8 years ago
Tyra Banks Sugar Babies Reunion Stir


Many here have noticed Tyra’s apparent infatuation with online Sugar Daddy dating, especially during her shows’ most recent and finale season. Here’s how one Sugar Baby described her discovery of the Sugarbowl through Tyra’s repeats:

“It’s funny to see how Tyra reacts to the sugar lifestyle. You would think she’d be more familiar with the concept considering her own lifestyle, spending so much time around older wealthy men and young beautiful women who have lived the life most Sugar Babies can only dream about. I just want to thank the people on this blog for proving to me that there are indeed real, and compassionate people in this sugar world… wouldn’t necessarily know that after watching Tyra…” Sugarberry04

What sugar topics are you most curious about? How to negotiate an arrangement? Fake SD’s or SB’s?

Leave a Reply

330 Responses to “Tyra Banks Sugar Babies Reunion Stir”

  1. SD Guru says:

    To those who have posted in the last couple of days in this blog topic, I’d suggest that you post it again in the current blog topic to get more response. When a new blog topic opens, most posters will continue their discussion there.

  2. QTPie says:

    OK…so I’m a newbie to the sugar world and I am soooo intrigued. I look at this as a lifestyle choice, and plan to fully engage myself in a “real” SB/SD relationship. I have to say I’ve read some of the blogs and it’s refreshing to find that most of my fellow SB’s are strong, educated woman who seek this somewhat taboo type of relationship, and not golddiggers looking for a payout. I myself am not particularly strapped for cash, but moreso tired of the “normal” dating scene and am looking to appreciate and be appreciated. So that’s my intro…lol…any advice that any SB’s could send my way would be greatly appreciated! I want to be embraced in this world of sugar!!! :)

  3. Kat says:

    It has definitely been interesting using this site. I have talked to many men, mostly really weird and creepy ones – lol.

    I have met a few men that believe this site is a traditional dating site and have no intentions, and never had any, to have an arrangement. That would be fine, but they lie about it repeatedly, and then, finally come right out and say they want a “real” girlfriend, not a Sugar Baby. They are nice enough guys, at least.

    Then there are the men that use the site as a way to meet women for sexual encounters. They agree upon, and make an arrangement with a Sugar Baby, but never have any intention of following through. What can the Sugar Baby do? Nothing at all. I believe these men should have their memberships revoked or suspended.

    And then lastly, I have met one honest gentleman, that was very kind, that I believe was looking for a true Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship, but was entirely too busy. We did have a short term relationship, and he is truly a sweet, honest, caring man, with integrity. But, he is the only one I have met. Can you put a gold star by his profile maybe? LOL

    And that is pretty much it. I am seriously considering terminating my account. Actually, after this experience, I think I am giving up on men entirely.

  4. MizzI says:

    I did a four mile walk yesterday. I sweat SO MUCH. I take that same walk on a cool day and I won’t break a sweat even if I do the four miles twice. Its exhaustingly hot & humid here. Im going to walk again but Im pushing it to 8:30pm instead so that I can run half of it. I saw plenty of people run/jogging but I dont imagine Im willing to sweat that much and run, has to be later in the day not that it cools off much at all but the sun won’t be beating down so hard by then.

    I had a big mess with a Pot. He gave me a run around about meeting and consistently asked to meet him alone or at his home. A ton of drama with this kid, yes a kid. He typoed his age by 10 years. Sure he did. I found his facebook and do believe he is who he says he is but hes just too much a headache for me to deal with. I am not attracted to guys my age. I prefer older men. And I damn sure dont want to meet you at your house … at night and end up minced in a garbage bag. He still texts me!

  5. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lisa, as far as your depression goes, I actually think you seem pretty well-adjusted and sane, for the amount of crap you had to deal with in your life.
    You are obviously a pretty strong woman if you’ve been able to endure what you had to and are still able to make an effort to improve your life, as well as keeping yourself away from drugs, alcohol, promiscuity and other self-destructive behaviors.

    However it also seems that you are trapped in a vicious cycle where your depression makes you less able to get out of the situation you are in, and the situation you are in reinforces your depression.

    Cheesy cliche alert, but I cannot sum it up better than “A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”

    Let people help you. Not as in surrender control of your life to strangers, but as in recognize that the weaknesses that are holding you back can be patched up with the help of people who have strengths in those areas, long enough to get you to a place in life where your weakness, whatever it is, isn’t holding you back anymore.

    You say bad credit prevents you from getting a job in a department store.
    Sometimes the easier way out of the situation is not down, but up.
    So you have a ruined credit at Dillard’s and Macy’s, but is your credit ruined at Neiman Marcus? Your age isn’t preventing you from applying there, your appearance probably isn’t either – actually NM sales associates have a certain look – older, dignified, not overweight, good bone structure. Being blonde and blue eyed may be a plus to you.
    This is *just* an example of many many options available to you.
    Even if for some reason it isn’t realistic right this moment – if it’s something that interests you, it may become realistic in 3 months.

    Maybe you will befriend a sales associate who will give you knowledge of what all is required for the job and help you become a perfect candidate for position, maybe you’ll make it a point to check in ever so regularly and next time HR/management have an opening, they’ll think “you know, Lisa would fit in well and she seems sinserely wanting to work here”, maybe one of the pot SDs you meet will have just a connection to put your resume at the top of the pile, etc etc etc

    You don’t have to take this route, my point is – there are options available.
    The issues that prevent you from having the life you want are better tackled one by one.
    *Your resume isn’t much to speak of? Ask for help! But just with your resume, not with your entire life. There are people here who have read hundreds, if not thousands of resumes. Making your resume better (not best mind you, and maybe not even good, but BETTER) won’t take them but 5 minutes. They will also be able to advise you how you can continue improving your resume.

    *Your credit is really bad? Ask for help. again, just with improving your credit, not with improving your entire life. There’s a ton of new laws meant to alleviate the credit burden. I don’t know anything about them, and maybe you don’t know either, but *someone else* might.
    One of those debt settling service could help you negotiate terms that you are able to stick to, and while that may not completely fix your credit, you know what it will do? Take at least a couple of accounts out of the collection status, meaning that when you apply at Dillard’s for example, your application won’t be automatically denied because your account with them comes up as in collection.

    At the end of the day, all these seemingly insignificant changes add up to *less pain and stress*. And less pain and stress will most likely alleviate your depression. And alleviating your depression will most likely allow you to have the energy to continue improving your life, etc etc.

    At the end of the day there’s probably no one willing and able to solve ALL of your problems, but there are a lot of people willing and able to solve *some* of your problems. Reach out.
    Another cliche alert: Ask, and ye shall receive.

  6. Dandelion Wine says:

    Bonnie/spiritual baby, I am new to the blog and so I haven’t yet been able to read most of the comments on blog postings, thus I have to ask for your help. Do you mind pointing me to one (or hopefully more!) of your postings that clearly read as if they were written by someone with an IQ of 155?
    I’d be utterly delighted for such a treat!

    Also, it seems that you are being very misunderstood and underappreciated on the blog, no doubt due to the common blog responder having intelligence inferior to yours AND not paying attention to things you’ve already mentioned several times before, like your IQ score!
    This is just a (hopefully!) helpful suggestion, but for dealing with people who just *don’t read*, or if they do – it’s in one eye and out of the other, you could post a scan of your Mensa membership card (doesn’t have to be current!)
    OR if you decided that it wasn’t worth paying a yearly fee for a dubious distinction of belonging to a group of snobs caught up in meaningless, albeit clever repartee and that instead your gift is better used educating the unwashed masses, maybe a scan of your official IQ test results could assert your intellectual superiority once an for all?

    With a baited breath I await your acknowledgement,

    Kindly Yours,

    Dandelion Wine

  7. Noir says:

    Thank you very much for your insight and advice Midwest SB, Stormcat, and MindyNYC. I look forward to more blogs with all of the sugar fam!!

  8. pinky says:

    Thanks mindy for your comment! :)

  9. Aysa says:

    Thanks Midwest SB. Great stuff. Don’t worry about the grammar.

  10. Midwest SB says:

    Gracious – sorry for all the poor grammar…trying to type with a youngster distracting you can be challenging!

  11. Midwest SB says:

    SpiritualBaby -Congrats! You sound so excited! I’m sure your views on sugar dating will evolve as experience and the trials, tribulations and successes of sugar dating come your way. I would love to read your blog as you venture deeper into the world of sugar. This takes some common sense as well as intellect, patience and perseverance. There is chatter on this blog, but there is also a wealth of information that I as a newbie used to great success. Don’t be too hasty to pass judgment.

    BTW – I have often met potSDs in less than a week…but that’s just me. I do my homework on potSDs and if the opportunity sits well with me, I will do so.

    Aysa said:
    “Midwest SB-Thanks. By attraction, do you think that genuine SBs are more realistic in this of dating? In regular dating, an attractive woman will have no shortage of having attractive men. Here, with a small pool of wealthy SDs who have a very large pool of attractive SBs to choose from. Out of that small pool of wealthy SDs, I’m guessing a small number of them aren’t what you may call universally attractive? Am I wrong on this? I know idea of attractiveness is subjective, but I’m curious if you feel the SBs understand the odds and the type people they are looking for and adjust for this fact.”

    I think it’s fair to say everyone will answer this differently, but here goes….
    I am attracted to a man’s sense of humor, intellect and his genuine interest in me than I am his physical looks. I am completely put off by men/women who feel their looks entitle them to look down on others and that they deserve all the world’s treasures. That could very well be a characteristic of a woman who has dated very attractive men in the past and realized looks play such a small part in the bigger picture. Don’t get me wrong…an attractive man will make me swoon…until the first “hey baby, U R hot and I wanna…” and I’m gone. An average looking guy who makes me laugh will win my heart every time.

    If you are concerned about your physical appearance, may I be so bold as to offer a few suggestions?
    1- Let the ladies be a judge of that…we are our own worst critics :-)
    2- Be open to a makeover
    3- A well-dressed man can overcome his physical appearance
    4- Most important…Be CONFIDENT!!!
    5- Have professional or semi-photographs taken. Black and whites are very forgiving. One in a suit at a different angle that the typical straight-on picture, one doing a sport or activity you enjoy and perhaps one in a henley (my favorite). I would seek the advice for poses, dress, etc.
    6- Trust that your charisma, sincerity and general sense of self will carry you far.
    7-Lastly, realize that the wealthy, so-called attractive SDs may not have characteristics you have.

    How to approach? I have learned from a wise mentor that “seeking advice” is a safe and welcoming approach when you’re not sure how a person will react. Example…E-mail to me:

    Dear Midwest,
    I find your profile most intriguing and your pictures endearing. You have a terrific smile and knockout legs! I, too, enjoy Chicago, traveling and live music. May I ask…how would you feel about meeting a genuine and experienced SD who is younger than you? Would you have any advice for approaching lovely ladies such as yourself?

    I look forward to hearing your response.


    I can’t say it’s a foolproof plan, but it’s a good start. Ladies…what do you think?

    Does that help?

  12. SanDiego sb says:

    ooooohhh ok.

    was just super curious after reading it, i thought he was semi recent

  13. NYC SB says:

    San Diego Sb – so my blog is about a year in the past… but yeah… there is a reason for his nickname… stay tuned for an update shortly… but as all sd/sb relationships go i am no longer with him

  14. Stormcat says:

    Please, all my friends, this is not a forum for ganging up on someone. I thingk that it is a natural response by someone whose posts have been critisized here to justify their comments and respond in some way in order to feel that what they were saying was reasonable. I actually think that there were no wrongs here. I was only trying to avert a flood of negativity that would put a damper on the forum for a while. I like that the blog has become more active and don’t want to see that end. Bonnie/spiritual has a talent for enthusiam and will add a lot of spirit to this forum. I just want it to be a positive spirit that will uplift both Bonnie and the blog.

  15. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    New blog topic, see you on the other side!

  16. longgtime says:

    As a very long term blog reader I feel it might be helpful to let the newbies know that all the suggestions you make to Lisa are for nought. She doesn’t want suggestions and will have a reason to say no to everything you suggest

  17. Stormcat says:

    Allycat you old Tom,
    What an opportunist you are. Kudos my friend, I salute you! I wish I would have noticed.

  18. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    SpiritualBaby said “SOME ADVICE FOR NEWBIES – Be sure to exchange emails for a couple of weeks before your first meeting. Any SD who is not willing to do this is a john”

    It is normally impossible to offend me and I am sure others on the blog will agree. However that comment of yours takes the cake – it is just so wrong and offensive in so many ways.

    You also said “In the future, I am going to pop up at the beginning of each new topic to let the newbies know that I have a blog to check out” An excellent idea.

    May I also suggest you come up with a more appropriate ‘name’, rather than ‘SpiritualBaby’.

  19. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Lily said “I’m sexually frustrated as hell and haven’t gotten laid in ages. Darn it!”

    NOW you tell me?? I am no more than a couple of hundred miles across the North Sea in Edinburgh, and would have HAPPILY made a detour … again, can I quote my dear grandmother when she said “life is all about timing…”

  20. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Lisa – most often in life we have to give before we get…hard to do when you are feeling so jaded about life huh? Don’t look at it as free work – it is EXPERIENCE and a reference so your resume doesn’t have to state ‘just a worker’, but rather show a variety of qualifications. You just have not explored them and because you are too afraid to find out through for example volunteering – which truly IS a win-win situation. Create a new situation for yourself and it starts with giving to others and discovering who you are what your passion is…unless you want to be ‘just a worker’ – which is not a bad thing if you ENJOY it, in which case you would not be complaining about it…we have all been there at some point in our lives Lisa – I am not judging at all – just trying to give you sound advice that you don’t have to pay a penny for if you choose to hear me. Most people, not just you, are honestly afraid of just how powerful they really are b/c they are too afraid of failure..learning the lesson…and how people will judge them for being ‘different’.

    What you put your thoughts and actions towards is what you truly create for yourself in your life. The universe will always give you what want – if you talk about the negative and how you don’t have enough money all the time then you will keep experiencing just that. If you are passionate about something – ONE thing, and start doing something to achieve it positively – you will manifest it. No one can do it for you and you will never be ready unless you just do it. Try something new. If you don’t think you are worth it, why would anyone else?

    Life is ALL a matter of perspective. If you want to find the negative – you will. It is that easy – but by being grateful for what we do have will perpetuate MORE things to be grateful for – even if we don’t have them NOW. Find the positive, or at the very least, the lesson in each situation, and have gratitude for it as you take action on what you want in your life and you would see your life transform very quickly. It really is a matter of choice – your choice.

    Ok off my soap box now…

  21. Lisa says:

    Redmaru, I love to walk but it’s not very practical till after october when it cools down. It’s 100 degrees here everyday and the hottest months are still to come. I walk 4 blocks to the bus stop every morning and I am soaked with sweat by the time I get to the busstop. Without you go out before light (not a good idea anywhere in Houston) or can walk in the mall in the mornings before the stores open (I have to work so I can’t do that) it’s not that easy to just get out and walk. We have dangerous heat indexes here and it’s safest to stay indoors. I keep my apartment fairly comfortable but not really cool and if I try to do any kind of exercise, I get too warm and have shortness of breath (heart disease runs in my family and everyone on my mom’s side has died of sudden hear attacks, mom has heart troubel too so i’m not looking to risk that. In the fall I might be able to walk in the afternoon (mid october or after is when it actually gets below 90) but right now indoor activities are the only way to go. I walk alot more now since i’ve moved over here but still gained weight. I need to get on some exercise equipment somewhere cool and airconditioned with some motivation. can’t really get movitated to exercise at home, my apartment is tiny.

  22. Aysa says:

    Thanks for the advice (My SA name is Aysa, but I hit the sent button before I was able to correct it.)

    Midwest SB-Thanks. By attraction, do you think that genuine SBs are more realistic in this of dating? In regular dating, an attractive woman will have no shortage of having attractive men. Here, with a small pool of wealthy SDs who have a very large pool of attractive SBs to choose from. Out of that small pool of wealthy SDs, I’m guessing a small number of them aren’t what you may call universally attractive? Am I wrong on this? I know idea of attractiveness is subjective, but I’m curious if you feel the SBs understand the odds and the type people they are looking for and adjust for this fact.

    As for older women, I don’t “prefer” older women per se. I just found some of the older women on this site very attractive, smart, classy, and mature. While I’m younger than a typical SD, I have the old-school charm, romance, and mannerism that quite a few lack in my age group.

    BTW, older women can just be as physically attractive as their younger peers. They seem to have a sophistication to them that younger girls just don’t have yet.

    Any way to handle sending a message? I don’t want to them to think because I may be younger that I’m just someone who is just playing around, lacks the maturity, or may not have that character that they like.

    NYC SB-I will read your blog.

    ToughLove-Like your thoughts on the sense of entitlement. Drives me nuts. No one is “entitled” to anything. I’ve notice it more among the rather young babies who sound like they are just looking for a free ride. Not to mention it doesn’t sound very intelligent.

  23. RedMaru says:

    Lisa – walking doesnt cost anything I do it everyday. Neither does jogging push ups, situps, crunches. These can be done with no equipment. As far as a resume there are free services and resources to help you even with no work history. Even a way to get meds and treatment if you cant afford it even in Houston either by directly contacting the pharmaceutical companies or resources such as pparx.org. And you had very sincere offer to help you with that aspect. Call me unrealistically naive but I really believe you can pull yourself out of anything because I’ve seen people on welfare and homeless get out of debt and build incomes for themselves. And I have done it myself though I was never homeless(knock on wood). I dont have a fortune yet and my credit is still also on the rebound but I’m working on it. But the key to all of this is YOU. Hands have been extended YOU have to decide to take em. But you got to do something or else you will never get any better. IF you insist on staying in the hole sooner or later people are going to move on and leave you there.


    I have taken your advice and now when you click through my name you will see my blog – check it out!

    Everyone here – I love you all! Your corrective criticism has help me take a few more steps forward in the advancement of my career. I now have a blog going! Hooray for me!

    I originally came here (maybe a week ago?) to get advice as a newbie. I found the community to be very kind and welcoming, and Lily and BrownSkin’s blogs were exactly what I was looking for. You are lovely ladies. Thanks for putting yourself out there, for whatever reasons motivated you. I have learned a lot.

    In this week, other newbies have popped up. I hope they were able to weed through all the OT conversations to get the help they seek. I kind of got frustrated for them, but I realize that this is a more of a communuty vs. educational blog, so I just attempted to stick with the topic of advice.

    SOME ADVICE FOR NEWBIES – Be sure to exchange emails for a couple of weeks before your first meeting. Any SD who is not willing to do this is a john.

    In the future, I am going to pop up at the beginning of each new topic to let the newbies know that I have a blog to check out. After the thread gets past 50 posts, newbies give up on connecting (because the community is so tight and they feel like a complete outsider).

    God bless your community. I hope all of your arrangements work out.

  25. Lisa says:

    Wow everyone wants to pawn me off on the elderly, I must be ancient. Actually I spent my early years in the environment of a nursing home. Mom was a nurse’s aid before she remarried so we lived on the grounds. I don’t need free work, I need to make money. Anyway I was trying to spend time with the elderly, my last sd was 70.

    on another note the stinky corpse flower at the Houston Museum of Science is blooming this weekend.

  26. aspiring-doc says:


    Yes health in new zealand is free for all :) long waiting lists but free. we pay for it in taxes mind you.

    hmmm im sorry, i keep brainstorming for you…not sure. I dont know the situation in the US i guess. im a student and i work random jobs at low pay…but its livable. I just got a job teaching ESOL so stoked at that (at average wage :)). I have a SD that pays tuition but i still like to work..just a little.

    anyway finally finally have a weeks holiday so im going back to sleep (after working all last night)

    have a good day xxx

    Lisa x

  27. SanDiego sb says:

    hey nyc sb :)

    ssoooo what happened with muilti mill C ?

  28. Lily says:

    Lisa, you are intelligent. Presumably attractive. And presumably full of some sort of hope. You’re just frozen in a defeatist, lack-of-action mentality and if you could shake that off, you’d have very little holding you back.

    Spending time volunteering with the elderly could provide you with a huge benefit.

  29. RedMaru says:

    TT- I would like to say all of them but if I had to pick one it would be my writing because it the most original concept that I built from the ground up from scratch. I just starting writing and watched it grow.

  30. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon

    apiring-doc, i’m not sure of the health programs of NZ ( I think that’s where I read you are, not sure) but in the US our health care is a mess. If you don’t have great insurance, you get very bad care. And you can’t just walk it, you have to wait months sometimes. It’s like public housing, many people wait years to get in. There aren’t any free counselors around my area and any free place is usually overflowing with hispanic immigrants and one can feel like a stranger in their own country. I had to go to a public health clinic once for a shot and I was the only person sitting there that spoke English, thus I haven’t any more shots since then, i’d rather not be in a place with non english speakers and screaming kids running all over the place. If I can’t be somewhere decent, I’d rather not go.

    As far as updating my resume, I have no resume, i’m just a worker, nothing to report, my two previous jobs ended on bad terms. Worked in the mall for several years. Can’t get hired by any of the large department stores there because I have credit cards with all of them that are in collections and lawsuit process now, needless to say, they won’t hire me. Applied several times at VS, charlotte russe, dillards, etc. Many of the stores hire only young people because the store is geared to teens (abercrombie, hollister, etc) and others check your credit (it’s very common for retail jobs to check your credit, mine is in the toilet) so that’s how I ended up at the grocery store. Put in 35 applications and got only 1 call.

    Ok i’m going to go away for awhile, not feeling all that good.

    Redmaru, I’d love to get in shape, start working out at the gym across the street. If anyone can point me to the money tree so I can pay the membership fee, i’ll be there.

    Gotta go now

  31. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Red – that sounds awesome!! Which of the three are you most passionate about? Just curious…oh and what kind of candles?

    Lily – I agree. There are many levels to balance – three main ones being mental, physical, emotional – if ego is out of whack, chances are everything else is too…

  32. RedMaru says:

    Hey TT 😀 Thank you for the encouragement. No I don’t
    mind telling you at all. I sell handmade scented candles(made by me) and offer freelance by the hour clerical services for small businesses and non-profits for projects where hiring temp or full time wouldn’t be cost efficient in addition to writing a novel three book series. Those three are my dreams. Plus tackling a nine to five to keep the bills paid. An SD would be a supplement enabling me take my dreams to the next level without too much worrying bout the day to day. An investor/mentor/lover/friend. Sorry I know you didnt ask

    Hey NYCSB 😀 Long time no see

  33. Lily says:

    Spiritual Baby – Ooooh you pressed my icky button by mentioning your alleged IQ score and how hard life is for you because of it, because my ex did that hundreds of times and he’s a blowhard narcissist, who…while very smart indeed…. lacked so many other valuable human capacities of the mind that he lives a very lonely life on this earth and lost me as well as a result.

    Nothing personal, I just had to echo NYC SB’s comment about posting your IQ number.

    Midwest – Nope, don’t mind.

    Mindy- I love your direct, harsh tone. which, as a matter of fact, isn’t.

    Actually I am not sugarfied these days. It is generous men who have stepped into my life and made a tremendous impact this month, but it wasn’t sugar, per se. Meaning, ….I’m sexually frustrated as hell and haven’t gotten laid in ages. Darn it!

    But everything else works beautifully in my life now and for that I am soaring.

  34. aspiring-doc says:


    Interesting comments.

    Lisa – hope you are feeling better. Just with comments re depression- I do know what severe depression is like. i was raped at 19 and it took me about 6 months to snap out of it. I was nearly failing my university papers because all i wanted to do was sleep.
    I was put on anti depressants but they made it worse- so i came straight off them. I had a supportive family who made sure i ate- when i didnt want to eat and got the support (counselling) i needed.

    It took alot of effort and for along time i played the victim. there is a danger in victim mentality- you can get stuck in it. Everything was “im failing because i was raped, im behind my peers because i was …poor me…poor me”. But the reality of life is its about 10% what happens to you, and 90% how u respond to it.

    The end of my story? i had a fantastic counsellor that helped me deal with the underlying issues and then snap out of the ‘victim mentality’ id set up. I exercised daily, I treated myself nicely, I surrounded myself with a strong community of friends and family. I didnt get into medicine the first time, so i had to do an entire undergraduate degree first. at 21- i finally got accepted. I am now in my second year- and yes my student loan is bigger, and yes im older than alot of medical students- but it doesnt matter because i got there in the end :)

    So realise your worth as a human being, embrace your potential, change your job if need be, update ur resume. volunteer – go visit old people. find a counsellor. Do whatever it takes to get better. Just dont allow urself to drown in ur own feelings. The things we feed into our mind, our hearts believe. so fill your mind with “all things honourable, pure, and lovely” (quoting scripture). It is not where we begin in life, but where we end up :). It is not what we do, but who we are.

    Love xx

  35. NYC SB says:

    Spiritual baby – I don’t know u but is it really wise to post ur number? I also take offense by “blah blah blog” comment. I’m sorry you feel that way but being part of this COMMUNITY I know just how amazing and helpful this blog is… It has steered many sbs and sds from making the wrong decision many times… If that’s not being productive than I don’t know what is… After all impacting someones life is the greatest gift of all

    Sorry for any typos… Blogging poolside with my blackberry

    Hi stormy! Miss ya

  36. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Red – you have a wonderful outlook and good things will happen if you continue to let them :) Do you mind me asking what business’ you have? If not here – you can email me if blog gods will give up my addy?! Either way…

    Hope everyone is having a great day!

  37. MidWest said –

    SpiritualBaby – I would suggest re-reading Stormcat’s post and asking yourself if he meant any malice or ill will. I can assure you he did not. When Lily first started posting it was long and much like her blog. When given similar feedback by others (not Stormcat), she decided to start a blog to link to her name. This gave her an outlet, gave her followers somewhere to see her posts in one place and prevented long posts on the blog that make it hard to download on some computers and phones. Her posts are valued here and no longer take time to filter through. (Lily, I hope you don’t mind me sharing your story). Until we get chat rooms or some modification on the site, we have to work with what we have.

    There are all walks of life here and accepting others viewpoints or gracefully opting not to is key to it’s success. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you a great experience.


    Thank you, MidWest. I appreciate corrective criticism and understand that no one means to be expressing malice or ill will. StormCat is just an honest person, which I also appreciate.

    I apologize if agreeing with everyone and thanking them for their opinion seems condescending or whatever it is that gives that impression.

    No one here knows me (but if you click through my name you will discover a lot more about who I am). I’ve had a few challenges in my life – too smart for my own good (IQ = 155) being the biggest one.

    So I understand that what I say goes over most people’s heads and again I apologize. Please understand that I am only human.

    I am going to take you up on the suggestion of having my own blog, but not until I have concluded my discussions with the admin here. I do not see the point in having a blog if it is not productive in my desire to seek an arrangement.

    I love this blog and all of its participants, but I am really here to seek an arrangement and not to join another online community of chatters. I have that over at facebook, with people I know in real life.

  38. FrayedEdges said –

    The only downside of constantly harping on the subject is that it will drive hordes of women and fake SD’s online and dilute the pool with unsavory characters.


    I agree! I am so annoyed with all of these unsavory fakes.

    (I hope that wasn’t a condescending thing to say. It’s just my opinion. Feel free to ignore it.)

  39. Midwest SB says:

    SpiritualBaby – I would suggest re-reading Stormcat’s post and asking yourself if he meant any malice or ill will. I can assure you he did not. When Lily first started posting it was long and much like her blog. When given similar feedback by others (not Stormcat), she decided to start a blog to link to her name. This gave her an outlet, gave her followers somewhere to see her posts in one place and prevented long posts on the blog that make it hard to download on some computers and phones. Her posts are valued here and no longer take time to filter through. (Lily, I hope you don’t mind me sharing your story). Until we get chat rooms or some modification on the site, we have to work with what we have.

    There are all walks of life here and accepting others viewpoints or gracefully opting not to is key to it’s success. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you a great experience.

  40. MindyNYC says:

    My (writing) style is waaay too harsh, direct and abrupt to even begin to address the real issue, so I will defer to my more eloquent, gracious and polite peers. :)


    If anyone would like to question my experiences or if I have offended you by being here (Stormcat), please click through my name and call my cell number (the 817 one at the top of my home page).

    I look forward to hearing from you!

  42. MindyNYC says:

    HI ALL!!
    Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday…Am enjoying watching the Final Game of the World Cup. Witnessed such great football through the series. I’ll be a little sad when it ends.

    @ Stormcat – such a wise and sweet man you are. Cheers! :) xo

    @ BiCent – so gracious

    @ Pinky – I think SD Guru had also posted comments regarding your profile. MW’s tips are spot on. I think you have some flavor to offer outside of the average norm. Not being a blond may actually be your strength – so work it!

    I approach my sugar relationships, the same way I approach my conventional dating relationships in regards to meaning, chemistry, passion etc. The only real difference is that I keep in mind that circumstances may cause limitations, eventually sugar will end and tho possibly open to it, I can not expect a future. There is a business aspect that should not be ignored. When left out I may end up feeling resentful in an arrangement. This goes for both parties…But then again I also see a similiar business aspect in conventional relationships, it may not come in a set allowance, but I do expect financial generosity, so what do I know? lol

    @ Noir – IME, genuine SDs will subtly mention/elude that they understand that I desire an allowance in early contact usually by email or phone (may say “I’ve been a SD before.”, “I read your profile and understand you are looking for someone generous” etc). Very rarely will they ask for specifics (before meeting). Since, I do not have a range in my profile, I have encountered a few (my current and last SD – both newbies to a set mthly allowance) that were nervous in regards to possibly not being able to afford the allowance I seek (expressed on the phone -not email- “You sound great, but I wonder if I can afford this/you”, “Hoping, you’re not too rich for my blood” etc). In response, I usually give a wide range with my personal minimum as a starting point. NOTE: I am in NYC, where allowances can run the gamut in range. Some women are looking for $20-$35K a month, so I could understand why they liked to have a loose idea before proceeding further. I also appreciate that they are not going to waste our time pursuing an arrangement that they can not financially maintain.
    Usually, after a successful 1st or 2nd date, they have usually offered or asked a specific amount.
    Key phrase above “loose idea”! This is much different from a pot/fake emailing or saying “I can see you X times, so whats your allowance” or “I have $X what does that get me?” or “How much are you looking for?” etc. Or the classic one I once received “I can only see you once, maybe 2x a month, so make sure you take account give me an answer about an allowance” YUCK! These questions usually come up before any meaningful correspondence has transpired. Those guys are usually the Fakes, Pervy Johns and Volume Discounters, especially if you list a range in your profile (I recommend you do).
    Like MW said, trust your instincts. And like Stormcat says it will e rought up in a tasteful manner. If the discussion sounds like it’s coming from a sleazy place, it probably is. If the discussion doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to come, it probably isn’t.

    @NYCSB – Glad you finally have a day off – Enjoy it!…Nice to see Lily sugarfied – she is lucky to have you xo

  43. Stormcat said ~

    Bonnie/Spiritual ~ I actually have lost sleep over how to say this nicely without offending you or causing you to feel unwelcome. But I woke up this morning knowing that I have to say this. Everyone’s posts are welcome here and all are deserving of the love and support that is found here. My feeling about you is that you are fairly intelligent, and that you make many good points, but they are diluted in all the other nonsense that you post. It seems to me that you are posting way too much, pretending to be way more experienced than you are, your tone is condescending and overbearing, and you are posting under two pseudonyms. I’ve seen this type of activity many times and it usually ends in the person getting criticized for it, then getting into a argument that leads to name calling and finally one or both parties either leaving the blog or being barred from posting by the administration. I don’t want to see that happen to you. Just be cool! Let the blog come to you. It is much more rewarding that way and you will be thought of much more highly by all your fellow bloggers.


    Please don’t loss sleep over a freakin’ internet blog. Just go out with a potnetial SB and forget about this scene. This is not the real world, just an internet blog and like you said – everyone has the right to express themselves (including me!)

    I am not offended, nor do I feel unwelcomed so you did a great job in expressing yourself in a politically correct way or whatever. You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me. Feel free to say it like it is. This is just a blah, blah blog, you know? I blog elsewhere (where it is productive). This place is full of interesting types, all walks of life. It is a great place, but it tends to blah, blah, blah a bit too much.

    Anyone (especially a pot SD) who comes here not knowing that this is really just another online community and NOT a place to get advice is completely turned off. I’ve actually gotten in touch with the admin here and am now focusing on communicating with them directly about it instead of blah, blah blahing here (so don’t worry – you won’t here from me again until this scene becomes more productive and less blah, blah, blah).

    Peace and love to all! I hope that my efforts to make this a better place will be appreciated. And if the admin and I conclude that there is no point turning this toy into a tool, then so be it. Have fun!

  44. RedMaru says:

    Hey FrayedEdges 😀 Well I consider myself an aspiring author as I have not published thats what I’m working on now. I’ve been pounding the pavement and attending the big scifi convention here GA pitching my idea and getting some big names in sci fi fantasy interested as my novel is an urban fantasy. Its part of a three book series. As a fellow writer I understand your pride in your magnum opus and its a shame that your family wasnt supportive. Wait till its a best seller then your family come around and swear up and down that they were a bulwark of support for you.

  45. pinky says:

    Hey SD Guru! I totally didn’t see your message regarding tips for my profile! thanks a lot. But my pics alone hardly get any messages. I’m not sure why. You had a SB in van guru! that’s sooo interesting. when?

  46. Midwest SB says:

    FrayedEdges – you should read Catherine Lanigan’s biography. She was told she would never succeed as an author, then wrote Romancing the Stone and Jewel of the Nile. Never let ANYONE shatter your dreams!

    RedMaru – Hi chica!

  47. FrayedEdges says:


    Congratulations and good luck. Anyway, I hope you knew that your old SD is bluffing because any taxes to be paid would have to be done by him, not you. Sounds like he didn’t take the breakup all too well. Go ahead and do your thing and be happy in the process.

  48. FrayedEdges says:

    Wow, RedMaru! You’re an author? I’m currently in the process of writing my first novel. I’m so excited and I can’t wait to finish my baby. Writing is like my first love and I have been doing since my early teens, but I was HIGHLY discouraged by my parents and relatives to pursue a career in it just because artists don’t make lucrative money. No need to say, but I was heavily under their thumb (I come from that kind of family), so I didn’t follow my dreams. I thought I could suppress the love and study business accouting and finance to satisfy them, but I said screw it. I’m writing again which feels like a blessing. I’m looking to get into some writer’s workshops programs, but that may be for another year. In the meantime, I’m finally doing me.

  49. FrayedEdges says:

    What has Tyra been up to? I’ve stopped watching her talk shows because she is too annoying in my opinion. I don’t find her antics amusing at all. I caught the first show which I believe presented an unrealistic view of sugardating from the SB’s point of view. One woman boasted of having 8 sugardaddies — really? I find that hard to believe. About all of them denied having sex with their daddies in order to gain some sugar– again, hard to believe. That doesn’t mean I’m reducing sugardating to prostitution, but we all are familiar with the terms of an arrangement. The SBs spoke of sugardating sites as if there are men clamoring to spoil and pamper ladies for next to nothing in return, when really the process to find just one right SD can be a long, arduous one, not to mention that the competition is stiff. Of course Tyra is annoying herself when she’s stuck in her polar, ‘moralizing’ mode and refuses to budge an inch in opinion… I don’t know what’s been going on since then, but haha, it’s through her that I found out that there are online sites that cater to sugardating. Thank you, Tyra! The only downside of constantly harping on the subject is that it will drive hordes of women and fake SD’s online and dilute the pool with unsavory characters.

  50. RedMaru says:

    Afternoon sugars! I feel bad for being so lazy but in some cases I feel I need it. Woke up late, cleaned, watching Legend of the Seeker and writing more chapters for my second Book.

    Lisa – I can only hope that you listen to advice on the blog. And I will offer this : The first step in any healing or improvement in life situations is YOU. My mentor gave me this wonderful piece of advice : YOU are the author of your own tragedy or your own success. People can show you the door but you have to walk through it. People can offer you hands but you have to be the one to chose to take them and if you keep creating excuses as to why you can’t, you situation is never going to improve dear. We all have/have had our bumps/ruts/potholes in the road. I have/ still work for the state who every month expects us to do more with less. My eight years of hard work rewarded by a supervisor who would stick up for me only when he isnt in danger and pay cut when I transferred from a department headed by woman making everybody’s life miserable instead of leaving or being fired because I went off on her. Last November I was displaced out of my previous apartment not due to my fault but the dishonesty of the landlord I was paying rent to. My entire place was shut down by the power company and cited by the city for violations I had to move in with relatives. For a while I wallowed in feeling sorry for myself and feeling like no one cared and having no luck with sugar either. I felt that “I’m writing a novel. I’m doing it by myself and have two businesses which I funded by myself. Why doesnt anyone want to help me why cant I get a break? I can get the attention of broke men with no ambitions or anything to show for but not of SDs.” But then something inside me snapped me out of it and I started to realize that if I wanted things to happen I HAD to make them happen. I started going to the gym improving my look, updating my profile screening for BS in all aspects of my life. I have a better apartment and while I dont have an SD yet most of the contacts turned out to be flakes, posers, and time wasters I havent given up. Why? Because I believe in my dreams (businesses and novel) so much that I’m going to see them through. Cause I want better for myself and I know I have to work for it not expect it to be handed to me on a silver platter.

    Sorry for the long speech but I had just had to chime in.

    LadyI – Congratulations on your new life 😀 please dont leave the blog though!

    Hey Midwest – Missed ya good points as usual!

    Hey Stormcat – 😀 Missed you too!

  51. Midwest SB says:

    NYC SB – Sugar mentoring doesn’t have to be done by SDs alone :-) She is a lucky lady to be taken under your wing. We have to catch up soon. So glad you had a nice day off finally… perhaps hope you can retire very, very soon!

  52. NYC SB says:

    Hi Sugars…

    I have today off work! So I am off to lounge by the pool working on my tan… two cups of coffee in and i am caught up with the blog! Long post this will be but whatever…

    Tough love – I enjoyed reading your test… how absolutely accurate… let me tell you about a recent event that happened to me. I made plans to meet with a man on a particular Monday. He calls me Monday mid day saying “Its wayy to nice outside and I am in the hamptons on a boat, I just don’t want to leave. Is it ok to reschedule?” So while it was disappointing I said sure. He rescheduled for the following week. Following week comes along and he calls to let me know his biggest investor is in town last minute and he needs to entertain him. I said ok one more time, he said he will get me a gift as a thank you for my troubles which I politely declined. I asked him if he was free another night that week and he said he is out of town on business. Which meant we would meet the week after that. At that time I would working like a mad woman and told him that if we were to meet on Wednesday he should not cancell because I will have to work even later Monday and Tuesday so I can make Wednesday happen for him. He knew later meant past midnight. So I did that. Sure enough Wed rolls around and he cancells yet again. This time the reason being was that he would have to leave NYC…. To go back to the Hamptons! So while I maintained my composure and remained polite I told him what I had to do in order to free up this night for him. He needed to know that my time is valuable… at that point he said that he is terribly sorry and he wants to thank me for my dedication via a gift. Which he did… I am yet to meet this man because now I refuse to make time for him while work is so hectic. So yes if he was testing me, I passed because we are in daily contact. However, it showed me that he has very little regard for my time. My time is valuable as well… and well spent… because the first night he cancelled on me I actually made plans with another man… one who is currently in my life and I couldn’t be happier with ….

    So regarding SDs testing me… Test away… but do realize that I am never out of options so do not be shocked if while you were too busy testing me I met someone else 😉 also… in the words of a pot sd “I think you are too smart for your own good. You have the best answers, its like you read my mind.”

    Bonnie – maybe next time an SD is a total newbie you can refer him to the SA book… its quite helpful

    LadyI – you Main Sd is a nut… tell him that you hope he paid taxes on all he gave you because the gift tax law clearly states that any gifts over 12k per annum require a tax to be paid by the GIFTER aka him… not you… trust me I’m a CPA  also payment for companionship is not illegal but it is an act in good faith aka gift… again refer to the iRS code

    Midwest – Hiya lady…. Good tips on allowance…

    Asya – I wrote a great blog compiling all the awesome tips shared on this blog about profile writing plus some of my own experiences… click on my name and look for it…

    Tough love – regarding the “treat me like a princess” statement in profiles… I couldn’t agree more! I am a lady, act like one and expect to be treated like one… 95% of men who have met me realized this… so my rule of thumb is “if I have to remind you to treat me like a lady then you are not a getleman to begin with at which point I am not interested”

    SD Gury – I like this tough love guy… he might be in the running to take over your reining as my favorite blog SD!

    Mindy – re sbs who blog… you are absolutely right… my blog is a tool of self expression… and its main reason is to educate newbies… something I didn’t get… it makes me feel sooooo good when sbs tell me how helpful it is… I have gotten two arrangement solicitations from it but they were both fakes just looking to get my picture… of course I sent them a picture of megan fox and never heard from them again lol

    Midwest – lily was blessed with sugar bc yours truly was dropping knowledge on her for two weeks… im so happy for her

  53. Midwest SB says:

    Bicentennial – you are a woman of grace and it’s good to always be a work in progress. I, too, had to overcome the urge to be the center of the conversation and to stop finishing people’s sentences. It’s a blessing to have done so…you will see major changes in how people respond to you. Love the idea of having an SD help secure phase II of your life. Best of luck!

  54. Stormcat says:

    Good morning Sugar cats and kittens :)
    Coffeeshop blogging . . . that’s the life. But I can’t blog long this morning. A blues guitarist is coming to visit later this morning and we are gonna jam for a couple of hours. I’m hoping he’s good enough to help me with getting a demo recording of my Sugarcat Blues done. (Song hopefully coming your way Stephan)

    Midwest ~ What a remarkable woman you are! I enjoy reading your posts. Not just because you speak with calmness and wisdom, but that you do it so well. Eloquent brevity has a new benchmark.

    “Wild Thang . . . I think I l’uuuv you . . . bud-I-wanna know for shore . . . mmmmmm . . . I L’UUUUV YOU!”

    Noir ~ First, Welcome to the blog! About your question on appropriate time to discuss the terms of the arrangement, it varies according to circumstance and individual. But experienced and serious SD’s will bring up the topic in a tasteful manner fairly early on after the first meet. If that doesn’t happen you can choose to bring up the topic yourself or not. Barring some mitigating reason, such that the PotSD is reserved or new to the lifestyle, it is a red flag that the PotSD is a fake or a user and you should move on. I believe, from my experience and from the many past posts answering this topic that arrangement details including allowance are best discussed on the second date. That is far enough into the interaction that both parties pretty well know whether a connection is possible, but not so far as to have wasted either parties time should the issue become a “deal breaker” There is a lot on this topic scattered through the blog archives.

    Bonnie/Spiritual ~ I actually have lost sleep over how to say this nicely without offending you or causing you to feel unwelcome. But I woke up this morning knowing that I have to say this. Everyone’s posts are welcome here and all are deserving of the love and support that is found here. My feeling about you is that you are fairly intelligent, and that you make many good points, but they are diluted in all the other nonsense that you post. It seems to me that you are posting way too much, pretending to be way more experienced than you are, your tone is condescending and overbearing, and you are posting under two pseudonyms. I’ve seen this type of activity many times and it usually ends in the person getting criticized for it, then getting into a argument that leads to name calling and finally one or both parties either leaving the blog or being barred from posting by the administration. I don’t want to see that happen to you. Just be cool! Let the blog come to you. It is much more rewarding that way and you will be thought of much more highly by all your fellow bloggers.

    LadyI ~ Just because you got settled doesn’t mean you should stop posting. In fact the blog needs you even more now. You’ve transitioned, exemplifying a lovely possibility for how sugar can positively impact a persons life. Besides that we’d all miss you if you left. :)

  55. Midwest SB says:

    Pinky – a fun example for your desire to learn more languages…Can you teach me how to say “kiss me” in 10 different languages?

    Noir – One major point that I glossed over is that a genuine and experienced SD is less likely to initiate allowance discussions before any meeting. The newer ones tend to be the ones taking that approach. It definitely is a plus to actually put a range in your profile and not “open”.

  56. Midwest SB says:

    Good morning! Had a bout of insomnia last night…sheesh!

    Noir – I actually use the allowance conversation as one method of screening potSDs. It can be challenging to know who is a genuine SD online and many posers will waste your time with tons of e-mails, picture exchanges, etc. I know it changes the courtship and is less intriguing, but it appears to be the online reality. I would say, if he brings it up, go ahead with some initial discussions, but don’t go into details until you are ready. There have been instances where new sbs have gotten excited that a potSD eagerly agreed to their allowance, then told her they would have dinner at his hotel, then proceed to his room. NEXT! You will see this as a red flag and know better, but it’s one example. Most important advice…use your instincts and do your due diligence.

    #6 on the Top 10: Use your instincts and do your due diligence…confirm who he is and if you think there is a reason for caution or to walk away, then trust it.

    #7 – Be SAFE!!!

    Pinky – You are most welcome. I hope it helps. I understand about the allowance and firmly believe you are on the right path! Good luck sugar!

  57. Noir says:

    Hello and good morning to the sugar fam on this bright and sunny Sunday morning. I recently joined this site but I am not new to the SD/SB lifestyle. Joining SD/SB sites however is my first time attempt at sugar dating online (at least for initial meetings). There have been outstanding and numerous questions, replies, and advice in this blog of which all are greatly appreciated. The main issue I have is when the pot sd begins inquiring about allowance or monetary elements before we’ve established little more than a correspondence. Have I assumed that topics of such should be reserved for after we have made a genuine connection with lots of chemistry and agree to begin a SD/SB relationship? Is this normal for this type of site?

  58. pinky says:

    Thanks sooo much for your tips Midwest! I appreaciate it sooo much. I’m uploaded more pics but they first need to be approved.

    Vancouver is one of the most expensive cities to live in, it is on par with New York City. Living cost to groceries are very expensive in this city. You will not believe it until you visit Vancouver. I guess I should say i’m mainly using the money to pay off loans from previous semesters and save some up for my future semesters.

    Again thanks so much for taking the time to check out my profile. It really means a lot.

  59. Midwest SB says:

    Pinky – Overall, I like your profile. I would suggest a few things:
    1- Summarize a little more and make it shorter.
    2- Remove any comments that show a weakness (getting jokes, etc)
    3- Try not to use the word “I” so much.
    4- Be flirty
    5- You’re taking a break from school, live in Vancouver and asking for 3-5K..Is that a reasonable allowance (SDs will ask you what you intend to do with the allowance).
    6- Put up a few more pics – action shots of you doing something you enjoy are always nice.

    You should get some good responses…just be patient. Meanwhile, read past blogs about profile advice and how to keep your profile more visible. Search for tips from Flo Rida, myself and Elegant Sugar/ Shoogar Shoes.

  60. pinky says:

    Hello Sugar Family,

    I asked for someone to look at my profile, but I guess neither one of you cared to. Perhaps my profile is so awful that you guys pretended to have not seen my post? Or mabye you guys just never saw my post? If the latter, my profile number is 498010. Please I would love some constructive advice/suggestions/criticism.

    The blog has sure become lively. What I have come to realise from my short experience of this life style is that you definitely need a tough skin. Especially if you don’t look like the stereotypical/generic beautiful girl. What I have learned living in my city is that, if you are blond who isn’t too overweight nor too ugly then you will receive a lot of attention. It’s so lame but it’s true. So luckily my city has already taught me to have a tough skin.

    I really agree that you must not do this because you are desperate. You just might end up doing something you will regret in the future! Those desperate acts will only give more reasons for Tyra to convince everyone being a SB is no different from either being a prostitute or an escort.

    I must point out that successful veteran SB’s do provide conflicting advice. Some say take each SB/SD relationship as a business relationship so little emotions are involved while others say it’s all about having a meaningful relationship. So…I figure go…with your gut instinct. You never know where your SB/SD relationship may take you. One of the girls will be possibly getting married to her SD, so honestly anything is possible.

  61. Lily says:

    BTW, BaldHottie, I know you’re reading. I miss you!

  62. Lily says:

    You guys!!
    I’m totally blushing at the compliments!

    Midwest – it’s the foxy legs + dazzling smile = MILF syndrome

    Spiritual – glad you like my blog! It’s definitely not there to get new potentials; Mindy was right about everything, and I’ve never gotten interest from the blog. One pen-pal though (SD who I’m just friends withand have met IRL).

    I still can’t believe after a rough June, the sugar is looking up to such sweetness for July/Aug

  63. Sasha says:

    @ reddamsel38…that is a very good question.

  64. Reddamsel38 says:

    Now let’s get past the wannabe’s and consider SB’s who may not be as familiar with a wealthy SD’s environment as others. Perhaps we don’t operate in the same world, but in my experience it’s not as exclusionary as you think. Part of the joy of being a SD is to help his SB develop and blossom as a person into something that she aspires to be despite where she started.
    SDGuru you rock for saying this. I believe that is the sole reason for most girls, that understand the culture, to become SBs. It shouldn’t matter what her background is as long as she is genuine and somewhat knows about the culture and what is being offered, that SB/SD relationship should not be a problem. The pot SD should see the potential of the SB. Isn’t that what it’s all about? The SB obviously wants something better and wants to spend her time with someone that actually treats her, genuinely, on a higher level, and provide something that is a little more provacative to her. This is something more than she is used to or experienced. And I think this is where the SB can get taken advantage of. Toughlove you can screen and see who are the wannbes, are you correct each and every time in guessing who are the wannabes and who is actually looking for that SB/SD relationship? Not because the SB is looking to “date up”, but because she really wants that “arrangement” and just doesn’t know how to navigate that type of situation? WHat happens then?

    Guru, what happens then?

  65. Reddamsel38 says:

    ok Toughlove, if a new sb is actually trying to better her situation and want a true companion and benefactor at the same time, how is she suppose to break thru that barrier without being taken advantage of? She genuinely wants to be part of the sugarworld. One cannot research everything one needs to know about that world. Most times you would have to learn by trail and error, right? If there is someone out there to advise you and guide you somewhat, what else can she do?

  66. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Baby, my prayers and warm energy are sent to you tonight, please know just reading this blog how many people are thinking about you. That’s monumental! I understand bipolar and depressive issues, my uncle has struggled with these all his life. His recovery was a combination of retreat treatment inhouse to get balance and clarity in his life, and medication to help with serotonin levels. So many times we stigmatize those who aren’t “happy” and “sunny” and don’t realize that not everyone makes the chemicals to ever FEEL happy & sunny to begin with!

    I know this because after he got out and was on a regular medication regimen, he blossomed into the fun, loving uncle I remembered as a little girl. He was HIM again. I have to deal with Seasonal Affective Disorder, where you get depressive in the winter. I bought prescribed sunlights to trick my mind into thinking it’s summer year round and it does the trick about 90% of the time. (the other 10% is just PMS! :) ) Seriously, don’t be down on yourself and realize maybe the tendency to be so and want to give up is your chemicals and not your sweet spirit talking.

    A great book I recommend is “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne. A little hokey at times but terrific for getting you into the habit of positive visualization and even if you just use it once in awhile, you’d be stunned by what you can call into being that is good in your life.

    Blessings Sugar Sister, and when you feel down, reread all the love sent your way here.


  67. Gail says:

    TT~It is not my intent to make you or anyone feel that you or they are looking down on her…my message was for her. Please don’t take it personal TT…I do know that your advice was to help. In her own time Lisa will decide the best solution for her. Sweet sugar dreams for all~…Now back to real life : )

  68. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Hi Sugarfam! I’m traveling to NC tomorrow, (really today), leaving at 5am so I’ll be lurking but not posting for a few days. Wow so much to read! Ok here goes…

    @Midwest SB,
    Thanks for your input. No offense taken. I guess I mention my looks & background because I’m intimidated somewhat by some of the younger/hotter ladies on the site and I don’t want to be one of those whiny wannabes who is carping about how “her personality is what makes up for a few extra pounds.”. Honestly, my mind is very, very sharp and if I had to rank myself, I would put my quick intellect above my looks and my personality perhaps a tad bit behind my looks, because I can be selfish sometimes and narcisstic to a point, which is ironic because deep down I have a bit of low self-esteem as I had a model for a mother and was always punished for any grades lower than an A, or less than 1st place for anything. I have a competitive spirit because of this and still feel I must prove myself.

    I don’t mean to be self-centered, my husband has pointed that I am out to me though when I converse. I am actively working on listening to others twice as much as I talk and I TRY to do this whether at church, with my girlfriends, or at my part time job. It’s hardest with the hubby because I’m a little quicker than he is intellectually, but he’s got more common sense at times. So I get impatient and finish his sentences for him, etc and he pointed out I should STOP doing that because it’s going to irritate the heck out of a pot SD. Now I likely won’t do this with someone I am meeting and learning about but I am realizing maybe I don’t need to impress everyone with what I’ve done/won/been and just be “me”.

    I am a work in progress….

    @Asya (sp?),
    I think a lot of us would consider a “younger” SD, I just always thought I would not be found appealing by anyone younger than myself really past a point. If I’m 34 and you’re 28, you probably want a hottie who’s 19. Now if the milf thing is for you (and we’re only 6 years apart if you’re 28 and I look 30, so I have to say it probably isn’t…) or any other SD, well, why not? I’d consider you. I’m not close minded although I gravitate towards older men, if only because my one experience with a younger man was a very poor one. My DH is 5 years older and I honestly think he’s a bit young for me! But I can’t knock it til I try it, so keep the faith, if an older SB is for you, go for it!

    Good points about wannabe’s. I will keep your tips in mind as I develop my profile. I agree, why mention treat me like a princess unless you’ve had the ABSENCE of that treatment in the past to make that comment? I 100% agree. I was really thinking my profile should be the fun stuff I have that I can offer, such as my love of 1950’s nostalgia & vintage clothing, my enjoyment of Carribean travel, my fascination with the Titanic, the fact I LOVE cats and dogs and even birds and a host of other things that are just different maybe from other SB’s that when added altogether, make up who Bicentennial really is. Maybe that will be the best way to give pot SD’s a glimpse into my soul and find something genuine there in reading it, not just “hey she wants to go shopping and spend my $$” because nearly every SB could list that.

    Also, and this is directed to the ENTIRE sugarfam on this blog, I did a lot of thinking about allowance vs gifts, etc, and I’ve come to the conclusion how I will answer my “why do you want to be a SB” question. I’m mentally whole and happily married (other than the lack of money/nice items which is my hangup, not his). I am not working fulltime because I am home with my children and that was important to me and I truly need the money to finish my graduate degree as I have less than two semesters to go. Once completed, I will be able to get a job on The Ladders. com and intend to work full force once both children leave home.

    A SD could help my world amazingly by helping me pay the remainder of the tuition for this and I in turn can better my future by not having to take out a loan to finish this program that my current company cannot pay for. I am work for a nonprofit, so they do not pay for the schooling my prior company did. I still would like to have some nice shopping trips and dinners, but long term, thinking about it? Finishing school would really be the investment in ME that I need and of lasting benefit. So perhaps I should approach this in the right way, as I myself would rather help someone through school (with maybe some nice perks) than JUST take her shopping all the time. I hope that asking for the cash to do so would NOT be offensive to a SD, but I could ask him to just pay the tuition directly if he felt that was a problem and feared my husband might benefit (falsely) from giving me an allowance.

    Does this seem fair and a better approach to any pot SD’s? It’s the truth, I can’t finish school without help or heavy loans. I just never thought of this as an outlet to do that, but maybe that would be best for all and give my SD a chance to feel GREAT about helping me.

    Can’t do a blog, I still do beauty contests and modeling competitions from time to time. Believe it or not other contestants try to research their strongest competitors and would try to get them disqualified for being a SB since some modeling contests have morality clauses. Now of course if you’re not doing anything intimate, there’s nothing that can be said, it’s a he said she said. People in the entertainment business make stuff up to slander each other all the darn time. I don’t know how Angelina Jolie or anyone grows so thick a skin! But to wind up my point, I am very discreet and honestly, this lady never tells! 😉

    Look forward to hearing from everyone, night night Sugarfam!

  69. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Gail – my being blunt and honest with Lisa is not me looking down on her at all. If anything I am trying to give her my hand, as many others have also, to pull her up…not enable her to live a miserable existence in fear by celebrating her baby steps when we should be convincing and encouraging her to believe in herself and how capable she is of doing more…so much more – and not later – NOW. All we have is now, however not all of us realize this. We all have our perspectives – and every single one of them is right – in my world, when it comes to ego (in this case negative ego)/depression I would think after all this time that a more passionate encouragement forward not stagnant and sugar coated, would have maybe made a little more impact for her? I was attempting to pique one’s curiosity..maybe I should just go back to the reality I came from and stop offering advice :)

  70. Being a Sugarbaby

    Be that ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. A positive attitude will always get you to where you are going in the end. It is the negativity that holds you back. This blog is an excellent example.

    Particularly in an sd/sb arrangement: These gentlemen are the hardest workers you will ever find, getting paid millions to solve serious problems, all day long (lawyers, surgeons, CEOs, etc.)

    When the day is done, they just want to be able to forget all about the stresses of life. They need a beautiful companion to be there at dinner, making conversation about the next vacation.

    The last thing they want is more problems and more stress. Always keep it light and fluffy. Smile lovingly when he looks at you. Rub his back. Take care of your man……(this is flowing into the tip about being sweet to your daddy, so I will stop).

  71. Top 10 # 4 Be a Sugarbaby

    Sasha said ~

    Dress, demeanor, attitude, intelligence. It just has to be who you really are as a person.

    I love how you stated your opinion, which I feel really speaks the truth about what it is to be an SB – 4 universal elements, yet it is still all about YOU being YOU.

  72. Gail says:

    Hi Lisa,
    It’s always nice to see you on the blog. I have celebrated all the wonderful things you have accomplished as a sugar baby. And will continue to cheer you on when you move forward in your life. Never will I look down on you for your thoughts. feelings, or views, nor will I judge. Have the happiest day ever my friend!!! Also thank you for being real : )

  73. Sasha says:

    @ TT…I second that about lisa. You are absolutely right.

    @ lisa…girl I have been there. I can just sense the hurt inside of you, but yo have had alot of wonderful advice and some people even offer to help you out. You just have to take the first step. I’m in the process of doing that myself. I’ll send out positive energy to you in hopes that you can get of of the situation that you are in. People really do care. Reach out and pick yourself up!

  74. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Lisa – I hate to ‘gang up on you’ as in your state of mind I am sure that is what you will tell yourself – however – you create your reality. You make excuses as to why you are stuck at every single suggestion that anyone has made – not just now – this has been since I first joined the blog almost ten months ago. I think you are wonderful and sincere human being – however – b/c of the role you were forced to take on with your family I assume, you have a victim mentality – and the only person that is truly hurting is YOU. YOU are quite literally holding YOU back! No one else. If you don’t believe you can no one else will either. If you don’t treat yourself well, no one else will either. Whatever you put out there is what you get back!! You must have done something right b/c you have had a few very kind and generous sd’s..be GRATEFUL! That is the only way you are going to get what you truly desire…complaining and being negative will only attract more negative. Law of attraction – it is real and it works :)

  75. Dandelion Wine says:

    And Lisa, i don’t mean to be nosy and intrusive, but if your job is making you so sore and unhappy, why don’t you find another one?

    Get a sales associate position at the mall, you have years of experience that you can present in a resume as great work ethics and loyalty; you are not stupid, and from what i understand you are a rather presentable lady.

    You could *easily* find the same low pay elsewhere at much better working conditions!

    Yeah, you might have to deal with customers and not everyone finds that pleasant, but it would probably beat being in pain every day and largely isolated, no?

    Plus you’d get to dress fairly nicely, instead of wearing a uniform polo/T and have a much higher visibility, get a little more comfortable talking to people and men especially – good practice for meetings with your pot. SDs

    And if being a sales associate is something that you are strongly against, i bet there are a ton more jobs where you would make same or better money without the backbreaking labor, you just have to start brainstorming.

    I bet there’s a ton of people on the blog that would be HAPPY to help you edit your resume/application and coach you on what to say at the interview, what to wear, etc etc – to get the job you decide you want.

    If career guidance is something of interest to you, I’ll give you my email address, although I am certain there are plenty of people here more qualified than me to give you the advice.

  76. Sasha says:

    Hi everyone….I have been kind of quite, but its been nice reading the comments from everyone. The most profound comment I read came from tough love.

    @tough love…you made a valuable point about wannabe sb’s. It falls in line with alot of the encouraging advice that I have received from stormcat and brownskinsugarbaby. Anyone that just got on this site needs to go back and read toughlove’s comment. Being a sb has to be who you are and not who you are trying to be. Its like wealth attracts wealth, talented people attract an audience, sb’s attract sd’s etc. I’m not great with quoting movie lines, but I have a bff that told me about a bruce lee movie line that she lives by. He said something like…he doesn’t try to hit his opponents, it hits all by itself. Bruce lee was a master martial artist and he knew that he embodied it in every sense of the phrase. Every move was a manifestation of the belief and knowing who he was.

    Ok so relating that back to sugar dating. I have seen the error of my ways. Being a wannabe sb is so transparent to the real sd on this site. You reak of desperation and in those situations you are taken advantage of or thrown only pennies. Angelina Jolie would never be offered pay for play arrangements. She is the one who gets the “real sugar” and so much more if that’s what she wants. I experieneced this last night. Not to brag but I know that I’m a great entertainer…singing/dancing etc. I feel it inside of me like a ball of fire. I went to an event where there was music, dancing, single guys, you get the picture. I’m still working on being completely confident in the real world, but when there is music on I change into a whole different person. No BS but I commanded the whole entire room. I could just feel everyone’s eyes on me as I danced. I had so many guys looking, trying to dance with me, or randomly giving me their number, but not coming straight out and asking me out on a date. I realized that this happens to me every place I go where there is dancing. I command an audience without even trying. It just happens.

    Sb’s if you want to know how to just “be” a sb review some past blogs on this topic. Dress, demeanor, attitude, intelligence. It just has to be who you really are as a person. Sorry this is so long but I really felt like I had to say this.

  77. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lisa says:
    July 10, 2010 at 2:57 pm
    I agree better entitled than a doormat.
    But based on what toughlove says, I guess I really don’t deserve anything.

    Lisa, in life you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate :)

  78. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lisa, Ray Bradbury’s book :)
    One of my favorite authors growing up :)

    The elderly neighbor ladies may not *need* your company, but they may *want* your company.
    You can say hi first. Nothing intrusive, just acknowledge that you are aware of your neighbors’ presence. It’s only polite. Maybe they think of you as a self-sufficient and standoffish lady that wouldn’t want to talk to them, so they don’t bother.
    Even if you say hi and they end up being rude jerks – how is that your loss?
    Surely you are old enough to find some pity in your heart for someone who responds as rabid dog to a random act of kindness, as unlikely as that event would be.

  79. Oops! 20 HEY DADDIES a DAY!

  80. OK, back to the TOP TEN list:

    1. We’ve all agreed that SELF-PROMOTION is the only way to get there. Use whatever tools you are comfortable using – web site, blog, etc.

    (Please add other SELF-PROMOTION tools here)

    2. USE THIS BLOG for all its worth. Ask questions, get answers, put a link that represents YOU, whether you have a web site, blog, or just the profile from this site (or another!). However you want to represent yourself (full of knowledge, private, etc.)

    (Add more ideas on how the blog is helpful.)

    3. NETWORK – Send out at least 20 “Hey Daddies!”s to the gentleman on this site and on every other site you can get a profile on. I have met some greart ones over at sd4me.com

    (Put network ideas here.)

    4. Be a sugarbaby – attitude, look, etc.

    (Tips on what that means go here.)

    5. Don’t be a slut.


    6. Be super sweet to your daddy.






    The list is growing and getting well-defined! The exchanges have all expressed some really great ideas and I am looking forward to hearing more.

  81. Mindy ~ I agree! The meds helped me in the EXACT way you described.

    I think it is unanimous: Do it (something, anything!), Lisa! We are all here in support.

  82. Lisa ~ Laura’s neighbor (another good friend of mine and my sister’s) was just in that facility. (He doesn’t drive either – He had the bishop give him a ride.) Laura and I went to visit him on June 21.

    I am afraid that you are not seeing the forest for the trees with your condition and that although you find lots of love and support on this blog, it’s not going to do much besides keep you where you are.

    Internet chatting is like talking to yourself all day. I know there is actual conversation, but it is an exchange of thoughts and that is it. It is not set up like a class, where you have to do some work on the topics being discussed before you share your opinion about it the next day and you are graded on your insight.

    You can talk to yourself all day, every day, and just say the same thing over and over. Most people do. I am sure that I do.

    That’s why I decided to write a book. I have this volume of information in my head based on my life experiences. All I do all day is reference this volume. Same volume, different day – Drive me crazy!

    Don’t go crazy, Bonnie! Publish it, turn it into a bestseller, and get your own posse of groupies/sugarbabies…..hehehe

  83. MindyNYC says:

    Spiritual – Lisa isn’t convinced meds can help her – I AM. Not because I think they are the end all/be all or always the best long term solution, but because I think it will be a start in the right direction for her, even if only a placebo effect. If she initially only receives a 40 -70% benefit, it will give her the mental motivation to explore other therapies that may be more suited to her. Many people have found 5http successful after an initial course of prescription therapy.
    Aspiring-Doc – As you know, the personal experience you described is a ’bout of depression’ or ‘mild depression’ – which many people can identify with, but is a much different and easier to tame, than the beast of major depressive order, which I strongly suspect Lisa has. Your tips are great, and may work for people facing mild depression, but someone who is majorly depressed needs to get to a less depressive state to be able to enjoy the benefits.
    I have recruited and screened for 3 clinical study trials sponsored by NYU and the participants certainly weren’t able bodied college students – they were definitely people suffering from major depression. Of course, I can’t speak for other trials, and I don’t doubt the shadiness of the pharmaceutical industry.

    At the end of the day, I think we all here on this blog just wish Lisa success in whatever therapy she chooses. We would just like her to ‘choose’ and ‘do’ something…

  84. Lisa ~ Food Not Bombs gives DELICIOUS free meals in front of the public library a few days a week. Just google – Food Not Bombs Houston.

    How do I know? I was in with Food Not Bombs – our Food IS the Bomb!

  85. Lisa ~ I live very well without a car. How? Honestly? The church takes care of me forever. I do not know what I would do without them (probably be depressed, on and off meds, in and out of the hospital).

    But everyone has their own life to live and I respect that. My neighbor is real depressed. We enjoy each other’s company as much as possible and just deal with it. Today she mentioned going back to AA meetings. We talked (I just acted like a mirror, let her talk, repeated her words back so she could hear what she was saying). I hope my friendship is helpful to her.

    All of this is just examples of “community” – church, support groups (AA), neighbors, etc. There’s a whole world around you, but it is up to you to reach out. I know it is difficult when you are so down. It truely feels impossible, but it is not.

    You are in Houston, right? I know Houston friends with cars. Please let me know if and when you are ready to build friendships and I’ll introduce you to: My sister, 42, and Laura, 30…..

    My sister is a 2nd grade teacher, mother of two young boys. She is literally brain-damaged and she is as kooky as it gets, but she will have you laughing non-stop. She is also very depressed, stuck in an abusive marriage, and may be the perfect peer for you.

    Laura is a permanent employee with the census, no kids, lives with older partner (male). She makes bath and beauty products and is into her spirituality (Wiccan). She is my peer, and I love her to death.

    There’s community all around – Reach out! (when you are ready)

  86. Lisa says:

    The 1500 a day place is a mile from me. It is owned by the large hospital system and is highly regarded. A friend from the blog told me about it although I have seen the place many times. They are completely private so they have top treatment that is supposed to treat the entire person, not just drug them up. It takes several weeks though and I could never be off work more than a couple days so it’s impossible. Anyway it’s out of the question obviously but the only place in my area as the medical center across from me is know more for it’s cardio vascular care and robotic surgery.
    Ok i’ve got to be going . Have a good night everyone.

  87. Yaz says:

    Hey guys! :-)

    Im sitting home completely bored tonight so I decided to catch up a bit on the blog. Interesting comments so far!

  88. Lisa says:

    aspiring-doc my city is not a typical American city and can’t even begin to compare to European cities. Houston sucks. Public transport sucks and runs very sporatically on weekends, we have no markets (except for the one on the other side of town in a bad neighborhood), no street vendors downtown, and groceries are expensive.
    I live quite cheaply but still fall short. My take home pay is less than 900 a month, rent is 600 and then utilities, bus fare (we have no bus passes so it’s pay full fare everytime you ride, no discount), laundry, and food, that’s about it. The middle class single person probably makes 4 times a month what I do.
    The neighborhood I live in is very expensive and no one is giving out any freebies, my old neighborhood is almost all hispanic immigrants (many illegal) and they have a stronge dislike for people like myself in their territory. I was afraid to even leave my apartment because i was constantly harrased by nasty men. Anyway I work at a grocery store and all the stuff that isn’t sold is thrown out, God forbid you eat something that they can’t sell. If I would take a donut that was going to be thrown out at the end of the day, i’d be fired.

    Have a good night. I’ve got to be getting ready to sleep, i’m already in bed but i’ve got to be up at 5:30 so I can be at work at 8, darn sunday buses.

  89. Lisa ~ Glad to hear it! I wasn’t able to follow the thread well and I thought the worst (imo) and just wanted to say I still support you on your path to healing.

    If you don’t mind – Could you please briefly explain what the $1500 a day treatment entails? (Sorry to ask you to repeat – blogging is flawed in this way, especially when there is only one thread that goes on for 300 posts about 200 different topics).

  90. MidWest ~ Alright, well, I’m 5’1″……other than that, I fit the stereotype.

    Except for – YOUNG, but it is all relative. The “stereotype” is actually “younger”, so I am back into the baby bowl.

    I was noticing profiles and I thought – What’s up with these 20something SDs? Are they looking to date a 12 yr old?

    I know – Bonnie, that’s just a stereotype!

    Well, OK then – 25 yo SD with 22 yo old baby: How is that an sd/sb arrangement? How can a 25 yo man be an SD to a 22 yo woman?

    I think the “younger” thing is actual definition and not stereotype.

    Your thoughts?

  91. Lisa says:

    HUH? I have been totally against meds as I said i’ve got to be alert to do my job as I could get injured. I don’t think taking all that stuff fixes anything. I will never be over my depression until the day I step into that intersection.

  92. aspiring-doc says:


    Sorry to hear that…. was trying to think of a solution. sounds a little crazy! before SD i was on 206 a week student allowance and 100 a week from work. thats 306 nz dollars. rent here costs around 150 a week all inclusive (food, internet, power etc) so i had 50 for food and the rest was for my car and misc. its cheaper to cook here- so lots of fresh foods :). in addition if you go smile at bakery owners at the end of the day- they give u all the leftover bread :) id spent a fortune if i ate junk food- its really expensive here.

    You cant buy items in bulk slowly? i was just down in a country town on placement (too far too drive) and used to just stock up slowly. id look like an indian rickshaw waller- i used to balance groceries on the handle bars of my bike- a bag of rice on one and vegies on the other. ..and then i found a local boy 😛
    Maybe i dont understand the cost of living in america ? what does it cost? im out of ideas 😛 sigh

  93. An accidental overdose of Abilify (an anti-psychotic) is what killed the love of my life on October 23, 2008. He had been diagnosed “bipolar”. He just had depression and post traumatic stress (like the rest of us).

    Meds helped me at one point. I would never resort to taking them again, but I do understand when a severe situation merits them.

    Lisa ~ You have convinced yourself that you need these meds to get over your depression and I respect that. I truely hope you get the help you need and that you are not killed by the side effects.

  94. Lisa says:

    aspiring-doc I agree about the meds and anyway I have to take otc allergy pills everyday and I have a dizze spell every day at work around 11 (only happens when i’m at work because i’m not able to eat on a regular schedule. I can’t really afford to eat healthy and 99 percent of what i eat is either fast food or junk. I don’t drive so i’ve got to carry groceries which means I can’t buy in bulk. The grocery store I work at is a little too expensive on the fruits and vegs. They took away our fridge and microwave so the only way to eat a hot lunch is to buy something in the deli which is too expensive so my normal lunch is a banana and dounuts or cupcakes. I’m on a 15 dollar a week food budget which includes non foods like shampoo and stuff. Everything else has to go for rent, bills, and busfare.

    I live in a much better area but at the same time I can’t venture out of the area late in the evening because the bus service sucks after 7. I have no real friends, as in retail everyone has their own life, no one keeps in touch outside of work. I had to dump my best friend when I moved because she is such a drunkin loser and just wants to pick up men at bars. I don’t even drink. She has already killed 2 people a few years back and wrecked her car. Unfortunately last year she got another car so she’s back to it. I didn’t feel she was someone I needed in mylife, had a jealous boyfriend who didn’t want me to talk to her and all. As far as kids are concerned, I really don’t like them much. Being an only child, I didn’t like kids when I was a kid, lol and preferred the company of adults, so I want to stay away from kids. Thank God the building I live in is all one bedroom apartments and there are 0 kids in it because only 1 or 2 people can live in the one bedrooms, no families.

  95. Midwest SB says:

    SpiritualBaby – What I mean by “stereotypical” is that those new to sugar have this preconceived notion that SBs are tall, thin, perfectly put-together women who walked out of Cosmo. Of course, the rest of us know that SBs come in all shapes and sizes, from all types of backgrounds, occupations and socioeconomic statuses. That’s all :-)

  96. aspiring-doc says:

    i love this blog. lots of good comments here :)

    Lisa- Im goingto sound preachy- BUT please re antidepressents dont take meds. yes correct “majority of clinical depression is usually caused by a lack of seretonin production in the brain”.m BUT ….

    “Studies find that antidepressants (in this case SSRIS) worked only marginally better than placebos in a group of studies submitted to the FDA. Study participants taking the dummy pills had approximately 80% of the response seen in patients taking one of the six most widely prescribed antidepressants. ”

    Mind over matter :)

    the other thing is side effects: nausea, vommiting, possible pyschosis, increased depression, loss of sexual appetite, ringing in ears…and drug dependency.

    the pharmaceutical industry would tell you otherwise but as a whole my lecturers are against them. the clincial trials proces is botched and side effects arent reported properly. they test depressents on young healthy college students in clinical trials who can withstand more. in addition they only have to submit reports on the best 2 trials (they can ingore the 100 botchy ones). the whole industry is about money. and i should know- :) (free holidays anyone :P)

    totally preachy i know- but im just warning you. I would suggest lots of exercise. foods with lots of antioxidants- blueberries, green tea- lots of fresh fruit/vege. reduce consumption of processed foods.

    have u seen a counsellor? :). 1500 a day seems expensive to me. make sure you see friends regulary. find something to do that involves giving of your time- try teaching literacy classes or volunteering somewhere :). giving of yourself- increases joy and self worth. i got depressed awhile back and just spending an hour at the hospital reading to kids really helped :) i became less ‘me’ focused

  97. Lisa says:

    I’m probably not stereotypical although I am blond and kind of dumb.

  98. MindyNYC says:

    Argh! Hate it when I don’t refresh before posting – I just type too darn slow lol…

    Midwest, another GREAT (blog/webless lol) SB – as usual, you always deliver meaningful points with a soft politeness and sum it up so eloquently, Darling.

  99. Lisa says:

    ok I have situated myself propped up in my lonely kingsize bed with my laptop.and hot water bottle. Last sd was so kind to buy me a macbook. Comes in handy when one doesn’t feel like sitting at the desk.

    Yikes it’s going to take me even longer to find a new sd since I have no car and my main form or transport, except for work, is walking.

  100. Stereotypical SB

    What is that?

    I’m definitely not stereotypical (whatever that is). Is anyone here stereotypical? Please, explain. Or those who say – I’m not stereotypical?

    What does that mean?

  101. MindyNYC says:

    1. You’ll find that, though occasional, this blog does not normally act as an additional site to make arrangements
    2. For the occasional handful that have found each other through this blog, 98% did not have a personal blog. “Lisa”, “Anna”, “Laura” etc worked just fine. (Tho, I do know of 1 SB who’s personal blog definitely garnered her better interest than her profile did – BUT I would say this was a special case as there were many other factors involved).
    3. If you want SD’s who may peruse this blog looking for potentials to notice you, simply link your profile in the the ‘website’ section before posting.
    3. Have you asked BSSB, Lily etc how many men contact them through their blog, and if the offers have panned out? Further, would they even want pots or SDs reading their blogs?
    4. Lily is great! But not because she has a blog lol, as I don’t think she, along with others write it to ‘prove’ anything to anyone. They write to vent, journal, advise etc. Tip: True (and great) Sugars never feel the need to ‘prove’ or ‘justify’ anything to anyone but ourselves… Review ToughLoves “Angelina Jolie” post. :)

    I understand your point of utilizing all available tools – it’s definitely not to be overlooked, but there are much more pertinent factors of self development and promotion one may need to concentrate on. Good luck!

  102. Midwest SB says:

    lololol….we speak the same language SB SB!

  103. MidWest said ~

    Keep it sugary sweet, spoil your SD more than he spoils you and it will all come.

    I think this deserves a spot in the TOP TEN (tips for newbies).

  104. Lily is not great because of her blog. I’m just saying that we ~know~ she is great because of her blog.

    The internet is a good tool for meeting SDs. That is all I am saying. Like having a car – great tool to get you down the road. There’s other tools – bike, horse – to each their own.

    You can walk (don’t use a tool) and that’s fine, too. It’s just going to take you a lot longer to get there.

    P.S. SDs drive great cars. It is not the cars that make them great, but we know they are great men when we see these great cars with our own eyes – Seeing is believing, right?

  105. Midwest SB says:

    West Books – Work what you’ve got! Many of our black SBs have curves, great looks, great minds and talent. You won’t be every SDs ideal, but there is someone who is looking for a woman just like you. On your headline, put a description that emphasizes your curves, brains, etc. In your profile, show your tits and a$$ in a classy dress. Show off those legs in some high heels. I’m not the stereotypical SB physically….I’m curvaceous, feminine, pretty, “girl next door” with amazing legs (even though lily calls me a milf…I choose to take that as a compliment). Be confident in what you have to offer and know there are SDs looking for a woman just like you.

  106. Midwest SB says:

    Bonnie/ SpiritualBaby (SB :-) )
    Thank you. I will say that overall I see your point that self-promotion will be very helpful in acquiring a SD. Reaching out to my former SD not once, but twice resulted in a wonderful arrangement!

    I will agree that Lily is a great SB, but it has nothing to do with her blog. A blog is written by a subjective author with subjective points of view. There is no way to filter opinions, embellishments, false information and the like, but it does give wonderful insight to the author. You’ve already expressed the point to be yourself and be honest. Keep it sugary sweet, spoil your SD more than he spoils you and it will all come. Liliy is vivacious, pretty, intelligent, funny and eager to enjoy every drop of sugar. She has a lot to offer a SD and it looks like it has come her way in a larger-than-life fashion. Would you expect anything less? :-)

  107. west books says:

    Need advise. I question whether I am barking up the wrong tree.

    I am not the barbie type. I have tits, curves, and ass and a few extra pounds. I am also very smart, attractive, and can hold a great conversation. Yet guys don’t seem to respond to me. What am I doing wrong?

    How much does race play into this. I am a black female.

  108. MidWest said ~

    A woman can command respect regardless of her background. Bicentennial and I have similar experiences in youth, but that has not trapped me into being less worthy than those who have either been brought up with or have learned the social circles early on. I’m currently in fundraising. I don’t pretend to be in the inner circle…I am myself and my donors respect me fully for that very reason. If it’s a facade, then I don’t see it and I consider myself to be a great judge of character. Then again, I would never give Arrogant SOB SD the time of day regardless of his wealth and opportunity.


    My “SDs” (I just call them friends, sweethearts, lovers, etc) LOVE me because I am real and they can’t seem to get enough of my “stories” about life in the hood. I think it turns them on. And they are very far from being arrogant. Jerks are not my type – I don’t care home much money or whatever. MidWest said it best already.

  109. Lily said ~

    An SB should err on the side of entitlement if it’s between that & a doormat.

    Completely agree. Great advice, and it comes from one of the greatest SBs here. How do we know that she is so great? Because SHE HAS A BLOG to prove it.

  110. How to change screen name –

    Erase the one that is there. Put a new one in.

    – I’m a genius! A true genius!

  111. Bonnie says:


    That’s just me. I’m a web site person. I meant it more as an example. Thanks for understanding and clarifying about “web presence”.

    I still recommend using web sites and blogs as tools and I really feel that the more tools the better.

    It is obvious that many successful sb’s do not have web sites. I mean, sb’s were around a long time before the internet. Having a web site doesn’t necessarily make you an sb BUT

    Look at how we all admire BrownSkinSugarBabe. Follow her example – Excellent screen name. All the pots who check out this blog do not have the patience to read all the blah, blah, blah. They scan doown the names and BOOM! – What pops out?


    Why? Because they are here to seek and arrangement. With who? Bonnie? Lisa? Sherri? Nope – A Brown Skinned Sugar Baby.

    Then, they click through her name and WOW! Exactly what they were looking for.

    I am look for a spiritual connection in my relationships. I should change my screen name to “SpiritualBaby”. Does anyone know how to do that?

    Anyway, this blog is a tool. I say – Use it to your advantage in every way possible. Make it so pots can click through your name and find YOU.

  112. Bonnie says:

    ToughLove said ~

    Phrases like “princess”, “treat me like a queen”, “if you qualify”, “I expect and deserve the best”, blah, blah, blah. These phrases make my skin crawl and practically SCREAM of someone who is trying to “date up”. Why? Think of it this way, would Angelina Jolie EVER state she deserves to be treated like a “princess”? NO!!!! Because it’s automatically a part of her reality. It’s so automatic that she doesn’t even have to think about it, so she’d focus on other things in her interaction with a man. Another metaphor is fish don’t know they are “wet”, because they have no concept of being “dry”. Women who’ve spent their whole lives being treated WELL just see those things as “normal”. It’s actually outside of her conscious awareness. That’s ONE of those obvious signs that I spoke of earlier. It tells me a woman has spent part of her life being treated as something OTHER than a “princess”, so by definition…she’s not part of the club! So, if I wanted to play Arrogant SOB SD, then she’s the one who gets the “pay for play” offer.

    Now, before anyone feels compelled to tell me how “wrong” that is, I’m simply pointing out cause and effect. It’s one of those little areas where the SB’s behavior (language, demeanor, world view, etc.) influences how she is treated. Are there exceptions, OF COURSE. Just speaking from personal experience, i.e. my Hampton’s party example from earlier. Ask yourself, how likely is Arrogant SOB SD to present Angelina Jolie with a “pay for play” offer? Not very! He does it with the “wanna be” because given their different positions in the social hierarchy, he believes (consciously or subconsciously) he can get away with it. Just something to consider…. (Commence flaming)

    ToughLove ~ Thank you so much for clarifying! I absolutely agree with you, 100%. I had heard the “entitlement” thing mentioned and I was like – Who are these SBs? What are they talking about? (I don’t read SB profiles, so I had no clue).

    And now I see! And I read the first half of the first paragraph and realized – yeah! it’s those little girls who have no clue what they are talking about……then the end of your paragraph explains who these little girls are – they are not SBs. They are the wannabes.

    There is nothing wrong with being a wannabe, just polish your game! Like TL said – “princess” blah, blah, blah means “Xs treated me like crap and they didn’t have money. That wasn’t fair (true). Now I am hurt and I expect the next one to be absolutely perfect.”

    They are not SBs. They are just ladies looking for a better relationship. They fantasize – I want to be treated like a queen…..We all do, but don’t put it in your profile! It sounds so needy and desperate!

    We (both sd and sb) all have painful pasts. Learn from it and move on, on meaning = forward. Don’t promote yourself (meaning – create a profile) that screams – I’M A LOSER!

  113. MindyNYC says:

    Hey Sweet Lils! Miss you too! Last 10 days have been uber hectic, so am taking this dull Saturday to do some catching up. So glad to hear things re looking up. Expect an email soon xo

    @ Lisa
    The positive aspects of your personality have really been shining through on the blog lately. I have enjoyed and appreciated your effort and participation – “Theres no ac in hell, so get used to the heat” still has me LMAO every time the heat gets to me…
    I do think NC Gents help is sincere, but naturally no one is going to (or should) foot the bill for $1500/day facility, especially when there are many, many other options available. Most (modern) anti-depressants do ‘not drastically alter or sedate your mind’ to the point that it would affect your work functionality- yes even in the physical sense. In fact, it may improve as many report sharper focus as a benefit…Majority of clinical depression is usually caused by a lack of seretonin production in the brain. Anti – depressants assist in making up that deficiency. Beyond medication, there are mental exercises to assist in turning around an unmotivated/defeatist mentality, that can go in hand with your medication therapy- many can even be found free online…Speaking of ‘free’, your income would qualify you, not only for free medical help, but also free medication – see needymeds dot com and pparx dot org. There is a lot you can do on your own, but I understand it may be overwhelming at this point, so why not at least find a doctor that can prescribe a medication to start, and have NCGent pay for the visit and meds. Wouldn’t that be more manageable for the both of you? And a step in the right direction?
    The last 40 yrs do not have to dictate the next… :)

  114. RedMaru says:

    Hey everybody! Trying to stay cool. There was a storm yesterday but as the weatherman predicted it didnt do jack. Its back to being hot out there. Funny how I was talking about getting a pet some blogs ago and there are four strays hanging out in the neighborhood. They hang out near a run down house poor things I’ve taken to feeding them and they gobble it up.
    On the sugar front : I maybe getting one IRL an old school friend(now a very well off school friend) imagine that as he has made a “sugary” offer. Dont know if I want to accept it though have to do some serious thinking…..
    But if all works out the sweetness should balance the sour of my job as the nice tolerable manager of my unit was sent to a special project and has been replaced a micro managing witch(the nicest thing I can call her) from the thirteenth level of hell who already is implementing a bunch of useless procedures and wants to have a meeting this coming week about procedure and blah blah. Enjoying my blissful weekend to the fullest to repress the urge to do anything I regret…ha ha But been kissing up to my former manager to see if I can get on with her on that project keeping fingers crossed.

    Sorry its so long folks havent been on in a while.
    Off to feed my “foster” (lol) cats

  115. Lisa says:

    I agree better entitled than a doormat.
    But based on what toughlove says, I guess I really don’t deserve anything.

    Midwest I think the cost of treatment would be impossible. Remember things cant always be made well with medicine. A friend checked the treatment center a mile from me 1.5 k a day for treatment. That is impossible and my insurance does not cover anything like that, my insurance doesn’t even cover lab costs and doctor’s viists are 40 dollars. A coworker used her insurance and it covered very little and won’t even cover half of the surgery she needs. But what do you expect of 20 dollar a month employee insurance. I was trying to get my card as they never even sent that to me, I gave them my ss number and they have never even heard of me even though they take 5 dollars out of each check for the past few months.

    ok i’m going to lay down and try to rest now as i’m misserable and the advil isn’t working and i’ve got to work all day tomorrow and since I didn’t finish the truck today, i’ve got 2 pallets of freight to stock.
    Funny i’m supposed to be a drug/gm clerk but all i seem to do is work stock.
    Just saw a neighbor woman going out with her date, dressed up in a long evening gown, looked gorgeous, so much for the lucky ones.

    Have a good night everyone.

  116. Lily says:

    You milfy mama, you.
    It has. I’ve become blessed w/ generosity I don’t deserve, from those I didn’t even appreciate properly this year.

  117. Midwest SB says:

    Lily – Hi Euro Hottie! Thanks for the compliment. Did I see that sugar turned around for you?

  118. Midwest SB says:

    Lisa – I wasn’t aware. With all do respect, you are very good at finding reasons not to do something. I realize your limitations with transportation, etc., but when you make up your mind to do something, I’m sure you will find a way. (((Hugs))

    Elegant and Mindy – Kudos to your comments all along!

    LadyI – I’m excited to hear you are narrowing it down to one and moving forward to what appears to be a wonderful and exciting adventure!

    Taz – Hmmmm….I’m putting pieces together. Expect an e-mail soon :-) Congratulations and good luck! I know you will be successful at anything to do. I’m glad you’re closer too!!

    Toughlove – excellent examples of entitlement in profiles. I will have to disagree in the second point. A woman can command respect regardless of her background. Bicentennial and I have similar experiences in youth, but that has not trapped me into being less worthy than those who have either been brought up with or have learned the social circles early on. I’m currently in fundraising. I don’t pretend to be in the inner circle…I am myself and my donors respect me fully for that very reason. If it’s a facade, then I don’t see it and I consider myself to be a great judge of character. Then again, I would never give Arrogant SOB SD the time of day regardless of his wealth and opportunity.

  119. Lily says:

    And Mindy, my dear, yours too. Wise woman you are!
    Miss u! Email me…

  120. Lily says:

    An SB should err on the side of entitlement if it’s between that & a doormat.

    In my opinion.

    Midwest, always love your posts!

  121. MindyNYC says:

    @ Elegant…Yes, I read “GET A WEBSITE” etc much differently. It’s not a bad idea, just not something (IME) I see as a necessary step, especially in a top 10 list…I would definitely agree with your points on marketability, especially in regards to online communication and presentation. Spelling, correct use of words, sentence structure, grammar, subject matter etc. are all a part of putting one’s best self forward… It’s also used as a test and screening for many.

  122. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone

    Midwest I did take him up on his offer but haven’t heard from him in weeks. Last time I heard from him, he couldn’t find anything in my area as the medical center next across the street seems to cater only to physical ailments.

    Dandelion Wine (any reference to the 60’s drink? lol) There are some elderly people here but they are mostly retired women who were high up in the world and have there own social circles, I see them going out in groups and with friends and family, I doubt they need my company. My parents are elderly but none of the neighbors have anything to do with them because my parents are on the lower income class thus they don’t fit in. My next door neighbor is really cute BUT he has a wife or girlfriend living with him and he doesn’t even say hi to me.

    aspiring doc I went to a vacational school 25 years ago because I was pressured into it by family. Graduated with a big student loan to pay, it was an 8 month course but cost 4k and I got no where with it. No one would hire me to work even as a secretary (I took the general office clerk course) and I ended up doing phone solicitation which I sucked at and then retail. It was never an interest of mine, just something I was talked into that turned out to be a big mistake for me when the loan had to be paid back. Everytime I went in to apply for an office job, they tested me on different things and I failed, couldn’t operate any of the machines to save my life, etc. I just have no zest or desire for a career or anything anymore.

    Ok off to take some medicine as today’s work didn’t help my back at all and now my leg is hurting (it has hurt since the second day I started working there and missed the last rung of the ladder and my leg went straight down. Need to do some housework too.

    Profile got 8 views today but no emails :(

  123. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    I am with you. I have no “blog”.
    And, I would like to say, I am quite successful.

    But, I also took Bonnies thoughts as possibly meaning web presence as your whole marketability online.

    This would include your profile, and the emails you send back and forth. It never fails to amaze me, just how some people market themselves.
    So good web presence, as I took her to mean it could also mean, for the average (Not based on looks) SB who has no blogs, how they market themselves against the crop of faces and profiles here… ;p

    How would “you” sell “you”?
    What makes you want to “buy” a dress?
    What makes you “need” to have a certain item?

    Think of it the same way as SD/SB dating. If you wanted to “sell” yourself, what attributes would you want everyone to see first? To remember? What would you want people to come back to and touch on? What would stick in your mind the most?

  124. MindyNYC says:

    @ Bonnie – Those who have web presence have SDs. Those who don’t, don’t.
    Where exactly did you get that?? Umm, most who sugar blog use it as an outlet for venting, chatting and teaching (sorta of like what happens right here), not as a self promotion tool.
    I, like tons of others, have quality SD’s and have never needed a web presence beyond an online profile.
    Your advice about blog participation is good. I’d like to add to also read the ARCHIVES from here and other blogs. If you like what someone says- do a search on their name and read their other posts. It may lead to some good discussions and advice. Everyone’s ‘Top 10’ list is going to vary slightly, but you’ll find more than 10 by doing some reading, especially from experienced SBs.

    Hope everyone is having a good weekend… No sugar plans for me, as he is still at the summer home. But he did send a gorgeous bouquet of flowers (less than 2 wks after the last bday one!) yesterday ‘just because’…LD is hard but there are definitely ways to keep the passion going.

  125. Sweetness says:

    @ Bonnie – Thanks!! I am a newbie here! I saw both Tyra shows which made me interesting in exploring the SB/SD lifestyle.

    I am going to try those things out… and will post the progress!!

    Thanks !

  126. ToughLove says:


    Phrases like “princess”, “treat me like a queen”, “if you qualify”, “I expect and deserve the best”, blah, blah, blah. These phrases make my skin crawl and practically SCREAM of someone who is trying to “date up”. Why? Think of it this way, would Angelina Jolie EVER state she deserves to be treated like a “princess”? NO!!!! Because it’s automatically a part of her reality. It’s so automatic that she doesn’t even have to think about it, so she’d focus on other things in her interaction with a man. Another metaphor is fish don’t know they are “wet”, because they have no concept of being “dry”. Women who’ve spent their whole lives being treated WELL just see those things as “normal”. It’s actually outside of her conscious awareness. That’s ONE of those obvious signs that I spoke of earlier. It tells me a woman has spent part of her life being treated as something OTHER than a “princess”, so by definition…she’s not part of the club! So, if I wanted to play Arrogant SOB SD, then she’s the one who gets the “pay for play” offer.

    Now, before anyone feels compelled to tell me how “wrong” that is, I’m simply pointing out cause and effect. It’s one of those little areas where the SB’s behavior (language, demeanor, world view, etc.) influences how she is treated. Are there exceptions, OF COURSE. Just speaking from personal experience, i.e. my Hampton’s party example from earlier. Ask yourself, how likely is Arrogant SOB SD to present Angelina Jolie with a “pay for play” offer? Not very! He does it with the “wanna be” because given their different positions in the social hierarchy, he believes (consciously or subconsciously) he can get away with it. Just something to consider…. (Commence flaming)

  127. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Midwest – yes my daughter and I are relocating. Well she knows that we are exploring other places this summer but she will love it there…she already does and summer just began :) Working on my business and loving life!! I have been traveling waaay too much back and forth – I thought it would be fun but really after awhile it does truly take its toll…hence relocating and it just makes good business sense to be in a bigger city…just flowing with what works :) So happy to hear things are going so well for you – I will most definitely keep you updated if we ever set anything up…doesn’t cleo come around this way anymore?? Hmmm…her and I will be in touch when I am settled into my place a bit more…

  128. Bonnie says:


    SDs ~ How are SBs expressing a sense of entitlement in their profiles?

  129. Bonnie says:


    1. PARTICIPATE IN THIS BLOG Ask questions. Take the advice – don’t ignore it. Click through the participant’s names and read their blogs. USE THE BLOG!

    2. PROMOTE YOURSELF – BUILD A WEB OR BLOG SITE! Just do it! Figure out what you have to offer (your hobbies and interests) and build the site.

    BiBaby ~ Start a blog about pageant experience

    Sasha ~ Be the beautiful, black singer that you are.

    Anything! – This is like an online “business card”. Make it as informative as possible. You can build something like mine at webs.com. It’s free (and it’s really fun).

    Simply put: Those who have web presence have SDs. Those who don’t, don’t.

    Your site or blog can be about ANYTHING as long as it is about YOU. You can blog about your struggles and hardships. Get charitycase.com as your domain. However you want to represent yourself.

    Think of it this way: This is like fishing. Your site or blog is like your pole. Go to the lake. Who is catching the fish – the ones who are using poles or the ones who are snorkeling around, grabbing at everything with their bare hands? GET A WEB SITE>



    6. DON’T BE A SLUT





    OK, class, your assignment is to fill in the rest of the blanks. Have fun!

  130. Midwest SB says:

    Viking – Absolutely! You are glowing and more potentials are drawn to your confidence like moths to a flame! I love your approach to youngSD…you two will be great together!

  131. Viking Hybrid says:

    Hey sugars!

    Dolls, is it just me or when it comes to men (sugar and non) – when it rains, it f*in pours!!!

    Meeting a very promising pot next week. If he is who he says he is (and of course if there’s chemistry), I think I may be in lots of luck!

    Off to trapse around the city for a day or two. Wishing a sugar-filled weekend to you all :)

  132. Midwest SB says:

    Asya – as for screening, most of the time it will be pretty obvious. If you read SD Guru’s comments above, that about sums it up. If a lady shows entitlement in her profile, then she may be a high maintenance sb.

    I’m not entirely clear on your question about “realistic views of attractiveness”. Taking a guess, everyone is different. Some of the sbs go for the metrosexual, gq model type. Others prefer to get to know someone with no regard to looks. Personally, I stopped asking for photos simply because 1) many don’t photograph well and 2) it allows me to focus on the person. Pretty ambivalent answer I know. To quote The Lone Gunman…”we all want something different”.

  133. Midwest SB says:

    Taz – I didn’t know about a gathering at Cleo’s. Let me know if/when that happens! I’d love to hear more about your move! Is it a family move? Sugar is sweet! New SD provides a lot of travel opportunities, but it’s definitely harder being in a LD arrangement. We haven’t visited in about 3 weeks because of work and a funeral. He’s so cute…says he can’t wait and will fly to me next week for an overnight visit since it’s been so hard to meet. He goes the extra mile. I’ve been lucky here. Still great friends with James…he’s an amazing friend.

    Asya – welcome! I agree with Taz in just be yourself. You will receive a lot of e-mails at first from the escorts and fakes. Keep at it and screen relentlessly. As a successful sb in my 40s and relatively new to the scene, sbs my age do have to work a little harder at it, but we also don’t have to filter through much of the muck the younger sbs deal with. As for dating younger sds, I tend to venture towards the 50+ men. I have dated several younger (26-32) men IRL and they just don’t know how to treat a lady, nor are they established in their professional lives. That said, if you are sincere and just have a preference for older women, state as much in your profile. I still give each potential serious consideration if he comes across as genuine.

  134. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Asya – Welcome – be yourself and be real. Hopefully in doing that you will attract the same :) You might get better advice from someone else lol…

  135. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Midwest – yes you do lady!! Weren’t we all supposed to get together at Cleo’s???? Lol..sb party? I will be living in Toronto very soon..well kind of am already…anyway we should do it!! How is your world, sugar sister? :)

  136. Asya says:

    Great stuff. I’m learning a lot.

    For genuine SBs or SDs, any tips on how to construct a SD profile that comes across well?

    Do older women get looked over? Are they open to dating younger than them?

    Any tips to weed out poor SBs who may not truly understand this concept or are looking for cash-and-run? Are genuine SBs realistic in the idea of “attractive” in this type of dating arrangement?

  137. Midwest SB says:

    Taz!!!!!!!!!! So glad sugar is treating you well! I’ve got to get to CA!

  138. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Good Morning everyone :)

    Hello Midwest!!!!

  139. Midwest SB says:

    Stormcat – Thank you :-) You have mail!

  140. Midwest SB says:

    Last post for a while…this group has been busy!

    Allowances- there are several things to consider and very little of it has to do with x number of visits vs amt of allowance.
    1- Are you in an area that has a higher cost of living? Ladies in Idaho will not receive the same allowance as ladies in NYC simply because they don’t have to pay $2K a month for rent.
    2- What do you need? Full-time students don’t want student loans looming and don’t want to work at the Gap for minimum wage in order to pay the rent. Many SDs are willing to pay the living expenses, books and tuition for a full-time student. If she is being a GREAT SB, it’s likely she will also receive gifts, travel and a little spending cash. A SB looking to start a new business venture will gain the advantage of a SDs mentoring, his contacts, his financial backing and more. Have an idea of what you want and the time it will take to get there. Know what your monthly bills are and have a plan.
    3- If you are uncomfortable with the cash exchange, tell him. Arrange for him to pay your bills via automatic credit card payment and accept travel, gifts, companionship, etc.

    Whatever the arrangement, KNOW what you want/need. Don’t be afraid to discuss it early on as it is a screening tool.

  141. Midwest SB says:

    Bicentennial – I’m 43. When I started, I put 39 in order to be pulled up in search ranges 40 and under. I would always disclose this to a potSD in the first e-mail or two and it was never an issue. During my second search, a SD suggested this sentence: “I’m a 43 y.o. blonde, look like I’m 33 and feel like I’m 23.” It’s fun, accurate and went over well. I’ve been on the site since Oct and currently in my 2nd arrangement.

    Do NOT go to a SDs room on the first date unless you just want to romp. Sleeping with a SD does not qualify as “we’re in an arrangement”. There are many fakes who will take advantage of inexperienced sbs and you will not see him again.

  142. Midwest SB says:

    Lisa – I speak with NC Gent regularly and know he is sincere in offering all the assistance you need for depression. I believe our friend gave you my e-mail. If you would like, contact me off-blog and I will forward your contact info to him. Please take him up on the offer.

  143. BrownSugaBabe says:

    I just want to say thanks to Bonnie and Elegant for your replies and advice. I will put your advice to good use.

    Yes, I do have a live in bf and he has been great to me. I just feel that he can’t provide everything I need him to. Also I really want to have this experience of being a SB. I won’t tell him (my bf) because he will never understand. So I won’t even go down that road…

    My girls are well taken care of and they are not why I want to do this. I think I do need to put in my profile that I won’t be able to travel so that won’t be expected.

    I just want to ask any of the other SB’s who are either married or have a live in bf, do you put that info in your profile and how has it been so far for you in the SD/SB world? How do you go about getting a SD to contact you and take you seriously when they know you have a man at home?

    I’ll keep reading the blogs and learning! You all have been great!

  144. Stormcat says:

    Midwest ~ You already know that you and I are both on the same, hoplessly romantic, page. But you say things so beautifully . . .

  145. Stormcat says:

    Good Morning Sugarcats and kittens. I’m blogging from Java John’s my new coffee local.

    I don’t know what is going on with my avatar.

    Lady I ~ Yay! Sounds rather cramped up, but you just keep showing your grace! Of course I don’t know the exact circumstances and wouldn’t want to discuss it here anyway, but keeping someone on the payroll of a company when that person doesn’t actually work there would get him in so much legal hot water . . . both civil and criminal.

    Hi there AM, missed you.

  146. Midwest SB says:

    Morning sugars! I’m so far behind, but have a few comments. Then, I’ll read and wish I had waited :-)

    Stormcat – my quote about falling in love with a rich man was actually more about knowing what you want and meeting, dating and falling in love with a person who can provide those things while truly being in love with that person. It is possible to have both… in my hopelessly romantic view of things. If you like to travel, don’t marry a homebody…if you like Prada, don’t marry a blue collar guy. If you do fall into marrying someone who doesn’t provide those things, then you do the right thing…it’s your problem, not his.

    Sugar and love are quite the elusive combination…and rightly so. It’s one of those “be careful what you ask for” moments. It’s great to open your heart and you should, at the very least, have chemistry and passion in your arrangements. Coming here for “happily ever after” is asking for trouble. Coming here without chemistry and passion is also trouble as you attract the wrong SDs and really cheapen the arrangement.

    Bicentennial Baby – First, this is not an attack, but I am going to be blunt. I mean to help and not to insult, so bear with me. I have read your stats more times than I care to remember. It’s great that you are a beautiful woman with a former modeling career. Here’s the reality…that will open some doors, but it will not keep a genuine SD. In addition, you are going to attract what I call “hit and run” daddies who treat SA like their personal harem. Step away from the mirror, dig deep within yourself and look beyond the Louboutins. Show a little humility and ask yourself what you can do for your SD besides being arm candy and a fun romp. Otherwise, he’s going to be gone in a month and you will feel like an escort. Genuine SDs are often our “knights” and want to help a lady achieve something substantial and meaningful. These men are capable of so much more than buying you nice things. What is your 5-10-20 year plan? How can he make a meaningful impact on your life. You will face challenges as a married SB. Knowing two married SBs, it took them close to a year to find a man who was interested in a serious arrangement. They are very happy in their arrangements, but they weren’t looking for luxury. Step back and re-evaluate.

    Time for coffee!

  147. aspiring-doc says:

    @university blonde: my sd doesnt pay anywhere near that in allowance (mind you im not sure how american dollars converts to nz or what the equivilent cost of living is). I dont really have to worry about uni fees as we have a loan system. my sd has payed my entire semester off though :).
    I wish you the best of luck. another idea is find a sd who can help you get relvant experience in ur field of study. my sd helped me set up a partime business while i study which helps cover rent

  148. aspiring-doc says:

    Hey sugas

    Lisa, i hope things get better- if you went to business school- why dont u try find a SD who can mentor you in career? just an idea?

    alot of the terms used are american – so i dont really know what trailor parks mean or cant understand why everyone lives in apartments! 😛

  149. Bonnie says:

    Divia ~ Welcome to the site and best of luck with your first meeting.

    I have been meeting pots from the sd4me site (that was mentioned earlier today). The one who was so wonderful today was from there. Like I said before – BINGO!

    I signed up at that other site May 20. I think this gentleman was the fourth one I had met.

  150. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    I haven’t been on the blog very much, not even really lurking..thaaat often. I am sad I don’t see so many familiar faces – where did you all go??? Anyway..on with it…hey!! I see a few familiar faces!! *waving at Lisa, NYC SB and Anna Molly*

    Tough Love – I don’t think your approach is off at all – to each his own. It truly is all a matter of perspective and I see yours, and I also see others’. If it works for you that is all that matters :) Everyone is seeking something different and we all have our own ways of seeking them out. I could understand your mindset however, I tend to have a knack of knowing when people are b.s-ing me sooo even though I wouldn’t be upset b/c you were late in the least, I would be upset if I felt I was being lied to. I still wouldn’t make a scene or cause any drama at all, but I may leave. I KNOW my boyfriend/sd has a hectic schedule and I honor that and try to add convenience to his life rather than complicate it further…he does the same for me whenever possible – we are both very straightforward and honest with each other and we haven’t had to waste any time at all – when we met or now…that was THIS time and with this person. Trust me I remember all the wasted time and energy put into fakes and liars…I happened to be very fortunate as he messaged me as I was logging in after a few months to take my profile down…and yes, now I am very very grateful. I guess that goes back to the old adage – what you resist will persist – and also perhaps what you expect is what you get…what you put out is what you get back…ok I will stop now :)

    SD Guru – I do agree that most people test subconsciously at the very least. It is a natural progression in the getting to know someone process…

    Lisa – I echo Dandelion Wine!

    Ok it is too late to be here blogging…hope everyone enjoys their weekend!!!

  151. Bonnie says:

    Universityblonde said –

    hey, I’m new to this site and was wondering how others girls are finding it and what a good allowance is to ask,

    I feel that a lot of girls are being sugar babies these days (and even older women) which really makes men think that 100 dollars in being generous… sorry I know my worth! And it’s not that!

    That AND the fact that hollywood has glamorized this so more men out there want sugar babies… even the ones that finically can’t offer more than 500 bucks a month which can go see a hooker and stop trying to waste my time no offence.


    WELCOME! This site is great, especially this blog.

    I’ve never asked for an allowance before. I just signed up here this week and had the same question. So I put negotiable.

    I came to the blog and some thoughts were thrown around and I thought about it. I came up with $2000 – $5000 and I am leaning more towards an arrangement that merits the higher amount (I just might not have time for that big of a commitment).

    I don’t think an allowance ever has to be discussed. That’s just a way of promoting yourself on this site. So I changed my profile to state financial details.

  152. Bonnie says:

    BINGO!!!!! That pink flag was actually red – red HOT!!!!!

    WOW! My pot was a dream come true! We are going out again Monday!

  153. Dandelion Wine says:

    Lisa, you don’t have to be isolated.
    It doesn’t cost money to meet people.
    If you are worried about being used by a man – reach out to women, make some friends with no benefits other than satisfying each other’s need for social interaction.

    Many older women (and men) are very lonely; meeting with an elderly neighbor once or twice a week for tea/coffee and a chit-chat might bring some joy to both your and their lives, especially if you make an effort not to get lost in re-living the unpleasant events of the past by continuously bringing up all the pain and disappointment.

    Make it your escape hour – it’s ok to dream, to envision, and to revisit memories that make you feel warm inside

    It may even help you alleviate some of the pain that is associated with your parents’ treatment of you.
    A surrogate parental figure that respects you and likes you as an adult could be enormously healing.

    What do you have to lose?

  154. SweetSugar says:

    I think you need to start contacting SDs like mad, instead of sitting at home on the blogs here. Production creates distraction! Get busy!

    Sorry if I come off harsh. I want to see you succeed, not cry.

  155. Lisa says:

    now my internet connection keeps dying. I have had nothing but problems with my modem since I moved over here. Must have reset this thing a hundred times. Last time I called the service number the operator gave me the codes to do the reset myself and it always works but it really gave me some problems tonight. Now it’s time for me to go to bed so I can drag myself out of bed at 5:30 to go to work and unload that stupid truck again. My back still hurts from thursday’s work.

    Have a good night everyone

  156. Lisa says:

    on top of that I took the “your real age” quiz after the security guard at the medical building where my daughter works told me about it. She is 59 and her “real age” is 72. Well i’m 44 and it says my real age is 56 :(
    my depression and anxiety disorder along with my horrible diet and isolation seem to have determined it.

  157. NYC SB says:

    Sd guru – last party was much better… I attend bc its an interesting experience for me… Clearly not looking to find an sd there… Although I did meet a non sugar at the last one who has become open to supporting me… Chemistry wasn’t there so I passed

    Lily – muse and I are up for an euro reunion!

  158. Lisa says:

    it’s weird, 5 years ago I was living with family, had no lover, no money

    today i’m back to living near my parents (next building) and I have no lover (I broke off with my maried lover of 5 years in order to give my full attention to my new sd, who poofed 2 weeks after I moved) and again I have no money. the more things change, the more they remain the same.

  159. Anna Molly says:

    Awww, things will turn around :)

  160. Lisa says:

    I sure hope so Anna Molly. I have a week’s vacation coming up in August and it would be nice to have something fun to do and some shopping but at this point it looks like, sleeping late and spending the day on the blog.

  161. Anna Molly says:

    I am sure you’ll find someone soon Lisa! :)

    I had a break in my crazy life and I thought I would check in to see what was going on :)

  162. Anna Molly says:

    Bicentennial Baby : We haven’t met, but, I was a regular blogger here for a long time! I have read some of your posts and it’s nice to see another married SB here on the blog! Let me say one thing; I am married and have had the best time. I have met some wonderful people and made amazing friends.

    One would think that because you’re married it would put a damper on your success as a SB, I can say for sure that it is not true. I was on the site for 3 months before I had any luck, so, be patient in your search. I found that many men (especially those who are married) prefer a married woman, so, don’t give up…I don’t think you will. Most importantly, have fun and Good Luck!! :)

  163. Lisa says:

    Hi Anna Molly

    things are about the same, no change, still looking for a new sd. I want to able to start enjoying my new neighborhood but it costs money so i’m home as usual

  164. Anna Molly says:

    Wow! So many new faces on the blog!! That’s great!! I haven’t been around for a while!! Good to be back and I’m looking forward to getting to know everyone I haven’t met yet.

    Hi Lisa!! Hope things are going well. I haven’t had time to catch up on the blog yet. Good to see you!

    Hi Stormcat!!! Good to see you too!! Hope things are going well for you and your SB as well.

  165. Divia12 says:

    @Lady Intim
    Yay, for the way things have turned out for you. I haven’t commented much on the blogs yet since I”m still new and have been lurking mostly. I say good riddance to that jerk. I can’t believe he though that intimidation and manipulation would be the correct way to handle the situation. How classy of you to keep your cool by not engaging and just walking away. Have fun searching for your new home!

    I too am new to the site and I’m finding it to be ok so far. I have a few pot SDs and have only discussed allowance with one. He was actually the one who brought it up being that he once had an SB for three years. We’re meeting next week. He has a loft near my university and is coming into town to meet me. It’ll be my first meeting with a pot SD.

  166. BrownSugaBabe says:

    I just want to say thanks to Bonnie and Elegant for your replies and advice. I will put your advice to good use.

    Yes, I do have a live in bf and he has been great to me. I just feel that he can’t do everything I need him to do. Also I really want to have this experience. I won’t tell him because he will never understand. So I won’t even go down that road…

    My girls are well taken care of and they are not why I want to do this. I think I do need to put in my profile that I won’t be able to travel so that won’t be expected.

    I’ll keep reading the blogs and learning! You all have been great!

  167. hey, I’m new to this site and was wondering how others girls are finding it and what a good allowance is to ask,

    I feel that a lot of girls are being sugar babies these days (and even older women) which really makes men think that 100 dollars in being generous… sorry I know my worth! And it’s not that!

    That AND the fact that hollywood has glamorized this so more men out there want sugar babies… even the ones that finically can’t offer more than 500 bucks a month which can go see a hooker and stop trying to waste my time no offence.

  168. Lisa says:

    Lady Intim wow he sounds like a nutcase. Glad you found out beforehand

  169. Lady Intim says:

    Hi, Everyone! I am back. Wow. I have no idea where to begin-what a crazy week. First off, Vegas was a BLAST. Zumanity rocked my socks, my date was amazing and undeservingly generous. We partied and enjoyed 2 days and 2 nights in a row a la first class style…he was a complete sweetheart, we parted ways thanking each other and him asking me when we can do this again… and at that point I already knew i would never see him again because I made the decision to start a new life. So, From Vegas I flew straight to California to see my BABY! My Future Husband SD! The second I saw him I knew right away that I could no longer lead my current lifestyle and told him that I wanted to give him my 100 percent trust and commitment and to start making steps towards our future together. He said-LETS DO THIS. I AM READY. That night my Main SD called and started to harrass me once again about my whereabouts and why I haven’t been answering the housephone and how I need to pay some respect if I want him to pay my bills. So, my patience burst, and I told him that it was OVER. He flipped out. Started yelling and telling me that I can’t break up with him and that if I want to get my things back I better get to our condo in several hours because he is flying in to burn my things . (haha). I told him I had no intentions of cutting my trip short (please remember that he had my commitment for a long time until I found out that everything he said and did was a big huge lie) and that I guess I will have to buy new stuff if he decides to be a baby about it. So finally, I returned to our previously (YAY!!!) mutual residence yesterday to gather my belongings and he met me with a boxfull of paperwork, bills, and receipts, saying that since I am breaking up with him I will now be receiving Income tax statements for the two previous years from the IRS as he has been recording all of my expenses and funds he’s provided. According to him I should be looking forward to over 70k in taxes. He concluded his presentation by saying that if I return all of his gifts (car and jewelry…which were all purchased with certificates in my name=fat chance) we can call it even and he will disappear from my life. Then he started to freak out because I didn’t panic and start calling him names…he was obviously searching for a reaction…so he started threatening to make sure I spiral down fast and some more and some more. Anyway, as he was busy huffing and puffing, I quietly gathered some of my most important belongings such as pictures and a few dresses ( I took all my expenseive jewelry and all the cash out of the house before the trip as I could feel this coming), and left thanking God it was over. My husband SD and I have officially decided to be together. His divorce is filed and he has moved all of his stuff out of his future to be ex wife’s house. He is here all next week and the week after that. We need to buy a house. Currenly he is renting me a place on a weekly basis and I couldn’t be any happier that I no longer have to hide, play games, and explain myself to people who clearly don’t know that just because they have money and power they can buy and control everyone and everything. And as far as My ex – SD’s threats go…Im not worried at all. We never signed any contracts. But if he wants to go on and say that he’s had me on payroll for two years, I’d want to ask what was he paying me FOR??? The PR problem he could cause for himself shouldn’t be worth all this stink. The sad thing is that I never thought we would part ways like this. He turned it ugly really fast. Sad. Oh well. I am Happy!!!!

    • SD Guru says:

      @Lady Intim

      Congratulations on your exit from the sugar world and into happily ever after!! I want to be a fly on the wall at your bachelorette party!! :)

      I’m glad you had a good time in Vegas but I’m sorry to see how things ended with main SD. You’d think after all that he has done for you he’d be happy to see you move on with your new life. Didn’t he see this coming? There is no excuse for how he handled the break up (and I’ve been through some ugly ones). It just goes to show, and this is something I’ve mentioned before, the more a SD provides for his SB, the higher the expectations he will have regardless of what he said or what the arrangement was.

      When you were away I wrote a post about things for you to think about. Have a look and please stop by the blog once in a while to let us know how things are going.

  170. Bonnie says:

    Sherri ~ P.S. I cancelled my dinner plans tonight (church) to go out with this pot. He knew I had this plan. He did this to manipulate me, from the strat, you know?

    I really do not want to meet him, but I am doing it so that the site will not have its reputation interfered with – We are not all fakes. I am real. – is my statement tonight.

    But I’m thinking – Why bother? This guy shouldn’t even be here to begin with!

  171. Bonnie says:

    BiBaby ~ I am also LDS!…..OK, back to the topic – Tyra!

    Tyra’s land is parallel to Jerry Springer’s, so it is the same – The sugarland lifestyle is always going to get bashed in the media because the media controls this country.

    IMO, this country oppresses women – so, of course, the media is going to do the same.

    Keep up the good work, Tyra! What a patriotic American woman you really are!…..and I am not saying that sarcastically. She’s an awesome American woman. God bless her always!

  172. Bonnie says:

    Sherri ~ I totally agree. I didn’t postpone as a test. It was the real thing and he understood this from the start. I’ll try to make my explanation brief –

    I told him I was only available to meet for dinners Mon – Thurs. He said – How about Fri? I told him I had a church dinner.

    He asked – Can we squeeze in a lunch date?

    I said – Fridays are my busiest day at work, but I’ll see what I can do.

    I really just need to stick with my own rules – I can only meet for dinner Mon – Thurs!

    Also, we ~just~ met! I ~just~ signed up here on Monday! I am making a new rule – No meetings until we’ve corresponded for at least two weeks.

    It is kind of obvious to me that this guy thinks that this site is for escorts because that is how he has treated me thus far – what a poopie head!

  173. Bonnie says:

    (((((((((Lisa))))))))))) hug to Lisa – I just always feel for you and relate you so much! I want to keep the thread on topic, so I’m just going to say – Ditto! – to all of your experiences without polluting this scene with my details.

    Here’s an interesting thing – I just signed up with the affiliate site: seekingmillionaire. That is more appropriate to me. I just want to be with a gentlemen who is successful without discussing all the sb/sd terms of an arrangement.

    Well, I get there and it is just the same fake profiles from this site! And I clicked through the blog and it brought me here! BAHAHAHAHAHA!

    So, from now on, just like how ToughLove is not a real SD (by his own confession), just someone with money, curious about the scene, and expressing his opinion from a “if I was an SD” perspective…..I am just a beautiful woman seeking a millionaire who comes to this blog because it’s the blog that the seekingmillionaire site has to offer.

    Peace and love, y’all!

  174. Stormcat says:

    Good afternoon Sugar- cats and kittens
    I’ve yet again made the transition from suburbin vaccation resort to wilderness outpost. But I feel like I’m mentally in a much better place this time such that I actually welcome the isolation here. I started writing another song. This one is to be based thematically on the observation that the highly sought-after state of mental consciousness known as solitude is unreachable when one is emotioanlly alone. This struck me in this way bacause on this short holiday I realized the support and encouragement of so many friends. It became obvious that I am loved and supported by many. Yet during this peoiod I had no time to myself. I strated longing to get back to the peacful pressure free environment of my wilderness home. I no longer feel lonely here, I feel solitude.

  175. Lisa says:

    Bicentennial Baby that Youtube episode was a clip from sd4me which is another site. I have had more luck on it than SA. I have received 0 views on SA in the past months and met one person in the last almost 2 years. My most recent sd was from the other site.

    That guy looks gross and I did see him on another show with his new wife or girlfriend and it was after the first you tube so I guess it didn’t work out between the girl and him.

    As far as age, I am honest about my age (44) because I would find it difficult to watch everything I say about life events and would have to change my daughters age, graduation date, marriage date ,etc. Those little things that come up in conversation. The sd that I had a year ago that lied about his age by 14 years. He looked too old for 51 and he also came out and told me later he was actually 65. We were walking in the mall after having a nice lunch, looking for the ATM as he wanted to give me more of my allowance, and there is a clock in the middle that says the mall was established in 1965. I was born that year. I mentioned that as we were passing and he said that was the year he finished college. If you figure that up, if he was really 51, he would have finished college at 8 years old. If you’re going to any lying about your age, be prepared to adjust all your life events. I could probably take 5 years off my age but then again I would have graduated at 13 and married at 16.

  176. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Well, I’d love to have a fellow SB partner-in-crime to meet and learn from…the ladies here have a much better understanding of where I’m coming from than either my established pageant friends or my church friends. One set married for money but would never consider an arrangement without the ring, and the other set believes marriage is the be all and end all and if you are lucky enough to have an engagement ring to go with the band, you’re blessed. Worse, most of them believe we’ll be well rewarded in the afterlife, which while I believe that, I’m a little impatient and I really want to have some nice things now too….without harm to the person providing it and with consent of whom it affects on my side. (What my SD tells his wife, if he has one, I truly think is his business and karma. My only duty is to NOT push him to leave her or be unkind in any way. If anything, I should be a compliment to allow him to blow off steam and continue in his relationship as before with her…).

    I’m near the DC area so probably a ton of ladies in like mind up there, dunno as I believe most are in NYC/LA/TX and FL and I’ll likely have to travel to meet. I would love to meet local w/i a 2-3 hr drive however, that would be best. Less $ for plane tickets and more $ for having fun dinners and seeing shows, etc. :)

    I totally understand your comments on religion. half my family is Catholic and the other half is Mormon. You can only imagine the guilt I’m feeling at points. Hubby’s half is Mormon but he’s ok with it all, he thinks progressively and believes we are judged by whats in our heart and what we do in our marriage is between him and I and no one else. Not the church, not anyone and if he’s ok with it, not even God. He says he will answer for anything he allowed me to do, as the head of the family. I share that even if I don’t share a lot of other beliefs. Hence the reason I do not forsee divorce, his is not a world that allows for it. I’m a godless heathen anyway by their standards being raised Catholic, so I guess I’m ok! LOL!

    Oh do continue to share your dark secrets! tee hee! :) I love learning, I think that’s why I’m still in school working on my graduate studies. And I’m also thinking too, I should ask for a small allowance in addition to the main goal of a gift/travel/shopping SD. Why? Because truly, I need the help to pay for the last 2 semesters so I can graduate. Once I complete my program, I can move into the $70-$100k range in my industry and return to work once the kids leave. It truly would better me and I plan on going back into the corporate world once my mother duties are done. I simply can’t sit around the house and cook/clean for a husband but no children to care for. Boring and unnecessary. I miss wit and reparte and the challenges of my work to some degree, as well as the self-sufficiency of having my own paycheck so if something doesn’t go right, well, sayonara if it’s a deal-breaker. I just think if you don’t continue to learn what you plan to be proficient at, it isn’t that important to you. I intend to attract the best SD I can, and he needs to not only be rich & generous, but I really want to have an awesome time in conversation, contribute insight into his troubles at work if he wants and debate the finer points of political policy and what he thinks should be in the world. This coupled with being a lot of fun and sharing a sense of wonder and excitement about the places around us and in appropriate time, intimacy, is what I think the ultimate SB should aspire to. Hopefully as I learn my foie gras and such he’ll be more than pleased to correct and teach me knowing I intend to grow in those areas. :)

    I was on YouTube last night and watched a segment from Seeking Arrangement I think? where they had a 50yr old gentleman who looked a bit like Santa Claus (not the one with Ardy with 20/20, this was another episode, I think with Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America??) and he went for a tall blond in her 20’s. She was very pretty and they went out, then to his hotel room. I was left wondering a lot.

    Would a SD expect her to come back the first night, before an arrangement is ever made?? He asked “I’m thinking what any man would, how could it possibly get better with a great looking blond here in my room…?” They alluded as if they had sex. But she never mentioned any arrangement, nor did he take her shopping. I thought she got used, but maybe some girls do this?

    Also, she seemed really, really FLAT. I.E. her personality. She just laughed and giggled. Ugh. Barf. Is that really what guys want? I was soooo under-whelmed when I saw this. The guy wasn’t THAT unattractive, you should see my 1st husband! Nearly anyone in the South looks like that dude, at least in the lower/middle economic rungs. I was surprised he was a Sugar really, he didn’t seem to have much class, just money. But looking at the crummy conversation this blond was able to muster on their taped meeting, they deserved each other.

    Do men as a rule prefer an 18-24 yr old over a gal in her 30’s who can converse, if both have a great body? An older friend of mine told me in passing when we were discussing the Tyra episode that someone my age is “too old for that sort of thing.” Really? wow.

    Also is lying about your age a big no-no? If you look 32, do you say you’re 32? Or do the ladies who are past 40 admit they’re over 40? I heard you can shave 2-5 years off so long as you look the part. And if you’re 34, just go with it? 😉

  177. Sherri says:

    @Bonnie ~ I think if you had a legit reason, explained, and apologized for changing the date from lunch to dinner then his reaction stinks. If it was just a “test” I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep doing it. For one thing, if he’s a busy exec he might have had to move some things around, make reservations, etc. just to meet you so that would be a waste of time if you cancel suddenly. For another, there are plenty of flakes on SD sites, and so you do run the risk of getting lumped in. Besides, it’s tough to recover if you make a bad first impression so it’s better to put your best face forward, imo.

  178. ToughLove says:

    @SD Guru

    Well, I have to blame Bicentennial for me giving away my “secrets”…that’s funny. She impressed me so I feel compelled to tell her what I know, if it will help. If she declines the information, I’ll go back to lurking. I only share information (non-PC, abrasive, raw, unedited, and uncut) when I believe the receiver will benefit and respect it.

  179. Dandelion Wine says:

    ToughLove, I am probably a much nicer person, being a woman and all 😉
    (just kidding! halo requires regular shining!)

  180. Lisa says:

    I was married to a Muslim man. He left me a month before our daughter was born, provided 0 support. He would taken her away to the middle east if i’d made him pay support. Not a good guy.

    Oops and you know I spent the first 4 years of my life in a trailer park. In my hometown, you either had one of those big old houses that generation after generation lived in, or you lived in a trailer.

    Sometimes I think I just don’t fit in anywhere.

  181. Bonnie says:

    I offer this to the sb newbies:

    This lifestyle choice is very spiritually righteous. It is based on mutual respect for the genders (something our culture has completely lost).

    I honestly get my inspiration by reading Bible scripture. I would quote some, by that may lead to an OT discussion.

    Check out these two faiths – Muslim and Mormon.

    Our ignorant society will say that they oppress their women. I know 100s of men and women of both faiths. By my own eye witnessing, and can see that these men are the most desirable (to me) because they know how to treat women with respect.

    So, don’t worry when the Land of Jerry Springer points their finger at you. These people live in trailer parks, you know?

  182. Lisa says:

    There are a few real ones among all the fakes, it’s just like in real life. I have met 6 that came with benefits, 4 became sds, a couple very short term and a couple that lasted a while. The last year was very busy for me and I had 3 consecitive sds. First one was one month (the dying cat one) who poofed, second one lasted months and I even traveled to meet him, but he is looking for a little more than an sd and was a little rude to me during the 72 hours we were together (there is a test, if one can’t be on their best behavoir for 72 hours, how would it be if i’d actually moved in with him?), the third one was wonderful and alot older, he took a look at where I was living, moved me to a very nice apartment near my family and paid my rent for 6 months. I couldn’t get into the place on my own because my income is so low and I have tons of collection agencies trying to sue me. In the process of dodging a agency getting ready to sue me for 6k right now. I have no assets, very little income, etc so it is really pointless. Anyway i’m saddened by the last sd’s leaving. I enjoyed our weekly get togethers so much. Now I spend my fridays sitting home hiding as my mom still thinks i have him. She is very religous and doesn’t approve but was happy that I had someone helping me.

  183. ToughLove says:

    @ Dandelion
    Precisely. Granted, your version is much nicer than mine…

    You continually impress me with your commitment and dedication. I have the highest respect for you, Madame. And will continue to provide whatever information I have that may help on your journey through sugarland, without hogging the blog. Something you may find to be an interesting read is “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene. Gives an historical account of how women (and some men) have used seduction as a tool for political, social, and financial gain. The first chapter is about Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe and how by using their femininity to seduce men in power, they gained great power for themselves.

  184. Bonnie says:

    Lisa ~ You had a real player on your hands…..NEXT!

    What is up with all these losers? I know this site has to make its money, so that’s the deal –

    Pay us a monthly fee to PRETEND to be a sugardaddy – Hilarious!

  185. ElegantSugarBaby says:


  186. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    You sound alluring. I’d date you!! ;p

    That being said, I never have a problem talking with my SD in person. Now on the other hand, I have never once been hit on outside of a site. I get looks, stares, glances all day, but never any conversation. More often then not, I have to start the conversation.
    Theres a man in Target who ever time I come in he would smile at me. I talked to him one time, and he pushed my cart to my car. (No he wasn’t a SD he isn’t an SD, we never have exchanged numbers, the whole Red Target vext does nothing for me, but every time I come in now, he talks to me. And offers almost begs to puch my cart to my car.
    He never would have spoken to me, until I said hello, and asked him how he was one day….
    That being said, You are probably intimidating to the average Joe. And most IRL SD’s don’t want to come up to you, and say Hi, I’m XXX I am an SD, would you happen to be a SB?!
    So start the conversation, be it with your eyes, or your body language or your mouth. Be assertive and confident.
    Good luck sweetie!!

    We need a SB blog where we can find other local SB’s to go on the prowl with.. ;p

  187. Bonnie says:

    Sense Of Entitlement

    This topic came up, that sb’s have this “sense of entitlement”. I would love to hear what the sd’s have to say about that.

    As for me, I am getting a HUGE “sense of entitlement” from a lot of these pots. I feel like I am being treated like a “beck and call” girl – take away the “beck and” and see what’s left.

    Pots need to realize that sb’s have a life – jobs, bills, family, etc. When you are paying an allowance, feel free to beck and call me all you want, but until then, show some respect!

    Like the lunch date I postponed – What if I had been your boss and I had to delay the schedule? Would you have responded with:

    “Why waste your or my time anymore? You did a good job of screwing my day up. So much for being who you say you are. What a bunch of BS, aka Bonnie SugarBaby.”

    So, is that a pink flag or a red flag?

  188. Lisa says:

    How funny the potential that ditched me last week because he found a woman who is willing to wait a couple months to get any allowance and is willing to “try things out” first is online and just viewed my pictures again. Today would have been the day that we were to meet if we had got past the initial arrangement discussion.

  189. Bonnie says:


    POT #1 = We had been emailing. He’s a total virgin to the scene and kept asking me questions. I referred him to the blog (where I’ve been getting all my answers).

    I got an email this morning. He said that he checked out the blog and it did nothing for him. He said that because each arrangement is unique, he had nothing to gain from hearing everyone’s individual stories.

    I had even explained how to link through to Lily and BrownSkinSugarBabe’s blogs! He said – Nothing. I get nothing out of it.

    I already knew this guy was way off, the way he continued to argue with me about my cultural background. I was raised in a Muslim culture and said that I wish I could be respected for wearing a burqua instead of being viewed as a terrorist.

    He said that Muslim men are afraid of women and that wearing burquas is a way of oppressing them – BAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


    POT # 2 = It is interesting that I show up here and we are already discussing the “delay test” because that is what is going on right now, as I type!

    We had a lunch date, so I postponed it to dinner. His reaction was a slightly pink flag. Oh well, maybe it will just be another free dinner.

    Unfortunately (is it unfortunate?), I am pretty accustomed to free dinners, so the free meal thing is kind of a waste of time for me.

    But, I do look forward to meeting him. We have much in common and the potential seems to be there.

  190. Lisa says:

    Bonnie the chat room discussion has been going on forever and has never happened. I guess I prefer the blog as I have so many passwords to remember and sites I visit that I prefer the blog the way it has been for the last couple years.

  191. Bonnie says:

    Hello all!

    I hope your day is going wonderfully well. I stopped by the site and had hoped to connect with the admin about the blog.

    The issue of OFF TOPIC discussions came up last night and I agree with what was said to me about it. I think the solution is to get a chat room going. These blog threads are way too long and the conversations tend to go off in random directions.

    Anyone know how to contact the blog admin?

  192. Dandelion Wine says:

    I think Toughlove is saying that when you have 20 k a month in disposable income (for which you have to have done *at least* 40 K worth of work, if you are to count the money that goes to the “favorite charity” of taxes and figure in rather modest living expenses) giving 5K to a charity *just* for the warm feeling the process of giving carries doesn’t make sense.
    40 k a month before tax translates to nearly half a million a year, BTW.

    also 5K is 25% of available disposable income.
    Think of what you have in terms of disposable income, and try to regularly give away a quarter of it without any benefit for yourself (i.e. not spoiling your darling children or buying yourself that new sexy dress)

  193. Lisa says:

    Bicentennial Baby He never any mentioned his cat before and actually didn’t seem upset, just in a hurry to bury it. I did show concern for him but the evening was not pleasant as we sat in my 100 degree apartment (the ac was not working) and sitting sweating and watching my tiny tv with bad reception was not an evening to remember. I want an sd that I can get out of the house and do things with. My last sd was great. He picked me up every friday and we had lunch, shopped, etc and enjoyed some afternoon intimate times. The one I beforementioned couldn’t even get motivated enough to drive over to see me. He cancelled on me 2 times and even broke off with me before coming over that last time when he was really late.

  194. Lisa says:

    The sd I mentioned above and I had excellent conversation when we met. We were like 100% equals in our views on policitics and social issues. I have never had a problem talking to men in higher positions than me as I do keep up with what’s going on in the world and find the conversation of my fellow low income peers to be boring at times. I’m not interested in hearing about how drunk they got, who they picked up at some dumpy bar, how they got caught by the police, etc.

    Although I’m at the bottom of the income pole, I have had the opportunity to travel alot in the past thanks to tax credits I got when I was raising my daughter. I saved money and every 3 years we went to Europe. I’ve been to London 4 times and Paris twice along with various other countries. I haven’t found it that difficult to converse. The only issues i’ve had is when someone asks about my job. I don’t have much to say about it and don’t care to discuss it as it’s just a low job, nothing exciting. I couldn’t care less about the company I work for or anything, I just want my paycheck.

  195. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Just my thoughts, but did you ask him about his cat??? He probably was upset and crushed about the loss of his pet. I am a HUGE ANIMAL LOVER and I lost one of my kittys, a very young one, in January. I was soooo depressed, I couldn’t cook dinner or eat anything. Not everyone feels this way about an animal, but I am a very loving person and I love my pets deeply too. I adore men who like animals because it shows a compassionate personality willing to take care of another life that only gives it love and nothing more (which BTW is a great SD!)

    Not to be mean, but you must put yourself in his shoes and think with empathy. he probably should have CANCELLED the day, but he may have valued YOUR time to the point he figured he’d just go through with the date anyway. If I’d gotten my allowance for the month and he wanted to just watch TV, I’d be pretty damn happy with that, hell, that’s what you do when you’re married after all! And without an allowance, BTW…

    Now if his cat hadn’t died, I would totally be mad but not because he made me wait on him, but because he’s a liar and dishonest. It’s unusual a person would lie about a pet dying, it’s bad juju.

    Just my opinion, but I am not a real SB yet either, so I can only share what I think I would do to be a good one.

  196. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Very interesting! I can see where it would be of benefit for a SD to know the type of cool a woman has under pressure. If you can’t control your temper on silly things like that, one must wonder if you and the SD must disagree or worse, part ways, if that SB would be the kind to contact his wife for retribution or in any other way try to ruin his reputation, affect others about his profile to prevent future SB’s from coming along, etc.

    Regarding the “beautiful woman defense”, I must not be above a 7 or 8 then. I do not have men approach me multiple times a day. I have never had any shortage of male attention but I think I come across as so very, very married and “wholesome” that they don’t even try. My husband bought us gi-normous tri-color gold wedding bands….I absolutely love them but literally, my band is almost 3/4 of an inch tall! You certainly can’t miss it. I am probably going to not wear it at my next event I hostess, simply to see if it changes how many men approach me.

    I really don’t know if men would beat themselves down to meet me, simply because I’ve been “spoken for” since I was 15. I was engaged the 1st time at 15, that boy went to the military when I was 17 and married someone else in Germany, and I met & married hubby #1 at 18. Divorced at 29, met hubby #2 during separation and married at 30.

    I have literally during my life, never ever been alone and unattached from a man since I pretty much hit puberty. I give off this “I’m very attached” vibe I guess, so I get a lot of looks and coworkers who wanted to eat lunch with me, but never any direct attempts to ask me out. So I’m not sure if it’s a beauty issue, or if I’m broadcasting that strongly “don’t bother, committed wife”. I dress very conservatively/modestly IRL and just don’t come across as that kind of lady, so I hope that does not put off a pot SD.

    An arrangement is a whole new avenue for me so I guess I’ll find out if I’ve got the goods. I think I do, and not in a conceited way, just I know from pageants, compared to the average woman in her 30’s and even some 20’s, I’m attractive and very much the Barbie/cheerleader type that seems to be what a lot of men find beautiful. I’m just lucky that I’m highly intelligent too so once he meets me, I can keep a SD’s interest in a variety of subjects or just listen and ask insightful questions if he prefers. It’s just a matter of getting started and being careful enough to not end up with a psycho who wants to hurt me.

    My husband says men (and often women) approach me all the time trying to flirt with me and I just don’t pick up on it because I’m obtuse. I am not sure if that’s correct or he’s just easily jealous and seeing something as a threat that’s not really there. *sigh*

    I read one profile on here that made me laugh, it was a 67 year old man who said “Dear, if your description is “a few extra pounds, my advice is eat less and move more”. OMG I laughed when I read that! I’m not put off by things like that, I figure if a SD is entering an arrangement, he has a right to be picky about whether he only wants blonds, skinny women, curvy large breasted ones, college graduates, unmarried sugar babies or whatever. If he contacts ME however, he should read the profile and understand what’s there is there.

    BTW, I hate reading people complaining about why they can’t find a SD but then go to describe themselves as “a few pounds overweight” or “I’m average looking, maybe pretty but my personality makes up for it.” Really??? Not to be mean, but if you know you have to improve something so bad that you feel it’s a liability and enough to self-depreciate over, then step out of the game long enough to FIX IT and then get back in.

    When I finally do start seriously posting my profile and looking for that SD arrangement, you can be your tushie I’m going to be describing myself as all that AND a bag of chips, because I’m going to be the best I can be at that point. If I think something should be improved (whether bad skin, haircut, extra weight or my personality is a bit selfish and I’m not a good conversationalist), then why the hell would a SD want to spend his $$$ and time with me?

    If I were a sugarmomma, I’d accept no excuses from my SB if it’s obvious they’re just not making the effort to be the best THEY could be. Example: I’m a 32D, will never be bigger as I can’t have implants with arthritis. However, I CAN improve my figure by toning up my abs and losing bodyfat, and I can enhance the D’s I have by wearing really great Victoria Secret bras.

    I CAN improve my conversation skills by researching the lifestyle I aspire to, I’m doing this by going onto gourmet food magazine sites and learning what different terms are and recipes that I might want to ask for if I see them on a menu with my pot SD in the future. I can learn new vocabulary words and research destinations I’d like to go to, and discuss the ones I’ve already enjoyed. I can read current news events and form opinions to discuss, one can disagree without being disagreeable after all. So to my mind, these are all ways of “researching the world I want to enter”.

    Does anyone have any true stories or tips on how they did this? what have you done to learn more about being comfortable in the SD world and/or make your SD more comfortable in conversation with you?

  197. Sherri says:

    I’m with Lisa. Testing a woman by making her wait for no reason totally ignores the hours of hair, nails, and makeup she put in just to make a good impression. I always show up early to my dates in order to respect my SD’s time so I’d hate for him to purposely waste mine. We all only have so much time on earth. Why treat someone else’s time as less valuable than your own?

  198. Lisa says:

    The blog looks slow this morning

    Wow toughlove that must be very time consuming set up all those delays in order to “test” the sb.

    I had a sb awhile back that would suggested taking me to dinner on evening. I came straight home from work in order to get cleaned up from the day at work and to get myself looking decent for an evening of dining. My fridge was empty but I knew we were going to dinner so I took the early bus from work and didnt’ bother getting the groceries I needed.
    He was supposed to pick me up at 5 to go to my fave restaraunt. I showered, did my hair, did my nails, etc and then he called at 4:45 and said he’d be running late because his cat had just died and he had to wait for his son to get home so they could bury it. Ok so now i’m on hold till 7. Melting in my apartment as my ac wasn’t working so I was looking forward to the cool of the restaraunt. Well it was almost 7, I was starving, and he called again, now he discovered he was out of gas and had to stop at the station, would be at my place around 9 (he lived about an hour away). Ok finally arrives at 9:30 or so, no mention of dinner, sits down on my sofa and we watch tv. Very boring evening that I could have done myself. Not sure if he was ‘testing” me as he had already gave me a month’s allowance but gee he liked delays and cancellations of plans. Needless to say I didn’t say anything to him and made the most of the evening but was quite disappointed that I wasted my time getting ready to go no where.

  199. ToughLove says:

    @SD Guru,
    Yes, I think we are basically saying the same thing, at least in principle.

    @ Bicentennial
    Thanks again, Madame. And,yes, my teen years were over decades ago. In my post, I wasn’t saying newbies should be mistreated, I’m just explaining what I see happening. I hope you find this helpful. I have lots of info rolling around in my head and I’ll make an effort to get as much of it into your hands as possible.

    The Tests

    It’s basically common knowledge to everyone on the blog that beautiful women test men. They test men so automatically that they often don’t know they are testing men. Why? Because that hotter-than-hot specimen of female perfection is approached ALL THE TIME and she can’t possibly give every man the time of day. From her teen years up until present day, men of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds have been coming up and expressing sexual interest in her. It’s sometimes 50+ times per day in a major city like NYC, Miami, or LA. So, by the age of 30, her reflexes and testing mechanisms are finely tuned. It could simply be not even acknowledging the guy who says,”Hey, baby, you’re hot”. He then mutters “Stuck up bitch” as he walks away, and she rests secure in the knowledge that her testing mechanism is fully operational.

    Yes, TL, we know this, what’s the point. (Calm down, you vultures…) Okay, the point is wealthy men test people, for the same reason. Someone always wants something from you and you have to have some way of knowing who to allow into your life and who gets stopped at the velvet ropes. For an accurate test, the subject can’t see it coming. I’ve read some posts by women on the blog who didn’t know they had failed a test. It’s usually the same scenario, “we met for drinks, and everything was fine, blah, blah, blah. Then he poofed and doesn’t answer my emails. I see him online, so he’s still alive, blah, blah, blah, What a jerk!” (And the guy rests secure in the knowledge that HIS testing mechanism is fully operational.

    One test, which I use, and have seen on the blog is: the Delay. Set up: You make plans with a woman at a nice restaurant and have her meet you there. She gets dressed up, has her hair and nails done, wearing the perfect shoes and looks like she just walked out of a spread in Vogue. At the appointed time, she gets a call saying you are running 10 minutes late. (10 minutes is not a big deal, especially considering New York traffic.) Once you’re there and have exchanged pleasantries, the maitre’d says it’s another 30 minutes for your table. No problem, you chitchat (which is what you’d be doing at the table anyway). 30 minutes later, he says just a few minutes more, sir. Now is when the games begin. This woman (who in her mind got all dressed up, got her nails done, hair done, wearing perfect shoes, and the necklace her grandmother gave her for good luck) has been waiting 40+ minutes, and you had the nerve, the unmitigated gall, to have her wait a moment longer. ABSOLUTELY.

    The purpose of the Delay is to test for…DRAMA. If she loses her cool or begins to get snippy, showing some signs that the delay is affecting her mood, then she’s done…with the stern hand of the bouncer saying, “Sorry, VIP only.” Why all of this? Because in the life of any busy, successful man, sh-t happens, stuff comes up. Meetings run late, projects need completing; phone calls come in at the last minute, etc. etc. etc. That’s life. It’s also why I can afford to be an SD in the first place. If a woman lacks the wherewithal to handle a minor delay on a FIRST MEETING when she supposedly on her best behavior, then how will she respond when her mask comes off and I have to deal with some major crisis? Not very well. So, I enjoy the evening, with no intention of ever seeing her again. POOF…

    • SD Guru says:


      Why are you giving away all of your secrets?? :)

      I agree with the principle of “The Tests” that attractive women and wealthy men give to prospective dates. Some people do it naturally and don’t even realize they’re doing it (one of my former SB’s comes to mind), and some are like you that do it deliberately. However, I don’t agree with the tactic you described because I believe you can carry out these “tests” respectfully and with common courtesy without playing games.

      In addition to finding out if there is mutual attraction, chemistry, and common expectations during a sugar date, I also make assessments about a number of criteria that are important to me. Such as, is her story consistent about her age and background, is she reliable and dependable, how stable is her current situation, her history with relationships, the potential for drama, etc. Sometimes it may take more than one date to find out. This is similar to using proven interview techniques in the corporate world to assess candidates for executive positions. I can do this in the normal flow of dinner conversation without the pot SB feeling as if she’s on the hot seat or get pissed off at being unreasonably delayed.

      I’ve read some posts by women on the blog who didn’t know they had failed a test. It’s usually the same scenario, “we met for drinks, and everything was fine, blah, blah, blah. Then he poofed and doesn’t answer my emails. I see him online, so he’s still alive, blah, blah, blah, What a jerk!”

      It’s possible that some pot SD’s poofed because the SB failed some kind of test. But there could be many other reasons why SD’s and SB’s go poof. The topic of poof daddy and poof baby was discussed recently in a blog topic: “Sugar Flakes: Reasons Why”. In addition, there was a post about “How to Identify Fake Sugardaddy” in the Pages section. I’d suggest that you and others new to the blog take the time to check out the blog archives as there is a wealth of information available.


      I have literally during my life, never ever been alone and unattached from a man since I pretty much hit puberty… I’m attractive and very much the Barbie/cheerleader type that seems to be what a lot of men find beautiful. I’m just lucky that I’m highly intelligent too …

      If the way you described yourself is accurate, then I’m sure you’ve been approached by men who are interested without even knowing it. Men are visual and won’t miss an opportunity to flirt despite the big rock on your finger. The fact that you haven’t been unattached for decades may have something to do with your perception. I’m sure the sugar world will open your eyes to the possibilities!

  200. Lily says:

    I’m not a typical looking sugar either, just FYI.
    Pretty but not gorgeous. Smart, but not a genius. Not sure why men fall in love.
    JetSet, I am bound & determined to see u in Europe again this summer, you gorgeous, saucy thing! My lil’ sugar sis’!!!!

  201. Lily says:

    I repeat: EuroMeet part deux?
    Who is in? LadyINtim, damn u and your lack of travel abilities.

    I get to see a sugar sister tonight!!!!! Again!!!! Yay!!!!

  202. Armani says:

    Hey Divia well good luck. I am truly a newbie but I feel like they don’t like me on here because I havent gotten any feedback and I just think that their ideal look is not what I have. I bring to the table more than looks not that I am ugly but I just fee l like their is a “type” that I just don’t fit into. I don’t know but good luck and be safe.

  203. Lisa says:

    Good morning
    Wow just can’t get out of bed. Too tired and sore.

    Lily, I think he didn’t realize how expensive the treatment is. I can’t be fixed in one visit and medication won’t work since I do physical work like operating pallet moving devices and climb ladders, push huge stacked carts past customers on the salesfloor, etc. I can’t be sedated or on any kind of altering medicines. A friend checked on the treatment center that is a mile from me. It costs 1500 a day for treatment and takes 8 weeks and I cannot be out of work that long. It’s not a big deal as i’ve learned that most people are liars so I put most of my love and faith in material things.

    As far as my daughter’s school. She was going to the community college down the street. When she did financial aid, she used her grandparents income as her basis along with her income from he really good paying job at a doctor’s office. As far as the IRS is concerned she was myparents dependent because they supported her completely from age 14. The job she has now she got from when she was in highschool. They got her a really good job and it’s across the street from where she lives. However they hire only students for this particular position, all other employees have bachelors degrees and so forth. She was lucky that they chose to keep her after highschool but they are impressed with her work and are going to keep her while she attends college. It will be a matter of time till the find out she isn’t in college anymore. Then she will be working crappy retail jobs like me. They based this years application on her income and mine although we are separate households. Her grandparents whom she rents an apartment with and helps them with the bills as they only make 1k on social security total between the two of them since they were minimum wage earners most of their lives. However since she is under a certain age she is counted still supported by me even though she isn’t.
    She had plans to attend U of H the next year and would need a car because there is no way she could spend over 2 hours going downtown to where the college is and back and still work fulltime. But all of that is gone and she is realizing that she is part of a loser family and we never get anywhere. I was a straight A student myself and attended business school where I graduated with the highest average but was never able to get an office job because I can’t work any kind of office equipement, thus i’ve worked on in retail. I’ve lost all that knowledge in the past 25 years and now I couldn’t follow directions or do anything if my life depended on it.

    I’m off today and it will be another day of sitting around doing nothing.

  204. Divia12 says:

    I agree, I think pepper spray would be a good idea. I have taken self defense classes and kickboxing so hopefully I could handle some creep jumping out of a closet lol! Honestly, he comes off as such a sweet and genuine guy. I’m normally a good judge of people, so hopefully that doesn’t fail me now.

    You just described what I truly hope to find. Congrats to you for finding someone who treats you so well and appreciates you for everything you are and bring to the table. I wish you all the best and good luck finishing school.

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB

      Also, looks like prices for the next party have been upped by 50% almost…

      How was the last party? It must have been pretty good if you’re already thinking about the next one. Actually the ticket prices are lower if purchased before 7/14 and it’s the same as before if purchased before 7/21. After that the price is higher than before.

      I didn’t see much discussion about the last party. Anyone planning to go to the next one on 8/2 in NYC?

  205. aspiring-doc says:

    Love the comments made by elegantsugarbaby and brownskinnedsugarbaby re what being a sd and sb really means.

    I met a lovely SD though 6months ago….busy professional man with kids.

    I had no idea how it worked but figured it was worth a shot and he came across as genuine- lots of questions about myself and what my dreams and plans were. coffee went well.

    Very honest man with a desire to “spend time with a young beautiful woman and indulge in her company and spoil her”. no discussions of an exact arrangement but enough sincerity to know he genuinely wanted to be generous and improve my quality of life. In return i wished to bring him affection and beauty and energy.

    no sex for 3months infact– just lunches, shopping trips, dinner dates. bills payed for, car insurance sorted and beautiful dresses. kisses, we caressed- nothing more. and yes the sex happened- and it was hot and steamy and crazy- but by that stage there was a genuine desire. a -love- of sorts- not the kind u marry- but a love that stems from mutual understanding and from appreciation of the way you have lit fires in each others worlds. in his case: dinners, beauty, a little escapism from work pressures. in my case: dinners, wisdom- finacial burden of school lifted

  206. Armani says:

    Oo p.s. I’m new to this so any advice or anything pleaseeee feel free to let me know. As for Diva12, I am going to def be scarred when and if meeting someone happens to me because I am alwys going to be worrying about if they have someone in the closet of the hotel room or if he is an assh0le.. You know??? Many Im just paranoid !!! But I would bring pepper spray just to be on the safe side, I think a taser can get you in trouble lol Im being so honest though. But good luck and be safe hunn….Armani

  207. Armani says:

    Um honestly I think Tyra needs to focus on more IMPORTANT issues and stop demonizing this situation. She moved partly nude and very sexually seductive in some of her modeling career, and people paid to see her in magazines and just as well for actually modeling. Modeling doesnt take brains or intelligence its walking, c’mon on. And she hasnt stuggled like so many of us have. I just saw her show yesterday where she was making a young attractive intelligent sugar baby feel stupid and hoarish. I dont see how because the girl has gotten her sugarbaby to pay for her education, apt, car, and see has never had sex with him. Any even if she has I am sure the number is significantly smaller than how mnay man Tyra has banged out.. SO to conclude this conversation I say you should never knock anyones hustle especially if you haven’t worked a real job or had any education to back it up. Im a struggling college grad student myself. Thanks and good luck to all sugar babies….. Armani

  208. Divia12 says:

    Good morning everyone. I’m still a bit new and haven’t had a chance to write much in the blog.

    I absolutely love your blog! Its so well written and very interesting. I”m new to this and I”m trying to learn as much as I can so I don’t fall into a trap. Thank you for sharing. Good luck this weekend. I hope it goes well!

    I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter’s college situation. Please don’t give up hope for her future. Does her university not have an appeals process? I’m currently a student and my university has an appeals committee for almost every decision that is handed down. How did they find out that she made the mistake on her FAFSA, was it an finaid audit? Maybe she can speak with the office of the Dean of Students. I hope it does work out for her, and I hope that you can find a way to get better.

    A question for the more experienced SBs. I’ve been speaking with a pot SD and we are getting along great. He wants to fly me up to meet him in a couple weeks if all continues to go well, and I feel that it will as we talk everyday. He’s getting me my own hotel room, and nothing is expected but dinner. I refuse to do anything on the first date and he respects that. Are there any other precautions I should take on the trip?

  209. Lily says:

    And Lisa, I’m shocked if NC Gent poofed re: depression help. He may just be very busy or on holiday w/ his family.

  210. Lily says:

    No time online to catch up but wanted to post that it’s truly amazing how simple human psychology works.

    When I don’t feel like someone is pressuring me for something or decidedly angling for a certain result, it allows my heart & mind to open up to every possibility and what previously seemed un-appealing suddenly is appealing or at least intruguing indeed.

    Yes, this applies directly to my sugar life.

  211. Lisa says:

    our system is a different one i guess. under 24 – is parental income based- i get no support- so very grateful for my job and my SD!

  212. Lisa says:


    That does sound rough. re your daughter- there is no way to dispute that she made a mistake re finacial aid? can she not get a loan for college?
    America sounds tough. Im a student in NZ and although I live on very little- the government will lend money interest free if your parents earn too much. i hope and pray you find what your looking for.

    Ive been quite fortunate with this site……and managed to get my living costs topped up (so no college loans) and starting to pay off tuition :D.
    it does happen, it just takes awhile! of course…the passion, and the excitement and the pure fun of it- is also great!

  213. Sunshine says:

    At BrownSkinnedSugarBaby: I am so happy for you, really! I hope it goes well! Enjoy yourself……….and be safe…..!

  214. Hey guys, thanks for the cool compliments on my blog. I appreciate it.

    Well tomorrow is my first date with the SD I had spoken of earlier (92 email exchanges). I’m kinda nervous! It feels like this connection is very right. We’ve been talking since the beginning of June and we are just now meeting. We have a great rapport already, and we’ve spoken on the phone plenty of times. I’ve seen tons of pics of him so I know what to expect and he’s handsome.

    Our plan for the weekend is to just chill out and enjoy our time together. He’s coming here to meet me because he lives about 2 hours away and we wanted to do something along the beach. Coming to my side of town was a great option, one he immediately volunteered to do so instead of me having to travel. He’s had SBs in the past so he’s not new to this. In any case, just wanted to share.

    I’m excited, very excited, but it’s kind of surreal. It seemed like the day wouldn’t get here soon enough.

  215. sandra says:

    it’s weird how tyra looks down so much on being a sb when she sold her body for her own advancements (being a model and doing sexy photoshoots for billboards/mags/etc.) and doing it for loads of money.

  216. Bicentennial Baby says:


    I actually only did 2 pageants as a kid, both as a teen. Did the Teen USA system, and the girl who won the whole shebang that year went on to marry Alan Thicke, the actor! Don’t feel bad I didn’t get past state finals seeing as there were over 120 of us competing for the state title alone, I felt lucky just to be there!

    Fast forward years later, I started doing modeling and photo comps in my early 20’s. Took me 5 years to win my 1st big title but ever since, I’ve done well, always top 10, many times 1st or 2nd ru and I’ve got about a half dozen full crown & banner wins under my belt now.

    My darling daughter however, different story. She did her 1st one at 4 weeks old–and won! It was your typical mall “beautiful baby” contest. She was the only one who didn’t cry! I think that was a process of elimination but it was a win nonetheless. She does them every so often but wins about 50% of the time, mostly based on natural looks and some on mom’s guidance. I simply wasn’t lucky enough to have a mother who wanted me to do pageants and we had no $ for the clothes anyway. As I entered my 20’s & 30’s, found success on my own doing them and so I never had the pressure to live through my daughter’s competitions, as so many stage moms seem to do.

    It’s fine to do them as a toddler, just be careful that it doesn’t make any future children you have into spoiled, self-centered little brats. Go watch Toddlers & Tiaras if you ever have doubts. OMG, I can’t believe how arrogant these little 4 and 5 year olds can be and I’ve had the displeasure of meeting more than one evil little poopy queen who thought she looked better than me and would say so. One little snot even told me I was “too old” to be a winner (I was 29 and looked about 25!) because grandmas don’t compete. I simply retorted “and monsters like you can’t add, because you can’t be a grandmother at 29, so go do your math you little idiot”.

    Ok, I didnt’ say that, I felt she was pathetic enough just breathing.

    My theory is if you can’t do it yourself, don’t force your poor kid to do it for you. If she enjoys it, then go full speed ahead. Even my child took a break. Just remember a lot of these moms are about 300# and unhappy with life, so they push their unwilling kids into competitions, in the hopes that their kids’ win will somehow validate their OWN beauty, since “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

    Of course, sometimes the apple rolls down the hill too, thankfully! :) I just hate that these mothers seem to make monsters of the kids if they happen to win–they become unbearable S#@ts, and half the time beat the kids if they lose. you have to be in a pretty good place mentally to be a good pageant mother, IMHO.

    /soapbox mode: off now!/

    My thoughts on your SD situation are this: it’s very similar to pageants really. It doesn’t matter if it takes one time, or a dozen, the prize and the win are the same. I read about a lady who won Mrs. Texas America on her 15th try. Her name is Valerie Brooks. She LOST 14 TIMES and got back in the ring, and won everything!!! She is an admirable woman and from your hometown I think too. Same applies with SD’s…you could have 100 poofs, but lucky try #101 is the winner.

    Do you think the win, whether crown or SD, is any less sweet whether it took one time or a hundred? no. Once a former, always so in that world. Meaning once you get there, you’re there, period. so it will be with you. It may take one lady 2 times to win and the next girl 15, but both of them wear the same banner: Mrs. Texas. It’s not the number of failures that matter, it’s how many times you get back up until you succeed that counts.

    Didn’t Edison have like 500 or so failed light bulbs until 1 lit up? So we’ve all got a long way to go until we can give up!

  217. SweetSugar says:

    I seems like you are seeing the glass as half empty. You had someone pay your rent for 6 months! That’s huge!
    Pot SDs poof all the time. It happens to everyone. The ones that luck out are the ones that don’t settle and NEVER give up. It takes time to find a real SD that will work for your situation. It’s trying to do a puzzle. Sometimes your rend doesn’t match with their end and you, or they, disappear. Some may string you along, some may tell you up front, some disappear, and some end up being your SD.

    You have to go through a lot of mismatched ends to find your other sugary half. lol

  218. Bonnie says:

    Thank you, everyone, for all the great stuff today!

    I appreciate this place so much! I work too much, all alone 24/7. Now that I have discovered this site, I am so much more motivated, and just joyful in general.

    I get through the day, and then I get to do it all again – Hooray!

    Peace and love

  219. Bonnie says:

    BiBaby ~ Thank you for so much thought in your reply to me. I absolutely agree with you 100%. I am just a dingbat about things and I always end up learning the hard way.

    The past is the past and you gotta leave it there, especially when developing any new relationship. You always have to put your best foot forward. I am extremely guarded now.

    I have heard of those books and I will get ahold of them. Thank you for offering to send me yours, but I’m actually in a really good place right now in terms of finances.

    I’ve mentioned my “boss”. He is really my massage partner. He is actually the one who basically saved my life after losing my employment to the trench foot episode.

    He supported me in every way, including financially, to get my holistic healing business going. He is still continuing to do so. He just paid for plane tickets and a week in a hotel for when I fly out to DC next month.

    We get $120 for a four-handed massage and that’s also all for me. And he is buying all the materials for me to create my line of products. I’m positive he’ll buy me a couple of books. He has already bought me the jewelry and an antique I asked for.

    OK, OK, I know what y’all are thinking – Wake up, Bonnie! You already have a sugardaddy. Duh!

    But it really isn’t like that. We are more like best friends. He knows basically everything about me. I don’t have to keep it light and fluffy around him. He is my shoulder to cry on whenever I need it, and it was daily for a month straight at one point. It’s not a “put your best foot forward” situation. It’s a “be real because this really is real” kind of thing. A man and a woman actually can be friends. We are like brother and sister.

    I will only be friends with real men and women and not losers. My friends
    are the cream of the crop. We live the good life, 24/7. When we go out, who pays for everthing? The men with the big bank accounts, of course! I’ve always had friends with money and I always will. That’s just my preference.

    Some of my closest high school friends were groupies to a popular band (and yes, they were underage – life of a rockstar!) My boyfriend had a band and I was always the band manager, so when we graduated he became a roadie and I tagged along. I did this on and off for six years. I had a baby at 19 and did it with her on my hip. This was my family and my way of staying off welfare.

    I was never a groupie, just the girlfriend of the roadie. “Lil Mama” is what I was called. I was just the little sister tag-along.

    That was the past and now I am here. That is why I have called this blog “my new family”. That’s how it feels to me. In the real world, I definitely intimidate average people with my “my life/my choices” attitude. Here, I fit right in.

  220. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    Sorry you thought I was offended, I haven’t read all of your posts, I just know from my experience SD’s might be put off by the things ones post. When it involves things such as. (Not like many SD read the blogs…) But, I was politely giving you a headsup as to what information you put out there on an open forum.
    What you decide to tell is your own responsibility.
    Noone scolded you.

    Enough.. New topics.. ;p

  221. Lisa says:

    Bonnie my daughter who is also 19, has always been a pillar of virtue. I guess spending the last 5 years away from me was good. she graduated cum laude and was going to be the first in my family to go to college. she went one year but got in trouble a few months ago because she got her financial aid based on her grandparents income and she was supposed to use my income even though we haven’t lived together and I was unable to support her. She lost her financial aid for this year thus no more college and had to pay back all she got last year so her car fund is gone (she was the first in my family’s females to learn to drive and possibly own a car but it was not meant to be and she will end up like me working in a crappy job making minimum wage. I feel I should just give up. Had a ray of hope a few weeks ago when a blog sd offered to help me with my depression but he poofed too.

  222. NYC SB says:

    Too much “debate” once again… Let’s agree to disagree and discuss our disagreements in a respectful manner… No need for tearing each other apart the creeps on this site provide us with this daily :)

    Question: has anyone tried using their discount card to purchase tickets for the upcoming sa party? (The 50% off vip cards handed to all attendees) mine is not working!

    Also, looks like prices for the next party have been upped by 50% almost… Which begs the question: what was the point of the card if the prices were going to jump so much?” Seems silly… Anyways I digress…

    Working my butt off and looking forward to the sugar tomorrow … Lady gaga concert with NYC exSD, date night with new hottie trader pot sd/bf, charity events and louboutin shopping… Life is sweet despite my crazy work schedule (my first day off in july will be the 16th)

  223. Bonnie says:

    Lisa ~ I am so sorry to hear about who has your daughter. Again, so parallel to me. I am a bit hesitant to discuss this here because I got scolded for not keeping my skeletons in the closet, but in actuality these aren’t skeletons. These are children.

    To make it brief and vague as possible – My 19 yo who ran away at 14 was brainwashed into what I consiider a Christian cult. She has refused to talk to me for the last five years.

    I also have two more daughters who are not in my custody, but that’s a whole other something I probably shouldn’t discuss here.

  224. SweetSugar says:

    BiBabe at what age did you start doing beauty pageants? I always thought that, if I had daughters in the future, that I would get them into beauty pageants as infants and do it until they are age 4 or 5, before any possible “competitiveness” and “over emphasis” on physical beauty sets in.

    My parents tried to get me involved when I was 2 or 3, but I was WAY too shy for it. I think my extreme shyness has been my biggest shortcoming. It doesn’t seem to effect me in sugar world though. Oddly enough.

  225. Bonnie says:

    ESB ~ My bad and I apologize. I understand your point. Skeletons definitely should stay in the closet. From my perception, my life is an open book and I have nothing to hide. There’s no such things as skeletons and baggage. But I do understand that the rest of the world has not been through as much intensity as I have.

    Have you read my other posts? The love of my life died in my arms, my daughter ran away at 14……I know that I have discussed much more intense “baggage” around here. Interesting that you would find recovering from a medical condition something I should “hide” from my SD and not the more intense stuff.

    As for me, I can only have relationships with someone I have chemistry with (like a rockstar! – talk about “baggage” and “skeletons”!) I would never be able to hide my career – holistic healer – from my lover and he’s going to know very quickly about my experiences because of my work.

    But, again – I have obviously offended you and I certainly never meant to do that. From now on, I will not discuss mental health issues here since it offends you and possibly others.

  226. Lisa says:

    I don’t worry about what I say on the blog as I know all the sds hate me anyway. The only one that ever took interest and actually did much to help me, had an hidden motive.

  227. Lisa says:

    Sweetsugar my last apartment looked ok inside even though it got 6 city violations and all buildings were posted as being not structurly sound. That wasn’t my issue as it was more of a safety issue both for being in a gang infested area and of course being the only blonde blue eyed woman in the place.

    I wish my rent was 350 but it’s more like 600. And that’s cheap for a place as nice as this. Most nice apartments in the area run around 1k for one bedroom. My last sd paid the first 6 months for me because I only make half the gross pay to qualify to live here 3.5 x the rent is the requirements. I spent the last 6 months saving for the next 6 months and will have to keep ahead that way. Luckily my rent isn’t going up.

  228. Bicentennial Baby says:


    I have to second your comment (and only in kindness and love towards our fellow SB’s here)….you have to be so careful not to share too much drama with a pot or developed SD. I’ve done a LOT of thinking about all this over these weeks lurking, and last few days posting, and correct me if I’m wrong, but…

    And this is addressed to the SD’s out there as well as fellow SB’s:

    Aren’t we as SB’s supposed to keep the conversation “light/fluffy/pleasant” no matter what pretty much with our SD’s? Not that it’s not ok to be honest, as in if you’ve lost your job or your car died, don’t LIE about it of course, but don’t go into unnecessary detail about your bad past, or how a man treated you or how bad it is at work. Stick to factual stuff without being Debbie Downer about anything…touch on it and move on.

    I’m worried for you that this crazy stalker mean SD you had the texts from thought by trusting him enough to have told him about the abuse you had from your ex, that he could use that and exert some sort of mental intimidation and control against you. I personally would be loathe to admit any such relationship ever existed in my past, even if I had like 7 of them, because it says to a man “I’ve tolerated this crap before and if I like you enough, I might just tolerate it again.” Never mind that you say you won’t, some men hear what you did/tolerated as your words because actions speak louder than words.

    I would suggest to you if you haven’t read the books already, getting a used copy of “Why Men Love Bitches” and the sequel, “Why Men Marry Bitches”. Don’t be put off by the titles! These books are by Sherry Argov and she really equates being a bitch as Babe In Total Control of Herself. Several of her chapters cover how to establish respect as well as rapport in the first few meetings with a man (whether pot SD or husband, I think the same rules would apply regarding self-respect and knowing how to portray to others you are NOT to be mistreated or it’s NEXT! for them) and though I haven’t had to date in a million years, I was unconsciously doing a lot of these things when I did date and I must admit, I’ve never had a man treat me with less than respect because I simply remove myself from anyone who does.

    A great quote on this, not sure who said it is, “Never place yourself in an unflattering light”.

    BTW, it’s perfectly awesome to talk with us, and share, that’s what we’re here for, I am just concerned for you that maybe sharing with some SD’s means only those things that do not put you in an unflattering light. You’re worth so much more than that! The Bonnie that was hit by her ex doesn’t exist, because the Bonnie you are developing into through this experience into Sugarland doesn’t take that kinda crap off anyone!

    I highly recommend these books if you haven’t read or rented them. If you cannot afford them, I’d be happy to the 1st one to you and send you the 2nd once you return the first after reading.

    I looked up ecdysiast…..OMG!!!! *drops to floor, laughing hysterically*

    I saw what it means, and it is dervied from the Greek, “to molt”? Seriously?? I am absolutely going to use this word in a sentence about someone I don’t like as soon as I possibly can! something to the effect of:
    Wow, with makeup like that, she could totally pass for an ecdysiast…

  229. SweetSugar says:

    Lisa, before I started being a SB I was working 2 jobs and bringing home maybe 130-150 a week. Rent was 350. The place I was living in was eventually condemned for a number of reasons, but the straw that broke the camel’s back was the sudden influx of mushrooms growing out of the walls due to the high humidity because of the constant basement flooding.

    Yeah, I was living the high life, boy…………GAG!

  230. Lisa says:

    No offense taken Bonnie. I was raised in a very religious home, parents are still very relious, they destroyed my daughter who has lived with them for the past 5 years. When I decided to move out on my own a few years ago, she would not come with me because I was seeing a man. that made me evil

  231. Lisa says:

    Bicentennial Baby say’s “It’s hard really to live, even if single, off less than $500 a week takehome unless you are in rural Indiana or the very deepest South. ”

    I live(well I survive) on about 200 a week take home, 500 a week and i’d be living good. I live in Houston.

  232. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Allowance, how much…..

    Hmmm. Good question. I’ve been giving it some thought too. I think I lean towards the gift/travel/dinner daddy type but I really would like a small allowance as well so that I can pick up some things as needed when my SD may not necessarily be around to do so…and also so that from time to time I can pick him up a thoughtful item so that I don’t feel like its’ completely a one-way street either. Even if it’s something as simple as a hardback book on his favorite museum or a picture frame for him to take home and put whoever’s photo in (knowing I gave it to him), I would think perhaps the thought would be appreciated.

    Your upbringing sounds close to mine in my very early childhood. I personally think that people who rise above their beginnings are to be admired, as so many are content to just let their circumstances dictate how far they will rise in life. It’s sad some will take advantage of a lack of confidence or knowledge of a world better than the SB is used to, instead of teaching her and being a mentor. Perhaps Toughlove meant to say that only the wanna-bes are the ones that should be dealt with that way…who knows? but I am of the opinion that yes, I am responsible for learning what I can to put a pot SD at ease, but he is equally responsible for mentoring and molding me into someone who he remains at ease with.

    as to allowance? My thought was from $1-$2k, depending on frequency of meetings and types of gifts, etc. I’m more desirous of seeing new places and going shopping for things I could never have otherwise and having the SD know that he’s making my life “sweeter” by sharing those things in return for my company, etc. I’m not financially desperate so I would not want to concentrate on getting most of it in cash, but a moderate portion would be nice to have sometimes, so I have a little flexibility in what I can shop for or put away for a rainy day perhaps. That way too there’s no real concern I’m trying to support someone else on it, it’s clearly just for me and my benefit (which in my situation would actually benefit everyone, since a happy woman makes a happy home).

    If I were needing it for financial support, I would think a reasonable amount could be $2-$3k a month? That breaks down to $500 to $750 per week and would basically be a 40hr workweek in many careers. It’s hard really to live, even if single, off less than $500 a week takehome unless you are in rural Indiana or the very deepest South.

    So I imagine a NYC sugarbaby would need to ask for a LOT more allowance than perhaps one in say Savannah, GA or Danville, VA. Just a different cost of living and likely, the SD’s income reflects that range, being higher in NYC or Miami than one could hope for in central SC for example.

    I remember reading in Leidra Lawson’s book (SD 101) that what qualifies as a SD in one part of the country could be barely over $100k a year but in Manhattan, a 7 figure income might be more likely.

    Speaking of which, has anyone read this book I am referring to? And pardon me if it’s a DUMB question, maybe everyone has to in order to join the club, so to speak! And if you read it, what did you think?

    I liked it but I felt it left out so, so much about the lifestyle, and also, what SD’s look for specifically. However she’s coming out with a revision of the book, so I’ll be looking for that. :)

  233. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    Woah on the posting that whole mental side of you…
    That is intimidating for most SD’s who want no drama, or issues…

    Keep those skeletons in your closet and not on the blog!!


  234. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    Met my SD off of here.

    My allowance fluctuates. I receive anywhere from 4-10 a month. Depending on what else we spend money on. Or if I am dabbling more in stocks, or more in paying off stuff.

    I have never been a groupie/rockstar babe.

  235. Bonnie says:

    Lisa ~ Well, I hope I do not offend you with my beliefs. And please don’t think that I am wanting to convert or convince you of anything. I’m not.

    And now time for me to say it like it is: Anyone who calls himself a “Christian” is a hypocrit. Jesus said to not name a religion after him and to not divide into denominations.

    There’s just the universe and that is everything and that is all there is.

    I battled depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve been on Paxil, Zoloft, Cymbalta, Xanax, Ativan, Kepra, Respiridol, Depakote – I think that’s all of them. I’ve been in the mental hospital three times: 1x – 3 days, 2x – 10 days, 3x – 3 weeks. Praise the Lord I jumped off that evil rollar coaster a few years ago.

    I was just in ho’town a couple weeks ago. I have friends, siblings and parents down there. My turf is from Westheimer/Galleria to The Woodlands.

    I know! My best friend down there makes bath salts! I don’t know what she charges for them, but definitely less than $16, and she would probably be willing to bring them to you. And I’m sure she could work out a “sell one, get one free” deal if you can get a co-worker to buy one.

    Her number: 8three2 2three8 1two3six

    Her name is Laura and she told me to post her number all over the internet. She would be very pleased to hear from you.

    Alright, get better! And I’m still praying for you…..hehehe

  236. Bonnie says:

    ESB ~ What kind of arrangement do you have? Is it just like a freeflow thing, like whatever works at the time, or more like a trophy wife?

    How did it come about? Did you meet him here? Did you discuss allowance or did it just click, like a rockstar/groupie kind of thing?

  237. Lisa says:

    I’m in Houston. That big ugly city.
    I’ll be ok as my back is only a small part of what’s going on with me. i’ve been fighting depression for 32 years. A nice sd had offered to help me but has since poofed as I guess he realized it is very expensive and I can’t be fixed on one doctor’s visit. lol

    Funny thing about faith, I have given up on that. It’s odd in my life that those that I have met that were “christians” or whatever let me down and offered nothing but prayer (as did the last guy I met on match 3 years ago). How odd that my biggest life change (moving out of my dangerous neighborhood into this nice apartment on the good side) came by way of a married sd that came into my life a few months back. Just gotta stay ahead of the rent now as he paid it for the first 6 months, in september i’m on my own so i’m saving all I can. Put back my rent each month as if I was at my old place.

    I’m too old to be doing what i’m doing at work.

  238. Bonnie says:

    Viking ~ It sounds like a great time and I know you are loving it. You can never expect all the pieces to fit perfectly. Just focus on the ones that do (like tab A into slot B…..hehehe).

    I would just call him your boytoy and still have the same standards as you do for your SDs. He can still take care of, pamper you, spoil you, all of those good things.

    At ages 27-28, I belonged to this role playing sex group. It was a dom/sub thing, with the ladies in control. The men were our servants. Age was not a factor. That’s where I learned about the boytoys. It was fun, but now I’m almost 40 with a 19 yr old daughter. I get creeped out by the young ones because it is like my daughter’s boyfriend is hitting on me or something.

  239. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    @Natalia and Bonnie
    Thanks. I’d like to say that my years of mistakes and conquers have taught me something!

    As far as allowance, my allowance is different than your’s but it also doesn’t have prerequisites…

    If you are comfortable with that, and think that is what you are worth, go for it!!

  240. Bonnie says:

    Lisa ~ I gotta get you your medicine! Time for a pot meet and greet. Have lunch at Whole Foods as a first date!

    I do not know what part of the state you are in, but there’s someone from this site that I can introduce you to.

    If that doesn’t work, my boss is a very charitable person and he can order some for you.

    Please email me: savonen at yah, who?

    You will be healed. Have faith – Life is love and love is life. Everything has a purpose, even this pain you are experiencing. Who knows? Maybe my boss is meant to be your SD. Anything is possible.

  241. Viking Hybrid says:

    @Bonnie: That explains why he thinks beer pong is cool. LOL! Oh boy, I may have a project on my hands. As long as he lets me pick what we do, we’ll be fine :)

  242. Lisa says:

    Good evening everyone. Just got back from visiting family and watching 2 hrs of “1000 ways to die”.

    Off to take a hot bath now.

    Bonnie, can’t order any pain medicine right now, on tight budget. Been sd-less for almost 4 months

  243. Bonnie says:

    Male vs. Female Maturity

    (I got my education in Early Childhood Development – This is just some text book blah, blah, blah)

    From about 3 – 12: girls are 2 yrs ahead of boys

    12 – 17 for young ladies = 14 – 24 for young men: entering the adult world at a 7 yr difference

    17 – 19 for women = 24 – 30 for men: now 11 year difference

    So, your belief is very accurate, Viking. Good call!

  244. Bonnie says:

    Allowance – How Much?

    This comes up often, but doesn’t get answered directly. I have never asked for one before, so I thought about it and this is what I feel I’m worth. I would really appreciate it if the experienced ones here would add their thoughts.

    Mine: $2000 – $5000 a month, depending on the arrangement

    For $2000 – have lunch, go shopping, get a room for the night a couple of times a month

    For $5000 – full time job: PA, admin, property manager, event planner, housekeeper, nanny, fitness coach……whatever my SD wants!

    For all other arrangements, like travel companion, somewhere inbetween.

    So, experienced ones – Did I figure this out? Would any of you mind sharing your numbers?

  245. Viking Hybrid says:

    @SD Guru: Regarding the young pot SD – Haha, I agree about the maturity thing. I believe that most men take about 5-10 years longer than women to psychologically mature. Though he is intelligent, with a great paying job (especially considering he’s fresh out of college), and has so far been kind and generous. He’s new to the area and plainly stated he would like a companion for dinner, etc. I’m jumping the gun a little bit on this one, but if all goes well he could be a gift/dinner/travel daddy. What’s nice about him too is that because he is so green, I feel that I can be as playful as I want around him! No pressure. I’m the one schooling him in certain aspects. The role reversal is actually fun!

  246. Reddamsel38 says:

    oops *Love*

  247. Reddamsel38 says:

    Wow. Someone should start a class! This bog is ****** great. ove all the input. There is so much one has to know about first contact,etc, etc.
    And you should not be here as a last resort to trying to meet someone within a certain class. I think that’s called something else right? You should definitely be ok financially and taking care of your business already. I beieve this site is for SB/SDs to say exactly what they want and expect from each other. Why lie? What will that gain? In the end everything will eventually come out when you meet. I think this site gives you a jhance to be honest, but for those of us that are new to the sugarworld we need those that have experienced this before (Brownskin SugarBaby). **smile** I’m glad for this blog. It gives us newbies a chance to ask and find out what the true meaning of the SB/SD relationship is. Thanks everyone. Stormcat you rock!

  248. Natali says:

    So I realized that when I message on my phone and my pc my name is different. Natali and Natali Laroux haha. Sometimes the small things amuse me :)

    I will change the one on my pc to just Natali so it is less confusing. Sorry guys!

  249. Bonnie says:

    Lisa ~ Topricin dot com, 800 # 9five9 one00seven – I hope you are able to get the medicine you need. I am praying for you.

    Sasha ~ I think I may have made ToughLove poof.

    I apologize to those who were enjoying the “heated discussion”. It sounded too much like juvenile bantering to me and as a holistic healer I know the trick to eliminating a negative entity – just hold up a mirror.

  250. Sasha says:

    Whew its been hot on the blog today. There is a new person that I haven’t seen before Toughlove. Hmm…lots of opinions. Very interesting. I always find it very intriguing to hear from a sd on the blog. I do tend to ask myself. Are they really on the blog to help out sb’s or to lead us astray? Anyone all opinions are well in my book and I will sit back now and take some more n.

  251. Lisa says:

    Good afternoon everyone. Wow looks like I missed a lot and am too tired and in too much pain to read everything. I did read some of toughlove’s post though and gee the way he puts things I guess I need to move back to my old neighborhood since I wouldn’t fit in with the better class of people. Funny thing though is that although I only have a high school education and work at a very close to minimum wage job, I have very little in common with most low class people. I am an honest person who works very hard, raised daughter after husband left with zero government assistance, just simply put my daughter on whole milk at 3 months old, it wasn’t good for her, she was sick alot but hey I could’nt afford to buy formula and the governement owes me nothing.
    I am a very right wing conservative republican and have a very clean mouth (very little profanity comes out of my mouth). My old neighborhood was very low income, everyone was hispanic, democrat, catholic, lived off government handouts, engaged in illegal activities,etc. I was the opposite. The few sds I have had have appreciated my views. I personally believe i’ve came along way as I spent most of my childhood in an undeveloped area of the rio grande valley. A colonia (this is a rural area along the Mexican border that has high poverty and few city services). I lived 11 years without running water, heat, ac, and was even without electric for several months because our family built house didnt’ meet city safety standards.

    Going to take another advil for my back and go over to visit parents in a little while. Have a good evening.

  252. Natali Laroux says:

    ESB~ Thanks so much! I will keep that in mind! I have been talking to a pot from here and wanted to make sure that bringing it up in the first few conv wasnt going to scare the good ones away :)

    I have not heard form him him today or since early yesterday… getting kinda nervous that he may have moved on… crosses fingers! 😛

  253. Bonnie says:

    ESB ~ Baby, you *do* shoot straight from the hip! I loved your response to Natali. I’m going to take that exact approach. I have a pot who is in San Fran right now, but he’ll be back to TX on Saturday…..first one from this site! Hooray for me!

  254. Bonnie says:

    Guru ~ Thanks for your kind words. I know I am a newbie here, but I am coming from the groupie scene which, imo, is the epitomy of sugarland.

    Still, I am noticing that groupieworld and sugarland has major differences. One major one is that groupies don’t hook up with their sd’s via the internet.

    When you are touring with a band it is definitely not at all about the money. It’s all about the music, a very spiritual basis. Money and allowances are never mentioned. It is just automatically assumed and the assumption is correct. You just become a part of the family and bliss out. It rocks! Literally!

    Another difference – rockstars are always millionaires and then some. They have fabulous lifestyles. And they are professional entertainers, so it is not up to the baby to keep the party rolling. The baby is there to help them feel normal. Close the door and it’s just two fun people having fun, just like everyone else. And the baby is there to comfort them when they are crashing down after their performance high. And they are usually single.

    I’ve noticed that this site is full of profiles of pots who make less than 100K, whose net worth is less than 500K, who work normal (boring) jobs and live normal (boring) lives. They want a baby to entertain them because they are bored with all the boringness (and horny). And they are usually married.

    I realize that those are the ones that are only here because they think this is an escort service or something. This is so frustrating!

  255. WCSD says:

    This is great! I just read a profile where the SB talked about her career as an ecdysiast.

    Google it and you’ll see why I am laughing. Another example of someone trying to make their career sound much more important than for real (i.e. sanitation engineer – garbage collector).

    Well it is good to see that profiles can still make us laugh….

  256. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    Well first off if you seek allowance, is it outlined in your profile?
    When a pot contacts me, I usually ask if the first email, if they have read through my profile, and are in compliance with everything. I then ask what their ideal arrangement is. I straight shoot in the beginning, because as soon as a pot writes back I give you xxxx for xxx and then …..
    They are deleted. I like to get a pot idea of a friendship with an SB out in the open in the beginning, if they seem genuine in their responce then we talk, get to know each other, share inspirsational messages everyso often, and eventually we discuss meeting, after our first meet we discuss a second, or parting ways. At the second we can discuss a third if we like, and eventually we will work into a relationship.

    I am talking to an SD in my state about an hour away right now. We have met twice so far, and possibly tonight as well. (Both times I have driven to him and driven home, and No I did not accept gas money or ask for it) He has provided me a wonderful dinner companion both times, as well as drinks.
    I have provided him a stimulating conversation, he says I intrigue him, so we talk daily but we have not worked out an arrangement, as we are still “seducing” each other, and figuring out how we want this to go…
    Did I mention he is incredibly handsome, tall, and did I say sexy?

  257. Natali says:

    I am jumping in real quick, no time to read all the posts. Q: How does everyone discuss an arangement with a pot sd? When is the right time to discuss $ ammt and all the fine details? Thanks!

  258. JetSet says:

    Hi All!!! Just wanted to pop in and say hi to the girls i DO know.. Which i see are hidden between all the new faces!! Hope everyone’s doing well!! My sugar life is going well and have a feeling it’s only going to get better!!

    Anyway, responding to the topic. I think it would be nice to have some sort of rating system for people that have been scammed by sugars both male and female.. Or way to let the site know you’re going to meet someone so they can track all that. IDK.. Safety is my #1 concern and luckily i don’t really have to deal with traveling to meet prospects any longer but at one point i swear i had an anxiety attack every time! But a good way to filter through fakes and scam artists rather than the diamond daddy thing!!

    Hope all is well!


  259. Bonnie says:

    Everyone ~ What is your attraction “flaw”? What is about you that makes a sd/sb say – Next!

    I think my “problem” is that most people just don’t get me. They’re like – Where is this chick from, freakin’ Jupiter? But ever since I was a baby girl I’ve been known to sit in the corner pouting because “nobody understands me”, so this is just me and my perspective of myself.

    I asked my friends, both male and female, was the deal? What is it about me that scares then away? The answer –

    Apparently, I intimidate people. So, then I ask – In what way? The answer to that is extremely complex, but I guess what it comes down to is that I am the full package.

    I’m satisfied with that. It just justifies the high standards I set for my lovers – He better be the full package, too!

    It’s interesting though, the dating scene. I’ll go out with a gentleman, no sparks fly, end of story, right? For the most part – yes, but about once a month I end up with a freakin’ stalker (is it a full moon thing?).

    What is up with these guys? Here’s an example –

    I went out with an extremely wealthy business owner. I got the vibe that he was married and lying about it (because I make it clear that someone else’s husband is not for me from the start).

    At the end of the date, he drops me off. He was still in the mercedes and I was at his window, thanking him for a pleasant evening. I said – Good night! He said – I was hoping for a kiss.

    I don’t kiss on the first date, and I should have just said that. Instead, I gave him a quick peck. Bad idea! You give them an inch and they take a mile.

    He says – I was hoping for a long kiss. Why don’t you get back in and we’ll make out for awhile?

    I felt a little vomit in the back of my throat. This was our first date, and I would never get involved with a man until I am positive of his marital status.

    And I’m not stupid. He just wanted to get it going so he could then get me to a hotel room. I had to work the next day! No respect for me and my schedule, just all about you-know-what.

    The next day I went back to the site where I had met him and poked around a little more. He saw me there and sent me a text saying –

    What are doing on the site? You don’t need to go there anymore!

    I said – Same thing you are doing on the site. What of it?

    And then all heck broke loose. He bombarded me with the most abusive texts imaginable. And this is going on while he knew I was multi-tasking like mad at work and didn’t need or deserve such a petty and rude distraction.

    I guess I’m traumatized by this because I was going to end the story there, but I need to get this off my chest –

    He called me a whore, a slut, a bitch, c-word, every freakin’ name in the book. He knew that I had domestic violence in my past and he said that I deserved every bruise my X left on me!

    What did I ever do to him to deserve that kind of abuse, starting with stalking me on that site and telling me that I shouldn’t be there, as if he owned me!

    I gotta go wipe my tears. That really hurt my feelings, you know?

    • SD Guru says:


      I’m sorry to read about your experience. There is no excuse for what he did, but don’t let jerks like that waste your time and get you down. Many have said it takes thick skin to be in the sugar world. Some naturally have thick skin, some still need to develop it and I hope you will too.


      “he wanted to take me to a swing club so i agreed on going because i always wanted to go and never been to one before.”

      I’m sorry to hear about your experience as well. As you found out, going to a swing club with someone you just met is not such a good idea. This is easily preventable if you just declined his invitation and called it a night. He keeps on doing it because he knows some women will let him get away with it. Don’t let guys like that waste your time.

  260. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    “Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”.”

    One of my favorite quotes!! ;p

  261. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    Ok, you have a live in bf and don’t plan on telling him?
    Pesonally, I wouldn’t be doing this if so.
    If you still want to go through with this, make sure those babies you have already are well taken care of, and there is no need for him if he finds out and leaves.. (Read into it, if you need him and he is helping you paying bills, food, etc.. Think long and hard before you sneak around and try and become an SB) You don’t want him to find out, leave, and then you and the babes end up on the street or welfare!

    Most SD’s want a travel companion (nonlocals). So first off, you would surely have to put that in your profile. I doubt your live in is going to let you go one weekend trips every month without noticing somethings up.

    Second, read some of the ladies blogs on here. If you click on the names (That are highlighted) they have their own blogs, many of which are very enlightening and in very good taste as to the SB side of things.

    Third, make sure you know what you want! What you want from and out of your friendships! And be honest! Noone wants to keep up with lies, if you have to lie about your life (bf at home).

    Read through some of the profiles here. Once you figure out what you want, and what you are expecting, be blunt, and be real. You may get half as many replies, but atleast you know they know what you are about.

    If you can’t travel, state that. If you want a Daddy for clothing/jewelry/dinners state that. If you want an allowance, put it in there! As well as your expected amount. If you want locals put it in there!
    And, yes you will have to do the leg work, most SD’s are too busy to sit here going through the thousands of profiles to find a real SB. (Maybe I should do this) I’ve been SD free for a while…. ;p

    I have been on here years, and never have I paid for premium!
    ;p I know some of you are already trying to guess who I am… ;p

  262. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    @ everyone
    Thank you! I am glad that some here actually value and know the real SD/SB meaning! I thought for sure, I was opening a can of worms starting to post today… As I have followed the blogs for a while, these are my first posts….

    The best advice I can give you is CONFIDENCE!

    You seem like a genuinely well educated and adaptable girl. Now work with those traits. You are good looking, no?

    The only thing which I would say really gives a girl away is when a girl isn’t confident in her surroundings. You’ve seen her, I’ve seen her, at functions, Galas, Art Shows, you name it, there she is being led around on some handsome mans arm, like a puppy to his new owner! the first thing I think about a woman like this, is (wa-la) she is feigning!

    Confidence is contagious! If you walk around with your head down, acknowledging men only when they walk up to you, and not engaging in real conversation for the sake of not being found out, you’ll ultimately crash and burn.

    If you need help deciding what is enough confidence and what is to much, spend time watching other prominent women. Watch how their confidence shows, and their comfortability shows.

    If you walk around with your head held high, with a sense of extreme “comfortable” confidence in yourself as a person, and as a SB. You will be noticed. Noone will be sitting back asking who let in the poor girl…

    *When I walk into a room, (which I know many prominent women, and men will be attending), I instantly look slowly from side to side, and meet glances and share smiles and nods with whomever is looking my way, I welcome their attention, and almost ask for it with my smile, this I have found has lent me more than just their approval as they nod their heads in my direction, and follow me around the room with their eyes. Many whom engage me in thought provoking and stimulating conversation, not about who I am or what I am doing there, but about about world affairs(gentlemen), or whether the Caviar they served is sturgeon, beluga or other.(with the ladies)(I always find they talk about the hors d’oeuvres, their husbands, the weather, shopping, or shoes)You can do that right!!?!

    As captivating as my natural beauty is, my confidence is left in the room long after I have left it! It’s an alluring quality I have.
    (Now try and bottle all that up and take it with you)

    Always engage people by looking into their eyes. Smiling helps! Start conversations, break into conversations. Be generous in thought and expressions. Don’t lack confidence!! If you are unsure it shows!

  263. Bonnie says:

    BSB ~ The sb/sd ratio on this site is 10:1. It is the opposite at other dating sites, where you get 100 responses within the first 24 hours. The sb’s are the ones who have to go “fishing” to get noticed.

    So, send out at least 20 – “Hey Daddy”s a day, then see what comes back.

    I’ve been on this site for less than a week and I have discovered that this blog is really where it’s at. Everyone here is really helpful, encouraging and welcoming, so let me be the first to say – WELCOME! and good luck in your pursuit!

  264. BrownSugaBabe says:

    Oh also if anyone can take a look at my profile and let me know if I need to do anything extra to it….reword anything…put up different pics…. by all means please tell me…Thanks a Million!

  265. BrownSugaBabe says:

    Hi everyone,

    I have been on this site for a few days now and am soooo interested and ready to get started! I posted my profile and my picture up, but I haven’t received any responses yet. I have a standard account now, but do you think that I have to upgrade to premium to get them to notice me and take me seriously? I also new to the SD/SB arrangement but I feel like I am learning new things about it every time I log on to the blogs. I was wondering if anyone was willing to actually let me know the ropes and teach me everything I need to know to get a SD to notice me and have them contact me. I mean, I’m not a supermodel like Tyra. I’m a normal everyday girl.

    Another thing is that I have a live in boyfriend and two little children. Do you think that telling the SD that is a deal breaker? How to handle that situation when you have a live in boyfriend who will have no idea that I am doing this?

    If anyone can help me please do and I will deeply appreciate it.

  266. Bonnie says:

    ToughLove said –

    I originally came to the site because I toyed with the idea of being an SD just for the experience (hell, why not?) But, just wasn’t sufficiently motivated.

    I get it now – ToughLove is not “motivated” to be an SD based on what he saw here, but he still remains to participate on the blog. His statement implies that he is not really an SD, so his opinion is more like what men want in general, or actually what ~he~ wants (if he were an SD).

    As for me, I am completely turned off by people who practice tough love. Hearing about his preferences is interesting, but that’s not my type of gentleman. Again, to each their own. Some women go for tough lovers, so I’m sure that hearing his preferences is helpful.

    New topic (which relates to the introductory paragraphs) – To all SDs and SBs: What are your preferences? What is your “type”?

    I adore true gentlemen who are generous, kind, non-judmental, and honest. I love successful businessmen, CEOs, and talented craftsmen.

    I am definitely attracted to someone’s spiritual essence. What motivates them? Love? Money? Whatever it is, I can only relate to someone who is as hardcore driven as I am. And atheists are not for me.

    I’ve always been the groupie girl – Musicians rock! All artists do. My husband was an artist and a musician and I managed his career. That is my scene, so even if he’s not a musician he has to have a deep appreciation for music to be able to keep up with me.

    I like to see a reflection of myself in my lover, so being easy-going and capable of clear communication is a necessity. And if he’s a storyteller – mine!

    Physically – 6′, 200 lbs, dark hair, brown eyes, Italian/Native American

  267. MindyNYC says:

    HI ALL!
    Welcome new bloggers!
    Great discussions going on! Thanks for sharing. I’ve been too busy to chime in but have to say…
    ElegantSugarBaby-AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!. You’ve (BSSB & others) hit it on the head. Like Stormcat says it has to be experienced to be truly understood. I, too, am a vet and am always saddened to see the “new” “disrespectable” and “loose” definitions of sugar – it’s been a real sticking point for me on the blog. I think the true potential of what a mutually fulfilling sugar relationship is and could be, is often overlooked, in exchange for a misunderstanding of sex for money attitude. I have no issues, with those adults who agree to exchange sex for money. All I ask is that they do not label themselves a SB or SD…Gettin’ kind of sick of having to clean up the mess!

    True SD/SB’s, she described it to a T, and when you’re approached with anything other than that, clip some sentences from her post and please educate the fakes!

    Hope everyone is well. Lisa I hope your back gets some relief soon.

  268. SanDiego sb says:

    ive been following your blog for the past 3 weeks and wow, you should have your own show lol, not in a bad way but just reading what you write is fascinating.

    Some of the pots you’ve had feel like the same ones I’ve had here in san diego.

  269. Bonnie says:

    BiBaby ~ I totally agree with you. Guys our age act like teenagers. That’s why I only date gentlemen 49+. I probably made that other conclusion because I was tortured on a daily basis by my teenage brother’s nonsense, but you know what? He’s 37 and is still the same. These gen x boys are such dweebs!

    I think it is Lisa, but correct me if I am wrong – Are you the sb in TX into married sd’s? I might have a pot for you.

  270. Bicentennial Baby says:

    arrrgh! one last question, and then I MUST get on the treadmill!!!

    Can you please share some of the “dead giveaways” some SB’s make that are mistakes then? I’ll be 100% honest, I’m from a blue bloodline, but our family gambled away their fortune in the 40’s just before my mother was born. She raised me on welfare and just got off assistance about 5 years ago. I am probably what you would call inbetween lower and middle middle class but have been a white collar professional in the finance field for over 10 years. I’m the first to graduate college in 3 generations and the first to be in graduate studies. I’ve traveled some and from pageants, have picked up a LOT of class (if you call it that, perhaps mannerisms?) on how to dress/act.

    It was told to me the essence of class is simply this “make the other person feel comfortable, and never, never bring up class or money or attempt to prove either”. I think that may be true, but I admit, I’m often intimidated by the surroundings I find myself at various events. I do a ton of charity work and it brings me in contact with many wealthy men. (so I may not need online help to meet…). I’m always natural and show an interest, but not awe, in them. but truly, I have no idea if they just look at me and smile and think “poor thing, she grew up in a trailer park didn’t she?”. I hope with my education, mannerisms and dress that’s not the case but I’m not part of the “club” either when it comes to money.

    so your comment frightens me, as I certainly don’t want to lose out to the seasoned used-to-money SB’s because I did something I never knew was detrimental while in another’s company and then they take advantage of that fact. which BTW, is abhorrent and morally reprehensible in my mind. If you know she’s a newbie, ignore her and move on, don’t use her.

    This is very scary to know some people, esp SD’s, think this way.

  271. Bonnie says:

    BiBaby ~ I cried when I read about your daughter’s promise ring. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I love being a mom and that was so touching and sweet. It really made my day (maybe even week!).

    ToughLove ~ The early bird catches the worm, so keep your worm concealed until after 10am…..but then the late bird might catch it, so I really don’t know what advice to give you. And who knows? Maybe it is your desire to have a bird catch your worm. I just wanted to initiate a conversation with you because I’m not desperate for money. Or maybe I am. Whose business is that besides mine and my pots?

  272. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Checked out your blog, I love your ‘devastating dress’ story!! You better NEVER let that thing out of your sight girl! Isn’t it awesome to find something that beautiful that looks great on you that gives you that “aura”? Be sure you bring that thing in a carryon and never pack in your luggage, because the airports couldn’t replace what that’s worth!!

    also, thank you for reminding me to hit the gym today. I’m packing up and off to go tone up.

    Eh, on this debate, I don’t think he’s a teenager. I’ve spoken with soooo many men over time in business and finance and if he’s a teenager, then he has the keenest mind I’ve seen as to wit and reparte (sp?, i.e point & counterpoint) for his age. Some men in my generation and older even are very quick to argue with you, if only to test your ability to match their wits. They do this very sort of thing in pageant interviews…we call it the “high gain” (or screw you, alternatively..) question. It’s to see how you handle difficulty, under grace or do you fluster?

    true example, and then I gotta go for a few hours: “Is that your REAL hair color?” Answer: yes, absolutely. If it was imaginary, I wouldn’t have had to go to Miss Clairol to get it now would I? I used humor to deflect a tacky and classless question from a judge and got a 10. I took a risk and sometimes, I bomb. but I am always quick to deflect something and make it look stupid, but not in a way that attacks the questioner. Some people just enjoy doing that sort of thing (I never did it when judging) and to my mind, it’s no different than a job interview. It sucks but hopefully once that’s over, you can move on to other things.

    Just my opinion, your mileage may vary. Here’s my quote of the day, from Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”.

  273. Stormcat says:

    Bonnie ~ It is so tempting not to keep to oneself, the judgemental labels that we all attach to others in order to make decisions about how to interact with them. Especially when it is a negative label. Someone might be a selfrightous ahole but if we state it that way we are lowering ourselves and are disrespecting the blog. Don’t let the negative actions of another change how you act or think and just realize that everyone actually recognizes the reality.

  274. ToughLove says:

    SD Guru
    “During my years in the sugar world I’ve met a wide variety of SB’s from many backgrounds. In no particular order: Ivy League graduates, law school and med school students, nurses, Playboy models, porn stars, fashion models, pageant queens, escorts, strippers, teachers, waitresses, bartenders, secretaries, cosmetologists, estheticians, massage therapists, hair/make up stylists, college students, small business owners, aspiring actress/model/artists/musicians… and the list goes on. The point is, each SB brings something unique to the table and it’s up the to the SD to realize and cultivate the potential”
    Well it certainly seems like you’ve met a wide range of SB’s in the the sugar world. That’s quite a list. There’s something on which I’m not 100% clear. When you say,”it’s up to the SD to realize and cultivate the potential” are you referring to what SHOULD happen or what ACTUALLY happens? Perhaps the SD SHOULD recognize her for her worth despite their differences. Perhaps he should “leave her better than he found her”. From personal experience in VIP environments in NYC, Miami, Vegas, London, etc. that’s not what actually happens. And I’m referring to the immediate assesments made about a woman. For example, ElegantSugarBaby just gave an accurate description of what a typical wealthy man wants in a SB (actually what we appreciate in a woman in general.) She’s also been doing this for 6 years. Her years in the field have taught her what a wealthy SD wants. Period. Granted not every SB wants a wealthy SD, but it can’t hurt. There’s a reason some SB’s have guys “poofing” on them, or they get “pay for play” offers. There IS a reason. We can tell the difference.
    –Now for a moment of usual TL, non-pc behavior. Suppose we’re at a private party in the Hamptons (funny since I haven’t been up yet this summer) and we meet an attractive woman in her late 20’s. We can immediately tell if the environment is familiar for her or if she’s just a friend of a friend of a friend. We can tell if she has dated men with money or if she’s trying “move up” so to speak. It’s obvious. Now, given what has been happening on SA lately, which one do you think we’re more inclined to keep around for a while (for however long that lasts) vs. the one we view as a fling for immediate gratification? Is that how things should be? No. But if you ask anyone who spends enough time in that world, they’ll tell you that’s how things work more often than not. Now, someone SB’s like Elegant and Brown know how to navigate that environment, and their success as SB’s speaks for itself. Newbies, well, they’re toyed with, jerked around, and then discarded (poof!). Again, is it how things “should” be, no, just what happens. (End non-pc moment.)
    I originally came to the site because I toyed with the idea of being an SD just for the experience (hell, why not?) But, just wasn’t sufficiently motivated. However, having read many, many profiles it’s OBVIOUS which SB’s are familiar with my world and which one’s are just wanna be’s. So, if it’s obvious to me, then it’s obvious to others. And while some of us just shake our heads and move on to the next profile, others make offers they don’t intend to fulfill, offer sex for money, poof after a few emails, etc, etc. etc. And then the poor newbie posts here about how frustrated she is. Is that what should happen? Of course not, but it does.
    Solution: SB takes complete responsibility for her understanding of the world she hopes to enter.

    • SD Guru says:


      As usual you have a lot of interesting things to say but I can’t seem to follow your train of thought, so I’ll try my best to respond to your last post. My comment about the mentoring aspect applies to SB’s who “get” what it means to be in a sugar relationship. Some newbies on the site are desperate or flaky wannabe’s and an experienced SD knows how to screen those.

      Now let’s get past the wannabe’s and consider SB’s who may not be as familiar with a wealthy SD’s environment as others. Perhaps we don’t operate in the same world, but in my experience it’s not as exclusionary as you think. Part of the joy of being a SD is to help his SB develop and blossom as a person into something that she aspires to be despite where she started.

      I agree that a SB should take responsibility for her understanding of the world she hopes to enter. And a SD can help her along the way. I’m not sure if we’re saying anything different. I hope you continue to explore the sugar world to see if it’s right for you.

  275. Bonnie says:

    I wanted to respond to this –

    Now, with regard to Bonnie, if she’s convinced herself that this environment should be philanthropic in nature, then she has only to test that theory and tell the blog how things worked out.

    – My sweetheart, Nicholas, had my heart and always will. Things worked out GREAT with him.

  276. Bicentennial Baby says:

    wow! I’m back at the laptop briefly and look at all this conversation!

    I’m in the process of sharing with DH the fact I intend to add a profile. If he says yes, then up it goes. we discussed last night some of what was mentioned on here (not all, but the considerations, possible arrangements that happen and improvements needed on my part, etc) and I said if the answer is no, it’s no. I won’t be happy about it but I respect the decision. I don’t believe the motto “it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” He hates that saying more than anything, as it was said all the time by an ex-friend of mine who’s also a pageant queen who cheats on her husband ad-nauseum, and yes, in secret.

    As awful as some people may see it, I would rather be open about my intentions than deal with a shotgun and an angry husband later because I was dishonest and a liar. I dont’ want to be either to anyone. So yes, I have decided I will be honest with any pot SD’s about my situation and if the connection is still there after we meet (which is when I think I should disclose it….let me know if you guys think otherwise, i.e. beforehand…), then I have been true and trust can be built between the SD & myself, which is the least he should expect so he can relax and enjoy himself and my company.

    @Toughlove, thanks for the compliment! I do enjoy a spirited debate. the on-stage question is always the category that puts me over the mark in the pageants I compete at, as I always win this area that puts me into the final 5 and often the win. You can be pretty in swimsuit and gown but ultimately, you need to think on your feet to be a true beauty queen.

    I do hope that my ability to discourse tactfully and well about so many subjects (Art Deco and Depression glass, cooking, Carribean travel & culture, I speak Spanish, organ gardening, stock investments, states’ rights, pharmaceutical engineering, Keynesian economics, you get it…) will be an asset to me in keeping a SD’s interest, as I’m fairly bright (IQ of 159, my uncles’ is 166!) and working on my graduate degree in finance. Unfortunately NONE of this is really evident in a picture, just the size of my boobs (satisfactory but not stunning), my proportions and my smile, so I’ve got to do the best packaging I can and hope my mind and personality will hook them the rest of the way! DH likes to say I’m “all teeth and hair”, as I smile a lot and have LOTS of layered blond hair. *LOL*

    @ElegantSugarBaby:I’ll end with this old saying…
    You may be able to walk into a dealership and “Try the car before you buy it”. (Lunch, coffee, dinners) But you don’t get to get it dirty before you sign the papers…

    OMG, I LOVE THIS!!!! I will remember to use this statement, so I can keep any issues “on track” in a classy way by pointing this out. Nicely said!

    I totally understand you. I am remarried myself, 1st hubby at 18, divorced at 29. remarried at 30, to the guy I was fooling around with during my separation from #1. I’m no angel, that’s for sure. H#1 has remained a good friend and is friends with #2, I split everything fairly as he was also seeing someone and we have a daughter together. I’m the only one anyone knows amongst my ex & current hubby who remains on good terms as an ex-wife. Everyone we know has had horrible, crippling divorces. I’m just not that kind of person and don’t understand women who are. I’m glad you are able to move on past the 3 dads and pray you give your girls a great example. My DD doesn’t know anything of my personal life, but the boyfriend (if you call it that when they’re teens) she is steady with in high school is a perfect gentleman and is a real life teenage sugar daddy to her!

    true story, she lost her white gold & diamond “promise ring” that is a Tacori knockoff, while at track. this thing set her BF back $250 or so. we tried to find it, no luck. I told her to be honest with him about what happened to what he worked so hard to provide. this young man of 16 worked all last fall cutting grass and presented her on Valentines’ day with the SAME ring, in a nicer box and with a promise that she won’t lose this one! I cried, I did. What a gentleman! they’ve been together 2 years and no intimacy until she graduates high school in another year. how lucky am I that both agree to remain “intact” until they are at least out of high school and share those values!! How lucky she is to recognize a good man, even if it’s a young one.

    So ladies, good men are out there, even as young as 16! We as women just have to be selective and realize many men are wonderful, it’s just up to us to observe and pick the ones who are. don’t just go with the first guy who pays you attention (my problem when younger) and then complain years later that he’s not a SD or a knight in shining armor when you knew all along he was a frog and his actions told you so! I too am guilty about trying to rewrite the past and see what I want to see, esp since I love so easily. I hope that’s not a detriment when I finally find the right SD to share time with. *sigh*

    I’m also glad some of you agree with the idea that we don’t have to be desperate, and probably shouldn’t be, to be seeking arrangement, so to speak. I hope that because I’m NOT desperate, and just want to have some travel, fun times, gifts and mayhap a reasonable allowance from time to time, that will be attractive to a pot SD as it indicates I’m not willing to just take the first thing that comes along but rather, I’m CHOOSING to be with him and make him happy. Isn’t that what a SB is supposed to do after all? So I am in the camp that if a SD prefers to help out a struggling/need to pay the rent SB, no problems here, but don’t shut out those who choose this life either. It doesn’t make us better than the other SB’s, it just means our motivation is different. And knowing that, the SD can then choose if he wants to be there to help and be a knight in shining armor, or if having a companion who chooses him and he chooses her (with sugar of course) without that need to survive is more his cup of tea and more appealing. I can see where both would be good.

    I’ll be checking into a profile (need pics, all mine are professional modeling headshots and I think would be intimidating….I once emailed a headshot to an event director I was emceeing for and she said there’s no way you LOOK LIKE THAT!. Lo and behold, she was shocked I look exactly like my photo! I get tired of explaining there’s no photoshopping…) but I may just drop a line via yahoo on too as BicentennialSugarBaby

    I’ll end by agreeing with the post by ElegantSugar Baby: we should be complimenting our SD’s, not draining them. Ultimately, I think that is the right philosophy…how we do that, well, that’s individual! :)

  277. Bonnie says:

    A little example –

    ToughLove rule #3: If you want to be a bull fighter, you must first learn how to be a bull. If you want success with intelligent, wealthy men then you must have an above average understanding of intelligent, wealthy men.

    All this guy does is cut and paste quotes from the quote site! There is absolutely no air of experience in anything he says! He just takes a famous quote and calls it one of his rules. Hilarious!

    And what’s up with these rules? Are they for us or for him?

    Alright, my turn –

    Bonnie rule # 1 An apple a day keeps the doctor away, and remember to brush your teeth before going to bed.

    I’m not sure if that was for me or everyone else, but I thought it needed to be posted here.

  278. Sherri says:

    I actually worked at McDonald’s for several years while in high school and my early college years and long hours for minimum wage is something I would never go back to.

    But clearly stating that the money I get from an arrangement will be used to further my education hasn’t invited as many perverts as you would think. Because it’s not from desperation, it’s here’s what I have to offer you and here’s what your money will do for me. It’s not desperation, it’s honest and it’s where I’m at in my life right now. Some guys like making a positive impact and helping someone reach their goals. I bring my beauty, poise, conversation, companionship, etc to the table like every other SB and I screen and set the standards for how I want to be treated. Actually, every guy that I’ve met in person has told me that I’m great company. I’m not heartless and all about the money and I’ve never done anything with anyone that I didn’t want to do.

    Without an SD I’d have to put in long hours that I could spend in study/research only to barely make ends meet or end up deeper in debt. With an SD I’m free to concentrate on my degree and making headway on my loans. IMO, having an SD in my life is 1000% better.

  279. Bonnie says:

    BrownSugar ~ I checked out your blog. You little sex kitten! I love your look and that cute blue dress. It reminds me of mine – a flapper-style lbd.

    About ToughLove ~ I clicked through his name and it came up “error on page”. Maybe just a computer glitch…..anyway, about anyone who calls themselves “ToughLove” – Love is kind and gentle, so that’s an oxymoron. Just calling a spade a spade.

    The whole tough love philosophy is a load of bs. It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with being an @hole. That name alone is a huge red flag. Tough love has proven to fail, time and time again. Those who promote this philosophy are really just abusers in disguise.

    My guess is that this is just a teenager, home for the summer, bored because he is too young to get a driver’s license. He never gives any examples of his experiences to prove any of his opinions. He really comes off as know-it-all when he really knows nothing – typical teen.

    Of course I could be wrong, but I’m not going to give his opinion any merit until I have some kind of proof that he is who he says he is – a wealthy SD.

  280. Elegant, beautiful posts! Great points.

    Well folks, gym time! Have a great day. Between the earthquakes and the grey/cool July days, I’m ready to get the heck out of LA for a few days. The heat wave in NYC sounds like such a better option right now, lol. There’s no place like home.

  281. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    @SD Guru.
    Great analogies..

    Too often I find that, and hear from SD’s those same lines… She wanted XXX for this, by XXX.. She was desperate. It was a turn off. She became “needy”.. Which ladies?! Isn’t that what an SD doesn’t want?
    I absolutely disagree with an SB being on here and being desperate.
    This should not be someone’s only option.

    Although I have been on here since *gasp* 06 I have had very select and very long term friendships. While, I have met many pots, I am selective, just as my SD should be. Even at some of those times, I was meeting people, when in need moreso than now. I still never lost sight of being a true SB, and finding the perfect match for me. NSA is why we are here, but feelings have to be there. I can not knowingly engage in any type of intimacy with an SD/SB/SM without having a desire to do so, and this desire isn’t fueled by money! Just as any SD/SM desire should not be fueled by the need for sex!

  282. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    Point on. We have a lot of the same feelings.
    Ok, noone said it’s wrong to need the money! My point is this. If you are on here and this is your only hope for getting what you need. Be it more money for schooling, then you are going to end up doing things with yourself, your body that could potentially end up harming you. What you don’t understand is that by guiding everyone to now KNOW you NEED money, you are going to be taken advantage of. There are many fake SB on here, as well as SD.

    It’s ok to not be made of money, honey I don’t believe any of the SB’s on here are made of it, my post is to the fact that if you are on here and you need the money so bad this is your only option and you grow “false” feelings for an SD just to get some money and perform “pay for play” activities, you aren’t a real SB and you have now grown false representations of what an SB is and does.

    And this alone is where our bad rapport comes in when it comes to how some media and people view this world of dating.

    If you can genuinely have feelings with someone, and you accept cash from them, fine! That is great. That is something they want to give you and hopefully you appreciate. But if you are going to go around “playing for pay” with any SD who throws XXX at you then you are one of the reasons we have a bad rapport.

    Yes, sure I would appreciate money over diamonds any day. But, do I need it to survive? Do I need my SD money so bad, I am only here to “bang for some change”? No. And no SB should be!

    You say working at McDonalds like it is a bad thing. It’s honest money.

    All in all. It is ok to need money. We all could use more money right?
    But don’t be one of the fake SB’s who have no true concept of what a true SB/SD friendship is. Don’t have all of your SD’s writing you offering you XXXX for a quick lay… (because you are so hard up, and dependent on this for money) (I am sure you would say yes, which is what brings me back to what I said)…

    Have your SD’s writing you and asking you to a nice dinner over Cocktails and Sushi. Getting to know each other, and finding the SD that suits you and your lifestyle, one whom you can compliment their lifestyle as well. With no intentions, and without that *need* for money in your eyes. Because, I am sure that any SB who blatantly brags they need the money, has a false needy intention stare about them.

    Don’t end up in the sea of needy SB women who just want the money, and aren’t actually adding anything of value to their SD’s life.
    You should be complimenting them, not draining them.

    Good luck here! Once again, my opinion is just that, and I am sure many SD would love someone to play and pay. It just isn’t my interpretation of what SD/SB dating is.

    **On a side note, as far as names here… Does everyone use the name on your profile? I am new so not sure…. ;p

  283. Stormcat says:

    Oopps BSB looks like our posts crossed.

  284. Stormcat says:

    BrnSknBabe ~ Oh that’s wonderful! I love hearing about first meets. I’m sure it will go well as your approach is so solid and you already have a good handle on each other. But just relax and enjoy the date. Keep us posted!

  285. BrownSkinSugarBaby says:

    Welcome back Stormcat! The line about describing it as love is really the only way I too can describe it. But it’s just on a more elevated and mature level. My former SD and I had this conversation once. He was married but the same understanding of that was there. Cool post.

  286. Stormcat says:

    Wow, the dust settles and my computer finally lets me blog again. I still can’t read the posts on the last topic. So many people weighed in and I had such an interest in reading what everyone had to say. I’d just like to add that if you have never experienced a really connected sugar relationship you can’t possibly know what sugar dating is about and why it’s unique. For those of you who have experienced it, you know what I’m talking about. It is wonderful! I had no idea before it happened what it would be like. I have to call it love because I have no other word to describe it. But it isn’t like any love I experienced IRL relationships. It’s free, it’s selfless, it’s comfortable, it’s stimulating, it’s the closest thing I know of to “having your cake and . . .” So tough love, the reason you can’t wrap your mind around it is because it can’t be described it has to be experienced. I mean honestly experienced, not approximated as an academic exercise. You can set here blogging and theroize all you want but you will never understand it vicarously.

    SDguru ~ I saw you wrote me something along the lines of questioning removing mysels from the sugar fray in the context of my belief in the rollar coaster. (I still can’t read it) Thanks for noticing the apperaant oxymoron. We are still in pretty constant contact and I send sugar when have it but the arrangement is no longer full speed until I can feel comfortable with my ability to keep my end.

    That said, I might be interested in a pretend arrangement if it got me onto a certain reality show. fun, fun, fun! :)

    Sweet Sugar ~ I’m sure I’d love to be your SD. But it would have to be a possible future scenario. For the present you would be better off with a more qualified other. Perhaps we can just keep in touch as friends with similar interests. After all, the future is sooooo unpredictable. email me. Stormcatgl at yahoo.

    Bicentenial ~ You too sugarkitten! I can send you my profile if you want to take a look, but you really ought to join SA.

  287. ToughLove says:

    Hahaha, agreed. Done and done.

  288. ToughLove says:

    Just read your post…haven’t some the those things been discussed “ad nauseum” here… Definitely noticing a pattern…

  289. Sherri says:

    I guess I don’t understand why it’s wrong to *need* the money. I don’t think need = desperation or willingness to do anything no matter if it goes against your morals. But for me sb/sd dating has been a godsend and I make it clear in my profile that I do need the money and why. I enjoy and appreciate the travel/gifts and all but at the end of the day having time to pursue my education w/o financial stress is the best. I have enough student loans for 3 people, would rather not take a second job at McDonald’s, and don’t have wealthy parents to foot the bill for my education. Needing the money hasn’t stopped me from making a genuine and positive connection with my SD.

  290. Sorry one eye is on the tv, and one eye is on my breakfast. That’s supposed to say “completely.”

  291. You’re completing taking everything to offense ToughLove. Case it point which is completely unneccessary:

    – (there you go again, this is getting to be a habit with you.)
    – So, why direct you energy at me
    – I was JUST about to accuse you of the same thing
    And more that I just don’t care to point out.

    I’m not here to argue with people, and honestly I’m getting bored with this conversation. I think I’d rather you just ignore what I say if that makes it easier for you to be able to share your views. Again, I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT. There’s no need to villianize or play the victim on either end. I never did that and don’t have any interest to in the future. However, I’d rather not spend anymore energy beating a dead horse into mulch. It’s really not that serious.

  292. ToughLove says:

    Yes, it has been discussed ad nauseum. And I never said my thoughts were original (there you go again, this is getting to be a habit with you.) Despite it being mentioned previously, the same pattern of behavior exists for many on the blog. I mentioned you as a positive example because you’ve been at this for a while. No different than an experienced golfer vs someone just taking up the sport. So, why direct you energy at me when posts continually demonstrate some women are playing in an end of the pool where they have little experience? Speak to THEM, not me. Because clearly, discussing this ad nauseum hasn’t helped. Clearly, you do a number of things RIGHT. And just like the golfer, you may not even KNOW some of the things you’re doing right because they’re automatic for you. And, no, I have no reason to pout. Nothing to pout about, so not sure how you arrived at that one either. Attempting to subliminally degrade someone for challenging my opinion…funny, I was JUST about to accuse you of the same thing…what irony. Truly, I couldn’t care LESS if someone challenges my opinion (I live and breathe that environment all day/every day), it means nothing. I thought perhaps, just perhaps, I could present a different perspective, or different voice. Regardless of my personal view on the SD/SB environment, I hate seeing newbies fail AT ANYTHING unnecessarily. (Wait…I promised myself wouldn’t cry…) But, seriously, if I can help a newbie look at things in a different way that increases their odds of success by even 1%, then I feel I’ve made a worthwhile contribution to the blog. Sometimes it may come across as “tough love”. But, I believe in that process, because the mentors that had the biggest impact on me getting where I am today (personally, professionally, financially, etc.) were the one’s who grabbed me by the neck and said,”Dude, you have you head so far up your *expletive*, *expletive*, * expletive*…I’m suprised you can *expletive*, *expetive*!”
    Do I think Bicentennial benefitted from the exchange? By her own admission, she did. (Unless of course, she was referring to everyone EXCEPT me, *shrug*, it happens.)

    Now, with regard to Bonnie, if she’s convinced herself that this environment should be philanthropic in nature, then she has only to test that theory and tell the blog how things worked out. BTW, nice deflection on that little chat you were having with Stormcat about “freebies”, which consequently was the genesis of the my exchange with Bonnie.

  293. Noir says:

    @ElegantSugarBaby, great post, and you’ve expressed everything I’ve been feeling on the subject.

  294. ElegantSB ~ You bring up some amazing points and you’re right on the money. And there-in lies the problem with societies view of what a SB/SD relationship is and the true dynamic of it.

    There’s a passage in the Bible (not that I’m uber Christian, but it’s appropriate in this case) – “Forgive them for they know not what they do.”

    Because of the media attention that has been garnered over the last few years about specifically SD websites, you now have all kinds of pariah infesting the pool of people looking for a real connection. You have men who think that this is what beng a SD is all about, sex for money. You have women who seek this kind of thing at times of need and absolute desperation. So they are willing to do ANYTHING to get themselves out of the holes they are in. You have people who think that in order to get what they want, they are willing to screw for it and why not get paid. They have no care for the person they’re with at all. This is where it all goes wrong.

    Like you, I’m an experienced SB. However this is the first time I’ve chosen to venture online, mainly because I’m insanely busy but also because I like trying something new. Funny enough because I got a few promising prospects and after 3 weeks on the site took my profile down to build and develop a connection with the men who are pots before deciding which one will be the man I decide to put my engery into and vice versa. So basically, it’s been like regular dating and building a friendship/trust for the man who has my interest. I wrote in my blog last night that the SD pot I’m about to meet finally face to face has had a total of 92 EMAIL exchanges between us, not counting the SA messages, and the phone calls. We are on the same page about a lot of things, life, relationships, business, the weather, lol, etc. A lot of it had to do with the fact that he was travelling but what that’s done is build a rapport for each other and makes it all a better judgement if we are right for each other. In fact we are finally meeting this Friday, he lives 2 hours away and will be staying in town for the entire weekend for us to enjoy our time together. This WITHOUT the pressures of sex etc. And that we’ve discussed as well. If it happens at this point, it happens because we’ve mutually agreed on it.

    Not to say this is how everyone should approach their sugar relationships, but if the urgency to get the arrangement started and going isn’t there, it leads to a more honest and open and LASTING experience between both parties. Many times it seems like both men and women try to rush things, which lead to shorter relationships, poofing and horror stories.

  295. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    *sorry for the grammatical/spelling errors, I write to fast*

  296. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    OK, first off, I do not watch T.V. So I can not really comment on her recent episodes of Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby dating. But I can post a little on experience. Having been on here for around for 6 years…

    There is often a bad rapport with Sugar Daddy/Baby dating for many reasons. One being the huge market for professionals “pan handlers” whom come in to sites like these simply for the average SD to find and do a “one and done”, “pay and play” for sex arrangement. They need their bills paid, or a bill paid and don’t care if they have to sleep with someone to do it. I mean a whole site full of wealthy men?! Or the bar?! Come on, I don’t have to have a college degree to figure that one out!!

    That being said, I have found I am seeing a whole new realm of Sugar Daddies on here. I get “propositons” all of the time, involving “pay for play” scenarios… So it isn’t just the hard up minimum wage worker, or college student who wants to simply “Holla for a dolla” or “bang for some change”, many of the SD males are propositioning the same acts. And when politely turned down, the amount of distasteful insults you get back is absolutely ridiculous.

    I’ve recently been given an ” arrangement offer” by an SD on the site. It involved something like, I will visit you X amount of times per month and we will play, after we play, I will give you X amount. Once we have built up a friendship and I see you are a true SB, you will get your stated allowance requirement…..

    Hmmm.. Ok.. Well I politely decline his offer and tell him nicely a few things about myself… One I am a seasoned and professional, albeit picky SB. Just as my SD has the right to find an SB who he finds alluring, captivating, engaging and sexy, I have the right to chose whom I enteract with. That being said, I do not “play for pay”.
    I don’t need his money, and I certainly won’t play until we have a friendship. Thats called prostitution, the way he wanted to work it.
    Friendship needs to come first, whether we simply dine out, and part ways, or meet for walks and get to know each other, A true SD/SB friendship isn’t a one night stand or many of them. And to my disdain he immediately told me I had no idea what an SD/SB friendship was. That I wasn’t as an SB supposed to befriend my SD. That that wasn’t what an SD needed. They didn’t need a SB to talk with, spend time with, relax with, unwind with. They didn’t want to engage in mindful discussion or teach me anything. They just wanted to “pay for play” and be on their way…

    Of course I blocked him…

    But all of this being said, and without running off on too many tangents.
    The common misconception, (If it is one) of the SB/SD scene being a “prostitution ring”, or pay for play agreement is not only a misconception to those who are not involved in our lifestyle, but also those in the lifestyle.

    Now, my old style SB/SD friendship and arrangement is based on possibly what only I believe to be true about our scene.

    That being, an SD doesn’t need us in their lives, they want us there.
    And the genuine real SB doesn’t need our SD’s money, but they do appreciate his generosity. If you need his money, then honey you may need a side job or possibly school…

    They want someone to engage in a conversation about more than Cosmo, or our best friends ex problems, instead about world events, Stocks, things we care about, things we have passion for. They want to sit across from you at lunch and talk with an engaging beautiful woman, who is there not with her hand out but with her mind open. They want to dine with us, share events with us, and in a way court us for a passionate, seductive ride.

    Most SD’s don’t care for the whole “porno” sex, and rather want someone who shares chemistry, passion and enthusiasm for the time they have together. Not to say a good SD doesn’t enjoy some “spicy” sex. ;p And deserve it!!

    They like doings things simply because they want to, and not because they feel like they have to. They enjoy surprising you with little gifts and seeing a genuine appreciation for such gifts in your eyes.

    Their SB appreciates every moment with them, be it only a lunch, or coffee, or maybe a trip across the globe, with no “cash” given. They appreciate that their SD has included them in these activities and shows her appreciation for these things.
    In return, sure many SD give their SB many forms of appreciation, and vice versa, but it isn’t the lifestyle itself giving us a bad name.

    It is the many, I will say it again MANY SD, SB personalities who come here and immediately expect to give you XXX. for this this and this… They don’t want to see if there is a connection, chemistry mindless passion, nothing. They just want the sexy lay for a few bucks… Or the few bucks for the sexy lay….

    I’ll end with this old saying…
    You may be able to walk into a dealership and “Try the car before you buy it”. (Lunch, coffee, dinners) But you don’t get to get it dirty before you sign the papers…

    You aren’t going to wear the Vuitton’s all over Manhattan and then decide not to buy them… Unless you’re Sandra Bullock…. ;p

    *And, I am sure I will receive some criticism on this post. In no way am I suggesting a SD put out before an SB does. I am simply stating it shouldn’t be made into a you do this and you get that, or I do this and you’ll give me that…*

    Both parties should engage into the friendship, because they genuinely want to. Not because they may need to. But because they want to. They should appreciate each other equally because they want to.

    • SD Guru says:

      Regarding the blog topic:

      Sensationalism sells, whether it’s tv, print, or other medium. The topic of mixing sex and money, prostitution, and linking that to sugar dating always generate ratings. The general public can’t get enough of this stuff as they take a glimpse inside the sugar world every so often and look on with curiosity and disdain. A side effect of media exposure is that it sends a bunch of newbies to the sugar dating sites. Most newbies won’t last long and only a few will persevere to find what they’re looking for. The cycle repeats itself when the next exposé hits, so I wouldn’t get too worked up about it.


      I enjoyed reading your post and you spoke like a true veteran of the sugar world! The “pan handling” aspect gets worse after every media exposé as newbies come to the site thinking easy money is there for the asking. The usual pitch goes something like this: I need to have (insert dollar amount) for (insert dire needs) by (insert yesterday) or I’ll be (insert dire consequences). Sames goes for the SD’s who make propositions as if they’re at the Bunny Ranch. One of the longest running debates in the sugar world is the SB vs Escort argument. Some people don’t see the difference while others clearly do.


      Providing a new perspective and asking tough questions is always welcome in this blog. All we ask is that you do so in a respectful manner like everyone else.

      ToughLove rule #3: If you want to be a bull fighter, you must first learn how to be a bull. If you want success with intelligent, wealthy men then you must have an above average understanding of intelligent, wealthy men.

      Online sugar dating puts a wide range of people from different socioeconomic backgrounds together who otherwise wouldn’t have come into contact with each other IRL. For the SB’s, having an above average understanding of intelligent wealthy men obviously helps. But the SD’s should be able to work with whatever the SB brings to the table and have the patience to help her grow and achieve her aspirations. This mentoring aspect of sugar relationship is often ignored in popular media because it’s not as sensational as the other angles.

      During my years in the sugar world I’ve met a wide variety of SB’s from many backgrounds. In no particular order: Ivy League graduates, law school and med school students, nurses, Playboy models, porn stars, fashion models, pageant queens, escorts, strippers, teachers, waitresses, bartenders, secretaries, cosmetologists, estheticians, massage therapists, hair/make up stylists, college students, personal trainers, scholarship athletes, small business owners, aspiring actress/model/artists/musicians… and the list goes on. The point is, each SB brings something unique to the table and it’s up the to the SD to realize and cultivate the potential.


      Thanks for the update. Good luck to you!

  297. BrownSkinSugarBaby says:

    Honestly ToughLove you really aren’t as original as you think you are in your opinions. If you look back at past blogs, you will see that this topic has been discussed ad nauseum.

    What I do find funny is how sactimonious you are in your end of the discussion. It’s like you’re pouting because someone doesn’t see things as you do, or at least your point is understood however there is and always will be another way of looking at things and approaching situations. So your attempt to school and subliminally degrade someone for challenging your opinion is kind of out there.

  298. Bonnie says:

    ToughLove –

    Are you saying that because I am not a golddigger, I am not going to find a righteous gentleman who will appreciate my sincerity and open heart? What exactly are you saying?

  299. Bonnie says:

    ToughLove said –

    I’m trying to say this as nicely as possible (for me): the fact that you feel that way about charity and college students (loose reference) is why you DON’T have $20,000 a month. There’s an old saying: show me the guy who thinks $1 MM is enough, and I’ll show you the guy who doesn’t have what it takes to make $1 MM.

    This response to me is a bit confusing. The fact that I feel that love and the sugarbowl should go hand and hand is why I don’t make $20,000 a month? Is that what you are trying to say. Would you mind clarifying?

    And I agree with that saying, but how does it relate to the first sentence (which wasn’t expressed clearly enough for me to reply

  300. Lisa says:

    Good morning everyone

    Not really impressed or influenced by Tyra. I have no interest at all in the lives or opinions of any celebrity.

    Gotta be headed out to work in the pouring rain now. Back is still killing me.
    Have a good day everyone

  301. ToughLove says:

    I’m trying to say this as nicely as possible (for me): the fact that you feel that way about charity and college students (loose reference) is why you DON’T have $20,000 a month. There’s an old saying: show me the guy who thinks $1 MM is enough, and I’ll show you the guy who doesn’t have what it takes to make $1 MM.

  302. ToughLove says:

    @Bicentennial and Stormcat,
    Guys, if you found my questions and posts challenging and a little different than the usual fare here….GOOD! I chose this name for a reason. If you do not want to have a conversation where your motives and beliefs are challenged then my advice is …STAY AWAY FROM INTELLIGENT WEALTHY MEN. These conversations go with the the territory. Why do I say that? Because I’m one of them. I APPLAUD Bicentennial for her tactful handling of my questions. If you can’t handle questions like that on a blog where you actually have time to stop and consider your beliefs and motivations, then you are SCREWED during a conversation in real time. SB’s then wonder why a promising SD poofed on them. I’m now one of Bicentennial’s biggest fans, well done, Madame.
    One thing that I see repeatedly here is a general lack of experience with a certain type of man. Brown has been with wealthy men her whole dating life so she has almost 12 years under her belt. (no pun intended) That’s a huge advantage. Huge. She’s at the point where she sees and notices things that the average women who has spent her life with average men is totally unaware of in a simple conversation. Huge advantage. Which leads me to
    ToughLove rule #3: If you want to be a bull fighter, you must first learn how to be a bull. If you want success with intelligent, wealthy men then you must have an above average understanding of intelligent, wealthy men.

  303. Lily says:

    I am so happy to be a sugar.

    Soooooooo happy! I will never be able to repay the generosity I’ve been offered. But I’ll spend a long time trying.

  304. Bonnie says:

    Another story – (I hope this one has some kind of point to it! Thanks for tolerating my eccentric, 1am “been working 8 hrs/need a break” routine.)

    Once upon a time, the world’s most gorgeous woman was born. Her name was Tyra Banks. She was the bomb. She became a top model, she created a show called Top Model, and she created another show called Tyra (or something like that – I don’t watch TV much).

    And she just lived her life being the most gorgeous woman in the world. That was all she knew. She had also been raised by the world’s best mother, who didn’t just happen to be a photographer. God knew what He was doing went He created this whole plan.

    Meanwhile, all of the other beautiful people had paths of their own, more of God’s plan. Everyone’s life serves a purpose and we can’t all be Tyra Banks. Someone’s gotta scrub the toilet, you know?

    So, one day, Tyra did a show about sugarbabies and her ratings went up, up, UP! And now she does them regularly because she’s, like, so popular!

    And that’s the moral of the story – Tyra’s just producing a show and expressing the popular opinion for better ratings. It’s her job.

    BUT the flip side is that this site gets publicity! Every time she does a show about this site it gets, like, so popular!

    Tyra’s opinion about this scene is completely and totally irrelevent. It’s probably not even her real opinion. It’s just a TV show, just like any other TV show, where actors get paid to act.

    Hey! Speaking of Tyra being an actress – Has anyone seen the movie “Life Size”? She plays a Barbie Doll who comes to life and sings some song about being a star or whatever……This has nothing to do with the rest of the world’s choice to set their own standards in their own personal relationships. It’s just a movie that I saw some years back.

  305. Briella says:

    Tyra is an idiot. She thinks she knows everything. How dare she compare having a sugar daddy or baby with prostitution. Its ridiculous. Especially if you’re not sleeping with them like a lot of the girls she featured on her show.

    Tyra can suck it! :)

  306. Lily says:

    OOooh Scotland. I love Scotland.

  307. Bonnie says:

    This is my first “official” pursuit of this type of relationship, but my last three relationships were finally on my terms.

    In my twenties I had three kids with three different dads. In each relationship, I ended up abandoned by the deadbeat. I have definitely learned my lessons the hard way.

    I was glad to get rid of those boys, but the fact was – my baby girls had been abandoned by their own fathers. I felt that I had to show them a better example of what a real man really was and changed my boundaries tremendously.

    All of my poor choices had already taken its toll on my oldest, so she ran away at 14. I haven’t seen her since. She turned 19 on June 28.

    Here’s my last three relationships – I married my husband in 2006. He had been my best friend for 15 years. It wasn’t an sd/sb thing. He was just a real man who provided for his family.

    Then Nicholas – What a sweetheart! I think that when I do develop something with an sd, that is how I’ll introduce him – This is my sweetheart.

    Nicholas and I were together for one year. Then he died in my arms…..

    I’m sorry. I know y’all didn’t see that one coming. I don’t mean to be dramatic or shocking.

    Most recent relationship – boss/secretary thing…..That’s pretty much become my style. My husband, Nicholas, and Xboss were all self-employed and I managed their businesses for them.

    I have already learned through a bunch of frustrating experiences that online dating sux. I do not want what the guys on other sites have to offer, which is ~nothing~. I can have ~nothing~ with myself all day and not get used for sex, so I’ll take that path.

    I am really only interested in true gentlemen who are real men and do what a man is supposed to do. I guess he would be called a “sugardaddy”.

    So, what exactly is there to “come out” about? I mean, what about couples who swing? Does the whole world need to know that the wife’s best friend sleeps inbetween them at night?

    To me, the sd/sb is very normal. My dad had it going on for awhile. But he never called her his “sugarmama”. He called her his girlfriend. And when they were introduced to people, he didn’t say – I sleep with whoever I want and she pays for everything……Hey! That was the same deal he had with my mom! I didn’t realize this before – My mom was my dad’s sugarmama! He just her introduced her as “his wife”.

    P.S. Another reason I don’t click with those other site losers – I have too much “baggage” and “drama” for them! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  308. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hi everyone! Greetings from Scotland! Wow, some great discussion going on! Loving reading all this. I am curious whether SDs and SBs ‘come out’ to their fiends and family about the type of dating they are involved in. I openly meet my friends with my SB, but only my business coach knows the basis of the relationship. What do others do?

  309. Bonnie says:

    Sasha ~ You got me started on the marriage thing…..hehehe

    This is just a little story and it comes to no conclusion – just thoughts:

    Once upon a time, my parents were married. My dad had 27 different “affairs”. You know the ones I’m talking about – The type where you meet a random stranger at a truck stop (literally – he was a cross-country truckdriver) and she needs help with her phone bill, but instead of just being charitable to a bum you go with her back to the trailer park and rape her for $100…..sad thing is – the dude even kept track of the number of notches on his belt, thinking this is what made him a man!

    My parents finally got divorced. Well, being the “playboy” that he is, my superstud dad then went and hooked up with a sugarmama! Dude must have the golden weiner, because he has absolutely nothing else to offer.

    She was a lovely lady and they had what my dad called an “open” relationship. This went on for 12 years! Like I said – Dude’s got the Midos touch or something. No one else could get it, but it was no one else’s business and they were happy.

    (This all started when Dad was 50 and Lovely Lady was 58, ending at 62/70.)

    Why did it end? Because my dad’s a freakin’ jerk and she finally got sick of him. She moved to California and actually married another one of her sweethearts. I guess at 70 it really is time to settle down and grow old with someone.

    Example of my dad’s jerky treatment towards her – He would go to her house and she would be doing her yardwork. He would go in, grab a soda from the fridge, plop down on the couch, feet on the coffee table, grab the remote, settle down to a B movie, and start calling all his friends on his cell.

    One day she came in from doing her landscaping, sweating and stuff, and she actually heard him bragging to his friends – Yeah! It’s like a 5 star hotel around here! All the amenities and I don’t have to lift a finger!

    And the moral to the story is – I found the golden weiner!…..but it was attached to my dad…..

  310. Sasha says:

    Good point Bonnie! If any sugar mommas or daddys out there want to donate to the sasha fund please send all donations to the address listed below…..lol just kidding!

  311. Sasha says:

    Yes I saw the tyra banks episode today and it really sparked my interest to get on the ball. I’m going to win at this game just like the one woman that was featured on the segment. I aspire to have luxurious shopping sprees and wonderful things out of life. I also plan on using someone’s generosity to better my future longterm goals. I’m sorry, but I agree with her. There isn’t anything wrong with getting alittle help every now and again. We all have to at some point. Just might not be from a old rich guy. Also don’t get me started with what I think about marriage. I feel that marriage is the ultimate arrangement that usually works out better for the guy. So tyra needs to lighten up on the sb’s.

  312. Bonnie says:

    “Just don’t give “freebees” on the side and expect that your SD is going to be fine with it!”

    Wow! So the SD then “owns” the SB? I mean, why should the SD even care about what his SB does on the side?

    This is not about exchanging sex for money. Anyone who thinks it is, should not be here.

    I think of it this way – What would I do if I had an income of $20,000 a month? I would give at least $5000 to my favorite charity.

    Love and charity are the same thing.

    If my favorite charity was “struggling college students” or “aspiring actresses” or “young authors” then I would go find someone in that boat and give them some money.

    And I DEFINITELY would not expect ANYTHING in return.

    That is why this scene is so “sweet” – It actually goes both ways! The person recieving the charity can actually recipricate with gratitude. The SD can see the smile on his SB’s face and be very pleased and the joy that the SB feels from the gift can be given back – maybe the SB would like to see the SD smile like that and feel the same joy in return….oh! the love!

  313. Bonnie says:

    BiBaby ~ I left my comment to you at the other post before I realized that you moved on to here…..

  314. Jay says:

    Yea i was wondering if there were actually any real women that are rich on this site? Or is it just men? :(

  315. SweetSugar says:

    Want to be my SD?

  316. I agree with you and I understand your point, however I will still play both sides of the coin on this issue. We are all consenting adults and what two people choose in their relationship and what works for them is between them. If you’re not ok with it and someone else is you cannot say “Just don’t give “freebees” on the side and expect that your SD is going to be fine with it!”

    All I’m saying is that again, you cannot assume based on your own belief what is right for someone else. Honesty is the best policy always. I’m not one to judge someone else’s opinion, however, I like to remain neutral when it comes to affairs of the heart.

    Ok now done with that, on to the next topic at hand…


    I love Tyra, I really do. But her points of view and shows about SB/SD relationships really annoy me. Another one aired yet again today. This time about college sugar babies. The thing about Tyra’s show is that its premise is to uplift the female spirit and consciousness, however at times she can get a little preachy when it comes to certain topics. Women and men who live this lifestyle make choices, and she makes it seem like the choices we make are going to ruin our lives forever. Damn Tyra, I’m not sitting around snorting coke or doing anything detremental to my health. C’mon, really? She doesn’t explore women who are leading this lifestyle who are using what she recieves as a means to bettering herself. Maybe she’s opening a business, maybe she’s already in the midst of finding her own success through the help that she recieved through a SD relationship. Maybe by a twist of fate she married her SD, I don’t know, whatever. But wait, she HAS in fact had these women on and no matter what the show finds a way to shoot it down and make it something sullen and evil.

    It’s kind of like her obsession with hair weaves. It’s like OK girl we get it, now give it a rest and move on.

    As far as topics most interested in talking about, I think that setting up an arrangement and how to properly approach that is probably the #1 thing that gets a lot of folks stuck in this whole ordeal. It’s like ok, you got his/her attention, you hit it off, and now what? What’s the best way for the both of you to proceed without making this arrangement feel transactional. For many, especially those at this for the first time, it feels kinda weird. Again communication is key I think in this situation, but I’ve been able to come up with tactful ways to approach this subject that works for me and the SD that I’m involved with. Once that’s out of the way it’s smooth sailing (well unless someone poofs or something else).

  317. Sunshine says:

    I thought Tyra Banks would be against sugar dating, but I guess not. Interesting……….

  318. Ms. Taken says:

    So now on to the question~Honestly can’t think of anything…right now.

    This blog has attracted all the SDs and SBs who have been so kind, open and vulnerable about their experiences that all I can think to do now is thank them for their input and dedicate my future success as an SB to them.

    Thank you, Wise Sugars.

  319. Stormcat says:

    omg wtf i’m so frustrated i cant even read the end of the last topic my computer justr goes itno not responding mode and shuts down. And I feel so interested in what was being said.

  320. Bicentennial Baby says:

    I’ve got to add a profile soon, if only to see Stormcat! *tee hee*

    Ah, new topic, and the old one was getting soooooo good. I have learned so much in the past 24 hours and thought a LOT. Even though I am challenged by some of the judgments passed on me, well I will get that when I get stares maybe at a coffee shop or even when I pass myself in a mirror in an outfit that neither my DH or myself paid for but I love to wear. I guess I’d better get a tougher skin, eh?

    Speaking of sugar stuff, Tyra is a model. I used to model swimsuits and did pageants. Still do a few once every year or so and actually won my last one. NOT to brag, just wanting to ask all the sugars out there: what does it take to be a great, beautiful SB?

    I clicked on (no profile yet) the 1st 10 sugarbabies that come up with blue profiles on the “I’m seeking a….sugarbaby” and wow. Great mostly false breasts (can’t have them, or I’d buy a pair!), dark tans, teeth with veneers, gel nails, etc…all stuff I can probably obtain but not without a large financial outlay. I’m 5’7, 113#, 32D, size 4 and could stand to lose maybe 5lbs and replace that with 5lbs of muscle. Just need to tighten up and get back down to a 24″ waist. 2″ away right now. Good teeth but nothing that God didn’t give me either. Basic plain ole Barbie type without enhancements yet.

    What do the men look for? I am often told I am very attractive and (though I don’t like her AT ALL as a person) look like the current Kate Goselin, not old fat Kate. I know a good personality makes up for some things but I don’t think it will substitute for a great body and knockout looks. I’m not sure in your 30’s how knockout you can be up against say, a 22 yr old college student? I’m thinking a 50yr old man doesn’t necessarily go for the 22 yr old first, since I have post graduate education and have world travel and years of working under my belt, giving me things to talk about that younger women may not have developed yet at all.

    but to the SD’s out there, does that really matter? I can’t play the dumb fox, I’m in graduate work right now for goodness sakes. But I often feel that if you are smart, men get scared and go for the giggling younger types. I have no “little extra weight” really so I’m not sure what I should work on.

    What advise can you give me? What are some *concrete* things that are a MUST in a great SB worth spending time and your hard earned $ with? And what things foster a great connection amidst a NSA arrangement?

    As one person said, NSA doesn’t mean NO feelings, just no strings. anything else is cruel.

  321. Stormcat says:

    Midwest ~ in the context of my conservation with brnsknbabe ~ you quoteted a quote “it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man.” (am I supposed to put that in double quotes?) I think the accent goes on “in love” Here there is a connection! It’s only a difficult position to accept if the poor one is not in love with the person of the rich one and only marries for the money. But it’s not like the world comes to an end. It is just that wisdom tells us that the relationship will fail and that the parties will be hurt.

    Brnsknbabe ~ excellant points about distance and double standards. But they skirt the issue at hand. And, it’s not any more acceptale for an SD to use his wealth to acquire sugar from a sincere SB without a real connection than it is for an SB to\use her beauty to acquire wealth from a sincere SD without a real connection. There I said it. I’m not being judgemental. I don’t think any of the strategies are morally wrong unless they take advantage of another person through some kind of subterfuge. If it is open, stated and accepted then that’s fine. Just don’t give “freebees” on the side and expect that your SD is going to be fine with it!

  322. Ms. Taken says:

    First?!? I defer to you MichaelAZ~Hope you’re enjoying the European leg of your tour!