I just went through with the date.

    How do you feel about meeting a potential sugar via webcam before meeting in person? Would it help or hurt the trust factor in a new arrangement?
    I see no harm in it. It can go either depending on how both parties feel

    Does anyone have a story about how you came to trust, or distrust a sugar? Care to share?
    Well my pot date. Looking back on it now, I’m glad I saw the red flags after one date and cut him off but I wish I trusted my gut on the first flag. As I said his photos were ten years old. And despite promising spoiling if I was willing to travel, he requested that I drive or in my case pay to come see him claiming he had paid for trips and been burned (Red flag #1) Despite the feeling in my gut and wanting to show that I was genuine, I paid and went on a Greyhound bus cause he was in the state next door. Then seeing him and figuring out the picture of him was old even though he demanded that I send a current one of myself to show I looked like my profile which I did and I sent(Red flag #2) Trying to make the best of it I decided to see it through and the “spoiling” was Dominos pizza at his house watching TV then him “graciously” paying fot the trip back and $40 and promising more(Red Flag #3). When question of allowance came up since he said he wanted to keep me, he went on a rant about he was about making a friendship and wasn’t trying to give no allowance but wanted me to come see him again on my dime. Realizing that all signs pointed to fake I cut my ties to his anger. I look back and kick myself for not trust my gut but lesson learned and I’m more cautious/weary as a result.

    sorry for the long form

  457. cleo says:

    flo rida? you don’t sound AT ALL snappy

    totally understandable. i’ll try to find a place with room for a last minute addition, suits?

    mostly i want to hug you and feed you margueritas!

  458. Flo Rida says:

    Lily – methinks you know what you will do by now. Have fun.

  459. Flo Rida says:

    Cleo – some hours I just cry, some hours I just stare at TV and don’t get out of bed, some hours I put my game face on and ‘entertain’ (i’m good at this) some hours I worry, some hours i’m frantically doing stuff (physical, emotional, financial, logistical) in short i’m a mess. I can’t really think far ahead & right now I have to get back to NY (after Masters) and move back to Flagler (Tara). Sorry if this sounds snappy it’s not meant to, just trying to explain how I feel. Also don’t want to bring blog down.

    Frequent Blooger – email me off line if you want tips on identity preservation (i’m pretty good at it).

  460. Lily says:

    Damn if it wasn’t so hard to find.

    I had the most amazing kiss in my dreams last night. I want that kiss IRL, damn it.

    I set Eurosexy straight today in email about needing to be his SB, and not just the stupid other woman. I set out3-4 scenarios in which our affair can ‘exist’ in my world and enhance my life rather than just absorb my time and energy. I feel irritated I had to spell this out to him. We met on SA, after all.

    I hung out with BHSD today and he is being business mentor extraordiaire.

    Called Zazazoom today and we brainstormed whether an April date would even be possible to meet. I asked for startup capital to fill up my business account and cushion my startup expenses, and he couldn’t say yes fast enough. Allowance just got transferred into my co billing his co. Awesome–that was my goal for April. And the money then is mine, legally. No income tax if I spend it only on what could be considered a feasible business expense. Rock on. Building my website with BHSD’s talented employees, now.

    Some of you oughtta consider springtime euromeet. It’s growing to a glorious affair. One of the SBs even lives in my neighborhood! And already knew me from seeing me sing with a band on stage. SMALL world!!! I’m meeting her next week for drinks.

    There are zillions other pots out there but I’m tired.
    Except…this young non-millionaire I skype video called last night with who is gorg. Looking for a traditional relationship, not an arrangement. But omg, yum. But I’m sugar dating only in 2010, but….he’s gonna co-host the meet with me and I’m going to go down and scout venues with him in 3 weeks so let’s see. Love trumps sugar. And he’s single.

    Ex-pro-baseball-player turned business tycoon uber-rich guy in manhattan calls and texts and wants to meet, wants an arrangement I think. He’ll fly me to NYC first class for a couple days when our schedules line up. He’s my type and single too. Hmmmm…. Kinda want DC’s story. :)

    any objective input?

  461. Anna Molly says:

    Morning Everyone!

    Sorry to hear about your trouble FB :(
    We are all here to help!

  462. cleo says:


    yes, yes it is.

  463. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Cleo – agree. Sometimes you just want to rip their clothes off in the first 5 minutes. That’s the omfg factor …

  464. Lily says:

    I am worried about FB!

    You can email me through my blog, and offer whatever support I can.

  465. cleo says:

    MichaelZomG – funny, that’s my sense of it as well…

    and furthermore, the more i like someone the longer i want to wait sometimes… but not always *g*

  466. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Cleo asked “SDs how long are you willing to wait to have sex with an sb if she dates you with no allowance as you two ‘get to know each other’?”

    To Cleo’s point from another of her posts, it depends. The more I like someone, the longer I am prepared to wait. Jumping into bed on the first date often leads to a short and meaningless relationship. on the flip side, many years ago, a friend of mine and I flirted for 3 years. And when we finally decided to act, the sex was glorious.

    In sugar dating, I would be looking for some happy healthy bonking after 4-5 dates, max. Unless there was something really different about the person that made me ok with waiting longer. I guess that’s what we are all looking for anyway!!

  467. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Lying here at 330am, can’t sleep, my dyslexia kicking in. Pondering the Big Question – “Is there a Dog?”

  468. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Hey FB – hope you are ok!! You are in safe hands here, esp. taking your conversation offline.

    I guess this goes back to the blog topic of trusting a SB/SD. I am cautious about sharing too much information with people I don’t know. Trust has to be given and earned on both sides.

    There is a TON of information out there on you. It is easy to google someone using a name, cell ph # or even just an email address. If you think there is any shred of privacy out there, get over it. I google myself occasionally and my footprints are freakin’ EVERYWHERE. I mean, searching on my name, you can find out my daughters name, where I live, my age, info on my wife, previous jobs etc etc.

    I guard my identity quite closely – it takes quite a while to build trust to where I am comfortable sharing. Over time and with experience and age (I’m 49 and have been for 2-3 years now) I have developed a strong ability to identify those who I can’t trust, and they are gone from my life immediately.

  469. buxombeautylv says:

    Agreed on the law enforcement route if things don’t stop immediately!

  470. buxombeautylv says:

    Oh boy FB, I’m sorry to see that. Sometimes I think I’m too comfortable putting myself out here, even the little bit that I do.

    I’m currently thinking of canceling the date who has postponed on me 3 times now, because I’ve been unable to find ANY info on him at all, even through a paid background search. It makes me very uncomfortable.

    Would you ladies still meet someone, say in a very high traffic venue for dinner, under these circumstances?

  471. TMW says:

    FB – I worry about something happening (and I’ve yet to actually meet, or talk, to a potSD) so I can only imagine how you feel. Looks like you have much support here, so don’t be afraid to accept it. If things get worse, consider the law enforcement route. Good luck with everything!

  472. MindyNYC says:

    FB – I’m so sorry to hear that you were put in a bad situation. Of all nights, I decided to take a sleeping pill, so unfortunately would not be of any worthy help, but you are in hands way more capable. You’ve got my support {hugs}.

  473. cleo says:

    Blooger don’t you dare apologize for coming here. this is what this place is for. the chatter is just a place holder while we get to know the opposite sexes better…

  474. Frequent Blogger says:

    Beach I did. Thank you so much. I just needed to get it off my chest a little. I just want to hug you all! Thank you for the support.

  475. cleo says:

    okay midwest and fb and bg should have mail from me

  476. Beach_Girl says:

    FB~ girl you can mail me, or cleo or midwest… we are a fam!

  477. Frequent Blogger says:

    Thanks Midwest! It really means a lot.

