9 years ago
Keeping Sugar Faith: Accountability


Happy 56th Birthday, Bruce!

In keeping up the faith with finding and keeping a sweet sugarlife, there are many aspects of dating in the Sugar World a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby may keep note of throughout their journey.

One of the biggest areas for opportunity (or difficulty) in sugar dating is communication and accountability. A sugar’s word means everything in a mutually beneficial arrangement. Words are carefully thought of and shared amongst potential and current Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies. Even when it may not seem so, it’s likely that a SD or SB is always paying close attention to the words they use, and the words his or her sugar uses, in all their correspondence.

Since a major distinguishing factor for many sugars in sugar relationships is accountability and consideration, it’s not uncommon for more attention to be given to the choice of words, or the lack thereof, that a sugar uses when communicating to their SD or SB.

If you have ever been in or considered a sugar arrangement, you’ve probably thought of the ways in which you would have the potential to make your sugar’s life sweet. The approach someone takes when joining the Sugar World in having a positive relationship, is somewhat more scientific, from a practical standpoint, than most other approaches taken towards romantic ‘attachments’.

As Brandon Wade mentioned when discussing the sugar lifestyle to what the news anchor described as a ‘conservative’ audience on a Florida TV news appearance, he believes, as she suggested, that most of us are indeed looking for love, but the journey to actually finding love can be a really long process, “so in the meantime why not widen your net, meet a lot more interesting people, have fun along the way”. “The idea is we would all want a long-term mutually beneficial relationships, but in the meantime as you’re looking for that, why not form short ones?”

Here are some of the various types of elements a Sugar Baby or Sugar Daddy chemist may use (or not use) within their desired arrangement:

No-Strings-Attached (NSA)

This phrase is commonly used by Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies in their profiles, messages, and elsewhere when describing their intent to not place certain levels of commitment to their desired sugar relationship. This is often understood as a desire to refrain from investing as much emotional commitment as would be expected in a ‘traditional’ relationship. Some of the ‘strings’ that sugars seeking an NSA arrangement may want to avoid are: monogamy,  marriage, and perhaps any form of ‘attachment’ (emotional, financial, etc.).

Mutually Beneficial

Many here on SA are quite familiar with this term, yet in-general, when a sugar mentions ‘mutually beneficial’, it may be a way for them to find out how they’d best benefit you in an arrangement, and a way of allowing you to confirm with them how you’d benefit them. It’s not always easy to ensure that any relationship is mutually beneficial, but as many here have mentioned, being as clear as possible (yet in a charismatic way), about what you think you can do for a sugar that would benefit them, and what you’d like that sugar to do to benefit you (perhaps without ever actually mentioning it directly), you’ll be able to better gauge whether the relationship is headed in a mutually beneficial direction.

Shorter or Longer Term

The time length of an arrangement can vary greatly depending on the circumstances, but according to a poll taken on SA and the blog, most sugars surveyed say they’re seeking arrangements that last from 3-9 months. There are many reasons why a sugar couple may last for relatively shorter, or longer periods, yet many here have found that with sugar, a relationship can be quite changeable and even restarted without as much drama as would be expected in many ‘traditional’ relationships.

What elements of a sugar relationship are most important to you now?

How comfortable are you ‘rejecting’ a potential sugar whom you’ve started communicating with? How much do you tell them about why you decided you wouldn’t be a great fit? Do you prefer to stop communication without providing explanation as your way of letting them know you’re not interested?

Have you ever rekindled a previous sugar relationship? Have you found sugar relationships more likely to end on a sweet or less-dramatic note than traditional ones? Does having an open and honest arrangement make it easier to separate amicably with a partner than would be typical for you in a non-sugar relationship?

***Check out the ‘Sugardaddy Chronicles‘ to read ‘What is NSA’ part 1, 2, and 3! ***

Leave a Reply

243 Responses to “Keeping Sugar Faith: Accountability”

  1. Honey says:

    Look on the right side of the page… up at the top of the page. You’ll have to scroll up to it, the blogs.Under Recent Comments,
    click on the Names
    See Kennedy from Boston, in red?
    she might be moved down by then, so look for another name under RECENT COMMENTS, in red.
    Maybe on Sugarlife highs, you just gotta play with it….

  2. ebonysb4u says:

    i cant click on anyones link 🙁

  3. ebonysb4u says:

    Thanks so much honey!! I was honestly thinking you had to be blond hair, blue eyed to get any attention on the site. I will definitely check out their blogs. Do you have the time to review my page to give me some tips?

  4. Honey says:

    If you click on some of the Names, (Like Kennedy has one, and Nojunecleaver and maybe reach the beach) of the people who has contributed to this blog,you can sometimes get to their blog page. It has more in depth information about some of the people and sugar relationships out there. Maybe your search is too narrow, maybe you are not reaching the right people at the right places. Look over some of the other blogs, in between the mess, you may glean some useful info.Good luck girl!

  5. Honey says:

    Ebony, I am not white and I have had some luck!! and there are many other women of color who have found great contacts. Maybe you should ask someone to look over your ad…. Welcome!

  6. ebonysb4u says:

    I would like to get in contact with alice
    just by reading her previous post i can tell we have a lot in common
    student 21 and not having much luck since we’re not white

  7. Honey says:

    go to Gravatar.com. I need to look back and THANK the lady who told me about it!
    It is linked to the email you sign up with. Maybe use dummy email , you know one that is set up just to keep the weirdos away. That is the pic that will show with that email…I think

  8. holly golightly says:

    i have no idea how to change the pictures either 😉
    god im such a ditz!!
    can you tell me where to find that Avatar page to change the picture as well?….

    Honey you are a godsend.
    and thank god this thread has sort of expired, as if we are in a separate room!

  9. Honey says:

    And you need to comeback and sign in with a new name and new picture and never mention this again….!

  10. Honey says:

    But yes, Customer service gods!!! A damsel in distress!! Please!!! I’m going to post onto another blog, this one was kinda old, most other people are on a different one.

  11. Honey says:

    So sorry! But we don’t bite here! Mostly!

  12. holly golightly says:

    hello Honey! you are so sweet! thank you…

    i am in a bit of a silly near-panic since in my naivete i didn’t realize asking for my name was not real “signing up” page but a request for an alias!! here i am going all out…

    i had written to SA Costumer Service asking them to please remove my post above.
    brilliant start!
    complete transparency!

    let’s just hope it will be deleted soon. i cannot find a way to do it myself. sigh….

  13. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Thank you NYC Sistas!!! You rock!

  14. stephan says:

    Dallasbaby – glad you liked it 🙂

  15. Honey says:

    and Lisa-
    drop me another email, we are going to be looking for Barristas at the coffeehouse in about a week! I don’t know your hours, but shoot me an email telling me and maybe you can at least start off part time for a little extra money!!
    Golly I hate going to school on a friday…. and Sat 9-3,too,
    woe is me…..this is a blatant plea for attention…I don’t wanna go to school!!! wah wah wah ! tired of it, hate it!! ah man!!
    okay, I’m fine, off to school like a good girl…..thanks for understanding…..

  16. Honey says:

    thanks for the b-day wishes,but my birthday is in june, actually!! I would post a pic of a cake, but I’m late for school so just image it here!
    Have a great weekend all!!

  17. Spawn of Santa says:

    Hannah Montana’s wearing my jeans
    Ashley Tisdale’s wearing my jeans
    Keke Palmer’s wearing MY JEANS

    (take that Rebecca black!)

  18. Dallasbaby says:

    Stephan that is the cutest vid of the cat !

  19. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Thanks Goddess!!!

  20. SD Guru says:

    @Michael OEAA

    I’ll be happy to buy you that steak dinner if you can plan ahead for Vegas.

  21. LASB says:

    Happy Birthday RTB!!

    Michael Oceanic-Euro-Anglo Alleycat – No, but if you having an impromptu blog meet this weekend, you better invite me! After all, Vegas is just a suburb of LA.

  22. Michael Oceanic-Euro-Anglo Alleycat says:

    Anybody in Vegas tonight? May make a last minute quick trip if I can organize daughter, dog, flight hotel, life etc.

  23. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Dancin’ with Acid Bear!!!

    Lisa, Carebear – Thank you!

    Beach Girl – You sing like a rock star!!! Thank you kitten!

    June – Well said! Glad you popped in! So glad the sugar life is going well… Congrats!

  24. Mutt of Color aka Bela says:

    *Dancin’ with Acidbear*

  25. Friday Friday gettin down on Friday lookin forward tothe weekend weekend Friday Friday gettin down on Friday partying partying YEAH partying partying YEAH fun fun fun fun weekend weekend

  26. Happy birfday rtb! Have a lot to catch up on here, but I’m off to the gym then out in NYC =)

  27. Beach_Girl says:

    Kitten~ Happy Happy birthday xoxox

    Hope everyone has an amazing day!

    Cleo ~ Day one of the Challenge ! Woooo….

  28. stephan says:

    @ Just June – So glad to see you! So glad your sugarlife is going quite well!! Always love your tips and insight about sugarlife! That’s what helps make this here sugar daddy and sugar baby blog go ’round!

    @ SD Guru and all – thank you for helping get the blog to it’s roots of sugar, insight on the Sugar World’s we live in, and support, questions and discussion on sugar dating and the sugar life!

    Honey – Happy Birthday!!!

  29. Just June says:

    Michael “Oceanic-Euro-Anglo with a black-gay-adopted brother-in-law and a red-headed daughter” Alleycat said…

    “@People – this conversation is getting really old. Enough already. Please, let’s drop it and move on, back to the blog subject, or any other subject for that matter!!!”

    PRECISELY the reason I stopped dropping in and posting. I thought this was a “room” for mature adults sharing this sweet lifestyle with one another. Turns out, not so much.

    Still lurk occasionally, but sugar life is going quite well and work keeps me busy – no time to argue on a blog and helpful tips just get brushed over. Hope you all are doing fabuloso.

  30. Downward Spiral Lisa says:

    Good Morning Everyone

    Happy Birthday RTB !
    Good morning Honey

  31. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Awwwww!!! Thanks Honey, Bela and Stephan!

    Honey – Is it your birthday as well? BTW – My cat is 12lbs..Samson!

  32. stephan says:

    Reach the Beach SB – Happy Birthday!!!

  33. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Roses and chocolate…I think I’ll extend my coffee break a little longer!

  34. Honey says:

    Happy Birthday ! b-day girl(s) bet there is more than one birthday here today…
    Lisa- take down, the dumb, blonde and depressed thing. I know you are having tough times,but one’s attitude MUST be kept upbeat!! You are not dumb! you may be blonde,but that can be a good thing!~ you may be depressed, but you are blessed and lucky, people like hanging around lucky people, again I know it’s not easy, but your moniker just says that you have given up…
    Honey starts singing(Tomorrow from Annie) The sun ‘ll come out, Tomorrow!!!
    yes that’s Alex, such a pussy, I have heard of the mini, but I am concerned about the potential health problems a new breed may have, I wouldn’t want my little kitty to be sick on worse. Alex is no mini, he’s like 16 pounds!! a mini Labrador retriever is more like it. just on for my quick fix. good day all!

  35. Mutt of Color aka Bela says:

    Happy Birthday babygirl!!!!

    Yeah, sometimes you don’t want to have to deal with dumping him, but know which buttons cause them to run away comes in handy.

    I don’t feel too bad about it. I know guys probably have the same tricks.

  36. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Thanks Guru! I need some help blowing out the candles!

    Bela – Bwahahahahaha!!! I once asked a guy to move in with me just to get rid of him. Worked like a charm! (Sorry guys, it was an extremely difficult situation)

  37. Mutt of Color aka Bela says:

    Strangest book in my collection….That would have to be “Knock Yourself Up.” My sister bought it as a gag gift for me after I made my mother cry when I told her I don’t ever want to get married. I’ve never read it and have thought about putting it in my Goodwill box, but it makes the perfect tool to “accidentally” leave on the coffee table when I’m trying to get rid of a guy.

