7 years ago
The Sugar You Deserve


We’ve always thought of an arrangement, as a perfect situation for everyone. Every woman deserves to be treated like a princess; spoiled, adored and satisfied. Whatever your arrangement entails, the whole point of having one, as opposed to a traditional relationship, is so that you can custom order a relationship tailored around your needs. Yes, more often than not, one party may be interested in a financially inspired arrangement. But that doesn’t mean any one should have to settle for less than they deserve.

The beauty of an arrangement is that no one should have to sacrifice anything. Everyone can be honest about what they want and what they don’t. But in the pursuit of financial security, don’t forget that you always deserve to be treated with respect. While the number of eligible Sugar Babies far out numbers the available Sugar Daddies, that is no excuse for settling for the first Sugar Daddy who winks at you. Not every pair is a good match, and desperation is not an attractive quality.

So it’s important to know the difference between the Salties, the Splenda and the real deal. Sugar comes in many different packages, and you may have to try out a few flavors before you find the one that tastes the best.


How many Sugar Daddies did you talk to before you found your best match? 

Who do you think is more selective: POT Sugar Babies or POT Sugar Daddies? 

What are you willing to sacrifice for the ideal arrangement? 

Leave a Reply

113 Responses to “The Sugar You Deserve”

  1. Zack says:

    I’m going to have to make myself stop soon. There feels like there is so much to say that I am in a rush to get it out. I’m new….still working on my own first tip.

    As it should be. There is time.

    I gotta think about a second tip. Maybe something about trusting yourself to be honest and true…and if not, then look more closely at yourself. A lot.


  2. Zack says:

    @ SB, first tip: Be patient.

  3. Zack says:

    @Guru. I hope someday I may appreciate your wisdom more than I do presently.

    a thought:

    Money can make plans happen. That is generally seriously sub-optimal.

    Find the “pieces” that “click” into a “pattern” that strongly trend all things you can manage towards your goal…..-that’s- more what a plan should be like.

    Money should just be lubricant….there’s always something better to do with “just cash” if you can control other influences.


  4. Zack says:

    I think I like her body language. I believe I would, anyway.

    • SD Guru says:

      @T (from previous blog)
      “I go to a bar and get hit on by several people. Do I talk with:…”

      In reality your choices are usually not that clear cut. What if the “sweetie” is bald and carries extra pounds (I apologize to those if this describes you), you probably wouldn’t even give him a chance to start with. What if the “suit” does his best Christian Grey impression and that happens to float your boat (among other things)? Each choice could appeal to certain women depending on the circumstances.

      @SB 1629713
      “I primarily receive messages from SDs seeking an escort, wanting nude pictures, or working out some complex psychological issues through pretense of financial largesse.”

      You’ve pretty much described the typical “joke daddy” and “fake daddy” on the site. You can’t stop them from contacting you no matter what’s in your profile, so just block, delete and move on. I’ll let those who are more verbose than me give you a detailed analysis of your profile. Just keep in mind that your age, location, and pics are usually more important than what’s in your profile text.

      “I’d feel dishonest if I put average, when I’m above where I ought to be from an ideal standpoint.”

      According to CDC the average adult woman in US weighs 166 lbs and has a 37.5″ waist. So feel free to be dishonest! 😛

      “At first this gave me anxiety… Am I overthinking this?”

      Yes. If you’re in NYC then there should be plenty of other pot SD’s for you to spend your time on. He shouldn’t be causing you anxiety and there’s no need for you to spend a lot of time on him until he’s back in the country.

      “Have any other sugar babies noticed that when you ask for more money, the guy loses interest and you never hear from him again?”

      I wonder what happens when SD’s ask for more sex? :mrgreen:

  5. Kellie says:

    I’m new to SA and I was hoping someone could give me some feedback on my page?


  6. Alana says:

    @Zach: “Erin Burnett”

    Oh, please. She is a brainless tart who knows how to read from a teleprompter…

  7. Zack says:

    I am aware that my “personal hero” has recently changed from Hawkings as an extraordinary and remarkably resonant placeholder to Sir Branson. I’m Improving 🙂

    My apologies Gentlemen

  8. Zack says:

    I think I really Like Erin Burnett, Comments, Please?

  9. anny says:

    Well im still looking for my first sd. I hope i can find him…. 🙂

  10. Zack says:

    For your consideration and musing, copied from Wikipedia:

    O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!
    Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen,
    und freudenvollere.
    Freude! (men’s chorus: Freude! )
    Freude! (chorus again: Freude! )
    Oh friends, not these tones!
    Rather, let us raise our voices in more pleasing
    And more joyful sounds!
    Joy! (Joy!)
    Joy! (Joy!)

    Freude, schöner Götterfunken*
    Tochter aus Elysium,
    Wir betreten feuertrunken,
    Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!
    Deine Zauber binden wieder
    Was die Mode streng geteilt;
    Alle Menschen werden Brüder,
    Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.
    Joy, beautiful spark of the gods*
    Daughter of Elysium,
    We enter, drunk with fire,
    Heavenly one, your sanctuary!
    Your magic reunites
    What custom strictly divided.
    All men become brothers,
    Where your gentle wing rests.

  11. Zack says:

    Right now the powers that be and I are involved in a peculiar negotiation. Please stand by.


  12. Zack says:

    @Treasured…..I am working on that.

  13. T. says:

    I go to a bar and get hit on by several people.
    Do I talk with:
    A. The PUA douchebag who looks like a model, and seems nice enough until the backhanded compliments start
    B. The suit who flaunts a few things (car, job title), buys me a drink, maybe asks me to dinner at a pricey restaurant… and acts entitled
    C. The sweetie who repeatedly compliments me, is witty, is bright, and is self-assured enough to not seem desperate

    Yes, the answer is C.

  14. Treasured says:

    Zack, I officially like you 🙂

    Ladies, attention – we have a really nice guy here 😀

  15. Zack says:

    A possible insight:

    “No Drama” = “I hope I’m secure enough in myself to handle your inevitable drama without making it worse.”

    but I’m still new

  16. DarkHorseSD says:

    Well, Zack, don’t fix yourself too much or you could find yourself looking for a wife. 😉 LOL

  17. Zack says:

    Gentlemen: The best way to attract the Finest SB’s may be to fix yourselves first. Otherwise, there’s going to be a lot of cash transaction regardless.

  18. Zack says:

    @FireWalker, Sir, I think you may posses some fine insights, though they may have been hung up in moderation.

  19. DarkHorseSD says:

    So, Afri, you’ve handled your first experience pretty well.

  20. Afri says:

    I see what you mean, it did appear from our phone conversations and the first date it could be promising but after the second date it was pretty clear. I found myself so stressed out thinking…”why the hell am I stressed, it shouldnt be this way” …. but yea def going to cut my losses

  21. DarkHorseSD says:

    Some things to add to what I just said. Regarding starting a new arrangement:

    Exchange a small number of well written emails. Talk a little bit on the phone. Judge whether this person is “meetable”

    Know where your date(s) are going to be and what they will be about. Assess whether that is equal to what you are looking for.

  22. Afri says:

    DarkHorseSD – You’re right…its just frustrating. This is my first experience and it seems a though there is a lot of bullsht men to sift through…its work I dont even want to do, it doesnt feel like it will be worth the trouble. I’m going to definitely tell him I’m all set. THANKS!

  23. DarkHorseSD says:


    You have over extended yourself too much. Cut him off. Generally a second date should not occur without something tangible from or discussed on the first.

    Also remember: if you are angry, upset, irritated…or whatever the feeling…it’s almost always because you made the mistake of giving too much beyond what you are receiving. First meeting or 3 years later…doesn’t matter.

  24. Afri says:

    yea and the second date…I had car issues and had to put it in the shop so I call him to let him know the dilemma….expecting him to say he’ll just get me a cab….but he goes “well it seems as though you are interested so let me know what happens..I’ll try to be understanding so if we have to we can reschedule until next week” whaaaaat? strange reaction lol I was just like really? yea I think I will cut my losses…I feel ive over extended myself quite a bit considering…

  25. NC Gent says:

    Afri — he hasn’t offered to reimburse you for your travel expenses and he certainly isn’t spending lavishly on you. If he was an SD, he would have brought up the arrangement, at least in generalities, by now. Time to cut your losses and move on. I always judge people by their actions.

  26. Afri says:

    heres my problem. Met the guy twice, no talk of an arrangment. Second datehe bring me to a fridays!! and says he doesnt want to deter me but he doesnt want to impress me? Boston dates I commuted and hour to him……Im upset he seems to be under some illusion that its not about the money…which it isnt completely…but I am also here because of the money so what the hell?! Does he honestly think I would be dating a 60 year old man in my regular life? Any advice on how I should handle this? He is a great guy but Im not going to stick around for a regular run of the mill cheap guy….

  27. Anna Molly says:

    It’s been a while! Nice to see some familiar names. Hope everyone is doing well. 🙂

  28. DarkHorseSD says:

    What do people think about the multiple profile scenario? So many SBs – and I bet SDs – have multiple profiles running simultaneously. I can understand someone making a new profile and leaving the old behind, or the person that actually travels between multiple locations frequently.

    One of the important skills a sugar participant needs is the ability to spot the duplicate profilers. Perhaps also the serial profilers – the ones that constantly create new ones as the old become tainted or suspended.

    What are the concerns with duplicate profilers? What have you experienced meeting or just corresponding with them?

  29. NC Gent says:

    Darkhorse — based upon my sugar experience, when a potential SB is very quick to give out her phone number, she is more often than not an escort (which can be discovered with quick google search on the number). My experience is that the genuine SBs want to take a some time to get to know you and they proceed with caution (ala SugarSpicey). Best wishes in your search!

  30. DarkHorseSD says:


    You are exactly right. Some correspondence and then the disposable mobile & email. If not there is probably something wrong and that something is likely to prevent a good experience from emerging.

  31. RussianSB says:

    Golden worlds, indeed.
    Nice dinners and Jimmy Choo, open legs…
    Or make my heart melt…
    Somehow it works.

  32. RussianSB says:

    My friend from SA says that it is a matter of 3 messeges to find out if girl is real on SA or not.

  33. Confused Sugar Baby says:

    Sooo…I’ve been on SA for a year and have had 2 successful arrangements from here. I met a guy (late 30’s, divorced/no kids) off of here 2 months ago and he claimed that he wants something in between an arrangement and a girlfriend but he seems to be getting a little too attached. He refers to us as “dating” and says I am “his babe” and he’s getting a little obsessive and will e-mail & text me 3 times in a row – all within a few hours. He also checks my profile every morning. I’m a little confused and feel like he’s actually looking for a romantic relationship but disguising it as an ‘arrangement’.

    Has anyone else had this happen before? Any advice?

  34. RussianSB says:

    It is all about first meeting, if people not exchange phone numbers, they make first meeting impossible. And I think theese are not serious people. Men write to me on SA or traditional dating sites, usually include in first (!) letter phone number and e-mail. I prefer to exchange a few messeges, then I give my phone number. I don’t understand request of diamond SDs in profiles to send them phone number in first letter or they ignore you. Really ? Only because someone pay few dollars more for membership he feels like whole world must do what he want ? But, for other point is that fake profiles and not real persons will avoid to give phone number when asked. So, I am sure, that this is a red flag. Even if person behind profile is real, such degree of paranoic behavoir not going to bring romance in dating.

  35. flyr says:

    @Dark Horse “Is there any excuse whatsoever for a girl not to provide a contact phone&txt number considering the numerous methods, including free ones, of getting an anonymous, disposable number?

    If she does not, is she a scammer, or what other light can this be seen in?”