  478. Midwest says:

    I’m up too. Hope you’re ok. Take all precautions while you are home.

  479. Frequent Blogger says:

    Cleo: thank you for the hugs. I really needed it.

    I’m sorry to spoil the happy blog mood which I love so much I just needed my Sugar Fam.

  480. cleo says:

    that’s the thing that’s so scary in the world today. how much you can find out with my last name… or my real phone number

  481. cleo says:

    oh icky icky icky yuck!


    i would say if you change your name you have to change your persona as well i’m sorry to say

  482. Frequent Blooger says:

    Cleo/Beach: I’m so glad you’re both up! PotDate ended with my almost throwing myself out of a car in the middle of a city. And he knew all these things about me and this was our first date I don’t know how he knew. I’ve never had anything close to this happen to me.

  483. cleo says:

    i’ll hook you up

    toronto sugar meet at g male

  484. Beach_Girl says:

    if you have my email girl yeah… totally, I will not put my email here though..

  485. cleo says:

    i’m up too if you want a group

  486. Frequent Blooger says:

    Beach can I e-mail you? I just need to talk some another SB right now.

    I know I can’t put it on the blog.

  487. Beach_Girl says:

    OMG are you ok? what happened?

  488. cleo says:

    beach people keep saying that ‘you know in the first few minutes’

    all i know from that is i want to hang out with you more and explore the idea of the possibility. that’s it

  489. Frequent Blooger says:

    Nice job for me typing a weirdo name.

  490. Frequent Blooger says:

    Sugar Fam,

    I think I might have to leave the blog which makes me very sad or start using a different name. I just came back from a date and I’ve never been to afraid for my safety in my life.

  491. Beach_Girl says:

    Cleo~ I agree that when you meet someone for the first time, I do not expect or accept money. I chose to meet you.
    If I was traveling to meet someone, fly or drive for an extended period of time, I think the SD should be providing for that! If he cannot do so, he should come to you!
    If chemistry is there then 2nd or 3rd date I would say to have sex. If it takes longer so be it. And girls we know in the first few minutes if we are or aren’t going to sleep with a guy… Determining when it’s going to happen is supposed to be mutual!

  492. cleo says:

    midwest: don’t you mean a rare few?

  493. cleo says:

    SSSD that’s how i feel. i have waited months and i have waited hours and in both cases it was the right amount of time. sometimes i wait solely because i have to work in the morning and first times with new friends should not have alarm clocks attached.

    if my company isn’t enough to entertain you? if expressions flitting across my face don’t fascinate you? if you can’t wait to hear what i’m going to say next? then we shouldn’t have sex. and if those things are true? then while it’s wonderful it’s unnecessary… or simply an extension of the fascination.

    and i don’t even think of that first thing as a date. in fact we decided today they’re ‘meets’ rather than ‘dates’ or ‘interviews’

    sam if i were flying or cabbing or travelling more than an hour to meet you? i might let you help me out. but i choose to meet you, unless i have to skip work to suit your schedule i don’t want to be paid for that.

    if we decide to enter into an arrangement or explore the idea of it at our leisure then compensation can enter into the options.

  494. Beach_Girl says:

    SSSD ~ it’s refreshing to see a SD, from my experience, that wants to get to know someone before hand… Not all SDs are like that! AT ALL

  495. SSSD says:

    Cleo asked: SDs how long are you willing to wait to have sex with an sb if she dates you with no allowance as you two ‘get to know each other?

    Depends entirely on the chemistry. I make it clear that the first date has no sex. It gets the issue out of the way and allows the parties to relax, speak more openly, and even flirt without repercussion. I find it heightens the experience. Sex is easy to find, particularly outside the USA, so it isn’t the main goal. If the chemistry is strong, then sex might happen on the second date, or it might never happen. The date can be worthwhile (with the right woman) even without it. Sex is the cherry on top.

    Compensation is irrelevant. As a rule I compensate on all dates where the SB travels, to make up for the lost time. The compensation is travel costs, a day rate, and something extra. If we’re meeting across the street from her work on a weekend when she’s free, well then I’m ok to not compensate.

    Another point: it’s usually a month or more before I’ll even have the first date. A lot of email to get to know her first.

  496. cleo says:

    SDs how long are you willing to wait to have sex with an sb if she dates you with no allowance as you two ‘get to know each other’

    how long do you like to wait given a choice?

  497. Midwest says:

    Happy Lurker – Where is our poetic friend from across the pond?

  498. MindyNYC says:

    Hi All!
    Buxom – you wrote the words out of my mouth! Well said.
    Celeste – hope I haven’t missed you. Left you a note on the previous forum.

  499. SSSD says:

    Apparently Tiger isn’t much of an SD as well. The type that might not use valet parking. 😉

    Or it could just be disgruntled former associates and gold digging ex-lovers. Who knows?

    But given the topics yesterday thought this would be of interest.


    (type http:// before it. I think when I put in a URL it puts me through comment moderation…)

  500. buxombeautylv says:

    What would you do if a sugars’ profile didn’t match reality upon meeting in person? Has this ever happened to you?
    I haven’t met anyone whose photo was grossly inaccurate, but then again I meet extremely few in person.

    In one case, a potential promised to email me a photo and never did, even when I mentioned it in another conversation later, so I declined to meet him based on his failure to follow through, AND wondering what he might be trying to hide.

    How do you feel about meeting a potential sugar via webcam before meeting in person? Would it help or hurt the trust factor in a new arrangement?
    I am not interested in the webcam thing because usually those who suggest that are looking for a free show. The type of gentlemen I’m attracted to don’t have the time or inclination to sit on webcam chat anyway. If someone suggests but isn’t bothered if I decline, that is fine, but if someone insists on webcam, we are not a match.

    Does anyone have a story about how you came to trust, or distrust a sugar? Care to share?
    Trust is earned. Agreed with other poster about not dangling carrots, big no no. I like people who say what they mean and do what they say. I am a very up-front person, and find it much easier to trust those who operate the same way. Thankfully, sugar dating is usually more open and honest from the beginning, throwing out a lot of the pretense of traditional dating. I am more likely to trust a SD than a traditional date, provided he behaves like a gentleman.

  501. Celeste says:

    Michael AZSD I think you are right

  502. Michael AZSD aka 1+1=omg says:

    Hello … hello … hello … all I hear is an echo. Methinks the halls are empty tonight!

  503. Celeste says:

    For once I am here and ready to talk to all of you and no one is on :(
    Talk to y’all soon

  504. Celeste says:

    NYC SB you always have great insight. Thank you!

  505. TNVolSB says:

    NYC – wow, thank you so much! I find that advice to be invaluable.

    FLSB – Congrats on your successful first date! I hope mine goes as well! Thanks for the advice – I’ll give it a shot :)

    I read some of Lily and Shoogar’s blogs – a gold mine of info – love it!

  506. Midwest says:

    TN – Everything NYCSB said!!!

    Goodnight sugars!

  507. FLSB says:

    NYCSB- #4 is great!

  508. NYC SB says:

    haha thanks midwest! going to try and update my blog… so far behind with everything…

  509. Midwest says:

    NYC SB – That sounded very politically correct 😛

  510. FLSB says:

    Evening Sugars!
    I went on my first potSD date today, and It went extremely well!

    TN- I was so nervous for my first date, but he made me feel so comfortable. My pot brought up the allowance subject, but I would’ve been comfortable doing the same. Also, I have found that if you ask a pot about allowance before you meet and he avoids the question completely, or the emails stop coming – he’s not a real SD. But what do I know, I’m just a rookie : ) cleo’s right and SS/lily’s blogs are invaluable!

    Flo- glad to see you’re feeling a little better! Enjoy the bath.

  511. NYC SB says:

    Caribbean – Im sorry but thats just how men act… when they are not interested they poof… and he was just a pot… be upset when an SD with whom you are in an arrangement with poofs without an explanation

  512. NYC SB says:

    TN – I feel like I should address your question head on rather than give you the politically correct “some people do this, other do that”

    1) Focus on having fun with him – He is flying in to meet you… that is how it should be! Most women jet off to meet men all the time and the younger SBs who are rather “green” come back with horror stories. So he is doing the gentlemanly thing

    2) Just because he gives you an allowance that night it does not mean you have to have sex with him. At the same time, if he offers you an allowance and you are not ready just yet (but see potential) then either decline it or let him know that you are not ready to be intimate.

    3) If this turns out to be the date from hell then be polite and sit through dinner/ whatever your plans are, thank him and leave.

    4) If this turns out to be the best date ever, the chemistry is there and you want to rip his clothes off then please ensure that he gives you the allowance first. If you proceed to sleep with him sans allowance please be prepared to go home with nothing. This is not what an SD does but some men try and get away with murder.

    So to sum it all up, have fun, be honest, and do not do anything you will regret in the morning.

  513. That is one of the best advices i have read so far..

    “not to feel trapped to have sex just because he is in town for a couple of days”

    I think that as another type of relationship..we should be courted..seduced..make me feel he is worthy of me and NOT the other way around.

    I tried to update as much as i can with my pictures, I take the snapshots myself..what you see is what you get pretty much.

    btw..i thought i was doing great progress with POt SDIrish but he has poofedddddddd~ and it just suxs..suxs..at least a post it note..for crying out loud..but say something..not just dissapear :(

  514. NYGent says:

    Midwest: thanks. No regrets. Everything is a learning experience. On the very best SBs I’ve met that didn’t work out the shortcomings were more mine not theirs. As Flo would say “c’est la vie.”

  515. Midwest says:

    NYGent – Your stories were always the most heartbreaking. You have such a kind soul and are willing to give most people more than a fair shot. I do hope that if/when you resume your search an amazing sb comes your way!

  516. Hola.

    Caught up on emails. Kitties purring in lap. They missed me.

    4am going to bed.

    I’m going to Paris and London so often this spring that I’m not even looking forward to it anymore! I like being home with my kitties. At least two of the trips are paying gigs (putting on an event).

    I’ll post more tomorrow……

  517. NYGent says:

    *What would you do if a sugars’ profile didn’t match reality upon meeting in person? Has this ever happened to you?*

    Been pretty lucky here. Had only one pot date where the person who showed up was clearly not the person in her fake pics, I grinned and bore it went thru with the (tres cher) dinner anyway without calling her on it. When she later emailed to say how much she enjoyed it I punted and said I’d found someone else, rather than excoriate her as a liar and fake. Had only one other incident where the person turned out to be a stalking horse for the friend she brought along (without advance notice). By and large most people on the site are who they say they are.

    How do you feel about meeting a potential sugar via webcam before meeting in person? Would it help or hurt the trust factor in a new arrangement?

    I wouldn’t have the slightest idea how to meet via webcam. Or how to do one.

    Does anyone have a story about how you came to trust, or distrust a sugar? Care to share?

    tougher question. I’m pretty trusting of most people at first, and the majority of SBs i’ve met via the site (and virtually all from the blog I’ve met) are genuine, trustworthy girls. The minority who aren’t tend to fall into three categories: (1) the self-centered Divas, easy to spot and “NEXT,” though they don’t realize how obvious they are; (2) the Actresses (same as the Divas but trained in Stanislavski Method and can hide it for a while; and (3) the genuinely good and decent girls who, due to dire economic circumstances, are sometimes driven to bad behavior. This is the toughest and most sympathetic category. Money (or lack thereof) can cause people (SDs and SBs alike) to behave in ways they might later come to regret or be ashamed of. A forgiving attitude is important here.

  518. Midwest says:

    TN – Cleo’s right – take a deep breath and dive in. It does get easier after a few tries. It sure beats the alternative!

  519. TNVolSB says:

    Cleo – ok I’ll read up :) Thanks for pointing me in the right direction.

  520. cleo says:

    *raises hand* blabber mouth know it all – either asking questions or answering them… always. the more you speak the easier it gets….

    also, everyone is green at something, just open your eyes and dive in…

    a lot of sd’s like to get the allowance out of the way immediately to avoid future disappointments. others don’t want to talk about it until after the meet. others want to negotiate in email and yet others in person…

    go read shooger shoes and lily and nyc sb’s blogs – all linked from their names and all addressing these kinds of questions… fair enough?

  521. TNVolSB says:

    Midwest – please don’t apologize – I appreciate your response! This one wants to strike up a long-term arrangement in which he would come see me pretty often. He has laid out the allowance terms, but not what he expects from me, and I just don’t know how to confront it. Gosh I know I sound so green… how long did it take you guys to gain the confidence with which you post?!

  522. Midwest says:

    TNVolSB – I have had men meet me from out of town, but it was strictly for nothing more than dinner except for once. The one who felt he would receive more even offered a sum in “good faith”. When we realized we were not on the same track, we talked it out and agreed no money would exchange hands and no intimacy would occur until both of us were ready to enter an arrangement. It was awkward, but I think we both overcame it well. It takes being clear up front and able to discuss what you do/don’t want.

    There are varying opinions of when to be intimate. Some follow their passion, others wait until there is an agreement on the arrangement and either half or all of the allowance is paid. Some SDs have even suggested doing the first month or so on a bi-weekly basis to be sure both parties are following through. Bottom line…being intimate with him does not guarantee an arrangement. He can say that giving an allowance does not guarantee him intimacy. Trust has to occur at some point and he has to know you are sincere about keeping your side of the agreement. That was a long explanation…sorry!

  523. cleo says:

    Flo Rida I’m still asking the universe to send you to toronto to party with us. but if you don’t want to come to the meet we should find a way to hook up ANYway :)

  524. cleo says:

    midwest i have lost count of the number of ‘checked brown shirt and salt and pepper hair’ that i’ve met. i also don’t need pics. we click or we don’t, your looks only matter online unless you’re obese or a troll

    sorry obese folks, and i don’t mean a bit heavy, or a cute pot belly, i mean grossly obese. for me, it’s SO hard to eat well and exercise that i need neutral or positive influences in that direction only

  525. Midwest says:

    Evening sugars!

    What would you do if a sugars’ profile didn’t match reality upon meeting in person? Has this ever happened to you? Actually, I’m usually the one who surprises SDs. My photographs do not come out as well as the real me, so the most common response is “You look so much better in person”. Better than the other way around!

    How do you feel about meeting a potential sugar via webcam before meeting in person? Would it help or hurt the trust factor in a new arrangement? If pictures are not enough, then I suppose I could do a quick visit on webcam…it’s not my ideal for above reasons. Truthfully, I’m less about looks and more about character. I’ve also found that I am pleasantly surprised by men who do not have pics posted. I rarely ask for them.

    Does anyone have a story about how you came to trust, or distrust a sugar? Care to share? There are the scenarios where “red flags” appear…typically they are right. Otherwise, nothing out of the ordinary to share.

  526. TNVolSB says:

    I just watched the video – hilllarious!

    Anne – OK I was definitely not planning on sleeping with him at this juncture. He is deciding whether or not to come down for a weekend or a longer period of time. I get the answer on that tonight. I guess one of my questions is will he be expecting that? Can some experienced SB/SD’s fill me in on how their sugar relationships started?

  527. Anne SB says:

    TNVOLSB: A wise SB told me this and she’s pretty much an ace kind of girl: What ever you do, do not sleep with him just because he is in town for just one night!

