5 years ago
SeekingArrangement Does Toronto


It’s been over a year since our last party in Los Angeles, and we decided it was time to take things to the Great White North. So get ready Toronto, because we’re coming for ya! Let me be the first to invite you to the “Fire and Ice: Sugar Masquerade Ball”, presented by SeekingArrangement.com and SeekingMillionaire.com.

Date: Friday December 13, 2013 

Time: 9:00 PM to 1:00 AM 

Location: 99 Sudbury, 99 Sudbury St Toronto, ON 

Details: Open Bar from 9 to 11, themed cocktails and cash bar after 11 PM. 

It’s Friday the 13th and only a few weeks before Christmas, so be prepared for everything naughty and nice. The Fire and Ice Sugar Masquerade Ball will borrow from both elements, with naughty and nice themed rooms, plus candles and ice sculptures throughout. As always discretion is of the utmost importance, so this a masquerade ball folks. Dress to the nines but don’t forget your mask!

This is our first Canadian party and we’re excited for the opportunity to entertain you. This is a great opportunity to meet both Canadian and American members alike- remember Toronto is only a short flight from Chicago or New York. Tickets are on sale now, please purchase before December 1st for the best price. Visit www.SeekingArrangementParty.com for more details and to purchase your tickets.

Yes, press will be in attendance.. which is why we recommend everyone wear a mask. It is a masquerade after all. Also, press will be sequestered in one specific area and will not have access to everyone attending. All press will be dismissed from the party after 11:00 PM.

We NEVER run out of alcohol. Free open bar for first two hours and free champagne toast with a cash bar to follow.

We have learned a lot of lessons from past parties, and this is going to be a GREAT event. Please keep an open mind :)

Will we see you in December? 

When and where would you like to see our next party happen? 

Leave a Reply

629 Responses to “SeekingArrangement Does Toronto”

  1. Aaron says:

    I ma from toronto and truly interested din connecting, meeting, networking, and more . When are the annual events?

  2. Daniela says:

    Please let me know

  3. Daniela says:

    I’m new to this site … Hope it’s a great site .. Need looks and wealth thank you

  4. Daniela says:

    Looking to go out with a Rich man

  5. Sarah says:

    Hi Everyone ?? who want meet the best Beautiful girls very sexy and nice person with nice smile .you well have the best time

  6. gentle(man)soul says:

    @ flyr

    ” Repeat after me, This site is intended to bring people together in a way that helps generally younger women who would benefit from assistance in reaching their goals together with gentlemen who are prepared to be supportive, nurturing , sugar sprinkling and reliable. Forgetting to bring the sugar is like trying to play golf with marshmallows. It may get you (him) a lot of chuckles but little respect.”

    Gag me with a spoon lol ( I say this with love ) . Pardon me if I sound a little cynical but this blog has gotten to be a knock off of the American Society of Family Therapy ‘s mission statement . I think most men are here on SA to find a young(er) woman with whom to snuggle and escape the realities of life . And most women are here for Mon —er –mentorship . Am I wrong? Stormy ,Dorky, Guru and you other studs slap me down if I am .

    @ nwsugarbaby says :

    We have dragged the tired ole PTP topic up and down this blog several years back but I will opine yet again . There are two reasons why true SDs want to pay per visit ,or at least weekly depending on visit frequency , and neither disabuse the notion that the SD actually is in it for the long haul ,actually cares for(even loves) his Baby ,and has her best interests at heart . and not a Ho- monger wanting a one off visit .

    1) Affordabilty : Some guys have cash flow limitations based on their marriage status or business/salary collection practices . Believe it or not ,most SDs are not loaded and are only well to do . Weekly is doable and should be no shame for the SB . I have had 3 long term Babies of 1 1/2 yrs ,6 mos , and 4 mos to date paying $ 1 to 2 K /month not including extras like dinner ,drinks ,gifts ,flowers, travel . Not loaded but pretty decent for the average SB . And yes ,I paid weekly for 1 to 2 x /week . They giggled all the way to Neiman Marcus .

    2) Prudence : at least in the early stages of the relationship . Most guys who are practicing in this lifestyle for any length of time have been burned by a scam artist . Paying up front for services to be rendered does not make sense . My latest SB took 1/2 months allowance I gave in advance because I knew and “trusted ” her . There is no recourse for a married normal guy who is not into heavy collection behaviors .

    My advice to POT SBs is to consider the individual in your courtship phase and do not blow off a good guy who has cash flow needs and is just being careful trying to get to know you and your character .

  7. I think someone should mention that Canadian immigration will refuse you entry if you have anything on your record; no matter how minor and even if it didn’t result in a conviction. Canadian immigration is run by real jerks. I’ve been all over the world, and I’ve never seen such nonsense from any other country’s immigration officers.

  8. Lisa says:

    Sounds fun, never been to a masquerade party before. Also, the day lands on my birthday :)

  9. DorkyGuy says:

    New blog topic is up. Looks to be a fun one!

  10. flyr says:

    “market value” the point where there’s a willing buyer and willing seller given a reasonable time for exposure to the market. What adds value is something that’s both desirable and scarce. The value may be real or manufactured through advertising or packaging.

    You go to the market for salt. There are three packages , inside they are identical ,but one’s the store brand and two are brand names. The brand names command a 30% premium based on the perception of value rather than any real difference in the product inside. The same principles can work in the sugar world.

  11. FatBastardSD says:

    @Pricey Spicey

    “I countered, asking to define success metrics within the first 90 days and then to structure a performance-based incentive on a % of the increased profits.”


    As suggested by the Guru:

    If you are as capable as you think you are then you can just threaten to quit when you have demonstrated your value, since they will give you what you want to keep you around. If management are too stupid to pay you after you have proven yourself then another company will be happy to employ you.

  12. flyr says:

    “Guru – I’m not unemployed, I’m transitioning by the end of November, but from the exterior perspective I am leaving a great career for an even better opportunity. They are not aware of any details behind my leaving – and my current employer provided a strong recommendation.”

    Employer to employer ( not personnel depts) communications are conveyed in the same multi levels of meaning associated with international communications. My guess is that the new employer has a pretty good guess that you are leaving by mutual agreement. Sometimes it just a pause or inflection. There are some terrific people who change jobs. When we had that situation rather than give platitudes we would say something like we hate to loose her but she has outgrown the opportunities here (or deserves a broader experience) but I have to warn you we may come back and try to recruit her.

    As an employer we are sensitive to other employer “helping” employees to get new jobs to avoid lawsuits, reduce their unemployment experience rate or have them tell stories about what goes on.

  13. DorkyGuy says:

    @Zack~ Happy Halloween to you too! Yep, techie, guilty as charged.

  14. sweetie says:

    The SA profile browsing has been enlarged. It looks pretty tacky. Please go back to normal view. No need to waste space, nor go with larger font.

  15. Zack says:

    Hey, Sugars, Happy Halloween, Boo!

    @ Sam I left a voice message about a week ago. Maybe I missed the reply.

    @ ss: Good luck, if you feel over your head, you’re new, and the confusion will become routine. 😛

    @ OP: nice cut, LOL

    @ Ivory, well, enough of the impossibilities have been noticed. Care to say what’s up? 😛

    @ Dorky: hmm, not bad ideas, for a start. Are you a techie?

    @ normal: diversified portfolios are a good, safe, “smart” idea.

  16. SugarySpicey says:

    Beach – re: my current employment goes to contract work at the end of November, it wasn’t a clear cut “you’re out the door” it was a “your novel makes you incompatible for your current role.” It isn’t a problem in this new position. I’m still employed, but openly looking. It was actually my current boss who knows my salary and competencies who, after reading the description for the new job, proposed I counter in this fashion for the new job.

  17. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!

    SamIAm~ Hey!!! how have you been? it’s been a long time since we seen you here! 😀

    Richard~ glad to see you are back! 😀

    Spicey~ you said you were no longer had a job…good luck with the new job, hope you hear back soon.

  18. onyx_percula says:

    @ KatPaw — Meh its more like figuring out was is reasonable and what is out of the norm. So what do you normally make arrangements? How does a typical 20’something or 30’something, etc need to make in a month?

  19. KatPaw says:

    How do you go about figuring “market value” of an SB?

  20. DarkHorseSD says:

    Backwoods “SB” started negotiations with an ask of over 3X the market and sketchy credentials. Now that’s overreaching.

  21. SugarySpicey says:

    But, to be honest, I’m absolutely sick with anticipation now, waiting to hear back.

  22. SugarySpicey says:

    I countered, asking to define success metrics within the first 90 days and then to structure a performance-based incentive on a % of the increased profits. If I don’t perform, I don’t receive, and it’s really just an agreement to agree, once the job and expectations are more clearly defined. I haven’t heard back yet, but if I don’t, I guess I could sugar 45 days a month and invest in uranium that I transfer to Iranian weapons dealers. Maybe Ivory will lend me her contact book.

  23. SugarySpicey says:

    Guru – I’m not unemployed, I’m transitioning by the end of November, but from the exterior perspective I am leaving a great career for an even better opportunity. They are not aware of any details behind my leaving – and my current employer provided a strong recommendation.

    I find it interesting the men who are telling me NOT to negotiate, don’t you negotiate for favorable terms in your business agreements? I’m not a 22 year old girl who’s just out of college, I’m a professional who cut the budget nearly a million dollars while increasing yield 30% in my last role. Different field, different challenges, but I am proven.

    Currently, 60% of men negotiate salary when taking a new position whereas only 18% of women do. For some reason we think it’s okay for men to ask for what they’re worth (market value) but we see it as unfeminine/undesirable when women do.

    I’ll be in a role where I’m negotiating contracts and sales everyday – it would be suspect if I didn’t negotiate for myself. And, naive and unprofessional to give a six month “trial period” then renegotiate terms on any other contract.

    • SD Guru says:

      “For some reason we think it’s okay for men to ask for what they’re worth (market value) but we see it as unfeminine/undesirable when women do.”

      Given the same circumstances I’d give a man the same suggestion, so the gender card is irrelevant.

      “Different field, different challenges”

      I admire the confidence you have in your abilities, but look at it from your potential employer’s perspective.

      “I’ll be in a role where I’m negotiating contracts and sales everyday”

      Is that a role you’re currently in with a proven track record?

      “And, naive and unprofessional to give a six month “trial period” then renegotiate terms on any other contract.

      Actually, you’re wanting to negotiate an offer, not an employment contract. There is a big difference. Don’t overplay your cards. But having said that, if you feel strongly about it then feel free to proceed as you wish. What’s the worst that could happen?

      “I countered, asking to define success metrics within the first 90 days and then to structure a performance-based incentive on a % of the increased profits.

      If you’re a miracle worker and can increase profits in a meaningful way within 90 days, you ought to be asking for a huge raise!! Part of the reality of business is that you’ve got to be comfortable with ambiguity (to demonstrate your flexibility and adaptability). Asking for clarity when there may be none either shows that you have balls or you don’t understand the business. Better yet, why don’t you show the initiative and suggest to them what the success metrics should be? 😛

  24. DarkHorseSD says:

    “Sam I Am says:
    October 30, 2013 at 3:27 pm
    Hello to the board. Long time no see…

    Question to the moderators: the event signup site for the party in Toronto mentions that table and bottle service will be available on October 25. It is now past October 25 and no such ticket appears on the site. Any update? Best to email the answer to me (I assume you have my email).


    Sam Spayed”

    You really expect us to believe you don’t have BW’s personal cell?

  25. DarkHorseSD says:

    SBC must be worried. She’s blowing off a meet to come home with Balduccis. May be the right time to renegotiate the arrangement.

  26. DarkHorseSD says:

    Running the numbers…hiding a 10k allowance nets you less than showing a 5k

    • SD Guru says:

      “Why would they expect me to take a pay cut to join their team?”

      Because you’re currently unemployed. And despite the confidence you have in your abilities, you’re still not yet proven. I’d suggest that you take the offer, work your butt off in the next 3-6 months to show them how indispensable you are, then you’ll have more leverage to negotiate.

      “I see both an average of 6-8 times a month? Depends on our schedules. Each visit is usually 3-4 days.”

      Never mind your money laundering skills. Your time management skills are truly exceptional!! :mrgreen:

      “I get nervous keeping a lot of cash on me and of course it has no real value and diamonds just go up up up in value.”

      Oh wait, your money management skills are even better and truly reality defying!! :roll:

  27. studio says:

    invoices to launder money.

  28. FatBastardSD says:

    @Dorky Guy

    $250,000 in diamonds vs. 40 gallons of ink. I think the ink would be hard to board a plane with in a quick getaway :-).

    The perfume is an interesting case. How would you prove to someone that the perfume was authentic if you were going to sell it? You can verify a diamond.


    Invoices for laundered money?

  29. DarkHorseSD says:

    No one suggests a diversified portfolio?

  30. Studio says:



  31. DorkyGuy says:

    @FB~ inkjet printer ink, which sells for $5000 per gallon, is also untraceable. If that is not suitable, you could go with the special edition Clive Christian perfume: half-litre bottle costs $256,000. At $512 per milliliter, is even more valuable than most diamonds. If asking a girl to transport for you, I recommend printer ink over diamonds or perfume.

  32. DarkHorseSD says:

    Just had an ugly exchange with an “SB” from a red neck town who thinks you are not an sd if you don’t do 10k/mo plus exp… that’s what she “gets”. LoL went trashy on SBC at the end.

  33. FatBastardSD says:

    Diamonds can be of very high value, untraceable, and are easy to transport. I have to ask what alternatives the Intelligentsia of the forum recommend for laundering money.

  34. DarkHorseSD says:

    Lousy restaurant. Good girl. Possible long term arrangement.

    SB discussed with daughter which shoes to wear. Daughter said stilettos. She thought from my profile heels and its lunch.

    She was relieved I didn’t turn out to be a flats guy. Thus a second date.

  35. onyx_percula says:

    My most inconsistent and yet most profitable source for diamonds has been private sales, like yard sales. I bought a 3.7ct old mine cut in a platinum setting for $35 because it was obviously not a diamond and just pot metal costume jewelry, LMAO to the back! I had it re-cut to a 2.01ct D IF stone… 😀

  36. SugarySpicey says:

    I prefer to get my investment-diamonds at the pawn shop where they keep them in a valueless ziplock Baggie next to the stamp collections before buying used engagement rings for pennies on the dollar.

  37. Studio says:

    I have some excellent snake oil for sale as it happens. Ivory, any interest?

  38. Richard says:

    Dorky – Yes, an excellent way to make a small fortune.

  39. DorkyGuy says:

    The trick to investing in diamonds is to buy them at retail.

  40. SugarySpicey says:

    Richard – I laughed at the obvious naivety of that fish tale as well. I’m putting my $ugar in a more proven stock – Beanie Babies.

  41. flyr says:

    Performance Bonuses – Generally they are good but very situational. Take the tight end who wants a bonus for leading the league in catches. Sounds good but then you add that most of those were short , desperation passes from the third string QB because the first and second QB were out for the season because the TE didn’t like to block.

    It’s often the same in a company, you can be a star by leading the team or by kicking everybody else and hurting the company. It’s a very delicate balance at the tip of the marketing spear. Ditto for accountants who come into a marketing department and raise profits one quarter by cutting costs but then reality takes hold and the firm folds.

    A friend’s daughter is in a similar position where Spicey would like to be in a year. Pretty fresh out of MIT she got a commissioned sale position in a high tech startup and did about 400% of their projections. Now they are looking at ways to cut her income rather than encouraging her. Thankfully she had it in writing including some territory/customer protection.

  42. DarkHorseSD says:

    Diamonds are also forever. maybe a Best Friend Forever with Benefits


  43. Studio says:

    Sorry Cavalo Nero, your post just brought it all back and it had to come out.

  44. Richard says:

    Sorry…diamonds as an investment? LMAO!

  45. DarkHorseSD says:

    Onyx: when does your exclusive on the domestic-sugar expire? Has she gone free agency yet?

  46. DarkHorseSD says:

    I’m scarred

  47. DarkHorseSD says:

    Flyr, you know they say ‘if you have to ask, You can’t afford it. ‘

    Applies to drama too.

  48. DarkHorseSD says:

    Thanks Studio. Now in scarred too. And it’s Halloween and I have to head to a scary first meet not on my turf.

  49. flyr says:

    Sugar and Taxes – I think each has to do (and will probably do regardless of any adviced) what they think they should do regarding taxes. Discussing in here is probably not a good idea.

  50. flyr says:

    I was talking with an old SB last night (she finished her masters in Aero and is now married) and the thought came to me that I did not fully appreciate how special (and far above average) a few were because they were so lacking in drama.

    With the drama queens you have to ask your at frequent intervals , why am I doing this….

  51. flyr says:

    I do not think there’s much to be gained by challenging an SB’s story. Strange things happen and much is a matter of chance. Who would have believed that a 19 year old rounder would have hanging around under the President’s desk when there were a dozen Hollywood actresses who would have paid to be there.

  52. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — You should be able to calculate hard and soft dollar savings yield from your efforts. These should be considered as a “revenue” stream/source for the business. If YOU didn’t fix it they would never know how much YOU brought directly to the P&L. Once you and your role is considered as something that adds to the bottom line, you are now a revenue stream. If you service customers it could be possible to extend your skills to them as a directly billed revenue stream once you prove your worth internally.

    You should gain a shit load of support from the areas of the business that you make look oh so much better after your efforts.

    Now you can tie your performance bonus directly to this savings. Take a % of the savings as bonus. A friend of mine does this and doesn’t take a salary, only quarterly bonus based on savings realized. He makes a lot of money…

  53. NC Gent says:

    @Ivory — first you come in here with sketchy tales of a huge allowances, and then you top it off by bragging about you and your ex not paying taxes. Welcome to the blog — you are a lovely addition.

  54. KatPaw says:

    @Dorky lmfao

  55. KatPaw says:

    All I can say is ewwwww lol and damn that ruined my morning cup of coffee! Lol

  56. DorkyGuy says:

    The moral to the story… If you ladies want to get rid of a stalker, just show him a similar video… Problem solved.

  57. Studio says:

    KatPaw, it was bloody awful, she was watching my face as I watched the video and cracking up laughing.

    Needless to say that was the end of our communications.

  58. KatPaw says:

    @Zara like I said let pot SD’s know how you want to use the allowance.. They may decide to pay some bills directly and give you a smaller cash allowance or help figure out better solutions. Be confident in what you want and why. 😉

  59. KatPaw says:

    @studio that story just made me sick in the mouth! Ugh!
    But the francophobe story is great! lmao I can just imagine those ladies faces!

  60. Studio says:

    I once was chatting to a girl online, she seemed ok not mind blowing but worth chatting to.

    We were talking on Skype and she held her phone up to the computer camera and showed me a video of a a guy bound and blindfolded and then her pooping in his mouth and him eating it.

    I am still scarred to this day.

    In other news I have made an indecent proposal to Francophobe today.

    I am away on business tomorrow and staying out of town. I have offered to buy her a return ticket on the train to where I am and take her out for dinner and drinks (It’s only an hour train for her). She can then choose to come back to my hotel with me and I will drive her back the next day or she can get the train home. We have agrees suitable allowance and first date went well.

    Quite amusing at one point, we were getting down to nitty gritty discussion and two women on the sofa opposite us had everheard our discussion and were taking an interest.

    I leaned over to them and said ‘as you are interested I will tell you exactly what is going on here, I am a slightly older wealthy man, she is an attractive younger woman, we met on the internet. I am currently trying to negotiate a deal with her where I turn her into a kept woman and in return I get to fuck her brains out regularly’ turned to Francophile and said ‘would you say that is a fair assesment?’

    to which she told them is was definitely what was going on.

    We got a dirty look from them and not long after they left.

    After that conversation we definitely felt a bit more ‘in the zone’

  61. DarkHorseSD says:

    Dorky, SBC tells me she once had a guy offer her $$$ to poop on him.

  62. Zack says:

    Mine, too, if she’ll let you, LOL

  63. flyr says:

    bloggoddess please send zara my email

  64. Zack says:

    @ss ok, that helped. So you’re in sales, but it’s new and you have no metrics, at least none that I know of. You pride yourself on both increasing efficiency and decreasing waste.

    This suggests possible metrics along the lines of revenue (or profit) vs. cost, ROI or A, trends in labor vs revenue (or profit), SpicEy’s salary vs profit, etc. Hey, even ideas count sometimes, especially if the right person hears them.

  65. Zack says:

    Hmm, Ivory, I wonder.

    I forgot your question, sorry, but I think my impression now is “It won’t last.”

    What were you thinking of insofaras business and did you want to vaguely discuss drama?

    Carbon’s pretty common. How are you under pressure?

  66. SugarySpicey says:

    Onyx – can you break that down for me like I’m a six year old? The savings comment is just an area I know I’ll do well. Increased revenue is the real goal, of course.

  67. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — If you want a strictly measurable performance based bonus use the calculated savings from your work. You know that this type of thing basically becomes its own revenue stream in the business.

  68. SugarySpicey says:

    Zara – you can email me through the comment box here, your email will be private. http://sugarmytips.wordpress.com/reloading/

    Ivory – whatever you say, enjoy the orange jumpsuit.

  69. Zara says:

    @Zack: Thanks
    @ Spicey: Thanks I will look into :)
    Is there any way to contact you personally, you seem to
    know your stuff!
    @flyr: I can send you the link to my profile, just need your email :)
    @Katpaw: The allowance would be to cover living cost, and money for a riany day. I’m struggling as it is working, and going to school.

  70. Ivory says:

    And there would really be no point in giving an untrue example… I’m anonymous and strictly asking for advice. The reason I even asked for advice was because I am given such a high allowance and wanted opinions or personal experiences with multiple SDs or SBs. I didn’t say it to brag.

  71. Ivory says:

    The envious usually are skeptical. 😉

    @Sugary – that’s a good question… How does one hide 240k from the IRS? Ummm you could ask the drug lords and bookies who have been doing it for generations. :) Don’t take large amounts of cash to the bank. Check. Another, banks don’t submit checks to the IRS… No matter the amount. So those are clear… If you play it smart it’s pretty much a cake walk. Trust me, my ex has had his own “tree service” for over 3 years now and he’s a complete nitwit, though he has managed to stay under the radar and his annual revenue usually runs between 150-75k and that’s with him sitting on his ass half the time. And I haven’t been with these SDs a year. 6 months this Nov, so haven’t accumulated quite that much yet. My first SD offered 8k monthly allowance to start and that almost doubled after 3 months. The other started out wanting to spoil and spend on me each weekend we met and give me 3k each visit, but this has just been adjusted to a allowance at the beginning of each month. I see both an average of 6-8 times a month? Depends on our schedules. Each visit is usually 3-4 days. I know this is a very high allowance and outside the norm, so I can see why it can be unbelievable. I’ve talked to potential SDs that are only within the 1-2k monthly allowance range, and then great SDs like mine come along and I hit the jackpot in every category! They’re great, generous, sweet guys… And even better they’re absolutely sexy! <<<< I would call bullshit too… But it's true! I can't believe it sometimes. I'm one lucky SB. :)
    Also, I have invested a good amount of my allowances into diamonds. I get nervous keeping a lot of cash on me and of course it has no real value and diamonds just go up up up in value. :) They truly are a girl's best friend.
    @gttenvy — I think I'm going to stick to my hand at SDs and not the lottery. 😉 But I will let you know if my weekly powerball gets me anywhere.

  72. SugarySpicey says:

    Flyr – I’m leaving a successful organization to go to a successful organization, both entrepreneurial but stable. So there’d be no reason to take a pay cut .

    And if course , it’s an incentive to bring in new revenue not “taking my cut” 😉

  73. flyr says:

    ss – You work the waste and inefficiency out of your corner of business development and you should be developing more business. CAution on the word choice when an employee says they want their “Cut” it comes across very different that you want a participate in the new business you bring in.

    Is the compensation set by bean counters or entrepreneurs It is not unusual for superior performers to take minimum pay cuts when leaving dying stars to join the growing side

  74. DorkyGuy says:

    “I developed a saying in business: “Never eat your own bullshit.”

    It’s true in all of life and important in making and sustaining arrangements.”

    Depends on her comfort level with kink, I suspect.

  75. DarkHorseSD says:

    I developed a saying in business: “Never eat your own bullshit.”

    It’s true in all of life and important in making and sustaining arrangements.

  76. sweetie says:

    @Horsey “Tomorrow lunch first meet at restaurant of unknown qualities. Her pick in her town.

    Friday night first meet at yet undefined restaurant in somewhat defined locale.”

    I suggest giving her the benefit of the doubt. She might have a clue about food/restaurants. You sound like an annoying foodie/snob.

  77. Zack says:

    @ ss adding 5% to your base salary b/c of reasonable expectations of a foregone raise before your next review is quite reasonable. I’d say “That’s reasonable.”

    @DH: cool. I clicked with the housesitter ([email protected] ss)

  78. DarkHorseSD says:

    Men are vulnerable when narrowed down to a single option, either in reality or their belief. Don’t get trapped.

  79. DarkHorseSD says:

    Tomorrow lunch first meet at restaurant of unknown qualities. Her pick in her town.

    Friday night first meet at yet undefined restaurant in somewhat defined locale.

  80. DarkHorseSD says:

    Could have had an affogato tonight but chose a scoop of raspberry sorbet to eat with hot chocolate. SB had double espresso.

    Delicious dinner, a full tank of gas, and the above. Second date fare.

  81. Zack says:

    One last time, ss…you got this offer because of your click with the Pres over your adaptability to the projection problem… Among many other reasons, I’m sure, but that is the one I know of a bit.

    Capitalize on you adaptability and innovation. Use and strengthen Your contact with the pres by being Gung Ho wrt proactively suggesting a pick list of bright shiny metrics which You are now able to Make for Your New Position (and reset off the 5% per year avg you cling to)… or be normal and fail every virtue that got you this chance. Quantum or “win” …whatever.

    Thinking about it, do negotiate some…it’s expected and useful. But be, ahem, simple in your Wants and ample in your (better know what you’re doing) Clever Ideas.

    Or go home, shrug.

  82. DorkyGuy says:

    Btw, I think it is entirely fair to ask them to define performance metrics up front. You need to know the criteria by which your performance will be judged. Once you know the metrics, it becomes easier to suggest incentives that tie logically to those metrics.

  83. Zack says:

    Obviously they wouldn’t and you shouldn’t. go ahead and counteroffer and implicitly reject the job or accept and add suggestions and lock it in.

    Or play your game and write your rules. Or dance to their tune, dancer. Whatever you choose or happens to you … nm 😛

  84. DorkyGuy says:

    You know your particulars better than I. If you can make a compelling case, and approach it positively, who knows? I am just sharing from my experience with established employees, which admittedly is different than a new negotiation.

  85. SugarySpicey says:

    But, Dorky, this is in the negotiation before accepting a new position. If I take this job at the salary listed, then I will miss out on my annual pay increase which averages to about a 5% increase each year for the past six years. By January, I’d have actually taken a pay cut to take this new, substantially more challenging, job at a new company. Why would they expect me to take a pay cut to join their team?

  86. Zack says:

    Yes, dear, you’re right.

    Even though I would and have. Repeatedly :)

    Re: English…It’s not a bad language to speak, I understand it’s what, 2nd or so?

  87. DorkyGuy says:


    If an employee suggested to me (as has happened before) that they scale back base salary in preference for performance incentives, it sends a very positive message. It tells me that they are confident in their performance, and they don’t mind having some skin in the game. In that scenario, I tend to be generous with performance incentives.

    If an employee suggests that we add performance incentives on top of their base, without modifying the base, the message I get is just that they want more money. I might not say “no”, but it isn’t as positive for the relationship.

  88. SugarySpicey says:

    Jazzy – the blog is back, fuck that asshole and the entitled pony he rode in on.

  89. SugarySpicey says:

    Zack it isn’t “entitled” to expect to be fairly compensated for hard work, it’s business. If I were a man you wouldn’t call that entitled you just have bullshit double standard as to what women should “accept” vs. what they should “expect”. I’m not saying I’m entitled to X, of some pre-existing pie simply because I exist. I’m saying if I go to the store, pick up all the ingredients and make the pie, then I damn well should get a fair slice.

    As for the rest, sometimes you don’t even speak English.

  90. Zack says:

    Oh, about rewriting all over their offer, why not see if you can come up with three ideas that work for you and let them choose….heh.

  91. Zack says:

    “Prison seems fun this time of year.”
    My industry experience is pretty much limited to my industry, but consider, please:
    -how do you (then your boss) know it is you that drives a market revenue gain?
    -what about those “markets” is currently tracked? Measurable if needed?
    –are those things that work for a common understanding or definition of “waste” or “efficiency” (different things)
    -this is what you “Want” ok. (sorry, I get raw at an ‘entitled’ tone, Princess)
    -Do you share losses in the tracked metric? pft.
    -the role you describe is sexy as hell, check your brain. Also….Choose YOUR metrics….
    Zack – I have no idea what you’re talking about again w/r/t SuSp MK III, my needing a CPA to carry losses forward, or being on the outside. Not a clue!

  92. SugarySpicey says:

    Development not develop my

  93. SugarySpicey says:

    My superpower is in finding waste and increasing efficiency, but that’s not sexy in a business develop my role – gotta make it rain. Lol. I want a direct cut of all new markets or increased revenue that I drive, only seems fair – and beneficial to them as well.

  94. Zack says:

    Initial thoughts, absent context:

    –meaningless addition, compels noting but a review. Get an understanding or define the outcome range or something.

    –gonna be difficult to base income off of “revenue stream” in practice, I think. maybe consider something cleaner and sexier like stock options or some sort of travel and umm, expenses budget. Maybe consider other performance metrics…also

    …use this as a chance to define your own measures of success. Something you know you can control and somewhere you want to go. What gets measured is important–can you choose what your bosses watch? yeah.

  95. SugarySpicey says:

    Lol, Zack my background is definitely not in finance. Though I could use a little business lesson from y’all now:

    I received the offer letter. Dream job, better benefits package, but a lateral salary move (though more reliable as 15% of my current salary is a bonus directly tied to EBITDA and this would be a definite base) so my monthly take home would increase somewhat but not my total W2 income. As written, the offer has no compensation tied to performance, and the job description is so new they have no success metrics for the role.

    I’m thinking I’ll go back and accept their offer with the caveat written into the agreement that at 90 days we would define a revenue-based bonus structure as well. Thoughts?

  96. Zack says:

    It’s difficult not to gush too much about flexibility. Really, particularly in meeting new people with hopes of “something” long term.

    Dark horse is running wild (is wagering still open?), but here’s one good point he makes… I’m astounded how well having options improves my poise in developing a pot relationship. I’m definitely finding that having other options or even hopes helps me manage my worries and keep perspective. Shrug, I’m kind of a worrier though, different folks, different strokes.

    Spicy, the Susp III thing was partly confusion over names for a bit, partly seeing you change and take on different perspectives, and partly to set you up for something like this:


    …which is a nice piece of hardware for the time, and not something you want to be in front of…. but an 80mm round from behind and it’s a pile of scrap LOL

    The CPA thing was just a line employing the (important in tax law) words recognize and realize… I was kind of pinging your business/finance background some.

    Shrug…this is me getting to know someone interesting. Sorry if it seems umm, what was the word….lol

    -Z 😀

  97. Studio says:

    I thought you were the Carrie Bradshaw of coffee :(

    on a positive note Francophobe was a good sport and handled her cocktails with suitable aplomb and remained charming and well poised after several.

  98. Sam I Am says:

    Hello to the board. Long time no see…

    Question to the moderators: the event signup site for the party in Toronto mentions that table and bottle service will be available on October 25. It is now past October 25 and no such ticket appears on the site. Any update? Best to email the answer to me (I assume you have my email).


    Sam Spayed

  99. DarkHorseSD says:

    The kindergarten punch bowl spiker kept texting me the last few days to contact and meet. Seeing ignoring didn’t deliver the message, I responded no. Then Treated to a barrage of three hate texts, a missed call and a warning my number was getting blocked.

    In other news, second meet coming up in 25 min. Excellent Asian cuisine.

  100. DarkHorseSD says:

    Oh Studio, one must have ways to handle many different situations lest one be stuck at home or risk excessive disappointment.

  101. Studio says:

    @Cavalo Nero


    you’ve just shattered my illusions.

  102. Zack says:

    Lady V, what would you like to see? Any inclinations or curisoities? Water, Sun, Snow, Moon? :)

    Language, food, people you know, knew or don’t.

    Kinda like asking, if I can do anything, what do I want to do? Well, if you want something more than 42, ask or tell more 😛

  103. KatPaw says:

    Lady V it’s cold but sunny here today. As for vaca find a warm beach somewhere lol

  104. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Positively jealous Exotic

    I think I am getting webb feet like a duck :-)

  105. Exotic SB says:

    @LV ~ it is beautiful, bright and warm here today. Unbelievable for this time of year – I have inevitably been soaking up some vitamin D!

  106. JazzySB says:

    Ok, nice to know. I was trying to read your recommended post regarding verifying. I’ll check it out later.

  107. SugarySpicey says:

    Hi Jazzy – I’ve locked the blog down for today I’ll pull it back up once I’ve made a few adjustments to ensure security and anonymity.

  108. JazzySB says:

    Sugary I can’t get into your blog without a password, is this new?

  109. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Hi Kat
    Hi Exotic
    How your day’s are going well. Dark and gloomy in the UK. In big need of sunshine. :-)

    Have a week of in Nov where shall I go? Good suggestions welcome

  110. Exotic SB says:

    @Kat ~ good morning beautiful :)

    @Spicey ~ congrats lady! Cheers xo

  111. DarkHorseSD says:


    Change your name to Victoria to learn all the secrets you’ll need to succeed. Express your opinions too much and you could end up at 2k. SA men on average may prefer a Bebe to a Zara, but there is someone for everyone.

    Anything is better than remaining 21 forever.

  112. KatPaw says:

    Morning Sugars!
    @Zara what do you want the allowance for.. Allowances comes in many forms not just cash in an envelope. Some SD’s more comfortable with paying for exspenes and what not. So you want 4k but have good reasons for it.. ” I need to pay x,y&z and put away $ so much for a rainy day” most want to know what you want that for because they may have a better solution then just handing over $$

  113. DarkHorseSD says:

    Zara I recommend going for a second opinion too. Also test drive a few SDs before you take one home.

    Change your name to Victoria to learn all the secrets you’ll need to succeed. Express your opinions too much and you could end up at 2k. SA men on average may prefer a Bebe to a Zara, but there is someone for everyone.

    Anything is better than remaining 21 forever.

  114. DorkyGuy says:

    Absolutely not! Starbucks is from Seattle, which is too snooty to be an American city. Probably Canadian. We should make a trade with Canada… Washington state for Alberta.

  115. DarkHorseSD says:

    Oh exciting…I may have a Starbucks first meet coming up soon. Starbucks is “American,” right?

  116. SugarySpicey says:

    Zack – I have no idea what you’re talking about again w/r/t SuSp MK III, my needing a CPA to carry losses forward, or being on the outside. Not a clue!

  117. flyr says:

    @ Zara The alternative solution is to contact one of the gentlemen here with the request that they perform a full allowance appraisal. Generally these can be performed in an evening but some cases may require a full weekend.

  118. Zack says:

    I did have two things on my mind I wanted to say before I forgot again,

    A) Spicy, I get to be on the outside.

    2) I forget…

    Go Blue!

  119. Zack says:

    Eh, unfortunate. I share a moment of regret, but it sets up a simple solution.

    All you have to do is get confused in click over dessert. Then it’ll work, I’d think, 😛

    I’d be interested in V later, as I’m both a nerd and curious about yoga. Shrug…maybe another time. To much else to do. It’s kinda late here :)

  120. studio says:

    This was the artist formerly known as victim.

  121. Zack says:

    Which one was this Studio? btw, the Punk won’t work long term except as a travelling companion, she’s not an earth mother. Shrug. Hang in there…there was at least one good easy solution. 😛

  122. studio says:

    attraction is a bizarre thing no?

    Just thinking about my date last night.

    Within a small amount of emails we were getting quite filthy, making each other laugh and generally making all the right noises.

    We met in a nice cosy country pub and sat near the fire. Conversation flowed easily with lots of smiling and she was absolutely knock out on the looks department.


    No spark. Not even a bit.

    Anyway onwards and upwards. Negronis with Francophobe at 1pm

  123. Zack says:

    @ Flyr, Re: NSA nerds…why not, they have nothing else to do unless it’s fixing the Obamacare web site. Everything else is fine, right?

    Oh, dear….oh, no.

    btw, did you notice hrm Ms, Pelosi respects the privacy of world leaders, but the doctors, judges, police et al. are safe because no one looks at their numbers’ recordings unless a computer flags them or someone wants to. Close enough for gubbermint work. Hmm, new flavor. blech.

  124. Zack says:

    @ Zara, re: SuSp mk III :P…”hot, sexy, firm, and educated” at that level, 3 out of 4 are expected and the other one will probably blow your mind if it’s a real SD. I’d think.

    @ spicy, sorry for answering a hypothetical. (I have other bad habits. muahahah), but I’d suggest that many real SD thought this real depression wasn’t so great and understand something about carrying losses forward. If you don’t realize that, please recognize your need for a good CPA.

  125. flyr says:

    @Zara (continued) The other side of the equation is what are the other benefits vs what are you looking for. If you are just starting a career a $2K SD who is a true mentor, helps building your vision and competence might be worth far more than a $4K sd that leaves you emotionally bruised and battered. As spicey (?) noted do some market research. If you are going to go for a high allowance then you probably want to be more specific in your description of what’s not negotiable in terms of expectations as the large allowance is likely to come with large expectations.

  126. onyx_percula says:

    @ Zara — As flyr says the amount is something that would be impossible to say without a lot of details.

    As for when… personally I would rather know sooner rather than later. No sense in putting a lot of time into someone that will never meet the requirement.

    @ Zack — I have been getting some… and if I didn’t have to be up at the butt crack of dawn for a dentists appointment I will be having a third cup right about now instead of typing. Should have just brought her here tonight, hind sight and all that.

  127. SugarySpicey says:

    Jazzy – I’ve encountered fakes who are SA verified, the SA verification doesn’t prove they aren’t photo collecting, perving, time wasting, Johns.

    Zara – 4K will limit your options. But, it isn’t impossible. I would recommend you review SBs to ensure you are in the “neighboring brands” competition set – meaning, are you as hot, sexy, firm, and educated as other SBs asking for 4K? It isn’t flattering, but you need to look at yourself as a commodity against other commodities. Are you better than, equal to, or less than other local SBs in the 3-5K range?

    Ivory – Yep, calling bullshit on something in your story. I’m happy to give real advice, but something about your story doesn’t ring real. The first being, how does one hide $240 K from the IRS after a year of two different 5-digit sugar allowances. Prison seems fun this time of year.

  128. flyr says:

    I do not think verified does much more than check that the person exists and that they do not have any criminal convictions. When I looked at it there were some real privacy and use of information issues . Their TOS agreement also subjects you to binding arbitration under their rules and in their location.

    Perhaps there are some NSA nerds here who could offer some more tips

  129. flyr says:

    RE Zara allowance It’s at the upper tail of the distribution but there are so many variables it’s hard offer any opinion.

  130. Zack says:

    @ Jazzy…
    “only verify that he’s a real live person who can carry a conversation.”
    –Ahh, higher standards than 2 out of 3? ok

    “I should really be asking him to get SA verified”
    –Does it work? I know they wanted my various states of residence, but I doubt they’d notice if I skipped one. (I didn’t :).

  131. flyr says:

    Plan B “of course I am interested in you, but the information you have shared wouldn’t get you a pinkie ring on credit at Walmart and what we’re talking about sharing is the crown jewels.”

    People negotiate for a number of reasons – there is a real need, there is an imagined need, it’s a meaningless power trip, they want you to give up something else, they want you to get in the habit of loosing or they are an attorney and civil conduct is grounds for disbarment.

  132. DarkHorseSD says:

    4k seems more for BCBG than Zara, but I’d need to know a lot more.

  133. Zack says:

    Sorry, Spicey (sic, lol), I don’t do Facebook…the rest is negotiable 😛

    Hi, Zara, nice to see some fresh…faces 😀

    Yeah, 4k is going to have an effect on your contacts. I’m guessing you can’t avoid “fake” guys, but among the real ones, 4k per month, demographically, will probably yield few LTR for that money and maybe some “occasionally.” Probably more MBA’s than you’d like.

    What you’re looking for might be actually less than $4k per month cash plus a “click” with something else, be it housing, emotional, business, sex, whatever. Plus security or at least reliability…settle for “consistency” if you must Look for that click, and tweak the 4k later… One thing at a time if you’re new and confused 😛

    Or you could be worth 4k per month…ask the spicy ladies 😛

  134. JazzySB says:

    Thanks guys. He’s not the married one, he’s supposedly single. Also, absolutely no sex if I don’t know his real name or can at least find him online. Flyr, that booking photo is exactly the kind of thing I’m keeping an eye out for.
    Sugary, your spidey sense and my intuition may be right.

  135. SugarySpicey says:

    Cuffs and restraints are reserved for Google verified, Facebook authenticated, American Express proven SDs. All others pay cash.

    My approach to verifying a long distance SD is posted at the end of my blog at the following URL (probably works for locals too ); [img]http://sugarmytips.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/vienna-my-first-taste-of-sugar/[img]

  136. SugarySpicey says:

    Cuffs and restraints are reserved for Google verified, Facebook authenticated, American Express proven SDs. All others pay cash. 😉

    My approach to verifying a long distance SD is posted at the end of my blog at the following URL (probably works for locals too ); web:http://sugarmytips.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/vienna-my-first-taste-of-sugar/

  137. Zack says:

    After you meet him, maybe you could ask to look at his driver’s licence. How fast is your memory? Lol.

    Or you could jump straight to cuffs and restraints 😀

  138. SugarySpicey says:

    Jazzy – I’d apply the Woody Allen philosophy here, “statistics are like bikinis, what they reveal is interesting, what they conceal is essential.”

    My spidey sense says this guy is a fake, but a face to face meeting and a careful eyes-wife-open meeting, and telling him your concern, will tell you everything you need to know. Until then, Google and scam verify sites won’t give you shit.

  139. flyr says:

    @jazzy – There are very few people who are real potential SD’s who are not discoverable with google and often linked in . Perhaps even Facebook. Obviously you need a name and a few other tidbits of history. If he does not want to give you a real name I would reply that it’s fine for the preliminary discussions but he needs to understand there will be no play until you know. Having said that I assume there would be few hands raised if the blog were asked if they had never had sex with someone they did not know anything about more than a first name.

    The married SD probably wants to maintain secrecy until he’s assured the SB is not a stalker or psycho.

    I know there’s an argument that the married SD does want you to know his real name but this seems to me to be somewhat of a fantasy. It’s also pretty certain that before the married SD showed up here that he has cavorted with some closer to the office or home.

    And then there’s the potential SB who had me looking forward to all sorts of carnal adventures with this fresh young thing. Five minutes on google turned up her Vegas booking photo for a variety of charges including meth possession for sale.

  140. JazzySB says:

    Zack, it’s a two parter. I, A. Want to verify that he is who he says he is and B. Find out if he’s dangerous. Phone calls and Skype only verify that he’s a real live person who can carry a conversation. This new POT just joined SA three days ago so I’m a little Leary about meeting him. I guess I should really be asking him to get SA verified.
    Sugary, he has the most popular last name in the U.S. and probably the second most popular first name.
    I’ve been trying to use his phone number and email address to look him up on google. I should use your question in the future.

  141. SugarySpicey says:

    Jazzy – in the past I’ve used, “What would Google tell me about you?” in order to truth test SDs. More than likely, unless he has a very common name, if Google isn’t telling you much he’s either given you a fake name or, he’s a fake. The verify site is not going to be more effective than the world’s expert on content search and recovery.

  142. Zara says:

    Hey y’all!
    I’m am new to this site, what are some ways to approach the allowance issue? Given that I haven’t had an arrangement before, is this usually discussed via email, phone, person ??? Also, I have no idea whether the allowance amount (4,000) is appropriate.

  143. Zack says:

    Pone call? skype or hangout video? What do you verify? What sort of things do you find or want to?

    Where’s OP tonight? Sorry, guy.

  144. JazzySB says:

    Sugary, google is coming up with very little. Flyr, hmmm great points. Pass. I need to find a more efficient way of verifying identity without asking a hundred questions.

  145. Zack says:

    yeah, heh. “Most Impressive…” 😛

  146. DarkHorseSD says:

    Get it? Here. See what I did there?

  147. DarkHorseSD says:

    Sorry Studio, I was looking forward to seeing you learn to remember to call her ‘yoga’ but now we’ll never here of her again. :(

  148. flyr says:

    @Jazzy – Out of curiosity I took a look at the site. Two comments:

    They want an inappropriate amount of information about you
    “Please fill everything out correctly. Provide a valid Email Address, Profile Photo and an Official Web Address. Within moments, you will receive an email in the email address you supplied to confirm your registration. In 24 hours, we will enable your account and you will be able to login and access all features of the site.” My guess is that they are selling this information

    They are primarily oriented towards screening for professionals

  149. studio says:

    great girl, got on really well.

    Zero chemistry.


  150. DarkHorseSD says:

    It’s a miracle! Most recent not yet met SD is free tonight after father’s death just yesterday. Oh how do you SBs handle these sudden turns?

  151. flyr says:

    Somehow the thought of sex in a typical food court bathroom makes interim celibacy sound good.

    A classy restaurant , well that’s entirely different

  152. SugarySpicey says:

    Jazzy – I use Google

    Dorky – No, I’d call it a value meal, can I at least SuperSize it?

    And all the rest of you, thanks for the good wishes. The lunch went even better than I hoped. They want to craft a new role for me based on some specific areas of expertise I have (that I didn’t even think would be relevant to them). Complete career orgasm !!!!!!!!!

  153. flyr says:

    Misconceived Sugar

    “To have a misconception you need to at least have a general agreed concensus as to what Sugar is.”

    Think of sugar as a broad pasture but with some fences.——

    Not sugar

    “I really would not feel right giving you money. It would spoil the relationship

    “If you have the allowance, no doors are closed, call for details

    ” I’m looking for a man who will meet my allowance requirements ($20K ) , provide me with gifts and not expect anything in return (at a minimum the FD deserves the promise of whips and stiletto heels )

    It’s sort of the reverse of the Supreme Court judge who noted, in a famous decision, that he could not define port but he knew it when he saw it. 99% of people can identify sugar when they taste it…….

    the list goes on

  154. JazzySB says:

    Hello all, I have a question for you SB bloggers. Do any of you use verifyhim.com?

  155. DorkyGuy says:

    @Spicey~ Would you call that a “Happy Meal”?

  156. DarkHorseSD says:

    Dorky lol

    Food court idea was motivated by concern that either espresso would go cold or ice cream would melt before the deed could be done.

  157. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Good luck with your lunch SugarySpice. Hope all goes well. :-)

  158. SugarySpicey says:

    Dorky, nothing I like better than getting bent over a changing table after a nice Combo Meal #4.

  159. DarkHorseSD says:

    Wine bar first date. SBC had a wine bar first meet in Soho the other evening. “SD” was a bit loserish. Had no post wine bar game, except for two hour on foot search for restaurant with real food that had open table.

    Shorted her $5 when she checked her pocket in the cab on the way home.

    You never know.

  160. JazzySB says:

    Oh snap!

  161. gtt_envy says:

    @Ivory, call me doubting Thomas 😉 20k/mo with limited visits, not exclusive, and you’ve been doing this for 1 year? Just pegs my BS meter a tad that’s all. If real go play the lottery because those are the odds of finding a SD like that!

  162. DorkyGuy says:

    DarkHorseSD~… Where there is a will, there is a way!

    Have you seen McDonald’s new coffee menu? It’s not Starbucks, but they are definitely improving. I bet that there is some combination of their coffee/icecream/milkshakes that would approximate an Americanized version of your delicacy.

    I think that due to the variety of their menu, they might evolve to be a better first meet location than Starbucks. They also offer stand-alone locations, which will be nice for Spicey, since she doesn’t care for mall food courts. I recommend a quiet table back by the family restroom (which Starbucks doesn’t have!), in case the desire for intimacy should spark.

  163. JazzySB says:

    Sugary- Wow, four interviews? Sounds like you knocked it out of the park though!

  164. SugarySpicey says:

    Black Stalion – any coffee shop schill can pour your affogato, how awkward would an SB need to be to fail your pour test, it only weeds out the complete bottom feeders? Perhaps a picnic with a BYOG, see how she spreads out the blanket, opens a bottle of champagne, and cleans up after you?

    Affogataboit, take her out for wine! I hate SDs who want coffee for a first meet, and at a mall! If I wanted to go on dates in the food court or a Starbucks I wouldn’t be on a sugar site.

  165. Hello Sugars! 😀

    Zack~ Shoe girl lol… I like that! no jacuzzi, i’m sick!

    Studio~ good luck with yoga vic…

  166. DarkHorseSD says:

    Dear Dorky,

    I have visited the websites for Kispy Kreme, Dunkin Donuts, and Baskin Robbins this morning.

    I was surprised to find there are indeed Krispy Kreme stores.

    It turns out that KK and DD both have espresso on their menus, but not ice cream or gelato (this truth led me to the Baskin Robbins web site.)

    A little more working the touch screen and I imagine I could find a mall with a food court that has DD and/or KK plus a BR or similar competitor, all of which would allow for a Sugar first meet requiring the same “pour” SBC and I were forced to do at la Maison du Chocolat.

    There is always a way. Always as in often or usually.

  167. DarkHorseSD says:

    Another question that bothers me today…

    How is it possible that 25% of the time a first meet is to occur the SD in question has a parent pass away within 24hrs prior to the meeting time and thus has to cancel?

    In such circumstances, should the SB, in addition to offering gracious and heartfelt condolences, also ask if “tomorrow” would be a better day to meet?

  168. DarkHorseSD says:

    This post from early today by SeeksExcellence on ‘number one rule’ topic is one I really like…

    “Silly topic and lends itself to every shallow piece of advice out there. There is no one-size-fits-all arrangement or situation. There is no silver bullet solution to keeping someone’s interest apart from simply being interesting.

    You should do whatever you and your SD/SM feel comfortable doing; no more, no less. Offering, rationing, or withholding sex only defines sex as your coin no matter how you split hairs. And that makes you an escort, not a sugar baby.

    The sugar relationship is about genuinely enjoying each other’s company and respecting that you have complimentary, not competing, assets and needs.”

  169. DarkHorseSD says:

    P.S. Having not achieved instant gratification last night, I am in a lousy mood this morning.

  170. DarkHorseSD says:

    On the previous topic SugarD posted:

    “Misconception of Sugar?

    To have a misconception you need to at least have a general agreed concensus as to what Sugar is. Since there are such a broad notion of what Sugar arrangement is, well are there any misconceptions?”

    Mr. D:

    Yes there is a misconception quite common in such circumstances. The misconception is by each individual who believes this website is solely, completely and exclusively about serving their personal conception (including conception of what it is NOT, even in situations where the individual lacks a conception of what it IS.)

    This misconception leads to disappoint when instant gratification is not achieved.

  171. studio says:


    nothing wrong with French for me. This SB has a chip on her shoulder though.

    I am sure if we ever met I would be nothing other than smitten.

    Meeting victim tonight who shall now be renamed yoga. I don’t like to keep calling her victim, after all it was only the baited hook.

  172. Zack says:

    Sorry, what I meant to say was:

    @dh: b/c they can’t spell?

    @ shoe girl: hey, when do yuo get off work? You’re headed for a spaking and a jacuzzi…:P

    @ op: if you think you can’t commit to two sb’s, that’s your block.

  173. Zack says:

    disconnected thoughts… absinthe make the hearty go founder.

    Three body problem? Oh, dear. Simplification as exception handling. blech. Sorry, just making noise.

  174. Beach_Girl says:

    Studio~ what ‘s wrong with French??? I’m French… Canadian… Lithuanian… i’m all good 😀

    onyx~ really??? a live in that will take care of your mom??? recipe for disaster!!!

  175. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars !!! 😀

    Spicey~ congrats 😀 I’m sure it will go well tomorrow

  176. DorkyGuy says:

    @Ivory, if your figures are real, you are making $20k/month for a total of about 20 hours of effort (assuming your meets are about 5 hours). That works out to about $1000/hr.

    Ride that gravy train while it lasts, and bank every dime… because the gravy train won’t last forever. Then, pay for your education/business with cash.

  177. DarkHorseSD says:

    Never understood why SA called itself a SD/SB site.

  178. onyx_percula says:

    @ Ivory — You know your boys better than do. You know the feel of your relationship with them better than we ever will. Personally I would want to know as I tend to form close(r) relationships that are a kin to real BF GF than strictly “need to know” NSA arrangements.

  179. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — A package deal? 😉

  180. DarkHorseSD says:

    Now hold your horses ivory. Not exactly. You are going to have to tell each of them when each asks.

  181. onyx_percula says:

    @ All — Since there are so many responses, let me try to address this in one shot… First thanks to one and all, great comments, points and thoughts!

    Yes she is desperate as all hell. She has not had a good start in life, on her own since 16 now 22. A classic “sob” story, not saying it is not 100% true or 100% false or somewhere in between which is most likely. This would a chance for her to push reset on her life, start over.

    Yes this is a move super slow situation despite the desperate situation. If it looks like its something to move ahead with a PI to double check things too.

    Looks like work is taking me near her in the next couple of months, like next month for several weeks. So I will setting up a casual face to face, see if we pass the smell test or not. If we hit it off we can spend more time together and see how we fit or don’t fit. I will likely be there 5-6 weeks, so there is time to do a couple long(er) together times and see if it still works.

    If we are seeing each other while I am there working, I have no issue making sure she is taken care of, but no quick flights across the country, no money without face to face, skin to skin.

    Yes I am very happy with my current SB#1. She is wonderful. We are both happily enjoying sugary life. I am not really looking for a replacement or anything new, sure just a professional doesn’t always actively job search, you passively keep your eyes open. She is a sweet mature old soul that treats sugar as sugar. While I am sure either of would be hurt at some level if it ended tomorrow, we both would part friends. Before I do anything with this new subby, I will talk with SB#1. I am not lying or “cheating” on her. I will say without sharing too much “exclusive” isn’t always defined the same by everyone, her included. It’s a long story that is not for public consumption so, I will leave it at that.

    @ Spicey — Get em girl!

    @ DorkyGuy — The way you truly punish a real sub is to just simply be displeased and ignore her. That will be a 100x worse than any physical pain or lack of.

  182. sweetie says:

    Sugary “I don’t know Sweetie, my vagina is so much more interesting. ”

    Yes, darling, that’s why it is the cherry on top.

  183. Studio says:

    so my current potential interests are as follows

    Older SB (who is actually not a SB as she doesn’t want an arrangement) – medium attractive, emotionally a bit volatile, incredible fuck — wants to keep seeing me desperately, very attached to me. She also still wants to find a SD that she has no attachment to that will sort her financial needs. Will not discuss arrangement with me at all as feels it would ruin our connection and skew the relationship

    Victim (who henceforth will be named Yoga as I don’t like calling her that really) – first meet tomorrow, very naughty, very attractive, get on really well over phone / text. Sent me some photos of a naked yoga session and has a body that I would gouge my eyes out for. Wants to be totally dominated and seems to have wide boundaries. She is married, purely doing this for the thrill and wants small allowance to blow on frivolities. Has no expectations of exclusivity and wants to meet a couple of times a month for kink.

    Francophobe – young for what I usually go for (21). Very attractive, very feisty, likes a dominant lover – wants very traditional SB/SD type arrangement. First meet Wednesday to get wasted on cocktails at lunchtime

    Punk – new hat in the ring, mid 20’s punk, medium to well attractive, lots of ink. Wants a SD to take her out in fast cars to top hotels / gigs / restaurants and live a rock star type lifestyle. I think she would be very good company for me and a good match but so far she doesn’t fill me with desire for some inexplicable reason

    Don’t know which way to jump.

    Desperately hope that meet with Yoga results in chemistry tomorrow, as just thinking about her makes me think things no respectable person should.

  184. Ivory says:

    Thank you guys very much for the feedback! I didn’t know any SDs or SBs that have had this experience.

    I say this because currently I’m juggling 2 SD’s that I care about very much, and they do not know. Not that I’ve lied, they just haven’t asked. But now that my schedule is getting more intense with added hours at school and also working part-time, and starting up a business next year I will probably have to drop one. They both provide a 10k plus allowance each so ladies it is possible! 😉 So far it has been manageable to keep up because I only see each a couple times a month. But I won’t be able to keep this up next year. I know one would probably be okay with me having another SD, like DarkHorse said, it could be a turn on. And probably would be for him! I’m either going to have to tell them, or drop one. They each are so very generous though, if they are ok with it, and want to keep me regardless, they might be become more demanding. 😉 Which is fine, I enjoy a challenge. I just don’t want them to think every time I’m not perfectly flexible it’s because of another SD. And that is so very important I’m accommodating.

  185. DarkHorseSD says:

    A little busy trying to make the donuts before a little first meet shortly in midtown

  186. SugarySpicey says:

    I don’t know Sweetie, my vagina is so much more interesting. 😉

  187. sweetie says:

    Sugary, even better if it’s the brain. You go girl, knock them out!

  188. Studio says:

    Dorky, as mixed British Italian, your suggestions offer no patriotism to me and besides; I am a citizen of the world.

  189. SugarySpicey says:

    For this job, I’d happily let him between my legs. Lol – unfortunately, I think it’s what’s between my ears that interested him. But four interviews, sheesh!!! Feels excessive.

  190. sweetie says:

    But you know, Horsey likes his stuff fancy, no plain John there. Hehehe! 😉

  191. sweetie says:

    Oh, Dorky! There’s better patriotism than that: plain ol’ coffee at any little place.

  192. DorkyGuy says:

    What is with this obsession with foreign coffee when there are terrific options “Made in the USA”? Next pot meet, show some patriotism, and take them to Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kreme!

  193. SBinMass says:

    or maybe it was Treasured that said that… (desperation start-off)

  194. flyr says:

    sugary – do you suppose the president is bringing the restraints…….. to lunch

  195. SBinMass says:

    Congrats to SS! Sounds very promising :)

    …ok off to watch WS…

    you all are an interesting bunch, to say the least 😉

    I agree with alot flyer said about leading off a relationship with desperation and sweetie’s birds flying vs the one in the hand

    its the chase vs the catch…
    and with that; I’m off to baseball

  196. Studio says:

    so no French fancies or Italian coffees.

    Looks like its Negronis for lunch on Wednesday.

  197. Zack says:

    He’s a private person, pushed to his limits. Maybe he’s writing a book.

    In any case, I expect the poor guy has chewed his nails to the second joint in an effort not to blog….

    Talk about pain, 😛

  198. sweetie says:

    Sugary “Yay!!!! Lunch with the Pres of the company tomorrow, he called to say how impressed they were with how I handled the tech problems.”

    Let’s hope he doesn’t want to get in your pants. Or that he does?

  199. sweetie says:

    All this talking about Onyx and he’s nowhere to be found… maybe he’s busy being a white knight again?!?

  200. DorkyGuy says:

    @Spicey~ congratulations! It is always darkest just before the dawn. Every cloud has a silver lining. Every company has a crappy IT guy.

  201. Zack says:

    This is nice:
    w .merriam-webster.com/looking-at-words/submissions/serendipity/butterfly-leaf.htm?&t=1377686769

  202. Zack says:

    pa·nache [puh-nash, -nahsh] Show IPA
    1.a grand or flamboyant manner; verve; style; flair: The actor who would play Cyrano must have panache.
    2.an ornamental plume of feathers, tassels, or the like, especially one worn on a helmet or cap.
    3.Architecture . the surface of a pendentive.
    1545–55; variant (after F) of pennache < Middle French < early Italian pennachio < Late Latin pinnāculum, diminutive of pinna wing; identical in form with pinnāculum pinnacle

  203. SugarySpicey says:

    Yay!!!! Lunch with the Pres of the company tomorrow, he called to say how impressed they were with how I handled the tech problems. What if that idiocy with Pirate the major league asshole turns out to be an amazing stroke of good fortune?

  204. SugarySpicey says:

    Thanks Kat – I hope so, my read on the room felt good, and the President commented that his only concern was that I seem to really love the job I have now, would I be as passionate in this new opportunity. Downside, I went first so hopefully I didn’t warm them up for the closing act.

  205. flyr says:

    @treasured “If that is what she wanted, a local SD and a meeting once a week + holidays would have solved it.
    For me, her actions scream: desperation. And, starting any relationship with desperate situation (be it friendship, romance or a work relationship) is never a good idea.”

    I do not disagree with the analysis. It’s putting the level of commitment way too far ahead of the knowledge of the other person and the potential relationship.

    From the SB standpoint, given the rather short duration of the relationships she is probably looking at needing 9-12 SD’s to get through 5 years (6 mos MTBF) even if each one carries the full load.

    It’s a big chunk of the one SD’s life to date if he plans for the full 5 years. Appetites change

  206. Stardust says:

    Is there a way to know who is attending Fire and Ice?

  207. Zack says:

    Hate it when is does that. SBMass, are you an SD or an SB, or is this not the place to ask?

  208. KatPaw says:

    Sugary~ that extra time might just be your blessing in disguise. How you handled the bump in the road I’m sure with grace and easy will show them how capable you are at improvising on the moment. Hopefully you captured them and the job is yours!

  209. Zack says:

    Does it have chocolate?

  210. DarkHorseSD says:

    Well, she ironically both would and wouldn’t be for me. Studio

  211. studio says:

    dark horse.

    Not sure about the affotude. I also sent her a picture of a croquembouche I made last week and she said oh its French I hate the fucking French

  212. SugarySpicey says:

    Handled it like a pro, of course – though I should have had backup printouts just in case. Although the content of the presentation was superfluous anyway. The upside is that their IT guy was slow as molasses which gave me an extra 40 minutes to interface with the Pres. of the company while IT didn’t resolve the issue.

  213. Zack says:

    Let me try it this way…

    “Did you get your message through or did you achieve your purpose?”

  214. Zack says:

    New game (to you). Not “your” game…you got knocked up to a new level of …adaptability, Sugar.

    How’d you handle it? Like a pro?

  215. SugarySpicey says:

    Well, damn, my 20 minute presentation at the third interview this morning turned into an hour long “conversation” when they couldn’t get their damn projectors to work. Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best!!!! But, it is never ideal to get knocked off your game when under pressure – though IMHO I handled it like a champ.

  216. DarkHorseSD says:

    Studio – I wouldn’t mind about the affogato, but the ‘ shit’ this early on is no good. How do you feel about the affo-tude?

    Of course if she’ll only do AppleBees (?) that’s a problem too.

  217. Zack says:

    So, perhaps a threshold question for OP (there will be others, I expect):

    Polly, serial monogamy, or explain a functional hybrid, lol.

  218. SBinMass says:

    OP- You lost me at “abusive stacking ex BF”
    Dealbreaker for me in a live in. I dont want that at my front door.
    And did I confuse you with another post-er or were you the one who has a new #1 SB that you promised you would ditch ‘the harem’?

  219. Zack says:

    Hmm, Fire or Ice? lol

    salute to GRRM, btw.

  220. DorkyGuy says:

    In the S&M world, how do you handle a SB who does something you don’t like?

    Do you punish her by spanking her? Or by refusing to spank her?

  221. studio says:

    dark horse

    a potential sb just referred to an Affogato as a ‘shit coffee thing’

    You think that is a jettisoning offence?

  222. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Hi Zack. Late afternoon here in the UK. Clocks went back at weekend so confusing a few people so making the time zones worse. :-)

    Thank you for seconding Kaw Paw regards.
    I think you will find some very true people in the UK/London. Couldnt possibily comment on whether the SB’s are super hot lol. Like anywhere I am sure there are a few “scammers” or characters as I call them.
    Hope your week has started well

  223. flyr says:

    Re Live in Girlfriend/ SB / Caregiver/ Student/ etc – compatibility test

    Take her on a 2 day sailing trip, just the two of you on a small boat, preferably in not so perfect weather , no internet, no TV no starbucks………………..Far better test of compatibility than a week at a resort.

  224. Exotic SB says:

    @Richard – WB! Nice to see you again :)

    @OP – I happen to agree with Spicey. I am sure this girl wants things to move very quickly though, considering her circumstances. I was a part-time live in SB. It was good for us, but I was NOT taking care of his aunt with Alzheimers. Someone else did that at a different residence. He was single and busy, and I was studying a lot. It worked well. My concern is: how is this girl (and you) going to feel when she is not able to fulfill everything she promised with a smile on her face and TRULY feeling good about it all for FIVE years!!?? Do you really want to be responsible for this SB’s well being for THAT long..without spending much time with her FIRST?!…then there is a part of me that says nothing ventured, nothing gained. At the very least you will have a great blog story for us and some lessons learned to add to your repertoire of masterful sugaring. Just make sure you have an exit plan that suits you well. Remember: as soon as it begins the ending is also imminent. Her track record for ‘endings’ doesn’t prove to be her strong suit thus far. But, who knows, that could change with you………. and I also want to note: THIS GIRL IS DESPERATE

  225. DarkHorseSD says:

    Isn’t that what makes it all worthwhile?

    And like they say in the Dry Cleaning industry, “No texting, no flirting.”

  226. Zack says:

    Finished work for the day, Lady? Just starting? Lol, who can follow time zones…I have trouble keeping avatars and past chats in my head. Anyway, I second Katpaw’s regards.

    So, is London actually full of really hot, cultured, perfect SB’s, or are they all scammers?

    Ya know, if all these old farts keep sugaring chicks through college as care givers, the medical personnel crisis looming will work itself out. Lol 2 nurses for every old guy

    Gentlmen all, good morning.

  227. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Massive smile. Texting time of day. It made me smile DarkHorse, you allocate time in your day for people you know who will never meet. They dont know what they are missing.
    But they say an unexpected nice text can make a person’s day.
    One may surprise you :-)

  228. DarkHorseSD says:

    It’s that time of day when my attention turns to texting people who will never actually meet.

    I have a nice open slot this evening for the classical SB type.

  229. NC Gent says:

    I am with Treasured on this one — OP’s situation sounds like a perfect storm for disaster.

    I hope everyone had a great weekend that was filled with sweet sugar.

    Go Packers!

  230. DarkHorseSD says:

    “Congratulations, you have a live in girlfriend, not a SB ”


    Onyx: after you have selected from the long list of how to blow this one you have been presented, please send me her contact info because I have an opening.

  231. Treasured says:

    And, just to add to the point…
    I am sounding like a “Grinch to stole Christmas”…
    BUT, I have re -read your post describing the situation.

    Basically a girl, is willing to move (well, looks like anywhere, really, with a first man she finds), is happy to accept non existent allowance, happy to look after a mother with an Alzheimer’s, happy to provide sex on a regular basis, happy to depend 100% on you in everything (and, in this situation she will)… And how old is she? In her 20ies?

    You have to ask yourself, what is her situation like at the moment, how horrible it must be, that she is willing to run away from it all!!!???

    And spare me the whole “she wants to get a degree bs”. If that is what she wanted, a local SD and a meeting once a week + holidays would have solved it.
    For me, her actions scream: desperation. And, starting any relationship with desperate situation (be it friendship, romance or a work relationship) is never a good idea.

  232. Zack says:

    wb, dh. Chill?

  233. Treasured says:

    OP – Sorry, but from what I have understood, what you are planning to do is INSANE (and it is coming from me, who once flew for 21 hours to see someone I met on here for the first time).

    Am I the ONLY one who sees it?

    First of all – before even trying to move her in, go on 2 week holiday together. She might be a complete nutcase, she might not smell nice, she might be needy, she might be anything…

    You say she is submissive…. How AWARE are you with a whole psychology of sub females? Are you aware, that a bond, which develops is almost impossible to break (well, from her side). At the moment, she is not needy, but, how do you know it for sure??! Have you been living with her?

    To place the care of your mother, who has special needs, in the hands of “oh so sweet girl”, who will get emotionally dependant on you… What if you get fed up with her?! Have you thought about consequences??!!!

    I can GO ON and ON and ON. But don’t have enough time on my hands!
    For me the whole thing screams: BAD BAD BAD idea!

    BOYS! And girls too!
    My advice to everyone: Staff is staff. You don’t DO staff, you HIRE them!!!

    “We have at least one problem every day. Some days we have nothing but problems. Today we had the most beautiful of days. She’s asleep softly and sweetly right next to me now. I know every day how lucky I am, and remind or explain to her every day how lucky she is.”

    Congratulations, you have a live in girlfriend, not a SB 😀

  234. MidnightSun says:

    Hey every one,
    This is a little off topic from onyx question, but I’m not wise enough to give any helpful thoughts on it!
    I’m a new SB testing the waters. I’ve been reading the blog and especially appreciate the advice from Sugary and Exotic for the female perspective.
    Any tips for the masquerade itself? What to wear, how to act -I’m a country girl feeling a bit out of place. As of now I am going stag. I’d like to meet some experience SB’s but haven’t seen a blog or anything on here for that thing (though I’m sure one is right infront of me now that I ask)
    Thanks! I’ll keep reading away. =)

  235. DarkHorseSD says:

    I have a live in. We have at least one problem every day. Some days we have nothing but problems. Today we had the most beautiful of days. She’s asleep softly and sweetly right next to me now. I know every day how lucky I am, and remind or explain to her every day how lucky she is.

    Part of becoming a real man is learning to navigate and deal with all this stuff. Figuring out how to make it work and how your viewpoint is counter productive.

    It’s the stuff that dreams are made of. Take a new picture.

  236. Zack says:

    DarkHorse, seriously think about a vacation with friendly strangers. Toronto might be good, but you should probably get some distance soon.

    This has been a PSA from a gentleman in leather pants.

  237. DorkyGuy says:


    I just looked up photos of the housekeeper. Really??

  238. DarkHorseSD says:

    “Terrific point! OP should find a repulsive woman to care for his mother, so he doesn’t feel the need to bang the woman caring for his mother”

    This is a strategy some use. It is commonly employed by the lady of the house in the false belief her man will not bang the repulsive hag anyway.

  239. Zack says:

    Or, possibly, he’s over-analytic and something of a perfectionist. Seems to me that he’s nearly figured out this system and is ready to see what he’s looking for. It’s an interesting thing to watch, I hope.

    What happens when you finish removing “up tight” “stuck” from a “nerd?” if you’ll pardon the revoltingly crude labels. Seriously…just that.

  240. sweetie says:

    Onyx, with all due respect, why are you never happy with the SB you have? Didn’t you mention you were cleaning house and sticking with the wonderful SB who treats you like a king? You seem to want the birds flying instead of the one in your hand… don’t get it. Oh, and are you a glutton for drama or you just have a preference for complicated ladies?

  241. DorkyGuy says:

    “Why have license to ravage at will the hot house servant 23 yrs your junior? Better put her on the payroll and report to IRS with mark up for taxes than have helpful sweet hot live in GF.” ~DH

    Terrific point! OP should find a repulsive woman to care for his mother, so he doesn’t feel the need to bang the woman caring for his mother 😛

  242. SugarySpicey says:

    OP – start with a weekend away , then take it one little, tiny step at a time. The crazy BF may not even exist, some women claim a crazy BF because it brings out your White Knight.

  243. DarkHorseSD says:

    Boys, is this Seeking Arrangement or the employment office?

    Are we not men?

    If you prick us, do we not bleed?

    If they put one of yours in the hospital, put one of theirs in the morgue.

  244. DarkHorseSD says:

    Actually, Dorky, I’d see if she’d be willing to do the housework in a French Maid’s get up. Legs Ave is going to be on sale big time now, stock up.

    Why have license to ravage at will the hot house servant 23 yrs your junior? Better put her on the payroll and report to IRS with mark up for taxes than have helpful sweet hot live in GF.

  245. DorkyGuy says:

    Why not have her come care for your mother and take care of your home, but not be your SB? That way you can maintain a professional relationships with an employee. Why mix the two roles into one person, and create potentially huge complications so close to home?

  246. Zack says:

    …but take small, intentional steps with good communication or you’ll fry your victims. You know opinions on that, so hold yourself to appropriate standards….really.

    Hard part is not falling into your standard vetting patterns to convince yourself that someone isn’t suited. Mom matters, yes. The SB relation, if it works well, will be beneficial. Lol, you can do the probability summation as homework 😛

  247. Zack says:


    All most probably easily within your ability to manage. Generally, time is on your side. Everything else is; except for emotional nukes, and you can harden or unleash unholy hell on fools, as you choose.

    Details of specific issues are blog fodder after you realize you are the only force majure in this scenario.

  248. DarkHorseSD says:

    Dissolution plan? Kick SB out in snow when misbehaves. Really focuses SB on the job. Very effective.

    Or you could sign a contract with months of ‘alimony’ with a temp live in ‘GF’ you never met. Good way to be driven mad while agonizing over paying.

    And be sure to offer the breakup fee that she isn’t asking for.

    Your choice.

  249. onyx_percula says:

    @ Guru — Sure why not…

    1) Ex BF that has been abusive and is stalking her. Moving to the other side of the country doesn’t preclude his coming too.

    2) Same can be said of crazy family members.

    3) She could be a nut case. She would be given full access to the home, and placing my mother in her care daily. She could rapidly or slowly rob me blind, she could be abusive or neglecting of my mother.

    4) She could be everything she says and the potential could come be, only to change a couple months down the road, after my mother makes an emotional connection. She isn’t so far gone that she forgets people in a day or two yet.

    4.1) We don’t work out and can’t stand the site of each other in a few months, but she is perfect with my mother and doesn’t want to quit that, just me, lol.

    5) Her subby nature could go places I am not following. Likely not an issue but must be considered.

    So thinking about each of these…

    1) The law enforcement in my local area is pretty “aggressive”. It is unlikely he would want to come back if he contacted them once. But from a strictly legal standpoint its all reactive, restraining orders are a joke for the most part.

    2) Would likely be less of a problem unless they moved too.

    3) You can research and vet but at some point you have to take a chance. You will never know for sure.

    4) Pretty much unavoidable I think. If she bailed later rather than sooner, it would likely be a non-issue, sooner or later my mother will not remember me much less someone she met the day before.

    4.1) As long as there is no active fights and nastiness I can deal.

    5) She hasn’t had a lot of exposure and already has hard limits that most in that lifestyle would laugh at. If she does refer to 3 & 4…

    No common law marriage concerns.

  250. DarkHorseSD says:

    Back to civilization at the Cafe Carlyle. Near round trip from la Maison. Settling in for a couple hours.

  251. flyer says:

    @onyx “Now here is the part that I am super unsure of. She wants a live in arrangement. She would move in, receive a very modest allowance, basically pay for tuition and basic expenses like gas, car insurance and phone. She would have her own room “for time apart when we need that” but wants to be in my room most of the time. She would maintain the household, attend school and maybe work part time. She would be in school a minimum of four years, likely more. She wants the arrangement to last until she is out of school and has a good job. So she is talking 5+ years here.

    I care for my elderly mother who has Alzheimer’s and is needing more and more attention. This pot SB just so happens to have experience as a care giver to just such people, and would be willing to act as a live in care taker as part of the arrangement.”

    I can really identify with that having had a mother going through years of Alzheimers and for part of the time having a live in SB

    Some thoughts –

    Incredible strain being responsible for a parent going through Alzheimers from the point where they are struggling to live independently, the near universal rage at moving to a facility and then to the long decline, most likely in a group setting. A large pocket flask and a live in SB might be the right ticket but it could also be a disaster.

    I had a live in former SB who was staying with me while she studied for her medical boards. High tension times but took a lot of the stress off returning to an empty place after an evening with mother and her ward mates (very upscale place but still a constant battle to get things done for her) . If I was there for dinner I normally took a large, nearly frozen Bombay Saphire martini explaining it was my medicine.

    I think the key is to establish that you are really comfortable with living together before making any commitment and that you are prepared to be together for some time . A few months before former SB>MD was to take her exams I met someone who was potential lifetime keeper material but not willing to have me living with another woman. A more proactive approach might have saved the day.

    Summary – be good to yourself , this might be the perfect solution, have a dissolution plan , hopefully agreed upon, up front. Think of it as a buyout of the contract. A room for her that’s a study/bedroom may be a godsend.

  252. DarkHorseSD says:

    …as he knows it today…plus the updates from more research and after the first meet.

  253. DarkHorseSD says:

    You know I interpreted the ‘downsides visible’ as Onyx’s own self improvement challenges with the way he placed it in the post. But now I see it more broadly.

    Definitely looking to read both halves of the story.

  254. DarkHorseSD says:

    Yeah. Just ordered that myself. Important to have at the table to wash down the fancy stuff.

  255. sweetie says:

    I like tap water, no ice.

    • SD Guru says:

      “I am very temped to proceed through all the steps to complete this arrangement… Shit ton of downsides visible too…”

      All too often in this blog people gush about the upside while gloss over the downside. Perhaps you can be the first to give the downside its fair shake, and you don’t need cheerleaders on the sidelines for that. Be honest with yourself, tell us more about this “shit ton” of downsides!

  256. DarkHorseSD says:

    The new vanilla is tap water, no ice.

  257. SugarySpicey says:

    I don’t know OP, we were all vanilla once, until someone showed us that we aren’t. I used to insist on the lights being off, we all mature eventually.

  258. onyx_percula says:

    Ref: “Kink is the new Vanilla.” Kink is still kink and vanilla is still vanilla. The problem is that most people jumping on the kink bandwagon think kinky is getting a slap on the ass in doggy or getting “tied” to the bed. Take that sweet little “kinky” girl that “likes to be tied up and spanked” and really tie her over the foot board so she can’t move 2″ and show her the strap and you see just how quick she turns vanilla, lol.

  259. Zack says:

    They got lost in the trees. Or the Andes.

    If you put that on merchandise, I get half.

    So, how about politics? Mel Brooks? Hey Studio, Lady V…anyone recognize “Young Ones” jokes?

  260. DorkyGuy says:

    “Kink is the new Vanilla.”… So what does that make vanilla?

    If “Vanilla” now means that our first date might consist of me hogtying you in a hotel room, then I need to redo all of my labels. I need something that says “you won’t be needing the strap-on”.

    Did the missionaries not pass through here? 😛

  261. Zack says:

    Careful about insisting. Be aware of what is happening. Listen until you actually can say what you feel…

    @ dorky, a good start.

  262. DarkHorseSD says:

    Oh, and of course it’s a deal breaker if she insists you stop posting on the blog as a condition of the arrangement.

  263. Zack says:

    For the purpose of disambiguation and at the risk of repeating myself…


  264. Zack says:

    OP…sometimes a click is a landmine. Be still and think what you just heard Muahahah.

    Really, though, set a direction with each pot sb, and explore them in small, considered steps. Sometimes, you explain way too much. They don’t want your analysis like that, most likely…. we can get to what they might want later.

    You first, or it’ll never work anyway. Try not to explain…ping and listen, then discuss, then small step. Iterate. Write yourself notes…you know the drill, LOL

  265. DarkHorseSD says:

    One of the worst mistakes I see is people not saying yes to yes.

  266. DarkHorseSD says:

    Bite emotional distance. Take care of this girl the rest of your life and leave her a very comfortable widow.

  267. DorkyGuy says:

    “Kink is the new Vanilla.”… So what does that make vanilla?

    @OP~ in this long-term arrangement, is she ok with you having other sugar? Tbh, it sounds terrific, as long as both can maintain some emotional distance.

  268. DarkHorseSD says:

    Onyx…it’s a great arrangement. Check her out and give it a try…assuming you want to live with someone.

  269. onyx_percula says:

    So let me run this by the group for input, related to my question before…

    So I had been emailing with a pot SB a couple of months ago, then she just stopped. She is a sub but not extreme like being a slave or constantly needing domination. She is very sweet and bright. I had hoped to plan to fly out to meet face to face about the time she disappeared. So I proceeded with life… and have a new #1 SB.

    She pop’ed up this weekend. She disappeared because she was going through a bad time and “SBs are supposed to be happy and not be a problem, negative…” so she stopped communicating. Anyway she wants to pick up where we left off, she is ready to meet.

    Now here is the part that I am super unsure of. She wants a live in arrangement. She would move in, receive a very modest allowance, basically pay for tuition and basic expenses like gas, car insurance and phone. She would have her own room “for time apart when we need that” but wants to be in my room most of the time. She would maintain the household, attend school and maybe work part time. She would be in school a minimum of four years, likely more. She wants the arrangement to last until she is out of school and has a good job. So she is talking 5+ years here.

    I care for my elderly mother who has Alzheimer’s and is needing more and more attention. This pot SB just so happens to have experience as a care giver to just such people, and would be willing to act as a live in care taker as part of the arrangement.

    So while I am very happy with my current SB#1 (there you go Guru ;)) this new arrangement is quite frankly very very attractive. I am very temped to proceed through all the steps to complete this arrangement. It seems like a very good deal for both of us, she gets to get distance from her freaking crazy family, abusive stacking ex BF, get the education she has never been able to start, basically she gets to press reset on her adult life. I get a great SB that will happily give me so much more than companionship and all the normal SB benefits. Shit ton of downsides visible too…

  270. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — Just because it blew up once doesn’t mean it does every time :) Best of luck with the presentation.

    @ studio — Back to my normal dorning… Communication is everything! She didn’t get to where she is by believing what she wants to, she is a big girl, she can take the truth.

    @ Richard — WB! That sounds like incredible fun! Four years in the coming?!?! You got to give that a chance if you both waited that long.

  271. Zack says:

    All’s well that ends well? nm

    Gentlemen, enjoy…who’s holding you holding you back, or what. I’m not sure, but I think even passionate romances evolve, usually as circumstances permit or through “moving on.” (Now that could be a sick blog, but I’d prefer to just suggest:…)

    The interested parties are adults and will likely find these relationships end through people finding or returning to LTR outside of current whirlpools. Shrug.

    wb, Richard…you were missed, lol….. “Missing, presumed fed.”

  272. DarkHorseSD says:

    Leaving SB in charge of Ganache Macarons to go.

  273. SugarySpicey says:

    Well, Sir Richard, my wrists are eagerly anticipating your cuffs 😉

  274. Richard says:

    Hello All! Just catching up on the blog…looks like Sugary made it Spicey with the able assistance of others. :)

    I traveled to a far away place to attempt closure on some unfinished business…a woman I met online over four years ago and had never met in person (lots of texts, emails, and a few phone conversations, but the stars just never aligned). I had convinced myself there wouldn’t be chemistry in person, and just wanted to put it behind me. In fact, she’s amazing…surprising…and more striking in person…plus incredibly talented and driven. Exactly what I’m NOT looking for at this point in my life. I’m a bit thrown, to be honest. (Not a sugar relationship, in fact, she joked about what she’s going to buy ME.) Probably impossible for a variety of reasons. I’d need a blog to explain….

    And, just to be clear, I would have Sugary in MY dungeon…I’m definitely the spanker, not the spankee. 😉

  275. studio says:

    Onyx you are correct money has changed hands and no arrangement made. I have given up trying to bring it up she always changes the subject. She is not typical SB material. Professional woman high in her field finding life hard after messy divorce. Pride is her barrier I think. That or she is playing the long game.

    Slight concerns over hurting her at the moment, she has genuine feelings for me and I can offer no resolution to such emotions that will end well.

    Unfortunately she is also as much of a deviant as me and an incredible fuck. Makes it hard to say no

  276. DarkHorseSD says:

    Affogato is a mere scratch of the surface in this place. Actually, one must order an espresso and two scoops of vanilla gelato ala carte and pour.

    An excellent test of an SB’s poise and grace under pressure on a first meet.

  277. Zack says:

    @ SS Your head and “confidence” are getting in the way of your soul trying to communicate. Your heart’s a mess, but good 😛 Where’s Don Amore when you need him?

    NM, you’ll do fine. I know it’s been a long trip so far, but you still have to slow down and look at yourself to learn lessons. If your toes are twitching presently, it’s not from sex…

    Kinky enough for you FlyR? Sweetie started it, sniff. Not so much a laser, more a bullseye lantern, I.

  278. SugarySpicey says:

    Zack – I went to college on a speech and debate scholarship, so I’m a fairly confident presenter. My issue is that usually I can turn on confidence and charm, but sometimes I just can’t tap into that part of myself. Good thing I got lucky last night, at least I knocked some of the Pirate dust off, that should help, maybe some of that kindergarten wine too ( though that could be awkward at 8:00 am).

  279. Zack says:

    Nice perspective, SS. Are you aware of what you did that clicked with whom to get you to third base? Can you read people well enough to adapt to their frames of reference rather than trying to give them yours?

  280. SugarySpicey says:

    Flyr – kink is the new vanilla.

  281. SugarySpicey says:

    Thanks Zack, just witty and irreverent, considering the whole point is to prove I’m engaging. I figured I should keep it light and fun, while also giving me a chance to plug in some actual knowledge – it’s a third interview, they’ve clearly already decided I’m qualified.

  282. flyer says:

    Is it my imagination or has the kinky corner become the main room …

  283. Zack says:

    Cheeky in the manner of a Gentleman, not a Whore….

    Best of Luck, Sugar-y

  284. SugarySpicey says:

    Onyx – very sweet of you to say that. As for saying “fuck it” that was what I was ready to do in Bali, for the first time in my life, look how well it turned out for me?

    Tomorrow is the big presentation, I’m crafting a cheeky comparison between my current industry and this new opportunity, and my infographics are rather clever … now for practicing, but not too much.

  285. Zack says:

    Heh, sear or simmer?

  286. DarkHorseSD says:

    Wouldn’t know. Haven’t met the 26yr old.

    SBC I signed up for cooking class at the local Temple. She has to bring cell phone and a Zagat guide with her.

  287. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — You are above average in just about everything, so handle it, you are capable. Do you ever feel like just letting go sometimes and saying fuck it, I am just going for it?

  288. Zack says:

    500 quatloos…and a pen… for the Klingon.

  289. onyx_percula says:

    @ DarkHorseSD — Yes. Especially is she does the laundry and is a half decent cook.

  290. DarkHorseSD says:

    Yes! Change of plans…la Maison here I come.

  291. Zack says:

    What’s her situation re: children, moving, ei, iq? the rest is manageable.

  292. DarkHorseSD says:

    Anyone looking for a 26 yr old SB who brings wine to a Kindergarten Halloween party and drinks it round back of the school?

  293. Zack says:

    It does sound like you have the benefit of some catching up to do. Perhaps over ummm, espresso?

  294. SugarySpicey says:

    True Zack, discretion has never been my super power.

  295. Zack says:

    Are you waiting for her to throw you out?

  296. DarkHorseSD says:

    Sugar Ball and Chain is what you can end up with in a live in arrangement. :p

  297. Zack says:

    Discretion is not your best part, Spicey, LOL

    remember: “Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.” 😛

  298. SugarySpicey says:

    Oh no, there was an actual, breathing, second human involved in the mix. One of those old acquaintances who shouldn’t be forgot on New Year’s Eve. But, the type of acquaintance I’ll need to handle very, very carefully … it’s a minefield.

  299. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — Now who is being a tease? Don’t tell me you found the spin cycle… 😉

  300. Zack says:

    Does marriage count?

  301. SugarySpicey says:

    Spicey might have had the best orgasm of her life last night, and from a rather surprising source. My shopping cart romance is over!

  302. onyx_percula says:

    @ Jersey Darling — I don’t think Studio actually made an arrangement with her, so no money. For some that is their hearts wildest desire and have a hard time finding what makes them happy.

    When I was running lights for a traveling rock band in my 20s, a girl latched on to me and started traveling on the bus with us. We had so so sex, but she was hot as hell and fun to be with, so she didn’t get the boot. She was fucking around one night kind of pissing me off and I told her she was acting like a little brat and if she didn’t knock it off I was going to blister her ass… she dared me to do it… I grabbed her put her across me lap and swatted her ass a few times. She turned her head to me and in the softest sexy bedroom voice ever… “Please don’t stop, I want this”… Sex went from meh to OMFG great! She stayed another incredible three weeks before going home for school. At the time I had no idea what it was all about, and didnt care. Now I know and understand how I fit into that and how she felt.

    @ DarkHorseSD — “Sugar Ball and Chain” WTF is that?!?!

    @ Guru — Just being consistent in terms is all 😉

    @ Studio — We should be careful spilling these stories with Spicey reading the blog, otherwise she will hanging out that the grocery store all day trying to bump into shopping carts. 😉 (Meant with love Spicey! :D)

    @ All — Has anyone done a “live in” arrangement? If so do tell please, what were the good parts and bad parts? How did you handle the living arrangements, separate rooms or always together? What was the nature of it, headed to something more than sugar or strictly limited?

  303. SugarySpicey says:

    Studio – rookie mistake, put the sheets on the floor first, next time. 😉

  304. Zack says:

    Studio, be more considerate next time…get a room with a Jacuzzi 😛

  305. DarkHorseSD says:

    Sugar Baby of Internet age 26 went to nephew’s school Halloween party where alcohol was served.

    Let’s see how this one is going to add up. 😉

  306. studio says:

    I thought it might have been your scene Spicy. I made sure I licked it off every inch of her so it didn’t go to waste. waiting for the hotel cleaning bill now

  307. DarkHorseSD says:

    Speaking of making some people ill, I was thinking of going to la Maison du Chocolat and getting them to make an Affogato even if it isn’t already on their menu.

    Today seems to be the last day for gelato there this year, but I won’t make their closing time. Too bad because I have two perfect first meets in mind for it.

    Cramped in style because the Sugar Ball and Chain has nothing better to do today than hang out with me. Late night affogato in the Gramercy Park Hotel may be the best we can do on that.

  308. SugarySpicey says:

    Studio – HOT, definitely takes all kinds. 😉

  309. Studio says:

    No offence taken JD, I am not the sort of person to push people into things they don’t enjoy, she happens to be really into it. It takes all kinds in this world and as long as everyone is a consenting adult I try not to pass judgement on what anyone is into, even if the thought of it makes me ill.

  310. Jersey Darling says:

    @DarkHorse – The problem is that a profile is rarely going to go into enough detail for me to know that I’m not interested. I wish profiles revealed that much. With the right chemistry, exploring D/s tendencies can be hot.

    What Studio described though? No thanks – some other girl can deal with two weeks of Strep as a result of a throat massacre.

  311. DarkHorseSD says:

    Jersey: there might just be a fine example of the usefulness of PB.

    Consider the favor you are doing the other party in sparing them the time it will take to paste their standard message into an SA message, type “Heyyyyy…” in the subject line, and click send.

  312. DarkHorseSD says:

    Totally freaked by the thought of the amount of alcohol and level of subscription combined it must take to Skype from midnight in UK to 5am in Israel.

  313. DarkHorseSD says:

    Guru – “Instead of spending time on preemptive blocking, I’d suggest that your time is better spent focusing on finding profiles that interest you.”

    Preemptive blocking frees up time to spend on finding profiles that interest me.

    The correct calculation is the expected likelihood the viewee will contact me times the time wasted figuring out such a contact was no good minus the two seconds it takes to click block and reload.

    So if one has a profile no woman would ever see viewed her and then initiate contact, then definitely don’t PB.

  314. Jersey Darling says:

    Ugh, I am so glad I’m not a sub. You couldn’t pay me to go through that (sorry Studio!).

  315. studio says:


    I waited in the room for her, stripped her naked, hog tied her, opened some champagne, took huge mouthfuls and then sprayed it all over her body until she was totally dripping with it. Then got her on her knees and throat fucked her, pouring champagne over her face as she sucked.

    That was the start of the evening and it carried on in the same vain for around 3 hours before I showered and got a taxi home, leaving her the hotel room for the night.

    In other positive news when I checked my email this morning I had an email from victim with a photo album of a naked yoga session. Fuck me she has a body to die for considering she is in her early 30s. Tuesday drinks should be interesting.

  316. Zack says:

    And drunk. Better not to talk in your sleep, at the moment 😛

    Regarding sides, I think business generally has the right idea when politicians or populations are in crisis.

    • SD Guru says:

      Affogato is my new favorite dessert!! :)

      “The new SB is wonderful, she treats me like a king. I have committed to her that I will in her words “no longer have a harem”, lol, hence the “firing” of SB#1 and the delete of SB#2.”

      Ok, so your “new SB” should now be labeled your “#1 SB”, and the other two should be “former” #1 and #2 to avoid confusion to the rest of us. Perhaps we’ll need to ask you who’s your new #1 every few months like we had to do with Alleycat before (where is he?). 😛

      “How do you feel about a potential SB having another SD as well?… how would you SDs that have… let’s say a 5 figure allowance feel?”

      As the saying goes, the higher the allowance, the higher the expectations. And why would a SB with a 5 figure allowance need/want another SD?

      “I have a hotel room booked, a suitcase full of restraints and older SB awaiting a text with the room number.”

      Enough about your drunk Russian in-laws… You should tell us more about what happened with your sub SB. Details please!! :mrgreen:

      “Do you ever read a profile for the first time and block it?”

      Instead of spending time on preemptive blocking, I’d suggest that your time is better spent focusing on finding profiles that interest you.

  317. studio says:

    so chipper I am repeating myself

  318. studio says:

    apologies for miserable twattishness. I woke up after too much drinking and fucking feeling like crap. I then was tired after a long drive.

    I went and hunted down Viktor Tania Natalia and Sasha and drunk Vodka and some Russian moonshine that also tasted like Vodka and I’m pleased to report no Polonium was slipped in any of my drinks.

    The circles my wife’s Dad mixes in I don’t think I could regale him with any tales that would even vaguely impress him unfortunately. The British ex pat Russian scene is dripping with more money and women than I could ever dream of.

    He spent a large amount of the evening pitching some businesses idea that some friend of his in Israel has got going and ended up Skyping the poor chap at midnight our time so 5am in Israel to try and introduce us both.

    Anyway I feel remarkably chipper considering the amount of vodka we sunk last night.

    Anyway I feel remarkably chipper this morning

  319. Zack says:

    hey, someone to talk to, ok, how about,,,,

    “Too late, he’s already got you, and you’re just hurting you both?”

    or maybe

    “Really, can it possibly work for ‘Q’ amt of time?”

  320. SugarySpicey says:

    Aaaaggghhhh! I’m getting too friendly with my subby. Must work up nastiness and arrogance or I’ll accidentally hurt that sweet boy if I let him close.

  321. Zack says:

    On a lighter note:

    w .kitchendaily.com/read/best-sweeteners-baking?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl4%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D397054

  322. Zack says:

    We may be dating ourselves, lol

  323. DorkyGuy says:

    Remember, if you do accidentally make them mad (angry), you can win their favor back with Elvis and blue jeans!

  324. Zack says:

    @ Studio
    …and there are your MAD Russians. Careful not to push buttons accidentally.

    Take your time and enjoy the experience. you are in an unusual state, don’t act rashly, and have fun. Maybe Bloody Mary’s in the morning.


  325. flyr says:

    Mixing drunk Russians (almost a redundancy) with sugar tales is likely to speed the drinking and either elevate the party or result in mutual assured destruction of the premises. I think the shadows and ghosts of Stalingrad still hang over them after the first few vodkas (aka breakfast) .

  326. Zack says:

    Umm, let me know if you hear anything?

  327. KatPaw says:

    5 figure allowance???? Ummm where do I sign up? Lol

  328. Jersey Darling says:

    5 figure monthly allowance? Where?

    And here I’ve been content settling for a nice personality 😛

  329. SugarySpicey says:

    Sugars – W/R/T Richard – my basement, and my vagina, are disappointingly empty.

  330. SBinMass says:

    Wow that was alot to catch up on. You all move very fast here
    Congrats on all the job ops and SB/SD pots and musical rides across country w/your spouses :) lol

    I wouldnt recommend juggling more than 1 SD when receiving a 5figure mthly allowance. Only motivation that comes to my mind is needing more/better sex

    Why not block the incompatible profiles? Can’t say I have… but see no harm. Limit down the field, hit your target more easily

    …and now we’re back to victims

  331. Zack says:

    Studio, I’ve got some random thoughts…see if anything is interesting:

    Pull a “Crazy Ivan…” Do something unexpected and…then listen. (“ping”) Focus on something interesting to do unrelated to your concern but…suited. Come up with something else to worry or think about…. plan a vacation? Plan dinner tomorrow? teach the crazies a new game? people watch with a third target? Anything to distract yourself now, and those around you, pleasantly and for independently good reasons.

    Then take your time and figure out your own issues. Unbundle what you are feeling and why… use this confusion to learn more about yourself….

    Plans come later, when you know… Unless you let a crisis happen.

  332. KatPaw says:

    @Studio hmmmm can’t wait to hear stories of the mad Russian in-laws lol

    @Exotic woohoo!!! I do know exactly how that can be! Purrrrrrrrrr

  333. Exotic SB says:


  334. Exotic SB says:

    I am speaking with a pot who just makes me purrrrrrrrrr. I do believe it is his realness and his vulnerability that makes my vital explode 😉

    Blissfully charmed……….

  335. DorkyGuy says:

    There you go, become a mad Russian, and embrace the insanity! Drink some vodka and regale them with your sugar adventures. See how far the craziness goes!

  336. studio says:

    not angry just a bit crazy or a lot crazy. They can be quite draining. I like them really but they are bloody hard work. currently hiding in the bedroom browsing tje web on my phone and can hear them all laughing and screeching somewhere in the other side of the house. I need to go drink some vodka and get into the spirit of things and stop being a miserable twat on my own.

  337. DorkyGuy says:

    @Studio~ “mad Russian inlaws”… mad=crazy, or mad=angry? I suppose both would be entertaining to watch, but with varying degrees of personal danger.

  338. Exotic SB says:

    @STUDio – Ahh – THAT is where the redemption comes in…. 😉 Staying tuned..

  339. studio says:

    if I am being honest it was quite a pleasant drive listening to tunes and laughing.

    I only said it for dramatic effect.

    How the weekend with the mad Russian inlaws will be remains to be seen.

  340. onyx_percula says:

    @ Ivory — Sugar is what you make it. Some sugar relationships are closer to a real GF/BF relationship where there would be landmines all over the place if you tried to juggle more than one, I am not saying hiding it, but humans are jealous as a general rule… This is the kind of arrangement I have with “the new SB” I have mentioned on the blog. The roles were kind of reversed to your question with me having multiple SBs and her wanting one SD, but may provide some further insight. So personally if its not one of those semi GF/BF things, then I am fine with it as long as its not put in my face all of the time, and would prefer to really not hear about it at all.

    For her the primary motivators for an “exclusive” arrangement… 1) She didn’t like the idea of having sex with someone that had multiple regular partners, fear of STIs. 2) She didn’t feel like she would not be able to feel like she was in a competition for my resources, time, attention and affection. I say “exclusive” because we both are allowed “flavors of the week” as long as it doesn’t become “having to have a new flavor every week” thing, lol. Women are complex…

    @ Spicey — Beach is basically telling you the same thing I am, but instead of using free hosting (since you get what you pay for) to use a cheap hosting solution like I recommended. Once WP is installed it pretty easy to use and work with. Just like the admin interface you have now, just with a lot more things are available.

  341. Beach_Girl says:

    LadyV~ great to see you back 😀 have a good one

  342. Beach_Girl says:

    Kat~ My Fav shoe designer, Gianmarco Lorenzi 😀 love those shoes…
    Back to work for me, I will be here later 😀

  343. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Hi Exotic – Totally agree. What fun it would be. :-)

    Hi Beach, good to see you. Enjoy the lunch.

  344. KatPaw says:

    @BG I love those heels!!!

  345. KatPaw says:

    @Lady V & Exotic it sounds like we might have to set up a date! You can learn so much from observing others. Plus sometimes you get a great giggle out of it as well!

  346. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars 😀
    Exotic~ lol, I was thinking the same thing 😀 where is Richard ??? lol… maybe spicey has him locked up in her dungeon??? lol 😛

    No time to catch up here, on my lunch… hope everyone is good!!!

  347. Exotic SB says:

    Happy Weekend Sugar Fam!

    I have not seen Richard on the blog recently…hello??…are you out there?

    @Kat @LV – people watching is wonderfully amusing! And now that we have our voyeur group coming together, we should make a blog meet out of it 😉 hehe…

  348. DarkHorseSD says:

    Another preemptive use of the Block: came across a profile with clear sexual aspects I am not into.

  349. DarkHorseSD says:

    Ivory: the most important thing to me has always been honesty. Full disclosure when asked. Can it bother me? A little sometimes. Can it also be motivating or a turn on? Also.

    When it bothers you…always take a little time and reformulate the perspective in your mind.

  350. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Well if we are ever in the same place KatPaw, we can pull up a couple of comfortable seats, have some chilled white wine or champagne and people watch together. I am sure we would have a great time. :-)

  351. KatPaw says:

    Lady V I love observing people.. It’s a great pastime :-)

  352. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    You poor thing Studio. A tortured interrogation at close quarters :-)

    Glad you didnt jump out of the car.

  353. studio says:

    not driving through a minefield?

    6 hours with my wife sat next to me able to ask me endless questions and nowhere for me to escape

    sure felt like i was driving through a minefield

  354. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Great city New York. I have always enjoyed it when I have visited.

    Never short of something to see there. I do enjoy people watching. You can learn from and have a giggle when you see some.


  355. KatPaw says:

    @Lady V I’m in New York. No not the city I’m up north a bit in Saratoga. 😉 I would love to chat more some time soon.

  356. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Hi KawPaw
    I am very well thank you. Yes we must chat that would be good.
    You too seem very nice.
    Whereabouts are you KP? These time zones! :-)

  357. KatPaw says:

    @Lady V afternoon (morning to me :-) ) I am doing very good myself and how are you?
    I have yet to really speak to you but I’ve read your post and you are a true lady it’s good to see!

  358. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Afternoon All.
    Is everyone keeping well?

  359. KatPaw says:

    Jersey oooooo I have a thing for corsets too.. Lol my left side it tattooed with a corset. :-)

  360. Jersey Darling says:

    Haha Kat I love it! If I were still in the sugar game I’d do that as an inside joke for at least one party. The other parties I’d go as something sexy… love my corsets and Halloween is a great time to make use of them.

  361. Jersey Darling says:

    And now that I finished reading the comments, wordpress.org is also free. .Com is for noobs – you’ll have a learning curve moving to .org, but there are shared servers you can pay for space on that make using wordpress.org a breeze. Go through the learning curve or pay someone to do it, wordpress.com will not be sustainable if you’re seeking to take your blog to a professional level.

  362. KatPaw says:

    @jersey I have seen a sexy candy corn costume. Lmao so you could literally be arm candy lol

  363. Jersey Darling says:

    @Spicey – wordpress.org > wordpress.com. Super easy to use plugins to achieve what you’re looking for. Look into it, it’s by far the best way to run a legitimate blog if you plan on taking it places.

  364. Jersey Darling says:

    @Kat “Stand at Attention Candy Corn lol”

    This gave me an idea for a sugar baby halloween costume: Arm Candy Corn

  365. Zack says:

    Hmm, the Studio is silent. Maybe his wife doesn’t know? Probably not a good time to ask about his cover story, then, chuckle.

  366. Zack says:

    If bleary, gender check cow first.

  367. DorkyGuy says:

    @studio~ I just hope your wife is with you

    @Zack~ Hot tea is a wonderful Brownian motion generator! Unfortunately, I usually end up with something that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

  368. Zack says:

    Jethro Tull link? :)

    Or a vacation. Write a book?

    Okay, the across country drive is no fun, but at least it’s not through a minefield.

  369. studio says:

    nope definitely redemption

  370. Zack says:

    Or a strong cup of…tea?

  371. Studio says:


    Why does the night before always feel so good and the morning after so utterly terrible.

    About to get in the car to drive to the other end of the country to stay with wifes family.

    I need redemption.

  372. Ivory says:

    2 Questions—- Ok really more than two but directed towards 2 different parties! :)

    1st for SDs — How do you feel about a potential SB having another SD as well? Would this bother you? Or would it matter if she was devoting enough time and attention? I know SDs in the lower income/allowance range could expect it, especially if their SB is a full blown 12, but how would you SDs that have… let’s say a 5 figure allowance feel? Would your SB having another “benefactor” leave you feeling inferior? If she’s keeping you content, satisfied, balancing your time well, etc. etc., does it matter?

    And also to SBs, have any of you had experience in juggling multiple long-term arrangements? Why did you seek another SD? I know some of us with school, part-time/full-time jobs, and a personal life could find this very stressful if not impossible!

  373. SugarySpicey says:

    So Dorky and Onyx the question is, can I upgrade he WP account without giving up any anonymity or having to move to an entirely new CMS? And even then, will I be able to embed code? Guess I could check my public WP site, which is upgraded, and test on that first. But, the anonymity question remains.

  374. DarkHorseSD says:

    Dorky – not to mention the low bar for profile approval 😉

  375. Exotic SB says:

    @Dorky – Lmao..

  376. Exotic SB says:

    I think it was 30.00 for the ability to add html and css to my wordpress blog….

    @SS – glad Dorky is able to assist you :) We are sooo lucky here – we have blog gods….dorky gods…stud(io) gods…dark gods…fat gods…dom gods…ummm yeah.

    @Onyx – congrats on a sugary day

  377. DorkyGuy says:

    @DH~ “she says I want a guy whose iq is greater than his shoe size”… Wow, talk about a low bar for intelligence. As long as your IQ is over 15, you’re in!

  378. DorkyGuy says:

    @Onyx~ I am guessing that with the basic site, you can’t add external links (css/javascript/etc)? And they probably escape everything in the content sections, so you can’t put javascript in there. Fie!

    Some CMS/blog packages have a spot where you just put in your Google identifier and it generates the javascript for you. Does WP do that? If not, there may be no option other than to pay for an upgrade to get analytics :/

  379. DarkHorseSD says:

    But when you come across a profile where she says I want a guy whose iq is greater than his shoe size, and you know she might go into the who looked at me search and wink or write, why not just prevent the wasted effort of having to figure out again who this unpleasant person is?

    Plus they see the message when they try that they are not appreciated. And maybe if SA tracks blocking you are doing the whole community a favor.

  380. onyx_percula says:

    @ DorkyGuy — She has the basic wordpress dot com site, so she can’t get to the things she needs to like editing a template or installing a plugin. They lock it down pretty good so you have to pay for the real things.

  381. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — 😀

    @ DarkHorseSD — I have blocked SBs that I have had a “problem” with from other sites. I tend to remember people pretty well, well at least their looks, mannerisms and speech.

    I have been seeing a lot more from up North lately too. Makes me think there has been some recent publicity there that wasn’t negative. There are definitely some smoking hot new SBs from there lately.

    Today was a good day… not one instance of drama dare poke its head up near me! Calm, quite and peaceful. The new SB flirted and sext’ed her cute ass off all day, got me all worked up, came straight over from work, jumped my bones, got dressed and left… “Going out with the girls tonight, PUB CRAWL! Sleep well lover…” and she was gone. wham bam thank you sir, lol. She tried to “steal” the house key… “But I want to surprise you sometime (:”… So I gave her a code to the front door :) Humm I wonder if I should give her an alarm code too, lmao! (I have a decent security system and cams, so if she does set it off and I can check the cams remotely and cancel it so she wont get cuffed up by the wrong guy)

  382. SugarySpicey says:

    Dorky! Mwwwwaaaahhhh, thanks. I’m having trouble getting under the hood to see how to install the code in the templates. Blog Gods, give Dorky my email address, please.

  383. DorkyGuy says:

    @Spicy, are you able to modify the actual wordpress template? That would be ideal.

    If you would like, I’d be glad to fix it up for you. Would just need a temporary login.

  384. SugarySpicey says:

    Dorky – the problem I’m having is in commenting the embed code so that it doesn’t show up, but still works. I’ve tried putting it in the footer, but then users could see it at the bottom of every page.

  385. Zack says:

    Right now, it seems like about one third of the featured SB profiles are from Canada, and with 2 or 3 concentrations…

    Before the facebook likes hit 12345, does anybody know why the twitter follows never changes on this page?

  386. flyr says:

    If you are out there blocking unknown profiles because they might contact you it may mean you need a vacation or a housecall

  387. Exotic SB says:

    @DH SD – Lol!

  388. Exotic SB says:

    @Dorky – THANK YOU! Mucho Gracias!

    @DH SD – If after speaking to a pot we are not on the same page, obviously block comes into play – but just based on reading someone’s profile (unless extremely offensive), or seeing a picture that didn’t jive with me, this didn’t seem like just cause to block someone from my entire reality…

    @Zack – It’s nice to see some new energy – I appreciate change so I find it refreshing :) Some will be fake and some full of themselves, and some will be wonderful..and perfect for…somebody! As there are new Ontario SD’s, I would imagine there would also be new Ontario SB’s..?

  389. DarkHorseSD says:

    Do the kids still say ‘wrong number?’

    Or is it now ‘wrong username?’

  390. DarkHorseSD says:

    ExSB – you come across some obvious wrong numbers. Why not use Block almost as naturally as Favorite?

  391. DorkyGuy says:

    Usually, analytics code (along with all javascript file references) should be placed at the very bottom of your html page, just before the end BODY tag. Since javascript isn’t usually required for displaying content, this approach allows the page to display faster, because the browser can display the page and then request the javascript while the user begins reading the page. CSS links on the other hand should be placed at the top of your document, inside the HEAD tag.

  392. SugarySpicey says:

    Yeah, if I weren’t so hyper paranoid about my blog I’d have gone with WIX, but now I’m pretty attached to wordpress. Glad to hear I’m not the only one who can’t figure it out.

  393. Zack says:

    Be cautious of any new profiles. blech.

  394. Exotic SB says:

    @SS – I used Wix for my website (a blessing and a curse), and I didn’t have any issues with either of these two things using this platform. My own blog with WordPress I don’t require any of this. My brother on the hand, also has had some issues getting google analytics installed correctly on his WordPress blog…

  395. Exotic SB says:

    @DH SD – I can’t say I have. But I also can’t say that now I won’t lol…

    @BG – Lady are you out there?? Have you noticed that there are many new SD’s in our area? At least in Ontario..but I am seeing some new SD’s from Quebec too all of a sudden. Perhaps we should be more appreciative of Fire and Ice? 😉

  396. SugarySpicey says:

    Exotic – the problem I’m having is that I don’t know how to comment out the analytics code so that it doesn’t appear (currently it does), and the Amazon embed code doesn’t seem to play nice with the WordPress text editor.

  397. DarkHorseSD says:

    Do you ever read a profile for the first time and block it? As in to prevent yourself from ever carelessly contacting them later, or having your time wasted should they contact you?

  398. Exotic SB says:

    @SS – if you open an html window you can input the code for both queries. Usually you insert the html box(es) at the beginning of your content…

  399. SugarySpicey says:

    Onyx – No, Sir, it’s more interesting when my mouth is full 😉

  400. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — Will you count for me?

  401. onyx_percula says:

    @ KatPaw — Get in line Kat, I can only do the strap justice one at a time. I wouldn’t want to leave permanent marks 😉

  402. SugarySpicey says:

    Onyx, I appreciate your assistance ( and the peace of mind it brought) the other day. You can take the strap to me anytime.

    Help me figure out how to add the analytics and Amazon plugins and I’ll even wear my sluttiest shoes while you do. 😉

  403. KatPaw says:

    @onyx lmfao

  404. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — So a priest and rabbi and a frog walk in a bar… well you know the rest, can I get the strap ready now?

  405. SugarySpicey says:

    Zack, I have no shortage of men who’ll spank me, I need one who can me laugh first.

  406. KatPaw says:

    Stand at Attention Candy Corn lol

  407. DarkHorseSD says:

    This arm candy concept keeps nibbling at me.

  408. Zack says:

    If you need a good spanking, ask Beach Girl for my emale.

  409. SugarySpicey says:

    Studio – glad someone is getting lucky with my smut, since I’m not.

  410. onyx_percula says:

    @ Zack — lol, total power exchange

  411. Zack says:

    @ Studio, ty for dropping the coy bit. We knew what you were doing, but the point is the “how” came well before… and we can talk later (evil grin)

  412. Studio says:


    ‘my tastes’ I don’t have them to be honest, I am just an out and out hedonist and like to enjoy life and sexuality in as many flavours as I possibly can. The only thing I am not keen on is girls young enough to be my daughter or pushing people to the point that they are genuinely uncomfortable, I may be a deviant but that just feels wrong.

    @Zack, her photos on her profile were of an extremely attractive early 30’s woman, who was not glammed up at all, looked very demure and sweet, like butter wouldn’t melt. In her profile text she basically said that she had a huge naughty streak and was here to experience new things and push her boundaries. She instantly fired up my bad side so I sent her a quite edgy message that also made it clear I understand the boundaries between filth and mysogyny.

    She bit like a shark on a baited line. 😀

    @ Spicey,

    actually I owe you one, I took a small amount of inspiration from your post (not face slapping), when she asked what I would do to her which went down a treat. She was like melting butter after one email.

    Drinks are on me.

    @Laura, it is all in the subtle nuance of language my dear. Playful, forceful and respectful all at the same time. A hard line to walk but on the ocassions when you get it right — kapow, result. Of course when you don’t you look like some kind of a total fucking creep but hey — whats life without risk.

    Anyway on this side of the pond it is 5pm. Friday night I am the last person in the building and I have a hotel room booked, a suitcase full of restraints and older SB awaiting a text with the room number.

    Enjoy your weekend all.

  413. Zack says:

    @op: Abbreviation for tropic pulmonary eosinophilia?

  414. flyr says:

    OnX “We will remain friends after.” Suggest you check out a copy of “Play Misty For Me” to see the potential consequences

  415. Exotic SB says:

    Happy Friday to The Sugar Fam xo

    @SS – Good stuff lady! You ‘could’ choose something besides sex as a topic and be a bit cheeky about it, creatively adding sex into the presentation….if your topic is not too engaging – this should re-engage ’em 😉

    @Studio – STUD: formerly known as Studio hehe..

  416. onyx_percula says:

    @ Studio — Yes sounds hot… you haven’t really mentioned “your tastes”, it sounds like you found a lady that is into TPE.

    @ Spicey — I had a lady do one of these a few years back and she blew the panel away. She opened with a statement of how time was valuable and meeting requirements was vital to success. She produced a timer, set it for 19 minutes and started it. There were five in the room each from a different functional area. She went person by person asking them two questions and following up on the answers… “What is your most ‘painful’ thing in your management chain?” and “How can I make you look good to your boss?”. By the time she finished with the last person, she had ~1 min left on the timer which she used to thank each person and the group for their time and consideration.

  417. Zack says:

    Laura, good perspective, and I agree. Somehow, Studio identified a “click” before he took his “new approach.” You could have responded to an “over the top” opening, if there was that “click” in the gentleman’s profile.

    So, Studio… at the risk of microanalysis, what “clicked” for you? …before you wrote?

  418. Laura says:

    @ Studio – Yowza!! Nice move, but I’m with Jersey, unless his profile was AMAZING and he was super hot, the word victim would have totally turned me off and I’m a sub through and through. But glad it worked for you, keep us updated 😉

  419. Zack says:

    Do you get to bring props?

  420. DarkHorseSD says:

    Give it on the topic of “20 minutes is just too long.”

    The worse you do, the better you do.

  421. Zack says:

    @SuSp, Doesn’t it sound rare? Hot, but pink, juicy center that leaves a glaze on your lips?

    Anyway, well, what are you good at? any interests? We’re all here to help, 😛

  422. SugarySpicey says:

    Studio – sounds rather hot, well done. 😉

    Preparing for a third interview for my dream job, yay they called me back! Now I need to give a 20 minute presentation on a topic of my choice. Wish I could choose sex, but that might be a bit much. 20 minutes of myself droning on about some “engaging” topic might be more boring than I can handle.

  423. Zack says:

    Better than frustration, if you can deal with change, failure and honesty.

    Anyway… did you just pull her number out of a phone book? Why this risk with this (hot) lady? Just a nose for it? lol

  424. Studio says:

    I thought I’d try a new approach and whaddaya know.

    Worked first time 😉

  425. Zack says:

    wb, fb.

    JD…careful. I have a den in the hills, and screaming can draw attention.

  426. FatBastardSD says:

    Must learn how to type on a phone!

    Are you saying you go out on dates with guys from other websites when they tell you that you are thier next victim?

  427. FatBastardSD says:


    Are you saying you go out on dates with guys from other websites when they tell you yoy are thier next victim? :-).

  428. KatPaw says:

    Good morning sugars!
    @jersey lmao!

  429. Jersey Darling says:

    On this site, if someone sent me a message that said “Hunting for my next victim” I’d run screaming for the hills.

  430. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Afternoon all bloggers!
    TGI Friday! :-)

    Anyone got anything exciting on this weekend?

  431. studio says:

    sent a speculative message to a very hot woman quite local to me yesterday and had no idea what she was into. Message said i was hunting a new victim.

    She replied instantly with a very submissive message. Within 3 messages she said please sir tell me exactly what you would do to me once you caught me.

    I happily obliged.

    She said oh fuck when can we meet.

    Drinks now set for Tuesday.

  432. Zack says:

    Ask the next one for a Sybian?

  433. SugarySpicey says:

    Housekeeper = best gift MILK ever gave me, when he was being awesome.

  434. Zack says:

    Hire a housekeeper? 😀

  435. onyx_percula says:

    @ Zack — In her words… “See each other as often as our busy schedules allow for”… hmmm sounds like I will be trying to free up more time to me 😉

  436. Exotic SB says:

    OP needs his (relatively) tame drama to understand what all of the other married/divorced SD’s have gone through 😉 He is definitely settling down tho hehe… a few women take OP’s money in smaller doses, rather than ONE woman taking all of it. That in itself, must be more gratifying considering how *most* marriages end….

  437. Zack says:

    OP, does this mean you’re going to just be a normal SD? What will you do for fun?

  438. onyx_percula says:

    @ Guru — Same old stuff over and over again.

    SB#1 is back on her feet after hard times this year. I thought I had runs of bad luck, this girl cornered the market! I gave her advanced notice, we are concentrating on getting her every last little thing in order before the end. We will remain friends after.

    SB#2 is the real GF turned SB that has been the best when we are together and the absolute worst ever when apart. I love her and hate her in the same breath. I have never felt better with anyone when together and have never been treated so badly by anyone ever. She has contacted me several times recently wanting to get back together as BF/GF only to NCNS (3) times. Last night I sent her a goodbye txt and deleted her information so when I am tempted to stick my hand in the fire I won’t be able to. I am sure she will turn up like a bad penny sooner or later to take another bite of my heart.

    The new SB is wonderful, she treats me like a king. I have committed to her that I will in her words “no longer have a harem”, lol, hence the “firing” of SB#1 and the delete of SB#2.

  439. onyx_percula says:

    @ Exotic SB — You are so right as usual, its at least too. So maybe one with and one without.

    Its great right now, it is getting cool enough at night that the air is just barely “crisp” in the morning, and in the afternoons at the hottest part of the day, its still nice enough to enjoy standing in the sun. Very little rain so far, only a couple days with a “wind” since the temps broke. Evenings can be a little cool, so bring a wrap for dinner, I like to dine on patios.

  440. Exotic SB says:

    @Onyx ~ I’m not sure when! I was hoping to be there already! Make me jealous with the warm weather there would ya?! 😉 (*AHEM* and I do believe you said dinner x 2!…does your SB get to come? 😉 )

    @SS – LOL!

    • SD Guru says:

      “Oh wait I did fire #1 (still around till the end of next month) and #2 has been “denied access”…

      Hmmm… wasn’t everything just going peachy in your sugar world? So what happened? Details please!! (going to find some popcorns now!!) :mrgreen:

      “Can I see your boobs?” Really? Do you really think that will work?

      You’ll be surprised at how well it works sometimes… 😛

      Re: Affogato

      I’ll be having mine on Saturday!!

  441. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — I knew a guy that would do things like that with an incredible success rate, and no he wasn’t the hottest looking/performing/hung guy either. He was a bit better than your example… One of his favorites was to spot a girl with a nice ass wearing something that was showing it off nicely, start walking close behind her with me next to him. He would start talking loud enough for the girl to clearly hear but to me… “Oh my GOD! She has the best ass! Can you believe your eyes! I just want to touch it and kiss it!” and so on until she would stop. When confronted he always kept right in the same vane, never apologizing and insisting the “true must be spoken!” The vast majority of the time he got what he went after, like 8 out of 10 majority.

    Another he used that i thought would never work… He would go to the mall with a ball, and start walking. As soon as she spot a girl walking the other direction he would get in front of her and bounce the ball to her.

  442. onyx_percula says:

    @ Exotic SB — Better luck with the next two. When are you heading to my area? I still owe you dinner.

    @ Spicey — Damn it, I hate reading your blog on my phone and I am dying to read your Dom/sub tail! Hmm picking up SB#1 in about two hours, maybe wait and read it with her 😉

  443. SugarySpicey says:

    Exotic – it’s similar to using the pick up line, “Can I see your boobs?” Really? Do you really think that will work?

  444. Exotic SB says:

    Well, lunch with my pot. was ‘meh’. Nice guy and all, but….MEH! I have two more pots I have been speaking with – one of them is a couple hours away in the U.S, and the other is local to me…both of them aren’t free until they clear some things up with work in the next week or two (both are traveling..) – since patience is apparently my lesson this year – I gratefully create space for an ah-mazing SD to charm the pants of me 😉

    @SS ~ Ha! “Request to see your private photos” with nothing personal attached is suuuuch a turn off! Save yourself the effort and send a wink already! Lol. 😛

  445. SugarySpicey says:

    Lol, jazzy – mostly it’s not that kinky, just sometimes. 😉

  446. JazzySB says:

    Holly shit Sugary! You may have a darker 50 Shades of Grey on your hands!

  447. Zack says:

    @ Darkhorse: Regards and Respect, generically.

  448. SugarySpicey says:

    Studio – if you’ve read my blog and not run for the hills, we might. 😉

  449. SugarySpicey says:

    Treasured, both of the Austrians I’ve known used that word, and it was hot. Then a German said it was disgusting and profane . As an American, anything said in a Euro accent is sexy to me. 😉

  450. Treasured says:

    Was reading the blog, and got curious by Studio’s comment….
    Went to for a quick read…

    Got all hot and bothered until the word “muschi” appeard!
    Spicy – did you manage to keep straight face? 😀

    But, in general… I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE dominant men… And some kinky (well, a LOT of kinky) play :)
    The scenario described by Spicy – definitely MY kind of an evening 😀

  451. Studio says:

    that was @ Spicey sorry

  452. Studio says:

    100% agreed. I speak as a true deviant but one who fully understands the difference between pure filth and disprespect / mysogyny.

    Me and you might get on 😉

  453. Stormcat says:

    Dark Horse, Studio ~ Not that I’ve been searching lately but when I did I my strategy was to select about fifty pots that I found interesting and fav them. Then I’d pick one of the group that inspired me and write a nice message to her in a document. Then for each subsequent pot I would modify the previous to fit and/or add some thing then cut and paste. Next pot repeat. Etc. The messages just kept getting better and better and eventually I started getting a really high response rate. I remember 37 replies from one group.
    Anyway for the subject line I initially had trouble with that, but eventually found that picking one interesting word from the message seemed to work fine. Well I don’t know if it made any difference but at least that way I didn’t have to think about it anymore.

  454. SugarySpicey says:

    Studio, Glad you enjoyed it, first. Then, I agree with you, sort of. I had been emailing with him for months and discussing hard limits, we had a safe word, and it felt very controlled. I don’t believe BDSM promotes violence as it isn’t violent, it is controlled, consensual, and caring. If it is violent, or non-consensual, or uncontrolled, then it’s just abuse.

  455. Studio says:


    mixed feelings on your latest entry. On the one hand it is seriously hot. really fucking sexy.

    On the other hand glorifying violence against women is not cool and saying hitting them is sexy sends out bad messages

    It’s a really interesting subject, I’ve had girls that like to be slapped before but it has always been with prior understanding that it is acceptable before it has been done.

    The nuance of peoples relationships and who knows what is acceptable when is so personal that these things are impossible to judge from an outsiders perspective, only you know whether it was acceptable in the end and you choose to play the roles you wish. Felt a bit uncomfortable for me though.

  456. SugarySpicey says:

    It’s the “Request to see your private photos” messages that don’t even include a “hello” that I can’t stand. Really, gentlemen, the SA odds are not as in your favor as would be required for that to work.

  457. DarkHorseSD says:

    Good thoughts on the subject.

  458. flyr says:

    RE Subject Lines

    I will normally put something to indicate I read the profile and liked something specific

  459. onyx_percula says:

    @ Exotic SB — Good luck today hotness! Knock em dead.

    @ DarkHorseSD — I am with Studio. If you haven’t noticed I tend to write long messages, for the generation we tend to contact there is a acronym TL;DR which stands for too long; don’t read or didn’t read. So I will often in include that in the subject line… the return rate and speed of reply seems to be better. So maybe a little bit of humor and “with it” helps 😉

    @ Spicey — Seal the deal!

    I swear this month is going down in my personal history as the month of sugar drama! I am sooooooooooooooo worn out over it all. The month is almost over and yet I still see great potential for continued drama. Lucky I also see great potential for peace and harmony too, otherwise I would be firing some SBs right about now, lol. Oh wait I did fire #1 (still around till the end of next month) and #2 has been “denied access”…

  460. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Great news about your interview SugarySpicey. Hope it is all that you want.

  461. Studio says:

    @ Dark Horse,

    to be honest I don’t put a huge amount of thought into the subject line. I usually use the start of a sentence and then carry it on in the message. Something like I think you are……

    and then carry it on with something along the lines of ‘just the girl I’ve been looking for’ or if they seem like they are a bit sub I’d probably use the word hunting.

    I put more focus on the message itself, telling them exactly why it was them in particular that I wanted and what about the profile attracted me, followed by a brief bit about me and what I can offer.

  462. DarkHorseSD says:

    What subject lines (generic) have gotten you the best responses to your opening messages on SA?

    I’ve been playing with ‘wink’ because so many hate winks. So subjects like “Not just anyone’s wink” …

  463. Tori says:

    Thanks exotic! So glad you guys were here to help me. :)

    Congrats sugary! Def going to be sending you good luck vibes.

  464. SugarySpicey says:

    Thanks ladies! Sometimes when I’m working on things I shut it down rather than have y’all encounter broken links. Oh, and the password is usually a reference to that guy the post is probably about. 😉

  465. Exotic SB says:

    @Tori – congrats to you for learning a hard lesson relatively easily xo

    @SS – congrats on the dream job interview!

  466. JazzySB says:

    Sugary, good luck! Sounds like it’s in the bag. Don’t get tempted to retreive your bad luck charm while in Asia.

  467. Lucie says:

    Scratch that, just tried again, and was magically let in!

  468. Lucie says:

    SugarySpicey, you privatized your blog! I’d love an invite, if possible, it was such a turn on!

  469. Zack says:

    @ Laura, ty, but regrettably, no. Just some of us. Others are here for other reasons. That annoys me, but I’m going through divorce…and I’m new.

    @Flyr, it seems the stars are coming out tonight. I do have concerns about SA’s responsiveness, @ least wrt security and communications. Self interest is to be expected, but managed as any MBA might.

    re profiles: try to keep public communications at a public level. Highbrow speech will miss your target and sound arrogant to people who can’t read the meanings.

    Also, it seems most people are still learning, :)

  470. SugarySpicey says:

    Thanks Laura, I’m really crossing my fingers now.

    Funny coincidence or statement on the universe, this job means about 30% of my time would require travel … coincidentally to Asia, lol.

  471. onyx_percula says:

    @ flyr — No worries ClamAV on Squid long before its gets to me 😉 It’s kind of like charging the drawbridge only to see another and another one to break down. 😀

  472. Laura says:

    Yay, Sugary! Congrats lady!!

  473. flyr says:

    @onyx – It sounds like your back alley sugar site has left you with a lasting lesson. There’s also the flow of Russian and Somalian spyware carried by the sugar crabs flowing from such sites that should send you to your digital doctor.

  474. SugarySpicey says:

    Weeeeee!!! Dream job 2nd interview this morning went for two hours, then they just called to talk salary! All good signs. Maybe I just needed to unload that bad luck charm (which coincidentally came in the shape of a 5’10” Aussie).

  475. Laura says:

    @ Zack, no worries, everyone’s advice was very helpful, and honesty is what we’re all after, right?

  476. Zack says:

    Do contract marriages exist? (with an “r”)

    How about sugar?

  477. Zack says:

    Seriously, get distracted for a few days, and I’m afraid to even try to read this blog, nm post. Anyway, I did want to say…

    Laura, sry…sometimes I come across as harsh or judgmental. I’m doing that less 😛

    re: marriage. lol, yeah silly, he can just gift. Wait, hmm, benefits. Woah…maybe. Hmm. There might be valid reasons, but they’d be pretty heavy. Civil union? dk

    @Flyr: 😀 Headed to Orlando tomorrow, but been a great week, Sir.

  478. Angela says:

    @SBinMass Guests are free to arrive after 11pm.

    If you are worried about media. Keep in mind that they will have their own room and you can Sugar away freely

  479. onyx_percula says:

    Well they say they refunded my CC, we shall see… SOBs! Oh and they put a $400+ pre-auth hold on the card too!

  480. onyx_percula says:

    @ Studio — The problems I have with them more than anything is that they are using the “Love Stars” aka shills to entice free members to upgrade to gold accounts so they can read email, send email, reply to IMs, etc. The other is literally if you put NY as your location, and their “members online near me” will have several from NY, change your location to LA, and wham those same SBs online will now show from LA. It is one big scam to get people to upgrade.

    The site concept is kind of cool really. It’s kind of a hybrid of a strictly sugar site like SA, strictly dating site like match, a desperate girls selling nude pics and vids like sponsorme and a hookup site like friendfinder. Okay I admit it tacky…

  481. Studio says:

    Also what were you thinking?

    Marry Me Sugar Daddy?

    holy christ what a name.

  482. Beach_Girl says:

    Onyx~ I sent spicey your email 😀

  483. flyr says:

    I find that if I let my paid membership lapse I start getting an unusual number of unsolicited notes from improbable SB’s .

  484. Studio says:

    @ Onyx shills and bots are the bane of many a dating platform. Especially exploitable ones.

  485. SugarySpicey says:

    Thanks Onyx, blog gods please share my email address with Onyx as well.

  486. onyx_percula says:

    @ All — Not sure if this is okay to post or not, but I thought I would share as a warning to others here.

    So I signed up for a account at another site called “Marry me sugar daddy”. In their terms they refer to shills that they use to promote the healthy function of the site… Basically people hired to pretend to be pot SB or SD and message, IM look at profiles etc.

    The problem is they are using these LS to entice you to upgrade to a paid account and they seem to be the primary user group, oh and of course the scams/fakes, etc. I signed up for the free account that can’t message or IM, and wham in 12 hours I had several messages, incoming IMs, flirts/winks and profile views, every last one was from a shill, of course I didn’t notice that until it was too late.

    So while it looks like a nice site, its not! Avoid like the plague!

  487. Laura says:

    @ NC – haha! Maybe that’s what’s got me all wound up, it’s as applicable as the cold

  488. flyr says:

    @Tori – One suggestion – think of it as looking for an employee, new shoes, a car etc. You need to think about your objective and criteria and then be prepared to interview prospects. You are interviewing them to see if they are the right passenger to take on a sailing venture on the good ship sugar –
    – prepared to contribute the appropriate amount to the supplies for the voyage
    – someone who you are comfortable with both in an intimate and somewhat isolated social environment for extended periods
    – someone who will pull their weight during the storm and be an intellectually interesting crewmate over cocktails.
    – someone who has an interest in your benefiting from the reatlionship.

    How many frogs do you have to drag from the pond to find a prince somewhere between one and infinity. One SB with whom I had a wonderful relationship budgeted 50 coffee meets. I was number 25 but had an advantage in that I talked her into meeting for dinner and brought good wine……. It still took three more meets.

    On the subject of first meets casual is better and if dinner (not recommended) I would avoid fancy place and do casual. Many art museums have light food and wine and wandering while talking is easy plus you can choose your level of privacy by simply taking a few steps. Wine tasting can be good for the same reason.

    Don’t expect to find what you are looking for in the first few pots whom you talk to but know enough about what you are looking for to be able to discern both the bad and the good.

    Be like the Starship Enterprise sailing in dangerous galaxies – keep all the sensors deployed and active. Finally the acid test is if you say goodnight to someone already looking forward to the next meeting he is probably a keeper.

  489. NC Gent says:

    @SBinMass – no pie joke but now I am curious.

    @Laura — interesting. I get cranky when I haven’t had sex in a while. I actually like it when it starts to cool off outside though :)

  490. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — I may be able to help.

    Mods please share my email address with her, or any member here that has both can as well.

  491. DarkHorseSD says:

    Don’t worry, Tori. SB ran into same thing last night. Plenty of BFs out there. Keep at it.

  492. flyr says:

    Re Blog gone wild – It reminds me that the blog is searchable via google. It would be nice if SA would correct this.

  493. flyr says:

    Wow, I go off for some real work and the blog goes wild.. Who let the dogs out, sounds like we have puppies covered with Affogato………..

  494. Tori says:

    Thank you for the talk! You truly are a godsend.

    And to everyone, thank you so much for the advice and spelling it out for me! Boy you’re like the sugar pot fairy godmothers/fathers and I love it!

    So here’s the update. You were right, it isn’t going to work out for us. I decided to talk to him before meeting up. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. He is basically just looking for a girlfriend type of relationship. I’m obviously on SA for different reasons. Bummed about it but I’m glad I spoke to you guys first. By the time our date would’ve happened, I would have definitely been more emotionally invested.

    Luckily for me, I’ve been chatting with a few other men the whole time. I do have a date with a potential SD on Friday and he actually states in his profile he’s looking for an arrangement. Now that I compare and contrast his approach towards me versus the SD wannabe, I can see a big difference in how to tell if someone is a real SD or not.

    I’m hoping this pot SD works out like a traditional SB and SD relationship.
    ~fingers crossed ~

  495. SugarySpicey says:

    Hi,do we have any bloggers here who are super cyber sleuthers who could help me identify look into the security protocols on my blog? I’m pretty proficient myself, so I need a pro (I know we have a lot of pontificators, but I have a couple very specific questions that require expertise).

  496. onyx_percula says:

    @ All — So I spotted a new profile in my area this morning and just had to share… one of it not the best profile I have seen yet! ID=1814569 And yes I contacted her to get her contact information so the next time I am free… Someone great SD here snap her up so she gets treated great.

  497. Laura says:

    @ NC – we all have our days, don’t we? I work in retail and I’ve noticed people get super cranky when it starts getting cold, myself included!

  498. SBinMass says:

    NC Gent- is this a pie joke?

  499. SBinMass says:

    I prefer rope for bondage

    Order being: Affogato, bondage, affogato

    I’m big on post-coital sweets

  500. NC Gent says:

    @all – anyone ever notice that some balls of yarn are wrapped a little tighter than others?

  501. JazzySB says:

    Sweetie, I think DarkHorse is just being cheeky, no?

  502. sweetie says:

    Oh, and explain it to me as well, as if I were a 6 year old, ’cause I don’t get the fetish part.

  503. sweetie says:

    Horsey, I’m lost on your affogato fetish. You think your profile readers might get it, even though I don’t while having read your comments on the blog about it? Perhaps you should explain it in your profile?

  504. Studio says:

    @DH I think it would be a huge misrepresentation of yourself to not be open and upfront about things and would only cause resentment later down the line when it surfaced. I highly recommend full disclosure.

  505. DarkHorseSD says:

    Do I need to disclose my affogato exploration fetish in my profile or is it just too fleeting to bother?

    I do disclose I actually intend to have a date, but most readers just assume that’s cognitive dissonance or cover for law enforcement purposes, right?

  506. Studio says:

    I was thinking about making her crawl across the floor naked and collecting it with her teeth.

  507. Laura says:

    @DarkHorse, make it a nice hotel, and some silk ties instead of chains, and it doesn’t matter if the affogato comes before or after ; )

  508. JazzySB says:

    Studio, sounds like the boundries talk recommended to me before is now your next move. If the sex is that fantastic, I would go for it. That’s just me and I don’t have all the experience of bad sugar relationships to make me think otherwise. I’m sure you are very experienced at making sure your SB gets the cash in a nontransactional way. You seem to be a smooooth operator. I don’t see any SB new or not refusing an envelope of cash once it’s in her hand, especially if she needs it.

  509. JazzySB says:

    @DarkHorse -Affogato first, then chained to the bed.

  510. sweetie says:

    Horsey “Mass: the appeal is giving someone a new somewhat cultured experience.”
    Affogato? Didn’t know that having coffee with ice cream makes for a cultured experience…

  511. DarkHorseSD says:

    SBs: did you come to SA to be chained to a bed in a motel room or to be taken out for affogato?

    If you are here for both, in which order?

  512. DorkyGuy says:

    Regarding affogato…

    Hey baby, talk snooty to me!

  513. Exotic SB says:

    @Laura – Thanks sugar ~ will do :) Hopefully the sun will be shining tomorrow as it is today!

  514. DorkyGuy says:

    Re: affogato

    Hey baby, talk snooty to me!

  515. Laura says:

    @Exotic, let us know how your lunch goes, have fun!

  516. studio says:

    yup but no affogati :(

  517. DarkHorseSD says:

    Mass: the appeal is giving someone a new somewhat cultured experience

  518. SBinMass says:

    Quoting DarkHorse
    “A first meet with an affogato first timer is my intermediate term goal”
    Lol no, I guess you really do never know what someone is going to want until you know it!

    I’m aware the affogato talk is from prior blog
    Not sure what the appeal of poppping someone’s affogato cherry is though…

  519. SBinMass says:

    Studio- with all this chemistry; is it safe to assume you two have met irl?

  520. studio says:

    @jd she is new to sugar and honestly I think she finds that side of it embarrassing and hard to address even though she needs it. Particularly as there is genuine affection between us.

  521. DarkHorseSD says:

    I’m hoping to get affogato back on the menu today or tomorrow after having to take a break the last two days. A first meet with an affogato first timer is my intermediate term goal.

    Yesterday a lady got all upset I wanted to take her out and didn’t offer big money for kinky sex in the first two SA messages. You never know what someone is going to want until you know it.

  522. Jersey Darling says:

    @Studio – I’d just have a conversation that lays it on the table because it’s important to ensure both of your needs will be addressed. I agree with the idea that if she doesn’t want an allowance, you can spoil her with gifts, spa days, etc. But if, as you said, she joined the site because she needs cash and now she isn’t discussing it, I’d wonder what’s going on there.

  523. SBinMass says:

    Studio- creative way to get back to the cash!

  524. Studio says:

    Chemistry is a bit frightning to be honest Jazzy, not what I was looking for at all and to be honest not what I need or want but the sexual energy is something I have not experienced for a long time. Bit of a lightning strike. Same for her, she signed up because she genuinely needs cash and is v kinky and loves to fuck so it just made sense. We need to find a way to make it work for both of us or we both need to walk away from it I think. The throwing money at the laptop thing was my way of trying to turn the money into part of the game and make it sexy and not demeaning for her.

  525. JazzySB says:

    Wow Studio, get it! I’m sure she won’t argue with some pampering and gifts though. Do you have the same feelings about her?

  526. Studio says:

    funnily enough I am experiencing this from the other side at the moment. new pot older SB. (Actually we can drop the pot I think tbh) has fallen for me quite heavily and changes subject when I try and discuss it and tries to avoid the subject of an allowance. She says she has genuine feelings for me and wants to have a filthy torrid affair not an arrangement.

  527. JazzySB says:

    Flyr, us new SBs may have to rename you FlyrSbGuru.

  528. JazzySB says:

    @DarkHorse “From what I hear, BF and other “women seekers” outnumber SDs on SA”

    I think SA’s homepage may have something to do with that. I just noticed the “satisfied customer” quotes.
    For example : “I think I use the SA site unlike most SD’s. To me it’s an honest way of dating. I find the site a refreshing way to meet women of all ages, races and backgrounds. Most of these women are simply seeking companionship, friendship, relationships and in… read more”

    I mean, what tha? That was right after the guy talking about finding his old gf and now they’re engaged. Geez.

  529. flyr says:

    Kat, SB, Exotic and Sugary Sp – Thanks ———- for all the jiggles

  530. flyr says:

    @Tori “I hope his answer has changed and he’s open minded to it now with me. Only thing I can do is ask finally.”

    Repeat after me, This site is intended to bring people together in a way that helps generally younger women who would benefit from assistance in reaching their goals together with gentlemen who are prepared to be supportive, nurturing , sugar sprinkling and reliable. Forgetting to bring the sugar is like trying to play golf with marshmallows. It may get you (him) a lot of chuckles but little respect.

    If you want to find true love from men of your age group this is not the platform

    “Mr Wonderful , I’m saddened and concerned, your profile indicates you are here as an SD with a negotiable allowance, my goal in being here is to find a quality gentleman who is prepared to follow through on an allowance . Yes I am new here but my friends’ experiences here usually include the gentleman offering a reasonable allowance early in the discussions. I guess I need to understand your intentions, are you sincere about the intent to provide a reasonable allowance on a long term basis. If not you really should not be here.

    PS is he married ? do you know?

  531. KatPaw says:

    @flyr wonderful wisdom like always.

  532. SugarySpicey says:

    Flyr – I agree with you completely!

  533. KatPaw says:

    Evening Sugars! It’s great to see so much activity going on in the blog.. But oh my do I need to catch up!

  534. Laura says:

    Sorry Mass, I’m the confused one, didn’t mean any offense

  535. Exotic SB says:

    @Beach – all is wonderful :) I will be meeting a pot. for lunch on Thursday, and maybe another this weekend (the one I had to cancel last week *shakes head*……) How is sugar flowing in your world?

  536. Exotic SB says:

    @Tori – good luck, sugar xo

  537. SBinMass says:

    Laura- Im not confused.
    Tori and NW are asking about issues regarding allowance negotiation. And you had some kind of new and green comment on a different blog. Im not reading through 300+ comments to find it though lol


  538. SBinMass says:

    Quoting flyr:
    “Yes there are a number of men here who are turned on by the challenge of finding prospective SB’s who will forget why they are here”

    Yes, this!

    and theyre charming and charismatic, etc
    but all that glitters is not gold… or sugar

  539. Beach_Girl says:

    Exotic~ the hot tub was perfect, but it’s really cold out there…brrrr!
    I know a few of the SBs that you mention, most have moved on. I mailed Sincere but i don’t know what’s up lately… I should mail him again!
    How are you girl? how is the search going?

  540. Tori says:

    Hi everyone,

    I just want to say a huge thank you for all the warm welcomes and to everyone who responded with advice. You have all helped me realize a few things and I know I should finally ask instead of waiting and not being happy with the outcome.

    When the pot SD and I first started chatting about what we wanted out of SA, we had not yet formed a connection. Now that it’s happened I hope his answer has changed and he’s open minded to it now with me. Only thing I can do is ask finally.

    I will keep you guys updated! Thanks again everyone :)

  541. Exotic SB says:

    Hmmmm. I was just thinking..what happened to some of the older bloggers…I wish I could remember all of their names! I know there was Sincere SD, Cleo, NYSB, Elegant…are they still out there ~ reading the blog?! The comment earlier (from Storm?) about the old playground we had outside of SA blog brought back some memories….

  542. Exotic SB says:

    @Storm – thank you for sharing :)

    @Beach – how is that hottub lady??

  543. Exotic SB says:

    @Dark – tell me about it!

    @flyr – standing ovation. Keep it real. Establishing clear boundaries from the onset is of utmost important imo…if one or both is not interested in honoring them, time to move on and put your energy into something that feels good :)

  544. flyr says:

    @ Darkhorse – The stats may be skewed in that there’s a pretty sizable number of women who indicate they are open for a sd or sb or couple

  545. Exotic SB says:

    Good evening sugar fam!

    Welcome to all the new bloggers in the sugar bowl xx

  546. Stormcat says:

    BG ~ Oh I’m glad to hear it. She really liked him.Tell her to email me next time you chat with her.
    SBinMass ~ It’s all in jest. Ha is the voice of the antagonist or SDguru I’m not sure which.

  547. Laura says:

    @DarkHorse, from the majority of the contact I’ve had so far on site I’m feeling the same way. I’ve come across so many SD profiles that state that, sometimes explicitly. But I’m hoping for some more promising contact soon.

    @Studio – thanks for making me burst out laughing, alone, in Starbucks!

    Side note: I saw a lot of “Lori” in some previous comments, maybe Tori and I are being confused?

  548. flyr says:


    Sit down, have a glass of Chardonnay; we must talk.

    You have shared with me that you are new to this site called Seeking Arrangement.

    I understand you are here because you feel you believe you may find someone who has strong feelings for you, will treat you with respect, nurture you, spread kisses across every warm corner of your body and provide an allowance that will give wings to your dreams.

    You have reported to us that you have been communicating with a gentleman who tickles all the warm parts of your heart and erogenous zones without ever meeting him. Alas he seems to have one tiny flaw – his affection for you is so great that he does not want to dishonor you with a slimy allowance.

    Pray tell – did his profile say no allowance due to religious beliefs or more likely it said negotiable. It sounds like he is doing a great job of negotiating.

    At the risk of being lynched by your wonderfully feminine and wise wingwomen Spicey / BeachG/ etal you are in what pilots informally call a death spiral – a descending spiral where the more you try to pull out the faster you descend until you are a mere divot on the landscape. The escape is simply to stop pulling , level your wings and fly into sunshine.

    You’re way too emotionally involved in someone who for whatever reason has not honored why you are here. That should trigger a warning light as bright as Spicey’s red bikini on a trampoline.

    It’s not unreasonable for sugars to have mutual feelings of respect, admiration, affection, lust etc. And without some degree of these ingredients it becomes a pretty hard relationship.

    You have not nor do you need to share your love / lust history. But as Jersey noted you might be setting yourself up for disappointment and perhaps some emotional damage.

    Some simple rules

    *remember why you are here, if you are not achieving your goals in a comfortable environment you probably should not be here.

    * If a man is not willing to discuss an allowance (at least his range) BEFORE meeting or your getting too emotionally involved it is probably not going end well. Yes there are a number of men her who are turned on by the challenge of finding prospective SB’s who will forget why they are here.

    * Don’t let your heart (or your expenditures ) get ahead of your real knowledge of the prospective SD – that means emails, conversations and meeting in a place without the intent of having sex as part of the meeting. The no sex at first meeting “rule ” is sort of like training wheels which can be discarded with experience,

    * Walk carefully , its a jungle out there.

    * Don’t hesitate to ask – you can also ask that your email be shared with specific SBs’ here so that you can communicate privately.

    You might want to send the potential SD a note explaining that it’s apparent that his vision is not one that meets your goals.

  549. DarkHorseSD says:

    From what I hear, BFs and ‘other woman seekers’ outnumber SDs on SA.

  550. Beach_Girl says:

    Storm~ girlie is with her SD as a GF now.. Last time we talked she was engaged to him…

    Tori~ I would say talk to him, be open and honest. You should bring it up now if it concerns you. If you wait until you meet, make sure to bring up the topic and get answer. maybe tell him you aren’t here to waste you time or his.. tell him what you need etc. You should also look at the top right hand side of this blog, there is a section called “dating Tips” have a look it will give some more in dept advice on a lot of questions that you might not of even thought of.
    If it was me, I would want to know before hand.
    And welcome by the way 😀

    Studio~ lol

  551. onyx_percula says:

    @ Tori — It would depend if the second meeting was local for both or if someone was travelling or otherwise expending to make it.

  552. DarkHorseSD says:

    Like second meetings in starting arrangements, second meanings in the comments are more likely to pay off.

  553. Tori says:

    Oh @ studio! I died laughing!
    So great!

  554. Tori says:

    Yea I’m fearful it’s not. :(
    Thanks guys for the advice.

    Should I bring it up when we meet or should I just message him about it when we chat? Get it out the way now?

  555. SugarySpicey says:

    Studio! Love it! Lol.

  556. SBinMass says:

    Tori- Good luck, I think youre going to need it. I think you should re-read what DarkHorse posted and pull a second meaning from it.
    Doesn’t sound like an SD to me either

  557. SBinMass says:

    Stormcat- great poem.
    I’m not sold on the “Ha!” parts though

    Studio- that made me lol just picturing it

  558. Studio says:

    OMG I am so fucking bad.

    Potential SB was chatting and she told me her favourite song to fuck to. I put it on the laptop, filmed it playing and threw cash at the computer until you couldn’t even see the screen it was so piled high with notes and messaged her with it.

    She went nuts.

  559. Tori says:

    Stormcat ~ wow! Beautiful poem!

    And thank you for your advice! I am a romantic at heart and was definitely not prepared to meet someone who I would spark with so much and so quickly. I would love for him and I to work but your suggestions are so right, there needs to be an arrangement. So hopefully he agrees to one! I’m crossing my fingers.

  560. SugarySpicey says:

    Lori – my comment about you being too green wasn’t related to sugar, we all start somewhere as you say. I’m concerned that sexually you may not be ready for this type of relationship.

  561. Stormcat says:

    I used to publish poetry here (some good some bad) I have my own poetry blog now. But because I think everyone might enjoy a little light reading here is one I wrote recently.

    Rituals II
    by Stormcat

    A vision in the distance, she is my prey . . .
    I must not approach too quickly or she will flee me
    but if I am too slow she will rebuke me . . .
    this one is a most exquisite challenge
    she is the siren of all men’s desire, the ultimate
    conquest, once attained, her presence will command
    the respect of friends and the envy of enemies
    once mine, a trophy to be . . . treasured forever.

    Ha! She shall not be fooled, she knows too well,
    you are an idiot to think possible winning by stealth
    subterfuge can only rule the moment but ends badly
    once detected she will turn you to stone, discard you
    with the rest of the morons who dares that approach
    winning her heart is only attained with virtue.

    I am the Stallion, alpha and omega, the champion,
    my presence does not evoke majesty, it sets the
    benchmark. . . I rule not by oppression or compulsion
    but in humility, with right thinking, teaching right
    action, insisting on free agency . . . insisting!
    fiercely intervening only to protect innocence.

    Ha! She is the essence of deity. The origin of life!
    Her beauty runs so deep that mere physicality reveals
    the shallowness of the observer. Honesty pales in
    power next to the nurturing character of her essence.

    Wisdom shall be my guide; resolve, my sword;
    and my heart shall be my shield! Every feature
    and quality she possesses will be my pleasure to
    discover. Her every desire my pleasure to advance

    Ha! you are not ready for that level of commitment
    you will soon grow weary, give up and fade into oblivion

    No, I’ll patiently steadily develop the strengths worthy of the task
    I’ll make her the highest maintenance woman ever known

    Ha! This should be interesting to watch . . . . Let the courtship begin!

    Darling, here is an indigo orchid from the garden of my heart . . . may I have this dance?

  562. Stormcat says:

    Oh and bringing up the topic ~ the direct approach works the best. You bring up the topic by bringing it up!

  563. Stormcat says:

    Hey BG ~ :) I really miss the old days when I first started blogging here. Wild times everybody laughing. Everything seems so serious here now. Do you remember Girlie Girl from Toronto? Wonder whatever happened to her. Remember when someone set up a chat room and we all went there. I thought we were all going to get banned when the blog gods showed up.

    Tori ~ welcome
    It isn’t easy, what you ask, but you need to stay at arms length and not let your emotions cloud the situation. Tell him what you need for an allowance and be prepared to walk away if he can’t or won’t at least get close to your terms. Simply say it’s non-negotiable. Ignore the slut factor feeling inside yourself (that’s the hard part because you’re not) that wells up when you’re negotiating. If he’s a gentleman he won’t play that card so if he does you don’t want it anyway. Whatever you do don’t have sex with him without agreement. Maybe sealed with a kiss when it happens. Anyway I’m sure you’ll get a lot more advice here and I’m a known romantic so you might not like mine but I say go with your brain until the deal’s made then let your heart take over after that. :):)

  564. Tori says:

    Oh dear @ darkhorseSD

    I’m in a relationship and he’s also married….
    Doesn’t want to change his situation.

  565. DarkHorseSD says:


  566. DarkHorseSD says:

    Hi Lori. Sounds like you may have found your next BF right here on SA. Now you need to keep searching for an SD.

  567. Beach_Girl says:

    NWsb~ Marriage lol… that’s crazy! he didn’t want a prenup? lol I wish i knew details too, that’s too funny!!!

    Always do what you are comfortable with, don’t do something out of desperation. Use your judgement and try and be logical… Gut instincts, good tool!

    Storm~ hey you!

  568. Tori says:

    Hi guys!
    So I’ve been following these blogs posts for about a week or so now. Reading all the comments and you guys are all so insightful!

    I’m brand new to the site and I’ve recently been chatting with a potential SD. We haven’t met yet. First meeting coming up soon. I adore him! We talk everyday and we click so well. My issue is that he said he doesn’t do allowances. Didn’t say why just said that. I said I’m looking for an allowance and something more (chemistry obviously) The conversation changed and we never spoke about it again. Fast forward and now we’re so excited about seeing each other. I know he likes me a lot as I do with him BUT I do know I need an allowance in order to be with only him, there’s a reason I’m on this site.

    How can I bring this topic up with him when we meet? Is there a way I can persuade him into agreeing on an allowance of some sort?

    I’ve never done this before so I’m very new with the whole agreement situation in general.
    Help! Please. Lol

    Thanks in advance!

  569. nwsugarbaby says:

    @Stormcat-That is exactly why I was so surprised and turning it down without a second thought. At least he was upfront about it by telling me just before we scheduled a time for us to meet.

  570. Stormcat says:

    NWSB ~ sure I would like to find out more. The legal implications of such a thing are mind boggling. I think the guy is out of his mind to even make such an offer.

    Blog gods give NWSB my email addy.

  571. nwsugarbaby says:

    @Stormcat-the benefits he was talking about were to be given by an agency he previously worked for. I can’t get into details on the blog as I do not want to draw to much attention it. there was no talk of a prenup. The only other condition was that I go to to school and spend weekends at his place. He said after we use each other we part ways without contesting it. No specific mention of a prenup. If you would like more details I can email you privately.

    Blog gods-please give stormcat my email address if he would like it.

  572. DarkHorseSD says:

    ShamMarriageDude and the Green Card seeking crowd.

    A match made in heaven with a two year drop dead date.

    Now that’s what I call a clearly defined arrangement.

  573. Stormcat says:

    NWSB ~Did he indicate weather he was going to require you sign a prenup?

  574. Stormcat says:

    NWSB ~ sham marriage to pay for an arrangement wow that’s a new one on me! Details please!!! :)

  575. SBinMass says:

    And thanks for the welcome BeachGirl :)

  576. SBinMass says:

    But now I see you asked for any *other* ways to deal with this.
    Sorry, I misread

  577. gtt_envy says:


    Don’t settle for one and secondly it depends how often you guys see each other. If he wants more of a pay for play arrangement where you see each other weekly and he gives you X amount I would move very slowly in the intimacy department. You could easily get burnt, but I’m sure you know this already.

    I’ve had arrangements that were each visit, but we only saw each other once a month too and she still received sporadic gifts throughout the month over and above that.

    Best of luck!!

  578. SBinMass says:

    Re: Party- Can guests arrive at 11 or later?
    ie post press

    NW- sorry my advice wasnt as detailed as others. I simply took you at face value that you wanted out

  579. Laura says:

    I can’t find the comment I’m trying to reply to, so I can’t address whoever said it, but that’s okay because I want some input from everyone. Quiet a few people have suggested that I’m still too green for this site, but I have to start somewhere, right? I only created my profile, like, eight days ago and I’m still trying to work out what I am and what I’m not comfortable with. I realize it’s not a “dating” site, but it is really THAT different? Doesn’t everyone say that there’s an arrangement for everyone? Sorry to be so defensive, but I feel it’s a little warranted.

  580. nwsugarbaby says:

    I have to admit this guy was one step up from the one I emailed with. The one I emailed with wanted a sham marriage so he could use those benefits to pay my allowance, tuition, and health care. I respectfully declined. No marriage here :).

  581. nwsugarbaby says:

    @Exotic SB- I did ask about twice monthly and he said the max he would give out was X which was the same as he originally said per visit.

    @SB in Mass-thank you for the advice on how to respond.

    @DarkHorseSD-I met him recently. He wants to move forward, but we aren’t on the same page with the allowance. I have acknowledged the risk and offered for it to start out with a twice monthly or so allowance.

    @flyer-Thank you for the great advice. I am sending him a nice message and running lol. I guess I was spoiled in the past where the SD brought up the arrangement and I didn’t have this same issue.

    @sugaryspicey-I like your idea of making it into a game, but my comfort and feeling sexy aren’t there with what he is looking for. I asked him about the allowance logistics issue and said that was not the case. Back to the drawing board lol.

  582. DarkHorseSD says:

    What lesson led to Toronto in mid-December?

  583. JennSA says:


    Yes, press will be in attendance.. which is why we recommend everyone wear a mask. It is a masquerade after all. Also, press will be sequestered in one specific area and will not have access to everyone attending. All press will be dismissed from the party after 11:00 PM.

    We NEVER run out of alcohol. Free open bar for first two hours and free champagne toast with a cash bar to follow.

    We have learned a lot of lessons from past parties, and this is going to be a GREAT event. Please keep an open mind :)

  584. SugarySpicey says:

    NW – could you try to eroticisize it, turn it into a little game? You don’t give as much information as to why he wants to gift incrementally as we’d need in order to weigh in, it could just be a logistics issue. If you like him, and you’re compatible, and the gift he gives you makes you feel special and sexy, why does it matter if it’s monthly, weekly, per visit, or some other way? Start thinking about that gift as part of the foreplay.

  585. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!

    SBinMass ~ Welcome 😀

    NWSB~ I agree with Exotic and DarkSD, maybe ask for twice monthly.

  586. flyr says:

    RE NW – I concur with others that this is not a good start.

    Perhaps something like – My objective is to find someone whom I am compatible and who is comfortable with me, all of me. That means a monthly allowance – we are both making a commitment.

    A compromise which I have used in the past is half a month prior to the first meeting and the other half prior to the second meeting . That mitigates each party’s risk.

    Pay by the visit and real SD relationship are to me incompatible. But the sugar bowl is big and I am sure there are all kinds of arrangements. However it is much harder if you start out on a bad footing, and p4p is a bad footing.


  587. Exotic SB says:

    @Darkhorse – I concur.

  588. DarkHorseSD says:

    nw, have you actually met him? What does the relationship entail?

    The way around it is to realize neither of you know or should trust each other yet and caution on both sides is fair.

  589. SBinMass says:

    NW- just be honest and polite
    Simply state that while you enjoy his company, its not the right arrangement for you

  590. Exotic SB says:

    @nwsugarbaby – split the allowance to be gifted twice a month instead?

  591. nwsugarbaby says:

    I found a handsome and nice SD. The problem is he wants to give me money each visit. When I asked about it instead being a monthly allowance he said that he would not give more out at a time than what he gives each visit. I feel awkward about the situation which means I need to decline being in an arrangement with him. Any other ways to approach this?

  592. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Where are you moving to Jersey D?

    Hope it goes well for you.

  593. Jersey Darling says:

    Small private party in NYC would be awesome, at least before I move :)

  594. SBinMass says:

    Thank you for clarifying, NCGent

    Ah rumors… I shouldnt listen to them…

  595. DarkHorseSD says:

    So many profiles leave out entirely the what I offer section.

    The profile says who I am, some background, etc.

    Then it says what I want.

    Then there is no paragraph about what I contribute.

  596. SugarySpicey says:

    I know Studio! Zack’s incessant adoration is almost embarrassing. Guess I shouldn’t have sent him all those naked selfies. 😉

  597. Studio says:

    Oh and Spicey and Zack

    get a room already !!!!

  598. Treasured says:

    As to meet ups:

    I soooo need a break, that if other boys/girls are ready, I’d love to have a small, intimate gathering :)) New York would work the best for me (since I’d have to fly from Europe). Although, Miami and all the sun sounds oh so tempting now 😀
    Anyone up for it? 😀

  599. Exotic SB says:

    When we had our blog meetup in Toronto – it was just that – a blog meetup with others that we were familiar with already, with NO promotional marketing attached…Even though I am only a few hours away, I too, would prefer a greater degree of discretion to engage…

    I hope everyone is a having a sugary week xo

  600. Jersey Darling says:

    I love the concept of a masquerade. However I’d never fly for one of these parties (can’t imagine it providing a good return), and like others I’d be very concerned about press/cameras.

  601. Zack says:

    @ susp, I’m sorry about this but I keep flopping around whenever I read your stuff.

    Maybe you should just keep punishing him because he pissed you off? Idk, what do you think about this issue?
    an ex boyfriend who pissed me off but keeps emailing and apologized profusely, or hold out

  602. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    That is a shame Zack. Sounds like you put alot of work in, in trying to make it happen.

    Well I hope something can be arranged in the UK on a smaller function basis in the not too distant future, although happy to travel to another city if it is off interest. Would be good to meet people and put faces to text :-)

  603. Zack says:

    I thought that was happening in FL. I think a coordinator took control and, well. That’s pretty much all I heard after my best efforts.

    Which is a shame, because there was enough interest if nothing stopped it.

  604. Lady Vuitton *1171431 says:

    Party! Sounds very exciting and a great city.

    Do they ever arrange smaller group meetings, ie dinner evening, that could be more fun and a bit more friendly so everyone gets to chat?

  605. Zack says:

    Spicey…try holding out, 😛

  606. ContentSB says:

    Hey everyone…having a restless night, so thought I’d stop by here since it’s been awhile. Hope everyone is doing well and having lots of fun adventures :)

  607. Laura says:

    @Sugary – what can it hurt? If it’s mediocre, it’ll still be awesome for him and he’ll want you more. Fun! Then you wait for the new and exciting you might wait for anyways.

    And if it’s good… ; ) Also fun!

    I say get it on!

  608. studio says:



    what do you want to discuss? 😀

  609. SugarySpicey says:

    Okay, really good sex with an ex boyfriend who pissed me off but keeps emailing and apologized profusely, or hold out for someone new and exciting who’s never gotten on my naughty list?

  610. Flyr says:

    @sugary – For whatever reason it’s nice .

    A flyfishing coach would probably give SB’s some useful advice on pictures

    trout go after artificial flys for three reasons
    It looks like their current dietary favorites (cater to fantasies)
    Certain colors remind them of food (ie McDonalds colors attract humans )
    It catches their attention and perhaps annoys them
    Re SA Party My recollection was that the NY party was the “best” of the bunch.

  611. Beach_Girl says:

    Zack~ lol

    How crazy is this, it was 47F all day now… 61F at almost midnight!!!!!

  612. Zack says:

    Hmm, where’s my passport. Does anybody know if the the government is working yet?

    @BG, please let me know if I may help with your profile. I’d be happy to talk about starting research :) Meow :)

  613. DarkHorseSD says:

    No no. We really sat there 3 hrs having affogato amongst other things. Then we left. Together.

  614. SugarySpicey says:

    Flyr – thanks, just being a kind girl acquiescing to Studio’s demands. 😉

  615. sweetie says:

    Has anybody been to any of these events? How is it from a social experiment point of view? Does it feel/look like a meat market smelling of desperation or is it just a fun party? Douches/bimbos galore or classy overall?

  616. SugarySpicey says:

    Beach – you could drop more but what’s the point? I would only advise you to drop two years due to the filtering, otherwise be honest about your age. I actually lie up sometimes – so much cooler to be super hot for 40 then old-looking for 30. Lol

  617. Laura says:

    Well, I blame the phone, but I could maybe take a little bit of the blame too!

  618. Laura says:

    Flyr, thanks for making me feel less stupid. I know I have that same problem with my own posts sometimes, but usually because I type too fast and I confuse the autocorrect!

  619. Flyr says:

    @Laura – Adding to the previously discussed communication quirks here, it’s apparent that many of the posts are written in the dark of the night and undecipherable, even to the author at sunrise.

    @ Spicey – Red rocks

    @SA Hopefully there’s a list of the lessons learned from London and New York parties

  620. Beach_Girl says:

    Wow the old Factory!!! cool, but I won’t be going.. Dec is my busiest time of year! Any other month would of been great…