6 years ago
Messaging Blunders – Sugar Baby Edition
  • Posted Sep 19, 2013


I’m conducting a little social experiment so that those who are new and/or less mindful of our culture will take notes. This week, I’m asking you, the Sugar Daddy/Mommy community, to share any personal “red flags” when choosing your ideal Sugar Baby. Next week, we will reverse the roles and ask the Sugar Babies the same exact question.

The following was recently sent to one of our Sugar Daddies by a local Sugar Baby:

We (my best friend and I) will be in Las Vegas next weekend (the 30th through the 2nd) and would love to have someone show us around and make sure we see the best of Vegas!

Look forward to hearing from you!


So what’s wrong with this message? To the untrained eye, it may seem fun and exciting. But ask yourself this: will a mutually beneficial arrangement be created?

There are two rather large “red-flags” in this message:

  1. Taking Two to Tango – When a Sugar Daddy lives in a big city, please don’t immediately ask to bring your friend. If you haven’t spoken or met before, it implies that you are just using him for your own benefit, not a mutual one.
  2. Pitching Yourself – Sugar Daddies/Mommies are successful, not stupid. They know when you copy and paste the same exact message in hopes of nabbing an arrangement. This message was probably sent to numerous Sugar Daddies because it lacked any specifics. Sometimes, the difference between a delete and a date is a little catering.

Moral of the story? Cater to your messaging and avoid copy + paste.

Other Common Messaging Blunders

  1. Just Winking – If you intend to wink and show interest, follow-up by writing a sincere and catered message. Solely winking will rarely get you a date, let a lone an arrangement.
  2. Money Talks –  We advise against negotiating immediately in the first message. Build a rapport through continued messaging and a date or two. Transition to the arrangement talks once the mutual trust and respect is established.


What messages (words, phrases, etc.) make you hesitant when choosing an arrangement?

Leave a Reply

178 Responses to “Messaging Blunders – Sugar Baby Edition”

  1. Anonymous says:

    how much SD do i need to message to get a response I’ve messaged 35 guys so far and only received a response from two and no one else looks like they’ve even been online except for a small handful

    • Anonymous says:

      imagine that! you’re actually required to do something. the injustice!!

    • john says:

      will like to know you if you dont mind?

    • sd with open eyes says:

      If a sugar daddy has not been online for over a couple of months then it’s pretty likely that he will not return your message.

      Even if a sugar daddy is recently active if they have no interest in you then it is very likely that they will not return your message.

  2. lil_tm says:

    Hey all! I see some of you are still riding the sugar horse. 😉

    Just wanted to stop in and say hello. Fall is here! 🙂

  3. Mark says:

    Have yet to find a sd who is interested in me.. but I ‘ve been doing these steps, hopefully one turns out.

  4. Jeanandtshirt76 says:


    Honesty is to set you free so to speak, an arrangement is based on trust and mutual respect, yes it’s not a typical relationship, however without trust and honesty nothing ever good will come out of an arrangement or relationship, same in any venture in life. I speak from experience, most SD can spot a lie a mile away, probably one of the main reason we’ve done well in life. My personal arrangement I value honesty above all, which is the main reason it’s over 🙁 if you lie and live a double or triple life, you’ll have to many lives to keep track of and the lies will surface. Personally I never cared what she did, we were in an arrangement, she was free to do as she wished with whom she wished, but chose to constantly lie to me, oh well could have been a good thing, she never had to worry about anything, money, jewelry, car, gas, trips etc… But the lying hurt me more than anything and ruining the arrangement

  5. Zack says:

    Just keep it real.

  6. DorkyGuy says:

    MC2, great questions!

    A new blog topic has been posted, and the discussion will move to that thread. I really recommend that you repost these questions to the new topic, so that people will read and respond to them.

  7. MC2 says:

    A newbie here, and loving the blog. Very informative and engaging. As newbie to this site, though having been in a previous relationship with a highly successful guy that occurred offline a few years ago (before sites like this really took off), the transaction to such a format is a bit interesting and confusing.

    A few thoughts/questions:
    1) Is the net worth and income balances on a lot of profiles, well, out-of-whack? If you make $250,000-$1,000,000, shouldn’t your net worth exceed the $1,000,000 threshold (not including your primary residence)? Also, if you’re worth more than $5,000,000 or $10,000,000, is it wrong to assume that you should be pulling in $1 million+ in income? I understand that equity and income don’t always go together, such as equity positions that are illiquid and don’t pay dividends (like a promising tech upstart), but it’s, interesting.

    2) How important should being a Diamond Sugar Daddy rating be?

    3) How do you handle those who are protective of their identities in their profiles?

    4) To go back to this site, is there way too many fakes or guys, at least in opinion, who quite honestly, are a little out-of-their-league financially to maintain a serious, long-term sugar commitment? I understand everyone has their own situation and arrangement, but it’s not a cheap endeavor, and having the financial resources is part of the successful, intelligent, sophisticated, and ambitious package that makes such men attractive and rare.

    5) Will you date younger men than you, but who are successful?

    Thanks! I know, a lot of questions.

  8. Elevated says:

    Thank you all for your advice. I guess being lied to isn’t the most pleasant thing in the world but I can see given the double standards and most men’s issue of supporting someone other then their SB could be a non-negotiable then an attached SB has no other option if she want to partake in the sugar bowl.

    I agree, to all the SB’s out there; a real SD that is truly wealthy and age is above 30 and accumalted wealth without a will, he can smell a lie from a mile a away. Whether he wants to call you out is another story.

  9. NC Gent says:

    I would prefer the SB to be honest – the truth usually comes out. Also, most SDs typically have business acumen and can spot a lie pretty easily. It is insulting to my intelligence the things I have heard from SBs. I typically let them slide though rather than calling them out and creating a lot of drama.

  10. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    If you don’t already know im married ,i had an SD before meeting my husband.My SD was married and they both knew about each other. I had no reason to lie to either. If you think im that great of a catch (and i am) and your secure about yourself and the role you play in my life, it
    shouldn’t bother you.

  11. SouthernSBgirl says:

    I also think another issue SBs lying about their status because they know this to be true. Chances are most attractive young women are going to be dating men their own age , however the majority will just say anything they think their SD wants to hear rather than be honest. I guess that’s my issue , Im a horrible liar , so telling people what they want to hear doesn’t work for me , lol.
    Personally Ive never been married, and once I am , hopefully I wouldn’t be on the site anymore. But I can understand why some married women would see this as an option.

  12. NC Gent says:

    @Elevated — I think any time that you get lied to or mislead no matter the circumstances, it sucks. However, yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a SB friend of mine. She said as a married SD that my SB basically had carte blance to lie to me, because she had to protect her own interests and I was living a lie so it was only fair. I take exception to that though — should I have lied about my marital status to my SB then in order to protect my interests?

    SouthernSBGirl — we had this discussion a few years ago about the double standard for married-attached SBs. I think it is a double standard if I say a married woman can’t be an SB, but it is not a double standard if i say I prefer an unattached SB. Single SBs are welcome to decide they want a married SD, and that isn’t a double standard. Bottom line is that most men prefer an unencumbered SB, and there is usually a cost associated with that. Personally, I would not be interested in having a married SB, because I think your husband should step up and support you. I recognize that thinking may be old school. I have no qualms with a married-attached women becoming an SB, it just isn’t something I am seeking.

  13. SouthernSBgirl says:

    @Elevated —
    One reason she may not feel comfortable telling you is because there is a double standard in this area. Married SDs are common and accepted, however ( in my experience a couple years ago , when I was in a traditional relationship, I was honest with my status ) when an SB says that she too has a IRL relationship , she is often rejected by the pot SD. I guess what some SDs don’t think of is that women can be in relationships too where they aren’t receiving the affection they want. The NSA should apply to both sides ,not just one .

  14. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    Gone for 2 days i miss out on all the action. I just glympsed. Anyway an old SD of mine just emailed me on lkdn yeah!! Im very excited he was one of my most beloved SDs. He has truly been a friend. Im not sure if he is writing me for friendship or an arrangement? Anyways wish me well!!

  15. flyr says:


    As a simple example , one SB may see going to fancy clubs and dinners as part of what she’s seeking while a another SB may prefer a much more discrete relationship. One may love the idea of getting tied up in the relationship while another may be repulsed.

    • SD Guru says:

      “The blog admins have not seen fit to forward email addresses for those interested in meeting.”

      Anyone interested can email me at [email protected] with the subject “SA Blog Meet” and I’ll facilitate the exchange.

      “if you are located in the Midwest in a medium city and contributed $4000 allowance a month plus $1000 a month in spoiling (dinners, spas, gifts, etc) how often would you want to meet with your SB?”

      You’ve received good input from others. A more interesting question is for $5k/mo how often would she want to meet with you? Quite frankly, given your location and the allowance level, her availability should not even be an issue if she enjoys spending time with you.

      “I sense a learning experience approaching! ….after a very long night, I can only agree.”

      Details please! :mrgreen:

      “how often do you guys see your SB or SD? I’m a once every 3-5 weeks it’s 95% of the time a overnighter or a whole weekend.”

      Obviously this can vary widely because each SD/SB’s situation is different. For me, locally it’s a few hours per meet about once a week. Long distance would be an evening once a month or so. I occasionally do overnights but rarely weekends due to my marital status and busy schedule. The exception would be when we take a trip together.

      @Tommy (from previous blog)
      “Any advise on how to keep things safe and manage time between family and SB. I work full time and family commitments are too high.

      If you can carve out at least a few hours a week then you should be able to keep a SB interested. But if not then you might want to consider other alternatives. As for keeping things safe, consider the following:

      1. No paper trails – Don’t keep any receipts (ie restaurants, shopping, hotels, etc).
      2. No electronic trails – Make sure your laptop and smartphone are clear of your online activities.
      3. No communication trails – Use a separate email and discreet number for your sugar activities.
      4. No financial trails – Use a separate bank account and credit card, and use cash when possible.
      5. No major deviations from your normal daily routine.

      If all this sound like too much work given the time you have, then again you might want to consider other alternatives.

  16. flyr says:

    My experience is that a discussion of general goals and expectations occurs at an appropriate point in the budding relationship. As a part of the getting to know eachother both parties share information gradually increasing in specificity. As important is communicating what’s not expected. A lack of SD expectations may add to his value- what’s offensive to one SB may be essential to another.

  17. GenuineSD says:

    Greetings all
    The blog admins have not seen fit to forward email addresses for those interested in meeting. Me thinks there’s less moderation than there used to be…

  18. Zack says:

    Flyr, granting that getting to at least the “discussing expectations” stage would be expected before getting to the idea of equivalents…

    How does a novice transition a (hypothetically) real, classy pot SB to allowance discussions when money is conceptually an issue, but the SB is and should remain independent in the manner of a peer? You may assume or not a good first meeting, as you choose.

    Please include “away from home” as a general boundary condition, chuckle.

  19. Slow like honey says:

    In reference to how frequently sugars see each other… I agree with SugarySpicey!

    I would add that cost does not equal value; And (quite obviously) not all sugars are created equally.

    When all is said and done, an arrangement is “an agreement with someone”.
    The only standard that determines fairness lies solely within those two people.
    Only when both parties have been implicitly clear about what they are giving and receiving and they have agreed to those terms, can we say it is fair.

    The trouble seems to be when there is a lack of clarity in what is desired from the exchange.

  20. sweetie says:

    Flyr, hehehe! It’s that how it goes? So, then a weekend = 4 quickies, right?

  21. flyr says:

    I am a fan of quantification of expectations

    SB – I need an allowance of $xxxx

    SD – I understand I’m looking for a relationship where we have one night a week set aside for our pleasures, a leisurely evening .

    As the relationship develops you find equivalent fun events . One evening = 2 quickies and one weekend = 2 evenings .

    There is a delicate art, keeping it balanced and at the same time non transactional.

  22. Zack says:

    …get him to stand behind her at the ATM a couple of times….just for the record! 🙂

  23. DorkyGuy says:

    If the stalker is following her, she could use that to her advantage… Just have her go to places where it would damage his reputation for him to be seen hanging out, and have a friend snap some photos when he walks into those places (following her of course). There are a ton of options. If she can get a photo of him walking into a white supremacist rally, or in the park near drug dealers, or parked across from a school.

  24. Zack says:

    Ooh…a thought…if the “stalkee” knows the “stalker” well enough, in this world, there may be vulnerabilities to drug users.

  25. Zack says:

    besides…it’s been done, LOL

  26. Zack says:

    Op, again, I admire your touch. Death by auto-erotic asphyxiation would definitely gain points for style. But it would be more difficult to teach than to implement.

    The idea of self entrapment for stalkers is noteworthy. Any other thoughts along those lines? (no hurry, let’s make them up as we go, lol)

  27. Elevated says:

    Wondering how other married SD’s feel about a SB who has a real life significant other? Also, what if she never told you about him but you were up-front about your marital status? Would you feel violated?

  28. onyx_percula says:

    @ Zack — Easy let them “win” a trip to some third world country. Arrange a “date” with some local exotic hotty into auto-erotic affixation, he will solve the problem himself sooner or later…

    @ Spicey — I agree the best are not written contracts to be held to the letter. Considering the situation and the “down time” for a finding a good replacement, it might better serve in this situation.

  29. Zack says:

    OP, re: stalker. Try thinking “out of the box, ” lol

    If you are as competent as you seem, let us know some classy trick for getting stalkers to hang themselves.

  30. NC Gent says:

    ** a weekend a month and at least one evening a WEEK **

  31. NC Gent says:

    mphojo12 – for that amount of allowance, I would probably insist on tying her to my bed for my pleasure at any time.

    On a more serious note, that is a great allowance for a medium sized midwestern city — that goes a long way. I am not big on a number of pre-arranged meetings though, but I think she should be extremely available with some boundaries…. maybe get a weekend a month and at least one evening a month.

    Having said that, if she isn’t making you happy, I would imagine that with that allowance and budget, she would be extremely easy to replace. Harsh but true!

  32. SugarySpicey says:

    I don’t like a prearranged # of meetings. If the sex is hot and the two of you enjoy each other’s company it will naturally be frequent that you get together. If not, then she’s not enjoying herself and you should find an arrangement with better chemistry.

  33. onyx_percula says:

    @ mphojo12 — Wait on you hand and foot living in the guest quarters? Kidding, but yes she should be highly available to meet, I would go so far as to say as long as its not abused “anytime you want”. SBs have lives too, but you should be at the top of the priority list and pretty damn close most of the time.

    I would suggest that you sit down with her and as best you can, set fixed days and times you meet. Find out what she needs time wise to plan trips, weekends and the like. Be understanding and nice about it, but make the arrangement based on total meetings per month, and if she falls behind she needs to make it up if at all possible. If she is going to be very transactional in nature, reciprocate.

  34. onyx_percula says:

    Grrrr… the new pot SB has a stalker, a pot SD that she met and rejected. Careful out there ladies and gents, there are some crazy mother fuckers out there. The universe is looking out for her though… he is pulling a lot of crap online, I am a IT pro, whoops that’s not going work… and I taught women’s self defense classes for over ten years… bring it.

  35. DorkyGuy says:

    @mphojo, with a $4k allowance, my sense is that twice a week is reasonable, and she should be flexible to your schedule.

  36. DorkyGuy says:


  37. NC Gent says:

    My favorite excuse ever… she was a no-show to a 10 a.m. coffee meet….

    “sorry, I was teaching my fitness class yesterday and the music was so loud the speaker caught on fire. The smoke from the fire gave me a sinus infection. The meds my doctor gave me for the sinus infection made me really sleepy.”

    yeah — antibiotics make me really sleepy too and speakers spontaneously combust all the time!!! I would have had more respect for her if she would have said something like – I drank too much and overslept.
    It always amazes me that some SBs think I accumulated my wealth all the while being mentally impaired 🙂

  38. Jeanandtshirt76 says:

    Brings up need to allowance right away, like now forgot she had bills coming out of her bank account the next day, but not willing to talk about terms of arrangement. Main motivation in this case is money, run and run away fast trust me.

  39. flyr says:

    @Dorky “My most recent one, I called her 10 minutes after she was supposed to arrive, and she was still asleep, hungover from the previous night.”

    It sounds like the prior SD interviewee closed the deal or her dance club closed late.

  40. Zack says:

    Shrug, though that gambit may suggest simply picking her up after work the night before, lol.

  41. DorkyGuy says:

    My most recent one, I called her 10 minutes after she was supposed to arrive, and she was still asleep, hungover from the previous night.

    Now that I think of it, maybe it is a good strategy to set up your first meet for a Saturday or Sunday morning! You can learn a lot about her by the condition she is in when she arrives.

  42. Zack says:

    Re: DorkyGuy 🙂
    : “What was the most creative/obvious excuse given for cancelling a date?”

    –“I’m CIA.”

  43. Zack says:

    Yeah, Yeah, I hear it all the time….

    “Chill, Zack.”

  44. DorkyGuy says:

    “I actually seek out and/or create scenarios for me to be an intellectual bully, don’t I? hmm. not good”~Zack

    There is such a thing as being too intellectual, too analytical, or even too philosophical. Any of these can paralyze and sabotage you.

    Usually watching a stupid comedy, popping bubblewrap, or working on your car are much better for the soul than trying to debunk Aristotle’s theories on causality.

    If you need to grant your mind permission stop working and just enjoy the present, consider this thought from Thoreau:

    “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land, there is no other life but this.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

    When you are being overly-intellectual, you have lost the present moment, and are just looking toward another land.

  45. Zack says:

    @ OP–

    Sorry, I am trying to get caught up.

    Knowing nothing more than your name, I would suspect you are both dark and into bdsm, but would have been certain of neither. Shrug, that’s just me.

    Also, between you and her, there will be plenty of time for both and the LSAT prep. If she’s as good as you think or just “unlucky,” she’ll be fine indeed 🙂

  46. onyx_percula says:

    @ Dulce iz Bk B*** — She is wife material all right. Now if either of us were looking for that… We have been txt’ing pretty much no stop since 5am too. HS all over again. lol. It’s cool she has been doing the sugar for longer than I have.

    @ gtt_envy — My typical arrangement is for 1-2 meets per week or a weekend instead. Sometimes it doesn’t happen, life does instead. Weekends are always overnighters, weekdays it just depends.

    This new pot SB wants a “as much time together as our schedules will allow” deal. Considering she is starting a cram course for the LSAT next week and my work is ramping up and I will have to start travelling… this one is going to be anywhere between everyday and twice a month, haha.

  47. Zack says:

    …raising 2 fingers….

    Zack says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    September 23, 2013 at 10:14 am
    You presume too much, Sir, lol

    For your entertainment, I present the video, “Satisfaction”

    I think it is hotter than Hell. imho

    y outube.com/watch love the origingal Omega Holst video, too ?v=V5bYDhZBFLA

  48. gtt_envy says:

    @Zack, so it wasn’t good? Hopefully next time will be better!! I’m all about tons and I mean tons of open communication before a meet. That way if it doesn’t work it’s because of appearance, attitude in person, or something with the physical piece. That’s also probably what leads me to be with SB’s that we get along great and are more like friends. The sexual piece always is a little sub par on a variety of levels.

    I hoping for a reversal with my current SB she seems to be the cherry on top!!

    Question, how often do you guys see your SB or SD? I’m a once every 3-5 weeks it’s 95% of the time a overnighter or a whole weekend. Just wondering I guess.

  49. Katielou says:

    @dulce and @flyr

    Thankyou so much for your replies, I am neither attached nor in an arrangement with anyone. It’s such a strange situation. Maybe It is time to move on. I am more looking to find a man who is more interested in a relationship rather than an arrangement. I have learned an awful lot these last 12 months or so about myself and my expectations. I don’t expect hearts and flowers 😉 but a level of affection and interest and genuine feelings for me is a must. I have continued to wait in the hope he has made his mind up about wanting more. He has briefly mentioned wanting children etc Ect, and as a 29 year old woman with a divorce and two children under my belt I genuinely felt he was perhaps ready. It seems not. Now the big question is do I delve back into the SD/SB World and possibly try again? I’d like someone to share good and bad times with, a friend a lover a confidant, I suppose this is what we all want? And obviously with an element of stability attached. The sad thing is that said SD could of had these things without asking for them. Love is a blind thing but it is also a lm overwhelming learning curve, I suppose I must keep kissing those frogs to find my prince 😉 blah blah blah! Ha ha! Much loves from me x

  50. Jeanandtshirt76 says:

    Her asking for money the same evening you met her from a bar drunk, it’s all down hill from their trust me main motivation was money nothing else.

  51. Zack says:

    I actually seek out and/or create scenarios for me to be an intellectual bully, don’t I? hmm. not good

  52. DorkyGuy says:

    @Onyx, awesome! I know exactly what you mean. One of the best feelings in the world!

  53. mphojo12 says:

    Hello just a quick question or interuption. For all the SD’s out there if you are located in the Midwest in a medium city and contributed $4000 allowance a month plus $1000 a month in spoiling (dinners, spas, gifts, etc) how often would you want to meet with your SB? To the SB’s how much do you think you would be obligated? and how much notice would you require? Remember a medium size city like St. Louis. Thanks in Advance.

  54. Zack says:

    You presume too much, Sir, lol

    For your entertainment, I present the video, “Satisfaction”

    I think it is hotter than Hell. imho


  55. DorkyGuy says:

    @Zack~ Really sorry to hear that… I was hoping it would be a success. What happened?

  56. flyr says:

    KatieL- Once of the principles of sugar is that it is supposed to reflect the concept that it’b better to be a gentleman’s princess than a young man’s doormat. It sounds like you are the sugar doormat. Unless there is a monthly payment that makes you happy his actions reflect the expense of a few emails to keep the option open but without any further benefits to you.

    Like real life one of the hardest things to do is to say IT’s OVER , whatever was there is gone. Also in unlikely event that his intentions are far better than his performance your moving on will clear up the issue.

    Good luck

  57. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    @ Onyx awwwe! Potential sugar wife?? Lol
    @ Thoughtful… its mostly regular women…thats why i had to make it clear what i was looking for. You can google lez dating sites, zooks was pretty good. Are u bi or lez?
    @ Katielou Ive been there and it sucks.Not fair for you to sit and wait for him when you don’t have a commitment. Are you engaged? Married? In an actual arrangement? You have to think about the kind of relationship you want and find someone who can meet your
    expectations. There is a difference between being understanding and just plain settling. Not going to tell you to leave him or keep him.However you should not rely on him only.

  58. Zack says:

    I sense a learning experience approaching!

    ….after a very long night, I can only agree.

  59. onyx_percula says:

    OMG I am back in high school again! I haven’t spent 4 hours talking to someone on the voluntarily since I was a teenager, but I enjoyed every minute of talking to this new pot SB.

  60. Thoughtful_ says:

    Dulce! Any clues about which lesbian dating site? I’d love to find a SugarMama. 🙂

  61. SugarySpicey says:

    As far as the orphanage , I delayed my visit once TPs brother died, but I went yesterday. It was amazing. The kids were delightful. I read “Where the Wild Things Are” about a dozen times.

    One girl saw a Polk a dot dress in the pile of donations and hid it up her shirt . I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it was five size too big.

  62. SugarySpicey says:

    Guru – I know with certainty what is going on, I was there for all the calls with family, I held him while he wept about his brother, and it was after that when he really started pushing for me to move to Asia to be with him.

    Everyone , thanks for kicking my ass a little. I know better then to mope and cry like this about being alone on a lovely vacation. I’ve actually had done amazing moments. I just start feeling blue when I’m too quiet or still.

    As long as I keep moving and making friends I’m fine.

  63. Katielou says:

    P.s should also add, never have I asked or indeed insinuated I need or require or want anything from SD. Didn’t meet him for that. I genuinely enjoyed and still do enjoy his company. (Well in an Internet cerebral play kind of way) any genuine SD advice gratefully received KL <3

  64. Katielou says:

    Hello SD, SB,

    Not entirely certain this is a post warranted on here. I seem to be struggling with the falling for someone on here. I Joined to genuinely see what was the big deal, no expectations or indeed intentions whatsoever. However chatted alot to an SD got very close, still close on my part 12 months later and still we have only met once!!!!!!!! Now it is ridiculous I know but I feel a great deal of emotions and care deeply for said SD! we built our relations through email text etc etc, not a phone conversationalist. Yet no progress or clear communications! I didn’t want an arrangement. I was honest from the start. I’m now not sure how genuine he has been. I get ignored frequently whilst busy out of country etc etc. no effort made to see me. Yet has on occasion made grand statement and declarations of wanting more then just when I feel he will be here this time or arrange a date he Dissappears! I’m tired of giving time and emotions. I’m scared he is wasting my time and is not at all interested in any progression. He is Regularly on /off site also. Am I just a pen pal infatuated with a lie? Is he genuinely taking his time? Confused, bewildered and exhausted. I’m no naive shrinking violet. But I am not experienced either. Feeling foolish. Lots of love K -<3

  65. onyx_percula says:

    @ DorkyGuy — Well that would be fine if I was also fine with being dishonest with a SB. I am not okay with it, so I simply tell the truth, beg forgiveness with I fuck up. I hope that they can act the same way with me.

    Yep that would be a fun blog topic alright.

  66. DorkyGuy says:

    “Realizing that I have no coping skills for being alone. Getting stuck by myself on a romantic tropical island has been a pretty shaking experience. I want to curl up in a ball and cry, but instead I’m figuring things out one day at a time.” ~ Spicey

    lol, I would say “First World Problems”… except… well, you’re in Bali.

    I have to admit that I am having some difficulty getting in touch with my sympathy gene on this one. Spending a week on a tropical island, all by myself sounds like pure bliss! Even better if absolutely nobody from home can reach me. Just me, a beach chair, the ocean, and the sun for a whole week. I don’t even need entertainment… just rest.,

    “But I have screwed up before and accidentally invited two SBs to the same event… boo, hiss that what you do not want to do that, trust me SDs.” ~ Onyx

    I am sure there are a ton of people on the blog, both SBs and SDs who can give you lists of fake excuses to use in cancelling a meet. Both guys and gals on the blog have probably heard them all. If gals are using them to flake on you, then I suppose turnabout is fair play. In fact, that would make a fun blog topic: “What was the most creative/obvious excuse given for cancelling a date?”

  67. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    Yeah, its definitely a mental adjustment that needs to be made before entering the sugar world… People don’t want to think of relationships as transactions. But they all are! Marriage, friendship etc…
    Btw im on this lesbian dating site talking to some hotties :-)) i put in my profile I was looking for a sugar mommy. They may not be in the millions but doing very well financially.

  68. onyx_percula says:

    @ Dulce iz Bk B*** — No she couldn’t get head over the idea that some how being in a sugar arrangement was something too much like prostitution. She was very up front about it once she had her mind made up, she offered to return the allowance she had received. We left things on a positive and friendly tone. I refer to her in my posts as “Playboy” if you want to go back and see the history.

  69. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    Why? Too low? Lol

  70. onyx_percula says:

    @ Dulce iz Bk B*** — Me too. We shall see the last one that was great was until she couldn’t get her head around the money.

  71. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    What thats awesome. Hope things do work out for you guys.Speaking of that, just got back from Yoga. Feeling very relaxed. Namaste

  72. onyx_percula says:

    Talking about messaging, communications… I was contacted by a pot SB this week. She has a very plain, and rather incomplete profile, a out of focus selfy pic that doesn’t show her face. I generally check out the profile before reading the message, do an image search, etc. Her’s didn’t return any hits and neither did the content of her profile so I proceed…

    Then I go to read what I am expecting to be a very similar light “Hi I’m interested, if you are too reply” message. Instead I am met with a rather short but detailed and concise message. We exchanged a few more messages before moving to email. Fast forward a few days, and we are now at the point that we are planing a face to face. We are matching up perfectly so far, I am very excited and hopefully it comes together nicely for both of us. She’s not new to the sugar bowl and has her expectations sets perfectly.

    Moral of the story is I was contacted by a pot SB that I would not of contacted myself based on her profile, and would have reply to the typical first shy same old same old contact message in the negative. Instead she has managed to gain my interest and desire with excellent communication skills.

  73. onyx_percula says:

    @ Dulce iz Bk B*** — LOL well is easy enough mistake, after we both love women 😉

    3) Just RELAX! It takes a lot of time and effort but once you overcome those feelings of insecurity, rejection and the like you can stop worrying about every little thing ruining a relationship. Sometimes I think we try to move too fast and simply don’t allow enough time for some basic comfort and trust to establish its self in the new relationship, resulting in no or poor communications. It’s damn hard to find a balance between wanting to share those sweet intimate times, jumping her bones and just slowing down and relaxing, getting to really know someone.

  74. GenuineSD says:

    @Exotic SB… Yes, it was open to both…

  75. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    @Onyx :-)) i dont know why i assumed you were SB lol. Not sure if you got to see my previous post..However this is still awesome advice. Your right i have to focus on something else while i wait for her or any SM to come
    around. Maybe not FWB tho. I Should be
    focused on my business thinking with the
    wrong head. After reading this i think i identified
    my main issues with the Sugar world:
    #1 I had a recent breakup im trying to move on
    from and as much as i think im 100% over it im
    2. I am a horney bastard
    3. Im either aggressive or reserved. Dont know
    when to be either.
    4. Im Used to dealing w/regular girls which is
    messing up my sugar game. Like i said no
    turning back…. not really about the $$ i want to
    surround myself with successful and like minded people.
    5. Its been all about my Pov and I like to be the Boss :-/ I need to put myself in SM pov hence me reading these blogs.lol
    6. Im jealous! I wanna make lots of money and have SugarBabe :'( Ohh well off to work$……

  76. Exotic SB says:

    @Genuine and Beach ~ wasn’t the private site for SD’s as well??? Hmmmm….

  77. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars

    Exotic~hey girl, yes, the privte site was awesome.

    Spicey~ there is so much to do on vacation in an exotic location?!?!? go out and enjoy it… even if you are alone, you can find plenty to do i’m sure. The hotel can help you with lots of things going on around town…


    • SD Guru says:

      “Getting stuck by myself on a romantic tropical island has been a pretty shaking experience.”

      What happened to the commitment you made to volunteer at an orphanage for a week, and the donation you collected? By the way, perhaps the Pirate’s disappearing act is a ruse…

      “every SB he contacts turns out to be hotter than her profile, and results in a long-term arrangement.”

      Actually, as I’ve mentioned before, less than half I’ve met in person resemble their profile, and less than 2% result in a long term arrangement (at least 6 months).

  78. Exotic SB says:

    @GenuineSD ~ omy! I remember now – the private site..tooo funny. I forgot ALL about that actually.

    @Spicey – so sorry for your troubles my love. Whenever I hit a roadblock in this way, I always ask myself what I need to learn from this, let go and move on. Do something you would not normally do and go out of your box a little – I am sure something wonderful and fabulous is waiting for you {{{HUGZ}}}

  79. onyx_percula says:

    @ Exotic SB — Yes beach remembers the FB page, even though she didn’t volunteer it to me (hint hint 😉

    @ Dulce iz Bk B*** — Absolutely talk about it! Never leave something that is this important to you and so much a part of your make up held inside to rot. If you can’t have an honest talk about this and come to terms, find a acceptable solution then you must seriously think about moving on instead of thinking about compromising who you are.

    The old sex drive can be very powerful, don’t let it get you down. It takes time to find a good fit for both of you. If you have to find a FWB to tide you over till you can find a good SM for a long lasting arrangement get to it.

    From the male/SD perspective I can tell you right now, being afraid to talk to me is a MAJOR red flag and turn off. While being a shy and a bit hesitant can be endearing, outright avoidance is simply not acceptable in my world. Turn the situation around for a second… How does it make you feel when someone feels afraid to talk you about something important? I know it makes me feel I like I can’t be trusted or depended on, that they have no faith in the relationship that has been built.

  80. GenuineSD says:

    @Exotic… There once was a private site… But it closed down… There was a Facebook page as well… Maybe Beach remembers?

  81. GenuineSD says:

    I’ve found myself in similar circumstances once… Suggest grabbing the concierge and requesting a private driver for a tour off the beaten path…. I’m sure you’ve done the spa already… Find the local expats club…
    Hope this helps… I’ve followed your posts and truly wish you the best

  82. sweetie says:

    Not sure how this email swap is done by the blog masters… I can be reached at 1 dot lisa dot zee at gmail. Throwaway email, no worries.

  83. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    @sugary 🙁 *Hugs* from NJ
    Take it as an opportunity for adventure! Try something you’ve never done,make new friends! When something seems bad turn ot around find something good…is what daniel the tiger would say…

  84. SugarySpicey says:

    Realizing that I have no coping skills for being alone. Getting stuck by myself on a romantic tropical island has been a pretty shaking experience. I want to curl up in a ball and cry, but instead I’m figuring things out one day at a time.

  85. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    @ Onyx Thank You sweetie. So what do you recommend i do? Do i email her explaining this (communication confusion) or do i just leave it alone see what happens?

  86. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    It seems i got some relearning to do lol. I do not want to go back to dating broke regular girls with no aspirations only wanna party! I will get this sugar thing right if its the 2nd to last thing I do!!

  87. Exotic SB says:

    @D Dubs ~ understood. Ty for taking the time to reply 🙂

    @Onyx ~ if there is a site as you speak of for SB’s I would LOVE to know about it! Lol…!

    Hi Beach and everyone else on the blog today!

  88. GenuineSD says:

    @sweetie. I agree with Beach. Many don’t get the sugar concept, plot your own course… I disagree that you have to lower your standards… Screen for exactly what you want and don’t settle, right ?
    Perhaps his comments may also be driven by some self-interest, too ?
    Good luck with your pot…

  89. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    Here is the thing I’m in Finance so it makes me aggressive, straightforward. I see something I want i go after it 100%. Im starting to see why this would scare a SM off….But i am mostly in it for the ladies 😉 😉 The sugar is just a Huge Plus.How do i soften up?!?! And how do i not get annoyed if I have to wait a week for an email/text response or 1 mth to meet you. How do I play the soft sweet young baby when all I can think is” I have a child and a business, I’m just looking for some PT Fun! I don’t have time to sit and wait for you. So you Don’t waste my time” whiplash whiplash
    Ps. In Pot Mommy status no mommy. notyet.

  90. onyx_percula says:

    @ Dulce iz Bk B*** — You asked about coming off as needed because of your normal behavior regarding communications. Just ask her, talk about it. If you can’t talk about something this simple how do you get into an arrangement with someone. Also if you are feeling insecure in the arrangement its time to either address it with your SM or end it.

    There is no mutual benefit if you are insecure it will drive you and her nuts, major drama trigger.

  91. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    Omg Yeah!!! Instant Approval!

  92. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    So how long before my comments get approved instantly?? Id like to be part of the blog…..

  93. 1 hot momma says:

    I apologize, previous post was unfinished due to technical difficulties. @DDubs, I was saying I find it admirable that you want to continue, just be very honest in the fact that your expectations were somewhat of a different shade of gray.

    @SA.com I am having a GREAT time. I would say to all the established SBs, and the newly discovered SBs, enjoy what the SDs have to offer. Learn from these men. Yes, there are some sleazy, creepy weirdoes but not all of them are. Most are genuinely in this to share not only the wealth but their time, experiences and most of all build you up to be an improved person in society. If you set expectations from the beginning, and those expectations are met, neither participant can be disappointed. No expectations, no disappointment. Take from this what you wish, perspective is 100% personal, and cannot be tailored to the masses. I wish you all luck in the Sugar Bowl. Have fun, live to the fullest, and most of all be safe!

  94. 1 hot momma says:

    @DDubs- you’re caught a lot of scrutiny. I’m fairly new to joining the sugar lane. First, SDies, it’s not a comfortable subject but one that needs to be discussed during the first our second meeting.SEX! Of you haven’t discussEd this and you indulge in physical pleasure the first meeting, then you must set the expectation before the face-to-face. I get you felt a connection. She can’t read your mind, so you must be very clear. I’ve read some of the profiles of the SBs, if they use weather instead of whether, just staying the obvious. Second, I think it’s admirable that you want to continue your arrangement and find a common ground to do so

  95. flyr says:


    You might want to think of some open ended questions to ask her which are based on the information and thoughts you have exchanged.

    Think of it as a three act play

    Getting to know each other

    Communicating expectations

    Closing the deal ( if there is mutual interest )

    The whole play may or may not take multiple meetings.

    Ask yourself – based on her profile and your communications to date what do I know is important to her, what do I think is important to her are there some emotional hazards that need to be avoided or explored.

  96. D Dubs says:

    @flyr – that is extremely well put. good summary, thanks.

  97. flyr says:

    DD “just what is my place?”

    In a perfect world

    Sugar Daddy – A gentleman who engages in a relationship with a woman (usually younger) and provides her with the best of his wisdom, direct or indirect monetary support so that her life is easier and perhaps more adventuresome and on occasion a sensual experience not found from her peers. The sugar daddy may experience infatuation, lust, satisfaction from being accepted as he is; however, love is usually the beginning of the end.

    A true sugar daddy knows that the relationship has a term that is probably unknown to either of them. When the SB’s situation changes due to a new love, new job, move, graduation etc. he’s left with smiles and appreciation for the relationship and for the opportunity to have been a part of her life.

  98. D Dubs says:

    @onyx and gtt – I totally get what you’re both saying. And, while it may have sounded like it, I am not in a position for a true relationship with anyone. I travel around the US and Canada for my job, and I’m never in one place long enough for a steady girlfriend.

    what I am looking and hoping for is a genuine connection with someone I could see about once every 3-4 weeks, either traveling to her hometown, and flying her in to visit me. I’m often in fun places that can combined on a business trip for me and vacation for someone else.

    I also get your point, gtt, about setting myself up for disappointment. I’m not usually the jealous type, and don’t mind if my SB is seeing someone else. I would just prefer that “our time” be “our time”, particularly if I am providing an allowance.

    Thanks for all the feedback, its truly appreciated.

  99. gtt_envy says:

    @Ddubs, I generally like my SB too, but you have to do some guarding of the ole HEART!! I think there is a definite difference between a SB who is 30 and with a 55yr old SD…. you can find ton of real life relationships that fall into this category.

    For people like you and me late 30’s or early 40’s with a 21yr old SB it’s not common at all in the real world. In one scenario I think the feelings truly can become genuine to some extent, but in the latter scenario I think it’s very clear that what this is.

    I’m just saying if you are “Smitten” you set yourself up for getting hurt and becoming jealous. Most 21yr olds have guys they are with regardless of what they tell you.

    Read enough Sugarbaby blogs and you will see words like “Just want to get it over with”, “I wish I could find a SD who didn’t want sex”, “It is what it is!”, and the list goes on. You will rarely find a 21yr old SB talk about the mind blowing sex she has with her SD and how she can’t wait to see him, so she can have more of it.

    So, while you are Smitten and OMG she is so hot, tight, sexy etc she isn’t thinking the same thing most of the time (99.99%). No SD wants to hear that, but it’s reality! It doesn’t mean it’s not fun, pleasurable, or beneficial, but we have to know our place.

    Every one of my previous SB’s who had SD before said the reason why it ended was “He wanted a real relationship, he got too attached, or he said he loved me!”.

    Best of luck!! Hope you got my point!!

  100. onyx_percula says:

    @ D Dubs — Your place? You have a expiration date stamped on you. You are not her BF. While its very possible to become her BF, your expiration date hasn’t gone way. Think about how a 20-30 year age difference looks when she is 35 or 40, by that point you are past your expiration date in life, and she has a lot left in hers.

    It takes a super special a-typical girl to get into a serious LTR/Life relationship with someone that much older and make it work. She is going to get shit from her friends, family and the world in general for it. She is going to be in her midlife when she buries you. If you have kids they are going to have weirdness from others too “is that you granddad? No he’s my father…”.

    @ Spicey — Belated happy birthday dear! Sorry the situation sucks for you right now. Try to find the joy in the moment.

    @ Zack — Good luck. Enjoy your time together and f’ing RELAX! If you have the connection/chemistry stumbling over your words or saying “something wrong” etc aren’t going to kill everything. If she is so shallow that she is going to kick you aside because you are a little shy and nervous, better to find it out now than months down the road when you have a lot more invested.

    Another messaging mistake… if you are juggling multiple SD/SB be REALLY REALLY sure who are you txt’ing! There is nothing like getting txt’s at the the same time from two sugars. I got lucky, one has iMessage and the other SMS so I have a clear visual difference at least, lol. But I have screwed up before and accidentally invited two SBs to the same event… boo, hiss that what you do not want to do that, trust me SDs.

  101. D Dubs says:

    @gtt_envy – and what’s wrong with being “smitten”? Rule 1? I don’t understand what you mean. is everything supposed to be transactional? there is something wrong with genuinely liking your SB and genuinely caring about her and wanting to spend time with her?

    just what is my place?

  102. D Dubs says:

    @gtt_envy – correct, and that is what is happening.

  103. gtt_envy says:

    D_Dubs, no I think you are taking her if you don’t gie her the $1000 you promised. She has every right to put a real life relationship above Sugar and you should respect that.

    Getting smitten is rule number 1 remember you are what 41 and she is 20-21? Realize your place and nothing more.

  104. gtt_envy says:

    @Zack, Just so you know I have always done the same as you in sending a token gift to cover expenses before a meet. Usually txt for weeks before a meet, so I rarely get scammed. If someone is will to put in all the time and effort to keep communication lines open for weeks it’s doubtful they will run for the hills with a couple hundred dollars, at least in my experience.

    Just try to have fun and enjoy the time for what it is. I’m actually not a fan fof short coffee meets. If I spend weeks talking to a pot sb then I want to spend hours with you. Really see how forced the conersation feels, body language, and all the subtleties of male/female interaction.

    Keep us posted and remember this is supposed to be FUN!!

  105. D Dubs says:

    @ExoticSB – I want to continue seeing her because I think she’s incredible and we get along great. It was only the matter of intimacy this time. There was no intercourse, but it was “her time of the month” for the first few nights (although she did take care of me in another way once), and then came “the conversation” when that ended. We did continue to play around following, without intercourse, but it just wasn’t the same…

    She has told me that if her current potential relationship doesn’t work out, then we could go back to the arrangement the way it was. I guess I’m hopeful for that while not wishing any ill will upon her.

    Also, because I’m pretty smitten – I wanted to check opinions to see if others thought I was being taken, or if I would be doing the right thing by living up to my end of the deal anyway.

  106. GenuineSD says:

    @Zack… Best of luck today… Let us know how it goes…

  107. DorkyGuy says:

    “Sent money? Yep. Enough to cover her expenses? Yep. (but it depends on how broadly and who defines) Enough to make me feel like a fool? Yep.”

    I sense a learning experience approaching!

  108. Zack says:

    Asbestos gloves and underwear? check. Ready to catch a fallen star? No, but hoping to try.

    Sent money? Yep. Enough to cover her expenses? Yep. (but it depends on how broadly and who defines) Enough to make me feel like a fool? Yep. Is she really interested? I think so. Ok, mutual emotional ante….check

    Guru may have it right… the way to be with the best ladies may be to be most interesting to them. That takes listening and understanding why they are the most beautiful woman in the world. Sounds worth trying from a risk/benefit analysis, but I gotta tell you, the emotional malestrom associated with an open heart and ear is neither comfortable nor easy to maintain. I find it worrisome that I did not say “natural.” hmm.

    Moderators, at the risk of drawing a line in the sand I may regret, please release my email of registry to those you see fit in your sole and unfettered discretion in the manner you deem best. I’m trying to trust you. Again. :-/

    Short first meetings serve multiple prudent purposes. Try to leave options on the table. 🙂

  109. flyr says:

    Somewhat RE Zac

    My experience is that long distance sugar usually has a short life. It can be like a shooting star, wonderful but short lived. Would like to hear others on this

  110. flyr says:

    @Zac “Taken me weeks and considerable personal effort and expense just to get to the point of a “short, simple” first face-to-face. Her too. So, no pressure first meeting, but we’ve both (literally or figuratively) traveled far to meet. No pressure. sigh”

    Hopefully you have not been sending cash prior to a first meeting.

  111. DorkyGuy says:

    Except for Guru, of course. As the “Most Interesting SD In The World”, every SB he contacts turns out to be hotter than her profile, and results in a long-term arrangement.

  112. DorkyGuy says:

    Zack, good luck on your pot meet today!

    Low expectations can help take the pressure off. If you go into the meet knowing that it probably won’t work out, it is easier to roll with any surprises. Only a certain percentage of SB’s who schedule a first meet actually show up without flaking. There is a 50% chance she will cancel todays meeting or just not show up. Of those that show up, only a certain percentage resemble their profile. Of those, only a certain percentage will actually want an arrangement with you. Most guys report that they have to go through quite a few first meets to find something that works.

    it has been a while since I have done SB first meets, but part of the fun was seeing what crazy new way the universe would invent for turning it into a disaster! If you know that is likely to happen, you can relax and enjoy the show, and be pleasantly surprised when everything clicks.

  113. Zack says:

    En pointe, lol

    “I’m conducting a little social experiment so …”

    is a red flag.

  114. Zack says:

    Genuine, I am interested and would like to know and plan more. Moderators, as some on this blog seem to be dating in a sense, I am noticing a need for an appropriate forum…. else the blog is gonna get spammed.

  115. Zack says:

    I guess this is one of my newbie mistakes… feeling like I have so much to say, to myself and to other people, that I don’t know where to start.

    Hmm, I should slow down rather than babble. Otherwise, people get worried, particularly when anyone can read anything into words already in black and white. So an (other @ gtt) answer is I’m trying to figure out my own head, and honest feedback helps… if I can get it in my head, lol

    Hopefully I’m meeting a new pot SB today for the first time. I’m excited but afraid I’ll trip over my own expectations and words. I’ll either say the wrong things, or just keep saying “right” things until it get’s weird.

    I know, i Know… calm down, relax, short first meeting, be honest, be open, don’t be a fool, be genuine, be sensitive, be a gentleman, be funny, don’t be a bully, …Gah.

    How about…short first meeting? Taken me weeks and considerable personal effort and expense just to get to the point of a “short, simple” first face-to-face. Her too. So, no pressure first meeting, but we’ve both (literally or figuratively) traveled far to meet. No pressure. sigh

  116. GenuineSD says:

    @ Blog moderators…
    Please share my email address with NCGent, sweetie, and beach_girl… Anyone else interested in a Florida meet up soon?

  117. Zack says:

    @OP, that may have been one of your more eloquent and insightful posts.

    You are in a confused state…learn about yourself, if you can. You seem to have caught a glimpse of something shining and wonderful in your soul. Perhaps something darker, as well.

    I think people trust you. I think that means a lot to you. I think that may be something you should think about when lamenting relations gone “not quite right.”

    How much of your confusion is in you, how much is in other people? Sometimes that question seems facetious, but I think it might be a good one for you to think about. Imho. 🙂

  118. onyx_percula says:

    @ Exotic SB — What do you SBs have a secret site you exchange info on pot SDs, lol. Because I think someone tagged me as a Dom/Master to told the world.

    Yeah its something I am totally well hell I don’t even know how to describe it. While I know that I am a dominate, I have never been or been told I am dominating or controlling or anything along those lines. I hear confident, relaxed, leading, supporting.

    On the other hand stopping and thinking about the idea of a woman giving her everything into the trust and faith of a man seems very special. The idea of taking on that kind of responsibility for a woman seems equally very special. From what I have read there are many shades of the grey so to speak. It seems that some slaves are complete masochists and are pretty much counting on any trust being broken and getting off on it, while at the other extreme are the slaves that primarily focused on that trust/responsibility dynamic.

    On the other, I don’t know, whats left, other foot then… One of my greatest joys and reasons for being in the sugar bowl is the pure joy I get from helping and nurturing a SB. Its a truly incredible joy to have helped a SB go from pretty much homeless and trying to figure out how to prostitute herself to have enough money to eat to graduating ~3 years later top in her class with a STEM degree and landing a six figure job right after.

    So I guess empowering nurturing SD isn’t compatible with dominate slave master, lol.

  119. sweetie says:

    Thank you, BG! Oh, well, you can’t keep everyone happy. We shall see how things progress.

  120. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!

    Onyx~ I’m curious about your profile 🙂

    Exotic~ Hey sugar girl 😀

    Sweety~ I know some people don’t get it and think it’s prostitution etc… I have told a very good friend of mine and she no longer wants to be friends? how did it change me over night? she said it’s morally wrong… And she told another friend of ours, that one doesn’t care as long as i’m happy and not putting myself in harms way…
    People love to judge, it’s a national pastime

  121. sweetie says:

    Happy birthday, Sugary! I hope your day got better. Kisses, dear!

  122. sweetie says:

    My friend, whom I’ve been intimate with, knows I’m sugar hunting and he’s told me to do what I want. Our sex hasn’t been satisfying, though the making out sessions are quite very nice, steamy and all! I don’t get why the sex is not clicking… 🙁 I care about him, we’re good friends, but that’s it. He doesn’t say much about us, other than he agrees the sex is not working between us.

    Anyway, he doesn’t get why I want a sugar daddy, he said he didn’t think I was that kind of girl. ?!? He said the trade is not fair, why get sex and money (SB) when the other person only gets sex (SD)? And that I would have to lower my standards somewhat because of the monetary part, it’s to be expected…
    Now I’m thinking, do I? The potential I’ve met with the other day, I want to sleep with him because I’m curious. I don’t know why, but I have a good feeling the sex will be good. Maybe it’s wishful thinking… The money part, we’ll have to see what he’ll say to my expectations, he did say he’s willing to help out.

    Before my friend left just now, he got all touchy with me, kissing me and all and then asked me: So, you’re getting a sugar daddy?
    Maybe I shouldn’t have told him anything about my sugar hunt, maybe he thought I was never serious about it, or that I would not be able to find one. I don’t know… it was a little strange. I asked him to not get judgmental on me, he’d known about my sugar hunting all along.

  123. Exotic SB says:

    @ Onyx ~ personally I would not necessarily have perceived this about you…however….obviously others are hitting some key notes 😉

    @DDubs ~ you know what is ‘right’…do that! And draw better boundaries next time around (ie: better communication…of course this is an acquired art in the sugarbowl 😉 ). If you are questioning whether to give her the agreed upon financial arrangement, may I ask why you are considering to attempt to continue seeing her??

  124. onyx_percula says:

    @ Exotic SB — Thanks love!

    So totally, kind of, off topic since it does have to do with messaging… Unless I have some unknown to me, hidden code words in my profiles, I simply can’t explain this. Exotic you have seen my profile, what do you think? Mods feel free to share my email for those that want to see my profile/contract me directly.

    Recently, this week alone I have been contacted by (5) pot SBs that are looking for a strictly Dom/sub Master/slave 24/7 live in relationship. While I admit I am a natural born dominate, I sure as hell don’t think I come across in a profile like I am a slave master or even a “alpha male” dominate type. Hell until a couple of weeks ago I didn’t know what an ankle cage was, (thanks Spicey! you ruined another one ;).

  125. SugarySpicey says:

    Dorky – from the last blog “@Spicey~ You must be pretty remarkable if he has that much available to him for free locally, and he is flying you in from the US!”

    I hadn’t thought of it that way. Maybe that should give me more confidence in where things stand between us. There is that much available locally and yet he’s asking me to move here to be with him. It really must be about more than just pussy, maybe he really means what he says, he’s just piss poor on the follow though.

  126. WCSD says:

    @ddubs – I think you’ve heard all the same advice. In the end it is about setting expectations in advance, and not during a trip. I have met people during travel before, and always I have set expectations of what will happen if either of us decides to call it off/end the trip for any reason. Therefore we both agree ahead of time if things don’t work out for any reason what the ‘out clause’ will be. Trying to renegotiate, etc. during a trip/visit is never recommended….mainly because the little brain takes over, and rarely are good decisions made when the little brain is running the show…

  127. gtt_envy says:

    @ddubs, yeah what if she was on her period would you still give her a allowance? I know that was not the case in your situation, but imo you do what you committed to do and then end the arrangement if you cannot find equal ground and it not be weird after the conversation. IMO, this is already over !!

  128. dancingSB says:

    Thanks for the advice @ Onyx … I know that my SD is exclusive on his end but to be honest, we never discussed his expectations regarding my exclusivity. This is something I’m going to tackle asap. It’s just a case where I’ve only been in one relationship before this before; it was sugar but it was a bit more than sugar at the same time and yes, it was definitely exclusive. Where I’m not too sure whether I want to be juggling SDs and that deep in the sugar bowl, I guess it’s an option I won’t knock til I try… The youthful explorer in me somewhere? Maybe. 🙂

  129. Exotic SB says:

    @onyx ~ i answered on the old blog 🙂

  130. sweetie says:

    Blog fairies, please give my email to Genuine and NC and others interested. Thank you!

  131. FatBastardSD says:

    My point was that you should have discussed the change of attitude and the effect on the allowance once the issue came up.

    You should give her another opportunity but make it clear that if she changes her mind last minute that you will not be obligated to provide her with the allowance. This will force her to decide what she wants to do.

    Are lavish dinners an incentive? I would rather spend an evening in a back alley eating McDonalds with a person I enjoyed being with than a 3 star michelin guide restaurant with a bitch. Everyone is different though

  132. FatBastardSD says:

    @D Dubs

    My point was that you should have discussed the change of attitude and the effect on the allowance one the issue came up.

    You should give her another opportunity but make it clear that if she changes her mind last minute that you will not be obligated to probide her with the allowance. This will force her to decide what she wants to do.

    Are lavish an incentive? I would rather spend an evening in a back alley eating McDonalds with a person I enjoyed being with than a 3 star michelin guide restaurant with a bitch. Everyone is different though.

  133. Zack says:

    NCG, I am in central Fla…for several weeks, I think.

  134. flyr says:

    @ddubs – You have kicked over the hornet’s nest with this one. Comments such as “DDubs~ dude, you made a commitment to her for 1k.. she went, ok she didn’t have sex with you but she was still there, missed work and should be compensated… just my opinion…”

    I wonder what the opinions would be if you offered an afternoon – evening starting with a fine dinner and then prize seats at the academy awards plus $1,000. She comes to your house early you have 5 hours of monkey sex and then you tell her that you gave the tickets to the awards to your girlfriend, cancelled dinner and that “we can order pizza and watch the awards in the bedroom.”

    I’m not buying that she is cutting you off because she is thinking about having sex with her new friend. At a minimum I think she owed you a warning call and an option to cancel. If you had not had sex previously then it would be different matter.

    Big picture – Life is not fair – Get over it………….. and learn from the experience

  135. SouthernSBgirl says:

    @NCGent — I don’t think I do. But you can get mine from the Mods if you wish

  136. Ashley says:

    Could someone please help me and take a look at my profile Ive never had a SD before and I’m finding it hard to get any inquiries I’m thinking my profile isn’t written well. Help! profile number 1641722

  137. NC Gent says:

    D Dubs — I think that depends on the SB, your relationship with her, and her financial status. I took my first SB to Europe with me for 9 days (did a lot of really great things together), and she suggested that I didn’t need to provide an allowance that month. I had another SB who went to some really great places with me, and there was never a discussion on a modification to the compensation. However, I think that was more a reflection of her financial position — she needed the money. Communication is key, as in any relationship.

    Ok — I have some work to do – must not get addicted again!

  138. onyx_percula says:

    @ Beach_Girl — Oh I know they want someone a couple of years older, a Daniel Craig look-a-like and willing to give them tens of thousands of dollars for the pleasure of them coming to dinner once a month too, lol. But I think many would be happier with a mature man that treated them very well than a fantasy they aren’t going to find.

    @ SouthernSBGirl — Well just like wine, sometimes they age well and are great other times they are just the same but older.

    Since my post on the old blog got, well put in the old pile, I will put it here again for reconsideration…

    Does anyone have experience with relocating? Be it as a SB or SD. What has been your experience? What did it take to convince you to proceed? Was it worth it?

  139. D Dubs says:

    @NCGent – thanks for the kind words. I agree with what you wrote. It won’t make that much difference in my lifestyle. Since I sincerely hope we can continue our arrangement, this would be necessary to keep our friendship strong and possibly reconnect in the near future.

    On the subject of travel that a few of you have addressed – does it matter where you’re going? My point is, wouldn’t travel for an SB become much more attractive when its to a five star resort on the beach, or on a Caribbean cruise? I’m not making the argument that it should be considered part of any allowance, but I’m sure it enhances the overall arrangement versus flying someone into your random non-descript hometown for mainly the physical pleasures. Thoughts?

  140. NC Gent says:

    SouthernSBGirl – Not sure if we chatted before, but the email is a few posts back…. [email protected] 🙂

  141. SouthernSBgirl says:

    @NC Gent — I do ? Have we chatted before ? lol

  142. NC Gent says:

    D Dubs — I think she put you in a really awkward situation, and that you are being a gentleman about it. It really is best that way and consider it payment for tuition to becoming an educated SD. I think she should have told you before the vacation, but she might have been thinking that the tickets were already purchased and that maybe there would be sufficient spark. If she would have told you ahead of time, at least you could have made an informed decision. If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t have the best communication regarding expectations on an extended trip (looks over shoulder for Sweet Euro), but everything eventually got resolved amicably. In the long run, that is the best because I am guessing that in the totality of things, $1000 won’t make that much difference in your lifestyle.

    SouthernSBGirl — you are welcome to the meet-and-greet if central Florida is convenient for you. You have my email address 🙂

  143. SouthernSBgirl says:

    @Onyx — He was in his early 40s . I just cant believe people use horrible family tragedies as an excuse. I then noticed when he said he was flying out for said tragedy , he was actually back online.
    @Beachgirl — Oh we clicked if you know what I mean . He was def into me . Thing is I think he was just looking for a one time thing. Does he know they make other sites for that ? Weather or not allowance was involved , I don’t like the promise of an ongoing arrangement and then POOF! Still makes you feel used because you were lied to.
    @SDGuru — agree with you 500% . I like to travel and don’t mind it at all , but it does take a lot out of you. And sure trips are nice , but they shouldn’t be considered in the monthly budget of allowance
    @GeniuneSD — Im down south too ! That might be a good idea ! 🙂

  144. D Dubs says:

    @FatBastardSD – I understand your points. However, it was not until midway through the trip that she informed me about the new potential boyfriend and her new feelings on intimacy with me. It was not at all at the start of the trip. She’s also told me that if things don’t work out between them, she wants to resume our arrangement as it was previously.

    I’ve already stated following my original post that I would be holding up my end, and not being a “bitch”. I was looking for opinions and suggestions on the situation that seemed unique. I’ve gotten some good ones, and appreciate the feedback.

  145. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    Really wish I had seen this post and the one about seduction before going for a Sugarmommy. I was so used to dating regular girls I hadn’t really consider there’d be different. rules for dealing with Sugar Mommies. The girls I dealt with liked texting/ chatting through
    out the day. And would get upset if i didn’t
    respond quickly enough or went a day without
    contacting them. Sugarmommys are busy and
    dont have time for all that. I thought I was
    showing my Pot SM how much I liked her by
    sending daily text/email. But reading this and thinking about it it may have come as needy or
    desperate in her pov. I really like her she is very sweet, I hope things end up working out.

  146. NC Gent says:

    Some profile warnings that haven’t been mentioned….

    – Horrid grammar and spelling when the SB claims to be in college or a college graduate.

    – SB provides a cell number in first message – almost always turns out to be an escort when googled

    – SB clearly hasn’t read your profile based upon the questions she asks

    – profile phrases such as just looking, checking this out, etc…. sure bet to be a time waster

    – SB quickly asks about your budget — hey, I don’t ask about sex (ever) so it seems like the SB could invest a few messages to get to know me, especially when my allowance range listed isn’t “amount negotiable.”

    – SB is unwilling to provide a cell number even after extensive emailing (say 20 or more messages). Every time this has happened, the “single” SB has turned out to be married. I reveal my marital status, seems only fair the SB should do so.

    – average or athletic listed as body type without a body picture almost always means overweight. I guess both SDs and SBs use these categories as euphemisms, e.g. average means average for Americans which is about 20 pounds overweight on average 🙂

    on a happier note, the Orlando area will work best for me for a blog meet, but I also could head towards Tampa. I made an email account for people who want to contact me: [email protected] hopefully we can pull this off. I hate to say this, but based upon a past meetup experience, if you come across as creepy or sketchy in your contact to me, you won’t be invited.

  147. Dulce iz Bk B*** says:

    Seems like i missed most of the convo considering i had to wait for my post to be accepted: -(

  148. GenuineSD says:

    Greetings all!
    On topic: Initial emails that refer to the SD as “baby”, “honey”, or “sugar”… Or mention marriage…

    @sweetie… Central Florida… We should exchange emails

    @sweetie, NCGent, Beach and dancingsb and all interested…
    It seems like a blog meet-up could be done in Florida in the near future. Perhaps someplace in the Daytona-Orlando-Tampa corridor?

    I would suggest a private exchange of emails between those interested….

  149. FatBastardSD says:

    @D Dubs

    She did not hold up her end of the arrangement, but she did tell you she did not want to continue at the start of the trip. You should have come to an agreement at the beginning of the trip (maybe a reduced amount equal to what she would earn in her regular job) and then broke off the arrangement. Deciding about these things after the fact is not good, especially as you did still fool around wirh her. Sorry but you are the man and should have set the rules at the beginning of the trip. Don’t be a bitch, take your loss and find another SB.

    Find a SB who is not working and would be happy to go for week long visits, as $1k per week for them may be a great deal in addition to travelling.

  150. LadyJay says:

    @D Dubs, I wish there were more like you out there. As a SB myself, I have experienced situations like her and I opted out of that. However, I think like others have said, time heals all and if she really enjoyed herself, which i think she did, it will all come together.

  151. Zack says:

    @ Dubs, from a pragmatic standpoint, I would suggest considering:
    -A rendezvous at a bed and breakfast if the relationship is trending transactional
    -Gain perspective by seeking another arrangement, contact her in 2 months to find out how the new boyfriend is working out. See how it goes from there. Time wounds all heels, lol.

  152. D Dubs says:

    Guru, I understand your points. I really do.

    She lives in a relatively remote area, and would almost need to fly somewhere to meet someone, as her local options are no doubt limited.

    She has said in the past, that guys on here haven’t treated her like I do. That they want to fly her in and pay her to rendezvous in hotels or even at their private homes for sex only – and then send her back on her way with a similar amount of money. $1000 is a lot for someone making $500 per week…and, that’s a total I believe she’s taken for a night or two with another SD who’s not the gentleman that I am.

    I try to make a true connection and have fun and make memories with someone that hopefully can end up being a lifelong friend, at the least. I also do enjoy making their lives easier, but again within reason.

    I travel all around the country for my job, and it will obviously be easier to get together when I’m on the west coast closer to where she lives. I understand this particular trip did take much time and effort, but I also believe what I supplied on my end (and will be supplying) made it very much “worth it” for her.

    I do hope our relationship continues, and have taken the opinions to heart.

  153. D Dubs says:

    and SD Guru – we had tried to start an arrangement where we would get together about once a month, but the trip we planned after the first meeting fell through at the last minute. That is why this one was 6-8 weeks later. Since she was flying about 3,000 miles, we mutually decided on a longer trip. She had never been on a cruise and was excited about taking one. A modeling shoot took up another of the days.

    again, I appreciate the opinions, and will be doing what I think we all agree is right.

    • SD Guru says:

      D Dub, I think you’re missing the point so I’ll try to be more clear.

      Trips and first class experiences are nice but at the end of the day they don’t pay the bills. I’m sure you spent way more than what went directly to her, but that’s to be expected. My guess is at 21 she’s probably not an experienced SB and she may not have understood the full extent of what she was getting into. Flying 3,000 miles and go on a cruise may sound like fun but it can also take a lot out of you.

      The issue is not whether she’s more interested in the compensation or whether she enjoys being with you. It’s about the total time and effort required for her to spend time with you, which is no small amount. If the type of meeting you’ve described is typical for you, then I’d suggest that you find someone closer to your destination since you said there are many others to choose from.

  154. D Dubs says:

    yes, it is pretty consistent.
    I think over $1000 for a weekend visit is sufficient. Many profiles on the site are in the $3,000 per month range, so this seems reasonable to me. Her profile is “open-negotiable”. I have been successful with this in the past. I’m a gentleman and show my date a great time and treat her with 100 percent respect. There were no “guarantees” built into the first visit. It just worked out well. I thought we clicked.

    She works as a waitress, and earns about $500-$600 a week.

    These vacations are costly themselves. I didn’t say “no” to anything the entire time. Everything was first class. Some shopping was included, but nothing extravagant at all, so I didn’t even mention it.

    I am confident I will provide what I promised on my end, even though things on her end were not as expected. I came here to solicit opinions. Your’s seems a bit condescending, but no offense is taken. I make a good living, but I’m not filthy rich like many of the men on this site purport to be. Amongst people I know who use this site, I am more generous than most.

    If she feels her time is worth more, then she has every right to move on as well. If that’s the case, then it should have been discussed before the trip,and not during it.

    To me, if one of these “relationships” are more about the compensation than the fun and adventure provided, then I will often move on myself. I don’t like the idea of being someone’s “job”. I like offering things that aren’t as readily available to my SB – like two great vacations, in this case. If an SB doesn’t actually enjoy spending with me, its also time to move on. There are many to choose from, and I’ve had arrangements that didn’t feel so transactional. Still, I hope this one can continue, and I’m willing to do what I can to make it work, within reason.

  155. Beach_Girl says:

    Guru~ 😀 I don’t know how to make a little heart image thingy so <3

  156. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!

    DDubs~ dude, you made a commitment to her for 1k.. she went, ok she didn’t have sex with you but she was still there, missed work and should be compensated… just my opinion…

    onyx~ I think younger girls would like someone under 40, but us that are older want someone more mature. I would like someone to be honest with me for the start, if it’s not going anywhere, tell me, lets not waste our time.

    SouthernSBgirl ~There are many types of people out there, some will poof, some will make promises that they won’t keep, some will ask for sex the first time you meet. You will have to deal with it, yeah it sucks, but it happens to SDs too… I would like SDs to be honest if it didn’t click. It’s a hard convo to have with someone, I’m not into you… it’s not fun to give, I’m sure it wouldn’t be fun to receive

  157. D Dubs says:

    Hey all,
    Been a while since I’ve posted anything. I wanted to share a recent scenario and solicit opinions.

    Met an SB (she’s 21, I’m 41) and hit it off on the first meeting, a flight to visit me on the west coast where I was on business. We had fun, we had sex each night, and all was great. It was a four day/three night trip for her, and I compensated her with about $650 cash before leaving, then wired $200 more, then before our second meeting took care of a salon visit with a gift card for $200, and also helped with a car issue for about $200. So, a total of about $1200 in cash and prizes, lol, before we were able to get together again. The original pay was discussed to mainly help compensate for time missed at work for visiting me. The rest I felt i did out of kindness because I really enjoyed being with her,and wanted the arrangement to continue.

    Fast forward to about 6-8 weeks later until our schedules worked out to where we could get together again. This time, it would be for seven nights. She would fly all the way to the east coast for some time in Florida, a modeling shoot I arranged, and a cruise to the Bahamas. Again, I felt compensating for time missed at work, plus some more, would be reasonable. We figured about $1,000 for this visit…plus obviously all expenses paid for a first class time.

    Well, things were not quite the same in the intimacy department. At first, it was “that time”, and then she relayed to me that she met a guy closer to her age a couple of weeks before the trip, and because she has feelings for him and planned to start a relationship with him. So, she didn’t think it was right for us to be intimate this time around, and felt we were growing closer as “friends”.

    Obviously, this didn’t sit well with me. Why didn’t she tell me sooner? Was I supposed to stick to my end of the arrangement in light of this? I could have taken many other “friends”. I took her because I thought we had an arrangement and it would be at least similar to the first time we were together.

    I think she understood, because while we still didn’t have intercourse, we did fool around some each night following, but she clearly seemed distracted and not into it, and even cold at times – definitely not the same as it was the first time around.

    Overall, we still had a great time together.

    However, what now? I didn’t leave her with cash this time, but told her I’d wire her money as promised. She lives in Canada, and returning with too much cash wouldn’t look so great through customs anyway. A moneygram just works better and is easier on exchange rates even.

    Well, she sent me a text with what she thought was fair for the trip, and it ended up at about the same $1,000.

    Now, I realize many SB’s will say this is a reasonable total, and it is…
    But, since she didn’t hold up her end of the arrangement, should I be obligated for this amount? Something different?

    Just wondering what you all thought.

    • SD Guru says:

      @D Dubs

      Wow, where do I start? I guess I’ll ask a question first. The compensation you offered (1200 for 3 nights, 1000 for 7 nights), is it consistent with what you’ve done in the past? And if so, how successful were you with that?

      I don’t know what kind of work she does, but if she needs to take off work several days at a time to see you then it’s not likely she can hold a regular job. By the way, the amount of cash we’re talking about here wont’ raise any flags at customs.

      Considering the amount of time you require (several days at a time), and the frequency (once every 6-8 weeks), I think she probably realized her time is worth more than what you’ve offered and she’s having second thoughts. I’d suggest that you be a gentleman and give her what you’ve agreed to and move on. Or if you’d still like to see her again then you should put more sugar on the table to make her life easier.

  158. onyx_percula says:

    @ SouthernSBgirl — It’s easy girl they have no balls, if they are a overly nice guy they are afraid they will hurt your feelings, if they are more typical, they are just gutless. How old was this guy? Too young maybe?

    Not @ SouthernSBgirl just a rant in general — Seriously girls, you say you want respect, honesty, pampering, spoiling, understanding, intelligent conversations and the list goes on… If that’s true why are you talking to anyone under 40?

  159. onyx_percula says:

    @ sweetie — She pop’ed up long enough to say sorry but she just couldn’t get her head around/over the money aspect of it all, offered the allowance back. Looks like she is going to get some work with Playboy, but they haven’t offered anything solid yet, told her she would be perfect for a couple of things and would be considered for a spring-summer center fold. Bummed but not feeling anything negative either. lol with any luck she will get the gig, then I have something to brag about, brunch at the Y with a Playboy model!

    So you have to dish pretty soon girl, new site, new interests, sounds fun! Get em tiger!

  160. sweetie says:

    Onyx, what’s the news on Playboy? Still radio silence?

    • SD Guru says:

      From previous blog…

      @Mr Singh
      “he was not surprised to have been taken for a ride by the scheming females”

      Thanks for sharing your story. Unfortunately it’s not new nor unique and it happens more often than it should. My advice is “don’t let it happen to you”. Specifically, don’t put yourself in a situation where you can be taken advantage of (this applies to both SD and SB’s). For example, why meet at the lounge of a posh hotel for a first meet? A simple meet and greet at a café would have answered 3 important questions: (1) Will she show up as planned? (2) Will she be as advertised in her profile? (in your case she wasn’t), and (3) Is there compatibility and chemistry to proceed further? If things don’t go well then you could end the meeting with not much time and money invested. If things go well then you could easily continue the meeting at the posh hotel lounge and take it from there.

      “She was continuously looking at his face, scrutinizing his each expression and gesture like a hunter scrutinising his victim.”

      Or perhaps she had the same impression that you had of her??

      @NC Gent
      “for your face-to-face meeting, what percentage of the time does the person that shows up actually resemble the person in their profile?”

      I’d say it’s less than half (and the same probably applies to SD’s as well). In addition to their appearance, they may not resemble their profile in terms of what they said about themselves. That sweet college SB in the profile could turn out to be a stripper at the club down the road. That wealthy entrepreneur SD could turn out to be living in his parents’ basement.

      “This place is like a p*ssy buffet, it’s insane… For men on the prowl, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel.”

      I’m glad you’re getting a reality check while you’re there. Keep in mind there are many places like that around the world.

      “Average men with even just a little bit of game can have sex here with a new beautiful woman every night”

      Never mind the game. Imagine how well a SD could do there! :mrgreen:

  161. onyx_percula says:

    I think WCSD pretty much nailed a lot of what I see.

    I disagree with the author regarding waiting to talk about money. The profile options on SA are “Open/less than $1K to $5K-$10K/month”. While I am sure there are SDs out there that are willing to put out an $10K+ allowance, not every SD is going to be able. So I don’t know if its a profile suggestion or a messaging one, but giving a pot SD or SB a basic idea of how much is available/wanted can save a lot of time and hassle for both.

    Another on messaging… reading comprehension for the win!

    So if you are planning a face to face, and the SB says “I am free Monday, how about me meet?” and the SD replies “Sure, let me propose the following details… Does that sound good to you?”. You the SB reading the message should understand the last sentence requires an answer and it requires one more than an hour before the “proposed time”. Oh then don’t get pissy when you get stood up and didn’t confirm/answer the question… insta-block-user! That is as bad as showing up and ordering a $500 bottle of wine while your pot SD is in the washroom.

    Another example… I get contacted by a pot SB. Long story short. She is not in my area, I offer dinner if she ever comes to my area. She accepts and never shows. Then messages with excuse and wants to meet “half way” and make an arrangement on the spot. Through all of this I told her… 1) I don’t make LD arrangements 2) That I meet a few times before committing to an arrangement and that I prefer to start an arrangement with half of the allowance on start and the other half after the first two weeks.

    @ dancingSB — Unless you have some sort of exclusive arrangement with your SD, there is no reason you can not keep your profile active if a bit messy and unattended to. Also there is no reason not to talk to other pot SDs, just be perfectly up front if you aren’t willing to handle more than on SD at once, and even then, be up front. Trust me if a pot SD thinks you are worth it, he will not write you off because you are hooked up already.

    Someone else was asking about meeting face to face and how that was going… Total crap shot! NCNSs, not confirming. Comparing profile to person… total hit and miss there too.

    I had one girl show up that had pics that were fairly hot, nicely spoken in messages. Turns out she is a go 50lbs heavier, had been in a accident and was gutted by the docs with a scar running from her couch to her neck. Pretty sure she moonlighted as a speech coach for actors needing to play foul mouthed trailer park red neck trash roles. Honestly i dont think she had once sentence that didn’t have “fuck” in it somewhere. She would start sentences with fuck like if she didn’t someone was going to punish her… “Fuck it’s a great day!”, “Fuck I need a drink!”…

    On the other end of the extreme is “Playboy” who was better than online, txt or phone in person.

  162. flyR says:

    I do not think face shots are essential . Some great SB’s have great shots that do not include a face shot.

    What is a turnoff is a picture with the face scribbled out.

  163. flyR says:

    I like the “I’m really new to this”.

    Profile created January 1, 2009, Last Login ONLINE NOW

  164. SouthernSBgirl says:

    Sorta off topic , sorta not .

    Being honest in messaging — I thought this was what this sight was all about ! That both SDs and SBs could be honest and open with their intentions and expectations. You have a great first date with and SD and hes already talking about the next time youll see each other and how he cant wait, how great he thinks I am , how Im perfect for what hes looking for , Then the next day hes already making excuses for not being able to make plans , then of course ( insert family tragedy. sickness , etc etc here ) happens . If they really had a great time ,they would make plans. So if someone didn’t want to persue it further why wouldn’t they just be honest and say — “this isn’t what Im looking for ” ?

  165. DorkyGuy says:

    pictures don’t contain a body shot, or face in body shot pic seems younger than other pics or the posted age

  166. WCSD says:

    Wow, I can enter a blog topic and actually talk about the topic rather than the drama that exists from the first 200 posts….

    For me the red flags in messages are (in no particular order):

    I’m a princess, and/or I deserve (anything)
    I really need help, I’m about to be evicted, lose my cell phone, lose my car, etc.
    I need X to show you are serious about this
    I’m not interested in any type of physical relationship (ooh! Let me pay to have a new friend!! Quick let me respond right now!)
    I have high expectations
    I’m a virgin

  167. DorkyGuy says:


  168. SweetBaby says:

    My advice is dont be quick to respond. Take a minute or 2 to think about it and make sure you are getting your message properly. Also try to keep it short and simple #1 the whole point to meet in person and have an arrangement not a penpal #2 you avoid writing anything stupid…its happened to me lol. Now i request a phonecall or Skype its just easier!

  169. Leroy says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog…