9 years ago
Dr. Phil on Sugar Baby Students


This is a going to be a big week for SeekingArrangement.com.

On Friday (September 16, 2011), Dr. Phil will air a full episode featuring Sugar Baby students from SeekingArrangement.com.  While I am honored that Dr. Phil chose to work with SeekingArrangement.com rather than other Sugar Daddy dating websites to create a segment to educate the world on the sugar lifestyle, I was not too happy with the approach taken by the show’s producers.

I had originally thought the show would be an intelligent discussion into the sugar lifestyle, and an opportunity for me to showcase that sugar babies were intelligent and goal-oriented ladies, while sugar daddies are respectful gentlemen.  I was sadly misled when I showed up for the taping a few weeks ago.

Like most television shows, the goal of Dr. Phil’s producers were to create as much controversy as possible to attract viewers.  There are really only a few ways for them to accomplish that.  One way is to focus on the usual question of whether “sugar dating” is really just “prostitution”.   They succeeded in their goals by inviting an out of control legal expert on the show who would not stop calling me or the Sugar Baby participants names.  They also invited the “father” of a Sugar Baby member to show up at the show to tell me he was unhappy with the website (even though he did shake my hand and tell me how glad he was to meet me before the segment started).

While I am open to debating issues (such as the merits of sugar dating) with logic and reason, I am honestly appalled when educated and intelligent people resort to name calling in an effort to create TV buzz.

I have said this many times, and I will say it yet again … On a website such as SeekingArrangement.com, where hundreds of thousands of wealthy and beautiful people mingle, there will always be those who try to misuse the system or break the rules.  However, I will not tolerate those who cross the line. At SeekingArrangement.com, we take this very seriously and enforce our policies by banning all members that attempt to use the website against our terms.  More specifically, we remind all our members when they join and every time they log in that:

IMPORTANT: Use of this website constitutes acceptance of our Terms of Use Agreement. Please note that we prohibit anyone from promoting illegal activities (such as prostitution) or commercial activities of any kind. If such conduct comes to our attention we reserve the right to remove you from our website, ban you permanently and report you to law enforcement. If you are an ESCORT, please DO NOT use this website.

Modern Sugar Daddy Meet Goal Seeking Sugar Baby

As a result of recent coverage, I believe it is time to take the focus away from the question of whether “sex” and “money” is involved in a sugar relationship.   It is just silly to keep asking such questions, because “sex” is always involved in any romantic relationship and because “money”, too, is always exchanged in any relationship.  So yes,  two Mormons, Christians or Muslims who meet each other on a religious dating website are doing it to eventually have “sex”.  And yes, most boyfriends or husbands do at some point in their relationship spend “money” on their girlfriends or wives, and vice versa.  The truth the media seem willing to conveniently ignore is that “sex” and “money” are always involved in all romantic relationships.

Because the relationship between a Sugar Daddy and a Sugar Baby is romantic in nature, most sugar relationships will likely involve “sex”.  A survey we conducted shows that approximately 80% of all sugar relationships result in “sex”.  And because a Sugar Daddy is expected to be the generous gentleman, “money” will always be spent on the Sugar Baby.  I don’t see anything wrong (or illegal) with that!

Over the next few days you will see some big changes coming to the SeekingArrangement.com homepage, as we start to focus our messaging on the positive qualities of being Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies.  Sugar relationships are in their ideal form relationships that empower individuals.  They are win-win relationships formed as a result of two people (a modern Sugar Daddy and a goal seeking sugar baby) who were brutally honest with each other up front.

Finally, I’d like to sincerely thank the four SeekingArrangement.com Sugar Baby members (Kristen, Jennifer, Janelle and Tracy) who had the courage, and took the risk and time to appear on the Dr. Phil show to defend the sugar lifestyle.

And if you would like to contribute to Dr. Phil’s discussion, one thing you can do is to answer a poll on Dr. Phil’s website where he asks people what their view is on Sugar Daddy Dating.  Perhaps it is time you share your views…   CLICK HERE >>


What do you think of the media’s coverage of “Sugar Babies” lately?

What are some of the positives of being a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby?

If you had to defend the sugar lifestyle to those who say this is just “prostitution”, what would you say to them?


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299 Responses to “Dr. Phil on Sugar Baby Students”

  1. DianaSBinOC says:

    @ Sara
    You’re getting used by fake SD’s for being young and naive. Again these fake SD’s one’s that are really “Johns” usually would spend anywhere from $300-$800 for 1 hour with an escort or a prostitute. Why do that now when they can just find a young naive girl that will have sex with them for $200 and “not rush them to get out at the hour”? Don’t worry it’s not your fault. I’ve gotten solicited in the same way. Most women here will. It’s actually quite insulting to receive these types “$200-$300 per meet” messages. This is also why they don’t wont “pros”. Because of course a pro will kick them out at the hour or even worse tell them he got off already so he’s done. lol They are used to pros and now want to get more for less money. This treatment of new Sb’s is also why the sugar bowl is getting a bad rap. Since “johns” are coming here trying to change what Sugar really is all about. Escorts are getting between $300-$800 per hour. If your SD is not treating you special and providing an allowance then he’s treating you like a naive prostitute that doesn’t have a working timer.

    I’m not judging what a woman will accept however if he wants to do Pay 4 Play then ask for $800-$1000 per meet. Search out escorts and see what these ladies get paid for an overnight stay. Some of them are paid $2500-$3500 a night and you’re getting $200 a night from some guy 40 years your senior with no gifts, no fun pampering, he’s done and leaves until he wants to pay $200 again? Don’t settle for less.

    It’s funny what some research can do for you for I’m still swatting away the “johns” with their low offers and their “per meet demands”.

  2. JessicaRabbit says:

    Good Morning, I hope this thread isn’t too dead, I’ve enjoyed reading it and gleaning what you all have shared, I wish I would have discovered all of this sooner, I like the idea of directing people to it so they can become better educated.. I’m meeting way too many pay as you go types and look forward to meeting the dream sugar daddy you’ve all talked about.

    When I first joined the site I watched all the video clips that Brandon posted and since I don’t watch TV and I like what someone said about people in the real world not giving Dr. Phil any credibility, I don’t doubt he gave SA.com the same trashy spin as everyone else, I think the point he needed to drive home is that the arrangement isn’t any different than the woman who is on the “traditional” dating sites. We’re all looking for companionship, intimacy and someone to take care of us.

    The woman going the traditional route is looking for her forever love… lol yeah right… her soul mate.. more than anything her validation in life that she is desirable and worthy of a husband, preferably one that is hawt and makes six figures. She’s validating that she’s good enough to land a man and capture the gold ring… or platinum. Along the way she goes out to dinner and within a few dates is rocking the sheets… all in the hopes that she will get the vine covered tudor in a ritzy HOA with matching BMW’s in the garage. She’s going to go through many a laundry cycle before she lands her fish, and the reality as she gets older it’s less likely that she will land said fish… or she’ll have to settle for matching Toyotas and a rambler or worse a townhouse and a nice guy vs. the hawt guy. Either way… she’s paying to be on a website, getting a dinner or two and having sex in the HOPES of netting some sort of financial security and being taken care of.

    The Sugar Baby is cutting through all the red tape and isn’t looking for the ring but is getting taken care of…. And the best part.. she’s not picking up his socks or washing skid marks from his jockey’s while cooking his dinner. Truth is, the expectations of the wife are greater than for the sugar baby with fewer rewards. We’re not supposed to get pregnant while she’s expected to spit out a 2.5 children.

    I know many a woman in a loveless, passionless marriage all for the $tability. When a woman stays in a marriage because she needs the man to pay her bills and provide her with a home and transportation what makes her so different than the prostitute on the street corner? Except the prostitute doesn’t do windows… or laundry, or diapers or cooking…

    I think all these pious hypocrites need to get real. There are more marriages out there based on financial security than passion and love. There are more women that are selling themselves short and getting married or staying married for the financial security than for love and passion…. If they were to be brutally honest. Which means, they’re selling their bodies, because husbands expect a certain amount of sex, they also expect their houses to be clean, their dinner cooked, the fridge stocked with all their desired necessities… beer, pizza, or whatever, their clothes clean and fresh, dry cleaning picked up and dinner on the table etc etc etc….

    Just another spin on things so the next time Brandon goes on a talk show he can smack these puritans with some reality…. Personally I’m kicking myself for all the time I’ve wasted on Match.com dating conventionally that I should have been here getting spoiled…. There are just too many cheap ass men out there that think buying a woman dinner entitles them to a trip to the Promised Land.

  3. Enigma SD says:

    Sara — you are getting pay-for-play offers. There has been a lot of discussion on it here, but to answer your question. It does seem low to me. Having said that – my allowance is typically been about $1000 per month, but with travel, entertainment, gifts, my expenditures averaged about $2500 per month. My SBs traveled with me once a month on business – some times the trip took about 12 hours of her time, some times it took about 70 hours. You can do the math, and see it wasn’t a great deal for her on a per-hour basis. However, I am 100% certain they never looked at it on a per-hour basis, but they were looking at is if they were getting paid to have a great time and a get some new experiences. I never calculated how much it cost me per-time we had sex, and I would have been pretty upset if they calculated their compensation on a per-hour basis. They were sugar relationships — you have to decide if you want a sugar-relationship or something that is pay-for-play. Not judging — it is a personal choice.

  4. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    My allowances always fell in the advertised $1K – $3K range plus travel expenses, very nice accommodations and a wonderful time while we were together. We never discussed a “per visit” amount.

  5. Sara says:

    I could really use some advice. I’m 20, cute, slender etc, and I let all guys know I’m not willing to do anything too crazy in the bedroom beforehand. All the guys (30 yrs to 60 yrs) I’ve met make offers that come out to about 200-300 a visit. Most of them want me to travel to them (1-2 hrs) and then spend a whole day/ night with them. They rent motel/hotel rooms that are average and don’t take me shopping or anything.
    Is 200-300 too low? With the ammount of guys I have encountered that are offering this same range I’m starting to think it’s normal? I honestly thought the average for a sb was about 500. Please tell me if 200-300 is normal or what your arrangements have averaged out to per visit?

    Thanks a lot

  6. Ana says:

    I’ve only managed to watch a few clips on this topic and saw that Dr.Phil was pretty much using the audience to “lead the witness”. There was one, who was quite young who lacked proper structure for her defense. She was too defensive and lost focus. Having someone tell you youre prostitute because you have a man who enjoys you and gives you gifts was disrespectful and demeaning. I think that a lot of opposition stems from jealousy. Kind of like “How did she get a man to give her a 10k a month allowance, pay her bills, buy her a 4 thousand dollar purse, and I have to work!?” I find it funny. I give kudos to those women she sat there and took the abuse. I could never have.

  7. jennielove says:

    I think the Dr Phil show has sent alot of negitive people to the site. Latley I have been finding alot of verry sweet guys who dont want to take care of a sb financally. Or alot of guys that just want sex in exchange for cash. The newer guys dont seem to grasp the concept of a sd/sb relationship.

  8. SteamSugar says:

    Hi NJBaby 😀 Im in Atl, GA and the COL is lower albeit dependent on what section you live. I would love a traveling type relationship and I have a job where I am flexible to travel and I put that in my profile. This last pot said it wouldnt be “practical” for him long term to fly me up to where hes at(NJ)

  9. NJbaby says:

    @SteamSugar…I know it gets discouraging. I had the SAME issues for a while. Sugar dating is like dating in the “real world” a lot of freaking frogs! You will find the one who is worth your time. It may also depend where you’re located regarding “cheapness”. I’m in NYC, the COL is ridiculous and I think most SD’s here know that…and I guess the income brackets are higher here as well. If you live in a suburban/less populated place, the money may simply not be there. Have you tried exploring a traveling type relationship? Obviously he would come to you the first few times, but it could be a better if less conventional option!

  10. SteamSugar says:

    Sorry to continue the rant: Like this pot that I have been talking to the past week and a half. We been emailing then IMing through yhoo. He even requested current pics which I sent and which met his approval(even said jokingly his only complaint was that I had too much clothing on – is this a red flag?) And asking for a photo with just a t-shirt nothing more(which raised an eyebrow and a polite objection from me- tell me if this too is a red flag) which he apologized for later. He even thanked me after making him feel better after having a crappy day at work. And against better judgment my hopes got raised again that it would move to Stage 2(see Five Stages of Sugar) especially after he tells me he would love to take me on spa day since I hadnt had one in two years. Then he drops the bomb I wish you were here……oh brother ;P

    Sorry bout that folks
    I had to get it out

  11. SteamSugar says:

    Morning sugar fam I’m having one of “ready to throw in the towel and delete my profile” moments
    Why? All these sugar near misses What do I mean? I’ve had a couple pot SD’s I’ve made contact with exchanged emails and even in a few cases pics to get their approval and two weeks of good conversation IM (you seem like you would be perfect for me) but then its “I wish you were closer” I hate to be mean but I’m getting kinda tired of this scenario. It wasnt that I was trying to shoot for out of town. I have looked local. Its just local for me is such slim pickings majority cheapos, posers(believe me I can tell) JID(johns in denial who want p4p) old profiles and few genuine remaining who want a specific type( petite, white, blond brunette no offense)

  12. Kate says:

    Clearly, the moral difference between “prostitution” and sugar dating is the spirit of it. The difference is that encounters are a means to an end in prostitution: the intimacy, the conversation with the client, etc. are unwanted but worthwhile considering the financial reward. In sugar dating, the relationship is entered into for both the content of the relationship (the intimacy, the mentorship, the company of the SD) as well as the material reward.

  13. Kate says:

    Partners initiate divorces because their partner has no interest in sex, or their partner is unable to support them…there are obviously mutual benefits expected out of relationships…

  14. Kate says:

    @Brandon: If you had to defend the sugar lifestyle to those who say this is just “prostitution”, what would you say to them?

    I think the first thing you need to do is force the person asking the question to ask whether they are asking a legal or a moral question. The two are very different things and the US has rather fucked up laws, so you really need to separate the two questions, answer the legal question briefly, and refuse to discuss them simultaneously.

    The following facts emphasize how different legality and morality are:

    EVERY transaction arranged through this site (so long as someone else was not profiting financially through the arrangement) is legal in Britain, Canada, Germany, the Netherlands, Australia, Switzerland, Austria, and New Zealand, among other nations. Further, prior to 1993, homosexual relationships, anal and oral sex, cohabitation outside of marriage and adultery were illegal in many states; thus, nearly all of relationships on this website would have been illegal in those states less than twenty years ago.

    The arrangement that this website was built to foster: a relationship based in mutual attraction in which an older wealthier partner supports a younger partner, is certainly legal. Like any website (I’ve been propositioned through OKCupid!), there will be individual users who will abuse the terms. You are not liable for any abuse, in the same way that Craigslist, Match.com, OKCupid, and Backpage are not liable for abuses (I believe there was a lawsuit against Backpage in which backpage won.)

  15. Honey says:

    I’ve met about half of the guys I date on regular sites. I put my wants, needs, desires out there and let them come to me…

  16. jondearprincess says:

    @Brandon – I don’t think you will get a fair interview at most places. I think you do well though, given the way people attack you and you do not negatively talk about other sites. I don’t think other people realize that most of the people using dating sites are looking to hook up. I was pretty excited when I found out about your site (Today Show) and thought about it for a while. I had also been deciding if I’d like to try online dating. I made profiles on a dating site and this one the same day. Used the same pictures. Made profiles suited for those sites. This was about a month ago. Since then I’ve had 3-4 responses on here. Two of which I responded to. One of which I think I will meet. The dating site I get stuff daily from people. A lot of which is just looking for a hook up and most of the guys are lazy/going no where and not worth my time. I responded to one of them as a possible friend, but I’m not interested in him to date. I just don’t think people understand what you mean when you say that you can be more honest on this site and why the relationships are better. I have had 2 long term relationships with guys my age and 1 with an older man. I knew him for ~3 years before anything started and I am MUCH more confident thanks to him. I know what I want and deserve out of a relationship and not to settle now. I have no desire now to meet guys my age just to deal with them being childish and unmotivated or me getting attached just to waste a few more years in a dead end relationship. I was so excited to hear about this site 🙂

    @ people posting. Please direct me to the correct places if there are better spots, but I have a hard time finding places that people respond on.
    1) How long do you usually talk to someone before meeting?
    2) Are you open with your friends/family about what you are doing?
    3) If not, how do you keep it covered? (I am horrible at lying)

    Why I ask: I have one friend that I will tell who I’m with, give her all the information I have on the guy, where I’m going. She’s told me she is ok with what I’m doing, but know she wouldn’t like if he is married or if we have sex (so I plan on leaving that part out). I am very close to my family and know they wouldn’t be supportive. The SD that I plan to meet has mentioned travel. I’d be fine with traveling in the US since I’d have my cell phone all the time. I’d love to travel outside the US, but don’t know how to keep that secret. I can’t say I’m with my friend b/c she wouldn’t be in the pictures once I got home. I can’t say it’s for work b/c I’m close to my boss/her husband, they know my Dad too, and my job doesn’t involve travel.

    4) Is there ways to meet SB in your area or is this a bad idea? It’d be nice to meet some people with the same views.

    Thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated 🙂 Thanks!

  17. Anna Molly says:

    Hi All! It’s been a while! I’ve had computer prblems, so i had to get a new one. It has an Nvidia GeForce GTX 550 Ti graphics card and it is amazing! Very happy! 😀

    Well, time to catch up on the blog! 😀

  18. SteamSugar says:

    Hey sugars going into weekend crazy week. Where is everybody mainly congregating at. I see a vareity of blog postings . And where’s Lisa? anybody heard from her offblog

  19. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    MM-05 – Sexual attraction can be so much more than that initial passionate physical attraction. Don’t enter intimacy until you know for sure if you will enjoy yourself…otherwise it’s not fair to either of you. He will know very quickly if you’re not that into him. Remember that many older men really know how to please a woman much better than a younger guy. He’s more into pleasing you and not in such a hurry. Hope it works out!

    Piles of homework, then piles of fun in FL this weekend! Can’t wait!

  20. SouthernGent2 says:

    MM-05 – From my side of things I have wondered the very same thing. Its a lot easier for us men to be attracted to younger women than it is for younger woman to be attracted to a man sometimes twice her age. That being said, some younger women enjoy a mature man that is unselfish, caring, and giving in the bedroom. I’m sure they wish the flat bellied studs that are their same age range could be the same way in the bedroom.

  21. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars
    I just wrote a huge post and it just vanished 🙁 So this is going to be short and Sweet!

    James ~ congrats on the engagement, future wedding and the weight loss. I have started a weight loss challenge and it’s working great YAY
    Midwest ~ hi Kitten
    Nico~ Hi girlie, Hope you are well, lets catch up soon
    Hope everyone is well
    Sugar sprinkles for all of you 😀

  22. Enigma SD says:

    MM-05 — I am 100% certain all the long-term SBs I had were sexually attracted to me. I am almost about as certain they didn’t find me as physically attractive as their same-aged counterparts, but the did like my maturity, life experiences, and the way that I treated them a lot better. I think an important question an SB needs to ask themselves before diving into sugar dating is “are you attracted to older men?” If the answer is no, then it is going to be a difficult path IMHO. There are some SDs that are searching for platonic relationships, but I would have to say not many — would you enter into a relationship without an eventual expectation of intimacy?

    Good luck in your sugar search and welcome to the blog!

  23. MM-05 says:

    Hello guys! I’ve been following this blog (aka creepily scouring the comments for tips on the sugar life), and I decided to peep my head in and join the conversation!

    I’m new to the sugar life, and there seems to be one question I can’t seem to come to a conclusion to on my own. Are you always sexually attracted to your SDs? I’ve been meeting a couple of pots and I just couldn’t see myself being sexually involved with them. What was going on in your mind when you first started?

    I’m so curious! I feel like I’ll never find an SD who I’m sexually attracted to, and I fear that there aren’t any men out there who would be satisfied without it. Thoughts?

  24. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Honey – I think having a sugar momma serves him well 🙂

    Congrats James! The practice honeymoon sounds amazing. You sound very happy and seem to be getting in with the right group of corporate wives…just stay away from the gossipy ones. You should take them to the range for a little testosterone next time. All SDs should be so lucky!

  25. Honey says:

    go James!!! I love diet tales..don’t even ask me about my Quantum scale…!!

  26. James.m says:

    Midwest — Glad to hear nothing untoward happened. LOL

    Not yet, but we have set a date for next summer. One of my kids is still trying to catch up with us. We just got back from a practice honeymoon though – 3 weeks in Ireland, London, Paris and Istanbul. It’s a great concept, really.

    Istanbul was a corporate affair for her; my first as a corporate spouse. It was great — shopping the grand bazaar with the other wives, spa day, and none of those boring meetings.

    I lost 30 pounds last winter, and have managed to keep it off despite starting cooking school. You wouldn’t recognize me!


  27. James.m says:

    Anna Molly – I sent you a couple of emails offline, and I wondered if you had received them. My address is still the same.

  28. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Hi James!!!!! Rambo and Rocky lived (emphasis on -ed) a full life in spite of the cat.

    Married yet?? Hope you are well my friend (((hugs)))

  29. James.m says:

    Just dropped by to post a note to AM/NM, and was amazed and filled with joy to see so many of my old friends. Even Beach was here! It sounds like all are doing well and that is good. So, Hi to all!

    One question, though, Midwest: if your cat is chasing chipmunks about the house, what does that mean for Rambo?

  30. Enigma SD says:

    hello all — it is indeed the picture that catches my eye. I then read the profile to see if we have common interests and to see what she is seeking. You have to have a well written profile so it doesn’t close the door. Some instant deal killers are: princess attitude, text speak (i h8 that), excessive spelling and grammatical errors. Have a nice day everyone — heading towards a beach but for work not fun!

  31. SouthernCharmSB says:

    Hello!! It’s been a busy few days, but I thought I would check in and (whoa!) it seems like I have already missed a lot and need to catch up.

    Let’s see, with regards to profiles, I think the picture is definitely the main determining factor for SDs when they check out the profiles of pot SBs. This is not to say that the other parts don’t matter. But c’mon, especially within the sugar world, attraction is one of the main driving forces in an arrangement. While it is true that some people are way more photogenic than others, I think that’s why it is a good idea to put an array of pictures (maybe 3 or 4) of different angles and not necessarily all of your face. (Personally, I love what Midwest SB did where she mentioned that she put up a picture of her legs as one of her best physical attributes. Rock on, girl!)

    Having said that, I do believe that as a SB what you write in your profile will determine the kind of SDs that you attract – not all the time, but most of the time. For example, there is a part in my profile where I wrote that I enjoy reading and mentioned a book that I recently read that was both educational and inspiring to me. Whenever I meet a pot SD, I always ask him what attracted him to my profile and this week alone, I had 2 pot SDs mention the book that I mentioned on my profile. It was somewhat flattering because it shows that they actually read my profile AND also liked my pictures enough to contact me.

    @ New College Baby – Maybe I will be alone in my suggestion, but I would recommend that you not mention that you are a “new sugar baby” on your profile. I think part of the reason why you are attracting some of the wanna-be/fake SDs is because they see you as “fresh meat” with no prior experience in the sugar world. Hear me out on this…I’m not saying you should lie, just eliminate that part from your profile and reveal it once the timing is right. I’ll give you my reasoning. For one, you can tell a lot from the first couple of e-mail exchanges between you and a pot SD. So if a pot SD is not able to send you pictures or is inquiring about a “free test drive”, then that will clue you in as to the fact that he is not a genuine SD and therefore not worth wasting any more of your time on him. Secondly, you can discuss your prior experience (or lack thereof), once you get to the point of meeting in person or having your first phone conversation with the pot SD. The bottom line is that if you are confident in expressing why you seek this kind of an arrangement and what you bring to the table, then there really doesn’t need to be too much focus on the fact that you are new to this. The key is to go with your instinct, because during your interactions with any pot SDs, if your gut is telling you that something seems off (even if you can’t pinpoint what it is) then chances are it is off and it is better to just drop him. Again, this is just my humble opinion.

    On a separate note, and as an update to my last post, I decided to give “Sloppy Kiss SD” another chance. We met for dinner Friday night and let’s just say that enough happened for me to believe that there’s definitely potential for him to improve in the kissing arena. Plus he actually cooked dinner for me (one of my favorite dishes) and treated me like a princess the entire time! How sweet is that?!?!

    I also met another pot SD yesterday and he is the first married SD that I am actually considering. Nothing against the married SDs persay, just that they obviously have less time to spend together and there’s limitations as to where we can go, especially when they are renown individuals that everyone and their mamas know. It was a phenomenal first meeting and I can honestly say that he is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met! It also helps that he is very attractive and super intelligent. (sigh) I’m excited to see how and if things progress with him.