  38. NYC SB says:

    DC – sounds good… We can do Buddah bar in nyc to complete your tour! I’m having a girls night out tonight… Will be fun 🙂

    LASB – I will email you some this weekend

  39. SouthernGent2 says:

    Line of the day from someone new on the site. Sent to me in a text message the other day.

    “How can I benefit? I don’t want to feel obligated to meet someone”

  40. Spawn of Santa says:

    but I do know that her heart is rich in care and compassion for others.

    Really? Why do you say that? Not arguing, although I definitely did not get that impression, just curious.

  41. Spawn of Santa says:

    Nico, not a typo 🙂 intentional play on words

  42. The Lone Gunman makes Caligula look like a Puritan says:

    Leaving for home in exactly two weeks! WhooHoo!


  43. Beach_Girl says:

    Stephan, Lisa Hey!!! 😀

    If anyone had my email before, please email back, since I changed my computer I lost all my email addy’s

    Thank! Have happy sugar dreams

  44. Lisa says:

    Hi Beach_GIrl, Cleo

  45. stephan says:

    Beach_Girl ~ Hi sugar 🙂

  46. Beach_Girl says:

    Hi everyone!
    Lisa~ hey girl!
    Gail~ you always say the sweetest things!
    Cleo~ I am in for the challenge! One week starting tomorrow!
    Stephan~ Hi

  47. cleo says:

    gail i got one like that which really changed my life. my reflexologist looked me in the face and said “i challenge you, for a week, don’t take it personally” and i said ‘what? even if someone calls me names and insults me?’

    “even then”

    periodically i revisit this challenge, in fact whenever i think of it. so here i go again, another week of “don’t take it personally” thanks to my reflexologist… i challenge the whole blog to do it with me!

  48. stephan says:

    @ new sb – Thank you! Turns out there is indeed a small technical bug going round on SA tonight, but it should be fixed soon. Again, thank you again for writing support! 🙂

  49. stephan says:

    Waiving back, Good night Gail, sweet dreams : )

  50. Gail says:

    Smile @ Lisa.

    Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.

    Good night all : )

  51. Lisa says:

    I don’t think so as I live right across from the office, lol. Pet violations fines are high here, it’s a pet friendly apartment but rules are strict, that’s why it’s such a great place to live. I love my neighborhood.

  52. Nico says:

    LOL @ Lisa…they’re small enough…maybe you could hide it *wink*

  53. Lisa says:

    Hi Nico

    I love cats, can’t have one though, pet deposit is too high and my allergies wouldn’t agree.

  54. Nico says:

    Hi Gail and GOOD NIGHT 🙂 Love the mini purrs…just checked it out…too cute!!

    Hi Lisa!!

  55. Lisa says:

    Hey Gail, I was just sending you an email 🙂 Thanks for always being so kind and tactful on the blog, I’ve never heard you utter a unkind word.
    Good night

  56. Gail says:

    I can’t leave and not say goodnite to you Nico : ) Sweet sugar dream to you as well!!!!

  57. Gail says:

    Michael~There are many uses for newspaper. I use to line my cat litter box with it. I rarely read the paper anymore. So much more financial info and news on the internet. Am I sending you off the edge too? (smile)

    Lisa may not think the way you do or have the monetary or educational opportunities you may have, but I do know that her heart is rich in care and compassion for others. All of her positive attributes that I have come to know throughout the years as my true sugar friend are what I personally appreciate and celebrate.

    Honey~I love your cat pic. I want a mini-purr….they are minature cats that fit inside a teacup. I have put this type of cat at the top of my Sugar wishlist. Google “mini-purr”…they are so adorable.

    DC~When I think of prehistoric a dinosaur comes to mind, along with cavewomen and wooden bats….I know what to do with a bat…lol…

    LASB~Would love to meet…but let’s wait till this storm is over. Its not going to clear up till next week. I think the win blew our state closer to Arizona. I am in Sac : )

    Waving at RTB, Cleo, Stephan,Kindred,Dallas, Gunman,NYCSB, Bella,Beachgirl, Culture,Genuine and SD Guru too….

    Lastly welcome to all of the new SBs : ) Sugar dreams to all!!!!

  58. Nico says:

    (DW) Spawn….just curious….did you mean for your profile name to be ‘santa’? I’m not calling anybody out….just thought it was a fun play on words with a typo?

  59. Lisa says:

    Wow it doesn’t take much to send you off the edge? I never knew a newspaper was sacred.

    How can the paper make me money? I have no money to invest, nada
    It takes money to make money.

    I have never said or done anything to you, not sure why you are constantly critical of me, please just skip over my posts as my comment was in connection with an earlier post.

  60. Spawn of Santa says:

    Michael, inorite!

  61. Michael Oceanic-Euro-Anglo Alleycat says:

    @Lisa – you have the financial newspaper delIvered to you free – the paper that can make you money if you read it? And you don’t read it, but put it in the bottom of the bird cage for the bird to s*it on it?

    And then you complain how poor you are? I’m sorry, but that just sends me off the edge.

  62. Michael Oceanic-Euro-Anglo Alleycat says:

    @Lisa – you have the financial newspaper delIvered to you free – the paper that can make you money if you read it? And you don’t read it, but put it in the bottom of the bird cage for the bird to s*it on it? And then you com

  63. new sb says:

    thanks Stephan
    I just write to to SA tech support

  64. Pale, Depressed, Dumb, and Blond aka Lisa says:

    Awwww 🙂 Is that your kitty Honey?

  65. stephan says:

    @ Dallasbaby @ new sb – Helloo 🙂 Not sure if those profiles were on another sugar site, but on SA sugar babies don’t have to upgrade to premium to use the site and find a sugar daddy. If you ever have any problems with a profile on SA don’t hesitate to let us know 🙂 Here’s the email address for SA tech support btw: support (at) seekingarrangement dot com

  66. Honey says:

    I have always been attached to boy scouts and boyscout types!

  67. new sb says:

    @ dallasbaby mine said the same, what can we do??? 🙁

  68. Kindred Spirit says:

    Lone Gunman~ NOOOO not Alaska!! *Heart sinks at the thought*


  69. Pale, Depressed, Dumb, and Blond aka Lisa says:

    They can’t garnish my wages. I’m going to send a response back to the court the week after next and send a letter to the attorneys expaining my situation. I have done this twice with the previous lawfirms that threatened to sue and they never contacted me again and closed the case but this one didn’t even threaten, they just filed suit. I have to get some forms notarized, not sure if they are to be sent to the court or the suing attorneys. something about deny or admit on questions. of course I can’t deny the allegations but that isn’t going to make money appear.
    it’s going to cost me to have the notary thing and to send to ceritifed letters out, that’s going to put a damper in my budget.

  70. Dallasbaby says:

    Today my profile says my trial ran out and I must upgrade to find my sugar baby ?????

  71. Honey says:

    okay, was just putting the gravatar thinghy into both spots.. thanks magic board fairies…!
    Lisa don’t be so down, I know it’s easy for us to say from in our own shoes, but try to see the lighter side. They can’t garnish your wages, right?

  72. Honey says:


  73. Pale, Depressed, Dumb, and Blond aka Lisa says:

    The wall street journal is delivered to my door 6 days a week, I don’t read it, I use it to line the bottom of Percy’s birdcage. I have no investments and know nothing about stocks, I get it free though.

  74. Reach the Beach SB says:

    TLG – If you asked my friends, an autographed copy of “Seeking Arrangement” 🙂 I also have the official Boy Scout Manual, yet there are no boy scouts in this house. (I got it to learn about camping).

  75. The Lone Gunman makes Caligula look like a Puritan says:

    Another earthquake. This time in Burma.

    Is it my imagination, or is this stuff just travelling up the ‘Ring of Fire’? First New Zealand, then Japan, now Burma–should the folks in Alaska and LA start disaster planning now?


  76. Pale, Depressed, Dumb, and Blond aka Lisa says:

    My book collection is very old, haven’t read anything in years.
    I have Marilyn Manson’s biography “The Long Hard Road out of Hell”. As Well as all of Sophia Kinsella’s books which are mainly about a woman who shops compulsively and has collection agencies after her.

  77. Pale, Depressed, Dumb, and Blond aka Lisa says:

    Good afternoon

    Hey Gail, sorry I missed you last night, Hey Beach Girl.

  78. Prehistoric-DC says:

    Beach Girl, yay I’ll check it out 🙂 That way I can see if I can actually move my hips or whether or not I’ll be a complete failure. 😀

    NYC, it was wonderful! We went to Buddha Bar (am I allowed to spill the details of the location afterwards?). Now, I will say, Buddha Bar DC is no where near as cool as Buddha Bar Paris, but it was sexy, and appropriate. Not a usual DC IRL SD hot spot, but it was a girls night 🙂 I bought a round of Kamikazes. Haha.
    Next time I’m in NYC let’s have a meet up pretty please, I owe you a drink or two (or three). I haven’t seen you in centuries. 🙂

  79. Honey says:

    Cleo!! didn’t finish the book about attention deficit disorder?…lol!
    and Lone gun- totally can’t find any of my books strange either!! they are all great!
    I’m a book hoarder and freely admit it.

  80. cleo says:

    1. silver borne – patricia briggs
    2. driven to distraction (about add, seriously)
    3. the anatomy coloring book

    random, not my usual list, but true

    as for tlg
    hmm strangest?
    it used to be screw the roses, but now… hmm… strangest? um… wow… what an odd category, hmm, i just can’t find any of my books strange!


  81. cleo says:

    culture daddy: ahh so woody allen was quoting groucho?

  82. LASB says:

    Thank you Culture Daddy. I was too lazy to google.

    NYCSB – I have a bunch of PDFs too! Let’s swap!

  83. The Lone Gunman only taking partial responsibility for the Apocalypse says:

    Now here’s a fun topic:

    What is the strangest book you have in your collection, and why is it strange?


  84. Honey says:

    Reach the beach- thanks for the site, I shall peruse slowly, I love/hate tech…must look at the gravatar page for hours,leave it up and get back to it
    And I’ll take any book lists. and ask…Last THREE books you 1.laughed out loud at.2didn’t finish 3 and recommended to a friend. Me first. 1 A year in the merde -a MUST if you’ve been to france or hang around the french….Le divorce,saw some of the movie,but just couldn’t get into the people that much, not bad…just mmehh. 3 a people’s history of the united states- filled in all the missing parts that I didn’t hear about in class. honorable mention Ismael by Daniel Quinn

  85. NYC SB says:

    BG – I will add you to the invite… it will be a platnium wedding after all

  86. NYC SB says:

    LASB – ouch! lol I would love to see the list! i am reading a lot lately… so any suggestions are welcomed… i will reply in kind along with pdfs of my suggestions… aka free books!

    RTB – ummm i cannot promise no dancing on tables… but we will dance with you and have a drink or 7 in your honor… labor day part deux is a MUST… carebear is joining us too so we will be painting the town red

  87. Mutt of Color aka Bela says:


  88. Reach The Beach SB says:

    Yay! Went ahead and scheduled some concert/ camping/ fishing time with my favorite man for July and August! I love summer!

  89. CultureDaddy says:

    @LASB I believe that would be my favorite lawyer, the inimitable Groucho Marx.

  90. Reach The Beach SB says:

    Honey – go to en.gravatar.com and follow the instructions

    GenuineSD – Bwahahahahahaha!

  91. LASB says:

    LASB – a) you are part of a clique… gossip girl will always let you sit on the steps of the met… as long as its a step or two beneath her.
    b) thanks… you are sweet born negotiator … no … but i do read a lot on negotiation

    a) GG – Hahahaha! Although I appreciate the invite to be on the steps beneath you, absorbing your every word, I prefer to march to the beat of my own drum, free from tribal law. So thanks but no thanks! Who said I wanted to be in a clique. Who was it who said, “I’ll never be part of any group that will have me?”

    b) Interested in a reading list exchange? I’ve got a few I think you will like, if you haven’t already discovered them on your own.

  92. Honey says:

    question…how does one add a picture in the magic picture box to the left?

  93. Beach_Girl says:

    Reach The Beach SB~ HAHAHAHHAH

    Genuine SD~ I am sure Reach The Beach SB would do that for you !!!

  94. GenuineSD says:

    Mankini ? Leopard Print ? Bedazzeled, too ? Can I get my initials on it ?

  95. Reach The Beach SB says:

    Oh and just for TLG – The wwrtbsbd mankini in bedazzled leopard print!


  96. Reach The Beach SB says:

    NYC SB – You rock! I will customize anything your little heart desires! Including your wedding dress! I’m so jealous that you and scarlet are having a night out! Dance for me…just don’t stand on the tables (the bouncer doesn’t like that on an open rooftop <3)

    Honey – Hilarious! Thank you for that!

  97. Beach_Girl says:

    Hi Everyone!

    Reach the Beach SB~ I am sure a lot of good tips will come today,,,, Hopefully 😀

    Prehistoric-DC~ I got Zumba on you tube, it’s free! They have full courses on there

    Mutt of Color aka Bela~ Zumba is amazing! Love it…

    NYC SB~ I wanna go to your wedding lol… I’ve been sweet, yes? 😀

  98. NYC SB says:

    reach the beach – where can i place my order? also do you offer any blingy promotional merchandise? i wanna go out and people thinking there is lightning near them… but it will be just my bling bling 🙂 <3

  99. Honey says:

    I put on my favorite music and dance for my sweetie,sometimes. I’m a clown and a nut and I let myself act goofy in front of him. I laugh at the funny jokes and cringe appreciatively at the really corny ones…
    that’s what guys want when they tell a really bad joke, right?

  100. NYC SB says:

    LASB – a) you are part of a clique… gossip girl will always let you sit on the steps of the met… as long as its a step or two beneath her 😛
    b) thanks… you are sweet 🙂 born negotiator … no … but i do read a lot on negotiation
    c) i just bought some jewels and will go and bedazzle my loubies with wwrtbd… i will wear it Friday so she can be with me and scarlet in spirit

    Guru – im barely alive… too much hot yoga… too much trading … not much sleep

    DC – how was the meet in DC?

    keep it sweet people… if you are nice i just might invite you to my wedding … LOL

  101. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Ugh! Worse than an elementary school playground.

    I was hoping for some fun tips on how to show your SD how special he was and to receive orders on my wwrtbsbd promotional merchandise! Boo 🙁

  102. Spawn of Santa aka Dandelion Wine says:

    That’s strange, my protest against racism aimed at me is moderated, but the posts of the racist in question aren’t…

    Also, why would someone put their race on a resume?

  103. Honey says:

    I prefer black for my own personal use. I sometimes use African -American on resumes, when I am being extra pc. I would prefer just American and THEN add the color or ethnicity. Cause I’m not trying to deny one part of my heritage by claiming all of it.I’ve never been to african nor my mom, or grand mom or great grandmom. Maybe black American of African descent? Too long? Let’s let tiger woods be Blasian, he is should he deny his mom and grandmom because of the 2percent rule?I’ve found that the kids tend to hang more around the mom’s family and imprint there, maybe he just feels more comfortable with another side of himself that society might not be.Would he be a serial SD or what?
    In costa rica, I was Morena and negrita? don’t quite know how to spell it and I know that many, not all, of my black friends would have been offended at someone calling them “little black girl” sounds to close to other words. But I took it in the spirit in which he said it.As a friendly compliment.I have no negative connotations as to skin color…can’t you tell that my sometimes stubborn obnoxious goes way more than skin deep?

  104. Michael "Oceanic-Euro-Anglo with a black-gay-adopted brother-in-law and a red-headed daughter" Alleycat says:

    @People – this conversation is getting really old. Enough already.

    Please, let’s drop it and move on, back to the blog subject, or any other subject for that matter!!!

  105. Spawn of Santa aka Dandelion Wine says:

    DC, source please 🙂

    And you can identify however you want, just don’t accuse people of racism for no reason, as honey did, or make assumptions about MY skin color, as she also did, or then make assumptions about my character based on the assumptions about my skin color as, again, Honey did.
    I think THAT is the definition of racism, no?
    I don’t see you rallying against racism per se, but you are surely agitated about a perceived trespass against your right to identify yourself based on your skin color.

  106. Mutt of Color aka Bela says:

    DC – That’s actually exactly what I did. I got the DVD and use it at home. I thought it would be really cheesy but I actually really enjoy it. Plus, I feel like I’m taking dance lessons rather than working out. I can’t wait to go dancing now!!!

  107. Prehistoric-DC says:

    Oh and I forgot, Mutt of Color Bela.. love that name 🙂 I haven’t tried Zumba yet although I’m super curious.. I just feel like I will make a total fool of myself/have no rhythm/awkward.
    I was thinking about buying a DVD and maybe practicing at home a bit first..

  108. Prehistoric-DC says:

    Lisa, Honey, Goddess of Color LASB.. of course I agree with all of you as well 🙂

    Michael I love the “Oceanic-Euro-Anglo” bit, haha.
    I am, “Half-Potato-Famine-Irish-With-A-Polish-Nose-Anglo and Last-Known-Port-Of-Exit-Before-America-Liberia-African-Tiny-Percentage-Native-American” DC.

  109. Spawn of Santa aka Dandelion Wine says:

    WTF is this? Honey, are you Spiritual Baby’s evil demented troll twin?
    Pray tell how you derived that Carebear has issues with color?

    Also WTF does your “sense of humor” have to do with being black?
    I’m gonna say it has more to do with the huge chip you are dragging around.
    What’s next, are you gonna say that you are a total psycho because you are a woman and women are, you know, emotional and illogical, so being your nutty self you are more woman than anyone else?

    I know this is going to get moderated, but honey you are a disgrace to women, and you are a disgrace to your ethnic background.
    It is people like you that are the reason people in power form negative stereotypes about women and and things like glass ceiling exist.

    • SA Blog Moderator says:

      Comments get moderated (as stated in the warning) because they contain direct attacks. Direct attacks include insulting remarks, modification of names meant to be insulting, and the like.

      I believe this is the first time three blog topics in a row have had to have warnings posted and bloggers moderated actively.

      Who would have thought it would be necessary to filter the comments of educated, intelligent adults? Repeatedly!

      Stop. Proofread your post. Ask yourself if you are contributing, distracting, or just plain being stubborn.

  110. Prehistoric-DC says:

    Gail of Color, I agree! 🙂 But, you know.. let’s just go back to our prehistoric caves together.

  111. DC says:

    Cleo, I would LOVE for you to buy me a drink! 🙂 I try not to get myself into too many debates.. but when I feel something needs to be said, it just does. Especially when it’s something so nonsensical as trying to tell people how they should identify or why they’re wrong in their form of self-identification.

  112. DC says:

    Dandelion, unfortunately you’re still wrong.. you should probably just quit while you’re ahead. My undergrad, which is a top 10 LIBERAL arts school.. on their website, refers to their multi-ethnic student population as “students of color = %%”
    So, again, you’re still incorrect. It’s not just a self-identifier. Why not just admit to being wrong?
    Maybe it has connotations of negativity for you.. but for the rest of us on this blog, as you’ve seen the response this morning, all agree that it’s actually very inclusive of many different ethnicities.

  113. Mutt of Color aka Bela says:

    I don’t know why, but I prefer Black American versus African-American. I have friends who hate that term, but it makes more sense to me.

    I have to make a confession: I’m totally hooked on Zumba!!! It’s way too much fun, and while the exercise part of it is great, the Cuban Salsa makes you get a bit “excited.” Bonus!!

    Cleo – You are so awesome! Slight girl crush happening at the moment. excusez-moi!

    TLG – Please come to Nashville! I have a feeling you’d be the most fascinating and random person I’ve met in the past 2 hours.

  114. The Lone Gunman only taking partial responsibility for the Apocalypse says:

    Erk. Snooki.

    Hasn’t that woman’s 15 minutes been used up yet?


  115. Snooki: “on my job application, I check the ‘other’ box then I write tan. Because I’m not white, I’m tan.”

  116. Mondaine says:

    Sorry if I’m behind on the discussion! I’m in a different timezone and I work.

    (Plus there are some posts that make the various conversations hard to follow!)


  117. Mondaine says:

    May I contribute $0.02 on the “wannabe” definition? I don’t think being virgin to an actual arrangement makes one a “wannabe” sugar at all. I think being a SB or SD is a state of being, a personal preference, an attitude, a standard. But a simple personal circumstance that may only amount to the fact that, due to one’s own high standards, one has not yet met the right sugar to be in an arrangement with, is not grounds for dismissing someone as a “wannabe”.

    My first arrangement was long ago – we had met offline, not on a dating site. I can’t remember why it ended. We are back in contact after a while after I ran into him in the street, (he’s a contact on my LinkedIn but not my facebook!) and we have had coffee but nothing will rekindle. The arrangement was his idea, and it worked for a while.

    I’ve been in other arrangements, in circumstances where it just occurred naturally, not with negotiation at the beginning (although communication at the start is key when you are meeting on a site!!!). I found the site because I finally realised consciously that this is actually my dating preference.

    To me, a good sugar arrangement feels natural. I’m not the type of girl to want to get married and settle down – I really appreciate how the arrangement part crystallises the boundaries of the relationship. I adore getting spoiled and find it a personal turn-on.

    I think I was always a SB, even before my first such arrangement. Born this way? Maybe. But if I’m single for whatever reason, that doesn’t make me less of a SB.

    To those girls who are yet to meet the SD who will light your fire, I don’t think you’re wannabes at all! Keep your standards high. (Actually, that should go for the gents as well.)

    On the subject of wannabes, I was recently approached by what I would describe as a “wannabe SD” – things seemed to be going well in email correspondence, but then once I lightheartedly made it clear not to expect intimacy on the first meeting (as his previous correspondence had suggested he might) he dropped me like a hot potato and told me “this is a sugardaddy site, not e-harmony”. I told him he was fooling himself and that he forgot that a sugardaddy is a gentleman first and foremost. He was acting like something else. This guy was being a wannabe. Next!

    On drama:
    @Michael, don’t give it air. Vent it all out here, *learn* and move on. Next time it smells dramatic in the beginning, know that it ain’t gonna improve. Every decision I make in life takes into account the potential for drama and I avoid it as much as possible. I like life smooooooooth.

  118. Spawn of Santa aka Dandelion Wine says:

    DC, if you notice, “of color” is a self-identification.
    Schools don’t refer to non-whites as “of color”, non-whites refer to themselves as “of color”.
    You can’t really blame the white man for what you do to yourself. People like Honey need to stop calling themselves different disrespectful and deprecating epithets, and then thinking that everyone else views their cultural/ethnic heritage the same (negative) way they view it.
    I personally couldn’t give a crap what color is Honey’s skin or what race she is or what age she is. She brought that information into the blog and then tried to accuse people of excluding her based on the demographic info no one even knew. For some reason it is easier for her to think that she got a cold shoulder because people on the blog are racist and elitist , rather than because she insulted people with her poor choice of words, and instead of apologizing and moving on, she keeps finding new ways to insult. I find racist accusations to be even worse than the jealous/crazy ones.

  119. Beach_Girl says:

    LASB~ I so agree with you with the heat thing… what is up with that? My first apartment in Venice Beach didn’t have heat at all, I use to put the stove on to warm up the place lol
    I think on the weather, we go it a lot colder than you right now… it’s 5F right now…. Winning! 😀
    good night Sugars of all colors, genders, ethnicity, religion and everything in between!

  120. Goddess of Color (LASB) says:

    Michael Oceanic-Euro-Anglo Alleycat – That’s what I meant when I spoke of the “common denominator.”

    Gail of Color – Stop sending all your rain here. We don’t want it either! I use the term “woman of color” in reference to myself. But then again, I’m prehistoric. BTW, if you’d ever want to meet for a drink, I’d be down. I’m in your neck of the woods from time to time.

    Beach – I’d tell you to come visit, but I bet it’s colder over here than over there. I wore a down jacked to the concert tonight and never took it off. As fake as we all are, Cali folk seem to not believe in artificial heat. 🙁

  121. Honey says:

    Cloe, any body who knows vodka is REALLY only vodka if it is made with potatoes seems kinda cool to me! I ‘m sure if we met, you know, anyway from this place, maybe it could have been different… But I will never….”And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do too. Where I’m going, you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do, you can’t be any part of. Cleo, I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you’ll understand that. Here’s looking at you, kid.”

  122. The Lone Gunman returning soon to a North America near YOU! says:


    Mutually Assured Blogging, eh. SD Guru?

  123. Kindred Spirit says:

    Michael~ Ah, so it is now an EX-SB, I wasn’t clear on that with the earlier posts of today, but yep, looks like she is trying to push your buttons. Best not to respond to her incessant texts and voice messages, Michael, and hopefully they will cease once not acknowledged enough times! 🙁

    Glad you got to spend time with an old friend for genuine smiles, laughs and great perspective! 😀

    Oh my, I do write too much (noticing the length of my last post), at least in comparison to most bloggers! Seems I store a lot of inner speculation then spit it (thoughfully) out when a topic/post hits me??

  124. Beach_Girl says:

    Cleo~ Aww thank you! Your pictures don’t do you justice either! You are HOT, tall and a very proud amazing women! I was very fortunate to meet you and now friends! I adore you! Now, I cannot say you come across as harsh for me, because I imagine how you talk and are that it’s just you!

    I wish I could meet some of you here as well, I did meet some amazing SBs and SDs… it’s really not the same In real life!!!
    If you are in my city, Montreal, you should let me know! it would be awesome to meet more sugars!

  125. cleo says:

    honey: you’re welcome. i got the sense that you hadn’t seen the ‘third perspective’ and i wanted to give it to you. i hope you don’t feel attacked/offended by anything i said because none was meant (and i don’t get the sense from your words that you felt that it was)

    i think that both sides of your entrance could have stood to look in the mirror or to notice that whole ‘for every finger i point at you there’s three pointing back at me’ thing… but if i say that i sound like i think i never say anything wrong and i, for one, screw up at LEAST once a day.

    i have hurt my loved one’s feelings SO badly when trying my hardest to be supportive so i know that no matter how we try we can hurt people with no intent. a lady once told me that if i continued to expect people to be as self-aware as i am i was doomed to perpetual disappointment… and maybe i was… but i sure have a cool group of self-aware friends now.

    okay i’m starting to head off into woo woo land so i’m definitely going to bed, but i just want to make sure you know that no matter how crazy and weird this twisted little blog is you and all the other lurkers and newbies and old hats and curious kids are all welcome…

    (we just wish all y’all would read the sidebar a bit before asking one of the low hanging fruit questions ;>)
    there’s been vodka, and many corrected typos, if that doesn’t make sense or pisses someone off? blame potatoes.

  126. Kindred Spirit says:

    Michael~ Have you made it officially over with her, or just thinking more outloud now of what you know (how this just isn’t working, etc)? Wish you the best on however it goes…sounds like she may still reach for your heartstrings regardless, or try to argue with you about it, realizing suddenly what she’s losing (god I hope so)?

    A quiet observation that it also sounds like she has become attached to you to the point of forgetting the “NSA” part of the deal, and will have a hard time letting go…. Sounds like your mind is finally made up, and I applaud your clear thoughts and gut feelings and airing it out.

    Your posts have suggested you had become attached to her, too (though perhaps not as much as her with you?). Thing is, is when someone starts disrespecting you, your time (tardiness, bringing in unnecessary and unwanted drama, etc), they may actually care so much to the point that they forget you are NOT their boyfriend. Sounds twisted, doesn’t it? Someone cares so much they stop “seeing” who they have in front of them? (The difference (and opposite) is about those who care so much about their loved one that they do their best to remain very mindful and aware of that sacred beauty, but that’s for another dreamy sequence I may mention more fully sometime. 😉 )

    And, it seems to me that it is more likely in traditional relationships that people will take their loved one for granted at some point (not intentionally, I’d hope, but still), because sometimes, commitment can mean “now I know I’ve got them so I can slack a little, etc, they’ll still stick around”. And then it’s no longer feeling very balanced. …Yuck, I think I just sort of defined “feeling entitled”. lol

    ~~~~~Side Tangent~~~~~~
    My personal happy dance in finding out about SA (actually found the book first off of Amazon, read it twice through, marking it up with my pencil of my thoughts, notes, THEN went onto the website, maybe a little backwards that it is?), is the fact that in this kind of dating, it is EXPECTED from the get-go that you will not take the other for granted, and hold up on your end of it, so long as it suits you both. For me, it’s an enormous, refreshing relief…and makes my heart skip a beat at the exciting possibility. ^___^

    So, this beauty about NSA and arrangement, I’d like to believe, is that the “taking the other for granted” bit is exactly perfect ~reason enough~ to kindly end an arrangement…or not get involved with a potential to begin with. Makes beautiful sense.

    Which brings me back to your situation, Michael… 🙂
    As mentioned, it very much sounds like she believes she has you wrapped around her little finger to the point of disrespecting those NSA boundaries and stretching your “white knight” generosity as far as she can run with it, and still keep you. Nothing appears to be changing or getting better with her, and so as you have decided to yourself, the “relationship” has run its course for you.

    Hmm, yes, nothing at all wrong with putting it that way, in fact, when you tell her. Not a lot you can do about the tears and “you a**hole”‘s about it, except to push her away (figuratively, not literally, haha not even if she pushes first 😉 ) and allow time to take its course in moving on. Before long those memories will be much less raw to the touch. We “blog pals” here will be the first to say how awesome you are of a person, and of how a far more satisfying, exciting, and non-negative arrangement is just around the corner.

    Right now it really, really sucks, because you know this will hurt her, and you hate, hate hate causing anyone pain. I may be going out on a limb by saying that I do not believe you would have stayed with her as long as you have if you did not have a tender, emotional attachment to her, too. 😉 Some people just grab you like that, and it can be interesting to see where the journey leads, even though you may notice from the beginning they just might be a bit of “fascinating trouble”. Definitely been there, IRL. lol

    Seriously, the relationship, for you, has run its course. Less of pointing fingers by putting it that way, and I’d prefer an SD to tell it to me like that, honestly, to spare my own feelings. It really is about trying to keep it kindly light. Regardless, no matter how, I know you’ll say it your way, Michael, in the respect you would want if in her place. I’m cheering you on to further happiness and less negative stress in your life for the very near future. 😀

    People can really get a lot of great support here, listening ears, or advice…and for those whose advice you may not agree with? I’ve read a great response before, as in an example of a meddling parent or friend, is to say, “Thanks for the input~ I’ll take that into consideration”, then change the subject. 😉

    ~Apologies for all the run-on sentences, bit of repetition, and verbosity…it comes and goes. #^__^# Goodnight!

  127. cleo says:

    anyone else wanna go:
    “mmmm, me jane!!”
    no? just me then?
    beach: thank you, i bless my parents regularly for giving me the no maintenance mane… of course it’s also the no control mane… lol *hugs bella*

    you’re right about your personality beach, you’re so sweet and lovely in person and really funny with a delightfully wicked sense of humour and you would never guess. not to mention your pictures do you no justice at all! you’re so pretty, like a doll or something and much much softer in real life than you come across on the internet…

    as for me, it’s just that i use the EXACT same words in real life but there you can hear the intonation, see the expression, read the hand gestures and feel the intent… so i seem much harsher online i think.
    sdinla: with all due respect to your no mixing, if i hear you’ve come to toronto without finding a way to meet me for a drink i’ll be SO sad. i just think you would be wicked fun to spend an evening/lunch hour with and i don’t much give a crap who you actually are “in real life”

    just putting it out there. i think you seem awesome and i’d love to put a sense of the person along with the name. same with sd guru and you’re both deeply secretive.

    others i’d like to meet but i know that if we cross paths it will happen as it did with midwest and shooger and beach and sincere and and and 🙂 you two i think would pick discretion over meeting bloggers and it’s a bummer since i think you both seem like awesome people to meet (for anyone whose town you happen to visit.)

    okay night 🙂

  128. Michael Oceanic-Euro-Anglo Alleycat says:

    @People – I had dinner tonight with an old friend (interrupted several times by txt and vm by a very unhappy ex-SB), and she reminded me of a great phrase “the way you do anything is the way you do everything”

    Not that I’m pointing fingers but if you feel there is drama, aggravation, arguing, attacks etc towards you on the blog, take a look around you and see if it happens in the rest of your life too.

    Just sayin’ …

  129. Honey says:

    Cleo, everyone, I know I said goodnight and so should quit picking up this stick and beating this dead horse. Cleo- no heat, but I still kinda stand by what I said.I believe the group was the one to over react. You can-,not like how I took it, but to me, you are still trying to justify a certain type of behavior or my response to it. You, just as anyone else could have not been offended.
    “i am not asking you to believe we are welcoming because, well, we aren’t. I’m simply asking you to believe that your experiences when you joined us were coloured by your own actions as you greeted us.”
    I agree with you on that point. I chose to be offended by a lot of the responses I got ,told everyone EXACTLY where I was coming from and then I dropped it, I moved on.
    I like mess as much as the next person, but it was Dandywhine who brought the ball back into play. Maybe I was wrong to pick it up again -. AND I wrote about the responses to my greeting, the negative responses. The ones who ignore me I never could confront, not knowing who they are. I am sure there are some people who can’t stand me, but they would never care enough to post stiff on this blog. If you say something that I don’t like or agree with, 9 times out of 10, I wouldn’t say anything. But if you address me, call me out by name on the board, I will take the bait.
    But I think I’ve built up in the short time I’ve been here the rep for not pulling punches, so I would have mentioned you by name if I still had any beef with you, which I don’t. I would just like to be able to post stuff without dandywhine and her apologists talking to me.I HAVE been ignoring Dandy unless I had something positive to say. She’s the one claiming to be the resident expert on everything, I was the one who admitted to not knowing how these blog thinghys work
    Cleo thank you for your thoughts and your thoughtful words really, even if my answer may not be what you were looking for.

  130. Beach_Girl says:

    Hey Everyone!
    Having a very good day here… taking a little break and came to catch up!
    Gail of color!!! hahahha love it!
    Cleo~ you have amazing hair ! and you are welcoming!
    Honey~ I think we are all different in the way we blog speak. For me, I type like I talk… so sometimes it’s hard to figure out if it’s meant as a joke or not. I know for a fact that cleo is like this also… and she totally rocks! She is so expressive in person and her personality doesn’t come across here at all. I don’t think mine does either!
    Lisa~ Hi girl
    TLG~ how is OZ?
    LASB & SDinLA~ I wish I was in LA right now, ok maybe not with the rain, but when the sun comes out! I need to see my Cali friends, eat some great food and have some fun!
    Guru~ Nice to see you back!
    if I missed anyone sorry, just trying to catch up

    • SD Guru says:

      Has it gotten to a point that a blog warning is necessary?? Sheesh. Why don’t we all go look in the mirror and practice what we preach… 🙄

      @NYC SB
      Wow guru is alive! :p

      Yes I am, and apparently you’re too!! Rumors of my demise were greatly exaggerated… I think. 😛


      I’m sorry to hear about your situation although I saw it coming. I was off by a few weeks so I do owe you a steak dinner. Maybe Vegas is in your travel plans?? 😉

      SD Guru was converted over time, so I was wondering if anyone else has gone through the same thing…

      Um… I didn’t realize I was converted. From what to what?? How come I’m always the last to know about these things?? 😯

      Ok, running out the door for a pot date!

      Did you meet another Severin and tie him up too?? :mrgreen:

      LASB: Wait, you had your “Lunch with the Guru” in LA and nobody told me?

      That will teach you not to go on hiatus again! LOL… The lunch was part of the first place prize she won. If you win a prize then maybe I’ll have lunch with you too… 😆

      That way TLG would get to have a hot, mute woman dressed like Jane to your Tarzan riding behind you on the horse as you rode away down the beach. No tears necessary.

      Don’t forget the dog barking in the distance… it wouldn’t be a TLG story otherwise!

      SD Guru~How long is a person banned? Will it be forever? A true SB/SD blog addict will get sick and die

      There is no death penalty in the blog… but would anyone like to find out for sure?? 😎

  131. cleo says:

    it’s funny that you say that, whenever i find myself judging or condemning another person i wonder what it is about myself that they are poking that is getting me so upset. i take that old expression “what you don’t like in others is what you least like in yourself” very seriously and really try to look in the mirror when i don’t like something.

    the nice thing about being older is that now i also accept that i can just choose not to engage. do i always manage to take the high road? i WISH … but at least now i know where the high road IS

    as for makeup, today i managed to leave the house with no eyeliner on (!!!) so i stopped at mac and bought some, some gloss too. god mac is almost as dangerous as stuart weitzman…

  132. Honey says:

    when I see someone who in their posts continually has to judge, condemn, argue, attack, put down, contradict, fight or misread, I can sometimes go further and see how they are struggling and feel bad for them, instead of mad at them. Just imagine how miserable the person must be (or how fun to live with). night all maybe tomorrow we can really talk make up. I just tried Make up Forever Brand – it’s great and long lasting,good for not rubbing off. so when my “daddy” pulls me close it doesn’t rub off on his clothes! I love it, you can get it at Sephora.I think I may get their electric-looking blue eyeshadow too, it’s cool! Tried it on today with a friend who just put it on one eye and then we look around at other things and she lets me leave the store with one eye covered in blue eye shadow and the other bare!! But it did look cute! Good night all. Will probably go back tomorrow to get it! Interesting blog…..

  133. cleo says:

    lisa: funnily enough i’m of canadian (french/irish/english) and italian descent but my hair LOVES african and moroccan hair products…

  134. SDinLA says:

    TLG, wouldn’t you prefer:

    “We finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you. God damn you all to hell!”

    That way TLG would get to have a hot, mute woman dressed like Jane to your Tarzan riding behind you on the horse as you rode away down the beach. No tears necessary.


  135. cleo says:

    honey: when you read your three points and glance perhaps more than once at number two… can you see why so many of us chose simply not to respond to your entrance?

    i can see, from the myriad communications since then, that you had no intent to come across as superior and condescending.. but that’s it, in a nutshell, why so many of us didn’t respond.

    i am not asking you to believe we are welcoming because, well, we aren’t. i’m simply asking you to believe that your experiences when you joined us were coloured by your own actions as you greeted us.

    funnily enough, i found the ensuing “cultural differences” discussion fascinating and i’m delighted you’re here. i just object to you saying that we, as a group, are mean and unwelcoming. some of us are, heck *I* am not particularly welcoming… but i am helpful and honest… and really, can you ask for more from a stranger on the internet?
    DC: i am deeply amused by your debate style and if i am ever in your town i need to buy you a drink (or you in mine!)

  136. Gail of Color says:

    Greetings Everyone,

    I have been in a stormcloud. To much rain in Northern Cali for the past week.

    DC~I definately agree with you. Perhaps DWs experiences are limited with people of color and thats why she just doesn’t know: (

    Acidbear~Prehistoric…so untrue. Silly you: )

    Lisa~Wishing you sugar solutions and dreams too : )

    SD Guru~How long is a person banned? Will it be forever? A true SB/SD blog addict will get sick and die

    Good nite Everyone

  137. Lisa says:

    There are many cosmetic products that include “for women of color” on their packaging. I would see this to apply to any woman of black or non white ethnicity as it’s made to work better with darker skintones or thicker hair textures( we caucasions tend to have thinner hair than other ethnic groups).
    Where as I am white, I prefer the term European-American as that is were my ancestors come from or better yet just “American” as I was not born in Europe.

    ok going to bed now, gotta get up early. Good night

  138. The Lone Gunman returning soon to a North America near YOU! says:

    Looking out at the decimated landscape through his mirrored sunglasses, TLG felt a tear well up in his eyes.

    “Damn you! Damn you ALL!!” he cried out in his pain. “You finally did it. You really, finally did it! You destroyed it all with your Assured Nuclear Blogging!!!!”

    Turning his back, he made plans to leave the blasted land behind him as the tears ran down his ruggedly handsome features.

    ..and somewhere in the distance, a dog barked.

  139. DC says:


    the term is actually meant to substitute “minority” which has connotations of inferiority, and be inclusive of all non-white students.

  140. DC says:


  141. DC says:

    Well, Dandelion.. I can’t argue with someone who won’t simply google “students of color” “women of color” “men of color” “citizens of color” etc., and see the wealth of (official) literature on the subject. And yes, in the South as well. I’ve lived all over the world, including the South. I’m also half-Black myself. I have the choice, as does everyone, to choose how they identify racially.. and no, it’s not usually “just” the demographic categories you listed above. African-American alone is not considered inclusive-enough as a racial category same with Hispanic.. some identify as Afro-American, Black, African, Latino, Spanish, Chicano, etc.
    I’m sorry but, it’s really ignorant to state anything definitively when it comes to race.. which is why I said each person has a personal preference with which they choose to identify with one particular race, or how they wish to define themselves. And again, “of color” is one of those categories.

  142. Spawn of Santa aka Dandelion Wine says:

    DC, not even in the south.
    I have not seen “of color” comments in any official literature and cannot imagine something like that even uttered at an official level. It’s usually African American, Hispanic, Asian Pacific, and Caucasian, when referring to demographic info,

  143. Spawn of Santa aka Dandelion Wine says:

    See, again you play the victim. My comment/response wasn’t unsolicited since you specifically asked why things are the way they are (albeit I am sure in jest). And it wasn’t negative, because if you follow my advice you will find yourself happier, feeling better, treated better, etc. It’s not negative just because it doesn’t agree with you.
    A different perspective from the one that is obviously not working is the reason why people ask questions and for advice in the first place.

  144. DC says:

    carebear, most colleges still use the term “students of color” — wouldn’t really call that “prehistoric” just a matter of perception and what people prefer to be called and/or how they choose to identify. i don’t think one specific term is more correct than another.

  145. Since when are we back to the Prehistoric term of “woman of color”…..

    • SA Blog Moderator says:

      Blog drama and personal attacks are not new, when it happens it’s not the first and it won’t be the last time. Cast of characters can come and go in this blog and there will always be fireworks. It usually starts off with people having differing opinions, then somewhere along the way some people interpreted things one way vs another, then it gets into a heated argument with people taking sides, then it doesn’t take much to spiral into name calling and personal attack, then people’s feeling get hurt, then….. well you get the idea.

      I think we can all agree this is a very active and sometimes entertaining blog. In a group of this size there is certainly a wide range of opinions which is very healthy. We can’t control how people choose to expresses themselves, so the only control we have is how we choose to react and respond to them.

      Here are some suggestions that could make our experience in this blog more constructive and enjoyable:

      1. Think before you hit the “submit” button. Ask yourself, how will my post be perceived by others? As I have said before, our reputation in this blog is our words, and it’s easy for others to see what we’re made of. If you disagree with something, do so with respect and class.

      2. Ignore the flame. In every online forum I have been a part of there are people who take pleasure in spewing off flame bait to get others all worked up. Don’t take the bait! The more you respond the messier it gets.

      3. Have a sense of humor and don’t take yourself too seriously. And by the same token, don’t take the other person too seriously either. Personal attack hurts, but in the grand scheme of things is it a big deal? Do we really have anything to prove to anyone here?

      In addition, please refrain from posting personally identifiable information of others, such name, location, place of employment, etc.

      Discussing differing opinions in a constructive manner is always welcome in the blog. However, personal attacks and name calling are not. We’re here to share our experiences and learn from each other, so let’s focus on doing that!!

      Blog Moderation Process

      When the need arises the blog moderation team will post a warning to ask everyone to refrain from inciting flame and personal attacks. Offending comments may be removed, and after two warnings the repeat offenders may be banned from posting. As a last resort, commenting on the blog may be temporarily suspended if it becomes necessary.

  146. Honey says:

    and more unsolicited advice..the unsolicited negative comments or questions piggybacked with the great answers you do find often here. I’m sure many have left this group over offenses from these barbs. I am aware that Hey I can just leave this blog, but the people who run it don’t want that, other people who don’t run anything may not quite understand that.So rather than asking where to go, I think the better question is how does everyone else here manage to stay and get the good answers and discussion while not letting the bad comments bother them?
    1.A key insight that helps tremendously is to realize that everyone is right, correct, justified, nice and fair from their own perspective. And from their own perspective and background, they are. We don’t have to make them wrong, judge them or impute bad motives, malice, bad upbringing, stupidity, insensitivity, cynicism, etc. There just happen to be other perspectives than our own and the more you live the more you find out how differently other people can think than you thought everyone did (namely, you like think). If we can learn to accept that and learn to see how that can be OK rather than make it wrong to not think like we do, then there goes a big source of offense
    2. For those clearly intentional negative comments, realize that they say more about the person saying them than it does about you or anything else. It reveals their fears, hurts, disappointments, irritations, weaknesses, etc. Rather than take what they say personally, realize they probably have personal issues that they don’t know how to deal with yet. They end up venting at the latest person to touch one of those nerves. Giving them an out or excuse for their human limitations and not taking it personally goes a long way towards not being offended.

    3. Especially in light of #2, when I see someone who in their posts continually has to judge, condemn, argue, attack, put down, contradict, fight or misread, I can sometimes go further and see how they are struggling and feel bad for them, instead of mad at them. Just imagine how miserable the person must be (or how fun to live with)…and don’t let them make you miserable, too.Hope these tips help people deal with the offenses here (yes, even the ones I may unintentionally be party to).

  147. Honey says:

    Hi Dandy whine. You are the one bringing it up now, before I was replying to Bela and others. I was talking to Alice and ignoring you? In answer to a previous post of yours I had ignored… No you are not racist ,but you sound like a spiteful little bee with way too much time on your hands. One has to Choose to be offended, get off my back. I think you area whiney,little girl who is trying to piggy back unto my conversations. Put up or shut up, you offer little but strife. You comments are not helpful ,so please don’t address them to me. Or try the “if you don’t have anything nice to say approach” what part of “I was not speaking to you” won’t you understand. Alice is a woman of color, as another woman of color, I told MY OPINIONS and of MY OWN Experience-to ALICE.
    Next time I have a need to address a petty,bitchy, immature little girl who is all talk and little help and who easily takes offense at stuff not pertaining to her, I’ll drop you a line.
    Next tell me how sd don’t like notes from me or that I don’t know what I am talking about when I talk about Daddies
    that’s kinda on message to what the board was discussing. On a scale from 1 to 10 how egregious was my other offense? What exactly was it that got you all hot and bothered? Am I NOT paying enough attention to you? On a scale from one to ten, how little do you think I care? You need to get a life and quit trying to police message boards.
    Bring it on dandy whine How big is your allowance? what type of sugardaddy do you have? See much of him? if he finds your antics amusing, fine, but maybe you need to find something more to occupy your time. Even though I can’t fault your taste, I find myself very interesting also.

  148. LASB says:

    SDinLA – That was light years ago! You snooze, you lose. And maybe it’s us who would need to be convinced to let you into our tight little IRL blog clique. 😉 Ok, running out the door for a pot date! It would be so (hilariously) tragic if my blog addiction made me late.

  149. SDinLA says:

    LASB: Wait, you had your “Lunch with the Guru” in LA and nobody told me? I might have been convinced to break my “keep the blog life and real life separate (preexisting relationships excluded of course)” rule to meet two such illustrious blog personalities without even having to plan a trip out of town. 😉

    Re: the conversion thing, well I do think it depends on the circumstances too but I don’t think a leopard changes its spots, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks etc. Guru may have been converted over time, but I think he fits into the “had the right SD tendencies already” camp. There are such a wide range of situations, definitions and circumstances in this world that it might be hard to generalize, but IMO really converting someone who is not predisposed to give an allowance is difficult and I don’t know that you can really identify any universal triggers.

  150. cleo says:

    yeah i got one who thought 1k/month AND using MY place was TOO MUCH

  151. LASB says:

    SD Guru- Didn’t mean to ignore you. Yes, my impression of you was somewhere in between Rahm and Severin. 😉 I know you like that particular sushi place, but there are some new ones on my side of town that has better fish, IMO.

    SDinLA – I asked that question because there are so many on the site that keep calling themselves SDs and think that flying me coach(!!!!) and putting me up in their kid’s bedroom (yeah right) a few times a year is enough for them to be considered as such. I have had off blog discussions with other SBs and it seems to be a common theme. Also, SD Guru was converted over time, so I was wondering if anyone else has gone through the same thing, or has seen her SD go through that, and how to find those triggers, if they exist. I guess I’m revealing my true wanna-be SB crazy chick identity now. HA!!!!

  152. Bela says:

    LOL SDinLA – I LOVE that!! GF with an expiration date. I might have to use that, because it describes me perfectly!

  153. SDinLA says:

    Alleycat: Look on the bright side, at least you made it well past Valentine’s Day and can collect that steak dinner from Guru! 😉

    Your problems are precisely the reason why I ended up choosing to deal with the particular set of issues that came with the younger set- despite drama and flakiness being more common in that age range, not many 20 year olds are going to want to convert you to the rich BF or god forbid husband at that stage of their lives. Besides, it seems like you’re getting plenty of drama and flakiness with this one, so it’s not like you’re avoiding the pitfalls of the youthful ones.

    LASB, Re: converting a BF into a SD, I could write a novel, but IMO it is very difficult to make it stick. I think the only real chance you have if he already has SD tendencies in his dating life and just didn’t really consider himself to be one. I considered my SBs to be “GFs with an expiration date” and they considered me their BFs in every sense of the word, we just had some clearly defined boundaries as to what the future did *not* hold. While we together we were a real couple, and I treated the allowance and gifts as “nothing different than I spent in my other relationships but with an added benefit to me.” Still, even though I have always been generous in my relationships, back in my pre-marriage single days I don’t think anyone could have “converted” me so that I would have agreed to an allowance but that was when I was young, idealistic and had not gone through the economic effects of a divorce.

  154. Honey says:

    Well, jerks are found everywhere and it sounds like she’s the one who missed out. Drama is soo boring. Dinner should just be dinner. Looks like she was a crisis waiting to happen. Be glad you found out sooner rather than later. and I’ve used that phrase about STUPID people mistaking kindness for weakness…I’m not the one…Good luck!!

  155. Bela says:

    Aussie Alleycat – Sorry to hear about your SB. Glad you’re recovering quickly.

  156. Michael Alleycat says:

    @Honey – yep, found her here. Ground rules were very clear – not here for a relationship, no drama, no aggravation, don’t want a gf, let’s just have a good time.

    She actually was on time for her first meeting, but she certainly did not go out of her way to make a stunning impression. She went the causal chic look, just came across as being casual. The second meeting however she more than compensated, it was a great evening.

    The ‘nexting’ has been a little while coming – I basically decided on the weekend after I got a phone call from her in tears at 8am no Sunday. Uhhhhhh no thanks. Today was the last straw.

    I am tolerant, kind and generous, but as somebody very wise once said (I think it was me actually) “people mistake kindness for weakness and they will try and take advantage of your kindness”.

  157. Honey says:

    I’m gonna get a temporary tattoo across my lower back(tramp stamp?) of his name for the next time we go away together. What guy doesn’t like seeing his name on stuff? And of course cards and thank you notes, every time I get something or he helps me out over and beyond, I send him a thank you card, in a nice envelope. Manners. And sds are usually very romantic, you’ll melt his heart… plus, I LOVE stationary.

  158. Honey says:

    Michael , next her!
    I’m sure you will be able to find a more suitable person who is not a flake. Find her here? or another way? Was she late for your first meeting?

  159. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Avatar loaded!

    Awww Michael – I’m not going to comment…just sending (((hugs)))

    Honey – Those are nice ideas and a regular practice for me as well. One nice thing I did (and was very well received) is I found a pen with a USB port hidden inside (very Bond-esque). On the USB, I would put pictures and songs to remind him of our little excursions. It turned out to be a great momentum that you just pop on the computer to get away when you can’t get away.

    LASB – I know very few people who have been successful at it for a long time. Some have tried and succeeded, but it was only temporary. If you look at celebrities…Anna Nicole, Hef’s girls…they just played the role of the grateful girlfriends and successfully became sugarbabies/ wives. It may be easier than we think, but the time and effort has to be invested up front allowing a long time for it to flourish….with no guarantees.

  160. Michael Alleycat says:

    /vent on

    So I have been with this SB since December, she was just a bit flaky to start with, but not too bad. Figured I could put up with it. but it has just become worse since we met. Started off ok, then she started to try and re-position me as a rich bf, she got me to meet her kids very unexpectedly, and is gradually trying to bring me in closer and closer to her, using the drip-drip-drip process, just a little bit at a time. At the same time, doing a pretty standard passive-aggressive routine – being late for meetings, blaming me for mis-understandings, accusing me of looking elsewhere for somebody etc etc.

    Well, we had agreed to meet today around 12 – she txted me last night saying she can’t wait to see me – and today, just a no-show. No calls, no txt, no email, no show. Even the guy who cuts my lawn is more reliable!

    How do you spell the word ‘next’?

    It’s amazing – she had a good deal, but just didn’t respect the relationship. From lengthy conversations with her over the last couple of months, I know that this is how most of her previous relationships have ended. And I know that I am going to get blamed for being such an a**hole.

    **sigh** why do people not understand what they have, and use that as motivation to change their patterns of behaviour? I can tell you that her expensive car will be re-possessed eventually (4th time), and she will have to move back home to her parents with her kids. Sheesh.

    /vent off

  161. Honey says:

    La Sb, thank you for asking! My sd is a werkhorse, I believe the term may be. So he doesn’t have all the time in the world.I make my sd feel special by listening and being there for him. Only rarely do I even answer my phone when I am with him. It makes him feel special knowing that others want my attention but I only have eyes for him.I send him songs that remind us of good times we had together. I try to make every date a special experience.Know his favorite drink- gin and tonic with Tanqueray I always have a smile on my face, just for him,he likes to see me happy and he likes knowing that I am happy to be with him. And I always say please and thank you.

  162. LASB says:

    My pleasure, Cleo and RTB. Ever notice how in life (and perhaps on the blog too) that it’s the same people always having the same issues, misunderstandings, drama over and over. After a while, it should be obvious what the common denominator is. Anyhow, moving on…

    I think this topic has been discussed before a long time ago, but I would like open up the discussion again. What are some ways to turn a non-allowance type SD into an allowance type? Or even an IRL potential BF into an SD?

    NYCSB – I just read your blog about your 2 year anniversary. Great post and happy anniversary!! I will add, don’t give the sugar lifestyle all the credit for your paying off of the mortgage! A lot of it can be attributed to your stellar negotiation skills–and from what I can tell, you are a born negotiator!!!

  163. cleo says:

    LASB thank you, that is what i was trying to say… if anyone wonders? there it is 🙂

  164. cleo says:

    aw crap, the blog didn’t refresh until i posted…

  165. cleo says:

    honey i’m saying that your experience entering this blog is not the same as others’

    not everyone is warmly welcomed, sometimes no one is actually here even, but unless people are obvious trolls they usually get a welcome and some answers

    as for me, i’m a total wanna be, but i am neither crazy nor jealous and yes i understand we use different words but because we use different meanings for the same words you come across as insulting or off putting or condescending when you only mean to be funny and cute.

    remember, we can’t see your face, we can’t tell the spirit of what you say and we therefore can’t tell your meaning without interpreting your words through the filter of our own dictionaries.

    i am only saying your experience was somewhat unusual and i wish you wouldn’t assume that every new member of this blog gets attacked or yelled at or taken badly or WHATever.

  166. Reach The Beach SB says:

    Just in time for Christmas! Let’s see if the avatar loads!

  167. SDinLA says:

    The Darwin fish is clever, but the RTB fish is classier, it’s wearing a strand of pearls (of course.)

    I think you need to get the merchandising cranked up straight away, RTB. Do I get a share of the profits for coming up with the idea?

  168. Bela says:

    I love the Darwin fish (with the feet)

  169. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Lou-“do” tins!

  170. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Hahaha – Can I capitalize on this??? Diamond-encrusted bracelets, WWRTB Louboutins…

  171. Bela says:

    Agreed SDinLA

  172. SDinLA says:

    LASB: Funny, I have a bumper sticker that says “WWRTB Do?” inside of an Ichthys. I think RTB fish” is a much better term than “Jesus fish.” 😉

  173. Bela says:

    Actually, the more I look at her, I think that is his wife.

  174. Bela says:

    RTB – That’s what I was wondering. She looks a lot like his new wife, but I’d imagine she’s not an SB. Otherwise Bruce has balls the size of Texas (and a prenup made of steel) to be publically photographed with her.

  175. DC says:

    finally a new post! the old one had too many comments & my comp would not load them but half way.

    hi everyone! happy wednesday! half way done with the week 🙂

  176. Reach the Beach SB says:

    BTW – Is that Bruce Willis’ daughter or SB in that picture. His expression is priceless!

  177. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Bela- Let me know about FL. If you’re in the southern area, we may be able to work something out with that as well! A pot SD in Wisconsin?!? Who would have thought the midwest was such a popular source of gents 🙂

  178. Bela says:

    RTB – So far, I’m looking at having to work in Florida this summer. Our Chicago project has been going through a lot of changes, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I was sent there towards the end of the summer. Pleasure-wise, I am meeting my best friend in D.C. in a couple of weeks. I have a pot SD in Wisconsin, but it’s not looking promising. You know you’ll be the first to hear if I’m in your neighborhood 😉

  179. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Honey – Welcome to the blog/ chat room/ web site where people talk about sugar. I hear your sugar journeys have gone fairly well. We can all use ideas on how to make an SD feel extra special. Have any tips?

  180. Reach the Beach SB says:

    LASB – I’m flattered..blushing, but flattered! Thanks sweets! I see chocolates in your future <3

    It's semantics friends. As long as everyone is offering support, helpful advice, requested feedback, etc. Does it matter what a "blogger" is defined as or what a "wannabe" is defined as? This fussing of late is running people off who do enjoy posting and sharing stories. Let's put the past in it's place and enjoy some valuable conversation…shall we?

    The summer is quickly approaching and talks of get-togethers are starting to flow again. Makes me wonder…who will I meet this summer? Bela? LASB? Carebear – a must! Michael and SDinLA …you two must be coming to the other coast sometime this summer…right?! Don't worry, I'm not excluding anyone…just have an idea of who tends to travel.

  181. Honey says:

    Honey, on the Occasion of My Rudeness, Disrespect and Uncouthness…
    On a scale from 1 to 10
    Just how egregious was my sin? 1 being totally neutral and 10 being racial slurs and named calling. “Hey Crazy Bitches!” or worse! Was it like a 7,8 or 9?
    And the boards response to my blasphemy, was it 2, 3, 4 or what? Scale from 1 to 10.
    1 being ignoring 2 maybe staying “sorry there’s no one by that name on this board” 3 being, “your comments aren’t going to win you any friends on this board.” and so on to 10 being total flaming.

  182. Honey says:

    LASB -you are correct that I don’t care what other bloggers think, no one does,be honest.
    I’m not the one talking about fair, I didn’t bring fair up, I believe cleo was talking about something not being fair.
    I was talking about the blog not being welcoming.
    I made my mea culpas and they did not take.
    and actually to explain more where I am coming from, as a newbir to the ways of the blog, is when you say Bloggers,I don’t think of myself first, I think of No june Sdinla and other people who actually have a blog not only contribute to this one. I have not read any other “blogs”” posted on the right of the page, I just interact here. I see ya’ll as the established group who may or may not write for this site.I guess I am a blogger, if this is blogging, I’m new, I think of this as more an instant message board. sugarbaby chat. So when I first got here, every time I heard blogger, I didn’t think you were necessarily talking to me. I thought everyone was was addressing other bloggers, much like salespeople talking to each other instead of waiting on customers.
    That’s the vibe I got. and I swear ya’ll are just as thin skinned as some say I am!

  183. LASB says:

    P/S – Some people don’t care if other bloggers like them or not. This does not apply to you.

  184. LASB says:

    Honey, this is not just to you, but to anyone who believes that the blog somehow mistreats them, is unfair, or wishes ill will on any particular blogger for no reason.

    I am not part of any blog clique, but yes I’ve been here a while, and I don’t tend to get flamed because I don’t say obnoxious things to other bloggers. If you want friends on here then don’t say things to piss people off, and if you “accidently” piss people off but wish you didn’t, then apologize and discontinue the behavior. If you want people to like you, then treat them with dignity. If you don’t know what that’s supposed to sound like, then maybe read some of Reach the Beach’s posts. Then before you hit the “post comment” button, ask yourself, WWRTBP? (What would Reach the Beach post?) If your comment doesn’t come from a place of respect and harmony, then have enough self control to NOT post it. If you are incapable of this, I personally won’t lose sleep, but please don’t be surprised when feathers start getting ruffled.

  185. Honey says:

    I took the name from Queen Bees and Wannabes – the book that Mean Girls is based on. Which describes how female high school social cliques operate, and the effect they can have on girls. It’s non fiction but makes a great movie!!!

  186. Bela says:

    Hmmm…I’ll have to think about it 🙂

  187. Honey says:

    Bela, I dunno, any ideas?

  188. Bela says:

    I love how everything basically boils down to our own personal interpretation.

    Honey – So if an SB is one who is in an arrangement, and a wanna be SB is one who hasn’t been in an arrangement yet, what do you call one who has been in several arrangements but is currently not in one? I thought maybe “former SB” would be appropriate but then former would communicate that the person is no longer interested in the sugar lifestyle. hmmmmmm….

  189. Honey says:

    Alice- Don’t let one jerk make you feel bad, I know it’s his loss and he saved you so much time.Skinny stick you may be, but somebody is HOT for that! You are some great guys type. If you are still feeling leery. Aim toward Italian, french, Greek, German, Danish, I’ve found they can really appreciate all the hues beautiful women come in. I’m dark with reddish undertones, never had a problem, never held me back. It’s his problem, you don’t have a problem- unless it’s giving a damn what rude a**hole thinks. Don’t let him convince you that anything is wrong with the way God made you.

  190. Honey says:

    Cleo-no heat,but ya’ll weren’t fair, no heat, really.
    I put anyone who is not in an arrangement as a wanna be. If it is considered pejorative, I apologize.
    BUT and here’s the bit I think some may have misunderstood. Is this ONLY a site for Non wannabies who have acheived some success in their quest or is it also for men and women who are still looking? Are there NOT lurkers who are reading this right now and who will feel comfortable with asking questions, even stupid ones? Questions, not people. If YOu are not a wannabe, I was not talking to you. I was talking to the other ladies whom I feel may not have arrived at the point that all the NON sugarbabies haven’t.
    Sorry, but the board tends to run clique-ish.
    to me, crazy sounds fun all my friends know that I am wild and crazy and fun.
    I understand that you and several others found my comments off putting, I thought that I explained where I was coming from…Again ,if what I am saying does not pertain to you, ignore it, don’t get offended for the ladies I refer to as wanna bees. Can I have a wanna be opinion? If any are brave enough.. What kind of stuff is the average lurker looking for? Why are they here? Do you want to hear about how all the current sugarbabies who already have boyfriends and friends on this site” Or hear about how you can refine YOUR search? What makes newbies to this site add their comments? Are we a safe place to land?

  191. Alice says:

    @cleo If only I were curvy, I’m such a stick haha. But you’re right, I usually just move on and try to search for something better, it just hasn’t shown any signs of coming along yet…

  192. China_doll_DC says:

    What Elizabeth Taylor died!!??!!

    Such a beautiful woman. It’s a shame.

    @Newbies – *jumps up and down and waves* Its real nice to meet ya’ll if you want a SB friend. Please feel free to exchange emails with me darlin! 🙂

  193. Bela says:

    AWWWw Elizabeth Taylor died 🙁

  194. NYC SB says:

    Wow guru is alive! :p

  195. Beach_Girl says:

    Totally with you Cleo!
    we are all here to help one another, if we didn’t answer a question right away, ASK IT AGAIN!!! We get caught up in what we are all talking about… Everyone is Welcomed here!
    And being called crazy… not a good start!
    but we to try and be there for one another… most of the time

    Welcome to the newbies!
    Hi to the Sugars I know and don’t know

  196. cleo says:

    honey that isn’t fair, many of us have told you that we found it off putting that you used words like crazy and jealous and wannabe to describe us.

    not all of us are nice, that’s normal for any group.
    not all of us are welcoming, that is too.

    after a certain number of people greet a new person some of us decide not to be one of a hundred comments saying the exact same thing.

    most of us are genuinely going to try to help anyone with a problem that comes here and all of us are nicer to people who don’t try to make us jealous or call us crazy

    • SD Guru says:

      Hmmm… a purported newbie comes on here and mentioned success on another site. That sounds like the MO of someone we know…


      I’m no Rahm Emanuel, but I hope our lunch was more pleasant than your dinner date with Severin! 😆

      Re: The Blog Topic

      What elements of a sugar relationship are most important to you now?

      Several have mentioned chemistry, trust, respect, attraction, etc, which apply to conventional relationship as well. The NSA and mutually beneficial arrangement aspects of a sugar relationship are what makes it different. Respecting each other’s boundaries is what makes it last.

      How comfortable are you ‘rejecting’ a potential sugar whom you’ve started communicating with? How much do you tell them about why you decided you wouldn’t be a great fit?

      A simple “I don’t think we’re a good match for each other” usually does the trick. No long winded dissertation is necessary.

      Have you ever rekindled a previous sugar relationship?

      My former SB’s have a way of finding their way back to me. Not sure why… Currently I have one who re-surfaced after a year and things are going as well or better than the first time around because we have a better understanding of what’s important in an arrangement. Perhaps I’ll elaborate at another time.

      Have you found sugar relationships more likely to end on a sweet or less-dramatic note than traditional ones? Does having an open and honest arrangement make it easier to separate amicably with a partner than would be typical for you in a non-sugar relationship?

      In my early years as a SD when I wasn’t able to handle the NSA aspect as well as I thought I could, I had a few train wrecks that ended in explosive break ups which are chronicled in my blog. Since then I have learned my lessons and ending a sugar relationship has been much less dramatic and that’s the way it should be. See my comment above about the importance of NSA and respecting boundaries.

  197. cleo says:

    alice: the girl i freestyle with is a gorgeous and curvy hourglass with some of the most beautiful chocolate skin i’ve ever seen; i, on the other hand, an a tall, toned white chick with big wavy hair. actually our hair is pretty similar lol

    anyway, so far we are batting exactly .500 with the men we meet in terms of who gets follow up contact (and half the time we guess wrong too)

    so it’s not your skin. well, it is with some of them but no point worrying about the ones you can’t change 🙂

  198. Honey says:

    Hello all newbies who have de lurked. Welcome! Will you fit in? Maybe. But be prepared to get jumped on for your posts if you do ANYTHING, scary or new or challenging.But some are nicer here too. Alice- just what Kennedy said, exactly

  199. @Alice I always make sure I blatantly display my race because I am proud of it (as you are) and have come across so many men that date only Black women exclusively or just love them a great deal. Some of my sns are “PrettyBlackGrl” so that no man that does not like women of color would bother to message me. Also I list my ethnicity in the provided category.
    Don’t take this as rejection, there are definitely men out there for you, it may just take some time find a few that work for you 🙂

  200. @crossover if you want to email me I’d be happy to chat with you about your profile 🙂

  201. What elements of a sugar relationship are most important to you now?
    **A mutual respect, attraction and true benefit for both of us. There needs to be a balance, not one causing more happiness for the other and feeling used or unappreciated.**

    How comfortable are you ‘rejecting’ a potential sugar whom you’ve started communicating with?
    **It is always important to be gracious with those that have been so to you. With that said, if a man is incredibly rude or forward in a slimey way I have no problem using very few words to let him know how I feel. Mama didn’t raise no fool.**

    How much do you tell them about why you decided you wouldn’t be a great fit?
    **I usually blame it on myself. These men are grown, if there is anything significantly wrong, chances are the dog will not be learning any new tricks. Its not my job to make them insecure or question their appeal because there is a girl out there that will love everything about them. That girl just is not me…**

    Do you prefer to stop communication without providing explanation as your way of letting them know you’re not interested?
    **That seems incredibly rude and unless the initial correspondence they extend is just incredibly outrageous, I always bid them adieu as any being deserves.**

    Have you ever rekindled a previous sugar relationship?
    **My very first yes, but because all things have ended for a reason, I was reminded why I had ended that particular one. There is a chance it could work again who knows, it just wouldn’t for me. If I let something go, chances are it is for a good reason.**

  202. Spawn of Santa aka Dandelion Wine says:

    I think SDinLA is secretly (or not so secretely) Severin…

  203. LASB says:

    Get well soon, AM! I’m glad you mom is doing better. That’s great news!

  204. Anna Molly says:

    Okay, going back to bed. Obviously I shouldn’t be posting…

  205. Anna Molly says:

    Oh, wait, no, he didn’t forget 😀

    Sorry SDinLA! lol

  206. Anna Molly says:

    SDinLA ~ You forgot erste in your first post 😉

    Hi everyone! Just stopping by for a minute, I’ve been sick the last few days and I’m going back to bed.

    My Mom is doing well and she is out of the hospital! 😀

    Talk soon! xoxoxo 😀

  207. cleo says:

    wow, i had to look that one up, great reference!

  208. LASB says:

    Spawn, Bela – Yes, after a while I realized that he was searching for a Wanda type without being totally conscious of it. I tested my theory, and found that it was indeed true.

  209. LASB says:

    Hmm… It says I’m being moderated. 🙁

  210. The Lone Gunman returning soon to a North America near YOU! says:

    Okay–onward to this blog’s questions!

    What elements of a sugar relationship are most important to you now?

    Chemistry and Genuine Interest (C&GI) in the other person. I’ve got that going with a new SB who shall be taking her rightful position once I’m back in North America in three weeks–and we can get our schedules synched. Without C&GI, the Sugar would not be as sweet for either of us.

    How comfortable are you ‘rejecting’ a potential sugar whom you’ve started communicating with?

    At this stage in my SD life, very. I figure both our time is valuable, so it’s important to not waste it on something that is not going to work–and since that works well in business, it also works well in the Sugar World.

    How much do you tell them about why you decided you wouldn’t be a great fit? Do you prefer to stop communication without providing explanation as your way of letting them know you’re not interested?

    As with any situation, the action taken is determined by the factors involved. There are times when either course is the correct one for me to take.

    Have you ever rekindled a previous sugar relationship? Have you found sugar relationships more likely to end on a sweet or less-dramatic note than traditional ones? Does having an open and honest arrangement make it easier to separate amicably with a partner than would be typical for you in a non-sugar relationship?

    No. Yes. Yes.


  211. Bela says:

    hmmmmmm kinky thought. I like it!

  212. Spawn of Santa aka Dandelion Wine says:

    LASB, maybe he is an aspiring Severin trying to cast you as his Wanda XD

  213. Sara says:

    @ LASB- I guess if you were not uncomfortable, than that is awesome. In a world of google phone numbers, fake names and no pictures, anyone who shows something that personal right away, makes me uncomfortable. lol

  214. LASB says:

    Sara – I’m sure you’ll kick butt on your test!

    Hi Bela, Michael, and all the other bloggers!

    This may sound weird, but last night’s ex-pot (any potential with him is gone) wasn’t creepy at all. Just sort of a bottomless pit of need. He wasn’t even a bad guy or scary, and he was very entertaining, but certainly not my type!

  215. Bela says:

    Just don’t forget to breathe and remember how bad ass you are 😉

  216. Sara says:

    @ bela – thanks! im kind of nauseous im so nervous, so clearly the blog was a perfect distraction.

  217. Bela says:

    Sara!!!! Good luck on your test!

  218. Sara says:

    Hell, Barack Obama is pretty sexy….hmm…it is a good year for Washington…..

  219. Sara says:

    Hey sugar dolls!

    It’s been a while, work and school have been very hectic lately, but I missed the sugar blog. I have a really important test today, so I will answer the blog question after that is done (wish me luck!)

    @LASB- I’m sorry you had a meet with such a creeper, I always feel embarrassed for them. Advertising that you need drugs is never a good date quality, and I can’t blame you …. Rahm Emanuel is pretty sexy.

  220. Michael Alleycat says:

    Gimme a break Carebear, it was 530am.

    What elements of a sugar relationship are most important to you now? I like the no-drama, no-aggravation, and the “both sides can call it off at any time” element. NSA is a big part of it at the moment too.

    How comfortable are you ‘rejecting’ a potential sugar whom you’ve started communicating with? This is the easy part – except that I don’t reject (has a negative connotation); I just ‘next’ them. If they ask why, I just say either “I just think this is a good fit for us” or “I don’t think that I am the person that you are looking for”. No further explanation is necessary – if they push for an explanation, I just explain back that this is one further reason why we are not a good fit. Just accept it.

    How much do you tell them about why you decided you wouldn’t be a great fit? Do you prefer to stop communication without providing explanation as your way of letting them know you’re not interested? I just tell them it is not a good fit. I have learnt that explaining is very similar to complaining. Just accept it and move on. If they insist on more explaining, they are basically complaining.

  221. Bela says:

    Wow!! LASB, just wow 🙁

  222. LASB says:

    How much do you tell them about why you decided you wouldn’t be a great fit?
    Well I try to be really vague, unless they get demanding with me and I feel backed into a corner. Then I get very honest. Last night’s pot date was a bit like that. He pretty much made it impossible for me not to humiliate him. He kept wanting to know what I thought of him. I tried to dodge it, but eventually said that I didn’t feel any chemistry. He kept asking why, so then I said he wasn’t my type. And then he asked what my type was and I said “Similar to Rahm Emanuel.”

    So then he kept wanting to know what Rahm Emanuel had that he didn’t have. And I changed the subject a few times, but finally I got worn out and said, “his body type.” And then you’d think the conversation would stop there, but it was like “oh, you mean I’m too fat for you to be sexually attracted to me?” He wanted me to spell it out for him. I said, “yes.”

    The other crazy part of the night was that he drank a bottle of wine plus 2 glasses, and displayed no physical symptoms of being intoxicated–no slurring, could walk a straight line, etc. He also kept asking me to get him weed. I barely drink, let alone do drugs, so it’s not like I have a dealer on the speed dial. I asked him “If you need it so badly, why didn’t you just bring it?” His answer was that he never wanted to get caught buying it or carrying it. Oh, ok, so now I’m supposed to be the guy’s drug mule too!

    I’ll admit, the evening was highly entertaining, despite the insanity.

  223. Bela says:

    Morning Sugar Fam!! Fabulous weekend in Florida. I finally got the chance to soak up some sun!

    What elements of a sugar relationship are most important to you now? Already great ones mentioned. In addition, for me Chemistry! I know that there an NSA factor. That said, even though longevity is not imperative, I need some aspect of depth is needed. Also Generosity: I don’t need you to buy me a car, but I would love to have a seed to start my path of becoming more financially independent.

    How comfortable are you ‘rejecting’ a potential sugar whom you’ve started communicating with? I know I should be more thick skinned than I currently am, but I still get uncomfortable when I know it’s not going to work out.

    How much do you tell them about why you decided you wouldn’t be a great fit? I only tell what would be constructive. There’s no need to be hurtful.

    Do you prefer to stop communication without providing explanation as your way of letting them know you’re not interested? I know some SB/SD’s might prefer that, but I hate being treated that way so I like to provide some closure.

    Have you ever rekindled a previous sugar relationship? I did once, but we both quickly remembered why we ended things in the first place.

    Have you found sugar relationships more likely to end on a sweet or less-dramatic note than traditional ones? I’m not one for dramatic exits in any relationship, so no 🙂

    Does having an open and honest arrangement make it easier to separate amicably with a partner than would be typical for you in a non-sugar relationship? Most of my relationships are pretty open and honest, so I usually have not problem maintaining some type of friendship with past lovers.

  224. Alice says:

    @Honey They do know, once I send pictures, and we never get to the meeting phase. And the classes that I previously did poorly in didn’t count anyway, since I wasn’t able to pay for them…>_>

    I’m just really clueless as to what I’m doing wrong when it comes to the lack of interest in general. I personalize each message, never bring up money right away, pictures are up…anyone??

  225. Reach the Beach SB says:

    Good morning sugars!

    What elements of a sugar relationship are most important to you now? Trust and communication are key. I also believe strongly in keeping it light and pleasing. Sugar does take work and it’s an investment of time and energy for both parties.

    How comfortable are you ‘rejecting’ a potential sugar whom you’ve started communicating with? How much do you tell them about why you decided you wouldn’t be a great fit? Do you prefer to stop communication without providing explanation as your way of letting them know you’re not interested? I usually find that schedules seem to be the biggest reason to eliminate someone, so I just tell them that and wish them well. Nothing else is ever said (even if it wasn’t the scheduling). There’s no point in saying something insulting – even if it is constructive. What one person finds unattractive, others adore. I rarely stop communication abruptly unless the man is rude.

    Have you ever rekindled a previous sugar relationship? Have you found sugar relationships more likely to end on a sweet or less-dramatic note than traditional ones? Does having an open and honest arrangement make it easier to separate amicably with a partner than would be typical for you in a non-sugar relationship? I find the separation is much nicer in sugar. I’ve always been nice, but the discussions that occur before the arrangement help set the tone for what’s expected at the end of the arrangement.

    Crossover – welcome! I have some suggestions, but wanted to ask if you would prefer them on or offf the blog? If off, post a comment asking the blog gods to give me your e-mail and we can talk.

    Mondaine- Cool that you de-lurked! Welcome!

  226. GenuineSD says:

    What elements of a sugar relationship are most important to you now?
    I think communications has to rank up there as #1 for me… good communication skills are necessary to establish the arrangement’s details and those skills help get you over the inevitable rough spots that crop up along the way.

    How comfortable are you ‘rejecting’ a potential sugar whom you’ve started communicating with? How much do you tell them about why you decided you wouldn’t be a great fit?
    I generally keep the reason fairly generic but close to accurate. I’ll generally put it in terms of me not fitting their specific criteria. I make it a policy to never just cease communication abruptly… “do unto others… “…

    Have you ever rekindled a previous sugar relationship?
    Yes. If the reasons for ending the arrangement change, and both parties found the arrangement beneficial. I think it depends on the circumstances. In my opinion it’s less about “going back”. than it is about “moving forward” with a fresh start… lessons learned, good memories recalled and perhaps a fresh discussion on what both parties may now want from the arrangement… Again, I think communication is really key… can you convey the changes ? Can you find the new “mutually beneficial zone”.. If it was an ending over an issue, can you forgive, take lessons, move forward… ?

    Have you found sugar relationships more likely to end on a sweet or less-dramatic note than traditional ones? Does having an open and honest arrangement make it easier to separate amicably with a partner than would be typical for you in a non-sugar relationship?

    Yes. There’s NSA. There’s the implicit understanding that this is transient.

  227. GenuineSD says:

    Tenth! And welcome crossoverbaby!
    Great questions, these..,

  228. Michael Alleycat says:


  229. Mondaine says:

    Hello everyone, this is my first comment on the blog. I thought it would be nice to delurk. I’ve been enjoying some of the discourse over the last couple of weeks.

    Good topic – communication.

    The most important element to me in a sugar relationship is the chemistry and compatibility. I’ve declined some overtures from potential SDs just from a sense I got from the initial email exchanges: either not an intellectual fit for me, or an over-keenness that didn’t seem quite right.

    That said, I had a very interesting email exchange in the last couple of days that surprised and disappointed me. It’s funny how you can draw a potential SDs bona fides out with a couple of well chosen words….

    Other than that, my sugarlife is going great!

  230. The Lone Gunman currently in Australia says:

    crossoverbaby said

    Does my profile work here?
    Any suggestions on how I can fit in better?
    I got a response. Is this site like the other one?
    Where it is better to ignore them and pick ones you like?
    How does this site work?
    It seems different, with a blog and regulars here. Do I fit in?

    WHOA! Slow down a bit, take a deep breath, and I’m sure that you’ll get the answers to these and other questions–just not all at once!

    My suggestion is that you read some of the previous blogs and their topics, and that will give you a good grounding on how things can work in the Sugar World. Come back and post your questions, and the answers you get will make more sense to you.

    As to whether you ‘fit in’ or not–you’ve already taken the first big step by posting here.


    Give some of us time to glance over your profile, and I’m sure that there’s constructive suggestions that can be made.

    One question you can answer for us here: you mention that you have had ‘some success’ in the Sugar World–mind telling us about it?


  231. Hi! I am new here. I had some success at another sugardaddy site. I read a few of these blogs. You are full of good advice. I copied my profile from other site and used it here. I put it as a link for my website. I’m not sure if the sugardaddies here are like the other ones. Does my profile work here? Any suggestions on how I can fit in better? I got a response. Is this site like the other one? Where it is better to ignore them and pick ones you like? How does this site work? It seems different, with a blog and regulars here. Do I fit in?

  232. Honey says:

    Hi Alice, gotta keep at it, girl, the school. Keep the grades up so you don’t have to spend more money retaking those classes. And why don’t they know you aren’t white before you meet?

  233. Alice says:


    Also, hi everyone, I’m back! Took off some time from searching to focus more on school, and I’m now doing much better than last semester. My finances are also a bit more stable now, and I love my part time job.

    But I’ve decided to start searching again because the same issue of paying for school still stands, and it’s getting down to the wire. Unfortunately I’ve been hitting a few of the same road blocks when it comes to talking to potential SDs…guys looking for escort type deals, the constant “sorry, I wanted someone white”, etc. But reading some of the comments on the last post really has me motivated to keep trying my best and hardest. 🙂

  234. CarbbeanPrincess says:


  235. SDinLA says: