8 years ago
The Constant Sweetener


Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies are having all kinds of fun in the hot summer of 2010. While this season has been sweet for many sugars, many have yet to experience their first sugar date, and many others are complaining of a sugar dry spell…

65% of sugars polled on this blog would prefer an arrangement to last less than 6 months, yet some have said that longer-term arrangements are harder to find, but sweeter to have…

“I keep finding sugar daddies who want short term arrangements. I don’t mean to seem ungrateful for the sugar daddies I have met, but now that I’ve had a few different SD’s I’m ready for a long-term sugar daddy/friend. Why not keep an arrangement on hold instead of never returning to someone you know you can trust. But it seems like long-term arrangements are the hardest to find.” MD SB

How long would your ideal arrangement last?

How has the sugar been for you this summer?

Leave a Reply

188 Responses to “The Constant Sweetener”

  1. cleo says:

    beach am i the only canadian girl who wonders where canadian boy is from?


  2. Beach_Girl says:

    CanadianBoy~ you should always post on the current blog, you will get more answers that way…
    Have a great day and Welcome
    Ahh another Canadian friend!!! see you soon

  3. CanadianBoy says:

    Interestingly enough the girls I have met through SA all SAY they want a long term arrangement, but don’t want it to get too serious. But the reality is, when two people spend a long time together there will be a bond formed and deeper emotional involvement.
    On the other hand, I have found several SB’s who started off wanting ongoing, but quickly realized what they really wanted was some extra cash now and then.
    There’s something for everyone.
    From my perspective, there’s lots of fun to be had here, everyone should just enjoy!

  4. Reddamsel38 says:

    Az Alleycat don’t let this throw you off. Question what hurts the most about the situation? If that’s not too personal, will understand if it is. Im a new Sb and I was just wondering what would piss off a pot sd?

  5. cleo says:

    we heart you lily and you know it

  6. Lily says:

    Wow! After months of being well behaved, I really “pulled a lily” & everyone slunk off to far corners & can’t bear to be on the blog w/ me & my infamous verbosity! 😉 j/k it’s weekend & everyone has a life, presumably.

    Remember last winter/early spring when I was the only one with the case of the “blah blah blahs”? Nowadays i’m not even the only one! Lots of posters who value not brevity or conciseness when making a point. :)

  7. Lily says:

    Simple conclusion I’m going to sum up & offer to allowance-oriented SBs who are searching to figure it all out and give a flying fig about my opinion:

    with extremely wealthy men, don’t fawn, don’t giggle, and don’t waste your time. Show up, bring your A-game, stand tall & confident & glow with contentedness and confidence, and calmly & without apology, state what your situation & what you’re looking for. Then perhaps, with a mischevious but fun loving smile add “I’m excited at the prospect of you and I finding a myriad of ways to enhance one another’s lives. I’m prepared to move forward and start enjoying our time together in every way, if my baseline needs are not outside your willingness to provide for me.”

    and then shut up & be quiet and let him have an uninterrupted turn to speak his mind.

    It is very likely that it will be a no-go, and he’ll try to avoid actual sugar from his end but put his seduction routine in overdrive. Don’t think for a second you’ll get more than $500, if that, if you sleep with him before solidifying an arrangement. And you’ll feel like an escort when he hands you the cash after sex. Bad idea. And you’ll probably never see him again, despite anything he said to the contrary.

    But it’s worth showing up once for, give it your best shot, and you never know. Your loveliness + your lack of pandering and unflinching standards when it comes to being an SB or just walking away from sleazy pay-per-plays may very well set you apart from the pack & capture his intrigue and he may actually play ball & step up to a real arrangement. Not likely, but worth a shot.

    Moderately wealthy men are generally more like putty in your hands, and so unspoiled & still enthralled w/ the novelty and ‘rush/high’ of wining/dining/bedding a beautiful, enchanting vixen who smiles at him and makes him feel like king of the universe, that you won’t have to ask twice for your desired level of sugar. It’ll be there and then some, no worries.

    You have to forgo a 10-20k allowance & be happy with, say, a 2-4k/mo allowance, at least to start with, but you’re holding all the cards, you’re valued, and he will hang around long enough to establish a lovely relationship.

    Not saying not to go whale hunting, just know the potential to waste a lot of time and energy is certainly there, and it’s rare to find, in this economy and outside of certain pockets on earth (wall st).

    Just my opinions. Take what you will from it & leave the rest.

  8. Lily says:

    I’m sorry I made the assumption that you weren’t vastly exceptional in your level of psychological mastery where the opposite sex is concerned. I know virtually nothing about you & went ahead and assumed you weren’t a Cassanova legend with the ladies since, well, so very precious few men are (meaning able to manipulate beauties into doing their bidding by their charm alone, totally outside any material advantage they -at least in theory, as all men with money do– have to offer). It’s rare but it’s not impossible that you are that type of a Vixen Whisperer. Congratulations. This unlikely possibility was exactly why I said, “They ALMOST undoubtedly are.” and then proceeded to work with the assumption that you weren’t a Cassanova type legend of our time, but did begin w/ the caveat that I’m making an assumption and don’t actually know anything about you personally and was just using you as a hypothetical figurehead for the entire group of extremely wealthy men who enjoy many beauties regularly, and then went on to refer to you when I really should have switched to saying “men like this” or “men in this camp” or whatnot but on my iPhone it was easier just to use the singular pronoun “he” and simplify my tirade at least in that way.

    Apologies. I cannot prove one iota otherwise, to anything you’ve claimed. Brava! You have skillz w/ the ladies that the vast majority of the male population can only dream of!

  9. ToughLove says:

    I will be the first to admit that “empathy” is not one of my strong points. Yet, that makes sense because it involves the ability to “relate” and there are situations, like those you mentioned, where I find it difficult. It’s easy for a wealthy man to bring you into his world, because from his perspective, he’s just going about his day, doing the things he’d do anyway, and you’re along for the ride. From an emotional standpoint, that takes zero effort (fits with the SD/SB model for them). But, to “relate” or “empathize” with your daily stresses requires a tremendous emotional stretch that’s general reserved for wives, girlfriends, daughters, relatives, etc., basically someone outside of the SD/SB role.

    Now about the “just showing up”, a lot of what you said is true. I’ve been in those environments full of beautiful women looking for wealthy husbands/boyfriends/SD’s. And yes, it is extremely easy to get jaded and spoiled. My experiences in those environments is partly why I said any SB who thinks she’s doing an SD a favor by showing interest is out of her mind. So, I agree with much of what you said. And many wealthy men fully enjoy the benefits of what those environments have to offer. However, you extended that generalization to MY personal life, and here we disagree.

    What you described, dangling the carrot, is not my MO. The experiment you described IS. I never lead with my wallet because I developed my social skills with women long before I made my money. My “crazy sex stories” began in high school and just…progressed. A few years ago, I remember meeting this beautiful French brunette who was a total glamazon (accents are my weakness). She asked what I did for a living and I kept lying to her, but in a fun way and built it into this ridiculous story until her shell finally cracked. Then she asked me to buy her a drink and I told her no. Why? Because if you like me, buying you a drink won’t matter and if you DON’T like me, buying you a drink won’t matter. Her response: “smart man”. Later she left with me and by the end of the night, this ice queen was staring into my eyes like a love-sick school girl. Lily, while it’s not true for all men, there are some who actually have above average social skills developed over many, many years. That’s how men WITHOUT money sleep with beautiful women. (I’d be willing to answer your specific questions off-blog.)

  10. ToughLove says:

    @ Sasha
    Hey, imagine me giving you a big, warm hug and whispering ,”It’s okay, you’re almost there…”. I thought about your situation with the guys watching you on stage and then turning away when you stop. Here’s the good news: when you are on stage, you are in your element. Your subconscious mind gives you permission to “bring the sexy”, so you stop being just “Sasha” and you become “Sasha Fierce” to use Beyonce’s alter ego. As Sasha Fierce, you are totally in the moment, not thinking about your insecurities, fully present to the music and conveying your emotions as a musician. To the men observing, you truly are the Siren (Art of Seduction) and they are caught up in your spell. I think you even mentioned you have the same effect on men when you dance. However, when you leave the stage, your brain transforms you back into “Sasha”, and you’re thinking “Do I fit in? Am I attractive enough? Why don’t these men like me?” All of the insecurities return, the spell is broken and the men vanish…poof. The good news is you already have this super sexy, ultra seductive persona inside you. As you think about it, now, you may even remember dozens and dozens of times on stage when men were truly lost in your spell. So, the exercise for you is learning how to access that “state” in your everyday life. Those on-stage references mean you don’t need to be a Playboy bunny, you just need to let Sasha Fierce come out to play when it counts. Something to consider…

    • Michael AZ, the signs are always there. You just chose not to read them.
      Be it braille, neon or written in invisable ink, they were present.
      The fine line of sugar dating or dating in general is training your mind to
      read the signs without becoming the all encompassing “Untrusting Sugar
      I am sorry for your loss… ~OC

  11. Stormcat says:

    The young lion wins the day by his fierceness and superior physical strength. The old lion wins over the young lion by patience, cunning, and experience. But the lioness wins without even fighting.

  12. Lily says:

    That’s not a true warning sign.
    If that’s all there was, then count yourself un-stoopid.

    How any woman would take advantage of a truly (sugary & otherwise) sweet guy like you…. Shrug. Just sucks.

  13. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Btw – not looking for sympathy (toughlove take note), I just cannot believe that I missed the signs. I guess great sex makes you stupid. F*ck. What I am really pissed about is that I am feeling played. Biggest warning sign that I ignored? It seemed all too good to be true.

  14. cleo says:

    Alleycat: first off *hugs*

    second: we are never stupid for trusting. we are sometimes stupid for willfully ignoring signs. mostly we are stupid for not listening when our guts start to yell; but even then we’re usually busy learning *something*

    being hurt does not make you stupid okay? i’m sorry that you’re hurting but it’s no cause to get down on yourself.
    As to dating the wealthy without sugar i don’t see how it’s entirely possible. i mean “hey baby let’s go to bali for a month”
    “sorry babe i have to stay here and pay my rent and earn my 4k/month before taxes”
    “okay bye”

    maybe if you never went anywhere but out to dinner? would you be expected to pay for your half? buy them dinner in equally nice places?


    truly if you’re super rich it would be hard to date you considering that i live so close to the edge… that’s what the sugar would be for isn’t it?

    i don’t know, i’ve never been good at throwing myself at men, i always figured they should chase me…

  15. SoftlySearching says:

    @ Alleycat
    I don’t know you except for reading your post here on the blog but I’m so sorry for your pain…

  16. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Somebody please hit me over the head, hard. I thought my SB was being honest; turns out totally not so. I am generally a good judge of character – I completely got this wrong.

    What do you get when you cross a world of pain, stupidity and anger? A couple of very sleepless nights. More in a day or so.

  17. Nikki C says:

    Hey Sugarland. @ Aysa – sorry for the delay in response to your question. I expect and fully understand that physical intimacy is a part of the plan…but not an hour after we first meet! lol I truly want to make sure that we both are into each other before our clothes come off and if that takes a date or two, then I need that time. I guess my pot SD has not had that issue with past SBs. Its been worked out now- and I don’t think it will be an issue at all (at least I hope).

  18. Dandelion Wine says:

    Aspiring doc, absolutely agree :) quantity =/= quality

    Bi-baby, bad orthography annoys me as well…

    And to no one in particular: if you find yourself meeting high demand (not even having to try), it may be wise to check “market’s” sensitivity to a rise in equilibrium price.

  19. Reddamsel38 says:

    miss u SD GURU. Still revising my profile, still hate the picture I’m deleting it.
    @sunshine, where r u?

  20. @Lily,

    I 100% agree with what you said in your post as to the women who hang around, that its not just charm but also the—–however imperceptible—- HOPE of sugar that might come as a result of a relationship with a super wealthy man. Not that TL might not be a great looking guy and he’s certainly witty, but I imagine most women would be sizing him up as possibly likely to contribute to their financial cause. Whether that’s true or not of course is a wholly different matter, and to be fair, nothing is owed by a man who hasn’t explicitly entered into an arrangement so there is no wrongdoing there.

    Where the problem comes in is that most of us as women hope for what we want rather than always interpret what we see as possibly just that—exactly what they claim it to be. Now if the man in question is totally up front and honest he doesn’t pay to play, or dole out any gifts/$$, etc, I am fine with that but for whatever reason, I think most women if they are being HONEST with themselves, would NEVER hang around with a guy just because he’s hot or confident, were he unable to provide a brighter financial future as well.

    The only time that happens is when a woman falls in love with a man. I know from experience—I did this with my own husband. He’s sexy and fun and great looking and good in other departments…he’s just broke. So he knows I like him for HIM but make no mistake, the women who hang around a guy just because he’s ‘great’ and ‘confident’ and ‘sexy or good in bed’ are usually either hoping that there’s money in the bank somewhere in the future or that they don’t know about, or they’re in love with the guy and choose to overlook the obvious (as I did).

    I dont’ know of a single woman dumb enough to just *be* with a guy for no other reason than to be with him unless they a.) are madly in love with him or 2.) suspect he’s got money in the bank or will someday, and will in the future have the generosity to share it with them.

    No woman hangs around in her right mind without either A or B in my opinion, at least not for more than 24 hours and certainly not without bitterness afterward.

    Its sad but let’s face it, society has a double standard where arrogance can be a bit sexy in a successful man but take the same arrogance in a man who’s living at home with his mother and making $22,500 at McDonalds riding the bus and he just becomes yet another @sshole you have to deal with placing your order.

  21. Lily says:

    I still think it’s pretty nifty that I’ve dated billionaires, even if they don’t make for SDs. It’s just such a mind trip to even imagine what money must mean to them & experience life on their arm.

    Who makes the best SD? The one who (assuming they are wealthy enough that a 4-digit amount of money going your way per month doesn’t impact their life) has never in his life bedded a woman half as gorgeous as you, who is constantly on cloud 9 just to have you in his life. Much harder or downright impossible to have that effect on a billionaire who goes through 19 year old runway models daily.

  22. TexasSugah says:

    Hello all…

    Well, well, well…

    This blog is too much for my iPhone.

    At this point I want to comment on Sasha’s post. I completely agree with the fact that if a SB is living well, the wife must do far, far better.
    We’re crumbs off the plate.

    I had a great pot date yesterday. He’s a baby millionnaire…and single. We are supposed to see each other again tomorrow. I think he’s going to be a gift daddy.

    I still have my sugar packet but… I think I’m letting him go. If you recall, he wasn’t supporting me.. His businesss partner was. I still don’t understand it. Wait, let me say gifting me.. Just weird.

    I have two more pot dates next week. One will make it. :-). I want low key, no drama, allowance.

    Sugar to all

  23. Lily says:

    Toughlove’s right about one thing: he easily gets the desired experiences with desirable women just for showing up & not needing to actually dole out any sugar.

    But that’s not because the ladies aren’t there for the sugar, in his case. They almost undoubtedly are. They just feel unable & awkward to discuss “petty amounts of money” with someone at his financial level, knowing how meaningless & ridiculous agreeing upon a 3 or 5 or 10k monthly allowance would sound/feel to them. They’re hoping against hope that if they play their SB role well enough, he’ll just step in like a hero and magically & without the dreaded conversation, swoop away her financial concerns via magically appearing money into her life (or magically erased debts).

    Because that happens. Occasionally. It’s just not the norm.

    Men at that level have an endless stream of gorgeous or nearly gorgeous women lining up to be their next Pretty Woman story, or at least a kept mistress/high-allowance-SB.
    So they get lazy, selfish, and -worse- completely and totally unable to empathize with any of these women. They just enjoy the smorgasbord.

    Eventually they may become corrupted by their power to even de-humanize the women & just think of them as toys.

    Or delude themselves into thinking it was all fair play, and that he’s just so damn irresistable that women are desperate to have encounters with them “just because they showed up.”

    To men in that camp, who believe it’s their charm alone
    bringing the hot ladies into their bed, try this experiment. Before sleeping with a new lady, tell her dead-straight and serious into
    her eyes that you have zero interest in providing *any* sort (WHATSOEVER!) of financial help/support or even “lavish/overpriced gifts” on a woman you’re romantic with or seeing ….perhaps because you’re such a die hard feminist and you feel that kind of thing demeans women or whatever excuse you may want to tack on to the end of your announcement. Then proceed your seduction routine and see how far it gets ya.

    I don’t care if very rich men try to be huge players. Women need to wise up & get a clue & not let themselves be treated like that. Just don’t congratulate yourself on how you’ve got “such game” that you score it all without dangling sugar as a carrot. Unless she has no idea that you’re wealthy, then, quite simply: you ARE dangling a carrot, implicitly, to the women you display interest in, even if they are too timid to mention it before sleeping with you (& hoping that you’ll go nuts for them & then just swoop in & take care of them)—so please just be honest to yourself (and preferrably anyone else) about it.

    And please please please if you are a huge tease with your carrot, for heaven’s sake don’t pride yourself on never following through with any fulfillment of your lovers’ sugary hopes and dreams. It smacks of callousness, obtuseness, and downright meanness.

    I don’t use my sugariness as a weapon to use, hurt, and disappoint people and I don’t endorse others doing so either. Remember the golden rule (treat others….)

    Actually following through on giving sugar, whilst playing in the sugarbowl, is far from pathetic, it’s simply SWEET.

  24. I Eat Cake says:

    I joined SA last year and found nothing- never even met anyone. I got back on this year hoping something would pan out. I’ve never had a SD before so I’m kind of feeling my way through it. I’ve met three people and it’s been odd. One kept contact for a few days and disappeared and another is not really around much. I’d have to say that I’d prefer a long term situation… It’s already awkward enough on a first sugar date without having to do it all the time. I’d appreciate the familiarity.

  25. Lily says:

    Just my $.02–
    I find myself able to be doused with generosity at a level that makes a huge difference in my life from MCMs and sub-MCMs relatively easily.

    I find that the truly elite are willing to share the fun with me anytime, in terms of ‘living large’ during time together (including big ticket retail shopping, which ain’t bad but really how many nice shoes/bags/trinkets does a girl need?) *BUT*

    & this is a big BUT

    …when it comes to empathizing with the realities of my life and getting involved with my issues in an *empathetic*, tangible, reliable, & meaningful way so they can see they are actively giving me a real boost on my way towards realizing my dreams…..well……

    Those are not the ones in the upper stratosphere of wealth, but the ones much closer to earth who are capable of still imagining what life with financial stresses and constraints feels like.

  26. Sasha says:

    I just wanted to comment about my previous post. My friend offered the advice that he gave because I was becoming very unhappy about the lack of pot sd’s. Though I meet them IRL they never seem to approach me. Some of the comments posted by toughlove and others from time to time have made me believe what I already felt before this site. Exceptionally beautiful girls only get the opportunity to have top notch sd’s. Playboy bunny types. He’s right in many ways, just the delivery is harsh. I guess I want to believe too that guys that make that type of money aren’t entitled and arrogant, but I think I may be wrong about that as well. If I had great sugar stories to share I would have a better personal perspective. I wasn’t personally attacking anyone just offerng my friends perspective. Maybe accordig to toughlove’s standards I would never be able to be in that league and if thats true then I will except it and move on.

    @toughlove I do however want to know from you one thing because I do believe that your opinion is an interesting one to consider. Why don’t very wealthy men approach me at some of these events that I sing at? They oogle and awwh over me on stage and then when I get off they leave without one word. My friend has already offered his opinion about this, but I really would like to know from you.

    @sd guru Could you offer an opinion?

    • SD Guru says:


      though im not sure wealth (or lack of) always corealates with class.

      It doesn’t, and that was the point of my post! :)

      @NYC SB

      sorry for the misspell (opps u now owe me an ipad :p)

      Sure, where do I send it to? I’ll make sure to spell your name wrong too! 😉


      Exceptionally beautiful girls only get the opportunity to have top notch sd’s. Playboy bunny types. He’s right in many ways, just the delivery is harsh.

      I agree TL makes some interesting points that are thought provoking, but his style of delivery overpowers the underlying message and that’s a shame. However, I don’t think a SB has to be a playboy bunny type to be successful. There are several successful SB’s in this blog and I don’t think any of them have described themselves as that type.

      Why don’t very wealthy men approach me at some of these events that I sing at? They oogle and awwh over me on stage and then when I get off they leave without one word.

      Perhaps they see you only as a talented performer in the context of the event, and maybe they are in attendance with their significant other which prevents them from being too forward. To overcome that, you could ask the event organizer to introduce you to these wealthy men to start a professional dialog and see if they could use your talent for their private event. Once the door has been opened then you can start to establish a personal rapport and take it from there. Some SD’s are attracted to being a patron of the arts and those are the type you could appeal to.


      As the billionaire matchmaker, are you going to give the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo a run for her money? :)

      I agree with you that a SD’s wealth and lifestyle may not be a reliable indicator for how willing he is to provide an allowance. As I’ve discussed in my blog, there are several stories from SB’s that described meeting super wealthy SD’s who thought offering their lifestyle was enough. And when it comes to providing financial support they think there is a stigma associated with it as if they’re too good to be “paying” for a SB or GF.

      Which brings to the point you raised about guys like TL. He said he has no desire to be a SD because supposedly he can get it for “free”. So then why is he dishing out advice to SB’s on how to attract the super wealthy? And based on what you wrote, the super wealthy probably don’t make good SD’s anyway.

      Have a good weekend everyone!

  27. Lily says:

    Toughlove, if you’re critique-ing SBs pics, email me via my blog (click on my name) because I want a free jugment! :) and in case you’re renting out the louvre for a private day sometime, I’m willing to kiss ass to finagle myself an invite! I’d definitely pop down to Paris again for that!!

  28. Lily says:

    NYC SB – you’ve met another Forbes list billionaire, through me, this year, remember? 😉

  29. NYC SB says:

    SD Gury – sorry for the misspell (opps u now owe me an ipad :p)


    Travelingsb – click on my name… you can contact me via my personal blog


    Sasha – I agree with your lawyer friend… for most of it. I have met a billionaire (on forbes) and he was my SD for a while. We met on CL and he made a remark like “this is the only email my assistant doesn’t get to touch” so they are likely to look on their own when discretion is at stake. However, they do not have the time to hang out on the blog that’s for sure

  30. cleo says:

    BiCentennial Baby: with respect i disagree. i chucked 30 pounds and got my bmi down to 22 in 7 months… (to my mind about the perfect pace) i don’t believe i could teach you everything i know about grammar and spelling and wordplay in seven years…

    competition? what kind? you have me all curious…

    (recently i bought a couple of extra smalls and one of them is a bit large.. so weird to be 5’11 and buying an xs…)

  31. @Lily,

    No, no sugar yet…just dipping my toes in. Sent some of my pics to Toughlove to get an (honest) opinion but took some new ones this morning. DH said the ones I sent weren’t representational enough…they were at least 2 mos old.

    Lo and behold I took new ones this morning and I DO look great! I probably will have to use the ones I took this morning just in front of the curtains. I did my makeup like I plan to for any meets and a nice youthful hairstyle (just got a cut and color yesterday) and I really LIKE how I look! I think I’m about ready. Weighed in this morning at 110 lbs and beng 5’7″, I’m super excited to get back into this range. Tried on a modeling gown I had ordered for my next comp and I’m a size 2 for once in 2 years!! who hoo!

    As to experience/insight, I defer to those with actual experience but I’m planning to have some soon. Did an IRL “go see” last weekend at a charity event and netted 3 cards, one callback, just to see how I was doing. No intentions with those, too close to home and no fishing here of any importance (like TL said, there’s NO upscale malls here or nightclubs, so that’s a CLUE…I have to go about 2hrs away to find anything like that, so I will..).

    Thanks for the question though, I would LOVE to be an experienced SB but I’m learning right now. I’m feeling pretty confident now though after several weeks of preparation, so it’s been worth it all I’ve learned from everyone here!

    Ah, just to have a pair of Louboutins…I NEVER honestly knew what those were until you ladies started talking about them. read about them in Vanity Fair (I have a subscription thanks to gramma…very insightful!) and boy I want a pair! DH thinks $800 is waaaaay too much for a pair of shoes, my most expensive pair is for competition and made by Johnathan Kayne, they are $110. I own exactly 8 pairs of shoes and 4 are tennis shoes, I love Nikes because I’m very athletic. Too much a jock, I hope SD’s like that sort of thing. Love NFL, sports and the gym.

    Oh well, back to our regularly scheduled programming….have a great day!

  32. aspiring-doc says:

    @bicentennial- agree

    I love love love english- one day im going to do an english lit degree for fun :D. But yes, i too am a language snob- if people don’t write properly, I check them off the list so to speak :).

    Longterm is definetly better but I find i need to do regular reality checks- are we still NSA- are we getting too attached. Are thier no strings?

  33. travelingsb says:

    Where is everyone today? I so enjoy coming on here and reading. I agree with the comments that there may be alot of SB’s on here but very few without drama, issues and have their own thoughts. I started the sugar idea about 4 years ago, it took me a little while to realize that you have to be who are and upfront. The real SD’s will be upfront and you will have a connection within the first email and phone calls. I have had three very successful long term SD’s, all three are dear friends that I could call on if I needed to. I would never take advantage of their generousity but its nice to know they would still be there if I needed help. I am working on finding a new SD…It takes time and the site is becoming loaded with those offering you $500-$1000 transactionals. If you take those you are selling yourself short a real SD loves to treat you and will take care of all of you traveling expenses, gifts, shopping plus give you a nice little bundle to stash away until your next get together. In order to find that SD you have to totally be interested in him for real and attracted to him and treat him that way. I have said no to some very good SDs because the real attraction was not there.. Good luck to all of you! It can be so much fun and gives you a chance to explore more then you could imagine:)

  34. Lily says:

    Ugh: multitasking iPhone typing typo. Correction: have you BEGUN your sugar career recently….

  35. Lily says:

    Bicentennial Baby, have you began your sugar career recently? Had any arrangements? I’m very curious about your experiences if you don’t mind sharing, at least in vague terms.

  36. Lily says:

    I have only had a long term arrangement & really don’t care for quickie flings. Sex gets better & better over time, and I don’t see much value in short term romance and/or switching up partners just for novelty’s sake.

  37. @aspiring doc,

    See, I am with you on this one, while there may be a 10 or 15:1 ratio, based on some of the random profiles that generate when you visit SA for say, your hometown, the numbers thin out once you read profiles. Poor photos obviously are a no go but just as telling (and a LOT more repairable…you can fix your grammatical skills far faster than say, get rid of 20 extra pounds or have a face lift..) are profiles that contain a lot of misspelled words, half-completed thoughts or paragraphs that run on and on.

    I guess I’m a bit of a word elitist, but misspelled words that are typed the way they sound and the inability to correct typing as you go along (we all transpose, but few go back and correct) are huge indicators of a poor education in my mind and separate the pretenders from the rising I imagine for a lot of pot SD’s. And yes, I did get a nearly perfect score on my English SATs and TWSE…vocabulary is my strength. It’s something anyone can learn.

  38. pinky says:

    I can definitely see the blog has got really heated. Creates for interesting discussions that’s for sure.

    I Perfer long term arrangements, minimum 6 months. The relationship just seems more meaningful that’s all, well, I guess if that’s the sort of relationship you are looking for.

  39. aspiring-doc says:

    I love the intelligent motivated woman on this site :). MY Sd once (at the very beginning) gave me his password and told me to read the emails he got- it left a bit to be desired. So maybe the SD:SB ratio is 10:1 but motivated, classy, intelligent, ambitious- and I think you have some sort of upper hand :D.

    @Sasha- sorry I didnt mean to make it sound like u werent intelligent with the money- was just wondering!

    @Sd guru- thankyou :) though im not sure wealth (or lack of) always corealates with class. any stats majors? 😛

  40. Aysa says:

    Should say, “Mind me asking” in my previous comment.

  41. Aysa says:

    Nikki-“as I was ready to walk away when we disagreed on the intimacy expectation”

    If you don’t mean asking, what were your expectations on this part?

  42. cleo says:

    JSB i might ask the blog gods to remove that post were i you. if i read one of my emails on the blog i’d be fairly shocked unless i had expressly permitted it’s use…

    but wow, nice.

  43. CuriousSBmale says:

    Hey everyone
    I’m new here and have been reading through the entries…quite interesting. So I have some questions…I’m a male SB, looking for a female SM (yes, I know….I am a part of the most over-saturated segment…but there’s not a lot I can do about that!). So any tips, stories, feedback, etc? I’m usually fairly resourceful, but I don’t even know where to start here. Thanks.

  44. JSB says:

    Ok this is totally off topic but I just went on my account to read some of my messages and while I was online I recieved the best message thus far. This pot clearly read my profile and took the time to write a message that related to what I expressed. I have to share it!!

    He wrote:

    “Please have a look at my profile. I’m sure it will be worth your time

    Being intelligent, educated, athletic, and attractive is right up my alley so I’d be interested in meeting you for a quick “get-to-know drink” – what is your drink anyway?

    A unique and exotic look? We may look good together then – I take pride in keeping myself fit on the outside and the inside.

    The respectful part is very important to me as well – I have a motto – “you get what you give”.

    I too am looking for a special relationship that will be remembered forever, not cheap one night stands. I can get that anytime – hopefully there will be a spark when we meet & who knows where that’ll lead?

    Oh, and by the way I can definitely help you with that golf swing, but pardon me if I get a little distracted, you’re quite beautiful.”

    Yep, he got my attention and I complimented him on a well written message to which he responded “You must have been an English & Pyschology major – you both entertained me literally and aroused me at the same time – do you write? ”

    Hahah I did not major in either disipline, but I have to say he was not the only one entertained literally and aroused at the same time.

    Sorry for the rant, had to share :) Back to checking my inbox…

  45. NerdySweet says:

    Hm, I guess the crickets’ chirp is my welcome…

    Oh well, it’s entertaining to read this blog and all the little cat/dog fights that pop up.

  46. Nikki C says:

    it has been pretty cool so far and I feel pretty comfortable. Certainly not motivated by greed- as I was ready to walk away when we disagreed on the intimacy expectation- but after pushing back on what I was ok with he was very willing to compromise his expectation to what I was comfortable with. And after we got passed that- I actually felt much more comfortable about the whole situation. But I do feel like this is just a regular dating scenario. We talk a lot, send cute little text messages and imagine what our many adventures might be, but it seems so basic. I guess I was looking for a little more sweetness to the whole thing (is this what it is like??)
    We are scheduled for our 1st date in two weeks (third try’s a charm hopefully) and I am looking forward to having a happy ending (or beginning for that matter) to this whole thing. If we can’t make this next try work out…I think I am going to have to move on.

  47. @Nikki C,

    wouldn’t it be best to have several pot SD’s in the sugarbowl at a time, at least until an arrangement is formally setup and pans out??

    I understand focusing on one person if you were dating IRL but in this sort of thing, it seems like its more of a numbers game and you might be successful in the long run by at least looking into several replies at a time, until you have some sort of reason to be exclusive.

    Not that your guy might not work out, but what if he doesn’t? then you’ve ignored 3, 5, 8 others who might have been great but have since moved on thinking your lack of reply as disinterest. Seems it will be harder to try to pickup the pieces of where you might have been being several weeks down the road, I would be thinking “I must have been her backup choice or something” were I the SD getting the interest later on. Also remember new profiles I hear come up first in some way, so the influx of emails probably WON’T continue over time unless you refresh your profile.

    Just my two cents, but if no real life meeting has panned out in over a week of emails, I’d be widening the net I cast, so to speak.

  48. Dandelion Wine says:

    Oh, and as have been mentioned, do not be motivated by greed. Even if he can afford the allowance you want, doesn’t mean he will provide it to you.
    Do you feel like you are being taken advantage of? Is he someone whose company you genuinely enjoy, with things progressing naturally, or is he the kind that thinks that just because a promise of an allowance is in the air, he can treat you with disrespect?

  49. Dandelion Wine says:

    Nikki, run a background search on him. Check the property values at the addresses that come up. If it doesn’t seem consistent with the financial position he claims to hold , cut your losses and move on.
    Seems shallow and contrived, but think of what would have happened if you showed up 20-50 lbs heavier or looking noticeably older than you claimed in email correspondence.

  50. Dandelion Wine says:

    Bicentennial, same here :) wouldn’t be coming back otherwise 😉

    Cleo said:
    “and work 50-100 hour weeks because they think it’s fun”
    not necessarily that they think it’s fun in and of itself, but it is more fun than say having to face the gut-wrenching disappointment, and the coarse grating of the sensitive soul by the vulgarity and banality of most human interactions.

  51. Nikki C says:

    This is my first time ever posting to any blog- ever…but for some reason I felt compelled to jump in a say something (and hope for a response). I have only been on SA for a couple of months and I was very surprised that I got so many responses from so many pot SDs. So how does it work? I responded to the first SD that looked interesting to me- and we have been talking, texting, emailing for over a month. I feel like we have a great connection and have become very comfortable with each other over the phone. We have planned dates, but schedules have gotten in the way and we have canceled- which makes me skeptical- more so of his finical status (can he really afford to fly to meet me?). I have had other SD’s reach out to me, but I have declined their offers because I am still interested in this initial SD. he talks a good game, and is now promising some sugar before our next scheduled date just so that I know he is for real… But i almost feel like I am missing other opportunities or given up too much of my personal time (we talk a lot!) without any benefit to me.
    I have never had an arrangement before- so I am a little unsure of if I am doing this right- I really do not want to put myself in a position to be taken advantage of but I don’t want to miss out on what has been promised to be a healthy monthly allowance.

    I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences! Very helpful!

  52. Dandelion Wine says:
    July 22, 2010 at 4:32 pm
    Many strong personalities on the blog

    Oh I love it! But do remember, I think having a strong personality is such a PLUS in this environment. A man must have a strong personality to succeed in business and in life. A woman must have one to know what she wants, go after it, and not be clingy/needy when entering an arrangement. Comes with the territory I believe!

  53. ElegantSugarBaby says:


    That is all!! Good night!!

  54. cleo says:

    ebony: dress appropriately and a little wee bit classier than the meeting venue. ask him about himself but not about his family. work or hobbies or favorite travel destinations… listen and then respond rather than plan conversational gambits… try to answer with questions to keep him talking

    as for the arrangement ask him if he’s done it before and how it worked and no sugar without sugar – well you can make out if you want.

    that’s my instant answer, now i have to run off

  55. cleo says:

    i think sasha is right and toughlove is right about what the wealthy do with their money

    some of them retire to idaho, raise children and then move to hollywood and marry ashton kutcher. some buy private islands and go on reality shows. some buy ferraris and work 50-100 hour weeks because they think it’s fun. some buy mosquito nets for africans. some give all their money to the guy buying the mosquito nets. some date supermodels. some fall in love with waitresses…

    so like… what the wealthy do with their money? whatever the f*ck they want.

  56. Ebony says:

    Hey sugars. I haven’t been on here in a while and it took me a whole day to go thru all the posts! I have a first meeting with a pot SD who we’ve been texting for the last 2 weeks. I’m really new to this and have never had any SD so I’m nervous. Can somebody gimme some tips please? On everything, from dressing to conversation to the arrangement. He had said he didn’t want just a typical SD/SB relationship. He needed someone who would be a long term deal. He’s married though so no fear of attachment:)

  57. Dandelion Wine says:

    Many strong personalities on the blog :)

  58. Noledgeseeker says:

    Thanks SD Guru I have read the first one before and when I clicked the second link it just took me to the last blog topic at the very beginning, well half way down I found the link to your blog so I abandoned ship and jumped the track to my new endeavor of reading all there is there…what was my original question? Whatev…I’m sure it’ll all work out…or it won’t and I’ll get to pursue that cutie in Dallas : D


  59. @Sasha,

    Oh, and sorry I missed my point in mentioning beauty, etc…I read that the corporate wives are SUPPOSED to be boring, plain Jane, and all because they are in essence “neuter” and not threatening to future business associates, executives and importantly, other corporate wives.

    I think landing THAT gig is a combination of luck, family money and background, and working with the person in question if you are fortunate enough to do so. it’s equivalent to why popular girls/cheerleaders hang out with less attractive best friends (my daughter does this, she’s a teen and has already started to figure out people’s mindsets, etc…and she’s very socially skilled. I wish I had so many friends at her age..). You don’t want to be upstaged by those as brightly plummaged as yourself. I would imagine it distracting for a corporate executive to have a fantastically hot wife who’s much younger when the expected norm is 1-3 years younger and as “normal” and pleasant as possible. Besides, no woman is going to keep her amazing figure after cranking out 3 or 4 corporate kidlets. If you do, it’s a struggle, I can vouch for that.

    Simply put, the purposes of an executive/trophy wife are completely different than that of a mistress, SB or other diversionary companion. The wife takes you for half, the mistress just takes you as you are.

  60. @Sasha/Toughlove,

    Wow, what discussion! I so love reading an intelligent mans’ posts, even if not a part of my current world. Looks fade but stupid is forever.

    I’ve been blessed that as I approach 40, I’m better looking NOW than I was 10 or even 15 years before. Late bloomer I guess. Thank goodness I wasn’t beautiful when younger, for youth is wasted on the young as they say.

    Regarding TL’s comments, they seem insightful and though I cannot say I’ve lived a 20MM lifestyle (I’m struggling to maintain a middle class one since my spouse did not complete college…I am in graduate work currently to better myself as a college degree is now only a ticket to a $10 hr job in todays’ awful economy IMHO…),

    I don’t think Toughloves’ lifestyle would preclude being able to post on a blog. Not that Sasha’s friend is incorrect but think of it this way: if you REALLY have that level of money, the money is working 24/7 for YOU and you may not have to keep ahead of the curve by working 24/7 yourself as so many of the rest of us do.

    I read somewhere that money is a hygiene (sp? pardon if wrong) factor…i.e. once you have the necessary level of it, your mind is free to focus on other things. I long to have the “quiet mind” spoken of, my mind is focused on the future quite a bit because my future is not yet secure. However let’s say for sake of argument you own 10-20 rental properties. You then hire strong and talented associates to manage them for you. If you have enough interest/return on your initial investment coming in, and REINVEST what’s coming out, less your own standard of living, yes you conceivably could work 5 or 10 hours a week and make TONS of money because your MONEY is working for you, not YOU working for your money.

    My ultimate goal in 5 years is to take the home I am currently buying which is in a lower end neighborhood (and thusly will rent QUICKLY, we’re in an excellent school district) and RENT it, then get into my next home, then rent that one and trade “up” until I have at least 5 or 10 rental properties. A good friend of mine now in her 50’s started this when she was in her 30’s and she is set for life. Not owning yachts but she’s financially secure. She quit a job she hated and works doing what SHE wants to do and her husband restores motorcycles as a hobby. They are both HAPPY and isn’t that the point of having money? As a TOOL, not a means to an end.

    I for one am glad for ALL the viewpoints shared here, please don’t castigate those who are different, the great thing about America is freedom of speech. Even if we disagree with TL’s comments (which I don’t but I respect those who do), I find it challenging and fascinating to have his point of view because it helps ME reinforce my own values/principals. So really we’re doing each other a favor by all posting here I think.

    Stay sweet!!

  61. Reddamsel38 says:

    All I can say is WOW:0

  62. Sasha says:

    Wow!!!!! Its getting Hot on this blog. I spoke to a very good friend of mine who is a lawyer. He represents men clients that are worth billions. I shared with him many of the topics that have been discussed on the blog. There were some interesting points he brought out to me.
    1) Men who make the type of money that toughlove refers to would never have the time to be on a blog. They have asst. who would screen any incoming emails. If they did find time to spare in their day, they would use it by doing something other than chatting on SA.
    2) The warren buffets and bill gates of the world, basically (real f**king money guys). Take a look at their wives. They are no supermodels. They actually are very plain in appearance. Those women are the ones who get the really sweet deal. Who knows these guys may all have sb’s out there, but its nothing compared to the wives, the ones that these guys really respect enough to marry.
    3) Decretion is one of the biggest things that these guys value. They want to know that they can trust who they are with. They may occasionally go to a charity event/ country club etc, but its not very often. The likelihood of seeing these types of men out at events is slim to none because they are always working to make more money. So the person they choose to take out with them can’t drawn to much attention to themselves.

    I paused for a moment after what he shared with me. Basically to sum up his point, anyone on a blog claiming otherwise has no idea what men of “real wealth” do in situations like this. Just to give background creditials on this guy. He is very very wealthy himself and constantly chats and hangs out with men like this on a daily basis. He’s in corporate law in LA. Its something to think about. I guess it all depends on what type of level you want to be on in the sugar world.

  63. Noledgeseeker says:

    Good afternoon Sugars. Just got back from a lunch date with a pot sd. He’s funny and we get along. We’re going to have a month of courting before we get down to business, lol. Sinse school starts then and it will be easier to meet due to our schedules. He’s asking me for what my expectations are for him. I’m new to this he’s not a millionare. I don’t expect a large allowance or vacations. He seems to ‘get it’ that sd spoil their babies and aren’t cheap but we’re both inexperienced and are dancing around the subject like it was a campfire. My other daddy just gave me cash and it was more than I expected so I was happy. This guy, I don’t know what to say…tips?…advice?

    thanks sugars

    • SD Guru says:


      How anyone, in their right mind could argue with another man’s personal experiences, is beyond me.

      You seen to have no problem arguing with other people’s personal experiences, so I’m just returning the favor! :)

      Obviously we don’t see eye to eye and that’s ok. I do appreciate your posts which are usually thought provoking and generate interesting discussions in this blog. It’s great to see that most people, such as Noledgeseeker, aspiring-doc, and others handled your blunt style with grace and class despite not having as much experience and wealth as you do.

      I’ll just leave you with these thoughts. First, if someone has to constantly remind others how wealthy they are, is that any better than the SB’s who constantly tell others to treat them like a princess? Second, it’s a shame when how things are said generates more attention than what was actually said, because behind the rhetoric there may actually be something useful. Third, if someone enjoys dishing it out, then that person should be able handle it when it’s dished back.

      Please continue to entertain us in the blog and don’t let me or anyone else put a damper on your happy life. I can’t wait for you to open the next can of worms!

      By the way, I’ve met Mark Cuban. Dude, you’re no Mark Cuban! :)


      There are many posts in the archive that addressed the subject of how to discuss an allowance. For example, here’s one titled “How to negotiate with a SD“, and here’s a post I wrote recently on the subject. I’m sure others will give you more examples.


      anyone on a blog claiming otherwise has no idea what men of “real wealth” do in situations like this.

      Thanks for pointing that out! When people pretend to be something they are not, it usually becomes obvious. As I’ve said before, a person’s true character will reveal itself over time.

  64. Sasha says:

    @ aspiring-doc I was drawn to this lifestyle because I wanted to create lasting wealth for myself. The clothes and the shoes are nice, but honestly those things fade just like looks do. I’m trying to find private investors for a business that is growing rapidly and needs more capital. Also I would like to buy a house. If this business grows, I will have money to buy my own house and really anything else I want. I look at the sd arrangement as a means to build something that will last for the rest of my life. Just for example, I’m needing $9000 because designs that I’m involved with were looked at by Elle magazine and it cost that much to place an add in their mag. Moderate sd’s arent going to be able to foot that type of bill. Especially if $500-1000 is a big deal for them. So yes I really would like to find a top sd that sees I’m not lazy. I’m really going after my dreams and by him helping me, he is truly making a difference in my life forever.

  65. ToughLove says:

    Careful, Little Boy, Your Insecurities Are Showing

    @ SD Guru
    Dear, dear, little boy. For someone who continually reprimands others for passing judgment on the blog, you seem to spend an inordinate amount of time focused on me and my life. Really, I’m flattered. I tell stories from my life or provide examples of my real world experiences and you…pass judgment, attack, … “grandstanding”, “bravado”, “pretentiousness”, “going through women like underwear”. I’m starting to feel embarrassed FOR you. I mean I get it. You pride yourself on being the SD “Guru”, which means you learned to use “sugar” to get the types of experiences with women that someone like me gets just by showing up. I understand the frustration. What you don’t yet realize is, you have nothing I need. You have nothing to teach me about women ( I read the story on your blog, pathetic.). And you have nothing to offer from a financial perspective (clearly I have that covered). If I honestly thought you were worth the time, I’d have a conversation with you. But, simply I don’t. For some reason, you disagree with my posts (which again, are examples from my life) just for the sake of disagreeing. That says FAR MORE about you than about me.

    This is the last time I’ll address this: I gave TWO examples of public venues for SB’s that lacked the experiences. Had you actually paid attention, you would have noticed that. Private clubs, black-tie charity events, after-parties during Fashion Week, political fund raisers, yacht clubs, country clubs, private meet and greets prior to the symphony or a Broadway show for large donors…INVITATION/MEMBERS ONLY and therefore USELESS for the purpose of a newbie experiment. Again, not going to spoon feed you.

    Deep end of the pool (according to the wealth management industry): the “financial elite” – $20MM net worth and over. Shallow end of the pool (aka middle class millionaires) – $1 MM to $20 MM net worth. Not even in the f—- pool: anyone under $1 MM net worth. Again, if you knew ANYTHING about this subject (from personal experience), the psychographics (motivations, mindset, attitude) and LIFESTYLE for middle class millionaires vs the financial elite are VASTLY DIFFERENT. Most MCM don’t consider themselves rich, and the industry has found $20 MM to be the magic line in the sand.

    So, what you call “pretentious”, “bravado”, “spending too much time in the Hamptons”, to me…that’s just Thursday. And those “labels” just mean its not your lifestyle. I never said anything about flaunting one’s wealth or making sure others know you’re wealthy. To me, it’s about having access and the resources to enjoy life anyway I see fit. It’s about wanting to socialize with others that have the same level of freedom, life experience, business skill, etc. It’s about the beauty of going to bed with a quiet mind and waking up excited to take on the day without the fears or frustrations that affect the average man. It’s about controlling my life in a way that relatively few people on the planet ever get to experience. BTW, a man who has that level of control over his own life is EXTREMELY attractive. It’s about saying “Yes, love, anything you want” and truly meaning ANYTHING she wants. Mark Cuban often says when he dies, he wants to come back as himself, because his life is so great. After a particularly good day, I used to tell my staff “I want to be ME when I grow up.” I truly enjoy my life and I’m happy to have paid the price I did to get here.

    The reason I posted here was not for you, dude. It was for the SB’s. If they want an SD who won’t think twice about dropping $1,000 for a pair of Louboutins “just because”, or a $10K+ allowance, then they better get acquainted with the deep end. (Did you know the Louvre is available privately for 15,000 Euro?) MCM’s as a group are far less inclined to offer that level of spoiling. I am not discussing this with you. How anyone, in their right mind could argue with another man’s personal experiences, is beyond me.

  66. travelingsb says:

    Wow keeping up with all the posts is quite a job! I have had 3 long term successful SD’s, I think you have to just be yourself:) An SD want a sanctuary and escape, that is what I provide. In order for something long term to develop you do need chemistry and respect. I always take my time getting to know someone and if they push then its most likely not a good idea. You cant pretend to be interested in an SD, they will catch on and it will fizzle out. For me the secret is be patient, follow your instincts, be HONEST!!!!and have fun:)

    @NYC SB I would love to email you, this potential SD has me stumped, I usually trust my own instincts and dont listen to much to others but any insights on this one could be helpful. How do I email you?

  67. Dandelion Wine says:

    To expand on SD Guru’s post: if you are with someone who is easily replaceable, then that only means one thing – you settled for less than you wanted.

  68. Aysa says:

    I find ToughLove’s comments in his can opening quite interesting.

    I wonder if the SBs think that this is a lot like regular dating, where an attractive woman has her pick of the liter and can play the game. Do you think that the sugar world is the exact opposite? Aren’t SDs looking for the non-drama life that is expected in traditional dating/relationships? Do SBs understand the odds and the amount of physically-attractive women in the type of dating? Do SDs really want a SB as much as SB may want a SD? Or do genuine SDs have the ability to take their time? One thing I’ve notice is in the SBs profiles is quite a few requirements of handsome and tall, ect. While having physical standards are nice, doesn’t this just hurt your pool of prospects?

    I do not disagree with SBs on the sex aspect. As others have said, a genuine SD will not look for the “pay for play” aspect or the one-night stands. For the SBs and SDs, how and when should a SD bring up the topic of physical intimacy and the expectations those things in such an arrangement without coming across as some prev or jerk?

  69. cleo says:

    lily: yeah real dating is weird… but i sure don’t offer to pay for dinner anymore!

  70. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    With all this talk about your beauty. I want to see what you look like.. I enjoy admiring a beautiful woman!!
    Welcome to the Sugar World!!
    You are beautiful, and I love the profile.
    I wish you well here!!

    • SD Guru says:


      Did you go to ToughLove’s school of granstanding?? :)

      Comparing Nazi’s propaganda machine to manipulation in a sugar relationship is not even comparing apples to oranges, it’s not even in the fruit family. The examples you like to use, similar to ToughLove’s approach, usually look impressive at first. But upon further examination it usually doesn’t stand up to the level of certainty that was portrayed, as Midwest SB, NYC SB, and others have pointed out.

      For example, let’s take ToughLove’s assertion that SB’s are easily replaceable as he commented on aspiring-doc’s situation: “The fact that she even needs to think about this scares me because it means she on the verge of making a typical female mistake: not realizing she’s replaceable.” At first glance that certainly makes sense, because everyone is replaceable in some way. However, how easy it is to replace a SB depends on how “deep” the relationship is.

      For guys like ToughLove, who probably goes through women like he goes through underware and he seems to pride himself in doing so, then of course it’s easily replaceable. (TL, no need to plead the fifth here! :)) But in aspiring-doc’s case, it’s been a relationship of six months with chemistry and compatibility, then it may not be as easy to replace for either party.


      i have had a couple of deeply awesome one night stands…

      “Deeply awesome” one night stands sounds like an oxymoron. Please do tell more! 😉

  71. Lily says:

    Recharging by exiting the sugar world & sampling the real world…so far I’m not sure how much I like it!

  72. cleo says:

    hmm i posted a reply last night that never posted…

    nyc sb: it is amazing how many men have dumped me for not shagging on the first or second date. for some reason they don’t get that an exchange of ten 2 line emails and a couple of drinks don’t get my pants off. had we talked at length via email and basically just met to cement the relationship it might be different but geeze…

    that said, i have had a couple of deeply awesome one night stands… like two in a decade … so i can’t say i’ll never do it but it’s unlikely :)
    lily: hugs babe – don’t hunt until you’re recharged
    divia: darnit! i would use that for shoes!

  73. cleo says:

    Stormcat: thank you sir, it helps some to know that. i live in this crazy town that straight men forgot and women have lost all self respect… it’s hard to date here let alone sugar date. that said, i’m hoping that when i get some WAY better pics i can attract one of those nyc or florida sd’s that i think i would suit so well.

    as to my experience, i actually agree with you but would say that any sb who has lived the ‘high life’ or whatever knows better what works than i…

  74. Stormcat says:

    A Doc, D Wine ~ We are on the same page. Justifying a particular belief by pointing to the success of people engaged in antisocial activities is suspect at best.

  75. Dandelion Wine says:

    Gentleman? Few years is a short haul? That’s longer than most marriages! Lol
    Goebbels successfully deceived the unwashed masses, not *everyone*.
    I guess I’m just not looking for someone with an average or slightly above average IQ.

  76. Stormcat says:

    Cleo ~ Your experience, although not actual, is what is known as constructive. It comes from research and thought and an accumulation of reading with understanding about the experiences of others. It’s just as valid as any and certainly entitles you to sharing an opinion here!
    As far as you getting into an arrangement . . . Hang in there! I think Lily said it best, You are one hot baby. If I were in your area and looking, I’d go for you in a heartbeat!

  77. aspiring-doc says:

    agreed storm cat. To be honest I think living by the principle “Treat others as you would have them treat you” is the best way to go. Manipulation might not be detectable but it dilutes the quality of realationship wether it is seen or not. We wall know the people- the ones where we feel there is always a wall they are hiding behind. the ones you can never get close to.

  78. Stormcat says:

    Knowing how to do something does not make it ethical. Examples: sumliminal advertizing, ponzi and pyrimid schemes and other types of freud, burglery, genocide . . .

  79. Stormcat says:

    manipulation is dishonesty and it dilutes the relationship whether it is detected or not..

  80. Stormcat says:

    Machiavali was not a philosopher, he was an investigative reporter exposing the egregious and unethical inner workings of the ruling class.

  81. Lily says:

    Is anyone else both scared by and fascinated by “Gentleman?” 😉

  82. sleeplessbeauty says:

    I met my sugar daddy on a separate site… having no luck on seekingarrangement. I do enjoy visiting this particular site from time to time especially to gain tips from this very interesting and enlightening blog. However that is a sidenote. This summer has been fantastic for me. I have had various SDs and most were kind and generous but all of them wanted nothing but a short-term relationship. I had no complaints and I do not mind keeping it short and to the point… I think its the best way to avoid any potential drama. The SD that I’ve met recently is in it for the long haul and has helped me in so many ways. He’s shown me that he really cares for me and wants to help me succeed while in college and make things quite nice for me. He’s effectively eliminated my debt and makes sure that I have all my necessities plus the added bonus of frequent gifts. Now you can get all of that in a shorter term sugar relationship but my long-term sugar daddy is so much more affectionate and caring than my previous experiences. He adores me. I have so much fun with him and we get along absolutely great. He’s got a heart of gold and I am so glad I met him. I am relatively new to the sugar scene but my current sugar daddy has been the best experience by far. I think I got pretty lucky.

  83. Gentleman says:

    @ NoledgeSeeker:

    We can agree to disagree—truce :)

    @ Dandelion:

    Would it be boring to be with someone so easily manipulated? In a word, no, because I’m benefiting tremendously from the arrangement. I don’t plan on marrying the guy (if it’s in a state that allows it haha), I’m in it for the short haul–a few years max.

    You pointed out that you want someone with executive experience, one who can smell BS a mile away. I’ll answer by giving you a real world example. Dr. Josef Goebbels was the Nazi Propaganda Minister under Hitler. Now, the nazi propaganda machine was tremendously effective at persuading the german people that they were superior to anyone else on earth. How did this happen? How did one man devise a way to deceive millions of people (including many with tons of “executive experience”)? Goebbels once alluded to it by saying that you spread outright falsehoods, but with small elements of truth mixed in, and people will believe anything. It’s true at the macro level of countries, down to the micro level of the sugar world. It’s all about a knowledge of human behavior and the human condition. If you know it well enough, you can get anything you want.

  84. Dandelion Wine says:

    Gentleman, don’t you think it would be a little boring to be with someone who is easily manipulated?
    I would want my SD to have enough executive experience and to have been a “catch” long enough to be able to smell BS from a mile away and to have developed a clear sense of what *he* wants.

  85. aspiring-doc says:


    “Newsflash ladies–in order to succeed in the Sugar world, you must be willing to give up extraordinary amounts of personal autonomy. If you were such the self-respecting women that you claim to be, you would not be placing limitations on what you will/will not do for an SD. When he’s footing the bill, paying for your condo, bills, tuition, travel, gifts, wardrobe, etc etc etc, your right to “speak your mind and be heard” goes down the proverbial toilet. ”

    —Im a self respecting women which is why I dont give up all my autonomy. There are limitations- these are things you discuss beforehand. Limitations can be in the form of time, certain acts your not comfortable with etc. We are not robots or escorts.
    If you want a classy educated SB for example: chances are that she might be busy with a school project when you ring her at the last min- she does not have to drop everything to see you. ALot of SD’s are glad to see thier SB taking charge of her own life and having independence, goals and aspirations beyond being a kept woman!

    Similarly as has already been said, the SD does not have to buy everything the SB asks you to buy for her. Again these types of limits are discussed at the onset.

  86. NerdySweet says:

    Oh, and to answer the two questions:

    Length of an ideal arrangement? As others have said, as long as both parties are enjoying the arrangement. I don’t want something clingy

    If this potential works out, my sugar this summer might be very good for a first try! Thanks to reading all of your helpful comments in the Sugarpendence post, I went ahead and took the initiative to contact SDs I was interested in. One response out of 9 ain’t so bad for a first time, right?

  87. NerdySweet says:

    Hi everyone!

    I’m brand-spanking new to the sugar world! I actually found this blog after I came across Craigslist ads about mutually beneficial arrangements (I’d never heard the term before) and wanted to make sure it was legit. A whole new world’s been open to me, which I find both exciting and somewhat scary. I’ve been going back and reading this blog, which is a very helpful resource, so thank you.

    I think my situation may be rather unusual, which has me somewhat unsure if the sugar world is right for me. For starters, I’ve never really dated (I’m 25 for context) and in the few times where I’ve almost found myself in a relationship, I’ve freaked and wanted nothing to do with it. I’m sure trust may be an issue at play, and that is something I’d like to work on. Having an explicit arrangement sounds safer to me than traditional relationships in that regard.

    Another thing which makes my situation different is that, while I look and (I suppose) act typically female/girly, my gender has always been a complicated thing (why I’ve avoided dating). I think the “transmasculine” describes how I view myself, though I’m not in a position to live 24/7 as a guy.

    I guess I want to know if there is a place for queer identities in the sugar world, other than gay/lesbian/bi, and if so, what others’ experiences have been. I make no mention of this in my profile, mostly because I think I can “play the part” of a female SB w/out needing to go into my gender identity with a potential SD. I’m in talks with meeting a maybe/potential SD this weekend, though he said upfront I’m not his usual type. He *is* , however interested in exploring some kink with me—and that’s a whole other area I have no idea how to handle in the sugar world. From what I’ve gathered, sugarland is mostly heteronormative and vanilla, so I don’t know if there’s a place for kinky queer folk.

  88. aspiring-doc says:

    @ Sasha

    I think you will find the answer will differ depending on the man. Ive always just been myself. However my focus is on him when im with him- if he asks me how my day was and it was horrible: i wont lie, but im not going to moan on and on about it either. venting is for girlfriends (and fathers! ha). Im at my genuine best so to speak.

    Also you say you want to graduate to the big leagues- what is ur motivation for the SD lifestyle? What dreams do u need help achieving? Lets say this lifestyle is only going to work for the next five years- what do u want to accomplish. What can the SD provide for you that will last?

    I guess i ask because (checking out the competition) some of the girls seem to be in it for the shoes and clothes and highlife. what happens when your looks fade and your no longer youthful and vibrant and stunning to behold?.

  89. NYC SB says:

    Sasha – I would say be calculating in what you say. Let me give you an example of what I mean: you had a rough day, instead of whining about it to your SD you plaster a smile on your face and focus on making his day better.

    • SD Guru says:


      I so want to know who you are… ;p

      I prefer to remain anonymous. Some things are better left to the imagination! :)

      @NYC SB

      How was the Louboutin shopping? Thanks for following my blog, but if you spell my name wrong one more time on your blackberry I might have to get you an iPad! 😉


      my summer as a retired SB, who is also single and celibate….. is starting to result in my climbing the walls like a caged lioness, craving to go out hunting.

      I think all SD’s should take cover as a sexually frustrated and celibate lioness comes out to hunt! 😉

  90. NYC SB says:

    Midwest – You are correct… SDs especially married ones will not be introducing you to their contacts. I suppose thats different with gay SDs as most are not married.

    In the case of my SD introducing me to his boss… lets put it this way… we were at the same conference and I would have met him regardless. He introduced me as a friend. However, he did not count on his boss being impressed by my knowledge and subsequently offering me a job. Make no mistake the intro was not for that purpose. Funny how that pesky brain messes everything up 😉

  91. Midwest SB says:

    Sasha – I think you will get a different answer every time based on the SD. I know people wealthy beyond the imagination who drive modest cars and have married amazing, “normal” looking women. I have also met men who are in debt beyond belief driving Ferraris with arm candy in the passenger seat. Be who you are and reach for the stars. The worst that can happen is you don’t meet a SD. It’s not the end of the world. Along the way, you may meet a wealthy man who adores you and gives you what you need, and vice versa. If you meet a “top” SD and he wants to be with you, then it proves the theories some hold to false. Any of those are a win in my book. Don’t let anyone discourage you from pursuing what you seek.

  92. Sasha says:

    Wow so many good posts….from everyone. The one thing that I wanted to add is I happen to perform on a regular basis at very upscale events/clubs. I get to see all the women that get the very wealthy guys all the time. Most of them fall into the category of what society calls beautiful. Does this really mean that only those type of women get the top sugar? Do all guys who have that type of income really think the way that toughlove does? Just something to think about it I guess. Also I thought being on stage had ts own allure…lol. I am an entry level sb that has moderate sugar. I want to graduate to the big leagues.

    @ gentlemen Do you really have to be calculating or can being genuine be enough to draw the right sd?

  93. Noledgeseeker says:

    @Bicentennial Baby
    “Regarding being calculating…”
    Totally agree with that whole paragraph

  94. Noledgeseeker says:

    @ Gentleman
    So yes we differ at whether or not to use the knowledge. I got your point just fine. I think its wrong to manipulate someone whether they know it or not. Still I’d like to sic you on that bastard I met the other night and have your cold caculated approach take him for all he’s worth. Well there I just contradicted myself. Guess its okay to manipulate if they deserve it? But then who descides if they deserve it, and to what extent? Thats a rat hole I’m not going down.
    So basically Gentleman, we take different approaches to the sb/sd life and neither one of our theories is always right all the time. Agree to disagree, truce? : )


  95. Dorothy says:

    So far, the majority of pots I’ve spoken to are looking for a long term relationship. I’ve been fairly surprised by this, but I think it’s better to aim for the long term. Just my two cents.

  96. ESB says:

    and I shut down the blog again… night veryone!!

  97. ESB says:

    Lily?? Retired?? Psh… please.. you’ll be back.. we shall consider this taking a break…

    So many things going on in my life… getting ready to move into my own place… got a SD lined up to help… I think!! and the heat is tolerable as long as I stay indoors!!

    Quite the drama in here today. Something Gentleman said… about giving up your autonomy… I agree, there are things we as SBs should do to make our SDs happy… they are giving us alot, but when they cross the line, and that line may be in a different spot for each of us, we are the ones who have to look ourselves in the mirror the next day… is doing “that”, what ever “that” might be, worth what my SD is giving me? Like the guy a few weekends ago, who said he had some of his friends lined up for me when I arrived… and all at the same time? That is a line I will not cross!! Self respect, self preservation, what ever you want to call it. That is something THIS SB just can not do…

  98. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    I see. Well then we agree. Agreements are one thing, but her situation and the root of the whole conversation had nothing to do with her already being in an agreement.

    I just hope you don’t truly manipulate your SD’s.
    Maybe the SD’s you find need it, or want it.
    But, most of mine, would definately not stay around for that.

    I understand on the contacts, because of your prior statements on your sexual giving, I assumed, the latter.

    As I said, good luck!

  99. ElegantSugarBaby says:


    I so want to know who you are… ;p

  100. Lily says:

    Ugh. Just gotta say—-my summer as a retired SB, who is also single and celibate….. is starting to result in my climbing the walls like a caged lioness, craving to go out hunting.

    Back to your regularly scheduled blog….

  101. Divia12 says:

    As of now they just ship to the 50 states. However, if you are visiting the states you can have it shipped there. If its in NYC they do same day delivery.

  102. Midwest SB says:

    Gentleman and Toughlove – I tend to disagree with you on two points. First, being at the beck and call of your SD. Yes, flexibility is very important. However, I am nobody’s puppet and I do have a life. The SD who understands that I’m not going to exchange the few precious hours I have to spend with my child so he gets off is my kind of guy. If he wants my full attention, then I want a year’s salary in the bank, plus allowance and a housekeeper with a nanny. Sounds a lot like a husband if you ask me.

    Second, is sex important? YES! Should I give it up to any man who has the potential to be my SD…NO! Chemistry is just as important and you know this. I don’t know of a SD who wants to be with a woman who is only interested in his wallet and shows no genuine affection for him.

    Also, showing empathy and support is what women do. It is not a whine-fest…we do not think like men and say “suck it up and move on”. It’s why you love us <3

    Gentleman – I'm trusting you are an experienced SB. One thing I've learned is that a SD can be hesitant to introduce you to his most important contacts simply because of how the sugar world is viewed and their need for discretion. This does not mean you can't do your own networking through galas, events, etc. where you two would be in attendance. I do know that NYC SB benefited greatly from introductions, however I feel it may be the exception and not the rule.

    Manipulating discreetly – granted we all have an agenda, but I'm a firm believer of being forthright with your goals and expectations. If you're suggesting the “manipulation” where a woman does her cute little pout in order to get Louboutins….well, that's just charm and wit. :-)

    NYC SB – So true on the club scene. Try another experiment ToughLove.

  103. NYC SB says:

    Sd gury – I not only read your blog… I also follow it :)

    Cleo – yeah damn it … Sometimes I wish I got some sort of joy from a one nighter but I don’t… Unless it takes place in paris 😉 now that was wonderful lol

    Gentleman – I agree and disagree with you somewhat… I will elaborate later when I have time to properly read your posts

    Now I’m off to a sugar date… A owner of one those NYC clubs tough love refers … Date location? Louboutin boutique 😀

  104. cleo says:

    Dandelion Wine: re the cheaper clothing

    funny thing, my wardrobe is adequate for anything i need to attend short of a fully formal event and most sd’s dress you for that kind of thing (gawd i love when a man dresses me… so un feminist and so delightful) what i lack is the accessories. you are dead right about the purses and the like but i am digging out of a major hole so i regularly find myself with the dress but no jacket or no shoes or missing purse or what have you.

    these things are being added a little at a time but it’s slow and i’m impatient. i think i dress well enough, midwest or sincere or anyone else who met in toronto can comment please if they disagree?

    man i wish i was in nyc, that sale sounds amazing (and i’m hotter there than i am here…)
    NoLedgeSeeker: glad to see you and i were reading that the same way… and i really did think it impressive how much you learned from that and how fast…
    NYC SB: it’s that pesky self-respect thing. i get dumped often for refusing to shag on the first date…
    divia12: is that international or limited to nyc? (love ledger… love it)

  105. Gentleman says:

    *Correction: As to our disagreement over whether one should USE their knowledge…

  106. Bicentennial Baby says:


    So glad you came back on the blog, I never intended to upset anyone by my posts but only was trying to point out what I thought SD’s might be looking for…as a generality, not as a slight to anyone.

    I’m not as beautiful as Tatiana but I’d be interested in what constitutes being in the upper levels of looks for a SB. I also would like a very honest opinion from you with discretion obviously in mind.

    If you would be so kind as to take a moment, please email me at Bicentennialsugarbaby at yahoo dot com. I’m preparing a profile and would be sincerely interested in your feedback.

    Also, I fully agree with your look around and see what’s successful experiment…my only questions really (for the blog) relate to HOW we can better improve ourselves as SB’s. Education and culture come to mind, but I’ve always seemed to be mislead by other women as to wt looks good. I of course have a man in my life who is the reason I have not cut my hair, have kept my weight trim & attractive, wear makeup, etc etc but I’m not sure if what he thinks is beautiful is a high enough standard OR if I can improve much more. I think I’m on track though given the fact I’ve never wanted for male attention and I dress modestly so I know it’s not over-emphasis of my body drawing stares. 😉

    Regarding being calculating, I would stop a little short of that but I agree that it IS our duty to be caring, and a relief for our SD’s and that your opinions do somewhat go out the toilet when you are a successful SB. Really it’s no different in marriage (to a lesser and non-economic degree) and if you disagree, you’ll likely not be married long in my opinion. Life is after all, a series of compromises and trades.

    BTW many thanks for recommending Art of Seduction….in my 2nd day of reading and it is AMAZING. A whole new world of thought has opened up to me.

  107. cleo says:

    oops teach me to read before posting, i seem to have missed a zillion comments… sorry, i thought i had refreshed

  108. Gentleman says:


    I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of my premise. When you asked your rhetorical question of “who wants a “cold and calculative” and “manipulative and superficial SB,” you obviously missed my point. The goal is to be as cunning and manipulative as possible—without ever showing even a hint of it.

    As to our disagreement over whether one should their knowledge of human behavior to be manipulative–why not? In my very “Hobbes” and “Machiavelli” view of the world, that’s the only rational and logical way to think/act. If you don’t manipulate, prepare to be manipulated. Personally, I’d much rather be the manipulator than the manipulated.


    You make a good point, and I do agree.

  109. cleo says:

    elegantsugarbaby thank you for your retort, i could not have said it with nearly the clarity and since i have not had an SD and none are knocking down my doors i think your points are better taken from someone who has in fact walked the walk

    i believe i have what it takes to be a fantastic sb, i believe i can compromise on the things that seem to matter most to sd’s but since i haven’t done it anything i say is suspect

    that said, i say always choose things that allow you to meet the eyes you see in the mirror…

  110. Noledgeseeker says:

    sd guru said it much more nicely than I did. This baby needs to simmer down ; p Headed out to relax and enjoy my day hope everyone else is getting to do the same.

    : )

  111. Noledgeseeker says:

    My SD wants me to be comfortable and do only what I want to do. He understands the give and take of an sb/sd relationship and doesn’t want me to sleep with him for his money, he wants me to do it because I want to. If he wanted someone to do whatever whether she wanted to or not acting like she loved every second of it, he knows he can find her on a corner downtown.
    Now I believe sds are first and foremost men and most men have no desire to hear your whining and only want to feel good. No fault in that. And so it should be no suprize to an sb when they find a sd who is as superficial as you are. Its a game, the babies hold cards of sexuality and the men cards with dollar signs on it. But both sides have a choice of how they play the game. I agree with you that fundamentally there are certain truths to both sexes, most of the time. Now where we differ is that knowledge of those and comfortableness in your own skin give you the right to manipulate others. Men want sex and women want shoes but there is more to it and thats why there is the sugar lifestyle in my opinion. The sd/sb relationship is give and take on both sides, saying a baby should always be willing to do whatever an sd wants is like saying an sd should be willing to give whatever the baby asks for. If he has the means, and she wants it, he needs to give it up no matter the cost and with a smile on his face. Really? Whatever the baby wants? His car, his yacht, his house? I mean fairs fair right?

    My experience has been there are negotiations where both parties come to an understanding with someone they feel they are compatible with.

    I am curious to all sds out there… who wants a “superficial and manipulative,” “cold and calculative” baby?

    I’ll cross you off my list and you can cross me off yours but I hear Gentleman is available.

    : )

  112. Dandelion Wine says:

    Gentleman, there’s a HUGE difference between doing something you don’t want to do and doing something that makes you lose your self respect.
    I look at it as I would at a professional relationship with my boss: if my boss is asking me to pick up slack for someone, I’ll do it without an argument, even though I don’t really want to, but if he decides to yell at me, or make inappropriate passes, I am most certainly not going to take that and will start looking for a new job.

  113. Divia12 says:

    I completely agree with the statement that you made regarding Noledgeseeker’s situation. I happened to be one of the girls who comforted her, and here is my reasoning as to why. I agree that it was greed that lead her into the situation to be preyed upon. However, it doesn’t mean I feel any less sorry for the fact that a guy took advantage. I have respect for the fact that she was at fault for happened. Those of us that are new are still learning how to navigate the Sugarworld, and we will make mistakes. Even the more experienced SBs have horror stories. The things is that they learned from it, and became better SBs for it. Still love how blunt you are, and I have loads of respect for you. I could use someone like you as a life coach.

    I’m not sure how open to this idea you would be about clothes, but have you tried rentherunway? You can rent dresses from high end designers (Herve Ledger, Catherine Malandrino, Preen, Yigal Azrouel etc.) from $50-$200 for four days. This way you can look the part when needed and only spend a fraction of the cost. Sometimes they waitlist you, but if that’s the case I can send you an invite.

  114. NYC SB says:

    Travelingsb – email me I might be able to help

    Tough love – having frequented those clubs I know that the women in the vip are there for that nights entertainment… I’m looking for an arrangement which lasts longer than one night 😉 for the record I have never waited in line to get into a club and usually have been whisked away to vip within minutes… However, men in the vip have always commented on how they did not expect me to have a brain… Once they realize they are not getting lucky tonight they move on. It doesn’t mean I’m not hot but it does mean they are looking for a f**k

  115. Noledgeseeker says:

    Well said ElengantSugarBaby.

  116. Gentleman says:

    @Elegant Sugar Baby:

    I do believe we have a misunderstanding. I was not referring to the poster who refused to sleep with a potential SD. Also, I am not advocating sleeping with every potential SD. For clarification, when I was referring to the sexual part of an arrangement, I meant those that have already entered into an arrangement.

    To be successful as an SB, one must be willing to lay aside his or her negative feelings. An SD does not want to hear about your problems, issues, etc, only to feel good. It is your responsibility as an SB that you always have a smile and be willing to do whatever he wants…and gladly. Essentially, one must be superficial and manipulative, but without ever revealing your intentions. The ability to be so cold and calculative about it is a trait that must be developed, matured, and perfected for many years.

    Whether a multi-millionaire Wall St executive, or a lower-middle class factory worker from Michigan, human behavior is fundamentally the same. And if one has a working knowledge of human behavior, anybody can be manipulated. The difference between myself and others in the sugar world (or any other aspect of life) is that I’m comfortable enough with myself to be blatantly honest about it.

    To address your statement that I will be needing to see a physician, prevention is worth a pound of cure. I am regularly screened and expect my partners to be also.

    Yes, an escorts blackberry is chock-full of numbers, however I think you missed my point on that. An escorts will be full of “contacts” ready to go at a moment’s notice. I’m referring to contacts in the business/political world, not for sexual purposes.

    I hope the confusion has been cleared.

  117. Noledgeseeker says:

    not upset with toughlove, didn’t feel attacked. But just because I called myself stupid doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting a little when someone else wholeheartedly agrees with me : ) or uses me as an example of how to be stupid ; )

    Hope all are having a good day : )


  118. Dandelion Wine says:

    Cleo, if you don’t  have the money for the designer wear, stick to elegant basics  and you will look quite chic on a budget. 
    Cheap natural fabrics looks better than cheap synthetic blends, cheap leather goods of unencumbered shapes look better than cheap leather goods with decorations.  The reasons for that are simple: 1) let your natural beauty shine, if you have more of that than money, and 2) the devil is in the details. If the garment has many details to attend to and a due to low price a limited budget to ensure that, corners will be cut. A cheap ruffle shirt looks cheap, a cheap simple button down doesn’t. 

    Also, most of the time you don’t even *need* an expensive outfit. You would look quite silly if you came to a casual lunch (even at the nicest restaurant) wearing an evening gown or all decked out in jewelry. 
    For most evening outings a LBD would be perfectly appropriate, and you can get a good looking one for around $100 easily. 
    If your budget is even less than that – SALES. 
    Last Call at NM offers up to 75% discount. 
    You can find a $200 retail LBD that is perfectly appropriate for most social situations, at a 50-75% discount. Voilà!

  119. aspiring-doc says:

    @tough love. I know im replaceable- which is why giving up a job is a tough call. I dont have alot of cash to draw on because i put it all into school fees and living expenses. However being the generous man he is- he put 2months worth of allowance in my account so now worst comes to worst- I can find another job or SD.

    Just a point- nz is limited but ive had several offers from austrailia- which is 2.5hrs by plane so I dont think its that bad. There are men willing to foot travel bills!.
    I has one gentlemen i corresponded with by email whos a surgeon in aussie- ill call him mr textbook. I said i was too busy for more than one SD- but he insists that if im ever open to another one he takes regular trips to nz. in addition mrtextbook- for whatever reason sends me amazon vouchers for textbooks in exhange for the odd very sporadic e-mail. go figure :) In short- the pool isnt really that bad.

    • SD Guru says:


      funny story about the college girls on your blog, however not all 20 somethings are like that. Some know exactly what they want.

      People actually read my blog? :) I understand not all 20 somethings are like that and some are more mature than others. But unfortunately my experience in dealing with the early 20’s age group hasn’t been that great.


      I guess empathy is probably not one of your strengths :)

      While I generally agree with you in principle, I think we have very different styles. Based on your posts and the type of examples you like to use, you seem to prefer a style of bravado and pretentiousness. You implied that wealthy people like to flaunt their wealth and treat others a certain way to make sure people know they’re wealthy. But of course that’s not always the case. There are also wealthy people who prefer to downplay their wealth and not be ostentatious so that they don’t attract the wrong crowd. They’d prefer to go to a club that doesn’t have lines around the block because most people wouldn’t even know it exists. I’m not saying one way is better than the other, it just comes down to personal preference and different styles.

      In less than a week, I have 30-40 unread emails. Yawn…whatever. (Not even going to discuss a typical week IRL.)

      If you bothered to open those emails, I’m sure there are plenty of needy greedy SB’s looking for a hand out! :)


      Newsflash ladies–in order to succeed in the Sugar world, you must be willing to give up extraordinary amounts of personal autonomy.

      I can see why you’d reach such a conclusion but I think that’s too broad of a statement. I don’t think giving up an “extraordinary” amount of personal autonomy is required for a SB to be successful. SB’s can be successful in many other ways, and making compromises in a relationship/arrangement applies to both sides. Perhaps the SB has more flexibility and can be more accommodating than the SD, but it doesn’t have to be as unilateral and one sided as you described.

  120. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    “”When he’s footing the bill, paying for your condo, bills, tuition, travel, gifts, wardrobe, etc etc etc, your right to “speak your mind and be heard” goes down the proverbial toilet. “”

    I haven’t read all of the current issues on the blog yet.

    But what sticks out is the fact that maybe you missed the point in her original posting, that he was a POTENTIAL SD. This wasn’t her long time, or even short time, SD. He hadn’t been footing the bill for her bills, tuition, travel, gifts, wardrobe…. He HAD been making promises…

    I think we ALL know that if he/she were a SD/SB couple, what the limitations are, are solely based on what they decided BEFORE entering into an arrangement.

    And, I’m sorry there are still things I won’t do with my SD, and things he probably won’t do with me.

    The point is, if you aren’t comfortable doing something explain what and why, and make sure it is all out in the open before you start an arrangment. If you are in an arrangement it is completely different then when you are a POTENTIAL SD, and you are trying to “Get the car dirty before you buy it”…. Revert to my old sayings…

    And, I am sorry, I am very successful, in the SD/SB world, and in Life, and being successful in this world, doesn’t mean I should lose self respect and sleep with the first man claiming to be an “SD to get a green card” so to say…

    Sorry men, but if you expect a relationship/friendship/arrangement with this SB, I do need a connection, an interest, and an engaging conversation, If it were all about spread em to get some, it would be called “EscortsRUs”…

    Once again, I do not know you.

    But just based on your attitude in your post, coming from an experienced trained SB (by one of the top SB in the SD/SB world)

    I’d say you are one of those SB’s who may have the wrong meaning of an SB in your head. Because if you offer “sex” for every potential SD approach much longer, you will probably be needing to see a Dr. and soon… Yes, your blackberry will be full of numbers, but I am also sure the local escorts have a blackberry just as full…

    And instead of a serious SD, you’ll have plenty of “pay for play” daddies…

    Once again, you are who you are in the SB world, I wish you well.

  121. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    Looks, like I am with you.. Time to start a new profile….
    ;( :)

  122. cleo says:

    sasha i agreed with his points about greed, that doesn’t make me any less sympathetic to any woman who finds herself being ill treated but it nonetheless means i feel what he’s saying

    i do come across as blunt in text, it certainly wasn’t my intent to make anyone feel unsupported

    personally i was impressed that noledge seeker learned from her experience so i’m sorry that she felt stung. i thought he was using it as an example not an attack but i assume the best generally

  123. Gentleman says:

    Spot on, Tough Love, spot on. I think “Tough Love’s” argument boils down to one essential argument: Those that chant the mantra of, “Don’t do anything you don’t want to do, keep your self respect” are precisely the ones that are complaining about not finding an SD that will take care of them. Newsflash ladies–in order to succeed in the Sugar world, you must be willing to give up extraordinary amounts of personal autonomy. If you were such the self-respecting women that you claim to be, you would not be placing limitations on what you will/will not do for an SD. When he’s footing the bill, paying for your condo, bills, tuition, travel, gifts, wardrobe, etc etc etc, your right to “speak your mind and be heard” goes down the proverbial toilet.

    If you want to succeed in the Sugar world, you must be willing to make compromises. Succinctly put, you must ultimately choose whether or not you have what it takes to be a successful SB. One can whine all day long about how they “play hard to get” and how they have to have “chemistry” before they’ll sleep with their SD—garbage. In spite of what all of the other whining (i.e. not able to to land anything) SBs state, being a SB boils down to making cold, calculative decisions in order to put yourself ahead of the curve. Granted, some people do have slightly different motivations when entering this world, however, it overwhelmingly boils down to money and connections.

    For myself, the money is nice, but the connections and networking opportunities that I’m provided by an SD are my ultimate goal. I have goals and ambitions, and having an SD that can introduce me to and guide me through the elites of business, politics, etc are my primary motivator for doing this. If I walk away from this in a few years with a greatly expanded Rolodex (Or blackberry since it’s the 21st century) then I will already be light-years ahead of peers just entering the workforce post-college.

  124. Sasha says:

    Omg some previous post have made me so upset that I’m like why do I really care so much about a post. Let’s get this back to a positive environment.

    So I met a great new friend from the site. He’s very interested in meeting me and I love talking to him. Its just easy. We have great phone chemistry. Many 3-4 hr conversations. I’m hoping to meet him around my b-day. I’m glad that there are some good guys out there who you can really connect with in this venue.

  125. Noledgeseeker says:

    Well said.

  126. Noledgeseeker says:


    still feeling stung from just reading tough love but well, right is right.

    Blah, I think I owned up to my mistakes. I made efforts to thank all for kind words as is polite. And moved on.

    However the post did seem to change the mood away from whinning and thats a good thing but now its all unfriendly like : p

    Hope all are doing well.


  127. Sasha says:

    Funny…but I initially thought that this blog was about sharing your ups and downs with others that are possibly going through the same or have been down the same road before. If people are now comparing this to whining then I have been mistaken about my view of the blog. Most new sugar babies are trying to figure this all out. They can’t talk to anyone IRL about this for fear that they will be judged. So I feel weird that a few folks are congratulating someone who says they don’t have pity on a person that used bad judgement. We all have lapse in judgement from time to time, but I started posting candid comments and questions because I felt that people displayed empathetic behavior on the blog. So I guess I just wanted to say that because I really like being on here and being completely honest about my feelings and what’s happening or not in the sugar world. So I may be wrong….and whatever genuinely nice people meet alot of opposition anyway.

  128. JSB says:

    Hey Sincere good to see your name on the blog!

    SD G – funny story about the college girls on your blog, however not all 20 somethings are like that. Some know exactly what they want.

    Hope everyone is having a strong start to the week!!

  129. EnigmaticSB says:

    Hello Bloggers

    SD Guru and ToughLove –

    You gentlemen offers straight forward opinions with different points of view. If you are not too busy, I am seeking both your opinion off blog. I can be contacted at curioussugar at g mail dot com

    Thanks in advance for your help.

  130. Reddamsel38 says:

    ok Thanx Guru.

  131. SincereSD says:

    NYC SB says: Be wary of anyone whose profile begins with a 1 or 2 or even worse has 5 digits instead of 6.

    To elaborate on this, my “on again” SB and I had a discussion about this topic earlier in the year and found some interesting behaviors about SD. I’ll save the insights for a future blog once she’s done more analysis. Here’s a detailed breakout of profile # by age and ACTUAL join date.

    Member #…..Join Date

    Do not use the “PROFILE CREATED” date as an indication of when the SD actually joined. Each time a profile goes premium (orange) or expires from premium, the “PROFILE CREATED” date gets reset to either the date of upgrade or expiry of the premium membership.

    SD Guru says: “@NYC SB Be wary of anyone whose profile begins with a 1 or 2 or even worse has 5 digits instead of 6.” Note to self…. time to retire my profile and start a new one! :)

    Exactly why I create a new profile each time I conduct a new search.

    • SD Guru says:


      Where have you been hiding?? Your style reminds me of another SD blogger who no longer posts. Are you sure you don’t have a twin somewhere? :) Whining, ignorance, and delusions are things most newbies go through in the sugar world. You can preach all you want, but unfortunately most will learn only through their own experiences.


      One thing that I seem to find on this site are guys who turn into long term friends… It leaves me wondering, why am I such a good friend instead of being a sugar baby getting what she wants?

      There are guys who are looking for pen/chat/phone pals and just want to be “friends”. If that’s not what you want, then those guys are just wasting your time which could be better spent on looking for a real SD. However, if you value that type of friendship then by all means go for it.


      something is rubbing me the wrong way and I just cant put my finger on it. I am EXTREMELY attracted to him and our chemistry is amazing…I like to believe Im a good judge of character…I hate to talk about another potential sd but would love some insight on this one.

      Without knowing what’s rubbing you the wrong way, it will be difficult for somebody to give you insight on this. Think about why you’re feeling that way and see if you can articulate it better. In general, going with your gut feel will usually serve you well.


      I’ll save the insights for a future blog once she’s done more analysis. Here’s a detailed breakout of profile # by age and ACTUAL join date.

      I look forward to seeing your insight based on the analysis. The numbers show that there was an explosion of new members starting in ’09, perhaps due to exposures in mainstream media. Which incidentally was the timeframe when most SB blogs got started.

  132. ESB says:

    I hope you all know I was jk about the “thrill” of puting me through school.. but have had a few say they thought it was a wonderful idea, as long as studying didn’t interfere with “our” time…

    really gotta go now!! HUGS!!

  133. cleo says:

    incidentally i posted before about learning from this blog to pull up my own damn socks and i have. i stopped feeling sorry for myself and took control of my life back. how the hell i let my own sense of self get tied up in the way people were treating me is totally beyond me but hey.

    tough love is dead right. you have to get your house/head in order before you dive in the sugar pool or you will find yourself doing things that make you stop wanting to meet your own eyes in the mirror.

    sugar is a garnish not a main dish, don’t let it become your reason for being.

    and thanks again blog for inspiring me to fix my life and lose 30 pounds and basically stop making excuses and start living again.

  134. ESB says:

    OOPS Fabulous Day Sugars!!

  135. ESB says:

    Tough Love… BRAVO!! I love your straight forward attitude, and put it on the line way of stating things. I, too, was in a situation where my GREED took over my common sence, and I got burned for it. I am now working 2 jobs, looking for a 3rd, because I find that depending on sugar isn’t working for me. If (WHEN!!) I find the right SD for me, I will give up the 3rd PT job, and give him that time, and if things are REALLY working well, will give up my full time job and go back to school… giving him the option of spending more time with me, and having the ‘thrill” of knowing he is making my life better.

    I did recently put my values to the test by turning down “heaven and earth” for my self respect. The fact that I was tempted scares me. Got a reality check, and am back to looking for what I want, not what I need… a man who will treat me with respect and dignity!!

    OK, time to go to work… Have FABULOUS

  136. cleo says:

    ToughLove: i think i have a crush on you…

    my personal frustration in the sugar world is that i can do the hair, body, posture, walk, eyebrows, nails but i can’t afford the trinkets.

    cheap sunglasses look cheap but it would be financially imprudent to buy the ones that don’t. i wish i could find a luxottica outlet *g* – i do my best and i have funky good taste that works but fundamentally you get what you pay for and i can’t pay for the packaging.

    i have the package and now i just need to wrap it properly and that’s where the chicken/egg thing comes in. i need to meet irl men because online my striking looks are lost but i don’t quite have the gild for the lily. it’s frustrating. chicken meet egg… need sugar to look like sugar.

    (and need to go out more lol)

  137. travelingsb says:

    I am reaching out to any sbs in nyc…I have a second meeting with an sd, so far it has just been casual, something is rubbing me the wrong way and I just cant put my finger on it. I am EXTREMELY attracted to him and our chemistry is amazing…I like to believe Im a good judge of character…I hate to talk about another potential sd but would love some insight on this one.

  138. ToughLove says:

    Can Open, Worms Everywhere

    Okay, I’ve made an effort to keep my mouth shut…but I just can’t hold my breath that long. There seems to be an amazing amount of whining going on and I wish I could some how reach through the screen and shake some bloggers out of their state of ignorance/delusion.

    Noledgeseeker has been getting lots of virtual hugs and words of encouragement from many of the SB’s and SD’s here. And through this “love fest”, one crucial point is often overlooked. In her own words, she knew what was happening, yet she stayed because of GREED. If money/sugar wasn’t on the proverbial table, she would have LEFT immediately. She has an alarm system already. She has the experience IRL. She chose to IGNORE her instincts out of GREED. I have zero pity for that. Zip, zilch, nada. She entered the situation for financial gain (which was offered even after those “bad” things happened) and stayed ONLY for the MONEY. Go back and read her post. Newbies have already been warned about entering this environment from a state of NEED (GREED) because this is what can happen. And until she gets her financial house in order (and the corresponding emotions in check) this type of event will repeat itself. It’s been stated time and time again, there are a variety of characters in this environment. Well, that pretty much describes LIFE in general. That’s the terrain. You cannot change the terrain. Still, you can learn to navigate the terrain, life, sugarland, etc. If you choose to IGNORE basic training, skill, or instinct out of GREED, then, God help you…

    Next, there seems to be an attitude that potSD’s (wealthy men) have to just accept SB’s for who they are. No, we don’t. The point Dandelion Wine was making with her rhetorical question is we don’t have to accept average, unexceptional women any more than the typical SB has to accept the average, unexceptional low-income guys (anyone below 200K). Personally, I’m amazed by the inherent hypocrisy. Bicentennial commented on how beautiful “Tatianna” is. She is beautiful, and that level of attractiveness is what we regard as “normal”. Someone (I choose not to name names) recently wrote SB’s were bending over backward by sending a pot SD an email. Are you F—— kidding me? Recently, I created a picture less, vague, 2-line profile on another SD site where I drastically understated my income. In less than a week, I have 30-40 unread emails. Yawn…whatever. (Not even going to discuss a typical week IRL.) The point is, the man you desire (who matches whatever criteria you have in your head) is going to be desired by other women. Get over the attitude that you are some how doing him a favor. WTF?!!

    Here’s a real experiment, go to the most uber-exclusive club (velvet ropes, well dressed gatekeeper, line around the block, expensive drinks) in the nearest major city. If you tell me there are no clubs like that in your area, then that’s a CLUE. Notice the women in the venue and especially those being allowed into the VIP room. (If VIP tables cost less than $1,000, then find a better venue. Another CLUE.) As you pay attention to the women, also make note of the type of men who seem most comfortable interacting with those women. What are the men and women wearing? How do they carry themselves? How would you rate yourself in comparison? Repeat the process by going to the most exclusive shopping district in the nearest major city. (Very easy in NYC, Miami, LA, or Chicago.) You are not there to shop. Study the women AND the men. How do you compare? Wash, rinse, repeat until you “get it”. Women that “get it” find life much easier than those sitting at home, wondering why they can’t find (or keep) an SD.

    Congratulations to Bicentennial and Dandelion for their willingness to speak the truth, rather than treating this blog like an after-school special.

    Oh, and aspiring-doc works at a job not related to her career path and if I understand correctly, could be replaced relatively quickly. Yet, in New Zealand, the pool of pot SD’s is roughly 30(?), which makes finding a new one relatively difficult. (Not to mention the chemistry she has with her present SD.) The fact that she even needs to think about this scares me because it means she on the verge of making a typical female mistake: not realizing she’s replaceable. If she’s not even available to meet with her SD, what’s in it for him, why should he continue the arrangement? If she hems and haws too long on this, he won’t. From his perspective, school is easy to understand and respect. By keeping the part time job (when he’s giving you additional money) and not having time for him…your value in his life drops like a stock price during an SEC investigation. And you WILL be replaced for someone who views spending time with him (especially when he’s footing the bill to make that possible) as a priority. Poof….

  139. Auto says:

    Hey SeekingArrangement:

    STOP sending me your spam email begging me to attend your BS “party”. I have no interest in attending and am no longer interested in this site. Spamming and inbox with your desperate begging (so desperate you are begging my to buy a ticket at 50% off what you originally wanted) will still not get me to go to some dive bar in NYC.

    If you haven’t figured it out from previous outings, most people are not interested in coming to your BS meat show so STOP SPAMMING MY INBOX!!!

  140. Noledgeseeker says:

    Midwest your right it was for Diva, wups : )

  141. TexasSugah says:

    Hey Midwest!

    @Sasha I completely understand. My pot said that I’d opened his eyes to new views of the sugar world. Ok.. So I thinking great he’s primes for the next gal. Thankfully he’s not thinking that… I hope.

  142. Sasha says:

    One thing that I seem to find on this site are guys who turn into long term friends. The ones that I have attracted and made contact with, but are not giving the sugar that I want, always seem to be someone that offers great advice from a male perspective. It leaves me wondering, why am I such a good friend instead of being a sugar baby getting what she wants? I guess friends last longer than most sugar arrangements, but it would be nice to have one of these “friends” drop 2k or so into my account to help aleve some financial pressure.

  143. aspiring-doc says:


    ta for presentation ideas- thats a good idea.
    Im looking at taking my case studies and tailoring the presentation so that it takes the point of a parent/cg … going through the system. So i can stop at points to point out critques and comparisons in treatment between the two clients. I think it will allow me a personal slant on an otherwise informative presentation. hmm

    @Sd guru- okay so not complicated- im just amazed that its been possible to put it in a box so well.

    and to update on job vs sugadaddy: he offered to put 2months pay in my account and keep it in advance so my security is guaranteed if i drop work. work btw is parrtime and not career realated- just a way of having an extra (and backup) money source.
    I do understand his point that fulltime study and parrtime work – makes my hours tricky to work around.

  144. NYC SB says:

    Travelingsb – thank you for clarifying what I posted in regards of profile numbers :)

  145. Midwest SB says:

    Noledgeseeker – you’re welcome and know we have all been there. I do wonder if your comment may have been for Divia12… :-)

    Welcome TravelingSB!

  146. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @ Gentleman,

    Oooh, I’m excited to hear from you! I have 2 very close friends that are similar in tastes to yours and I adore both men dearly. Good for you that you are taking the initiative in your life and seeking an older man to treat you right. No doubt you will make someone very happy!

    Question, for your side of the coin: do you think that the “looks standard” that is so hotly debated for us female SB’s is as important in a male SB/SD relationship? Or do you find that truly they may meet you for looks but they remain for the great connection/conversation? One of my male friends is married (in Vermont) to a wonderful husband but he often complains that there’s even more focus on looks amongst that dating venue…i.e its WORSE for them than for us.

    Thanks for posting and please feel welcome here, you sound like a terrific person. :)

  147. Noledgeseeker says:

    I agree with softly searching on the how long question.

    @Midwest SB Thanks for saying what you did. I’m glad me being stupid doesn’t just make me smarted but may have helped another baby out as well. I can already feel myself stronger. It’s like I have a built in alarm system now. If anything gets suspicious sirens start going off, red lights flash and I start feeling disgusted… I just thank my lucky stars it wasn’t any worse…I really could have been raped or killed.

    @Cleo Thanks. I am grateful. : )

    : )


  148. Donna says:

    I agree with the person that said one should be independent as well as dependent in order to have a balance relationship.

  149. Sasha says:

    Hey everyone…just stopping to check in.

  150. cleo says:

    wow, three dates to find a good one? you really do have no idea how lucky you’ve been! hope you’re right and it works out!

  151. Noledgeseeker says:

    Sugar this summer has been great for this new sugar baby…well except for the other night. Thank you fellow sugar seekers, for all the nice words.

    So this summer I went on my first ever sugar date and I believe its going to work out. I had no idea how lucky I had been until I had two more dates with absolute sleeze balls.

    ….getting back to laundry..until later

  152. Noledgeseeker says:


    Have you considered putting in some subtle humor in your presentation? Pehaps a few puns? It would be super fun for you to come up with and your audience to enjoy, it will put them in a more alert mood while they are watching/listening to your presentation while they wait for the next jewl of humor and then consequently they will also remember more of it, though I don’t know if thats important or if its just for a grade or something. Also, it doesn’t even matter if its all that funny or not because they won’t be expecting it. They won’t have time to think about it too long because you aren’t going to pause for applause you are just going to keep going with your presentation like nothing is awry, by the third jewl of humor, I bet you hear a snicker from the audience as they realize its intentional…nothing make people want to giggle more than being in a situation where they can’t.

    Good luck, have fun.

    • SD Guru says:

      Regarding the blog topic… a NSA arrangement will last as long as both parties want it to last. It will end when it ends. Some relationships end even though you want it to last longer, while some relationships last longer than it should.

      During my first three years in the sugar world I only had two relationships that lasted six months which I thought was long term at the time. The rest were one and done’s or fizzled out after a few meetings. But since then I had three relationships that lasted more than a year. It took patience, perseverance, and some luck to find the right person in the right situation for a relationship/arrangement that lasts.


      And in the process I’m finding myself and losing myself, all the same. I don’t know whether to be grateful, fearful, or both. I’m so tired and perplexed

      Some newbies find the sugar world can be intimidating and unforgiving. However, it can also be a great learning experience to find out who you really are and what’s truly important to you. Be grateful for the experience and learn from others, and most importantly, have fun and enjoy the journey!


      you can feel the connection and acknowledge you enjoy ur time together. you compliment each other and appreciate it. But it stays in a box- to be opened when needed…. it all feels so complex to me!

      Actually it’s not that complex at all. It’s as simple as you just described. The tough part is to have the maturity to pull it off.

      anyone got any good ideas for powerpt presentations

      I don’t want to take up space in the blog for this topic, so feel free to email me through my blog and I’ll give you some pointers.

      @NYC SB

      Be wary of anyone whose profile begins with a 1 or 2 or even worse has 5 digits instead of 6.

      Note to self…. time to retire my profile and start a new one! :)


      SD GURU if you out there take a look pweeese

      You’ve put up a pic so that’s a good start! Give it a few days and see what kind of response you get. Experiment a bit by changing your profile description from time to time and post different pics to see what work best. Those who are successful didn’t just put up a profile and have the prefect SD fall in their lap. It takes patience and persistence, and over time they figured out what works best in their situation and fine tuned their profile and approach accordingly.

  153. Nico says:

    Good Morning Sugar Fam ~ As for the topic:

    How long would your ideal arrangement last? I mirror “SoftlySearching” in my response. If it’s ideal why would I want it to end? I have had two significant SD’s in my past. No end date established with either. The first began having feelings and gracefully bowed out. The second…approaching one year but also long distance (1x/mo). TravelingSB touched on that a bit. It may last longer….however, there are downsides to that too and the passion may begin to fade and or you find it more difficult to keep the excitement alive.

    How has the sugar been for you this summer? It’s been a fabulous year in general! While sugar has been present, it’s only a portion of how awesome this year has been for me.

    Hi Gentleman! Welcome to the blog. What NYSC mentioned about being a ‘new’ member is true I want to add one more thought to that and you are an exception in that you’re a male “SB”. You may have fewer SD’s to choose from but know that they have less males SB’s to choose from too. We (Fem SB’s) are at least 50 to 1. Happy for you that you’re making such amazing progress thusfar and keep us posted 😀

  154. TravelingSB says:

    Hi I have been on this website for a while and have met some really great SD’s. I have found that, at least for me, if you only meet the SD once a month, it will last for a long time! They tend to be much more generous and really look forward to seeing you.
    As for the numbers, yes 5 digits means they have been on here for a life time and 1 and 2 have been on here for a long time as well. Now keep in mind, everytime they renew it shows a new date of being a member but their profile number stays the same. Many SD’s will say they are new when in fact they are not

  155. SanDiego sb says:

    I think your ideal arrangement should be as long as you and your sd thinks it should be. Its really up to you two and no one else, if you’ve been having fun with him or her for a year,then why stop?

    As for the sugar this summer,its been decent and only going to get better, Ive met someone that lives in my own city that actually ive seen around town,but didnt really know who he was ( i guess hes sort of a big deal in san diego, and the real deal) Im his first sb and the first girl hes met off the site,

    We’re very attracted to each other which i think is really important, and we’ve had the “sugar” conversation. Which was very easy to have since hes so easy to talk to.

    I cant wait until i see him next week :)

  156. Gentleman says:

    @NYC SB

    Please elaborate on the profile number issue that you brought up. Does a number which begins with a one or two automatically denote a member that has been on this site for a considerable amount of time? One that I’m corresponding with has a number which begins with a one yet he joined just this month.

    Any insight will be appreciated.

    Hope everyone is having an excellent morning/day.


  157. Reddamsel38 says:

    SD GURU if you out there take a look pweeese :)

  158. Reddamsel38 says:

    And if it doesn’t work I’ll put up something else.

  159. Reddamsel38 says:

    thanks cleo i know, but i’m going to post a clear one and see what happens. I’m saying take it or leave it. I’m putting myself out there. That way everyone knows that’s me.

  160. cleo says:

    reddamsel you can always post pics where your face isn’t clear…

  161. SugaBeckha says:

    Good morning Sugarland and SugarFam…………………………………

    SO I am fairly new…… no responses but no biggie, I am having a great time meeting the new people in the blog and reding all the information and stories……….. just wanted to chime in and say ‘HAVE A SUGARIFFICE DAY” Oh and my idea arrangement would be one that continued as long as the mutual respect goodies, and sugar was there.

  162. Reddamsel38 says:

    I’m new to the blog and the sugar world. I haven’t had any sugar as of yet. I’m actually kind of apprehensive about putting up my picture. For some reason, I guess I’m my worse enemy in some cases, this is one of them. I want to get out there and find MY SD, I would rather have a long term SD. But I just can’t seem to get past posting a picture.Isn’t there a saying about the things you want the most are the hardest to get? I’ve had 25 nibbles, views, of my profile no one left a message though. I guess they really want to see what I look like. But I’m not much into makeup, just the neccessaties. I’ll post one and see what happens. I think I’ll do a little experiment of my own.

  163. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    Hey beautiful!! My page is only 5 numbers!! I guess I am user beware?? ;p JK..

  164. Divia12 says:

    Good morning Sugar Family, I’ve lurked a bit these last couple of days and I hope you all are well

    I am so sorry for what happened to you. No one deserves to be taken advantage of. What a creep. I’ve been there IRL and I understand the feelings of guilt and stupidity for allowing things to go that far. The best thing to do now is exactly what you are doing by acknowledging that you made mistakes along the way and learning from them. You’ll be better for it, and as others have stated you’ll be able to spot pot SDs like him a mile away. I’m still new to this, and thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m meeting with a pot SD very soon, and I needed to read this.

    Welcome! I haven’t written much as I am still new, but I look forward to reading your blogs

    @Sasha and Sherri
    I can’t wait for the results of your experiments. Excited most to see how location plays into it.

    Now, to answer the question of my ideal arrangement. I would prefer one that lasted around 6 months to a year. That is dependent on how well the arrangement works out.

  165. NYC SB says:

    Hi Gentleman

    Welcome! Please be mindful that most get tons of interest when they open their profile. SA ensures that a new members profile comes up first when someone searches. In addition there are many perpetual members (look at their profile numbers) they are splenda sds that immediately hunt new members. Be wary of anyone whose profile begins with a 1 or 2 or even worse has 5 digits instead of 6. Other than that enjoy the ride and I hope you find someone super awesome!

  166. Midwest SB says:

    Gentleman – Welcome. Love to hear more from you.

    SweetSugar – when a relationship/arrangement becomes draining, one becomes resentful and the whole thing can be very toxic. It may be time to do a little “housecleaning” literally and figuratively. I clean when I’m frustrated and need to think. Figuratively…removing toxic elements from your life can restore balance and help you find that inner peace again. It seems to be impossible to make those decisions because you are dependent in some way, but please take a step back and decide if it’s worth it. You will be stronger in the long run. Hang in there!

  167. aspiring-doc says:


    1 hr work, 5 min blog 😛 (im hopeless!)

    so far im approaching 6months. the only issue has been time…(currently trying to juggle that one) and schedules! I would happily keep going.

    The emotional aspect of these arrangements is strange to me. life at the moment seems to be about separating emotions whilst still displaying them. With medicine and people- you have to be empathetic but you cant let yourself become involved. You want the best for the patient and the family and you love what you do- yet its a profession – you have to learn to put it in a box for ur own sanity.

    same with SD – you can feel the connection and acknowledge you enjoy ur time together. you compliment each other and appreciate it. But it stays in a box- to be opened when needed.

    it all feels so complex to me!

  168. Sasha says:

    @gentlemen…Hi there. Its nice to get the other side of the coin. Would like to see future posts from you.

    To answer the question…how long would I prefer an arrangement to last…hmm.. I wouldn’t mind it being a year. If I could get one good sd for that long, I would meet alot of the financial needs that lead me to the site in the first place.

  169. Gentleman says:

    Greetings everyone. I’ve extensively read through the various blogs dating back a few months. I’m new to this site, my page was only approved earlier this morning. I’d like to share some of my insights–however valuable they may or may not be.

    I’m a male SB (although I do find that term to be slightly pejorative), seeking an SD (another colloquialism I find to be disparaging to both parties–but I digress). A common theme that I’ve seen from the posts on this site are SBs are unable to get even a response, much less an actual meeting from a potential partner. However, my experience has been much different. Within just a few hours of my profile being active, I’d already corresponded with six men. Obviously I’ve yet to meet anyone in person yet, however it’s certainly within the realm of possibilities—sooner rather than later.

    Now, to add to previous postings on the issue of “how much to check in the ‘allowance’ box,” mine is ‘open/negotiable.’ Also, in the box where one can elaborate on the arrangement they’re seeking, I essentially stated that a true man of class and elegance would not discuss such issues in a blatantly open forum. What are your thoughts?

    Also, even though I’m a male SB, I do possess various traits that put me significantly ahead of the curve. One, I came from an upper-middle class family, so I know both what’s expected and how to handle myself in a variety of situations be they social or otherwise. Secondly, I’m considered to be handsome. Granted, I’m not a model, nor am I a gym rat, but my physical build is considered to be ‘average.’ Thirdly, I have a genuine interest and appreciation in men older than myself (as a student of history, is that not to be expected?). I can easily relate to and identify with many of the things that make older men “tick.” For example, I have a true love and passion for Big Band/Swing music (i.e. Frank Sinatra, Glenn Miller, Tommy Dorsey, Tony Bennett, Dean Martin, etc), so that gives me a unique advantage in terms of meeting a potential partner whom I will have a solid connection with. You see, I have always considered myself to be an “old soul.” Consequently, I already have a competitive advantage over other males my age who might have the eight pack abs and the A/F look.

    Also, although I am a college student at present and only intend to do this for perhaps a couple of years, I also wouldn’t be opposed to something long term if the right person came along. Don’t mistake that for seeking out something long term–I’m not–however, I think the fact that I would be open to a long term arrangement if the situation arose does have it’s advantages.

    That’s all I can think of at the moment, although I’m sure I’ll remember something in a short while. Please do share your insights/feedback, it will be greatly appreciated.


  170. SweetSugar says:

    Sometimes this quest for sugar sucks everything you have in you out and turns everything you know upside down. I can’t remember ever feeling lonely in my whole life, but something about constantly being around new people makes you feel so alone.

    Giving part of yourself away to people can’t/won’t, yet do take it, is exhausting. I’ve moved into the realm beyond sugar and into forming real relationships with people whom I can’t have/shouldn’t have yet do have.

    And in the process I’m finding myself and losing myself, all the same.
    I don’t know whether to be grateful, fearful, or both. I’m so tired and perplexed.

  171. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Hmmm…this is a really good question on the new topic.

    I personally would think 6 mos to a year best. I’d hate to abandon/lose a SD who I click with and who I would make happy, BUT on the other hand, after a year’s time, I would fear there might be too much attachment and that an IRL relationship might start to develop where it shouldn’t for either myself or my SD (since we’d both be married).

    That being said, if both parties are fine with it and everyone’s mature, I see nothing wrong with an indefinite arrangement as to length of time. Once one or both of the parties isn’t happy though, it’s time to move on. Nothing wrong with that if it happens, just like flowers cut from the garden, some last longer than others but all are beautiful.

  172. aspiring-doc says:

    why alone sweetsuga?

    ps: anyone got any good ideas for powerpt presentations- i have to do one on nz health models and provide a critique and case studies- its so dry!

  173. SweetSugar says:

    I’ve never felt more alone in my life than I have these last couple days…………

  174. SoftlySearching says:

    Hello sugars, sorry I’ve just been lurking lately 😉

    How long would my ideal arrangement last? Well… if it’s “ideal” I would want it to last as long as it continued to be “ideal”

    How has the sugar been for me this summer? I’m still a virgin it seems…lol but have some great pots… I want to take my time to find something right…


  175. Midwest SB says:

    Hey TexasSugah! Welcome back!

  176. Midwest SB says:

    How long would your ideal arrangement last?
    Tough question. I would say as long as I am emotionally comfortable. Some people are ok with falling in love, but with many, love is not an option. Others are ok with keeping it NSA and with limited emotional involvement. Me? My life is busy and love has been elusive. Sugar suits me in so many ways. To answer your question…I have no idea as far as timelines go.

    How has the sugar been for you this summer?
    Very sweet indeed. I’m a lucky lady in so many ways.

    Off to dream land. Goodnight.

  177. Midwest SB says:

    SD Guru – Zumanity ROCKS! Saw it last time. Truthfully, it’s been a month, so we may just lounge in each other’s arms and enjoy the pool. Did Trump before, now staying at a boutique, eclectic style hotel…he’s hoping the new investor gets tired of it so he can buy it for a steal :-)

    Sherri & Stormcat – I LOVE experiments! BTW – Sherri and I are likely neighbors…balances out the small town issue.

  178. Midwest SB says:

    Noledgeseeker – so sorry for your rough date. Please, please, please always trust your instincts from this point forward…the will keep you safe.

    Sherri, Sugarbekhai & Sasha – It takes one good view from a potSD…one good e-mail from a pot. What you can say to those who viewed you and moved on is “thank you for not wasting my time…thank you for not putting me through what Noledgeseeker went through” and move on. Have a thick skin because rejection is a big part of the search no matter who you are and how you look. It takes literally months to meet and set up an arrangement with a genuine SD. Meanwhile, you tweak your profile, vent on the blog, change your pics regularly and keep shining.

    DW – you and I have different views on what has been said repeatedly, but I digress. To answer your question: why should a SB turn down an otherwise great SD if he is not able to provide the allowance she wants?”
    That is entirely up to her preferences. If they have amazing chemistry, she may be willing to take a lower allowance…especially if some other perks are involved, On the other hand, She may feel he won’t help her reach her goals and if he wants exclusivity, he limits her ability to attain them. It’s a more business-like approach, but it’s also practical.

    ElegantSB – I have heard of SDs saying that to ladies. The things I’ve heard SDs do not want to support are:
    1- a SB’s significant other
    2- women who only want luxury items
    3- women who don’t “need” the money

    It’s not always the case, but I hear it a quite a bit from the regular SDs on here.

    Have we met before. YES!
    Since October, I’ve met with three separate groups of SDs/ SBs – New York, Chicago and Toronto. These are amazing people who are just like you and I.

  179. TexasSugah says:

    Hey y’all I’m back.. Lol

    Busy, busy but nothing good really. Dad still in hospital so….

    Sugar, I have little sugar packets. I haven’t had time to look for any real sugar just a sprinkle here and there from my SD who… Well long story.

    Long term sugar is the best. I have a pot that I’m into from SA.. Yeah shocker! We get along great. He wants a sugar/GF with future potential which seems great.

    Guess we’ll see…

    Sugar wishes to everyone

  180. cleo says:

    long before i knew sugar existed i posted that my ideal dating scenario would be a guy that i saw one to three times a week with some sleepovers for years on end

    and then i found SA and thought i had found it but as of yet i have not found my sugar…