    I am more suspicious of those who want to give out their number right away. I think there are a lot of women here who are really testing the water and considering making the transition from more conventional dating.

    I have also heard the stories about the moment they gave out a number the calls came in the dark of the night – yes I know it’s 3 am and we have never met but wouldn’t you like to come over right now …………

    I want to hear the voice on the other end of the line but sometimes a little patience goes a long ways.

    Sugar Relationships are like sharks – if they are not moving ahead they are dying.

  36. SugarySpicey says:

    DarkHorse – I’m very slow to give out a number, especially if I haven’t had a couple email chats first. I just prefer a gradual transition into texting even with my burner phone number. Maybe I’m weird, but I’m definitely not shady or scamming.

  37. DarkHorseSD says:

    Is there any excuse whatsoever for a girl not to provide a contact phone&txt number considering the numerous methods, including free ones, of getting an anonymous, disposable number?

    If she does not, is she a scammer, or what other light can this be seen in?

  38. Noob_SD says:

    @lil_tm It’s quite simple. A man who is confident enough in himself that he has no qualms with being genuine and who treats me respectfully.

    Hi lil_tm … how you been? …. If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me? … 🙂

  39. Dashel says:

    [i]the whole point of the sugar world is well, sugar.[/i]

    Alana I thought this as well going in but had a different experience. Now I’d say it’s certainly a part of it but not the whole point. It’s case by case, I’m sure there’s a continuum from “I’m only in this for the sugar” up to just looking for a beautiful girl to share your success or a great guy who is well off.

    Speaking of which, did everyone get the email about that new site they’re apparently revamping? “Meet and date extraordinary women who won’t want financial allowances. ”

    In any case I think I’m on to normal dating now. (Oh the humanity!) I havent had any really bad experiences but maybe I’m just beating the odds with the one good one haha 🙂

  40. gtt_envy says:

    [email protected]_tim…….Big Pun a all time favorite 🙂

  41. FireWalker says:

    @Alana: Thus proving my point about where the First Investment should go – in the SD, not the SB. If he is 55 and hot enough to look fifteen years younger, he is in a different league that the pot belly. Apples and oranges kind of thing.

  42. FireWalker says:

    @gtt_envy: Easy. Hit the gym. Eat correctly and knock off the weight – you’ve seen the ads in the sky mags and on TV (an expensive but worthwhile investment in yourself). Hair implants if needed, Discover hair dye. Rediscover style. Read about the miracle of Botox, if it is a mystery. I cracked 50 a few years ago and have never felt or looked better.

    The women who hit me up the most? Frickin’ 19 – 24!

    Instead of setting money on fire like Notorious BIG (who . . . is dead, btw), invest in yourself first. Remember – you didn’t become successful by doing the stupid thing until it became smart. Throwing wads of cash will keep them coming back for . . . wads of cash.

    There is a financial component, but if they value the wallet more than the man, fire them immediately. The business and professional world has enough back stabbers.

  43. FireWalker says:

    As a very fit single guy, I find it amusing when a Pro SB hits me up for the Marriage Penalty (“discretion”) + Fat Tax + Looks Like a Troll Fee: high dollar NSA for a twice a month fly in/fly out encounter. Laughable.

    The Sugar I Deserve is very simple: I’ll invest in a potential high quality girlfriend, but not a casual fwb.

    Now, somebody give me the “we all know what this site is about (one size fits all)” lecture.

  44. Alana says:

    Chicago: “Spoiling leads to contempt.”

    Outside of sugar yes, but not in the sugar world. Please don’t confuse both worlds. You’re comparing apples and oranges…. the whole point of the sugar world is well, sugar. Face it… No 30 year old hottie will have dinner with a short, beer bellied 55 year old without some serious spoiling.

  45. I guess I left out honesty…ok, so gentlemen should toss prospects into real life crisis and see how they cope. I can do that, I’m ready for you, ladies!

  46. Ok, so gentlemen should not play silly games. Can we play other kinds? How do we vet intelligence and personality? Scorecards?

  47. lil_tm says:

    “@flyer, I do agree with your scenario too !! Usually the bad boys are good looking guys you don’t see the fat slob bad boys lining the hotties up so to speak.”

    Big Pun and Notorious B.I.G. never had a problem getting those hotties. 😉

    • SD Guru says:

      Re: Who deserves what – In business as in life, you get what you negotiate, not what you deserve. A corollary for SB’s – You don’t get what you deserve, you get what your SD think you’re worth.

      Re: PUA – Who needs pick up lines in the sugar world? A corollary for SD’s – Let your sugar do the pick up. :mrgreen:

  48. lil_tm says:

    “Here is an example of the attitude spoiling generates courtesy of lil_tm. “If I guy said that I wasn’t his type, I would shrug and say “ok”. It’s not like I couldn’t look around the room and see 10 pairs of male eyes checking me out anyway.” In this world, men are a commodity. They are to be used. They buy me stuff because it is the natural order of the universe. I deserve the sugar.”

    I am only saying I am secure enough that someone trying to take a jab at me to make me feel insecure will only find me becoming indifferent.
    I don’t think I deserve anything, except to be treated with kindness and respect. I’ve said many times in this blog, sugar was a means to an end. I played around with it, but I never once felt I should be bathing in diamonds and pearls or that anyone should be throwing money and rose petals at my feet. The superfluous way of some SB’s is not my way. I just wanted a little help.

    To quote lil_tm again only a few words later, “There are men out there who are not afraid to let a woman know what they really think of her.”

    Of course I am saying they aren’t afraid to express their admiration for a woman rather than showing how cool and disrespectful they are in front of their friends by being rude and inappropriate or playing silly mind games rather than being authentic. I hope you weren’t insinuating I was contradicting myself.

    “What kind of man does lil_tm want? One that does not spoil her.”

    It’s quite simple. A man who is confident enough in himself that he has no qualms with being genuine and who treats me respectfully.
    And again, I don’t need to be spoiled, whatever some people’s definition of that might be.

    I’m sorry, I don’t buy the PUA garbage and I don’t follow the thought that if you treat a girl right she will walk all over you or that you have to play a role of bad boy or anything else for that matter.
    Which is why I said the lame people who plays these silly games deserve each other.

  49. gtt_envy says:

    @flyer, I do agree with your scenario too !! Usually the bad boys are good looking guys you don’t see the fat slob bad boys lining the hotties up so to speak.

  50. gtt_envy says:

    @sugardaddyinchicago, I’ll disagree that whole bad boy bs is typically because they are good looking too. No one goes after the 300lb biker bad boy, but make him slim, lean, and a musician the line goes around the block.

    I think people analyze this far too much. Can the average 50yr old professional go and pick up on women that are 25 and succeed? Usually NO, hence the sugar piece! Of course everyone knows someone that knows someone, but in general you have no chance!

    Physical appearance trumps all in most scenarios that goes for both sides of the coin! My close friend is a ex model (37 now) and very “googable lol” if I go anywhere with him watching women’s eyes light up when they see him is pretty amazing. It’s always been that way with him woman younger, older, wealthy, almost all were smitten by him.

    How does the older average looking guy compete? Sugar 🙂

  51. flyr says:

    It’s one of the truths of the universe –

    Rolling across the desert there’s a Mercedes driven by some guy who followed the rules, was successful, married a little younger woman – she’s looking out the right side window as her diamond earrings glitter in the sun.

    In the right lane there’s a biker dressed in T shirt and jeans with an awesome 21 year old on the back. She smiles as she looks at the car.

    The biker chick is thinking perhaps she would be happier in the Mercedes with a home, maid and only shopping to deal with……….. the lady in the Mercedes is thinking about the biker and thinking about how much more fun it would be not to be tied to everything.

  52. Guys, you miss the point. This thread is titled “The Sugar You Deserve”.

    The “game” is “Spoil Me”. It works like this. Women pretend interest so long as the man is paying for fill-in-the-blank. Men pretend to prove their worth by paying for stuff. It is played in the non-sugar world, of course, but the sugar world attempts to turn this from a game into a professional sport.

    My observation is this – the longer the man plays the game, the lower the woman’s interest level in the man. It is a one way street to contempt – a contempt that runs both ways. We have names for the players. Nerd, dupe, mark. Golddigger, vamp, tart.

    Here is an example of the attitude spoiling generates courtesy of lil_tm. “If I guy said that I wasn’t his type, I would shrug and say “ok”. It’s not like I couldn’t look around the room and see 10 pairs of male eyes checking me out anyway.” In this world, men are a commodity. They are to be used. They buy me stuff because it is the natural order of the universe. I deserve the sugar.

    Re the references to Daniel Craig as Bond, the ultimate bad boy. How many beautiful women have you seen chasing bad boys? Why do they do it? Because bad boys don’t play the game. To quote lil_tm again only a few words later, “There are men out there who are not afraid to let a woman know what they really think of her.”

    What kind of man does lil_tm want? One that does not spoil her.

    I am not suggesting that chivalry is dead or that men should not pick up the check. I am just saying, “Spoiling leads to contempt.”

  53. SugarySpicey says:

    Pick up lines that have recently worked with me:

    1. I’ve never seen an American girl order Chinese Beer, have you ever been?
    2. Which floor (we were in an elevator, there were no options, it only went up a floor or down)
    3. Can my friend give you a tour of the gallery (said during gallery stroll one night as I was walking to my car and happened to pass an art gallery that I’d never gone into.)

    These required boldness, attention to details, or wit – not “knocking me off a Princess Pedastal). All men were later, very satisfied with the outcome of their efforts.

  54. Zack says:

    There is a perfection to that on many levels. Salute.

  55. DarkHorseSD says:

    Famous non-pickup line… “Excuse me, hello. My girlfriend likes your dress very much. May I ask where you got it?”

    Fiancée-SB can be a little shy – can’t we all. Last night she saw a girl wearing a dress she just loves. She told me she had seen it a couple of days before as well.

    Today she’ll be buying the new dress.

  56. Zack says:

    Ok, favorite pick up line. I submit this for your consideration, though the first line is necessarily spoken by the lady. (fun part of that game is how you get her to say it…)

    “You, sir, are not half so charming as you think you are.”
    [Pause, gentleman glances up, down, to the side or in circles, as he chooses]
    “Yes I am.”

  57. Zack says:

    …and thus is explained the West Coast.

    Or is Chicago that wants to be like the West Coast? idk

  58. I LoveWestCoastGirl says:

    Somehow I liked SDinChicago
    post/ approach and “the pick up line” … he is an intelligent classy gent ,
    I think he can pull it off.

  59. WCSD says:

    I disagree on the whole deserve statement. I don’t think anyone deserves anything! That is both men and women. We all know what we will tolerate or not (respect, etc. but everyone has a different tolerance to this as well), and we all have wants in any interaction, but none of us deserve it. We all get to choose who we interact with so I guess we all deserve the ability to choose, but beyond that it is up to you to figure out what you can earn. My biggest pet peeve is a profile that states ‘I deserve to be treated….’. The quickest way for me to next a SB is to state that you deserve something. It is really as offending in my mind as a SD stating that ‘I deserve a blow job within X minutes of meeting’. Do we want that? Sure we do….do we expect it? Some do, but then usually the SBs choice is to ‘next’ them!

  60. Zack says:

    On the deserve topic, a man who does not understand each woman is her own delightful, dare I say puzzle, deserves….well you get it 😛

    Why learn from one’s mistakes when one may learn from the best, ladies?

  61. WCSD says:

    @Treasured – I think that was Princi’s point. Daniel Craig does NOT start out the conversation with the negative ‘you aren’t my type’, but it is much later into the conversation and is part of the ‘witty banter, building sexual tension, flirting’ stage. And he looks like Daniel Craig! In general men have little to no chance starting with that type of opening line, but some do, and I think that is more a reflection of the woman that heard the line than the line itself. They probably could have opened with ‘I see that the roof is green’ and probably have had the same luck (i.e. she was desperate, horny, drunk, slightly mentally handicapped, or maybe even a good combination of the above…). The problem with some men is that they don’t learn from their failures. If something is successful once, they assume that is all they need to do, and don’t look at the ‘failures’ with the same approach to determine what is the best course of action next time. But then again, women do the same….hence why there are many who are with the duchebags over and over again….

  62. Zack says:

    I pop my blogging cherry and as soon as the moderator cuffs are off, I rush headlong into a rant. All by myself, how embarrassing. Some things are better done with interesting people.

    Treasured, I’m a work in progress and clearly need to be cautious about being in public 🙂

  63. Alana says:

    Regular dating and sugar dating are different. In a non sugar date, I would gladly split the bill or pay for it myself. In sugar, I would have dinner with a short guy. Non sugar, short guys for me will never have a chance…

    I have very different standards for sugar and non sugar.

  64. DarkHorseSD says:


    That’s very nice to hear.

  65. Treasured says:

    Princi, there is a difference between a Daniel Craig telling you are not his type because you are single, and an average guy in a bar, with a glass of wine in his hands coming over to you to tell you that you are not his type 😛

    It is all about having an ability to pull it off 🙂 Sorry, but if you are Mr. Average, the “You are not my type” line will turn you into Mr.Getlostnow.
    Same as some girls can pull off “I am NOT eating in Nobu, I WANT Zuma” and some simply can’t.
    All comes back to the “what you deserve topic” 😀

  66. Treasured says:

    Russian, I do NOT deal with the local possible SD 😛

    Too spoiled and everybody knows everyone 😛

    I prefer anonymity 😀

  67. flyr says:


    Don’t let the “official topics” confuse you.

    New “official topics” serve only as brief diversions and then primarily as place markers along a meandering continuum of wit, wisdom, whining, wet discussions and wishful speculation.

  68. Principium says:

    To come back to, “well you are not my type”:

    If you have watched Casino Royale with Daniel Craig, during the banter which he was having with Vesper (portrayed by the delightfully beautiful Eva Green) he did use the very same line by telling her that she was not his type and when she mockingly asked him, “too smart?”, He retorted, “No! Single!”… Now, I think that there is a time and place for banter type of lines when building up sexual attraction and as a part of one’s seduction techniques, but to use lines with negative undertones toward an unsuspecting potential will probably not pay dividends.

    I advocate that a man learns to do the following when faced with a woman who for a variety of reasons could be rather bratty, somewhat insulting or sinfully playful as a part and parcel of his own ABC (Always Be Charming) game:

    A- Agree and amplify
    B- Dismiss and ignore
    C- Ridicule and re-frame the conversation

    The point being that you take the high road and display your own higher values. I have often stated in many prior of my postings that woman whether knowingly or unknowingly have an inherent method of testing guys whom they are interested in. The heterosexual men do not have that that intrinsic defense mechanism, so the sooner we grasp that notion and not take the female playfulness as over insults (a Western concept, not the kind of stuff which would work in many other societies) the sooner we can either be rejected and actually relieved or move onto the next phase of creating more rapport and comfort leading onto intimacy.

  69. Principium says:

    I don’t have a problem with what ChicagoSD wrote, but I don’t think that it is a good opener and reading his post, I do not get the impression that he wrote that material to serve as an opener!

    In my opinion to a larger extent and within the norms of civility and decency, how you say things is far more important than what you say when you open a conversation with someone. Always ask yourself a question before you embark upon asking someone (specially a female whom you are interested in) that question and the question you ought to ask yourself is, “how do I react if the other person asked me that very same question”?

    Best openers if dealing with an intelligent and erudite person are openers which are harmless in nature but said with utmost sincerity and authority. More importantly, instead of learning lines, learn how to follow up to your opener or else you’ll stand there looking very insipid and uncharismatic. For instance, to run to a very pretty girl just to tell her that she is beautiful may work if you are totally honest and sincere, but since she hears the creepier version of that line quite a few times a day, there’s no novelty and at best you’ll get a polite thank you and then, deadpan awkward silence!

    If you are going to tell a woman that she is beautiful, then have the back up as to why you feel that about her, above and over your authenticity in making that statement. Compliment her on the way that she has put herself together, her hair, her scent, her makeup, her shoes & handbag, accessories, etc… Women far more appreciate the compliments which relate to the way in which they have prepared themselves than the way in which they were created…

  70. Principium says:

    For the sake of making my thoughts easier to read, I will break them up in chunks over the next few posts, but here is my first installment on openers, pick up lines and PUA community (pick up artists):

    A lot of the stuff which is taught in the PUA community is geared toward that “college bro” crowd. If one is older than early 30ish years old and still resorts to most of that sort of stuff, it generally shows lack of maturity and / or inauthenticity. A lot of those silly games work on much younger women because they are designed to knock-off an “I-am-a-princess-and-deserve-the-very-best” immature and (deep down) insecure girl, off her proverbial pedestal. I don’t see a necessity for those type of games when it comes to sugar, because most sugar relationships are of a transnational nature and unnecessary juvenile banter debases the values that an older and supposedly more sophisticated man is supposed to be bringing into the sugar relationship dynamic. If the younger POT SB craves the juvenile PUA games, then she belongs to her own dating demographics through FB, IG, Twitter, bars, clubs, the beach, water park, etc…

    You have to realize that the PUA community is a huge multimillion $ field of business with so many disciples of the originals such as Mystery (look up The Mystery Method) and those whose names I have forgotten, are fighting for scraps of the same pie. In general, I’m not against any self-improvement techniques but I do believe that the majority of PUA community is a sham and programs young men to behave quite ungentlemanly…

  71. RussianSB says:

    @Treasure, without WiFi in the middle of nowhere ?
    Now I understand what word KINK mean !

  72. RussianSB says:

    @Jack-in-va, thank you for sharing your mailing statistics, I knew, I was right about. Because I have EXACTLY the same results at sugar site and in regular dating site. So, I guess I find some web algorythm. It is a lot of mailing, sugars, but, it worth efforts, when I go on the web date in my area, I am always satysfied with results. Maybe I refuse some nice guys during filtering programme, and doing that loosing some good opportunities, but boys who go though all filters are real gold.

  73. SouthernSB says:

    @DarkHorseSD Hi how are you doing?
    Best pickup line in the world!!! That’s the one that always works on me. I hate it when men play games, and resorts to silly pick up lines and immature “fronting.” Just be yourself, and have an intelligent conversation and you are guaranteed to make my knees weak. Nothing gets me going more than a nice guy, who can have a decent conversation. He doesn’t even have to have a great sense of humor or be all that cute. I just consider those icing on the cake. Most of all I’m a sapiophile, who just happens to love designer purses and shoes.

  74. RussianSB says:

    @Dashel, I agree with you that majority of women tend to drama relationship, or , as my friend call it “Italian passions”. But I won’t buy that I am not somebody’s type. Because men don’t have a type. Theoretically , every scirt is a challenge for them, espesially in a bar 🙂
    Treasured, boys are selective, when they talk about how high their standarts are, in real life, they not that selective. With age, looks, and intelegence. Good for you that you have perfect body, Treasure, but most kept women arround 40 y.o. with average looks . Ladies just know how to play that sugar poker. Deleting profile mean that you are very happy with your Daddy, we all happy for you too. And don’t be lazy, I am fishing for boy from your woods, who start amazing building project. First I love the project, next – I am looking for right people who can set up our meeting. In every banana republic, there is some daddies who rule all circus.
    You just don’t have them in the web in your area. But truth is out there, girl !

  75. Zack says:

    Thank you, dear heart.

  76. Treasured says:

    Ok, to cheer you up, since I am on holiday, Daddy is way to busy to be online and I am slightly bored…

    Top horrible dates:
    Position Nr.3 holds a so-called submissive pot SD. Who, after I refused to have sex with him called me chubby… AND still persisted asking me for a fuck.
    What makes this date unforgettable was that he actually flew me in n a middle of a nowhere and I was stuck with him for 36 hours. With NO internet access!
    At least he had a decency to book me the earliest flight possible, after I made it clear that there is nothing in the world what would make me have sex with him.

  77. Treasured says:

    Zack, chill 😀

    It is summer, it is hot, it is holiday time 😛

    September will come and all the flirting/catfighting/bitching will be back on 😀

    In the meantime, all new members can tell more about themselves 😛

  78. Zack says:

    Ok, so one third the views with little progress in the conversation. Sorry, I didn’t mean to kill it, though it amuses me to find I could.

    Moderator, wake up, please. I’m bored. Maybe the next topic could be “Favorite quotes.” I bet most of the good ones have some squirreled away somewhere. I’ll go first and even cheat, with two…(roughly from memory)

    “Klytus, I’m bored. What Plaything can you offer me today?”

    “I’m a mouse in a large mechanical suit.”

    Let’s do something fun before you lose your twitter bump. Maybe we could do a Monty Python pic header. Oh, you need to appeal to potential subscribers, not those of us there. got it.

    Umm, many lovely pictures on the topic headings. Is the lady with the legs in this one Seeking?

  79. Zack says:

    With a similar approach and circumstance, adjusting for location and allowing for “ballpark” margin of error…

    About the same here, jv. Nothing perfect yet, but…no regrets so far.

  80. Jack-in-VA says:

    I am pretty new (less then 2 weeks) to the SD/SB game (at least through this website). So take my comment through the lens of that perspective.

    I’ve met up with 3 different SB in my area. Because I am looking for something long term, I really have found ‘her’ yet. But I did have 3 nice dates and only 1 crazy-ex texting me the day after. (Thank god for the Hushed App) So the hunt continues. By the way- I don’t use lines or mind-*ucks. I am just me. If they like that, then great. If they don’t, they we weren’t meant to have an arrangement. Simple. In terms of pampering and whatnot, each date cost me about $800. A small price, I feel, to find someone I am looking for. I pay more than that to find new web developers to hire for my business. They cost about $2,000 each, just to get in for an interview.

    I think someone commented above, they weed through 100 emails to find the one meetup. I find it took about the same level of effort.

  81. Zack says:

    Btw, Darkhorse…congratulations and I’m glad she found a man who knows it.

  82. Zack says:

    Ehh, so…next topic…”SD’s best lame pick up lines and how SB’s would shoot them down.” Is that too crass for this august body?

  83. Zack says:

    sd/chi nicely prefaced his comments so as to limit them to the “princess” and “spoiled” (take that as you wish).

    Sugar, if you wished to play games, my approach with you would be to enter with two wonderful ladies, enable you to make a wry speculation regarding my own character, then reply along the lines of, “They’re not with me, I’m with them.” As a possible example. If you wanted to play that game.

    But we both know and understand that bit…games on that level are refreshing sparring, if part of the idiosyncratic relationship.

    FB, you convey an impression of being similar to many fine philosophers…nasty, brutish and short. 🙂 But I like your style and I value your thoughts (here’s 2 cents). If I’m willing to waste a bit of change on a fantasy of being a white knight or powerful, darker man, that’s my choice. I’m having fun.

    Back on point, the topic is flawed because people will be considered to “deserve” human dignity insofar as it applies to choice and self-worth. A more fun interpretation would be “What do SB’s think they have earned?” Without getting hung up on “deserve.”

  84. FatBastardSD says:


    Easy women are always the best women.

    @Dashel, lil_tm, SD’s everywhere!

    Women prefer attractive douce bags when they are younger. When a woman’s looks begin to fade they switch preference to the financially successful doucebag.

    That is executive summary on women :-).

  85. DarkHorseSD says:

    I have one pick up line – “Hello. How are you doing.”

    It’s possibly actually two lines.

    What is the pick up line you deserve?

  86. SugarySpicey says:

    The problem with all this game playing is that eventually, we all have to be who we are – playing the douche to hide that you’re needy will just implode later.

  87. Dashel says:

    “This is true, but let’s face it. There’s a lot more lame douche bags then proper men out there anyway. ”

    My theory on this is that guys see the hot girls with the douchebags and think they must need to be a douche to get the girl. However the reality seems to be douche trumps needy whimp / sycophant / doormat. Being cocky is a relative of confidence, so given the choice I think women are more attracted to the cocky asshole. Even though they know it’s going to end in drama and tears. Then cry on the friend zoned needy guy’s shoulder!

    All of this clears up when the girls find a proper man as you put it. Men have a similar plight looking for a proper woman so we feel your pain! 😉

  88. Dashel says:

    I think lines like that are designed to convey confidence, or at least to contrast the typical fawning that many beautiful women receive. So, I get it although I dont agree with it. If I said something like “you’re not my type” I’d follow it with “I hate beautiful women, they’re all trouble”. Only because that’s my personality to play around and flirt that way, not as something calculated.

  89. SugarySpicey says:

    Re: lame, transparent “You’re not my type” pick up lines I agree with Treasured and TM. I won’t “earn” a man’s interest. He’s hot for me or I’m not interested. Plus, he’s clearly thinking I’m his type or he wouldn’t walk up to me in a bar. That sort of attempt to make me feel insecure in order to gain the upper hand is just one reason I enjoy Subbys so much. Everybody knows who has the upper hand already – as it should be in male/female relationships.

    An insecure woman might be good for a few nights of sex, but a confident woman will make you happy for as long as you’re together.

    A sugar girl deserves what she’s worth. Sugar sex is a trade – a different type of trade than prostitution – but still a trade. An average girl, with average intellect, average looks, and average bedroom skills just doesn’t command the type of allowance a sophisticated, beautiful, dirty girl can expect. And, if a girl isn’t sure where she fits on that spectrum, she’s probably more toward the average range.

    What a sugar wants or needs is completely irrelevant to what she “deserves” (in this context I believe deserves should actually be called market value). But, all humans deserve to be treated with respect. I saw a blog visitor on my site searching the term “my sugar daddy shares me around” and it broke my heart. No amount of sugar (and I bet with that girl it wasn’t much) is worth your dignity. Self-worth is priceless.

  90. DarkHorseSD says:

    The sugar you deserve is the sugar you earn. For the generous it is the money they acquired through some effort and the personality they have developed. For the baby, it’s that variety of attractive qualities cultivated and the effort put out.

  91. lil_tm says:

    “Guys know that the insecure lame women are the best kind to hook up with.”

    Best meaning easiest? If not, what do you mean by best?

    “If I was a betting man I would wager that you have gone out with a lot more lame douchebags than honest guys”

    This is true, but let’s face it. There’s a lot more lame douche bags then proper men out there anyway.

    Boy have I got stories.

  92. FatBastardSD says:


    Last time I wiggled my belly I dislocated my back. Lesson learned.

  93. Treasured says:

    By the way, I’m officially 2-3 months out of SA! (After I finally deleted, not just hid my profile :D)

  94. Treasured says:

    Fatty, all YOU need to do to get a girl in a bar, come over, unbutton your shirt and give a “gangnam style” dance.
    Wiggle that belly! 😀

  95. FatBastardSD says:


    Guys know that the insicure lame women are the best kind to hook up with. If I was a betting man I would wager that you have gone out with a lot more lame douchebags than honest guys :-).

  96. FatBastardSD says:

    Quite an amazing thing has happened, I agree with Treasures and lil_tm about the futility of playing games.

    Then again if I could play the game properly I would not need an allowance :-).

  97. lil_tm says:

    “Here is a pick-up line that demonstrates the point. You are in a bar, and a beautiful woman is there with two of her girlfriends (bad news). If she can get your attention, she scores points with her girlfriends.”</i

    I don't believe girls operate this way. This is the way guys think, imo.

    “In her brain the wheels are turning. Not his type? What’s wrong with me? In the next minute or two she will either ask you directly, or she will ask you what your type is. You then describe a woman that is similar but not quite her. An inch or two taller or shorter. A different color of hair. Something she could almost be if she tried a little harder. But NOT one of her girlfriends. She is closer to your type than they are, and she is cute in her own way.”

    If I guy said that I wasn’t his type, I would shrug and say “ok”
    It’s not like I couldn’t look around the room and see 10 pairs of male eyes checking me out anyway.
    And Treasured is right, those games are blatantly obvious and quite a turn off.
    What is that anyway? Some type of PUA b.s.?
    There are men out there who are not afraid to let a woman know what they really think of her. So when that man comes along, the douchebag game players are left to hang out with the insecure, lame women because..well, quite frankly, they kind of deserve each other.

  98. lil_tm says:

    “A man, who comes to you and says “You look amazing, I want you”, in a way that make her knees tremble is much MUCH more sexier than a boy who plays silly games.”

    Yep. :o)

  99. Treasured says:

    And, generally re puzzles:

    I do not want a puzzle. If’d want one I’d go to a game shop 🙂

    I want honesty, a guy who really cares, who is extremely confident and powerful in himself to play silly games.
    A man, who comes to you and says “You look amazing, I want you”, in a way that make her knees tremble is much MUCH more sexier than a boy who plays silly games.

  100. Treasured says:

    Re topic:

    How many? QUITE a few 😉

    SDs are MUCH more selective.

    Sacrifice: Being away from my family.

    From the previous conversation: Alyona/Aloona/ etc. – I live in a TINY EU country with exactly 0 SDs. So, basically, to meet one I have to be flown in for the first date. Hasn’t stopped me from meeting pot SDs. They ALL were willing to fly me in and get to know me. BUT, you have to be way above average in everything. 😉

    Sugardaddyinchicago: The little trick with “You are fun but not quite my type” doesn’t n necessary work with all beautiful women.
    I’d have to say, it only works with those, who have some insecurities.
    A mentally healthy, happy woman, who is also smart, sees all those games straight away.
    My reaction would be: Why bother then? There are quite a few other fun, smart, wealthy guys in line so I’d waste my time on silly games.
    AND: If you like me, and I would know if you do within 5 minutes of a conversation if you do (body language would betray you like nothing’s business), and STILL to choose to drop the “you are not quite my type” bomb. The ONLY thing I would think is “What is wrong with you?”
    My time is way too precious to spend it playing silly games. I am past a kindergarden age.

    Well, of course if your aim is 18 to 20 y.o. it would work.

  101. IceSB says:

    Hi! I’m a college sb and I’ve been on here for some time now. I have had some good experiences but I was wondering if someone could review my profile and give me feedback on what I can do to present myself in the best way? Thanks guys!!

    profile 776625

  102. RussianSB says:

    Nice bag on picture !

  103. RussianSB says:

    It is not few winks, girls – in web dating I answer 100 letters to get one meeting,
    It is normal web statistics, if all your filters works. 99 offers will be fake, offensive or not-really-ready to meetoffline

  104. Zack says:

    Before Utilitarian analysis becomes Behaviorist advice, I wish to state my appreciation for sd/chi’s thoughts. At the risk of sounding both niave and arrogant, I consider myself too likely to try to please too quickly and then get “turned off” by expectations or even hopes I didn’t express and would up expecting the lady to know.

    I’m still new, this is helpful. Thanks.

  105. DarkHorseSD says:

    Fiancée-SB mentioned a little while ago that she is a beautiful woman and deserves the very best.

  106. flyr says:

    Rules ?

    If we followed rules we would not be here…..

    It is not about rules, but rather the totality of the situation.

    Properly applied the arrangement involves situations where the value of the gift is greater to the person receiving it than the value to the giver. It’s the perfect win win situation. The opportunity for magic is listening to or interpreting what the other person wants/needs.

    Most of us have seen the older guy who is hands all over the younger woman in the restaurant or bar if for no other reason than to signal to the other monkeys that this is his-at least for the moment. For most woman this has a very high cost and the SD will pay one way or another.

    Ditto for the same two people but while the man is respectfully attentive, the woman is either texting or looking around to see what the upgrade options are for the evening or a later real date.

    There’s also the opportunity to communicate to maximize benefits.

  107. Let’s consider definitions of “treated like a princess”, “pampered”, and “spoiled”.

    Seriously. For example, do any of them involve cash changing hands – aka “allowance” and “p4p”? No. Different realm.

    In regular dating, I would never… I think “insult” is the most common word in use… insult a woman by offering her cash. Might earn me a bitch slap. But if I took her shopping, and she admired something, and I said, “Let me buy that for you”, then after a series of sham protests she would accept.

    Likewise – she would accept paying for her nails, her hair, her make-up, a massage, etc. She would feel “treated like a princess, pampered and spoiled.” But it would be NO guarantee that she would sleep with me. Part of the “spoil me” game is “I may have sex with you, and I may not. I am so beautiful you are dazzled whether I do or don’t. Buy me something else and I will consider it.”

    The truth is that she will sleep with me if I float her boat, irregardless of pampering. Like any normal woman she wants her fires lit by someone that knows how to turn them into fireworks.

    In my experience, spoiling a woman turns her off. The more you give her, the more she feels that you are not worthy of her.

    What a woman seeks is the opposite feeling – she wants to wonder if she is good enough for you. If you are just out of reach, and maintain that just out of reach position, she will give you her full attention. You are a puzzle that must be solved.

    Here is a pick-up line that demonstrates the point. You are in a bar, and a beautiful woman is there with two of her girlfriends (bad news). If she can get your attention, she scores points with her girlfriends. She sends you a few body language signals to see if she can raise a reaction. You sigh and say, “You can relax. Yes, you are beautiful, and I love your outfit, but you are not my type. Know what I mean? So relax. What brings you out tonight?”

    In her brain the wheels are turning. Not his type? What’s wrong with me? In the next minute or two she will either ask you directly, or she will ask you what your type is. You then describe a woman that is similar but not quite her. An inch or two taller or shorter. A different color of hair. Something she could almost be if she tried a little harder. But NOT one of her girlfriends. She is closer to your type than they are, and she is cute in her own way.

    I could go on, but this is turning into an operating manual.

    Guys – never, ever “pamper” or “spoil” a woman before you bring her off. Float her boat, and THEN reward her with a trip to the spa. She will be thrilled.

  108. SouthernSB says:

    I have to disagree…every woman does deserve to be treated like a princess. But the word “princess” is a relative term, it can be taken many ways, just like “young and gorgeous” can. If you are 70 or 80 a woman in her 40’s or 50’s can be “young and gorgeous” even if she is a little overweight. If a man is into minortity women, a man who is into the dominate culture may not think the woman is gorgeous but the man who is dating that woman would think she is the most beautiiful woman on the planet. The same thing goes for the phrase “treated like a princess.” If a woman grew up really poor and she came from a culture where she was never given the small things, showing small gestures of kindness like flowers and candy might be the best thing in the world. To other women, nothing less than diamonds and trips to Aspen will do. It’s all about who the woman is and who you are. I realize this is SA and the women here are of a different caliber. Really there is someone for everyone, you just have to find someone for you.

  109. Kamikapse says:

    “Every woman deserves to be treated like a princess;”

    I can’t stand statements like that.
    No, not every woman deserves to be treated like a princess.
    Just like not every man deserves to have gorgeous, young women fawning over them.

  110. JennSA says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog…