7 years ago
Motives Behind Seeking Sugar


Why do we seek mutually beneficial relationships? A sweet tooth doesn’t develop from a neutral palate. Much like it’s literal brother, Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby cravings arise from having too much bitterness or sourness. But what we are most curious about are the unconventional catalysts to converting to the Sugar Lifestyle. For those of you who are new to mutually beneficial relationships, let’s address the usual culprits…

1.) The Kept Man

In America, they call them “scrubs”. In the UK, “kept men”. Regardless of what you call a leech, it’s genetic make up still makes it a blood-sucking parasite. These boyfriends are asking you to foot the bill more often than they go job hunting.

2.) Miss or Mrs. Entitled

She’s the woman, or shall we say girl, you dated who expected Chanel, Gucci, trips to Aruba, and a new car for every damn holiday–including the obscure ones. And what did you get in return? Nothing. Because the mere fact that this woman was born and chooses to allow you to even remotely communicate with her, entitles her to your money. All of it.

3.) Turning in the Donna Karan for a Drive Thru for the Diploma

Ah, college. A time to find yourself, explore the world, and experience the joys of life, while the golden carrot of a successful career hangs in the horizon. Not quite. If Mom and Dad didn’t save for your college fund, or possibly tapped into it when that pink slip showed up on either one of their desks. Or your savings went straight to senior year activities. Better buckle down and visit your local fast-food. Not only will this be the only place you can afford to eat, but you will soon be one of their shining employees! Shining the toilet bowl that is…But, it will be worth it right? Secret: Minimum wage will not cover all those wonderful interest rates on your student loan.

4.) “Time is Money”

Successful men know that time is money. You, future Sugar Daddy, sat down and calculated how many times she was late or stood you up last month for dates or get-togethers SHE planned. What did you find? You could have gone across the country, spent a weekend in California or New York, fly back, and you would still have time left off for a martini lunch.

5.) “There Must be More than this Provincial Life”

Back home, everyone knows who you dated, when you were born, and what you are up to next week. The most exciting thing that happened was when they decided to build an In-N-Out at the local mall. The last vacation you went on was to the lake…which was 5 miles from your house.

6.) Tired of Hollering “We Want Pre-nup! We Want Pre-nup!”

What can we say? You are a hopeless romantic! Don’t worry that means you are built to be a Sugar Daddy–possibly the only men who still understand the meaning of romance. Unfortunately, you realized this after the third Botox-filled, trust fund, gold-digging, Daddy’s girl stomped back from her solo trip to Cabo (complete with Housewives of [insert suburb here] mob trailing behind her) with divorce papers. Complete with her 25k monthly alimony requirement.

7.) It’s Not Only Women that are Like Wine

You came back from school one day and found cheese stains on your brand new Chanel purse, so you followed the crumb trail to find your lover. There he was perched yelling into his gaming headset, which he bought last week so his “team” could communicate better. Taking a deep breath, you ask where the two of you should go for dinner. He looks away from the computer screen long enough to announce that he has made arrangements to meet with his “bros” at the local wing joint because “the game is on”. Happy two year anniversary!


What were your motives for seeking Sugar?

Did any of the usual suspects apply to you?

Leave a Reply

292 Responses to “Motives Behind Seeking Sugar”

  1. chloe says:

    OMG I cried at number 5 LOL. 7 went in for the kill. It’s so sad but funny cause it’s true. Uuuuugh, he’s my best friend but I am glad I ended that relationship. Sinking like the Titanic. XD

  2. B-ris says:

    I dont get this article at all, its all over the place!

  3. duh says:

    A very confised atticle where the content doesn’t actually match up to the title but veers off at tangents trying to sound like ‘look at me I’m a meaingless magazine article writer’…

    Hopelessy biased in its ‘Americanese’ language and examples which alienate most other country’s readers it actually really tells us nothing valuable at all about the many real reasons why people enter the sugar bowl. There’s more content about the title topic in the comments rather than the piece itself. Perhaps the writer is aspiring to a stand up comedy routine but either way don’t give up the day job.. if you have one…

  4. Anonymous says:

    Firstly let’s address the fact that most “sugar daddies” on here don’t or hardly have any sugar at all just faking it which is wrong,secondly I don’t get how some of you men can sleep with someone your daughters age or near that age,I’m not judging you cause the girl is in the wrong aswell. It’s a disgrace how “sugar daddies” these days conduct themselves not every meet has to involve a sexual encounter. As for the sugar babies don’t you think whoever false informed you about this site has made you look foolish abit ?
    All in all sugar babies are majoritly here for the money no intentions in any intercourse just the satisfaction of having someone send them a monthly allowance…. before we judge lets walk a mile in their footsteps although this may not be a charity organisation sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures

    Some it all be clear of expectations and lay everything on the table so people’s. valuable time isn’t wasted

    • ` says:

      I’d have to disagree, many girls myself included love older men. I genuinely enjoy how they are gentlemen. They’re over here holding the door for you, pushing your chair in, they’re so much more sensual and giving. But I do think the whole “have sex at every meeting” is a messed up. You should be giving your time, listening to them, being someone they don’t have. Not just a girl to smash with, we are not prostitutes. But I agree at the end of the day both are gaining something, so don’t waste anyone’s time.

  5. AnonSD says:

    Uncomplicated, amazing sex

    • Anonymous says:

      darling, this is what I’m looking for….and all the SD I spoke with are soooo ugly (or fat,stupid or earn less than myself)

  6. sean says:

    THis is a bullocks!

  7. Sugar Baby says:

    I have a clear understanding of the workings of a “mutually beneficial” SB/SD relationship. I myself do attend, school. I’am trying to open my own buisness as well. At the same time, I’m trying to pay off student loans and other debts, and basically just pay my rent and other bills on time, deal with any sudden expenses if they arise, and live a comfortable, life. As I mentioned I have a clear understanding of a great, mutual beneficial arrangement, I have great appreciation for one as well.

    • simon says:

      you should find some SD because I feel that there is a lot of turnover in these kinds of relationships. all men are not necessarily looking for stability

      • Dave Jr says:

        Broke people have no business opening a business. Establish yourself and go from there. Always wanting instant gratification, doesn’t work that way. Suffer a bit now so that you don’t take success for granted later and act like Mr. Rose. (Axal not Charlie) Ok both….

  8. n0name says:

    A wannabe SD writes “An businessman with international interests. Educated, out going, true gentleman.” A talented dyslexic who was too shy to ask his secretary to type it out and he is so successful, he is not even aware there is a such a thing called spellchecker?

    • n0name says:

      At least on here they would be expected to live up to claims of income/net worth etc. It is actually quite refreshing they have to state some numbers.

  9. VirtuousOne says:

    wait and see or discover, it is also dependent on the person on the other end.

  10. Cherimoya Velour says:

    I enjoy the traditionally feminine role. And I am attracted to men with success and power. Ofcourse I like nice things, but mainly I like the chivalry that comes along with SD and I like to admire and look up to men that are of a higher status. I really enjoy a extreme yin and yang in relationships.

  11. shamelesslee says:

    I joined SA out of curiosity and stayed because of the potential for a life I could never have otherwise. I hate dating around and I’m very very picky, but on SA if you go on a bad date, at least you know the guy won’t flake out and leave you with the bill. Honestly, I’d say I joined SA because I’m tired of dating losers who won’t get me anywhere in life. I’m young, I don’t want to worry every second if I have this month’s rent or not.

  12. GTA painters says:

    May I just say what a relief to discover somebody who really knows what they’re talking about over the internet.
    You definitely understand how to bring a problem to light and make it
    important. A lot more people must look at this and understand this side of the story.
    I can’t believe you’re not more popular because you certainly have the gift.

  13. Sexy Rican sexy says:

    I was actually going to ask about this eventually. Is rape common in the SB world? Thats all I’m scared of. I have not went out with a man as of yet, but I have to admit that has been on my mind..

    • n0name says:

      There are scammers. They would want you to travel to them. Then come up with some bullshit excuse (usually it is their “work”) and ask you to come to some flat instead of the pre-agreed public place. Do not do it. Basically do not agree to travel at all. They come to you or send tickets or money for tickets/petrol/etc. Only meet in a public place. If you have a good friend, pre-arrange to let them know who you are meeting, where, the guy’s pic, email, IP address, text their car reg; then get your friend to call you and if you do not respond, they call the cops straight away. Better than that case of some saudi claiming he accidentally fell on a girl and that is how his todger happened to be inside (!)

    • Customer Service Rep says:

      Just stay away from Dave and you will OK.

    • Anonymous says:

      Get your monthly allowance first and then proceed with intimacy if required in the arrangement. Don’t assume that all arrangements require intimacy, and don’t be pressured into it because of money or financial problems. This should be about fun, not obligations!

    • Don'tBeFooled says:

      Are you serious, Sexy Rican sexy? Rape happens everywhere, anytime. Don’t be fooled into thinking it doesn’t happen in the “common” SD/SB world. It happens it that world, period. Sex is required. If he says he’s not looking for sex, it’s because he can’t get it up or he has aids. He’s basically PAYING for your company, of course he wants sex. And if he’s paying, it’s expected. You always have the right to say no, and you never have to do something you don’t want to do. Be smart and be safe.

  14. BashfulBaby says:

    How scary about the NY rapist! And so many came close to being his previous/next victim, Ahh!
    I agree: He totally looks the type, too. Also, I do not think it would ever be a good idea to meet someone at their place for the first encounter. Public places should always be first. Please be careful, Everyone. (That goes for SBs and SDs 🙂 )

    I have been hunting Sugar for a few reasons.
    -Financial pains
    -Previous bad experience with being involuntary Sugar Momma
    -Hoping to be treated as a treasure, rather than a commodity/lay.

    My current SD has lifted soo much off my shoulders and continues to be so amazing to me. Thank you, SA! 🙂

  15. JustATequilaSD says:

    Cali thought he may have been faking.

    • California SB says:

      Every time I imagine this scene, a big hairy guy, sitting in jail crying ” I just wanted pussy you know”… while the poor girl sits at a hospital… ” damn, I thought he was going to give me 20K”.

      Not funny, I know. But I rather laugh, than cry.

  16. Stacy, says:

    Travelled Vienna to Salzburg for a lovely night with an SB once upon a time!!! H-O-T!

    • California SB says:

      I’m debating between going in May or October. Maybe this:
      London – Paris – Monte Carlo – Milan – Zurich – Frankfurt – Brussel

      • California SB says:

        2 days in London, 2 in Paris, 1 day in Monte Carlo, 1 in Milan, 1 in Zurich, 1 in Frankfurt and 1 in Brussel. Then back to London to take the plane back home.

      • Stacy, says:

        Brussels is a dump! Try Paris, Zurich, Milan, Venice, Vienna in October – beautiful cities, great shopping, no crowds that time of year – and you could have a cute SD waiting in every city.

      • California SB says:

        Brussels is a dump?? Are you serious??? Absolutely no sugar this trip. I’m turning 25 in December, so this trip is my 25th birthday trip. Me, myself and I. 😛

        I do want to go to Monte Carlo though. Have no desire to go to Venice. I love Germany, so Frankfurt is def a must. Zurich is also a place I always wanted to go.

      • bella says:

        Zurich is boring but beautiful,i prefer Geneva

  17. Frank says:

    There are lots of reasons he would cry in prison that have nothing to do with remorse. Cry because he got caught, or cry because he didn’t think he had done anything wrong and now his life is ruined.

  18. JustATequilaSD says:

    Something like this gains a great deal of negative attention. The really bad guys will try to use it as a lesson on not getting caught. The really bad girls will try to use the incident to manipulate. The true ladies and gentlemen will be more cautious than usual for a while.

  19. JustATequilaSD says:

    @Jersey Darling
    “some people may see warning signs sooner than others ”
    We were talking about intuition, unless you believe trusting your gut would intentionally deliver you to his doorstep then your “intuiter” has made a misjudgement. Great thing about your gut is sometimes it wont leave you alone, when you get the next red flag. As for the second comment, I can withdraw it. I suppose I’m very happy that I don’t have enough of such cases close to me to document it more seriously.

    ” the man who beats his wife”
    most of the guys that I heard about it from (not in a professional capacity, but these were just people that I ran across in my lifetime) usually had a repetative and increasingly aggressive history. I can only imagine that the guy that got stabbed and was calm had been stabbed before (maybe a few times.)

    “crying in jail”
    This actually reinforces my “guess” as to the events in my last comment. And now I am further inclined to believe he was the person that brought her to the hospital. Crying in jail would get him no leniency per se. (Actually, it makes him look more guilty. And who’d want to be a rapist in jail crying.) Just because he showed remorse doesn’t mean he’s not guilty. It may influence the sentencing or parole, but the damage is done and he’ll be on “the list”.

    ***Thank you to those that met him for sharing your personal experience w/this guy. And thanks to Stacey and Jack for their pro insights.***

  20. Frank says:

    I had been corresponding with some potential SB’s right when this happened, and they just stopped corresponding back. Wonder if that was coincidence or was there some connection. Be interesting to see site stats on that.

  21. California SB says:

    I’m thinking about taking a 10 day trip to Europe in October. Just me and my Vuitton bag. Fellow European sugars, what country should I start? France? Say, Paris then buying a rail pass and then go to Italy, Germany etc? Any suggestions?

  22. California SB says:

    Can we move on with the rape topic? How about we start talking about cool things to do in the Spring, like traveling by train in Europe or something.

  23. Stacy, says:

    Now if you want me to get academic, I would probably say he had a classic need for power and control, she gave the impression that she was submissive, and when she rebuffed his advances or his money he lashed out. That said, she isn’t the first woman who rejected him, she may be, but probably isn’t, the first woman he’s ever raped. Why her? Why then? There’s no science on that.

    At which point the question is: Was this an act of violence and passion and he spun out-of-control, or does he serially rape the women he pays for sex, and this is the first time his victim was believed?

  24. Stacy, says:

    Having been on numerous post rape calls As a victim advocate, there is no simple archetype. And there isn’t enough funding for research in the field, to predict who rapes and why.

    Bad night, slutty dress, pushy guy, so many variables. It’s like the man who beats his wife, He didn’t hit her on the first date, and probably didn’t hit every girl that he ever dated. But one night, with one girl, the dynamic changed.

    I went on a rape call, where the perp was still there, he had been stabbed in the arm, and was incredibly calm And controlled- he didn’t rape her he seduced her was his opinion.

  25. Jersey Darling says:


    Unfortunately, I disagree with several things you’ve said.

    “If you’re in the apartment, with the door locked, with a rapist, your intuition has already failed you.

    Actually, I honestly believe that at first cry of rape, many women will immediately side with the victim”

    The first comment about intuition, nothing can protect you against rape, especially when you get into date rape. Some men are better at hiding their motives than others, but some people may see warning signs sooner than others or simply avoid what is obviously a sketchy situation. Sometimes, a woman can say the wrong thing and that’s all it takes to make the man snap.

    To your second comment, all I can say is that is not true – many people do not side with the victim and often the victim gets blamed. That includes other women not siding with the victim, and unfortunately it includes the police as well.

  26. California SB says:

    Tequila: Women do lie about being raped, attacked etc. My little brother was accused of bullying some girl in his school. This girl lied to the school nurse that my brother was calling her names. She lied because my brother didn’t want to hang out with her. She eventually came forward to the principal when she saw my brother was getting into serious trouble because of her damn lie.

    In this NYC rape case, I don’t think the girl is making it up though. She has nothing to gain by crying rape. She is damaging her own reputation by admitting she was in an arrangement site meeting a guy for sex. On the other hand, I read somewhere that the guy was crying in jail, saying all he was doing was paying for company because he is lonely. Not sure if a true rapist would cry like that. Crocodile tears maybe. So, it is hard to say what really happened.

  27. Madeline says:

    He definitely made me feel very uncomfortable, which is pretty hard to do. That had more to do with his manner. I don’t remember being afraid of him, though. He didn’t touch me.

  28. JustATequilaSD says:

    Another source told the Post, that more than 100 women have visited Vohra’s apartment in the past year.

  29. JustATequilaSD says:

    Did he do anything that made you think you almost got raped that night?

  30. JustATequilaSD says:

    “this poor naked woman”
    I have no proof or details as to whether it’s legit or not. I’m glad she came forward, but since this is your degreed field I had hoped for an impartial answer. I understand that as a 5′ 3″ woman you sympathize and relate to the alleged victim, but I seek to understand may have caused his change from pushy to rapist. He has a high profile job in real estate. He’s donated and helped with some community action. He has alot to lose, whether or not the case goes to trial. He’s not recently divorced, and based on recent emails to blogmates they did not identify a sense of loss characteristic to a close death in the family.

    “Very likely he gave the girl $500, they started to play, he got rough and creepy, she told him to stop, He got angry and violent/threatening.”
    I can rationalize this, which is why I stated something similar in my comment to you. I was looking for more details of the behavior of this archetype of offender, but I do appreciate the categorical breakdowns.

    “The girl who gets away from the rapist, Is the girl who listens to her intuition.”
    ” Even at full force all 5’3″ of me, Isn’t going to be very impactful”
    If you’re in the apartment, with the door locked, with a rapist, your intuition has already failed you.

    His neighbor said women were in and out of the apartment all the time, but the article spoke of only one assault aside from the rape. In October he beat up his doorman for making fun of him for bringing women into the hotel (he punched and body slammed the doorman.) I suppose the doorman made a comment about him having to pay for sex. Explosive passive-aggressive violence?

    In the Post article it says the guy showed up at the same hospital where the rape kit exam was being performed, but it is unclear whether or not he brought the victim to the hospital.

    If I had to GUESS, she made fun of him at some point (maybe when she saw his pepe), he snapped, he forced her to have sex, and then after seeing what he’d done, brought her to the hospital, with the knowledge that he would be charged with first degree rape.

    Maybe more women will come forward. If they do, I hope that it is truthful and substantial.

    ” we have a hard time sympathizing with victims who weren’t beaten during the assault”
    Actually, I honestly believe that at first cry of rape, many women will immediately side with the victim. If nothing more than to encourage her to go forward with the rape examination and police report. I can understand this as many women have encountered at least one creepy guy that scared the crap out of them. As a man, I have seen both sides of this fence. I’ve shared my female friends’ stories with you, and I watched a daughter accuse her father of rape because she was pissed at him. There was nothing in either of their interactions that would have given a hint of impropriety. Of course, even after a lie detector and investigators cleared him, his career was destroyed. Rape is a very controversial case. And even though my friends may not have had strong cases, I would have hated to be the guy in either situation. I hope the victim in this current rape case sees justice.

  31. SDinLA says:

    Damn it, having trouble finding someone to make me a kept man for a month…

    @RussianSB so, which one are you? 😉

    Мужская логика

    Решивший жениться мужчина долго думал, какую из трех влюбленных в него девушек взять в жены. Он решил каждой дать по 5000 долларов и выяснить, как они ими будут распоряжаться.
    Первая накупила дорогой одежды, лучшей косметики, сходила в элитный салон красоты – в общем, сделала все, чтобы выглядеть идеально, и сказала: “Я очень люблю тебя и хочу, чтобы все знали, что у тебя самая красивая жена в городе”.
    Вторая истратила все деньги на своего потенциального мужа, купив ему новые костюмы, рубашки, инструменты для автомобиля, и сказала: “Ты – самое главное для меня, поэтому я истратила на тебя все деньги”.
    Третья пустила 5000 долларов в оборот, заработала еще 5000 и все вернула мужчине: “Я очень люблю тебя. Я сделала это, чтобы ты понял, что я умна и нерасточительна”.
    Мужчина подумал – и женился на той, у которой грудь была больше.

  32. Madeline says:

    Keep in mind though, this guy is LARGE. I’m 5’9, and he was signifigantly taller, very broad shoulders, and just generally heavy.

  33. California SB says:

    I know it’s easy to say it when I never experienced such a thing; But I am not sure if I would be quiet. I think I would fight back. But I understand the reasoning of this lady that probably didn’t fight back.

    A good kick in the balls with stilettos can help you defend yourself. A chair, or a bottle in the head too…. or maybe I’ve been watching too many movies.

    • Stacy, says:

      You have been watching too many movies… what do you think the likelihood is that you’ll connect, and do enough damage to be out of his place before he grabs you? I like to think I’m tough, but a man punching me full force in the face – I’ll be on the ground, and then my fighting is pointless. Not that I wouldn’t try, but I wouldn’t expect it to change the outcome, and it probably means I’ll be hurt much worse.

  34. Stacy, says:

    I also think to often we have these Hollywood notions of the victim fighting back. In most cases, a man can completely physically overwhelm a woman in seconds, having her completely immobile. These so-called self-defense classes are bullshit. In a fight or flight situation, Even at full force all 5’3″ of me, Isn’t going to be very impactful, at which point the victim is just playing defense and trying not to be hurt too badly.

    But often, men who don’t know what it’s like to live your entire life easily overpowered by 50% of the population, think that if it’s rape there should be a fight.

    But maybe the safest thing for her to do, Is not fight back at all, Not to get her jaw , Or tender vaginal skin more torn. Yet somehow we have a hard time sympathizing with victims who weren’t beaten during the assault.

    • im_only_me says:

      I agree 100%. People tend to look at the physical damage and use that to decide whether or not the woman said “no”. Rape isn’t always obvious on the outside.. but that doesn’t make it any less rape.

  35. Frank says:

    The low bail “shows you there may be a weakness in the case,” said defense lawyer Mike Saint-Pre.”

    This is a smoke screen by the defense attorney, Courts don’t look at that. Here is what they look at in NY.

    The more serious the charges against a person, the more likely it is that bail will be high.
    A person with a criminal history is more likely to have high bail set than someone with no criminal history
    A person who not only has prior convictions but also has had bench warrants issued on those cases is quite likely to have high bail set
    If an accused has significant ties to the community he is less likely to have high bail set. Ties to the community include;
    owns a home or other property in the community
    employed full-time at a steady job
    long-time residence in the same location in the community
    family in the community
    united states citizen
    family and friends in the courtroom for the arraignment
    the making of the effort to hire a private lawyer is sometimes considered evidence that a defendant has a stake in sticking around and answering the chargesline
    voluntarily surrendering at the request of the police is also considered powerful evidence of a defendant’s willingness to answer the charges

  36. Stacy, says:

    The problem with the word rape it has such a narrow definition. There’s the boogie man who hides behind a tree and jumps out and attacks an unsuspecting passerby. There’s the habitual powerseeker like our friend Wall Street, Who believes once a woman behaves in X manner he deserves Y reward. And then there’s your overserved frat boy egged on by friends, testosterone, and liquor.

    In the case of the boogie man nobody would hold the victim’s career choice against her at all. In the case of a frat boy the victim will be left feeling very confused “Did I dress too slutty, I kind a liked him, Everybody at the party saw us flirting.”

    It’s guys like WallStreet that are truly scary to me. He probably believes he was completely entitled to have sex with her. She came to his house, She sent some sexy emails, She wants it, She’s just being a prude now because she wants to be convinced. And then she has the audacity to insult him by fighting back, saying no, or challenging his authority – And things get ugly.

    The reason some SB could visit his house and not be attacked, while another wasn’t so lucky, is the gift of intuition. Getting out of that space, before he felt justified in forcing sex.

    Very likely he gave the girl $500, they started to play, he got rough and creepy, she told him to stop, He got angry and violent/threatening. Or, maybe at that point he was in such a position of physical power, much bigger/stronger than this poor naked woman, that she couldn’t fight back. And the whole thing was probably over so fast, She was in a complete sense of shock and denial About what was happening.

    The girl who gets away from the rapist, Is the girl who listens to her intuition. A nice guy will understand If something makes a girl feel uncomfortable, a bad man will be offended and turn it into a fight. As soon as this happens he’s breached her boundaries, And she needs to get the hell out of there.

  37. Frank says:

    Tequilla-those are good questions? I was wondering the same thing.

  38. Rae says:

    Hi everyone. I am completely new to the SA world. Is there any advice you guys can give me?

    • Stacy, says:

      Rae – 1st piece of advice: get sugar before you give it. This site is full of men who lie, deceive, and have no intention of being a sugar daddy. Be nice, be fun, be sweet – but don’t trust an SD until he proves himself. Assume he’s lying and let him surprise you.

  39. JustATequilaSD says:

    You are the sexual behavior expert. I would like to know how 2 sb’s on the blog got out of the rapist’s apartment completely unscathed. With no threat of harm or truly compromising position. And I do realize that if the scenario was that he had already paid the sb and she said no just before sex (or even during) that it would still be considered rape, and that type of person may exhibit fewer signs of truly aggressive behavior.

    @New York and @Madeline
    I would like to know what other behaviors he exhibited once you got into the apt. Did he try to give you a rufie colada? Did he get you drunk enough to pass out, but you staggered to safety before he could push you to the bed? Did he come up with a reason to get you into the bedroom and then would not let you get back to the door? Did he physically try to stop you from leaving at any point? Did he do anything to either of you that would be considered aggressive beyond sex play? When he pressured you for sex while in the apartment, did he give you any ultimatums? Did he grab you and lose control of his composure while telling you that you had no choice of what the 2 of you were going to do? Did he show you a gun while suggesting that you had sex? Did he mention how he could ruin you, or make you disappear as he was suggesting that you had sex? When you left the apartment, was it on your own terms and your own volition or did you make a break for the door when he wasn’t looking?

    • Madeline says:

      TequilaSD & Frank

      I met him over the summer, and the whole interaction was so brief, that I don’t actually remember it in perfect detail. I realized that he was slimy and not the sort of SD I was looking for, and quickly pushed him out of my head space.

      I remember him offering me a drink, but all he had was straight vodka. I don’t think I took it, but to be totally honest, I don’t remember. We sat on his terrace and he got right down to brass tacks (without any attempt at conversation), saying that he would give me X amount of dollars for sex, and that he wanted to start right away. But he wouldn’t be giving me cash, he would have to put me on payroll through his company or something.

      I don’t have a problem with p4p necessarily, but we had a tense interaction that is pretty rare for me. I didn’t like his dirty cramped apartment, and I didn’t like the way brazen he was speaking to me, nor the way he referred to sugar babies as ‘just being prostitutes anyway’. I’m a pretty easy going girl with thick skin, but he just wasn’t likeable, and his offer wasn’t nearly tempting enough. I said that we clearly weren’t on the same page. He was verbally pushy, but not physical. He didn’t get what my ‘problem’ was, he thought it was a great offer ‘fast money’ blah blah. I explained that to be frank I’d had much better offers even in cases of ‘fast money’, and that on top of that, I didn’t feel any kind of chemistry, nor did I trust him to actually follow through with the payroll plan.

      We basically argued over the fact that I didn’t want to sleep with him. He said “I think you should leave”, and I said “That’s the best thing you’ve said since I walked in.” picked up my bag and left.

      So, while I think he’s a creep, I personally wasn’t assaulted.
      I agree with what a few others have said – rape is an extremely delicate case to take sides on. The guy was gross, and rude, and offended at the idea of someone not being interested in sex with him even if payment was offered. So it’s not a stretch to see him getting physical after what was probably a string of rejections.

      On the other hand, I can also see how someone really desperate to pay their rent might have agreed to his pushy offer of fast money, and then had second thoughts mid coitus, and tried to bail unsuccessfully “Just lemme finish, it’s ok it’s ok” (Not ok, clearly. But blurs the lines between rape and consent.)

  40. California SB says:

    That’s what I was hoping for that by law the fact she is or isnt a sex worker should make no difference in a rape case . And where she met the guy, SA, street corner or a bar also should have no effect on the case. Thanks Jack for clarifying to us all this.

  41. Jack says:


    The inadmissibility of sex-work is not ironclad (and I do not believe it applies in all states; criminal statutes relating to rape are usually controlled by state law). The exclusion of such evidence is a balancing act between public policy (ie, that victims shouldn’t be victimized again in court by being questioned about their “looseness” or their “stripper or prostitute” vocations) and “fairness,” however the particular judge sees that balance. In your example, if the alleged victim can be demonstrated to have scammed other guys with a false cry of rape, that may encourage the judge to admit some of that evidence. I am not sure that just the fact that she has alleged rape more than once would be enough–but a good defense atty would certainly try to get that in.

    But keep in mind that the case you bring up will often not see the inside of a courtroom (yes, plenty of exceptions to that exist) because prosecutors normally like to brag about 90% (or higher) conviction rates and they hate taking a case to trial (especially one with substantial media attention) and lose.


  42. JustATequilaSD says:

    re: inebriation
    In the case I presented above, the girl was drunk, but obviously not out cold. She was able to give the guy the address (which he didn’t have before), drive home safely (thank God), go to sleep for a little while (her words, but i guess maybe an hour since the guy didn’t leave party right away,) answer the door at roughly 3am (?), let him in, go upstairs with him, get undressed, start having sex, and then be coherent enough to revoke permission at the point where she changed her mind and him to stop without any pressure to continue (once again her words). As her friend, I did tell her that they should probably talk about what happened just to clear the air since they’d be working together. I reminded her of the events that I saw, to make sure she understood exactly why and how he may have ended up in her bed. And of course, I asked her to let me know what happened between them and I would be there to talk if she needed it.

    re: the rape case
    I offer another scenario. WHAT IF they went out, had sex, and he gave her 200 on the nightstand after putting up with his fat pig bullshit and agreeing on more money prior to the act (or if she told him she needed more money than that)? would this be enough to escalate into an argument leading to carrying out threats of a rape case?

    re: prostitution and rape
    If an actual prostitute’s employment is inadmissible, the only defense for a “frame job” would be a string of rape cases in her legal history?
    This may sound stupid but is there a legally binding waiver that would protect nice “johns” from litigation by an actual prostitute that was angry and vindictive for whatever reason?

  43. Frank says:

    I think the grass growing analogy could be extended to the collection of moneys owed. The courts will not allow themselves to be used to collect money from illegal gambling debts, nor by extension the collection of money owed for prostitution services. The gal who drove off with my money could have been taken to small claims court and unless she successfully claimed that it was a no strings attached gift, she would have had to return the money. Why, because it was money given to her for her time, and not for a specific sex act.

  44. Frank says:

    I agree that whether she is a sex worker or not will not make a difference in the outcome of this case, at least now that the guy has been charged.

  45. Jack says:

    A few LEGAL facts may shed light on the alleged rape case:

    1) I never judge a case based on what I read in the media. I’ve been involved in enough newsworthy court cases to know that what appears in court and what appears in the news may be two different things. Even if the facts reported in the media are accurate, they are rarely COMPLETE, especially early in a case when neither the prosecution nor defense have fully evaluated their side of the case. Of course, even if they have fully developed their cases, often both prosecutors and defense attorneys keep legally-dispositive facts close to their vests until trial. Does anyone recall all the key facts that came out at the OJ SImpson trial that were not known before?

    In addition, sometimes facts appear in the media that will never come out at trial due to rules of evidence or for other reasons.

    2) Best example of point 1? More likely than not–and with all due respect to CalifSB and ChicagoSD–there is a VERY good chance that the woman’s possible vocation or avocation in the sex trade or SB’dom (if any) will NEVER come before the jury. Most states (primarily to minimize the substantial underreporting of rape) have made such evidence INADMISSIBLE in a rape trial. Even an average prosecutor will keep such evidence out of the trial. Therefore, whether she is an SB or sex worker will NOT likely be any question in the case–much less a central question.

    Of course, if the jury knows that the defendant and victim met on SA, then the jury might learn this a different way. But judges can often craft evidence-exclusion orders that can let essential facts in without letting in prejudicial (under Federal Rule of Evidence 403, which is followed by many states as well) evidence. For example, in this case, the judge may allow evidence in to show that the defendant and victim met through an online dating website without identifying it as SA.

    3) As to inebriation, it’s true that if the woman is out cold, her inability to consent is obvious and therefore, the jury is likely to find the defendant guilty. But practically speaking, only a small percentage of alcohol-connected sexual contact will involve an out-cold woman. In the vast majority of cases, the inebriation is less significant, and hence, it is much harder to prove (as a factual, not a legal, matter) that the woman was unable to consent.

    In addition, keep in mind that most women do not explicitly “consent” to sex (“Yes, you can do me now” is not common parlance inmost sexual encounters) AND in addition, many sexual encounters are facilitated (lubricated?) to some degree by alcohol, and therefore, it may be, as a practical matter difficult to “Prove beyond a reasonable doubt” that the woman “would not have consented had she been sober.”


  46. Jersey Darling says:

    @flyr, I hope I never have to mow your lawn! Lol

  47. flyr says:

    following in the trail of CASB

    I hire someone to do my lawn,

    I pay them in advance

    He shows up and says he doesn’t want to mow the lawn as the grass is longer than represented. The money went up his nose last night.

    If I grab him by the neck, put his lazy ass on the tractor and scream MOW

    It’s assault and battery

    The use of force or the threat of force to do anything other than protect yourself, your family or perhaps your property is a crime.

    • ChicagoSD says:

      Except in this case the grass is cannabis. It was illegal for your employee to offer his services to do the job, and it was illegal for you to pay him.

      Granted, if you grab him by the neck, it is assault and battery. But if he files a complaint, you both go to jail.

      That is the position an escort is in when she accepts a job.

      The relevant question is, “Does the law see a difference between an SB and an escort?”

      If the answer is, “No. An SB is just a type of escort”, then SB’s should be made keenly aware of their status and take precautions. How many escorts have used the defense, “Your honor, he was not paying me. He was giving me a gift.”

      If the answer is, “Yes. This sugar baby is simply a citizen on a date”, then how did she achieve that status?

      One thought – the SB states clearly in her profile that she does not accept cash for sex, and only engages in sex after an emotional connection has been established with her new boyfriend. There are no laws that say boyfriends cannot give cash to their girlfriends or buy them things.

      I have seen a few profiles like that. I have also seen a few where the SB says she only accepts gifts, not cash.

      However, if she indicates, “Allowance expected – $1000 to $3000”, it might not matter what she says in the profile.

      • California SB says:

        The fact that she was trying to engage in prostitution is a different trial. The women needs to be charged separately for prostitution. This is a rape case, regardless if she was there expecting to be paid or not.

  48. RussianSB says:

    How much such killing lowyers costs in US ? 10k, 20k ?
    Nice price for a ”free ride” !

  49. RussianSB says:

    Karma is good to me – brings me only NICE gentelmen. Best of the bests.
    No sharing :)))))))))

  50. RussianSB says:

    His business reputation is broken now, and his face is shown in the media,he will not be lucky with dates, as he was before. KARMA get chupakabra-man.
    It is better punishment, than inprisonment. Society can be cruel, in Indian community he will be outcast now.

  51. ChicagoSD says:

    On the rape case.

    JustATequilaSD asks, “I would at least like to know at which point in each case that you feel the rape line was crossed.”

    In my opinion, the conditions for rape are:

    1. She cannot voice a protest. If this condition is met, it is rape. Examples, date rape drug. “Don’t say anything or I will hurt you.” Etc.

    2. She did voice a protest, and it was ignored. If “no” is ignored, it is rape.

    I am a little skeptical of Jersey Darling’s, “If she’s too inebriated she could not consent. He should not have had sex with her.” Well, yes, but most women drink, occasionally to excess. How many women in North America have had a couple of drinks, found a guy attractive, flirted with him, invited him back to her place, and had sex with him. 50 million? 100 million?

    I am not saying Jersey Darling doesn’t have point. I am only saying it isn’t black or white. Women and men alike must accept responsibility for the outcomes of picking up a glass, whether it is dating or driving.

    On this particular rape case – with some trepidation, I want to expose the elephant in the room. I think it should be discussed.

    Why did this guy get $10,000 bail? His lawyer says “because the case is weak.”

    Why is it weak? I am speculating but I think it is likely because his lawyer said, “This woman is a paid sex worker. My client found her on a website called SeekingArrangement. She came to him. They were engaged in consensual sex for money.”

    Pondering it, the central legal question will be, “Are SB’s sex workers?”

    If the answer is “yes”, then they enjoy the same legal protections as escorts.

    If the answer is “no”, then the victim must make a legal distinction between what they do and what escorts do.

    Since I know all of the SB’s and SD’s will loudly agree, “SB’s are not escorts”, could we please, please confine discussion to the question, “How do we convince a judge or jury?”

    It is an important question. It merits discussion, because this will happen again.

    • California SB says:

      Rape case:
      If a lady says no, means no. Anything beyond that, it’s rape. Being more specific:

      Scenario 1:
      Ok, let’s say the court will consider the woman a sex worker (say, they can prove she met other guys for money before).

      – She brings condoms in her purse and goes to the guy’s apartment with the intent to have sex for money, but she looked at the guy and said ‘no way I’m having sex with you’. The guy doesn’t let her leave, throw her in bed and have forced sex with her. So, because this was a non consensual sex act, no condoms were used (what rapist wear condoms?). So, the proof this was rape, it is that the fact he didn’t put condoms on; he wanted to get it over quickly. If this was consensual she would have required him to wear condoms.

      Scenario 2:
      The court won’t consider her a sex worker. She never met anyone for sex before. She didn’t go meeting this guy for sex. She went there just to meet a potential sugar daddy for drinks at his apartment. She doesn’t carry condoms in her purse, she is not planning any sex. She looks at him and say “no way dude”. He gets mad, throws her in bed and force himself on her. No condoms, of course.

      Rape, rape, rape. No matter how you slice it.

    • Madeline says:

      If we are speaking strictly from a legal stand point even “escorting” is not illegal, as long as the escort (verbally anyway) describes her transaction as being money for her time/company. If sex happens, it is because she complied, not because it was purchased.

      SO “are SB’s sex workers”. In my opinion, a sex worker is someone who will perform a sexual favor for anyone, regardless of the emotional factor (or lack there-of).
      I feel that you can be a sex worker who operates as an SB (an SB who will see whomever can afford her allowance expectations) or as an SB who operate in the field that Russian SB appropriately described as “upscale dating”.
      This SB is slightly more flexible, and less transactional. She has expectations beyond a dollar figure.
      I view both as perfectly respectable view points, appropriate for different personalities.

      The point is that the sugar bowl holds a wide range of species. Some leaning toward sex worker, some leaning toward faux girl friend. Find what suits you, and enjoy it!

  52. flyr says:

    RE Madelinne –

    a – she thinks you are wonderful and will appear momentairly wanting you for breakfast

    b – she is confused

    c – she thinks you are gay

    d – thinks you are awesome and is regretting that she missed the opportunity

    e – she’s texting her girlfriends “You won’t Fing believe this……..

  53. im_only_me says:

    *sorry.. my cat sat on my laptop and submitted that before I was finished.. oops**

    How do typical “out of town” arrangements work? Do SB’s have more than one? I’m a kind of exclusive type of girl.. But I’m curious about this whole thing.. and you all seems so wonderful about being candid!! I look forward to your responses!! Thank you in advance!!

    (sorry for the novel)

  54. im_only_me says:

    @Lo, Stacy, California SB and Madeline Thank you so much for your responses!! You’ve made me feel quite a bit better.

    I’ve been lucky to have plenty of interest (I’m unique looking so I wasn’t expecting it) and am please to let you ladies know that I will be having a second date! LOL.. weird to be excited about it.. but we are complete opposites and both confessed afterwards that we didn’t expect it to go further than a lunch date. To both our surprises we got along amazing!! Not only could he handle me ribbing him.. but he gave it right back! I honestly didn’t know if I would see him again as he invited me to accompany him to NYC and I had do decline due to other obligations (and he doesn’t live in town) but he is coming here to see me tomorrow night! I know i’m gushing.. but.. for someone 15 years older than me (I’m in my early 30’s) he’s quite good looking! He even said.. “I cant believe it.. this feels like a REAL date!” .. just as I was thinking “.. this feels so natural.. weird..” I mean.. theres no way a guy like him (Mr. 5 Star) and myself (Miss. I Love Thrift Stores) would even meet in the real world.. So thank you internet!!

    On top of that awesomeness.. there is a SD in town who is crazy about me after just text and one date. He is the reason that I originally asked my question as he seems like a nice guy.. decent looking for his age.. but I was put off by his candor about wanting to sleep with me. I think its tacky to talk about sex in the middle of the day.. and over lunch. lol. I make it clear to pot SD’s that I will only sleep with someone if i WANT to.. and that no amount of money will change my mind. (The first pot. sd I met offered me dates anywhere I want to go.. and cash at each date.. and no.. not even a sexy amount of cash..lol!!)

    and then on top of THAT.. there is another pot. sd that I will be going on a date with who is only a few years older than I am.. and lookwise is fairly attractive. He is also from out of town but will be flying in to take me out. Other than texting me photos of his junk he seems to be a good guy. He seems to be on the same page as me where he wants a real relationship.. but without the commitment.

    There is also someone in another country who if he was 8 inches taller.. would be my ideal man. But we are both unable to leave the countries we are in at the moment due to immigration status.

    Anyway.. now that I’ve written a novel.. and summed up my situation.. is this the normal situation for SB’s? I mean.. I understand that every situation is different.. but how do typical arrangements work

    • Lo says:

      I would like to know how out of town SD’s work out as well because I have a couple pot SD’s who are a state away. But congratulations on your current SD and I totally agree that these guys aren’t afraid to talk about sex off the bat and it throws me off a bit.

  55. Frank says:

    I have to agree with Madeline, asking to stay the night seems like a big hint.

  56. Madeline says:

    @ gtt_envy

    While it’s commendable that you were such a gentleman, what’s the point of staying the night if you don’t even share the bed? Did she live far from the hotel or something?

  57. gtt_envy says:

    Had a date witg a pot SB last night after dinner and drinks we went up to my room to get her gift and she asked to stay the night! We stayed up till like 2am before crashing, but I was a gentleman and slept in the other room, it was a suite.

    Not that I didnt want to be on her like “white on rice” repect and something longterm trumps that desire.

    Her gift for the first meet was $400 and some earings. I did give her a kiss goodnight and am now drinking coffee while she is out in my room.

    Sorta awkward Ive never had someone stay without play.

    • California SB says:

      Why not play?? She liked you obviously, otherwise she wouldn’t have asked to stay. If I were her, I would think something was wrong if the SD didn’t make a move. 😛

      • bella says:

        I think sometimes it’s not always about expecting sex when one asks to stay the night. Maybe she was tired to return home,maybe she just wanted to enjoy the rest of the evening in your company it is not necessarily because she wanted to be laid,i must say that was ‘very’ gentlemanly of you to actually choose to stay in the other room,i have often heard girls(after staying the night) complain about how the man made sexual moves yet that wasn’t what she wanted.

    • im_only_me says:

      I dunno..I’d feel pretty awkward if I were in his position. I think the only way I’d ask to spend the night would be if I were too drunk to drive and couldn’t cab home. Even if we were cuddling and loving on each other and he ASKED me to stay the night.. I’d probably tell him that I will snuggle him until he falls asleep.

      Besides.. I don’t want anyone special dealing with my drool and sleep talking on the first date!!!!

  58. Madeline says:

    Danke schoen!

  59. JustATequilaSD says:

    I think it’s gravatarcom. you know where the dot goes. Hope this answers your que.

  60. Madeline says:

    Quick question – I’m generally pretty good at the internet, but I can’t seem to figure out my avatar situation. Tips?

  61. Madeline says:

    @SD Guru
    Yep, this one is the “II”! Is it because the 30D isn’t full frame that you think it might not be a good fit?
    The 5DMK3 is definitely a goal! This SD made it sound like he’d like to invest in my photography, and mentioned a camera if we do wind up in an arrangement. Fingers crossed! Would love to shoot full frame.

    Do you have a good recommendation for a hand held flash set-up?

  62. SD Guru says:

    “I have the Canon 30d. The Canon 24-70mm f/2.8L is the lens on topic… Are you also a photo guru, SD guru?”

    I’ve been known to dabble in photography! 😎

    That lens is a workhorse for the pros. The “II” version came out last year with a street price of 2300. However, since your camera is several generations behind the latest, I’m not sure if it’s the best of use of the lens unless you plan to upgrade the camera too. Alternatively, you could consider the older version of the lens or third party lenses by Sigma and Tamron, all for about half the price or less.

    When is the meeting with your pot SD? Best of luck to you! And if he offers to buy you a camera too then ask for the 5DMK3. 😉

    “There was a case on the Judge Glass courtroom tv show. In this case, the sd was suing his 2 sb’s for damages to his car. “

    There was a blog topic about this case, and you can see my take on it here.

  63. Madeline says:

    YIkes, weird typo – “I suggested two possible routes…” not “I suggestion to possible routes..”

  64. Madeline says:

    @Sd Guru
    “Just curious, which camera do you have and which lens did you have in mind?”

    I have the Canon 30d. The Canon 24-70mm f/2.8L is the lens on topic. He asked what gear I had my eye on. It’s my dream lens. I listed that (More considering it something to keep in mind for the future if we did start an arrangement.) and two much cheaper options – film cameras I’ve been lusting over which are a splurge for me but still only ring in at 200-400.

    Are you also a photo guru, SD guru?

    The situation’s all smoothed over. I said that while I wasn’t against jumping into the (mutual) spoiling right away, I didn’t feel 100% about agreeing to it before having met. I suggestion to possible routes: a.) that we meet one afternoon for a coffee to get a feel for one another, and if that went well, go through with his version of the date (ending in bedroom fun). or b.) that we meet for dinner without pressure, he could leave the lens at the hotel, and that if we were both really feeling it after dinner we could head to the hotel. If not, I of course wouldn’t take the lens.
    He responded very nicely opting for plan B saying dinner without expectations, and even added “By the way, I think you are someone special and the lens is your regardless of what happens.”
    Very excited to meet this one. I smell a keeper.
    Going to wear a full Agent P get-up, just in case. Have to make my end of the spoiling as thoughtful as his!

  65. Flyer says:

    And then there is the max factor trust baby. Police were skeptical of drug assisted rape charge against good looking playboy. But then they found the videos of sex with 20 drugged women. Finally run to ground in Mexico now serving 100+ years. No sa connection.

  66. Jersey Darling says:

    1) Not rape, she didn’t say no.
    2) If she’s too inebriated she could not consent. He should not have had sex with her.
    3) I’m not touching this one, it’s silly.

  67. JustATequilaSD says:

    Regarding this particular rape case, I feel badly for the girl. I feel that the evidence will speak for itself, and I hope the legal system will handle it accordingly. As far as the low bond involved, or the speculation of a weak case, I can only offer the experiences some of my female friends have encountered.

    Case 1: My friend was with a guy for 3-6 months, and sometimes slept in the same bed together. One night in bed, he began kissing her heavily and eventually ended with intercourse. She never told him “no”, did not try to resist, but did not enjoy it. (Her words.) As her friend, I simply had to be her rock, listen to 4 hour rants daily for over 2 years, and do my best to remind her that this too would pass. Of course, she allowed this incident to ruin her life for many years to come.

    Case 2: Two co-workers I knew got drunk at a party. She was physically grabbing and groping on him in front of other people. Anyone within 5 feet could hear her drunkenly begging him for sex as she does it. Finally, someone tells them something. She tells the guy to meet her at her place when he leaves the party. The next day girl tells me the guy came over and raped her. She says what she remembers is that she let him in, they went to her bedroom, and she took off all her clothes. She said she didn’t mean to have sex with him and he left when she asked him to stop. I asked her if she told him she didn’t want to have sex with him before they started. She said she didn’t remember much dialogue, but she felt that he took advantage of her.

    Case 3: There was a case on the Judge Glass courtroom tv show. In this case, the sd was suing his 2 sb’s for damages to his car. From what I remember, they were all hanging out together, he dropped them off at Denny’s or some similar joint with $30 bucks for food. They bitched him out for it, he got pissed and left them at the place. Somehow they made it back to his place, vandalized his car, and threatened to file rape charges if he pressed the vandalism charges. If I remember correctly, both sb’s stated later that there had been no sex involved (just lots of drugs and alcohol and both under 21.) Brandon made a guest appearance on the show to dispel the prostitution angle, but this case was just a horrible image of sd’s and sb’s.

    DISCLAIMER: When you do begin to tear at me for being curious or devil’s advocate, I would at least like to know at which point in each case that you feel the rape line was crossed. All feedback is welcomed from both sb’s and sd’s (if you’re willing.) I did encourage my friends to seek appropriate action if they felt violated. I also encourage you to feel comfy in your interactions with new sd’s, have an exit plan, and trust your gut. I also heard of an instance where a male sb was accused of rape, and only their email correspondence could offer any idea of what he supposedly was there for, but I have no actual testimony for basis. I guess anything can happen, prepare accordingly.

  68. Frank says:

    Been with family this weekend.

    How horrible about that woman in NY. I hope that anyone that has any knowledge about that creep will contact the authorities.

    Everyone, be safe!

  69. Jersey Darling says:

    Does anyone have any info or opinions about an SD on here called SweetDad? He messaged me and wanted me to email him pics of myself. He has no pics of himself on his profile and he hasn’t sent me any privately. I dont want to message him until I see if anyone out there has any warnings about him.

    If you wait to find out till anyone has warnings about him, I don’t think you’ll ever get to respond… lol.

    For what it’s worth though, I remember checking out his profile back when I first started using this site. I even think I may have written to him and he didn’t respond. He seems fine to me, so if you’re interested and he sent you a message already I’d say go for it and suss him out for yourself.

  70. Jersey Darling says:

    @Bella, I’ve noticed a lot of wealthy younger guys contacting me once I updated my pics. Two of my SDs were mid 30’s (side note: what the heck? I actually prefer older men), but these new guys are sub-30. All over google too and definitely legit.

    They drive me nuts. Most are really immature or very self-absorbed. The one facebooked me (oy!) and I could see his exploits with tons of other women. Thanks guy, I didn’t need to know that.

    I’ve seen a lot of guys in the 100-150K range too. Sometimes they can actually be the elusive combination of generous and good looking so I don’t blow them off, but obviously they’re not the type of guy this site is really designed for.

    • Bella says:

      It’s just so weird, I’m seeing different combos of traits that even on their own wouldn’t really point to a sugar daddy, like a 19 year old who makes less than 50K and is offering less than $1000, or middle aged men who make 50-100K and offer less than $1000. And I’ve been getting messages from guys offering less than $1000 when I say in my profile $1000+ and they also live across the continent! Like wtf? Do you expect me to fly down whenever you need me and only pay for the cost of the ticket? No thanks.

    • Bella says:

      It’s just so weird, I’m seeing different combos of traits that even on their own wouldn’t really point to a sugar daddy, like a 19 year old who makes less than 50K and is offering less than $1000, or middle aged men who make 50-100K and offer less than $1000. And I’ve been getting messages from guys offering less than $1000 when I say in my profile $1000+ and they also live across the continent! Like wtf? Do you expect me to fly down whenever you need me and only pay for the cost of the ticket? No thanks.

  71. flyr says:

    qaThe essential rules of safety are not a whole lot different from those for a young woman leaving a small town for the big city or going off to college. Perhaps with a little more emphasis. However, you probably know (or should know) a lot more about a SD before meeting him than someone you met in a bar an hour earlier in the big city.

  72. Jill says:

    Does anyone have any info or opinions about an SD on here called SweetDad? He messaged me and wanted me to email him pics of myself. He has no pics of himself on his profile and he hasn’t sent me any privately. I dont want to message him until I see if anyone out there has any warnings about him.

    Also, I had received a message from DaddyLovesArmCandy last week. I never responded because I got a weird vibe right away. I have a good psychic sense haha

    • Rae says:

      I also got messages from SweetDad. However, after looking at his profile and his email to me it was practically cut and paste and I had a bad feeling about it so I never replied. The next day he favorited me and continues to view my profile.

  73. Bella says:

    Has anyone noticed a sudden influx (like in the past few days) of SDs who are young (like 19-30), under $100 000 income (even $50 000…), less than $1000 offered for allowance, and men looking for legit relationships? Seriously, it’s just in the past couple days that I’ve noticed this.

    I hope that woman who was raped will get justice. But alas, the media will probably paint her as a prostitute and the court may see her that way too and so could brush it off. It’s a sick world we live in.

    • East Coast Mama says:

      Yes I’ve noticed many younger guys. I don’t get many emails or replies since I changed my profile that pretty much said I wouldn’t have sex on the first meeting. Anyways I did get a few from younger than me that said they didn’t want an arrangement but wanted to date. AND that they heard this was a good site to meet high quality women to date! LOL. Another one said he wouldn’t not provide money of any kind but only drinks and food! What gives?

  74. Debbie says:

    Stacy…. That is true but it may prevent more of these incidents happening. Because of our high crime rate and hijackings I am ultra cautious when traveling and make a point of checking if I am being followed, and it has appended in the past, not related to sugar just random, what I did was head away from home and to the nearest police station. it is really sad that there are so many creeps out there that like to prey on woman. Ps I am not in the states and I think the last time I checked the town I live in has a higher crime rate than NY for serious and violent crimes.

  75. Stacy, says:

    The “be safe about where you meet” isn’t good enough. I had an SD follow me home. He has my name, some photos, and tried to use that as a threat to force me to have sex with him, saying he’d blog to the world that I’m a prostitute. I’m sure I wasn’t the first woman he tried to blackmail and a rating tool would have prevented me from being fooled.

  76. Debbie says:

    By the way a a free member how can I hide my pic because no doubt with this kind of publicity the site is going to get a whole lot of negative publicity and loads of reporters coming to have a look see.

  77. Debbie says:

    I just read the news report. It is shocking, not only do I feel terrible for he girl that was raped but also for all the girls in the pics with him, they going to pick up a lot of flak. Our crime rate is extremely high and I think every one here should be even more careful and apply the same rules that you would advise a teenager, NEVer meet some one unless it is in a public place and make sure someone knows where you are. This is so sad and coud of been avoided. I truly hope justice is done. No woman ever deserves what happened to this SB. And gents don’t think for a minute that you can’t fall victim too, you don’t know who the next jack or Jill the ripper is. I hope everyone is more cautious in where they meet pot SD/SB’s from now. No amount of sugar is worth going through this or worse.

  78. Jersey Darling says:

    SA has removed reported users in the past (including the Wall Street Party Animal, even if he may have made his way back…) and I believe they will continue to do so. The $30 or whatever they get per month is NOT worth this kind of negative publicity and being involved in lawsuits. All publicity is good publicity until the law gets involved. But there’s only so much they can do.

    Ultimately, this site is just a forum – a place where people have gathered – and a lot of the security falls on us. They do have features like being verified (though yes, I’ve heard of the flaws in that). And it is up to us how seriously we want to take our safety, just like when we decide to leave the house – or if we never decide to leave it at all. That said, I would love to see more features that are aimed toward verification and security.

    I’m amazed that this girl pressed charges and proud that she did because it takes an incredible amount of strength, but the stigma she’s going to face for this may haunt her for life on top of the already bad memories. I hope she has a good support system, and that others who’ve been assaulted by this man step up.

    • Jersey Darling says:

      By the way, I’ve noticed that most of the rude or obnoxious guys I’ve dealt with on this site have their profiles removed or deleted. I’m not sure how this happens – I’m assuming because women have reported them. Can the Blog Gods/anyone else on here shed some light on that?

      • Stacy, says:

        Jersey – the site doesn’t do anything when you report a user! That’s the problem. I’ve sent emails, Frank has sent emails, and I kept seeing the same people on the site doing the same things others had warmed about. SA simply has no interest in getting involved in the issue. They even say that on their FAQ’s!

  79. Stacy, says:

    ^^^ sue – for negligence I meant to say. It is criminal that the site owners know how pervasive this problem is but would rather get their $30 per month.

  80. Stacy, says:

    This is a major frustration I have with SA, and why I deleted my profile. They know that horrible men do disgusting things to women on this site (because we know they monitor the blogs), they know that people defraud users on the site as well. Yet they refuse to add any sort of safeguards or warning tools. Most sites have a “report user” tool, or a user rating tool, please SA, add this!!!

    That woman should due SA as an accomplice – that’s the only thing that will make SA begin to take safety seriously.

  81. SDinLA says:

    OK, this is one of my hot button issues. I’ve donated considerable amounts of time and money to women’s causes re: sexual assault/rape and it’s effect on victims of it (and pro-choice/women’s health issues.) Two of my friends at uni were raped- and it can happen even if you’re careful and aware of your surroundings, one of them was dragged off a well-lit path with other people around and was too scared with a knife held to her throat to scream or resist. One of my SBs was raped, after we ended our relationship and she had moved to NYC for grad school (which I was paying for ;-)) She did not want to tell her parents, other family or friends, so I got a tearful phone call from her late one night when she got back from the hospital (It is ridiculous how traumatic the rape kit, police report process is for the victims.) In the following days, she was having a really rough time, exhibiting signs of PTSD etc., so since I had a lot of flexibility with my time, I flew to NYC and spent a month with her, just being her “rock”, accompanying her to doctor/therapist appointments, getting take out and watching movies with her etc. (Her 20-something BF’s reaction when she finally told him what happened? He brought over a bottle of liquor and said, “Let’s get drunk, it will help you not think about it” and he refused to talk about it. :-/ He then had the temerity to be upset at her for having me around to help her and breaking up with her for that.)

    Rape is one of the hardest crimes to statistically analyze, due to both underreporting and false accusations, but even conservative estimates show that in the US a rape occurs every 2 minutes. 1 in 6 college girls says that they have been the victim of a rape or attempted rape. Extrapolate that into adulthood and account for the underreporting and that is sobering indeed. In some other countries it is even more prevalent (the recent horrendous bus attack case in India is shining light on that country and culture’s problems with it.)

    The guy referenced in this case is a pig. But the reality is there are lots of predators out there, not just on this site, but on every dating site AND in the real world. I’ll never blame a victim, but to go to his apartment for a first meet? That’s insanely bad judgement. And from what some of the other SBs here have posted re: interacting with him, it’s not like he comes across as a gentleman. We’re all responsible for our own safety and well-being. It makes me sad that apparently so many women are naive or desperate enough to put themselves at risk in these kinds of situations.

    Maybe in the “Welcome to SA” email that the site sends when you sign up, it could include some text and a prominent link to some of the many safety tips that used to be posted on the side bar here (What happened to those BTW?)

    Or maybe include a copy of the Guru’s advice on safety and such in the welcoming email.

  82. RT says:

    Is it possible to find a sugar daddy who would be willing to provide financial assistance and doesn’t ask for sex???

  83. Jersey Darling says:

    No, he was not.

  84. flyr says:


    Perhaps a black star .

    Question – was this a “verified” SD

  85. flyr says:

    “Flyr, Tequila, Guru, Jack, Frank, SDinLA…. why are you people silent on the rapist matter??”

    Sometimes I have to work………. also had to lean on a friend to create a 5L bottle of wine for a friend’s function.

    I am not as sanguine as a prior post that suggested stepping back and letting justice take its course. The chances are that he has assaulted others and threatened more. I hope that anyone who has information regarding the perp will pass it along to the authorities. I’m astounded at the low bail.

    Finally, if her case appears to be based on fact then I hope that SA will provide her with an offer of counsel and counseling.

    I’m also a great advocate on getting to know a SD in safe places of the SB’s choice before proceeding further. Don’t put yourself in a hotel room with someone you are not sure you want to have sex with and always have enough cash to walk out the door and get home.

    I would like to see SA taking a stronger position on any complaints from SB

  86. Jersey Darling says:

    His facebook profile is still public and you can see photos of the girls he’s been with along with pictures of his family and son.

    I don’t know how things will go for him but I doubt things will go well for the girl. They rarely do.

    And yes, if he keeps handling girls the way he did with me he’d easily be able to return to the site. He pressured me to meet the first day we’d started speaking and refused to provide pics. (Sounds like this is different than how he’s treated other women).

  87. California SB says:

    He has money, he will get away with this, he will make a new profile in a few months and will continue raping girls. Someone needs to do a serious sting operation on this dude….

  88. California SB says:

    “He pleaded not guilty to rape in Manhattan Criminal Court yesterday and was held on $10,000 bail. The low bail “shows you there may be a weakness in the case,” said defense lawyer Mike Saint-Pre.”

    Weakness is the case? Next thing you know they are blaming the girl….

  89. RussianSB says:

    (someones comment)
    Look at that dude. Even if he didn’t rape her.

    He raped her.

  90. RussianSB says:

    (article):”He has also been named on “Bad Boy Report” as a “bad escort” ”

  91. RussianSB says:

    He works at real estate firm Nest Seekers, runs the social site PartyDigest, and founded the SikhCommunityCenter Web site. In a 2011 interview with The Post, the divorced (asshole) claimed to be worth $2 million, and he bragged about how SeekingArrangement.com “changed my f- -king life.” “When does a guy like me — aging, losing hair, big belly — meet a girl like this?”

  92. California SB says:

    Flyr, Tequila, Guru, Jack, Frank, SDinLA…. why are you people silent on the rapist matter??

  93. California SB says:

    Where all the SDs of the blog go???? Helloooo any males home???

  94. RussianSB says:

    Oh, I ”Google” it and I found it.

  95. RussianSB says:

    I cannot find the article at New York Post.
    What day I should look up ? In their search ”Daddy Loves Arm Candy” and
    ”Daddy Love’s Arm Candy” gives no results. Help me, please ! I want see it !!!

  96. RussianSB says:

    I will go now and read New York Post (at the web).
    Web dating is web dating – on every dating site it can happens. Everyone can make BS profile for 20-50$ per month. It is why I believe only in financial filters.
    It is not 100%, I know, but, still, expensive plane tickets, 5 stars hotels, designer presents and fancy dinners make me think that maniacs will not put so many afforts in their sick goals. It still can happens, but more likely that in Hollywood plots and not real life.

  97. Jersey Darling says:

    What were the warning signs you saw when you went to his apartment? I’m glad you’re safe.

    • Madeline says:

      I met him for a drink at his place as well. I said that I preferred a bar/restaurant, but he had some kind of last minute excuses. I don’t remember them in detail. Something about needing to be available for a package or so.

      His place, although in a swanky building was a cramped, dirty studio. Lots of dirty ash trays. I knew upon entry that I wouldn’t be interested. Only stayed for half a drink.

  98. Ms. New York says:

    Im glad your senses went up Jersey Darling…For me he wasnt creepy in his e-mails.When i went to his apt I seen creep all over him I blocked him from my page. It makes it bad for real sugar daddies.

  99. Jersey Darling says:

    Thank god, my spidey sense went off by the second email. His reaction to one of my pics tipped me off.

    What’s crazy is back when I used to model, the same thing happened with another guy. This photographer contacted me, I got the wrong vibe, and a week later he ended up in the papers for rape as well.

    It’s not a safe world we live in. What the f*ck though. I am SO GLAD I didn’t meet this guy!

  100. Madridista says:

    That rapist story is so scary. I’m glad his profile is disabled now. I hope he gets some serious time for this. Jersey, glad you dodged that creeper, too bad the other girl wasn’t as lucky.

  101. Madridista says:

    @Stacy — Congrats on the SD lotto! Yours reminds me of my former SD; every SB totally deserves those!

    @Lo — The ones that only favorite and never contact aren’t serious. If you have time to favorite, you have the time to send them a message — that’s just one of my SA rules and it goes both ways. As for attraction, I’ve never had a SD I wasn’t attracted to. Yes, personality and chemistry matters a lot, but you have to find something physically appealing about a man in order to want to have sex because it is a physical act and if his physical presence induces vomit, then it ain’t happening. If it’s not there, move on. Someone had a great panties rule to test that.

    Cali — I highly doubt he’d ever be physically violent, mutual friends have confirmed that. He’s been the Gandhi of his team and no matter how many scuffles and fights our teams have gotten into, he’d never harmed anyone and everyone always has nice things to say about him. He just has issues (past cheating GF), but some things I just can’t tolerate right now, so I’m sure we will take a break from each other soon, just need some alone time to talk. If it works out when I move to his city in June, then great, but if not, then it’s not meant to be.

    • California SB says:

      I’m relived to hear that he is not violent. 🙂 But when guys become drama queens… that’s something very tough for a girl to tolerate. We are the ones who should be drama queens not them!! 😛

  102. Jersey Darling says:

    I talked to him last Wednesday, the article about the rape was this Weds and he’s been checking out my profile regularly up until yesterday – now they disabled his profile so he can’t. I’ll probably be deleting that email address and will have to remove a bunch of pictures from here that were in that email as well… ugh, this is not good.

  103. California SB says:

    The SDs of the blog are awfully quiet about the NYC creep-rapist….. aren’t you guys going to say something???

  104. California SB says:

    After this hope they are not shutting down the site…. where are we going to blog??? 🙁

  105. Jersey Darling says:


    That rapist that was in the article about SA (Daddy Loves Arm Candy), he wrote to me last week. He started out with a normal message and then quickly transitioned to p4p. I wrote him back declining and he left me alone.

    A few days later he raped this girl, and he was just checking out my profile yesterday.

    Ughhhh… I hope they don’t have to go through his email for evidence cause my email is right in his inbox 🙁 Disgusting!!

    • California SB says:

      Jersey, be ready for law enforcement to contact you. If your email is fresh on his inbox they are probably going to ask you if you ever met the creep etc.

  106. Jersey Darling says:

    I treat sugar relationships like dating. I’m not transactional at all – I can’t shut off my brain/eyes and force myself to stomach someone.

    The difference between this and dating for me is that I will give guys on here a chance that I never would through regular dating. Their money and the promise of being spoiled/mentored/admired (depending on the SD) lures me in, but I can only proceed if I actually like them on some level. Where SDs win over the regular guys is they will get me to go on that date with them to see their personality (it gets their foot in the door) whereas many regular guys never get that opportunity.

    I’ve found most SDs to be incredibly interesting and that’s won me over after they’ve gotten that foot in the door.

  107. Jersey Darling says:

    @im_only_me Some are more attractive than others…

    I personally keep ending up with younger ones which helps, but believe it or not the hottest one was the oldest.

    I usually take time to get to know them before hopping in the sack, which gives me a chance to see if I’ll be attracted. Often, when you are in the atmosphere of being spoiled and doted on, it makes it much easier to develop an attraction to someone. Looks alone have never mattered much to me though – it’s always about the chemistry.

  108. Lo says:

    I think it depends on the girl imonly. The last pot SD I met up with looked much older than his profile picture and I just couldn’t get past the lack of physical attraction even though he was successful and a decent conversationalist. I can’t just have sex with anyone for money and maybe that’s why I haven’t snagged an SD yet.

  109. Stacy, says:

    Having a successful, intelligent, accomplished man seduce you with conversation, romance, and $$upport is a major turn-on. You just don’t know it yet. (And older men are so much better in bed!!!)

  110. im_only_me says:

    SB’s.. I am new to this.. but I need to know.. are you physically attracted to your SD’s? I keep declining arrangements because I am not sure if I could get turned on by them. Am I overthinking things?

    • California SB says:

      Yup, you’re over thinking. Or worse…. you’re not ready for this.

    • Madeline says:

      I generally give myself some time (and a few glasses of wine) to get into their personalities. If they don’t have looks OR personality, I move on. But I can generally get turned on by one of the two.
      Being into older men helps too.

  111. Lo says:

    anyone know why some guys will favorite you but not message you?

    • California SB says:

      Lo the guys who favorite you and never email you are the ones who are afraid you are going to say no to them. They are waiting for you to contact them.

      • IndieSD says:

        Actually there are several reasons I will Favorite a profile and not write.

        1. It’s a new profile and they haven’t posted any pics yet, and it is a way to bookmark it and check back a few days later.

        2. I’m sort of interested but thinking about it. I don’t cut and paste replies, or send one-liners, so again it is an easy way to find their profile again if I decide to write. I live in both NYC and LA, and the number of SBs has skyrocketed since I joined 6+ years ago. My saved specific searches for NYC and LA now return 1,800 and 1,100 profiles, respectively.

        3. I have very specific music tastes that I list, and sometimes by Favoriting an SB, they check my profile back, and if they share them, will often write me.

  112. California SB says:

    Went shopping today at lunch… and reminded me of Carrie Bradshaw quote: “I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet.” 😛

  113. California SB says:

    Ms. New York: “a Sugar Daddy from this website was accused of rape”

    If you guys go to the new york post and see the dude’s pic… come on…. his face SCREAMS creep.

  114. Lexxy says:

    HI all, just wanted to poke my head in here! I’ve been swamped with uni and combined with my ADD/ADHD, I’m basically struggling 10 fold right no…oh look shiny object! lol jk
    I had my sugar date, and what I think to be my last one for a while. Didn’t look anything like his pics, and came in what appeared to be 10 year old dickies you would work in if you were working on a car…and an ill fitting sweater, as I was dressed pretty well.
    He kept talking about how his..er…junk…didn’t function properly due to a spinal injury, but…..he focused on that…and was telling me..things..well you get it..Yuck! He was loud and obnoxious. Think I’m gonna hold off on sugar till April when class is out.
    On the bright side I have a semi SD, who takes me for drinks, dinner, and buys me small gifts in exchange for my company/drinking partner. Which is nice, because I like him, just not sexually.

    Sorry for the off topic, Ill try to pop in on the weekend, treasured, russian, jersey, cali, flyr, etc the regulars 😉 hope you’re all well. see you soon

  115. Stacy, says:

    @ Russia – he’s a good Western cowboy type, the only thing better than the Southern Gentleman, and yes you might call the box mint green… with the beautiful white satin bow! Beautiful earrings, the day after another very nice designer gift arrived.

  116. Stacy, says:

    Lol, Cali I’m dying for it, but I’m reeling this fish in slowly. He left town after a very nice goodbye kiss after our first meeting. We’ve got hot plans for next week!!

  117. Ms. New York says:

    I would like all the ladies to be careful out there when ther meeting sugar daddies really use your gut instinct follow all the rules dont think it cant happen to you. Today on the front page of the New York Post a Sugar Daddy from this website was accused of rape. This same man I had a encounter with & felt like he was creepy & trying to scam me…I feel for the girl who went through what she went through & I dont think anyone should go through that.Please follow the safety tips.

    • Madeline says:

      Thanks for the heads up! I met with him as well, and left the meeting approx 7 minutes in. He wanted to have sex then and there, and was very rude when I politely declined. He didn’t get physical with me, but I definitely didn’t feel comfortable with him.

  118. Bella says:

    My motivation was mostly curiosity with a promise of cash. I’m a student, I have bills to pay, and I’d like to not worry quite so much about spending. Plus I figured it would be a chance to meet intelligent, successful men whom I could learn from. Attempting to date guys my own age has just lead to frustration and disappointment and I’m not really sure that I want to be tied to one person yet. I’m young, I might as well live like it. 😛

  119. California SB says:

    Stacy: I’m such a sex freak there is no way I would be around a guy for that long without doing anything with him. But that is me… 🙂

  120. Bella says:

    Hey everyone, just wanted to say thanks for the replies on the other post! Too many to respond to individually haha.

    Well, the sex was…well, certainly was no effort on my part, let’s just say that. Also, we had discussed that he would pay for my travel costs ON TOP OF a cash gift…I suppose that may have been included in the $200, but it still seems less-than-satisfactory to me. Like I said, it’s not that I expect money for a first meeting but if you promise it, why not make it at least a solid $200 on top of the travel costs? Oh well.

    Also, I had told him I did not want to have sex for the first time we met and he said he understood. When we got back to his place, that’s the first thing he wanted and he pushed it. I was in a different city with nowhere else to go and while it was not what I wanted, my options were limited. It was quickly over with and we moved on.

    Now this week I’m meeting with a new pot SD for dinner. I’m looking forward to it. Already discussed the initial cash gift, a much more acceptable amount aha. 🙂

  121. California SB says:

    Stacy: Question: Have you had sex with him yet??? If not… how come???? 😛

  122. Jersey Darling says:

    @Stacy, sounds like whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it right! Congratulations on hitting the SD jackpot 😀

  123. RussianSB says:

    Awesome !!!
    Is he southern gentelman ?

  124. RussianSB says:

    @Stasy… do you mean, little ”mint” colour little boxes with icies ???

  125. Stacy, says:

    I hit the SD lotto Cali!

    Can’t complain about this SD – presents that come with designer names and turquoise boxes, $$ even though we never discussed it (and more than I would have asked for), travel, sweetness – fun to kiss! And we haven’t even sealed the deal yet.

  126. California SB says:

    Last night my SD gave the valet parking kid a 50 bucks tip. I love watching my SDs being generous with other people around them. It’s attractive and makes other people feel good. 🙂

  127. California SB says:

    Stacy: “turquoise box”

    Awwwwwwwwwwww!!!! 🙂

  128. California SB says:

    Madridista: “One day he’ll be very possessive, then he’ll just ignore me”

    Oh dear…. bipolar men are major league dangerous. If I were you, I would quit him immediately. He might get violent if he gets into a jealousy rage. Be careful.

  129. flyr says:


    Paris represents the upper echelons of Hollywood’s publicity process where making someone (actress, mogul , hooker, or crook) respectable and famous, if only for being famous. It’s a drug fed to the masses to divert their attention from more serious matters of impending wars, corruption and potential financial collapse.

    It’s a company town so the Lohans and others will get limp swats for what would be felonies for most and any house arrest or community service time will be scheduled around shooting times so as to appease the industry. Were not for this there would be some self cleansing as financiers and studios would hesitate to embark on projects with stars who are one small step from jail.

    For Paris it’s not so much the amount of any inheritance she might get but rather that she had every possible advantage as a child – education, connections, culture etc. She, Lindsay and a few others will rock along until they kill someone.

  130. Madridista says:

    @Guru — I think I gushed prematurely. The red flags started to pour down all around me. He seems to want me at all his games, which means I’m on trains a lot and it was fun at first but now it’s harder with my schedule. I have to do promotional stuff for my book and I still have lesson plans to prepare, so it’s wearing. Maybe it will get better once distance is no longer an issue in this relationship. One day he’ll be very possessive, then he’ll just ignore me. We used to talk about things, just anything, but once we started dating, all conversation stopped. He gets annoyed if I want to keep chatting when I call him. Then one minute he admits he won’t want to start a family until after he retires (and he’s got at least 3 more years to play), then after one of his closest friends has a baby and he gets teased how he and couple of other guys on the team are without baby boys to carry on the next generation of the team, he suddenly has baby fever and keeps hanging out more so then before with another teammate who’s expecting a spring baby. I’m not ready for that and won’t do it just so he can keep up with his teammates.
    Then he got pissed at me for dancing with someone on the coaching staff during a dinner party for all club staff. One of the attendees posted a video on their social media page and let’s just say I’m still in the doghouse for that. That dancing partner, my charming Basque rogue, turned out to be the person who was sending me all the gifts and flowers. I also foolishly made a very unsavory bet with him (too much champagne), which will probably lead to a break up of the current relationship. Then there’s all the work drama, which is one of the reasons I’m leaving for Barcelona in June after my contract ends, except I love this city and the prospect of the move is stressing me out the more real it’s getting. So yeah, major drama — that’s why I miss sugar, so I could at least escape it, even for a little while.

  131. Stacy, says:

    Just got a tracking number for a turquoise box!! I love sugar.

  132. RussianSB says:

    I offer Paris Hilton as olny famouse heiress that I have in mind.
    She IS beautyful, model, business smart and work like a dog (no matter on what). And we welcome any Ho in our society ! But with your attitude you will be bachelor, SDinLA.
    Goldlocks and the Three Beers ! What a fairytale !
    If we not find any beauties under Moscow snow, I am ready to be your carwash Jessica Simpson … ”these shoes are made for walking” …

  133. California SB says:

    Wait…. are you guys still talking about Paris Hilton? She is sooooooooooooooo yesterday….

  134. DaddyGT says:

    panem et circenses

    I’ve launched enough businesses to realise that what I consider good taste, and what the mass market is after, are quite divergent. And one is always torn between trying to improve the tastes of the masses, and actually give them what they want. What I’ve realised is that there is more money in giving the masses what they want, rather than try and impose my ideas of good taste on them.

    If we are going to pick on Paris for giving the masses what they want, why stop there? McDonald’s has done well providing what is decidedly really really bad food to the masses. I could go on, but I hope you get the picture.

    The celebrity obsession is a fact of life. She just figured out a way to monetize it. And that is commendable. However indiscernable her talent is to the rest of us, she clearly gives the masses what they want. At least the circenses, with MacDonalds supplying the panem

    Let’s contrast Paris with Lindsay Lohan who despite her celebrity, is decidedly a failure. And I have met my fair share of vapid trust fund kids (both men and women). The Hilton clan has had their fair share of those too.

    And regarding her family’s opinion. Well frankly it doesn’t count for much. I grew up in a family where I would have been disavowed (nevermind disowned) for being a pro-athelete or going into music or any of the performing arts. I think they would have carried out an honor killing if I’d appeared on a reality TV show. I understand those families really well**.

    That said, let’s look at Paris’ choices. Marry well, into another respectable and affluent family, and play the wife role? Descend into a hedonistic life of parties and drugs like many other rich family scions? Well, she chose to make a go of it. That her family might find it beneath them is neither here nor there. She’s earning her own way through the world, and (generally) not breaking any laws, entertaining the masses, and creating jobs. All commendable in my book.

    But fashions change. It is not long ago that even successful enterpreneurs were not welcome in polite society, being considered mere tradesmen. Le’s not get started on the social perception of actors. Reagan and Arnie would never have made it to the top of the political ladder just 50 years ago.

    Unfortunately, Paris’ business choices (strategy?), plays out in the public eye. That’s her secret sauce … free publicity. **She** is the product after all. Actually, in no small fashion, her personal life is the product.

    I wonder what our families would say if our expenditures, incomes and other sugar dating shennanigans were played out in the media, or the public eye.

    Like I conceded, Paris had the advantage of starting out with a good name. She chose her granparents well 🙂 But you can’t deny that she has parlayed all of that into a successful business. You might have decided that she is an airhead or an idiot, but an idiot who has managed to be as successful as she has, is an idiot I respect. Much much more than many more *ahem* respectable heirs and heiresses who inherited their fortunes, and live off them in quiet obscurity.

    **And I am still struggling to overcome that snobbery in my own life. I am now OK with model types, actresses and atheletes, but I still draw the line on reality TV stars and pop-idol contestants. 🙂

    • Madeline says:

      Not quite sure what a success her business ventures are at this point. I spotted her ‘Siren’ perfume 75% off at Duane Reade the other day.

  135. SDinLA says:

    @DaddyGT The disdain most people I know have for Paris is for being a relentless self-promoter and shameless Ho, not for being an “heiress.”

    Her Dad, Ricky (Or Rick, doesn’t go by Richard) is a close friend of my brother’s, and has had a successful L.A. area real estate brokerage firm for many years.

    Her mother is a sister-in-law of a good friend of mine.

    Barron was a close friend of my grandfather’s, as was his father Conrad.

    Paris is despised for being like the Kardashians: people with no discernable talent who have parlayed the public’s fascination with “celebrities” into fortunes based on nothing more than self-promotion (launched with internet sex tapes.) She’s the perfect role model for today’s self-absorbed, entitled, narcissistic youth, who think they DESERVE to be famous. Fact is, without this stupid obsession with celebrities in this internet age AND the fact that she could USE her family’s name to launch her self-promotion, she’d be nowhere. All the ambition and drive in the world wold not have gotten her sex tape any attention IF she had NOT been “Paris Hilton, glamorous socialite, scion of hotel family, granddaughter of Barron etc.”

    I don’t know ANYONE who despises Paris for being an “heiress.” They despise her for shamelessly using her family’s name, BESMIRCHING it, embarrassing them all, and all for her own financial gain.

    There are people, like you, who admire her for her chutzpah and supposed “acumen.” She’s an idiot. I’ve spoken to her enough to know. If you think a self-absorbed, selfish hussy who didn’t care about anyone or anything to amass her fortune, including hurting the family without whose name she would never had gotten ANY traction is worthy of admiration, that’s your choice. It’s not like she started with nothing and invented something great or rose to the top just from her smarts and hard work.

  136. DaddyGT says:

    In defence of Paris Hilton

    I am not a big Paris Hilton fan. I don’t think she was gifted much in the face department. But she uses what she’s got, and seems to do alright in the body department.

    That said, I really hate the way most of the world picks on her, and treats her like she is worse than the stuff you scrape off your shoes when you’ve been walking on the farm.

    A few myths::
    Her great-grandad (Conrad) left his fortune to charity. Her grandad (Barron) challenged that will, and got the $$. Then he’s lately had a change of heart, and the fortune will return 97% of his fortune to the foundation when he dies. Her dad (Richard) is one 8 kids, and that 3% of the family fortune left over is not going to go far split 8 ways.

    So yes, she was born into privilege, but she’s certainly not in line to inherit billions of dollars. And she’s not really entitled to the ‘heiress’ moniker that the press uses in describing her, and uses almost in a pejorative way.

    And the poor girl has managed to branch out into more, *ahem* traditional businesses, including a global retail business, and her own product lines.

    More importantly though, I take my hat off to her for being enterprising. Brand Paris sells, and Paris does well from that.

    Recent figures are sketchy, but Paris earns $10m or so, every year, from her activities. Estimates put her fortune at around $100m. Now, whichever way you look at it, that’s not small change. Wouldn’t be surprised if she was richer than her father … not bad for a 31 year old who never went to college.

    So while the rest of the world sees a poor little rich kid behaving badly, I see a well oiled machine run by a tenacious business woman with her eye on the bottom line.

    So yes, she certainly got a better start than most, including being endowed with a good name, but there’s a ruthless business woman behind the public facing airhead. Reality TVing, clubbing, acting, modelling, product launching, retailing, singing and dancing your way into a $100m self made fortune, is no small feat.

    Personally, I commend it. And while I have no desires to have Ms Hilton grace the GT boudoir, I feel the flack she gets from the press, and in discussions on the internet, is both totally uninformed and unwarranted.

    So yeah, I’m solidly team Paris for her business chutzpah.

    I could come up with a list of trust fund heiresses who will not amount to much and are living of their parents, and will be for life, but Paris is not it.
    [end rant]

  137. SD Guru says:

    Catching up from previous blog…

    “This lens will actually open up a lot of opportunity for me, as I’ve had to turn down a lot of gigs because my current lenses weren’t right for low light settings.”

    Just curious, which camera do you have and which lens did you have in mind?

    @Taylor Made SB
    “So, the SD ive been seeing has request exclusivity…”

    In the past I’ve wrote that exclusivity in a sugar relationship runs counter to the concept of NSA. Being in an exclusive relationship requires certain emotional commitment from both sides. Unless both are ready for it, otherwise it won’t last very long. Ask yourself, is this something you’re ready for in a sugar relationship?

    “my current situation is so full of drama, that I sometimes miss the fun and no nonsense that came with sugar relationships. I’m just seeing all kinds of red flags in my current relationship that I wouldn’t put up with in sugar life.”

    It was only two weeks ago that you gushed about the man of your dreams in this comment. So what happened with Mr. Wonderful?


    I can’t believe there are no takers for the music video! Looks like you and I will have to go to Moscow and do some recruiting on the spot! :mrgreen:

  138. Tina says:

    @flyr: when SDinLA is around, the sugar bowl ALWAYS gets interesting! 😉

  139. flyr says:

    Paris Hilton ? the very definition of affluent white trash and as CASB notes the flawed offspring of a wonderful family that never deserved her.

    But wow, someone spiked the sugar bowl today ……………..

  140. Tina says:

    @SDinLA: well if sweet talking you could make it come true I would give you the world right now on a silver platter. But what would it matter?

    And watch out how high you have that nose in the air – you could drown 😉

  141. Madridista says:

    @Tina — That’s understandable. Maybe it is cultural and regional to some extent, because the men I mentioned from the above regions/countries seem to think it’s very emasculating and don’t even want to split a lunch tab even as a birthday gift.

    @SDinLA — Ah, now you know my secret, I feel so naked not to be so anonymous anymore! But I guess since I’m the only Barca GF (more like football widow) who’s a Madridista it’s easy to figure out who I am. You’re right on the money with the Basque rogue who said such a phrase because he hasn’t been faithful to his wife (from what I suspect, but she doesn’t seem to care), so it could be just another one of his lines, but I find myself strangely drawn to him and I feel as though it’s akin to cheating ever since we shared a very intimate dance together and I may have been replaying that song throughout my lunch break today. Hence why people shouldn’t agree to be exclusive too quickly, unless wallowing in lascivious thoughts doesn’t count as cheating.

  142. Tina says:

    @SDinLA and @Madridista: sometimes #1 guys don’t start out like that; at times, they start out working hard, middle class. Then something happens, they keep making bad choices, and end up in a nasty little cycle. If you’re with the person when they are in the “ok” status, then things go downhill, you try to stay with them and support them through the bad times. It’s easy to let the bad times turn into reality and you not realize it until you’re all used up 🙁

  143. SDinLA says:

    @Madridista #1 type men are usually struggling “artists” such as musicians… the girlfriend fell for them because of his artistic talent, and she rationalizes why she is OK supporting him as he goes through the “starving artist” phase on his way to stardom in his given artistic field because he is so sensitive/talented/whatever.

    P.S. I am friendly with some individuals who own several prominent European football clubs. I know some of the RM/Barca players and I am pretty sure I know whose GF you are (not too many players dating young ladies who went to uni in Austin.) Guys who say “Labels we use to define our relationships limit us” are usually just looking for a rationale why they are not and do not have to be faithful. 😉

    Sugar is whatever we define it to be… from “no different to an escort” (and I have no issues with escorting and don’t look down on people who choose that route) at one end of the spectrum, to “no different from a marriage” at the other end. And we all have our own expectations of non-sugar relationships too. Exclusivity, and whether it is expected and/or seems “normal” is going to depend entirely on one’s shade of grey along the spectrum.

    @Jersey Darling She’s TOO young. Saw her at a movie premiere recently and she looks about 15. I’m like Goldilocks and the Three Bears… there’s a very narrow range that is JUST RIGHT and not too hot or too cold. 😉

    @RussianSB I will ask a couple of the Lords in my extended family if they dream of Paris Hilton. I am guessing the answer will be “No!” I don’t understand her appeal at all…. she’s not pretty, doesn’t have a great body and is an ugly person inside… She DOES have a horse-face, which is quite common amongst English aristocracy for some reason. Must be the inbreeding. 😉

    Seems like Treasured and ILWCG are not interested in joining you for the music video shoot in Moscow. Can you find two others who fit the bill?

  144. Madridista says:

    I also don’t see what’s so appealing about #1-type men. I don’t know where some ladies are meeting such men. Any man I know, including broke grad students, always express such disgust even with an idea of it. I think because it’s so emasculating from their point of view, especially if they grew up in a very traditional household. I even stopped suggesting to split a lunch bill with purely platonic male company, because it’s that offensive to them and I’ve observed the same attitude in Texas (DFW and Austin area), Russia, Latvia, Spain, Italy, and France. Maybe it’s cultural? And in some places, including parts of US, it’s not seen as bad by men.

    Exclusivity in sugar is a bit strange to me. Probably because I have never been exclusive in sugar, but most of my SDs were not local, so it’s pointless to even bring it up. Actually, I learned something about exclusivity in general this week. One man I sort of work with said that labels that we use to define our relationships limit us. Sometimes we need just be with some people and not bother defining it as anything unless you’re serious about marrying each other. Is it just more of his Basque charm or something more profound? 🙂

  145. Jersey Darling says:

    @SDinLA – Is Selena Gomez young enough for you? She’s young enough for Justin Bieber.

  146. RussianSB says:

    I mean Ms.Hilton figure – she will be forever young.

  147. RussianSB says:

    Lord, of course !

  148. Frank says:

    13 year old boy LOL.

  149. RussianSB says:

    What do you mean ? She looks like 13y.o. boy… dream of every British lord !And where else we will find you heirees of your calibre ? In Saudi Arabia ?

  150. SDinLA says:

    @RussianSB OK, you’re ready to go…. but we need 2 more hot Russian women to recreate a Serebro video.

    Alas, Mount Rushmore was DorkyGuy’s thing. I have to make up for not being as prodigiously endowed with my rapist wit, orange tuxedo and Lamborghini.

    Paris Hilton? Yuck. My grandfather and her grandfather were close friends, my brother and her father are good friends…. her family are appalled by the shame she has brought onto the family name. Plus she’s in her 30s, I need a much younger billionaire heiress! 😉

  151. RussianSB says:

    Oh, I will cry now… I will throw rose petals during that seremony 🙂

  152. RussianSB says:

    The match made in Heaven – SDinLA and Paris Hilton !

  153. RussianSB says:

    That was VERY deep thought …

  154. SDinLA says:

    @Tina Pfffft I am holding my head up high proudly as a wannabe Entitled Prince! Only a billionaire heiress could keep me in the lavish lifestyle to which I have become accustomed. I refuse to accept Brioni suits, it better be a Kiton or else the Prince is not a happy camper! 😉 (Sorry, since I don’t wear Louboutins, I have to substitute suits. I had lunch with Christian Louboutin last year actually. He signed the inside of the Louboutins my GF was wearing. He’s quite a character.)

    ~~I could promise you things like big diamond rings, but you don’t find roses growing on stalks of clover…so you better think it over~~

  155. RussianSB says:

    @SDinLA, I am ready for MTV !!!
    How is your mount Rushmore going on ??
    I heard you can order Cohiba(Cuban) from Internet (!!!), it will be shipped from Switzerland to US. And we are surprised why we looking for date in Internet after that ??

  156. Tina says:

    @RussianSB: with the “gimme” revolution going on with current generations, I think sugar dating is the future of human relationships.

  157. RussianSB says:

    Maybe it is true that Sugar dating is future of web dating ?

  158. Tina says:

    @SDinLA: gotcha, I thought you were, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t somehow insult you 🙂 And when DON’T I start a conversation about roses when I can? 🙂

    Tsk tsk tsk, haven’t we already said that you don’t have to be rich to be generous? Shame on you for looking for a billionaire heiress to make you a kept man! You could just find a slightly better-than-average well off woman who is generous to a fault! 😉

    Hang you head in shame now mister! 😉

  159. SDinLA says:

    Oooh, I want to be a Kept Man. Just for a month. Instead of the one who always pays for everything. Where can I find a billionaire heiress to keep me?

    @Tina I was just quoting the song because I saw that you’d been talking about roses

    @RussianSB Thank you, and I am a huge fan of smart, beautiful Slavic women. If you were 5 years younger…. (I’m far too immature and stupid to give up on the youngsters ;-)) Cohibas? Only if they’re the Cuban variety and not the second rate ones they sell here.

    Exclusivity, like anything else, is negotiable and should just be discussed. My SBs were always exclusive, but they were also all “girlfriends with an expiration date and a couple of boundaries” than what most people consider a SB… we introduced each other to our friends as BF or GF, I even met their families. Nobody has an issue with the “Rich older BF” of a hot young thing (Well, some people will have an issue I suppose, but not anyone whose opinion I give a damn about.)

    @ILWCG/Treasure, so are we making a music video in Moscow or what? 😉

  160. Tina says:

    @Debbie: not all of the good guys are taken; sometimes, they’re just not in the place that you’re looking for when you’re looking. You have to have patience and understanding; I know of one REALLY good guy who is a friend that isn’t taken, but he keeps finding women that aren’t willing to emotionally invest in him.

    It goes both ways; I’ve heard men say that all of the good women are either taken or ruined by crappy men.

    • Debbie says:

      That’s true enough…..I find I don’t have the time to look any more, but I am an in curable romantic and know I will eventually find him.

  161. Debbie says:

    None. All the good guys are taken and with 2 kids to support there is no ways I will hook up with a bum, now I got the best of both world an extra income, which I need and get to have fun without having to date dumbasses. Convenience too, bf’s want all your attention and time. Now I got a SD …… Yes the date went well

  162. RussianSB says:

    (kind of white verse poetry)
    Who is my Sugardaddy ?
    He is my orange and tangerine …
    My Cohiba, Baldessarini man …
    Combination of Disney-Land and Breakfast-at-Tiffany
    is the time spent with him…

  163. California SB says:

    I watched last night on pay per view “for a good time call” hysterical 😛

  164. RussianSB says:

    We have all that in scool reading programme ! Poor kids we were.
    Who will compensate me my lost childhood ??
    Sugardaddy …..

  165. Tina says:

    @Russian SB: yes, I mean Victor Hugo. I’ve already read the book (need to read it again, actually) but I want to see the current adaptation of it.

    I don’t mind the heavy stuff; it makes the light stuff SO much more fun 😉

  166. RussianSB says:

    @Tina, I am lost, do you mean Victor Gugo ?? Than better read.
    Oh, no, better games, don’t put that (extremally) heavy stuff in your cute head !

  167. RussianSB says:

    my favorite frase (actually, about politics) everybody loves sausage, but nobody want know the process 🙂

  168. Tina says:

    That reminds me Russian SB: I STILL need to go see the recent Les Miserables!

  169. RussianSB says:

    Oh… Tina… THANKS
    that version I like more… everything must be adopted for blonds !
    Same difference in Anna Karenina (Keira Nightly) and the book 🙂

  170. Tina says:

    @RussianSB: if that’s the case, then I’m afraid I’ve been victim to the “white knight syndrome” as a SM in a past life 🙂

  171. RussianSB says:

    And you absolutely right about text, 7 was dick ! 🙂
    1 – if you pay BF bills he is SB and you are Sugarmamma 🙂

  172. RussianSB says:

    @Taylor made SB : ” So, the SD ive been seeing has request exclusivity, is that exclusivity from other SD’s or from other men in general ? ”
    from any man having pen*s !!!

    • Taylor Made SB says:

      Lol well thats unfortunate, the lad is FIT! Defo wouldn’t mind getting involved with that :p…oh well, I’ll be mindful of my SD 🙂 …He’s a sweetheart , suppose I’ve got a good thing going . Ill dismiss the topic….for now 😉

  173. Tina says:

    @Taylor: It all depends on how you bring it up. Just make it casual, something like “I know that you’re expecting exclusivity, and I just want to make sure that I have a clear understanding as to what that means to you. Are you looking for sugar exclusivity (no other SDs for me), or total exclusivity?” That way, it isn’t an attack, it’s just you getting clarification.

  174. Taylor Made SB says:


    I was thinking about bringing it up to him but Ive been a bit hesitant as I dont want him to assume anything by me asking. Perhaps I havent left the traditional dating mindset, but I suppose you are correct “good communication is key”.

  175. California SB says:

    Flyr: “SD wants sugar exclusive and assurance that SB is not hanging out in the Hollywood clubs 4 nights a week”

    Of course a smart SB will say: No, daddy I would never ever go out without you. (While going to party in San Francisco…) 😛

  176. California SB says:

    Tina: “it’s NOT forbidden to ask for what you want – it’s expected actually.”

    Well said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  177. flyr says:

    Re Exclusivity – random personal thoughts

    I think it’s really a matter of what works for both. And it’s a good separation between sugar exclusivity and total exclusivity.

    A – SD’s wife is just waiting for good cause to dump him (keeping the house, half the company and the pool boy ) , something he wants to avoid. Total exclusivity has substantial value and SD is willing to provide allowance that motivates SB to at least commit to this state.

    B. SD wants sugar exclusive and assurance that SB is not hanging out in the Hollywood clubs 4 nights a week

    C. SD wants exclusive for ego reasons

    For SD’s the basic rule of parenting applies, don’t ask a question if you may not want to hear the answer. If you are not going to act on the information then why mess with your brain by knowing what you don’t need to know. It’s like visiting the sausage factory if you are addicted to sausage and nothing you see will change you.

    There is an opportunity for an SB to add to her value and the longevity of the relationship through exclusivity if she is willing to follow through. Certainly some men thrive on a partner who is dishonest but they are probably a minority. Better to say nothing or be truthful if subjects arise.

    One way for the SD to handle it from the beginning is to acknowledge that the SB has a social life and that one day that will potentially become more attractive than sugar and she will be on her way with his blessings.

    Sugar bridging the age gap – I do not think it’s always sugar that bridges the age gap. – One of the things I noticed in the academic world was that older men had surprisingly little trouble getting involved with far younger students (college level) and it was considered by many to be a fringe benefit of teaching . There was seldom any sugar involved (or grades) , just life taking its normal course. It was only in the last decade that some of the largest public universities decided this was not consistent with a teaching environment.

  178. Tina says:

    @Russian: I don’t think that the article was snarky, you just have to look at it as to why someone would become a SB/SD:
    1) crappy loser boyfriend that sucks the life and money right out of you (reason to become a SB)
    2) the “gimme” girlfriend (reason to become a SD)
    3) Student loans (reason to become a SB)
    4) Waiting on the lover / time waster (reason to become a SD)
    5) Wanting more than the simple life (reason to become a SB)
    6) Multiple failed costly marriages to entitled princesses (reason to become a SD)
    7) Soured relationship due to feeling unappreciated (reason to become a SB)

    I’ve been in situations like #1 and #7 before, and after that relationship ends I’m NOT looking for another relationship ANYTIME soon. After those ordeals, being alone sounded quite nice, as I felt all used up. So, sugar can be a nice way to bounce back from those instances, as it is set-up to be a situation where BOTH parties get what they need/want. And it’s NOT forbidden to ask for what you want – it’s expected actually.

  179. Tina says:

    @Taylor Made: ask him. Only he knows what he meant by exclusivity, and that is part of good communication for any relationship. When you start taking advice from others about what someone meant, you can get into trouble. I don’t know if you’ve expressed your desires to him on exclusivity, but it would also be a good idea.

  180. Taylor Made SB says:

    @ Russian

    I think you misinterpreted the text. I think number 1 is referring to a dead beat boyfriend not a male SB, and number 7 is in reference to a non appreciative boyfriend ( a dick) not a fake SD.

    just a thought

  181. Taylor Made SB says:


    So, the SD ive been seeing has request exclusivity, is that exclusivity from other SD’s or from other men in general? I want to respect his wishes BUT i’ve found myself interested in the new bloke on our football team (american football)….He has expressed great interest in “yours truly” :), and he is well fit!! Ladies if you were to see him..phewww….anywhoo whilst I am loving the sugar, I kind of miss muscles 😉

  182. Frank says:

    No you crazy ruskie, I thought it was hilarious!

  183. RussianSB says:

    @Frank, number 1 – about male SB , and number 7 – about fakes.
    But still 6:1, SDs leading !
    I know , you not offended by ”Franked”, Dear. Same meaning as ”money gone by the wind”.

  184. Frank says:

    I agree that the article is snarky in tone, but it cuts down SD’s as will as the pretty ones. See Number 1 and 7.

  185. Frank says:

    Poor russia no wives, no childrens, no pets, and in the dead of winter. You need a good SD to keep you warm and happy!

  186. RussianSB says:

    @Jersey, sister, every girl want to be able to get the EQUIPMENT she need.

  187. RussianSB says:

    I hope the next blog topic will be in same style (sarcastic) SD classification.
    It will be fair.
    First time I see such ”politically not-correct” article.

  188. Jersey Darling says:

    I’m not a college SB, so my motives: Lifestyle, I’ve been single for years and just like swingers prefer swinging, I prefer sugar. From a relationship standpoint I like the boundaries it sets, and I enjoy having a little secret.

    Financially, my motive is building up my savings account, increasing my contributions to retirement and actually being able to afford the little luxuries in life (some of my hobbies are expensive and I’d like to be able to get the equipment I need). Designer stuff doesn’t hold much appeal to me, but I’d love to feel like I could splurge on a bag every once in a while.

  189. RussianSB says:

    For me sugar is a high end dating + intimacy. So, when I have sugar lover – one problem less, and I can concentrate on work more.
    In last blog I defend boys about some ridiculous SB conditions : ” What SD need to get laid – Tiffany rock and 6 month allowance check ? ”
    NOw, I must defend SB. It is such agressive and offencive SB classification above, that I think autor have personal issue with women. The problem is not that SB (and often it is true) have cheap background and unreal expectations, are silly and non-adequate in their wishes, problem is why SD choosing such SB ? If ”entitled Princess” was not popular type – we not see so many live examples of it.

  190. Jersey Darling says:

    Kinda surprised this article is so negative (even if it’s tongue in cheek. Is it?) considering it’s on a sugar dating website.

  191. California SB says:

    Because living a sugar life is hot!!!! Being a sugar is a privilege that not many girls can have. 🙂

  192. RussianSB says:

    Where are you, Jack ? And your jacuzzi ?

  193. RussianSB says:

    @SD in LA, (from previous blog)
    nice song, I am your fan (read your old posts),
    and I think you have Мама Люба as your ringtone 🙂
    @Frank – I have no kids and wives,
    I even don’t have husbants and home pets ! Oh,I am ssoooo lonely !

  194. Nichole says:

    My motives are clear and simple: I hit a financial snag while I was in school last summer; the two part time jobs I had weren’t cutting it, dental school is right around the corner; that is going to cost a pretty penny, I love to travel; although undergrad is covered while I am attending school, nice, expensive clothes, continuing to travel AND paying rent is doing too much, and last but not least, working minimum wage until I graduate still wouldn’t be much help, so why not look for someone who is offering their assistance? If I could find someone interested…

  195. Tina says:

    Shhhh! I can’t tell my super secret motives for sugar! GASP!

    Ok, seriously, it’s a long story that no one really wants to hear in the blog.

    Soooooooooo………..I’ll just read everyone else’s 😉

  196. TravelMuse says:


  197. Madridista says:

    Ooh, interesting topic!
    From previous topic: @Guru — I’m glad my tips were helpful. I only did it in two parts (no part 3) since those were the most solicited tips from new SBs.

    On Sugar Motives:

    First, some spelling policing: whoever writes these topics, please proofread. It’s not “curios”, it’s spelled “curious”.

    My motives were also mixed: boredom with boys my age (high school and uni), paying for school, wanting to wear any designer clothes and shoes I saw in Vogue, and saving up money to move to a different country. Sugar rocks though. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for sugar.
    Honestly, my current situation is so full of drama, that I sometimes miss the fun and no nonsense that came with sugar relationships. I’m just seeing all kinds of red flags in my current relationship that I wouldn’t put up with in sugar life.

  198. Lola says:

    After years of being asked “What are you doing with that jerk?” and sacrificing myself, I’ve decided to live in a manner that engulfs me in true human experience. I’m motivated, a self starter, but am just now having the ability to truly exercise the Dominant, Independent Woman I actually am.

    In all honesty, I am apprehensive. I see the main type of sugar baby as dim-witted but that may be from media portrayal. You would think there is a man out there who seeks a woman who can also offer an intoxication cerebral experience as well as pleasure and be able to define what that truly is.

    My life is a never ending adventure and as a successful artist I draw my inspiration from life experience. To be able to share that with another would be lovely but I remain skeptical until it happens.

  199. Madeline says:

    I had a mix of motivations. Primarily curiosity, a natural inclination toward hedonism, parents who couldn’t afford to help me through school, boredom with 20-something artists who let me pay for their beers/dinners/etc. (I’m happy to split, but I’m not nearly enough of a feminist to want to pay their way.) , and to be honest – I figured if nothing else, I’d leave the site with a good story or two.

    These days I love getting to walk on the other side from time to time. Brooklyn hipster in my personal life, sugar chic on the side. The double life really turns me on, and has also given me a lot of additional perspective.

  200. Madeline says:


  201. Angela says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!!

    • Sam says:

      The truth is that if you make just $60,000 per year in the US your in the top 10% of wage earners. There are not that many men that can afford to have a SugarBaby. I’ve helped some young girls in the past but it gets old after awhile plus the typical Sugarbaby payments can be turned into a ton of money in time in a good mutual fund…$2,000 per month for 5 years in a fund like Vanguard Wellington…@10% will yield $166,000 thousand dollars +..the 83 year average for the fund is currently around 8.5%. It doesn’t suprise me the sugar babies have trouble finding sugar daddies. I would like to meet a single never married with no children professional female who has her own money but they are rare and many of them simply do not want to be in a relationship and have no problem being single. That’s the way I’m leaning towards over the last couple of years…Normal relationships are alot of work and supporting Sugarbabies can add up to a ton of money…and if you know how to make money produce more money it is very expensive for a man or woman to be paying anyone for companionship…

      • California SB says:

        Well Sam, obviously Sugaring is not for you. If you don’t have the pockets for a sugar, there are other sites out there….