8 years ago
The Modern Day Princess & Prince


In the last blog post, I introduced all of you to Jennifer, our new PR assistant.  I also mentioned that while I was interviewing her for the position, one of the things that got me really excited about her was an article she wrote as part of her interviewing process, justifying why SeekingArrangement.com is a wonderful service.  I also promised to share with all of you what she wrote.

So here it is, Jennifer’s article on why she thinks a Sugar Baby is the modern day Princess in search of her Prince:

So, you want a Sugar Daddy? But it just sounds SO dirty, right? The thought of having someone pay your bills and spoil you with money and gifts in exchange for – various methods of affection, sounds kind of off-putting (or awesome?). But it’s not for everyone, and you may have a hard time explaining the concept to people who find any unconventional relationship – shameful.

But if you think about it, every girl has that moment, where they fantasize about having a Sugar Daddy. You wander through Walmart, scoffing at the selection of goods available in your price range, wishing you had some wealthy benefactor to keep your closet filled with Loubies, or maybe just provide a more sustainable diet than Ramen noodles while you finish college. Then, you’ll probably laugh it off as an unattainable fantasy, an impossibility that never really happens in real life. I mean, you probably thought your prince would come someday too, right? But he still isn’t here, and you’re still stuck with student loans that you will spend decades paying back.  Because unless your name is Kate Middleton, then becoming a princess really is well, just a fairy tale.

So you chalk it up to a childhood fantasy, planted by Disney, and then you move on with your mediocre life. Eventually, that little girl grows up and somewhere along the line she gets burned. You learn not to rest your dreams upon the illusions of your childhood, and begin to start searching for something, more realistic. But what if you didn’t have to give up that fairy tale?

There may not be enough members of the royal family to go around, but princes do come in other forms, like a dapper trust fund baby or a hardworking, successful business man. Prince Charming doesn’t even always come in the biggest package with the bright red bow, even the Beast turned out to be a pleasant and yes, wealthy man. Believe it or not, those “Sugar Daddies” you once had a fleeting thought about and the prince of your childhood – could be one in the same. You just have to alter your fairy tale a bit.

Most girls give up on their fairy tale entirely, but this isn’t necessary. Why settle for mediocrity when you can have everything you want? There is a place where princes are looking for girls to spoil, modern day knights in shining armor looking for a pretty girl to wear on his arm. A place where a wannabe princess can find a modern day prince: a wealthy business man or successful entrepreneur, who is looking for a beautiful girl to turn into his princess.

SeekingArrangement.com brings the 1% to the 99%, the top tier of dashing suitors, to the masses of disgruntled and unsatisfied women. Our sugar babies define their perfect relationship including the benefits they wish to receive, and BOOM—they are matched with someone who is willing to help make their fairy tale come true.  Will you fall in love with your sugar daddy and live happily ever after? Maybe, maybe not – but it certainly does happen.

You will find that our Sugar Daddies are willing to provide you the lifestyle you desire in exchange for exactly whatever you are willing to give. It may not be the fairy tale you originally envisioned but you know, it’s actually pretty close. Let’s face it, by now you have probably been with many “frogs” who did not keep up with their end of the bargain. Why not find a relationship that isn’t one sided?  Why not date someone that actually has the means to take care of you?

Not all sugar babies fall in love and live happily ever after, but many find that they can have the relationships they want, or find an arrangement that works for them. Seeking Arrangement provides the means to find those kinds of relationships. The Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies on Seeking Arrangement know exactly what they want out of a relationship and come here to find someone who is looking to provide it. If you’re tired of kissing frogs and ready to upgrade to a prince who is waiting to take over the reins, the sugar baby lifestyle may be for you.

Some Sugar Babies are just looking for a business partner, others just want to sit in the lap of luxury, and are willing to do anything in order to fund their lavish tastes. Others are looking for love, or at least companionship, and they have high expectations that are rarely met in a typical relationship. Every member of Seeking Arrangement has different expectations, but most find that they can get exactly what they were looking for; if they throw out the conventional fairy tale in lieu of a new one.

What do you think of Jennifer’s essay?

Are there any specific points you agree or disagree with?

Questions for the sugar babies:

Do you think the Disney princess meet prince fairy tales had any impact in your life?

Did you grow up dreaming of becoming a princess or finding your prince?

Leave a Reply

174 Responses to “The Modern Day Princess & Prince”

  1. Anna Molly says:

    Unfortunately there are no guarantees in this world. It may happen no matter what you do! Screening is so important. I would suggest reposting this on the newest blog topic (there’s more action over there…lol) I’m sure you’ll get more input. I would check out SDGuru’s blog too, he knows everything…haha. 😀

  2. Anna Molly says:

    Michael – I’m so sorry that happened. You could do that, sure, why not! It all depends on what both parties are comfortable with. 🙂

    Good luck!

  3. Michael says:

    Many SB’s post a number that they feel is suitable for an allowance. Recently I met a SB and did agree with the number and paid it. After that one meeting, she disappeared.
    How do you know that will not happen again and should a SD divide the request by 4 to feel safe that it will not happen again?

  4. Daniel de Culla says:

    Brilliant¡ Breathtakingly vivid pics and beautifully Words.

  5. Va Gentleman says:

    Happy New Year everyone !

    @Ldn ” Are there any real sugar daddy on this site” ?

    Absolutely !

    There are probably a lot more poseurs and fakes than real SDs , but we are here . From a Pot SD’s pov it is also difficult to get a response from the miriad of fakes for us too . All you can do is to keep trying ,screen the fakes out , and some day your prince /daddy will come .

    I found my awesome SB after multiple rejections and non responders . So Real Sugar is out there . Don’t get discouraged .

  6. Ldn says:

    Are there any real sugar daddy on this site, non have responded, I hope this site is NOT a scam ?

  7. Jenny says:

    Can’t believe I didn’t find this blog until now! Are any of you other SBs having problems with EVERYONE who contacts you being a fraud/scammer/jerkwhowantsafreebj ? I have been on this site for a year and have only met one REAL SD. We had a nice arrangement for a few months, but then parted amicably after he decided he wanted a “real” relationship…I know I do not want to be married right now. Anyway, I just want to find another arrangement and I am frustrated with having no luck on the site lately. I’m an awesome sugar baby with lots of sugar just waiting for the right daddy! (LOL)Anyone have any insight?

  8. EnglishRose says:

    No problem 🙂 And if you don’t feel comfortable travelling to him then -don’t-. And make it clear. If he’s serious about you he’ll come to you, and if not then you’ll find someone better suited! I hope it all goes well! Let us know!

    What do you want to know? It pretty much works as you see it! Topics are posted on a fairly regular basis and people from the site discuss the topic amongst themselves. There’s an archive of previous topics to the right ———>
    And there’s lots of useful advice in there so if you’re a newbie it’s worth a read!
    If you need any more help which you can’t find in the archives then send out a comment on a new topic (this one is old now)

    Going out for dinner & inviting you to his is all well & good but I’m a little worried there hasn’t been a clear discussion about an arrangement yet. He might have perfectly good intentions but just hasn’t brought it up yet or he might be leading you on. You really don’t want to be wasting your valuable time on a man who doesn’t mean to take an arrangement seriously. Sadly it happens far too often. Get the details discussed asap. Speak about what you want & expect and what he is willing to give (and also what he wants and expects too!) if he won’t talk about it or he suddenly goes off the radar then you know he was a dud. And if he doesn’t then – arrangement sorted! 🙂

  9. Lauryn says:

    Thank you EVERYONE for the advice, lots of really great points. I wish I read the blog before I started the messaging process, I think I have some really good advice for when I pursue the next one.

    So, dinner went well. He ordered everything for me, la la la.. I was [hoping] we’d talk about an arrangement but nothing.. he walked me to my car, kissed me, and then asked if he could sit in my car and talk, i told him no because my car was messy (i wasnt planning for anyone to get in it) so said “i want to propose something to you” i was getting anxious/excited that it would be a proposed arrangement, and then he’s like “if you want, i’m leaving for xmas on weds, id like for you to come over tuesday, we can have dinner and watch mad men” …. i told him in a flirty way that i’d think about it, but knew I would not be able to (family in town for holiday). anyway he texted me later and said “i hope i see you tuesday…” (Tuesday is also his bday)

    i told him tuesday wouldn’t work, i still have lots of holiday shopping to do and my brother is coming in town etc, he said “ok” and then later said “well elt me know if you would like to hang out after the holidays. i would :)”

    So, I think my next step is to text him tomorrow on his birthday and maybe start a text convo about where he sees this going..

  10. liz says:

    i’m new i really want to know how these works the whole blog thing

  11. SouthernCharmSB says:

    Thank you, EnglishRose! He already gave me access to his private photos and wants to communicate via email off the site so we’ll see how it goes. I know for sure that I would not be comfortable traveling to see him the first few dates so I’ll see what I find out and whether it works for both of us. Keeping my fingers crossed! 🙂

  12. EnglishRose says:

    Living in England I have to constantly screen & consider pots. from other countries. The only difference is extra caution when it comes to the first meet (and maybe second) if he is coming to your country then do what you would normally – meet in a public place. If he is inviting you to his country (some SB’s refuse to do this for first meets) then you MUST insure he has got you a return ticket. If there’s a problem then, in my expierence, most airlines will move your return flight up so you can go home early. Also make sure there is clear understanding between you and what his expectations might be for say, a week long stay.

    I personally have no problem with SD’s from other countries. If he, or you, are willing to do the travelling. It usually works out well when the SD regularly comes to your city.

    I think honestly though, with this sort of thing it all depends on your unique situation. You just need to have open communication with what kind of arrangement the both of you would like, and, what’s actually do able!

    Hope it all goes well, let us know!

  13. SouthernCharmSB says:

    SG2 – I’m in California 🙂

  14. Sharon says:

    Im a new SB and havent had a yet but im open and looking forward to meeting my SD. Im feeling excited about it. However this is new to me and Im hoping for a great experiece!

  15. SouthernGent2 says:

    SouthernCharm – what state are you located out of curiousity?

  16. SouthernCharmSB says:

    Hi Sugar Family!! Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend 🙂

    I have a pot SD that contacted me and seems somewhat promising; however, he is “based” in another country. I’m wondering whether any of you have experienced sugar dating with someone in a different country and how that worked out for you. My former SD was in a different state and that arrangement went smoothly because he traveled to my state frequently for business. I guess I’m just a bit wary of getting involved with someone in a different country because I’m not sure whether he is a legitimate SD. Besides the standard screening process, are there any other factors I should be considering?

    Thank you in advance for your advice! xoxo

  17. Stormcat says:

    Lauryn ~ On the other hand you need to realize that arrangements are arms length/ not based on love rather based on practicality. They are not for the faint hearted . . . so if you do not demand what you need, you will not get it! ! ! Also if you cannot really deliver what it is that you offer, the arrangement will not happen. So don’t stand on ceremony. Say what you want up front and you will either get it or move on!

  18. Stormcat says:

    Lauryn ~ When I read your first post I thought to myself that you already knew all the answers to the questions you posed, or the else the answers were easily available to you here in the archives, So I just didnt have the energy to answer.
    But , , ,
    Was $2K a month what you really need?
    I mean: expences $2001 / income $2000 : result misery
    expences $1999 / income $2000 : result happiness!
    What you need is what you need and that is that. There is no shame in having a particular living expence. But if your relationship (no matter what you call it) is with a man who is capable but does not take care of those needs and you are left wanting then it is not a relationship that is good for you.

  19. NewYorkGirl says:

    Lauryn. I talked to one pot which said “if we do not discus money before we do it, I do not leave any money. But I bring nice drinks, food…”
    All the girls he meets on SA site for 2 years.
    I told him may be a girl expected u to leave her money before u leave her apt.?
    He said “no… She said he ex left her a lot of money…”
    U understand guys would perceive the situation the want to perceive it.

    I do not want to look like a prostitute asking discussing money before hands… But if you do not do it u r going to be abused by these guys. (there r many nice and generous guys too of course).

    What is the less evil? To get paid nothing or very little and feel cheap and taken advantage of.
    Or discus financial side and loose him or feel like a gold digger or may be find the right guy who gas experience to be SD, and find consensus . ?

    I want to be happy, I do not want to waste my time with a cheap guy.

  20. EnglishRose says:


    I agree with collegenewbie. While it is nicer to discuss these things prior to meeting (at least a basic outline) in an email rather then face to face, it doesn’t always happen (like in your case) and if that’s so then you need to just gather up the courage and speak up!
    Remember, if you do begin an arrangement, communication & honesty are going to be essential to make it work.
    While it is hard asking for what you want – that’s kinda what being a Sugar Baby is about! Knowing what you want and not being ashamed of getting it! Of course that’s not to say that you becoming demanding & greedy. But I’m sure you know what the right balance is!

    Your SD has mentioned an allowance. I personally would presume this was a monthly cash allowance, on top of what ever he might pay for when you’re out together. BUT clarify with him! Best way to do these things! And always ask yourself, am I happy with this?

    I would say have a good chat with your SD – maybe say something like. “$2,000 a month is great for me because I have all these loans to pay off and that’s really gonna help me out”.
    That way, if he wasn’t thinking of 2,000 in cash he will say so then. Or maybe even decide to go along with it seeing as you’ve mentioned your debt’s and how helpful it would be!

    Remember, don’t ever settle. It might take longer to find the right SD for you but once you do you’ll be so much happier – and that’ll make your SD happy in turn!

    Good luck!

  21. collegenewbie says:

    Lauren- I have found that you need to be real specific with these guys and upfront in the beginning. Expecially if they don’t put in an allowance range and/or say something like they are looking for someone to travel with. That usually means no allowance and they pay airfare or for the spa experience. If you are looking for $$ then you will be disappointed and it becomes uncomfortable. I try and get the uncomfortable discussion about specifics out of the way before we even meet, this way if you are not on the same page it’s easier to just say “next” and move on. If you don;t discuss it first and for me, via e-mail I find that I chicken out and can’t express or ask for what I want but via e-mail I can. Better to find out before you invest any time or feelings. You are young- if this one doesn’t work out I am sure there will be others. Make sure you look out for #1- YOU!

  22. Nico says:

    Lauryn ~ there is no magical way of sharing what you want other than to discuss your desires/needs/wants with confidence. If you’re happy with 2k/mo and that’s all you wanted/needed and are comfortable with his level of commitment (i.e. times/mo, telephone communications etc) then it’s just a matter of putting it out there.

    Yes, the general rule of thumb is not not be intimate with a gentleman and ‘assume’ that ‘begins’ the arrangement. IF you do sleep with him before the ‘talk’, then you did so simply because you wanted to without ANY expectations. The best way to avoid this confusing moment is to clearly discuss the details of the arrangement in advance. I’ve even gone so far as to discuss ‘how’ the finances are handled.

    Everything is in the spirit of negotiation. Know what your bottom line is. Don’t ask for a higher number just because you see other girls getting it and, don’t ask for a lower number just because you don’t think you can ask for anything more. It will be a tad more difficult since it appears to be new to you both but I think you will handle yourself well – and he sounds sincere too.

    It’s a dance and certainly something you get a bit more comfortable doing over time; however, the beauty is, once the discussion has been had, it can be put on the back burner so you can enjoy what limited time you do have together without the stress of having to have this conversation each time you see each other.

    Welcome to the blog!!! 😀

  23. Lauryn says:

    NewYorkGirl – He hasn’t anything specific, or much about that at all

  24. collegenewbie says:

    Carebear- just read your message about your new pot trolling and messaging your friend. Since I have been doing this every single SD that has expressed intense interest which led to an arrangement would be trolling the site, some even right after our dates and after lies about not wanting another BD. I decided I have to accept it as the nature of the beast. These guys never had this kind of attention before these sites went up and now they are bombarded. In real life and at home they are probably ignored. so the urge to see what is out there and to see if someone prettier/younger comes along is too strong. They are like kids in a candy shop. If you don;t let it go you will drive yourself crazy. Stop checking their profile IMO and just assume they are still looking because they all get bored after a month or two I have found. I try and enjoy the time I have with them and not get too attached. Just be sure to use protection for your body and your heart

  25. Anna Molly says:

    Well, I might be putting up a new.profile soon, not sure yet though. Still thinking.

  26. NewYorkGirl says:

    How often he wants to meet?
    If he wants to see once a week or 3 times a week. It is a big difference.

  27. NC Gent says:

    Lauryn — welcome to the blog and best wishes on your date. The sugar daddy dating tips on the upper right hand side of this page are very helpful. Here are some quick answers. Just ask him what the $2k entails — is that allowance or does it include expenses. You don’t need to tell him anything about your debt — tell him the money is to make your life less stressful so you have more time for him 🙂 Just ask him what he is seeking — talk about number of meetings, communication between meetings, etc… let it flow naturally. Lastly, I would recommend getting at least half your allowance before you are intimate with him — if he asks if you don’t trust him — say yes, you do and you are meeting him half way 🙂 Good luck and read those sugar daddy dating tips – have fun… one last comment…. it has been often said… be intimate with him because you want to not because of the arrangement… that is a good guideline too.

  28. Carebear says:

    Yes I got myself some mittens and a new bag. Successful shopping trip.

    Oh and a tin of chocolate.

  29. XOXOSB says:


    – If he says $2k/month, how do I know what entails cash vs dinner/drinks/dates? I have credit card and student loan debt that I am trying to reduce so, I don’t know if he means that as cash or what..


    – How do I word what I want, or expect?


    – A lot of comments I’ve read suggest that the guy should provide sugar before there is intimacy. Comments?


    – How honest do I need to be in regard to my debt? I am looking for a SD to help with these bills so I stay sane, lol.


    – At the 2nd date, should an arrangement be discussed? Should it wait?


    -How do I ask him what HIS expectations are? I want to make sure I word things correctly, I do not want to come across as “greedy” or anything like that, I want to get to know him and decide I like him enough before getting involved in an arrangement.


    Best of luck to you 🙂

  30. Alleycat says:

    Meeting new potSB at midday for lunch then walk in the mountains. She is driving 3 hours to get here, she lives waaaay out west. Horse trainer, own business, has travelled lots, knows what she wants out of life, single parent etc.

    I’m curious to see how this will work out, could be very interesting!!

    Carebear did you decide on presents yet?

  31. ContentSB says:


    I’m a fairly new SB myself, so I’m sure others will have more in-depth advice, but here’s my 2 cents for what it’s worth 🙂

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with beginning to talk about what type of arrangement you’re looking for on the 2nd date. The arrangement is at the core of sugar dating…otherwise it would obviously just be traditional dating. You said that you weren’t totally sure what you were looking for, but later in your post you mentioned credit card debt/student loans. You totally do know what you’re looking for, you’re just uncomfortable voicing it. I can totally relate to that (like you I was attracted to the sugar world because of student loans. Voicing my needs with my SD is still something I struggle with, despite his constant encouragement to do so). They’re not mind readers and can’t help if they don’t know what you need.

    Asking for help is hard if you pride yourself on being independent which is why I don’t think there’s any reason to tell him exactly how much debt you have, but definitely let him know what your goals are (reducing debt). SDs who read the blog feel free to disagree with this next statement, but in my experience SDs are more willing to help if they know their money is going toward something that will help you achieve your goals, rather than all of it going toward a new wardrobe. A good SD will still want to pamper you with special gifts in addition to helping with bills, loans, debt, etc.

    As far as figuring out what his expectations are…just ask. It’s important to know what kind of commitment, time or otherwise, he’s looking for from you. Some may be too busy to see you more than once or twice a month…others may want to see you once or twice a week. You just have to ask. My SD lives in a different state, so I’ve committed to regular daily communication either via text/phone, and in-person visits about once a month. Make sure you’re comfortable with whatever type of arrangement he’s looking for…because if you’re not you’ll just make yourself miserable and that’s not fair to either of you. Because both of you are new to the sugar world your expectations may change as you figure things out and journey on, so I think some flexibility may be needed. Honest communication will take you far.

    The most important thing to note is that he’s brought it up twice, once in the very beginning and again on your date. The door is open for communication, so don’t be afraid to walk through it 🙂

    Good luck on your 2nd date! Would love to hear how it goes 🙂

  32. carebear says:

    For sure, if anyone wants to pass my email along to NewYorkGirl, it would be greatly appreciated, as well as anyone else that would like to get in touch


  33. Lauryn says:

    Hi everyone!

    I am new to this site (23 y/o) and need some advice. (So, blog gods, if anyone wants to email me and help please share my email address).

    Last night I met up with a potential SD for drinks. This is the first time I met anyone from SA. He has never had a SB before, but has met a few girls form the site and was turned off by lack of chemistry or the women perhaps looking for “p4p” (term i just learned from reading the blog comments)

    He deleted the account because he said he was getting weird messages but was still interested in it. He is a 36 y/o banker (i know his real name and verified his employment through LinkedIn)… and much more attractive in person than on SA.

    We met up and had fun, I’m glad I didn’t chicken out. He asked why I joined SA (I felt weird talking about financial stuff on the first date so left that out) and asked what I was looking for (which I am not totally sure, but I guess he isn’t either).. We agreed that there must be mutual attraction/respect/chemistry before committing to a SD/SB.

    After the date, he walked me to my car. He told me “I’m going to ask you out again” and then kissed me (french kiss), I felt an attraction to him and he told me to text him when I made it home safe. We texted and he asked me to dinner tomorrow. I previously had mentioned to him that I had plans with a girl friend later Saturday night so he respected that when choosing the time. (He also mentioned on text that he thought I was a great kisser)

    Through messaging on the site, he said “I can help with $2000 a month if you’re ever interested in talking about it”. He said this in the very beginning, before texting and meeting etc.

    Here are my questions, comments, concerns/where I need advice (THANK YOU IN ADVANCE IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME 🙂 )

    – If he says $2k/month, how do I know what entails cash vs dinner/drinks/dates? I have credit card and student loan debt that I am trying to reduce so, I don’t know if he means that as cash or what..

    – How do I word what I want, or expect?

    – A lot of comments I’ve read suggest that the guy should provide sugar before there is intimacy. Comments?

    – How honest do I need to be in regard to my debt? I am looking for a SD to help with these bills so I stay sane, lol.

    – At the 2nd date, should an arrangement be discussed? Should it wait?

    -How do I ask him what HIS expectations are? I want to make sure I word things correctly, I do not want to come across as “greedy” or anything like that, I want to get to know him and decide I like him enough before getting involved in an arrangement

    Anyway, thank you to anyone who can help! The dinner date is 20 hours away so I hope I hear from some of you 😀

  34. NewYorkGirl says:

    To care bear . You are in NYC, you had some experience with NYC and out side NYC guys. Me too. (but only for 1 month here:)
    Would you like to exchange our e mails? I would really like to exchange our experience and knowledge , please.

    Only ironically my Diamond SD was from a few states away, and another one from another big city.
    And I live in Manhattan. Is not it ironic:)

  35. carebear says:

    Guru I believe we all know I would never claim to be anything I’m not =) I don’t try to use too many adjectives in my profile, rather examples of how I am. You’re correct in that no one ever says anything bad about themselves, but those that can prove they are by their actions vs their words usually have a lot more credibility.

    To wrap up the week, all is well with ex sd, current sd, and potential sd.


    PS Looking forward to the gifts post coming shortly as I need HELP

  36. Nico says:

    Arcadia….<3 this comment, "Because for me, I’m only with an SD where there is chemistry, mutual attraction, and fun. So it’s an “if I were in the place in my life to really date someone, you would be in the running, but I’m not, and you aren’t either, so this works for us now.”

    NC Gent – good too see you. Were you hiding?

    LMSL ~ LOVE your posts!!

    Lydia ~ not sure that I could 'dial it back'. The best for me would be to pick up where 'we' left off, which, in your case, appears to not be an option.

    VERY interesting topic(s)….good to see some of the 'flow' is back 😀

  37. Lydia Bennett says:

    a question to add..does anyone think that NSA can be re established after a “break” of say, a year ???? more???? when married SD has walked because (his) feelings have developed, and admitted. There are no other dramas, and relationship and dates are wonderful..I ask this after Guru’s “love is not a luxury one can afford” mantra….could two adults dial it back, leave real life back at the door and refresh??? is it worth suggesting/trying?

  38. Pumpkin says:

    You just HAVE to love this family of bloggers! I read up and was like, “Wow…and they say that Sugarland should be DRAMA-FREE, yet…”

    I have very little luck on the site. I have sent a thousand emails and I get five responses, if any, and then from those five responses, no follow through. I am not desperately in need of an arrangement, but I do think that it would be a nice distraction for me and a fun experience for both.

    I don’t know what to do other than to remain patient (and enjoy the blog while I am at it). Will plan myself a trip for the next month of free and down time on my hands!

  39. Va Gentleman says:

    RE : Carebear “Why can’t enough ever just be enough? ”

    I think when we unleash this beast in us and take that first step into whatever you previously considered was taboo ( cheating, multiple partners , sugar life , promiscuity ,whatever ) — it becomes easier to keep going into these uncharted territories . That then becomes the new norm .
    The hazard that we all face , is that the “norm” will never be enough to be happy with what we have . For example , as a college girl working a job at the admissions office for $ 10 /hour that is your accepted way to enhance your tuition or make a little more to pay for weekend social activities . Then you talk to that friend who tells you about this amazing lifestyle called the Sugar Life—( you know where I’m going with this) . Now you are 22 , with a mulithousand $ allowance , trips to the Islands ,jewelry and toys galore and exposure to a level of sophistication and maturity that a 22 year old college boy can not even come close to . How can you ever go back ? For SDs , how can a 50 yr old go back to the angst filled marriage , sex life that is either absent or uninspired , dates who are “age appropriate” with all the aging issues 50 yr olds have —after spending time with a beautiful ,sexy , energetic , adoring 22 yr old ?

  40. carebear says:

    va gentleman, midwest, et al,

    I texted ex sd. We’re friends, left off on a great note. I just always feel odd initiating contact especially with him. He replied “You are amazing! Thank you! I am no longer in the NYC area…..” etc etc. Odd that he always feels the need to let me know ‘why’ he hasn’t been contacting me. I get it. I was just saying hi.


    And furthermore, new pot vs current sd is an odd situation for me. I have an intense connection with the pot, something that could end up volatile and out of control, which of course being an impuslive woman I can’t resist. Current sd is great. I can’t really say anything other than that.

    I even went on a sort of normal date last night with a guy my age. Who happens to be established and wealthy. Was so awkward.

    Oh yeah and my bf/exbf won’t stop texting me.

    How is it that even when we ‘have it all’ we still have this insatiable craving for more? Why can’t enough ever just be enough?

    In the meantime, I am SUPER grateful for all of my amazing sugar friends on here, on facebook, and in the real/NYC world. I continue to be surprised at the quality of people they turn out to be even after a year of getting to know them all =D

    • SD Guru says:

      @Va Gent
      If I love the person –as I do my Baby –then I seriously care.

      And thus the problem… being a married family man, is falling in love an option, sugar or not?? I understand some will say love is not something one can control, blah blah blah. But, we’re talking about a mature grown man full of life experiences here, not some young adult still feeling his way around the world. I think we’re beating a a dead horse here so that’s it for me on the subject. For the record, I have nothing against people who want to fall in love in the sugar world. But please make sure you can handle it and do so responsibly! 🙂


      DId you just describe yourself as volatile, out of control, and impulsive?? I’m sure lots of SD’s love that, maybe you should put that in your profile! :mrgreen:

      I have finally reached the point where I am just going to have fun with it, and damned if I let things bother me too much

      Looks like you’ve reached sugar enlightenment. Congratulations! 😛

      Re: More than one SD/SB’s

      One way to look at this is that having more than one SD/SB can help keep it NSA and prevent both sides from becoming emotionally attached.

  41. Anna Molly says:

    I must admit, I would prefer being the only SB. I’m sorry, I don’t like to share! 😀

  42. Va Gentleman says:

    @ Midwest SB

    Okay Okay lol I give !

    I am surprised at the number of ladies who do not mind their SDs seeing multiple SBs , and pleasantly surprised that many of you prefer monogamy even if your SD is pleasuring others . I guess I am just “old school ” . The way I look at it is this . ( I know many of you are saying “oh no –not again” ) . If I am seeing someone I enjoy but am not emotionally involved with then I would be seeing others as well and uninterested in how many she is seeing . If I love the person –as I do my Baby –then I seriously care . Unfortunately , you do not know going into a new arrangement that you are going to develop that E-connection . At that point the rules for me changed .

  43. EnglishRose says:

    @ Stormcat. Haha. Brilliant.

  44. Stormcat says:

    Keep thinking about that biblical quote “No man can serve two masters.” I always thought it had many applications but now I’m sure it was mis-translated and really said “No man can satisfy two sugar babies.”

  45. Jennie says:

    I prefer one sd. I love it when a sd makes me feel like princess. That means hes doing his job right.

  46. Anna Molly says:

    Just wanted to say that I like 1 SD at a time. That’s just me 🙂

  47. EnglishRose says:

    On a personal note – I’m in the same boat with Midwest & BalletGirl, just prefer one man at a time, same as IRL! But wouldn’t mind my SD seeing other SB’s, as long as I knew.

  48. EnglishRose says:

    Hello sugar world!

    Love reading the blog & thought I would pop in with my opinion.

    I think there’s no wrong or right choice to make when choosing monogamy or ‘multiples’. As Senorita says it all depends on the SD (or SB)
    Though I do think it should be a mutual decision which is discussed and agreed upon in the first few weeks of an arrangement AND if you both decide to have an open relationship, nothing more should be discussed about it. Personally I don’t see the point in knowing how many other partners your SD/SB is seeing.
    As long as you both trust each other & enjoy each other’s company it doesn’t matter!

    That’s my two cents anyway 🙂

  49. BalletGirl says:

    I’m with Midwest on this lol. It wouldn’t really bother me if he’s with others, but I personally wouldn’t have time to have more than one SD without giving up my job, or school– both of which I’m personally unwilling to budge on. Some women do make it into a lifestyle, having multiples, and I am not judging that at all! More power to them if they can pull it off and keep everyone happy, I’m just aware that I am not one of those women.

  50. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    SG2 – I prefer one SD myself, but I can’t control how many ladies he sees. I don’t have time for more than one!

  51. SouthernGent2 says:

    VA – the torture and stress should be left at home and work. This is supposed to be fun. Let it all go.

  52. Senorita says:

    I think it depends on the SD. Some SDs are truly in it just because they have no time for a typical relationship. Some SDs like women to feel obligated to them. Some just like spoiling and younger women. Whatever their reasoning, either way, this relationship, is by nature, hedonistic.

    I once had an SD who was a trust fund baby, and had nothing but time on his hands. For this reason, he had multiple SBs. I didn’t really care. When we were together, he made time stop for me. He was sweet and attentive and loved to make me feel good. I saw other people because we were obviously NSA, and that was our arrangement.
    If you have the time, patience, and wherewithal to go for more than one at a time, by all means, go ahead. I’m sure you’ll quickly find out that attending to even ONE person’s needs could be draining and exhausting at times. Multiply that, plus trips, dates, etc with an SD by two, three, four…you would not only not have a life, you would probably burn yourself out and lose sight of yourself.

    I don’t deny my SDs their indulgences, as we all have our own, but please keep in mind that you can easily overextend yourself, and if you’re frazzled, what quality of company can you provide?

  53. SouthernGent2 says:

    Since the topic of monogamy vs multiples is being tossed around, just how many is too many? At what number would it bother a SD to know the sb is seeing others? And same for a sb? In truth, how difficult is it to follow a don’t ask don’t tell policy?

  54. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    PS – If she wanted to find another SD, I doubt she would reactivate her existing profile. She would be more likely to put up a new profile for some discretion. That ought to keep you busy for a while. 🙂

    I’m not trying to single you out. I’ve been here almost two years, and this mentality can be very destructive. I’m just trying to encourage you to trust a woman who has been very good to you for over a year. She is a rare gem in the sugar world. Appreciate her and be so very thankful for all that she has given you so far.

  55. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    VA Gent – Would you prefer “watching” her profile? Semantics aside, you can’t relax when you’re always wondering what she is up to. If it ends, so be it. That’s the beauty of sugar. My world, your world, our (temporary) oasis. Why anticipate or prepare for the ending? Will it end any differently if you’re prepared? Highly unlikely. If she has done everything right, then just trust that she (or you) will end things appropriately. RELAX, ENJOY, and stop trying to control something that is beyond your control. You are running the risk of assessing a situation incorrectly, damaging trust and pushing her to decide that boundaries are being crossed.

  56. Va Gentleman says:

    @Midwest SB ” Does this mean you’re going to continue stalking her profile ? ”

    Yes –I think stalking is a little harsh terminology though . Her profile is public and out there for anyone to see including me-and this site is where we met each other . I think it is reasonable to know in advance if my Baby is tiring of our relationship and one of the 1st warning signs IMHO is the reappearance of an active profile. If you are happy with your Sugar arrangement them why would you put yourself out there ? You wouldn’t . I would never want my SB to stay with me just for the allowance . I have a generic profile and I do not pay for the upgrade , therefore it is useless for meeting anyone new . The last thing I want is for my Baby to think I am looking for someone else which I am emphatically not.

    Disclaimer –I am not judging anyone here who elects to have multiple SBs or SDs–it just isn’t for me or a SB who wants to be with me

  57. Senorita says:

    Va Gentleman –

    It sounds like you’re seriously falling for your SB. NSA is the nature of the beast, love. Just keep that in mind.

  58. JennSA says:

    Thank you all for taking the time to read my first post! I really wanted to represent the notion that the sugar lifestyle is many girls’ idea of a fairy tale. Whether or not you believe in true love, or Prince Charming; being treated like a modern day princess (and having the accessories to go with it!) is a fantasy for many girls. Every sugar baby is here for a different reason, and I would love to write about each of the different reasons why you all chose this lifestyle!

  59. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Va Gent
    “…but I will discuss it if she pops up again.”
    Does this mean you’re going to continue stalking her profile instead of taking the “don’t ask, don’t tell” route? Sounds like you’re still going to drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Cut the proverbial strings and enjoy your SB as you have for the past year.

  60. Va Gentleman says:

    Good News ! ( for now )

    My Baby took her profile down after a few days so I hope (and choose to believe) that she was just doing the same thing I was doing –seeing if I was looking. I suppose she could be working pot sd hits off site but as someone said earlier I will drive myself crazy thinking about it . I’m glad I didn’t make a deal of it last night , but I will discuss it if she pops up again . We love each other and are having a blast , so I will continue to dote on her .

    @Carebear –Holy Cow ! Your entry read like a novella outline . Are you going to replace SD #1 with this pot or are you looking to add # 2 ? I would not contact your XSD unless you have an ongoing friendship. If he ended the relationship then I suspect he wouldn’t want to hear from you . This is one of those situations you have to “get over “

  61. BalletGirl says:

    Hey all. Sorry to hear about all these troubles in Sugarland :(. Hugs and kisses to everyone riding the Drama train, hopefully it will get better.

    I admit I do have problems communicating sometimes. It’s not intentional, but when you’re stuck in fine retail all day, being basically a personal shopper, some nights the last thing you want to do is talk to ANYONE. Of course this isn’t an every day thing, but I feel like there are days when I just am too emotionally gone to be sugary–and avoid conversation.

    Also <3 love the article, welcome Jennifer.

  62. XOXOSB says:

    EbonySB4u– Everyone has their preferences when it comes to the physical in the opposite sex. I’m half black and have had many POT SDs quit talking to me because of it. I can relate to how you feel about it. However, there ARE SDs that ARE into women of color. I have many SD friends and a few weeks ago, I asked them what their ethnicity preference is. Most said Latin, followed by Asian, followed by African American, and THEN Caucasian. So not every SD is into the blue eyed, blonde haired all American girl. Just don’t give up 🙂

  63. splash says:

    EbonysSB4U,i am a black sb,i have never had a problem attracting sds,i think european men in particular adore black girls,the only problem with most european guys is they are not very generous,and its a general thing a common trait with british men,am not sure about american men but i have had a lot of response from american caucasian men too,so personally i wouldn’t say there isn’t hope for black SB’s
    but and a big but,most of the guys that date the exotic breed,prefer them to be very slim,and its very rare that you see a pot sd with a big black girl,they are usually very slim and tall,so am guessing thats their preference when it comes to physical features,i have also noticed russian men absolutely adore black girls,so dont loose hope,maybe you just keep meeting those that want blondes but there are so many guys out there who just love black girls

  64. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Carebear – It’s been said that birthday/ holiday texts to exes indicate you want to sleep with him. Is that the message you want to send or is it an innocent birthday wish?

    NC Gent and Stormcat – Thanks guys! You know how to pick up one’s spirits!

    Morning sugars! One last final!!!

  65. EbonySB4u says:

    Its funny how the article refers to sb as princesses. Even disney stopped being racist and FINALLY got an african american princess. I think there isn’t any hope for black girls on sd sites like these. Most of the wealth descent guys prefer blonde haired blue eyed females and if they do want to meet a black woman its only to get intimate and see “what its like” to be with a woman of color. So sad but very much true…..

  66. Carebear says:

    Opinion: yesterday was my ex sd’s bday and I decided against texting him since we haven’t spoken in at least 3 months. Do I send a belated one tomorrow? Been going back and forth. I miss him =(

  67. Carebear says:

    Damn I just called myself a woman. I feel old.

    NC gent- “ya fired!”

    Ps excuse all autocorrects.

  68. Stormcat says:

    Allycat ~ Thank You Master, Luv is a fickle thing and I can’t resist especially with this one. But my head is sounding bells and I am proceeding with enough caution that I am sure it won’t kill me is it goes bust. Besides that I have grown rather fond of my fierce independance!

    Midwest ~ I am truely shaken, It is hard to endure empathy when it is for one so grounded as you always seemed. I cannot even verbalize the extent that you have helped me and so many others cope with our emotions as we have navigated this lifestyle. But I must say that I feel the respect that everyone feels for you and I think that there isn’t any SD who has experienced your presence who wouldn’t give anything to have you as their SB! ! ! !

  69. Carebear says:

    Va gent- from a woman’s perspective going through the same problem….

    My new pot has also been trolling the site non stop after we met. In fact, he even messaged one of my best SB friends on here. Talk about knife in the heart, but at the same time I’m lucky to have a girl like her who has my back. Silver lining.

    I suppose the silver lining in your situation is to be glad that you’re smart enough to pick up on things before you get played.

    Now for the part you and I don’t want to hear. My pot is recently divorced, so I am in no position to be telling him who he can and cannot date. I understand the man wants to play the field, there is no ring on my finger holding I’m back. However, he has been telling me ‘you’re the only one Im writing to all day long, you’re the only one I’m thinking about’….which may also be true but doesn’t keep him from messaging other girls. This makes me feel like shit for not satisfying him completely.

    On the other other hand, he gave be a large chunk of an allowance today after meeting once prior and we do have loose plans to continue to see each other, so in the early phases I guess I shouldn’t be upset.

    On the fourth hand, these relationships typically have the no strings attached stigma strung to them (haha get it) so for anyone’s sake it’s all fair game unless otherwise specified. As someone with more traditional values, I do believe in monogamy.

    On the fifth hand, I say this, of course, as I’m lying in bed next to my sd of 1 year listening to him snore.

    Should we call it karma?

    • SD Guru says:

      On the fifth hand, I say this, of course, as I’m lying in bed next to my sd of 1 year listening to him snore. Should we call it karma?

      Karma!! Spoken like a truly experienced SB who knows exactly what she’s doing!! 😆

      @Midwest SB
      I need a shower.

      I’m not sure why you need one, but may I join you? :mrgreen:

      He broke my dam with cherishment so real it leaked from his eyes, passion so raw the aroma lingered in my room for days, yearning so delicious I could taste his chocolate melting in my mouth.

      Whoa.. now I know why Midwest needs a shower… Do you write erotica as your day job?? 😛

      @Va Gent
      Am I the only person out there who cares about monogamy?

      Monogamy in the sugar world is a tricky proposition because it runs counter to the concept of NSA. The best way for monogamy to work is when it’s not asked for nor expected.

      Anyone else feel like there are becoming more and more “fake” profiles on SA?

      I’m sorry to hear about your experience. As you know there are plenty of flakes on the site, both SD and SB’s. Perhaps you’ve just had some bad luck running into a string of flaky SB’s. To suggest that there is a conspiracy theory seemed a bit far fetched though. Imagine the amount of man power it would take and how much it would cost to have people operating behind those “fake” profiles on a site with several hundred thousand members. It just doesn’t make any business sense for a site to do that.

      @NC Gent
      I hope I don’t have to tell an SB “please don’t lie to me.”

      Trust and respect are high on everyone’s list in the sugar world, but that doesn’t mean we can take it for granted and expect it by default. We’ve all seen too many stories in the blog to know that trust and respect are not easy to come by, therefore it’s still worth bringing up with a pot SD/SB.

  70. semi-newbie says:

    @Va gent
    “Semi Newbie –hit me up if you and your Daddy break up as you predict . LOL”
    I will let you know when our relationship crashes and burns too. But unlike you, I am quitting sugar dating all together after that, because 1. I take forever to get over a person I really like. 2. I don’t think I will ever meet another person quite like him in sugar dating.
    It quite funny to see the blog SDs telling you ” I told you so.” I’m sorry for your situation.
    Regarding communication, my opinion is 24 hours is quite a reasonable time for an email reply, and how fast a SB/SD replies to an email is quite a good indication as to how much she/he is into you. I’m embarrassed to say that I set my email up so that whenever my SD sends me an email, I will get a text alert. I usually reply to a planning email within minutes. But then again, I’m a poor example.

    As to the monogamy issue, I agree with everyone else that it’s no longer NSA, but I also understand why you ask for it. My SD asked for monogamy too, and I was more than happy to oblige. I just don’t like seeing more than one person at a time. And when I grew to like him more, I even stopped hanging out with male friends who had a crush on me, because I only wanted to hang out with him. My SD told me he’s monogamous too. I did not ask for it, because I don’t really believe in asking for things in a relationship. I want him to be free to do whatever he wants, rather than doing something against his own will because I want it. I do “stalk” his profile once in a blue moon to see if he has logged on or started paying membership again. I do it as a reality check. I wouldn’t blame him for doing it, but I will use it as wake-up call to tell myself “hi, he’s not that into you!”
    I really sympathize with your situation. If I see my SD re-active his profile, I must feel like a slap on the face. It’s not something like how can you do this to me, but more like I guess you’re getting bored me. I guess if it happens to me, I will talk to my SD. I think we have been bluntly honest with each other for a while and it will not be a taboo topic. But I cannot think of any excuse he can offer me for me not to end the arrangement with him.

  71. Alleycat says:

    I got burned recently. Shake yourself off, dust yourself down, and go for it. it’s always, and always an astonishing learning experience.

  72. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    I’m actually in a position where I could re-enter the sugar world, but I don’t know if I’m ready to put the effort into screening. Guess I’m not ready yet 🙂 Anything worth having is worth earning.

  73. LoveMySugarLife says:


    I think all of the media attention might somewhat be ruining the quality of people on SA maybe? So many more people know about the sugar lifestyle now (even though arrangements have been around FOREVER) due to the articles, talks shows, interviews, books, etc. This attention attracts all kinds and there are no strict policies on who can sign up. The “fake” profiles could be 15 year old kids having fun online. Or obese, bored, old men sitting in their basement tossing off to the photos they collect and the fantasies of these girls actually wanting to date them.

  74. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    MarkK and Stormcat – I’m sure there is a level of tolerance between advertising gimmicks – especially for membership sites – and keeping the members happy. It’s business. However, knowing when you’ve gone too far is imperative. Also, it seems as though this community has become a new target for scammers. Something like that is hard to control and it doesn’t take long for them to propagate into the mainstream content. Brandon is an entrepreneur to be certain, but he listens (doesn’t always heed, but listens) to constructive feedback. I’m sure you’ll hear from him. I answered based on my own personal experience.

  75. MarkK says:

    I’d love for Brandon to chime in on this topic because I really feel it’s happening here. I used to be able to reach out to an SB. Exchange a few e-mails and then chat through SMS or text 100% of the time and arrange a date shortly after that. It maybe took a day or two but I’d always take the conversation off the website. Lately, I haven’t been able to get anyone to take it to that next step even though the SB’s seem into me. If they weren’t why would they continue to exchange e-mails with me and when I suggest we chat off this site. Poof, they are gone! This has happened 100% of the time now. I have now started to ignore any profiles with just one picture and also any profiles that don’t show an SB doing something other than standing in front of a white wall. If this site has indeed started to do this, I will be gone. And to think I was just about ready to plop down the cash to be a diamond member because I was happy with the “REAL” people you could connect with here.

  76. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    I need a shower.

  77. LoveMySugarLife says:


    “loved your post on being a successful SB. Don’t have much experience in this regard (have just had a couple meetings and of course the openess takes a bit of getting used to!) and it was extremely helpful.”

    Glad it was helpful to you. I’m sure other experienced SBs could add to my little piece! Good luck to you in your search. 🙂

  78. Stormcat says:

    MarkK ~ Actually, I’ve started to notice it on all kinds of sites! Manipulative fake shit to induce profit! It’s easilly noticed and very off-putting. It makes me immediately delete my association with the site, whatever it is, so it is very short sighted on the part of that site’s management! I don’t know if SA is falling into that enticement, but I have always felt that SA was 100% real although at times it has felt that management was a tiny little bit overcontrolling. I didn’t ever think it was making fake profiles just to induce participation. It would be very disturbing if that turned out to be true.

  79. Amy Zing says:

    yes . . you can fall in love and yet not need to possess.

    Best lover of my life was with a SD who truly transformed my body. He trusted me enough to allow me to engage his mind and his body and in the process he healed me with orgasms. The kind of orgasms I didn’t even know existed. The kind of orgasms that hide behind the walls erected to hold back the pain of life. He reached in and dismantled the dam I’d built and as he invited each trembling wound to surrender, those that backed away he teased out. The fighters he wooed, then grasped and pulled from me in the same careful way one would beckon then rescue a trapped wild animal before setting it free. He broke my dam with cherishment so real it leaked from his eyes, passion so raw the aroma lingered in my room for days, yearning so delicious I could taste his chocolate melting in my mouth.
    We made puddles on sunny days and danced in them till it rained love. I did laundry. We found unspeakable, impossible pleasure. His arms cradled my love drenched body as he pulled me under the covers into a hundred year dreamless sleep. I could have died there and been done. It never needed to be more. It only needed to be real.

  80. Jamie says:

    Nice essay. Hope i find my SD “prince”.

  81. LoveMySugarLife says:

    @NC Gent

    “hey we all make sugar mistakes.”

    YES! We do! I had to stumble and fall a few times before figuring it out.

  82. ContentSB says:

    @VA Gent….I think it’s understandable for feelings to develop despite your best efforts to keep it NSA. I don’t know your situation…but if you’re married, it’s quite unfair to ask her to be monogamous when that’s not something you can be for her. Maybe a fair compromise would be to ask to be her only SD?

  83. NC Gent says:

    As a married SD, I would never expect monogamy. I had it with my first SB, but that is also the same one that I got too emotionally involved with….. hey we all make sugar mistakes 🙂

  84. Tel_Aviv says:

    Hi LoveMySugarLife- loved your post on being a successful SB. Don’t have much experience in this regard (have just had a couple meetings and of course the openess takes a bit of getting used to!) and it was extremely helpful.

    VA Gent, don’t worry! There are lots of SB’s and SB’s, there are lots of SD’s! I think it’s lovely that we can all be honest and play with our cards on the table.


  85. LoveMySugarLife says:

    Monogamy, rapid responses to texts, emails, calls. Sounds like traditional dating to me. If it walks like a duck…

  86. Michael Alleycat says:

    I mean monogamy can be emotionally reinforcing. One of my SBs in the past was monogamous, but that was due to circumstances more than anything – single parent, kids, worked etc, as she said “I guess I am monogamous because I just don’t have time for anybody else!”

    If someone has several SDs (or if a guy has several SBs) and talks about it, it can be a bit disconcerting, if that is important to you. You have to make your own call about that. Don’t ask, don’t tell is a very good policy. Just remember, sugar dating is meant to be NSA, I have my life, you have your life, and let’s have a great time when own lives intersect.

  87. Va Gentleman says:

    @Michael :

    “Don’t ask –Don’t tell” has been my policy to date and it worked very well for me . I was able to maintain the illusion that we are a couple —albeit a Sugar Couple . Seeing an active profile pop up is too much of an “in my face” neon advert that perhaps we aren’t .

    I only have time and Sugar for one Baby at a time anyway . I like to give her all I can give as long as she and I have that connection . If I am focusing on her and she is working several guys it makes me feel diminished and smacks a little like escorting .

    Am I the only person out there who cares about monogamy ?

  88. MarkK says:

    Anyone else feel like there are becoming more and more “fake” profiles on SA? To the point that these potential SB’s will even contact you and carry on a conversation all the way up to when you’d like to text or IM them. After that…Poof, they dissapear. I’ve had good luck on this site in the past meeting real SB’s but lately it’s starting to become a little obvious they are fishing and weeding with fake profiles. Come on Brandon, you’re better than that and don’t need the gimicks to get us to stay. There are real SB and SD’s here but I’m tired of wasting my time chasing a “hired” SB. Please stop it.

  89. Michael Alleycat says:

    @Va Gent
    It’s all about communication, and getting things agreed upfront. My policy is that everything’s negotiable! But you need to know the information first.

    My SB relationship from mid-last year crashed and burned due to her lying. She started saying that she was developing feelings, was not going to see anyone else blah blah blah – she instigated the conversation. No problem! Found out later that she had a bf, and another SD. So that was the end of that!

    The issue was her lying, not that she had a bf and another SD. As I said, everything’s negotiable, and I don’t really care about who she sees. But when she says one thing and does another, that’s when I say bye bye! I believe that the way you do anything is the way you do everything.

    So you need to clarify this with your SB. Asking for monogamy in a SB relationship is a big thing to ask for, and I do not do it. And if a SB tells me she wants to be monogamous, I generally run. To me she is either lying or looking for a bf lol.

    Hope all is good with everyone! Raining in Arizona for 3 days now! Also talking to a new pot – another horse woman. You think I would have learned by now hahaha!!

    Stormy – you are in lerv? Good for you! Just be careful grasshopper….

  90. Va Gentleman says:

    Thanks for everyone’s input !

    This is like having a great big instant family even for a new entry like me . Tough love is not a bad thing . I will try to stop acting like a lovesick teenager and get my mojo back on track .

  91. LoveMySugarLife says:

    Just found out my SD is taking me on a SURPRISE holiday trip next week!!!! Woooooo!

  92. LoveMySugarLife says:


    Just read your post above again and saw that you DID have a conversation with her. Great! I’m just trying to help in the areas of understanding and communication. You can’t have one without the other and understanding is so important in a sugar relationship.

  93. LoveMySugarLife says:


    Yes, of course, it is common courtesy to respond in a few days without someone spelling it out for you. My point is that you have to consider each individual’s situation and the cause and effect of their actions and not just place singular judgment with our own ideas on WHY they are behaving the way in which they do. Arcadia SB explained her situation quite well on why there may be lapses in her responses. Your SB may have an explanation too. You said, “it’s a shame because she is a very sweet girl…” so don’t you think she would be open to speaking with you about how you feel about her long delay in responses. (I do agree that a week is way too long, but maybe…just maybe…she has a valid explanation. Maybe she shares a computer with someone or uses a computer at her school or work where discretion may be tough? Maybe responding to personal email isn’t something she has EVER placed as a first priority. Who knows?)

    I’m not making excuses for your SB’s behavior, but each day in each one of our lives is made up of tiny and discrete moments, wouldn’t you agree? We can’t see the person on the other side of the phone or computer to know the reasons why they haven’t been responsive in a way that we might be. So each one of us as SDs and SBs have to practice mindfulness and be patient when certain expectations aren’t met. The whole point of developing mindfulness is to actually begin to pay attention to those discrete moments and interactions so that they don’t all just blur together. You can’t assume your SB is being discourteous or disrespectful just because she hasn’t responded in the time-frame that YOU desire — without first understanding the WHY behind it.

    I cannot say it enough. COMMUNICATE!

    Have a conversation with her over dinner. If you find out that you are, in fact, her backup SD or that she simply just isn’t that into you and IS being intentionally uncaring/discourteous, then you should make a decision on severing the arrangement.

  94. SmilinSD says:

    Arcadia SB
    I had a conversation with her about it and I think that things will continue for now. She apparently misunderstood my email. I reread it and I actually wasn’t as clear as I should have been. At least we cleared the air. Drama over. If you happen to be east coast, I love the scientist type. Maybe we can get together if our current arrangements run their course. Good luck!
    Yes things should be NSA, not anything more. Rules can be different. However, wouldn’t you consider it common courtesy to respond in a few days without having to spell it out? Should an SB need to tell me that I should open/hold the door for her? I guess everyone has different expectations.

  95. SouthernGent2 says:

    VA Gent – don’t take this wrong, but you are taking all the fun out of your experience. Easy for me to say because everyone goes thru the school of hard knocks, makes mistakes, gets attached, etc. You are going to end up causing yourself an ulcer, or something stress related if you are constantly worried about what this girl is doing to you. As said twice already, check your heart at the door, resolve yourself to making this for fun only, and things will be much better.

    I have changed my approach and thinking several times over the last 4-5 years that I have been in this lifestyle. I have finally reached the point where I am just going to have fun with it, and damned if I let things bother me too much. I only have three personal rules that will get a girl “fired”. Don’t disrespect me, don’t lie to me, and don’t take advantage of me.

    Right now I am seeing two different girls I met on the site, and have never been happier about my situation. I’m going to ride it out as long as I can.

  96. NC Gent says:

    SouthernCharmSB — you need to sign up at en.gravatar.com/signup – the email address under name should be the same as the one you use to sign up — the website links them up. Congrats on being done with finals…. I kind of remember those days and that feeling.

  97. NC Gent says:

    SDG — I understand your point of view. I think I probably just have a different style. As another example, most lies (especially the ones where she thinks I am a moron) are a deal breaker for me too…. I hope I don’t have to tell an SB “please don’t lie to me.” At some point, it just isn’t worth it, and I am not trying to mold anyone to my taste. I understand communication is key, but at the same time, I want someone that is a natural fit, not someone that will respect/honor a checklist that I have developed.

    Midwest — I don’t think you come off as cold, probably more pragmatic. Having met you in person, I think you are a very warm, caring and sincere person.

    VA Gent — so sorry about this, but I saw this coming too. I know it is hard, but as one previous blogger said…. you need to valet your heart when sugar dating.

  98. XOXOSB says:

    Since everyone is talking about the communication issue… If a SD tells you he will see you in a week, should you just hold off on communication until it’s been a week and you see each other again?

  99. SouthernCharmSB says:

    Hi Sugar Friends! Woohoo! I am officially done with finals for this term!! Yay!! 😀

    Unfortunately, I have been on a hiatus from the blog because of studying, so I feel somewhat out of the loop and now have a lot of catching up to do. Hope everyone has been enjoying their sugar these days 🙂

    Would someone please let me know how to upload a photo as my avatar? Thanks! xoxoxo

  100. Arcadia SB says:

    Va Gent – Time to just talk to her about it and tell her how you feel now about things (exclusivity, etc) and say if she’s not looking to take the arrangement where you want it to go maybe it’s time to part ways amicably.

    Smilin SD: Just tell her in a nice way that with your work schedule you need to hear back from her in a more timely manner to make the sugar sweeter for both of you!.

    As to the whole communication thing:

    Here’s my two cents. Due to the type of work I do in school, I’m often in a “lab” with dirty hands and my cell phone is in a nice safe hidey hole for about 8 hours. When I get home on days like that I’m lucky to make it to the shower and fall into the bed and wake up in the morning wondering why I’m so hungry. So there is the busy issue that can hit, especially around major projects/essays/exams.

    Another issue for me, using current experiences: Things may have just started up for me with an SD (still tentative but maybe looking good) and I’m very careful about the communication (as in, not seeming too eager). He’s mentioned before his past SB was too clingy, and still texts him occasionally months later. So when I get a response from him a day after my initial text, I’ll take time (a few hours, or a day) to form what I hope is a clever, typo free response. Even in the past I had the issue with seeming too eager vs. not being available enough. My previous (and first) SD was afraid I was getting too serious about him because I’d leave him messages online when he wasn’t around (I’m not saying I messaged him every day, maybe a “hope things are going well with you” or something more…well..sugary 😉 once or twice a week) and then when I pulled back and stopped being available at his every whim and didn’t leave notes, he complained about my not being around enough/hearing from me enough (at 1 am, or 2 or in the middle of the day while I was at work).

    So gents, sometimes it is an “I am busy at this time and can’t get to my stuff.” (especially those of us with jobs or in school) or it can be the “I don’t want to scare you away by being too eager”

    Because for me, I’m only with an SD where there is chemistry, mutual attraction, and fun. So it’s an “if I were in the place in my life to really date someone, you would be in the running, but I’m not, and you aren’t either, so this works for us now.”

    I’m also pretty independent and get really annoyed when I have a “real” BF because they require too much time being clingy and needed with texts/phone calls/online chatting…so maybe that’s just me. But sugar works better because I generally don’t have to worry about that! Talking about it definitely helps!

    • SD Guru says:

      @NC Gent
      but what other things do I have to tell her are reasonable behavior?

      A simple way to determine what should be discussed is anything that you’d consider as a deal breaker. In Va Gent’s case, he considers monogamy and lack of frequent communication as deal breakers, yet those expectations weren’t clearly discussed and agreed to even after a year. What one may consider as reasonable behavior could be unreasonable to others, and if it’s a deal breaker then it’s best to discuss it to get on the same page.

      @Va Gent
      the lesson learned is to discuss ALL of the potential issues up front so that both parties know what the other expects.

      I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I recall when you started posting last month I had a feeling that I’ve seen this movie before and I know how it usually ends. Now that you’ve learned the lesson as you stated, plus a few others ones, I hope you’ll be able to build on this experience to find your next “dream girl”.

  101. NC Gent says:

    LMSL – I love your posts and viewpoints. I think sugar dating has a ton of gray area. My SBs have been in their late 20s to mid 30s. The youngest one was the most mature and had the best social skills. I have a pot SB now that is in her mid 20s. So far, she has great social skills. I have come to believe that is more upbringing than age. Part of the screening process now involves conversation about family. I don’t to teach basic social skills.

    P.s. I “fire” pain in the arse clients, just as some SBs have likely fired me.

  102. NewYorkGirl says:

    Guys, why do you think no one write on this blog about YESTERDAY party?
    May be It is different girls on this blog and the ones at the party. 🙂
    Any one….. From NYC party?

    About profiles…. I took off my profile after second date with my Diamond SD. He wanted loyalty…. I liked him a lot, I would not think to have any one else. So what…. Now I have nothing. .

  103. LoveMySugarLife says:

    @Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious

    Your PS applies to me perfectly: “I come off as a bit cold, but I can assure you that in person I’m one of the most affectionate, loving people you’ll know. I just have a practical side that seems beneficial in sugar.”

  104. LoveMySugarLife says:


    Bravo to you for reaching out to some potential SDs! Yes, now just be patient. Remember, successful business men stay very busy and if you contacted married SDs, their time is even more limited. Also, SA is not a site most people want to check while at the office so keep in mind, “free time” to check SA mail differs from person to person. Keep your search going! 🙂

  105. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    VaGent – Be careful. Between wearing your heart on your sleeve and (for lack of a better word) stalking her profile, you’re slipping into drama land. She may be preparing to make an exit as you have admitted to crossing the emotional boundaries and have desired more communication, more this, more that… rather than looking to supplement the existing arrangement. According to you, she has been the ideal sb until now. Also according to you, emotions are running high for you and you would consider some drastic changes to be with her. Perhaps the two are coincidental…perhaps not.

    My suggestion is to see if she brings it up on your next visit. Just realize that because you think she is active again, you will be more sensitive to perceived or subtle changes. If she does not say outright that she is ready for a change, then you can. Keep it drama free on both sides. The whys, what-ifs and asking for a second chance rarely work in sugar once the sweetness becomes tainted. You were lucky to have had such a wonderful experience in this fickle world. Pat yourself on the back and glow in the aftermath.

    Personally, I have had to deal with emotional boundaries in sugar and it’s challenging. I keep sugar in its own little box and take it out to play on occasion…putting all other responsibilities aside. Then I put it away again for a while. I hear the SDs fuss when an SB wants more communication…too much drama, but when they (SDs) want more communication, the SB is being unreasonable or unresponsive. Truthfully, married SDs cannot afford the luxury of an emotional attachment to an sb. I get the hopeless romantic wants that emotional attachment, but be careful what you ask for. As LoveMySugarLife said…communicate what you need/desire up front. Touch base again in a few months. BUT…have some accountability and accept sugar for what it is….stop trying to make it what it isn’t.

    Bede bede bede…tttthhhat’s all folks!!!

    PS – I come off as a bit cold, but I can assure you that in person I’m one of the most affectionate, loving people you’ll know. I just have a practical side that seems beneficial in sugar.

  106. Anna Molly says:

    Awww, I’m sorry VA Gent. I hope everything works out.

  107. Va Gentleman says:

    Oops !

    1) is the older one of lack of communication in between visits–with some exceptions , and perhaps the more serious one is

    2) my Baby has posted her active profile on the site ) : I know this because I am a lurker right now –a non paying one –with no intention to seek other SBs . Maybe she is doing the same thing but I think she is looking to add another Daddy to fill the gaps between our visits . My heart is broken so I intend to confront her with this and see what her intentions are . I know a lot of you see multiple Daddys ,but I am not OK with that for myself . If she requires more than one then she will be looking for two new SDs , and I will be back to the search for a SB content with just me . Semi Newbie –hit me up if you and your Daddy break up as you predict . LOL

    I digress –Back to expectations . Months ago when we started seeing each other I hinted at the need to be monogamous but did not make it clear that I expected it from her. I did tell her that I was monogamous myself. Nor did I ask her to respond to my texts in a timely fashion to occasional one liners. Like NCGent said , there are certain social graces that one expects of another ,especially a friend/ loved one .

    However , the lesson learned is to discuss ALL of the potential issues up front so that both parties know what the other expects . The more experience one has the more likely it is to know what things need to be covered

  108. LoveMySugarLife says:

    @NC Gent

    I don’t know the specifics of your relationship with your SB so it may be unfair for me to even share my opinion. HOWEVER, I will play devil’s advocate and give you some food for thought.

    Yes, reasonable behavior is an unspoken expectation in most areas of life — in business relationships and personal ones. The difference is, there is a TON of ‘gray’ areas in business that you have to go along with whether you agree with them or not. For example, you know the customer is not ALWAYS right, but you have to make them feel and believe they are. That’s customer service 101. You DO have to respond to customers in a timely manner or you might lose the deal. It is strictly business and therefore, you do what you may not enjoy sometimes.

    Sugar dating is different in this regard. It is VERY black and white and that’s a part of the beauty. You DO have an opportunity to spell out EXACTLY what your expectations are in the beginning and you SHOULD. A lot of SBs choose this lifestyle not only for the allowance and gifts, but also because they are trying to get somewhere in life, don’t have time for boyfriend commitments and like the NSA idea of it all. The NSA part is the only area I would consider as being partially gray because NSA means different things to different people. For some women, NSA means there are no common demands, such as responding immediately to a text. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care or is intentionally being disrespectful. It may just mean she feels FREE to take her time because there isn’t going to be the typical backlash of jealousies and the drama of “where were you? who were you with?” “why didn’t you respond to my text?” types of questions that traditional dating can lead to.

    So yes, you DO have to communicate and share that you need and expect more communication. I know it should be a given, but it really isn’t. This type of dating drops all the rules of traditional dating and you get to make your own. But if you don’t share those rules, your SB may never know what makes you happy and by YOU dropping her for this, then makes HER merely a transaction to YOU because you didn’t see her as important enough to share what works for you in an arrangement. I guess you have to ask yourself if you care about her enough as a person to talk with her and see if behaviors improve and your expectations are met — especially if you are dating a young SB. They simply can be clueless sometimes and do not intend to hurt their SDs. They just don’t know that they don’t know. Make sense?

  109. Va Gentleman says:

    Oops !

    1) is the older one of lack of communication in between visits–with some exceptions , and perhaps the more serious one is

    2) my Baby has posted her active profile on the site ) : I know this because I am a lurker right now –a non paying one –with no intention to seek other SBs . Maybe she is doing the same thing but I think she is looking to add another Daddy to fill the gaps between our visits . My heart is broken so I intend to confront her with this and see what her intentions are . I know a lot of you see multiple Daddys ,but I am not OK with that plan for myself . If she requires more than one then she will be looking for two new SDs , and I will be back to the search for a SB content with just me . Semi Newbie –hit me up if you and your Daddy break up as you predict . LOL

  110. Va Gentleman says:

    Expectations :

    This is really my first Sugar Relationship where I am feeling my way along . There are very few issues that have come up so far with my Baby but all of a sudden there are a couple .

  111. NC Gent says:

    I see your point LoveMySugarLife — but what other things do I have to tell her are reasonable behavior? Do I have to tell her I expect her to say “thank you” after I do something nice for her? I hope I don’t have to make a list of things that I feel are reasonable behavior. Social skills are part of the deal IMHO. I own a business and none of my customers have to tell me they expect me to return their communication in a reasonable time, and if one wants to be cold about this, sugar dating can be viewed as a business transaction. If my clients aren’t happy, they go elsewhere.

  112. LoveMySugarLife says:

    In my opinion, it is highly unfair to the SB to pull the plug from an arrangement for lack of communication IF this wasn’t something you initially discussed as one of your needs/expectations.

    Remember, the atmosphere surrounding arrangement/relationships are that they are meant to be fun and drama-free. They shouldn’t feel binding or restrictive; rather, liberating, mutually beneficial and again, FUN. I’m not encouraging the behaviors of the SBs mentioned above, but I do think if you are an SD who REQUIRES timely responses and constant communication, you should let your new SBs know of your desires from the GET GO. Otherwise, they may not know they are doing anything wrong at all.

  113. Tel_Aviv says:

    Hi Everybody,
    Love the article- well written Jennifer!
    Brilliant call Brandon- clearly she’s the right PR person for SA.

    We have to understand that by nature this site is/we are controversial. We’re up against THOUSANDS of years of programming and stereotypes that have been beaten to death.

    I will admit I rather dislike the way SA has been portrayed in media of late… However… This *has* served to make people more aware of the site and it’s no-BS approach (wouldn’t have wound up here if not for the Huffington Post article).

    I think Jennifer has us well on our way… And I personally want to thank you Brandon for being brave and creating a place where we don’t have to pretend to be anything we’re not.
    Tel Aviv

  114. SmilinSD says:

    Well NC, it is a relatively new relationship so fatigue would not be it.
    Va Gentleman
    Maybe it is a tactic to keep NSA distance. If it is, it might work too well and as I may have to pull the plug here.
    It is a shame because she is a very sweet girl. I have to wonder if I am actually in the backup SD position. I guess that I’ll have to talk with her but this is the kind of stuff that I really don’t have time for. Maybe I’ll just move on. Thinkin time.

  115. NC Gent says:

    Heya AM! I like having my old moniker back – thanks 🙂

    I always judge my SB by her actions — if she is consistently slow to respond (48 hours to an email, and about 12 hours for a text), she just isn’t into me, and I move on. I even go a step further, if she doesn’t initiate communication with me occasionally, I move on. I am not looking to be in her life 24/7, but I do expect routine communication. I recognize others may view my expectations as unreasonable.

  116. Anna Molly says:

    I’m giving my Sweetie:
    1. Homemade Mallomars
    Because they are his favorite cookie 🙂
    2. A chefs jacket
    Because we like to cook together. 🙂

  117. Anna Molly says:

    *respond*. I guess my brain isn’t working, but, then again, it never is… 😀

  118. Anna Molly says:

    NC! Good to see you back to your old self again! 😉

    Smilin SD ~ I couldn’t wait a whole week to respond to my Sweetie! I look forward to his texts and emails and I respond as soon as I can, maybe I resopnd too quickly…lol :D. I think you should have a talk with her and let her know how you feel about it and get to the bottom of things. Maybe VA Gentleman is right, maybe texting is the way to go! 🙂

  119. Va Gentleman says:

    @ Smilin SD

    I have a similar problem with my SB who is perfect in every other way. I have given her slack for the between visit lack of base touching because she is good at making and confirming plans when we are seeing each other .

    To me a deal breaker would be the non response in the planning department . Those of us who are around young ladies ( like our daughters ) know that the the cell phone stays glued to their ear lobes and they won’t put them down to go to the rest room much less sleep . And –they are constantly texting . Perhaps you should use texting as the preferred method of touching base with her instead of email . Therefore , I know when I don’t get an answer to my text my SB is making a concious decision to not communicate with me . And you can be sure yours is also . I think it is disrespectful to you and perhaps contemptuous in a passive aggressive way . More benignly I think that is the way SBs keep their distance and maintain a NSA relationship .

    I am going to discuss this with my Baby since it is the unknown and unexpected that destroys some relationships . Communication is the key . You should talk to yours and let her know how much it bothers you , and if she still does it then you will know where you stand in her mind and heart .If you tolerate it then you have no one to blame but yourself .

  120. NC Gent says:

    SmilinSD — I think it means that she just isn’t into the sugar relationship that much anymore, but she probably still enjoys the perks. She probably still likes you but it is classic relationship fatigue – things have grown old. I don’t think you are a jerk for having negative feelings about it. You can express your displeasure, and things will probably get better for a little while, but is it worth the drama? If it were me, I would start looking for another SB that appreciates you more. Telling her your intentions is a relatively painless way to end it.

  121. Anna Molly says:

    Hi Everyone! Hope all of you are having a great day! Haven’t caught up on the blog yet, but wanted to say hi. 🙂

    • SD Guru says:

      The blog is still having problems with comments randomly being held. If your comment doesn’t show up right away please be patient and it will show up eventually. Please don’t re-post and say you’re being moderated because it will just further add to the queue.

      Anyone else in addition to NewYorkGirl went to the SA party?? Please provide a full report!! 🙂

      @Midwest SB
      Question for the married gents – What makes having the attention of another woman worth the risk?

      It’s very simple… Being in the sugar world is an escape from the reality that we’re husbands and fathers. It allows us to be ourselves and to be appreciated for who we are. Each married SD has a different risk tolerance, but if we’re in the sugar world then obviously we find it worth the risk. However, if a married SD ends up wanting to make the escape a reality, then he has just increased the risk and cost exponentially. That’s why I always say don’t get emotionally attached, especially for a married man.

      Mantra for today: Don’t reward bad behavior….

      I’ve heard that one before… maybe you should tape that to your fridge like Alleycat did! 😛

      Hey fruitcakes!… What are some thoughtful holiday gifts for SD’s?

      Welcome back, but did you just call us fruitcakes?? :mrgreen:

      I agree with Va Gent who wrote “Nothing monetary is the correct answer”. Over time I have received many thoughtful gifts from my SB’s, including books, ties, momentos that remind me of where she’s located, etc. But the most memorable gifts are thoughtful gestures that are priceless, such as, a home cooked meal, a pamper session, serenade me with songs, and trying new things in the bedroom! 😉 However, if he’s married, I’d suggest that you refrain from anything that are personalized or of a photographic nature. Too much explaining to do if it’s discovered by the spouse.

  122. SmilinSD says:

    I agree that an SB is much less expensive than a divorce. I actually consider it a preventative measure as long as I don’t blow it. I am happier at home and I am sure that I am easier to get along with. If my wife had her own SB, I don’t really think that it would bother me as long as made her happy. Aside from the obvious physical things and a bit of ego stroking, it’s nice to have a friend that you can be totally honest with without the fear of creating lifetime of complications. Married life can be great but very complicated. SB dating just feels like freedom.

    I keep reading: “don’t reward bad behavior”. I currently have a relationship with an SB who seems to fall off of the planet communication wise every so often. Sometime a week goes by without an email response and that can make it a bit difficult to plan anything ahead of time. This has happened when we were in the middle of solidifying plans. She just says that she was busy. Am I being a jerk for feeling that she doesn’t respect my limited available time? I usually bend in her direction when things conflict as it is. I don’t expect real time responses but it does only take a minute to read and send an email.

  123. SouthernGent2 says:

    Midwest – my preference is to see someone in another city, so I don’t feel so much at risk. Though I do have a “local” date planned tonight.

  124. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    SG2 – I’m sure that’s true, but is it worth the risk? Or do you feel your risk is low?

    Mantra for today: Don’t reward bad behavior….don’t reward bad behavior…don’t reward bad behavior…deep breath.

    Sugar is so much easier 🙂 Hope everyone is having a fantabulous day! Two finals and I’m one step closer!

  125. SouthernGent2 says:

    Midwest – sometimes its fun to walk into a nice restaurant with a beautiful and younger woman, and know there are some stares of envy being directed at our table.

  126. Va Gentleman says:

    @ Carebear

    Nothing monetary is the correct answer since we are providing $$ for your benefit ,not ours .

    One treat I would appreciate is a date with my baby “on her” It would work for us since we are on a Sugar /visit program and see each other 1 to 2 times/week . It’s not just the $$ but the gesture that I am important to her for more than just the $$ . This would be impractical if you only see each other infrequently, live far away from each other , or have an unlimited visitation schedule for the sugar donation .

    @Cougarlicious also has a great idea . Any pictorial reminder of my Baby and our times together would be welcome

  127. NC Gent says:

    OK — I seem to be stalker free for a while so I am going back to my old moniker.

    Carebear — not sure I am happy to see you back 🙂 and I actually think I am only juggling 11 not 12 — you must have miscounted some where!

    Midwest — I see out-of-town SBs so I really don’t see it as that risky. But there is definitely still some risk. Here are some reasons. Having an SB is significantly less expensive than a divorce. I keep thinking I will grow out of this mid-life crisis phase and be able to continue without disrupting my kids’ lives. Finally, as with any business decision, I am willing to accept the consequences should something happen. Perhaps unhealthy rationalizations, and I am not looking for feedback (judgment) on my decision.

  128. PetiteSB says:

    Hi all,

    Thank you so much for your comments 🙂

    SD guru 🙂
    you are right, will think about it, I wouldn’t be too keen to reveal too much about myself here though.

    XOXO S
    Thank you for your advice 🙂
    My pics apparently are eye-catching enough to be listed for their favourite or sending me winks, the message starting with “love your pics!” but not anything promising 🙁 As you say, I’ll think abiut how  I can rephrase/rewrite better yo let my pot SD know what I can offer to them.

    Your comments always give me some energy, thank you 🙂  I have contacted some pot SDs I was interested but no one wrote me back. But I will try, and sounds like the patience is the key 😉

  129. Stormcat says:

    NewYorkGirl ~ I find listening to blues to be quite comforting. . . If you don’t own any then the Blues station on LastFM will get you there . . . listen until you’re tired of hearing it then go back to your regular music. . . you’ll feel better! 🙂

  130. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Hey carebear!!! I gave my SD a useful item with a hidden USB port. On the USB port were pics that would elicit memories from our adventures together. He loved it! Either that or a vibe that he controls via cell / internet for the times when you’re apart 3:)

    Question for the married gents – What makes having the attention of another woman worth the risk? I know you seek sex, comfort, the doe-y eyes looking at you in admiration…but is that all?

  131. Stormcat says:

    Carebear ~ a card/coupon for a personal massage given by you at his liesure/convenience! (Priceless!)

  132. LoveMySugarLife says:


    Simple. New lingerie + you in it.

  133. PinkIris says:

    Write him a card, in a calligraphic style. I think it is ellegant, give it to him in person and have him open it later.
    If he smokes cigars a box for them engraved with his innitials, an engraved business card holder, at the antique shops you can find even silver ones at decent proces and then engrave it.

    A picture of something that he likes framed, something small sized….

    A book in an old edition if he is keen to reading…

  134. NewYorkGirl says:

    Hi everyone! Thank you guys for support (guru and storm cat especially).
    I went ! To NYC party tonight. Yes, home already.
    The biggest thing is I met Brandon and hug him! 🙂 !

    Otherwise all sad. Sorry, my heart is broken. Going to listen to sad music and sleep. 🙁

  135. carebear says:

    PS-enigma, you seem to pull out the emotional side in all of your SB’s (when I say all, I mean all 12 women you’re juggling at any given moment in time)…….am I spotting a trend?


  136. carebear says:

    Hey fruitcakes! Emergency blog post request! What are some thoughtful holiday gifts for SD’s? Preferably under the $100 range…..my SD will get upset if he finds out I spend any amount of money on it, so I have to be thoughtful and all of that crap.


    Oh and a-mish you guys


  137. ContentSB says:

    Hi all!

    I’ve been a reader of the blog for quite some time, but this is my first time actually posting…so here we go!

    I like where she’s coming from, I really do, but I also have to disagree. I’m a girly girl who was raised on Disney and all things princess. I’m now 22 and if I’m totally honest with myself I wouldn’t complain if I happened to meet a prince, fall in love, and of course live happily ever after (yeah…I was one of the crazies up at 4 am to watch Kate Middleton live out my dream). With that being said, I don’t think sugar dating is equivalent to prince/princess dating. My girlish dream has never been to become involved, in any capacity, with a married man who is old enough to be my own father. Depending on the circumstance, sugar dating has the potential to be somewhat morally gray, and my imaginary fairytales have always been pure white.

    My SD treats me well, and I am well taken care of. I genuinely do enjoy our time together, as well as the communication between visits (we live in different states, so our arrangement relies heavily on texts/phone calls). I could even say that he does treat me like a princess. But real princesses aren’t experienced in the same type of discretion as SBs are. They aren’t mistresses. I realize these are my own personal hang-ups not shared by everyone else in the sugar dating world (not everyone is involved with someone married, or have the same hesitancy towards becoming involved with someone married), but in my opinion there are several factors that prevent arrangements from becoming fairytales.

    It sounds pessimistic, but that’s not my intention. I do care for my SD and am eternally grateful for him/his generosity. I can honestly say I wouldn’t be where I am without his help. I’m simply saying that in my opinion an arrangement isn’t the equivalent of a fairytale. Let’s call it what it is.

  138. SouthernGent2 says:

    This topic is pretty funny. Brings back a memory of someone I met on the site and got to know fairly well. Very attractive college girl, but her life seemed more like she wanted to live the fantasy. She was obsessed with Disney, wearing pink, sparkly jewelry (cheap stuff actually), etc. Personally I thought it made her seem way younger than her actual age.

  139. Va Gentleman says:


    ah-emotional attatchment –that two edged sword . It is so sweet but painful at the same time . I am sorry for your loss .

    Sugar Dating does help keep the perspective on track but it is not bulletproof . My Baby either truly loves me or does a magnificent job of being the ultimate SB and making me feel that she does . Perhaps it really doesn’t matter which it is because reality is what you perceive it to be .

  140. LoveMySugarLife says:


    You’re doing the right thing by taking the initiative to write/re-write your profile. Once you love everything about your profile and feel it represents you well, be patient. You will capture the right SD’s attention. Also, don’t be afraid to do the pursuing either. There’s no real rules to the chase in this type of pursuit. If you aren’t getting the amount of messages you like, perhaps you have to get out there and do some of the chasing! Browse SDs in your area (and outside your area), if a profile catches your attention, send a note and introduce yourself. Write to several SDs. Don’t write a book, but also don’t just write one line. Write just enough to show you paid attention to their profile and you’re interested in finding out if there will be a connection. Remember it’s the holidays now too and people are busy, busy! Hang in there!

  141. Enigma SD says:

    I enjoyed the article. On another note, my first SB and I were very emotionally involved. It was heart wrenching when it had to end (she graduated from college and wanted to start looking for a husband), but I was extremely happy when I was with her and made a lifelong friend. Sure it was painful when it ended, but I would do it all over again, and not change a thing.

  142. XOXOSB says:

    Jennifer’s article seems relative in the sense of the financial aspect of what SBs receive, but when I think of a prince and princess and a fairytale, I think of two people meeting and falling in LOVE. Falling in love is not what sugar relationships are about. Sugar relationships are NSA. And love is not just NSA fun.

    @PetiteSB: Make sure your pictures are classy and eye catching. That’s the first thing that makes someone want to click on your profile and read it. Also, make sure you focus on what you have to offer a POT SD. POT SDs are looking for someone to fulfill their needs so make sure you make that a big flashing neon sign in your profile. 🙂

  143. Stormcat says:


    Kindred Spirit ~ You are right but it isn’t sugar dating anymore. I am in love with her, she has become my irl gf, no longer nsa, and recently moving in a very positive direction. 🙂

    Oh NewYorkGirl ~ Don’t be sad please! We love you here on the blog. (Sending smiles and big warm hugs!)

    • SD Guru says:

      Being a romantic is going with one’s feelings no matter how disastrous the results can be…

      That sounds a bit foolish, no? I’d think you can be a romantic without being foolish. It just takes emotional maturity. Looks like you and Va Gent should get together and enjoy emotional attachment to the fullest and see if it ends in disaster! :mrgreen:

      I have been here for nearly a year but I haven’t come across with any decent pot SD… If there are any ways to improve the sitution, or handle these clueless guys, I’d like to know.

      It’s difficult to give you specific advice without knowing more about your situation, such as your age, location, what you’re looking for, etc. Perhaps you can provide a link to your profile or tell us more about yourself so we can offer something more constructive.

      Re: Romance and emotional involvement

      Keep in mind sugar relationships can have romance and emotional involvement just like regular relationships. The key difference is the sugar which keeps the relationship NSA. It takes emotional maturity and experience to make a NSA sugar relationship work like LoveMySugarLife described. If you treat a sugar relationship like a regular relationship and find it difficult to handle sugar and NSA boundaries, then you might find your stay in the sugar world relatively short.

      Re: Jennifer’s article

      I enjoyed reading the article and I think she captured the essence of what sugar is. Regular dating sites are for those who are looking for happily ever after, and there is a time and place for such an endeaver. However, as we all know, the reality is that half of all marriages end in divorce, and most of the other half stay married only for the sake of the family. Therefore, most marriages don’t become happily ever after and that’s why it’s a fairy tale. As Kindred Spirit mentioned, sugar relationships allow us to live happily in the present regardless of what type of situations we’re in. It’s usually transient in nature and not meant to last, but it can have lasting impacts on our lives.

  144. Amber says:

    Society has a lot to say… but I don’t even care! My family approves… my friends approve (and participate) We are a society ourselves! I am finally glad to be part of the ‘click’ instead of just wishing I could be! I’m proud to be here and there isn’t any shame in my corner! Well, except for the frogs that didn’t magically transform for me! I should’ve known better, right? I’m the kinda chick that would be more proud of my sugar daddy than he would be of me! LOL Am I CRAZY? Is this possibly my quarter life crisis? Maybe! All who want to watch me shine with my future Knight are individuals worthy of friendship! All who dissapprove can get left in the dust they were born in.. I’m moving up!

  145. Amber says:

    I may be expecting a lil too much and I may be a daydreamer, after reading that I’m feeling a bit like a damsel in distress… Waiting for my prince!

  146. Amber says:

    I agree! I agree! Answers to the?s are yes! Yes! I think it was very well written! If it is true.. then the? Of whether or not this is right 4 me is answered!

  147. PinkIris says:

    I do agree with LoveMySugarLife on the emotions. But we are here with a purpose and it is easier to just not get tangled into disastruous situations.

    In my case I got almost to the point of thinking: I would like this man beyond sugar. I stopped there , it was the safest for me. He is reserved and does not use big words even if he loves communicating. The reason I liked him was that he addressed my mind first and then my bodyIt was the best way to play the seduction game.

    AnaMolly thank you for your answer on the other blog post

  148. LoveMySugarLife says:


    I’m not at all saying emotions can be chosen! If that were the case, we would be like robots and completely programmable and who wants that? I guess my point is that we can choose to develop the ability to validly reason with our emotions and use our emotions to enhance thought and manage our actions.

    EXAMPLE: If I choose to enter an arrangement and I know the boundaries (NSA, no heavy emotional attachment, etc) and I find I am beginning to cross those boundaries, I have to stop myself, assess the situation, be totally self-aware, assimilate my emotion-related feelings, understand the information of those emotions, and manage them OR I have to end the arrangement.

  149. PetiteSB says:

    Hi all,

    I posted my question before but my major concern about being on the site is I hardly get any message.
    I have been here for nearly a year but I haven’t come across with any decent pot SD.

    Most of them are either one-liners, sound so bossy/demanding, asking for more pics/shows on cam (rolling my eyes), or also once there were these guys proposing this junior analyist position for their securities firms, etc. the list would be endless, some are definitely clueless, being on the wrong site.

    I am wondering if there is really anyone genuine or it is because of the location/my nationality.

    After reading some advice from the blogs on this site, I’ve rewritten my profile to make it clearer and more appealing – I hope it is.

    Since I live in one of the world largest city, financial centre as well, there are many business people coming and going, so I think there must be pot SDs looking for SB here but I haven’t had any luck.

    If there are any ways to improve the sitution, or handle these clueless guys, I’d like to know.

    Thank you,

  150. Stormcat says:

    By the way welcome to Jennifer! 🙂 Many of us miss Stephen as he was here for so long, but I’m sure we will grow to love you just as much for the qualities you bring to the site.

  151. semi-newbie says:

    @Va Gent
    Thanks for the sympathy. I cannot really talk to anyone else about it. Just like you, I am not acting needy towards my SD. Don’t think it’s fair to burden him with my feelings. I sound most needy on the blog, sign.
    I do agree with Stormcat. I really hope my SD would be completely happy in his marriage even if it means my getting dumped. I think he is happily married other than the sex aspect. I kind of mentioned to him once that I think sex is the easiest thing to work out between a couple and he should try working on it with his wife, but dropped it because I didn’t think it’s polite for me to talk about his wife. I believe your SB would want you to be happy even without her in the picture. Hope you figure things out soon.

  152. semi-newbie says:

    How I envy your ability to manage your emotions.
    I don’t really cry watching romance movies, didn’t even finish watching the Notebook. I cry when watching Sci-fi movies. The latest was X-men: First Class. What a nerd!

  153. Stormcat says:

    Va Gent ~ I know what you’re saying. I’m still in love with my xSB. But, I sometimes reel from the upheaval in my life that our arrangement caused. That upheaval even included the end of my marginally unsatisfactory marriage. I’ve tried to let it go. . . tried to meet others, . . lately just tried to be alone and work. But the love is still there and the hurt that it caused to others still haunts me. I don’t say this too loudly . . . but if you are dissatisfied in your marriage, having an SB doesn’t solve it. . . it only makes the dissatisfaction more poignant.

  154. Va Gentleman says:


    I feel for you because I suffer from romanticism as well and do not like the limitations I have to put on our sugar dating because of my married status. My Baby seems to be available most of the time I can see her so I am blessed . And so far she has not expressed any needy tendencies that would put pressure on me to change. I am actually putting pressure on myself so I have to figure things out as if she were not involved . Because in the end , the reason I am here (as I imagine most men are ) is that my marriage is not providing me with what I need (and it is more than just S-E-X)

    It would be easier not to love my Baby but it is also what makes the relationship special instead of just a pleasant interlude .

  155. Stormcat says:

    LoveMySugarLife ~ I don’t see how anyone can choose emotions. I think they are either there or not. If I don’t feel love, I just don’t feel it and for all the internal justification I can muster I still won’t feel it. I have developed love occationally where I didn’t feel it at first but once I developed it I could then feel it. And the opposite is also true. If I feel love . . . I can’t deny it! The emotion doesn’t go away just because it’s unwanted. The reason this doesn’t fit for me with sugar dating is that when love is not reciprocated it is more than painful, it is debilitating!

  156. LoveMySugarLife says:


    I am also the eternal romantic and cry every time I watch romantic comedies! I want to fall in the “happily ever after” type of love one day. I really do. Just right now it isn’t a priority for me so the arrangement lifestyle fits perfectly into the mold of what my needs are in my life right now. I can have the romance, the dates, the companionship, the care and love, the financial support – without the nuances and complications that can come with the happily ever after type of love. Because I know this isn’t what I want right now, I am able to approach the sugar dating life with the proverbial reigns around my heart that cue me to halt and turn directions when deeper feelings develop.

  157. LoveMySugarLife says:


    I’m talking strictly about having romance in an arrangement – lavishing personal attention, adoration, laughter, candle-lit dinners, flowers, etc. I know you can still have those things in a sugar relationship without falling in love. True, sugar dating can and does test your ability to manage deeper emotions. You really have to go into it knowing it is temporary. Choosing an arrangement is essentially opting for an unconventional approach to dating, which usually (or at least should) garner immediate benefits that you may not be able to have in a traditional relationship. I have loved each one of my SDs (always will) and they have loved me. I think it’s natural for love to develop, it’s just a matter of knowing when it’s becoming unhealthy and knowing how to move forward when the feelings cross over the arrangement borders.

  158. semi-newbie says:

    And I think there is a difference between being romantic and being a romantic. Being romantic is doing romantic things e.g. sweet surprises, sweet talking, etc; the opposite of that is being mandate. Being a romantic is going with one’s feelings no matter how disastrous the results can be; the opposite of that is being a realist.
    I think you seem to be talking about the former, which is really sweet for both you and your SD to be romantic; Stormcat and I are talking about the latter, which, you know, could be disastrous.

  159. semi-newbie says:


    “I am a romantic, and romantics don’t fit very well with sugar dating.”
    I agree with Stormcat. I’m a romantic and I don’t fit very well with sugar dating. In fact, I’m quitting sugar dating entirely, when my SD breaks up with me. I think a romantic just falls in love too quickly and too completely, and many sugar veterans here will say falling in love is bad in sugar dating if you want to avoid heartbreaks. I don’t know how you handle the gaps. I see my SD twice a week and the gaps are still killing me. Speaking as a true (or crazy) romantic, life without him is unbearable, lol.

  160. LoveMySugarLife says:


    “I am a romantic, and romantics don’t fit very well with sugar dating.

    I disagree that romantics don’t fit well with sugar dating. All of my SDs have been infinitely romantic and I am the same way. I have not missed a beat on having romance in my life by choosing to sugar date and sometimes I find it can be more romantic than traditional dating. There are usually gaps (sometime large ones) in between time together so every single time is almost like a first date! Is this fairytale living? Possibly. But I believe this mindset can be applied to traditional dating as well. The difference is couples become complacent and start taking each other for granted – that’s the gray area that doesn’t seem to exist in sugar dating!

  161. […] here to read the rest: Sugar Baby & Sugar Daddy: The Modern Day Princess & Prince? document.write('');Not a user of a video wordpress plugin? You should? Posted in News Tags: […]

  162. Stormcat says:

    This article effectively evoked an emotional response in me. It is not only girls growing up that are influenced by the fairy tales of prince and princess etc. leading to true love and happiness. Boys are also indoctrinated. Mine didn’t come from Disney, though, rather from the many books and stories read to me and later by me. Also from film, theatre, and popular music and television.

    I was pretty much a social klutz growing up. Rural blue collar class family life didn’t do much to help that! But by the time I worked my way through College and Grad school achieving not one but two Doctorates, traveled the world experiencing many cultures, and developed personal friendships with scientists, artists, diplomats, musicians, attorneys, professors, poets, architects, politicians, and businessmen, I started to flourish socially of my own accord. I’ve learned not to judge and as a result I am accepted and welcome among them all. But I have never been able to overcome the unfathomable internal conviction that I will always be un-worthy of societal acceptance unless a beautiful intelligent woman loves me and wants to be with me! A woman who could chose anyone loves me and wants to be with me! Hence my foray into sugarland!

    Yes ~ NewYorkGirl ~ I am a romantic, and romantics don’t fit very well with sugar dating. But that didn’t stop me from trying because I never really fit very well anywhere before anyway. But I stopped about a year ago for the personal realization that I will never be happy with someone until I can be happy alone. The fierce freedom taught by the hawk and the rebirth and renewal of life taught by the frog (two of the spirits now in my totem) have been helping me overcome the anguish of living alone through this time.

    As an aside ~ one of the aspects of the article that was not stated directly but was obvious as an underlying attitude is also a general attitude among SBs and many SDs. That is that unless someone is wealthy he cannot be a true SD. I’m sure the response here will be o’contraire, he is just more limited, but if he makes and lives up to the commitment and delivers what he says he will deliver the he is just as much a true SD as the multimillionaire. What I think is missing in this understanding though is that because it is not as easy for him, because he has to save and sacrifice in order to make his role true, because he has to really want it, for him, and the woman lucky enough to becomes his SB, the sugar can be very very sweet!

  163. LoveMySugarLife says:

    I should elaborate…

    In the case of MY prince (SD) he does make me feel poised and graceful AND is assisting me in ways that will help me reach my own potential (becoming QUEEN one day) through financial support and mentoring me in business!

  164. LoveMySugarLife says:

    What do you think of Jennifer’s essay? Are there any specific points you agree or disagree with?

    I loved everything about Jennifer’s essay except for the following statements: “There is a place where princes are looking for girls to spoil, modern day knights in shining armor looking for a pretty girl to wear on his arm.”

    Society has a hard time accepting this lifestyle and most dub it as completely shallow. If you saw Leidra Lawson’s (author of Sugar Daddy Dating 101) interview with Bill O’Reilly, this was something Leidra had to continually defend because O’Reilly kept telling her what a shallow life sugar dating is and how you “sell your romantic soul” if you choose the SD/SB lifestyle. I personally know my relationship with my SD runs much deeper and extends far beyond him just having nice arm candy and me being spoiled. So for me, the statement above rubbed me wrong. I’m happy in her closing paragraph she mentioned the different types of approaches for various SBs. Great job, Jennifer!

    Do you think the Disney princess meet prince fairy tales had any impact in your life? Did you grow up dreaming of becoming a princess or finding your prince?

    Disney DOES play a big role in lending to the princess/prince/white knight syndrome, but there are many other different factors as to why being a princess is attractive and I think it is different for each girl and depends on their upbringing. I was raised to view a princess as a girl with poise, grace, beauty and kindness; a girl who is noble and lives up to her potential – which is one day becoming queen. It was less about the “being spoiled” factor for me.

  165. KindredSpirit says:

    Hmm, so my comment’s awaiting moderation. So I may not be 2nd, hehe.

    Yep, when I was a young girl I thought a lot about the dream of being “wined and dined and romanced”, and of a sacred, monogamous, forever love. And, having witnessed such between my parents and through observation of other couples I have met and haven’t met, that type of relationship is very much real, I believe. But was that really meant for me then, now or ever?

    Now that I’m an older and wiser girl through my own life experiences, I’ve stopped dreaming for a happy future with only one perfect guy for me, that “forever prince”. Instead I’m focusing on the happiness I find in the current tense with the man I may be spending time with now. Could it lead to more someday? I’d rather not think or worry about it and rather concentrate on the joyous present. I’ll think about that more when I’ve reached my 50’s or so. If the arrangement or relationship ends, it’s no longer the end of the world anymore (like I had felt about my previous boyfriends/husband in the far past).

    Guess I’ll just say I’m a “romantic of the present”, time-wise as well as literally (indeed, the tenderhearted men I meet as I sugardate are truly a Gift to be cherished…).

    Lovely to be here and I’ve never been more comfortable and feeling “at home” internally with dating before. I’ll enjoy the ride for as long as these mutually-beneficial arrangements may last. 🙂

    So many beautiful people in this world…if I hadn’t come to this dating style I know I would not have ever met them. Regular dating sites are boring to me now that I know I’m not looking to remarry or have a regular boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. When it feels right to be looking for that kind of relationship again, I’ll know. In the meantime, life is good and fully enriching….

    Wishing everyone continued happiness, or renewed happiness with finding the right sugar or dating style for them! *Cheers*

  166. KindredSpirit says:

    Second! Good morning!!

    I enjoyed reading Jennifer’s essay very much. My only note is that it mainly speaks of the SBs’ side of it (in general)…what about the SDs? It would be interesting to hear an SD speak of SeekingArrangement for what happiness it may give him and why he’d (and other men) may want to be in the sugarbowl. 😀

  167. shereen says:

    We have an ancient saying ‘’if you marry the monkey for his wealth, the wealth is temporary matter when u have enough of it or when one day the wealth go. Tough! Monkey will stay, and you will be stuck with it’’ the point is if love involved when the money goes, won’t matter staying with the monkey

  168. Brandon Wade says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!