10 years ago
Sugar Mystique


No matter how beautiful a Sugar Baby, or wealthy a Sugar Daddy, the value of an attractive attitude and cunning mystique can make all the difference for those seeking mutually beneficial arrangements in the online Sugarbowl.

With so many different qualities being sought here by people in so many different circumstances, the kinds of traits that many sugars say are the  hardest to find have more to do with character than with stats.

Beyond having the right practical requirements (i.e., location, timing, assets), many sugars look for hints about the kind of character a potential SD or SB would have in an arrangement before going forward.

Character Traits Sugars are Sweet On:

Considerate – Innately ‘thoughtful of the rights and feelings of others’, considerate sugars are keen on what it takes for an arrangement to be mutually beneficial.

Candid – ‘Marked by honest sincere expression’, candid sugars are a breath of fresh air to many who’ve come to Sugarland in search of an honest and straightforward relationship.

Generous – Having the trait of ‘being willing to give his or her money or time’, a generous sugar is inevitably the most satisfied, since giving out of pleasure rather than out of obligation is key to being happy in a sugar relationship.

Confident – ‘Having belief in one’s self’ is a highly attractive trait for a sugar to have. As many here have said, a sugar with confidence makes it easier to know how to treat them the way they want to be treated.

Dependable – Not to be confused with ‘dependent’,  dependable sugars are ‘trustworthy, responsible, and steadfast’. No one likes a Poof Daddy or a Flake Baby.

In the Sugarbowl, the right to keeping one’s  personal/non-sugar life private is fundamental, and most here accept the fact that much of their sugar’s life will remain a mystery to them.

What personality/character traits do you seek most in a potential Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby? Which one’s do you avoid?

Leave a Reply

429 Responses to “Sugar Mystique”

  1. SDinLA says:

    Dandelion Wine:

    I am sure everyone has moved to the new blog, so we can talk at each other here.

    As I wrote in my initial reply to you, I am not here to argue with you, so if you feel the need to come out ahead, this gentleman will gracefully admit defeat and withdraw from the contretemps.

    I respectfully submit that I have nothing to apologize for either, and I’ll leave it at that.

  2. Arcadia SB says:

    Just gotta say Lily: “As NYC SB always taught me, the best way to get over an SD is to get under a new one!!”

    Made my night! Now to continue catching up on the blog…I’m soo far behind! Spend one weekend out of town and I can’t catch up…

  3. Dandelion Wine says:

    SDinLA, au contraire.
    I have made a disclaimer for possible abnormality of my set of experiences; and from what i gather, you feel that it is indeed uncommon 🙂
    The lady has nothing to apologize for =P

    “Centurion card as validation” is a far-reaching assumption. It was merely used to illustrate the aspect of the relationship that was relevant to the context of the discussion.
    And pray tell, what definition of the word “irony” would be applicable to the situation with your father and his friends?

  4. CocoLady says:

    because i needed a sd..and at the time he was the best candidate. i dont feel bad for what i did with him behind her back. he is the one in the wrong. he exchanged vows. not me.

  5. new blog – see you on the other side

  6. SDinLA says:

    Bald, Fat and Ugly:

    At least there isn’t a “Short” in there too! 😉

    The tendencies you describe are quite common in SDs. We refer to it as “White Knight” syndrome, or “Knight in shining Armour” syndrome. It can be very rewarding for a SD to help out a young woman in those ways. Be very careful that your desires to be that knight do not get you into trouble. It’s very easy to get taken advantage of in that scenario, I speak from harsh experience, as many true SDs would confess to if they are honest with themselves.

  7. Dandelion Wine says:

    Coco, if you have a moral dilemma with cheating and feel so badly for the man’s wife, why did you agree to an arrangement with a married man?

  8. SDinLA says:

    Dandelion Wine: Well, an assumption that I must be guessing based on your own experiences, single case or not, is an insult to *my* intelligence.

    I am at least giving you credit for your personal experiences whereas you immediately impugned my bona fides because my opinion diverged from your experiences.

    A lady would apologize. 😛

    The irony of your use of the “Centurion card as validation” thing is that my father did a TV commercial for Amex and several past Amex CEOs were close family friends and frequent yachting companions.

    The primary distinction in my mind between a “mistress” and a SB is that a mistress is the other woman in a man’s life, and despite his being married, is in some ways the true possessor of his “heart.” A SB is someone with whom you have an explicit arrangement, and in my case, with clearly defined boundaries re: no happily ever after, an end date that neither one of us can extend, and an explicit understanding of what she will receive in return for giving me that peace of mind.

  9. Dandelion Wine says:

    Carebear awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww 🙂

    And agree on the human aspect. I don’t think a whole crowd of people that have all the same basic stats could compare to that one person that you just *like*

  10. Dandelion Wine says:

    SDinLA, I didn’t have “one person with a card”, I had been authorized as a user on a card; there’s a difference, no?

    And the assumption of logical/quantitative inferiority necessary for making a “musing” generalization based on a single case is insulting to my intelligence. A gentleman would appologize 🙂

    RE: mistress vs. SB. You seem to have a strict definition of the terminology, do you mind denoting some of the finer points? We may not be disagreeing after all

    As to my second point, indeed there are crazy psychos of both sexes, but I would imagine the incidence is much higher among the people with fractured and/or fragile psyche.
    But what do I know, I’m sure it’s nothing some Tough Love couldn’t fix XD

  11. Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    SDinLa, many thanks for your most interesting posts! Please do continue. They have encouraged me (an SD, I think?) to step out of lurkland to ask a few questions I have been pondering over.

    I am fairly new to the SA site and the entire SD/SB world. After following these blogs, I feel quite intimidated about my ignorance (so please don’t be surprised if I end up quietly retreating back to LL :-).

    I do a lot of non-profit work with some very poor people. So along with all the other attractive things about ladies, I have an inclination toward trying to help SB’s in need: too much credit card debt, out of job/relationship perhaps with child, tuition to support talent, etc.

    In most cases, it is fairly easy to see that a monthly allowance probably will not change/help change things much. But a “soft” loan to get over a temporary bad $ patch and instill some spending discipline, or an outright unconditional five digit bag of cash in for a tuition or hospital payment may actually make a long term impact.

    Problem is that it really requires a SB to open up and be honest about their situation, as well as, an SB to trust me enough to listen to advice. The flip side is that it may get way to personal for an SB, and, of course, no one SB or otherwise wants to feel patronized and told what to do.

    Is this unrealistic?

    Perhaps after hearing what experienced SD/SB have to say, I could share the some of what has happened so far?

    Thanks in advance!

  12. CocoLady says:

    i have decided not too. not because i dont think he deserves it but becuase im not mean enough. it would bother me the rest of my life knowing i wrecked someones life. i am just thankfull i am not her. all of my friends say im being way too nice and letting him walk all over me but im not going to bother. i care for him as a human being and hope he does the right thing and no longer cheats on her.

  13. carebear says:

    Night Lily!

    Michael! Don’t turn my amazingly timed joke around. You out of all people, come on.

    Dandelion and SDinLA, her guesses may be wrong, but she IS unusual…..in an exceptional sense. 🙂

    While there are standards, numbers, and statistics, may we remind ourselves we’re talking about people. The human race. We have minds of our own and do irrational bs day in and day out. There’s no regiment to sugar world, or any world involving emotions, relationships, sex, or any sort of exhanged activity between humans.

    We make our own rules, no one else has to follow them.

    And in response to “I a worth XYZ”, the worth of a person is priceless, and no one person’s life is more important than anyone else’s.

  14. SDinLA says:

    NYC SB: I think the blog regulars already do a very good job of giving advice and guidance to help a prospective SB’s chances.

    I don’t think there is any magic formula.

    As to “converting” a SD, I think that is more problematic. People fall in love. That can lead to “happily ever after” it can also lead to disaster. But there are no methods to that madness.

    I think a SB’s odds of turning an arrangement into “happily ever after” depend largely on the SD’s motivations for having a SB. In my case, I started having SBs precisely because all of the women I dated in real life after my divorce kept wanting the ring, and having a SB who was a full-time student and in no way ready to settle down was my solution to that problem. Eventually, I met a woman who has me ready to settle down again. She was not a SB. I did not “plan” on it happening, love happens.

  15. SDinLA says:

    Dandelion Wine:

    Your guess would be wrong, and your experiences are unusual. I have been surrounded by those people since my childhood. Usually the athletes are on teams a family member or friend owns, and the actor/musician is being paid to perform, but I am not here to argue with you. There are people on this blog who can vouch for my bona fides.

    “Muses” of wealthy men do exist. They are nowhere near common enough for a prospective SB to expect to become one. Kudos to you if you have had that experience.

    Number of uber wealthy men/athletes/celebs who sleep with groupies > number of those guys with “muses”.

    In most cases, a “muse” is much more analogous to a mistress than a SB. I offered kudos to those of you who have been in such situations, but your experience is not one that most SBs should be expecting to have.

    You’ve had one person with a “titanium” card treat you as a “muse.” I’ve lived my entire life with people who don’t HAVE credit cards because we don’t need to pay for stuff- either it is provided gratis, we have an open account, or an underling takes care of the mundane task of paying for goods/services.

    As to your second point, there are crazy psychos of both sexes who will jeopardize a man or woman’s life in many ways. This assumption that “I am worth XYZ because I will not do that to a SD” is again, one that is often overvalued from the SB perspective. Many mistresses and women men have affairs with would never jeopardize their lover’s other life, and do so without receiving an allowance as a SB.

  16. Dandelion Wine says:

    SDinLA says:
    October 18, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Fact: rich guys have groupies just like athletes, actors and musicians. They don’t have to spend money beyond what they are already spending on entertainment to get laid. By virtue of their being rich, they also get pursued by lots of attractive women, gold diggers are all over the place

    I don’t want to go into too much detail, but unless *my* experience with celebrities (including use of a certain titanium card) has been for whatever reason highly unusual, I’m gonna guess that your assessment of the social circle has been purely from outside. There’s a huge difference between a groupie and a muse 🙂

    Fact: there are a lot of women with low self-esteem, who were raised in dysfunctional households, have Daddy issues/issues with men. Some of those women have all of the same qualities you have. Many of those women will sleep with rich older men and not demand 10k per month.

    Fact: they are also crazy psychos that can and will jeopardize beleaguered SD’s business and personal relationships.

  17. Bela says:

    @SDinLA – So very well said. That should be said to every person who has ever wanted to find an SD/SM.

    @Lily – You are right. I have nothing against the pot SB’s who are searching for the 10K deals, but honestly, I love my life and where I am with it. My search is more about enjoying it with a great guy in all the things that make the two of us smile while at the same time, preparing me for the next chapter. I have a great job, an awesome education and I really don’t find my life lacking in any other department.

    @RetiredSB – Fantastic information. I’ve always wanted to hear words from someone who experienced this all before the internet changed everything.

    I’m 29 and have wondered if I am too old for this “bowl.” After reading and observing, I’m comfortable with saying that I’m very likely too old, dark skinned, intelligent, curvy, and independent for the “Ideal Arrangement” and that it’s never going to happen for me.

    The thing about it is that arrangement was never what I wanted, so the “reality” doesn’t bother me. I have so many awesomely fabulous things in my life, that if finding someone from this lifestyle never happened, I would still be happy. Sadly enough, I spend more time talking with you crazy Sugars than looking for a pot SD.

    Going to work! xoxoxo

  18. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    @Carebear – of course you realize what you just called yourself ….

  19. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    @Carebear – “what’s in a name”. Omfg you are too funny …. roflmao

  20. Lily says:

    Shakespeare-ish @ midnight! 🙂

    love ya, carebear.

    Off to bed, good night!!

  21. carebear says:

    Whats in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would the rose smell as sweet?

  22. NYC SB says:

    All valid points sdinla – now its time for something which will benefit us … How does one land such sd … And for those looking for something more permanent how does one retire an sd?

  23. carebear says:

    We only have to pay 2 cents for all of that??

  24. Lily says:

    Great post, SDinLA!
    RetiredSB49- I agree that if the relationship isn’t built on mutual chemistry, friendship, etc,….& most likely after quite a weeding out process on both sides, (and certainly a short lived p4p style arrangement) an SB can easily be a hooker by any other name.
    Too old after 22 to become an SB? I fail to understand that….

  25. SDinLA says:

    Third and final rant:

    It does not matter how smart, funny, beautiful, sophisticated, drama-free you are. Those qualities do not automatically make you worth $10k a month to a SD. You have to look at what else is out there, and your competition is NOT just other potential SBs.

    Fact: rich guys have groupies just like athletes, actors and musicians. They don’t have to spend money beyond what they are already spending on entertainment to get laid. By virtue of their being rich, they also get pursued by lots of attractive women, gold diggers are all over the place.

    Fact: there are a lot of women with low self-esteem, who were raised in dysfunctional households, have Daddy issues/issues with men. Some of those women have all of the same qualities you have. Many of those women will sleep with rich older men and not demand 10k per month.

    Fact: spending a lot less than 10k per month, a guy can have sex more times with numerous attractive women, NSA…. and not just with escorts, than he’d see you in that month.

    “But those women don’t offer what I offer. I am offering XYZ that is so much more than they can get from any of those.”

    That may be true. But you’re still competing for the same finite pool of rich men, and their time, and their money, and their attention, along with the 1,000 other potential SBs who have all of the same qualities you do.

    OK, that is all. I am done. That’s my two cents. Hope you are all having a wonderful day 🙂

  26. SDinLA says:

    Over the months I’ve read this blog, I’ve also seen posts along the lines of, “he makes more than a million per year in income, 10k a month is barely 10% of his annual income to have a wonderful SB like me. I deserve that, I don’t think I am asking too much!”

    Well, let’s take that hypothetical SD… and let’s say he make $1.5 million in income to give us some wiggle room. We’re going to leave out long term tax shelters and all of the other issues, and just focus on hypothetical income to look at hypothetical cash flow to “easily afford” a 120k per annum SB allowance.

    1.5 mill SD is married and has a couple of kids, which will make his expense a lot higher than a single SDs, but lower than someone with ex-wives and such to support as well, so it’s sort of a middle ground. besides, rich single SDs who are not just looking for glorified hook-ups are an even rarer form of the elusive genuine SD.

    Here in Southern California, by the time you’re done with Federal, state, county, city taxes and other various withholdings, you’re looking at maybe 800k left of that 1.5. Let’s round up and say 70k per month.

    Unless you bought it 20 years ago, your housing costs are going to take a big chunk out of that. Even with the real estate market down, in the nice parts of Santa Monica you can’t buy a house someone who makes $1.5 mill a year would want to live in for less than $2.5 mill. At that lower end of the house spectrum, even if you put 40% down (eating up a million bucks you had saved up) you’re looking at almost 10k a month for your mortgage payment. Add in property taxes and maintenance etc. and you’re easily spending 15k a month just for the roof over the family’s head. 70-15 = 55

    I’d be very surprised if your wife spent less than 20k per month in total on running the household- food, clothes, new furniture what not, but let’s say she is not profligate and can do it for the same 10k our SB seeks. 55-10=45

    S-Class Benz for Mr. Big. Range Rover for his wife. Porsche for weekends. Another 5k per month including insurance if leased. 45-5 = 40

    Private school for 2 kids? another 5k just for tuition let alone the spending you need to do to keep up appearances with all of their classmates rich parents. 40-5 = 35

    Health insurance and health care? Have to account for wife wanting boob job after nursing 2 kids, the botox and all of the other procedures she needs to keep up her appearances in this town. Let’s be conservative and say 3k a month average. 35-3 = 32

    Maid/gardener/nanny etc.? 5k to get decent help is already stretching it. 32-5 = 27

    Hmmm, that “easily affordable 10k” is not looking so “easy” is it? And tere is so much else that has not even been accounted for yet. Retirement savings. Travel. Entertainment. What if I want to buy a boat? Or learn to fly? Both reasonable hobbies for someone making $1.5 mill a year. Do you now how much even a small boat costs to keep? And the 1,000 other demands people make of you when they know you have money…. a relative who wants you to invest 250k in his new can’t-miss business. A friend who needs to borrow 15k. Another relative with unexpected health issues.

    And we have just gone through the worst recession in 70s years, and many people have seen their net worth decline 25-30%, or more. That has a huge psychological effect on one’s desire to spend money on extravagant luxuries, even if one can afford it.

    The blog is lucky I am not recovering from surgery more often, or you’d be subjected to my lengthy diatribes even more often. 😉

  27. carebear says:

    *rofl with southerngent*

  28. SouthernGent2 says:

    Just spewed on the monitor, then fell out of my chair.

  29. Lily says:

    SDinLA – bravo! True, so true!

    What’s so wrong with men who can spend $3-6k total per month (allowance + expenses/travel/gifts)…? If you like the gentleman & look forward to seeing him & the allowance is very generous given what proportion of your life (time/commitment-wise) he is really asking for, then I believe *that* is the sweet spot (=potential for long term) for modestly rich/very-well-off gentlemen who are still somewhat ‘normal’, personality wise & don’t envision themselves as a diety.

    Exceptions in huge financial centers abound, but if you’re not in Beverly hills, Manhattan, London, or Hong Kong, then I think keeping things down at mere-mortal level in terms of expectations, and focusing on finding reliable chemistry, compatibility, & communication is the recipe for a true arrangement to get to 6-12months or longer. And really, what true sugar (who isn’t looking to merely self-serve in the sugarbowl) wants to go through the aggravation of starting a screening process from scratch every couple months?

  30. NC Gent says:

    Hi DCSB — watched the Ohio State – Wisconsin game that evening, and then didn’t watch any football on Sunday. Looked like the Baltimore game was a tough loss.

    Hi Carebear, Gail, VC!

    Well said SDinLA 🙂

  31. NYC SB says:

    Sdinla – you articulated what I have been trying to convey to many sbs … So now I’m copying your statement… My frst sd was a fluke chance encounter my second one is a billionaire on the forbes list (hopefully not one of your relatives!) … Having said that I have met a billionaire and an almost billionaire who were soooo cheap unless they were paying for THEIR entertainment and yes an SB is their entertainment …

  32. carebear says:

    Thank you SDinLA for your post, I think most of us should agree. And thank you for the reality check. Sometimes we all need it =)

  33. Dandelion Wine says:

    Beauty stuff

    Nails: Long and all-natural, I just get weekly manicures
    Skin: aiming for monthly facials/peels, but don’t always have the time 🙁

  34. VillaCypris says:

    HA! Me, too, Gail!!!! 🙂
    Nice to see you again xxxxxxx

  35. Gail says:

    So true, so true!!!!Applause!!! Applause.. Clap, Clap!!!! I had to come out of lurk for SDinLA’s post. Hiya Villa and Yaz….Byebye…Villa and Yaz : )

  36. VillaCypris says:

    Michael – glad to see you had a safe trip home from MN! 🙂

    SDinLA – thanks for your post – it serves as a good “reality check”. Having been exposed at length to the “types” of persons whom you reference, I concur with your assessments. The “entitled assholes” are my least favourite. !!

  37. SDinLA says:

    I hesitate to jump into the monthly allowance debate, because it is a sensitive topic, BUT, now that my SD days are behind me, I think I can be pretty objective, and it would be a disservice to potential SBs not to say my piece:

    I am all for self-empowerment, women’s rights and all of that good stuff, and I applaud any woman who stands up for herself and won’t settle for less than what she thinks she is worth. We want to encourage all kids and even young adults to dream and aspire to reach the top, yet only a very small percentage of people will ever become obscenely rich starting from scratch, or famous, or be a world-class anything. The vast majority of people end up somewhere else on the spectrum, and that’s just reality.

    There is a fine line between “only accepting what you are worth” and not being rational about the odds.

    I was born into great wealth. Numerous family members on the Forbes list etc. I also made more money than I could spend in 1,000 lifetimes from my own businesses. I grew up and have socialized with the kinds of wealthy powerful men SBs dream of acquiring as a SD.

    Fact #1: a genuine LONG TERM SD who understands the boundaries of an arrangement and will provide a 10k and up allowance, is rare.

    Most of the time, with the really rich guys, if you’re not a wife or a GF, you are one of two things: a short term arm candy/fling, and by short term I don’t mean one night necessarily, it could last for months; or you are a mistress. If you are a mistress, you are not a SB in my book. The expectations and demands on the woman are much greater.

    As Lily found, you can find guys with lots of $ who consider themselves above hiring an escort and like to have beautiful women n their entourage, and will splash out cash when you are one of their shiny new toys. Some of those guys blow 100k on a round of golf, or drop millions on a weekend in Vegas, or ave wives who spend a million dollars a month on god knows what… so what’s it to them if they blow 20k, or 50k on some new chick? Turning that into a reliable long term SD/SB situation is a different thing entirely.

    Fact #2: Because most rich powerful men are assholes (either from being born into it and entitled, or from being the kind of Type A ruthless bastard necessary to earn a billion dollars or more) nice guys who can splash out big bucks as SDs have all kinds of options. I don’t care how smart, how nice, how compassionate, how beautiful, how good in bed, how DESERVING you may be, but there are 1,000 other women just like you, and if there isn’t one in evidence today, by next year there will be one who is younger and hotter than you and with all of your other good qualities.

    There are women who are very good at getting men to chase them and do what they want. I don’t consider most of those femme fatales to be good SBs either. If you can find a rich guy to be at your beck and call and lavish you with what you want, more power to you. It’s just not that common. And the “I have GFs who get X amount per month, I’ve never settled for less than 20k allowance” stories are all well and good. If you’re one of those women you probably live in NYC, London, LA or one of a few other global centers of finance or commerce AND you are good at playing the game. Kudos to you. But you know what, that is NOT the norm any more than my circumstances are the norm.

    I think it is an absolute fallacy that one can expect to become a SB and regardless of where you live, find a reliable long term SD that can provide 10k, or even 5k allowance… the odds are just not that good, and you do have to take into account were you live and other factors.

    And to the SB who was asking about genuine SDs being online a lot: sure the Type A workaholics won’t be online, but most of the really wealthy people I know truly ARE the “idle rich” (inherited it, or sold a business) and spend way too much time playing with their iPhones/iPads/laptops.

    I’ll get off my soap box now…

  38. @SDinLA
    More venting than anything. I have no desire to move on – she has valid reasons for cancelling – illness, car broke down, moving etc. I explained to her that I am happy to be patient as I believe that this could be a really interesting relationship in a bunch of ways.

    Rescheduled to Wednesday night – I’ll let you all know Thursday ….

  39. SDinLA says:

    Michael AZ with too many nicknames for this senile former SD to remember:

    You’re an experienced SD. You also seem to have a very peripatetic eye, always in search of that elusive “1+1 OMFG.”

    The incidents you relay are not indicative of anything other than poor planning and bad luck, even if 3 times in the first month is pushing it. You say she is truthful, which is a big plus after your recent experiences with the former #1. Plus the bedroom activities were neighbor rousing.

    You are asking the blog for feedback, ipso facto that tells me that you’re just looking for validation of your desire, perhaps not a conscious one, to 86 her and move on.

    Good luck finding a new #1! 😉

  40. NYC SB says:

    Or in front guru – just get on a new one 🙂

  41. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    NC Gent— There are some celebrities on these sites on both the SB/SD side….
    And that profile had to be for kicks
    Sadly the Ravens lost yesterday another overtime fiasco..sigh..How was your weekend football watching?

    Discoqueen— I agree. There are people who pay over 20k a month to Sb’s and there is nothing wrong with that either..more power to them. 10k is not outlandish..and if it is then that isnt the SB or SD for you..In this world there is always someone willing (within reason) to do what others won’t..like a SB who only wants a SD that takes her on dates etc. It is not a big deal to me if there are Sb’s that get more money or if they require the same or less..everyone has a right to what they want and do not want.

    CoColady— Just let it go…it is not a bad thing that he wants to be faithful or that the arrangement ended..it could have been a blessing in disguise. Something better may be in store for you. Just think that things could have been worse. He could have never even told you that it was over and just disappeared. It really does suck that you will not be able to pay rent and I agree that you could do one last asking of sincere means..if you say you know let us just have a good ending to this. But at the end of the day you can’t force him into doing something that he will not do. ((Hugs))


    Your search might be more difficult but you might meet someone who can give you that but travel of some sort may be required. Just have to ask yourself what is more important to you..the distance or the allowance..or is there a nice compromise in the middle?

    Cali SB — thank you for the advice I appreciate it. I will take it one day at a time.

    SD Guru— I agree with you.

    To everyone:

    When do you stop your search…after you already have been in the relationship for months or instantly?

    When is the allowance given in advance or afterwards or at the beginning or end of each month?

  42. Bela says:

    @NC Gent – yeah, good luck with that

    • SD Guru says:

      my last sd did 7k so i will have to lower expectations. its hard too go down once your acccustomed to a certain amount.

      Just curious, how long did it last and where was he located? So your 10k allowance expectation is based on your past experience alone and not for any other reasons?

      For being such an asshole should i tell his wife he is having affair? if so what should i say?

      Be careful of what you wish for because you might get more than you bargained for. Even though you said you’re not blackmailing him, in effect you are. Telling his wife will only add more drama to your life which I’m sure you don’t need. I’d suggest that you take it as a lesson learned and move on.

      I’ve had four men forward me cash electronically, to kick things off & get things moving, on an attempted arrangement… So, no it’s not impossible. With a faraway pot, to send travel funds & extra before asking me to get on a plane

      Are there SD’s who are willing to send funds before meeting in person for whatever reason? The answer is yes, it probably doesn’t happen often but they’re out there. But that’s a different scenario than what you originally asked though.

      As NYC SB always taught me, the best way to get over an SD is to get under a new one!!

      Or get on TOP of a new one! 😉

  43. NC Gent says:

    Obviously SCSB can leave her expected allowance at whatever she desires, just like I can keep hoping that Charlize Theron will be my SB for $1000 a month plus expenses.

  44. discoqueen123 says:

    hahahahaha that is hilarious. so what is wrong with scsb wanting 10k. im in new york and thatsmy allowance. a sb shdnt have to lower her standards based on location

  45. NC Gent says:

    I thought this was hilarious in an SB profile….

    “so who am i looking for..well you should be at least 79yrs old in a walker popping Viagra like skittles, if i like what i see in the nude pics you will send me in your first message then we can go on a date where i will blow you in Walmart carpark which will be great as i only have 3 teeth! if all goes well you can take me back to your trailer/meth lab where you “work from home”and give me your 3″ of pure pleasure then stuff $2 in my g-string from your stack of ones…please call me from your cell phone that is in your body building bi-polar wife’s name so she can track me down from your itemized bill”

  46. SouthernGent2 says:

    SCSB – no disrespect intended, but why would any man give someone 10k per month? How many people in this country really have jobs that pay 120k per year? I guess I just see this as being a bonus to your lifestyle (which I do hope you have a job), rather than as means of supporting you 24/7.

  47. Lily says:

    Exactly. Get him & his wife off your mind, shrug it off, and fix yourself up some introductory coffee/drink meetings with several new potSDs. Pick a new one, and move right along to something better!

  48. CocoLady says:

    hahaha damn right girl 😉 i feel bad for his wife really..but she should be smart enough to know what business trips really mean..not my job to tell her

  49. Lily says:

    Let karma take care of him, chalk it up to a learning experience, & move on. Focus your energy on a new gentleman.
    As NYC SB always taught me, the best way to get over an SD is to get under a new one!!

  50. CocoLady says:

    thanks sugars. i am not blackmailing him. i didnt say you must help me our i will do this. i just feel an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. you cannot go around using women and making promises and expect not to get caught.

  51. Lily says:


    Move on, Coco.

    Arrangements come without contracts. No guarantees. And no strings. When he came through with only partial allowance on month #2, you had many options of how to proceed.

    Blackmail is illegal. It’s NOT his problem if you cannot pay your rent. He didn’t sign any legally binding commitment for you to become his dependent. Your rent is your problem.

    Arrangements are verbal agreements, friendships with workable guidelines, hopes for longevity, and zero guarantees. Next time, hope for the best but prepare for the worst and don’t rely on a married man you just met to completely support you, and certainly don’t fool yourself that even if he is doing so, that he’ll continue doing so indefinitely.

  52. NC Gent says:

    CocoLady — I know revenge sounds sweet right now, but are you sure you want to stir that hornet’s nest? You may end up testifying in a divorce case, or even be sued for alienation of affection by his wife. Not saying you are responsible, but you should have never accepted half the allowance. If I were you, I would reach out to him once more, and ask (not beg) for the remainder of the allowance. Chalk it up to a painful lesson. He is the bad guy here — not you!

  53. CocoLady says:

    sugars to the rescue please. i started an arrangement wth a married man. We met up twice. he came through on my first months allowance and then a portion of the next month but promised to come through on the rest later in the month- then texts me and says i think iv decided to straighten my life up a.k.a. stop cheating. so he never came through on the rest. i aske him for a little help until i get bac kon my feet because i wasnt expecting this and says that me not being able to pay rent is not his problem. For being such an asshole should i tell his wife he is having affair? if so what should i say?

  54. SCSUGARBABY says:

    i know right…nothing suprises me anymore. i told him i would make sure he fell off that cliff..then blocked him…ahhh giggles

  55. NC Gent says:

    Weird and potentially open to charges of insurance fraud if something were to accidentally happen 🙂 I never ceases to amaze me the stories that I hear on both sides of the sugar table.

  56. SCSUGARBABY says:

    @NCgent-yes i know. my last sd did 7k so i will have to lower expectations. its hard too go down onceyouracccustomed to a certain amount. so interesting story. i get anemail from a potsd who has a fetish for financial domination. i am curious so i play along. he asks if we were to begin an arrangement would i go along with a life insurance play. where we take a life insurance policy out on his life and then i aske him to do life threatening stunts such as rock climbing without a rope. weird?!?

  57. NC Gent says:

    Good morning all! Hope everyone had a great weekend.

    SCSB — $10k a month is a lot of money in the Southeast; well anywhere for that matter, but even more so in SC. Also, you must consider that there are many very attractive SBs in your region that are in the $1-3k range. You might be able to get $5k a month, but I think even that will be difficult to sustain. Sorry for being so negative, but just trying to present reality. Best wishes in your search!

  58. Lily says:

    Read my last post again & realize I forgot to mention the key point/detail —the 4 men forwarded funds to me WITHOUT having ever met face to face, just corresponded & spoken on the phone. Maybe that was obvious but wanted to be crystal clear.

    Michael- I guess you should express your feelings to her & see if she can get things on track, pronto.

  59. SCSUGARBABY says:

    ok i will definatly reaxamine my expectations and try again.
    @ greeneyedsugarlady
    iv tried a few
    lash extensions-okay but didnt last for me bc i was pulling at them all the time.
    latisse- really did work but i grew tired of putting it on everyday or simply forgot
    microdermabrasion-love love love it! not going to get rid of wrinkles but o well…it feels nice
    fat injections into lips- unfortunatly was 2k and disappeared. my body absorbed it in notiime. thank god this was in surgery and i was asleep.
    restylane- tried again with just an injectable filler and it also has left my lips completly. waste of 600 dollars. i think i have decidedto just go throughwith lip implants. also extremely painfull. for some reason the dental block didnt work and i felt every needle go into my lips. i am against anything not permenant now.
    laser for spot removal-a little sting but definatly worth it! no more sun damage!
    cheek implants-one of my fav procedures i have done….love my full cheeks…very swollen for a week or two but looks great now
    i guess u could say im addicted. i have already scheduled my brow lift…cant wait!! no more heavy eyes!

  60. Stormcat says:

    @Alleycat If I recall correctly, this #1 is what you called a cougar. A highly successful woman in her own right but also probably pretty much used to all those around her accomodating her schedule, her problems, her needs, her ideas etc. While I don’t think you have to next her for this minor infraction I do think that it is an indication of her general practices and that you will need to communnicate your feelings and let her know that the behavior is unacceptable. Does she know that you have a 3 cancellation rule? It wouldn’t be fair to your coupleness to end things for violation of a rule she doesn’t even know exists.

  61. Bela says:

    @MichaelAlleycat – It really depends on how much you like this SB and how much you’re willing to put up with regarding a shaky schedule. Maybe things will calm down and you’ll have someone who just had a crappy month. Maybe they won’t. Too soon to tell.
    Just to note, it’s funny that you have that rule. I do too. I don’t like to chase, but I don’t like to just write people off immediately.
    And yes, I’ve been “intimate” with an Aussie and received complaints as well. Damn I miss that continent lol

    @SCSB – We are in the same boat. I live in a relatively rural place with a very shallow pool. I live two hours from Nashville and just search there. The distance isn’t a big deal because I drive there during the weekends to shop and enjoy city stuff.

    Going to be hell week this week for me, but I’m using the benefit of a good OT check as my light at the end of the tunnel. Plus I’ll be home in a week. Unfortunately, I’m traveling right after that again. Le sigh.

    Happy Monday, Sugars!!

  62. Cali SB says:

    SDinLA: My username used to be just Cali SB, but months ago before I left the blog, I was raving about these delicious Lemon Torte yogurts and many bloggers had begun to use AKAs on their screennames and that just happened to stick as mine. 🙂 Since I wasn’t here for some time, and that was the last SN I used, I decided to use the full length so old bloggers would remember me, and incase there was a new Cali SB in town. 😉

    DCCSSB: I own a Lexus and I love it. They’re incredibly reliable cars and MUCH better value for your money than BMW or Mercedes. However, if money wasn’t an issue (i.e. on an SD tab, I would go for a Mercedes for sure). Also, I agree with the other posters: don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched! There are a lot of men who talk a big game or just poof; take it one day at a time and see what happens. 🙂

    SCSugarBaby: I mean this in the nicest way possible; there is no chance you are going to get a $10k allowance in SC. In NYC, LA, or Miami, MAYBE, but not SC. I agree with SD Guru, you’re going to be hard-pressed for even $5k in SC.

  63. Lily says:

    I’ve had four men forward me cash electronically, to kick things off & get things moving, on an attempted arrangement. Two local, two (very) long distance. Twice @ €500, once @ $1000, and once @ $2500. So, no it’s not impossible. With a faraway pot, to send travel funds & extra before asking me to get on a plane makes sense to me, if he is serious and has screened me extensively over the phone. The two locals who each sent €500 did so because planning a first meeting was taking forever due to their schedule & it was a gesture of appreciation for my patience in waiting for weeks to be taken out to dinner. Both those local guys ended up having cold feet and changing their mind about ever meeting but remain in contact as occasional email pen pals & wholeheartedly encouraged me to keep the €500 as a friendly gift & no big deal even though they changed their minds about an arrangement/infidelity.

    So no, it’s not impossible, I agree. But sends red flags to me, if you add it into everything else she’s said, and that they are in the same city (& a large one with millions of SB options) & he hasn’t met her face to face & talking about buying her a car…. Just odd. BUT, I hope I’m wrong & look forward to her reporting soon back to the blog that he proved me 100% wrong & it was her voice over the phone and pics via email alone that won him completely over & that he has totally followed through.

  64. SugarSugar says:

    I have always thought someone screens the new profiles??? Not so sure anymore: SD-profile 539977.

  65. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    Hi blog,

    I’ve been skimming to try and stay caught up… I’m buried in schoolwork and life-stuff right now.

    A-doc: Hugs and the best of wishes in this stressful time and your difficult decisions you need to make.

    Michael AZ: Those really do sound like valid reasons for cancelling, as opposed to a pattern of bogus excuses. I pride myself on being a very un-flaky person and would personally feel really awful if I got dumped due to life circumstances outside of my control.

    And the main reason I’m posting:

    “Let’s talk beauty services. Who’s done what & what works great?”

    Digital perm?- My hair is naturally curly and I have to admit I have no idea what this is. 🙂

    Gel manicure?- I grow my own nails long, but one downside if I have to do a polish change frequently since natural nails chip faster. I either do classic reds or darks, or pale/sheer, usually quick-dry to save time.

    Restalyne?- No, but I would consider it sometime in the next few years.

    Microderm or LED facials?- Haven’t, but I would.

    Hair extensions?- I’m a hair farmer already, it’s a little past my waist sans extensions. 🙂

    Lash extensions?- No, but I’m using Latisse. 😉

    Permanent makeup?- I’ve had my brows done and I love it!

    Botox?- Scares me…. I don’t ever want to lose my facial expressions.

    Hair/skin products or makeup that is so awesome you gotta comment?
    Yes, I am an eyeshadow fanatic and use only Fyrinnae. I love them because they have the best colors and even the neutrals/earthtones are unusual and exciting (which is what I wear most of the time.) For the rest of my face, I use Meow cosmetics, best mineral products I’ve found. They have the cutest colortyping too, I’m a “Naughty Siamese.” 😉

    Hope everyone has a good week 🙂

    • SD Guru says:

      As usual there is a lot of stuff on the blog to get to over the weekend. So here it goes, sorry for the long post!


      Ditto what SincereSD said. If you haven’t even met your SD in person then there is no need to put the cart before the horse and worry about what kind of car he should get you. I’d suggest that you focus on meeting in person first to establish chemistry and compatibility. It’s not uncommon to think everything will work out great when you meet but only to find out that’s not the case. You should also take some time to make sure he will provide the allowance as agreed and let the sugar relationship develop. There is no need to rush into anything until you’re able to build trust.

      By the way, you get an award for longest name on the blog! 🙂


      Thanks for sharing your story!! I’m surprised that the first meet on his boat went as well as you described. Usually in a 3some arrangement the issue of chemistry is very difficult to manage because it’s much more complicated. There is the chemistry between you and him, your friend and him, you and your friend, and between all three of you together. Most women aren’t comfortable being intimate with their best friend or being together with another man. Also, although the 5k allowance is nice, meeting twice a week could become a challenge. Anyway, I hope everything works out for you over time and it doesn’t turn out to be a short term thing.


      Maybe you could share a bit more detail as to why he should be avoided? There are some red flags in his profile as NC Gent pointed out. But without more info there is not much to go on.

      Gentlemen – would ANY of you make a genuine & solid offer of an arrangement which includes high monthly allowance and perks from the get-go (such as a car), to a woman you haven’t met face to face?”

      It’s highly unlikely, but never say never. You’d think if a SD is going to make a genuine and solid offer it would be based on some very good reasons. Not having met in person I’d wonder what those good reasons are. Action speaks louder than words, so an offer may not mean much until he actually delivers.

      I’m interested in finding a pot SD in NY,I’ve been courted a couple of times but couldn’t get past traveling to meet someone I barely know

      You’re right to be hesitant. I wouldn’t recommend a newbie SB to travel to meet a pot SD for the first time. Too many things can go wrong and the blog is full of stories about first travel meets gone bad. Having said that, if you want to explore the possibilities, I’d suggest that you take a look at “Travel Guideline for SB’s” to prepare yourself. Good luck!

      ok so im in sc and having a ridiculously hard time finding a man who is willing to do a monthly allowance of 10k a month.

      Being in a state that doesn’t rank very high in wealth and income, perhaps your experience is not surprising and even at 5k it could be a stretch. I’m curious as to how you determined the 10k allowance?

      My new #1 has cancelled for the third time!!

      Sounds like it’s time for a new new #1 again!! 🙂

      But seriously, you’re one month into it and she’s canceled 3 times, so how many times have you met? Life can be unpredictable especially for single moms, although none of her excuses were family related. If you decide to stick with her, I’d suggest that you better get used to it.

  66. MindyNYC says:

    Michael – I’d consider the first 2 out of 3 as life happenings sorta out of her control. This 3rd time is actually her 1st strike as it was poor planning on her part to make plans so shortly after moving. The exhaustion should have been anticipated as moves rarely go smoothly…But considering the chemistry is good and mutual (along with all of her other positive attributes), who really cares to count? Enjoy the ride 🙂

  67. sunshineee says:

    I am soooo frustrated right now! I get messages everyday from men, and I am extremely flattered for all the attention…BUT, these men are complete and utter DUDS, who know nothing about REAL sugar relationships. I am just plain sick&tired of wasting my time.

    …ughhh sorry, I just had to vent.

  68. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    @NYC SB – thanks for your comments. I agree, this is a case of life happening. I believe her and I have put no pressure on her. The affection – both ways – is genuine, and she is keen to make it happen.

    I’ll let you know how it goes. But my limit is being tested.

  69. SCSUGARBABY says:

    ok thanks @nycsb! i have even been open to 5-10 but most men in sc are rednecks and cheapp haha..a longdistance sd is hard too so time will tell. mabey i should look outside of sa…gnite sugarworld

  70. NYC SB says:

    Scsb – getting a 10k allowance is hard … Especially in a non metropolitan area … If the market for 10k sd is not there then maybe you should either look at nyc/miami/la or lower your expectations … Sa parties are fun but can’t say I have met anyone worth pursuing an arrangement with …

    Michael – I think those are valid reasons for cancelling … Moving is not an easy feat she must be exhausted so give the poor woman a break … We all get sick, cars do break down … Its just part of life

  71. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    @Bela – come on, give us a break! Us Aussie guys are even more wonderful than we think we are!

    Plus, we think we are adorable. And isn’t that all that matters????

  72. SCSUGARBABY says:

    hmm honestly michael. iwould move on. u deserve a sb who makes it happen…three times too many.

  73. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Aaaargh – need advice.

    My new #1 has cancelled for the third time!! She lives 100 miles away.
    – first time, she was sick. And yes, she sounded like crap
    – second time, her car broke down. And yes it had
    – third time, tonight, she cancelled tomorrow night. She moved thus weekend and she is exhausted.

    The plus side:
    – we are one month into this already. Intimacy brought complaints from the neighbors
    – her reasons for cancellation are true and she is genuinely remorseful.
    – I like her
    – she is truthful

    The negative:
    – I have a strict 3 cancellations rule, and she has just broken it
    – this may be a habit


  74. Bela says:

    lol Believe me, I’m very well aware of how you Australian guys are. I used to say you’re as cute as Koalas, but I found out later that they’re really not that adorable. Pity.

  75. SCSUGARBABY says:

    ok so im in sc and having a ridiculously hard time finding a man who is willing to do a monthly allowance of 10k a month. any advice…i know its not bc of looks..they always say im gorgeous and want to meet. if its not hat there either complete freaks are dissapear out of nowhere. should i attend the party on the 25th? anyone else have any luck at the parties? im about to give up on this site. the men are so cheap….ughhhhh

  76. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    @Bela – 😉 Thank you! (I think…)

    I’m just an Australian guy making sure I have a great time, and making sure those with me have a great time as well.

  77. NYC SB says:

    Missmilandc – getting an sd in nyc and keeping one is hard enough for those that live there… The supply of sbs is plentiful … Maybe while you are in dc you should focus on getting someone more local… Most sds have limited time as is so the scheduling will take a toll on the arrangement

  78. Bela says:

    @Missmilan – I’m far from an expert, but if I were in your position, I would take whichever measures gave you the most control and made you feel the more secure.

    The real SB’s will be able to give you the good advice 😉

  79. Bela says:

    @Michael Alleycat – “Funniest thing I have heard all week. I won’t be able to look a berry in the face again, for at least a week.”

    1) Hmmm Having read some of your comments, something tells me you won’t have any trouble 😉

    2) If there was trouble, you’re still safe. Berries are faceless :p

    Going to go have the best shower in the world. Have a great night sugars!!!!

  80. MissmilanDC says:


    Big Question: I Live near DC (about 4 hrs)from NY,but I’m interested in finding a pot SD in NY,I’ve been courted a couple of times but couldn’t get past traveling to meet someone I barely know……I’m a bit hesitant but I don’t want anyone to think I’m not serious.I’m in undergrad pursuing my BS in Biology here in MD so my scheduling is a bit rough…is it advisable to stay in New York with a family member for a weekend and meet an SD during my stay?? Or agree to travel for a day and meet an SD that way.Is it normal to ask for him to pay for hotel accommodations just in case? I don’t want to miss a great opportunity but I don’t have a car so it’s a bit uncomfy otherwise…..

  81. MissmilanDC says:

    @ Michael Alleycat ” on an even bigger date, get a friendly ex to co-ordinate the outfit
    – make sure the friendly ex doesn’t make you late for date by getting too friendly (happened to me once, oooops)”

    Too Funny

  82. NYC SB says:

    bela – amen! if i had a weekend with a certain someone i would be in heaven… id rather time with him than his allowance

  83. @Bela – “You are too cool! I LOVE secret girl-crushes. They taste like berries.”

    Funniest thing I have heard all week. I won’t be able to look a berry in the face again, for at least a week.

  84. @Lily (again) –
    “Let’s talk beauty services. Who’s done what & what works great?
    Digital perm?
    Gel manicure?
    Microderm or LED facials?
    Hair extensions?
    Lash extensions?
    Permanent makeup?
    Hair/skin products or makeup that is so awesome you gotta comment?

    I remember an Australian female comedian talking about men, she said “guys, what’s the best way to clean your nails? Wash your hair!!” Laughed my a** off.

    Ok guys – spill the beans!! What are your beauty tips? Mine are:
    – hot water
    – new bar of soap
    – (mostly) clean t-shirt
    – iron the shirt on a big date
    – on an even bigger date, get a friendly ex to co-ordinate the outfit
    – make sure the friendly ex doesn’t make you late for date by getting too friendly (happened to me once, oooops)
    – put on your best smile

  85. @Lily – “Gentlemen – would ANY of you make a genuine & solid offer of an arrangement which includes high monthly allowance and perks from the get-go (such as a car), to a woman you haven’t met face to face?”

    Not a chance. Maybe 2-3 months in, if there was an amazing connection.

    He’s BS’ing you.

  86. Turn my back and the blog gets busy!!! But I think that at least half the posts are from Lily….. 😉

  87. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    thanks goodnight taken…we will chat later

  88. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    Thank you NYC SB

    In my dating experience…when I have had a lower standard for men, I was the one being used for money, my car, place etc.
    When my standards were high I could still be giving but got tons in return.. I find that being attractive is difficult because you have guys who get a kick out of treating someone who is pretty badly because they have insecurities. Also, a lot of men know of my ex and they tend to feel inferior because he was an athlete..although I don’t exactly get why but I can understand that they may feel they can not compete with the lifestyle he provided for me as well as the fact that he is muscular and sexy as hell. I def understand being cautious…I am weary. Maybe thats why he gave the money but I am still weary..more than anything hoping its real without the car because he is a really sweet and respectful person who I have amazing conversations with ..his voice is very soothing….im def also excited because there were a slew of flaky and unappealing alternatives

  89. Ms. Taken says:

    @DCCSSB~ Good for you and good luck with the TV show.

    Thanks for the company, you guys. Finished with my assignment! On my planet it’s not procrastinating if I have the (unfinished) paper open in another window while I play with my SA friends 🙂

    Off to dinner! G’nite sugars.

  90. NYC SB says:

    So beauty treatments for this week… massage, facial, hair cut… and in a few weeks I will get my first set of lash extensions… i am turning into a girly girl!

  91. NYC SB says:

    DC – I do find it odd that he is willing to send money and actually do it without having met again… but then again having dated an NFL player myself… I do understand where you are coming from … I also know that NFL ex’s have a certain way of getting what they want… so I am not very surprised that he sent the financial gift.

    I am always airing on the side of caution … Dont get my hopes up much until he actually follows through. The men on these sites are super flaky… I sincerely hope it comes through for you though 😀 I would ask for a hot convertible

  92. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    is not if

  93. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    Honestly I am more focused on my career and getting back into things. I will be on a television show that premieres in January and hope to use that experience to further into what I want to do …I do look forward to spending time with him until things become stable with my career. Afterwards I will look forward to his friendship and I am not going to get my hopes up really..whatever if meant to happen will happen.

    A pleasant weekend sounds really nice…
    I probably won’t have one of those for a long time

  94. Bela says:

    You are too cool! I LOVE secret girl-crushes. They taste like berries. Honestly, the chicks here are cool. I love the different personalities. I used to think I could only get along with men because they were (in general) less dramatic, but I figured out that I just do better with alpha females. Who knew?

  95. Ms. Taken says:

    Bela~I have a secret girl-crush on you – you’re hilarious 🙂

  96. Bela says:

    At this moment, while the offer of a car sounds lovely, I’d settle for a pleasant weekend together. Ugh I’m hormonal. Please ignore.

  97. SincereSD says:

    Darn Blackberry … I meant afford to keep.

    In case, it wasn’t clear both SB’s in the example lost their SD’s.

  98. SincereSD says:


    FWIW, I think it is far too early to get your hopes up and be discussing a car when you haven’t even met him or have any idea whether the relationship will last.

    Several SD’s on the blog have experiences with helping, buying or leasing an automobile for their SB. I would say that their SB’s would be challenged to keep a car if their finances are otherwis e subpar. There are many issues to deal with including insurance, maintenance and cost of upkeep.

    I know of several SB with car issues now: one who had her car taken away by her former SD and she is now dealing with an unreliable beater … And another SB who is struggling with the the regular car expenses of insurance, maintenance and cost of runiing the car.

    My advise is to prioritize your financial goals and look after the most important priorities first such as rent, having some emergency funds set aside and paying down debt.

    Sugar relationships can be fleeting and you don’t want to be left holding the bag … Or in this case, the obligations of a car that you can’t affordable to keep.

  99. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    I agree on special occasions …. foot massages are addictive ..sometimes I think I could go all day and night with one…you have mail

  100. Ms. Taken says:

    Restylane? Botox? I might need to grow a pair of steel ones first!

    I like really nice things but when it comes to my person I prefer low maintenance. So even though I love the look of lashes, I would only do removables for special occassions.

    Mani w/buff really dark or pale color – no French

    Pedis are always great. The newest thing (to me at least) in my area is foot massages. I had one hour from the old Asian man and it was heavenly – could have used longer, it was that good.

    I have great skin and do mostly home mtce. My friends swear by salon Microderm but I’m scared of them!

    Like you DCCSSB, I Love extensions

  101. EleganteK says:

    -Sigh-. I need some sd love. My views continue to climb, but the emails dont come as much anymore . The masquerade has been on my mind !

  102. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    I lovvvvvvveeeeeee MAC makeup…love love love!

    I love facials, especially the acne ones even if you do not have acne I feel as though it is more refreshing and leaves my skins feeling amazing.

    I love hair extensions and lashes. Gel manicure def. Spa pedicures

    Lily…I understand its cool

  103. Ms. Taken says:

    DCCSSB~Did give it the ol’ college try. Can’t get through. Your move 🙂

    @Lily~It’s OK, we’re all sisters here. I know how you feel 😉 I’m guilty of being too direct also (I’m sure you’ve noticed). But learning to have a little rapport going first so the recipient of my opinion and/or (usually unsolicited) advice can tell i’m coming from a good place.

  104. MissmilanDC says:

    I love Microderm, I normally give myself 2-3 days to even out but then it’s like my skin has the healthiest glow. Gel manicures are always better for me,no chipped polish or blemishes,and it goes beautifully with french manicure, I do wear lash extensions every now and then but I find that rubbing my lashes. with cucumber nightly has brought more circulation and made the grow.
    Other than that, I’m addicted to Philosphys facial line,and Mac Makeup

  105. Lily says:

    Getting my eyelashes touched up tomorrow! I love Xtreme Lashes, they are flexi & feel great. Horrid story about 1 lash breaking up an arrangement! Bummer.

    Getting the lashes & nails done once more before the big Manhattan SSS next month! 🙂 gotta be beautiful for 4 of my favorite bloggers! 😉 made a hair & microderm facial appointment in NYC for the day of, as well, since I prefer Americans messing with my hair & skin. There’s just something nice about chatting up the person working on ya in English! Hard to find in the country I’m in.

    Let’s talk beauty services. Who’s done what & what works great?

    Digital perm?

    Gel manicure?


    Microderm or LED facials?

    Hair extensions?

    Lash extensions?

    Permanent makeup?


    Hair/skin products or makeup that is so awesome you gotta comment?

    Spill it, I’m here with the popcorn ready to read!

  106. Lily says:

    I repeat. I hope I am wrong. You strike me as a sweetheart & I like you & I’m just of the ‘straight-talk’ school of sugary sister love, not the cheerleader type who doesn’t speak her hunches.

    I hope I’m wrong. I do not have all the info, only what you’ve shared here & in my experience, the pieces do not add up to a creation in sugarland that i have ever heard of existing. And I’ve been trading stories with SBs for a long time now & have a pretty decent nose (& been the target of attempted cons too numerous to admit) about real vs scam.

    I wish you the best. Truly.

  107. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    Miss Milan.. I know you had to be so pissed off about the fake eyelashes falling off… I love eyelashes they make your face look so glamorous. I was thinking of putting some on for my date but now I am rethinking it lol so thanks.

  108. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    Miss Milan… Yeah that sounds good…I look for the same things as well. I think its more beneficial that way. I have a friend in undergrad also in Bmore. The Potomac sounds like a really amazing date to have. I am looking forward to mine as well. All of my potentials I met on another site as well. Cross Fingers!

    Ms. Taken… I cant find the mail … send it to my hot place (that sounded nasty) cuteninnacent is the name

  109. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    I thought this was a positive blog and had been reading it. It seemed like a good place to talk and chat about life. …We had already discussed that we would discuss that later and the reason it was brought up was because we were having a discussion with our experience on our searches. I told him a guy sent me and email offering me a car to move to another state. He said down the line if that was something I wanted we could discuss that.

    I don’t want my relationship or pot relationship with my SD to become a topic of open discussion as to whether or not he is phony or not. I will find that out on my own. And he was very reserved talking with me and wanting to make sure I was the right fit personality wise. He has already talked with my through webcam etc. All in all..I am not going to try to stand up for whatever situation I am in.

  110. MissmilanDC says:

    @DCCaramelSweetSB – I’m originally from NY and moved here in 06’…discovered the SD scene a little over a year ago..It has it’s down falls but I’ve had some success.Ironically I’ve never met an SD on this site.I have an account on another and have met 3 potentials but they weren’t for me despite both being worth millions.I met one from Northern VA,he was only 26 but very shy…we went out a couple of time but that’s it.I met another near my school in Towson (I’m in undergrad in Balt) but we didn’t click…date was awkward. There are quite a few SD’s on the scene in DC but most of them aren’t who they say they are and for me monetary assistance is as equally important as having chemistry and gaining a great fried,lover etc……I try not to “go for the gold” in a sense but I do want a potential SD to have at least some of what I’m looking for with a generous allowance. So far I met on SD that was who he claimed to be ,he was my first and only so far,my allowance was 5k per month everything was wonderful……private coaches from school to VA etc…One downfall… I tried to look my best for one of our dates and tried eyelash extensions for the first time,they were beautiful but apparently one came out when I washed my face….long story short his wife found it so we split for obvious reasons…. I have a dinner date with a new potential next friday on the Potomac….his offered allowance is 5-10k per month,he seems like a great guy,funny,caring,everything I could ask for so hopefully it goes well….I plan on dressing my best-minus the fals eyelashes lol 🙂
    — go for the german built cars I love em’

    @Lily-Will do

  111. Ms. Taken says:

    DCCSSB~you’ve got mail!

  112. Lily says:

    DCCSSB – I’m sorry, but this guy isn’t for real. I hope I’m wrong. I don’t know anything but what you’ve posted here but unless thar cash he sent you was 4 digits & the gift in the mail is worth the same, I’d be wary of his promises. Scratch that, even if those 2 criteria were filled, i would be wary. What man accumulates much wealth with that kind of spendthrift & trigger-happy attitude around throwing his money around to people he swaps emails (even w/ pic attachments) with? Men who can afford to be blasé & fast w/ high level generosity did not get so rich by spending money foolishly.

    Gentlemen – would ANY of you make a genuine & solid offer of an arrangement which includes high monthly allowance and perks from the get-go (such as a car), to a woman you haven’t met face to face?

  113. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    that is okay.. I will give you mine. for yahoo. babyimhighmaintenance

  114. Ms. Taken says:

    DCCSSB~ No to AOL IM. I have yahoo and Stephan could give that to you, just ask.

  115. Ms. Taken says:

    Lily~I am so in agreement with you about the personal info.

    DCCSSB~Lily speaks from a good place and has experience with Sugar dating. As a newbie there are lots of tips to be picked up here.

    Big ticket for me would be $3,000+

  116. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    ms. taken … Do you have aol instant messenger?

  117. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    I do have his information. I understand what you are saying. I have two addresses. My home and P.O Box. There is an overall concern for safety nevertheless when there is a child involved. I know very well the dangers that people can be put in. And that applies to everyone you meet male or female.

  118. Ms. Taken says:

    (((hugs)))I’m sorry to hear about the recent hardships. But it’s looking like things are headed in a better direction for you now 🙂

    With a child I can see why you want a SUV. If I may be so bold as to suggest you hold off on the super luxury gas guzzler for now and maybe get something purchased outright (without payments) until you get a new job.

    I could be a little bit more candid and personal off line. If that’s OK with you, you could ask the administrator, Stephan, for my address?

  119. Lily says:

    Big ticket, for me = over $20,000

  120. Lily says:

    DCCSSB – do you have all of this man’s verified personal info?

    I would not recommend that parents give out their personal details & home address to people they’ve only exchanged emails with. Ever.
    I don’t recommend that childless folk do it either, but it is something worth being extra vigilant about when there are little ones under the same roof as you.

  121. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    What amount qualifies for a big ticket item? $500.00 and over?

  122. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    I want the car to have some glow to it …so I like cars with nice fronts..love fog lights. I want it to be sexy and classy. I went in a mall and saw a lexus..but I don’t know which one and it was extra hot.

  123. Lily says:

    Ms. Taken’s spin-off poll question for SBs who have ever received a large ticket item is very interesting…

    Anyone ever had this fantastical scenario actually happen & can throw in their input? I’d find the stories surrounding such purchases quite interesting.

  124. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    I have not met him in person but he just sent me some money yesterday actually without me asking..I don’t know if you can say that means its started. He also has my address and send he is sending me a gift.. we have exchanged pictures etc. I had a car but it was repossessed a month ago. I lost my job in June. I have not had an arrangement before. I have had a LT IRL with a NFL player but he got cut two years ago and has not been of help now. We have a child together.

  125. Ms. Taken says:

    DCC~What’s the image you’re trying to project? That can help you select your car. My favorite is the GS…yumm

  126. Ms. Taken says:

    I’m going to look at all of those now. Hold on!

  127. Ms. Taken says:

    DCCSSB I just went back and read your previous post and noticed that your SD is married. Has your arrangement started yet? Do you currently have a car? Have you been an arrangement before?

    Because you asked, under the current circumstances, here is what I would say. “That is a really nice offer and you’re such a darling for saying that and I would love to take you upon it later but right now I’m very happy with my allowance.”

  128. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    ms. taken… okay I just couldn’t tell. I kind of like the lexus LS I really would rather a car then a truck but I like the Lexus GX better and I like the acura MDX and acura TL

  129. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    Ms. Taken… I am from the Caribbean too..actually spending this Xmas there. What island are you from….

    I agree with your concept about your heart quickening..otherwise they are not worth it. Seeing as how they depreciate and you have to maintain them. …No I guess I have not thought about it but I think I should start, so that I am not completely lost when the opp arises…. yeah that is true. I guess I will just look here and there…better to do so in person because I am not really excited looking online

  130. Ms. Taken says:

    It’s OK DCCSSB we’re all in the same conversation and Lily meant no harm. I know which one I would like bu tell me, which Lexus are you rethinking?

    BTW, did you mean which country I’m from?

  131. Ms. Taken says:

    DCCSSB~I’m from the Caribbean. Was in LT mutually beneficial relationship until last week. So i’m now open for the next great thing 🙂

    A car is such a very personal thing though. I think your car should make your heart quicken a little every time you walk up to it (for the first year or two at least) 8) So..you have NEVER thought about the car you would like! In some strange way I find that admirable.

    If you care about performance and those practical bits you could always check Consumers Digest or the blogs for enthusiasts as Lily suggests. Since this will happen some months out then you have time to fall in love with one. It wouldn’t hurt to give some thought to the terms and conditions under which you will acquire this heart throb of a machine.

  132. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    lily…I honestly was just asking what would an SB say…I was just trying to have conversation…. I know those forums are easy to find but talking to sbs is not…that was more or less the focus of my questions but you are taking it into another way for some reason…Did I make you upset or something?

  133. Lily says:

    You may get lucky and find a car freak here on the sugar blog who has strong opinions of what car you should drive, even without knowing much about you or your transportation needs & lifestyle, but I was just suggesting that with an Internet connection, forums for dishing about shiny things that go vroom vroom are EASY to find, and might produce much more useful info & help on selecting the make & model to tell your SD you are interested in owning.

  134. Ms. Taken says:

    I have always wondered how this works. Does he take you to the dealership and buy a car outright with your name on the title? Does he get a lease in your name?

    I know of one SB who had her SD threaten to or actually took back her car.

    I know my personal preference for handling big-ticket items but for those SDs, SB lucky enough to purchase or have someone purchase a house or car or really expensive jewelry for you, can you explain to me how you did it?

  135. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    Ms Taken .. thanks.. Do you have a SD/where are you from?

    I don’t know I went on the website and didn’t really see anything amazing. I do not want him to waste his money on something I don’t really love. Anyway I don’t think I will let him buy it until some months in. But when it comes up I want to know what to tell him…But now looking at some of the other cars makes ..I think I am rethinking lexus

  136. Ms. Taken says:

    @DCCSSB You’re welcome! Coming to agreement with the perfect SD for you is no small feat. Revel in it!

    “if your SD asked what kind of car do you want and suggests he will purchase one for you..what would you say” To you I’d say that’s a very nice problem to have 😉

    But first, why did you nix the Lexus idea?

  137. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    lily…nevermind its okay ..I withdraw my question

  138. Lily says:

    DCCSSB – maybe try an online discussion board for automobile enthusiasts if you wanna get a bunch of enthusiastic suggestions of cars to consider owning?

  139. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    if your SD asked what kind of car do you want and suggests he will purchase one for you..what would you say…I thought lexus but I just looked and I don’t think so…

  140. Lily says:

    MissMilan, email NYC sb through her blog & she can give you my email…

  141. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    I live about 3-4 or so hours away from NY…I was just there sept. 29th..Gotta love new york

    Thank you Ms. Taken that is really nice of you for the congratulations …I do feel like it was an accomplishment sheesh lol!

    Good Afternoon everyone!!!

    Miss Milan..it is seemingly harder in this area …I did open myself up to any pot SD in any area but the one I found is actually in DC who would have thunk it…what issues are you experiencing??

  142. MissMilanDC says:

    @Lily, I’m from NY I’d love to contribute to the SSS 🙂

  143. MissMilanDC says:

    I’m in DC,but can’t seem tofindany pot SD’s..

  144. Lily says:

    I did not forget you!!! I didn’t realize you were lurking in recent months & anyway we are already in communicado off-blog, obviously. 😉
    I was hoping to discover other cool blog SBs who are near enough to NYC to contribute to a Sugar Sister Soiree! SSS, I like the acronym. I ~heart~ you big apple ladies! Wish I lived there!

  145. MindyNYC says:

    Big “HI” to the old and new faces! I do not post much, as most of my esteemed sugars have already written the words right out of my mouth, but I happily lurk every morning with a cup of java…

    Lily -Yikes, did you forget me already? I just saw ya last week Silly lol. xo

    Dandelion – Kind woman! You do have a vivid imagination and give people way too much credit, not to mention attribute them too much intelligence lol.

    A-doc – My Mother once told me “Take the worst of a man, and decide if you can deal with it for the next 21+ years – because that is exactly what is in store for you (and the unborn). Choose wisely”… {{{BIG HUGS}}}

    Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend!

  146. Ms. Taken says:

    Good Morning Sugars!!

    Lily – Sadly, no. However, I have lots of friends there and plan on living there for “even one year” as they all suggest. Something about the energy… (LOL)

    Hey Midwest – *waving* what are some of the others you use?

  147. Lily says:

    Slow day on the blog!
    Everyone having a sugary weekend?!

  148. Midwest SB says:

    Ms. Taken – Awesome screening tips! I use many of those myself and it works like a charm!

  149. Midwest SB says:

    Bela – too funny! The live place is another extension of the hotmail place…just use the name at live.com.

  150. Bela says:

    hmmm Okay Midwest, you’ve got me.

    I know the y place, the hot place, the global place, even the g place, but I don’t know the live place.

    Damn you for making me think on a Sunday lol

  151. Bela says:

    A-doc – No matter what, remember that this too shall pass. Even with the exams you have coming, you are allowed to have time to be sad. You can decide to deal with it before or after your finals, but you’ll need to deal with no matter what so that you can move on. <3

    Carebear – No, I'm not from Chicago. Actually I'm from Texas, currently living in Kentucky and was just in the area for work.

    Good Morning!!

  152. Midwest SB says:

    a-doc – (((hugs)))

    Bela! life_is_good_today at the live place. Use the underscores!

  153. Lily says:

    adoc – wishing you increasing peace & happiness as you sort through all this.

    Ms. Taken – are you in the NYC area?

    SBs – who else is in the NYC area besides NYC SB, carebear, Yaz and muse?

  154. carebear says:

    vc-i’m in the nyc area now. charlotte was booming and a lot of fun, but i got laid off after the wachovia crash and decided to flee instead of going down with a sinking ship. uptown is awesome but most restaraunts and clubs close within a year. 1 condo building went bankrupt halfway through construction and now it won’t sell on auction, and the city cant afford to tear it down. looks horrible. too bad.

    bela-so jealous, i love chi! are you from there?

  155. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    SDinLA – I’m flattered you remember the 1+1=OMFG formula! Also known as – when it’s good, it’s great.

  156. a-doc says:

    Well he came through! (woah i got a phone call at 430 today)
    he said he needs time to think about it. Obviously he doesnt want a
    child, he has one broken marriage already, but wouldnt refuse to
    support me if I did.

    He said hes sorry- hes just been too hurt to call me at all. He likes
    me but thinks that we will never learn to trust each other again.
    Which is sort of fair enough in some ways. I can understand that
    logic. I was proud of my rationality and just told him i needed space
    and so did he. haha he said in his uni days he had a realaitonship
    with his professor so understands why its tricky sometimes.

    I feel better that at least he came back and dealt with it.
    I think I know what i have to do…….i just feel guilty about it.
    But the sooner the better i guess. and then i can get on with study
    and deal with the emotions later. Im trying to learn to box emotions

    I have finals in a mere three weeks- so very glad he did call- i think the grief would have overcome me otherwise. i just need to grit my teeth, stop with the arrangements for awhile and FOCUS!

  157. Bela says:

    Hey Hottie Sugars!

    Fabulous time in Chicago tonight. Went shopping on Michigan Avenue and had a great dinner with some girlfriends. Even met a guy while I was out. Felt awesome!

  158. NYC SB says:

    i am very glad u did not do anything with him… count your blessings

  159. NJLady says:

    NYC SB,

    I haven’t spoken to him….probably got the message that I wasn’t interested. Not that he cared. He was nothing like his profile or picture he sent me. But thanks I appreciate it. Next time, before I meet someone , I get on the blog first.

  160. VillaCypris says:

    carebear – how are things in CLT? i lived there 1996-1999, in philips place, southpark area. never went uptown much. was such a nice city. i’m sure a lot has changed since i was last there in 2000!

  161. VillaCypris says:

    NYCSB – exactly! it’s about that time….

  162. NYC SB says:

    carebear – you finally have mail

    njlady – i remember you asking about him in the past (or maybe it was someone else) but that man is a scam artist and many women have written on the blog about him… stay away please

    VC – i would hope things happen and u r in NYC

  163. Ms. Taken says:

    @NC Gent~”it isn’t all about the wealth of the SD” I agree with you a hundred times on this. I NEXT for these profile sins:
    * Text speak – juvenile
    * Screen names with “inches”, “69” and he’s not 41 y.o., etc – ick
    * Taking photo with a yacht, plane, dismembered female or fast car(s)
    * Any state of undress – bathing suits? just say no
    * Misspellings and grammatical errors where it’s obvious he doesn’t know better, “looking for a women”
    * Excessive emphasis on the sexual and/or nsa aspect of the arrangement
    * Angry profile – mostly don’t wants
    * Resigned/Tentative – “not sure about this but….”
    * Too buffed body

    I’m happy to do most of the pre-screening here. I believe all these things say much more about the pot. Don’t care so much about the income. Money would only magnify the undesirable traits in a pot that’s crass, selfish, boorish and dull. Ugh, not a fan.

  164. VillaCypris says:

    Good evening all~

    Lily – I know! I’d love to meet you as well… and our common sb pal, too! She has become one of my dearest friends. So as soon as I have the funds to go, I am in NYC! 🙂 a lot can happen in four weeks, so maybe I’ll see you there.

    Ms. Taken- summer is a good time to come to MN… 😉

  165. Ms. Taken says:

    Oops, forgot to congratulate DCCSSB ad SBSI on their new arrangements. Congratulations!

    @VC~No, I’m not in MN from the Caribbean, actually; that’s why I can only do the show in Summer. I didn’t take summer off from school this year and will be done in time for next year. I know, GK is quite suited for radio but so talented no, gifted.

  166. carebear says:

    NCGent- I know! She has become quite the bestie SB for me =)

    SanDiego-thats awesome. So yall can have a little sugar club. Like I said, its great having friends to talk with, and help screen =)
    My deepest apologies. I have a corny itch to my bones today. It is my least favorite Will Ferrell movie actually.

  167. SanDiegoSugarInfante says:

    (And yes, the Ron Burgundy reference… Never heard it before. NOT. )

  168. SanDiegoSugarInfante says:

    @NYGent- Never considered it; we’re thinking of going the tell-all book route. You can be publicist, for the price of un-anonymity. 😉

    @carebear- we have a mutual friend who is a SB suggested it to both of us. 🙂

  169. Lily says:

    Twice a week is 9 meets per month. The allowance was 6+k/mo each, according to what was posted.

  170. Ms. Taken says:

    @Lily – It’s 9K not 9X 🙂

  171. NC Gent says:

    DC – I think feelings of insecurity are natural at the beginning of ALL relationships. You don’t ever really know for sure if he will poof on you though, but you will be more comfortable as the relationship matures. I think the fact that he viewed your profile is a good sign. I know if I like an SB, I will look back at it occasionally 🙂 Also, you are right, it is hard to find a good match, but when you do, it will be well worth it.

    Carebear – no, you never asked. I am in the Research Triangle Park (RTP) area. We have a common friend carebear 🙂

  172. carebear says:

    NC Gent-did I ever ask, where in NC are you?

    Raised in W-S area, lived uptown Char for the last 5 years.

  173. carebear says:

    SanDiego-I have to ask, how did you and your friend both go about having a discussion to join the site? Curious. Most of us are here talking with one another because we don’t have people IRL that we can talk to about this stuff. Good story though.

    Stay classy San Diego!

    Sorry I had to.

    Adoc-we’re here, holding your hand

  174. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    sorry dont know why i keep wanting to put ny gent its like your sn is doing a constant mental trick on me

  175. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    NY Gent…yeah sorry..well okay I am not actually sorry. I have a question…this is my first time doing this..and I want to know if or when can or will I feel comfortable that my SD wont poof and disappear. I guess it is hard that I text him today and I had to remind myself that his weekend is dedicated to his family. I noticed that he had looked at my profile on yesterday and wondered why..maybe just likes to see my pictures? I don’t know I guess I am scared because it seems like it is really hard to find a compatible person and I don’t want to lose out on him. Do you or have you ever felt these type of feelings or insecurities in regards to your dealings with SBs

  176. NC Gent says:

    Hey DC — I am a Packers fan, so I was well aware of that game! It was a great game for you all — congratulations. I actually prefer college to pro sports, except for tennis. My SB is a huge sports fan.

  177. NC Gent says:

    Hi SDSI — I thought that was pretty entertaining. It sounds like it could be fun for all of you! Have you considered making a video? and if so, can I shoot it? I will split the revenues lol

  178. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    NC Gent … I like watching football particularly NFL games not so into college games…the last redskins game was so amazing…it went into overtime and it was crazy entertaining..to the point where the opposing team kicked a field goal and it hit and bounced off of the field post…I look forward to having a husband that I could watch football with..of course if that is what he is into

  179. SanDiegoSugarInfante says:

    NC gent: for entertainment, look at my post about 6 posts up.

    You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll… nevermind. Then again, no one claimed this was Vaudeville.

  180. NC Gent says:

    Arkansas and Auburn

  181. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    NC gent…what game??

  182. NC Gent says:

    I have an SB now – I am watching some football and scanning the blog for entertainment.

  183. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    NC Gent…have you found someone now? Just curious…at home and want some entertainment..the movie I am watching is doing nothing for me.

  184. Lily says:

    VC, I so wanna meet you! Any chance you’ll be in NYC in 4 weeks so you & I and our common sb pal can all throw back cocktails?

  185. NC Gent says:

    I was with my first SB for 2+ years. We became great friends and had a lot of great times that provided an occasional escape from reality 🙂 The fact that we were such great friends, and I knew she wasn’t in it just for the money made it special for me.

  186. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    NC Gent…What is the best SB encounter you have ever had and what made it so special?

  187. NC Gent says:

    That is true DCCSSB — but I still believe the person you described isn’t the type of person that MOST SBs are seeking — it isn’t all about the wealth of the SD, nor the looks of the SB.

  188. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    nc gent ….he could have been a bum that dropped out of school in the third grade and won the lottery or tripped and fell into a trashbag filled with cash…

  189. NC Gent says:

    Shannon — regarding that profile you posted, his spelling and grammatical errors should have sent up a huge red flag. How does someone that wealthy/smart not know how to spell or use proper grammar?

  190. Lily says:


    you gotta get someone non-judgmental IRL to confide in that you can trust, or you’ll go mad w/ everything running around in your head. There’s a lot to be said for speaking things out loud, holding a cup if teas, reassuring faces, and hugs. You can’t get that alone with your swirling mind, with your computer.

  191. a-doc says:


    hes not around- hes run :(. Lucky im a good sleuth and managed to find his facebook account and bebo account- which link up with his foreign name. I Found this by searching university graduates in the year he graduated. looked for all masters degrees and then eliminated by probably surnames before finding his.. Lucky my foreign language knowledge is fairly good. I couldnt find him on social network sites before as his name is so popular but once i used his foreign name it linked me back to him.
    Not that any of this really matters- but its good to know I have some information if i need it later down the track.

    For now: one step at a time

  192. SanDiegoSugarInfante says:

    Oh, I forgot my basic stats:

    Age 24, 5’5″ (people usually guess taller, because I am very poised), 120 lbs, east-coast educated, SAT prep teacher who wants to be a university professor eventually.

    About my best friend: also 24, 5’6″, degree in biochemistry from UCSD, hilarious (her ideal SD is “someone who is so rich and so kinky they hire midgets to watch them have sex.”), irreverent (clearly), and pursuing a career in gene therapy.

  193. Lily says:

    Question: @ 9 meetings per month, wouldn’t it be terribly hard to keep things exciting?

  194. Lily says:

    I am having a verrrry domestic but pleasant weekend!

  195. SanDiegoSugarInfante says:

    Hi everyone,

    Have I got a story for you. I am another brand new sugar baby (literally struck a deal with my SD this week). I’ve been lurking on the blog for a while, and I cannot express how pleased I am at all the substantive, well-thought-out dialog that goes on here. I’m looking forward to getting to know everyone.

    First, earlier in this thread, I saw a mention of a double sugar baby ad, where two girls would advertise as a package deal. Strangely, although I did not post an ad like that, it ended up happening to me.

    I have noticed everyone likes dramatic tales around here, so here’s a story I bet no one has heard: my best friend and I made profiles on Seeking at the same time, were found by the same man, and both went out with him before we realized we liked the same guy. By this point, he had emailed 150 girls, talked to 6, met with 4, and narrowed his field down to three girls, of which we were two.

    As soon as she realized that she had gone out with the guy I had been swooning about to her, she emailed him and said sorry, she wasn’t interested any more. He got suspicious of her sudden change of heart and called her to ask whether he did anything wrong, and she ended up telling him the whole story: we’d been friends forever, accidentally went out with the same guy, and I liked him a lot, so she didn’t ever want anything to get between us and thus, she couldn’t talk to him anymore. This impressed him and after realizing there was no jealousy between us, he suggested we all get together to laugh about it.

    Long story short, after we all got over the shock, we went to lunch all together, she and I knocked his socks off (metaphorically) so emphatically that he decided to cough up the money to have two girlfriends at once, and we had our first all-together meeting yesterday on his boat. He is slain at our feet and we have triumphed, etc. etc..

    So yes. My best friend and I ended up sharing a married SD completely without that being our original plan. The arrangement is right now a one-month trial period, 5k each plus spending money, 2 meetings per week.

    And now that my post is terrifyingly long, I shall stop.

    Looking forward to making new friends here!


  196. Bela says:

    Busy day sugars! Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend.

  197. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    Hello…I am new to the site

    I look for someone who has good conversation, respectful, understanding, open minded, sweet and generous.

    I am 23 in D.C…would love to talk to fellow SB’s about the SB experience..

    I have encountered different sorts of potential SD’s…some who were only discussing sex, some who only wanted to text/have phone sex/webcam…It was recently between two potentials.(im only looking for one SD for long term purposes until I get my career launched then a friendship could follow if he likes)

    One is in Dallas and makes 300-400k salary…he told me to send him and email of all of my monthly expenses then when I did he wrote me back saying which ones were optional or not. I was annoyed needless to say seeing as how he was the one who asked me to send the email and told me amount wasn’t an issue and that he has plenty of money..

    My other one which I have decided to choose annually makes over 1million …he is amazing..he is so sweet and constantly talks of surprising me with gifts..we have come to an allowance of 5k for 2 minimum visits a month and 9k for 4 visits in addition he offered to give an additional amount for hair, clothes, nails etc.. like 1k…..He is comfortable with this and I am glad that he is..he is very into me. I am into him as well. He is so sweet and respectful and does not discuss sex directly..it has only been implied as something he would want if I wanted it too. I find him attractive and his personality very alluring. We talk on the phone every weekday and text. He is a married SD… but i do feel he is right… the search is very taxing…so I am very happy and sincerely hope that my search has ended

  198. VillaCypris says:

    Michael AZ – that is funny…. the 10 churches comment… that’s due to all the good scandinavian/germanic lutherans/catholics who settled in mn… 😉

  199. SDinLA says:

    Cali SB aka LT (I think that rivals Michael in AZ for the longest board name back when he was using his OMFG formula):

    Happy to discuss further offline. If you click on SDGuru’s name and go to his blog you can contact him there with your email address and he will pass it on to me. I’ll drop you a note re: potentially introducing you to my friend if it seems like there’s a good fit.

    Re: your dates falling through, LA is full of flakes, in and out of the sugar world, and of both genders. Must be something in the water.

  200. VillaCypris says:

    Ms Taken –

    are you in MN as well? Yes, I was born here! 🙂 but lived away for many years during and after college and grad school.

    It can be very cold in the winter, but I’ve read many times that if not for the cold, the Twin Cities would be over-run with people moving in to enjoy the quality of life, excellent schools, parks, restaurants, theatres, nightlife, work opportunities… it’s a nice place.

    I don’t listen to PHC… something about GK I don’t like… I think he performs at the Fitzgerald theatre in St Paul. If you like him, you’ll enjoy that! 🙂

  201. emmanuelle says:

    Right now i am seeing two sugar daddies, Everything is going perfect with only one because i get to see him more plus I am very nice and respectful, I won’t lie to anyone and thats how we both can benefit from each other. It’s not going so well with the other one because we don’t see each other so much. He’s always busy when I am free, or I have class when he isn’t.

  202. Shannon says:

    DO NOT CONTACT Profile Number 538247 !!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS A FAKE and is on this site just to sleep with as many naive women as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  203. SDinLA: Oh yes? Do tell me more.. I’m intruiged. I’ve actually had quite the hiatus from this site.. gosh, probably 10 months? And was only here for a couple months prior to that and every supposed sugar date that was potentially lined up, fell through. I’ve yet to even go on a first sugar date, whether that be good or bad..

    SD Guru: I’m not completely set on going. I got another email about it this morning so I updated my profile for a chance to go, just for the heck of it. I have a couple friends that would go if they were picked, but who knows if we will. I do have an email with an invitation code though if anyone is interesting in purchasing tickets to go (I don’t imagine that it matters that it wasn’t sent to you specifically), I will gladly give you the code. 🙂

  204. Ms. Taken says:

    Hi VC~I didn’t know you were in Minnesota. Were you born there? (I ask because I abhor the cold and can’t imagine (yet secretly admire) anyone moving somewhere that cold by choice). Have you ever seen Garrison Keillor perform? I have always wanted to see a live broadcast of A Prairie Home Companion and will get my chance next summer.

    I know Lake Wobegon is fictional (and I should know better), but I imagine all of Minnesota as this quaint town with one dusty cross road and the Acme Building…how I love GK and Saturdays!

    I had Starbucks today, well yesterday, and have accepted that I will be up until sometime next Tuesday. Woe is me.

    • SD Guru says:


      Are you playing cupid?? 🙂

      @Cali SB

      Instead of going through the application process, another way to get in is to get your SD/Sponsor to buy the $1k+ ticket to get you in. 😉 By the way, you’ll need an “invitation code” to buy the tickets.


      Have a good weekend everyone!

  205. carebear says:

    adoc, are you accepting email? i left a comment with my address and would greatly appreciate talking with you in private.



  206. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    VillaCypris – go to Litchfield, go another 10 miles to Grove City. Typical small Minnesota town. No traffic lights, 1 pub, 2 gas stations and 10 churches.

  207. SDinLA says:

    Cali SB aka LT: yeah the Halloween party gets way too crowded, the smaller invitation only events are better.

    Sorry to hear about your bad experience. Unfortunately that can happen at any large party venue where you are not 100% sure of where a drink is coming from. That’s why it’s always a good idea to attend those kinds of events with someone you can trust to look after you should you get roofied. That was smart.

    I am retired because I found someone worth settling down with 🙂

    I have a friend who loves small town East Coast girls and is an experienced SD, but he is not on the site, or he might make a good Playboy Mansion party companion.

  208. VillaCypris says:

    Michael AZ Alleycat – hmmmmmmmm… have no idea where you are… hope your team wins! Have a good trip back to AZ! I’ll get there someday…. xx

  209. Bicentennial: It’s an application process for women. For men, you just buy a ticket ($1000+). Women have to apply online and you can get chosen for a free ticket. Not sure how many they pick. I went a few years ago.. it was very crowded and I’m pretty sure I got ruphied, though I was with my friends, thankfully, so nothing happened to me other than the side effects of the ruphie, which BTW, was like being in a moving coma. I was thinking about going again this year (maybe) but would be going alone so I was seeing if anyone else was going, because I’m definitely not going to attend alone! 🙂

    SDinLA: There are women there that aren’t Playmates. 😉 Why the retirement?

  210. Stormcat says:

    I came across this little gem a couple of weeks ago and find that I keep going back to it.

    In Love
    Jack Adam Weber

    I want to be honest
    but not foolish
    And foolish but not weak
    Oh! I want to be weak
    but not pathetic
    And pathetic but not lost
    I want to be lost but still home
    And home but not imprisoned
    Oh, and I need to be strong
    but not separate
    And separate but still together – Insane
    but still truly
    In love.

  211. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    VillaCypris – I am 2 hours west of the Twin Cities watching a football mat h at the local high school. Small town of 600 people It’s freeIng! Arizona it ain’t. Back home tomorrow.

  212. SDinLA says:

    Cali SB,

    I am in LA and have attended many of Hef’s parties over the years, but I am currently “retired” from the SD/SB scene and will not be attending this year.

    Playmates don’t make good SBs in any case, too entitled! 😉

  213. Bicentennial Baby says:


    How the heck do you get invited to that party BTW?

    I was asked to pose for Playboy a few years back for Girls Of Hawaiian Tropic but declined (glad I didn’t do it, I have kids) but it was a traveling photographer who was scouting our calendar shoot. How does one get on that list…do you have to have a prior connection or is there an application process? (i.e the ‘cute’ factor)

  214. Are any SB’s or SD’s in LA (or anywhere else for that matter) going to the Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion this year??

  215. Cali SB aka Lemon Torte says:

    a-doc: I guess I am only seeing the tail end of a story that has been ongoing — and please take this only for what it is, advice — but you need to make this decision on your own, as if the “father” will never be in the picture. For your own sake, and the sake of the baby. Even if he comes around, that doesn’t mean that he will stay, and you can’t expect a baby to make him want to. I’m not saying you are thinking that way, but sometimes when hormones and emotions are involved it’s hard to not give in to the rosy picture that someone can paint for you and I would hate for you to be hurt worse in the longrun. Best wishes to you.

  216. aspiring-doc says:

    you guys are wonderful thanks. Ive just got to get on with study- if i have it, I can just take a year out. Gota think logically. who knows: once hes gotten over being angry- maybe we can chat like grownups about what happened

  217. VillaCypris says:

    Michael AZ Alleycat – i’m in MN! It’s beautiful here! Last year we had snow at this time….. hope you enjoy your time here.

    a-doc – if you need to ‘talk’ to someone you’re welcome to contact me as well…. villacypris @ yahoo dot com
    best to you xxxxxxxxxx

  218. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Oh baby, big hugs to you…I got pregnant with my 1st husband the month I found out he was having a baby with another woman!!! I ended up divorced when my little girl was about 8 mos old. I’ve been a single mom of a baby and I know how scary that is. Her dad now pays child support and is a good father but worse, I had to get tested for STD’s (came up clean luckily) when I learned about what he had done. Please do get tested, and if anything has happened, you may have civil recourse above/beyond your right to child support, if you choose to have the baby.

    I am so sorry you feel your parents would disown you but I can understand…I had my ex-mother in law tell me if I had my baby I was a dumbass knowing my soon to be ex husband was probably going to leave me for the other woman. No support there at all. Don’t let that dissuade you…the world is full of good people too, even if they may not be the ones related to you or the father, they’re out there. email me at bicentennialsugarbaby at the yahoo dot com if you’d like to talk. You are in my prayers and though we aren’t in your shoes, we do walk alongside you though…

  219. Midwest SB says:

    Ms. Taken – You’re so right. Sorry if I embarrassed you in any way.

  220. Ms. Taken says:

    …or SD(s). Thanks for being there Alleycat. I know I would appreciate it 🙂

  221. Ms. Taken says:

    A-doc–just to clarify, I meant reach out to the SB(s) off line.

  222. Ms. Taken says:

    @a-doc~”I cant tell anyone, …my parents would disown me”. This post broke my heart. You have our thoughtful support but maybe you could reach out to one/some of our SB sisters here that you feel you could talk to about this. The situation is so delicate that perhaps you would feel better supported that way.

    Again my thoughts are with you A-doc, as you try to find clarity in all this turmoil. I believe whatever you choose to do, it will work out for the best 🙂

  223. Midwest SB says:

    New wall of shame winner…
    “I`m a recent lottery winner 49yo.I`m straight but looking for 4 to 6 open-minded young women with competitive catfighting tendencies.This will be a 24/7 lie-in arrangement.”

    He wants his own reality show!

  224. Midwest SB says:

    It all sucks right now, but you don’t have to react to all of it right now. Figure it out in small pieces and it will all come together. He also needs time to stop being angry and think. If you two talk now, it’s going to be accusations and anger. Both of you need time for reflection and clarity. Plan for the worst and hope for the best sweetie.

  225. aspiring-doc says:

    and no I cant tell anyone, because how would i explain it?
    my parents would disown me

  226. aspiring-doc says:

    I know but he wont take my calls- I dont even think his last name is correct (i had a search on massey graduates of buisness and cant find it) granted thats fine because its quite normal to use an english name and foreign name. but I dont know the foreign name. Even if i went through with it, I have no child support because hes so angry at me, he decided to break all contact. I tried telling him im pregnant. he just says that he doesnt know its his because i was still talking to other men.

  227. Midwest SB says:

    And I mean all of that with the utmost respect and from someone who went through hell during my pregnancy and for 3 years following. I’ve been there.

  228. Midwest SB says:

    A-doc- I know you didn’t ask, but I’ve been watching this unfold and I want to embrace you, shake you, but ultimately support you.

    This explains so much! You’re studying medicine so ask yourself what you would advise a patient and follow those instincts. Obviously your hormones are a wreck and your emotions are on your sleeve so find some yoga or prenatal classes to help relieve the stress and start eating very, very well. Now that you’re thinking for two any decision you make from this point forward affects both of you. Be SMART! Not that it could be you, but did you know a high percentage of domestic violence occurs when unplanned pregnancies are involved? Why? Stress! Retreat, re-evaluate and determine what your priorities are and stick to them. Don’t let others sway from you from your plans and follow your instincts…this includes Mr. Coin. He’s in a fix with the issues with his company and has truly added an incredible amount of drama to your life in many ways. It’s hard for you to see because you’re too close to it. It takes two to make a baby, but I’m inclined to say cut your losses and don’t add anything else to your plate. A baby takes a lot of energy and right now Mr. Coin is draining your heart, body and soul. Ultimately it’s up to you. ((((hugs))))

    SD Guru et al are correct in that your family and friends will be a necessary and wonderful support system. I really wish you happiness and clarity.

  229. Stormcat says:

    In retrospect, now I can see your frustration trying to convey your feelings here in a way that would evolk understanding of your position. and hopefully some advice that would help you make a decision. I began to understand at considered posting some relevant poetry but in light of the situation I’m glad I didn’t as it would have been unhelpful and even inappropriate. I do know one thing that you may find thought provolking. Marrying someone who you don’t find compatile as a life partner in never good even if he has fathered a child in you.

  230. Lily says:

    A-doc – have you told anyone IRL besides mr.coin about the pregnancy?
    So sorry you’re caught in the eye of a serious emotional cyclone. Big hugs.

  231. Stormcat says:

    A-doc : All I could think of when I read the post describing your situation was what a terrible dilemma you are now facing. It’s unfortunate that the tone of the response here has initially been less than compassionate. It is hard to know what to say that would be insightful and helpful to you in working through the tasks ahead. All I can offer is a big e-hug and a heartfelt hope that everything goes smoothly.

  232. Yaz says:

    A-doc~ I think Guru was only trying to help not judge. It is hard for any of us to really help you or offer advice since we are not the ones living your life and we have no idea what is going on in it beyond what you tell us here. Close friends and family are definitely the ones who would be able to help you and offer comfort. I know you are not asking for advice. If we didnt care about you or your situation right now we would have not paid attention to any of your posts. It is because we care that Guru and others try to offer you some advice from time to time…..

  233. Bela says:

    @a-doc – WOW! Okay, your situation just got a bit more complicated. Definitely go with Guru and start looking at your web of support, because they are going to be essential to you to get through this no matter your decision. Whatever you choose to do, you may want to set up two appointments with your doctor for both a sonogram and a full scale STD blood test. I know it’s unpleasant to think about now, but to protect yourself, it’s going to be imperative. Good luck to you!

  234. a-doc says:

    @sd guru:

    hey this ‘mess’ was one I am incredibly careful about. Im not a 16 year old who doesnt understand contraception. I wasnt sleeping with anyone but him and even then I havent slept with him since he failed to deliver.
    I dont think you can judge what happens. given he was telling the trust- its plausible that he is for real.

    Im not asking the blog for advice on that at all. grrr

  235. SD Guru says:

    the problem…….I;m pregnant and dont know what to do.

    There is a part of me that wants to say, you’re an adult, you got yourself into this mess so you’ll need to get yourself out. OTOH, this has gone way beyond anyone could have imagined in a very short amount of time. Now is the time to rely on family and close friends, not the blog, to help you through this. I sincerely wish you the best.

    the way he makes me feel is more like an escort than a sb. How do I break things off but still let him know what hes done?

    I’d suggest that you break it off, learn from your experience, and don’t look back (incidentally that was the same thing I advised aspiring-doc a while back). He knows what he’s done and a lecture from you won’t change anything.

  236. EleganteK says:

    Question: I was talking to a recent “gentleman” And to cut to the chase, the way he makes me feel is more like an escort than a sb. How do I break things off but still let him know what hes done? Hes very short with me and is just eager to jump into the physical aspect, and that isn’t showing my boundaries any respect by not taking no for an answer on sex for the first date .

  237. a-doc says:

    @lilly and michael.

    I cant- what i did was wrong. yes i doubted him completely- but why cant he understand that in my mind the last 200 was consolidation. honestly I would have handed the whole amount back to him once i knew he intended to follow through. i dont ‘date’ a guy for sugar.
    I still have that stupid coin. he isnt speaking to me. I left like 20 voicemails….oops pyschotic? and then finally sent a quick apology for my insecurities and left it at that.
    Under guidance to not contact him

    the problem…….I;m pregnant and dont know what to do. a pregnancy doesnt have to affect my studies either decision but im freaking out a little. he seems to think i was sleeping with others. i wasnt at all

  238. NJLady says:

    To NYC SB,

    That’s him.

  239. Lily says:

    Where is everyone today?


  240. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Visiting beautiful Minnesota for 3 days.

    I was going to wax lyrical about autumn colours, but all the leaves are gone. It’s cold here!!

  241. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    A-doc – so so sorry for the pain. Ugh. Falling for somebody is a great thing, except when it’s the wrong person. Then it’s the worst thing.

    Have a nice cuppa, go for a long walk or three, and back to the books.

  242. Lily says:

    a-doc ~ sorry to hear of your pain. There’s a reason you didn’t trust him and didn’t fall into a simple, easy, match-made-in-heaven/made-for-each-other relationship which just made sense. Because it wasn’t proving to be that kind of traditional ‘perfect match’ and it didn’t necessarily make a lot of sense, at any point. So you doubted & got confused, kept your options open, his stories were overly complex/silly, and zero trust on either side. And not NEARLY enough sugar to make it worth the effort, by anyone’s standards. No one on the sidelines could be remotely surprised that you are (still) being tormented by giving this guy a moment of your time/thoughts. Lick your wounds, heal, move on, and be wiser next time.

  243. Bela says:

    Good Morning!! Another long, freakin day! It’s times like this I could really kill for a spa day.

    Be nice to each other!

  244. Lily says:

    Gooood morning, sugars!!!

  245. a-doc says:

    @ sd guru

    yes but it wasnt intentional bad behaviour.
    and i miss him like crazy……………I dont fall for anyone but im head over heels for him. Its hurting me even thinking about it.

    sugar world is out for me…….. I cant even contemplate anyone else right now. the pain of loss makes u realise what you had.

    over and out

  246. Yaz says:

    Sincere and Guru~ Thanks to the both of you again 🙂

    Lils~ You got mail.

  247. I realize I haven’t been here in months and months, but are there any regular SBs and/or SDs from SoCal on here now? I didn’t get to make the last SoCal meet, but would love to attend one if there is one coming up.. it could even be something small. 🙂 I’m in LA.

  248. Dandelion Wine says:

    A-doc, controlling psycho alert. Run. You are a future doctor, describe the behavior to your aspiring psychiatrist sisters and see what they say. Have you been able to verify his story? There’s a good reason for that.

    I agree being wise doesn’t guarantee anything. But if one is wise enough then he should see it coming and make things happen to alter the outcome.

    Yeah he could, but why would he care to? Remember, he is a wise man, he has no need to control behaviors of people.
    Jesus knew Peter was going todeny knowing him and judas would betray him, why didn’t he change the outcome? What would have been the point? The outcome didn’t determine anything, in the grander scheme of things.
    Peter was weak, and judas was in his mind righteous. Most people you meet are either weak or self-righteous. Sometimes both. You can’t change them. You can only change yourself. And being banished by people like that, being exiled from the mas of peters and judases is, in a way, a badge of honor. That doesn’t really matter either way

  249. Lily says:

    Cool tip!

    Any blog SBs in NYC besides NYC SB, Muse, AM, & carebear? I can’t remember…. If you are, shout out! And then I’d love for Stephen or SD Guru to pass my email to whichever NYC lady, so I can invite her to an informal November cocktail soirée.

  250. SincereSD — Your post had me thinking. I have an iPhone so I don’t have BBM, but for those SB’s who have an iPhone there is an app called TextFree where you choose a phone number and you can text back and forth from it like it’s a real number, so you don’t have to give out your own number. You can’t call it though, but it’s good for texting until you’re comfortable giving out your number. 🙂

    • SD Guru says:


      I’ll try to make it brief since I’m sounding like a broken record. Your “relationship” with Mr Coin has been nothing but drama whether as a SD or as a BF. As I’ve said before, your experiences are shaped by the choices you make. I’m sure you’re smart, but despite all the advice you repeatedly received from the blog you seem to continue to make poor choices in this case.

      Remember the 3 golden rules??

      1. Don’t reward bad behavior
      2. Don’t ignore the warning signs
      3. Don’t expect someone’s behavior to change over time.

      I think you broke them all. Next!!

      my suspicion is that he created a fake email account and was one of the men i was talking to.

      If he found your craigslist ad then most likely he responded to your ad using another email address to find out what you’re up to behind his back. Been there, done that back in my drama filled days.

      I actually feel a great deal for him, despite others being cynical that he was tricking me at the beginning.

      Whether he tricked you or not, in hindsight is any feeling worth all the drama??


      I have a solution for you. Use google voice! As for the weight gain, that’s one of the reasons why I recommend meeting for drinks for a first meet. 🙂

  251. NYC SB says:

    Njlady – did u meet “wall street party animal”

  252. SincereSD says:

    I agree 100% with IRL SD’s comment several weeks ago about hating the SB dating process. I’ve been on the hunt for several weeks now and can’t believe how much time the qualification and dating process is taking … not to mention the 7 lbs of weight I’ve gained with all the dinners and lunches I am having with pot. SBs.

    I’ll share my experiences and misadventures with the blog when I have more time.

    For now, I wanted to mention that BBM (Blackberry Messenger) is not a reliable method of communications. I have had problems such as:

    – Pot #1: BBM messages did not get received until 2 days later resulting in a missed date; jury is out as to either this pot is a poof baby or not;
    – Pot #2: Ended up almost dismissing my favorite pot from my consideration list because she did not respond for 3 days; claims BBM is late and then she was busy with work;
    – Pot #3: Lost her Blackberry so could not respond to BBM (OK, not a fault of Blackberry though)

    Moral of my story is … be sure to get a phone # from your date, as a backup method of communicating while mobile. Email, text, and IM are not reliable, realtime communication methods.

  253. a-doc says:

    a-doc: my suspicion is that he created a fake email account and was one of the men i was talking to.

  254. SDinLA says:

    NYC SB: re: my comments on the last blog about gift tax, you and I are saying the same thing, I guess I was not being very clear.

    Let’s say you’re my SB… I can give you the 13k annual exclusion and not pay gift tax. Every calendar year, usually counted when the funds are transferred. Anything above 13k in a year and I either have to pay the gift tax now, or have it count against my $1 million lifetime exclusion from gift tax.

    I can pay ANY amount of tuition or medical expenses for you, and it is not subject to gift tax. There is no limit currently, as long as I pay the school or medical provider directly.

    Ergo it is a great advantage to any SD who has to declare his SB expenditures for him to directly pay tuition/medical expenses that he was going to pay anyway. That is what I was trying to say. If you are an SB, and you are planning on using funds received from your SD for tuition or medical stuff, you should raise the issue with your SD.

    a-doc: reading your email? Stalker behavior even in a BF. Next!!!

    Cali SB aka Lemon Torte: Mmmm, I love lemon tortes. FYI, not to be pedantic but in the last sentence of your description, it should be “piqued” and not “peaked” 😉

  255. *waves* Hi everyone in Sugarland!! I haven’t been here in many many months and wanted to stop in and say hello. I am considering dipping my toe into the sugar pool since nothing panned out the last time I was here. I haven’t updated my profile text (I think it probably doesn’t need it) but I did upload 2 new photos taken just last night at my birthday party (if you can’t see them yet, please check back, hopefully they will be approved soon), so I am all current. 🙂

    Since I haven’t been around in many many months, do you all think that I would have better luck if I deleted my profile and made a new one? I mean, as far as visibility goes? I don’t want to get looked over because I’ve been a member for so long (about a year, I think? maybe less), yet haven’t been active in a long while.

  256. a-doc says:

    It was sorta in the middle if that makes sense. he still owed me $200- not a big deal- but I had to wait until he payed it before i could put the ‘past’ (ie sd/sb) realationship behind us

    I did agree to just date him, and he kept asking me not to go into arrangements- that he would support me the best he could. I sorta doubted him- because the extent of the money hadnt been payed.
    yes there were remnants of activity- and some liasion but i would have never entered into anything before makign a final decision about him.
    I also was scared that once he got his token back (3k) he would shoot and leave me.

    I actually feel a great deal for him, despite others being cynical that he was tricking me at the beginning.

  257. Bela says:

    @a-doc – Aside from wondering how he read your emails, was exclusivity established or assumed?

    I’m sorry to hear you’re in such pain.

  258. a-doc says:

    @ all

    well you dont have to worrry- he READ my emails somehow and found that i was liasing with other sugar daddys and found adds on craigs list (actually the adds were before i said id try dating him). He says ive hurt him and he loved me. He did ask me to stop seeing other people, and i said i wasnt sleeping with anyone. But I did have sds up my back sleeve in case he really was looking for free sex and didnt care about me.
    he found out and went crazy.
    Im actually quite devestated today because we had sooo much fun together…even if the way we met was crazy.

  259. carebear says:

    I don’t know if I’m way off my radar, but this sounds like a job for wallstreet party animal!

    • SD Guru says:

      yes i made it through the date (a threesome) and no one stood anyone else up. Progress!

      You don’t think we’ll let you get away with only an one liner, do you? We want details and pictures!! 😛

      I wonder how the wife and mistress found out about each other while he was trapped

      They met at his vigil. Imagine that!

      Next time if something like this happens, or before meeting an SD should I set standards before that. Would appreciate any advice.

      What you got there is a hustler, not a SD. The best way to avoid it is to screen diligently, and I’m sure your fellow SB’s can give you lots of advice on that.

      @Ms Taken
      Under what circumstance would a pot who claims a net worth of 5-10M be online ALL the time?

      Here’s a post I wrote about a SD’s income and wealth from two months ago:

      “I’d suggest SB’s to look at a SD’s listed income/net worth with a grain of salt. Some SD’s purposely under state it because they don’t want pot SB’s to have unrealistic expectations. Some SD’s purposely over state it to attract SB’s that they otherwise wouldn’t be able to attract.”

      “Here is one of the most counter intuitive lessons for SB’s. That is, a SD’s wealth, income, and lifestyle does not directly relate to how generous and how willing he is to provide an allowance. He has to be able and willing to do so. Some wealthy men are willing to spend lots of money on fine dining, travel, and gifts because they think sharing a piece of their lifestyle should be good enough. But when it comes to providing direct financial support they think there is a stigma associated with it as if they’re too good to be “paying” for a SB.”

  260. Bela says:

    NJLady – I know it’s probably said way too much, but as adventurous as I’d like to think I am, I don’t play around with my intuition. So far it’s kept me alive and I intend to keep that up!

  261. NJLady says:

    This felt the same way….I felt it was rushed. But I’m thankful that I didn’t attend the soiree, that I saw red flags…it’s a learning exprience.

  262. Bela says:

    Mine was a little like that. I’m just outside of Chicago on a business trip and he lives in Chicago. He asks me out and offers to meet me in the city were I’m staying. The night of the date, he asks if I want to drive into Chicago. I wasn’t comfortable with the last minute change so I just told him that I wouldn’t see him tonight if he was too busy to come here. Just felt weird.

  263. NJLady says:


    Yes, I don’t know if it’s alright to post it.

  264. carebear says:

    NJ Lady, I feel like I’ve heard similar stories on the blog before. The kind where the guy says to come to the city then asks to meet at a random intersection in downtown vs a restaraunt of starbucks. Does he have a distinct SA profile name?

  265. NJLady says:

    Hello Sugar’s

    Well….I went away, now I’m back for another try. Today I might a pot SD. Let me start at the beginning. He text me he wanted to me to attend a soiree with him Saturday. I told we should meet before something that formal. OK. I went into the NYC this afternoo, dressed casual, but look nice, hair, makeup. He told me to meet in the Wall st area. For coffee…..Got there, text him where I was waiting….he phone’s, that’s he’s across the street. Said he didn’t have much time….so he asked the arrangement price…I asked him what’s his amount. He said 3k, which was the amount I wanted….OK…..then he said ‘let’s go back to my place to plan the arrangement’ I said I rather go somewhere public. Again he wanted to go back to his place, he said 3k now or 2k later…..so I said I would think about. I believed I handle myself like a lady, didn’t get upset, just found it very annoying that here I made my way over there….you’re treating me like some dime store whore….I didn’t even get the coffee or a bottle of water, just on Wall st dicussing an arrangement! Did I handle it right? Next time if something like this happens, or before meeting an SD should I set standards before that. Would appreciate any advice.

    Thanks Sugar’s

  266. Ms. Taken says:

    Hi Sugar Fam!
    SDs, SBs can I get your take on this. There’s this pot that has an interesting profile, no pix, and 200K+ salary. He initiated with a very nice personalized e-mail and requested chat. I missed him a couple times for IM and he’s been online everytime I checked over the past couple days. I haven’t had the desire to connect because of this.

    Under what circumstance would a pot who claims a net worth of 5-10M be online ALL the time? (My excuse is that I’m a FT student) LOL

    @Torrin~Good for you. Sounds like your spirits are already lifting :)Maybe your lady friends will let you play “grab ass” without all the rough and tumble. Oh, remember to say, “Please” 😉

    @NYGent – Glad it worked out with the ladies! Had my fingers crossed for you the whole time.

  267. Bela says:

    lol That makes complete sense! At least this time, you won’t have to wait six months 😉

  268. Torrin says:

    @Bela- Many years ago I was in a terrible accident. When I became lucid enough the doctor was explaining how my six month recovery would be including no alcohol or coffee. NO COFFEE!!!?? I panicked

    I guess we all have our vices, that’s when I found out what mine was

  269. Bela says:

    Nicely done NYGent!!

    @Torrin- I’d be more upset about the no alcohol for 48 hours being so close to the weekend than anything.

    I have a date tonight, but I’m think about saying no to it. Stupid man! Ugh I hate blind dates.

  270. NYGent says:

    Hi all, yes i made it through the date (a threesome) and no one stood anyone else up. Progress!

  271. Torrin says:

    Besides looking like I lost a fight, the Doc said I couldn’t drink for 48hrs which is fine but I am also suppose to take it easy. Including the touch footfall games that breakout on these weekends. Some of my women friends who will be there are built like Real Women! This is usually the only chance I get to play grab ass with them.

  272. Muse says:

    NYC SB- Sorry, I had a hot McDonald’s date today. Sadly, my date wore underwear.

    Torrin & Lily- Don’t worry. My grandmother had the same thing happen a few years ago and is perfectly fine. I think my sister did too. The bandages come off quickly and it’s all as if nothing was ever wrong.

  273. Lily says:

    That’s understandable. Dr. cut a bit of cancer off my mom’s hand today. Trying not to fret since it’s supposed to not be dangerous, but still. :/

  274. Torrin says:

    I guess I’m lurking and feeling sorry for myself. The doctor cut a little cancer of my nose this morning, I’m swollen bandaged up more then I expected and I’m suppose to spend a country weekend with friends. Woe Is Me;-(

  275. Lily says:

    I’m alive!
    Anyone else lurking?

  276. NYC SB says:

    I haven’t heard from ny gent … Maybe he didn’t make it

  277. carebear says:

    bang bang

  278. Yaz says:

    Yup. Miner # 21 lol I wonder how the wife and mistress found out about each other while he was trapped o_O

  279. SD Guru says:

    Did anyone notice the story about one of the rescued miners and his wife and mistress?


    Did you survive the date? 🙂

    Being wise does not guarantee ability to avoid situations such as banishment. One of the wisest men of all times, Socrates, faced death or exile at the end of his life.

    I agree being wise doesn’t guarantee anything. But if one is wise enough then he should see it coming and make things happen to alter the outcome.

  280. carebear says:

    You have to crop your photo before submitting it so it appears correctly on your profile page. If someone clicks on your pictures, they will see the full size version.

  281. Elle says:

    Hi everybody. I am a new sugar here.

    This blog is very interestingt to read and to learn the ropes .

    I just have some problems with my photo It is not showing the same on the profile as it shows when I go to the pictures menu. The last is the way I like them. Can anybody help?

  282. Bela says:

    YAY!!! I was so worried that something would malfunction during the rescue. I am so happy that they didn’t have to wait until Christmas as was originally estimated. So great!

  283. Yaz says:

    They are all out!!! 😀

  284. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    I’m still here.

  285. carebear says:

    Blog died. All of the miners were rescued!

  286. Yaz says:

    $1,600 is what my mom usually pays with Air France and that is considered a “bargain”. And yup that is for an Economy class ticket. So yeah, I have a lot of saving to do :/

  287. carebear says:

    If I didn’t have my lodging and activities taken care of by my family, I couldn’t really be affording world travel and safaris on my own. When I started to look at tickets I was thinking, “oh I’ll just pay the extra couple hundred bucks to upgrade to business or something at the last minute like I do with us air all the time”….NOT! Try 8 grand for first class. Ouch. Thats what SD’s are for! 😉

  288. Yaz says:

    Guru~ Thank you! 😀

  289. Yaz says:

    I am saving up to go visit next summer ( Tickets are so darn expensive) The food is what I miss the most 🙁

  290. Yaz says:

    You will love the continent I’m sure! ( Well, i’m biased) but honestly it is very nice and Africans are always warm and welcoming to tourists.

    Speaking of warmth, my mom went back home a couple of weeks ago and she said that it was extremely HOT there as usual. So if the weather is the same in Johannesburg, you might have trouble adjusting to the local temperature for the first few days but you should be fine after that. 🙂 Bring lots of sunscreen and stay hydrated. That helps a lot.

  291. Bela says:

    I can’t wait to visit London. I’d like to see if some family is still there and also find out more about the family I have in Europe.

    One day….

  292. carebear says:

    nycsb-just emailed you

    yaz-thats another place on my list to go to! soooooo excited to see jburg!!! never been on the continent.

    i need a walking pal while in london. or maybe ill just find a hott guy over there =)

  293. Stormcat says:

    SD Guru – Being wise does not guarantee ability to avoid situations such as banishment. One of the wisest men of all times, Socrates, faced death or exile at the end of his life.

  294. Yaz says:

    Carebear~ Oh. I’m from Cote D’Ivoire. Never been to Johannesburg but I have heard it is beautiful down there! 🙂

  295. Yaz says:

    SDGuru~ Show me!
    When I was a member, I could see other SB or SD profiles just by substituting profile IDs and stuff but now that I deleted my profile I can’t do that anymore.

  296. NYC SB says:

    Carebear – we should meet then! My attempt to find fouboutins failed miserably so I would love for u to show me

  297. carebear says:

    South Africa, my family is moving to Johannesburg 😀 So they will me American-Africans 😉

  298. Lily says:

    Dusky sundown !

    It was a bright & cheerful day. But cold!!!

    How is everyone enjoying autumn’s beauty?

    Carebear, I wanna go to Africa in January too!!!

  299. Yaz says:

    I’m African 😉

    • SD Guru says:

      us guys cannot see other guys…. would love to see them somehow. People – are there any tricks to seeing other SD profiles?
      I can’t see the loser SDs lol I don’t have a profile on the site anymore….

      There is a way to see any member’s profile using a profile number, and you don’t have to be a member of the site.

      atm- im a bit angry with him anyway.

      He wants a girlfriend with strings and that means drama comes with the territory. You knew that, right? 🙂

      I wouldnt move in with anyone- dont worry

      Famous last words!! You also said you weren’t looking for a boyfriend. 🙂

      @Shy Daddy
      Has anyone encountered profiles with 2 girls?… Are there specific things to be wary about?

      Well, it depends on what you intend to do with them. Are you looking for a sugar relationship or are you looking for a p4p 3some? If you’re serious about looking for a sugar relationship then I’d suggest that you avoid 2 for 1 deals. OTOH, if you’re looking for fun then SB’s that come as a pair could be twice the fun but they’re more likely to be twice the trouble. Take a look at the “Sorority Girls from Hell” story in my blog and the lessons learned.

      I have two of the hottest SB dates imaginable tmw night. Wish me luck in holding my own.

      Are you going to poof on them? I’ve heard those two are tough negotiators so you might need some help to hold your own. Tag team anyone? 😉

      Groovy. Guru has all the answers, doesn’t he?

      Of course, I wouldn’t be a guru otherwise! 😛

  300. Yaz says:

    Carebear~ Sweet! Which country in Africa??

  301. Stormcat says:


    The shadow of the soaring hawk is but a fleeting blink.
    Yet for the small birds and animals below . . . terror!
    On some day that hawk, wings locked in flight, circling, trending on a upward thermal, experiencing infarction, may actually be dead.
    Yet for the small birds and animals below . . . still terror!

  302. carebear says:

    Sorry I fell asleep on ya Lil…

    I’m visiting Africa in Jan, and have a couple days layover in London! So excited!

    But yes if you visit the city definitely contact. Always trying to make more smart and fun sugar friends such as yourself!

    What is everyone up to today??

  303. Bela says:

    Groovy. Guru has all the answers, doesn’t he?

    Okay, time to get ready for work. Have a fabulous day!

  304. Lily says:

    In a way too cold country for way too long! 😉
    I’m happy for Guru to pass you my email & I’ll spill details. 🙂

  305. Bela says:

    Morning Lily! Where in Europe are you? How long have you lived there?

  306. Lily says:

    Sun is shining here, too!
    Good morning, Bella!

  307. Bela says:

    Morning all! Loving this weather. Just need coffee.

  308. Lily says:

    Hello? Wake up, sugars!! 🙂

  309. Lily says:

    Yep, I’m in Europe. But I’m American. Also seeking dream job/dream clients (startup company)!

  310. Yaz says:

    Their families and friends are there and even the president of Chile is there helping out rescue crews. Getting out of there must feel like being given a second chance at life. 69 days underground must have felt like 69 years!

  311. Stormcat says:

    Kind of makes one feel pretty humbled to think about what they went through to be 69 days trapped underground.

  312. Yaz says:

    The second one just got out! 🙂

  313. Yaz says:

    Stormy~ I thought I was the only one following that story. I am happy for them and I hope they can all safely get out by the end of the week. That is a life changing situation, that’s for sure.

  314. carebear says:

    Definitely! I’m completely opening myself up to sugar land in the meantime while I pursue dreamjob. Are you in Europe??

  315. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Hi Lily girl, I’m up awhile longer! 🙂 Hugs out to my overseas sugar sister…

    Up watching “Pleasure For Sale”, a Sundance cable series about the Chicken Ranch out in Nevada where prostitution is legal.

    I am really surprised by the ladies…I was expecting them to be way hotter than they are and a lot younger too. The ladies are very smart, refreshingly so, but I believe now that sugar babies are DEFINITELY much more beautiful on the average. We offer so much more…the gentlemen on this show are seeking the whole experience, not just intimacy for the most part. It definitely puts in perspective how much more a sugar relationship is (and can be) tabout more han just mutual benefits.

    Fascinating stuff on late at night! I’m going to have to give it up soon, my textbooks come on Friday…sigh*…it will be study time for me after that.

  316. Bela says:

    That’s great!! I can’t imagine being in such a confined space with no certainty that things were going to be okay. I hope the readjustment goes okay with the miners and their families.

  317. aspiring-doc says:

    I wouldnt move in with anyone- dont worry 😀

  318. Lily says:

    Carebear, we should meet next time I’m in NYC!

  319. Stormcat says:

    Wow! The first of the trapped miners just reached the surface!

  320. carebear says:

    I’m up. Nothing scheduled all week so I can’t decide if I should go to sleep. Bring on the insomnia!

  321. Lily says:

    I guess not? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  322. Lily says:

    I love that, too!

    I’m up already. Short night sleep. Any night owls up on the blog, states-side?

  323. carebear says:

    I love how everyone gets excited for each other about our first dates.

  324. Sara says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your answers! I appreciated the feedback from both ladies and gents. I will definitely be careful in screening pots.
    Bicentennial Baby- unfortunately my guy friends are all just guy friends lol. But it was not a dumb question at all!
    Arcadia Sb- Soo glad to hear someone has been in a similar situation before! I kind of just “want to get it over with” as well and get on with my adult life but at the same time “lose it” to someone who cares.

    Thanks again!

  325. NYC SB says:

    Nygent – I have a feeling they won’t stand you up 😉

  326. Stormcat says:

    NYGent – Is this one of those two girl profiles? lol You might ought to talk to NYCSB and Muse about that kind of thing before you get in too deep! 😉

  327. Remember NYGent – be detached from the outcome. It’s not that you don;t care about the people, it’s just that you don’t care about what happens.

    Relax, enjoy, and have fun!!

  328. carebear says:

    nycsb, i agree, goals vs greed. sometimes i just have to screw my head back on straight =)

    nygent-be careful! sounds like a handful.

  329. NYGent says:

    arcadia: i know them they are stand up (not stand you up) types.

  330. Arcadia SB says:

    @NYGent if they stand you up again, I’m going to wonder what your’e saying in those e-mails to scare them off. You’re too great a guy on the blogs to have to deal with drama. Have fun! Good Luck!

  331. NYGent says:

    I have two of the hottest SB dates imaginable tmw night. Wish me luck in holding my own.

  332. Bela says:

    Wow, I just saw a profile of an SD who had an income of at least 500K but a net worth of less than 100K. Call me crazy, but I think the last thing he needs is another luxury

  333. Bela says:

    No magic formula but the one given isn’t horrible for a starting point.

  334. NYC SB says:

    Re allowance … There is no magic formula … Go for what feels is the right number for you and where your needs lie … Don’t be a gold digger, be a GOAL digger

  335. NYC SB says:

    Original sponsor and original crew please miss lily 😉

  336. DiamondEyes says:

    Hi all!! Love the blog! I have a profile question. I’d like to think that I’m at least a little attractive, but I wear my intellect with a badge of honor. With that being said, my last two SDs were very distinguished (one was a very high profile doctor…But I dumped after he took the “daddy” in Sugar daddy a little too literally) and I want to keep attracting men of that caliber. I took new webcam pics for s**** and giggles and uploaded them, but now I’m wondering if they’re too..booby? Can you guys take a look and give me a few pointers? I’d really appreciate it!

    Profile Number 356923

    Thank you <3 <3

  337. Lily says:

    Good night, sugars!!
    I’m off to dream land….

    A little melancholy but covered in Bengal kitties, anyway. 🙂

    NYC SB – I ~heart~ you. I’m gonna try to plan another NYC excursion just to spend more time with you! Or better yet, a Euromeet part Deux!! Gotta hit up the original sponsor….or find a new one!

  338. A-doc – “atm- im a bit angry with him anyway.”

    MORE drama with this guy! Sheesh. What is it today?

    Btw – if he gets an apartment paid for by his employer, you totally lose control. He is coming to stay there, like it or not, whenever he is in town. And what if he gets fired? Oh wait, I thought that happened already?

    Remember the equation: drama + changing stories + angry = run! (wondering how I can show this using organic chem symbology….)

  339. Yaz says:

    Dandelion~ Sometimes I, too, think she is just having some fun with us especially when she contradicts herself. Her posts are definitely entertaining to say the least! 😛

  340. Yaz says:

    Muse~ I know, I know you are not her just teasing lol The timing of the posts just surprised me.

  341. Yaz says:

    The holidays are fast approaching! Anyone else as excited as I am! 😀

  342. Dandelion Wine says:

    A-doc, one fundamental difference – when you flat with a friend, your friend can’t kick you out if she stops liking you (unless it’s her house, but even then she has to give you s notice per rental agreement)
    How is he going to get his company pay for a flat if they are supposedly trying to fire him?
    And you didn’t want to have a closer relationship with a SD that actually cared about you, yet are considering moving in with this new guy?
    I would suggest taking a break and figuring out if this is what you really want.

  343. pinky says:

    @Bicentennial Baby

    I’m so glad you found your SD! I’m sure things will only get better.

    I feel so lazy! I have to go the gym but I’m procastinating! not good!

  344. Muse says:

    Midwest- I know! We could have had a great weekend together. I’m sorry it didn’t work out but I’m going to make it out there at some point (hopefully soon) 🙂

  345. Yaz says:

    aspiring doc~ Thanks. It is going to take a little getting used to but I will be fine 🙂

  346. Dandelion Wine says:

    Carebear, I’m not saying “she’s good”, I’m saying “stop taking the bait!” lol

  347. NC Gent says:

    Shy Daddy — it is not a bad sign — just get to double your pleasure, or at least fantasize about doubling your pleasure. Personally, I have enough troubles keeping one SB happy… couldn’t image two 🙂

  348. Shy Daddy says:

    Hello All,

    I’ve been reading parts of the blog for some time.
    Has anyone encountered profiles with 2 girls?
    I recall someone mention of past experiences with them.

    Are there specific things to be wary about?
    The 2 girls I’ve talked to I thought were NYC based but turned out to be in Miami. Alexis and Sophia.
    Is that a bad sign?
    I am just curious.

  349. Muse says:

    Yaz – I post them when I spot them. And no, I don’t meet them or contact them first.

    NYC SB- That’s my formula if he asks me too. If he offers more, I’m willing to compromise and take it. 😉

  350. aspiring-doc says:

    ps Yaz ( I think it was you): goodluck with the car! I admire that. Mind you at least the states has public transport—– in nz…u drive or welll try your luck on the once every 30min bus! 😛 I tried to ride a horse in the other day— farmer wasnt too impresed

  351. aspiring-doc says:

    @stormcat and sd guru: yes I know this, having said this- noone really has unlimited access to my life, my flatmates and parents dont.
    If i flat with a friend- its not alot different. Im not agreeing to be his gf. Having said this— so many redflags!
    atm- im a bit angry with him anyway.

    Right to class i go……….

  352. Yaz says:

    She could also be too broke to take a cab to the meeting venue depending on where she lives o_O

  353. Yaz says:

    Michael Oh no you didnt! ROFLMAOOO

  354. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    “walked a mile in my heels” – taxis probably refuse to go to the area she lives in… X

  355. Stormcat says:

    What’s wrong with texting?

  356. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Hey now….leave me OUTTA being a composite of anyone’s greivances if it means being amalgamated into Spiritual Baby’s persona. My issues are mine but at least they’re real! 😛

    Personally I wouldn’t want a man to pick me up in his vehicle, I ALWAYS drive my own car because that way I retain my independence if the date sucks, or I want to leave early or heaven forbid, I have to rush home for a sick child or emergency. (which a real SD would understand). I couldn’t possible imagine depending on someone else for a ride anywhere, my independence is too important to me.

    I also broke nearly every rule of hers in meeting my current and awesome SD….
    **met after emailing, only one phone call for directions when I got lost on the way! We never exchanged pictures outside of profiles because, well we both READ profiles we reply to.
    **I didn’t expect nor receive a gift and I did give out a kiss at the end, as I genuinely like him.
    **allowance under $5k but his yearly income is around $200k. so my allowance is over 10% of his take home and that is generous enough. Who is to say he’s not qualified to be a SugarDaddy? Is there an SD Police out there? I know my tuition doesn’t care if he’s Bill Gates or not, only that it got paid. And who wants to do Bill Gates anyway???
    **no requests on what to wear…well, Thank Gawd! I would really be worried about the mental stability of a man who picks out my clothing on a first meet before we’ve even been intimate or had coffee. Special requests are fine once we move to intimacy or personal likes/dislikes.
    **discussed arrangement before meeting….and? What’s wrong with that? It’s been the SD’s that wouldn’t broach the subject that were all players and flakes. I personally appreciate honesty, why waste time meeting if you know you’ll never even get close on the benefits involved?
    **walked a mile in heels……on this one, she should have brought a bag and a pair of tennis shoes to change out of then. Common sense! Personally that’s not that big a deal, I drove 2 hours each way to meet my current SD…it’s part of the price of doing business.

    Ok, rant done now, soapbox/off

  357. Stormcat says:

    That’s one of the traits I seek – an SB who can walk more than a mile on gravel in stilettos without scuffing the heal. (Don’t want to buy a new pair of stilettos more than once a year!) And is willing to do so at below freezing wearing a bikini under a clear plastic overcoat!

  358. carebear says:

    she may be poking fun, but in that case it isn’t neccessary to site someone’s profile number in the process of it. even if he wasn’t up to her standards, she shouldn’t be exploiting him to get attention on the blog.

  359. Dandelion Wine says:

    But then again, maybe I just have a vivid imagination and give people way too much credit…

  360. Dandelion Wine says:

    Guys, come on. Walking in stilettos from a trailer park? Spiritual Baby is clearly just having fun 🙂
    I’m going to venture a guess that her online persona is a composite portrait of every beleaguered Sugar Bowl aspirant that aired his/her laundry on the blog.

  361. Yaz says:

    NYC~ I would say….desperation to find a SD despite said “red flags” ?? o_O

  362. NYC SB says:

    Spiritual baby – if all the red flags were there then why bother meeting him? I’d rather not waste my time …

  363. NYC SB says:

    Carebear – my formula is monthly expenses plus two spa trips … If he is covering all my bills my salary goes towards my savings and paying off debt … Works for me but not sure if its the be all end all

    I do believe in NOT having to justify my desired allowance … The same way I would never as an SD to justify what he is willing to offer.

  364. Yaz says:

    Muse~ Just teasing you. I saw you posted seconds after Spiritual Wacko’s post and I thought I’d ask you if you were her haha

    Carebear~ Nov 3rd ? You should be just fine! I am sure you have some money saved up so SD or no SD you should be able to take care of yourself and day-to-day expenses until you start working again. Stormy is right you should definitely be celebrating! You are doing what is right by going after your dream job 🙂

  365. Stormcat says:

    Carebear – A hug if you must . . . But I think you really ought to get a champagne toast. Here’s to Carebear now persueing and soon reaching her dreams!

  366. carebear says:

    I need a sugar family hug. I just quit my job. Oh well. =\

    Time to see if SD’s really do pull through (or if mine will continue to at least). Pursuing my dream job starting Nov 3. No more settling!

    So I have another question. We all know I’m full of questions. Everyone just had a conversation about justifying what an SD can spend. I completely agree with NYC SB, if an SB is searching for 10k/mo, and the SD makes a 1mil salary, 10k is well within his means to provide for the SB (about 1/9 of his salary I figure).

    How does the reverse formula work? How does the SB figure her allowance budget? Obviously SB’s in larger cities such as NY, LA, etc, may demand a higher allowance because cost of living is much higher. But what is a justifiable allowance? I take my bills, x, and multiply by 3. Just like you figure in your mortgage or rent for an apartment (supposedly 30% of your monthly income). I figure 1/3 of the allowance for bills x (total), 1/3 for savings y, and 1/3 for my personal expenses z (because a SB without a pedicure is just not right!) Or am I totally out of my mind for expecting this?

  367. Yaz says:

    Morning everyone! 🙂
    I can’t see the loser SDs lol I don’t have a profile on the site anymore….

  368. Yaz says:

    Muse~ are you Spiritual Babe? lol 😛

  369. Stormcat says:

    Alleycat – preview your own profile then substitute the number

  370. @Muse – us guys cannot see other guys…. would love to see them somehow. People – are there any tricks to seeing other SD profiles?

  371. Muse says:

    Another winner : 216962 and 183759

  372. Arcadia SB says:

    @Stormy & SD Guru – I should be well aware to watch my semantics on the blog. You guys are vicious 😉 but I figured you guys would catch on to my meaning, even if it was with some gentle ribbing.

  373. SouthernGent2 says:

    Sara – being a married man myself, I understand your dilemma. On the other hand, I do think if you want a true nsa type arrangement, a married man makes a better option. But that is for you to decide.

    As for your virginity, personally I would find it difficult to be the one to take that from you. It would not stop me from seeing you, and perhaps seeing how we could build the physical part of things. But I would want to be damn certain before I took that away from you, because its a one time thing, and you can’t get it back.

  374. Stormcat says:

    Well now I see Arcadia has answered for herself. You can just delete my post, please.

  375. Stormcat says:

    SD Guru – You took Arcadia SB to task when you said “If you were a virgin, how would you know that was the best sex you ever had? Just wondering.”

    I’m sure that it was simply a gramattical slip. Arcadia spoke in past tense when she obviously intended to speak in present perfect. (i.e.: speaking in the present about the past) Instaid of writing “but was also the best sex I ever had.” Arcadia should have written “but was also the best sex I’ve ever had.”

  376. Arcadia SB says:

    @SD Guru – in comparrison to what I’ve had since. For the time we were together it was pretty awesome…and a little disappointing in what came after. Though the current SD is quickly gaining on first boyfriend…

  377. Stormcat says:

    A-doc: what you describe is something I have known as “being kept” In some regards that may seem very nice. You appear to have security, a nice place, you would just be able to concentrate on your studies and not have to work, a loving caring person to encourage you will be there regularly, etc. That is probably the way it would go in the beginning. But in reality you would be a slave. Staying in his place. At his beckon call! Beholden to his every enslaving gesture. Unable to leave without extraordinary effort. If you do that you will lose your freedom. Don’t do it!

  378. NC Gent says:

    NYC SB — well said regarding number of meets, etc. As I suspected she would, BiCB arrived at the proper decision. Nice! I also think you will find (as you suggested) that he will become more generous with time when he knows from your actions that you really do like him. That is one of my biggest struggles early in a sugar relationship — does she really like me or is she just in it for the money. I am very likely to say NEXT if I get an inkling that my SB is just in it for the money.

    Sara — there are some single SDs here, but a large percentage of them are married, and not all SDs reveal that they are married, as you suspected. There are some great single SDs out there (in fact, even on this blog). So if that is what you seek, just stick to it. I would only caution that single SDs may be more likely to be looking for a gf or wife rather than an SB — just an unscientific observation.

    Regarding the virginity…. I wouldn’t advertise it, but that is something that can come up in conversation after you know each other a little better. I think there are plenty of SDs who would be excited about that. For me (since BiCB asked), I think it would make me both apprehensive (wondering why) and curious (this sure might be fun!). It wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me 🙂

    Best wishes in your search.

    • SD Guru says:

      I dont think it was a trick. I got the money… Its a different ball game. I dont think you can just say a girlfriend means ‘free sex’. The whole dynamic is different.

      I agree, the whole BF/GF dynamic is different from SD/SB, and it’s more than just free sex. Whether it was a “trick” or not, it turns out that he wasn’t honest with himself nor with you about what he really wanted in the beginning. But despite how it got started and what’s transpired so far, I hope it all works out for you no matter what you decide. By the way, you said you didn’t meet him on sa, so did you meet him on a sd site, dating site, or IRL?

      lobby work for a2 bedroom apartment in auckland instead of using hotels twice a week. …aka: free rent for me . He will pay all power, groceries, food

      That might sound good in theory, but think it through carefully to see if that’s what you really want. It may be difficult to keep your freedom, independence, and boundary in such a scenario. You got yourself a boyfriend, but do you want him to have unlimited access to your life?

      Is it unrealistic/an uphill battle for me to expect to enter the sugar world without getting involved with a married man?

      Generally speaking, at least half of the SD’s are married and some single ones are actually married too. So if you prefer single SD’s then you have just eliminated more than half of the pots. Here’s a post I wrote about “Married vs Single SD’s” that will help you think about this issue.

      Super embarassing, but I am a 21 year old virgin (would love to change that though!). Would that be an immediate disqualifier for me? Or is my virginity actually a valuable asset, and a turn-on?

      As others have mentioned, I’d suggest that you don’t put this in your profile so that you don’t attract the wrong type of attention. As you screen and meet with pot SD’s, you can discuss it with those who are serious about having a sugar relationship with you. Most experienced SD’s should welcome the opportunity to explore your sexuality with you. Remind me to write a story about “The Virgin SB” in my blog.

      Have any SB’s had the whole “let’s get tested for STDs!”-prior-to-sleeping-together conversation? Advice on bringing it up without sounding rude or insulting is appreciated.

      Just like discussing allowance, there is nothing rude or insulting about discussing STD testing with a pot SD when you take a straight forward, matter of fact type of approach.

      @Arcadia SB
      I actually ended up losing “it” to an IRL boyfriend/SD who was 30 years older than I….but was also the best sex I ever had.

      If you were a virgin, how would you know that was the best sex you ever had? Just wondering. 🙂

  379. Dandelion Wine says:

    If someone has $1000 and you say to that person how about you give me an allowance of 1 penny each month we would all agree that that seems quite reasonable.
    How does it seem reasonable ?

  380. Arcadia SB says:

    Hey everyone,
    I’ve been lurking but not posting, partly because things have really worked out well with pot SD and he has moved into actual SD territory. He’s pretty fantastic so far.

    @Sara: When I first heard about SA about 4 years ago, I was really interested in the idea, but also a virgin (and also 21). I ended up being too scared to ever actually meet up with anyone, but was up front in my profile about intimacy maybe taking some time due to my sexual inexperience and got a few responses that seemed like they were from legitimate men. However, I never did have the guts to meet anyone at the point, so who knows? I actually ended up losing “it” to an IRL boyfriend/SD who was 30 years older than I….but was also the best sex I ever had. I think age and experience can be a good thing, but i definitely wanted the first time to be somewhat special and we genuinely cared for each other. If you think you might go with someone on SA it can make things trickier and tie in the emotions pretty strong, in either direction. My first is still in love with me, and I think being my first has something to do with it.
    However, at the same time, by the time I lost it I was so ready to “get it over with” So that might be a determining factor. Just be careful, you might attract the wrong type of SD if you don’t screen well.

    Just my two cents 🙂

  381. NYC SB says:

    Storm – you are right I think the 10k allowance comes from those men which have 10mil plus and are making over a mil a year at least … I think that 10% of a mans take home pay is what he would be willing to spend on companionship without feeling the pressure … My first sd who was providing over 20k per month was worth well over 30 mil and had no kids, no wife… My second was a forbes billionaire …

  382. aspiring-doc says:

    Morning Lilly- or rather goodnight- just finished my assignment. 130am time for bed 😀 havea good day sugars 😀

  383. Lily says:

    Sure, it’s a nice thought!
    Just a little ‘bait&switch’-y, in mr.coin’s case.

    Good morning, sugars!!!!!

  384. aspiring-doc says:

    and yeah the above isnt sugar daddy standards by any means- i know 🙂
    boyfriend or sugar daddy? I like the sugar world- but sometimes its a nice thought that something may work out with someone in IRL.

  385. aspiring-doc says:

    I think its kinda nice- he said if I want hes happy to: lobby work for a2 bedroom apartment in auckland instead of using hotels twice a week. …aka: free rent for me . He will pay all power, groceries, food 😀

  386. aspiring-doc says:

    @SD GURU: I dont think it was a trick. I got the money.
    Maybe its wierd and unusual……and im still processing it BUT maybe its the truth “he realised he wanted strings and commitment”.
    Hes very aware that if I agree to date him that he would be gettting the ‘real’ me, aka: the whole person- both sides of the coin. A sugar daddy doesnt get a call late at night when I need someone to chat too, a bf does :P. A sugar daddy doesnt get in trouble for being late, a boyfriend does.
    Its a different ball game. I dont think you can just say a girlfriend means ‘free sex’. The whole dynamic is different.

    I havent decided yet though.

  387. Bela says:

    I think Stormcat just introduced a new realm of mathematics. Sugarmatics

  388. Stormcat says:

    If someone has $1000 and you say to that person how about you give me an allowance of 1 penny each month we would all agree that that seems quite reasonable.
    Well 1 penny is to $1000 as $10,000 is to $1,000,000,000 (one billion)
    So if you want $10k/month just find yourself a billionaire.

  389. NYC SB says:

    now michael… you should know better than that… i never accept an allowance less than 20k… i mean otherwise he is not an sd but a pervy john

    rolls eyes

  390. Stormcat says:

    Sara Dear:
    Like irl sugarland is very diverse and there are men who will be very pleased to help you gently and smoothly enter the world of non-virginity, other men who couldn’t be bothered and every attitude in between.
    What I question here, however, is your motivation for giving up your virginity to someone in a no strings no drama type of relationship. It is too easilly a non-relationship and can too easily be something you would rather forget than remember.
    The time should be right and the person right. You only get to do it once in your whole life.
    That advice is just not just because you are a woman. I’m offering it because it is what I believe.

  391. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    @NYC SB and SpiritualBaby – allowance at $10k? Why not just turn it up to 11? Anyone?

  392. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    BiBaby – the way that life works is that sometimes it will be weekly, then nit fir 2 weeks. Your car will need repairing, kids will be sick, visitors, too rainy etc etc. You will find yr own pattern and routine soon.

    My previous SB and I would get-together every 3 weeks fir a week depending on schedules. Current #1 – we were meant to meet last Thursday but she was sick. Today her car broke down. Bit it’s ok – I am sure she will make it up to me. ;-).

  393. Bela says:

    @NYC SB – Very good points! You chicks are awesome.

    @Sara – Okay sweetie, you have tapped into my domain. Well, not the virgin thing (wow), but the women’s health and sexuality domain. The SD’s will likely get a little bored with this, but the SB’s and SM’s need to hear this.

    First off, how adept would you say you are with sexual education? I don’t mean the stuff you learned in junior high school (or elementary school depending on how delusional your guardians were), but the stuff you learned when you realized that 90% of everything you were told was a lie. If you really want to know the truth about risk, there’s an easy way to remember. If it’s not something you would it in the middle of a busy, 5-star restaurant, consider it risky behavior.

    Second, risk does NOT equal bad. It just means take care of yourself.

    Third, many people do not go by the labels and definitions, because they’re boring and restrict you from having any fun.

    When dating (either sugar or irl) assume that everyone you meet has either experienced or is experiencing some form of STD. We are way to likely to play the “that would never happen to me” game and while you may not get burned the first time, it is way to risky in today’s age to gamble.

    If you’re lucky, you’ll realize that sex is enjoyable, relaxing, and altogether healthy. Learn how to please yourself before hoping that you’ll be able to please a pot sd. Yes, some may not care that you don’t know how to get yourself off, but the good ones will want to know how you physically define pleasure.

    That’s all I can think of after three glasses of wine.


  394. Bicentennial Baby says:

    @NYC SB,

    Point taken. I DO look forward to our time together….it’s not that at all! I just am a little gunshy having been through an awful screening process that led (finally) to a great guy. I’m still a little scared from time to time that something might be wrong but my instincts are telling me he’s the real deal and he’s been nothing but terrific from the get go.

    I don’t feel used at all, he’s considerate and kind and fun. It was actually *his* suggestion to do the allowance at each meeting as we develop trust, and then progress to just monthly as we can. He got burned by two women in a row who took $$ and “poofed” without their end of the bargain, so to speak. I can understand why he would be nervous so I think it’s a combination of factors, NOT that I feel entitled or like an escort. But just to let you know, it was his suggestion we handle things that way, not mine, so I’m just continuing in a way that so far seems comfortable for him. Hope that makes sense!

  395. @Carebear – “mute” – rotflmao

  396. NYC SB says:

    Spiritual baby – just because a man cannot afford 10k in allowance it does not mean that he is a john, most of the time it does not mean that he is cheap either. Not everyone can afford to dish out that kind of money and the ones that can are few and far in between. However, I doubt they will ever put up with the “entitled” attitude simply because they don’t have to … The women chasing them on this site and irl are many …

  397. NYC SB says:

    Bibaby – I think you need to change your way of thinking … A true sb does not think x dollars for x meets … That’s escort speak… A true sb says “I need a monthly allowance of x and my availability is generally x times per month” she shouldn’t feel like the sd is “using” her if they meet more than the agreed upon times… And vice versa … In addition she should look forward to spending time with her sd…

    Hope this helps

  398. Bicentennial Baby says:

    *busts out laughing at Yaz’s comment*

    I’m jealous I didn’t think of that first! Yaz, you’re downright funny girl!!!


    I’m so happy for you that you’re getting new photos!! I know you’re going to do wonderfully. I had to revise my own profile 3 x before I met my current SD who is terrific. It just takes time and patience. I second Ms. Takens’ recommendation on how to take great photos…my only addition from taking pictures in the pageant world is just to take a TON of photos (unless you’re paying per proof or shot). It took me over 200 shots for just ONE publicity photo that won a modeling title for me in a pageant. You’re going to have tons of shots where you’re blinking, wrinkling your brow, turned funny, one eye isn’t level, you name it…BUT…you’re going to get at least one or two utterly amazing shots when you take dozens of photos so you know you’re going to get a beautiful photo for your profile. Don’t worry about how many photos you have on your profile…remember, it only takes ONE great picture to start the email conversation that could lead you to success!

    I just had the STD conversation with my SD a week or so ago and I was honest. I am worried about my own health because contracting an STD could end our fun times together as well as put HIM at risk. Tell him it is not just about you but about protecting him…from STD’s, and using condoms until you are tested also lowers the risk of an unwanted pregnancy (only abstinence is 100%).

    In my own case, I can’t relax and be a great companion if I’m worried about catching something or getting pregnant. So it’s a way of eliminating anxiety that is perfectly normal to have. IRL dating wouldn’t you ask to be sure that you either have paperwork or are using protection?? I have learned you have the same right in a sugar relationship.

    Be careful you don’t get the “I’ve had a vasectomy” argument or “I’ve only been with my wife and one other SB” crap…even if it’s true, like I mentioned above, it only takes ONE of something to make a difference and in this case, it could be a deadly difference. Condoms are an alternative until testing takes place but I think any gentleman should think you mature in insisting on protecting BOTH of your futures by being safe. Safe=fun!

    Wow, on the virgin thing, I have NO idea what the guys would say. If I were an SD, I might be a little worried about the unspoken pressure of being the “first” for a young woman. Considerate SD’s will care that you enjoy the intimacy as they do and so you may end up with some concerns that they might fall short of performing up to the standards of whatever you are imagining your first time is going to be like. I personally would be wary of a man who takes pride in taking your innocence in an arrangement because I think his motivations would be all wrong. But that is just my opinion, I am not a man, I can only think what I would be worried about in an SD’s shoes were I one.

    Maybe a dumb question, but any chance you have a caring close friend of the opposite sex of your own age with whom you could explore intimacy with before entering the sugar bowl? While an older man will no doubt make a great and considerate partner, I would think most would be a little put off by the responsibility of teaching you the ways of the world.

    A great question for our guys….Michael Alleycat, NY Gent, NC Gent, Stormy?

  399. Ms. Taken says:

    @reddamsel38~you are gracious in so many ways. I am sure that quality will shine through in your pictures.

    May I make a suggestion? – You know I will anyway 8) If you won’t be working with a professional photographer, I suggest you look through fashion magazines and choose about six poses that you like in terms of which part of the body they flatter and practice those poses.

    Even if you’re working with a professional, you will be able to take direction better if you have been practicing to be comfortable showing your body in its best light.

    I promise, on picture day you will feel like a total hottie – if that’s the look or mood you’re going for 😉

  400. Ms. Taken says:

    I would start the online screening process, but each time IRL panned out first.

  401. Ms. Taken says:

    Hi Yaz~ It’s the only world I know. Just didn’t know what it was called 🙂

  402. Yaz says:

    Spiritual babe~ So that 10K allowance you seek needs to be paid out weekly meaning 2.5 K/ week ? I also imagine when you guys meet the SD has to do all the “work” huh? o_O
    I swear babe you need your own TV show.

  403. Yaz says:

    MisTaken~ How long have you been in the sugar world??

  404. reddamsel38 says:

    Well well well. Hello sugarworld! Been gone for a minute but Im back now. How is everyone and their sugar?
    Ok so let me get right to the point. Ive made the decision to sort of get a makeover. So the next time I take some OMG pictures I’ll be ready. So if you don’t hear from me for awhile that is what is going on. But I’ll be lurking.

  405. Ms. Taken says:

    @carebear~you slay me…you just do 8)

    This is my first time giving an answer to the blog administrator’s questions. It could have something to do with me seeking an arrangement after almost three years.

    Personality traits: I like an interesting, kind, gracious man who happens to have some means. I avoid men who are not intellectually curious.

    My sugar life? Glad you asked…(Abridged) SBF and I went on an amazing extended weekend trip and agreed to call it quits because I couldn’t commit to moving across the country with him. See, now is a great time for his company in that new market and he’s pretty much moved out there but the traveling is brutal and it’s getting to him. I have known for sometime that this day was coming so I can’t believe how stunned I feel. He’s extremely broken about this…

    In my defense – I can see myself far away from everyone I know and SBF totally married to work. On vacation, “Here’s my card, see what they have in the shops” is fun; IRL – not so much. He’s amazing and we have a great friendship. I just know it would not survive a move under those circumstances. There’s nothing worse than a relationship that tapers off.

    I met him IRL at our car dealership – of all places. He was already there (pacing) when I got to the waiting area. I said to him, “So…what are YOU in for?”. We had a brief, fun chat then I went off to the workout area. He came by when he was ready to leave and offered me his card, I said, “I don’t call guys but you can call me at ###”. The rest is history… I might have to start taking my car in more often for imagined service issues 😉

    So…I’m throwing my hat in the SA ring and will be reporting back here *shivers in boots* 8)

  406. nygent says:

    Spiritual: your position is that after a first dinner date, and after he’s given you what you consider an obligatory gift to prove his seriousness, it’s his obligation to contact you the next day to “prove he’s not a john” rather than your turn to say “thank you?” I really want to know because people have said I am too accommodating in the early stages but under your view I should be even more so. Not sure which direction to go here …

  407. Bela says:

    Miss Ivy – You have raised a very good question. I’m proudly alpha-female in most any situation but am also sexually submissive. Finding someone who can find a healthy balance between sane, respectful, and romantic partner while being an aggressive, take charge lover is a major challenge. Trying to find both those qualities in a pot SD seems to be near impossible.

    Regarding the new subject, I’m selfish and would love a mixture of all characteristics, please. Hey, men want it all. So do we 🙂

  408. Sara says:

    Hi everyone! I’m new to the site and have a few (possibly long) questions.

    1. (This question would have been better suited to the prior blog post but I’m a little too late for that one!) Anyways, I have had a couple men send messages/found some using the search feature and they seem to be EXACTLY the type of SD I would go for, EXCEPT for the fact that he’s married! Maybe its just me and memories of my parents relationship but I just cannot bring myself to even meet with a married man and in doing so hurt another woman. I am also aware that some men may be married and simply are not disclosing that information on their profiles. Is it unrealistic/an uphill battle for me to expect to enter the sugar world without getting involved with a married man?
    2. Super embarassing, but I am a 21 year old virgin (would love to change that though! 😉 ). Would that be an immediate disqualifier for me? I know that everyone likes different things, but it would make sense that the men on this site would be looking for a SB to “rock his world” in bed, so to speak and not have to spend valuable time teaching her the simplest of things and so on. Or is my virginity actually a valuable asset, and a turn-on?
    3. Have any SB’s had the whole “let’s get tested for STDs!”-prior-to-sleeping-together conversation? Advice on bringing it up without sounding rude or insulting is appreciated.

    Thanks again, look forward to answers from ladies and gentlemen here!

  409. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Ok, to answer the question on this thread too…

    On the subject of character, I look for in an SD what no doubt many SD’s look for in SB’s: a genuinely sunny nature, politeness, consideration, and most of all, honesty. Not in the sense of his age, income or what he tells his wife but honesty in what we share and develop.

    I had to have a conversation with my own SD recently on the honesty issues…I was a little worried about my shyness on our first “meet”, if you will. It wasn’t him…he’s great…I am just a very shy woman when the clothes come off, probably because I still always wonder if I’m as pretty as other SB’s he’s seen, his ex-wife, am I what he’s expecting, etc?

    I explained if we were “dating” IRL, I’d be the exact same way without sugar when it was time to spend time together…I was shy with my own husband! He told me in turn he thought this was natural and felt it was a genuine reaction indicative of a real connection, not just a “transaction”. And he is right…I do care and it’s actually charming and sweet to have those first “butterflies” as we begin our journey together.

    Regarding Spiritual Baby’s comment about real SD’s…I would never expect a gift at the first meet, that to me is presumptuous. It would be similar to expecting a cash bonus check to be handed out at a job interview! And I do kiss at the end of the first meet, if he’s cute! 😉

  410. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Thank you for everyone’s opinion on the allowance question I posed on the last subject yesterday!

    You are all right, and I am not going to ask for anything more at this point…my SD is the *genuine* article, kind, sweet, insanely polite and clean, and considerate of my relationship/family obligations. He paid for my tuition via allowance and so I am back in school as of now for December exams so I should be grateful for that, and I am.

    I agreed to 2k because he asked me to, but we left it at 2-3 visits per month…I’m fine with 2 visits a month but if we go to 3 or 4, I really do think it would be fair to move up to $3k. I agree with the gentlemen that it is not fair to ask for more allowance without a corresponding increase in sharing time and intimacy….please don’t think this is the “something for nothing” complex here! I am a fair and honorable person, and this is why I am seeking guidance from more experienced sugars, to see if I’m being fair to my SD. You guys know from my earliest exchanges with ToughLove that I am a big girl and can accept criticism when it is deserved, even if it’s hard to hear.

    The only other reason I was considering this discussion was because I’d really like to only see this one SD if possible and give him the remainder of my free time. I think what I’m going to do is feel him out and as Lily said, bring up the fact that I do have more time than originally thought this fall/winter and ask if he likes things the way they are shaking out or if he would rather I see him more often with a slightly larger allowance. I don’t think affording it is ANY problem, but he is a very wise and wealthy man and he argued for 2k vs 2,500 since I was only available every other weekend at most originally. I can appreciate the value of that, men don’t become wealthy without being smart.

    I think I’ll take it easy and just enjoy our time together and continue to have the relationship develop naturally into the holidays. He’s sweet and although much older (nearly 70), as considerate and wonderful as any man really could be. I’m happy that I make him happy and I would never want him to think this is ONLY about the sugar…he’s great in his own right.

    So thanks to all for the advice, I am going to let things blossom on their own timing and be grateful for the generosity I receive. We’re on for our 2nd meet next week!! Besides, if I make him as happy as he is saying so far I do, I am sure he will enjoy doing things for me from time to time above and beyond just the details of the arrangement…and I don’t want to take the pleasure of giving from him by acting entitled. I’m still learning after all!

  411. Pinky says:

    I like a thoughtful, dependable, intellectual and generous sd.

  412. Lily says:


    I like dependable, generous sugars. The rest is chemistry!

  413. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Currently on my way out the door to get a life …