    Until next time sugars….sweet dreams!! ☺

  32. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    LOL @ maybe she had big boobs! I’ll take the guy who likes my big boobs AND my profile 🙂

    …and my legs….and my smile…and my beautiful mind…yeah, yeah.

  33. Honey says:

    A poorly written profile may turn many a man away….but a pretty profile picture may make him give her a second chance. Maybe it was a typo, maybe her auto spell went haywire, maybe she had big boobs….

  34. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Re: Pictures – Guru might be a little biased 😉

    You’re right though. I had one of a silhouette that always got plenty of attention while still keeping it anonymous. The second favorite was one of just my legs. I put my real face in the private photos or would send them via e-mail.

    Now, tell me a poorly written profile won’t turn a man away. Point is, if you’re going to be in sugar, you’ve got to show that you’re the right woman for that special SD. He needs all the inspiration to pick you from thousands of other ladies, so don’t give him an excuse to pass you by.

  35. Honey says:

    I ‘m with you totally Guru!!
    Guys look at the picture and decides he whats to get to know her. She looks”nice” to him and the profile is secondary.
    Girls read about a guy and THEN want to get to know him.
    That’s why I say put your best err…foot forward and you will find a guy that thinks you are dynamite.
    I myself hardly ever answer an ad from a guy who didn’t contact me first.Why give away my advantage?
    Get great pictures of you smiling and having fun, have a guy take them,trust me on this.I’m quirky so some of my pictures and profiles show that.Aren’t we all here just for fun?

  36. SteamSugar says:

    Hey Guru good to see you 😀

  37. Honey says:

    Thank you and you are welcome..Who is in Texas, but wants to move back to cali?

    • SD Guru says:

      I’ll apologize in advance for my bluntness…

      Re: Profiles

      Ladies, all this hand wringing about what to put in a profile… The reality is that most of the time having attractive pics will get you noticed more so than a well written profile. As much time as you spend on your profile text, don’t forget to put up some nice pics too. To quote NYC SB’s blog: “About 80% of the time they would have made up their mind as to whether they want to contact you based on your age, location and picture. The profile usually serves as a confirmation of their decision.”


      I’m sorry to hear about your situation, but being in an abusive marriage is not a good motivation for being a SB. If you think finding a SD will rescue you from your problems then you’ll probably be disappointed.

  38. New College Baby says:

    MidWest: Thank you for the insight. Your profile is amazing, I won’t steal your personality. 🙂 I understand the high demands, and I am going into this with open eyes and patience. ^.^

    Steam Sugar: No worries, it WAS super late… Look at my response to you, it’s riddled with typos. Lol

    Honey: you’re amazing and were super helpful past night. ^.^

  39. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    I’m always happy to help. I had a few sugars suggest some wordsmithing and it helped a lot.

    Speaking of chipmunks…My cat decided I should have one in the house this weekend. Absolute chaos ensued. Fortunately I got the critter out unscathed. Unfortunately, he didn’t survive my cat’s second attempt to bring him in. Grrrrrr.

  40. SteamSugar says:

    Afternoon sugars!
    NCB Forgive….I was skimming with sleep in my eyes and having read a second time I see it now.
    Midwest Love your description wish I could use it myself but its your master piece so I cotta come up with my own…darn

  41. Honey says:

    Thank you, Midwest. Anymore thank you’s and I’m going to start to feel like those Warner Bros, chipmunks!!

  42. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Thank you Honey! Your profile reflects a confident and sassy lady! It’s always fun to see how people “advertise” for personal reasons.

  43. Honey says:

    Great ad, Midwest!! ….feel like stealing it,myself……but I won’t!

  44. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Hi Gail!! So nice to see you are happy and well! Have you heard from Lisa offline?

  45. New College Baby says:

    SteamSugar: I’m leaving the section of ‘I don’t EXPECT’s as if you read it carefully it’s a major differenc between expecting something and wishing or asking for something.

  46. SteamSugar says:

    Other than the capitalization and spell check hmmmmm….I would take out the “I don’ts” Its kinda contradictory b/c next line you say you would like an allowance just my .02

  47. Honey says:

    Capitalize Wusthof and spell check the second “debate” Add a hot, cool pic with a smile and showing off you best asset and you should be good to go! Ladies? Any input?

  48. New College Baby says:

    Talking Over Caramels

    I am a down to earth, ex-navy, lady. I have soft skin, supple curves, a wit that is sharper than a wusthof knife and it’s balanced by a ready sense of humor.

    I am kind and have two small dogs that I love and if I could afford it, I’d adopt the whole pound. 🙂

    I enjoy cooking, and have been told that I can make scrambled eggs taste like solid gold for your tongue (whatever that means).

    I am a straight to the point kind of woman who enjoys relaxing, wonderful conversations,laughing and trying new things. AND CUDDLING! Cuddles are the best.

    Arrangement You Are Seeking
    NOTE: Financial Assistance is the dollar amount you expect from your Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mommy. This amount represents money that may be given to you in the form of an allowance to help with bills or tuition, or any other forms of pampering such as gifts, travel, or meals. Please be clear about the type of arrangements you are interested in, and the type of Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mommy you are interested in meeting.

    Your Expectation: US$5,001 – $10,000
    Arrangement Type: Sugar Daddy

    Description: I am trying to better my life and somebody else’s and don’t want our arrangement to feel like a cold transaction.

    I don’t expect you to pay me an allowance AND take me shopping AND to go travelling around the world.

    I don’t EXPECT anything.

    I would LIKE an allowance and if you wish to pamper me in other ways as well, I am always open to that. I am a confident, kind, funny, and sexual woman who happens to be a new sugar baby. I have been told that pictures don’t do me justice, so I must have that extra spark somewhere. I tell you what I want in bed (and out of it), and don’t expect you to be psychic, I do expect you to communicate. I have been told that I have a rockin body, even though I don’t spend hours in the gym. If you’re an ass man, I have a great ass, and if you’re a breast man, I have great breasts. I have been called a firecracker (what does that mean? lol) by a lot of different people upon first meetings. I love to debate and play devils advocate. I love learning, so I want somebody who enjoys a nice deabte or stimulating conversation as well. I don’t want to fall into bed with you as part of some ‘plan’ but because we have great chemistry and enjoy one another in every way. I think respect in any relationship is important, so that is a must as well.

    I work 40 hours+ a week (Wednesday through Sunday) and do not have the time or the desire to call you ‘just because’, and I am not ready for marriage. I am seeking a fun, stress free, 6-12 month arrangement with the right guy.

    I don’t do endless e-mails or phone calls, and think if everything goes well through two emails and two phone calls we should meet, otherwise we are just wasting one another’s time. The first meeting is just lunch or coffee or talking over some caramels and even if we don’t click, we will both have met someone new, because, you can never have too many friends. ^.^

  49. New College Baby says:

    Here’s what I figure: if it’s too long then he wasn’t the best pot SD anyways. I like engineers, they pay attention to detail. I am gonna copy and paste what I just wrote, and will you tell me what you think? Get a little female perspective up in here! lol

  50. Honey says:

    Thank you very much!Be warned that a lot of guys would find that too long. But I tend to get more engineers with the long ones, maybe they don’t mind reading all the specs!

  51. New College Baby says:

    I just modified my profile a lot. I thought it had to be short and sweet, and it didn’t show my personality or intelligence at all. Thank you so much Honey for showing me that it oculd be longer. You rock!

  52. Honey says:

    It’s only lunch,or coffee

    I’m a confident,positive,intelligent black female.
    I’m discreet yet, fun, and funny. I’m well-read and more than one person has said that I’m the smartest woman they’ve met. I like to keep current on a variety of topics.
    I have NO debt, my car is paid for and I have my choice of eligible men.Did I mention I was modest?lol!That said, then why am I here?Ok here goes and I’m not boasting, just telling it like it is. I’m a sexually confident person, mature in my wants and needs and able to communicate that to my partner.I’ve been on traditional dating sites but quickly realized that they are best suited for one who wants to get married. I’m not there yet. The assets that guys have commented most about are my skin, (the softest-so I’m told),my lips,my smile, breasts, legs ,hands,feet, my razor intelligence and quick wit and I’ve been called sexually intimidating….what’s that supposed to mean? and modest. I like to travel, plan to learn scuba next year, and am looking for another passport stamp to add to my growing collection.
    I am truly looking for a friend with benefits who would like to hang out sometimes and just be cool.
    I’m just looking to be your next date,that’s all

    Arrangement I am Seeking

    I’m Seeking:
    Sugar Daddy

    I Expect:
    Open – Amount Negotiable

    I’m going back to school and would love to have some help with that. I am seeking a non possessive person (meaning I’m not quite ready to jump back into marriage,just yet!) who is fun and intelligent. Intelligent really should come first…then fun.I could put anything here about times and days, but I’ve found that when two people really like each other all that goes out the window.I like and know a bit about wines, maybe you can share your knowledge with me.I’m not even looking for any financial assistance.Just connections, you can never have too many friends, right? And I am not yet in a position in my life where I can offer a whole relationship. I have to finish school and I would like to have a no strings relationship that would fit both our needs. Yeah, I could find a guy and use my sexual prowess to bend him to my will, but where’s the fun in that?Ok, it is fun but is it right? I try to use my super powers for good! So if you are looking for a cool new friend who will always have a smile on her face and always tell you how she feels(strange, huh) when she meets you…. drop me a line. I’m NOT like the others.I’ve been told that pictures do not do me justice, that I look better in person, so I think I may have charisma. I always seem to make everybody feel relaxed and welcomed.
    p.s. I don’t put out on the first date…or the second and maybe not even the third…if you want a sure thing, I’m sure there are other ads better suited for your needs because I have found out that I have to like and respect a guy in order to want anything from him.

  53. Honey says:

    dunno, maybe I can cut and paste it?

  54. New College Baby says:

    Honey… it didn’t work. Maybe because I’m female?

  55. LongTimeNoSee says:

    Sylph, all I can is that your SD is one lucky guy 🙂

  56. SteamSugar says:

    Hey sugars! Hows everybody?

  57. Honey says:

    Profile Number 550835 there for all to see, please let’s be discreet

  58. New College Baby says:

    Well… that didn’t work out as planned. lol

  59. Honey says:

    Err,blog Gods?…

  60. Honey says:

    I THINK if you click on my name…? maybe …..?maybe I I am not linked up try it out, le;s try it together..lol!

  61. New College Baby says:

    Honey… how do I find your profile??

  62. AlexisNexis says:

    Hey all, I was here the other day describing my interaction with a new pot. I ended up meeting him, the guy who threw out the sex talk rather quickly, and we met at a neutral place, rather than the hotel he suggested. We mainly, just sat around talking about expectations, and determining whether or not there was chemistry to continue. End result: He liked me, and wants to meet me next time for a more personal meeting.

    Here is my problem. I know some guys prefer really discreet relationships, where they mainly see their sugarbaby for intimacy, with little contact in between, few outings together, no shopping trips, etc. but to me this is not an ideal sb/sd relationship and I am not used to that. With that said, this is basically what he said he wanted. He said he could warm up to the idea of trips, dinners, shopping trips, etc but he would like to stick to at max, things like hiking, personal get togethers, hotels, etc. what do you all think about this? He claims that he cares what society would assume about us. He says that being with a girl half is age is a turn on and of course he is happy to be intimate, but that he is not ready to flaunt his next sb. He had one before and they mainly just hooked up and he helped her out. Have many/any of the ladies here ever experienced this? I know some married sds take this approach, but he is NOT married, so what’s the big deal? Do any of you ladies prefer to just see your sd for hookups, as long as he is paying you an allowance?

    Also, he has agreed to half of the allowance to start, and then twice a month, 1st and 15th deposits into my acct. After the first month, the 1st of every month is when I will be receiving my allowance. Any thoughts on all of this? I am personally ok with the allowance but my qs are more about what I stated above about him wanting more “private” time, than out, fun time. Thanks guys and girls:)

  63. Honey says:

    Why don’t people with their profiles…go look at mine, not the most inviting,but what they hey, it’s out there. I’ll take any suggestions…..

  64. SouthernGent2 says:

    Sorry if this is already posted, but this is very interesting.


  65. New College Baby says:

    Kindred Spirit: Should I just say expectations then?? I don’t think I come across very well via the Internet sometimes, and I have a big squishy core so I don’t want to be in a Suger arrangement with somebody who will try to take advantage of that fact. I know things are different in the sugar world but I keep comin across profiles where the men seem to b seeking more than NSA… A LOT of them.

    I guess what I’m saying is, any help or suggestions are good in my book and would be much appreciated.

  66. Kindred Spirit says:

    NCB~ With respect to your search and the heart I see you’re putting into it all, the word “requirements” is, um, a major turn-off. Sorry to be so blunt, but you may want to drop that word from your sugar vocab (I’d recommend that anyone does). Being flexible but yet without settling is key. It’s that balance that keeps possibilities open. And only the individual knows what that is for them. 🙂

  67. New College Baby says:

    WCSD: I am not deseperate, I do have a full time job/career, and I am being choosey and keeping my requirements (no matter what people in my life say) as they are. That being said, it seems I am either striking out or the men who are gravitating towards my profile are not the ones who meet my requirements. I DO understand that this can take awhile, but after sending out nearly 130 emails with limited responses it is difficult not to get discouraged. Any advice on that?? Oh, and I know this is an NSA environment, that is what I seek (within the confines of a long term SB/SD relatiosnhip).

  68. Kate says:

    Brandon – maybe you should try to get more publicity in media outlets used by SD-type men… the economist, WSJ, Business Week?

  69. Gail says:

    Nico!!!!! Hugs back!!!! I am happy to see you too. I lurk on a regular basis : ) It’s kinda hard not to…lol…. Many times I read the post and am reminded of some of the things I went thru in my early sugar days. It’s relaxing now that phase is over. I got mucho sugar and a wonderful man in the end.

    Heading out to shop…Wishing everyone scoops and heaps of sugar today!!!!

  70. Nico says:

    Gail!!! *hugs* Good to see you and I agree, Syphl, great experience!! Thank you for sharing!

  71. Gail says:

    Morning Sugars!!!! It’s been awhile…..

    It’s really nice to hear positive experiences of sugar life. Thank you Syphl for sharing.

    I miss you too Lisa!!!! How is Percy? When are you going to bless us with your presence : )

    Now off to brew that perfect cup of coffee……

  72. Sylph says:

    I consider myself to be an incredibly sensitive girl–not at all the kind of person you would expect to find on a site like this. I might have once judged these relationships unkindly. A little over a year ago, though, I hit an awful spot in my life emotionally and financially, which prompted me to come on this site in secret. I got many messages over a period of a few months, and finally got a message from a man who intuitively seemed “right” to me. I met up with him and here I am a year later, in a happy sugar relationship with him. The relationship has only done good things for me; he has changed my life for the better so much that I sometimes think about how I will still be seeing the positive effects of our relationship in 20 years. Yes, there is a sexual component to our relationship, and yes, he does help me financially, but we are close friends who want the best for each other, and I never feel used. It just so happens that this is the way we became close. I don’t see how people could label a loving friendship like ours as prostitution; we love each other and want the best for each other. Maybe some people are just uncomfortable with the shades of gray in the world.

    Before I got into this relationship, one of my friends said something along the lines of “How much money is worth losing a piece of your innocence?” I was a little worried at the time, but I honestly have no regrets. I am grateful to this site for helping me to turn my life around for the better. I will graduate with my professional degree in a few years, and this site will be part of the reason I made it there. 🙂 Too bad Dr. Phil didn’t feature my incredibly positive story on his show! I never even had to go through meeting creepy men, and instead cut straight through to the educated, sweet, generous and special one I am with. How lucky is that?

  73. WCSD says:

    NCB – I would completely disagree with the statement “beggars can’t be choosers”. First, if you are in this lifestyle as a beggar (can’t survive without the sugar…don’t care who you are with, etc.) then it is going to be a rough time for you. Desperation is very easily seen, and many will take advantage of that. Think of it this way, would you be picky on who you would date in real life? Yes, I’m sure you would. I suggest that this shouldn’t be any different (if you want it to be a successful ‘long term’ relationship). Even in ‘regular’ dating if you are just wanting a fling, you have standards that must be met (although they are obviously different than looking for a long term relationship). In sugar it is no different. Have standards that you require (whether it is personality, looks, age, manners, allowance, etc.) and make sure you are happy. In the end, a SD does NOT want a SB who is just being ‘polite’ and staying with them. Now, realize that this is a NSA environment, so there is nothing saying you can’t have one SD that you aren’t sure is a perfect fit while you find the one that is. Just make sure you don’t string him along after you’ve found the perfect fit. Odds are, the SD is doing the same…..

  74. People who have no idea about the lifestyle, seem to have the most to say about it. This is amusing to me because I see that these people could never enter this lifestyle. This is for the young, rich and sexy. Most people are satisfied with their 60k a year job, Suzy in the kitchen baking cookies and the “leave it to beaver” lifestyle. Being who we are threatens that, wholesome family view. However, like my ex- husband says ” no matter how much you love me, creditors don’t accept kisses” so im wishing people would cut the bull, and look at this for what it is , pure honesty. Nothing worse than two people in a relationship lying about what that want from each other, it kills the excitement. I am sugar baby worth 310k, of my own money, so Dr. Phil thinks I’m a prostitute because I want someone who can provide for me what I already have? Really? Because I don’t want some broke guy leeching off me I’m a bad person? Wow! Get with the times, no finance no romance… Period![img]http://m.facebook.com/#!/home.php?refid=9[/img]

  75. Angel Garrett says:

    People who have no idea about the lifestyle, seem to have the most to say about it. This is amusing to me because I see that these people could never enter this lifestyle. This is for the young, rich and sexy. Most people are satisfied with their 60k a year job, Suzy in the kitchen baking cookies and the “leave it to beaver” lifestyle. Being who we are threatens that, wholesome family view. However, like my ex- husband says ” no matter how much you love me, creditors don’t accept kisses” so im wishing people would cut the bull, and look at this for what it is , pure honesty. Nothing worse than two people in a relationship lying about what that want from each other, it kills the excitement. I am sugar baby worth 310k, of my own money, so Dr. Phil thinks I’m a prostitute because I want someone who can provide for me what I already have? Really? Because I don’t want some broke guy leeching off me I’m a bad person? Wow! Get with the times, no finance no romance… Period!

  76. Confused says:

    Kindred Spirit- someone at the site can give you Lisa’s e-mail so you can get daily e-mails from her as to her status

  77. Kindred Spirit says:

    @Lisa, if she is lurking…

    Hey Lisa…what’s up in your neck of the woods? 🙂 Wait…it’s now just about Fall, your favorite season, YAY! Hope things are cooler and life is going at least okay, if not awesome. Stop by sometime again and say Hi and let us know what’s happening. May sound a little weird, but you are an inspiration to me. You work so damned HARD, and verbalize it so we can feel your sweat and bleeding (figuratively speaking). You keep it real, what goes on in your world. I like that.

    I don’t mind when I see you find suggestions from other bloggers too challenging to conquer, no matter how simple they might appear to be by others. I get what depression does to someone. It doesn’t work like that. You do your thing, and you do what works for you to survive. It isn’t advice you look for here, rather it’s just for some listening ears. To feel like you’ve been heard and that your voice matters.

    If others don’t see what I see, they can skip your posts without commenting. As I’ve said before, you are a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. 🙂

    Take care of yourself, Lisa, and I hope you come back to the blog sometime!

  78. New College Baby says:

    WCSD: Thank you for your advice. 🙂 I just don’t want to be too picky and end up ‘that picky sugar baby’ (ever heard the phrase, beggars can’t be choosers?) but the nagain, I also don’t want to seem desperate or too quick to accept and end up seriously un-happy. Once I agree to something I follow through, no matter what (I’m kind of old fashioned that way), so I am trying to be extra careful but not too choosey. Fine freakin line!

  79. NJbaby says:

    I had dinner with a pot SD on Tuesday night. He’s completely genuine–and the chemistry was awesome! He is new to the SB/SD game and had TONS of questions. We glazed over the financials a bit…but he does want to discuss an arrangement when I get home! (I’m going to California on business next week) This could have some serious potential!!! 🙂 The only concern I have is he may be more of a gift SD than a cash SD….which is okay…but I’m reallllly looking to pay off my loans. Ahhh, we shall see!!!

  80. WCSD says:

    NCB – It is shallow, but really who cares! We are all ‘shallow’ in one extent or another. We all want what we want, and there is nothing wrong with that. And looks are an initial indicator. But as Midwest said, it maybe shouldn’t be the end all, but again, I know I’ve turned down a SB purely based on looks. Just a simple ‘I don’t think we are a match, but I wish you the best in your searching ‘ should be enough. There is no need to elaborate beyond that.

  81. New College Baby says:

    Thanks for the advice!

    New question: Saw a pot SD’s photo and to be honest I know what the term ‘average’ means and I know what 30lbs over weight looks like… He is waaaaaaay beyond that. I was hoping for a SD who could go hiking with me and do other outdoorsy type things, and also, if I have to look good I think he should at least be decent and able to keep up. No? How do I politely turn him down with out sounding as shallow as I think I do?

  82. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    SouthernCharm SB – Some things can be taught, but the student has to be willing (and humble enough) to learn. I’m with Kate on this one. I did teach a guy how to kiss “me” among other things and we had a great time. Just make sure it’s in such a way that he doesn’t take any offense or feels demeaned.

    JennyMae – I’ve met a few without pics and it’s usually not a big deal. What is the worst that can happen? Many (especially married) don’t feel comfortable sending pics online, and many don’t look like their profile pics anyway. I say keep the safety in mind, but don’t let it completely prevent you from meeting someone. From personal experience, I don’t take good pictures..one out of 200 might be one I’d consider a resemblance. The men who meet me are pleasantly surprised at how much better I look in person. One reason is that personality can change the way someone looks as can chemistry. I’ve found myself glad that I didn’t decline meeting someone based on looks alone.

    Kisses to my mistress!!

    It’s almost Friday!!! Who has sugar plans???

  83. NYC SB says:

    Hi everyone!

    Just wanted to pop by and say hi… Lots of good changes going through my life.

    Brandon… If you want to take the site to the next level you may want to hire a PR person. We are all great at something, for you it may be your business acumen, for someone else it is their public speaking. Leave the publicity to the professionals 🙂

    Hope all my sugars are well…

  84. Enigma SD says:

    NCB — that happens so often it has a sugar term — free test drive — no thanks is the proper response!

  85. New College Baby says:

    SouthernCharm: It sounds like it’s a deal breaker for you, but go with your gut. That is the most important tool you have when finidng a pot SD, YOUR GUT. Use it, and I think you’ll be fine.

    @Jessica: I don’t think sleeping with your SD carries a negative connotation as long as both parties are willing to add that to a relationship.

    ALL: I met another pot SD who turned out to want sex before he ‘could commit to anything’… no thank you! Does this happen often??

    Well, I am off to work, and I hope you all have a great day!!

  86. JennyMae says:

    I have to agree , A bad kisser can be really digusting . One pot SD would literally just come at me open mouthed , and drooling . How am I suppoed to kiss that ? LOL . and Yes I had to do the whole wait til i was a safe distance away and wipe my entire face off . So @ SoutherncharmSB — I feel your pain .
    On my updates — Im meeting a pot tonight for dinner , wish me luck ! 🙂
    and on the not so great update — yet another married Pot SD has refused to send pics , even though he of course needs to see mine . Is someone giving them this advice ? So I decided to add to my profile that exchanging pics , means we BOTH send pics , not just me .

  87. Enigma SD says:

    SouthernCharmSB — I had to laugh when I read that. I had a similar situation. I tried suggestions on kissing, but it never quite sunk in with her. We had three dates, and it got to the point where I didn’t want to kiss her anymore because I knew she was going to cram her tongue don’t my throat right away (sorry if that is TMI). It ended – just one perspective and I agree it can be an indicator of his “sexual style.”

  88. Kate says:

    @SoutherCharmSB — That happened to me once too regarding all good then…sloppy kiss! I’m fifty-fifty:

    Yes (for instant chem guy) – physical chemistry and mental connection are very important; you’ll…I’m assuming…be spending most of your time not kissing the 1st pot. And kissing can be gently taught, can’t it? Maybe even with a simple, sweet: ‘Here, let me kiss you.” (demo) “THAT…is how you can really turn me on.”

    No (for instant chem guy) – I also sorta see kissing as an indication of other things…for example, the way a guy will touch me and…um…you know. What is your sense there? Everything else (besides the sloppy)–like the way he looked at you, the way he touched/held you while you kissed, or touched you when he guided you out of the restaurant…his physical gestures… Anyways, think about that. Does he just need some gentle guidance, or is it a sign that you will leave meetings with him thinking “ewww…yuckie.”

    Re. the second – you like him and he’s a good kisser. As long as there isn’t something that profoundly irritates you about him (his nose, the way he blinks, his voice, a manner of speech, etc.) Sounds totally double-thumbs up to me. err…I personally feel like it takes a while to develop chemistry with most people–ie, you don’t know everything about someone until you’ve spent time with them, and over time acretes a laundry-list of things you find endearing (unless, as above, there’s something that totally turns you off, in which case focusing on the positive is pretty futile)…lol, one of the things I LOVE about Sugar Dating — limited time with the other person allows both people to always be their best them around the other person: so accretion of only the endearing, not the annoying as f$%! traits…

  89. SouthernCharmSB says:

    I am in a bit of a sugar dilemma and could use the advise from the fabulous sugars on this blog!

    So I had a first meeting with a pot SD on Monday – handsome, successful, genuine and straight-forward as well as fun. I found him very attractive and felt great chemistry in conversation and getting to know each other…the problem came at the end of our first meeting when he walked me to my car and we kissed – turns out he is a horrible kisser and sort of slobbered all over my face…yuck! I didn’t want to be mean so I just smiled and said goodbye and waited until I was a safe distance away to wipe off my face. He texted me the next morning telling me how much he enjoyed meeting me and asked whether I would like to see him again. I thanked him again for dinner and wrote that I also enjoyed meeting him. I didn’t address the “when can we see each other again” question, but I know I will have to confront it sooner rather than later.

    Today, I met with another pot SD for lunch and he is intelligent, successful and funny. He is a lot older than the other pot SD I met but he looks good for his age. I really enjoyed his company and we talked for about 4 hours before I realized I was late to a work meeting and then I had to leave. We kissed goodbye and he is definitely a better kisser than the other pot SD. The thing is that I am attracted to him in a different way than I am attracted to the other pot SD (which I guess is not necessarily a bad thing).

    Maybe this will be TMI for some people but with the first pot SD I felt immediate attraction and chemistry and the conversation flowed naturally….basically, I wouldn’t have minded jumping his bones right there! But I didn’t, because after that horrible kiss (if you can even call it that) I was kind of…(what’s the word?)…disappointed and maybe even turned off by him. Then with the other pot SD that I met today, I didn’t really feel the immediate attraction persay, but the chemistry was definitely there when we kissed at the end of our meeting and I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t curious about his “techniques” lol

    So I guess the question that I am ultimately asking here is: Is a bad first kiss a deal-breaker? My gut instinct kind of tells me it is, but I’m wondering what everyone else’s thoughts are on this. Thanks in advance for your help!!

    • SD Guru says:

      Is a bad first kiss a deal-breaker? My gut instinct kind of tells me it is, but I’m wondering what everyone else’s thoughts are on this.

      The simple answer is, if it’s a deal breaker for you then it doesn’t matter what everyone else think. It comes down to personal preference and you should learn to trust your gut instinct.

      I joined SA about 3 months ago, found a great SD and proud to say neither of us have gotten sexual

      By the same token, would you be ashamed if there was mutual attraction and chemistry and you end up having sex?

  90. Janelle says:

    I was on the show as a guest. I completely was flabbergasted at the one-sided focus the show took on a “prostitution vs. not-prostitution” debate.
    I would like to tell Brandon, and also the gorgeous, intelligent, well-spoken lady he dates (I unfortunately wasn’t able to get her name, due to the production staff blocking our interaction), you two are awesome. You both exuded pure class, were well-spoken, and took no cheap shots. The pressure put on Brandon, especially, was ridiculous and slanderous. (Mainly coming from that “Sunny” person; whom in good judgment, they had exit stage separately from us).

    People are making online comments now, about reporting things to the IRS. I am no financial whiz when it comes to taxes, but these are definitely gifts, and please correct me is my numbers are off, but can’t you give $13k/year to anyone without claiming anything? Someone paying my rent for me, when they have a place they can hang out also, and sleep sometimes, it’s definitely more of just “help”, not income.
    I was also pretty shocked that they would not let me meet Brandon before the show as had been previously promised by the production staff. There was CLEARLY avoidance and tactical diversion.
    I also had no idea there were any other SB’s on the show; which in all honesty, I probably would have backed out had I known more about what their attitudes/views were about a SB/SD relationship. Nothing against them, but I am just not at all the same, nor is Tracy.) Tracy, of course, is my best friend, we went out there TOGETHER.
    I was also informed within 5 minutes of airing (“briefed”) by a production assistant that things would be totally different. I was told of 6 segments, only one of which related at all to the question of legalities of a SB/SD relationship.
    I understand sensationalism/exaggeration = ratings. I did NOT expect it to be cotton candy and gumdrops, but they took it too far and were WAY too dishonest to get us on air. Embrace a little integrity Dr. Phil people. When you assure me of things, calm any concerns I may have, and then go totally 180, that’s just unconscionable to me. There is now a strain with few people in my life that I care very deeply about and NEVER would have appeared, had I known what it was going to turn into. I specifically asked, as did Tracy, “This isn’t going to be a prostitution debate, right?” I was assured it wasn’t, and that the Dr. Phil Show “does not ambush guests.”
    Really!?! I can’t tell it.
    When the person they cut camera for an audience reaction is the “Mrs. Dr. Phil”? LOL, you couldn’t find anyone really “shocked/offended”, aside from your plant?
    Regardless, everyone get ready to check out the reality show of me, Tracy and our other bff Alyson, 100% based on the fabulous lives we have made for ourselves, with the assistance of a wonderful “little” site named SeekingArrangement.com. Already in pre-production. No SD’s involved, just their gifts 🙂
    Thanks to you to Brandon, for creating such a wonderful avenue for dating, to the other people associated with SA that stood up for what is RIGHT on Dr. Phil but were edited out (surprise), to all the SB’s, like Tracy and myself, who do this the way it was intended, and to every SD out there who have helped me along the way to find a wondefully fulfilling lifestyle, that works perfectly for me. Much luck and success to ALL!

  91. Mile High Flyer says:

    Midwest- As an SD I really liked your list.

    The special lady (SB) I am with must have used that same list? Describes her to a fit. We had lunch, felt great chemistry ( I did anyway you can never truly speak for another) then went to a coffee shop sat & talked for a couple of hours. We have had some wonderful times together and next week take an extended destination trip. I can’t wait, there is nothing as much fun as having a beautiful and smart women as a travel companion. I am a gentlemen and have never been with a prostitute, so let Dr. Phil call it whatever he wants. I think I can judge the difference!

  92. Marie says:

    Don’t ever put down Dr. Phil again. He was RIGHT! He didn’t do it for ratings..he did it cause you are a pimp! Seriously? You are a joke!

  93. Miss Snow says:

    I was horrified that they kept throwing the term prostitution and pimp around during the airing of the show. To me the Sugar lifestyle is a type of relationship, just like marriage, life partners or even dating. But the terms are set up in a strait forward manner at the beginning, so both people involved know what they are expected to do, and what is not to do.
    I am not in this type of relationship myself, but I see nothing negative or belittling about it.

  94. Enigma SD says:

    Midwest — I love getting a follow-up text the next day when I had a good date!

    JennyMae — I wouldn’t meet anyone without seeing a picture first. Again, follow your gut instincts. I am married, and I have never had a problem sending out pictures.

  95. JennyMae says:

    meant “wouldnt” not “would ” typo

  96. JennyMae says:

    i love it here , but its rough down here now , as far as sugar dating , not finding anyone serious about it .
    Another question — would you ever consider meeting someone who refused to send you a pic ? I sent mine and they would send one of themselves back . Is the lack of trust right off the bat an indicator or its probably going to be a one way street arrangement/ relationship ? I then ask them — shouldnt the attraction be mutual ? and sometimes I never hear back . Ahhhhhhhhhhh, Im frustrated .

  97. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    JennyMae – My old stomping ground and looking to return. My last SD was based out of FL, so I had the pleasure of visiting often before I exited sugar. I miss it greatly! There are a few sugars I’ve met from FL, so hopefully they will pop up and say “hi”!

  98. JennyMae says:

    @ Midwest — Florida

  99. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Enigma – So true! It’s intrinsic to me, but I don’t realize how many let that go.

    I love sending a text that highlights something funny about the evening.

    JennyMae – Have some fun! If you have the time, pay the $50 fee and go somewhere interesting! I kept hoping to use one ticket for something fun, but the time or the right trip never came up. There are plenty of NYC sugars, but the ones I know don’t go the the SA parties anymore. Don’t be too specific, but what general area are you from?

  100. JennyMae says:

    @ Enigma SD — I always say thank you for dinner / lunch/ drinks , and the guy always looks at me like I have ten heads , LOL. Guess alot of SBs dont say thank you anymore ,so they are really not used to it

  101. Jessica says:

    I saw the Dr. Phil show and I’m not surprised he portrayed this in a negative light, almost everything he does is negative and many of the experts he brings on the show are rude and biased. I joined SA about 3 months ago, found a great SD and proud to say neither of us have gotten sexual, it is always dinner and great conversation. To see Dr Phil and others on the show sit there and basically call all SB prostitutes outraged me. Yes, there are some women on here whom are willing to sell sexual favors for money, these are the women using this site for the wrong purposes.

  102. JennyMae says:

    Good morning all !

    Midwest –That is a good list 🙂 I should follow my gut more often . ugh! ………
    So after having yet another “flake daddy” , as Im going to start calling them , Who just canceled our first meeting 6 hours before the flight , Im left with a plane ticket and no where to go . 🙁 Is anyone going to the Party in NYC on the 10th ? Has anyone been to one yet ? Id love to go , but theres no way Im going alone . Would love to make some SB friends to go with 🙂

  103. Enigma SD says:

    Midwest — great list! I would add – don’t forget to thank him – it still amazes me how many times someone doesn’t thank me for buying dinner etc, even after I thank them for taking the time to come meet with me…. it costs nothing but says a lot.

  104. Enigma SD says:

    AlexisNexis — run like the wind. Any guy who would ask those questions and make those statements isn’t a gentleman or an SD. He is looking for a smart attractive hooker IMHO. next him ASAP because it isn’t going to get better with him.

  105. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Since there are lot of new ladies on the blog, I’m going to post a few of my golden rules:

    1- A first date in sugar is no different than a first date IRL. Pick a neutral place where you are close to home and safe. Keep the date as a “get to know you” date…light, fun and free from the pressure of sealing the deal. Keep the alcohol to the limit you can manage. If he wants to talk terms, I ask him to send me details in an e-mail so we can keep the present conversation from being transactional. End the date within a few hours and a nice kiss. Be CLEAR before the date that you want it to be free from the pressure of intimacy.

    2. Don’t sleep with someone unless you want to.

    3. Always be safe. Don’t leave your drink unattended…have a call buddy…leave info in your place with who, what, where, when and let another sugar or trusted friend know what you are doing. Don’t travel extensively or to a completely unfamiliar place for a first date.

    4. Be smart about the venue. What message are you giving a man when you agree to meet him at a hotel/ hotel lounge / his place / a friend’s place on the first date? Be creative. One sugar had mouth surgery, so she suggested an ice cream date. Fun, creative and different.

    5. Be on time and dress to impress…not to be undressed. Keep it appropriate but show a little something.

    6. Eye contact, a slight touch to his arm, little flirty movements will drive him wild.

    7. Listen more than you talk. Ask pertinent questions based on the conversation.

    8. Have goals that you want to accomplish and be passionate about them.

    9. If he wants a little sexy talk, find the balance. Flirt and let him know there’s a smoldering fire, but he’ll enjoy the anticipation of learning more as you go.

    10. Leave him wanting more….

    Always remember to say “Thank you”! (Thanks Enigma)

  106. Tara says:

    I just recently read this blog article and I must say that it gets very irritating that people call it prostitution. Quite honestly, I don’t think it is.

    I would probably say Dr. Phil:

    “Now why would someone like me, who went to private school all her life, is fully supported financially by her parents to study abroad, speaks three languages, travels the world regularly (with the parents), plays the piano, reads foreign literature, do on a site like this?

    Well, perhaps it’s because of all the losers that I’ve dated, who leeched off me that I have decided to go a bit upscale and ask for the man to treat me like a bit of a princess. Perhaps, women are tired of guys who take them for granted. Perhaps, we’re tired of guys who don’t have their crap together. Perhaps we’re tired of having a one way relationship where the guy expects you to love him unconditionally while he still treats you like crap.

    What makes trophy wives any different from a sugar baby? Just because a couple form a “legal” bond on paper, it doesn’t make it a sugar relationship? She has sex with him, he gives her an allowance, his credit card or whatever. It comes down to the same thing. Now in that case, if one was still to call this prostitution, then a trophy wife would be a “legal” prostitute? Hmmm… “

  107. AlexisNexis says:

    @WCSD, gut says to run away (at least earlier). We spoke before my class, after that post and he apologized. He claimed to be just wanting to be forward and help me out but not sure how the whole arrangement thing works (uh huh). I told him apology accepted and that we can meet at a neutral place, see if there is chem, and then take it from there as in more dates, then a deal.

    @Kate, that’s a good q. He seems kinda eager to be intimate like most guys but as the other poster said, he could just be new and making all of the wrong moves (which he did claim to be). So tomorrow I will see if he is open to letting it flow and then entering an arrangement.

    @NewCollegeBaby, thanks for your input. I hear you. I will run if his tone is the same in person.

    @KindredSpirit, the money for “acts” on the first date is obviously offenesive and makes me think he is a control freak trying to see if I’m desperate enough to go for it. So I agree with you on that. He even asked me “Are you desperate or have money saved..what’s your situation?” In those exact words. LOL is this guy dumb, new, or both? I of course let him know that while I am seeking fin assistance, I have money for my expenses and am not desperate to enter into anything. I also let him know that I have declined similar p4p offers in the past and he seemed to change his tone after that.

    Anyway so we are meeting tomorrow and I get a cash gift just for the meeting and having to drive like 20 mins so it’s cool. If he seems pushy, wants to rush, won’t agree to an allowance and at least give half of it before we are intimate, I will just walk away. Thanks everyone for the advice/input. I am never on here b/c of limited time but maybe I will come back and share what happens if I can get free. Thanks again:)

  108. New College Baby says:

    Kindred Spirit: I do not frown on his honesty, at all. IN fact I applaud it as well, and he also hinted that he was looking for an exclusive arrangement.

    SD Guru: I did not get the feeling of, ‘no’, we hugged and he kissed my cheek and he told me he would contact me (possibly) after Friday, but he wanted to take a couple of days to consider me and our meeting. We did talk about long distance vs local, and I know that the town he lives in isn’t a place the two of us could openly hang out (he has a little gold band on his left hand). This of course doesn’t mean he wouldn’t prefer somebody from one of the local colleges to help out and spend time with, but I think I offer (in that live so far away) more in the area of discretion and options of places to meet.

    I suppose this is me being very hopeful due to how attractive I found this pot SD (his personality and looks), but I find it hard to WANT to email others (this doesn’t mean I’ve stopped), but he certainly raised the bar, especially from my very first meeting which very nearly turned me off of the Sugar lifestyle.

    Thank You both.

  109. Kindred Spirit says:

    @AlexisNexis~ What gets me is that this man hopes to get laid after just meeting you on your first date. He hopes, therefore he comes up with an X amount to pay you “if” it happens. He may think that’s being forwardly honest; I think that’s him dangling a carrot over your head in hopes of a one-night stand as the start of “the beginning”. If you are questioning all this then you are airing some doubts and so I’d listen to that uncomfortable feeling. If you are still curious about him, meet for lunch/coffee, but not alcohol and in this case, not at the hotel. Let’s hope he’s just eager about you and didn’t know better (a possible newbie– no offense to the newbie SDs out there!).

    My last 2 cents on this: If the passion and chemistry’s there, two people can make the decision to go at it. However, a man stating ahead of time that he’ll pay you so much more for x and y? That sounds like a hint of control, beg my pardon. What happens is a choice decided together.

    @ All the SBs that write believing the man has the final word when an arrangement ends…WTF??? That doesn’t make us sound like we’re very independent, people! Even if ending an arrangement isn’t a mutual choice, I find it doubtful that SB’s don’t have as much say about it as does the SD…and if they really think they don’t? Then we’re missing that “mutually beneficial” aspect, in believing that kind of BS. An SD decides when it ends? Maybe in prostitution (?), but that is not the only option in Sugarworld.

    @New College Baby: I’ll hunch that you are interested in an exclusive arrangement; however, if I were you I’d still continue seeing other pots until something is sealed with someone. I applaud this particular SD’s honesty…and hope both of you find the right one for you…which very well may be each other. 😉

    • SD Guru says:

      the college females could be doing whatever college males are to support themselves; this, for whatever reason, is more appealing.

      Exactly. College females could work multiple jobs and live a lifestyle within their means like their male counterparts. But being a SB could be more appealing when you have a SD to make your life easier and enhance your lifestyle. One of my college SB’s used to say, “if I’m going to have a relationship with someone, why not get the most out of it?”. College females could choose to date guys their age and end up with the usual relationship drama with no improvement in their financial well being. Or they could choose to be a SB and make the most out of a relationship.

      yes, there are more SDs than SMs…but that doesn’t prevent anyone from creating a profile and giving it a go.

      Of course they can put up profiles, but they will find very few SM’s, if any. And when they don’t get any results they’d abandon or delete their profiles and move on.

      the SB ads that Dr. Phil quoted read like backpage ads. [his content-team must have had to look good and hard for those!]

      Actually that type of profile is not unusual, you don’t need to look very hard to find them especially in major metro areas.


      That’s a good list! There is a similar list in the tips section of the blog titled “Types of Newbie SB’s“. An experienced SD should be able to identify the “prostitute” (#1), “ATM” (#2), and the “marrying” (#5) types through screening and not end up wasting too much time and money on them.

      @New College Baby

      Remember the saying “don’t put all of your eggs in one basket,” and “don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” It’s possible that he’s being honest when he said he’s meeting another pot locally, or it could be his way of saying no nicely. Did you ask him about his preference for local vs long distance SB?

  110. New College Baby says:

    @AlexisNexis: Listen to your gut. Always. On that I am in agreement with WCSD. Even new SD’s ought to know what’s off limits, an if those kinds of questions ever came up on any other first date, I imagine most women would get up and walk away or slap the guy. My feeling is no thanks.

    All: my question is also off topic. I flew out to meet a pot SD and everything seemed to go well, excellent chemistry, great conversation and he was a GENTLEMEN! He did tell me that he was meeting another pot SB this Friday (one in his area) and he would let me know if he wanted to enter into an arrangement with me after Friday.

    My question is this: Typically how long does it generally take for a SD (or SB) to decide weather or not things are kosher enough to enter an arrangement? Should I stop looking at other pots? Or just keep doing as I have done and pretend that the one I just met doesn’t exsist until something gets decided??

  111. Kate says:

    @AlexisNexis – If he’s willing to meet you for lunch instead; and give you an allowance before doing anything; and you think he expects intimacy out of an arrangement; the only remaining questions are: Do you think the arrangement will lead to intimacy (ie, you’ve met him…do you see that happening?) If yes, do you think he’ll allow you to set boundaries and let that develop organically…on your own time?

    @Brandon – yeah, the SB ads that Dr. Phil quoted read like backpage ads. [his content-team must have had to look good and hard for those!] Maybe a quick scan of phrases and terms which scream “cheap hooker” on Backpage, followed by a Blog-Post or main-page “Profile Regulations” listing no-no phrases would help cut that down.

  112. Kate says:

    @ Long-time-no-see re. categories: I guess I’m sorta a mix of 3(without not wanting the allowance…maybe because I was raised by a pretty conservative family), 4, and 5 depending on the person/people…

    The sorta-slick-and-a-bit-cocky banker/lawyer is totally just hot physically… like, more banter and drinks/meeting in his office late at night for a quicky/maybe traveling with when he’s on business…which is 3.

    Then… I also really like the quieter-but-still-successful-and-confident people who are looking for a modified girlfriend/traditional mistress-like, more romantic thing.

    I’m pretty wary of looking for a real relationship with someone 20 years older than me who earns 20x as much as I do in a year…mmm…being a trophy-girlfriend/wife, even if it’s way more than that, is just something I’m worried about. But I’m open to it if it’s…destined to be.

    I’m pretty determined to not do sugar dating exclusively…when it’s NSA and ala beth said, pretty much up to the guy when it ends, I just really question whether having all of my romantic/emotional/sexual needs in one basket makes sense.

    That being said, I have been seeing one person for eight months, and I have met up with but not gone further with a half-dozen other people for the last four… so no idea… I guess when I’m already fulfilled, become way way way more picky!

    @SDGURU re “So…why are there 45 times as many female SBs as male SBs?… Clearly something else has to be going on besides student debt/high tuition/meager job opportunities, right?”

    I guess I see sorta three main interlinking criticisms of this:

    1) It’s demeaning/objectifying. (And doing it for free is not? How many of the women in the Dr. Phil audience had hairy legs and make-upless faces and had never used their looks/sexual power to get attention at a bar/jobs/friends/relationships? If the audience had been full of granola-eating genderless hippies…maybe. Not so much)

    2) It’s exploitative – “wealthy people taking advantage of cash-strapped college students overburdened with debt and unable to find jobs” — straight guys are doing this 1/45th as much as straight girls, significantly less than gay guys… yes, there are more SDs than SMs…but that doesn’t prevent anyone from creating a profile and giving it a go.

    So unless there’s some magical source of funding only available to straight guys, enabling 45 times as many straight college guys as women to make their way without Sugar Dating, that argument just doesn’t pan out. In other words, the college females could be doing whatever college males are to support themselves; this, for whatever reason, is more appealing. They’re not being used and exploited…they’re making what they believe to be a rational choice, maybe because the idea itself is enticing, maybe because doing this makes financial sense. Whatever.

    Brandon Wade is not showing up at NYU, Harvard, UCLA, Berkley, etc. etc. etc. dorm rooms and pandering… they are joining because they see incredibly negative media coverage of it, or hear positive stories from friends, and think “hey, this sounds like a good idea!”

  113. WCSD says:

    AlexisNexis – What is your gut telling you to do? I can infer from your post and questions, but in the end you need to listen to it and trust it. There are pros and cons to both solutions (walking away, and meeting), but in the end, this is supposed to be carefree and fun. So follow your gut and then you can’t make the wrong decision.

  114. AlexisNexis says:

    Hey all,

    this is kinda off-topic but I am looking for a new sd after ending things with my old one. I have a pot who I am meeting through cl. The situation in a nutshell: I posted an ad, he responded and we emailed a couple times in about 2 wks. He wants to meet tomorrow. Our first phone convo was Sunday and it started off innocent. He just called and has escalated things to qs about “down there” and other personal q’s. We had agreed to meet tomorrow, Wed just to feel each other out. But today’s convo has kinda pushed me away. He wants to meet at a hotel. He said we will talk and for my time alone, I get compensated but if we end up in bed, he will give me a set amount. I do not do the pay for play, never have and do not want to. With that said, I told him all of this and told him I’d call him back before school tonight to speak further. He already called back apologizing and saying we could just meet for lunch, talk, etc and then maybe meet a diff time. I am still gonna call back to explain my position in a few hrs.

    My ex sd met me for lunch, we dated, and he provided me an allowance from the beginning. I won’t get into details b/c the details will start a debate, I already know. But let’s just say that I am open to dating, an allowance set and then intimacy IF it happens.

    Should I just cancel on this guy since he is already on a different page? Or will meeting him and proposing an allowance upfront and then taking it from there be best? I am NOT doing p4p and have heard of guys trying to test drive and take advantage. I’d appreciate even a single response. Please help guys/girls! Thanks

  115. Enigma SD says:

    LongTimeNoSee — that was a good summary. I have met all five of those you described, but all of my long term sugar relationships have been with #4 – those looking for a modified boyfriend. There are a lot of different sugar relationships out there, and you just have to find the one that works for you the best.

  116. Nico says:

    @ Kate….thank you for the very interesting perspective and research!

    Welcome to the blog all….soooo many new faces!

  117. pb says:

    Hello to all the bloggers, I missed ya’ll MUAH! @ Honey how have things been? SD Guru see you’re still keeping up the good work.

  118. LongTimeNoSee says:

    I think the argument over whether sugar dating is prostitution or not depends on the people involved. (1) I’ve met SBs who see it as prostitution, who act like prostitutes, who tried being a prostitute but didn’t like it and prefer to be an exclusive prostitute for one person, etc. They have no emotional bond with the man at all and see no reason for him being with them other than sex. They would leave him for a higher bidder or keep both if they can to make extra cash. (2) I’ve met girls who are looking for an ATM machine who gives them cash while they try not to give anything sexual in return; in one case the girl’s BF was pimping her out yet extremely possessive at the same time. (3) I’ve met those looking for a friend with benefits. They are happy with a casual and discreet sexual experience with someone they respect or are physically attracted to. I’ve met SBs in this category who actually don’t even want an allowance or anything at all and I had to insist that they accept something. This type tends to be sexually liberal and will sleep around quite a bit and not be monogamous. (4) I’ve met SBs looking for a modified boyfriend. They are just happy with less time commitment because they are busy and perhaps are tired of the losers they’ve dated in the past. They also have some moderate financial needs, and so this type of relationship suits them. They tend to remain monogamous throughout. (5) I’ve also met those who are looking for the man of their dreams and see someone established, wealthy and generous as that man. So is it prostitution? It all depends on what each person is looking for. Some are prostitutes and others are far from that. Some of the SDs here are Johns and some are far from that as well. It’s not all one act, one arrangement, one relationship to be judged so easily.

  119. pb says:

    Wow I sure missed a lot. This topic is, always, and going to forever be a burning issue to those “dumb ass” people who fail to realise that we all are in the same situation(being a prostitue).

    The only promising thing to do is to just kick back & laugh at them 🙂 I’m sure many of them are in a relationship, and majority of the time they’re expecting some form of monetary compensation.
    Guaranteed all of us are prostitutes whether they wanna admit it or not. If I’m in a realtionship with my significant other I must expect a gift or a dinner or something. I would like for someone to tell me they never showed that person a good time in bed, knowing that person might pick u up something on their way home or cook a nice meal( B/S If you do).

    Frankly I just want them to keep their opinons to their self. All together( the nay sayers) they sound like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.The only difference is you’re trapped for life (marriage) and even if we are in the end your still paying for it someway, somehow! Rotffl!

  120. […] On the show, a critic, Sunny Hostin, called the website’s Founder & CEO, Brandon Wade, an “MIT educated pimp” and the Sugar Baby participants “hookers.” In response to the critic, Brandon expressed his opinion on the show in his latest post on the Sugar Daddy Dating Blog. […]

  121. Enigma SD says:

    *goal not go – in previous post

    • SD Guru says:

      It’s great to see all the intelligent fresh voices in the blog! There are two posts in my blog that I thought are relevant to this discussion: “Sugar Dating vs Regular Dating“, and “Why Wealthy Men Choose to be SD’s“.

      You’ve touched on some very interesting points that I’d like to comment on.

      So the diff. between this and prostitution isn’t about whether it would happen at all without the money. It wouldn’t… it’s basically just wanting an expression of value equal to the one you’re giving…

      Exactly! Sugar relationships wouldn’t happen if there is no sugar involved. It has to be mutually beneficial in “value”, and the SD and SB both bring their unique set of values to the table. Also, sugar helps to establish boundaries in the relationship and keeps it NSA and drama free. Without it then it’s just a traditional dating relationship.

      So…why are there 45 times as many female SBs as male SBs?… Clearly something else has to be going on besides student debt/high tuition/meager job opportunities, right?

      RIght, and that something else is supply and demand. Even though SB’s outnumbers SD’s by 10 to 1 or so, there are still far more SD’s compared to SM’s looking for male SB’s.

      So…I guess doing it for something objective, rather than just attention/affection…reconciles it for me?

      I have always thought of sugar relationships as “dating with a purpose” or objective in mind. The objective is usually clearly defined and understood by both parties at the beginning compared to the nebulous notion of “maybe this will lead somewhere someday” in traditional dating.

      in sugar dating, as in mainstream dating, I think there’s a lot of posturing…

      I think there can be some posturing in sugar dating, especially at the beginning when both parties are trying to find out what each other wants, but it should be far less compared to traditional dating. Once an arrangement is agreed to there is really no need for posturing while in traditional dating the posturing and drama associated with it can be constant.

      there are also different boundaries which make sense in relationships with different people…so knowing that going in is important.

      One of the major differences between sugar and traditional dating is to set the boundaries and expectations upfront in the form of an arrangement so that both sides know that going in. That helps to minimize the posturing needed and keeps it NSA and drama free through the course of the relationship.

      it does seem like the Sugar Dating Bowl has changed quite a bit over the past five years — maybe because the SB/SD ratio has changed?

      While I don’t think the SB/SD ratio has changed much, it’s usually around 10 to 1 or so, I do think the people who are coming to the sugar world have changed. The “mainstreaming” of sugar dating by the media has brought in all types people looking for all sorts of things, and many are colored by the stereotypes perpetuated in the media. That’s why relentless screening is as important as ever to cut through the clutter and find what you’re looking for.

  122. SouthernGent2 says:

    That’s what I get for not checking in here for a couple of weeks. Wish I had seen the show.

  123. Kate says:

    Er…last comment re defending “sugar dating”…

    I also read an article by an individual who researches heterosexual sexuality… Meana I believe…summarizing contemporary research on heterosexual desire.

    Basically, the conclusion seemed to be that women have very strong extra-relational sex drives/fantasy lives; but don’t actually engage in it because it’s deemed to be “not worth the cost.”

    In other words, there’s this incentive for women that mediates between desire for sex and acting on that desire… outside the sugar world, it’s “building emotional intimacy in a relationship” or “desire for affection/attention”… in the sugar world, it’s “benefits.”

    Normalize this, I think you liberate aggressive, extra-relational female sexuality and connect female “sexual power” with financial power in a sustainable way…

    Mm…I also don’t think the “sites like this are just another way for rich men to take advantage of young women” argument holds up. I mean, anyone can sign up for this website. So…why are there 45 times as many female SBs as male SBs? Unless there’s something I don’t know about, parental support/college aid/job opportunities aren’t that different for male and female college students. Clearly something else has to be going on besides student debt/high tuition/meager job opportunities, right?

    Same thing regarding percentages of gay Male SBs to total gay Male population versus straight Male SBs… the idea of appearance and youth being something that’s valuable, the idea of appearance being something that is worth cultivating and paying attention to, and desire for an intimate relationship with an older, wealthy, powerful, generous and mentoring individual…must be way more prevalent among straight females/gay males than straight males?

  124. Enigma SD says:

    Kate said: “Women still don’t like to have sexual relationships in which they don’t feel valued or appreciated.”

    Welcome to the blog…. that has always baffled me — most men are completely happy having sex with the only go being an orgasm. Not so much with women in my experience. I think it comes back from thousands of years of raising children and thinking they need the male to be a good provider — I guess a good discussion over a glass of wine, but maybe not a blog.

    Anyways, great to see all the new bloggers here!

  125. Kate says:

    Mmm… and if a show/newspaper reporter brings up “demeaning” or “objectification” — I guess I’d say – yeah, great ideas; we’ve been trying to smash out female narcissism and self-objectification since Simone de Beauvoir wrote “The Second Sex” 60 years ago. Vogue, Glamour, Cosmo, Elle, Maybeline, Chanel, etc. etc. haven’t gone out of business yet.

    Or “prostitution” – right, we’ve been trying to sexually liberate women for 40 years. Women still don’t like to have sexual relationships in which they don’t feel valued or appreciated.

  126. Jane says:

    To all new sbs:

    A little tip, to perhaps help you weed put some of the more weird/flakey types:

    This is what I’ve noticed – if someone’s profile name that they choose in any way reflects games or creepiness, I auto-pass. I think it’s a basic sort of psychological concept, that people have a sort of unique “fingerprint” in everything they do.

    If someone calls himself “Joker” or “CrazyDomMan” or “iGames” … (can’t think of the other weird ones I’ve run into right now!) – I don’t want to waste my time with someone who is either so creepy or flaky right off the bat. I personally don’t want to deal with someone who is so into mental gaming that they (freaking!) can’t even keep it out of their profile name!!!

    Just remember – people usually show their hand. Most people broadcast who they are without even being conscious about it. Read between the lines. It will save you time in the long run.

  127. Kate says:

    Again, also not sure if it’s cultural or biological – but women’s relational value is very much tied to their physical appearance; men’s relational value is very much tied up to their SES and occupational prestige and wealth.

    If you’re a goal-oriented young woman, you feel quite strongly the “power” of your attractiveness, but that’s completely unconnected to your professional/academic (ie. financial) “power.” At least for me, the idea of being in a full-on relationship with someone for financial benefits (ie, using my sexual power in non-commercial dating) is pretty repulsive.

    But the idea of using my sexual power in a mutually beneficial relationship, and sorta converting that sexual power into financial/professional/academic power…is very empowering.

    And working on being attractive (waxing/make-up/shopping/shaving/hair/gym memberships) and working on academic and professional goals is quite exhausting. And I think it’s the feminist in me, but spending a lot of time trying to be pretty just so a boy will find me attractive sounds is sort of immoral and narcissistic for me. At the same time, I like being sexy. I like attention!

    So…I guess doing it for something objective, rather than just attention/affection…reconciles it for me? And makes me a little less bitter about the fact that all of my mental/academic/professional pursuits are not as directly linked to marketability in dating as they are for men.

  128. Jane says:

    @Brandon Wade.

    I have to respectfully say that I agree with the people who don’t like the “new” look of the website. In my (unsolicited opinion): It doesn’t look updated. It didn’t look very good before, and it looks worse now. I agree with the Australian SD (sorry, forgot your name!) that the site looks too crazy.

    It doesn’t look professional or professionally designed. It doesn’t look modern. There is too much going on. The fonts shouldn’t be mixed, because they don’t add in a positive way, visually. Basically you took the old look and just jammed in some new visual elements, without adding any functionality or visual appeal.

    It would behoove you to completely scrap it and start new. **Get a new designer** whose portfolio look and approach is modern, sexy, elegant. Spare, striking, lush.

    If you want a professional look – drop the silly pictures. Get rid of the cheese. And get rid of the red and white color scheme. It’s silly and childish looking, base. Find one beautiful, elegant font that you love. Only use that. Same for color.

    And if you really want to modernize – think of the functionality of the site for Smartphones. It’s not very fun to use on an iPhone. It kind of sucks.

    To me, it looks like the site got designed in the 90s and was never brought forward into 2011.

  129. Kate says:

    God- I just watched the Dr. Phil clips…brutal.

    Um, if the US had laws like the UK or Canada, (IE, any private exchange between two people is fine), I think it’d be a lot easier to argue: “Difference between this and prostitution” —

    It’s the amateur vs. pro mentality. For women, it’s a lifestyle choice rather than a career. It’s not about making x amount of money, it’s about having fun. It’s not about selling something, it’s about what money represents and the kind of relationships that can be affirming…

    I don’t know if it’s a biological or cultural thing: but when a guy has sex, it’s affirming. It means that the girl really likes him. It’s so funny how many studies talk about casual sex and one-night stands and assume they’re bad for women. But if you check out why they’re bad:

    [survey study – 1700 people – one-night-stands] “The predominant negative feeling reported by women was regret at having been “used”…What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her.”


    [interview study] “…despite the fact that women are holding the sexual purse strings, they aren’t asking for much in return these days—the market “price” of sex is currently very low.”

    Does it really take a genius to connect the dots and understand why sites like SA are so appealing? Men want NSA sex. Women also want NSA sex (particularly middle-class, college-educated career-oriented and independent women who don’t want the emotional/commitment burden of marriage) but don’t want to feel used/under-appreciated/reduce their “market value.”

    Add “benefits” – especially the ability to say — this is what I think I’m “worth” — upfront, all of that goes away…along with all of the drama of mainstream, non-marriage-minded dating.

    So the diff. between this and prostitution isn’t about whether it would happen at all without the money. It wouldn’t, but that’s not really important either. It’s not coercion or financial domination…it’s basically just wanting an expression of value equal to the one you’re giving. It’s also not even about whether it’s a one-time thing or whether it’s romantic or a real relationship or just fun or just sex or emotional.

    It’s that it’s equally enjoyed by both parties (ie, the woman isn’t laying there and thinking of daisy fields or feel like she’s being violated to pay her bills…) even if it wouldn’t have been done for free.


    Considering the legal status of prostitution in the US – not sure if this is sufficient.
    No idea, but

  130. Beth says:

    Thank you! I found your blog post interesting, as well as “M”‘s comments regarding “how many SD’s actually care about their SB.”

    First – question of “Reviews” – the country I lived in, I think, did not have the same culture of reviews as America and perhaps Britain… which does change things, definitely.

    Re M’s comment about “SD care” Personally, I think this question is why I personally preferred escorting slightly over this: I am a bit skeptical about what exactly a man wants from me before he is getting “what he wants…”

    In other words, escorting was quite nice, because if a client is already getting affection/attention/sex/sweetness/consideration/genuine interest from someone, and knows he can continue to get it for a set amount, then indications that he wants something more mutual/unbounded are 99% of the time genuine. And allow me to care about him beyond as someone who wants something from me and is willing to give me money to get that (certainly not something I don’t enjoy…)

    Whereas, in sugar dating, as in mainstream dating, I think there’s a lot of posturing…I mean, can you really tell someone: “I want some fun, with someone I find attractive, when it’s convenient for me, without any obligation to the other person. Oh, and I also want this to be validating, so while I’m willing to help you out, it is also very important for me to feel as though you’re incredibly attracted to me and that I’ve swept you off your feet…”

    Which I’m not really objected to (I like fun! I like money!)…I just don’t like feeling…tricked? And there are also different boundaries which make sense in relationships with different people…so knowing that going in is important. Just tell me what you honestly want and are thinking, and I’ll then tell you whether that makes sense for me and what I want! Jeez…

    Also interesting reading through this blog – it does seem like the Sugar Dating Bowl has changed quite a bit over the past five years — maybe because the SB/SD ratio has changed? So anyways, my comments are not based on the concept, just on my own experiences here…

  131. Beth says:

    @ HereWeGoAgain re: ” I’ve noticed this – Those who put “negotiable” as their budget are johns. Maybe take that option out? And base the “budget” on cost of living, with no option lower than 2K? Because if you can not afford 2K a month, you can’t afford a sugarbaby!!!!!”

    Because…um…$1000 is two hours with a Manhattan or LA call girl. 3 hours in Chicago or Boston…

    If you are not “helping out” an SB (someone you theoretically care about) more than a random guy who doesn’t care about her and is just paying her for companionship or sex, there is a problem.

    • SD Guru says:


      Welcome to the blog and thanks for sharing your unique perspective as a former escort. Escort vs SB’s has been one of the most popular topics in the sugar world. Some people don’t see the difference, some people see it as black and white, and some understand there are many shades of grays. It’s been discussed in the blog many times in the past and you can see an example in this blog post. I’ve also written about it in my blog titled “Escort vs SB’s and the Escort Fallacy“. Take a look and let me know what you think.

  132. Beth says:


    The men, what they want objectively [of course thinking they aren’t paying for it makes a world of difference subjectively for them], their personalities, the way they look and interact…pretty much the same as high-end escort-clients.

    No, not true…most men on sugar sites enter wanting a more ongoing, longer-term relationship with a single person; most high-end escort-clients book intending on it being a one-off/indifferent.

    The difference is that men on Sugar Sites tell potential sugar babies that they want something emotionally reciprocal and more-ongoing; if she’s into it [into it, I think, is completely contextual on the SB and how much she needs money] she agrees. The SD shops around until they find something that works, settle into that. Escort clients realize after seeing someone once or twice that they really like/have an emotional/mental connection to escort x, and it becomes a regular thing.

    End of the day though in both cases, it’s really up to the man to decide how often/in what contexts/when they meet and how long the relationship lasts.

    From my end, in both contexts I’m turned off by 20% of men, like for some reason but am not attracted/drawn to on first-meeting 70%, am completely attracted/drawn to 10%.

    In escorting, was nice to/tolerated the first group, enjoyed spending time with the second group (and with those who kept seeing me, grew to be really attracted to and like), and loved the last group.

    In Sugar Dating…”no” the first group, “no” people in the second group unless explicitly talks about an allowance/financial arrangement prior to wanting something physical (one person), auto-“yes” the last group.

    Interestingly, have had longer relationships with every three of the auto-yeses. And really enjoyed one relationship with someone in the second group…

  133. HereWeGoAgain says:

    Hey Brandon (or Stephen or whoever moderates this) – my comments are meant for you anyway, so I hope you appreciate my input. The reality is: Johns use “sugardaddy” for code word for “I’m a john!”. Escorts do not throw “sugar” into their ads because they know the difference. I’ve noticed this – Those who put “negotiable” as their budget are johns. Maybe take that option out? And base the “budget” on cost of living, with no option lower than 2K? Because if you can not afford 2K a month, you can’t afford a sugarbaby!!!!!

    Or ~ explain that a budget of less than 2K is called a fwb, and let the babies decided if they want to settle for a fake daddy. Make it clear to the guys – this site is the real thing, so claiming fwb to the babies is a way of saying – not a real daddy, just looking for p4p.

  134. Beth says:

    @ Jennie – no, I’d say this and other sugar-dating sites are more a strip club (–in this case, offering something from flings to friends-with-benefits/mistress-ey relationships rather than lap dances).

    Men pay a certain amount just to enter, women [in this case] get in for free.

    The men and women communicate, flirt, negotiate, meet off-site, wala.

  135. Beth says:

    LOL to HereWeGoAgain! I seriously just spent the last five minutes cracking up. Actually, which was prefaced by twenty minutes of cracking up with a friend.

    @ NJBABY re. “If you view it as escort/prostitute-ish…it will never be more than that.If you are in this purely for the money..you will never be happy.”

    I worked as an escort (er, please don’t throw rotten tomatoes at me, worked, not WORK!) and I think I would (and everyone else I knew/know who has/does work as an escort) would 100% agree with the last bit.

    I worked oversees, it was legal; at both agencies I interviewed, having a primary source of income outside of sex work and not being in it purely for the money was a prerequisite for working with them.

    That being said, while I enjoyed one-offs, I loved relationships with several people who I saw regularly, some for over a year, exchanged emails with, talked to on the phone, told my name to, stopped charging an hourly rate with, went out to dinner and drinks with for free… I loved the relationships that became SD/SB relationships

    Which is why I joined this site.

    Having done escorting, I’m fairly skeptical.

    Yes, Mr. X, I understand that wanting to spend time with a drop-dead college-student/secretary/entry-level while on a business trip to [City Y], taking them out to eat, sleeping with them, and leave an envelope with cash in their purse to help them out; then return to your wife, job and real life in [CITY Z] and largely forget about her, unless, of course, you’re in [City Y] on business in the upcoming weeks/months and don’t have other engagements, in which case of course you’ll contact her again–is completely different in your mind from hiring an escort…umm…I don’t see the difference.

    And yes, Mr. Q, I understand that really wanting kinky sex on a fairly regular basis with a smokin’ college student/secretary/entry level who is also into kinky sex, who, of course you’re more than happy to pay rent for is, in your mind, completely different from regularly booking appointments with a professional who is good at and enjoys her job…but ummm…I don’t see the difference.

    I’ve sorta considered drawing up an options menu:

    A – Primarily want sex/certain type of sex/sex scenario, regardless of duration.
    B – Want a completely NSA, dinner-drinks-night-out-overnight; open to it turning into something more regular if you enjoy the sex/chemistry/it’s convenient for you.
    C – Want a not-just-sex relationship, sans-drama, with a specific person, for at least 4 months/8 meetings. Not sure if it’s the person who’s sitting across from you…but you’re more than happy to give it a go one/a few times and change your mind later.
    D – As above, at least 90% sure it’s the person who’s currently sitting across from you,
    E – Want a serious girlfriend.

    A&B are, in my mind, never going to be anything different from an escort-client relationship. No romance/emotions, or romance/emotions when they’re convenient for you, in my mind, = escort/client.

    C has the potential…but it certainly does suck to hear that someone wants x,y,z only to not see them again. I’d prefer that start off as an NSA thing and then let it naturally come.

    D — pretty set for the SB/SD. But then again, if you change your mind, what again are you loosing?

    Maybe D could work if the SD is willing to agree to a monthly allowance of a certain amount from the get go for a certain duration.

  136. Honey says:

    Forget Dr.Phil, who the heck is he? My car died on me today and my Sd was there to save the day. He had my r towed to my garage.I didn’t even have sex with him and he paid for the repairs,they were under $200. and this is evil how?

  137. HereWeGoAgain says:

    THIS IS REALLY WORKING! ~ (at least, so far so good): put a posting out in the escort section of backpage! (hey, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!) The internet has turned this style of dating into something it’s not. It’s time for us babies to turn it back around.

    Have your posting say: I am not a professional. I am seeking ~ONE~ sugardaddy who can fulfill ~ALL~ of my needs. (heading: Seeking Sugardaddy For Monthly Allowance).

    Then, when someone contacts you say – I will not hook up with you unless we have mutual chemistry. My allowance requirement is 3K a month.

    Also, explain that you are getting a lot of replies and only have time to meet with those who are serious about meeting your needs first. I have one who is taking me on a shopping trip for a new winter jacket on our first date and another who is funding my trip to see my kids. And these are just pots who are attempting to impress me, with the understanding that there is no hook up without mutual chemistry.

    Unfortunately, these sugar sites are full of “high class” hookers and desperate, needy little girls. That is too much competition and I do not fit into either category. Backpage is just a bunch of crackwhores and there are tons of affluent gentlemen who scan over the ads, seeking a real sugarbaby. There is no competition!

    I also posted a classy pic of a 40s pin up girl – beautiful art protraying a beautiful woman. Compare that to all the nasty skanks who are shaved and spread in your face, charging an hourly rate to everyone who is desperate enough to answer their ad. Real men like real women, and my choice of pic shows my wisdom, class, and ability to achieve my goals with the upmost discretion.

    This is hilarious, though, this internet dating thing – Sugar sites are full of hookers/johns, and the escort section of backpage is where the real pots are hanging out…..hilarious!

  138. jennie says:

    I thought pimps collected money from prostitutes. The last time I checked. all of my money was still there.

  139. New College Baby says:

    (accidental post) howdo I explain that not being in the place (emotionally or financially) to date ‘normal guys my own age’ and wanting to focus on my career and life lends itself perfectly to only seeing somebody for a specific number of hours (or days) every week (or month). Hours and days that were Pre-arranged to be and stay drama free! It’s very frustrating as a new SB to have so called friends slam my new lifestyle because they don’t agree with it. So, Beth, your argument made me feel good after a bunch of negative poop talk today. Thank you.

    How does one make other female friends in the sugar bowl?

  140. New College Baby says:

    Beth: You are being coveted for your arguments by me. Just an FYI.

    I have been arguing with somebody about what I’m doing all day; the basis of their argument is that it won’t make me happy and that I ‘deserve better’. How can I do better than a man who cares for me and genuinely wants to help take care of me and help me get my life in order? I don’t know how to ex

  141. NJBaby says:

    I think the attitude you enter into an arrangement with is what what you get out of it. I have always viewed it as with with someone fun, great at conversation and most of all, fulllll of wisdom! If you view it as escort/prostitute-ish…it will never be more than that.If you are in this purely for the money..you will never be happy.

  142. Beth says:

    College student is already attracted to Sugar Daddy occ status, wealth, intelligence.
    Doctor/lawyer/banker is attracted to college student’s aura/looks/personality.

    What are the options in the mainstream?

    1) Marriage. Which results in College student being financially, mentally, and emotionally dependent on SD for the rest of her life, in a relationship that’s always going to be quite unequal.

    2) No-Benefits short-term relationship…but then, how is that helping her reach self-sufficiency/towards a place where she could be in an equal relationship?

    3) No relationship…clearly, neither party gets something they both want.

  143. Beth says:

    ER…Brandon – Here’s a great way to put it:

    Sugar dating really is, for successful, wealthy men, intelligent men, a way to convert personal resources (occupational status, intelligence, wealth) which have high worth on the long-term-commitment-ey relationship markets, into currency on transactional/light-breezy relationship markets.

    And for young women who don’t want to be trophy wives/gold dig to convert resources (appearance, fun-ness, sense-of-humor, comfort-with-their-sexuality) which are completely worthless in non-commercial markets into personal capital (savings, education) which will allow them, eventually, to have an equal partnership with a person who has characteristics (occupational status, intelligence, wealth) they’re attracted to.

    Think of the doctor/banker/lawyer, married or unmarried-but-doesn’t-want-children-or-marriage-ever-or-quite-yet; frequently meets women/colleagues who are find him incredibly attractive, but who, if they have a romantic relationship, are thinking marriage-children.

    Think of the college student who gets tons of attention for her looks/aura/personality. Doesn’t want a serious relationship until she’s paid off student debt and is completely self-sufficient.

    This website connects those two people.

    Him helping her achieve self-sufficiency is ultimately the conversion of personal traits that make him a really appealing boyfriend/spouse into something that makes him a really appealing partner for a fling.

    She’s converting her looks/aura/personality into self-sufficiency.

  144. Amal says:

    how is a sugar daddy a pimp? a pimp gets paid from women providing sexual services. i watched your show on sugar daddies and sugar babies and the arguements that you made didnt make any sence ifyou would have said the sugar daddies are tricks that would have made a little sence. then again how can the sugar babies be prostitues unless they are exchaging sexual favors for money? your show could have been alot better if it was more organized, and your arguements would have been more educated.. but really your show was conducted by a bunch of babbling idiots and made no sence.you mean to tell me you could not have found aybody more incitefull on the situation than you did.

  145. Beth says:


    Sugar Dating starts off AS euphemised prostitution, with the intention that a sugar-dating relationship [as described above] will develop from this.

    The SB wants something, the SD wants something; if the SB likes the SD a little, and if the SD can give her what she wants, then bingo. Eventually, both parties develop mutual care, affection, attraction for the other person that transcends basic “wants” and it continues.

    I almost think it is better to just start things off as soft-prostitution: ie. with an explicit statement of “I’m attracted to you, but it’s only worthwhile for me to do this if you give me X,Y,Z;” and “I actually care about you, but It’s only worthwhile for me to help you out if we do X,Y,Z.” and “If we click, it’ll become something different.”

    But I’m quite skeptical!

  146. NewSB says:

    I just joined after watching dr Phil too! Ive heard this site somewhere else but I didnt learn as much as i did w the show. all those dating sites costs just as much to join, and I KNOW for a fact most ppl there look for income as part of their requirement.
    Dr Phil is giving this site more publicity is what hes doing..and i bet he’s getting paid for promoting. I dont see how that’s different than any “services”

  147. Beth says:

    In Line with “Hear We Go Again.”

    There is an incredibly thin line between prostitution and sugar dating and mainstream dating.

    What each should be:

    Prostitution: Men have complete control over when meetings occur, the duration of meetings, the duration of the relationship, and (if he desires) the content of meetings. In turn, women have complete control over what she demands (financially) for types and duration of meetings. While mutual care and concern for the other party can (and frequently does) develop, this is not a prerequisite.

    Sugar Dating: The relationship is based in mutual care, attraction, affection, and concern for the other party; the sugar daddy’s giving of goods (gifts, money) are not dependent on the sugar baby’s provision of services (affection, sex, etc)…and vice versa.

    In other words, what both party is giving is not being given in order to get something, but rather simply out of affection for and attraction to the other party.

    Theoretically, it’s like any “real” relationship: both parties have equal say in the frequency, duration, progression, and emotional/physical content of the relationship.

    At the same time, the “sugar daddy” can use material symbols of consideration and affection in lieu of non-material symbols (commitment, emotional support, regular meetings, etc) that circumstances (work/marriage) or preferences prevent him from giving in order to make the relationship continue. [IE, friendship with benefits relationships crash pretty quickly because the chick wants something more]

    I think the fundamental difference between prostitution and sugar dating is: both parties would still want a relationship with the other person regardless of the benefits.

    The “sugar baby” would actually want to sleep with/date the other person, and would do so for free if things were different (if she wasn’t in post-college-not-ready-for-a-serious-relationship place, if the other person were in a position to offer typical, non-material expressions of consideration and value).

    The “sugar daddy” would actually want to be friends with and help out the “baby,” is willing to “help out” to the extent he is capable, and ‘helping out’ isn’t dependent upon getting something.

  148. HereWeGoAgain says:

    Again, I feel the need to apologize for spewing negativity amoungst good people. This topic just hit a sore spot because this is the life I lead and I definitely bump my head against the reality of what internet dating has turned the sugar lifestyle into.

    ~but~ things are on the flip side! I think I have found a good one (finally!) Here’s how I made it happen ~ I posted an ad in the escort section of backpage! It said – I am not a professional. I am seeking ~ONE~ sugardaddy who can fulfill ~ALL~ of my needs. And of course I had to pick through all the responses (loser johns offering me $500 for three hours of my time, all three of those hours spent behind closed doors).

    I even met with one of these guys, with the explaination that I only hook up if there is mutual chemistry, and never at the first meeting. We met up, no chemistry, and he still offered me $1200 to go to the hotel with him. What is up with these losers?

    But enough of that negativity. I have been emailing with Patrick, who I will be meeting tomorrow. He is a very special and unique person. He is currently engaged to a pre-op, who lives in an apartment that he set up for her in the spiffy part of town.

    I really relate to those whose sexuality is considered “alternative”. I guess that is what sugar arrangements are in today’s world? That’s ridiculous to me, but mainstream dating is just a bunch of creepy sluts. I’ll take the alternative.

    So, I guess Patrick has the desire to be with a “real” woman. I’m as real as it gets. I’m 40 yrs old, popped out 4 kids, and still have a “flawless” figure. I even worked as a web cam model six months ago, and made number one cougar and number one hairy pussy on the first day.

    I’m told that I am “hot”, “attractive”, etc. by almost everyone who speaks to me. I have strangers on the street say – You have the nicest ass I’ve ever seen.

    This is not something I am bragging or bitching about. It just is what it is. But I am sure the other babies here can relate, and we all know that even though this is flattering, it does not serve us well in the long run. It is just a constant flow of disrespect, because if you accept a date it is automatically assumed that you are going to spread your legs at the end of the night, like every hottie is a slut. When are these guys going to figure it out? Just because they want to have sex with me, doesn’t mean I want to have sex with them! – blah!!!!!

    Anyway, my first date with Patrick – I told him I needed a new winter jacket, so he is going to take me shopping. And that is my advice to those screening these guys. Instead of dinner (which has no real value to real women, because we can cook it up better than the five star places that I have been to, know the employees there – they can’t cook like me!…..hehehe) ~ Ask that your pot take you shopping for a practical need! That is really what this sugar scene if for. The real sugardaddies want to impress you, show you that they have what it takes…..

    I used to next them when they suggested coffee. i was still getting a couple of dinner dates every week, but they are not real sugars. A real sugar definitely does not meet for coffee, and now my year or so of experience with this site says – dinner date? red flag!

    I have had a few successes with sugar sites, but they only resulted in two month flings. The ones who were able to woo me did so from the start – Dennis sent a limo to pick me up and take me back to his place, a nice home in a gated community with a golf course in his backyard. The date was all about golf, then a meal at the country club. Mike #1 asked me to meet him at the Ritz Carlton, then took me to their sushi bar ($1500 after tax and tip). Mike #2 sent me a ticket to meet him in South Beach…..

    Why did these arrangements only last two months? – Dennis was paying hookers in his spare time. I was just a “regular” to him. Mike #1 was married and from that experience I concluded that married sugars are not treating the mother of their kids with any respect, so how could they have respect for me, a mother of four? And Mike #2: he fell in love and offered me $1000 a week to come live with him. That’s not my style.

    So, let’s see what happens with Patrick. So far, so good. I understand that he is engaged, but this isn’t the mother of his children, or even the future mother. This is just two adults (I’m 40, he’s 47) exploring their sexuality. We are at a point in life, the kids are grown, “normal” relationships did nothing for us in the past…..I know this is probably a little weird or kinky to the conservative ones on this blog, but for me – it is the alternative types who are accepting of my lifestyle. I can walk into any gay bar and say – I’m a sugar dater! – without judgements and name calling.

    Bi-sexual men have always been my type. I am not bi, but it seems that every internet dating dude has that expectation and they are surprised to find out that I do not go there. I know you ladies have seen it – dudes with a pic of them with their gf, saying – cum join the fun!…..this is not sugar dating. This is not sugar dating. This is swinging and they need to go to a swinger’s site (duh!) Bi-sexual guys are usually not swingers (too much disease) and they tend to be in touch with their feminine side (a sign of a real man, imo). They seem to have much more respect and appreciation for women. They can obviously get their primal desires satisfied better from a male, and they are smart enough to figure that out. They like women because they can do girl stuff with us – shopping, spa trips, etc. So , I think I may have found a good one! Only time will tell…..

  149. scott says:

    Rick is shocked, SHOCKED to hear that there might be gambling on in his club and he disavows it completely.

  150. Yoli says:

    Ok…EDIT previous post! The stupid delay on the computer made ME sound stupid!! lol
    **Edit** I was waiting for them….
    **Edit**people who are willing to go on….
    **Edit** and are willing participates pretty much know…
    Okay…now I think I sound literate!!

  151. Yoli says:

    After watching the show, I saw that it was quite unfair how Dr. Phil was treating the creator of the website and the sugar babies. It was waiting for them to bring stakes, rope and fire wood out ! It was a ridiculous. It’s like this…people willing go on websites such as seekingarrangements and willing participate. So they pretty much know what they’re getting into and it’s their business!! They are grown and of sound mind and who is society to tell them they are doing wrong. In any relationship…money and sex is a given…love is an option!!!
    And that’s all I have to say about that!!

  152. The Lone Gunman says:

    Recently, a New York State Attorney General staffer was suspended for moonlighting as a dominatrix. Not so very long ago, college coeds were expelled from various universities after appearing in Playboy’s popular Girls of… series of pictorials.

    I would like to revisit the SBs who appeared on Dr Phil and find out what repercussions, if any, they have or are experiencing after outing themselves in front of a national audience.

    Is something similar in their future?


  153. New College Baby says:

    Well said!!!

    All: Thanks to your excellent and help and advice over the past week, I am off today to meet a pot SD who sounds like the gentlemen that we ladies so often hope for on here but is becoming much rarer thesedays. ^.^ I am excited and little bit nervous!! Wish me luck Sugars and I’ll tell you how fantastically (?) it went when I get back!

  154. Anna Molly says:

    Good morning everyone! I hope all of you had a great weekend!

    My week is starting off well, I have a lunch date tomorrow and I’m really looking forward to it! We haven’t spent time together for a few weeks so it will be fun! 😀

  155. ManhattanScott says:

    Congratulations on the mainstreaming of the sugar lifestyle in North America, Brandon: YOU, and you alone, made it happen.

    It’s wonderful that Dr. Phil brought the topic before his completely middle-America mainstream audience of millions upon millions. This cannot help but awaken the thinking of thousands of people to the positive potential of this approach to relationship. So the fact that the show occurred at all is altogether good, regardless of what was said on it.

    Brandon you commented “I had originally thought the show would be an intelligent discussion into the sugar lifestyle, and an opportunity for me to showcase that sugar babies were intelligent and goal-oriented ladies, while sugar daddies are respectful gentlemen.” Neither the sugar lifestyle nor anything else at the cutting-edge of social trends is ever going to receive that calm, intelligent approach in the media — and that’s ok. You want it to be like that because the alternative is “boring.” Discussions where everyone just ‘agrees’ won’t get on the air. Any and all of us who consent to an interview for any media should expect and welcome this. These are the hoops we all have to jump through if we desire to help advance the respectability of the sugar lifestyle, rather than just live it quietly, outside the media spotlight.

    I hope more SBs and SDs step up to accept this challenge. Don’t expect your interview or appearance to be easy…but do expect to be proud of yourself when it’s done. If you come to it with a few strong points in mind that you are determined to make, and then make those points calmly regardless of how others are behaving, you can emerge the victor regardless of the behavior of the host or other panelists.

  156. SouthernCharmSB says:

    HereWeGoAgain – thanks for the warm welcome! 🙂

    Midwest – Right on! I agree completely with your comments that a relationship is a two-way street. I have had my share of non-sugar relationships and I have to say that some of those have ended badly and with lots of drama. However, in my sugar relationships, the “goodbye” is always mutual and the relationship ends with both parties having enjoyed the relationship while it lasted and walking away with zero drama. In some of my “regular” relationships, there have been times where the drama comes back and bites me in the butt even years later….so for me, sugar dating is the epitome of fun and friendship – isn’t that what any strong relationship is about anyway?

    To me the main difference between sugar dating vs regular dating is that in sugar dating you know up front what you are getting into and you get to be honest about what you want in return, whereas in conventional dating the idea of “saving face” tends to cloud people’s minds and therefore the focus is more on simply impressing the other person in that moment (and then of course the “real” person comes out over time). It may seem like I’m generalizing, but frankly I believe that the reason why “sugar” is so appealing is that you get to be YOU with someone who appreciates you for being you and vice versa (something that unfortunately is not as common is regular dating or most marriages, especially if we look at the divorce rate in this country).

  157. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    NCB- I agree, but don’t unload everything at once. Give him the most important piece and go from there.

    Paul – Pros still charge by the hour…I seriously doubt sex was down the line (unless you mean in 45 minutes). How many men are going to freely admit they pay for sex / participate in an illegal activity on national television for their friends, family and law enforcement to witness?

    That message about pleasing your man can also be about pleasing your woman. There are many married SBs who are here because their men are unable to provide, abusive, sexless, etc. It does go both ways, so please be careful how you judge. It’s a break for the women as well…a chance to leave the “crap” on the doorstep and take a little “me” time because the SD provided a wonderful spa day topped off with an evening where you get to dress up, be treated like a cherished woman, enjoy the nightlife and get lost in a night of passion. Then it’s back to reality, but our stress levels are back to where it’s all a little more manageable. Sugar is definitely mutually beneficial…and far from an hour in a hotel room.

  158. New College Baby says:

    Long Time No See,

    Thank you so much and I appreciate your advice a great deal. 🙂

  159. Paul says:

    About one year ago CNBC had a program about high priced prostitution and they interviewed the guys. The main reason guys paid the women was for companionship without getting crap like they did at home. Sex was down the line. The men wanted to be with a woman, and have the woman simply try and make them happy. Sounds like this site. Perhaps a take home message for women in general, about pleasing a man

  160. LongTimeNoSee says:

    New College Baby, if he is that up front, I don’t see why you shouldn’t be equally up front and honest.

  161. New College Baby says:

    Afternoon all and Happy Sunday! I need some advice,
    A pot SD asked me in a message, “How can I help you?” that’s it. Nothing else. First message. Do I tell him exactly what I want now? Or is that too forward and not what he is asking…? This dance can be confusing.

    I’m considering just bein up front bu don’t want to scare him away if he wasn’t asking that.

  162. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Kellie – This 44 yo has had success meeting SDs here. Just stick with it and screen relentlessly. The right age seems to be 55-60.

  163. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    HWGA – The refusal to share a plate doesn’t bother me a bit. The asking to f*ck in the first hour would have him wearing that big plate of pasta I ordered!

    I didn’t watch the show as I felt it would be a complete waste of time. HOWEVER…I want’ to know where the dad gets off going after Brandon!

    Parents – Are you going to go to every frat house and tell the boys to keep their hands off your daughter or I’ll come after you? Are you going to go to every convenience store and tell them not to sell your 21 yo beer or cigarettes? NO!!! You’re going to sit down with your daughter and be a PARENT…not expect the rest of the world to be the parent to your child! You share with your daughter how you feel about online dating (or any dating)…help her to be safe…teach her tips to flag for any guy…not just sugar. Teach her to have someone to call or to leave important information about who/ what/ where/ when you will be with this stranger. You share your morals and hope she will follow. You prepare her for the world outside and set her free to make her own choices. Do NOT blame the owner of every establishment that does not suit your particular set of choices. REALLY? Granted…I believe that most (not all) 18 year-olds are not prepared for sugar in a variety of ways that range from life experiences to being of drinking age to making sound choices. I get so sick of parents who want to blame everyone else for the decisions their children make. Grrrrr.

    Enigma – Fall is here too! Steelhead and Salmon are coming to spawn…Leaves are turning…every night is a great night for a fire…PERFECT. I wish it lasted longer than winter. 🙂

  164. HereWeGoAgain says:

    @SouthernCharm ~ Welcome, and I can definitely relate!

    I am glad we are on this topic. I came here to share what happened on my Sat nite, but I do not want to come off all negative (seems I have ended up like Lisa! but I’m not here to negate all the great advice)…..I’m just going to share my experience ~

    I have had real sugars in the past. I have been on this site for close to two years. Here’s what happened on Sat (screening pot number 228 – seriously! I mean, I do not know the exact number but I screen through 2-3 a week):

    We were having dinner. I said – I’m not that hungry. Would you like to share a plate?

    He says – Oh no! Don’t be shy! I’m buying, so get whatever you want.

    (um, I said I wanted to split a plate?…..oh, I get it – He wouldn’t feel justified in trying to date rape me later, if I had refused to allow him to buy me a full meal.)

    I said – The plates are really huge. I do not feel like eating that much.

    He says – Well, you get to take what you don’t eat home with you.

    (cool ~ sex for a doggie bag!…….what a douche!)

    (And this is after conversation about me being a restaurant manager – It is my job to take free food home with me at the end of the night – duh!)

    We had dinner, a couple of drinks…..the date has lasted exactly one hour and he says – Do you want to fuck?

    I said – No, I am not a slut.

    He says – Neither am I. I just like to fuck.

    I say – That’s nice, but I do not hook up with sluts.

    He says – Well, I want to fuck. Are you coming with me or not?

    ……this routine is such a waste of time! I’m thinking that I should throw in the sugar towel and just play the stupid slut game. I’ll go to the room with the loser, allow him to rape me, then run to the cops to get a rape kit, then bring the result in to the loser’s work place. I’ll tell him – I’ll drop these charges for $$$$$…..except I can only pull this off once because if I do it every week the cops will catch on and say that I am faking rapes or something……

    So, I have another pot on Wed. I have exchan

  165. LongTimeNoSee says:

    Frozen Drinks, I agree that sugar dating is like a temporary marriage. Alternate and temporary forms of marriage do exist in the Bible believe it or not–they go by the name pilegesh (feel free to google) and even today some Orthodox Jews practice it in the United States and elsewhere. Under pressure from the “monogamous” Romans, the Jews stopped practicing pilegesh and polygamy and instead became monogamous (with religiously illegitimate mistresses) like the Romans. The same practice of temporary marriage exists in Islam and goes by the name mut’ah (beneficial) marriage in which a man and woman agree to be together for a specific duration of time and the woman received a predetermined “gift” or dower. After the time is up, they are free to part ways or to enter a new arrangement of that sort. Sadly, mut’ah also fell victim to the politicians–in that case the second caliph did not like the practice and forbade it. But it is still practiced among Shiah Muslims who consider it valid and legitimate in the eyed of God. Even the Roman Catholic Church allows polygamy believe it or not among many of its African followers. I am a fairly religious SD and to me there is nothing religiously wrong with this form of relationship.

  166. Honey says:

    Kellie, I am always the one sticking up for older,darker sb. Go look up Mati Hari ,Cleopatra were’nt no spring chicken either. Madame Pompadour was the kings fave until he was quite long in the tooth. Josephine Bonaparte was OLDER than Napoleon.
    I swear if ya’ll all lived in or around Texas, I’d show you how it’s done…sheesh,it’s easy when you know how to work it!

  167. kellie says:

    I fell in Love with a Sugardaddy it was great but got my heart broke. Also why is it harder for an older lady to get a daddy? young chicks got it made but i look very good for my age and i do get most daddy checking me out, but the problem is it seems like older women have to work harder to get the daddy? Also most daddy dont like to travel to you they want you to come to them that sucks.

  168. Teena Shepherd says:

    First I would like to say I came to this site because I watched the Dr. Phil show.
    Now I would like to say Im sorry Brandon that you had to endure what I thought was an unfair debate on this issue being there was no debate! Lynch mob could discribe it best. You are an educated person, and what I thought was upsetting is that you were there to discuss but others have preconceived thoughts that Jesus himself could not talk them out of.( Same thing going on in Politics today)
    I do wish people would open there minds, I feel that if your an adult you make your own bed. Dr. Phil preaches this, and this is why I liked him. However, when the father came out to discuss his daughter, Dr. Phil forgot his usual philosophies.I thought if I didnt want my daughter to do this, by the time she was 21 she would most certainly know my feelings, and if she chose to disregard them, well then, she is an adult who will learn from every decision she makes and who r we to take away her lessons regarding ANY issue. Secondly, you may have left the 21 year old home, she only hurt your case. The one thing about being young is you do think you know everything and they just dont. She was not prepared for the attack that fell upon her. The others held up fairly well.
    I am a 45 year old female with a 23 and 21 year old. Thru the years I have seen many different hook ups.
    The one thing that it is and always will be is “hey I like you” then “I sure would like to c u again” then if they get lucky by the third date, they try to get in your pants. When I was younger I had a date, the gentleman spent 100 dollars on me for dinner,( alot in the eighties) I, feeling this was too much, figured I owed it to him to sleep with him even thou he did not ask, I threw myself at him. Wiser now, the moral to that story is girls do alot of things, and at least with this web site they know up front. They do not have to go out with them on a second date, and last I checked (Dr.Phil) No still means no, or its rape and they should be charged as such.This works much better with a wealthy man because he is likely to be that EDUCATED person the exPA was talking about, rather than meeting a guy at a bar. There is a risk dating anyone, anywhere. As far as taking money, I laugh. If Dr. Phils wife divorced him tomorrow I can almost guarantee you she would not be dating a McDonalds employee! I will never date anyone that has less than I do, I worked to hard, this is also true of the wealthy, which is why most of us do not get a chance to date a Kennedy! It would be beneath them. That is why, with a new perspective you can see this as a great place.
    I think its admirable that the wealthy men and women on this site are willing to date outside of there usual realm. Some people like to pamper while others want to be pamperd. To each there own. I just rememberd something else about the show that I thought was very wrong. YOU CANNOT google someone and expect anything to be true! In this day and age of photo shop, you could steal anyone and turn them into something they r not. I would think the good Dr. would know this unless he never sees the cover of the National Inquire. Lots of people on Linkedin (web sit for “the Excecutives”) havent a pot to piss in, but they sure look good by having a linkedin account. And it is very much like this site for the same thing is going on there your just not up front about it.
    So teach your daughters what you want before becoming an adult or stay home because you have already lost that battle, and Dr. Phil make sure you do not pass away before your wife does, cuz my guess is that she will be dating a rich man not the guy from your local coffee house.
    P.S. I will be a member of this website as soon as I have new pictures :}

  169. Honey says:

    Steamsugar, just take it as their personal preference. I’m black have passed by those ads that have passed me by. Thank them for saving you the time. Guys that put that up there don’t know what they are missing, matter of fact, I have had guys who had that on their profile contact me! apparently I am not scary…lol!
    Are you the ones with the candles?

  170. SteamSugar aka RedMaru, It was discussed before, but I think it is just personal preference, and a lot of the Veteran Sugars on here said that black usually dates black. I am not sure as to the reasoning behind this, but I do think you have to battle that stereotype as well. I know that a couple of the ‘successful’ sugars on here are black, so you just have to find an SD that likes you for who you are and all the loveliness you can bring to the table. 🙂

    I hope that was helpful.

  171. SteamSugar aka RedMaru says:

    And apologies in advance if this has been discussed been away from blog for awhile

  172. SteamSugar aka RedMaru says:

    Happy weekend sugars!
    I had a question I’d like to pose to the blog it’d be nice if some sugar daddies would answer : I’m seeing a significant number of SD profiles that specify in the description of SB criteria NO BLACK WOMEN. As a black SB I’m just curious of the antipathy towards black SBs is it just based on what is seen in the media of black women, a personal experience that went bad or is it just a personal preference? Just asking as I seen SDs I thought I would shoot a greeting to then I see that in their description.

  173. redhotvegas says:


  174. Frozen Drinks says:

    In defense of the “prostitution” argument:
    A sugar relationship is like a temporary marriage. It’s often understood in a marriage that a man buys the woman a diamond ring, and then promises to take care of her forever. In a sugar relationship, the man takes care of the woman and lets her understand that the relationship won’t last forever. And the sugar baby never complains when the sugar daddy can’t make it curtain shopping, or whatever else he refuses to do. And the sugar daddy never complains when the sugar baby is going out with the girls for lunch instead of him some days. It’s a healthy, honest and open relationship that won’t last forever.

  175. SouthernCharmSB says:

    Hi there everyone! First time posting on the blog, but long-time reader and supporter of the blog! Hope you are prepared for my long post but I wanted to properly introduce myself 🙂

    My first experience with sugar was at 21 fresh out of college (although at the time, I have to admit that I didn’t really know it was a sugar relationship). I was working at a company where my boss was a man in his 60s, well-rounded, having traveled the world and experienced the ups and downs of having his own business. Over time, he became a mentor to me as I very much enjoyed talking and learning about his experiences. We would talk for hours about our families, hobbies, basically all the things you talk about with a great friend. I very vividly remember the day when I got my first taste of sugar. It was the end of the workweek on a Friday and I left the office and drove home feeling totally exhausted after a long week. As I parked in my driveway, I reached into my purse to grab my house keys and then noticed a white envelope that I was sure I had not placed there. When I opened it, there was $1000 in cash with a note saying “have a wonderful weekend” and signed by my boss. At that moment, I didn’t even know what to think. Having been raised by a very conservative Christian family, my first thought was that I could not possibly accept such a generous gift. Part of me wanted to cry because I didn’t really understand WHY he had given me the money (as in I hadn’t done anything outside of the scope of my job to deserve the gift) and yet another part of me wanted to scream for joy at the idea that someone (with whom I hadn’t slept with or had any sort of sexual relationship whatsoever) had given me money. It was such a mixture of emotions! Anyway, to make a long story short, after thinking it through, I decided to keep the money for several reasons, but mainly because I realized that I had nothing to be ashamed of. There was never an official arrangement, but the gifts never stopped throughout the time that I was employed there and our relationship remained strictly platonic but filled with amazing conversation and a genuine investment in each other’s lives. All in all, a FANTASTIC sugar relationship if I can say so myself!

    I have had two other long-term sugar relationships since then, but would certainly agree, like most of the people have stated on this blog, that the sugar bowl is now infested with wanna-be sugar daddies and babies. Since most of my experience has been limited to meeting sugar daddies in my everyday life, and I am now SD-less, I have resorted to SA to find my next SD. I have been reading the blog for a very long time, but became a member of the site only a few months ago and it has been quite a different experience than what I was used to….I mean, wow, I had no idea there were so many flaky, perverted, douchebag, wanna-be sugar daddies gathered in one place. Maybe that is just me being naive and inexperienced with the online sugar world, but it is one tough crowd!

    In the few months that I have been a member, I have only received a handful of e-mails and have only met with one potential SD. Although he wasn’t a total loser, the reality is that he is not a SD, he was nice and there was chemistry, but he outright stated in our first meeting that he does not believe in giving SBs monthly allowances. Ummm….then what exactly did he want? Well, it turns out he is more comfortable with a per-meeting fee…call me crazy, but THAT is not sugar dating, in my humble opinion. Our first meeting was a couple weeks ago and although we have kept in touch, I doubt I will see him again.

    Hence, my search for the perfect SD continues….I know he is out there somewhere! Then of course, he may even be reading this blog so I will take the opportunity to end this post by stating that I am an educated, smart, classy, slim, tall, brunette of European descent that loves fine dining, traveling, cuddling, eating, dancing, exercising, and so much more! 🙂

    Ciao for now sugars!

  176. Anna Molly says:

    I read somewhere that Dr. Phil had his license to practice revoked years ago.

    Hope all of you have a great weekend!

  177. Amy says:

    Oh, Brandon, I wish you hadn’t let Dr. Phil get his hands on this! That man loves to give old nebby women something to gossip about. He likes to look at the smaller parts of a big picture because that’s what his target audience sees. I really loathe that man and his TV Show.

    This website, in essence, isn’t any different than any other website out there. At least here, you know what you’re getting. When people browse dating websites, are they not looking for someone attractive, with money and/or a successful career? It’s what everyone dreams about and yearns for. SeekingArrangement allows for that kind of relationship to actually happen, regardless of commitments or temporary arrangements.

    A scenario such as sugar relationships aren’t so black and white as to be considered “prostitution”. Give me a break. It’s so subjective, just like anything else (gay marriage, abortion, capital punishment, religion). People will see only what they want to see. Everyone has their own morals and mindsets; it’s a shame. It’s certainly a shame that people concern themselves so much with the choices of others, even though it doesn’t affect their own lives. Let people live the way they want to, we only get to do it once, after all.

  178. Sparklers: Oh, and also try to pick up and read Brandon Wade’s book (of the same name as the site) Seeking Arrangement, it is very very very helpful.

    —> Blog is linked to my name on posts

  179. Well said lady in the 50/50 relationship! Huzzah!!!

    Tanya: I am happy for you… and I bit hopeful that my next SD will do the same for me. ^.^

    Honey: I would be part of your SB airport pick up service. No, joke. I am considering flying out of town (on the pot SD’s dime of course) and am worried I will get stranded as I am behind on my bills and things (and I have a F/T job), I think that would be a very lucrative and highclass business. So much so, that if I had the funds I’d go fifty fifty with you on it and talk to Mr.Wade about advertising to vetted SB’s (though don’t know how they’d do that one) on this site.

    ALL NEW SUGAR BABIES (M/F): I have started posting helpful tips (learn as you go) on my blog. Please read and if you have questions, please e-mail or post a comment. I’m callin all NEW SB’s = Sparklers. ;-P

  180. Is there a difference? says:

    Look back 1,000 years of human history. Put aside arranged marriages, what have been the roles of men and women? Men do the hunting and women look pretty and take care of the men. Hunting=Money and men use their muscles or other strengths such as power in our times currency to attract the women to take care of them. Women look pretty and sweet to take care of the men. It’s not very complicated. I think the site is what it is, people being honest about what they want. Sex? It’s not about sex. As the Op said, sex is everywhere. So if I go out to dinner and buy a woman dinner and we go back and have sex is that prostitution? If it is, oh boy because the whole world is doing it, and I want to stress the world. Anyone who buys something for someone and has sex. See it’s just ridiculous. What gets people so uptight about this subject is what this is all about in my opinion. That is, people using money or looks rather than love as primary attraction. I personally may not agree with it, had women approach me a few times for an arrangement not expecting money but asking if I had enough to support these women’s lifestyles. I didn’t think these women had my affections as their goals which is what I wanted. But that’s only me, maybe others feel the same way too. But look at what the site is about. Mutual desires. People being honest about who they are and what they want and there’s nothing wrong with that. When I see dating by the hour time to worry. Come on, Dr Phil’s show did their best to make an interesting story. It was less interesting that women are after money and men are willing to spend it. It’s just the truth, just that the men on this site know what their getting and many of the other men out there are being lied to, not all, but quite a few. So these women are called users? I think the site is great. I don’t personally use it, wouldn’t use it but there’s nothing wrong with it. If you’re going to come down on this site, better have police waiting at every restaurant waiting to arrest every woman that doesn’t pay for her part of the dinner because I know many of those couples will go back and have sex probably later that night or soon after. The term sugar daddy, is what it is, not all sugar relationships result in sex. As there maybe some to abuse the system in using wording, I expect sex 3 times a day, in exchange for $$, come on, has anyone seen this? Sugar is a way of life. No one forces the women to do it, they do, no one forces the men to pay out. Men or women sugars, all the same. I have however seen men and women use money to lure in people in desperate times, that’s completely different, and it’s just not possible that can be done on a sugar dating site since unless you’re profile is here, no ones contacting them. Like any dating site it’s all the same. Women have listed on other dating sites (non sugar sites) looking for a man well off to take care of me). How is that any different? So what about me? I’m in a 50/50% relationship where my other pays half the bills. Like I said, this site isn’t for me, but there’s nothing wrong with it.

  181. Kindred Spirit says:

    I believe it is SteamSuger who sells the candles…?

  182. Nico says:

    My SD and I spoke about this topic today (because it was on the blog) and he said he considers his wife to be a sugar baby too. He pays her credit cards every month. The only difference (and a preference) is, with me he has an established amount. LOL

  183. Nico says:

    LOL….Honey, I don’t sell candles. I vaguely remember that conversation but it wasn’t me…sorry :-/

  184. Kindred Spirit says:

    MichaelAlleycat~ I agree completely…the homepage really does look too cluttered and your eyes don’t know where to look next.

    I still hate the pictures on the homepage. To me the male one says, “Hmmm, I have money in my hands so I can BUY a hot young girl to sleep with me!” and the female one says, “Shhhh, I’m doing/attempting to do something wrong/naughty/maybe (?) illegal and I think it’s funny and sexy so I’m smiling mischievously!!” No offense to the models or the homepage designers, but the photos look retarded and can send the wrong message at first glance. It looks dirty, cheap and stereotypical of what the media wants to believe it’s about. Which is all not true, so why have stupid pictures like those to advertise the site and welcome new members? Bleh.

    1. Cut the clutter, make it simpler to maneuver and don’t overdo the focal points or else it defeats the purpose of a focal point on a homepage. Create breathing room.

    2. As MichaelAlleyCat said, keep most if not all of the fonts consistent. Too much is…too much.

    3. Change the pictures to something more enticing and pleasurable, like a couple dressed to the nines out dancing, or maybe cliche, but even silhouettes walking on a beach or something to do with travel (just examples at the top of my head). A SD holding a SB tenderly, to indicate how a SD may “take care” of her and genuinely give a crap about her as a person. If this sounds like regular dating-site pictures, well it’s still better than photos that mistakenly hint prostitution (cash in your face, a secret smile like it’s soooo wrong, etc).

    Mutually Beneficial relationships are anything but wrong! They’re BEAUTIFUL and the most honest of relationships I’ve personally ever seen. No games, no guesswork, no bullshit.
    (Ideally there’s very little if any of that, anyway!)

    Didn’t mean to post this like a rant, and Brandon if you’re reading this…guilty as charged I am one of your biggest admirers and fans for bringing this type of dating to the limelight. 🙂 Saddening how uneducated/in the dark the general public is regarding an SD/SB relationship, and my sincerest thanks to you for taking the bull by the horns by consistently giving strong, intelligent answers to another’s judging, boneheaded questions. My continued gratitude to the informative and opinionated bloggers here, too. I learn something from every one of you.

    Heh, over time my passion for understanding, learning and relating to sugar-dating and analyzing the positive dynamics keeps growing, and I couldn’t be more happy!! Goodness, I’ve never felt more at peace with my new choices, my life or myself…. ^___^ How many people can honestly say that? Hopefully many of you reading/commenting in this blog. Life’s struggles do happen, but c’mon, overall?

    Life ~ Is ~ GOOD. 😀

  185. New College Baby says:

    It seems that there are a lot of first time SD’s on this site, maybe because of Dr.Phil or maybe not, but as a new SB I want somebody with experience… so I put that as my title. Well… tell me what you think.
    Profile Number 725535 (Sugar Baby – F).

    ANybody else that would like to give me tips, please do.


  186. CultureDaddy says:

    I am not in the sugarbowl at the moment. But I lurk at the fringes of the blog occasionally, and am currently inspired to make some comments.

    @All: In my opinion P4P is not sugar. As a sugar daddy I am always keen to separate the enjoyment that I and the SB have from the financial support that I give. I would not feel comfortable feeling that I was paying for a particular “event”.

    @Publicity: I agree that all publicity can be good. And also can be painful. So let’s vow to ignore the pain and welcome anybody who hears about us as a result and is worth welcoming to the bowl.

    @Carebear: wow! long time no hear. Yes good sugar relationships do exist. I have had some great ones.

    @jennymae: any serious SD would commit to the tickets. And if he loses his nerve, you get a trip, and he gets to feel generous but safe (hiding in his bunker). Remember the cost is not the issue with a genuine SD. His confidence is not predictable, and we have to forgive those who lose it, so long as they have treated you well.

    @All: I have always raised the allowance at the first meeting – and shared a draft “contract” (not legally binding, but a good reminder of what each party expects). The whole point of sugar is honesty and plain speaking – which is not so easy in “conventional” relationships.

  187. jennielove says:

    I was watching Dr Phil today. He seems alittle uptight latley. Meybe he’s not gettin any at home. Who knows. I think he should stop ragging on Brandon Wade and creat a profile on SA. A sugar babbie may be jst what he neesd to lighten the mood.

  188. Tanya says:

    So… met my pot today, and he is perfect! He is such a gentleman and spoiled me like crazy today! We talked for a little while then immediately he took me shopping and gave me sugar for the road! He wants to meet 1-2x a week and spoil me like crazy. Also willing to wait on any intimacy, which is huge for me. No rushing here. So happy I did not settle and dismiss his messages! To all of those out there doing the screening game, it took me just over a year to find this one. Had a few others along the way. They are out there!!!

  189. karen says:

    I have actually looked and there are alot of the sites, I dont see anything wrong with them then the other dating services, actually they are better , because I would get some money or bills paid, the others sites, are garbage, I went out with men from the dating services, that wanted free sex, and me to pay for the dinner, or they wanted you to go half, thats stupid, this is the way to go.I also found many married men on the other dating services that were looking for freebies.. They actually wanted to know how many dates , before I would have sex, with them,, never was the answer, they are all cheap guys, I want men, that dont want free sex, they would pay me to be with them… I think I would be very happy, that way, I never want to marry a cheater again, and I dont want to go out with a cheater either, I would want an older singel guy, or if he is married, Pat Robertson, said, its ok , if his wife has alzhimmers, because, she wouldnt know any way. I think that oprah, boyfriend that lives with her, is in a suger baby realtionship, Oprah being the Suger Mommy, and anyone living with or married to these rich people are in a suger baby relationship. Dont kid us, we arent stupid..

  190. karen says:

    I have actually looked and there are alot of the sites, I dont see anything wrong with them then the other dating services, actually they are better , because I would get some money or bills paid, the others sites, are garbage, I went out with men from the dating services, that wanted free sex, and me to pay for the dinner, or they wanted you to go half, thats stupid, this is the way to go.I also found many married men on the other dating services that were looking for freebies.. They actually wanted to know how many dates , before I would have sex, with them,, never was the answer, they are all cheap guys, I want men, that dont want free sex, they would pay me to be with them… I think I would be very happy, that way, I never want to marry a cheater again, and I dont want to go out with a cheater either, I would want an older singel guy, or if he is married, Pat Robertson, said, its ok , if his wife has alzhimmers, because, she wouldnt know any way.

  191. karen says:

    Wow, I want to be on that site. i want some suger daddies, I have been married and divorced 3 times, all of my husbands cheated on me, and spent money on the other women.. Left me with the bills to pay from my day care job…. I was stupid, men are not faithfull, I know they arent, Dr. Phill probaly is not faithfull, they are all liars and looking for something other then their wife, they can really put on the act , but its true, all men are dogs. I would love a suger daddy and get treated better then I did, when I was married… I am 61 and still hot to trot. Dont want a committment, dont want marriage, just want a suger daddy , about 4 of them would be good.

  192. Vee says:

    I think the sugar lifestyle is a choice. As long as it does not involve minors and it is between two consenting adults, who are we to judge? I don’t agree with Dr. Phil and Sonny Hosten, it is not prostitution in the figurative sense. It could be prostitution in the legal definition sense. But that definition could be applied to other relationships between two consenting adults as well.

    I think people feel if it is a socially sanctioned relationship (i.e. marriage), somehow it is right for two consenting adults to be engaged in a mutually satisfying relationship where both individuals know what to expect and what the exchange is for the expectation.

    I’m studying to become a marriage and family therapist. The jist of my profession is about relationships. We need to be objective and really look at the essence of the sugar lifestyle and how the relationships formed are mutually beneficial and not potentially exploit one individual over another.

    This is a fascinating concept. Brandon, my hat’s off to you for being inventive creating a service that is obviously in demand. A though to ponder — how feasible would “sugar mommas” and “sugar babies who aren’t babies but are more ‘teens?'” — I guess that would ruin the whole “sugarlife” if you expand it too much.

    Anyhow, continue to do what you do. To the sugar daddies and sugar babies, live life and prosper.


  193. carebear says:

    RE Dr Phil show-

    I have one question. How much does Dr Phil pay his wife to walk down the aisle on his arm at the end of every show? I’m sure her allowance is greater than any you’ll ever find on this site.

  194. Celeste says:

    Totally unsurprised at the basic lack of respect. There are myriad ways of negotiating money and sex, and the derisive label of “prostitution” is just an artifact of a prudish culture that forgot to admit all housewives were sugar babies until the second wave feminists blew their minds. The prevailing assumptions that there must be something emotionally wrong with us if we think this is ok, or, that we are bad feminists, or, that we are all crazy goldiggers who dont’ care for our SDs, or any number of other stupid pieces of conservative claptrap make me furious. It’s okay to laugh at the squares but we really do need to be fighting the cultural battle against any kind of regulation against consenting adult behavior, and I’m glad that you all were brave enough to take that heat. Thank you, and dont’ stop fighting for the limelight.

  195. jane alice says:

    Oh my God these poor girls. These girls are so unattractive I can only imagine what the guys paying must look like. To go on national television and admit this. Hello girls most girls do this everyday of the week. Housewives do the same thing to get stuff from there husbands everyday you people didn’t invent this. A true player would never brag about it you just do it. Especially the fact that you girls are not even remotely attractive maybe one girl is the one on the end far left. There is one who is actually fat boasting about being a player it is such a joke. This is hysterical my beautiful girlfriends who all drive $60,000 cars are laughing at them. They have double chins this is to funny

  196. Honey says:

    and Nico, send me the link to your candles again, I meant to order but…

  197. Honey says:

    In Houston ,it’s going to be on the kube at 4. Dr. Phil 653 or 53 on comcast’s crappy lineup

  198. Honey says:

    Frozen drinks, it;s NOT hooking. I see ONE person at a time.Ii chose to mostly date generous guys with lots of money and who don’t mind sharing it. Is a credit card in my name something hookers get? All bills paid for If I had a kid by him would that make it better?

  199. Honey says:

    Jenneymae, That’s the way.
    I have spent WAY too much time helping strangers in airports,. I love helping people. Been thinking how I could make a business venture out of it.
    Helping people “find” the “lost” luggage, showing them directions, walking them to terminal c from terminal C.
    Translating services. I speak, spanglish, franglish, and have a clear if fast talking voice. I can say please and that you in 8 languages.I love meeting people.
    First make it volunteer, I’ll bus up a couple of foreign language speakers, Farsi, Hindi, Arabic, french, Spanish, Japanese Vietnam and Chinese, mandarin, mostly Work a four hour shift, get lunch, go home, once or twice a week, ya know?

  200. Frozen Drinks says:

    Well, honestly, it is “prostitution,” but I don’t think prostitution should be illegal. Any relationship between two people should be defined by the people in the relationship, without government interference. And professional prostitution should be legal to cut down the abuse against women in the profession. Women are prosecuted significantly more often than men for this crime, but it takes two. Imagine how outraged white collar men would be if the State Attorney’s office were forced to prosecute an EVEN number of Johns as prostitutes?

    I even read an article a few months back about a sugar baby who was blackmailing her sugar daddy. The District Attorney said he wouldn’t press charges against the Sugar Daddies, because he wanted them to feel safe to come forward in cases of extortion. That sounds like justice. But, why then do they not take the same approach for the women? Shouldn’t prostitutes, or sugar babies feel safe to step forward and report abuse and rape?

  201. Jennymae says:

    An airport pickup service for stranded SBs would be a great idea . Im sure its happened to other girls too . lol

  202. Jennymae says:

    *possibly *

  203. Jennymae says:

    Oh I realize I got EXTREMELY lucky meeting my first SD right away , and have him be so great . Ive found out since that he was an extremely rare bird , LOL. Actually now I think they are extinct . lol I guess that why Im still here trying . He cant possinly be the only one .

  204. Honey says:

    Canada, jamaica, Paris, been invited to Milan, Denmark, and Dubai, and yeah,South Africa, but that was for work…
    Now comes the hard part. I am only registered for 6 hours this sememster. Last Semester I had 18.
    I am wondering how much of my education i should/could put off for now. I am going to look into online courses, I think.
    I agree with everyone else. Screen, be a picky, warm out going prig! My Sd used to be grabby and stuff, I told some here that I had to slap his hands, several times. I stood my ground and told him no. Not many rich guys hear no and believe it. If he can’t be with you ONE day without fucking you, he’s not a sugar daddy. If YOU can’t say no and mean it, why even start.
    It was close to a month before we consummated our relationship. We had to know that we liked each other and would look out for each other.
    Maybe I should start a sugar baby airport pick up service!

  205. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    JennyMae – I’m sorry you’re running into so many flakes. Your first experience is quite different from what I’ve seen here. I joined two years ago and learned quickly that you really do have to screen relentlessly and don’t let a situation make you compromise. Hang in there sweets! He is out there!

  206. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Guru – I stand behind that sentiment, but I will always advise sugars not to fall victim to that scenario. It diminishes the quality of sugar and sets a poor standard. Why get into a mutually beneficial arrangement if you’re willing to accept P4P? Am I just too spoiled to see sugar as anything but what it was intended?

    SteamSugar – Love the new name! 🙂 I hope your writing is going well!

  207. Jennymae says:

    @ Midwest — I agree on your points ( 1,2,3,) 200% .

    And Im sure there are SBs that are flakes too or arent serious , Im just statimng that I am , and wish I could find someone that follows the same responsible , reliable , train of thought that I think this relationship should be about. I just dont think its that difficult to follow through on commitments , call me crazy. Sure life happens , but it only seems to happen the day before. and most dont even give a reason , they just say they changed their mind . Or some simply drop off the face of the earth , right before the flight . So if I call or text the morning of the flight and I dont get a response , Im not going . I took a leap of faith once , got on a plane, landed, called — no answer. in fact he never answered . and I was stuck in the airport till it was time for my return flight . 🙁

  208. SteamSugar aka RedMaru says:

    Honey! 😀 Hey you!
    Wow the places you’ve been…Houston,Costa Rica, Singapore I hope to hit those spots before I hit the 50 mark is my goal 😀

  209. Honey says:

    Yanna, thank you for the invite, but my dance card is kinda full, right now, still trying to squeeze Another trip to Costa Rica(if you could hag there for a few days, I’ll host)maybe hit Singapore again, and do at least one domestic trip..this year and learn scuba!
    Can you swing by Singpore? or Houston? I need more sugarbaby friends too.

  210. SteamSugar aka RedMaru says:

    Afternoon sugars!
    Alleycat Guru and Midwest 😀 Good to see you I missed you guys

    @MissKelli Welcome! And you are right! Im quite sure Dr. Phil has done both. I have found the the ones railing in pulpits or in talk show against so called “sin” are the ones who get caught with their pants down in the end. Just ask Bishop Eddie Long

  211. MissKelli says:

    Ive just joined AFTER WATCHING DR PHIL So Thanks man!! I happen to be an adult entertainer and i LOVE the adult industry. I just so happen to talk to HUNDREDS of men and women, yes women like to have special friends to! This is not prostitution!!! I get paid nightly on how i look and make a damn good income for it.
    Look at models…paid for their looks, men and women alike. Its about time women take control of the situation! If a man wants to make sure his*special friend is taken care of b/c he happens to care about her situation, what is wrong with that?? And Im sorry, but what?? Dr. Phil has never looked at porn or bought a playboy??? Give me a break. This is the world and how it works! I say Congrats on obviously the promotion and even more publicity of this site and lifestyle. Out of Trash talk comes a good thing. Keep up the good work!!!
    xoxo, Kels

  212. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Guru – Didn’t you hate it when your parents would say “If your friends jump off a bridge, are you going to do the same…”?

    The was only one blog SB I recall defending P4P (Honey?). If the blog represents a random sampling of the site, then perhaps the majority of SBs prefer an allowance but are not able to properly go about negotiating an allowance or something else is driving their reason for joining the site. Thus supporting my argument that the either don’t know any better or that they have an immediate need.

    I welcome any SB to list the reasons why P4P is more beneficial than an allowance. There are multiple advantages to an SD to encourage the women to accept P4P….and any good business man can influence a naive sugarbaby. Let me name a few:

    1- The man can have several sugarbabies with little investment in allowances.
    2- The man can use the P4P bait to lure a lady into intimacy and move on to the next.
    3- The man can cancel their date (where she is counting on her $200 to pay a bill) with no remorse. (yes, this can happen with a monthly allowances, but the circumstances are often different. Plus, if he has advanced the allowance, he’s less likely to cancel on a whim.)

    I could go on…but I’m sure you realize the advantages and disadvantages of P4P. Plus, it’s a liability. I liked Enigma’s idea of the middle ground where if an allowance cannot be agreed upon, then the man goes for a lower allowance with “incentive bonuses” to meet more often…but even that adds the transactional feel that men and women both tend to dislike.

  213. Michael Alleycat says:

    – it is really cluttered; too much going on
    – there are 2 or 3 different fonts on the the page – looks like a mix of Verdana and Arial
    – there are 2 different font sizes for the text body
    – the red buttons are each a different colour red – there are at least 3 different reds I can see
    – there are dark gray, light gray, blue and red buttons – what is the call to action colour?
    – the link to the Sugar Party, the Buy page ends up with Times New Roman at the bottom
    – the Terms of Use Agreement uses Times New Roman – what is the standard font and size for this site???

    I am not a UI specialist, but it just looks really messy.

    A dogs breakfast – even given a breakfast to your dog? It is generally everything thrown together in one bowl, with no care about how it looks.

    And the comment at the top of the screen once you sign in is hilarious – “If you are having problems with this new UI contact support.” The people who would be having trouble navigating are not likely to know what a UI is!! lol

    The site is looking better – it just need an integrated design approach, and it doesn’t have that. Your other sites are not that bad, but this is just a mess.

    • SD Guru says:


      Thanks for the feedback, I’m sure Brandon is taking notes! I don’t have a dog so I have no idea what a dog’s breakfast looks like. 🙂

      @Midwest SB
      I welcome any SB to list the reasons why P4P is more beneficial than an allowance…

      This is a great discussion! I don’t think there is any argument that an allowance is preferable to p4p. That’s not the issue here. The question is what are the SB’s willing to accept and why. Apparently most SB’s out there (none of them are on this blog) are willing to accept p4p for their own reasons. You listed three of those reasons which probably covered most cases, and all I’m saying is that there may be other reasons based on each SB’s unique situation. The earlier discussion on p4p I referred to can be seen here, and here, for example.

      The bottom line on this discussion is best summarized in this quote: “Just because I don’t agree with P4P simply because it gives a lady a serious disadvantage does not mean it’s not for everyone.” Guess who wrote that? 😛

  214. Yanna says:


    I could really use a fellow SB as a close friend..! I think you should (and could) convince your SD that a trip to NYC is in session. 😉

  215. Michael Alleycat says:

    Brandon – you have a typo in the moving ad top RHS of page that says

    BusinesMan Bash
    on Oct 10 –

    You have Businesman – should be Businessman

  216. Michael Alleycat says:

    Hi JennyMae – as a SD, I have had to cancel meetings at the last minute.

    About a month ago, first date with my new #1, I bought plane ticket for her, I had to cancel the day before as I got the flu. Next date, she cancelled as she ended up in ER with kidney infection. I have cancelled other dates at last minute – daughter got sick, work deals blow up and need to be fixed, I got sick, daughter’s sleepover got cancelled – all sorts of reasons.

    Not cold feet, just sometimes life happens. Unless they say it is cold feet……

  217. New SugarBaby MALE says:

    Hey guys, a little off topic but I am a college SB and I can’t seem to find any active sugar mommys in the north east. Whats the deal with that?

  218. Jennymae says:

    Also I feel the pot SD should make an offer and bring up the allowance first , however almost none do . They just ask what Im expecting . And then normally offer half .
    My first SD I met on this site , and he was actually the first guy I ever met . He was perfect , a complete gentleman . He made me an offer , I accepted , and we never discussed it again and had a great arrangement for about a year and a half . But that was about 5 years ago , and it seems like the sugar world has DEFINATELY changed .

  219. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Jennymae – I’ve met 5 potentials off the site and three became SDs. All of them were genuine and from out of state. They came from out of state to meet me. Stand your ground and be patient. They are busy, but many travel to metropolitan areas for business. All you have to do is arrange to have them meet you at that time. If they come to you, it just screens further and shows that it is unlikely they are players, fakes or stingy. Enigma is right…when you use the allowance/ ticket /hotel suggestions it will definitely be a screening tool. You are going to have to filter through a LOT of men to find the genuine guy.

  220. Enigma SD says:

    Fall is finally here where I am wooohoooo! I love fall.

    Jennymae — as Midwest suggested, it happens often. I think it is important to bring up an expected allowance range early in the discussion like 3rd email or so… that will send some of the fake SDs running but not all – the more savvy ones will string you along. If you suggest a separate hotel room booked in your name that you can confirm, that usually gets rid of the rest.

    Sorry this happened to you – it takes patience!

    • SD Guru says:

      You have major national publicity tomorrow and you serve up a dog’s breakfast on the main page. Ugh. Really?

      I’m not sure what could have provoked your response about the main page. Could you elaborate please. A dog’s breakfast… is that an Aussie saying for something yummy?? 🙂

      @Midwest SB
      Unfortunately, it is becoming the norm because either women a) don’t know any better b) are desperate or c) are hookers

      P4P is becoming the norm because there are more SB’s willing to accept it. While most of them are probably in the categories you listed, as we’ve discussed before on the blog there are certain situations where p4p may be acceptable for some SB’s who are not in those categories.

      My biggest complaint is that they just have zero respect for my time and my schedule.

      And those are the ones you need weed out through relentless screening. A mutually beneficial arrangement is based on mutual respect and that’s something you shouldn’t compromise on.

      I have a feeling though if I request that nonrefundable ticket, they might think Im the one who will flake ( which I have NEVER ever done )

      Every SB who complains about that always says she will never flake. But the sad fact is that there are SB’s who will flake.

      about 50% of pot SDs who get me a ticket , canel the day before…

      Yes some SD’s are flaky too, and with flakiness on both sides it makes finding genuine sugar that much harder. It’s possible that those who cancel the day before got cold feet, but maybe they weren’t that serious to start with.

      @Enigma SD
      she was somewhat appalled and said we aren’t spending that much for lunch ever again. I kind of grinned and knew that I wasn’t sugar dating any more lol

      I offered to take my SB shopping and she didn’t take me up on it, saying she doesn’t need anything. I guess I’m not sugar dating either. 🙂

      no offense to any stay at home moms or home makers… but if you REALLY want to get technical… isn’t that the quintessential sugar?

      Actually, no. It’s called a marriage and there are some major differences. A marriage is supposed to be a committed and monogamous relationship, where as sugar is usually NSA. More importantly, marriage is a legal contract that provides certain rights to both parties where as sugar has no legal standing. Most people don’t think about the legal and financial aspects of a marriage until they get divorced which is usually too late.

  221. Jennymae says:

    Having them come to meet me would be ideal , but if they really are that busy and thats the reason they are seeking this type of relationship , I can see why they wouldnt have time . The last guy I metioned was going to come to me , but he also expected me to be with him 24 hours a day on an insulting p4p rate . I dont have a problem coming to them , but yes , my own room and a nonrefunable ticket is a must . I have a feeling though if I request that nonrefundable ticket, they might think Im the one who will flake ( which I have NEVER ever done ) . My biggest complaint is that they just have zero respect for my time and my schedule .

  222. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Jennymae – I don’t know about how often it happens, but there are sugars who have come to the blog complaining of the same thing. This is why we STRONGLY recommend a pre-paid, non-refundable ticket and same with your own (not shared) hotel on your first travel date. If it’s your very first meet, he really should come to you. If it means waiting a month, that’s fine…he should still come to you. Cite safety and that you don’t feel comfortable traveling alone to an unfamiliar place to meet someone you don’t know. Make sense?

  223. Jennymae says:

    Thanks all . 🙂
    So I stuck to my guns , and he gives me the old ” I dont think this will work ” which I agreed it wouldnt . I asked for half the allowance when he wanted to start and the other half on our second meeting ( makes sense, we were going to see each other twice a month ) He offered an insulting escort rate . I explained to him the reason why I was asking what I was asking and be basically didnt care about anything I had to say . Whatever, next .
    Another question — has anyone else had this experience — the last minute cold feet on the part of the pot SD ? As in , we email , text, talk , send pics, on the same about everything, find a date to meet , they buy my plane ticket , then literally the day before Im supposed to get on the plane ( or sometime event the morning of ) I get an email canceling . Im not kidding — about 50% of pot SDs who get me a ticket , canel the day before . Does this happen to anyone else alot ?

  224. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Good morning sugars!!! Anyone have a little sugar for my coffee??

    Carebear!!! Come back…it’s Fall, the leaves are turning, it’s just cool enough for a sweater and Chicago misses you! Great, Excellent, Superb post BTW. You said it all.

    Michael/ Brandon – I don’t care for all the accolades in the middle, but I do like the new color scheme. It looks a little cluttered to me. I especially like the emphasis on Mutually Beneficial.

    All – There is a link to the right on a compromise to P4P. Unfortunately, it is becoming the norm because either women a) don’t know any better b) are desperate or c) are hookers. If it’s not want you’re comfortable with, then say no. You don’t have to play the games. This should be a mutually beneficial arrangement and P4P is far from mutual. If you don’t see it here, perhaps CB would be happy to find it on FB?? Lastly, I fully agree with putting that you aren’t looking for P4P early in your profile. I will go for quality over quantity anytime.

    Profiles- Read the marketing article…it’s FULL of great tips for creating an effective profile. Most importantly, change your photo order, update photos and update your text often. Weekdays tend to update quicker and Sundays tend to be big search days.

  225. jennielove says:

    I was out with my girlfriends tonight. Three songs came on that brought this conversation to mind. “No Scrub’s”, “Material Girl” and “Bill’s Bill’s Bill’s” Something very intresting happened when all three of these songs came on. Every girl in the bar started dancing. I thought this was a perfect example of how we have already excepted these sorts of relationships. Who cares if we decide to call ourselves sugar babbies and openly post this on websites. It just means that we are more open about what we want then others.

  226. carebear says:

    Sheeeeeee’s baaaaack!!!!

    So I’m up late and there’s no one left to stalk on facebook so I thought I’d check out the blog to see what ya’ll are up to these days. Glad to see the blog consists mainly of 90% sugar talk and 10% fluff vs the other way around.

    I’m happy to report all good things, with school, with personal finances, with friends and family, and very importantly, with SD. We’re going on a year here shortly, and after a scare this past week that jeapordized our future, I’m glad that everything is smooth sailing again (until the next road bump of course).

    More importantly, I miss Chicago =(

    RE the past few posts, SweetiePie et all, I agree, the publicity on the sugar world has gotten a bit old. It seems as though the media moguls have nothing more to contribute other than ‘they’re all a bunch of whores and my daughter will NEVER be on that site’, ha! I bet my parents say the same thing. The most common excuse for any participation would be “any publicity is good publicity”. While the shows may leave some of us a bit jaded, hurt, or frustrated, who knows, it may also be responsible for ‘that guy’ over in the corner of the airport lounge that caught a glimpse of the show, had never heard of the website before, but took the initiative to join after hearing about it. Wishful thinking huh.

    NJBaby, after giving the site a shot, and maybe collecting a few fails, I would suggest trying your prior method again. NYC is notorious for having sugar out lying on the streets, so if you have access to it, use it. I’ve had a small collection of victiories via upscale bars/restaurants around midtown, but alas, it would be hard for anyone to match up to my current SD. Other local girls will agree.

    NewCollegeBaby, during email corespondence, be careful not to lay it on too thick. Sometimes simple requests can get overwhelming when they’re compiled in a laundry list of needs and wants. Instead of saying, this is how I want this to work, steer the conversation in that direction piece by piece, and lead by example. Men don’t know what they want, so they need to be told.

    All others, yes the perfect sugar relationships do exist. No they don’t happen right away, no they don’t always begin as planned, yes you may have to compromise a few things on your wishlist, but who knows it may be worth it. When I stopped ‘expecting’ anything from anyone I ever met on the internet, I stopped being disappointed. And sometimes you’re pleasantly surprised =)

    Michael, I agree, and glad to see someone kept the honesty kick still going.

    Miss all my old homies, NYC SB, Muse, Midwest, Michael, Enigma, see everyone on facebook!

  227. SweetiePie says:


    I had a p4p offer back in May – it probably would have been more than I’m getting now, but I turned it down for a lot of reasons. I also had another one this time, when I re-posted my profile (I hid it for a few months.)

    My SD now – perfect gentleman. Honestly, not as much as I wanted per month, BUT, I said yes for a few reasons. I don’t “need” the sugar allowance. And I truly felt in my gut – you’ll read a lot about that here, pay attention to yours! – that if I was generous with him, he would be generous with me.
    And he has been.

    We’ve only been on (I think 3?) dates so far, but they’ve each been really great.
    He sent me my allowance ahead of time, he brought it up on our first date, and he’s followed through and been a gentleman the entire time. The dates have been from really nice to lavish. He’s given me gifts too. Nice ones. Expensive ones. Ones that I like, and that he pays attention to what I say ones.

    I was upfront with him on our first date and told him I wanted intimacy to develop naturally. He definitely takes the initiative on kissing, making out, and touching, but he backs off if I tell him that’s what I need.

    So – I do see a lot of p4p in the ads that SDs put out. But I clearly state in my profile that I don’t do p4p. I’ve gotten less e-mails, waaaay less favorites, but I’ve gotten more quality responses. I’m not getting jerks that I have to weed out, or deal with freaking pervs who want to text me about sex. (Yuck!!! (pet peeve!))

    So. Stand up for what you want. I’ve been on SA since – February? March? Something? And I only was recently able to think about REALLY entering into an arrangement, for a variety of personal reasons, though I’d been on a couple of potential meet/dates.

    You are worth no less.

  228. Michael Alleycat says:

    Brandon – just saw the new home page, and sorry but it looks horrible!!! Did you pay someone for that? It looks like your 12 year-old nephew designed it. Seriously.

    Sorry if it comes across as harsh, but it’s meant to be harsh. You have major national publicity tomorrow and you serve up a dog’s breakfast on the main page. Ugh. Really?

  229. VeteranSugarMentor says:

    New College Baby, the most likely thing is that the guy was not a real SD otherwise nothing you said should have bothered him. As for your new profile not getting enough responses, it’s hard to comment without looking at your profile. Feel free to send me your profile number or a link to your profile so I can give you my opinion.

  230. Adventurous ME says:

    Rachel: Me too… It was dis-heartening.

    NJBaby: That is what I thought/THINK a SD should be like. This guy accused me of wanting a ‘real’ relationship, when I UP FRONT stated that I don’t want one. He **says** he is an expereinced SD but I don’t feel it. -sigh-

    But, on another note: First day of a new job, AND IT WAS AWESOME. Discussed SB’s and SD’s as a hypothetical with a co-worker today, he admitted to being a male SB (only dating wealthy women) even though he didn’t say it like that. I often wonder if people are living the Sugar lifestyle and don’t know it or won’t admit it to themselves.


  231. New College Baby says:

    VeteranSugarMentor: My response to the second e-mail was to state that I had no problem with being part of the arrangement, but since he brought it up, that I felt it was ok to bring up money, at which point I asked him what his idea of a good number for my allowance would be, at what point he would be comfortable starting it, and was very straight forward with my back bills and things.

    I also stated that I had no problem taking care of my SD in every way, as long as he took care of me, and I gave him my availability, google voice (as requested by him) and asked him where I could google him (so as to make myself comfortable that he was real).

    I asked how all that sounded and he disappeared. So I guess it didn’t sound that good. lol

    I have updated my profile since then (I started a new job to help with finances and such), and haven;t gotten a lot of responses. Do you have any tips for me?


  232. Rose says:

    I agree with one of the early posts…any coverage is good coverage, because eventually people forget why they heard the name, but they will remember the name. I just checked out the site last spring after reading an article in my university’s newspaper. Then I ended up joining, and I’ve met a few great men off the site. Some not so great, but the real ones actually are out there!

  233. Duane Wong says:

    Dear Brandon Wade,

    I think that this reminds me of ‘Harold and Kumar go to White Castle’ which is a movie that makes fun of stereotypes dealing with college aged Asians and the opposite sex in America. Funny movie.


  234. Tanya says:

    Ok we need some positive here… soooooooo
    Meeting with a new pot tomorrow. Lunch and the mall, yay! I need bills taken care of but a girl could really get connected with a guy over shopping and food 😛 Chatting with a few others, hope to get a few nibbles. I have tons of free time and even more bills!

    Also, I am only 2 weeks into the fall semester and have already completed one of my finals. A- in the class, who rocks? ME! Ok enough of the excitement, but someone had to bring it to the blog!

    Will let everyone know how it goes when I get home tomorrow! If only my car wasn’t a gas guzzler.

  235. SteamSugar aka RedMaru says:

    Hey sugars chiming in before I head out
    Hey Njbaby and Jennymae
    Nice to see you come out of lurking 😀
    @Nj baby Your SD experience is the one I hope/ long to have. Like you I’m finding alot of ones full of hot air wanting P4P and or just plain cheap/or fake. Im with you all the way on not needing purses.
    @ Jennymae I feel your pain you are not alone. And no hun you are not wrong I second Njbaby its about what you are comfortable with
    Okay off to liquor store to get some drinks to wind down my boss was a jerk today and its my neighbors night to yee ha and blast the country music night

  236. NJbaby says:


    It’s all about finding what’s comfortable. Be up front about what you want. You should NEVER be pressured into ANYTHING. Some men are weird about giving money and would rather gifts or travel. I personally don’t need purses, I need to pay my bills and student loans. I’m up front about that. I’ve met a lot of pots who were full of hot air and wanted to P4P…I just say thanks, but no thanks. Never do something you aren’t 500% comfortable with

  237. Jennymae says:

    First time post , but not new to the site ……..

    Quick question — Has it been anyones else experience that pot SDs are refusing to make a monthly allowance commitment , and only offer p4p now ? Im sorry but Im just not comfortable with that . It makes me think they are only interested in a one and done . ( and it has happened) Im not asking for alot or the whole month upfront . But if a man is serious about a longterm arrangement , he shouldnt have a problem with 1/2 of the monthly gift , right? Am I wrong here? What is norm now ? Help !

  238. NJbaby says:

    Long time lurker, first time poster.

    This makes me LIVID. I had a wonderful SD for almost a year. He helped me with my (45k+) college tuition, he helped me review for classes, and even helped me write my resume for the job I now have. We weren’t even intimate until maybe 6 months in? He wanted to help me and we genuinely enjoyed eachother”s company. I guess I’m different than some…I support myself entirely. I live just outside NYC and it’s GOD DAMN expensive. I make a pittance of a salary, but I can get by. My SD moved to Napa, and I ended it to give him a chance to help someone else…though I miss him dearly. I’m on the hunt for a new one. That being said, I found my SD at Ciprianis in NYC. It was so effortless. I’ve been on my fair share of TERRIBLE dates from this site. From guys who leave me with the check (not $40, more like $350, and I only had a salad He ordered the expensive steak and wine!) to the ones who offer me hourly rates. No. Nothing is worth my dignity.

    Isn’t dating basically sugar? You are intimate with your boyfriend, he buys you a new dress….so that you’ll be intimate again. Same thing, but with more mature, emotionally grounded and well-rounded MEN. Ok, I’ll stop rambling.

    And Hi!! I’m NJbaby 🙂

  239. VeteranSugarMentor says:

    Adventurous Me, my thought is that you did the right thing. The guy may have been fun at dinner but he was a creep afterwards. You have only two choices with him–dump him (preferred) or try to make it work to something meaningful (good luck).

  240. Matteo says:

    Hey guys, a little off topic but I am a college SB and I can’t seem to find any active sugar mommys in the north east. Whats the deal with that?

  241. Honey says:

    I hate octopus hands….

  242. VeteranSugarMentor says:

    New College Baby, sounds like the guy is rather up-front if he was specific about what he offered before you met. But you also have to be up front with what you want. Then he can either rise to the occasion or the two of you can come up with a compromise accomodation that makes you both happy. How did you reply to his second email?

  243. SweetiePie- I agree wholeheartedly. 🙂

    And, I met with my pot SD… this is what I got —> http://adventuroussuggar.blogspot.com It was very long so I thought I’d direct you to it. Anybody got any thought on this??? Any tips?

  244. SweetiePie says:

    Oops – lose. It’s late and I’m tired.

  245. SweetiePie says:

    This Dr. Phil subject is so tired… really, I have more interest in watching my waistline – should I, or should I NOT go to the store and get those amazing gluten-free, but sugar-filled cookies to munch on tonight???

    Jesus. Let me be frank. I lived with my boyfriend for years, and by the end of it, the man was depositing money in my bank account when I gave him oral. TMI? Does that make me a whore, or a girlfriend who should’ve dumped her boyfriend a long time prior, and both parties understood what the other REALLY wanted, and what they were willing to give to get? Hmmm?

    Phuk. It.

    As someone else said in the comments prior – I know my worth. It’s the same as if I were a trophy wife, or a stay at home mommy-poo. Or sugarless. Only this way, I don’t have to clean up after anyone, I have a really super-nice daddy who totally frikking supports me with advice and money and prezzies and I get to enjoy someone who is nice to me.

    Daddy gets to enjoy a put-together, beautiful young woman who works out (guess I’ll skip those cookies) and who dresses well, and who shares one of his passions.

    If enjoying someone and helping them is that’s a crime, then guilty both ways. I’ve had a sugar baby too. We’re pretty awesome friends now.

    To H E double hockey sticks with Dr. Phil.

    I think the best thing would be really awesome video/podcasts with sugar babies and daddies who are willing to show their faces. With good editing and sound.
    Or – just – nothing.

    Brandon Wade, ever hear the phrase “deign to reply” ? Do not deign to reply to these people.
    Do not dignify their BS with a response. They’re just looking at their bottom lines – money and ratings.
    You’e always going to loose in front of the person who is setting up and calling the shots, who is controlling the situation, and who has a specific endgame in mind. That’s elementary.

    You must be smarter than the bear.

  246. Nico says:

    Honey ~ when where when?? What party? This is the first I’ve heard…lemme know the details. You can reach me through my FB email 🙂 Lemme know!

    TLG ~ Would love to see some dive pics! I took a roll of film (35mm underwater camera) to be developed. It is a reusable camera but looks disposable. Anyhow, the gal at Walgreens (yes, problem #1) opened the camera because she couldn’t figure out it the film had wound. Problem, she opened it in the bright lights….NOT a dark room and I then lost ALL my photos from my last dive 🙁

  247. Honey says:

    Nico, still trying to ditch the last of it. Coming to my party in the near future?

  248. Kindred Spirit says:

    @LongTimeNoSee: “…all I can say is that true gems are rare, regardless of whether you are dating in the real world, on plenty of fish, or on sugar sites. And it goes both ways. But, though rare, true gems do exist.”

    Yes yes yes yes oh YES YES YES!!!! Well said. Thank you for that statement. The epitome of what I believe, as well. ^__^

  249. The Lone Gunman says:

    Nico: I’m home in the Bunker right now, with a short Florida trip in November.

    Debating a return to Oz in December, though that may not happen.


  250. Nico says:

    Hi Beach….it has been forever!! I’m involved in a new job venture and it’s intoxicating!!! LOVING it!! It’s been like going back to school though (doing that too) AND I moved…been pretty busy but all the changes have been positive ones…some more taxing than others but definitely positive!!!

    Hello RedMaru!! 🙂 How the heck are you? I’e been back on the blog….although not very regularly. I pop in randomly, provide my invaluable opinion (LOL) and disappear again 🙂 How are you?

    TLG ~ good to see you too my friend! Are you back home or still out diving?

    WCSD ~ good to see you too. It’s nice to see familiar faces!

    Honey ~ how are you adjusting to the time zone 😉 Back to normal yet?

  251. Adventurous Me says:

    Not to say bad things and spread negativity, BUT SCREW YOU DOCTOR PHIL! I’m too smart to be called a whore or an escort, and I know my own worth. How is it being a whore if I want to be taken care of for my own time and effort instead of being used for sex, asked to pay for the meal, told to pick up the date, and at the end of it all getting nothing back?

    I sure as heck want a man who values my time and person, not just my V (or p for all you male sugar babies). So, If I’m a whore or prostitute, what do you call the girls who give it away for free and get a black eye or nothing in return???

    Rachel… I wish I could come to your party… off to meet a pot SD right now. Just wanted to vent!

  252. Honey says:


    if I’m doing the boss, I’m not filing. I have never understood those kind of ad myself. Maybe on a case by case basis. But if I’m doing the Boss,I will be doing my nails. I will be helpful, I love helping people, but I wouldn’t be filing. If it was a marketing job,
    I might play around but I don’t think one should totally mix business with pleasure.

  253. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    TLG – Dr. Phil is not known for integrity. Do you trust those numbers? My results were very close.

  254. Honey says:

    It’s the puritan aspect…
    the kids means no sugar…

    Back to My party, roasted everything, boar,beef, chicken and seafood. and LOTS of Alcohol, if alcohol id not your flavor, there will be soda

  255. The Lone Gunman says:

    Just for grins, a few minutes ago I took the survey that is connected to the topic message at Dr Phil’s and got the following current results from them:

    1) Do you think being a sugar baby is prostitution?

    54% Yes
    46% No

    2) If you could be a sugar baby and nobody would ever know, would you?

    52% Yes
    48% No

    3) Do you think it’s OK to be a sugar baby if you are using the money to pay bills, rather than afford luxuries?

    51% Yes
    49% No

    4) If someone is married, doesn’t work or have kids and are fully supported by their spouse, are they in a sugar relationship?

    35% Yes
    65% No

    The totals so far are quite eye-opening, in that there seems to be a disconnect for folks on this topic when you consider the nature of the four questions asked.


  256. Rachel says:

    Woot woot! Let me get my bikini and book a plane! Vaca in Houston w Honey! 🙂

  257. Honey says:

    Party at my house, just a little get together for sugarbabies(or would that be hooker, for the Dr. Phil people!!) only. I’m in Houston Texas My daddy has to travel and I have the country estate to myself. keys and bills and all. He’s not too smart to leave is house,car and pool keys to a hooker!. I mean He Does pay all my bills, paid for college, pay rent, get car fix, getting me a new car soon,
    And I picked him up at the airport! How many hookers do that?!! I guess they would rather see us on the street, jobless. Isn’t me being taken care of by my daddy, keeping me from stealing job away from someone who truly needs it?
    I need to talk and be round some cool, like minded people. I have a pool and all he amenities that regular people seem to like.I am inviting people from far away as dallas and austin. I’l charter a bus or send you a bus ticket. Sorry I can’t do limos, I m trying to budget here and have to watch my pennies so I can invest in more business ventures.
    But I would love to throw a party. I plan on having a babysitter there and a full time lifeguard. Anyone is welcome to sleep over and if we run out of room, I’ll rent one at a nice hotel. Some no one drives home drunk. I envision it to be a salon type of gathering….

  258. WCSD says:

    Rachel – For your consideration, do realize that YOU are taxed (as income) on your assistant job, so obviously you should be paid higher than a ‘regular’ SB because the money is now taxed. From my perspective, I would never do the assistant thing, mainly because it lines right up with a sexual harrassment case, and having that happen at my place of work, is not a risk I’m willing to take, but I do know that some SDs find this a great way to ‘hide’ the money they are giving to their SB from others.

  259. SteamSugar aka RedMaru says:

    Hey all
    Hey Rachel since you seem to be the one posting 😀
    To your rant I say here here I second the emotion Most of the women who I have worked with have engaged in a sugar relationship of some degree short to long term (some will admit some will not) whether it was for a car, rent, dinner, clothes, you name it Someone said it before Dr. Phil is a conservative Christian trying to generate contraversy. What I have noticed is more of the population is either accepting or not caring “live and let live” of the sugar relationships

  260. New College Baby says:

    Hello All!
    I am obviously new, as my name states, and I have the SA book (the couples the website) on my Kindle. I am only about halfway through, but I’ve already got a couple responses. What I am wondering here, is how to go about asking for the allowance and when. One SD was very upfront in his second email about what he is looking for, but his stated budget (though not super low) is lower than what I am looking for. It’s just a lot to take in, and I could use a ‘veteran’ SB mentor.

    Other than one creeper, the experience has been fantastic so far!

    Thanks so much, SB and SD alike!

  261. Rachel says:

    Hello all! WOW I missed a LOT!!!! First off… I want to thank everyone for the good thoughts during “Be Nice to Rachel Week”… y’all didn’t know because I poofed, but, I embarked on the beginning of a very scary cancer issue. All is good now, and so here I am… back in the saddle again! But, it was nice to see kind words from everyone when I poked around in lurk mode.

    Onto the rest…

    It’s saddening to hear that the Dr. Phil show mislead all parties involved in the taping. I can imagine how the women felt. Going there with the positive attitude that we have about the sugar world, just to be name called and overall frowned upon. However, I DO believe that a strong, confident, self-aware woman would shine most at that moment in time. I for one, stand taller speak more clearly, and become the ever sophisticated woman that I am when people try to belittle me. To anyone who thinks what I am involved in (the sugar world) is wrong… I say… have you ever paid for a date? Have you ever paid your significant other’s car payment? Have you EVER helped ANYONE in your life because they needed it?? OBVIOUSLY the answer will always be “yes”. At this point, I mention how it’s the same. We have all done this… and no offense to any stay at home moms or home makers… but if you REALLY want to get technical… isn’t that the quintessential sugar? PLEASE don’t bash me on this… my mother is a stay at home mother, and now a home-maker…. Here is my view on it….
    Mom takes care of the home, cleaning, cooking, etc to HELP her husband and make his life easier, happier, etc. In return my father pays all the bills and my mother doesn’t have to worry about it. HOW IS THAT NOT SUGAR???!!!! so, in essence… sugar has been happening since… hmmmm the old days when all women stayed home and the men worked! LOL Dang I should go to law school!

    Alright folks… my ranting is done … for now 🙂

    I will go back and read what I missed out on, but, before I do… quick question for the SB’s….
    Have you ever had the sugar “assistant” job? I’m contemplating this because I have a LOT of free time right now and I live in the tri-state area and am not afraid of having an apartment in NYC and coming home on weekends. I see some SD’s prefer to have an on payroll assistant, which has AMAZING exposure as a professional which will only boost a career… and the pay is much higher than a standard assistant because the sugar is provided in that avenue. Thoughts?

  262. Enigma SD says:

    Hi Midwest — I caught some awesome concerts this summer, and I am going to hit one more this Fall (looking around). Once you go to a great concert, you will always be addicted!

    Hi Beachgirl — long time no see — I do not have a sugar baby at this time. I chose to have an affair instead of sugar date for a change. It has its pros and cons, but I am happy so far. Interesting thing happened a few weeks ago… I met my “friend” for lunch and I spent $40 on lunch for both of us (no big deal)– she was somewhat appalled and said we aren’t spending that much for lunch ever again. I kind of grinned and knew that I wasn’t sugar dating any more lol

  263. HereWeGoAgain says:

    Another example of how the johns have turned “sugar” into code word for prostitution: go to backpage (where johns and escorts connect). The escorts post in the “escort” section, and do not use the word “sugar” (they say “donation” or “roses”, etc.) Then go to the m4w personal ads (where the johns hang out). They say – $eeking a $ugarbaby – (code for p4p, as opposed to by the hour).

    Something that happened on this site last night – got a message from someone 8 yrs YOUNGER than me, wanting to be my “daddy”, meaning he wanted to “discipline” (spank = physically abuse) me.

    I got a message from a guy (john) once: “We all know that a sugarbaby is just a glorified prostitute.”

    I have been internet dating since the late 90s. My mother and sister met their husbands through dating sites back then. Mom and sis are both overweight and not considered attractive. Sis’s husband turned out to be a mama’s boy, son of millionaires, and she was used for breeding. Once the divorce came, she lost custody of her babies. Mom was in her 50s and doing the Christian thing, so that seemed to work out for her.

    My dad hooked up with an older woman (back in the 90s), worth over 3 million. She was the cougar sugar and he was her toy. My roommate (male, retired police captain) just split up with his fiance (she cut the sex off). She owned the home and worked 24/7 to make a little over 100K a year. He sat on the couch and complained about having to walk the dog.

    Every guy I know says – I want to be Mr. Oprah…..

    Anyway, it’s always been said – All the good ones are taken.

    I feel very fortunate because I had a good man once. I am now a widow. If love like that can only happen once in a lifetime, so be it. Perhaps I will meet another Mr. Wonderful one day. I am still young and considered to be extremely attractive, intelligent, kind, hard-working. I am an awesome catch. But all of these awesome traits serve to my disadvantage when it comes to random internet dating. I come off as a stuck up snob. Can I help it that I am just out of everyone’s league? In real life, I am very down-to-earth and approachable. So I get hit on all day by guys that don’t get it – I get hit on all day! Please, do something ~anything~ to prove that you are “better” than the rest of these joe schmoes – argh!

    I went on a date Monday night, with a pot I met online. He creeped all over me, touching me, offering me 1K to go back to his room with him. I had made it clear before we met – I am seeking a real sugardaddy, someone with experience in pampering and spoiling his lady friends, and that I would only hook up if there was MUTUAL chemistry. The guy did NOTHING to impress me. He couldn’t even come up with a $12 pair of earrings from Kohl’s or a block of Amish cheese, flowers, chocolate – something! I am a potential sugarbaby – that means: pour some sugar on me, duh!

    Anyway, off to another busy work week (I go wed-sun, restaurant manager). I know this blog has dwindled down to being a place to vent my frustrations, with no time to connect and chat, and I apologize for that. I hope my rantings are not considered abusive. I apologize if anyone takes it the wrong way. Take care, everyone, and have a great week. : )

  264. Arcadia SB says:

    Honestly for me, because of the “stigma” I generally don’t tell people I’m meeting someone from this site specifically (though I haven’t had a date in a while, too much moving around, and I always seem to live in “sugar-free” areas). I just say I’m going on a date with someone I met on an online dating site and don’t say which one. Because there is that stigma. I’m known with my friends as having a taste for somewhat older (or a lot older) men, and often times I’ve been in better financial shape than they were. After getting tired of that I figured I’d try sugar dating, so at least I knew I wasn’t going to pay for every date 😉 This site (after weeding through, like with any dating site) has the type of men I’m attracted to…so it makes sense for me to be on here.

    Plus all the blog commenters are so great! I love all the conversations and education I get from commenting (or lurking) on here!

  265. jennielove says:

    It makes me sad to see the negitive poblicity surrounding the site. I have used the site for alittle over a year, I feel that a sb/sd relationship is something that should not be judged unless you have been an active sd/sb. Every relationship has been diffrent for me. Howeaver, one thing has always been the same. All of my sd’s have always seemed to treat me with more respect then I had seen in any other relationship. Having my doors opened and my chairs pulled out is something that I had never expirenced before I signed up for a sd dating site.
    I have put much thought into financial aspect of the site. If you truly care about someone and have the means to help them out, then you dont mind doing it for them. The site does work well when the right people connect.

  266. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!
    Nice to see so many familiar faces still around 😀

    RedMaru~ hey girl!!! I agree he, LongTimeNoSee, does sound like an ideal SD

    LongTimeNoSee~ Nice to see that are other gentlemen out there. It is so rare to find. Like trying to find a needle in a hay stack

    Midwest~ Glad to see things are still going great for you !!!! YAY on seeing a concert!
    I just saw a few plays and the Cirque du Soleil.More to come. I can’t wait, it’s so nice to enjoy some free time… School finished for me last Thursday YAY…. now the real work begins and i’m very excited and pumped for it! so many new things happening, very happy
    Would be happier with a SD and an allowance, but still very happy…

    Enigma~ nice to see you again, are you with a SB now? How have you been?

    Nico~ Haven’t talked to you in ages… we will need to catch up soon 😀

    LASB~ did you ever make it to Japan? With the devastation that happened maybe you are waiting? I am way too curious lol 😀 How have you been? I can’t wait to head back to LA, we need to hang when I’m there!!!

    If I missed anyone, sorry, I read this scroll in part and can’t remember all that was said, So Waving to everyone

  267. HereWeGoAgain says:

    Brandon – I apologize for my pissy attitude. I just got a sense for your frustrations and wanted to let you know that I can relate. But we all know exactly what is going on here. Statistically, only .25% of the female population prostitutes themselves, while over 60% of the male population admits to having paid for sex (being a john), yet your site gives strict warnings to the escorts and no regulations on the johns. Johns are the ones who are paying for profiles here, so that is how you make your money (and I applaud you for that – in fact, I followed your example and hustled a few losers myself).

    That’s the deal, in the real world – a large percent of hookers end up in jail, but probably less than one percent of the johns. I would also be willing to bet that 99% of lawyers, cops, politicians, etc. (those who feel they are above the law) are johns.

    We can’t change the world. It’s always going to be the woman’s fault (in every situation) and “boys will be boys”. I mean, Jerry Springer got caught with a hooker. So he made a talk show and gained tremendous popularity. The major of DC got caught, too. Then he got re-elected. I can not name one female who has a similar story. The only example I can give is that Monica Lewinsky had to move to England after that scandal. And she was just an innocent intern!

    They say it’s a man’s world. I beck to differ. It’s a stupid little boy’s world, imo.

  268. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Texassugah – “Chill” 🙂 Well said! There are decent guys around….many on the blog. They just spend more time doing and less time posting.

    As for the intros…it’s a mixed bag. The meets are challenging because so many are careful to protect their privacy and are hesitant to introduce any new people to the group. The meets I’ve attended have been very small and personal where everyone is accountable to maintain privacy. We didn’t introduce anyone new within the meets…at least not intentionally. I remember once in TO, a lady showed up asking tons of personal questions. It made everyone uneasy and a few of us decided to “interview” her instead. I’m not saying you would risk anyone’s privacy, but you may find less “takers” on the introductions. There are plenty of the more personal matchmaking services on the market these days…just look at the ads in the airline magazines. Hopefully, you’re onto something that might create a more selective clientele. That said, I do question whether advertising your intentions here is the most ethical approach. It’s just business…I know.

    If it’s an SA party, then it’s a completely different story. The ones who attend those meets aren’t as concerned about their privacy.

  269. LongTimeNoSee says:

    HereWeGoAgain, all I can say is that true gems are rare, regardless of whether you are dating in the real world, on plenty of fish, or on sugar sites. And it goes both ways. But, though rare, true gems do exist.

  270. Confused says:

    Herwwegoagain- thanks for telling it like it is. And I agree about the Guru.

  271. TexaSugah says:

    Ok so…. In light of the real men topic and that I posted on a dying board…

    I’ll try this again.

    Hi all…

    I have mentioned a kind of Sugar matchmaking in the past with no takers. Since I’m not stingy and believe there’s more than enough sugar for all.. ..

    I have a regular contributor to my blog and twitter who is looking for a sugar in the NYC/NJ area. Sure he looks online but he kinda wants a person who “knows” someone.

    Are there any sugars who are regular contributors in that area? He would like to email and then move on from there. I’d talk with him but my life just doesn’t allow for long distance sugars.

    I am also going to tell him about the Sugar meetups that seem to all be in that area.

    Here we go.. Yes, I couldn’t care less if they discussed sugar dating all day and night. It’s just over done and… Tired. But there are some decent guys around. All this media has brought out men who really are clueless about having a mistress and women who are crass too.

    There will, I’m sure, become another way to meet sugars that rises above this. And this site, as well as others, will slip. The wealthy will always seek to find a more personalized way to meet their needs while others follow in the footprints they have left.

    It’s a numbers game sweetheart. Chill.

  272. HereWeGoAgain says:

    What do you think of the media’s coverage of “Sugar Babies” lately?

    I don’t watch TV. I live in the real world, where people like Dr Phil are mocked for being morons.

    What are some of the positives of being a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby?

    When I was with my sweetheart, all of my needs were meet. I felt cherished, like a real woman, which caused me to have multiple orgasms every time. If my man is not a real man, the sex is lame, so why bother?

    If you had to defend the sugar lifestyle to those who say this is just “prostitution”, what would you say to them?

    Hookers make an hourly rate (duh!)…..A real man takes care of his lady.

    ……as for me – I have been dating on sugar sites for the last couple of years. I am attracted to older, successful, generous gentlemen – real men! – and not the losers on plenty of fish. In fact, I got banned from pof because they accused me of prostitution.

    However, in the past couple of years that I have used these sugar sites, I have come to this conclusion – still no real men, just a bunch of loser johns.

    So, I’ve stopped dating. Real men just do not exist, imo. This blog proves it – a bunch of women. Where are the men (besides Brandon)? I know the “guru” is going to pop up and tell us to check out his blog or whatever, but again – all these blogs are doing is re-enforcing that these sites only have posers and not real men. I don’t mean to single anyone out or call names. I’m just keeping it real.

  273. Stormcat says:

    NYCSB ~ You’ve been MIA here lately? Did your id become franchised or simply usurped? In any case and for what it’s worth, I L you!

  274. NYC SB says:

    Aww mistress! Sending you tons of love… You were missed at the second annual sugar labor day weekend!!!

  275. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Enigma – Great questions! 🙂 BTW – Took my gentleman to the first concert he’s gotten to choose…he’s now hooked on going to concerts!!!

  276. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Evening sugars!

    Has anyone bothered to Google Dr. Phil? He has had his fair share of bad publicity and career challenges. It makes one wonder if he is above having (or has already had) an SB.

    LASB – I’m with you. It would be nice if they would educate these girls on being careful with online dating in general. There seem to have been plenty of warnings (including the Craigslist movie) but the girls keep making the same mistakes. KNOW what you’re getting into BEFORE, not after you move forward!

    Brandon – I love the idea of upgrading the homepage. Perhaps you can even include a page direct to the blog for the new members once they complete their profile or each time they submit an upgrade (with an opt out/ turn off feature). The blog is an asset to the site and could continue to be one of the valuable resources. I don’t know of anyone who has lurked/ read/ participated and regretted it (except a troll or two).

    What do you think of the media’s coverage of “Sugar Babies” lately? Fortunately my friends and family feel the media is as much of a waste as I do. I realize the attention does attract more people to the site, but is that a good thing or does it at some point become a liability. I’ll let Brandon be the judge. My BFF has met one of my SDs and she has heard many of the details about arrangements. Although she doesn’t endorse it, she also doesn’t see anything wrong. My mother, on the other hand, understands the reality that mistresses/ courtesans, etc have been around for a very long time. She actually was disappointed when I opted to get out of the sugar bowl.

    What are some of the positives of being a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby? My biggest advantage has been the friendships and support I’ve received from both SBs and SDs. I’ve gotten back in school with a graduation in sight…managed to use my sugar to pay the bills while laid off…have amazing people to help network for the next phase…received assistance during the job search…enjoy the occasional Chicago get-togethers and best of all have the most amazing mistress EVER!!!

    If you had to defend the sugar lifestyle to those who say this is just “prostitution”, what would you say to them? Someday you might just be lucky enough to understand. I don’t have to answer to anyone.

  277. LongTimeNoSee says:

    Thank you SteamSugar, that’s very sweet of you to say.

    All this media attention reminds me that a couple of years ago I think it was 20/20 that had a thing on sugar dating. I happened to be at my SB’s place at the time and they had some “expert” asserting that being an SB is like being a “slave” because they do not have control over their own bodies. We couldn’t help but laugh. Obviously this expert has no expertise whatsoever. Anyone who thinks that my SBs are like slaves or do not have control over their sex lives is simply delusional.

  278. Brandon Wade says:

    No. It was a sugar daddy who was featured on Dr. Phil a few years ago, but not a specific website.

  279. Cali SB says:

    I’m sorry, if I’m not mistaken, wasn’t SA.com featured on Dr. Phil almost 3 years ago as well??

  280. Brandon Wade says:


    FYI, (Wall Street Party Animal) has been deleted off the site. There are already way too many predators in the world we live in, and I do agree it is time to clear them off our website.


  281. LASB says:

    Ok, did Brandon really think Dr Phil was going to put a positive or neutral light on it? He is a very conservative Christian with a show that has a very sensationalist format. But hey, there’s no such thing as bad press and I’m sure he knew that too. I’m sure it will help the sign ups, regardless of what is said.

    And even though the site may not allow prostitution, it does have a number of predators that continue/d to use the site after it’s members complained. (Eg. Wall Street Party Animal.) I understand why you don’t want to kick someone who is paying monthly fees, but navigating through the sugar world is not without risk.

    In terms of what I think about the media’s coverage, rather than focusing on whether it it sex for money– that topic is getting so old already–it would be nice if the media addressed the risks. Well, I guess that’s what the blog is for. 🙂

    Enigma – those are great questions.

  282. SteamSugar aka RedMaru says:

    Hey I’m back for a quickie
    LongTimeNoSee you represent exactly what I want my dream/ideal SD to be!

  283. LongTimeNoSee says:

    What do you think of the media’s coverage of “Sugar Babies” lately?

    I honestly don’t care about the media’s coverage of something they don’t understand. I can guarantee you that noone who has seen me and my SB together consider it prostitution–neither my guy friends nor my girl friends. The media has to sensetionalize something that they have no concrete grasp of. It’s somehow easy to understand prostitution, but a sugar relationship is for some reason something they can’t understand. My first SB I met IRL. I was in love with her at first sight and all I wanted to do was to take care of her financially and be her mentor professionally. Weeks later we ended up in bed. I was actually the hesitant one because I was loyally married at the time. And there was never any quid pro quo in our relationship–we both did our best to keep the other happy. My current SB I met after she had a very bad relationship that, without getting into details, interfered with her school and her financial situation. And now she is on a solid track in both respects and her life seems just so happy and stable now that the transition has been a joy for me to watch. The media needs to show stories that would make everyone envious. Instead, they go for stories that make people cringe.

    What are some of the positives of being a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby?

    For me, the positives are many. Being a positive factor in someone’s life, supporting someone through a tough time, making a new friend or even best friend, and yes, sex too. Having an SB tell me, even after we’ve ended things for a while, that I was an angel in their life is priceless. Unlike what people think, I’m not exploiting girls, but seeking a complete relationship in which two people are made quite happy and two lives are much improved.

    If you had to defend the sugar lifestyle to those who say this is just “prostitution”, what would you say to them?

    Well, just come and see my and my SB together or talk to my previous SBs and see if anyone thinks these relationshps are prostitution. People may have a hard time understanding that I truly enjoy taking care of my SBs financially, just like they may not understand why a young attractive woman would want to sleep with a married man. But in my own experience, my SBs truly liked me as a person and were physically attracted to me and enjoyed the sexual aspect of the relationship, and taking care of them financially was a pleasure for me.

  284. Enigma SD says:

    Hello all – I know this is off-topic but Midwest (I believe) suggested some screening questions for SDs or questions to add to the profile. I believe SG2 said we needed some for the SBs so here is my shot…

    1) What is the maximum age of the SD you will consider dating?
    2) Will you consider dating a married man?
    3) Are you available for travel?
    4) Will you be intimate a) on the first date, b) by the third date, c) never but I will string you along until you figure it out or your bank account is empty, whichever comes first.

    Remember Brandon, in the PR world, any exposure is eventually good exposure because people forget why the name came up!

  285. SteamSugar aka RedMaru says:

    Hey Nico 😀 Missed ya

  286. Nico says:

    I saw this on a dear friends blog ~ credit for the comment is due to her but I feel it fits in this situation. “It doesn’t matter what you’re called. It only matters what you answer to.”

    Brandon is right…media is all about ratings (this ‘type’ of media anyway). It’s unfortunate that people are unwilling to listen but most people are not going to change their minds regardless of the type of light because they’re too concerned about being judged themselves. I know that I enjoy what I do and I can live with the consequences of my actions….therefore, for me, I know this decision is a good one.

    Good week for me 🙂 Very happy with all the positive changes in my life! Have a great week all!!

  287. SteamSugar aka RedMaru says:

    Morning sugars just chiming before I begin work. Having seen the post….I’m not surprised. That’s prime time TV whether its reality, talk show whatever. Did you really think they were going to show the positive side of SD/SB dating? I.E. Tyra, MTV True Life, etc. Eh I’ve gotten used to by now where SD/SB relationships are going to be attempted cast in the most contraversial almost negative light as possible despite it being shown by the few positive docs that most people are open minded to them with a live and let live attitude. Why? Stigma and ratings. There is always that group of people that feels they know whats best for the rest of the population even if they have to force it on them and for them this will never be right. Then there are the top media execs not interested in the truth but to make money through ratings and if it means false propaganda…hey whatever sells. So in short Dr. Phil self help talk show turning Mutually beneficial relationships into prostitution I expected better of Dr. Phil but I’m not surprised.
    Ok monologue over…sorry folks(sheepish smile)

  288. Kindred Spirit says:

    Oops, the Cheers to Brandon posted twice. Oh well, it’s nearly 4 AM so what can I say? *Blush*

  289. Kindred Spirit says:

    Second, yo! 😉

    Just kidding around. Couldn’t sleep so here I am! Very much looking forward to seeing the Dr. Phil show regarding sugar-dating and SA.com…. My heart sinks a little after reading Brandon’s post that the show may not be what he (and now I) envisioned. Here’s hoping, though…

    I’m more looking forward to Brandon Wade’s revamp of the homepage, as I’ve always thought it looked cheesy, misleading and silly (sorry, but I hate the female picture with the finger to her smiling lips like she’s engaging in something wrong/naughty/secret. Looks demeaning, imo). I’d definitely appreciate a more educated/intelligent approach with the homepage, as first impressions really do matter when anyone first takes a peek at the site.

    Personally, after I read the book by Brandon, I was excited to join the website and become a new member! When I first clicked on the homepage, however, I wondered if I was even in the right place. Let’s just say I got a different vibe coming from the homepage vs. the book. Of course once I got over my initial, new-found uncertainty and nervousness, I fell in love with the site, blog, and everything it’s really about. 😀 I’ve been lucky to have met several amazing, interesting and intelligent men off of it, too (yep, I promise they’re really out there!).

    Anyway, I regularly defend the site, or rather, kindly educate men who are new at it on SA or are considering this type of dating (I’ve gotten questions from men on “What’s Your Price”). Maybe sometime I’ll post examples; at this moment I’m back to bed for some more beauty sleep! 🙂

    Cheers to Brandon and the blog administrators~ keep up the excellent work!

    Cheers to Brandon!!

  290. Belle Sugarbaby says:

    I wonder what sorts of girls they brought on the show this time. On TYRA, they had a complete airhead in the spotlight.

  291. SA Moderator Team says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!