8 years ago
Sugarpendence Day 2010!


Independence day has always resonated with sugars on this blog, spurring discussions about how sugar dating can effect one’s independence. Many Sugar Babies and Sugar Daddies have expressed how their independent lifestyle is naturally suited for sugar relationships as opposed to more traditional ones.

How independent are you? Have you ever been in a codependent romantic relationship?

Do you see yourself being happily independent or codependent in your ideal future relationship(s)?

Do you have any fun planned for your 4th of July weekend? Any sugar?

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312 Responses to “Sugarpendence Day 2010!”

  1. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lady Intim, this is probably too little too late, but I was in Vegas for the Independence Day and ended up going to see a couple of shows, a few nice dinners, and to a horse ranch for a riding lesson.
    I learned how to ride English playing polo and wanted to pick up more of the classic riding style (leg, rather than reigns control)

  2. sb-emy says:

    SB-Emy: I really hope things start looking up for you, babe. I remember you wrote to me in the past saying that unlike me you don’t have much of an experience with love. And I wrote you back saying that in no shape or form am I qualified to give you advice re:love. I just felt your pain and wanted to give you my thoughts. Hell, who am I kidding giving you advice. Look at me now. :)


    Love, I was so grateful that you gave a kind response. After a week, things have cleared up and now that i’ve returned to this blog – as well as, looked back on my previous relationship, I know what to look for in a relationship.

    Currently, i’m continuing to see the SD that broke my last relationship up, but he is in a way, compensating for the hugs and love that my ex had previously bestowed. It’s so comforting to be in his arms, sigh.

  3. lisa says:

    hey sugas

    wow … so many post about clothes and shoes and makeup. What do the sugar daddys think? Im a college student- cant say ive ever spent more than 100 dollars on shoes and i definetly shop lower end. I can find plenty of clothes which look fantastic on me and dont cost a bomb.
    Do sugar daddys prefer polished, designer clad ladies?

    Im beginning to wonder how my sugar daddy puts up with me :P. First date id just come off shift at the hospital- gotten out of scrubs. quick makeup job and brush of my hair- sliped into a semi formal dress and ran for the car. definetly no manicures…and i had to hide the tired eyes!
    It worked out though……..maybe new zealand men dont mind as much as american men? or maybe they do- but dont say anything.?

    All the help ive had ive shoved straight into textbooks, fees and elective costs. :). ive had the odd beautiful dress or shoe gifted to me but otherwise its pretty casual down under 😛

  4. Sunshine says:

    At Sasha: I tweeze because it is ripping the hair out of the skin as opposed to just using a razor. It lasts a little longer and thin eyebrows can be hard to keep up because they are so thin. I check them like every other day or two.

  5. Sunshine says:

    At BrownSkinSugarBaby: Thank you so much for your long and informational posts! It was much needed! Really! I find that my profile is being looked at but no e-mails yet. Only one. He seems nice. But nothing is really happening. What do I do?

  6. Bonnie says:

    BiBaby ~ We have much in common (age, appearance, faith, opinions, etc.) I just signed up on this site a few days ago. I came to the blog to be resourceful, but I immediately felt more welcome from an online community than I had since 1998! I am really enjoying getting to know my new family (because we are all brothers and sisters in Christ…..hehehe)

    So, I’m a newbie, but I am very observant. I hadn’t heard from ToughLove before, but so far TL’s opinion is abrasive to the flow here (sorry, TL – just being honest). I really wouldn’t worry about continuing to defend your position with this person.

    The random judgemental attitudes of strangers CAN be taken positively, like corrective criticism or whatever. It can give you a new perspective so that you can analyze your own thoughts, but I would leave it at that.

    Moving on…..I don’t have fake breasts either. I love my natural ones – B cup. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

    Try that Topricin for your arthritis…..maybe that’s why I’m here! Dr. Quick, medicine woman! (Quick is my last name.) Man! I need to make them an affiliate on my site so I can get commission on these sales…..maybe that’s why I’m here! To get ideas on expanding my affiliate program!

    Sweetie, I was literally working over 100 hrs a week until March, so I feel for you. It’s the same with my health and this time I really did it – I got freakin’ trench foot! Praise the Lord, it didn’t go gangrene and result in an amputation.

    Praise the Lord for the trench foot because I was forced to quit my jobs and work out of my home, following my dreams and passions – holistic healing, writing a book……

    And praise the Lord for the trench foot because it lead me to Topricin and now I can recommend it to others.

    I know ~your~ here – So you can go from being a HT spokesmodel to a Topricin spokesmodel! Wait, that’s my new job…..I know! 2 girl special!

    I’m silly…..getting serious now –

    I’m almost 39 and my goal is to polish my look this year so I can compete in over 40 modeling contests. I noticed that you are in a similiar spot…..teeth whitening! thanks for reminding me!

  7. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Thanks for pointing out that there are others there who find faith and that you can be a good person and kind, with or without being in the sugar lifestyle. I can only observe the sugarbowl, having no toes in as of yet. Still working on refining my figure (toning up, getting hair layered professionally, whitening teeth and freshening up wardrobe for ex) and “look” to be someone who could compete with the ladies you see on the site, the 1st 10 blue profiles or whatever that come up before you have to sign up.

    I don’t have fake breasts and can’t because of medical reasons–I wish I could! I think they some women an edge. I have rhuematoid arthritis so my health prevents me from continuing to work 60 hrs a week for the rest of my life as I have done the past 20.

    Maybe I am meant to go down this path to just improve myself, and doing that will improve my marriage, with or without sugar on the side. who knows?

    If DH made $100k and I was still able to work right now making $70k, it would be a close to equal relationship and I would probably solely judge the relationship (male/female) based on how we treated each other. The more the man contributes (financially), the less I of course expect him to contribute to housework and other concerns of a female sphere. He makes the lions’ share of the money in our family now but when it’s a 20hr a week job just figuring out how to pay bills with what you’re getting, there’s not a lot of sexiness left over at the end of the day after clipping coupons and mending socks. Sorry, just the truth!

    I do filter my experiences to equal my beliefs, I’m still developing even now what I will/won’t consider and what my deep core values are going forward. I’m glad to have the sounding board of all those here to develop and yes, think about things from a new perspective. After your scenario of whether it would be ok if he wanted a younger partner each year, etc, I figured out that I’m kinda held to that very standard and perhaps THAT is why an “arrangement” or SB/SD situation doesn’t seem so foreign to me. Marriage is sort of like that on a very much smaller scale as another poster brought up (Lisa or BrownSugar?), like it or not, we compare people based on looks, achievement and a host of things *other* than how nice they are and the content of their character. We’re human after all. My own DH approached me because I was modeling and I went out with him because he was very generous and working 2 jobs at the time, so I assumed financially ambitious. Call me shallow, but that’s a 2 way street, and love complicates many things!

    BTW I am 100% fine with women who want to not enter an arrangement, and I’m NOT recommending that I’m ANY better than anyone, but again, this isn’t a morality blog I hope! I actually greatly enjoy sex and have wonderful relations with the DH…much of the glue that holds us to gether shall we say? He’s very good looking, I’m told I am, and we’re good at that other thing between “ten and six” that couples do. I guess I am again just being a “foolish woman” but good sex, wonderful as it is, do not the bills pay when it’s over. Good looking men know they can get another woman who will give it up for free and I’m well aware of that in my own relationship, women hit up on my hubby all the time not knowing how little he has left over after child support & basic survival. Probably not caring either, but again, if at least being comfortable wasn’t important to me, I’d not be on this blog either!

    And finally, of course I don’t expect something for nothing…if I am blessed enough to find a nice, caring SD ok with a NSA arrangement and DH remains fine with that, then I owe it to the BOTH of them to be the extra special and wonderful woman in their life, in whatever capacity that is for them. And isn’t that what being a real SugarBaby is about after all….being sweet?

    thanks for listening to all the Sugars!

    That being said

  8. Stormcat says:

    New topic
    but I want to post here also bc I have been trying for 2 hours to post this here and I just can’t give it up.
    Midwest ~ in the context of my conservation with brnsknbabe ~ you quoteted a quote “it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man.” (am I supposed to put that in double quotes?) I think the accent goes on “in love” Here there is a connection! It’s only a difficult position to accept if the poor one is not in love with the person of the rich one and only marries for the money. But it’s not like the world comes to an end. It is just that wisdom tells us that the relationship will fail and that the parties will be hurt.

    Brnsknbabe ~ excellant points about distance and double standards. But they skirt the issue at hand. And, it’s not any more acceptale for an SD to use his wealth to acquire sugar from a sincere SB without a real connection than it is for an SB to\use her beauty to acquire wealth from a sincere SD without a real connection. There I said it. I’m not being judgemental. I don’t think any of the strategies are morally wrong unless they take advantage of another person through some kind of subterfuge. If it is open, stated and accepted then that’s fine. Just don’t give “freebees” on the side and expect that your SD is going to be fine with it!

  9. Bonnie says:

    Lisa ~ It’s Topricin dot com and customer service 800 # 9five9 – one00seven.

  10. Bonnie says:

    …..and the Bible says – Seek, and ye shall find!…..hehehe

  11. Bonnie says:

    Lisa! Gosh, you are just like me! I don’t drive either and there is no Whole Foods in my town…..hmmm, I know! Go to Topricin’s web site and see if you can buy it online – I’ve been to their site and I am pretty sure that they have that option available. I don’t remember the url – just google and go from there. Good luck!

  12. SweetSugar says:

    Can you be my SD?

  13. Ms. Taken says:

    I killed the blog just by thinking about posting – g’night anyway sugars~

  14. Lisa says:

    lol I wonder if a very red a** will be in fashion next season, lol

    Whole foods, I’ll have to google that. I’ve heard of it but since i’m not very mobile I tend to stay in my own neighborhood. Riding the bus sucks and I try to avoid it except for going to work which is a short ride.

  15. Bonnie says:

    Lisa~ Go to Whole Foods and get Topricin, about $16……I lived with intense, chronic pain for awhile. This stuff changed my life – It is amazing!


    Brownsugar – I am writing a book right now (about holistic healing), but for my next project, I would like to focus on this scene. I would LOVE it if you wanted to co-author something with me. You are just a really fabulous and wise woman and I would be honored to work with you.

    sweets – Sorry about your experience. I have adopted a policy:

    1st date: no kiss, no talk of sex…..just feel the vibe and see if there is chemistry……if so:
    2nd date: discuss the arrangement, but do not act on it until:
    3rd date: you’re on your own here, sugarbaby! but since you made it this far, you probably scored what you are looking for – CONGRATULATIONS!

    That being said – Welcome to the site and take comfort in knowing that your next experience will be 100% better now that you have learned how to manage the pots.

    Something came up in discussion and I wanted to throw in my two cents –

    I am also VERY active in my church. And all of this is a good thing. There is no contradiction with being a person of good faith and seeking an arrangement.

    In fact, I am honestly here because I feel that this is where God has lead me. I pray without ceasing and I get revelations (answers to my prayers). I’ve done a lot of soul searching and not only do I know what I want, I know what God wants for me.

    God wants me to live a life where I am treasured for what I have to offer. God wants me to have abundance and to not struggle to make ends meet.

    But I don’t know – maybe God lead me here to co-author a book with brownsugar. Maybe I’m here to do hospice care for some random person. Maybe I’m here to just kill time on my coffee break.

    I do not know God’s plan for me. All I know is that I am here now.

    So, peace and love! and God bless you all – my new family! I pray that each and everyone of us finds the arrangement they are seeking……and if someone is seeking an ass beating – I posted Master Mike’s info just for you!

  16. RedMaru says:

    Hey Chitown long time no see 😀

  17. Lisa says:

    Work makes me think about it more. Everything good i’ve found has came through pure luck, hard work has gotten me nothing but sore joints and pain.
    I could have never aquired what i’ve aquired from my past sds in several years of work. It seems my luck has ran dry.

  18. SweetSugar, I say no glove no love. You can’t put a price on your personal safety and peace of mind.

  19. RedMaru says:

    SweetSugar – That would be big red flag for me….

    • SD Guru says:


      We all have made a choice to enter the sugar world for our own reasons. Others may disagree with your reasons and pass judgment, but as long as you’re comfortable with what you’re doing then that’s all that matters. There are other SB’s in the blog who are in the same age range as you and I hope you’ll learn from their experiences. I don’t see anything wrong with aspiring to a better life through an arrangement. Good luck with your search!


      Very nice profile. I’d suggest that you make the description section a bit shorter, but otherwise I think your pics alone should generate a lot of attention! My first long term SB was from your area, and perhaps someday I’ll tell that story in my blog. What’s your background?

      @Viking Hybrid

      Do you think a guy in his early 20’s has the means and is mature enough to be a SD? I think you’ll be lucky if he is mature enough to be a boyfriend!


      There are all sorts of people looking for all kinds of things on the site. The key is to look for those who have similar expectations as you do in terms of what a sugar relationship is and how it works. The rest is just noise. As to whether an “once every few months visitor” would work, I’d say that it’s difficult to build a relationship if the meetings are that infrequent. Good luck in your search!


      However, I meet enough interested/available women in my daily life, so I just can’t wrap my head around these arrangements… Am I averse to taking care of and spoiling a woman with whom I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship? Of course not.

      I understand you’re here to explore the sugar world, but please be respectful of the choices that others have made for themselves. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. A sugar relationship is not for everyone. Based on what you wrote, a traditional relationship with a gf/wife is probably more suitable for you, so I’m not sure why you’d even consider a sugar relationship.

      Why wouldn’t one want a traditional relationship? It may be that some people are very busy with their school, career, family and other things and don’t want to spend the time and effort required for a committed relationship. Or maybe they have been there and done that and don’t want to do it again at that point in their life. Everyone’s situation is different and we all have our own reasons for choosing sugar relationships over traditional ones.


      So I took myself out of the running…. But I’m not actively persuing any sugar as I refuse to be a fake SD.

      What happened to the SB you were having emotional roller coaster rides with?

  20. Hi Lisa, good to see you are still around the blog. There are so many new names. And from this blog thread not enough sweet sugar going around.

    I am sorry to see so many tales of misfortune. But as I was kinda sour on the sugar scene when I left Chicago, I can understand. Luckily, work has kept from thinking about it too much.

  21. Lisa says:

    Good evening Chitown

  22. Just stopping in to say hello sugars.

    Sounds like quite a bit has happened during my hiatus. The new job has kept me busy. Too busy to search for sugar.

    But I still send hugs to you all!

  23. Lisa says:

    I have yet to meet a man who uses condoms

  24. SweetSugar says:

    What do you do about SDs that are otherwise fine/legit but want no-condom sex?

  25. Lisa says:

    That sleazebag has been around forever. It’s obvious he doesn’t have anything an sb wants. With sbs outnumbering sds on the site by high numbers, any legit sd should find someone in a very short time without the sd has issues or is not what he says he is.

  26. RedMaru says:

    Hey Lisa – heard bout your poof saw the previous posts. I totally agree with you. That man just wants something for nothing not an arrangement. Sorry bout your aching muscles.

    Back from my daily dinner service to the neighborhood stray cats and Wal-Mart. Aww man Midwest you were in ATL? We couldve hung out hopefully you will be back in my neck of woods soon.

    Bonnie – Whoa can we say sleazebag! Sorry bout that

  27. Lisa says:

    Sorry to hear about your date sweets
    Goodnight Midwest

  28. Lisa says:

    sorry “Bonnie” not boonie lol

  29. Lisa says:

    Boonie that guy has contacted me several time in the past couple years. I remember him because he’s from the valley (I grew up in Brownsville) and what he means is he wants to spank you hard.

  30. Midwest SB says:

    Bonnie – he’s into the Dom/sub scene. There are some women who are into it, but I don’t think it’s considered an abuse of the site. Block and next.

    However…Sweet’s potSD did abuse the system by not representing himself accurately and treating you like he did. You MUST screen carefully as there is no way for SA to screen for you.

    Goodnight all.

  31. Lisa says:

    Bonnie there is not much you can do, SA probably won’t do anything and based on his profile number, he’s one of the older members (5 digits)

  32. sweets :) says:

    hi i’m so disgusted this evening, i am all new with this SD/SB dating thing and my first experience wasn’t a good one at all, ladies beware of some of these SD’s they are fake, make sure you plan your arrangements and stick to it never change and fall for nothing less because you might feel desperate , i met this this sd goes by the name LAK resides in wallstreet , invited me out for dinner with him at first i felt uncomfortable because he was too hasty, so i put it off for another day, i showed up at our meeting place , he did seems very excited to see me talking shits that he did not mean ,like o you are the full package exactly what i was looking for we chat, have a couple drink and discuss the arrangements , he told me that he wanted to take me to a swing club so i agreed on going because i always wanted to go and never been to one before , after we reached there he wanted me to have sex with a whole bunch of men and female there having sex without condoms crazy ass sun of a B**tch, i was uncomfortable so i told him i wanted to leave because that was not the plan and i am not a whore i started showing Assertiveness letting know his limit , some guys saw my reaction and told me that he comes there every weekend with a different woman and do the same thing and that the girls say always complain of him not keeping his end of the deal.. just saying this to tell you ladies be careful of him ..

  33. Bonnie says:

    MINOR EMERGENCY – How do you report abuse?

    I just got this –

    From: Sugar Daddy – 99480
    To: Sugar Baby F – 496678
    Subject: RE: hello

    Intriguing Are you submissive, extremly oral and enjoy a nice bright red ass?
    Master Mike

  34. Lisa says:

    I think an exclusive relationship is wonderful if one can find it and of course i’d love to find someone in the future to spend my life with but again that’s hardly possible in today’s world. I had one relationship (or affair) that lasted 5 years that I ended when I moved because I could not bring another man to an apartment paid for my sd. Of course sd poofed after a few weeks and so it is perfectly acceptable to do as I please.
    I don’t work a normal schedule which makes if difficult to maintain any kind of regular dating relationship (no weekend fun for me). If I am able to find a new sd, I would most likely be exclusive to him just because I dont’ need multiple men in my life. A combination of attraction, compatibility, financial assistance, enjoyable times together but yet maintaining our own personal lives would be perfect for me.

  35. MoonPatrol says:

    Lisa- i rarely “test ride” anything. Only a car. I remember the word I was looking for about marriage and that is “exclusive”. They are not what I want yet. The woman I am with wants an exclusive relationship and I get scared a lot when I see that I am limiting my future.

  36. Midwest SB says:

    Hi Red! I drove through Atlanta twice last week and thought of trying to reach out to you for a visit. Sorry that I didn’t.

    Generally speaking – My thinking is a little scattered, so bear with me. None of us are required to justify, explain, or seek acceptance from others. A dear friend always said “it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man.” We have the power to determine our destiny and we will either endure the consequences of our choices or choose to do it differently. We are blessed with the civil rights and the intelligence to live our life as we choose…to set the standards we are willing to live by. If we you feel you are living a double standard or in a lop-sided relationship, then you probably are…by your own doing. There are no martyrs and apathy is not an option. **done with mini rant**

    Bicentennial – I am in my 40s, have never been a pageant participant, am very intelligent, and am independent. My reasons for coming here had nothing to do with luxury items, but was more practical. I currently have an SD and had one other SD. We all want different things, so do your best, keep the arrangement “mutually” beneficial and good luck!

  37. Natali Laroux says:

    Well I am off to relax for the evening. I have been doing the P90X workout and it is kicking my booty! Hopefully it will get me back into peak shape! I have gained 15lbs in the last year and they so have to go! :) I would reccommend it to anyone.

    Ok I guess I will work out before I relax, or I will never get off the couch other than to take a bath haha!

    Have a great evening fellow babies and sd’s. I will return tomorrow to see what else develops here in sugar land 😛


  38. SweetSugar says:

    Those are VERY valid point Stormcat.
    I think you would make an excellent SD as you genuinely seem to care about your sugar’s overall well being. It is a hard trait to find in SDs. I think when you do involve yourself with a SB you want more commitment as a general sign of respect and closeness in your relationship with her.
    After all, if it’s completely transactional than its just an escort situation, right?

  39. I disagree Stormcat. Whatever one’s relationship is with his/her sd/sb is so individual and it is hugely dependant upon where you are in life and how you choose to deal with your romantic situation. It also has to do with how often you see your SD/SB, if they are local to you or if they live serveral hours, or serveral thousand miles from you and a number of factors. I think each dealing is so individual it is extremely hard to classify and that is why communication in fact is SO important. It isn’t very hard to harbor true feelings and connection with more than one person, ask any married SD he’ll tell you that. What works for one certainly doesn’t work for all, and it’s so important to put EVERYTHING on the table upfront before any arrangements or sentiments cross paths. Or at least that’s how I deal with all my relationships. Last thing anyone wants in any of this is for someone to get hurt.

    But just to play devil’s advocate, how about those SDs who entertain more than one SB? They are certainly out there, and I’ve met more of those IRL and seen this face to face. Boy do I have interesting stories to share living here in LA. lol.

  40. Lisa says:

    Good evening RedMaru I had a poof pot last week. He found someone willing to let him test drive free for a couple months. Funny thing is he is online as we speak. lol

    Sitting here with my hot water on my lower back against the chair, I feel like i’m falling apart here. Found an old bottle of codeine pills from several years ago (2003 to be exact) as I remember they worked really well for my toothache, going to take a couple for my joint pain.

  41. RedMaru says:

    Evening sugars! Busy day at work and no chance to enjoy it with my blog family. On the sugar front my pot went poof! After further convo and pics he decided I wasnt his type. I wish he would have told me from the beginning before I wasted my time taking pictures which another I guy sent them to said were pretty….not too hung up about as I think spect he was kinda flaky anyway

  42. Stormcat says:

    Okay, I know, sorry bout the mellodrama. The point isn’t whether you are having sex on the side with another man. It’s that when you do it without requiring sugar you are saying (weather your SD find out or not) that the connection isn’t really there. If the SD does find out he has to wonder whether you are expressing honest feelings or just faking it in order to collect the benefits. If that’s true, you’ve crossed the line and your not really an SB.

  43. Oh and haha, this sugar does NOT shag airhead beefcakes. It’s only Ivy League or the equivalent over here. Usually they are very successful men themselves.

  44. Well Stormcat that is a discussion you have to have with your potential SB. In my case, the reasons driving me toward a SB/SD relationship is to enjoy the perks of dating that I have always experienced in past relationships (I have dated wealthy men since the very beginning, not by choice, just by chance) without the drama of having to maintain and handle a traditional relationship. If I wasn’t sugar dating, I’d be doing the same thing. I’m honest and totally upfront with my SDs, or any pots I am talking to. We establish immediately what we are both looking for and our expectations. And there is the important factor. I don’t get involved with anyone who will have an issue with me dealing with another man whom I physically enjoy, whether he’s providing me with sugar or not. Thankfully I’m not a loose woman so I’m not screwing the entire city. However, the freedom and NSA (and in that for me that doesn’t mean devoid of feelings or emotions for the men I am involved with, it simply means no drama and I’m not looking to settle down with you) from a SD/SB relationship fits very well in my lifestyle at this point. Any man I deal with knows this, and we all play safe because of it. No one is getting hurt or emotionally confused. Thankfully.

  45. Stormcat says:

    SweetSugar ~ Thanks! I like being adored!

    BrnSknBabe ~ That is an aspect of all this that is difficult, as I feel like the SB/SD connection needs to be real. And when I sacrifice a major portion of my income in order to provide for my SB, it is a slap in the face if shes shagging some beefcake airhead who contributes nothing. Especially if its done sans discussion!

  46. ToughLove says:

    Again, I need to work on making one complete post, damn it. I agree with many of the things you’ve said about relationships and the whole “courtship” process as defined by society. It just not true for ALL men. Back to that lover/provider distinction. Providers court. Lovers are pursued. Simple, easy, direct. In some ways, Lovers are like sought after SB’s in the sense women ALREADY KNOW sex is on the menu without the games, the bs, blah, blah blah. She’s ALREADY decided she wants to sleep with him, as long as he doesn’t do something stupid to f— it up. And if it turns out differently, no big deal, there are several other women in the room making their intentions known.

    To clarify, I wasn’t passing judgement on ALL individuals who want to be SB’s/SD’s. Rather, I was commenting I why I did not see the benefits for me despite my curiosity.

  47. Lisa says:

    I had a lover for almost 5 years that was married and did nothing for me financially. I finally got tired of it as I grew resentful of him having a good life while I struggled. When I met my last sd I took a good long look at the situation and thought “wow I have been involved with this guy for almost 5 years and he has never even bought me coffee, and this new guy I have known for a month and he’s already moved me to a safer apartment. I had to make a choice and I chose the man who helped me. sadly he is gone now but I just couldn’t see myself continuing to see my lover when I had another very nice gentleman paying my rent.

  48. ToughLove says:

    I’d like to take this opportunity to invite you to reread my post…carefully. I did not make those generalizations you mentioned. I continually used the phrases “some women”or “many women”. Also made use of “softners” like “perhaps” and “maybe”. So, for you read a generalization into my post that I didn’t actually make is way off kilter.

    And you’re right, many (another softner) can make the distinction between lover and provider. And that topic is a totally different discussion, perhaps for another blog. (How many SB’s keep a lover on the side that has nothing to do with there sugar life? How do they separate the two lives? What’s their process for selecting men for each? Etc. Again, another discussion.)

    The point I was making as part of the conversation with BicentennialBaby is some (there it is again) women no longer make that distinction. They’ve experienced so much pain trying to have both that they essentially toss out one of the categories. Perhaps (sigh) you don’t see that underlying theme. However, the language used by some (:-) women on this blog broadcasts loud and clear that their selection process is altered, perhaps permanently.

  49. Lisa says:

    Take the financial aspects out of the sb/sd relationship and you just have a regular relationship.

    And some of us may be “needy” but it’s not from lack of working. I work very hard, hurt my back today but my paycheck still leaves something to be desired. Funny thing is I had to work on the 4th of July but the payroll office took the holiday off so my paycheck will be a couple days late.

  50. ToughLove says:

    @Bicentennial Baby

    Thanks for the kind words. Given your situation, I could see you arriving at those particular conclusions. Unfortunately, your situation does seem pretty one-sided. And its perfectly natural to wake up one day and think,”Hey, something’s not quite right here”, which brings you to SA. My point is, suppose things were different with your husband. Suppose he were making $100K while you were earning $70K? (Just trying to work with your numbers.) Would you still feel that a young woman focused on her own sexual gratification, rather than her latest gift, was selling herself short? My point is, (will try to be clearer going forward) are your current beliefs simply a result of the pain and disappointment you’ve experienced in relationships or were they arrived at objectively without being filtered through those experiences?
    I mean, some women have a bad relationship and form global generalizations about ALL relationships. And others simply say,”Well that one sucked…let’s go find a better one”, yet it doesn’t change the initial beliefs they held going into that first relationship. That’s the distinction…

    For the record, I don’t usually date women that earn more the me. (And given my profession, that’s not likely to happen soon.) However, I’m not interested in anyone in a state of “need”. (If your life isn’t already kickass, then why would I be interested?) Am I averse to taking care of and spoiling a woman with whom I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship? Of course not. I’m naturally concerned for the well being of those under my circle of protection. I just don’t want that to be the “basis” of our relationship. And if it is…buh-bye.

  51. SweetSugar says:


    You’re adorable!

  52. Nico says:

    Raising her glass to BrownSkinBaby :)

    Hello right back atch’ya Storm. I’ve been lurking for a while but the post today pulled me from my shell (just a little)

  53. Sherri says:

    @BrownSkinSB ~ love your response! Even men/women who are not into this type of dating size each other up in terms of looks and finances. It’s just out in the open here.

  54. Oh and might I add, I am a single woman who is involved in sugar relationships. However, I do entertain the company of a lover who in no way gives me anything as far as money is concerned. We’re great friends, we enjoy each other’s time and company. There is a mutual respect and love for each other, however we choose to not handle the dealings and complications of being boyfriend/girlfriend.

    I know I’m not alone in this, because in reading the personal blogs of many SBs from this and other sites, we all have that one who we are involved with that has nothing to do with money or currency. So for you to generalize like that is way off kilter.

  55. Sherri says:

    This is an interesting blog.

    @ToughLove ~ I don’t think the women on here get mad about women having sex for free because they dislike men or don’t enjoy sex. IMO, it’s primarily because most are either not financially set or want to have/maintain a more luxurious lifestyle than they could otherwise. The money makes an attractive woman who get offers for sex all the time more open to considering a man who might not have been her first choice (if he were an average joe). And if it were easy for a guy to pick up a woman 10, 20, 30 years younger who’s smart, looks good, takes care of herself and just happens to want an NSA relationship a site like this would fail. It’s mostly about supply and demand. If the arrangement is free then the women site aren’t getting their needs met. But men on here wouldn’t be spending their money if they saw no value in it. Men literally use their currency to get the partner(s) they want.

  56. Wow, I don’t even know where the to begin… Just mouth agape, and silently chuckling as I hypothetically munch on some popcorn.

    First off, I think that ToughLove you should be aware that not every SB on here is looking for a handout or a get rent for free card or a free ride through the luxuries of life. In fact for MANY of us, connection to a pot SD or an actual SD is VERY IMPORTANT. In fact, that one point can actually make or break an arrangement. Sexual connection to me is of utmost importance. It’s #1 actually in ALL of my dealings with men from traditional relationships to any sugar relationships I have encountered at this point since I started really dating at the age of 19 (I’m 30 now – 31 next month). I’m a successful woman, not yet at her prime, still growing towards what will be the apex of career, life, vitality and more. My approach now of love/romance/casual sex or however one chooses to classify it is one by choice that is more condusive to what I seek in any other relationship or in my own life in general. We each have our own expectations of what we want from the opposite sex. And this kind of arrangement/relationship/agreement is just a means of LAYING IT ALL OUT ON THE TABLE without the bullshyt games that society has ingrained in us as the “right and proper” way to do things.

    Men are providers, and there are some who like to provide for the women they are involved with (on whatever level). So what’s so wrong with, as a woman, choosing to be with a man who wants to fulfill that role for you if that is something that attracts you to it? Who is anyone to judge what is “wrong and right?” Who makes these rules anyway, and why should the entire gamut of society follow them?

    You see, sex and money and love can and do go hand in hand. These 3 words provide a lot of pressure and freedom in relationships whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. In traditional relationships, men take women out, and yes he will be patient with her – maybe, but after a while in our society today, the expectation of sex is always looming and he pursues her, wines her and dines her in the hopes of one day soon having physical ecstacy with her. In traditional relationships women expect men to take them out, maybe hope that he buys her flowers or small gifts, maybe hopes he is a gentleman and treats her kindly, and if he plays his cards right (and provided it’s not against her morals) she will allow him to be with her sexually. Marriages based on love fall apart everyday due to pressures of the loss of love, sex, and money. Men and women are compensated after divorces by way of money and property… IT’S INGRAINED IN THE FABRIC OF OUR CULTURE. So why is it so wrong to put it upfront, in your face, get it out the way, and work on the connection with the person you’re interested in?

  57. Stormcat says:

    Nico ~ hello gorgeous! don’t make yourself so scarce. The blog needs you and its just as easy to get addicted again as it was the first time!

  58. Lisa says:

    Nothing is black and white, there are gray areas to almost everything. I think of this when I see a situation where a person is married to someone who is in a coma or who is paralyzed from the waist down, etc. Many will expect the healthy spouse to be faithful but let’s be realistic. If something is missing in the relationship, you don’t have a whole relationship anymore.

  59. Lisa says:

    Bicentennial Baby : I often thing of what my life would be like if I got remarried or in a serios relationship.
    I would still be working my butt off everyday at a job I am not happy with, i’d still be doing my housework and laundry, running errands, paying bills, etc. BUT I would also be expected to do his laundry, tend to his needs, cook, etc. I would end up paying half the bills and doing most of the work. I too, cannot respect a man as a man if i’m paying half of everything. Until I find a real man who knows how to treat the woman in his life, I have no use for a serious relationship. In addition to everything I do now, i’d have to make time for him and he’d do very little in return.

  60. Stormcat says:

    Stormcat – master of the double klutz

  61. Stormcat says:

    Correction really lol

  62. Stormcat says:

    correction people are realliy thinking here (of course you all already knew that)

  63. Stormcat says:

    SweerSugar ~ Oh contraire! This is one of the most interestisting discussions that I have ever witnessed on the blog. People ar really think9ng here and this is not a threat the Sugarland. It helps us define the unique nature of our philosophy/lifestyle.

  64. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon

    Yes Bonnie I am in Texas so I guess we’re seeing the same profiles.

    Unlike Moonpatrol, I believe marriage is supposed to be sacred but today’s world conditions have destroyed it. Of course I grew up in the days where families stayed together. Yes men cheated but no one tried to say it was right. It is never right and monogamy is the way to go, aids would have never spread if everyone had been monogamous. However in reality we are all humans with needs and feelings and when one party of the marriage loses interest in sex, it’s only normal to seek elsewhere.

    I prefer married sds and also older sds because you can have NSA and he time with you is limited. He has his life, you have yours whereas the single sds might try to get more into the bf mode. I have read some of the profiles in my area from the single sds and so many of them talk about wanting some to spend evenings at home with, fish, hunt, etc and that just sounds soooooo boring in the sb/sd world. If I want quiet evenings at home, I can do that my self, heck i’m already doing that.

    Yikes i’m in severe pain in my legs and back. This job is going to kill me. Small women like me weren’t made to lift heavy totes of shampoo and stuff. Anyone have any free remedies to get rid of the pain? I have to deal with this on a day to day basis, my insurance covers nothing and i’m super poor right now.

    Looks like it’s going to pour down rain anytime now.

  65. SweetSugar says:


    You’re on the wrong site, my friend!

  66. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Very good points! I respect your difference of opinion, even if I don’t agree with it…

    I think the girls in Cancun who don’t size up the consequences of their actions in who they bring back for the night are the ones who sell themselves short. at 18 or even 24 you may not care how much security a man can provide in your (exclusive) relationship, but let me tell you that changes big time when you hit your 30’s, 40’s, etc and realize love doesn’t pay the light bill.

    I am perfectly capable of financial independence and recently had it until my job laid us all off, I made nearly $70k a year and most of it I saved or paid off debt with. I owe less than $4k not counting my mortgage.

    I guess my thought (selfish?) is that if I am expected to not only cook/clean/look great and be intimate as well as work full time in a marriage or commited relationship, well then one of us is unnecessary! It’s not a question of “plumbing” really, more of what each should be bringing to the relationship, which should be different, not double doses of the same. Unpopular and un-PC as it is, I have found as have many of my friends that a man who makes equal or less than his woman rarely has self-respect and almost never has the respect of the woman.

    They’ll spend the $$ but they subconsciously know its against the natural order to accept a lopsided relationship like that. It’s just not natural to expect a lady to look up to a man with pride in him if she’s footing half or more of the bills. Then the only difference between them becomes “plumbing” as you put it. It’s hard to respect a man who can’t best you at the game he is supposed to be better at in society’s eyes. My opinion only, yours may differ of course!

    Why would I choose a man to share in what I have if most of what’s on the table was provided by me? I’m all for consensual, fun relationships where finances are never discussed but it’s a fantasy land that quickly turns sour when you realize what was cute at say 25 watching a guy play video games all weekend becomes a deal killer when he’s 45 and still doing it.

    To each his own, and agree to disagree, that’s what’s so great about America after all!

  67. Stormcat says:

    Hey hey! Spain beat Germany! Its a whole new worldcup, I’d love to be in Barcelona or Madrid tonight!

  68. Stormcat says:

    NC Gent you are truely that!

  69. NC Gent says:

    Wow — some lively discussions here today.

    Bicentennial Baby — I think if you put in your profile that you are looking for gifts, dinners, etc and not necessarily cash you will find someone. I had a similar arrangement with a woman in her late 30s (I am in my late 40s) but I had met her on a site for married people looking to “date.” She was in a similar situation as you. Best wishes to you.

    Is it just me or is there a judgmental tone in here today? As one of my favorite blogger SBs said… clearly seeking arrangement isn’t the place to pass moral judgement.

    Have a nice day, and hello to my blogger friends old and new!

  70. Stormcat says:

    OMG I wish I wouold have read the rest of the posts before I said anything, What a treasure of solid thinking was added to the blog library here in this short time. Wonderful! Wonderful! Toughlove, Bicentennial, Very clear astute counterpoints. “I wish I were the one said that!” But it only raises more conflict in my mind rather than resolve it. I’m a sugar addict but I don’t really know why. I just am! Perhaps its because I have no children and always wanted to be a father for a sweet beautiful daughter. Sometiomes I wish I could be an SB for a while because it seems so lovely. But on the other hand I love the feeling of taking care of someone. I think for me the most attractive SB is not the one who doesn’t need, it it’s the one who desperately needs the help. The one who I can make a difference in her life as she makes a difference in mine by allowing me to assume the role of “knight in shining armor” even though my armor is a little dull. To get there I’m willing to allow for the SBs who work the system and take advantage of my desire to assume the caregiver daddy role. I think that many have the same desires to be cared for and protected but they aren’t lucky enough to be desperate.

  71. Stormcat says:

    Bonnie ~ Loved your stimulating posts starting the married vs not line of discussion. Had a laugh at your astute observations. I’m married but I’m also seperated. Not quite the same. But I started this lifestyle before I seperated. And that created an internal conflict for me as I always considered myself as a person to be straightforward. The thing that was impressive to me about what you said was your characterization of people who are pretending to be SD material. When I started this lifestyle I could handle expense of maintaining an SB but since my seperation I have not got the financial wherewithall to continue without doing major damage to my base. So I took myself out of the running by letting my profile degrade to a free account. I would hide it altogather but I like that friends from the blog can view me so I leave it there for now. But I’m not actively persuing any sugar as I refuse to be a fake SD.
    Anyway, I just wanted to say that I liked what you said!

  72. SweetSugar says:

    You have to send out 200 or so messages to get 10 replies. Of those 10 only 1 or 2 may be real. From those maybe 0 to 1 of them end in a arrangement that works for you.

    I came on to these sites a couple months ago with the same type story. Most of us did. Read up as much as you can from the past comments on the old topics. Find the sugar babies blogs on blogger and follow them. Read, read, read!! That’s what helped me the most. Know what you are up against.

    There is a 10 to 1 men to women ratio on these sites. You have to be persistent and try to reach as many daddies as possibly. Most you will never hear from. Some are real and too busy with other replies/kisses/current SBs to reply to your message, some are looking for a different body/hair/personality type, some are fakes/lairs/flakes/picture collectors. A good thing to do it send out as many messages as possible.

  73. Natali says:

    So… My luck may be turning around. I have decided to tell my current how I feel and that I can’t be unhappy just to make her happy. This will mean I am moving to Las Vegas again and will go back to modeling p/t. On an even better note, I have been emailing with a pot sd and he seems like a fit. Sounds like a shoe or something haha. Anyways, he said he would like to take me to one of the best Thai places when I get there! Wish me luck!

  74. ToughLove says:

    Forgive me, I need to condense these posts into one. I’ll admit, I read this blog because it’s entertaining on many levels. You answered your own question in your last post. I’m amazed by some of the women that reach a point in their lives where they feel, for whatever reason, their “plumbing” entitles them to money. Obviously, in your marriage there are so HUGE expectations on either side, so it is what it is. But, I read some of this posts and just shake my head. How does repeated disappointment and frustration lead some women to the other extreme, where they actually get ANNOYED when women don’t charge money for sex? Did it ever occur to anyone that some women (maybe not the one’s here) actually like men? They actually ENJOY having sex with men. Some
    women actually have succesful careers (gasp) and only date men with successful careers and together they…wait for it…ENJOY SEX TOGETHER. (Truly novel idea, but I can’t take credit for that one.)

    Admittedly, I’ve toyed with the ideas here because it’s just different. Kind of like going to an S & M club for a night, just to see “how far down the rabbit hole goes”. However, I meet enough interested/available women in my daily life, so I just can’t wrap my head around these arrangements. The funny thing is, I’ve repeatedly been on the OTHERSIDE of these equation. I had situations where I later found out the luxury SUV a woman was driving two hours roundtrip for some “play time” with me, was really paid for by her SD. Or the woman you take home that night from the club is following in the Mercedes her husband bought. Etc., etc, etc. It got to the point where the women who were most sexually aggressive were the one’s whose financial needs were being taken care of by THEMSELVES or some other guy/SD/parents/husband (and that usually comes up after.)

    I mean, in college, we didn’t go to Cancun and meet girls who were thinking “who’s going to pay for my tuition, my airfare and hotel for this trip, etc.” No, for the most part their attitude was, “which guy am I taking back to the room, I’m on Spring break damn it!” Or, now, I don’t meet a hot attorney/investment banker/medical resident who needs someone to take her shoe shopping and pay her rent (and if he doesn’t he’s a loser?) WTF?!
    My point, to answer Bicentennial’s question, is some women are living the life they want financially. And for them, sex and intimacy are something they engage in for their own benefit and pleasure. It’s not something they regard as “currency” or a tool to gain access to a better lifestyle.

  75. KC says:

    I have started out on this site.. I am from Canada.. So I am finding it really hard to find something.
    I am an attractive female, with a lot to offer to someone. But what I am finding is that I am talking to a few people, they claim that they want something, but when it comes to us meeting and booking flights they seem to not come through, which is disappointing.
    I am not here to play games. I am finding this rather disappointing.
    All I want is the real thing! Is that too much to ask for?!

  76. ToughLove says:

    Thanks for the clarification. And as SweetSugar said,”Ouch”. Fair is fair, best of luck to you… (Still, damn!)

  77. Bicentennial Baby says:


    *Laughs*….it’s not as awful as it probably reads to the outside world…

    Actually I considered SA and a few other sites simply because I didn’t realize (until recently) that ALL men didn’t expect their wives/GF’s IRL to be and remain hot housewives and/or career women, lest a better model come along. Sadly all our friends are now divorced, there’s just too many women out there it seems willing to accept whatever and the men of my generation and younger EXPECT you to work, have kids, and then come home and clean and have time for intimacy, etc.

    My thought is that if you are expected to remain young/beautiful/fun & appealing, then there shouldn’t be any reason not to have a few things in return for that.

    Am I the only one who notices that there are a LOT of women that would make fine SB’s out there who end up just providing that for free because many of the men of today’s world expect it or move on to the next lady? Is there a shortage on the men vs women ratio perhaps, and not the SD vs SB kind? It seems to be my observation that there are at least 4-5 women who will happily accept anything a man does, ready to just shack up with every 1 man out there who isn’t violent, cheating or unemployed.

    (depressive thoughts *OFF*…back to regular programming!)

  78. pinky says:

    hey PotSD. Just ignore those profiles. There are probably just as many SD’s as there are SBs who are looking for gf/bf. I just weed out those SD’s and focus on those that are looking for NSA relationship. So as you can see there is something for everyone on this site. :)

    So no suggestions on my profile?

  79. SweetSugar says:


    No offense Bi, but I would hate to be on either side of your marriage.

  80. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Ok, saw your second post too… thanks for adding!

    Your point is valid. I treat DH kindly, cook and clean, meal ready when he gets home, cut coupons, decorate, I’m raising his kid as well as my own since his ex is unstable, am available for sex when he wants it, and the church attendance is as much for him as myself as he is very prominent in that area and I did NOT want to drag him down by not accompanying him. I’m NO Mother Theresa and I know I’m a sinner, but I simply do not have it in me to be cruel to anyone, DH or any sugar daddy or even another SB. If I am ever cruel, it is thoughtlessness and not meanness on my part!

    I’ll address your point: met DH 11 years ago, I was then a HT model. I worked 2 jobs and did so through the 1st 5 years of our marriage, to buy a house and 2 cars since he couldn’t with all the bad credit from the ex. She is mental and lives off assistance. I was the good friend who helped pick him and the pieces up, got us a place to live, and have provided every bit of our material success either by contributing about 60-70% of it, or managing carefully what he had.

    He HAS insisted I stay young, fit and beautiful. Hence the pageants, I enter every so often to remain competitive as I’m expected approaching my 40’s to be as attractive as I was in my late 20’s. I’m told I’m actually BETTER looking, since I am working at it and not coasting on genetics. I was told if I got FAT or LAZY and didn’t clean the house or make the effort to look nice, yes, he can be expected to seek divorce. His best friend is divorcing a woman right now after 20 years for not cooking/cleaning and “letting herself go” as he says.

    so yes, I’m keeping up my end of the bargain, regardless of the treadmill time and recipe research that’s taking. Fair enough? *wink*

  81. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Wow, did I strike a nerve?? I had no idea… *LOL* :)

    No, no ultimatum given to the husband, we’ve been together 11 years now. If he said no, the answer would be no. However the answer was yes and he is not a person to lie, this is why I am honest with him, we have always been that way.

    I’m sorry you dont’ think I can be a good human being and go to church and be on SA. basically you are telling me then that all the SB’s and SD’s on this site are evil or at the very least godless? I’m not sanctimonious, but please explain to me how being on this blog excludes anyone participating from being a good person and/or even Christian??

    I am indeed a former pageant winner, and only use the terms that are frequently used in that circuit. DH met me while I was a Hawaiian Tropic model and looks are very important to him, which I’m fine with.

    May I politely ask then how my “envy” of women who have nice items and not as one SB called it “mall shit” (I LOVE that term! died laughing reading it…), makes me any different than any other lady considering this type of arrangement?

    I’m sorry, I’ve tried, but I can’t settle down to a happy life knowing I will never live in more than a 3 bedroom 1 bath home and own anything more expensive than Target unless I’m willing to work 60+hrs a week again to go get it. and for no reason other than marrying for love instead of being selective before I did so. It’s inherent in me I enjoy luxury and I can assure you, my idea of that is probably much less than many others here. I see nothing wrong with them and nothing wrong with myself, though I guess I am being judged for whatever reason, I know not.

    Would I somehow be more noble if I were socking away cash to leave a scumbag rather than trying to add things to my life that would take the stress off my marriage and hopefully bring some joy in return to the person providing them to me. I thought being upfront was the better option, but in reading your reply, maybe I’d be better off just lying to whomever I meet…

  82. Nico says:

    @ Bicentennial Baby

    I don’t post here often but I was a regular on the blog for a long time. First of all I must say, we ALL have our own reasons for being here and there will ALWAYS be somebody out there to pass judgment on us…whether it be through television programs or at times even here on the blog. What matters is that you’re comfortable with what you’re doing. It is not for ‘us’ to say. Some are married, some are not, some have more than one SB or SD but it is….to each their own.

    There are men (SD’s) out there that do prefer a woman to be a bit more mature in her age. I myself am 40 *shivers* and have had SD’s for two + years….the most recent of which has been 10 months.

    If you’re asking ‘us’ perhaps you’re looking for somebody else to validate your decision…truth is, nobody but you knows what’s right.

    If your husband is okay with what you’re doing then maybe he should be the one you pose that question to.

    Best of luck to you!!

  83. LOL thanks Pinky, I was thinking about that last night. Let it take its course and once it culminates, release it under a pseudonym lol.

  84. ToughLove says:

    (Didn’t finish…) Now, given what I’ve seen on this blog, plenty of SB’s will come to your aid. My question for you is: suppose I were your husband and came to you and said “You know, you’re old. You were young once, but now you’re old and you’ll only get older. I want to sleep with young, beautiful women because that’s what I deserve. Plus, my friends all have wives that are younger and prettier than you, and that makes me jealous of them. So, if you don’t agree to this, then I will divorce you.” Would you be particularly amenable so such an arrangement?

  85. PotSD says:

    Posted this in an older blog post but someone I suggested I post on the latest blog entry as well:

    Hi there. I am new to this (would be a SD) and thinking about joining this site and emailing a few SBs. I would be a fairly young (early 30s, I guess that’s young not sure of typical SD age) and basically looking into this because I just don’t have the time to maintain a traditional relationship. I’m divorced and between work and kids (which are A #1 and has been a problem for the more needy/clingy in the past) I just don’t have much time (and don’t mind spending most nights sleeping alone because I’ve got plenty to do before I eventually pass out), I maintain an insomniac sleep schedule (which many past women haven’t liked) and I am very generous with gifts and money to whomever I’m dating anyway, so it all seems to fit. Hopefully I’m right and won’t regret it.

    Anyway that being said, here is my general observation/question: It seems like so many of these SB profiles might as well be Match.com or eHarmony profiles. They show some nice pics, a nice description of who they are, then under the arrangement section they just put “open” and then write something that sounds more like they are trying to meet a soulmate/steady boyfriend vs a SD. This makes me confused as to exactly what most people on here are after.

    Here is an example of a SB I saw with some gorgeous pics, a nice description of herself, what she likes/dislikes then she followed it up with this under the arrangement section:

    “I’m interested in finding a serious gentleman to treat me like a queen. Once i find this man i desire him to support my dreams, goals and fantasies. Hopefully he will invest in my future and maybe that will lead to our future.”

    Am I wrong or does that sound like she is looking for a BF or a husband? Sounds like what my last GF said before we broke up because I couldn’t spend enough time with her and “presents don’t replace time”. Maybe I’m wrong or misread this but I see stuff like this and stuff like “I need a nice, generous, fun sugar daddy boyfriend”. What’s with the boyfriend!?

    Help me out here please. Is it just newbie SDs and SBs moreso messing with the culture and not quite getting it. Are we looking for NSA or are more and more SBs just looking for a knight in shining armor to sweep them off their feet and make passionate love to them under the Bahamian sky on their wedding night after which they drift off dreaming of being soccer moms in mansions with Benzes. Just joking but you get my drift. I’m just trying to be on the same page and not hurt anyones feelings.

    PS do most SBs want someone local or is once every few months for business type visitor cool with most?

  86. ToughLove says:

    @Bicentennial Baby
    If I understand your post correctly, you gave your husband an ultimatum: either he lets you sleep with other men for cash/gifts/shopping/travel because he lacks the earning power to provide those things OR he faces the possibility of you divorcing him. Is that about right?
    And these things are important to you because you ENVY your friends with the LV handbags and BMW’s. And since you are active in your CHURCH, you want this to be discrete. Have I missed anything?
    I love the languaging: “Barbie blond”, “beauty pageant winner”, “trophy wife”.

  87. ToughLove says:

    You may want to rethink some of those beliefs. Not every guy, single or married, wants his picture posted here. It’s has nothing to do with whether he’s real or fake. (To me, these are those posts that make me laugh the hardest because some of these women INSIST on treating this like it’s Match dot com. As SD Guru stated, the rules are very different.)

  88. Viking Hybrid says:

    Hey everyone! Hope your holiday weekends were spectacular. I went camping up in the Adirondacks with some friends, and it was absolutely gorgeous.

    I met a guy IRL that definitely has sugar potential, but the problem is that he’s in his early 20’s, and I’m in my mid. Or maybe it won’t be a problem. It just feels a little weird to me since I’m used to dating men who are 7-15 years my senior. He seems quite mature in certain areas, but there are also aspects of his personality that are more “school boy” than “grown man.” Does anyone have any experience with a younger SD? Also, how does one bring up the subject of sugar (when the time comes) with someone one met IRL?

    It’s 100 degrees in NY. Stay cool sugars!

  89. SweetSugar says:

    Thank you Guru!
    I know I need to just get a bikini shot and take off the chest shot. It’s just really to take pics of yourself like that.

  90. pinky says:

    Hey everyone. I’m back finally!

    Okay i’m posting my profile number. I really need someone to tell me if my profile seems all right. 498010

    Hey brownskingsugarbaby, I must say I love reading your blogs. Perhaps you should consider writing a novel! I would buy it!

    Hi SD Guru, your posts are always such a delight to read. Provides a lot of insight.

    Hi Bonnie, welcome! You sound like a wonderful, kind person. I hope you find your perfect SD.

    Hi Lisa, the heat has finally arrived in my city! However, I am most definite it will not get as hot as it is where you live.

  91. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Hello all….a kind soul told me to post here to ask for advice since the topic I posted under was much older. My question relates actually to the very post above!…about married SD’s. I would completely prefer one, but let me tell you why…and let me know if my reasons would be wrong.

    I’m entering the Sugar World soon, albeit from the SB side of the equation, and this is all new to me. I’m a little afraid, I’m going to be a rare, maybe extinct SB type? I’m married…full knowledge of the husband, good man, just simply cannot provide well for me past paying the mortgage and eating at Olive Garden maybe once a month with the kids.

    He just doesn’t want me to divorce but also knows he will never make but
    so much money and is not willing to change that to keep me–he probably can’t as he has no college, mid 40’s, lower middle class is ok with him so long as there’s love at home. I have teens, mid to late 30’s, I am a former beauty pageant winner who EVERYONE thinks is a trophy wife when I dress up. Married for love, but love doesn’t quell envy when all your friends have Louis Vutton bags and drive BMW’s. Try as I have for the past 10 years, I cannot give up my love of nice things, shopping, travel, and I stay home until the kids are in college in 2 years.

    Point is, I don’t WANT to be the one to have to pay most of the bills, which is what I did for many long years until recently so I could HAVE nice shoes from time to time. I know I should have married for both love/money, but I really don’t think you become at peace with yourself & your needs until after you are at least 30.

    I will be seeking an also-married SD, so there is NO chance of him wanting to leave his wife to be with me, and he’s assured that I have NO desire to trap him, get pregnant, or otherwise do anything other than have a great time, NSA. That way we are both assured our homes remain intact and everyone gets what they need. Also I have to be equally discreet, since I’m active in my church and in the community. I don’t see a conflict there as I only want to make someone else happy as well as myself.

    I am actually more ok with gifts/travel/dinners out & shopping than cash, allowance is nice but I’d really rather enjoy the nicer things in life in my wardrobe and places to travel. I’m a Barbie blond, 5′7″, 113# and ok with a man who is mid 30’s up to mid 50’s, a little extra weight also fine. If I can marry an overweight man, certainly I can’t judge a potential SD for having flaws.

    Do I have potential? Or am I possibly too old/too married to be a candidate? Please be honest with me. I pass for early 30’s and am finishing a graduate degree, so well traveled with an education, I’ve been overseas and formerly held many high powered jobs in the field I’m completing an additional degree in right now. I’m not needy or clingy but does a married SB have to have the sob story she’s going to “leave him” to not be seen as a horrible person to consider this? What do the men on this forum think?

    Any advise/comments welcome, and thank you for reading, I am surprised and heartened that those in the “sugar family” are so supportive and kind to each other. Very different from some of the so-called friendships I’ve run into in the pageant/entertainment circuit, in a good way!

  92. SD Guru says:


    Your profile is well written and I didn’t see any obvious red flags that would attract unwanted attention. You have clear pics of your face and body and that should be enough during initial correspondence. The only thing I’d suggest is to make the description section a bit shorter down to 2-3 paragraphs. Best of luck and let us know how your sugar search is going!

  93. Great post SD Guru. And I totally agree. I have more than once mentioned my preference for a married SD. I’m involved with one now. It’s an amazing time when we get together. My thing is, let’s just call a spade a spade, don’t throw out random contradictory terms to describe yourself when what you’re doing goes against the institution you choose to be in. If you’re married and involved in a relationship that your husband/wife doesn’t and CAN’T know about you’re not exactly honest, loyal, and faithful. It’s just an incredible oxymoron. A laughable one at best.

  94. SD Guru says:


    I’m a total hypocrit, because guess what? I’m married! BAHAHAHA!

    Not only are you a hypocrite, you’re also honest and loyal, right? :) Here are my thoughts on married vs single SD’s.


    As a married SD I can certainly respect the preferences of SB’s. I’m always upfront about my marital status because I don’t intend to play games and pose as a single SD like some married men do. When given the opportunity I usually explain why I’m looking for a sugar relationship and what I expect from it. I wouldn’t want anyone to compromise their beliefs or do something they’re not comfortable with for any reason.

    There are several reasons why SB’s don’t want to be involved with a married SD. The most common ones I’ve heard include: it’s bad karma and it will come back to bite you one day, it’s against their upbringing and religious beliefs, not wanting to be a home wrecker or break up a marriage, and not to disrespect another woman. These are all good reasons. However, some women seem to pass judgment on married SD’s which I don’t think is necessary. Each person’s situation is different and everyone is doing it for his own reasons. I can’t speak for others, but in my case I’m not looking for my next wife or wanting to change the family life I have. So I think the respect for preferences should work both ways. This is especially true when I hear a SB say “I don’t want to be a home
    wrecker or break up a marriage.” And my response would be “what makes you think that will be the case?”

    Having said that, why would a SB consider married SD’s at all? There are advantages and disadvantages depending what’s important to you and what you’re looking for. Generally speaking, married SD’s have their own busy life so they are usually not too demanding on a SB’s time. In addition, it should be discreet with clear boundaries that is typical of a “no strings, no drama” relationship. What a SB does on her own time should be her own business, and the same goes for the SD. And it’s not likely that a married SD will take his SB to public social functions or to meet his family and friends like a trophy girlfriend. The obvious downside to having a married SD is that the relationship would not develop into a traditional relationship with a happily ever after ending. And married SD’s may have limitations on their schedule due to work and family obligations so they are not available as often nor can be as spontaneous as the single ones.

    Also, no strings and no drama doesn’t mean no feelings. When two people spend enough time together then naturally some feelings will develop. The key is how both sides manage those feelings to keep it under control as a no strings relationship. It takes maturity and experience to make it work.

    It’s interesting to hear some SB’s talk about how they don’t want to get into a relationship with a SD who can become needy, clingy, possessive, controlling, insecure, and jealous which result in the kind of drama common in traditional relationships. And yet they don’t want to consider a married SD because of the reasons mentioned before. I think another way to look at it would be whether a relationship with single SD’s is more likely to have drama compared to married SD’s. Having a married SD doesn’t guarantee there will be no drama, but perhaps there are fewer reasons for drama to occur. Of course there are some mature, single SD’s who are very capable of having a no strings relationship as well.

    Married SD’s are not for everyone and I’m just offering different ways to consider single vs married SD’s. Please note I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind and there are pros and cons just like any other aspects of a sugar relationship. Your own experience and individual cases may vary.

  95. Divia12 says:

    Good morning all!

    Bonnie I just read your post and it made my day. I needed a good laugh after a long night of studying.

    I’m totally new to this so Lisa I have to ask why on earth a man would be on SA making less than 50k? What the hell could he do for a sb? I’m looking to be spoiled and no spoiling happens on that kind of budget lol. Have a good day everyone!

  96. Bonnie says:

    About those married men – My dad had 27 different affairs while he was married to my mom and it hurt her really, really bad.

    I’m a lover and I would never want to be involved in wh abusive at I consider an abusive situation. I love men, but I love women even more – strictly platonic, of course. I respect all women as if they were my mother or sister.

    But still, I do not judge others. Every situation is different and everyone is entitled to their own preferences. Lisa, you sound like an awesome person and if you like the marred ones, have at it!

    Lisa – I saw that “partner in crime” on more than one profile! I’m in Texas. Where do you look at profiles?

  97. Bonnie says:

    About those married men – My dad had 27 different affairs while he was married to my mom and it hurt her really, really bad.

    I’m a lover and I would never want to be involved in such a horribly abusive situation. I love men, but I love women even more – strictly platonic, of course. I respect all women as if they were my mother or sister.

    But still, I do not judge others. Every situation is different and everyone is entitled to their own preferences. Lisa, you sound like an awesome person and if you like the marred ones, hav

  98. Bonnie says:

    moonpatrol – I agree completely. As for me, I choose not to get involved with a married man, but to each their own. I didn’t mean to come off as being judgemental. I just feel that a lot of these married men (the ones with low incomes and piddly allowance offerings) should try a different site.

    btw – I’m a total hypocrit, because guess what? I’m married! BAHAHAHA!

    But I’m special – My husband abandoned me in June of 2007 and I have not seen him since. Oh, well!…..Any lawyers here? I need to know about abandonment clauses and just get the stupid thing annulled or whatever.

  99. MoonPatrol says:

    Bonnie — Marriage is a flawed institution. When you marry someone, how are you supposed to know if both of you are going to be the same person in 5 ,10 or 12 years? We change, and its impossible to predict if the attraction will still be the same as it was when first married. I think people should be free to sleep with whoever they want, and if two people remain monogamous, it should be by choice.

  100. SweetSugar says:

    SD Guru, my profile is approved!

  101. Or married guys who say “I’m Loyal.”

    Yeah LOVE that one. 😀 Really! Really? Hmmm… :-/

  102. Lisa says:

    Good morning

    Bonnie I think i’ve seen that “partner in crime” profile. What crime? lol

    And I always love it when a married man looking to cheat decribes himself as “honest” lol I prefer married sds myself but please let’s not pretend to be honest.

    Some of my fav profiles are the married guys who make less than 50k, net worth less than 100k, and they offer less than 1k. In my city this means they don’t even own a house.

    Gotta be getting to work soon. Hate my job.
    Have a good day

  103. Bonnie says:

    ~I vote for chat room!~

    And last laugh – How about these thrashy looking 24 yo “sd’s” who just won the lottery and have no one to share it with……What? You are 24 yo millionaire and you have no friends? Loser!

  104. LadyGodiva says:

    Hey Everyone!
    I hope everyone’s 4th was good. My B-Day is Saturday. Too bad I don’t have a nice SD to treat me. I have enjoyed all the blogs. Seems to be the best thing about SA. I don’t know if I need to revamp my profile to get a response but even then no gaurentees. I love hearing everyone’s adventures in SB land. From what I have seen it seems like 1% of SD’s take this seriously. Sigh so I’m taking a mini getaway, nowhere exotic but definitely in need of a break. I have been beaten down some and need to regroup. Cause this sista needs some suga. I do have a pot in rl I told him maybe we would go out when I get back from my trip. Anyway SA really needs to get a chat room that would be soo cool. Good Luck in Sugar Land all.

  105. Bonnie says:

    P.S. And the responses from the pots (more like freakin’ potheads) – I got not one, not two, but THREE of them who sent me their EMAIL (Duh! I’m a stranger. I could be collecting the ingredients for my next batch of spam.) and a request for more pics because mine are not clear enough – wtf? Not only is there a clear shot of my face, I have also included two bikini pics – one that shows from my neck to my waist and one of the view from behind. How much more freakin’ clear could I be?

  106. Bonnie says:

    Sasha ~ YOU GO, GIRL! I love your attitude! It’s just like mine. And I would really love to send you a pic of me when I was 21 – You will laugh so hard! I like to think I come of as Miss Polished and Spiffy, but it definitely took at least 15 years to get here. You are just like me, and we are just going to keep going for it until we get exactly what we want. Life is good like that.

    I just screened through 200 profiles to find my daily 20. I love this site! I am so entertained! The fake profiles are just so ridiculous…..I love to laugh!

    Today’s giggle – I am not interested in a married sd, but I don’t pay to be here so I have to pull each profile up just to X them out. Annoying! But today’s lesson – How To Spot The Married Men Based On The Extremely Limited Info At Hand (so you don’t have to pull up every freakin’ profile):

    no pic
    net worth – under 500K
    budget – less than $3000
    “discreet” or “partner in crime” mentioned in the headline…..is adultery really a crime? I thought it was just a really bad sin…..

    Then I realized why the financial observation makes sense – Millionaires got to where they are in life by being straight forward and honest. They don’t have time or patience for games, especially the “I’ll screw around on my wife” one.

    Where in the world do these non-millionaires get the idea that they can compete with the big dogs? Especially when they have a wife at home! Hilarious!

    But the best one – I pulled up a married profile. He described himself as being honest. Well, if that’s the case, than his wife must have agreed to an open relationship. So, post your pic, my friend! Heck, post one of you and your wife together – maybe you can get some threesome action out of this…..

  107. SoftlySearching says:

    Good evening everyone… :) It’s 1:30am, I’m a night owl…. I had a really nice 4th with my sister who I’m visiting in Texas. Awesome fireworks display in the local park. Have been enjoying sitting poolside in the evening sipping wine and chatting. I’m heading back home tomorrow late afternoon, it’s a 6 hour drive… I’m so excited, spoke to my pot again tonight, he seems just as excited… We are scheduled to meet Thurs., it has been a couple of weeks that we have been corresponding…
    I have a good feeling about him….
    xxx gnight

  108. Sasha says:

    @ Bonnie hehe…funny thing I just left for a moment to send out some emails. Well I guess I just have to keep my fingers crossed. I do believe this is a game of chance and I’m very competitive. I want to win! I also want to win more than anyone could know just for the challenge of it all. What I put my mind to, I never fail at it. I want this to be know different. So one day I can post to other sb’s about My success on the blog.

  109. Bonnie says:

    Sasha ~ Even though we are all very serious about our desires, in some ways this scene is a “game of chance”. I am new to this site. I have experience with other dating siites (not sd/sb) and it is the total opposite, which makes sense.

    On the other sites, the male/female ratio is 10:1 and all those stupid 10 do all day is send ladies winks and kisses……argh!

    Here, the sb’s outnumber the sd’s at about the same ratio and I’m sure that there is a large percentage of the sd’s are fake. That means that for every sd there could be 100 sb’s competing for his attention…..argh, again!

    BUT DON’T GIVE UP! Are those 100 sb’s in your area even seeking advice to up their game here on this blog? Nope! It’s ~you~ who wants this the most.

    I say – Play the odds. Send out 20 emails to different pots each day. After a couple weeks, that is 300! Even if it is a 1% chance, you’ll have 3 pots……that’s 6 a month……36 in 6 months…..one of these days, one of these dudes, I mean, daddies……

    • SD Guru says:


      Here, the sb’s outnumber the sd’s at about the same ratio and I’m sure that there is a large percentage of the sd’s are fake. That means that for every sd there could be 100 sb’s competing for his attention…..argh, again!

      What you have observed is why I wrote this post to explain the different dynamics between sugar dating and regular dating.

      Even though we are all very serious about our desires, in some ways this scene is a “game of chance”

      Yes it’s a game of chance and some luck is involved. See this post on that topic in the “pages” section of the blog. Some SB’s have their SD fall into their lap, while some go for months without tasting sugar. However, as you pointed out, it comes down to who wants this the most. As the saying goes, the harder you work, the luckier you get. That’s why I preach patience and persistence to newbie SB’s and in your case I’m preaching to the choir!

  110. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!
    So many new SBs and SDs.. Hi

    Sasha~ I think it depends on many things, I have searched on and off for about a year and nothing… But my location isn’t very good.
    Also, I think the communications are very important, a lot of great advice here.

  111. Sasha says:

    thanks brownskinsugarbaby. I’ll be emailing you very soon. Can’t wait to hear the advice you will give me.

    Its been such a long day and I dealt with the same potential guy again from way back when. I haven’t even met him yet and there seems to be some sort of drama with him. I hate that feeling of being curious to look further into this guy in fear that I might be missing out on a good sd. I have sent out sooo many emails that get no reply and never receive emails for sd’s on their own. I am trying to be patient but damn how long is too long? When is it time to just give it up. I guess I’m tired so the frustration gets to me more in this state. What has been the longest time frame its taken anyone of you sb’s to get a really good sd?

  112. Lisa says:

    Good evening Anna Molly

    Had an ok 4th, worked as usual. More looking forward to vacation time off :)

  113. Anna Molly says:

    I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th!!! I haven’t had much time to read or post on the blog! Talk to everyone soon!!! XOXOXO

  114. Billy says:

    Just wanted to drop in and say hi, new to this type of thing and wanted to get some pointers if any available.
    Keep smiling
    Billy x x

  115. SD Guru says:


    Your profile is pending so I’ll have a look when it becomes visible. Feel free to email me through my blog.

  116. SweetSugar says:

    Ok. I’ll see if I can find a different pic. And no, I don’t have kids.

  117. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    SweetSugar – great profile, but a couple of things. I would get rid of (or crop) the photo of you with the young child; it leaves an impression that it may be yours. If you gave a young child, i am of the mind to point it out upfront. If not, the photo just confuses. Secondly, “scarce” is spelt like that. Spelling is a small point, but a critical one. Overall, a really nice tone to the profile, I really liked it.

  118. SweetSugar says:


  119. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    SweetSugar – can you post the profile number? Happy to help.

  120. SweetSugar says:

    SD Guru & MichealAZ.,
    I’m particularly interested on your perspective of my newly updated profile. It helps a lot to have a SDs opinion.

  121. Natali Laroux says:

    I love coming on here and reading everything. It gives me perspective on what I should and shouldn’t be doing to find my idea SD. OF course living in the middle of nowhere requires me to travel, so screening is something I am nervous about. What if I miss something and he is a creep when I get there. I doon’t wnat to be somewhere with no way home. The typical fears I guess.

    And being that I have declaired bankruptcy I do not have a credit card to charge to in case of emergencies. Hmmph! Sugar sugar sugar… where art thou :)

  122. SD Guru says:


    I hope you’re enjoying Zumanity and having a sumptuous meal at Paris! The restaurant is not quite as good as Jules Verne at the real Eiffel Tower, but the views of Bellagio fountain are spectacular.

    I understand you’ve decided to work things through with husband SD and I’m rooting for you like everyone else. I’ll give you a few food for thoughts to ponder as you embark on that path.

    Another factor to take into consideration is the fact that he constantly travels overseas for work and has a little daughter back home. So, if I don’t move in with him, when will we be together?

    Based on what you wrote, his next marriage could be his third. And it won’t change the fact that he travels constantly and has a little girl back home. Whether you move in with him or not, his time with you appears to be limited anyway. Is this the situation you want to marry into?

    In a previous blog you mentioned that you’ve been divorced 3 times, “being divorced 3 times in the past (yes, I live life in the fast lane!)” I’m not sure if I read that right, or if you were joking, or if it’s actually the case. Either way, you don’t strike me as the marrying settling down type yet. So why now, and why him?

    You’ve mentioned that he is getting a divorce mainly because his wife refused to have children with him. How long has his marriage been, and are there any other underlying reasons for the divorce?

    What are your plans after you’ve completed your studies? And how would that change if you got married?

    You said the “bust” turned out to be a misunderstanding, and he said he should have done things differently. That’s all well and good. Have you considered what drove him to such tactic in the first place? Does he have a tendency to be insecure, clingy, or possessive?

    I know they say good things come to those who wait…but oftentimes the good things that come to those who wait are the things left by those who got there first. Should I or no?

    I think “good things come to those who wait” applies to him as well. He should wait until he is free and clear from his divorce before getting emotionally attached. It’s too late for that now, but have you considered if this could be a rebound situation for him? Do you feel that you’re being pressured to make certain decisions?

    Lastly, if he wasn’t as loaded as you described, would you still consider marrying him?

    Knowing what you should do and actually doing it are two different things. Love may conquer all, but it’s mostly in books and movies. The emotional high of being in love can be fleeting and at some point you have to deal with real issues in the real world. As I said, these are just food for thoughts. I’m not trying to change what you should do, and I hope everything works out for you.

  123. By the way, I opted NOT to go to see him in NYC. I didn’t want the expectation to sleep with him or the unneeded pressure. I live in LA, the land of sugar, lol. No need to travel for it, with the exception of an ex-lover of mine who is in fact an amazing sugar candidate whom I already know and trust. Him I’d go to Mars for!

  124. SD Guru to the rescue! I ditto that and would like to add a little further as well.

    It seems sometimes when looking at other blogs and posts etc that some (not all) SBs seem to want things to happen instantly with their pots as far as going from hello to jackpot. But just like any relationship, sugar relations develop better over time. I had the opportunity to travel to my hometown to meet a pot SD and it seemed like an ok idea, but just like anything, there IS an expectation fom the SD even though he may say there isn’t. Even if it’s a hug or a kiss, or whatever (you know what whatever is, lol), if he flies you out, more often than not, he’s going to want to have the chance to be intimate in some way. You ahve to set those boundaries, and honestly, if he can’t come to you on the first meeting (just from the safety standpoint alone) then he probably isn’t worth your time. He can find someone who’s local to him, and so can you. Once your relationship is established, then travel to him and with him all you want. This is more for the newbie sugars and not those who have the game under their belt.

    I’ve found that in this journey taking the time – weeks in fact (2.5 to be exact and not totally by choice but is proving to be the best thing that has happened) – to get to know a pot and get comfortable with him is the BEST way for me to move forward with an arrangement, a real arrangement. Honestly, the money/gifts/trips are only one aspect to what I seek. The other REALLY important thing is the connection. I’ve found that for me, not rushing things and letting it unfold has really helped to weed out the real from the time wasters. And has very easily put me on the path to finding an abundance of sugar. Long term sugar at that.

  125. SD Guru says:


    Thanks for explaining why you’re an expert at pot dates gone wrong. If you keep doing the same thing then you shouldn’t expect a different result. I don’t think you’re that far off from enjoying success, and I hope you’ll keep at it after taking some time off.

    I only ask myself, “Do I like this guy?” and sometimes, “Does he qualify?”

    Just because a pot has the resources to be a SD doesn’t mean he is willing to do it. And you won’t find out whether you’ll like him for sure until you meet in person. In most cases JD’s and PJ’s can be screened prior to flying off to a meeting, it will just take some effort and patience on your part. A free trip to meet a pot can seem fun and exciting, but as you found out it may not be what it’s cracked up to be.

    I don’t like the careful screening that requires me to be saleswoman prior to meeting. I figure if I can verify through google that they’re obscenely rich, and I show up w/ my A game and elegantly mention that financial hardship brought me to the site, that should be enough said

    You’re assuming that all wealthy men know how to be a SD and are willing to do it. Of course in reality that’s not the case. Some are new to the sugar world and need “guidance”, and some think they’re too good to be “paying” for a SB/GF. Since you seem to be challenged by your location, meeting pots locally or ask them to fly in may not be practical. I’d suggest that you take the time to correspond with pots to get a good sense of what you’re dealing with before jumping on a plane to meet them. Ask questions like “why do you want to be a SD?”, and “Have you had an arrangement before?” and if so, “what kind of arrangement did you have with your previous SB?”

    The screening process doesn’t have to be time consuming. The pot’s true character should reveal itself after a few weeks of regular communication. If he is just saying the right things to get into your panties then I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure it out. If the pot has no intention of providing an allowance or is not willing to provide the allowance you seek, then there is no point in taking a free trip to meet. Generally speaking, your best bet to finding an allowance SD is to find one who is experienced in providing an allowance in the past. Also, try to keep the first travel meet short. Spending 3-5 days with someone you’re meeting for the first time is usually not a good idea because too many things can go wrong. You can always plan for a longer trip if the first meeting goes well.

    Regardless of what the pot SD may tell you, paying for a trip to meet does come with certain expectations. As I have said before, it all comes down to whether the expectations are clearly communicated, understood, and agreed to by both parties prior to the meeting. There is no guarantee for a successful meeting, but it should reduce the number of pot dates gone wrong.

  126. Sasha ~ email me at BrownSkinSugarBaby at gmail dot com.

    Sweet Sugar ~ I found that setting an allowance helped me to weed out the tire kickers and time wasters. As for tips, be honest, show a little whit and intellegence, don’t reveal too much about yourself leave a little mystery and a reason for a man to want to find out more, state what you’re looking for clearly, discuss some of your interests, have a friendly disposition, and don’t come from a place of sounding desperate. :-)

  127. Sasha says:

    @ brownskinsugarbaby…its ok to have a long post because you have alot of good points to say. I must contact you off the blog to ask you some more on a personal level if you don’t mind.

    @k2 once again I just wanna state that I wasn’t trying to say that models aren’t smart and average girls can’t be mean. Its just been my experience that usually has been the case. Living in the midwest, in missouri, we don’t have alot of video type girls that you see every day. So whene you do spot a girl who is obviously pretty, she seems to always have a f**k you attitude. I think its great to be confident, but still being humble is a more becoming trait. There is a difference between being sassy and down right rude. Anyway let me get off that subject…its dead now…lol.

    @ sunshine I love thin eyebrows for myself. Everytime I let them grow out a little I look like a HOT MESS…lol. Also is it better to tweeze? just curious. I have mine arched with a razor which I feel is more precise, but they grow back pretty quickly.

    Well off to start my day now. Can’t wait to come back and see some more post. Luv you guys!

  128. SweetSugar says:

    So I finally decided to put in a dollar amount under allowance instead of “open” because all I was attracting was cheapo, after cheapo, after cheapo, and nothing but cheapos. I also edited the profile somewhat so I didn’t come off as a complete doormat.

    Anyone want to give me tips on my profile?

  129. Hey Sunshine, click on my name it will take you straight to my blog. I haven’t yet posted any extra stores yet, but I’m going make that my next blog. A Sugar Baby’s Guide to Being Fabulous Chic and Cheap, lol. Sounds like a book in the making.

    On Pics/Profiles
    As for model looks/average girls. Many SB’s are very attractive women. Many of us are models, actresses, dancers, fitness models (as those are all the titles that I wear and my line of work), and then many of us are pretty college girls, sophisticated office divas, the naturally beautiful woman next door, the pretty mom, the curvy full figured siren, the older refined diva a la Helen Mirren. Whatever. Men say they like one thing, but again as mentioned, they are visual, so more often than one would think, if you present yourself well no matter what you’re working with, you will find someone who will be interested and will love it. Yes on this site, model types may come a dime a dozen, but hell photoshop is a wonderful tool, and the guys are so hip to that. You have no idea how many times, in talking with guys from their past experiences, that the woman in the picture turned out NOT to look like that picture at all. So being a model type or just having model type photos isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be, particularly when you look NOTHING like that in person. At the end of the day, you could be the most gorgeous woman in the world but if your attitude stinks, or you have no confidence, you may as well crawl back into your lair and leave the rest of the world alone.

    Also another HUGE factor is what you’ve written. Yes there are many on here, some with great photos, many very pretty, but have you actually read what they’ve written… Enough said. Another part of the allure is your actual profile, to attract the right kind of man, you’ve got to be more than just a pretty face. Many of these men are stimulated by a woman’s inner beauty and the way she thinks, just as much as how she looks. Sometimes, it’s even more the former than the latter once he really gets to know her. If you’re going to be more than just a romp in the sheets to him, you’ve got to hold your own pretty well. And the beginnings of him knowing that is right there in what you’ve written, so it’s a two fold deal. Photos and Words.

    On looking young
    I kinda play in that same boat. I’m 30 (I love saying that! Feels so awesome), and I look about eeearly 20’s college age w/o make-up. With just eyeliner/mascara, woohoo, I vamp up to a sexy 21-25. But all the guys I date are older (50s+). In fact I went on a coffee date with a sugar pot last week, he’s in his 60s, full grey hair, tall, slim, handsome. And a man who was obviously offended snided at us “Yeah, nice couple.” Whatever. People are going to look, they will say what they want. First off you’re a grown woman, and he’s a grown man, and quite honestly, why do you care about what other people think? Do you realize that the people you encounter on the street are literally in your life for less than a 10 second time span… You see them, they pass you, then they’re likely gone forever. They don’t pay your bills, they’re not in your bed pleasing you, you don’t care about them, so why does their opinion matter? Let them stare, who cares, ignore them, and they will actually “next” themselves and move on.

    Tyra Banks did this makeover on her show for a mid 20’s/early 30s woman who looks like she TWELVE! No joke. She’s tiny, short, and looks (and dresses) like a 12 year old. I honestly thought, man sucks to be her. She had trouble dating because of her look. By the time Tyra’s team was done with her, she looked her age. She looked GREAT! It was all in presentation. Her hair was styled in a more hip and mature fashion. She gave her a really nice sexy bob style or something. Her clothes were updated, she had her in a really sexy top that was V neck cut and showed just a little cleavage (and the girl didn’t have huge breasts either, I’m sure it was a push up). And she had form fitting clothes on that weren’t circulation stopping tight, but showed her nice trim figure. Her makeup played up her features, brought out her eyes and cheeks. Sometimes, taking a hard look at how you present yourself is all it takes. Figuring out how you can take this blessing of looking fabulously young (which is GREAT especially in these days and times when so few take care of themselves) and play up your assets. Sometimes just a subtle change can help to sway you toward one age bracket or the other.

    That and a “F**K YOU!” attitude to the world when you’re out with your SD/SD Pots will put all the BS to rest.

    I’m the queen of the looooooooong posts, lol. I always have too damn much to say.

  130. Sunshine says:

    And to BrownSkinnedSugarBaby I can’t find your webpage! I have been looking and looking! Where do I go again?! And you are right about dressing for less! I don’t buy designer and I did buy some red heels myself from payless and did get noticed for them . And also Target. Yes, indeed. I still need advice from you and anyone else who would be willing to help guide me through this intersting journey of sugardom.

  131. Sunshine says:

    Hello there. To Sasha. I love tweezing my eyebrows thin. To me it is more feminine like those actresses in the 20’s and 30’s. It is what makes you feel the most comfortable. I think you watched that Youtube video that is on here about what men want and like about women. I don’t conform always to the staus quo. Sometimes I grow them out a little but I keep tweezing them thin. That is the way I will be! I watched the Tyra Banks show one time and she said that they should start off thick and gradually get thinner at the end of the eyebrow. And I am thick. I love it and if they don’t like it that is fine. I am shaped like my mother. Hips, thighs and ass. I see they say they want a slim or toned or whatever. You have to accept yourself the way that you are. I have not seen your profile but I just wanted to say that to you. I would like to get a SugarDaddy soon but I am patient.

  132. K2 says:


    Hey! No offense taken, but I just want to share. On looking like/being a model, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I was always a smart girl. I went to college and earned a degree, and had a respected career before I ever modeled. I have always been tall and thin. It wasn’t always pretty, trust me. Not so pretty being teased, not getting noticed as much by boys, and having strangers fell free to comment on my body. And as an adult, the assumption that I was “just a pretty face” is still boring! I am very bookish, opinionated, cerebral, but why should I have to tell people that just because I’m a model? And having to correct people who assume I must be a young girl because my body is so fit gets old too. And then the bitterness!

    There are all kinds of men and they like all kinds of women. Models are not all the same. And they are not the preference of most men. And all “sweet average looking girls” are not so sweet. And all would not be skipped over, by most men, for a model. No matter our body type, we’re all women, and we come with our own stories and pains. There’s sugar for us all I say! :)

  133. SweetSugar says:

    I have been feeling just the slightest bit burned this week. Lots of tire kicker pots. Ekk! I’m more committed than ever to finding the SD for me! I have decided I’m brushing off the ashes and putting on my sweet smile. Surely there must be 1 available SD out there for this sweet, kind, giving SB.

  134. Sasha says:

    @ midwest sb…myshape dot com huh? I’ve never heard of it, but I’m going to go there right now. I’m so clueless about this looking cute stuff. I am going to work on this confidence thing very intensely too. I’ve checked out alot of the other sb’s profiles and most tend to be models so its nice to hear that “normal woman” can find success on this site as well. No offense to anyone, but we all know that men are visual creatures and I believe most men would run to the model over the sweet average looking girl. This has been my experience.

    Hmmm…now I’m thinking I shouldn’t have said that so I guess I will quit while I’m ahead. Goodnight to everyone.

  135. Bonnie says:

    i would be willing to bet that a HUGE percentage of us are “cursed” by our youthful beauty. that is why we are here – typical relationships just can’t do it for us. we get treated a certain way to begin with. we can butt heads with the rest of world or we can just go with the flow and date men who understand our situation.

    the only men that get it are the wealthy ones. average joes think – she thinks she’s so hot! she needs to get over herself!

    people are extremely jealous of attractive women, just like how they are intimidated by wealthy men. what can we do? find each other and let the rest of the world continue to think negatively about us! it’s truely just a reflection of how they feel about themselves.

    no one can change how others think. we can only work on bettering ourselves. let the haters be jealous. they are just haters, so that is what they do. as for me – i’m a lover, all the way!

  136. K2 says:

    Hi Bonnie,

    I just read all of your postings and saw that we have the same issue with looking really young for our ages. So funny! I too have had the stares and groans from women, women who had no idea that I WAS old enough to be with that man. I might be with a man just a few years older and it still look scandalous! The man has to be really confident to handle it.

    I blind-dated, not pot sugar-dated, a man this weekend. He was just 2 years older and not in the best shape. Let’s just say that we got tons of stares. I can handle it if I like the man. If I don’t, well I just attempt to respectfully get through the date (pretend I’m out with my teacher/boss/broker) and vow to vet the man better next time. It’s really sad sometimes huh? Glad someone relates.

  137. K2 says:

    Hi again,

    Can anyone recommend a scene for me in Arizona, preferably the Scottsdale/Phoenix area? I know, it overflows with SDs some say. But I want someone over 45-50, well-cared for and well-aged. I’m a model-type black woman who looks really young as I said, and I usually date upscale NYC men.

    As for living here, well I came here on a different agenda, went into the scene momentarily then became really bored with it, and now I’m really bored with no real social life/dating life…Just bored with where I live so it has affected my attention to the mission of finding dates, much less finding a SD. I smile a lot and am told that I’m so friendly and open, the main problem is that I often look unapproachable because of my perceived (under)age. I know the right man is out there but I’m beginning to feel like such a loser here.

    ***Oh and Absolutely No Offense to anyone living in the area ok? This is simply what I’m going through right now. I do love the natural beauty here!

    Yes, yes, yes on wearing your clothes with confidence no matter where they were purchased, paying attention to details, smiling, walking tall, and in knowing that you are great. We all have our insecurities and often they appear ridiculous to others. I’ve overcome many, but a few remain.

  138. Bonnie says:

    p.s. i plan on walking 3-4 miles tomorrow – look at me go!

  139. Bonnie says:

    sasha – you sound so sweet and like a really fun person. i guess it’s hard to not take comments about personal appearance so personally, but keep in mind that it was just the topic on the blog and everyone’s just being helpful with their advice.

    really, though, i think the best advice i have to offer is – just be yourself! don’t stress out over not being into fashion magazines. and you are so young! you have your whole life to learn about shopping and putting outfits together.

    just breathe and have fun! i know that you are a very beautiful person, inside and out. don’t let extra weight bother you. what women see as fat, men see as curves – nothing wrong with having more cushion for the pushin – some men prefer it!

    lisa – why do these sites even have that stupid “kiss” option? i’m on another site (probably the same one you mentioned) and i make it clear in my profile: your “kisses” mean nothing – please email me, but only if you are paying for full membership, otherwise i won’t be able to read it.

    and they still bombard me with “kisses”!…..i just got a profile here and have not met anyone. i don’t have any expectations, but i do realize that the perfect match may take months to find and that is fine. but at least i can feel slightly confident that when i do make a connection that it will be clear that we are both very serious about our intentions…..instead of these stupid “kisses” from creepy losers – barf!

    and now, all about me…..hehehe – i was working 2 jobs from 2009 until march, and literally over 100 hours a week. i’m a walker (8-10 miles a day!), but with the workaholic routine i ended up with trench foot! i am still recovering, but i could not get out of bed for 2 weeks! and then i would walk a mile into town and call someone to give me a ride home……but now i can say – i walked 5 miles on the 19th! then 4 miles last friday followed by 3 miles on saturday. praise the lord! i am healed!

    about trench foot – the worse pain you can imagine: worse than birthing, toothache, migraine, ear infection all combined…..it’s like shingles – every nerve in your body burns, like fire ants are crawling all over you, biting every inch, every second…..ouch!

  140. Midwest SB says:

    Sasha – Confidence is one accessory everyone can have and it’s FREE!!! Some things to help you get there:
    1- Find out what colors look great on you and wear them!
    2- Go to one of those websites that let you “try” different hair styles and colors. Pick something you love, even if it’s just a little out of your comfort zone.
    3- Accept compliments!
    4- Go to the site myshape dot com. They have you enter your measurements, attributes, etc and can recommend outfits that flatter your shape. Even if you don’t shop from there, you can get great advice on what clothes to wear.
    5- Read something you enjoy for 15 mins a day. I love Robert Fulghum!
    6- Realize that not all men want to date tall, thin women! I’m a 5’5″ , size 8 and over 40 with success in the sugar world. We all want something diffferent, so embrace who you are and walk with pride!

    Lady I- Well done! You MUST see Zumanity…it’s the best foreplay with your clothes on!

    Hello all. There is far too much for me to catch up on, but thought I would jump in slowly :-)

    Co-dependence? Been there and ran. I will always seek out the type of relationship where both people can contribute in all ways. Mostly, I hope to surround myself with people who complete me…complement my weaknesses and need my strengths.

    I have always been fiercely independent and frankly it has intimidated many men. Since joining the sugar world, I’ve learned that I was in toxic relationships and that I don’t have to compromise my confidence and independence in order to meet great men.

  141. Sasha says:

    Hi there…I’m back. After all that advice I got earlier I really sat down and had a heart to heart with myself. I really have hang ups about my weight. I won’t tell exactly how much that is, but like I said earlier I’m only 5 3 and I weigh well over 125. I went and walked around the park and thought about the whole wardrobe thing. I only wear jeans and crappy tops because I don’t feel comfortable in anything else. I have always been a tomboy and viewed dresses or skirts as being something that very leggy pretty girls wore. Wardrobe, makeup, accessories, etc. These things may seem like common sense to most women, but all of this has opened up a whole new way of living for me. I never knew that I was putting off a vibe that attracted a certain type of guy.

    By the way I have thin eyebrows. I heard once that men liked thin eyebrows and I think I look better with them that way.

    The biggest accessory that I have to learn how to put on is confidence. I thought I hid the way I truly felt on the inside, but obviously not. You attract what you put out no matter what you are wearing, but I can now see how all these things will help. I guess I have to get out of my own way….lol.

  142. Stormcat says:

    Sasha, Sure I’d love to hear from you.
    Bonnie, Look forwart to finding out more about your practice.

  143. Lisa says:

    Have a good night. I’ve got to work tomorrow too.

  144. ESB says:

    Well, it’s back to work tomorrow, so I’m going to go get ready for bed. going to be a long week, so don’t know when I’ll be back on. Have a great week everyone, have fun, and I’ll check in when I have the time. HUGS!!

  145. ESB says:

    I do my own as well, I wax under them, gets the little ones I can’t seem to see. I like mine shapped, but not to the oint of looking un natural. Just cleaned up. Not into fake anything!!

  146. Lisa says:

    Oh gosh, i’ve scared everyone away .

  147. Lisa says:

    Yuck I have received 3 “kisses” on the other site. My new policy is to block them.

  148. Lisa says:

    Eyebrows, I prefer med, not too thin ones. I have to pluck myself so mine don’t look very catchy. But at least it’s something I can maintain as my nails always look like crap, only look half way decent one day a week (the day I paint them). I come home from work every day with chipped polish and ripped nails. Opening boxes is not good for the hands.

  149. Lisa says:

    I have only been to the doctor once in my adult life and that was the day I went straight to the hospital to have my daughter. I have insurance for the first time in my life now but it sucks and covers nothing. My coworker went to the doctor and had some blood work done and she had to pay over a hundred dollars. but what do we expect for 5 dollar a week insurance, lol.

    I was supposed to be getting help for my depression but it’s waaay to expensive and my insurance won’t cover it. can’t take meds either as my job involves climbing ladders, operating motorized pallet lifters, and other stuff that requires a non altered mind. I love to walk but it’s too hot here withouth you do it in the early morning.

    I try to stay out of the sun though as I burn easily. I was not allowed to swim or go to the beach as a child as mom considered it the devils work so I never got much exposer so I burn in minutes. Gotta keep the shoulders covered even in 100+ temps

  150. ESB says:

    I like sun dresses in the summer, they are so much cooler, esp on days like today. Flip my hair up, pair of sandles with a little heel.. I do have some nice legs. Heals do wonders for the legs. It’s fun to dress up, but until I find out what the heck is wrong with my hip, I’m in my flip flops!! I have a few pair of flat sandles for work, been wearing my capris there since the incident with the hip. Can’t even walk my 3 miles. Seeing the DR. on Thurs. Thank goodness for my insurance!!

  151. Bonnie says:

    So, what do y’all think of eyebrows? Mine are thick and I get complimented – Wow! A pretty girl who doesn’t look surprised all the time…..but these compliments are coming from old ladies. What do the gentlemen prefer?

    I kind of think I’m holding myself back by not pruning them down to nothing, then drawing them back in. I love my natural look, but is it saying – I don’t care?

  152. Lisa says:

    It’s hot here to ESB, heat index was over 100 and we’ve still got the hottest months a head -August and September are real scorchers.

    I always wear dresses and skirts. I don’t own any pant other than the ugly ones I have to wear to work. can’t wear a skirt there with all the ladder climbing and hanging off shelves I do.

    My closet is full of clothes but i’m bored with everything as i haven’t been able to shop for several months. I am tired of wearing flats too but it’s all I can wear since I have to walk everywhere. Looking forward to fall and winter when I can wear my boots again. I have several pairs, the look the same but they are all different, lol

  153. ESB says:

    Official temp here to day was 97..shew!! heat index 105. Can I have a shout out for AC!!?? We are talking HOT!!

    I got lectured the other day about how I dress when I am out adn about. I go for the casual look, love Love LOVE my Levi’s. This butt looks good in them. BUT if I want to grab the attention of someone other than the low class men, I need to put my booty in something more expensive. So, I do my shoping after work, and let my curls take a back seat, and use the straightener… It just makes me look like cha ching!! Carry a designer bag… my son got me a Vera Bradley for Christmas… long story how he got it, so it looks ‘ok’. My friend carries her LV, she has several, and everything she wears is designer… I’d kill for her closet!! She has the hot rich guys all over her. OK, she doesnt need a SD, she was married to one, and has all the bling to go with. So glad she is my friend, Or I’d hate her!! lol

  154. Stormcat says:

    Waaaaah, I killed the blog! Okay, I’m goin swimming! See yall later!

  155. Stormcat says:

    And don’t forget Simms. Just shop the high end there, its exclusive fashion 6 months after the fact (i.e. out of season) but 80% or more off. I landed a $5k cashmere overcoat for $200 just happened to be the middle of summer when I bought it.

  156. Stormcat says:

    OMG this place is hoppin!
    RedMaru ~ you always were the rhythmic sort! Part of your charm.

  157. Bonnie says:

    I am known for being well-dressed. I get my stuff from thrift stores! There’s also a mission in my town that provides clothing for free. I go there every week and always get a few cute outfits – that’s right! a FEW! OUTFITS! (no just a blouse).

    I look for all natural fibers – cotton, linen, silk…..I get irritated by wool, but I grabbed a blazer with a skirt – business suit for after September – the last time I was there.

    You gotta love blazers! I started collecting them and my wardrobe went from stay-at-home mom to clearly professional overnight!

    I think modesty is a great tip. Nice clothes show off a hot body a lot better than some trailer hootchie stuff from Ross. Ross is horrible – go to Marshalls instead.

    Start with black – get a couple of basics, then pick a neutral color (brown, blue) – get some more outfits…..now you have a new wardrobe!

    Shoes are very important to me. I won’t wear anything that is worth less than $100. I’ll find stuff at DSW at 70% off…..and I actually found shoes at Ross! That is the one thing they are good for (sometimes).

    That’s the deal, Daddies – Hotties got their own style, so it is probably rare to find one who will let you pick out clothes for her. Just take her shoe shopping! And guys like heels, right? Or is that just a generalization?

    I tend to avoid jeans and usually wear skirts or dresses. That’s just me. I don’t think pants vs skirt is an issue. I just find it easier to look upscale in a silk skirt.

    I wear modest jewelry – silver rings, usually hoop earrings……I would love to hear from the gentlemen about this – What does a woman’s jewelry say about her?

    I also read Jenna Jameson’s How To Make Love Like A Porn Star. I loved it. She makes lots of great points and she writes about her path in life from such an intelligent, yet personal perspective. I thought it was a great read.

    One thing she said – Guys notice hair, nails, etc. I’m experimenting with this. I’ve always had great hair and nails, but I only started taking care of them a couple of years ago. I mean, I took care of myself before. I just didn’t take the extra effort to keep split ends and fractured nails non-exsistant. I don’t know if it is making any difference to the gentlemen, but I’m appreciating the pampering and the results.

    And I’m weird – I really am all about my clothes. I love trying on outfits. All this talk has inspired me to go see what top I have to go with my new suit……I’m such a dork!

    Hey – does anyone want to start a thrift store queen blog with me? We can pose in and post pics of our finds each week! I told you – I’m a dork!!!!!

  158. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Thanks Stormy – yes, my daughter is stunning, well natured and very very smart. Plus she is the spitting image of her mama. Breaks my heart every time I look at her.

  159. Sasha says:

    ok writing down…writing down…gotcha! Whew I have so much to learn and now I understand why I havent been having good luck. I will start to implement all the advice given today right now. I am going to prepare for my first real test. I have a gig on the 17th at another country club. I know that confidence doesnt happen over night, but I believe that making a huge effort will put out a great vibe to finally attract the right gentlemen into my world. I”m just tired of men my age, with their pants sagging saying, “hey baby can I get yo number”who I’m definitely not attracted to approaching me. Is that the vibe I’ve put out…eeewwwhhh. Well wish me luck on this new journey. Its gonna be hard but now this might be even bigger than this site. I will be changing my life and all the negative that seems to come my way. Thanks again you guys…this means sooo much to me. LOVE THIS BLOG!

  160. Oh yeah some other great stores for the cheap chic diva (like moi):

    Nordstrom’s Rack (loooove – designer for less)
    Forever 21 (loooove)
    Banana Republic (mid range prices)
    Club Monaco (mid range prices)
    Calypso (looooove – mid range prices)

    If I think of more I’ll put them on my blog.

  161. Oh and one more thing, if you don’t have the money to spend on Dior or Chanel, girl please you can get your look together with other things. I’ve looked more expensive in my H&M clothes than I have in some of the most expensive things I’ve ever purchased. I remember once I bought these really AWESOME kick ass heels I saw at PAYLESS that were designed by Patricia Fields and EVERYONE died over them. They were a limited edition pair, so they only had a few out there. I said they were vintage, WTF do they know. These were people of wealth falling over them. Wanting pairs for themselves.

    It’s about how you put together your look and how well you carry yourself. The name brands can come later. Some of my wealthiest friends still shopped at places like H&M, and other places like that. You can also think about going to Vintage stores etc because there are many a jewel to be found in ones located in more upscale areas. Also, study magazines like Vogue, Cozmo, etc to be able to know what current trends are. You can easily find things that suit your taste and start looking around for knock off versions. If you are in NY, ladies there’s Century 21 downtown, Filene’s Basement on 68th St/Bway, hell I even found a nice top or 2 at Conway at Herald Square (sssshhhhh, that was my secret spot, lol). It’s not always about the label, but how your wear it. And then once your sugar bowl starts to fill up, you can venture out for your Diors, etc. That has never been a huge thing for me, I can wear both expensive and cheap, especially trends that won’t last, I’ll be damned if I spent $500 of some Yellow Dior Jeans that I’ll wear for a few months.

  162. Stormcat says:

    No Sasha ~ Your wardrobe is simply an accessory to your body and soul. My current albeit tenuous SB would never let me buy her clothes. She’s a model but she doesn’t take home her clients stuff. She wears mostly “vintage.” It isn’t high fashion but she always looks fabulous and appropriate, yet very unique. I have never been around anoyone who dresses better than her. Put your energy into your body. Make your self healthy and fit. Get your additude positive. Live in the present. And you’ll do just fine.

  163. RedMaru says:

    Stormcat – naeneq at yhoo dot com. On yhoo just like you hey that rhymed!

    Hey Bonnie – I make scented soy candles too and I just started breaking into handmade soap.

    ESB- If its any comfort its hot down here in GA climbing to the ninties

  164. Bonnie says:

    hmmm…..I think Vegas might be calling me – I’ll go be Natalia’s friend and hook up with all her great connects!

    Until I make it to Vegas – anyone know anyone in Texas who is eager to meet me?

  165. Sasha says:

    Oh by the way… I would love to chat with you too stormcat and brownskinsugarbaby if you two don’t mind. I’m competitive and I’m determined to win at this challenge at this point in my life. Gaining more support and advice from fellow sb’s seems to be the way to go to make some financial things happen for me in sugarland and in the realworld.

  166. that’s supposed to say “stop at your line questioning”

    didn’t proof read before, sorry!

  167. Hey Bonnie, loved your posts, welcome to the blog.

    Sasha ~ Whoa whoa whoa HOLD THE PHONE, ok I didn’t even finish reading all you wrote but had to stop at your like questioning if white men are attracted to black women and your confidence in yourself.

    I’m a dark skinned black woman and 100% of my SDs were/are white, and actually most of the other guys I’ve dated have been too. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve dated brothers too, and I currently have a Persian lover whom I was dating briefly but we shifted to a friends w/bene sort of situation (he also gives me spending cash to pamper myself, which he started doing UNPROMPTED by me). The answer is yes, and it’s all in the way you carry yourself. Most men, even those with preferences toward one woman or the other, will acknowledge and become very intrigued with a woman they would otherwise never consider dating or be attracted to. Many of the men I have dated have dated maybe one or two other black women, but most of the time I was the first they’d ever actually approached and pursued. And, it’s not that they don’t find us attractive, many times the opportunity just never presented itself, or they like you, felt that the woman wouldn’t be interested. There is an interesting dicotomy within the black community were our men will more often than not date outside of our race, whereas black women allow themselves to be held back in finding love/happiness/SUGAR (lol) by not opening themselves out to the other wonderful flavors of men there are out there. Let me tell you, you’d be surprised who’s attracted to you. I’v experienced White men, Latin Men, Indian Men, Persians, North African, West African, European, etc etc. At the end of the day, they were all very much alike, and the only thing that seperates us is our personalities. Values as well to some extent because our cultures and upbringing instill different things especially when it comes to women.

    So get out there, DRESS YOUR BEST in what makes you feel sexy, confident, and classy. Expand your horizons by learning about art, culture, and the world, you can tackle any conversation with grace, ease, and poise. Be alluring, be exciting, smile, and just know who you are and be secure in that. Even in my 20s, when I was not as secure as I am now in my own skin, I exuded nothing but confidence. And that’s what it takes to catch a guy’s attention. That something different about you than other women they have met. Don’t worry about race, again, this is from experience, no matter where I am, men of all races notice. It’s all perspective.

  168. ESB says:

    Hey Sugars!! Whew it is HOT out there!! Got some sun, a cold drink, water, and am now chilling. Lots going on in here today.

    Storm, I read more than I post anymore. Just don’t always have the time. I work to much, so I’ve become a lurker. I have the weekend off, so here I am. Tomorrow it starts all over again, so I’ll be back to lurking.

    Lady I, have a wonderful time. I hope you get to see Zumanity. I so wish I could!! Some day… with the right SD, I’ll be there.

    Well, time for a nap. The sun wore me out. I’ll catch up again later.

  169. Natali Laroux says:

    StormCat~ I would love to talk to you more off the blog, if your would be so kind. natalilaroux at yahoo dot com.

    I am very new to this lifestyle, I have dated a few men who were under 30 who paid for some of my bills, but it was more of a standard relationship and a sugar thing. I would love to know if there is anyone in vegas who would like to grab coffee and just give advice/mentor me. I would hate to do something that would give my fellow b’s a bad name or anything :)

    Thanks loves!

  170. Sasha says:

    OMG! Thank you sooo much brownsugarbaby and stormcat! You guys are right. When I’m at gigs singing and even in public I don’t carry myself that way at all. I look like something that the wind just blew in. I usually find myself wanting to be approached by many of the guys looking at me sing, but I think to myself…they aren’t going to be attracted to me. I still have some issues with my weight, being 5 3 and not weighing 115lbs yet. Also the whole issue of “are white men really attracted to black women. I guess I’m still coming across as the a girl who hasn’t quite built up her confidence. Its an issue, we all have hang ups that we are working on, but for me to play in the sugarbowl I really am starting to realize that its not so much the outer appearance(though it helps), but more so me acting and believing that I’m a prize to be had. What I’m hearing is wealthy men are attracted to the best…thats why they are always in the pursiut of such things in the business world. I’m so shy at times and always afraid to come across wrong. I just thought if I appear to be high maintenence, guys are put off by that and they won’t want to pursue. Hmmmm…..wow this is a ah ha moment for me. I want to really up my game in the sugar world and I think I’m on the right track to figuring out how to get what I want. Does this new attitude of mine have to be accompanied by a very high profile wardrobe? I don’t have it like that in the sugar world to buy really nice clothes yet.

  171. Bonnie says:

    Thank you for the warm welcome! I am definitely interested in your biz props and will be in contact privately.

    Did someone say that they are also making holistic products? My goal is to host holistic healing trade shows with classes and weekend retreat seminars. I live in Texas and am not sure where I’ll be next year, but I might get an event planned for December and then begin in a new state with that experience.

    On to the “I’m chase-able and worth catching” look – please! some tips!
    make up? clothes?…..how do you look chase-able and worth catching? in public and online?

    I’ve noticed this – when I want to look approachable I go out with the least amount of make up as possible. I feel like I intimidate the guys when I am fully made up. This backfires because then the 25 yo cashiers and waiters annoy me.

    I look like I am about 22-26 (with or without the make up). I am almost 40. This confuses everyone and I end up going home alone. Help!

    When I was 32 (looking 18) I was with a 52 yo. I enjoy being affectionate in public, so the stupid loser stopped taking me out because he couldn’t deal with all the rude old ladies giving us dirty looks.

    Those old women are so rude! And now I’m in their age bracket!

    I can’t wait – I’ll be 41 (looking 23) with my 56 yo honey and some 40-something will give me that look and I’ll say – here’s my ID…..oh! looks like we were born in the same year!…..and then I’ll say – buy my sea salts! it’s never too late to take better care of yourself!

    to the sweetie who is engaged and looking for the next better arrangement – brownsugar gave you the advice I would follow. I just wanted to offer you support and hope that you keep us informed.

    and there was someone else whose sd caught her with a sb profile – I feel for you. It sounds like that is smoothing out some. It was excellent that you accepted responsibility for your actions and stood your ground. I think things will be OK.

    and I think it’s LadyI – are you the one who is off to Vegas? Have fun! I can’t wait to hear all about your trip.

  172. Stormcat says:

    Red Maru ~ I don’t think I have your email addy, yahoo stormcatgl please.

  173. Stormcat says:

    Natali Laroux ~ Welcome to the blog. I happen to be a native Idahoan too. I second the words of the brownskinbabe and am glad to hear that, that is your chosen path. btw I have a waelthy uncle who lives in vegas. He’s straight but cool and is a kind hearted person. With the right introduction, you’ld be assured a reasonable helping hand. So don’t let yourself get desparate before you ask for assistance. OK!

  174. Stormcat says:

    I’d like to further iterate the concept generally and propose that –as you think, so you are!– I mean that if you set your mind a certain way it comes through naturally . . . no effort involved, no acting, no artificiality, just a subtle readable reality. If you think of yourself as a high class SB/SD it will come across that way in your interactions and the result will be exactly that. I found this out when I started to believe that because I was naturally kind generous helpful and understanding, I was attractive to woman of all ages. Suddenly women of all ages started approaching and befriending me. I was completely shocked by how easy it was. It changed my whole perspective, but more importantly it revealed to me the principal of the mindset. “Whatever you truely set your mind to believe about yourself, everyone around you will believe it too!”

  175. Ditto what Stormcat says. Men of wealth, whether it’s vast or moderate, are attracted to a certain kind of woman. I think in the way that I carry myself, my mannerisms, my overall look, etc attract these kind of men very easily. I’d still be doing the same thing with/without the site, however having and being on SA makes it even easier and readily available.

  176. Stormcat says:

    Sasha ~ Your quirey wasn’t addressed to me (as a midlevel (experiencewise SD) but might I chime in, I think Lilly said it best, a few topics back, that you need to learn to “look chasable.” The experienced SBs do it unconciously and the experienced SD recognize likewise. It is a balance between the I’m avaliable, and I’m high maintainance flags usually displayed. Exactly what that means is not all that clear but I think that simply adopting the I’m chasable and worth catching attitute as your mindset will probably do the trick.

  177. Lady I ~ Whew!! Awesome girl, have fun. I know my azz would stay right at home without a confirmation either. Homey doesn’t play that (lol my little throwback to the 90s there). God I’m old,lol.

    Sasha ~ Actually all of the men I have met in the past have been in real life situations. It isn’t until the last 2 months that I’ve been pursuing any of these guys online. Well actually, wait, the guy I mentioned above who is the political commentator we met online on Match.com or yahoo personals or something like that. The SD pots that I have been pursuing as of late are all from online. Felt like broadening my horizons and doing it from the comfort of my own home.

  178. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon. Just got back from an outing with mom at starbucks and people watching at the mall. Daughter has the day off too but is plastered in front of her tv.

    I have found that some older people have more energy and ambition than the younger ones. Two of the recent sds I had were very different. One was mid 40’s but really didn’t seem to like to do anything but sit home, didn’t do any work, had to take afternoon naps everyday. The most recent one was 70, a CEO running a high profile company, often traveled and participated in golf tournaments, liked to be out and about, had lots of energy.

  179. Sasha says:

    @brownskinsugarbaby…I just read a previous post of yours and completely agree with you on the mentality of older men. I have recently decided that I have a requirement that a man has to be atleast 40 and up or I really don’t care to pursue the relationship. Its sounds like you have alot of experience with older men which I admire and desire more of in my own life. Have you only met these guys on the site or in the realworld too? I only ask because I sing/dance in a band that performs at events hosted by well off men. You know…high-society parties. I see sugar all around me then…just didn’t know of a way to capture it without going out of bounds. Any advice on that?

  180. Lady Intim says:

    Update: He called, apologized…tired after the big gathering at his house..but says he is super excited and we are still on. This is perfect. I will have to work out and study a little anyway, so he can nap all he wants-I’ll keep busy, it’s Vegas ! :)My cab to the airport is on it’s way.

    Brownskinbabe, I wouldn’t dream of going if an SD never confirmed and disappeared at the last second. I wouldn’t be overly upset if he did bail…wouldn’t set me back or anything, in fact would probably present an opportunity to study more.

  181. Then you are already on the track to setting things right. What I will say is that if you never moved across the country, or just totally uprooted before to make sure you plan it, plan it, plan it.

  182. Natali Laroux says:

    That is what I have been doing. I got in touch with my frind in Vegas and have a place to live, and there are many photographers who are asking to work with me. So I will have some income. Thanks!

  183. Lady I, that’s just crazy! My gosh, what are you going to do? If you go, you have a room arranged and confirmed yes? Hell it could be a little get away, however you know how some men pull the, well I was expecting you to come so you should have shown up… That’s a hard decision. Especially to have to FLY there.

    Natali ~ I think that honesty is always the best policy. You cannot live your life for others, and if you are going into a marriage/commitment ceremony without truly loving or being ready to commit to that person, you’re going to do an ever great diservice to the other person. You will cause more problems than it’s worth and you’ll end up resenting each other. You probably need to be honest with her, and it may not turn into your favor with your current living and job situation. Perhaps you should start to free yourself a bit and start lining things up so when or if you do speak with her, you have something to fall back on (whether it’s a job, extra cash saved, your own place or with a roommate, etc). The worst thing you can do in life is live a lie. Especially when that lie is to only support someone else’s happiness and not your own.

    That’s just my opinion.

  184. RedMaru says:

    Hey Stormcat 😀 I’m good an evaluation sounds cool!

  185. Natali Laroux says:

    Oh and I forgot to mention, that being in my current living situation definatly is an issue for meeting with pot SD’s as she is my transportation. Grrrr.

  186. Lady Intim says:

    Ok, I’m not too cool to admit that it looks like Vegas daddy appears to be poofing a la Lady Intim style. I am supposed to be leaving for the airport in an hour and a half and I haven’t heard from him since this Saturday. Bizzare. Said he had a huge party he was hosting last night, so maybe he is just hung over/passed out? Not looking good. Its fine either way, i probably deserve it because I bailed on him last minute last year when he made all the arrangements to meet me in my city. F. just wish he’s give heads up so I can plan my week…im important, my time is worth a LOT 😉

  187. Natali Laroux says:

    So… I have not had any luck on here ths far. Made a few connections, but they have stopped communication. Hmmph

    I am a rather dependent person, but find myself in a codependent relationship right now. One that I am not happy with, but don’t want to leave. Lame I know but what is a girl to do? let me explain it to you as briefly as possible.
    On a regular dating website 2 years ago I met a girl, Ann we will call her. Ann lived on the west coast and I lived on the east coast. After talking for 2 weeks Ann flew across country to meet me and 3 days later we drove back to her home. With her I have come out to my mother as bisexual and have learned many thing about myself. I do love her, but am not in love with her anymore. Plainly I miss men and don’t feel ready for a committed relationship. We live together. She had proposed to me a year ago and I said yes. I still wear the rign, but feel bad that i don’t feel it anymore. I don’t want to hurt her, but want to leave. Yes I feel like a horrible person for staying but am too kind to leave. i work for her at her restaurant and am the head chef, so don’t want to leave her high and dry there. I know I should be honest with her and leave… but it is hard.

    Ok enough drama, but I could use some advice. I don’t want to be shunned for this, but rather would like some support. I don’t have any money, but do have a place to stay in Vegas if I decide to go there as well as someone to fly me there (I model and he is my main photographer).

    What am I to do?
    Confused in Idaho and needing to escape my madness!


  188. If I may chime in and add to the sugar daddy/age equation, I’d have to say I’m in TOTAL agreement with you ladies. Even when I was in my 20’s I always dated men older. One of the loves of my life I later found out was lying to me about his age (by a good 15 years). The man looked GOOD, and it turned out he was born in 1937 at the time… He’s a well known author and political commentator, I just never questioned what he said, until I did my own research. I didn’t care, by the time I found out we were already heavily involved and the ageism in my head was shattered. From there I dated other wealthy older men, 50’s-60’s, and then one more 70 year old guy, lol. None of them looked like senior citizens (well except one but in that Hugh Heffner kind of way, he had A LOT of energy and was FREAKING SPECTACULAR in bed). Funny enough, my SD #1 I just found out turned 72 at the beginning of the month. Shocked the crap out of me because I never thought he was passed his early 60s. Great lover, amazing man, well accomplished, extremely generous, and more. I wouldn’t care his age, in fact I don’t even ask a man anymore, it doesn’t matter to me.

    It seems like, of course, most older guys treat a woman like a delicate flower. They’re kinder, more generous, and are more into YOU as a person. The younger guys I’ve dealt with (with some exceptions) aren’t always of that same calibre. But that comes with the generational changes in the roles of men and women and what’s acceptable in relationships now. One pot I’m talking to now, who is likely to turn into a steady SD, is in his early 40s, and he’s definitely a part of that exception crew. I think when guys get around that age and older, the experience of life and dealing with woman whips their persepctive into shape. Anything younger than that, not so much. I very rarely deal with men my own age, and I’m now 30 (turning 31 in August). But you know what, I rarely ever have by choice.

  189. Stormcat says:

    Alleycat ~ Travelling with your 11yo daughter, what a joy! Your style can’t possibly be cramped when you’re already with the most beautiful girl in the world! Kudos my friend!

  190. Stormcat says:

    Red Maru ~ also btw, I have been developing a series of probiotic muds and alluvial scrubbing stones to help balance the skin’s natural flora. I believe that most, if not all dermatological problems are caused by imbalance in the natural flora resulting from harsh skin care products, hydrophobic toxins in the diet, and overcleansing with detergents. If you would like to evaluate some of the formulations I could probably be persuaded to send them your way.

  191. Stormcat says:

    Red Maru :) How are you?

    Bonnie, I second Red Maru! Welcome and I like your site and the concept of your work. btw A very close friend of mine is a rep for a holistic medical products manufacturer and can even do private label. If you are interested in that I would be happy to hook you up. Just yahoo stormcatgl.

  192. Stormcat says:

    ESB ~ not a new lover, not a gf, not even a new pot SB, a friend. It is simply ladyI. While I’ve been happily befriended by almost all bloggers LadyI and I have always parallel blogged. Untill yesterday she had never engaged me in conversation when I directed my comments to her posts, nor even acknowledged my presence here. Yet suddenly we were talking . . . and I feel pleased to be included in her circle alongside yourself and alleycat, sd guru, babyblonde, NYCSB, lilly, OCsb, Midwest, etc.
    meloncholy . . .! I guess an underlaying sadness can’t really be covered over completely especially in the presence of a really observent caring friend. Thanks for noticing. :) If I dwell on it, it will pass with time. For now, my head is occupied with lyric-derived idioms such as “I get by with a little help from my friends” “you play around you lose your wife, you play too long you lose your life” “Storm you got to stop this pushing with your mind” (oops that’s from the song I wrote and nobody knows it, yet)

  193. RedMaru says:

    Hey sugars….Hope everybodys 4th was good. Mine was okay spent at home viewing the fireworks and such. Still talking to the pot. Seems agreeable to my amount…we shall see he’s kinda dragging his feet
    as far as meeting…my cynicism meter is starting to go though he swears he’s not wasting my time…a side of me is wanting to tell him PROVE IT

    Hi Bonnie 😀 Welcome love your site. I sell scented candles and I have a site too. I love Dead Sea salt scrubs as I have scaly skin I might just have to buy some from you. How do I order?

  194. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hey Stormy – totally missed it, sorry! Must have been too subtle for me. Paris is gorgeous, and so are the women, but as my traveling partner is my 11 y.o. daughter, my style is slightly (!) cramped. Plus reading and blogging from my phone makes it a bit hard as we are doing a lot of walking!!

  195. Bonnie says:

    Hey Sweeties!

    I think I found my new home. I am who I am and so I signed up here. Then I found this blog and I’m so overjoyed – It’s normal to be me! Hooray!

    The youngest I am interested in is 49, so when I read the comment about the 45 year old who doesn’t get it, I was like – Exactly!

    I didn’t realize this but when I was younger and having “real” relationships I was always a couple years older (but I thought we were the same age because it was less than 5 years) and was treated like the cougar mama – lame!

    I don’t play games. My men have to be true gentlemen and understand their role as the provider. I have met guys online since the late 90s and they were all losers.

    I have done a lot with my life these last 20 years, so the next 20 have to be even bigger and better. Since I was 3 everyone has said – you should be an actress – so I’m focusing on those dreams and reaching out in every direction for opportunities.

    At this point, I just need the rent and bills paid – freakin’ $300 a week! And I am accustomed to banking and investing, so triple that and I would have the allowance of my dreams.

    I have my own holistic healing business and I provide products and services – dead sea salt scrubs, Hawaiian clay masques, massage oil, shea butter soap, soy candles……I am also a massage therapist.

    The arrangement of my dreams is to be a property manager, whether my gentleman friend has a bunch of condos or just an old 5 bedroom mini-mansion that could be run as a bed and breakfast. I love to cook and clean!

    Good luck with all your pots! And if you are refusing the attention of someone over 49, send him my way!

    Peace and love…..and my girl always texts me inspirational quotes, so here is hers for the day – Life reflects your own thoughts back to you.

    I’ll pray that everyone’s most satisfying dreams are fulfilled.

    …..oh! it’s so hard to say “good-bye”!

  196. Lisa says:

    Good morning everyone

    Wow finally pryed myself out of bed.
    ESB after my last sd being quite a bit older (70) I have found a preference for older men. I’ve always prefered men at least 15 years older but it seems that my last sd really got it when it came to an arrangment. He had never did it before and seemed to catch on immediately. He did mention intimacy on one of first emails but he also said he was not interested in justing stopping by my place. He wanted to take me to dinner, shopping, etc first and the was the way all of our meetings went. He was also more than generous and didnt’ poof when I mentioned what I was looking for. He poofed after wards of course, but after dramatically improving my life. I have had no luck with the 40 age group as they seem to not get it. I also prefer the married ones. When I get a message from a 45 year old single guy, i’m think ok this isn’t going to work as he is most likely looking for a relationship.

  197. ESB says:

    Good morning Sugar Family!! Fire works were AWESOME last night, but leaving the parking lot.. not so much. Took me 35 minutes to drive the 8 miles back home. Well worth it though. Wonderful time was had by all.

    Lily, darling, I feel your pain. I have had a few “gentlemen” want more than what they were willing to pay for so to speak. I try to keep my SDs my age. More fun for me, not as suspicious looking, and I just can’t get into seeing a man 20 yrs my senior… unless he has taken VERY good care of himself.. then I wouldn’t mind. Sent a few pots a pic I took of myself sunbathing yesterday.. funny how they suddenly are in a hurry to meet me… lol. I am NOT the slutty type of SB, but they wanted to know how recent my other pix were, so I took that one, and said “5 seconds ago”. WOW, show a little skin, and we are off to the races!! Gotta admit, the tan is coming along nicely! Going to head out there again soon.

    StormCat, you sound emoitionaly mixed. Melencholy, but somehow, happy. I hope the new lady involved is worthy of you! 😉

  198. Stormcat says:

    Alleycat, you old tom, how sweet is Parisian sugar? btw I can’t believe you didn’t pick up on that highly quotable line from my comments to LadyI. I must have moved it 5 times before I finally found a place for it. I guess it just indicates how little time you currently have for blog reading. Enjoy!

  199. Stormcat says:

    Good morning sugar-cats and kittens
    Blogging again today from Starbucks :) And the good news is . . . (drum roll please) Civilization has arrived in the village near my mountain home in to form of a coffee shop with wifi aptly named Java Joe’s. And while it’s missing the all natural fat free extra fiber muffins and glutan free begals (lol) I am feeling quite optimistic with the prospects for the near future.

    Yes mLady I meant you.

  200. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Have a great time! Enjoy Paris. I’m already there. 😉

  201. Lady Intim says:

    Ok, everyone. I won’t be on the blog for the next few days as I am taking off for my trips tomorrow morning. Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend and I hope not too many of you get the Ouchipendence hangover. spin spin sugar

  202. Lily says:

    ESB, I have responsibilities too, anchoring me put for the summer, and yes there are men everywhere interested in women but I don’t think I have the patience to weed/screen through the jerks anymore. If I knew I could trust someone, that they really cared, that’s different.
    I think I’m a little burned out and just don’t care to go on anymore first dates w/ much older men who don’t get what it means to be an SD.

  203. Lady Intim says:

    Am I your new friend, Stormcat? LOl! JK. Who is she??

  204. Stormcat says:

    LadyI ~ Wonder of wonders. It isn’t something for the social animal to be alone and it isn’t the alone-ness. It is only the loss of control about one’s state of solitude that disturbes the psyche. I’ve been with friends all weekend but they are not who I want to be with and the loss of choice has me a bit off balance. But I’m getting used to it. :) I think I found a new friend today.

  205. Lisa says:

    well i’ve spent the evening online. Staying up a little later since I worked late today and got to sleep in. Off tomorrow so I guess i’ll celebrate late with my usual starbucks outing. There are only 3 within walking distance of me, lol

  206. Lady Intim says:

    AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…What a perfect way to spend a holiday…woke up, brewed up a large pot of coffee, worked out, watched a movie, studied, then went out for another bike ride on the golf course, watched everyone else’s festivities from far away…smelled what everyone was cooking in their backyards…caught a glimpse of fireworks at a close-by resort…things have calmed down overall. Maybe I will feel better about myself tomorrow afterall! :)

  207. Lisa says:

    Agreed ESB I can sit home on the sofa and watch tv on my own, I can sit around the house all day on my own, etc. I’m looking for someone to have fun with without all the hassles and some benefits too. I have learned that people come and go before you know it, it’s what you buy with your allowance that lasts for awhile. I can sit here in my apartment that’s still paid for the next couple months, and get online with my macbook, both paid for my last sd that has been out of my life for almost 4 months, he left but the material things are still here.

  208. ESB says:

    ok, I”m off to the carnival.. you all have a wonderful night. I’ll catch ya all later!!

  209. ESB says:

    K2, anytime sweety. Good luck in your search!!

  210. ESB says:

    Lisa, I agree about the SD being a better choice. I just don’t have time for a traditional BF right now. The nights I spend with someone, I want to be special, not just another night of the week. I want the release of all the tension we both feel, and making it special. I want the extraordianry, not the ordinary. I can get that from any man.

  211. K2 says:


    Thanks for taking the time to respond to my question. I could safely subtract 8-12 years off my age but I’ll take your advice of 5-8. This is a blessing/curse, especially since I actually prefer men over 45.

    Have a good day!

  212. Lisa says:

    I NEED an sd. I can pay my own bills and am a little ahead thanks to my last sd getting me ahead on my rent but I NEED fun, shopping, spoiling, an escape from the day to day rut and humiliation of my job.

    I need a lover and since the modern boyfriend does not help his woman in anyway practical as far as finances, ride to work, etc I have no use for one. Most of the men my age that are looking for serious relationships have ex wives in the picture (many are recently divorced whereas i’ve been divorced 18 years), and have dependent children so it would never be just us. When I find a man to spend my life with, I want it to be just us, no taking care of kids and all, just the two of us.

    A sd is a better choice.

  213. ESB says:

    Lily, I got into a rute too.. there was NOTHING going on in my in box, but I started fresh, started sending out emails again, and things are starting to look positive for me.. and the fact that I no long feel the NEED for an SD, but just a want for one, it is not all that earth shattering if I don’t have one. I think attitude has everything to do with it. I’ back to my normal weight, feeling MUCH better about myself, got rid of some toxic relationships (loosers!!) and am moving forward with my life. I’m hoping having a positive attitude towards my sugar life (or not) will help me change things up.

    Lily, I’ve seen several SDs in your area lately, on the recently logged in search. I just can’t travel right now. New job, BG needs me around (or maybe I just need her!) and living where I do is the best place to be in the summer!! I have had several email me recently asking if I’d like to spend the summer with them in Europe! Of course I would LOVE that, but I have responsibilties, and just can’t run off and leave them.. darn it for being sensible!! Maybe you should try ot find them… couldn’t hurt!! :)

    Storm Cat… thank you! I am feeling really good right now… even painted my nails “Barbie Pink”. Looks good against my tan!!

  214. Lady Intim says:

    Lisa, again I am in agreement. And while I sound two-faced saying this (as I ended up falling for an SD I met on SA), this particular site is no place for searching for true love or free adult fun. I can understand someone who is a romantic and truly believes in finding love in all the wrong places (look, I did), but praying on naive women who don’t know better is a crime! Chopy chopy!

  215. Lisa says:

    I agree and especially when they join a sd site, the want to go along the take it slow to make sure they are getting what they want before putting forth their end of the deal. He must have came across one of those many profiles of women saying “i’m looking for my soulmate or a long term relationship rather than a sd” Those women ruin it for everyone who looking for a sd by offering themselves up for nothing but love and romance. This is a great opportunity for the men to lure them and get their free test drive and dump them. Some women (especially the really young ones, I was that way myself when I was younger) are so naive and vulnerable.

  216. Lady Intim says:

    Hey, Lily! Interesting is one way to describe it. Thank you for rooting for me !! :) I wish for the same for you…For a while there you sounded like you were almost ready to cut off sugar dading…are you slowly moving towards the exit?

  217. Lady Intim says:

    LOL, Stormcat. Yes…I was an iron hand but always in a velvet glove. I definitely evolved, no doubt about it. Can you elaborate regarding the other missing keys? I am very curious.

    Hi, ESB! I am so jealous that you are feeling all hot and sexy. I feel fat (I’m not fat in real life, at least not by definition) and lazy today. Tried studying and not retaining Anything! At least I got 30 minutes of cardio in. Ugh…the fatness! I guess eating a whole bag of crackers with pate at 1 am didn’t help either. And I have to look hot and sexy tomorrow…that’s not happening.

    Lisa, that guy is such a looser. Nothing seems to upset me more in life than people who expect to get everything with nothing to give in return. How ugly of him.

  218. Lily says:

    Lady I – your life is tres interesting! I really wanna see you get your happily ever after!

    ESB, maybe I am. I am taking a break from sugar, a hiatus from looking on SA (permanent hiatus, probably), and just gonna hope that goodness finds me…. :)

  219. Lisa says:

    Furthermore, i’ve reserved the week of August 15 for my vacation. Not going anywhere it seems but at least i’ll get a break from work. I hope I have so sd meets that week.

  220. Stormcat says:

    LadyI ~ yay! ! ! :) (me cheering for you)

    I’m happy now. This will go along way for you. We can work on the other missing keys later as they’re only about future stuff (minor stuff now.) (G I hope that doesn’t sound arrogant or condesending) I’m so hoping for you two to have this, bc it’s the stuff of dreams and can inspire others to succeed. And everyone deserves happiness. And because you seemed so hard edged in the beginning when you first started posting here but now it turns out that you are actually a romantic at heart.

    ESB ~ Knock em dead!

  221. Lisa says:

    I agree as every good meeting i’ve had, I felt good about whereas those that I was weary of turned out to be time wasters. example one of the first guys I talked to from the site that I just couldnt’ get anwers out of, set up a coffee meet with him, he stood me up, reset next day, he stood me up. I now see 2 years later he is still on the site.

    This guy was all for saying what he wanted but avoided my financial suggestions, just said he agreed with me. His profile mentions not wanting to be atm. Also I have found that if you sleep on it, sometimes you will wake up in the middle of the night with an unpleasant feeling about someone. I experienced that a few months ago in regards to the possibility of relocating to live with a certain sd (you know whom I’m talking about). I would wake up in the middle of the night and think “gee what if i’d took him up on the offer, i’d be his darn slave, not a sb). It’s always of feeling of relief when you realize you did the right thing or have decided not to meet that potential that you have concerns about.
    I was so sure of meeting my last sd that I let him pick me up at my apartment for our dinner date. We had really talked, he was all over the internet in business and the golf world, and not a bit pushy, and seemed to have a plan for an arrangement. Meeting him was a very pleasant experience and I wasn’t nervous at all. I didn’t feel that way about this pot sd and worried he might be primarily into some weird sexual things. I’m lookign for a passionate, gentle, normal man, not some guy who wants to “try everything”

  222. ESB says:

    Lisa, I agree, the longer I am doing this, the better I get at the screening. If it smells fishy, it’s a fish!! or in this case, a jerk!! Glad he went else where and didn’t waist you time!!

  223. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone

    Back from work.
    Well I got a response back from that potential and he told me has found someone else more on the same page with him so he doesn’t think he wants to meet me. He said the allowance thing upfront isn’t his thing and that he needs to see if there is chemistry and sexual compatibility before doing any spoiling. He has found a woman who is willing to have an arrangement with him for a couple months before starting any allowance. Hello? if there is no allowance, then how is it an arrangment? Anyway i’m always glad to be straightforward about what i’m looking for so I dont’ waste time. Imagine if i’d wasted time meeting him. Apparently he is looking for free testdrives and I bet he decides that they aren’t compatible before the two months is up.

  224. ESB says:

    NO, Lady I, I have been in and out all day. BG and I are taking turns on the computer. She has her friend here now, so it’s my turn.

    It is just to hot to be at the carnival right now. I have on my sun dress, looking all hot and ready to knock ’em dead, but will not ruin the effect by sweating like a horse!! We will wait ’til it cools a bit, then go walk around and socialize with all we run into. This carnival is in the richest county in MD, or one of them anyway, so who knows who I may run into. Looking this good, I hope a few XBFs who can eat their hearts out… did I mention I lost all my winter weight! I am looking GOOD!! lol

  225. Lady Intim says:

    wow. Happy 4th of July, everyone. The blog is dead. Looks like I’m the only one having fun at home.

  226. Lady Intim says:

    Stormcat, great advice! I wouldn’t have thought about the separation clauses on my own ever! Thanks! And you just helped me make my decision. I do believe I should give him trust and have no problem making the first step. I have to show him that I am willing to let go and trust what he says. I am willing to give up the security blanket I have now because it may lead to happiness that I envision with him. And if I end up loosing my bet (I don’t think I will), then oh well and it was a once in a lifetime experience anyway.

  227. Stormcat says:

    LadyI ~ A few more thoughts.
    One of the keys is trust. (Look at me saying this, loss of trust was a main reason that my marriage has fallen apart.) Anyway, trust only happens when one party gives trust and the other lives up to that trust. It builds slowly that way, bit by bit. But someone has to start. Someone has to give the trust first. I feel this is the biggest task confronting you (that being you in the plural.) You have both been burned enough that you have lost your ability to freely trust. Hence your reluctance to committ to living togather monogamously and his suspiscion leading to activity as a detective trying to find out about your activities on SA. Each of you will have to come to grips individually with your mistrust of others before you can even address it as a couple.
    One of the ways that is very effective at modifying or acquiring a trait is to simply assume it. At first it feels artificial, but soon enough it becomes real. If you want to be a trusting person you simply declare yourself such and start acting like a trusting person. I’m not talking about becomming naive or doing stupid things, but you have to start trusting within the absence of evidence to act otherwise.
    So, agreeing to move in on the basis of a seperation agreement would be a beginning of trusting that he will fulfill his promises to develop the relationship to the full marital status expected. It may also become the basis for him starting to trust as well.
    However, that said there is a caution from the opposite view. One thing that I know about seperation agreements, which that often the lawyers put a clause in those agreements which states that if one of the parties starts cohabitating with another person, some or many of the benifits of the agreement are lost or some of the other clauses of the agreement are invalidated. You should ask if his agreement contains any such clause and what the consequenses are that would result.

  228. Lady Intim says:

    Ay karamba…ok, off to the gyzm.

  229. Lady Intim says:

    Oh and one more thing regarding moving in before final divorce. I know they say good things come to those who wait…but oftentimes the good things that come to those who wait are the things left by those who got there first. Should I or no?

  230. Lady Intim says:

    Aw…Stormcat, SDGuru, Sb-emy, Michael. Thanks so much for the support. He ended up calling me yesterday, saying he should have just asked me instead of lingering and apologizing because it was “a stupid, careless approach.” The thing is that this really wasn’t a “bust.” As I mentioned earlier, from the moment he dropped the L bomb I maintained that while the feeling is mutual (this is true), I don’t expect nor promise physical exclusivity until he is free of his previous ties. I never set any timelines (although he did try to provide them), made any demands, or encouraged him to rush things. When our feelings were apparent, I didn’t stop seeing other people. But I did stop telling him about it out of respect and because I wanted to add value to our time together. In the beginning of our relationship, my dating life was always a fun topic during dinners, he would joke about it and give me advice. In turn, he would tell me about his life back home and his single life endeavors. But as we grew closer and he started telling me about the rapid deterioration of his marriage, he stopped asking and stopped telling. I know that you can’t apply that philosophy in a real life relationship (i.e. don’t ask-don’t tell…the less you know, the better you sleep…Um no. If I am your wife and you are cheating on me, then you better come tell me before I find out on my own…and we can decide together if this is a change of heart, or just a short-term sex thing). I got the penis mentality, and men would be amazed at how much some women are willing to put up with so long as they are just HONEST. So really, in an odd way, all this DRAMA was really just one big misunderstanding.

    SB-Emy: I really hope things start looking up for you, babe. I remember you wrote to me in the past saying that unlike me you don’t have much of an experience with love. And I wrote you back saying that in no shape or form am I qualified to give you advice re:love. I just felt your pain and wanted to give you my thoughts. Hell, who am I kidding giving you advice. Look at me now. :)

    Sd Guru: Believe me, I am the first one to pick up the mike and preach that when it comes to SA dating, one should keep their heart and emotions on lockdown 24/7, 7 days a week. LOVE attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses…so really, I am unarmed. But you know what? I think I’m just going to roll with it and see what happens. I hear everything you are saying, and believe me, I of all people know the importance of practicality and keeping it real. But this is different. I am prepared to chance it. But keep in mind that I did tell husband SD that I’m going to do my thing until I get what I deserve. We both deserve to do things right..But for now the right thing for me is flying off to Vegas tomorrow, seeing Zumanity, and having dinner in Paris. :)

    Stormcat: Thank you for your kind words. We made the decision to work through it. Things are absolutely terrible between him and his current spouse, and part of my ache comes from the fact that I almost felt like I kicked him when he was already on the ground. Over the year that I have known him he has always followed through on his promises..and his actions always match his words. During our conversation yesterday, he told me that I will always be taken care of no matter what happens and that I hold all of his stock options (which are worth a LOT)… He says he will be legally separated in 3 weeks and will come down here to buy a property so I can move into “our home”. But my whole thing is that I don’t know if separated is good enough. I am not pressed for shelter, and I don’t want to be a live-in quasi-girlfriend/technically mistress since he is legally married? His final divorce won’t take place until at least September (it will be an easy one as they are just walking away from it w/out financial implications and children). And he did mention that we should see what it’s like living together. Ugh. My older sister made that mistake a few times…moving in with men to only shave off years off her youth and to find out later on that they are confirmed bachelors. Another factor to take into consideration is the fact that he constantly travels overseas for work and has a little daughter back home. So, if I don’t move in with him, when will we be together? It has to start somewhere…and I am having a difficult time understanding how to approach this situation best. Thoughts?

    Michael, glad you are having fun. I think I am right up there with your SB when it comes to keeping up with modern gadgets and technological innovations. I still live in the 1800’s. I love my prehistoric phone. Hope the wedding is a blast…You would be amazed at the weather we had here the last couple of days. It was so nice last night that I actually went bike riding early evening and survived. And last night I washed my comforter and layed it out on my patio, and it’s still all wet this morning-can you imagine? I’m sitting in the kitchen now, all doors and windows open, no air, and it’s nice and breezy! This summer has been unbelievable.

  231. MizzI says:

    Pot asked me (last night) to have drinks with him tonight. I chicken out and came up with a very good excuse. Why?? I look like a hot mess! Ive been depressed for about a week or so, maintained my hair but eyebrows are wild and while I still weigh the same (so says the scale) I am POSITIVE my belly is protruding out. Im dissippointed in having to not agree to meet him on the 4th because he seems lonely and wanted to have someone to be with. I would have loved to have someone to come with me to this bonfire … cause Im forever doing things solo. And you know what? He’s so damn hott. And to top it off he agreed to give me a year lease and 12 months receipts. He laughs with me and he thinks Im beautiful & sexy! I think hes handsome sooo darn handsome and sexy. No constant nasty talking, I let him bring the topic up and we’re on the same page. He said “I dont need the drama of a typical relationship but enjoy the company of a sane woman” — Im in.

    He wont be available again till next week. Ill spend all week whipping into shape. He emailed me this morning so I’ll send a friendly text to him

    Happy Fourth of July People! <3

  232. Stormcat says:

    Thanks ESB, you wrote “You are such a romantic. Wish there were more men like you out there!!”

    Actually I think probably the emphasis goes on the “out there” :)

  233. Stormcat says:

    And good morning sugar-cats and kittens! I’m blogging from Starbucks . . . (need I say more)

    Well for me, I feel that I am reluctantly independent because I feel that I have hurt myself and others on the way to attaining it. As for the celebration I will be sugar free so I have decided to ride the currents of fate and celebrate the holiday wherever I happen to land. And while I avoid “codependency” I think that a commensulate relationship is desirable. (The strengths of each fill the insufficiencies of the other)

    Happy Independence Day everyone!

  234. ESB says:

    Awww.. that is so sweet Stormcat. You are such a romantic. Wish there were more men like you out there!!

  235. Stormcat says:

    LadyI ~ My heart is feeling your anguish. I haven’t spoken much, here, to this, but I have watched as your relationship developed and felt gratitude that you shared with us the process from your view. For myself, I felt inspired and hopeful that I too might find a similar result. But, throughout the time that you have been posting about you relationship with your future husband, I have always had a concern that you are missing some keys to long term success.
    In any relationship it is inevitable that there will be a crisis. Actually, more than one crisis. These crises are actually necessary for the success of the relationship. In fact, the scars of many crises are the bulwork that defends unassailable love. As a couple works through a crisis their bond and their trust in each other actually grows and the relationship becomes stronger. If a relationship is never challenged there will be no way of knowing its strength and there will never develop enough strength to face the tough challenges ahead. This is a crisis for you and your future husband. It is actually a rather mild crisis, as these things go. Yet though this crisis will either break you or strengthen you, what you should see now, is that IT IS YOUR CHOICE. You can choose to work through this and come out the other side stronger and better or you can let the relationship go.
    So . . . I am hoping you choose to keep this relationship, because it seems to suit you and because you have invested so much in it already. If you choose that then course, you will need to be upfront about your choice and tell your other about the choice that you have made and why. The very act of clearly stating that intention to remain will go a long way toward healing the rift that currently is threatening to end your coupleness.
    I could say more about the healing but untill you take this step everything else is superfluous.
    So at the risk of sounding corny . . . With the love of my soul, I send you my support and the hope that you choose to go forward.
    Sincerely, Stormcat

  236. ESB says:

    WOW Lily, Bitter much? Sorry, but you sound a bit cranky this morning.. go finish your coffee dear… 😉

    julia: he sounds more like a john than a SD, NEXT!! He is def lowballing you. Tell him what YOU want, it is YOUR choice, and you don’t have to accept anything you are not comfortable with. I agree that this is a hard venue for dating, but how hard up are you? If it makes you feel cheap, don’t do it. Wait it out til you find what YOU are looking for. There is someone out there for you, just wait ’til you find him, you’ll feel so much better about yourself.

    K2: I feel honesty is best. If you are lying about your age, and SD finds out, he may wonder what else you are lying to him about?? I’d say shaving 5 -8 years off won’t hurt, if you can get away with it, but if you put 25 – 30 it could be a red flag. I had an SD tell me he was 48, but he had to be 60+. I was more upset about the lie than the pretense.. also, it’s kinda like saying I weigh 180 when he actually weighs 270… big difference there.. and you can’t get away with it… what, we aren’t going to notice? or using pictures that are 5+ years old, and the changes are very noticable… yea, just be honest…

  237. Lily says:

    SD Guru – why? I think because I’m not NYC SB. She has more strict screening. I only ask myself, “Do I like this guy?” and sometimes, “Does he qualify?” and then move forward with all my mental energy expended on playing the SB role to a T. I’m stubborn. If I have to manipulate, play the game, etc, in order for him to get w/ the program, then F it. I want it to come spontaneously from him or then let’s cut this off because he’s not a genuine SD, but a joke daddy (mean-spirited or clueless) or a PJ (Cheap!!!!!).
    I want to do what I do well, and have him man up and do the SD thing or then get out of the sugarbowl. I try a
    so hard on my end to bring my A game and show up looking the part, acting the part, making him feel like a king, half the time he’s stuttering with nervousness or spouting lame compliments(Einstein *and* beautiful?!) or just, “wow.” (or….,”you’re perfect!”)
    I feel like I’m with the program, I “got it,” and I’m not going to beg for it to happen if he somehow feels that I went on the site just hoping to get laid because I ran out of all other options to get a man to touch me so I guess I woke up one morning, sexually frustrated and thought to myself, “‘I’ll now try married, non-gorgeous, men twice my age! Eureka! Maybe one of them will grace me with his time & penis!”

    I don’t like the careful screening that requires me to be saleswoman prior to meeting. I figure if I can verify through google that they’re obscenely rich, and I show up w/ my A game and elegantly mention that financial hardship brought me to the site, that should be enough said and if he’s serious, the next move comes from him via bank transfer, cash, or Cartier. Not his tongue in my mouth, a rocket in his pocket, telling me how much % he owns of the closest 5 star hotel, and a vague promise that “I won’t be disappointed….”

    happy 4th, all!!!

  238. Sunshine says:

    Wow, I like the posts here. I just want to experience my first SugarDaddy experience! But, I’m nervous! I need step by step insructions……..

  239. K2 says:

    Hi SBs and Ds,

    I’m new around here and have been enjoying reading your stories. So I want to add that yes, I’ve been in a codependent romantic relationship. He was an unofficial daddy I’ll say. He didn’t pay my rent or pay my bills exactly, but he gave me cash when I needed help with bills and rent, he took me on vacations, he bought me clothes and other treats often, he NEVER let me go in my pocket when we were together (3+ days/week), and he wined and dined me always. He was my boyfriend really, and we never called him much more than that, but I became very dependent on him financially. I will say that he was very dependent upon me for my good sense, research skills, and sociability, and hey he had a model girlfriend, which he loved! I think he liked playing the daddy even though he/we never admitted that it was part of our relationship. And yup, I miss it. It’s been over for 3 years now.

    He was 12 years my senior. But I look really young so to all who saw us he looked more like 20 years my senior. Today I was assumed 19. Later in the day 25. I am 40. And I don’t know how to handle that in the sugar world. Should I be upfront in my profiles ( no one believes me) or should I lie and claim the age that the average person would guess? I think I’m getting no attention on the sites because men think my photos are fake. I like older men anyway. When I try to date men my own age it comes off looking like they’re my daddy. A daddy who wants maturity but the look of a young woman could really get off having me as his baby, right? Please advise, as I’m baffled in real world as well as in sugar world dating.

  240. SD Guru says:


    However, on my last pot date that went horribly wrong (my specialty)…

    I have read a few of your stories about pot dates gone wrong. Why do you think that has become your specialty?

    I had such a pleasant reminder of the regular dating marketplace the very next day… The dreamboat was such a good ego boost that reminds me that I can still attract spectacular specimens of the male species. What a relief.

    As I have mentioned before, the dynamics of sugar dating can be very different from regular dating. In regular dating, attractive women have lots of choices and they are pursued by men all the time hoping to win their affection and get a piece of the action. This implies in regular dating the demand for attractive women far exceeds the supply of men who are interested in them. And women definitely have the upper hand in choosing who they want to date. But this phenomenon doesn’t necessarily apply to sugar dating and I think understanding the difference is one of the keys to success in sugar dating.

    The free travel was cool, though. But I’m done w/ that. Tired of men thinking they can manipulate me into putting out from the sheer awe of their lifestyle. F that.

    As you have figured out, a pot SD’s wealth, income, and lifestyle may not directly relate to how generous he is for an allowance. He has to be able and “willing” to provide an allowance. Some men are willing to spend lots of money on fun things and gifts, but when it comes to providing direct financial support they think there is a stigma associated with it as if they’re too good to be “paying” for a SB or GF. It’s not easy to change their mind to get them to become an “allowance” SD, but it’s possible in some cases if you take the right approach.


    First it was sb-emy that got busted by her bf, and now you’re busted by your husband SD. Why is there so much drama in the sugar world when there shouldn’t be any??

    As I have said before, my number one rule for sugar relationship is “don’t get emotionally attached, especially with a married man.” As a married SD who has gotten emotionally involved more than once, I can tell you I’ve learned my lessons the hard way and it’s no fun for either side. Feel free to email me through my blog and I’ll be happy to share my perspective with you. Will both of you be able to get through this without damaging the relationship? What does his action say about his intention? Is this a sign of things to come?

    For now, I’d suggest that you go to Vegas and enjoy yourself. As others have mentioned, Zumanity is a perfect Cirque du Soleil show for a sugar date. I have seen the show several times, make sure you get the “love seat” sofa seating so you can be extra cozy with your sugar! Before the show, have dinner at the Eiffel Tower Restaurant in Paris Hotel. Get the corner table with a panoramic view of the fountains at Bellagio and try the prix fixe tasting menu with wine pairing. Email me if you’d like more Vegas suggestions.

    I’m still on vacation, but couldn’t resist checking the blog!

  241. sb-emy says:

    oh ladyintim,

    how awful that we are both caught at the same time! I hope things work out well for you, as this husband sd certainly doesn’t sound as bitter and unforgiving as my ex. I too, hope for reconciliation, but it may not come :(



  242. julia says:

    the next SD who is emailing has asked for 180-250 a week, meeting once a week exclusing holidays, exams and being sick :). and doesnt always have to be about sex. is this too little? how do u negotiate what its worth. i want to make him happy, but not completely comfortable that sex is worth so little. i asked him for business help aswell…

  243. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    SB not coming to wedding which is on Saturday (I think), she is staying in Canada kick-starting her business. She is coming down for a week, a few days after we get back. Working on a couple of projects together, plus some real estate mentoring and maybe joint buying. Will also have my daughter go for some sleepovers at friends houses while SB is here so we can have some uninterrupted fun as well…. 😉

  244. julia says:


    very new to this. What is a decent amount to negotiate? met a nice guy for coffee and we got on well and went on a few dates. it was a date by date arrangement so he bought me shoes, payed my car insurance etc.
    no sleeping together (i think he felt too guilty). things drifted off but he occasionaly sends the odd message- should i politely tell him to make his intentions clear. he has done alot for me and i feel in a way that his cash hasnt equaled my time. We havent had any realations

  245. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hey Intimdator – I met her through SA in the first place, so not really a problem. Second, my profile is hidden now. And third, she is the most un-technological person I have met! She really dislikes it. Even her cell phone was 7 years old, until I bought her an iPhone last week.

  246. Lisa says:

    I’m not off till monday so that’s my holiday.

  247. Yaz says:

    Nothing planned for this weekend. Just glad I have a couple of days off :-)
    Happy 4th everyone!!! :-)

  248. Lisa says:

    I was looking out my bedroom window. There are a couple highrises in view behind all the trees. They are all decorated for the forth of July. The office building has lights all around the top and Robut tower (a large highrise that belongs to the memorial hospital that has a round orb type top to it, lookins kinda like a giant robut behind the trees) has the orb lit up in red white and blue. It looks so pretty but I can’t take a good picture with my cell.

    Lady Intim, I like May better too, not much into monster movies but the blood was good.

  249. Lady Intim says:

    Lisa, you should be a movie critic! You sum it up so well. May, I want to see. This last movie you speak of-not so much. Michael, how is your trip going so far? When is the wedding? Is your beautiful SB coming or what? By the way, I wanted to ask you, what do you think would be her reaction if she discovered you on SA? Or does she know? Do you have potential for the same eruption that occured the other day with my dream SD?

  250. Lisa says:


    Back from watching a movie where a giant crocodile eats humans.
    Not much else planned for the weekend, work all day tomorrow, off monday. All fireworks cancelled in Houston because the wet grounds.
    Still no word from potential sd. I guess the allowance part scared him. Funny how guys on here have no problem telling you they are interested in intimacy, making sure you have your own place and all, but get specific about allowance (when sex is discussed before meeting, why not finances) and they poof.

  251. ESB says:

    Lily: I have had my fair share of dates in the last few months… and I am SO done with that… the one I really liked, well I gave up on him, then he decided to give us another try and was blowing up my phone for a week until we finally managed to go out again, then the texts and calls dwindled, and now I have not heard from him in over a week.. yea, he missed me so much. He just didnt have anyone else so he called me again… he is such a player and I can not wait for him to try to contact me again.. jerk is going to get my new attitude all up his pretty face!!

    XBF was suposed to come out here so we coud have the 4th together like last year… but he had to work, couldn’t get off, to busy… and I get a IM that he is back in Canada!! BS, he planned on going all along, but didn’t want to tell me… and he is going to get an earful when he calls again too!

    So, that leads me to SA… I am just to busy now for a REAL BF, so if anyone wants a part time GF, or a SB, I am so available. No more holding back because of the jerks in my life. I am going to be so selective. If I am only going to have time for one SD, he is going to have to be pretty darn special!! and the lucky guy will be treated like roayalty, mostly because he will be getting all of my attention, and pent up energy!! Working 3 jobs, I don’t have time for games or any other men in my life… it’s all about me and BG unitl the lucky SD gets his time, then it will be all about US!! I will make time for him, just hope he can work around my busy schedule!! Hey, I make things work for those I want in my life… I’ll make it work for him as well…

    Lily, I know you will find someone again. You have the time and energy for the search. I have no doubt in no time you will be covered in sugar again!!

  252. Lady Intim says:

    Ahh! Done and done. Vegas is still happening.

  253. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hey LI – I think other people have given you good advice. When he is able to commit, you will as well. Until then, it is very easy to use pretty words and promises. I know he wants to commit and so do you, but no matter what he says, he is still married. Big shame he saw you in SA, but if that is where you met, wtf? I think it is one of those questions that you don’t want to ask because you may not like the answer. In this case, he certainly didn’t!! Stand your ground, continue to be honest, and it will work itself out.

  254. Lily says:

    ESB – I guess my career as an sb was meant to be short lived! 4 months! They were really sweet, though. Zazazoom is still around in the faaaaaaar background, but haven’t seen him since….May for lunch, and April for an actual fun evening date. I don’t necessarily consider that an arrangement if you are romantic together every 2-3 months and the sugar comes in equally seldom & sporadic installment??

    I’m poking around the local scene, exhasperared w/ every single man I talk to. I just don’t know if I can continue bothering to talk to potentials. The travel-to-meet potSD dates from SA were fun & exciting…. Made a couple of billionaire buddies and met a dozen millionaire Pervy Johns….But nothing even close to a real relationship (sugar or otherwise) ever panned out. The free travel was cool, though. But I’m done w/ that. Tired of men thinking they can manipulate me into putting out from the sheer awe of their lifestyle. F that.

  255. MizzI says:

    ESB Haha I havent. Just in my life I never let any bull through. Its a terrible habit though =( . I dont see why Lady Intim should give up what she is doing for this SD. Fact : he is with another lady and no matter what he says or how he feels (yes despite his feelings!) he has not made the final commitment to her that entitles him to say she may not do what she is doing (or even whine about it). He doesnt have the right to go about “busting” her the way he did either because Im sure he doesnt want her bragging and going on and on bout other SD’s now does he? Sure there was some miss communication there but the aftermath just sounds like drama to me. I am sorry about the emotional hardship it causes ….but Im glad you stood your grounds Lady Intim !
    He signs papers –you close SA and like accounts.

  256. Lady Intim says:

    Thanks ESB :) The thing is that I know for a fact that I wish him nothing but peace and happiness no matter how it pans out. We’ve been through quiet a bit together. I have listened to him when he hurt the most and he did the same for me….and always accepted me for who I was as I did him. I told him exactly how it was. Like I said, the biggest shock and pain factor with this situation for him was that he found out the way that he did and for me it was the fact that I felt like I did him wrong. I am not a bad person. I don’t play with people’s feelings and emotions for personal gain. The way we agreed to resolve this is to stick together and not expect exclusivity until he is single and asking me to come into his life as an exclusive partner. Oy.

  257. Lisa says:

    Hi ESB, i’m sure it superwarm in their at I went over yesterday and almost melted.

    Ok headed over to watch a movie. Good thing is I don’t have to work till 10 am tomorrow so I can stay up late and sleep late in the morning.

  258. ESB says:

    Well, I”m going to go eat. It’s to hot to cook, but I need some food… I’ll be back later!! Have fun!! HUGS!

    Lisa, I Hope it isnt to hot over there! Have fun with her!

    Lady I, I hope that didn’t sound like you should give up on him… I just htink everyone deserves to be happy, and I DO hope you can work things out with him. Good luck sweety!!

  259. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon

    wow so much going on. sorry about your situation Lady Intim. Men want it both ways it seems. He can’t fully commit to you at the time but you are supposed to drop everything.

    So glad to be home from work. Rough day. I was going to pick up my paycheck at customer service and several of the male employees had a guy on the ground outside the store that had been trying to steal a cartful of groceries (all wine and beer) through the self checkout. Police took forever to come and the store manager is worried now that the crook will try to sue. It seems you’ve gotta let thieves just walk out with your merchandise and can’t do anything but call the police in which the thief will be long gone by the time they come. Some bleeding heart will take up for him and say he did it because he is poor. Funny all the poor shoplifters in the store are stealing cosmetics, baby formula(which they could get free from the government) and liquor. I never see anyone stealing bread or milk or eggs.

    Gotta go over and watch a movie with my daughter now in that hot apartment. No word from my potential since I sent him an email yesterday but he has been on the site.

  260. ESB says:

    That is just wrong!! He’s better off with out her… I hope he finds someone to make him happy if it can’t be you!

  261. Lady Intim says:

    He is leaving her weather I leave him or not. She promised him a family which is the reason he decided she would be fit as his wife and then the day after the wedding she told him she changed his mind. Now that is deceit.

  262. Lady Intim says:

    ESB, I’m sorry about your experience. This man’s marriage was over before I even met him. I am not the reason he is leaving his wife.

  263. Lady Intim says:

    I don’t know if I would have done anything differently. I have no regrets. I was prepared for this to come out, I rewinded this in my head many times before yesterday. I just want two things to happen in the future. A.) I want him to understand that I am NOT out to decieve him and wrong him. I look forward to the day I’m his and he is mine. B.) I don’t ever want him to deny me the opportunity to show him that I am hiding nothing.
    …I don’t think there was anything wrong with him checking up on me on the site. I think people who say they are innocent because the other person shouldn’t have gone through their phone/email etc are all liars , looking for excuses. But I do wish that after finding out that I was still on the site he would just ask me if I was seeing anyone else. Because I would have told him the truth, which I thought he already knew anyway. I thought our communication was so clear…

  264. ESB says:

    Lady I, I was there… was involved with a married man for 10 years. I finally couldn’t take it anymore. Ended it with him… and a year later he left his wife for another woman!! Guess it just wasn’t meant to be!

  265. Lady Intim says:

    Thank you Mizzy and ESB. I’m in agreement. I’m standing my ground and telling him he can’t expect anything until he is signing papers.
    Michael, I am ok. Spend last night and all day today in agony, mostly because I can’t bear the thought of being able to devastate him to the point where he feels completely crushed. He just called me and said that he shouldn’t have done what he did and that he should have just asked. He says he understands. You have no idea what I go through every time he leaves me. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. SA is an outlet. I know it sounds totally screwed up. I’m not making excuses. And I told him I wish he would give me the option to be honest if he really wanted to know. He never asked. And I never said I wasn’t seeing other people. I told him to come for me when he is ready. I don’t want half-ass. I want everything to be crystal clear, cut and dry, with no ifs and buts, wives at home, and back and forth. No way. Thanks for being here for me and listening…Im fine.

  266. ESB says:

    MizzI: you shoot from the hip, no holds bared!! I like that!! I take it you’ve been doing this for a while?

  267. MizzI says:

    Aww my advise is horrible. I meant it to be honest not with such a bite. Soz

  268. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Oh crap. I saw yr profile up again yesterday. Gimme an hour or so – am out for dinner with brother-in-law and his partner. You ok? Txt me if you want.

  269. MizzI says:

    RivieraConnection Hey girl. I say you ask for what you want. Go with the allowance amount that will satisfy you. Dont settle on a price that will lead you to dislike him cause thats just going to cause bumps & headaches down the road. Make it mutual, if hes barking at the number and seems unhappy then move on.

  270. ESB says:

    lady I, I want to cry… I feel your pain.. I hope you can work all this out, but on the blog, it is hard for me to give any advice… I feel as if I came in mid-scene, and have no idea what the play is all about.

    Lily: No plans? I find that hard to believe. No sugar all summer? What happened? You had them lining up! I have faith in you, you will find someone soon.

    I have pot dates, but not with sugar involved. Just guys I know who want to take me out, have their way, and walk away.. Sorry, guys. I’ve been played enough. I’m not into childish games. I want a REAL man, one who knows how to treat me right, show me respect. Go prove your manhood by adding notches on your belt with someone else. sheesh… little boys…

    Michael, I heard Zumanity is AWESOME!! I’d love to go see that sometime. I love Cirque Solea (sp?) no matter which one it is.. .such wonderful talent!!

  271. MizzI says:

    Lady Intim you got some problems girl! How you let things get so deep with this man? I think its something along the lines of he loves you and or he is disturbed/jealous that you need more than him. Its going to go like this: You keep on doing what you are doing until he starts signing divorce papers till then feelings aside there is no other reason why you should change things. All the rest is just emotion overload.

    Ladies, how would you go about covering your boundaries if pot owns the property and will let you live there free. Now note I have a business which will also be run from this residence … live/work. So if things dont work out I dont want to have to up and move in 2 months. I would pay rent. I never have fall outs with people to the point they dont like me so Im not worried about that just LOST on how to approach this offer.

  272. Lady Intim says:

    Its nasty no matter how you put it. I said that I really doubt that the only intention he had when registering his account was to scout me out. His profile was so accurate to what he is, I can’t believe I didn’t realize it was him when he messaged me. This is how it went, kind of…I deleted it all yesterday after I freaked

    Him: Hi, I am intrigued. It sounds like we have a few things in common and I love the desert.
    Me: Really? I think I recognize your name from the past, I believe we made a connection, exchanged pictures, and then it kind of got forgotten. I’ll send you my pictures again to remind you if you like.
    Him: Yes, please. Here is my e-mail.
    Me: Sent. Please check you mail and let me know if you recognize me.
    Him: Thanks. No I don’t know you.
    Me: Ok, doesn’t sound promising.
    Him: Thank you. I got your pictures.
    Me: Lame
    Him: I am lame?
    Me: No, just forget it.
    Him: OK
    Me: Annoying (And at this point I already had a strange, strange feeling…I’ve never had an SD do this)

    And then hours later he sends me a long text saying that he loves me and that he wants me to remember that. This is when I knew. I knew it deep down inside-it was him earlier that day on SA. Then the havoc began. He told me how he fell to the floor and felt like he got hit by a bus. We texted till 3 am until he fell asleep. Then today agian. I told him again I didn’t think he created that profile just to look me up and he said to look at the date it was created and that he will delete it. I told him I will keep mine and we need to work on our communication and that I am not a liar and a cheat (Removing my profile would mean I feel like I was doing something wrong). Now he is saying how this made him realize how much more of a wonderful woman I am through this, thanking me. Im a mess. He is not a manipulative kind. What do I make of this?

  273. Lady Intim says:

    He says that I was his only one (aside from the wife), and that just looking at his wife made him feel like he was cheating on me. When we first met, I was very open about the fact that he wasn’t my only one and I told him stories about my SA adventures (just like I do with you when we do lunch because we are FRIENDS)….and it was always an interesting and fun topic until the dynamic changed and we started to get involved even though neither one of us said anything. You know what I’m talking about…it’s evident when you look at her or touch her and she responds a certain way, right? And it makes you feel like you are the only man in the world. F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But anyway, when our feelings could no longer be ignored, I stopped talking about anyone else and whenever we’d be together he was the center of my attention and the world could have ended right there and then and I wouldn’t have noticed. He feels that all our previous encounters were cheapened now and that he will now wonder if he was competing for my time…and i totally understand him, but I understand me too and it’s not fair no matter how you put it. I need wisdom!!!

  274. Lady Intim says:

    Michahel, husband sd busted me on SA. He is devastated, I am pissed he didn’t just ask, and it’s a spiraling whirl of shit. He feels betrayed, empty, played, and wronged…and I am not denying any of my doings and telling him we have not made a commitment to each other yet, thus I didn’t think I neede to tell him about something that I assumed he already somewhat knew. Gosh. This sucks. As luck would have it, now is the time I need my mind to be clear and shart the most as I have a ton of studies…and have fallen a bit behind. And now all I can think of is him me how he fell flat, and wanted to die when he discovered me on SA. The sad thing is that I didn’t even try to hide. I used the same picture and profile info that I had up when I met him. He says he loves me and is asking me if I think this is something we can get past…I feel like the situation is totally screwed up and unfair to both of us. WTF??? My natural reaction was to get pissed because he was checking up on me when he could have just ASKED and I honest to go would have told the truth. He started asking me how many and why do I do this and its just absolutely nasty but he maintains all the way to the end that he is in love and at this point I worry that we are doomed. Did I plan a seed for neverending doubt and mistrust? I would do anything to take away the pain that I caused him, but I also told him that I’m not going to commit myself who is still legally married. I told him that the difference between him and I is that I can and will drop everything and anything right this second to be with him-he cannot do that YET. So, where does that leave me????

  275. Lily says:

    ESB, I also have no plans this weekend. Just call me sugar free (& hyped on caffeine, like NYC sb) Lily, hanging out at home!

    I do wanna throw another fab bash & seems the Paris meet sponsor has asked me to organize a new bash… Ibiza anyone?

  276. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    LadyIntim -Zumanity is the recommended show in Vegas. I was told “Zumanity is an incredible show!  Be warned, if you sit up front, it will be hilarious, but you could end up in some very “compromising” positions!”. Could be fun! Let us know what it is like. Have a great time, and stay good at being bad.

  277. ESB says:

    Well it looks like I’ll be in good company on the blog all weekend. I’m not the only one with out plans. I WILL be watching the fireworks. I just love them to much to miss out on them. Just gotta figure out where/which ones I’ll be going to. I keep saying I want to watch them in DC, I just might go do that this year!

  278. Chocolat says:

    I pride myself on not being *dependent* (needing someone’s help) or codependent (overly caring, overly catering to the needs of others). But while I can boast about “making it on my own”, I also know this has caused an undue amount of strain on certain aspects of my life.

    As for my future relationships; symbiosis might be a better way to describe them. Something where both parties contribute something meaningful, critical, and exciting.

    For my fourth I will be *drum roll please*: catching up on my sleeps

  279. RivieraConnection says:

    Hello my dears!

    I am very new to this – meeting my fist pot in a few days. Dinner in a really upscale place, gave his address in case I want drinks first – mansion in very posh are. His story has checked out very very well so far – he is high profile and all over news. He was a bit suggestive in conversation (email), but sounded sincere and polite when he told me that for this to work out I have to want to be with him. I will let you guys know!

    So.. question. I don’t want to sound like a B, but whatever I need to ask.
    How much $$$ should I expect? To keep it simple, I am a very desirable arm-candyesque sugar baby. How how can I go? I want to PUSH it. My school is expensive, my hobbies are expensive, my jewellery is expensive.

    If my SD makes over a couple million a year, may I ask for something absurd? I will feel and show sincere affection and gratitude towards this man – and if not, no big deal I’ll keep looking.

  280. NYC SB says:

    Hi Sugars!

    How independent are you? Have you ever been in a codependent romantic relationship?
    I am a very independent girl… errr woman :) This independence made it hard for me to ask for help or allowance… All of my relationships up until the age of 21 were very codependent… no more though… I have learned that the only person you can rely on is yourself

    Do you see yourself being happily independent or codependent in your ideal future relationship(s)?
    relationships…. dont think i will have one for a while… of course i am saying this while my pot sd (new young trader boy) told me that he would like something more traditional with me…so who knows…

    Do you have any fun planned for your 4th of July weekend? Any sugar?
    I am working this weekend… the fireworks are on the east river (23rd to 59th street) aka in front of my apartment so i am looking forward to that… trader boy did ask me to go to aruba with him for the weekend but i had to be a responsible adult and decline… so i will be sugar free and caffeined up for the next week or so

  281. Jessica says:

    I have been independant most of my life thus,far! I live withnin my means,and not my wants! I have never been co-dependant on anyone,for that matter..

    I am merely on this site to meet a nice man I ‘m not a gold digger,in addition, it would be nice to be looked after,for once,Perhaps settle down in the near future..

    With that said, I have no plans for Fourth of July,as it is not celebrated in the current country that I reside!

    Have a nice weekend everyone

  282. Lisa says:

    Yes I never sleep well on trips. There is nothing like your own bed, pillows, etc.

    Have a good night

  283. ESB says:

    Well, I haven’t really slept all week, strange bed and all, so I’m off to dream land. I hope you all have a wonderful evening!! I’ll be back at some point this weekend… since I have nothing better to do!! :)

    Good night Sugars!!

  284. ESB says:

    I am talking to 6 guys from SA now… but that don’t mean much. I’m with you. 90% poof… so I am being more selective and screening more heavily. I am interviewing for a 2nd job on Tues, so I don’t NEED an SD anymore, I just WANT one. I need someone to pamper. It just isn’t the same with my kids… it’s a different kind of pampering with them. I miss that intimacy, the give and take. Having someone I can talk to, listen to, help with the day to day crap of living. If I can’t find the SD I’m looking for, I’ll just do with out and make things work on my own!!

  285. Lisa says:

    Hi ESB glad you had a good trip.
    I am working on a potential but we will see where it goes. I put my expectations out there on the last email (he talks alot about sex and intimacy) so I let him know what I expect. This is the part were 99 percent poof on me, and 1% stay.

  286. ESB says:

    Lisa, Im sory to hear that you’re previous BF was a looser. Should have droped his sorry butt sooner.

    I survived the week with my family!! Got home a bit later than anticipated due to I forgot about beach traffic!! The usual hour from the airport took almost 2, but it was fun. The kids were VERY well behaved and we had fun joking bout things.

    Interesting topic on the blog this time…

    How independent are you? Have you ever been in a codependent romantic relationship? I am fairly independant. I only answer to my kids. :) Mostly, trying to maintain the image of mother extrodinare!! Can’t let them know I am on this sight, or WHY or WHAT that means really. I think I was dependant on my X, but he was NOT dependent on me. He was the type that didn’t need anyone, unless he wanted sex.

    Do you see yourself being happily independent or codependent in your ideal future relationship(s)? I’d like to think that if I ever get into a real relationship again, it will be equal.. we will be dependent on each other… for many aspects of our lives.

    Do you have any fun planned for your 4th of July weekend? Any sugar? My plans right now are to work tomorrow, then taxi my daughter and her friend to what ever they can come up with to entertain themselves…. Decided all the men currently in my life are not worthy of me, and told them to go tell their lies to someone who wants to believe in them.. I no longer do!! BIG step for me!! MY independence day!!

  287. Lisa says:

    I was thinking last night about how I need to find me a serious boyfriend so that I will have someone to care about me and be there for me if i’m in a bad situation financially, etc. Then I remembered that today’s man doesn’t like to help. Boyfriends take and take but resent having to pay for dinner, help with bills, etc. They expect you to pay your own stuff and not ask them. The way I see it , relationships are useless and they end and you have nothing. At least with an arrangment, although they are temporary, you can aquire some things and get help when you need it.

    My last boyfriend would never pick me up when I got off work at my last job where I worked nights. I had to beg a ride from a coworker 4 nights a week when I had a boyfriend that pretended to care about me. When it was raining and i was having to get drenched going to work on sat and sun mornings (when he was off from work) he never drove over and gave me a ride to work, he just said “oh I hope you stay dry, sorry if you get caught in the rain” useless

  288. Lisa says:

    I love traveling but that can’t be my priority without I had full support from my sd. I work in retail in one of those jobs that they can’t keep employees so we’re always shorthanded so weekends off are out of the question (as the flyer on the employee board reads “no weekend off requests will be granted so don’t ask) and I only get one week vacation. I will have to take it by August as after that we enter the busy season and its hard to get off.
    I’m primarily looking for financial assistance so I can build some savings, join the gym across the street, get my needed eye exam and contacts, and buy some new things. It does bother me that this potential sd seems to put the focus on sex only. My last sd said to me in one of his first emails “I don’t want to just come over to your place for sex, that’s not me, I want to go out for lunch, take you shopping, etc first as intimacy is just a part of what i’m looking for.

  289. MizzI says:

    Well the pot I was chatting with … my dream sd… lols — he didnt mention shopping and such mostly because he travels alot. He did ask me if I would be willing to travel with him. Small trips first to work up to going overseas.

    It was all bs tho! booo wooo =(

    I dont want much. Not that Im dating anyone but I would just like to know my rent is paid and Im golden. The rest is cherries and whip cream

  290. Lisa says:

    I sent him an email about how first meetings go so let’s see if he gets back to me. I’m in neutral about this one though so I really won’t be that upset if he poofs as we haven’t really communicated that much and he doesn’t sound like he will be as much fun as my last sd.
    I told him that with my last sd, we had lunch, coversation, did things like shopping or stocking me up on groceries, and had intimate times. He said there probably wouldn’t be much time for our meetings other than lunch and intimacy and then in the next sentence said he didn’t have to punch a time clock and his time was flexible. So which is it? Apparently he’s looking mainly for sex, not looking to go shopping or anything.

  291. MizzI says:

    Good route, just bring that up again. No use in meeting and then he clams up on it. Wasting your time with that. Good luck Lisa keep us updated. Some SDs want to spoil you but dont want you to make it so obvious that he will. Games…

    I set up my profile. Going to see whats in SA land for me.

  292. Lisa says:

    well as I said he was kinda avoiding the allowance issue at first but said he agreed to what I suggested. Not sure though as this next week is going to be difficult with having one of my days off taken for family, i’ve only got one day to meet and some evenings but he can’t meet evenings. This week I had 3 days off and had nothing to do but he moves so slowly.

    Anyway I sent him an email telling him what I expect based on my previous arrangments/first meets. This is the screening process to see if he poofs or stays. Most poof when financial expectations are brought up but the few that i’ve had have stuck around. I am in a tight money situation now so I would like some quick returns. We will see though.

  293. MizzI says:

    Oh gosh! I want to help but my advise aint the best. Just tell him when youre available to meet. Have you guys agreed on allowance and such. Are you both on the same page at this point?

  294. Lisa says:

    ok I got an email from that potential. He was asking me what we do next as he’s not sure how to proceed. Obviously he hasn’t done this before so i’m not sure he’s serious. What should I tell him? I know I won’t be able to meet him before next friday because on my other day which is monday , my family will be around for our late 4th celebration.

  295. MizzI says:

    Oh good I thought my viewing was being hindered when I couldnt see Michael’s responses. I was in and out this morning so I missed them before they were deleted.

    For the 4th Im going to a bonfire! No sugar… but there is a little boy blowing up my cell who wants to meet after the 4th (Hes in Florida now) Finally got him to back off. Hes young but hes legit. Hes pot but only to be a very little side thing I think. Least he talks on the phone =D

  296. Lady Intim says:

    Haha! Maybe one day you and I will do it up real big in Vegas just to make sure you can never show your face there again ! :) I’m home till Monday. THen off to Vegas and then CA. CO-dependency refers to unhealthy dependencies…for example…me being dependent on being infinitely awesome at all times…see? This should help. Thanks, for the advice, buddy. Please let me know the name of the show-sounds interesting. We already made reservations at Encore…so that other place we’ll have to shelf.

  297. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Btw can anyone tell me what “co-dependent” means?

    LI (again) – am in Madrid now for a couple of days. Where are you? I am more than happy for SB to met me in Phx, much more relaxing at home. Done the Vegas thing to death …. but one more time could be fun.

  298. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hey LI – go and stay and Green Valley Ranch. It is 15 mins off the strip and a really good place. Discreet, exclusive, very nice to be not seen at. Check it out on the web. There is a Cirque show that is pretty good – I will find the name. Adults only I think too. V good as a ‘warm up’ for the evening, if you know what I mean.

  299. Lady Intim says:

    Thanks, BrownSkinbabe! :) Michael, I am co-dependent when it comes to your wisdom. Where the hell are you and what are you doing? And you better have a good explanation for this behavior!!!

  300. SoftlySearching says:

    Was married for many many years, in the begining was codependent then eventually became independent. As I do not receive any support from x I am completely independent and think, should I ever have an “ideal” future relationship, I have to agree with BrownSkinSugar, I would like to keep a certain level of independence.
    Plans for the 4th, driving to Houston with my son for a visit to my sister”s house for a few days and rushing back for a sugar date on Thurs. After the last poofdaddy, I’m really excited about this one who’s fairly local, only an hour away….

  301. (As a professional Sugar Baby I don’t hold an official mainstream profession to be exact),

    Ha! Lady I, I LOVE that! Lol.

  302. Lady Intim says:

    Hey, Michael, what would impress you if your SB came and met you in Vegas. I want to do something special outside of clubbing, getting wasted, and typical vegas crap. I need to spice things up…getting a little stale after being alone for a week.
    PS. I need some good ideas because there wont be much alcohol involved. I know, its totally contradictory to the whole Vegas theme..but I am in the middle of a 1 month workout bootcamp, so I need some wisdom. Any good shows? Something super romantic? Best view? Restaurants? I know that’s your territory.

  303. Lady Intim says:

    How independent are you? Have you ever been in a codependent romantic relationship?
    – I like to think of myself is very independent, but given the fact that I don’t work (As a professional Sugar Baby I don’t hold an official mainstream profession to be exact), I guess I can’t really say that I am all that self-sufficient. If push came to shove, however, I would most definitely be able to take care of all my needs…Plus, I’m not wasting any time by educating myself, stashing away, and setting myself up for total freedom. I am a 100% INDEPENDENT THINKER, and that’s fo sho!
    -Have I ever been co-dependent in a relaionship? Sure. And it was an ugly time in my life…back when I was old enough to have fun, but too young to know better. Codependent no more.

    Do you see yourself being happily independent or codependent in your ideal future relationship(s)?
    -I see myself being 100% independent financially (if I choose to be), but surely I would love to have a husband and a family I can depend on as much as they can depend on me…feels so good to have that security.

    Do you have any fun planned for your 4th of July weekend? Any sugar?
    -This weekend I plan to spend in total solitude, studying and preparing myself for a wild week. Mon-Wed in Vegas, Wed-Fri in Laguna Beach. No complaints here. I’m saving myself.

  304. Lisa says:

    I wish this rain would stop! Pouring all day

  305. I should clarify what I said above. I love being kept. I realize I misworded the “disdain” sentence…

    Back to your regularly scheduled blog now.

  306. I would definitely say that I am independent by definition. I lead my own life, answer to no one, try to enjoy every second of it – even when it’s tough, and with or without a SD, I’ll be ok.

    For me it’s important to maintain that level of independence. My SD’s situation may not be around forever, things come up, people change, lifestyles change, and it’s important to be able to stand on one’s own two feet. For me, the SD/SB relationship is about providing some additional freedoms and of course luxury. I love to live it up, what can I say. Now I’m not at the status of living it up on my own JUST YET, and it’s far more fun to live it up with a guy who wants to help me do so, and ENJOYS taking part in that with me. I’m a total “victim” to societies disdain for women who are kept. Being kept to a point is quite fun.

    My future relationship, in the long run when I’m FINALLY READY TO SETTLE DOWN (a loooong time from now, lol), will likely be a traditional relationship where my guy is financially secure and can provide for us both. Of course, I will have my own money and be able to support myself, but the pampering will come from him. The interdependence comes from the fact that we are mutually crazy for each other mentally and physically, we respect each other, I’d of course pamper him in ways that money cannot buy, however I don’t mind spending my own cash on a guy who is worthy of an amazing surprise gift from me. I seek this in my sugar relationships now, however, by choice, I have no intentions in settling down with any of them just yet, lol.

    Fourth of July sugar plans, no, just plans with friends. However, my post sugar plan may involve a trip to Hawaii at the end of the month with one SD, and perhaps a weekend Catalina getaway with another :-). Holidays are so overrated anyways. :-p

  307. Lily says:

    Are u in Europe now, Michael?

  308. Lily says:

    Btw, in case anyone wonders, I have had a sugarless summer.
    I’m not sure I can even call myself a sugar anymore.

    However, on my last pot date that went horribly wrong (my specialty), I had such a pleasant reminder of the regular dating marketplace the very next day. He was my age, 6’6″, an athlete, ripped, stunningly gorgeous, kind, intelligent, and only wanted to talk to me. (a guy like that doesn’t try to get laid) sigh. It was such a good anecdote to the creepy memories of the 3-decades-older Pervy John who wanted to try to sleep w/ me immediately, and decided that he wants a traditional girlfriend instead of an sb (translation: don’t expect a dime, bitch –but I *might* marry you someday!). That dude was the last straw for a certain SA account!

    The dreamboat was such a good ego boost that reminds me that I can still attract spectacular specimens of the male species. What a relief.

  309. Lisa says:

    I have gained alot of independence in the last years, but at the same time lost some. I have never been co dependent in a relationship but I was for many years on my parents as I was raised in a way that I thought I could never survice one my own.

    In a future relationship I see my self as both independent and dependent. You need a little of both to have a good relationship. You have to need people but at the same time be able to take care of you.

    No plans for the weekend, have to work. Holidays and weekends don’t exist for me.