9 years ago
Mold Your Relationships Your Way


There are lots of reasons why some people may want a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby, but choose not to pursue one. Many who are hesitant to embark in the sugar lifestyle feel that they don’t fit the right image of a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby.

We receive emails all the time from people wondering if they are ‘eligible’ to join our site. Many men interested in being Sugar Daddies think they can’t be one because they aren’t rich enough or don’t have the right things  to offer.  Some women think they can’t be a Sugar Baby because they don’t have the right looks or are too old. The truth is that anyone can seek a Sugar Daddy relationship, but not everyone will have the same difficulty in finding one.

Sugar Daddies who have a clear understanding of the budget they have to spoil their Sugar Baby with are more likely to be content in Sugarland. If a Sugar Daddy knows he can spend a certain amount on his sugar baby before he begins his search, he can eliminate the hassle of having to weed out Sugar Babies whose expectations don’t line up with his own.

A Sugar Baby who has a good sense of how she can use a Sugar Daddy’s  support before getting involved with one will be better positioned when making her expectations known.

Millionaire Sugar Daddies may have a bigger budget, but they still have to set limits that they’re comfortable with. Very wealthy Sugar Daddies are often such because they know how to spend their money wisely.

Workaholic Sugar Daddies are busy building their careers, small businesses, or many other endeavors, and are looking to maximize the fun they have with their Sugar Baby.

College Sugar Babies often have school costs as their top financial burden. Tuition, books, room and board are all common expenses that student Sugar Babies seek support from Sugar Daddies for.

Career building Sugar Babies are often looking for relationships with successful men who can take the stress out of their lives. They may have an idea for a small business, or perhaps they want to become a top chef. With many well connected Sugar Daddies out there, there are lots of networking opportunities for savvy Sugar Baby business people.

Artist Sugar Babies often lack a stable source of income, therefore having a steady allowance is often their preferred method of sugar daddy support. Models, actresses, painters, and many other types of artists are used to dealing with unreliable producers and agents, therefore a consistent flow allowance from a sugar daddy can be tremendously helpful for them.

These are just some of the many different possible wants, needs, and and limitations sugar daddies and babies often have, yet everyone is dealing with their own unique circumstances and will have to learn a bit as they go. Luckily, the sugar blog fam is here to add some advice, support, and most of all, sugar friendship.

What kinds of circumstances in your life have the most effect on how involved you can be with your Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby?

Have you ever made a promise to a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby? Have you kept it?

How many Sugar Daddies or sugar babies have you communicated with in the last week? Did you hit it off at all with any of them?

Leave a Reply

293 Responses to “Mold Your Relationships Your Way”

  1. Midwest SB says:

    Bela – Hilarious! Guess who’s going to FL this weekend?

    BiBaby – So sorry for your experience, but it confirms what many have said all along. Please learn from it. As for severance, it can be discussed, but not guaranteed. I’ve had severance discussions in the past and the agreement was 1-2 months at half (if I even needed it). Arrangements end and the reason is irrelevant. You just got started, but in the event you get an arrangement past a few months, put some money aside for future necessities just in case. Bottom line…he wasn’t a real SD. Hold out for what you want. If tuition is due, I’m sure you qualify for Pell and other student aid.

    RedHead88- Wear your confidence! Have a great night!

  2. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    New blog subject everybody. See you on the other side.

  3. NC Gent says:

    BiBaby – sorry that this happened to you. Unfortunately, either party can end it at any time with or without cause or reason. It is a nice gesture for the SD to offer some “parting gift”, but unless you talked about it when you started the arrangement., I don’t feel that it is required. IMHO

  4. BiBaby: Sorry it came to that.. as for severance..lol actually I think it is a good idea if you have an arrangement for a certain agreed upon time. Though I am not so sure how many Daddies would go for that.. :). It does seem like there are more using this site searching for a long term in real life relationship then what the site is set up for.

    RedHead88: Good Luck on the date and for the first meet.. dress for you so you feel comfortable and confidant but appropriate for where he is taking you. Look forward to hearing how it went.

  5. BiBaby says:

    Ah, well my instincts were right….

    SD who cut my allowance into half awaiting the return visit after he went out west decided to dump me via cellphone call. While I’m a big girl and I know it’s NSA, it’s just irritating the daylights out of me that he likely planned this all along so he didn’t have to pay the full months’ allowance although I kept my end of the bargain all along.

    He gave me the story he couldn’t deal with me being married since the relationship could “go nowhere” long term. Um, this isn’t eHarmony folks! It’s supposed to not be a matchmaking endeavor, it’s supposed to be fun and light and no attachment. He was perfectly fine being intimate twice before so a sudden attack of conscience on his part sounds like a cover for cheapness IRL. I didn’t even get severance though now I am regretting not bringing it up during the conversation.

    I didn’t because I figured if he was so cheap as to divide my allowance into half, then half of that for the remaining 2 visits this month, there was no way in hell he was going to honor the remainder without “play” for the final visit. I suspect he did this to cut/minimize his losses and found someone else or more likely, didn’t like buying me anything or having to go anywhere other than his house. How very disappointing, I have to start all over now and next semester’s tuition is due in less than 30 days. I was counting on that money to help cover it too.

    I guess I have to live with it, but has anyone ever had success with bringing that up (the person who breaks the deal should give the other notice….i.e if he does, he pays the rest of the month, if I do, I give him 30 days notice if things aren’t working out on my end so he can find another SB to spend time with…). or should I just chalk it up to him not being a REAL SD after all?

    I was very classy how I handled it, I just said he probably should put the fact he wants a long term relationship in his profile and be honest with himself an arrangement isn’t likely what he’s looking for in the long run since he wants another wife. I didn’t know how to bring up the fact he’s leaving me in the lurch and essentially screwing me out of the remainder of what he agreed to. I will miss the cats though.

  6. Bela says:

    yay!!! Good luck, be safe and have fun!

  7. redhead88 says:

    ah! i get it. Stick out of the crowd. Shock and Aww sort of thing. Got it.

    and SouthernGent, thanks for the advise. Though i may forgo the tight, no panties for slightly translucent in the right light, at the right angle.
    I will give you all an update tonight!

    thanks again!

  8. SouthernGent2 says:

    RedHead88 – good luck on the date tonight. Short, tight, low cut, with no panties is always a great choice hehe 😉

    Seriously, it depends on where you are going. Nice jeans and heels is always good. Here is my advice. Do you know the expression about “at work, dress for the job that you want”? Well dress a notch above the type place he is taking you tonight.

  9. redhead88 says:

    Good News!
    I’m SOOOO excited, I have my First Sugar Date tonight! (giggles and hoorays)

    Does anyone have any pointers?
    I’m so happy i have all of you as a recourse! You all are great.

  10. Bela says:

    I tend to just contact an SD, but given the lack of response from the ones I contact, I may make the letter too long. Maybe too many big words.

  11. redhead88 says:

    i wait for SDs to find me and i also reach out to them. I send a wink or a sweet message.
    SincerlySugar: lol i think that’s lame that an SD would do that! Though 3G a month down here in Memphis is nothing to sneeze at. lol Its wrong not to follow up on your original offer.

  12. Hope everyone was getting sugar over the weekend and that is the reason the blog had so little activity! 😉

    MissmilanDC says: “SD’s are scarce,let alone one that’s great ,is who he says he is and can provide the allowance I seek.” You so speak the truth with that statement! Lately it seems there is an enormous amount of JSD’s and fakes out there and even with careful screening they can still fool us. Carebear brought up a good point about learning about previous sugar relationships he has had.. it often gives us clues into what type of SD he would be. I have tried that, and when I heard from a Pot all negative comments about each experience I simply said Next. 😉

    @TLG: No sugar for me over the weekend, just more of the same weeding out the fakes. These days it seems to take much longer to find a good SD, however, I must say that the search has given me new appreciation for finding the right SD for me and new ways to pamper and spoil when I find it. 😉

    @ SouthernGent2: very wise advise to Sincerely Sugar! I just recently started asking myself questions when guys started making promises before meeting and realized that should have raised a red flag with me. I think though at least for me, that the longer I search I seem to let my guard down to some degree maybe out of frustration. I appreciate the wisdom that both you and Guru impart in the blogs it helps to keep me grounded 🙂 Thank You.

    @ Redhead88: I empathize with you and know the feeling… just do not take it too personally, there are a lot of ups and downs in the search which we all know but there are quite a few fakes out there and we just have to week them out. Do you wait for the SD’s to contact you initially or do you also search and make initial contacts? I now search myself and have contacted a couple that look promising and just got a response back this morning that is worth pursuing. Good Luck with the search.

  13. NYC SB says:

    I had an awesome sugary weekend … Hope everyone enjoyed theirs as well 🙂

  14. NYC SB says:

    B – thanks for the kind words 🙂 let me know when you are in nyc

  15. Bela says:

    Quiet weekend back in the country. My damn internet went out and the storage space on my laptop is getting low. Definitely need to get an external hard drive as soon as possible.

    In terms of the sugar aspect, still nothing, but since I’ve been so busy with work, I don’t really let it get me down. After hearing all these scary stories and headaches, I’m really not in the rush to deal with a psycho phony. There have been a few messages but overall no such luck. I guess I would be upset if this were my only option, but since it’s not, maybe that’s why I’m not freaking out. Or maybe I’m just way too laid back

    I’ll be in Florida for work next week, so that totally makes up for the quiet time this week 

    @Redhead – Who knows why the guy’s acting the way he is. If it’s that frustrating, let him go.

    @Michael – While I love, love, LOVE diving, my biggest fear is having to go to a chamber. I’m glad you’re okay.

  16. SouthernGent2 says:

    SincerelySugar – why would a guy make a promise like that before meeting you? Think about it. He was just either trying to buy your interest, or he is not really capable of helping you to that degree. Be wary of guys that make promises on dollars before ever meeting.

  17. redhead88 says:

    ok so i have been emailing this guy back and forth.
    WE hit it off really well! I was going to be in his area for the weekend, and he wanted to meet. Then POOF! Gone. He is still online, and still reads my mail! WTF??
    I was not needy in any of my emails. I kept it casual. So whats the deal?
    Im just getting frustrated….

  18. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    *house renos

  19. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Well, I’m in Dallas for a couple of days. Travelling, parties and house reins kept me really busy this last weekend. No sugar either.

  20. The Lone Gunman says:

    Good Morning, Sugar Blog!

    It’s Manic Monday, where we pick up the pieces of last week’s tasks undone and plunge anew into this week’s offerings.

    Reflecting on the past week and weekend, how did you do in the Sugar World?

    Are you closing in, or has the potential eluded you?


  21. so listen to this. i went on a pot sd last night and the guy agreed to 4k over the phone. Then in person he says I meant start at 3k and then gradually go up…um no…next!!! Any guy ever try to lower the allowance with you?

  22. Pinky says:

    I missed the blog! Trying to catch up.

    Finding a good friend or finding the live of your life or anything else important enough to wait for the right one is the same as finding that perfect sugar for you. Luck, though it may exists, isn’t generously available to us.

  23. carebear says:

    Michael-i was thinking the same!

    What did everyone do this weekend that kept u so quiet???

    Missmilan-can u start a conversation about past sugar relationships and how they have worked for him? Steer that into your ‘goals’ vs ‘expectations’ and if he responds positively take it from there.

  24. MissmilanDC says:

    Hmph,patience is definitely key.I spoke to a pot SD about 2 months back who sent me his number,he’s an Attorney/Investor here in DC….I hadn’t contacted him since out of fear that he may be to old for me (I’m 21) but I ended up getting the courage and calling him.He was amazingly sweet,offered to send a car for me and meet for dinner on the Potomac or on his boat whichever was more comfortable…Of course I chose the restaurant but we didn’t meet that night because of the weather and prior obligations at his workplace.That was about a month ago.We’ve been in contact ever since but werent able to get together since he was traveling to the midwest last weekend and then Dubai this weekend.Next weekend he’ll be in town and we will definitely get together.

    He seems like a great guy and easy to talk to but I haven’t brought up my allowance expectations verbally.His budget falls exactly in line with mine 5-10k so I wasn’t too worried about it.Even though we have parallel expectations on our profiles should I still bring it up verbally? Via email,on the phone or upon our first meeting? I find it easier to express these concerns prior to meeting so we know what we’re getting into but I dont want to scare him away.SD’s are scarce,let alone one that’s great ,is who he says he is and can provide the allowance I seek.


  25. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Quietest weekend ever for the blog ….

  26. @ The Lone Gunman:”I recognize from their pictures that quite a few potential SBs I scanned last year are still trying to make a connection.”

    You ask how can that be… lately there seems to be quite an influx of both SD and SB’s who seem to be oblivious to what a sugar relationship is and seem to get their kicks off of being liars and deceivers taking advantage of both sides. It is getting much harder to screen the real from the joke and fakes. For me even with careful screening I have fallen victim to a few, also there has been quite an influx of those who want only P4P.. I am not saying there is still not quality SD’s or SB’s out there.. but they sure are much harder to find. Just my take on it but also think now that CL has stopped adult services it has many coming to sugar arrangement sites which most of this group seems to prefer P4P arrangements. Welcome Back

  27. @ San Diego SB: It is always so nice when you find someone who you have chemistry with on various levels.. hope it continues to be that way.

    @ all: Well once again a promising Pot may not be what I presumed him to be. Back from Florida, I have been returning messages and emails as it stacked up the past few weeks. A Pot I had been conversing with that I thought I had asked all the right questions too, sent text and then finally phone me leaving me with the impression that he knew me as he kept saying Do you know who I am? You don’t remember me?…Come see me..I miss you… at this point I was getting spooked trying to figure it out as he has still not sent me a picture and does not have one posted on his profile..
    So once again here I am and to top it off this was all because he gets off by doing stuff like this with total disregard to me .. and I am starting to wonder about the rash of phonies I have been approached by. Think I will take a hot bubble bath and try to shake this one off. Still it creeps me out. Hope everyone else is having better luck than me..lol.

  28. sugarsweetie says:

    @crazy…I was shocked to see that about that guy. Very creepy because I have also met up with him :/ He NEVER came through on his promises. Do you have an email I can write to? I had a pretty bad experience and was wondering if the same thing happened with you.

  29. SanDiego sb says:

    went on an amazing date with a pot last night, we talked all the way to the restaurant, amazing conversation hes in his 30s so we had alottt in common especially with music(which is a big plus with me) and we had no specific plans after so we went to a movie, saw paranormal activity 2, scared the living day lights out of me which he thought was cute because i did grab on to him a few times. He went to the football game today here in san diego and we’ve been in touch the entire day.

    I have a good feeling 🙂

  30. Wow no comments since before 9 this morning.. hope every one is having a sugar filled day!

  31. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Thanks TLG. I’ll be in Cancun early December so I’ll have a look then. I don’t think the whale sharks are there then but I may do a few dives anyway.

  32. BiBaby says:

    Date with the DH was wonderful, we got 2 new blue dresses and a ton of amazing things at Victoria’s secret…then went for a new Italian restaurant that was fabulous. It was really, really nice! I so hope he hits the lottery one day….or hell, even I hope *I* do, that would be just as nice.

    Had 2 new pots contact me –both are good but one seems more promising, takes the time to compose an email, doesn’t seem put off by my allowance range or anything and he’s actually a tad closer to my home. He’s very busy with his job so he’s not put out by a biweekly meet schedule or maybe even 1x week if things go well.

    Too soon to tell (if I’ve learned one thing, you can’t count your emails before they hatch…the nicest emails I got came from a psuedo-rapist who almost pushed me out of the sugar bowl on my very first real life meet) but I’m just going to see what happens. My other SD/possible arrangement hasn’t talked to me since flying out in 4 days and I have seen him log on at least 3x on SA since then so I fear things may be falling apart there. I really like his cats, but I know that shouldn’t be the deciding factor right? It will be what it will be, I have been honest and true in being sweet and agreable about everything including going for hamburgers, so if that’s not enough, well I tried to be a good SB and I truly have tried to be good company, etc. The age difference just may be too great although he told me he’s contacted girls in their early 20’s usually, a 40+ yr difference. More power to them, I just don’t see what you can possibly have to talk about when you’re more than 2 generations removed. Oh well, cie la vie.

  33. The Lone Gunman says:


    Isla Mujeres is a ferry ride from Cancun. The island is actually more upscale than Holbox–many folks do it as a day trip.

    Go. You’ll have a great time there.


  34. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Do you know which is the best experience? I live in Arizona do Isla Mujeres is easy to get to. Lots of tourists? I could get to Exmouth if it was way better experience but it is so out of the way.

    I’m a little bit leery of diving in less-than-first-world places, had a couple of dodgy experiences in Malaysia.

  35. The Lone Gunman says:


    You can also see whalesharks in this part of the world off Holbox and Isla Mujeres at certain times of the year. Hope that helps!


  36. @TLG – Exmouth? Ningaloo Reef? Whale Sharks? Woah.

    Whale Sharks are on my bucket list – SO looking forward to that one.

  37. The Lone Gunman says:

    Good Morning, Sugar Blog!!

    It’s Sleepy Sunday, where we all tend to slowly shake off the excesses of the passions we experienced over the weekend days (and Nights). 😉

    Since coming back on SA, I recognize from their pictures that quite a few potential SBs I scanned last year are still trying to make a connection.

    I’d love to hear speculation on the part of the SBs on the blog just how that can be. Leaving out uncontrollable conditions like geography IMO if you aren’t succeeding in the Sugar World (both SD/SB), then either your approach is totally wrong or your standards and deal-breaking conditions are set at a level no real human can ever achieve.


  38. The Lone Gunman says:

    Michael Alleycat says:

    @TLG – are you from Oz?

    No, but I am considering relocating there part of the year if I make the business connection(s) I’m looking at.

    Where are you going in Oz? I am heading back to Melb there in late December for Chrissy, then Merimbula.

    Western Australia, which means Rottnest Island and Exmouth if timing permits. I’ll be there over Chrissy and New Years as well.


  39. B says:

    NYC SB I fucking love you. Your revised body is amazing grace and I do truly hope that when I am in NYC next (probably not till fall next year – have to finish uni and do europe in the summer first) that I get to meet you.

    No sugar love on my side of the world (although my female best friend is making quite the go of it), but once I move overseas (London or New York) it’ll be in full swing – I’m currently looking at intern opportunities and I know as well as any that NY isnt a cheap city to live – queue sugar daddies.




  40. FL-SD says:

    Good morning all ! Tackling a list of to-dos today in preparation for a busy week !
    Welcome back TLG.
    @BiBaby I think you should feel free to take the initiative and selectively contact sds that interest you. Personally I appreciate a well composed contact from a pot sb.

  41. mademoiselle says:

    oooh how embarrassing. i realized i have been spelling my name incorrectly all along! quel faux pas!

  42. bree says:

    How do you work this site? Can I get some help or advice please??

  43. madamoiselle sugar says:


    TY for the advice. i have to find his name on here, as he contacted me on the other account (which is now defunct). i think it’s something like redgreen or greenred. btwwww i’m from the midwest as well! 😀 but now living in NYC. and i wouldn’t even do a 10,000 for one night… 2,000 is nothing. for meeting, it’s really nice and very generous, but not enough for me to sleep with him. he would be my first SD.. and while i don’t feel like i have entitlement, i would like him to work a little harder!

    On another note, I’m not getting a lot of hits on my page/messages from guys. Is it worth it to pay for the upgrade, or just as good to cancel this account and recreate a new one? xx

  44. @TLG – are you from Oz?

    I grew up in Mebourne, somehow ended up in Arizona. Have done lots of diving on the Reef. A few years ago I had a couple of crappy dives one day out of Townsville, ended up in a chamber for 8 hours. Ooooops ….

    Where are you going in Oz? I am heading back to Melb there in late December for Chrissy, then Merimbula.

  45. The Lone Gunman says:

    Midwest SB says:

    TLG – All is well here! At least you’re dancing again…instead of nursing a bum leg! Have you been diving lately?

    I dive pretty much every week locally, and my last foreign trip I took the (now-ex) SB to Mexico a few weeks back. Will be heading back to Oz in December, and Belize next month for a few days.

    What can I say? I LIKE being underwater.


  46. Midwest SB says:

    TLG – All is well here! At least you’re dancing again…instead of nursing a bum leg! Have you been diving lately?

    Evening all!

    Bela- Great advice to BiBaby. It looks easier than it really is and you have to take care to listen to those who have the kind of arrangement you seek. Bela, NYC SB, Ms. Taken et al have shown some long-term success and provide valuable insight.

    RedHead88 – So sorry about his passing. That must have been difficult. From what I hear about the SA parties, it’s a wonderful place to meet like-minded people, but not necessarily hunting grounds. You never know what can happen…the worst is that you go home without having met an SD. If I were in NYC, I’d venture to at least one party.

    Madamoiselle – I’d be careful in this scenario. Personally, no amount of money is enough for one night. That said…if it seems to easy or too good to be true…. Men who make such offers tend to have dangerous fetishes, etc or to feel as if they’re entitled to treat you in any fashion. Do your homework, be safe, let a friend know where you’ll be. If you need help with research, I might be able to help. Stephan can share my e-mail with you. Share your general location and sugars may be able to share information on him or be available if you don’t feel safe.

  47. Bela says:

    TLG!!! I’m doing to same thing today. I’ve got a mountain of chores to do, and I’ve been blasting music all day. It feels great and now that all my things are done, I get to go play tonight.

    Love it!

  48. The Lone Gunman says:


    Cranked up stereo playing Birds Fly while cleaning up the Bunker.

    Does it GET any better to be doing the needed work while dancing like no one’s looking?


  49. RedHead88 says:

    I was on last year and my Daddy passed away in june.. (May his soul be at peace)

    well is there anything i can do different?
    I was receiving loads of emails when i was on here last, now its a trickle.
    Or men talking to me for a wile, then POOF!
    lol I guess i just need to wait it out right?
    Hay, has anyone had success going to one of those Sugar Balls???
    They seem like a good place to go hunting lol

  50. Bela says:

    BiBaby – I know it sounds really lame to say, but the best things come to those who wait. I’ve come across a few and unless it feels right, I say no thank you. Aside from being uber stubborn, I know me. If I feel like I’m compromising myself to the point that I don’t recognize me anymore, nothing will have been worth it.

    Plus I’m a pleasure-delayer so to me waiting it out for the real thing is so worth it!

  51. NYC SB says:

    Madamoiselle – well if he sounds genuine the offer to “dine and play” may have been made while thinking with his little head … Hopefully when you voice your concern he will be receptive and correct himself … Let us know how it goes 🙂

  52. Bela says:

    MORNING!!! Back in the country, but it feels good. I got fabulous sleep in my fabulous bed 🙂

    Now doing my honey-do’s and paying bills. grrrr

  53. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hahaha – just read his profile. “Also, I’m VERY busy, as I would imagine most successful people to be”. Too funny.

  54. SanDiego sb says:

    omg @crazy i think he is on EVERY sugardaddy site on the internet

  55. crazy says:

    watch out for this one, he is a con artist and will take advantage of you without coming through. he is not a millionare.-250236

  56. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Can’t sleep ….

  57. The Lone Gunman says:

    Hi Midwest! How are you doing?


  58. madamoiselle sugar says:

    @NYC & DCC — the guy is pretty cool. he asks me if i would be willing to relocate if things went well with us. he is always saying he wants me as a mistress, etc.. he even sent me a gift without having met me (now why can’t most guys be like that?!) i would like to keep this guy around… i think he’s into the longer term thing, as am i.. but i can’t be sure. just don’t want to go there, sleep w him, then that’s that. i think you guys are right and it’s best to tell him. i don’t want p4p!

  59. Midwest SB says:

    Hey TLG!!! So nice to see you again!

  60. The Lone Gunman says:

    NYC SB:

    Doing fine. All good things and all that….now I’m back in the market and on the prowl!


  61. NYC SB says:

    Madamoiselle – well while 2k is a generous p4p offer you must ask yourself if this is something you are comfortable with (from your reply above it doesn’t seem that way) … So I would suggest voicing your concerns to him … Let him know that sleeping with a man you just met is not what you are looking for and would prefer a longer arrangement … Maybe he would be open to just flying you in and meeting … Maybe not … But the last thing you want to do is put yourself in a situation that you are not comfortable with … Especially when going to a place you are not very familiar with… I can be reached at thegoaldigger at the g place

    Tlg – sorry to hear that! Hope you are well

  62. The Lone Gunman says:


    Anyone remember me? Buehler? Buehler?

    My great LDR has come to an end, so I’m back in the Sugar World.

    Have I missed anything?


  63. DCCaramelSweetSB says:


    I think you should be yourself..the best version of yourself. I have been doing that myself and it has been working very well so far. I am sweet in every conversation, I make jokes with him on daily but I don’t overdo it..everything is slight…one or two jokes..something sweetly said..like I really like talking to you..your voice is so sexy.your voice is so soothing Maybe once or twice a day…I try not to pry into anything. I ask him if he feels as though there is anything that is taboo for us to talk about because I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. If the chemistry comes it will be natural and not forced. It is just like regular relationships if it is there then it is..if not then it isn’t. It is one of those gifts that life gives us…not knowing what it is that draws us chemically to someone else..but it is a special and very nice feeling when it does happen. But you can’t make it happen. All you can do is be your best self and interact with him and hope for the best on both sides. It is very possible to gain that chemistry in the sugarworld..the same as IRL..maybe even more so.

    About the 2,000…try to create a conversation where you can discuss that you really want a long term arrangement and just don’t want to risk things fizzling out too quick. You also dont want for him to be with you if he is looking for something you are not.. a one time exchange. If you guys aren’t lining up with what type of sd/sb relationship you guys want then someone will have to either change what they want if it is something they are happily willing to do or move on to someone who wants the same type of relationship that you do.

  64. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    stormcat thanks… maybe we can go back and forth soon

  65. madamoiselle sugar says:

    hey guys!

    @NYCSB i emailed you, so i hope you can get back to me… rather, i commented your blog, bc i didn’t find your email address anywhere.. but i stupidly forgot to include mine! so i don’t know where to check back for a potential response.

    i’ll ask you guys the same thing:

    a pot wants to fly me to miami. i know how to be safe.. check his name, google him, look at his company, make sure hotel res made under my name, etc. he said he will give me $2000 to have dinner w him and “play.” i do not want to sleep w the man. i want to keep him around. what should i do?

    also, i have met a few guys here in NYC and nothing has happened with them! what gives? now i’m less inclined to meet guys for free, as i’ve wasted so much precious time.. but i have to ask.. is there really that feeling of “CHEMISTRY,” the die hard attraction you would experience with a person outside of sugar world??? also, what is a good way to act around a guy when you first meet him? i mean, a potential. tell he’s cool, hot, want to see him again, be flirty?!

    i am so new to this and soooo clueless.

    please help!

  66. Stormcat says:

    DCCaramelSweetSB – Nice to see another poet on the blog! (Not that I claim that ability myself)

  67. Lily says:

    Anyone around?

  68. Lily says:

    Thank you, sweetie!!!

  69. BiBaby says:


    You “Gents” are scaring me!!! Waaah!

    I have to agree though NC Gent/Guru…I think I’ll just hold out for what I think I am worth. I upped my range (knowing I’m closer to the lower end of it rather than the higher end of the prior one) and I’m actually still getting some nice contacts. Lily advised I initiate some contacts, which while I was against that, I understand her position of adverse selection, i.e. sitting back and only contacting those who contact you as an SB may not yield the most desirable SD’s because the desirable ones probably don’t HAVE to send emails to anyone, they’re getting innudated with inbound. I can appreciate that possibility so I’m working harder to make things happen. I’m also going to take new shots this weekend to show better, more sexy (but classy) pictures that showcase me better. I am attractive in person, no reason to limit myself to cellphone shots.

    Off to a sugar date but this one is with the DH…he saved up for a NICE restaurant and is taking me shopping for shoes & outfits tonight!! I in turn promise to be the ultimate sweet SB to him too..it’s going to be so much fun. Probably the best sugar of all I think! I know there will definitely be some fireworks with this particular SD…tee hee!

    BTW Lily congrats on your good news you told me earlier….go get ’em girl!!

  70. NC Gent says:

    yeah – she was pissed and he sprung it on her when the bill came… and to make matters worse… the next day he sent her a text wondering when they could get together again…. duh!

  71. SouthernGent2 says:

    NC – I guess he wanted to see if she wanted it bad enough lol. Seriously, that is very sorry on that guy’s part. I can’t believe the girl went along with that plan. I bet she was pretty pissed by the time the meeting was over.

  72. NC Gent says:

    I recently had a sugar date with a pot SB that had dated another SD who made her pay for her own meal and taxi to the dinner… things are bad when an SD pay for dinner and a taxi…

  73. SouthernGent2 says:

    RedHead88 – its the new generation of sugardaddy. Nowadays the sb is lucky enough to get a free dinner from us. And no commitments or allowances until after three test drives. After that, allowances have been dropped to three figures in front of the decimal point. Yes, it is now a SD’s market, and we are taking over with the game with our own rules 😉

  74. Lily says:

    NYC you’re excused from the SSS with that as the reason!!

    Such good things happening in my life right this second that I’m about to burst!!!!!!!!!

  75. NC Gent says:

    Things have definitely changed on the site over the last two years. I have found an increasing number of SBs who view the site as a traditional dating site. There are also an increasing number of SBs that are actually seeking P4P – rarely saw that. Maybe it also just my perception because I am becoming more picky, but the quality of SBs has dropped also (I have also heard that quality of SDs has dropped).

  76. NYC SB says:

    Redhead88 – when were you last on the site? From my experience, it has become much more difficult to find someone willing to “commit” lately …

  77. RedHead88 says:

    i need some help. i have been on here once before an had AMAZING sucsess with it. Now, im on again and having trouble.
    I have sent many emails, had phone conversations, all that jazz; yet no one seems to want to commit to this! And it seems like i have been sending a parade of emails with no actions taken.
    im Frustrated to say the least.
    is there something i am doing wrong?
    Have things changed since i have been on last??


  78. NYC SB says:

    Bela – aww thanks

    Bibaby – p4p offers for 300 or 500 is what we all deal with … I used to have “open negotiable” for a long time … Then I changed it to “5-10” and while the number of men reaching out was far less the quality was way better and the p4p offers decreased as well

  79. carebear says:

    texasd – we have a way with words, don’t we?

  80. NC Gent says:

    p.s. NYCSB — I looked at your blog — you look great. The hard work really paid off 🙂

  81. NC Gent says:

    BiBaby — unfortunately, there is a rash of SBs out there (aka pseudo escorts) that are willing to accept or even prefer the $500 (roughly) p4p scenario.

    Tough (rhetorical?) question regarding accepting what the market has to offer or holding out for what makes you happy. From personal experience, it has taken me on average about 6 months of diligent searching to find an SB that met my criteria. It takes time to find quality. However, after some point, you have to factor in market conditions, expectations and reality. The time period for adjustment of expectations is a personal decision. I often find many people have overly optimistic expectations on how long it takes to find a good sugar partner. It can take a long time in IRL dating; sugar dating has the extra degree of difficulty associated with financial expectations. My advice… don’t adjust expectations yet 🙂

  82. Bela says:

    NYC SB – By the way, what a hottie you are! I know you’re aware of this but it had to be said.

    • SD Guru says:

      Ok so my question is this…are there a rash of SB’s out there who are perfectly OK with a $500 p4p scenario??… I’m not sure if one is better off just accepting the market as it is…or holding out for what really makes you happy.

      Let me put it this way. Just because those SB’s aren’t posting in the blog doesn’t mean they don’t exist. P4P wouldn’t be out there if there aren’t enough people on both sides offering and accepting it. OTOH, just because it may be prevalent doesn’t mean that’s what you should accept if that’s not what you want. It takes patience and perseverance to find what really you want in the sugar world. As I recall, you’ve had your profile up for a couple of months with mixed experiences so far. Whether that’s been long enough is up to you.

      I’ve become much more selective and discriminating lately on who I email, meet with, etc. In other words screening.

      I’m glad you’re trying to do something different to improve your experience. As I mentioned before, you can’t keep on doing the same thing and expect a different result. I hope you’ll have some success stories to share with the blog soon!

  83. BiBaby says:


    I have to cast my vote in the other corner, I had an SD do that and after a month it appears the arrangement may be fizzling out…not sure but not answering emails for awhile, cut my allowance in half on the second “chemistry meet” after insisting on only putting 50% up in case things weren’t what he wanted. Not good signs.

    Just got another followup email from a pot that 2k a month for 2x is too much. Ok so my question is this…are there a rash of SB’s out there who are perfectly OK with a $500 p4p scenario?? I’m running into this 24/7 right now. I changed my range (upwards) and while it cut the volume of replies by about 2/3, the quality seems better. I’m not sure if one is better off just accepting the market as it is…or holding out for what really makes you happy. *sigh*. It’s such a pain in the butt.

  84. Bela says:

    @ebony – SFSB and SinSugar give awesome advice. Besides, if you’ve been talking off and on for months, “making sure there is chemistry” is just a euphemism for wanting to make sure that the sex is good. Honestly, I’d want to know the same thing, but only you can say whether or not you’re comfortable taking that gamble. If this will only have been your second or third meeting and you don’t feel totally at ease with being intimate with him, maybe you can set boundaries. If you’ve got great will power, you could agree to not going with the full allowance, but setting limits on just how physical you get. No matter what anyone says, you don’t have to jump to sex to “test chemistry.”

    Good luck <3

    @Texas D – lol I have done that so many times before. I thought it was just because I had the attention span of a ferret.


  85. @ebony:

    Last month I had posted in my blog signs to be aware of so you may want to check it out.. however, I steer away from P4P situations. Initially it is hard for both the SD and SB when it comes to finances as both sides need to develop faith and trust in each other. It appears he is being upfront with you and is honoring his word initially, I would be cautious but I am a chemistry type of person and can understand how important it is to have mutual chemistry especially in bed. If you feel you have a connection then give him a chance but stand firm on sealing the arrangement at the end of two weeks.. do not let him string it out. Good Luck Ebony hope it all works out for you.

  86. @ebony, just be cautious. you never know? sometimes the p4p men try to disguise themselves as wanting an arrangement so they try to string you along by doing per time at first…i mean really to a sd 2k should not be that that much. he should atleast meet in the middle and provide half-1k of your allowance before being intimate..i wrote about that happening to me in my blog 😉 good luck ebony!!

  87. TexasD says:

    You know, by the time i got down to the end of this, I forgot what I was going to say…

  88. belle says:

    goodluck cali! you could always fly overseas- what country was it 😛 lol heaps of people here go overseas to get dental work. I think it was thailand. a bit dodgy maybe- but there was a 20/20 epsiode on it- that seemed to think it was actually a safe and cost effective way 😉

  89. Ebony says:

    Hey sugarworld! I miss this blog so!

    So I have this pot SD with whome we been emailing for abt 3 mths now but have met for lunch only once. He hd to go out of the country n we stopped talking but now we are again. He had agreed to an arrangement of 2k a month and meeting abt twice a mth. Now all of a sudden he says the last sb he had he paid her upfront and was dissapointed when they were eventually intimate since they had no chemistry. He’s suggesting giving me $500 whenever we meet for abt 2 weeks then if we have chemistry set up a long term arrangement. Now he did say the meetings needn’t be intimate.
    Is he legit? Idk. Yest just as a test I text him saying I need 500 for something n 30min later the money was in my acct. I’m supposed to see him Sunday n this will be our second meet.
    I need help here sugars since I don’t wanna be intimate w him then he poofs or not honor the arrangement after 2 weeks. What to do?

  90. Bela says:

    Long, freakin’ hectic day. FINALLY going home tomorrow!! Loved Chicago, but I miss my bed 🙂

  91. Cali SB says:

    Seems like a slow night. I think I will take a hot bubble bath to quell my anxiety..

  92. Cali SB says:

    I don’t know. I haven’t had it fixed yet, I’m sure most of the (legit) dentists out here are a pretty penny. I have the crown still — thank god, because I almost lost it down the sink when I was rinsing it! — so that’s a plus, but there’s no guarantee that they’ll be able to reuse it. I found out this morning that my original dentist never put a post in it, so I think I will likely need a post put in which will also require anesthesia. 🙁

  93. belle says:

    caliSb- how bad is it? $$ wise?

  94. carebear says:

    can’t sleep, going crazy.

    everyone hibernating?

  95. Cali SB says:

    Oh and BBFU — No SD’s coming out of the lurking woodwork to save me. 😉 haha I’ll figure it out, no worries.. I always do..

  96. Cali SB says:

    Hi all.. seemingly not a busy day here on the blog. I’ve tried to sleep most of the day to take my mind off of my tooth. Thankfully, I am not in pain (I am sure I would be had it not been a root canal and therefore the nerve removed), but it is terribly embarrassing and giving me quite the anxiety about it.

    BBFU & BiBaby — I don’t really believe that the SD that messaged me last night was interested in helping me. I told him I would gladly email him a photo of my crown if he was thinking I was not being truthful. In my state of distress and not being home alone (roommate was here), I was not in a position to be Skyping. And he didn’t seem very concerned with how I was, just interested in Yahooing or Skypeing. I understand wanting validity on someone, but there needs to also be a level of empathy. If he couldn’t even give me a few hours until morning to collect myself, that I don’t think he would have ever been more than a poof daddy, do you? I don’t believe that I said anything offensive in my messages to apologize for, in fact, I even tried to explain most of what I’ve said here (Skyping the next day, emailing photo, etc), to which he seemed only concerned with himself and not with me. 🙁

  97. Hello Everyone,
    I am finally back home, came back from Florida this evening and see I have a lot of reading to do on the blogs to catch up. I did get the chance to work out every night while I was there and got a nice golden sunkissed look to boot.

    @NYC SB Nice work on your 30 day challenge.. you are looking great and I bet feeling better too. Congrats.

  98. nygent says:

    To answer one of the blog questions, and based on advice from fellow bloggers, I’ve become much more selective and discriminating lately on who I email, meet with, etc. In other words screening. People like midwest and sdguru emphasize the need for this but it’s hard to discipline yourself to actually do it. I’m trying …

  99. Hi, @carebear & bonjourbaby! I live close to charleston too!

  100. NYC SB says:

    San diego sb – thanks!

    Everyone else – I’m updating the blog finally!

  101. NYC SB says:

    Yes … That’s the one 🙂

  102. SanDiego sb says:

    p.s. NYC sb

    greattt job on the bod ( i saw your blog, your looking amazing)

  103. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    Good evening everyone….

    Update on me and the SD everything is still going very well..even more so. He is full of amazing surprises. I am enjoying the moment. I got scared after the posts from the previous thread..and started wondering if he was a fake/scam…I even restarted my search again in fear of this. I started talking to another potential and then my #1 and I had a conversation about my feelings..I told him about the blog and what people had to say to me. He was very understanding and said he was sure that it is true that there are fakes/scams on both sides but sprinkled in there has to be some genuine people. He told me that his friends of whom referred him to the site said that I would only talk to him for max a year and that I would move on to someone richer and that it is all about the money etc. He even expressed that he wouldn’t be surprised if one of them had tried to message me on the sly to steal me away. But all in all…I felt we had both concerns on our parts..this common ground made me feel as though I need to just keep thinking positive and brace myself for the worst.

    He told me to check my acct tomorrow for some sugar….I stopped modeling two years ago and I told him how I went to get a passport pic done and that the photog now wants to shoot me (after inquiring if I was a model etc)..Random..and I told him I was scared to because I had retired from modeling..been on a few mag covers etc I had left that alone after having my son last year. He told me to go for it and that it could be beneficial in the future. He told me he will help me make sound decisions..while I don’t “need” this…it was very comforting for him to say this to me. I feel so comfortable talking with him…its so sweet and calm..

    Bella I was reading previous blog about the Beyonce comment

    I am more of a Beyonce..curvy Caramel skinned thus the name..except I am told I look like Amerie..so Amerie with a Beyonce figure. And I have found very sweet men, pervs, fakes etc. But I have been approached by white, black, spanish, and three asian men (but they think I am half asian which I am not. Anyway..I think there are a good amount of men who are just into beautiful amazing women..

    I actually started looking for a white man because I have a fantasy that I want to fufill before I die…I am very attracted to them as well as other races..but have been with others Spanish..Black etc.. but the closest I have come is a half white/half dominican man…just would really like to have at least one hot ass relationship with a white male..I missed my opp..a long time ago when I was working at a starbucks when I was 18… He came up to me..I was so shy thinking he was so sexy..is name was Michael and oh gosh..he was a vision.. Blonde hair blue green eyes..gorgeous smile..he asked me if we could get to know each other.sadly my stupid phone broke and I didn’t replace it until a month later (i was too broke at 18) and by that time there was no calls from him as I am sure he thought I just wasnt interested seeing as how the phone was still in service..I even tried going through my phone call logs (papers that come in the mail on your bill) for his number and called each number to no avail..

    soapbox off

    I need to finish cooking

  104. SanDiego sb says:

    we had seen each other 3 times before the arrangement and spoke on the phone everyday. but that night…i dont know what his problem was.

  105. carebear says:

    bonjourbaby-we’re all friends on here, just get acquainted!

    i love chas! i’m from char. live north now =)

    have lots of friends with ‘southern tide’ down there.

  106. NYC SB says:

    I’m excited about the next few weeks 🙂 travel plans arranged … Sugar dress is ready to make its appearance

  107. looking forward to hearing fellow sugar stories & experiences <3

  108. sincerelysugar says:

    Thanks for inspiring me to make my frist blog fellow sugars. I finally did it! visit and comment pretty please

  109. SanDiego sb says:

    so i just got out of an arrangement, but never slept with him,(he had given me and entire months allowance already 2k) he ended the arrangement with me…honestly i think he was mad at the night we had set up for us to spend the night together *embarassed face* a monthly visitor showed up, and i was honest with him about it. He wanted to spend the night anyway (after i had just gotten off work at 9:30 at night) so i was already tired.

    We had dinner in the room,talked and watched a movie. We watched sex and the city2 (it was the only appealing thing on the hotel movies list) and me being a fashion design major i was super excited about the clothes in it.

    He started asking annoying questions (why would anyone wear that, Carries ugly i dont see the appeal blah blah ect.) He couldnt just enjoy the movie,then he started to argue with me about reality tv when i was trying to get to know “him”, all he wanted to do was argue, so when he took a call over seas and stepped out the room, i pretended to fall asleep to get the night over with. I thought maybe its just me having PMS, buttt he was just a really unpleasant man.

    • SD Guru says:

      @San Diego SB
      I thought maybe its just me having PMS, buttt he was just a really unpleasant man.

      Didn’t you get a chance to figure that out BEFORE you agreed to an arrangement?? Sometimes I wonder why SD and SB’s rush into an arrangement and then only to be disappointed. Even for IRL dating, wouldn’t you want to spend some time together before committing to anything??

      @NYC SB
      Sugar dress is ready to make its appearance

      Or disappearance… Is it the one that ends up on the floor?? 😛

  110. carebear says:

    yaz, emailed you

    calisb, sorry to hear your story but i hope you’re ok…

  111. BiBaby says:


    I wonder that too! I get spam emails asking for help from Nigeria and also for dating sites. I suspect it’s on the SA end as I’ve only given my address to 5 or 6 SD’s and all of them I conversed with for a fairly good length. I would think a data miner member wouldn’t invest that amount of time to get a mere email address.

    I don’t think it’s deliberate but I have wondered if there’s a leak with SA as well, similar to a mining virus or other such hacker program that may track info from the accounts when they register…

  112. BiBaby says:


    Just my instictive thought my friend, but maybe the SD wanted to Skype you in such a condition to see you genuinely ARE in pain and wanted to see your missing tooth?? I would never be embarassed to chat with a potential benefactor if I had explained the situation and he still wanted to help…there’s nothing wrong with you being a mess, it’s a genuine byproduct of your dilemma after all! I agree with BBFU contact him back and try to see if he really wants to help and if so….let him have the good karma of helping you out.


    You know what’s worse?? I spoke with Lily last night at length (got some great advice too BTW) and while doing so found an email from my SD that outlined before we met that once we did the 50% up front, he would pay the FULL remaining allowance at the beginning of the next meet (not at his house either). I have it in writing! I wish I had found/thought of this when the initial exchange ensued because I could have shown him his own words rather than gotten accused of assuming something unfair against his schedule. *sigh* I got that idea in my head because HE proposed it…it wasn’t me after all!

    Same thing with shopping the other meet…I had mentioned a possible agenda and he said terrific. Then en route I call to confirm arrival at the shops and he’s like “youre not coming to the house?”. I politely mentioned we had already set up an agenda and to let me know if that had changed. He said no, it’s ok and met me as planned. I could tell he was a little irritated he had to buy anything so I made the shopping quick and done by the second store. The reason we were going shopping was it was part of the allowance since he wouldn’t budge on the range, that gifts and events would make up for some of that according to him.

    I got this vibe he felt put upon for paying for them (they were only $80), even though he never said so. So at first I thought I was imagining things but now I think my instincts were right. I also have a very bad feeling since he cut my allowance into 2 more installments, he’s going to poof before I get my final portion. That would make sense if he’s not a real SD because that way he only spent $1,500 instead of $2,000 if he decides to move on elsewhere. I dunno. If he offers the last meet, I’ll keep my end of the deal absolutely but overall, I suspect this isn’t long-term how the system is supposed to work.

    I sometimes wish my instincts weren’t always right. I hope they aren’t but fear indeed, they are.

  113. Torrin says:

    QOD: A few weeks ago I set up a hotmail address for this search and hope to close it soon. I have given the addy to only SA and a few pot sbs. Now I am getting letters from Russian women with photos (that I have not opened).

    Has anyone else been getting spam? Is the leak from SA or are some members mining and selling email addresses?

    • SD Guru says:

      Has anyone else been getting spam? Is the leak from SA or are some members mining and selling email addresses?

      If you have an email address, no matter which email provider your use (gmail, hotmail, yahoo, etc) and what purpose you use it for, you can count on getting spam. Why? Because it’s a huge business to mine, troll, and exchange user information on the internet and there are countless companies in existence for this purpose. That’s the reason email providers put so much effort on controlling spam, but due to the shear volume some of it still end up in your inbox. This blog also gets its fair share of spam posts, but you won’t see it 99% of the time.

      There was a series of articles on WSJ titled “What They Know About You” that provided an in depth look at internet privacy. Take a look and what you read may surprise you. That’s the power and curse of the internet!

      @Bicentennial Baby
      You know what’s worse??… I spoke with Lily last night at length (got some great advice too BTW)…

      I rest my case! But watch out for Lily though… she can be a little “wild” sometimes! :mrgreen:

  114. bonjourbaby says:

    @beach_Girl…thanks! i am near charleston, sc

  115. good morning sugars!
    @calisb-hope your tooth problem resolves 😉

  116. Bela says:

    @BBFU – While the range is lovely, what would make it even more wonderful is if they resided near me 😉

    @Cali SB – I’m so sorry for your luck. I know it sucks now, but it will get better. I’m not saying don’t feel down (I’d be crazy for denying you that right) but tomorrow, realize that it can always get better. Just remember that you’re fabulous and bad ass!

    Morning Sugars! Another long night. Going to grab a little breakfast then I’m off to bed. Muah!!

  117. Lily says:

    Morning, sugars!!!

    • SD Guru says:

      @NYC SB
      Sd Guru – its bc stupidity and illogical thinking/doing annoy me

      Yes I know it’s tempting to go after an easy target. But doing so just further perpetuates the poster’s behavior, which then defeats the purpose of responding in the first place.

      @Bicentennial Baby

      One of my favorite sayings in the blog is “actions speak louder than words.” His lack of interest and time for doing things outside of the bedroom probably means he is still married/attached. His unwillingness to address your concerns about the allowance probably means he’s not in it for the long term. Life in the sugar world is usually filled with learning experiences in the early days (unless you’re very lucky), it looks like this is one of those experiences.

  118. Yaz says:

    Carebear~ I don’t know who you sent your email addy to but I do not have a blog so….I never received anything 😉
    You can contact me at yaz1033 at the Y place.

    Hope everyone has a great day!

  119. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    Cali SB, it’s hard, but try your best to be calm. Lie or sit down and have a cup of warm (not hot) tea. It will make both you and your tooth feel better.

    I would suspect that there are many genuine SD’s lurking here who want to help you (it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out why I’m so confident about this).

    One may have just tried and is or will be reading what you just posted (it’s the middle of the night in FL). When you are calm, and if you feel so inclined, perhaps you might want to contact him, apologize (yes, apologize), and explain that you were in a panic.

    Also, you may wish to put your profile back on “live” linked to your nick for a day or so to give these SDs a chance to know more about you anonymously.

    @ All the other SBs, I hope this doesn’t trigger a rash of crowns falling out 🙂 (I am ducking now from all the stuff being thrown at me)

    @SDGuru – still trying to get to the “posting story” stage, but as you can see my lousy french came back to haunt me. Also, it turns out that I have to fly to Phoenix on 1 November with transit stops in NYC and San Fran, so I was busy making appointments to see some friends and missed contacts.

  120. Cali SB says:

    bah.. /rant with the carrots around it.. it’s not showing. End rant. I guess it’s reading it as XML script when I type it. haha

  121. Cali SB says:

    <—didn't show up before without spacing. Anyway, I didn't proof that last post, sorry for the venting!!

  122. Cali SB says:

    I’m so annoyed right now. A supposed SD messaged me shortly after I mentioned about my tooth crisis (unrelated message) and I told him I wasn’t able to talk right now because I’m freaking out (sorry, I’m honest, probably to a fault) he said he could help me if I skyped with him for just a minute. I said that I’m a mess from crying for an hour and am trying to find a dentist on yelp (and refreshing the blog to see if there are any referrals in LA) and that if he could wait until tomorrow when I am calm and composed he could see that I am not a liar, to which he told me he said he could help me and I missed out on the boat.

    I’m sorry, but I feel like if he were a true SD, he would not be so selfish as to continually request skyping when I’m going through a traumatic situation and would be understanding and willing to wait until morning when I’m more composed and have a better handle on the situation (hopefully). Additionally, he lives in FL and I am in CA. And his profile for occupation says “bussiness” (it is an orange profile). It just really bothers me that if someone is lying on this site (i.e. him — not saying that he is, but it does happen rather frequently) that someone would offer to financially help a situation where someone is obviously in dire need (and it HAS to be fixed, not like my car broke down and I can just wait it out) and they are just toying with someone’s hopes. Ugh. Sorry. I’m just a bit flustered right now and still in shock that this is even happening to me on top of everything else. I’m not the “woe is me” type by any means (or you would have seen a number of those posts already because you wouldn’t believe the past few months that I’ve had, I’ve just gotten to the getting kicked while down point now..

  123. Cali SB says:

    Freakinggggg outtttttttttttttttt. 🙁 🙁 🙁

  124. belle says:

    @spiritual: how does $400 include cocktails?! meals and cocktails are not part of the cash. you got $140 for the date- not really a sugar amount!!

    @all: things are less dramatic- lieing low for awhile due to various reasons. If your good at decoding- youll figure out what i mean 😀

  125. emmanuelle says:

    I’m here because I need help with college coats, I never thought I would be on here. It’s been two months, and already I met great and very generous guys!

  126. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    I met my pot SD for the first time and I wrote a poem about him..randomly…here it is

    The End of The Night

    I love it when he kisses me
    His lips taste sugary sweet

    I close my eyes I want to savor this
    Forever remembering the feel, the taste of he

    His tongue, the smell of his cologne
    Will take me back to this place

    It feels like home I want to stay
    No forcing, it naturally feels safe

    I feel as though Ive stolen this
    Only a feeling this good has to be bad

    I wonder if he thinks the same of me
    Greatest kiss we’ve ever had?

    I brush my cheek against his
    without looking I can sense I’ve made him smile

    Can he read these thoughts in my mind? or..
    Does he think I’ll only be fun for a little while?

    His lips…
    They taste Like sugar
    For now..I much rather
    Keep it Sweet

  127. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    sorry cali sb sympathies

  128. DCCaramelSweetSB says:

    I am an artist Sugarbaby in reply to the original topic of this post

  129. DCCaramelSweetSB says:


    I am in the same situation…my friend keeps telling me how condemned I will be and will never have a husband and especially not if they find out..I try explaining that if I like the person of which I do..what is the big deal..so now I feel I have to keep it a secret

  130. Cali SB says:

    So much for things looking up for me. A crown I got after a root canal only 3 years ago just fell out! I was eating a brownie, not even on that side of my mouth that I was chewing on — and I almost broke a tooth on the other side of my mouth that I bit down on the crown on. I absoloutely can’t believe this. I don’t even have a dentist out here (the dentist that did the original one is 2500 miles away and is obviously terrible, and was prior to this too). It’s going to probably cost me $2k to $3k to fix this (I don’t know that this crown can be put back in) and I lost my job a few months ago. I’m sitting here panicking and bawling my eyes out. I don’t know what to do. 🙁 Does anyone in LA have a good sedation dentist that they can refer me to? Hopefully one that does long-term financing?? 🙁 🙁 🙁

  131. carebear says:

    @Michael – or a bit blonde. Yeah, I’ll call myself out.

  132. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    @Carebear – a bit bored, are we?

  133. Beach_Girl says:

    bonjourbaby~ Welcome, we are all leading a secret life, I would think. That is why we are here on the blogs and chats! Where are you at?

    Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly~ Many wonderful sugars here, SBs and SDs! 😀

  134. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    Chere Yaz, you should have seen the trouble I got into using the verb “jouir” = to enjoy in the dictionary. I was in the hospital for minor surgery when I started chatting with a fellow patient’s fiancee who happened to be visiting. Later I told the fellow patient “J’ai joui parler avec votre fiancee, elle est tres gentille . . .” Not good. I was lucky he was in traction. 🙂

    Chere Lilly, bien sur, ma cherie! Je t’envoyerai un email secret entre nous 😉

    By the way ladies, have you noticed (i.e. do you appreciate?) the surprisingly complete of lovers represented by the regular SD’s on this blog?

    SDinLA – The cultivated, sophisticated aristocrat

    SDGuru – The intelligent, intellectual thinker

    AZ Alleycat – The renegade, bad boy artist

    and recently

    BBFU – The Big, The Bald, The Fat, and The Ugly all-in-one?

    Jeeeeez, aren’t you spoiled for choice? 🙂

    • SD Guru says:

      @SD Guru – I don’t want to hear it.

      You read my mind!! 😆

      SDGuru – The intelligent, intellectual thinker

      You’re too kind!! But flattery won’t get you any bisous!! 😛
      By the way, where are the stories you were going to post?

  135. bonjourbaby says:

    i have been having a delima and need advice. ever since i started this whole sb thing i have struggled making friendships with other women. idk how to describe it. it has become a huge part of my life and none of my friends would understand it. they would probably judge or think less of me. i wish there was a way to meet fellow sbs who i have more in comon with…i just have nothing in common with my friends who are content settling for a frat boy who can provide nothing and living in a trailor park…..mb you other sugars can relate to me….

  136. carebear says:

    racecar spelled backwards is racecar


  137. Stormcat says:

    Well I haven’t felt much like talking lately but I have to post today because the date is 10 20 2010 (sort of a palendrome) The only real palendrome date left for a long long time happens though next year on november 2nd. that will be 11 02 2011.

  138. Lily says:

    NYC SB – say it ain’t so!!!! It doesn’t count as having been to NYC if I don’t get to hug you!!!

    Paris? W/ the hunk you met there last spring, per chance?

  139. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Plus they grow back bigger every time….

  140. carebear says:

    bibaby, you have mail! (from a different address than what you emailed me at…check spam)

    yaz….i left a comment on your blog with my email addy, how do i go about contacting you?? we need to have a producer’s discussion on hussiespirit/spiritualbaby/crackhead’s reality tv career.

  141. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    @Bela – 

  142. Sweet-Huni-UK says:

    ‘UK’ guys on the site I mean!!

  143. Sweet-Huni-UK says:


    With reference to the Original Posting I’m not really sure what ‘type’ of S.B. I fall into – being a more mature woman …

    I would hazard a guess that 80% of the UK guys are under 40 and calling themselves sugardaddies…

    But then I’m in my 30’s a fall into the sugarbabe category (shame there’s not another term as I do feel a bit silly with that tag)…

    So really, not much luck for me then …:)

    Have a peaceful evening….

  144. BiBaby says:


    Sorry…..I know I shouldn’t take the bait from Spiritual Baby…my apologies! 😛

    Good advice. It’s just hard to be objective this close to the subject you know

  145. Yaz says:

    excuse the typos 🙂

  146. Yaz says:

    Carebear~ I told her to get her own TV show a while ago. I would so watch it! *sigh*

  147. Yaz says:

    Bibaby~ I do agree with FLSD and others who suggested that you just move on. One thing that I have learned IRL and in the sugar world is that the saying “Never settle for less or you’ll get less than you settled for” is oh so true! It looks like your SD is playing the ” if this isn’t good enough for you, we can always end the arrangement” card. He is probably trying to sense how desperate you are to stay in the arrangement with him.

    I remember being one of the bloggers who told you that you should give this relationship some time ( after you first posted your concerns). It appears that your SD is showing his true colors earlier than we thought.
    I also do not really understand why he is only able to spend 6 hours at most with you ( 2 of which is to eat and prob the rest of it is to play) since he is a widower…No time for museum, movies, walks in the parks or other outings? He does not have a wife at home…so why the limited availability on his part? Is it because of work?
    I don’t want this guy to take you for a ride so I would say look elsewhere. You will not give your SD 100% of yourself in or out of the bedroom if you are not happy with what you are getting out of this arrangement. Express your concerns once again during the next meet ( during dinner or lunch would be ideal) and if he does not budge tell him this arrangement is not as beneficial to you as it thought it would be. Wish him luck and get out of there as fast as you can 🙂

  148. Bela says:

    @Lily – “Looks like someone woke up with a burning sensation, wart, or blister!”

    Lol, I think that needs to be the quote of the day.

    @BiBaby – His refusal to budge answered your question. He’s not going to respect you. To him you’re a sex toy with a heartbeat and too many hormones. Next!

    Don’t you know you can’t neuter an Aussie. The damn things just grow right back every time.

    @Spiritual – Bless Your Heart, you have major issues. I don’t know what exactly your deal is, but it sounds a bit malicious. You’re “spirituality” just agreed to meet with a man who (let’s face it) if he were to be your SD would have gone broke trying to afford you.

    You intentionally lied, manipulated, and disrespected him. Now, if he is into that and is a subbie who would like a Domme, I say way to go, but something tells me that wasn’t the case. I’m not saying he was probably a genuine guy, but you admittedly deceived him. Major loss in cool points there. Sorry

    Not to be a snob, but in the real world, we wouldn’t be BFF’s. My circle of friends share my ethics and are trustworthy. HussieSpirit is a great decision. And the $400 you earned wasn’t at no cost to you. It cost you your class and dignity.

  149. Yaz says:

    Big,Fat,Ugly~ “Je veux te baiser” is a very VULGAR way to tell someone you want to have sex with them but I am sure you know that already. I prefer to use the noun baiser instead of the verb baiser because no matter how you use it it sounds…well vulgar lol.

    Bibaby~ I was kind of mad to read your reply to SpiritualWacko. Why baby why did you have to go into all those details? This is a blog. You do not have to prove anything to anybody. She said she can beat you in beauty contest? Fine. YOU know who you are in IRL, where you have been and what you have accompished. If some crazy lady on the internet claims that she looks 1000000% better than you ( especially if the claim comes from SpiritualWacko) do not waste your time trying to prove her wrong. You are better than that babe.

    Hi everyone, still trying to catch up with all the comments here.

  150. FL-SD says:

    @SDGuru… point well taken. 😉

  151. Just in case anybody is interested, I got cancelled on again tonight …. 4th time in a row, she’s sick again, same middle ear infection. And yes I know she is sick, spoke to her last night, and sounded like crap. So what did I do? Sent her flowers today.

    @SD Guru – I don’t want to hear it.

    @NY Gent – how about you and me go get a drink tonight, and trade stories. Nothing else happening tonight here in Arizona ….

  152. VillaCypris says:

    NYC – allez allez!!!!!!! tout d suite! 🙂

  153. NYC SB says:

    Also IRL hunting in NYC is not as easy as everyone thinks … But I guess the grass is always greener on the other side 🙂

  154. NYC SB says:

    Sd Guru – its bc stupidity and illogical thinking/doing annoy me 🙂

  155. NYC SB says:

    Lils – I may not be in nyc for the sugar meet … As a matter of fact I got an offer to go to paris … And I didn’t even have to let the man sleep on my floor 😀 now if fat boss would give me the time off

  156. BiBaby says:


    I know, I can’t help myself sometimes, it’s like slowing down to look at a car wreck….


    I probably should look then. I proceeded because I am wondering if I am thinking too highly of myself or being unfair in my expectations. As outlined in a fabulous post above earlier, there are a LOT of great SB’s out there drama free, pageant level, considerate, beautiful and intelligent just like myself. I don’t want to get to the point some girls do where they begin to believe their own hype BUT I also have a basic comfort level on allowance, gifts, and attitude that is beginning to develop.

    It’s a shift to do this on the internet vs IRL because IRL there’s a lot more time for a natural relationship to develop and let’s face it, if I were on eHarmony and a person expected intimacy on the very first date, you’d not want to know what I’d say to that! so maybe I screwed up by not setting boundaries to begin with as strongly as I should. I guess that’s not my SD’s fault but I kinda wanted him to work with me and understand my position. I’m not greedy, just a little uncomfortable with the “and not a penny more” attitude I’m getting. With an SB a little extra goes a long, long way towards that extra in return.

    I don’t subscribe to Hussie Spirit’s philosophy of something for nothing–I think doing that makes me as bad as the SD’s I complain about…

  157. carebear says:

    @FLSD – “I’m glad you’ve selected a more appropriate name for yourself”


  158. FL-SD says:

    @Spiritual/Hussie: I’ve read your posts quietly for some time now. I’m glad you’ve selected a more descriptive name for yourself. I find it interesting that the key point to your “triumph” over your last customer was the point of how much value you were able to extract in exchange for nothing. Most sbs/sds who have had success in the sugar world, have achieved it by seeking out a mutually beneficial arrangement…. a win-win.
    I’d suggest a shift in emphasis may net you a rewarding, long-term arrangement. The constant focus on the little adding machine in your head must leave you with few available cycles to concentrate on your date. That is probably as obvious to them, as it is to me.

    In any event, as you said in your post above: “The internet is full of hustlers and scam artists.” I couldn’t have put it any better in defining your philosophy or behavior.

  159. FL-SD says:

    BiBaby, I’ve got to agree with Bela and NC here. For whatever reason there’s been some amount of miscommunication, but a sincere SD will listen up and understand the need to create a win-win situation. It does indeed sound like you’ve allowed compromise to to take you out of your comfort zone. If you receive an ultimatum after expressing your concerns, then you’re not in the right arrangement for *you*. It probably only gets worse, resentment is a tough emotion to undo..

    My advice would be to move on. You need to be with someone that wants a win-win.

  160. midwest sb says:

    BiBaby- compromise begets regrets. You’re not happy and he’s not a real SD. Do not let the lure of a promised allowance compromise your standards. NEXT!

    Speaking of standards- some bloggers could use a double dose and quit rewarding bad behavior. Of course, the ones who need it the most are clueless.

  161. Lily says:

    Six core blog SBs + a favorite used-to-sugar-date sister (LASB) probably coming AND BiBaby up from the south?! SugarSisterSoirée NYC 2010 is gonna rock the big apple next month! Eight power houses!!

    Sorry, I’m just giddy to come back across the pond to America & play!

  162. BiBaby says:

    Well good thing we’re not close enough to neuter him then, huh Carebear? *LOL*

    Bad kitty Michael, bad kitty!! No no no….

  163. carebear says:

    BiBaby, he accused me of the same!

    I think we’ve found the culprit behind it…..trying to shake the stick at others!


  164. BiBaby says:


    See, I didn’t kill the blog!!!


    Sending you an email too baby….hoping I will indeed make the NYC meet, I am so looking forward to meeting my sisters! 🙂

  165. carebear says:

    I vote HussieSpirit, Snooki, and Heidi Montag get their own reality show.

  166. carebear says:

    If we keep her in the microwave for a few minutes longer….I think her head will explode….

  167. $9.00 a cocktail? And you got a camera worth $100? And you won $40 on the slot machines? Wow.

    And all you had to do was let the guy sleep on your living room floor? Totally worth it.

  168. $9.00 a cocktail? And you got a camera worth $100? And you won $40 on the slot machines? Wow.

    And all you had to do was let the guy sleep on your living room floor? Totally worth it.

  169. NYC SB says:

    Spiritual baby _- you need help … You spend all this time letting us know how these men are not sds… Well my dear you are not a sugar baby now please stop polluting the sugar bowl… Also 9 dollars a cocktail is getting a bargain in nyc …

  170. Lily says:

    Thank you!!

    BBFU – email me to discuss specifics of my European adventure!

  171. Lily says:

    Oooh! Rawr rawr, virtual catfight! V. entertaining!!

  172. BiBaby says:

    @Spiritual Baby,

    Trust me, you would not beat me in a looks contest. Bloggers who have privately emailed me know that I am 100% what I say I am, and have seen photos. I have been in Hawaiian Tropic calendars, was asked to do a spread for Playboy (I refused, can’t do pageants once you do it but I have the card and the bunny necklace from the interview to prove it…), and have won over a dozen beauty contests over 15 years. If you are on my level, then we’ve competed together at some point in the past but somehow I doubt that.

  173. Lily says:

    Looks like someone woke up with a burning sensation, wart, or blister!

    Spiritual, your satirical routine just lost the entertainment value. Keep the standards high & keep writing your long-winded sugar journey updates–top quality entertaining read!

  174. BiBaby says:

    @NC Gent,

    no go on the other 50%, I got half of that with the other half promised at next meet. I dunno. I am thinking I am going to continue the search somewhat. As to the suggestion “talk to your SD about it”, I did that and got a call in essence telling me the plug is pulled if I this isn’t a misunderstanding and I’m unsatisfied in some way with what is in their opinion a more than fair offer. I think meeting weekly for under $3k isn’t sufficient esp if there are special requests for costumes, role play, and other no-regular-girlfriend-is-gonna-do expectations.

    Regarding Spiritual Baby’s comment, I am certainly not an escort in disguise, I am in search of a genuine long term arrangement that I can look forward to and NOT view as a job or a chore or obligation. That is the very antithesis of an escort who views the intimacy for money exchange as just that…a job, no matter who the john or how he treats her once a minimum standard is met. if we all were or wanted to be escorts, nobody would be complaining about relationships that aren’t panning out to be at least somewhat genuine in consideration between parties nor would anyone ever walk away from a paying SD because at that point, hey, it’s only money right? Obviously she knows nothing about the outcall escorting world (I have friends in that very business and trust me, it’s NOT the awkward dance we do and it’s a lot more cut and dried and to the point to get paid…but there are no confusing lines about pretending to care or be a girlfriend to someone you’d never date otherwise….apples and oranges here) and without that knowledge, should keep her mouth shut on the subject.

    Soapbox off

  175. VillaCypris says:

    NC – ahhh okay. That IS funny. Sometimes I wonder if anyone I know sees my profile on here…. no one has ever said anything to me, if so… hmmmmmmmm! 8)

  176. NC Gent says:

    Hi VC and Beach — good to see you! I am doing pretty well.

    VC — if she upgrades to premium she will be able to see I viewed her…. I don’t have a picture on my profile, so hopefully she won’t figure me out. Too funny though 🙂

  177. VillaCypris says:

    Beach – je veux te baiser!!!!! AHAHAAH!!!!!! kidding. 😉 moi, ca va. je commence yoga encore, a midi. sooooooo happy things are going well with your business!!! yey!!!!!!! xxxxxxxoooooooo

    NYC – ‘good’ morning… heh heh

    BBFU – n’avez pas peur de parler en francais… i remember the first time i said to someone… “je veux te baiser”… with the “s” sounding like a “Z”… bezzzzzzzzzz-ay…. which meant “i want to f*** you” instead of with the “S”… bessssssssssss-ay… i want to kiss you… mdrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… it was a good friend but i did it on purpose just to see his reaction… ahhhhhhhhhh so funny.

    le meme profession? peut-etre!

  178. NYC SB says:

    🙂 morning sugars

  179. Beach_Girl says:

    VCCCC!!!!!!!!! Comment va tu Ma cher amie??? Miss you tons, I am so busy with my biz that I have not enough time for everything, je t’envoi un email soon xoxoox

    Cali SB~ I am glad things are looking up… hopefully I can make it back to Cali soon,,, 🙁 miss my friends… maybe, this time, we can meet!!!

    Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly~HAHAHH Baiser peu aussi dire, de faire l’amour!
    Geneve me semble tres beau! un jour peu etre je visiterais. Je suis du Canada francais!

    NC~ how have you been?

    Talk soon, hope all is well

  180. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    Chere VC

    Oh . . . . Monaco = Monte Carlo = MC I get it! Mais apres je me baise avec “baiser” au-dessus, j’ai peur de parler en francaise (although my lady french teacher did flash a set of sly french goo-goo glances at me when I asked? Good thing she didn’t know who SDinLA was).

    Il me semble que tu et moi ont fait la meme profession?

    Bisous, besos, bises, baisers (is this like how the Inuits/Eskimos have three dozen words for snow)?

  181. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    @Beach Girl

    A rapport a “Bien sur! Je peux vous baiser, mais il faut tu faire bien coucher sur le lit suivant les besoins au-desus?”

    I just left french class where I asked our lady professeur about it. Merde! The dictionary says baiser = to kiss! That’s the problem with french: how come all the good stuff is never in the dictionary? 🙂 (maybe that’s why haven’t heard from SDinLA for a while?)

    Just for that, I am adding baiser to the list of “never to use” french words like jouir.


    “all you type A, besos thirsty, SD’s – Yes, I think the completion is adorable, but I’m so not in it. Kiss each other for all I care :p”

    After all the funny french above, you really don’t want to go down that road . . . especially to completion :-)! (I really hope this smiley comes out right or everybody is going to think I’m a perv)

    To all those other posters with serious comments and questions, my apologies for the distractions . . . baiser . . . oops . . . uh, bisous . . . . oh whatever!

  182. VillaCypris says:

    Bela – corny or not, I like that! “If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything”…. very true!

  183. VillaCypris says:

    GM all!

    Hi NC! 🙂 missed you the other day, to say hello. So now this woman will see YOUR profile, right??? uhhh ohhhhhh….. heh heh.

    BBFU – désolée …. MC = Monaco 😉 vous avez d la chance d’habiter a Genève! c’est une belle ville… J’étais là en février 2006, Hôtel Président Wilson, pour une conférence de ‘hedge funds’.

  184. Bela says:

    @all you type A, besos thirsty, SD’s – Yes, I think the completion is adorable, but I’m so not in it. Kiss each other for all I care :p

    @Midwest – Of course you get besos!! You’ve got mail.

    @Cali SB – Actually I think that original photo was of honey going on a tongue, not lip.

    @BiBaby – I know you’re trying to be optimistic and patient, but from the sounds of it, you’re not very satisfied and have agreed to two things you already didn’t really want to do (the “lower” allowance and physical intimacy.) I know you want this to work, but you may want to step outside of the sugar box and re-establish who you are. I know it’s corny, but if you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything. You don’t want to lose yourself in this search for a great SD.

    If you are in some way not happy, voice your opinion. If your SD is authentic, he’ll listen to what you have to say. If he’s not willing to meet you halfway, next! High or low expectations, it’s all about how comfortable you two are.

    @NC Gent – excuse me for a moment It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small, small world 

  185. NC Gent says:

    Hi BiBaby — he needs to cough up the other 50% now. I suspect he will poof if you pressure him on it, but I am not certain on that obviously. This seems to be a classic approach that wannabe SDs are employing– offer significant monthly allowances and pay weekly then poof after a short time. It is less expensive than an escort, especially for overnight visits.

    and on an OMFG note — I saw a profile today of a woman I know from my business dealings. She is in her 40s. I suspected she was playing in the sugar world, but now it has been confirmed. Her profile text was very accurate, but she shaved about 8 years and is using pics that have to be about 8 years old also.

  186. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    Shucks, these smiley things aren’t coming out quite right. My last smiley was supposed to be the one where he is scratching his head.

  187. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    Chere VC, j’habite a Geneve! Il me semble que MC est beau . . . mais une question s’il te plais? Ou est MC?? 😎

  188. muasugarbaby says:

    i am in the same situation…it ruins the sb fantasy when you feel like there looking for a discount…u know?! thats the fun of an arrangement…being treated like a queen but it really takes away from the excitement when they are cheap ;-((((( hugsss

  189. BiBaby says:

    Ah, I’m out all day in the sugarworld and look at all what I missed on the blog! drat!

    I have a bit of a quandry I’d like to ask opinions about…..

    I’m in a current arrangement where we negotiated a possible 2 to 3 visit per month schedule for a set allowance. I wasn’t 100% wild about the allowance as it was less than I had proposed but with 2 visits a month, came close enough. the SD is a nice person, but justified the lower amt with the fact he says he’s considerate and the real deal, etc. (to me this would be a given, not a reason for discount).

    We agreed to the 1st meet to a 50% up front of the monthly allowance so he could feel like he could trust I would not “poof” as several other ladies had done after receiving gifts/assistance on the 1st date. I was not completely in agreement with nookie on 1st date as it’s really soon (knew each other a total of about 4hrs in person before that..) but both of us kept our end of the bargain and each received their mutual “benefit” if you will as promised.

    Fast forward in setting up the follow up meets, I recv’d an email saying basically since they had put up the 1st half, and the month wasn’t out yet technically, that the appropriate thing to do would be to give me half the remaining month’s allowance at the next meet and then the last 25% at the end of the month, essentially guaranteeing three meets since it had been pro-rated before. My position was the only reason I agreed to a pro-rata was to establish trust. Once proven, there should not be a need to do complex math or “splits” since obviously I’m of my word.

    I am left feeling like this is actually a pay for play situation since everything has to be per meet esp when someone points out a technicality that 14 days has not passed as if I were somehow getting paid early. Did I make a mistake and start a bad idea by agreeing to pro rata to begin with? Also is it normal to usually eat and then always just go back to their place? To my mind, there should be something like the museum, a movie or play or something fun to visit but our time is usually limited to about 6hrs at a pop, so maybe that is expecting too much.

    I am suspecting their intentions are good but perhaps this SD isn’t really financially able to be in the sugar bowl (annual income 200k?) if they think 3k is a high allowance and 2k is normal. I’ve had to limit my shopping trips to items around $100 in total or under and while I of course appreciate kindness of any sort, that isn’t what most SB’s and SD’s on this site would describe as a sugar level relationship.

    Then again, I’m new to the internet method. My last arrangement was several years ago before my remarriage and was IRL. In that relationship, it was 3 mos in before we were intimate and several rent payments were given without much more than a dinner date as expected repayment at the time. That relationship developed much more slowly and without awkwardness, and things were volunteered above and beyond all the time “just because.”

    Am I in left field expecting more than this or a different approach?? I suppose SDs dont’ get rich by being generous, but I am a person and not a product, so why look for a discount?? I know you guys will set me straight good or bad. I am a sincere person and want to do right by my part of the arrangement but I am wondering if my expectations are too high, or am I in an escort situation by default and I just don’t really know it?

  190. Cali SB says:

    Hi Beach!! How have you been?? I’ve been way better. You wouldn’t believe my streak of bad luck (lost my job, terrible family health news, dog died). The good news is, it can only go up from here! 🙂 It has been raining all day today and yesterday. Makes me lazy which is no bueno! 🙂

  191. VillaCypris says:

    awwwwwwww beach…. gross bizzzzzzzzzzzz a toi~ 🙂
    et BBFU…. tu habites ou? j’ai habitee en MC pour an un… c’etait bien. magnifique. xxxxxx

  192. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    Chere Beach Girl

    Oui! Mon francais est atroce, mais j’essai le parler!

    Aussi, Shhhhhhhhhhhhh! You are going to blow my cover! 😉

    Quelle ironie! Je suis ne d’un pays acote de mer, mais maintenant j’habite en Europe. Vous etes Francaise et vous aimez le beach?

    Vous etes a ou maintenant? 🙂

  193. Beach_Girl says:

    Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly~ I have to laugh at your translation lol, not quite right, guess you aren’t french! 🙂 Welcome !!! Je suis Francaise, mais pas de France!

    Cali SB~ hey girl, long time no see, A T-Storm in LA, that would be awesome, I miss my fun town!!! How have you been?

    Midwest~ Kitten, I kiss you … Besos to you, je t’embrasse!!! 😀

  194. muasugarbaby says:

    thanks torrin!! im in sc so i need all the good luck i can get lol!!! im crossing my fingers that a ceo/ fortune 500/ wall street….something will contact me lol!

  195. Torrin says:

    @Muasugarbaby, I have welcomed mail from quality sbs that my searches have missed. I recommend that you write at least a hello note to anyone who seems to fit.

    Good Luck!

  196. muasugarbaby says:

    just put up a profile…should i write sd’s or should i wait for them to contact me? wat has been most succesfull for you?!? xo

  197. carebear says:

    I know, the blog gods answered our posts……

  198. Cali SB says:

    carebear: The image is different now. It was a mouth with honey pooling into a huge bottom lip before.. Weird.

  199. carebear says:

    Isaiah verse something line something:

    He has spoken, so it shall be done!

  200. NJLady says:

    Thanks sugar’s…I won’t do anything like again. Thank God nothing happen, nothing was going to happen because I told him I couldn’t stay. Thanks again.

  201. carebear says:

    the nignon’s or something

  202. carebear says:

    PS Cali SB yes the blog pic is super creepy. Looks like one of the blue creatures from avatar.

  203. Midwest SB says:

    Carebear – I stole the remote! Bwahahahaha!

    I talk about the bloggers all the time! I’m nice though. (((hugs)))

  204. carebear says:

    Michael-never found the mute button. Or the remote for that matter.

    Midwest-who needs work when you have blogging??? pffft

    And dandywine has never discussed others on the blog with me. Only herself and her stories, and mine. I think its this thing called having a life and not caring what others do with their’s. But what do I know.

  205. Cali SB says:

    OMG a thunderstorm in LA! I am so excited!!! 🙂

  206. Midwest SB says:

    Evening sugars! I’m so glad I missed the drama today. Doesn’t anybody work anymore?

    RetiredSB49. I am 43 and discovered this world a year ago. I’ve only met online SDs and it’s worked out fine. If you read previous posts, I screen relentlessly as do the more successful ladies here. Perhaps it’s because trying the traditional dating sites give one some intense screening skills. I’m sure your experience meeting these wonderful men IRL was much more pleasant and respectful. That said, it’s not necessary to lump all our gents into what has already been referred to as perv johns. I believe SD Guru handled the accusation with grace and deserves acknowledgment and perhaps an apology. As you remain here and get to know some of the bloggers as I have in person and online, you may want to call them friends. They are here to provide valuable advice, support and entertainment along the difficult online search.
    If you would like some advice offline for screening, Stephan et al may be willing to send you my e-mail.

    I never had besos 🙁

    Bela – This bio/physics major is dying to meet you! Girl crush!

  207. Dandelion Wine says:

    SD Guru, hm. I don’t think I even referenced, nevermind discussed bloggers in conversations with fellow bloggers. (fellow bloggers, please correct me if I’m wrong!). Does that make me odd? Lol

  208. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    Did I miss something? Or did it suddenly get a lot more steamy in here with bisous flying all over the place, pillow fights galore, not to mention the steam coming off of Lily’s rocks? 🙂


    Bien sur! Je peux vous baiser, mais il faut tu faire bien coucher sur le lit suivant les besoins au-desus?

    Translation: Why of course I could kiss you (formal)! But following the requirements above, you (informal) would have to be awfully good in bed? 🙂


    “Unlike SDinLA, I don’t need bisous from BBFU!!”

    Awwwww . . . there you go hurting people’s feelings. 🙂

    “don’t need bisous from other guys. Which reminds me, no bissous for you when we meet!”

    Better avoid francophone Europe, here they “bisous” everything in sight including strangers, body parts, farm animals, and unusually magnificent vegetables . . . sometimes, anyway.

    By the way, you see how “the one formerly known as SDinLA” is in the lead with bisous from three hotties: Lily, Bela, and NYC SB? Gotta admire the style! (Sorry ladies, you know how we guys like to compete 😉 )

    @Lily when the steam from her rocks clear: what country are you in?

    Now back to business:

    “Well, that takes you out of being a saint”

    I think you are right. But St. BBFU did have a sort of kinky ring to it?

    “What does that mean, a happily ever after fairytale ending? Is that what you want, or is that what you think they’d want?”

    Likely a bit of both with a very heavy weighting on what I hope for (want seems too probable?). I suppose that puts the final nails in the coffin about my sainthood. But I do note something I can’t figure out: most of the pot SBs make it clear that these possible scenerios are doubtful, but they seem to like hearing them anyway? Don’t know where that leaves the scenerios.

    OK, will start with stories in another posting (getting a bit too late here right now).

  209. Dandelion Wine says:

    This guy’s name is “John”. I actually met another “John” from the site when I was in DC in August. DC John was awesome! Maybe when you given a name that means you pay for sex, you have to compensate by being totally awesome and sweet. I hope so!
    This is Saturday Night Live material!
    Say what you will but Spiritual Baby is top notch entertainment 🙂

  210. Dandelion Wine says:

    SDinLA, I am very much flattered that you befriended blog men in order to talk about me 😉
    Re: my beliefs. *I* personally wouldn’t drink with people I don’t yet trust and feel comfortable with. I don’t see how it implies that I care what anyone else does

    • SD Guru says:

      @Dandelion Wine
      SDinLA, I am very much flattered that you befriended blog men in order to talk about me

      I’m shocked – SHOCKED that fellow bloggers befriend each other to talk about other bloggers!! Say it ain’t so!! 🙂

      Say what you will but Spiritual Baby is top notch entertainment

      It’s satire and parody at it’s best, whether intentional or not!! 😉

      @Mr. BBFU (who could have been a saint)

      I’ll comment more after you post your story. But still no bisous for you regardless of what farm animals and vegetables are involved!! 🙂

  211. Lily says:

    I have so much catching up to do.

    But for now, I’m dropping my towel & dashing in to the sauna.

    *Hissssss….sound of the steam coming off the rocks!!!*

  212. RetiredSDinLA aka Attention Muse extraordinaire & new holder of longest blog name title usurping Michael says:

    Bela: re:microbiology symposium and swooning

    Sexy nerd = the perfect woman

    Where were you when I was not retired?! 😉

  213. NYC SB says:

    Guru – only if I become your “muse” lol

    Bella – awesome story … Seems like both our first arrangements were irl 🙂

  214. Bela says:

    Who knew so much could happen in such a short amount of time between sugars. I know, being a mere spectator on the recent “discussions” (a.k.a. digital ball busting) that has transpired in the past few hours, I technically don’t have a say in who’s right or wrong. Having said that, these discussions did occur on a public blog, so I’ll throw in my hopefully objective two cents.

    @RetiredSB – I know you said you don’t want to insult strangers, but you do realize you accused SDGuru of a sexual crime, right? If he is guilty of such a thing, right on. If he’s not, taking offense wouldn’t necessarily be out of the question. Your disdain of the blog and website have been noted, and many of the things you’ve mentioned I have taken to heart. People are used and discarded as if they are nothing. However, it is not all bad. And for the record, I’m not a crack whore.

    @Arcadia SB – In regards to your SD’s gift, if he’s married, keep in mind that if it’s to be something tangible, you may want to keep it as generic as possible. Men get careless, lazy, stupid, whatever you wish to call it and leave things around. If your gift were to be found by “the wrong person” he gets caught and you get drama. Not saying buying a nice set of cufflinks or something is wrong. Just chose wisely. Maybe tickets to his favorite musician, a great ballgame, I hear geishas are in season now. Bad joke. Not funny.

    @SDGuru – I send you kisses as well. But if RetiredSB is right, I will not hesitate to repossess them with severe penalties.

    @NYC SB – You’re a hottie, so you get besos tambien.

    @SpiritualBaby – Being from the South (yes, Texas) I’m just going to say Bless Your Heart. <3

    @Torrin – What an interesting method. My first (and technically only) arrangement began at a microbiology symposium (I’ll wait until you finish swooning) between a key note speaker and me. I was very young but lucky at how respectful he was. He helped me keep my sanity through college as well as showed me ways to appreciate my partner, value my sexuality and be more honest with who I was as a person. Plus, he showed me that I really find nerds to be super sexy.


  215. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Carebear – did you ever find that mute button?

  216. SD Guru says:

    @NYC SB

    Why stop at besos? 😉

  217. sweetbaby says:

    any great sds out there looking for a sb..? thats reliable…contact me 😉

  218. NYC SB says:

    Besos for sdinla … Guru u owe me an email if u want besos 😉

  219. Torrin says:

    @Arcadia, I met my previous sbs IRL. When I thought that a couple was in an arrangement I would ask the sb to coffee. I would tell her that I was looking for some one. Soon after I would get a call to be introduced to one of the sb’s friends. If an arrangement was reached the original sb received a gift.

    Actually it worked out better then this online process. This is the way it has worked through the ages plus some introduction agencies. It works a little easier in Europe where a gentleman may get turned down but a lady is seldom insulted by the idea.

  220. SDinLA says:

    Arcadia SB, re: SD birthday gifts, I think the blog has touched on this before, you can ask Guru, I think he has every post that’s been made indexed and can refer you to the correct blog. 😉

    We need more info: is he married or single? What are some of his likes and dislikes? Nobody but the two of you can judge what is “appropriate” for your situation. IMO, the more thoughtfulness a gift displays, the more I appreciate it. You’re not likely to be in a situation where you can out-extravagant your SD, so don’t worry about cost and just try to think of something that he would instantly see and hopefully appreciate the thought that went into it.

    Re: meeting potential SDs IRL, it depends on where you are located. Obviously it is easier if you live in a big city on the coasts. You’re on the right track, how feasible it is given your location is another matter. When you’re deep sea fishing, you try to go where the fish are, I’d say the same applies. All of my SBs were full-time undergrads at top-notch schools, and I met them because I spent a lot of time on and around those campuses, I did not meet any of them online (unlike that nasty rapist Guru.) 😉

  221. SD Guru says:


    Bisous from the ladies are always welcome. OTOH, I don’t need bisous from other guys. Which reminds me, no bissous for you when we meet! 🙂

    You’re not an attention courtesan, you’re just an attention muse!! 😉

  222. Arcadia SB says:

    Ah, I love a good sugar fight early in the morning, i smells like…well I won’t go there 😉

    The one thing I am noticing about the site (and the blog) is that everyone has a slightly different idea of “sugar”.

    RetiredSB – I thought about being a sugar baby when I was 19, 20, 21, but really feel that I (personally) was too young for the lifestyle. Now that I’m 25, I’m still pretty young and know that there’s a lot I have to figure out, but feel better able to take care of myself. I think that being so young before I would have been way too attached and dependent (emotionally) on an SD. Right now I’m still at the start of a pretty good sugar relationship, or at least one that meets my needs. I did meet my SD online, and I know he has had other sugar relationships from online and IRL.

    I’m actually curious about how you meet an SD IRL. I can’t imagine it’s any easier than meeting them online, but perhaps a little more obvious to see if they’re crazy. Do you hang out at country clubs and high end restaurant bars? I’m just curious as being a simple country girl (in some ways) i think I’d get lost trying to find an SD without the internet.

    SD’s I have a question for y’all: My SD’s birthday is coming up soonish. As I said, we are very much at the start of things, probably been together about a month maybe longer. What is an SB to do for her SD’s birthday? I want to do something special, but I have no idea what’s …hmmm…appropriate?

    OK, time in, everyone can get back to their e-battles 😉

  223. SDinLA says:

    “Unlike SDinLA, I don’t need bisous from BBFU!!”


    Then you missed out because my shameless plea for attention got me kisses galore from blog hotties Bela and Lily!

    I know, I know, I’m an attention courtesan (do NOT ever call me an attention whore, I am so much better than that!) what can I say?


  224. SouthernGent2 says:

    SDQuest – don’t ask “what do you want?” That drives me nuts when someone starts things that way.

  225. SDinLA says:

    Dandelion Wine:

    I really should know better, but to have first my bona fides and then my ability to discern true love questioned by someone who fancies herself not just a “muse” but a “muse with signing rights to a Centurion Card” just gets my combative juices flowing…

    For someone who has “no concern” you sure have a need to have the last word… answering me from the last blog displays a complete lack of concern. I don’t think I am doing any projecting. Seems like my saying that very rich men have groupies and golddiggers after them touched a nerve in someone who prefers to think of herself as a “muse” just because some rich guy calls her that. You know, some “escorts” get bent out of shape when you call them that, insisting that they are somehow better because they are “courtesans”, you can call yourself a “muse” if you want, but carebear’s Shakespeare quote is applicable here as well.

    You have some odd “beliefs” that is for sure. I just have to remind myself that you were the one who said that you thought it was dangerous for a potential SB to meet a potential SD for drinks when every other single SB and SD I know thinks that is a very SAFE and low-expectation first meeting.

    I see why certain SDs here have told me they don’t bother to engage your posts… there’s a certain misplaced self-confidence allied with a lack of logic and real world experience that makes it a useless endeavour and I shall now heed their advice.

    Lily: and you wonder why some of use seldom post anymore! 😉

  226. carebear says:

    OMG dw you’re off the charts.

    NJLady-have you met anyone else before? screening is vital for your survival! literally! (didn’t mean to rhyme) never go against your gut. we all do it, get burned, and then are shocked about it later. hopefully you put a bandaid on 😉

    man i’m so funny i can’t stand it.

    • SD Guru says:

      @Mr. BBFU
      Of course, I do hope for something in return

      Well, that takes you out of being a saint then. What you have here is that you’re not “detached from the outcome”. See this post from Michael that explained the concept.

      These inevitably become long term possibilities involving security and stability.

      What does that mean, a happily ever after fairytale ending? Is that what you want, or is that what you think they’d want? A classic example of white knight syndrome is for the white knight to dangle the “carrot” of what he thinks she wants whether that’s what she actually wants or not.

      Could tell you more about the pot SB’s who did carry on with the exploration, if anyone is interested

      Feel free to tell all, the more details the better!! 🙂

      also bisous, Lily, for taking the time to reply

      Unlike SDinLA, I don’t need bisous from BBFU!! 😉

      Did I miss something? I just read your blog. There was no mention of any relationships lasting for any amount of time.

      Yes you did miss something and obviously you did not read my blog in its entirety. I know it’s very time consuming to do, but please don’t pass judgment until you get the full picture. To save you some time, take a look at the “Evolution of a Sugardaddy” series that I started in July, there are 7 parts to it so far.

      Please do not take my response the wrong way. I am not here to insult strangers. I am just interested in getting to the bottom of this internet fantasy reality.

      I’m not taking it the wrong way and I know an insult to strangers when I see it. While sugar relationships have been around forever, the online aspect is a fairly new phenomenon that didn’t take off in a big way until the past few years as illustrated by the success of sites like sa.com. I understand why some traditionalists are appalled, but in the age of Twitter, Blogs, and Facebook, the sugar world has to evolve with it like everything else.

      Of course there are those in the sugar world living in their own fantasy, but there are also plenty of reality for those who have the patience and perseverance to make it work. I’d suggest that you don’t look at the online sugar world with suspicion and disdain. Plenty of people have had plenty of success with it over the years. I’m just one example.

  227. Dandelion Wine says:

    SDinLA, a need to come out ahead? I believe you are projecting 🙂
    I also believe a man who found “true love” wouldn’t have such an assembly-line approach to classifying and treating people, but it is really of no concern to me 🙂

  228. Dandelion Wine says:

    Also linked to my name in the above post 🙂

  229. I KNOW who Spiritual Baby is!
    Here’s a video of her sugar date with some venture capitalist: watch?v=zyejhWpEFtY&feature=youtube_gdata_player (paste after YouTube address )

  230. Bela says:

    Morning Sugars! Why the heck am I awake? grrrrrrrrr

    @Torrin – It depends on how platonic the guy is. The torture dance is usually not meant to torture, but maybe to satisfy a little sexual tension that we might have built up and just need to release on the dance floor. This is why most of my guy friends are gay. I can do the Forbidden Dance as often as I want and not have to worry about getting a 2:30 am text or phone plea for pokey time.

    @NJLady – Even if the guy wasn’t a predator, you should work on backing up your decisions. The SD’s will tell you about rewarding bad behavior and once you do, you’ll be expected to continue to reward it. Your intuition was right and you vetoed it. Next time, even if you feel like changing your mind might turn everything into a “happily ever after,” showing restraint and self control can be a life saving decision. Even if there is nothing wrong with him, he’ll respect your boundaries and realize that you mean what you say.

    Okay, now I’m going back to sleep. double grrrr

  231. Torrin says:

    @Bela, I did help one of the women wash dishes and you know how that can lead to a little grab ass.

    Ladies, answer a question for me. When on a weekend trip with a bunch of friends, why do you do that stuff to to your platonic men friends on the dance floor then send them to their little room to spend the night alone? Are you torturing them, heavy flirting or just messing with men you trust. I appreciate the action but it causes a very long night alone.

  232. NYC SB says:

    Njlady – I cannot believe you did that … Did you even know his real name? I doubt it because if you knew his name and google him you would see that he was tried (and was found not guility) for murder … Guilty or not I wouldn’t want to meet such unsavory character so late at night

    Ladies please stop being so desperate for an sd … They can sense it and will treat you accordingly … Stay classy always and the arrangements will follow … If he does not respect you then you will be treated like a one night stand rather than an sb which he will pamper and spoil

  233. ok here it goes says:

    i have what i believe to be quit and intreresting question. Mabey someone such as lily can help answer or anyone who has a good suggestion. about a year ago i met a man on the forbes list but not on sa. before knowing who he was he invited me to dinner. i went home, found out who he was and couldnt believe it. i accepted the invitation. we had dinner and spent the evening together however no sex on the first date. i knew that would appear trashy even though he wanted that and was very flirty but respected my decision. the next day he treats me to the spa and then shopping. i believe he handed me 3k the next morning and said have fun the driver is outside to take you shopping. anyway since this we have remained friends and he still invites me to visit. however, i am dissapointed he hasnt tried to make this an arrangement. we have about a 20-30 yr age gap. i keep pondering if it has even crossed his mind. it is obvious that he is sexually atracted to me. i want to just aske him what he thinks of the idea but should i or would i hurt his feelings? thanks

  234. Lily says:

    BBFU – bisous to you as well! I’m also in Europe. And also all ears to hear the dirty details you alluded to! If there’s any details or desires 2-way-gossipping better off happening off-blog, you can email me – SugarBabySA at live period c o m

    SDinLA – kisses, hugs, & high 5s to you as well! I want you to feel the love & keep on posting!!

    DandyWine – I love your perspective as well & don’t disagree with your points at all. Human motivators are endlessly interesting!

  235. Bela says:

    lol @ SDinLA – poor, neglected soul! Pero esta bien. Muchos besos para ti!!

  236. Bela says:

    So unbelievably sleepy, but wanted to catch up on everything before I went to bed.

    @Torrin – How was grab ass?

    Regarding the subject of the new blog, I’d probably consider myself a Career Woman Sugar Baby – in training. I’m not at the definitive platform of my career, but I’m on the right track.


  237. SDinLA says:

    BBFU writes “(also bisous, Lily, for taking the time to reply!)”

    Oh, *I* see how this works here. The hot chicks who reply to you get kisses, but what do the Guru and I get? Rien, absolutment rien… J’ai le coeur brisé….

    I kiss everyone I meet on both cheeks regardless of gender, well “air kiss” at least, but then again I try not to discriminate against anyone (except gold diggers, or was that muses? I forget.)


  238. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    @ Lily (hello, Lily) thanks for your comments! They as well as those from others do make me wonder whether I do have a hidden (at least hidden from me although others may see it immediately?) White Knight syndrome/agenda? Hmmm . . . must think about that a bit. But as SCinLA hinted, I can help but think that there is a bit of the White Knight lurking in every SD whether genetically microscopic or buried so deep by past experiences that even the SD doesn’t know it’s there?

    It started me on a path of trying to be really cynical about myself: so how do I decide if there is chemistry? Here’s my most cynical answers:

    – she has to be sexually liberal and extremely open minded in bed. Professional sex workers count high in this regard. As you can see, I have no problem with (and even quite a bit of respect for) professionals. Indeed, except for being paid, I must confess that I would have been considered a professional in many ways, too (specializing in recent divorces / bad relationship breakups with self-esteem issues).

    – I do have to get the impression that the SB is basically a good person that is more likely to do good rather than harm in this world.

    – I do have to respect in some way: unusual talent, empathy, concern, etc. Intelligence is good, but over-rated IMHO, perhaps entertaining would be a better word for it?

    Could tell you more about the pot SB’s who did carry on with the exploration, if anyone is interested (an enticement: as one may deduce from the above comments, it does involve “intimacy” and its feared after effects. Just let me know?

    (also bisous, Lily, for taking the time to reply!)

  239. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    @SDGuru – a very perceptive comment. Of course, I do hope for something in return, here some thoughts about it:

    – whatever I hope for, it is taking a risk for me because it may not happen?

    – you are quite right, it much easier to hurt with $$$ than help (just drop a lot of it in the street and watch what even “civilized” humans are capable of doing to one another). And yup, some (if not most) cannot or really don’t want to be helped.

    My approach in trying to sort out the two points above is that I give the pot SB immediately upfront some ideas about how our relationship could work out if the chemistry, events, and luck turn out right (mush of this was in my profile (now hidden). These inevitably become long term possibilities involving security and stability.

    Some SBs seem to withdraw immediately (which is good because it just saves bother and time for everyone). I imagine it is because the level of personal openness involved is just too scary?

    Some SBs want to learn more, but ultimately just want/need/deserve a set monthly allowance for a set delivery of time/affection. For those SBs who have committed something substantial (time, shared personal info, etc.) in getting to know each other, I sometimes give a four figure sum as a gift for good luck before saying goodbye.

    Then there are the few for whom something happens . . .

    I could tell you more about my limited experiences, but I fear boring the crowd. Let me know if more details are wanted?

    P.S. BBFU sounds a bit obscene, doesn’t? I like it!

  240. Lily says:

    Big,Bald,Fat,Ugly – so you don’t want a specified, outlined arrangement, but you like the idea of finding a beautiful woman in need, making a grand gesture, and then hoping she is so moved by your gesture that she ends up repaying you with her time & affections for a long term?

    This method is romantic but fraught with the possibilities of disappointment.

    SamSpayed tried a similar method, as outlined in the nytimes article and even launched an application process starting from over 400 ladies, had a staff to help him narrow down the list, and after a long process which settled on one, with romance/relationship as an optional ingredient. It didn’t work exactly as he hoped, which is unfortunate, after all that effort. Round 2 search ended up without the perfect/ideal results, either.

    Mixing charity work and sugar dating is tough.

    Why not find an SB who has needs, whom you could help out (& don’t underestimate what an impact a $3-5k/month allowance can make on a wise SB’s life who uses it not on fashion! And 5-10 even more so!), but for whom the primary motivation for dating is how well the dates are going and the mutual chemistry that crackles with pleasure across the dinner table & makes you feel svelte & handsome with hair, when she beams at you.

    If you choose the lady with brains & heart, as well as beauty, and the arrangement makes you happy, you can always offer to step in and pay off debts/obligations for her, down the line.

    Save your strictly charitable approach to actual NGOs, and as Guru suggested, perhaps if your honest with yourself, you never really felt like just playing the Saint in the first place but just prefer the romantic white knight syndrome. Perhaps you feel that paying a monthly allowance and agreeing to a dating schedule makes you feel like a john and thar kills your mojo? But feeling like a knight in shining armour who the lady ‘had no obligation towards engaging in a romantic relationship with, but it just happened!’ sort of works for your self image? Better to think of yourself as more of a hero and less a John?

    My advice: be neither! An SD is neither a saint or a John and the arrangements can be very warm, caring friendships which will offer your generous nature plenty of opportunity to go above the mundane monthly allowance and throw lump sums into her life, if that’s what you crave.

  241. Big, Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    In deference to SDinLA, I think I fall “short” on one criteria, hence the new name (and one more word for to add to Green Eyed SL’s firsts perhaps?).

    Many thanks for CaliSB and GESL’s comments. I should clarify: yes, instead of allowance the idea is to give the lady either:

    a) an interest free loan with a monthly repayment schedule that reflects her income and expenses (sounds like a banker, but hey, what should one expect from a former finance guy?) in practice it is not practical to try to collect the loan payments, so the lady could easily delay or even not pay payments turning the loan into a gift.

    b) a lump sum amount paid into the institution (or sometimes if the relationship has already moved to a sufficient level of trust, to the SB herself) to which the SB need’s payment for (university or hospital for example.

    Both a) and b) come with no conditions or strings. So basically its up to the SB to give whatever time or attention she wishes to the SD as she feels is just.

    Let me know if more info is needed?

  242. chitownmuse says:

    is 4k a good allowanace? what is everyones allowanace?

    • SD Guru says:


      You should post more often! I was enjoying the back and forth between you and Dandelion Wine. Thanks for keeping the blog entertained! 🙂

      @Mr. BBFU (Big, Bald, Fat, and Ugly)
      Both a) and b) come with no conditions or strings. So basically its up to the SB to give whatever time or attention she wishes to the SD as she feels is just.

      If you don’t really expect anything in return, what you’re doing is basically an act of charity or an act of kindness. So maybe we should call you St. BBFU?? 🙂 But if you do expect something in return, even though it’s unspecified, then you should be honest with yourself regarding your motivation to help them. Remember, some people don’t want to be helped, and some people can’t be helped.

      I just fill very rushed like the last time. He says he’s going out of town and can only meet tonight

      Should someone you’ve never met impose his schedule on you? I didn’t think so.

      I went and met him, I just wanted to see what he looked like….he’s nothing like the picture he sent me

      So you rewarded his bad behavior by meeting him anyway. I guess curiosity killed the cat!! Was it worth the trouble?

      im talking to a pot sd tonight. what are the most important things you would like to know/ hear about from a sb during the fist conversation. anything i shouldnt say or should say

      I’d suggest that you take a look at these two topics in the pages section: “Communicating with Sugardaddies“, and “Questions every SB should ask“.

      Who here has had a real sugardaddy/baby arrangement based on a connection made through a sugardaddy site?… (The question is: Do these sites really work?)

      As I mentioned in my blog, during my years in the sugar world I’ve had 3 sugar relationships that lasted over a year, and 5 more that last six moths. I met all of them online. So yes, these sites really do work! Is that a surprise to you?

      Any suggestions as to what I should wear to an upscale Sushi bar

      Sushi bars are usually “upscale casual”, so look that up and dress appropriately. But more importantly, if you can demonstrate your chopstick skills (ie pick up a piece of sushi without dropping it) and study the menu in advance to impress your pot when ordering, then that should make a better impression than whatever you’ll be wearing and whatever you do with your hair. Good luck!

  243. Green Eyed Sugar Lady says:

    The blog pic does not creep me out so much as make me feel incipient diabetes and a bit of a toothache- the sugar coated lips have the same effect on me though. 🙂

    @Bald, Fat, and Ugly
    I believe this is the first time I’ve typed those three words together. Can you clarify your question a little? Do you mean a loan instead of an allowance, or a lump sum instead of an allowance? Either in addition to?Those are different things.

    @Retired SB49
    I appreciate your perspective. I’m in my very early 40’s and have been doing this off/on since I was 30 (already “too old”, even then.) I am definitely more of a mistress than a SB though. I do remember the days before the internet, it was 10,000 times better and far, far FAR fewer fakes and many more gentlemen.

    Someone said that a mistress can require more, I have to agree with that. My current actually does call me his muse.

  244. NJLady says:

    I went and met him, I just wanted to see what he looked like….he’s nothing like the picture he sent me….short, bad teeth, and again, another Pot Belly! I told him I couldn’t stay, had to be up at 4 to be at work by 6. He doesn’t have to worry about Chemistry…there is none!

  245. Ms. Taken says:

    @Torrin~Good to see you here. Hopefully you got to play a little “grab ass” with the ladies over the w/e as anticipated and you’re so much the better for it 8)

  246. Ms. Taken says:

    I am ripping my hair out here!!!! I can’t take anymore of this!! This is what you get when the only or most important criteria under consideration is the guy’s willingness to pay for your time or offer of money. (I’m not saying allowance because that’s given in a SD/SB relationship).

    These guys you talk about are complete jerks, asses, etc. when you communicate with them initially. They are base and without basic decency and respect when when you have the first meets. Most of you wouldn’t have them walk your dog (I have nothing against dogwalkers, btw) yet you give them the benefit of every doubt and put up with their boorish ways because… What did you expect? What can you expect?

    The assumption is you would only date a gentleman under any circumstance. Sugar dating is about dating a gentleman only this time there is a preference for one w/ money.

    Raise your standards and you might find you have a more elevated sugar experience.

  247. Kan says:

    Hmm, I can’t seem to find my post I thought I posted . Maybe I’m not looking hard enough.. Regardless, Ill repeat for petes sake . (Whoever pete may be, lol)
    Any suggestions as to what I should wear to an upscale Sushi bar in Dallas? Anything I can wear as to be safe not to dress up or down ? Just nuetral . Also im only 5’2 with a small waist, anything that can help that aspect without stumping down my body ? Just really nervous so I must be over analyzing haha ! Also, should I go with curly or straight hair ? Ide appreciate input from all. I have a new photo waiting to be approved, so if you’d like to check back to see it and give me more input that would be awesome !
    This is when I need more girl-friends!

  248. DOMinatrixDIVA says:


  249. scsugarbaby says:

    awww no you poor sugar baby, yes unfortunatly i do know who he is. don’t walk. run! im sry you had to deal with him and his lying ways. the feeling is mutual. we have alot to catch up on. i cant stand even the thought of him. gag me…

  250. DOMinatrixDIVA says:

    @SCSUGARBABY-have u ever dealt with this guy, jagxkr?
    he flew me in and ended up being a complete liar. he is also a chain smoker and wouldn’t give me any allowance.

  251. Ms. Taken says:

    @NJLady~what kind of behaviour can you expect from this guy going forward? I am yet to read about anyone who has turned someone like this into a gentleman. Make no mistake, I don’t know of any SDs who aren’t gentlemen.

    It would be interesting to see whether he has learned to be a proper gentleman between now and when you see him next.

    We can’t be hesitant about saying NEXT. It’s OK to be insulted and say so about certain offers and expectations.

    Good Evening, Sugars 🙂

  252. scsugarbaby says:

    wow! thanks midwest sb!! i know exactly!!! ughhhh hes like do you have yahoo messanger and then wastes an hour of my time. what a freak!!! we should prob add his profile number to warn other poor girls!! thats the type that is a serial killer!! hes quite handsome but scary weird! btw thanks for all the advice given on allowance sugars. i talked to a pot sd tnite and he just may be the one. i actually lowered my desired allowance by half but its still plenty to live comfortably. looking back i was becoming greedy and learned my lesson. it is better to have a reliable sweet great sd who makes your life comfortable than a selfish crazy asshole who buys you every chanel bag but treats you like dirt and sees other sugars behind ur back! thanks sugars for all the tough love.

  253. NJLady says:

    NYC SB if you’re still on….I wrote a message on your blog

  254. BrownEyedGal says:

    Good evening sugars…. I have not been able to catch up with the blogs and I can see new bloggers….. Welcome.

    I am still here but just been lurking….. And still having no luck of finding a SD so I took my profile out for awhile and rest from seeking….

    I hope A-doc is ok…. “hugs” if you are lurking…..

    Good night!

  255. NYC SB says:

    Nj lady -stay far away … Email me through my blog if u want to discuss further

    Muse – post on the blog but didn’t reply to my email … I’m going to cheat on you tomorrow by going out on 2 dates … In the new hot dress and louboutins 🙁

  256. Cali SB says:

    BTW, is it just me, or does the photo for this new blog creep anyone else out as much as it creeps me out?? 🙂

  257. Cali SB says:

    Bald, Fat and Ugly – I’m not understanding your question. Are you talking about loaning a SB money for her to repay? Or just gifting an SB money once instead of giving her an allowance (in which case I would assume there is no on-going arrangement on either side then)?

  258. Cali SB says:

    Sitting here reading the blog and I see/hear a police search helicopter a few blocks away. This is pretty much expected on Fridays and Saturdays every week, but 7pm on a Monday night? This just reinforces why I need to find a SD and get out of here! lol

  259. Midwest SB says:

    SCSugarbaby -I know your pot from AZ who wants to give you the life insurance policy. He just wants to talk about it. NEXT!

    Evening sugars – so far behind and not catching up tonight!

  260. Torrin says:

    Good evening group. I’ve been on a long weekend mostly without internet and am now trying to catch up. Looks like many of you had busy lives over the last few days.

    @Sdquest both sd and sb should not be too defensive, open up enough to let some of their personality to be exposed. Some of us would sooner expose our bodies to a stranger then our personalities but it must be done. Both sd and sb should find a way to say that they are seeking both a relationship and an arrangement. Negotiations can wait but an arrangement should be mentioned early.

    Other then that the usual mistakes should be avoided. Sbs ahould not trash their last five lovers or whine about the fight they just had with their mother. Sds should not talk about their stuff, cars boats and such.

    Keep it light, see if you can hold a conversation with each other, touch on arrangement and then see if you should talk again.

    Oh, and you may both be great people but not meant to be a couple.
    Good Luck

  261. sdquest says:

    hey sds,
    quick ?! im talking to a pot sd tonight. what are the most important things you would like to know/ hear about from a sb during the fist conversation. anything i shouldnt say or should say

  262. Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    @SDinLA, yes! Many thanks for your reply. It doesn’t seem like there’s much interest in my question (maybe most are ROFLOA?) Ah well, such is life. If anyone has the time + experience, I would be grateful for an idea of what could be the worst that happens? I figure that may be that after the SB I try to help gets the loan or tuition payment (or perhaps after many such payments), she just disappears and then I read somewhere that all she told me were lies to get the payments?

    Apologies, but I’m in Europe so it’s well past midnight here. Going to sleep but will check what comments appear overnight! Bonne nuit, tous!

  263. NJLady says:

    He keeps trying to get me to go out tonight. I’m making it clear next week would be better.

  264. NJLady says:

    Alright, Im meeting him next week. Thanks sugar’s.

    Oh before that. Any one heard anything bad about ‘building blocks’?
    not taking any more chances

  265. Arcadia SB says:

    NJ – what about when he gets back from out of town? if you like him, and want to meet somewhere public, no worries really. If you aren’t comfortable, he should understand and be willing to try and make you more comfortable. Anyone I’ve met from the site has been well aware how dangerous it can be for a woman and more than willing to put me at ease.

  266. NJLady says:

    I just wrote back, “what about another time”

  267. NJLady says:

    carebear this is a different guy.

    I just fill very rushed like the last time. He says he’s going out of town and can only meet tonight

  268. carebear says:

    nj, is this the same guy as last time?? please say no

  269. Arcadia SB says:

    NJ – If you don’t feel comfortable with it, don’t go through with it. I’ve met my SD at his office, at a hotel (just to hang out, I promise!) and at restaurants. But if he sends up red flags for any reason, just trust your gut.

  270. NJLady says:

    Ok, now he wants me to pick a place.

  271. Dandelion Wine says:

    Happy Halloween (month)

  272. NJLady says:


    Need advice ASAP. Chatting with a pot SD online. What’s to offer me 2-3, once a week meeting. But what’s to meet tonight…at his office, which I’m not going! Should I just dicuss it online or say no thanks?

  273. SDinLA says:

    BF&U: FYI, I replied to your post on the last blog

  274. Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    Does “sixth” give me any street cred?

    By the way, sorry, “hear” should be “here”.

  275. Bald, Fat and Ugly says:

    Can’t believe my luck! Made my first post on the last topic just as it was closing! 😉 Am repeating it hear because I would be very grateful for your thoughts?

    Thanks in advance (again!)

    I am fairly new to the SA site and the entire SD/SB world. After following these blogs, I feel quite intimidated about my ignorance (so please don’t be surprised if I end up quietly retreating back to LL :-).

    I do a lot of non-profit work with some very poor people. So along with all the other attractive things about ladies, I have an inclination toward trying to help SB’s in need: too much credit card debt, out of job/relationship perhaps with child, tuition to support talent, etc.

    In most cases, it is fairly easy to see that a monthly allowance probably will not change/help change things much. But a “soft” loan to get over a temporary bad $ patch and instill some spending discipline, or an outright unconditional five digit bag of cash in for a tuition or hospital payment may actually make a long term impact.

    Problem is that it really requires a SB to open up and be honest about their situation, as well as, an SB to trust me enough to listen to advice. The flip side is that it may get way to personal for an SB, and, of course, no one SB or otherwise wants to feel patronized and told what to do.

    Is this unrealistic?

    Perhaps after hearing what experienced SD/SB have to say, I could share the some of what has happened so far?

    Thanks in advance!

  276. SDinLA says:

    Michael wasn’t first… I sense that the end must be near…

  277. Longfellow says:

    Why is the SA site redirecting to the millionaire site whilst I login? very frustrating!

  278. carebear says:

    YESSS!!!! cross one off the bucket list