  528. TNVolSB says:

    I haven’t met any pot SD’s yet, but I’ve met men from another online dating site, and plenty of times have been disappointed by reality vs. profile pic. Once, though, after actually sitting through the date, I ended up really getting in to one man b/c of his personality and the way we clicked, so you never know!

    OK I’m new to the SD/SB scene. I am on the cusp of my first meeting w/ a pot SD. He is flying in from out of town and I really have no idea what he will expect from me, what to expect from him, or pretty much what to do at all to begin a relationship that will be mutually beneficial. I don’t want my nervousness and inexperience to make his trip a waste! Any advice?

  529. Anne SB says:

    Ladies and Gentlemen of the Blog:

    I have had this issue before, what is up with SD’s ONLY wanted to discuss the allowance # IRL?

  530. Flo Rida says:

    Cleo – you’ll laught at this but I was feeling afm (absolutely f-king miserable) and so a good friend of mine said ‘why don’t you cut down a (permitted) tree’ and i said ‘are you serious?’ so I cut down a tree today (axe not chain saw). About 8inches in diameter, 100ft tall. Really great for getting out anger, great for workout – terrible for aches & pains. Things I learned – wear protective eye wear (splinters), plumb line, low V shaped cuts followed by upper cut at downward angle. Also when you’re cutting down a tree you’re not thinking of anything else. I guess it’s not environmentally friendly but the pine was stopping the oak from growing.

    Anyway I also figured out that i’m very upset from lasd (life after sd) and so I need to fix myself first (financially, physically, emotionally & logistically) which is quite a lot to do.

    Finally I now know the true purpose of the exile clause – it’s so I don’t embarass him by shacking up with a friend of his – not that shacking up with anyone is on my mind.

    ok off to soak in a hot tub for 2hrs. ciao

  531. cleo says:

    i know right, i told a friend to come see it even!

  532. Anne SB says:

    Cleo: I seriously love the video!!!!

  533. cleo says:

    blog gods?

    That video is so awesome i am speechless with glee. seriously, i watched it twice.

  534. cleo says:

    What would you do if a sugars’ profile didn’t match reality upon meeting in person? Has this ever happened to you?

    lots of times, but i don’t go out much so i online date a lot. recently i had a date that totally contravened the usual expectations…

    we were BOTH thinner and hotter than our pictures. yes, i am. really.

    How do you feel about meeting a potential sugar via webcam before meeting in person? Would it help or hurt the trust factor in a new arrangement?

    only for long distance. in town i want to get any dealbreakers out of the way and just meet already. if i don’t like you who cares?

    Does anyone have a story about how you came to trust, or distrust a sugar? Care to share?

    for me? it’s all in my gut. but my rule has long been ‘trust everyone and wait to see who sticks’ … sure you get hurt but you make a lot of friends too…

  535. Anne SB says:

    Am I first? Well then!

    What would you do if a sugars’ profile didn’t match reality upon meeting in person? Has this ever happened to you?

    I have had this happen to me many times!!! I usually just next it then and there. I was once meeting up with a pot in a coffee shop and I walked RIGHT past him because I was expected some one who was 40, not sixty. He said he had brown hair, Yea like what 65 years ago? There was not one single brown hair on that head. I have many many more stories, but there is no need to lie especially if you plan on meeting in person because when you lie, the person will know. Arrangements have to be all about trust, honesty, and mutual respect and I don’t feel a need to pursue anything that has started off stinky.

    How do you feel about meeting a potential sugar via webcam before meeting in person? Would it help or hurt the trust factor in a new arrangement?

    I’ve never web-cammed with a pot, but it might help. You see the person and talk to them, know they are “real”. I wouldn’t like use it to screen though. I prefer meeting in person Has anyone used it to screen?

    Does anyone have a story about how you came to trust, or distrust a sugar? Care to share?

    Trust, my last SD. I trusted him because he didn’t hold carrots in front of me and got the whole “my life. your life. our life.” thing. <3!