7 years ago
Only 5 Days Away…
  • Posted Dec 8, 2013


By now, I’m sure you’re all aware of the upcoming Fire and Ice: Sugar Masquerade Ball. Judging by the feedback from our members attending, one thing’s pretty clear: this is an event that you don’t wanna miss.

If you didn’t catch our previous deals, or are still on the fence about attending, we’ve implemented some rather cheeky offers that are too sweet to ignore:

Nervous about meeting a room full of Sugar Babies?

  • The “Wing Man” Special: Buy 1 Sugar Daddy Ticket, Get 1 Free! (Use Code: 2for1daddy here.)

Are you a broke college student?

  • The “Student” Special: $20 for College Students! (Use Code: studentbaby here.)

Cute, I know. Men feel more confident in pairs, and college kids live for the open bar. After all, this affair only happens once every year. And the more “sugar” attending, the better.

If you can’t make this event, period, I will host a post-party blog that recaps the event. Feel free to also suggest locales for next year’s masquerade ball in the comment section.


Will you be attending The Fire and Ice: Sugar Masquerade Ball?

What are other ideal locations to host our annual masquerade ball?

Purchase your tickets here. For more information about the event, visit our party site.



Leave a Reply

210 Responses to “Only 5 Days Away…”

  1. sweetie says:

    Oh, fatty! That’s so like you! 🙂

  2. FatBastardSD says:


    Your pictures are crappy. Get a better face and body shot, have some dirty hidden pictures available. You may have potential. I did not bother reading your profile.

    Hope this helps.

  3. Brooke says:

    @Flyr — I found my type-o and cringed inwardly (possibly outwardly too!). I am eagerly awaiting my profile approval. I believe I tended to your other suggestions while editing last night, and feel that my profile has come a long way in a very short period of time thanks to everyone’s advice.

    @NC Gent–thank you! I’m enjoying the search so far! xx

  4. flyr says:

    RE SF recommendations – Mine would be dated and mission specific.

    Prospecting for SD’s – SF Yacht Club should be a happy hunting ground. If you are interested in sailing there’s always an opportunity crew.

    Beware of the hangouts around city hall – traditional sense of entitlement

    Some of the after work bars in the financial district . When I was there we very seldom went to hotel bars unless it was for business. My guess is that with the influx of tech that there are some great south of market places.

    Real POT come from middle age men looking for an adventure they missed and techie geeks who have high liquidity but socially challenged as they were studying while we were partying . Before the exodus of major back office operations to the east bay and beyond there was a huge surplus of intelligent young women in the city. My sense is that this has changed with the arrival of geek armies bearing needs.

    For a winter weekend sugargetaway hard to beat Bodga Bay (Lodge at Bodega Bay – sleepy place in the winter with awesome accomodaitons and awesome restaurant a few steps form your room plus real dive bars complete with pool table, bar food etc. Winter brings some sanity to SF.

    Had a great leisurely SB dinner at the Taddich Grille during the winter . During the week they are crowded but much nicer weekend away from tourists. Summer they are working hard to turn tables.

    Lots depends on your interests. Sailing – (at the right level very good SD hunting ground)

  5. kbetterthanlove says:

    i hate men who say they have never done this before and ask me what i expect. Or how to go about it. . . Knowing what you want is more attractive. assertiveness

  6. NC Gent says:

    @Brooke — your profile is good and I don’t really see much need to tweak it. You have a good array of pictures that are flattering, and your profile says enough that an SD who is interested from viewing your pictures, would probably email you. I suspect you are getting quite a few messages. I hope you find a great match!

  7. onyx_percula says:

    I’m with FlyR on the first date diner. Here in my area there are TONS of great places to eat, some trendy and fancy, some you look at the outside and wonder why on earth you are going to a condemned building to eat, lol.

    @ Spicey — Not a problem if you are early, just keep going 😉

  8. TaylormadeSB says:

    ‘I miss the old curtained booths of the San Francisco restaurants.’

    Do you have any personal suggestions in the SF area?

  9. SugarySpicey says:

    I miss my blog 🙁 where else could I discuss how troubling I find Cuming out of sync with my porn.

  10. flyR says:

    Early dates
    I burned out a long time ago on fancy first date dinners. Much rather go to a casual place (my favorite is a rickety old Thai place on PcH with great food) and take a very good bottle of wine. In LA in way too many of the nicer dinner places too many of the people are there wanting to be sure that others see them there.

    There’s generally more space between tables and not the pressure to turn the tables.

    I miss the old curtained booths of the San Francisco restaurants.

    Once there’s a relationship then an occasional great restaurant is really fun.

    I realize there’s no single answer and others live for dining at this week’s restaurant of the millennium. It’s all good if done for the right reasons.

  11. flyR says:

    @Brooke – “My profile is #1878927”

    A great start, but I would like to introduce you to a couple of my friends…..

    Mz Paragraph – think of her as a flower sack of related thoughts, You’ll probably want to put a tag introducing the subject.

    Mr Speilchezk – He works best when you paste your profile ( that you wrote in the dark of the night) into word or WP . Not as good as a full edit but performs a screen for the intellectual equivalent of the dreaded spinach on the teeth.

    Expectation manager – Flashes caution lights when casual writing may be misinterpreted by overenthusiastic elements. Flexible and up for new adventures may send some whistling for their barnyard friends to come to the party.

    Overall it’s a great profile and we’re talking about fine tuning…..

  12. SugarySpicey says:

    The assumption that there are only chain restaurants and fancy options lacks originality, which is my exact objection to chains. The food at a chain is never great, it’s adequate. It’s designed to feed the common masses – a human feeding production at a specific profit per customer.

    My objection to Applebee’s and the like isn’t the price point, it shows a lack of creativity and sophistication. It doesn’t need to be all out, but a man shouldn’t hit the restaurant default button on date one!

  13. Natalia says:

    You’re completely right Onyx! Bitter and rude. Older are definitely more respectful, at least in my experience.

  14. onyx_percula says:

    @ Natalia — If they are under 40, they’re not ripe for picking yet… leave them on the tree till they get sweet.

  15. onyx_percula says:

    @ Spicey — Thanks dear.

    @ Natalia — <3

    @ Dorky — I have never been able to be with one girl/woman for an extended time, since 6th grade. I tried a couple of times, really REALLY tried only to end up baddly hurting a couple of very wonderful ladies. So I'm upfront PDQ about it. What I can do is be with one woman for an extended period if I can also occasionally see someone else too. So her choices are fairly simple, demand an exclusive relationship knowing that I can't do it for any length, or let me see someone(s) else from time to time and be able to be with me long term.

    We had a couple of all night talks about it. She understands now that it really has nothing to do with her specifically, its just the way I'm built. Being with someone else doesn't diminish her.

    I'm not planning on anything with anything more than one meeting a month, be it an overnighter or a long weekend. I don't/won't flaunt it her face.

  16. Natalia says:

    I think I need to start a blog, because the crap I deal with on here is beyond ridiculous! Ugh, I need to let it out somewhere. Should know better than to talk to younger men on here.

    Dorky – I agree with your thoughts. I don’t think it’s necessary to go to fancy restaurants for every meeting. Something local and casual is great! Conversation can happen anywhere, not just over the most expensive wine and meal a city can offer. First date – certainly, expect to impress, but once we’re comfortable, it’s the experience of trying new things that impresses me, not how many stars the restaurant has.

  17. DorkyGuy says:

    Edit: The above comments are more about GF relationships than sugar relationships, where continuous decadence and pampering is considered to be part of the deal. Still, I think the last paragraph holds true in either case.

  18. DorkyGuy says:

    @OP~ Congrats on the GF that is fine with you having SBs! Isn’t that the Holy Grail of GFs?

    “Come on now I’ve been to Applebee’s and Cheesecake Factory each a few times. Along with Wendys, McDonalds, Subway, Quiznos, Taco Bell, IHOP, etc etc let’s not act like those places are akin to dumpster diving or something.” ~gtt_envy

    Well said!

    Many women read so much into the choice of restaurant.

    I usually don’t care where I eat… Even at a derided chain restaurant, the food will almost always be great, and you can hold a conversation. Paying for food above a certain price point just feels wasteful and ridiculous. Personally, being down to earth is a very attractive quality to me.

    That isn’t to say I am cheap. I can indulge and enjoy the expensive place. It’s all about attitude, and when a girl presents herself as being too good to mingle with the commoners, I find the attitude unattractive. However, if she suggests that we indulge by splurging on a nice meal at a ritzy place, that is an entirely different attitude.

    If women need some kind of first-date barometer of how good a provider the man is, I suppose expensive food is as good as any. I suppose paying 3 times the value of a meal just to impress her is an improvement over the older practice of giving her parents livestock.

    I think women would be well served if they applied less weight to the status of the restaurant, and instead observe how attentive he is during conversation, how he treats the waitstaff, and whether he has thoughtful table manners.

  19. SugarySpicey says:

    Onyx – I know the tape well, it has no sticky to it, just uses static cling, but any contact with hair is still bad news. It definitely wouldn’t stick to your mouth without a wrap around. 😉

  20. Natalia says:

    Onyx – You definitely know how to make a girl feel special!

  21. Brooke says:

    Love the Sugarblog! The topics of discussion have been beyond interesting, and I’m addicted to the comments sections as well. I started my profile a little over a week ago and I’m receiving messages/views and am currently emailing one pot SD who is abroad for work through the holidays. I tried to edit my profile to incorporate many of the free-flowing suggestions but feel that I could greatly benefit from a ‘proof-read’ because I’m not sure my profile is at its ‘full potential’ so to speak. With much love and much sweetness–thank you. My profile is #1878927

  22. onyx_percula says:

    @ Natalia — Chip up, love. You are a hot intelligent lady that any man with half a sense would love to have as a SB.

  23. onyx_percula says:

    The tape I seen was kind of like duct tape, in bright colors and MUCH less sticky nasty messing than duct tape. I will have to track down a link.

  24. Melissa says:

    Hello everyone:) I have a little venting to do since you guys are the only one’s who understand sugar. There’s a guy who was stalking my profile for a little over a year, I decided to meet him despite my hunch telling me not to. And boy was I right! He said he was 39 on his profile but ended up being way too old and too short for my taste. I sensed a flake and a mean person too. I’m a kind person by nature ( to a fault) so I didn’t say anything when I met him…when the coffee date was over he asked me for my number which I kindly declined…he sent me messages on the site the same day and wanted me to go out on a second date with him. I wrote him back and told him he seemed like a really cool guy( a lie of course) and I wished him well on his search….this guy has been insulting me since. I blocked him on the site but he had my e-mail…I’m thinking of changing it. Some men don’t take rejection lightly. I should have just listened to my instincts:( has this happened to anyone?

  25. Natalia says:

    Onyx – Sorry to hear about your SB, but you seem to be keeping yourself busy! Agree with Sugary about the gag!

    I woke up to a disappointing message this morning from a POT who I was supposed to meet this week. He found an SB he wants to be exclusive with and while I’m happy for him I wish I had a shot! Might have another meeting this week instead, so fingers crossed!

  26. SugarySpicey says:

    Onyx – bondage tape won’t work for a gag, it sticks to itself with static not to things. In order to cover someone’s mouth with it you’d have to wrap it around their head a few times and it would rip their hair out. Maybe I’m wrong, but you don’t strike me as that Dom. 😉 Go for a ball gag!!!! 😉

  27. onyx_percula says:

    @ ss1959 — I seen this stuff called “bondage tape”…

    @ Guru — Her last arrangement ended because they fell in love and he wasn’t leaving his wife, she wasn’t asking him to. He has been back now in the process of divorce, trying to get her back. She finally gave into her heart. They are together as BF/GF now.

  28. ss1959 says:

    @onyx_percula, as to the noise complaints, a gag works wonders!

  29. TaylormadeSB says:

    I’m in pursuit of a lovely SF SD 🙂
    The prior arrangement I had before my big move to the west coast was with my darling DC daddy- He was amazing! I know he’ll be hard to replace, to find someone to fill those shoes along with other things 😉
    I hear good things about San Francisco, I hope the rumors are true 🙂

  30. gtt_envy says:

    @Onxy, it always seems like you need to be chasing, changing, or adding to your SB list. You SB hobby seems like a full time job to me.

  31. SA_Barbie says:

    Nothing interesting happens here in South Africa…. #Bored but if a SD happens to come this side please hit me up promise to give a good time

  32. onyx_percula says:

    Well my SB#1 is no longer my SB.

    Made a new arrangement with a SB for a once a month overnight’er. Yet another subby that loves to be dominated. Really sweet girl that doesn’t have a lot of experience with men, and until she met me none with someone that could dominate her. She about got us kicked from the hotel, noise complaints… going to have to work on that. BTW I had no idea about her subby nature until after the panties hit the floor…

    Live-in to be SB is off taking care of sick family, ruining our plans, lol. Won’t get to see her until after the new year, boooo hissss! She still needs to spend time in my house before any moving plans are made. If all goes well she will be moving in late Jan or early Feb.

    And yes Dorky… she is going to end up as a live-in GF. She knows about the others, isn’t fond of it, but also understands that allowing me that it helps insure I’m with her.

    Decided to make a trip to FL to see if I can make another infrequent type arrangement with a young SB that I befriended this summer. She hasn’t been able to find a decent SD. We are talking about a week meeting every three months type deal. Not sure when I’ll be able to go, work is a SOB right now and I only see more to come…

    Hmmm, I smell a job change in 2014! When I started the job I felt happy that I was being fairly compensated for my work. Now I feel like I am being taken advantage of daily, doing more and more without increases in compensation. In a field that according the head hunters I know has a “zero/negative unemployment rate” these guys are really pushing their luck with a lot of people lately…

  33. TaylormadeSB says:

    Job as in their bartenders are competent enough to prepare a decent dirty martini 😉

  34. TaylormadeSB says:

    @ guru

    “You have better choices just a few blocks away at the Mandarin Oriental and Ritz Carlton.”

    I’ll stay at the Ritz for pleasure, its actually a requirement when I see an SD out of town. The Hilton for an after work rendezvous does the job quite nice I must admit.

    Ughhhh, I wish I could’ve gone to the party but the flight from SF to Toronto is abysmal 🙁
    There needs to be one here in SF

  35. Anonymous says:

    Fire and Ice party update

    I went to the SA party in Toronto on Friday night. Here are my random observations and thoughts…

    I had booked the gold bottle service, and went with 2 friends. They got there when the party started at 9, and I arrived at 11. The party was a bit underpopulated, but still a LOT of fun. The VIP area was deserted most of the night until around midnight when some of the girls were invited back there by the puchasers.

    Everyone was wearing their masquerade masks when I arrived, and expressing my surprise that they were still on, another attendee pointed to a couple of cameramen and said, “Nobody wants to be recognized”. I wasn’t wearing a mask, but didn’t bother to put one on. It was a great party and I was “invited by a friend”. No biggie. Shortly thereafter the cameramen shut down, the masks came off and the party seemed to really get going. Note that it was an open bar til 11, then cash.

    I found my friends and they were talking to 3 girls. It appears that they’d gotten two of the most attractive and fun girls plus one who was there just “for me”. I did lots of cruising and found a few things – the attractive girls generally came in pairs or more. Approaching without a wing SD was suicide. Despite the ratio being somewhere between 3&4 to 1 SBs to SDs, standard gender roles applied. If the guys didn’t approach the girls, they weren’t going to meet anyone. Sucked for the SDs who were on the site because they expect their money to attract the girls.

    We eventually invited three girls into the VIP area (by midnight that seemed to be the objective of most SBs). VIPs ($700 or $1000 for bottle service) had red wristbands so we’re relatively easy to spot. It seemed pretty easy to approach and chat up women, everyone was open to exchanging numbers. We had a great time in the VIP lounge, swapping out girls a few times. By the end of the night the two original awesome pot SBs were with us and making plans to meet IRL.

    The subject of SA and arrangements didn’t come up once during the whole night! I suspect it may have for some of the less ‘party personality’ SDs, but right now I can’t even tell if either of the two girls expects an SB/SD relationship or not. I’ve tried bringing up SA profiles and they both deny actively being on the site. The perception may be that it’s just a great party as opposed to a physical manifestation of the SA site.

    Feel free to ask questions or disagree with my take!

  36. onyx_percula says:

    @ FlyR — “It’s amazing how living on a lower scale increases the appreciation for the struggles of others…….”

    He is actually responsible for a wonderful act involving tipping. He and I had a consultancy doing mine engineering. We used to carry a fair chunk of cash if we needed hire big equipment, those guys love cash hate checks/plastic. Anyway we were on our way home and stopped in a little place for lunch. We had a cute 20’something waitress that did an excellent job, was friendly and genuine. We overheard her talking with the manager about how she needed more hours as she still didn’t have enough for the coming semester’s tuition. We were finished and she brought the check “just pay at the cashier”. My friend went out to the car got in the trunk, nothing unusual about that… He came back, grabbed the check and “Let’s go”… At the cash register the manager was there… Jim says…

    “Please ask our waitress to come here please.” She came right over. “I want you to go to school, no excuses…” and hands her a brick of 100s, the manager a 20 and we quickly left. Jim was nearly tackled at the car by a crying dazed girl mumbling thank you’s. “Just do well” patted her on the head, got in the car and we quickly left.

    He swore me to secrecy, and told me he didn’t want to talk about it. I could tell he was pretty emotional over it, he is very old school “men don’t cry”, but he was very close, lol. “What are you laughing at?”, “Your case of terminal tight ass is fully in remission!”.

  37. TaylormadeSB says:

    Wow! What a story. You never know the obstacles life will put in the way in order to develop the many appreciations

    • SD Guru says:

      “I’ve awaken to discover this lovely gem in my inbox- please read and let me know your thoughts because mine are quite pristine”

      The fact that you even considered it (if only briefly) tells me that he may very well have some takers to his approach. Not only did he send out an email blast on SA, he probably also posted on CL (craigslist) and BP (backpage). All he needs is one to say yes, and if he gets more than one then he’ll actually have a choice! :mrgreen:

      “A drink at the hilton isn’t terrible for business”

      You have better choices just a few blocks away at the Mandarin Oriental and Ritz Carlton.

  38. flyR says:

    “Oh and he tips the accepted amount now instead of having to pry a decent tip out of him in the past”

    It’s amazing how living on a lower scale increases the appreciation for the struggles of others…….

  39. onyx_percula says:

    Kind of a funny story… So a good friend of mine was born with the proverbial golden spoon in his mouth. He was successful in school, the military and professional career… That is till life laid him low, the great wife left him, got a HUGE EPA super fund fine, lost his job and reputation over it. Fast forward three years, he is literally down to being homeless living in my basement.

    He used to be the type that only ate, stayed at, drove, lived in, bought the finest. I don’t know how many times I tried to get him to just try eating at this place or that place, or getting this thing or that thing, but they weren’t good enough for him.

    He got used to not fine things in life… fast forward another three years and he is back on his feet well on his way back to where he was or better. Now he doesn’t want to eat at the “finest restaurant in the area” he wants to eat at the hole in the wall I have been trying to get him to try for years! Oh and he tips the accepted amount now instead of having to pry a decent tip out of him in the past…

  40. SugarySpicey says:

    I mock Cheesecake Factory not that I don’t lay waste to their chili corn cakes, but the guy who thinks he’s big time for taking a girl there.

    My travel hotel is to always stay at the region’s nicest. Women traveling alone in some of the world’s cities draw attention as Americans when staying at American hotels. When I stay at local hotels people assume I’m Dutch or Northern Euro and I feel like that is a little safer. Sometimes, however a Hilton or Hampton Inn is the best option. And then there are delightful cities where you get a Sofitel or one of the good Shangri La’s, but again I’m mocking the guy who tries to impress with a 3 1/2 star chain hotel with no personality. I guess at least it wasn’t a La Quinta, Spanish for “Next to Denny’s”.

  41. onyx_percula says:

    I used to own Subway stores, guess what I eat a Quiznos instead 😉

  42. TaylormadeSB says:

    I’ve just graduated from university which means I’ve graduated from my polyamorous relationship with Taco Bell, subway, sheets, and the not so often McDonald’s. I did grow from these relationships (not up but out 🙂
    Nothing a trip to the gym couldn’t handle :p

  43. Richard says:

    Hey…I’m not that big a food snob. Definitely never go to McDonalds or Burger King or Taco Bell but I’ve been to Subway a few times. And I go to Chipotle on occasion. And I’ll eat street food of dubious origin in third world countries. 🙂

  44. sweetie says:

    Richard ” but is wearing sexy skimpy black lingerie and is clean shaven (like within the last few hours) EVERYWHERE….well….you do the math.”

    It’s just in case…

    Cheesecake Factory, I’ve been there a couple times. Definitely not a sugar date place, but it was not bad. Too loud and corporate for me.

  45. flyR says:

    Non smoker – I has typed something about concern for an initial email which came with an offer to share drugs, but erased it thinking I was just showing my age.

  46. onyx_percula says:

    @ gtt_envy — Me too, I especially like their room with the whirlpool.

    @ Spicey — Nah, there is a good Burger King just around the corner, its good enough.

    @ TaylormadeSB — Yep the bar at the Hilton is a good place for a drink with locals and guests.

  47. TaylormadeSB says:

    A drink at the hilton isn’t terrible for business
    I work for a major company and loads of traveling businessmen will stay there as it’s close to our site and the other options are the holiday inn and best western? Lol
    I took a long lunch one evening and discovered the influx of business men or potential SD’s 😉
    I took a seat at the bar alone and once I’d finished my meal the bartender informed me my bill had be paid. He pointed to the gentleman so I was than impelled to stay for a bit of banter and a dirty martini 😉

  48. gtt_envy says:

    Come on now I’ve been to Applebee’s and Cheesecake Factory each a few times. Along with Wendys, McDonalds, Subway, Quiznos, Taco Bell, IHOP, etc etc let’s not act like those places are akin to dumpster diving or something.

    As far as the Hilton I have no comment I stay at Hampton Inn on business much of the time……pleasure is something entirely different.

  49. TaylormadeSB says:


    He’s average, definitely a sado
    Perhaps if he were hot I would’ve accepted, I’ve not been laid in a while 😉
    I must admit I’m quite grateful he didn’t extend the invite under pretenses
    I would’ve definitely kicked off ( not really ) but I would’ve been rather annoyed

  50. Richard says:

    The Cheesecake Factory? What, you think I’m made of money? We’ll get the free dessert as part of the special at Applebees, thank you very much! (I don’t think I’ve ever been to the Cheesecake Factory. And can’t recall a memorable night at a Hilton.)

  51. SugarySpicey says:

    If a girl is taking the time to smoothescape her entire Southern 40, she’s figuring there’s a chance someone’s gonna get an invite.

    Southern – thanks for the congrats!

    Taylor – the question, is he hot IRL?

    GTT – Agreed, sounds like Flyr was smoking something.

    Richard & Onyx – oooooh! The Hilton! Wow, really!?! Then might we go to the Cheesecake Factory and let me order anything I want from the “expensive” menu? Sounds like a guy on his first Per Diem trying to pretend he’s upwardly mobile.

  52. DancingDevi says:

    @Taylormade – You can find instructions on having an icon here: https://www.seekingarrangement.com/blog/sa-blog-tips-tricks/

  53. TaylormadeSB says:

    Richard how were you able to get a picture icon for your blog handle?

  54. Richard says:

    Yeah…that’s always the big tell. I think Sugary mentioned it to me most recently. When a woman says “I’m not normally like this, I really didn’t expect this, I never sleep with someone on the first date” but is wearing sexy skimpy black lingerie and is clean shaven (like within the last few hours) EVERYWHERE….well….you do the math.

  55. TaylormadeSB says:

    @sweetie I agree 100%
    I don’t do drugs but I can’t speak for the other 99.9% of professionals in the city, it’s more common than not
    Perhaps it’s the California way

  56. TaylormadeSB says:

    Lol @Richard for the invaluable advice, definitely needed that 😉

    Im more than likely to not go. SF is an absolute Sugar Mine, I love it! And because I’ve just moved here from a small town in the south I’m in pursuit of the Richard Gere type and I’m positive he won’t be hard to find here 🙂

  57. sweetie says:

    Weed? I avoid that like the plague. Makes me think this guy is not over his high school days.

  58. sweetie says:

    Taylor ” I make more $$ so I wonder how he’s funding his SB endeavors.”

    He doesn’t have SB endeavors, only thinks he does.

    Richard “But if you REALLY don’t want to sleep with him, make sure you wear ugly underwear and don’t shave your legs.’

    Hahaha, great advice!

  59. Richard says:

    Maybe some translation is needed. He’s not looking for “a drink” or just to meet you. He’s looking for sex. Guaranteed sex. He’s going to bribe you with an “expensive” meal and wine and weed. If you decline to go back to his room he’s going to be upset. If you are really attracted to him, go for it. But if you REALLY don’t want to sleep with him, make sure you wear ugly underwear and don’t shave your legs.

  60. TaylormadeSB says:

    @onyx_percula: @ TaylormadeSB — I assume you are in SF yourself and this guy contacted you hopeful of a hookup? If thats the case tell him to save his money on the “finer things” and just book an escort it will cost him less and he will get exactly what he wants.

    You’re absolutely correct. Ehh I’m thinking I’m probably not goings to entertain this any longer. AND if his profile is accurate, I make more $$ so I wonder how he’s funding his SB endeavors.
    Perhaps a regular at McDonald ( ok, that was rude oops)

  61. TaylormadeSB says:

    Well, I see no harm in a drink as I work in the area and I stop in at a bar 2x per week. I do enjoy the company of strangers, I’m insatiably curious, however I’m not curious enough to want to hop in bed with every stranger I meet especially with no incentive …

  62. onyx_percula says:

    @ TaylormadeSB — I assume you are in SF yourself and this guy contacted you hopeful of a hookup? If thats the case tell him to save his money on the “finer things” and just book an escort it will cost him less and he will get exactly what he wants.

    If you aren’t in SF… meh I kind of like FlyR’s comments, plus I would say you still need a gift$ of some kind. There is only one Hilton in the financial district and I can assure you its nothing special, frankly the hostel just down the street, would be more fun. I guess it depends on what you are comfortable with.

    Personally I have only considered doing something like that once, and its was a two week long trip to the South Pacific not a night in a domestic mid range hotel. And I was willing to toss in $1k for whatever money. Depending on SB situation at the time I might just do it again this year with someone new 😉

  63. gtt_envy says:

    @TaylormadeSB, I can’t believe you would even consider that. I am assuming you are 15 years younger than him,which if not the case, then I guess I could see your pov.

  64. TaylormadeSB says:

    @gtt_envy: EXACTLY!!!!
    I think he needs to advertise his brilliant proposition on craigslist, where the girls go for a bit cheaper 😉 ( ok, that was rude) but seriously there’s NO incentive

  65. TaylormadeSB says:

    Well, the message definitely piqued my interest as I live/ work in the SF area and could always use some entertainment as my day begins to conclude, however once I read his profile I was suddenly disinterested. I’d still meet for a drink as it couldn’t hurt and I’d probably be heading to a bar regardless but I highly doubt the progression due to the statement in his profile. I mean seriously what’s the point?

    Read this:

    I will NOT provide any type of an allowance, expensive gifts, or cash. I am interested in finding a mutual FWB. I won’t pay someone to spend time with me but I promise you will have fun and be pampered a little bit while were on the road. More important you will always be treated with respect and kindness.

  66. gtt_envy says:

    TaylormadeSB, I would say something nice:

    “You made two misakes: 1) I can’t believe you have the audacity to think I would sleep with someone on the first date. I don’t sleep with hot guys my age on the first date let alone someone your age on the first date!! 2) I can’t believe you think I would sleep with someone your age without a allowance that is laughable. I think you would be better off perusing a escort website, pathetic!!”

    I think that is a joke what he sent you all imo!! Flyr what are you smoking?

  67. Richard says:

    @TaylormadeSB – What bothers you other than the fact he doesn’t know how to use “you’re” properly? 🙂 Ten to one he sent out that message to every girl in the SF area. And he’s married.

  68. flyR says:

    say yes but

    I would include the caveat that it all sounds good from a distance – However you want him to know the basic ground rule – you meet for a pre-dinner drink and progress to each subsequent step only if you are both comfortable and enthused.

    Also discuss by phone and he provides verifyable ID

  69. TaylormadeSB says:

    Soo I’m up this morning to vent and to make sure I’m not being an awful person. I’ve awaken to discover this lovely gem in my inbox- please read and let me know your thoughts because mine are quite pristine

    ‘Your profile caught my attention. I am coming to San Francisco on business on business next week. I have a nice room at the Hilton in the financial district. I wanted to reach out and see if you would like a night of decadence. Fine wine, good weed, expensive dinner, and adult gymnastics. I don’t pay cash or allowance but do cover all expenses. NSA. A night of fun and relaxation.

    Message me back if your interested.’

    Enjoy 🙂

  70. Jersey Darling says:

    IMO, flyr really gets it with his cooking scenario. Reading it brought back a flood of memories for me that I’d forgotten about things I enjoyed in previous relationships.

    Southern, hope you feel better!

  71. SouthernSB says:

    Wow!! It’s bronchitis!! What the heck happened to my brain while I was sick?

  72. SouthernSB says:

    My goodness, I get knocked out by brochitis for a couple of weeks and it’s like I’ve been away for a year!! So much has been happening on the blog. It’s taken me three days to catch up and the only thing I can really comment on without getting completely lost in the shuffle is to tell @Sugary “Congrats!!” on her new job, to tell @Onyx I am not that black woman, and that although I will share a little bite here or there I will not scarf down someone elses’ whole meal.

  73. flyr says:

    Any party reports

  74. DorkyGuy says:

    @flyr~ Judging by your culinary interests, and the effort and attention you enjoy lavishing on the mademoiselle-du-jour, you remind me in many ways of StormCat!

    I imagine if you guys compared notes, you would have a lot in common. He had the damsels in a flutter last year describing the hand-crafted jewelry box he made for his SB for valentine’s day. He writes poetry, and I believe he also enjoys cooking for the ladies with local produce.

  75. flyr says:

    @dorky “what is your favorite dish to prepare for a new SB? You prepare a main, side, and desert?”

    Yes, but I stick with basics. They grow a lot of stuff locally so fresh strawberries (picked same day) blueberries and veggies are available down the hill most of the year. The hedge is Rosemary and threatens to eat the house if not trimmed.

    Cooking , sharing wine , talking are a great way to get to know someone. General strategy is to make something that’s easy, flexible on time and consistent with guests likes.

    My early resolution for 14 is to join my neighbors in wine making as many have a barrel or two in the garage of some really good wine (am blessed with some rocket scientist neighbors and an abundant supply of local grapes ) . My goal is a much more modest undertaking.

    Unfortunately most of my efforts to date lie on the consumption side.

  76. flyr says:

    Spicey – It’s the difference between city and country.

    Tritip is a country staple on the central coast , burgers are so …. Marina Del Rey…….

    Actually I love good burgers, but have been weaned of the habit when hosting friends.

    Larger events the responsibility and honor of supervising the tritip goes to one of the sober and experienced local ranchers. While costco is good ,the really good stuff comes from Rancho San Julian or other sources.

  77. SugarySpicey says:

    That said, I agree with Flyr that desperate single momma don’t get the penis off the couch! If a guy wanted to be a baby daddy, he’d be a baby daddy. Don’t bring your crutch fruit into the sugar equation prematurely ladies, you do realize there are Pedos who search the web for single moms to prey on, then assault/manipulate the kidos to their advantage? Assume anyone you meet online is a Pedo at first, and make him prove otherwise, your kids are too important to risk.

  78. SugarySpicey says:

    Flyr – gotta say, the meal, sounds a little Costco cliche 😉 I’d inwardly roll my eyes and know this is your Schtick and increase my expectations. I like a guy cooking me dinner, but the menu sounds rather contrived and based on big box bargains, which tells me it’s an act not an authentic meal. Though I may be jaded – make me burgers and a salad and I won’t second guess you, but tri-tip and chocolate sauce reeks of aisle 14 bad a bad RomCom. 😉

  79. DorkyGuy says:

    @flyr, what is your favorite dish to prepare for a new SB? You prepare a main, side, and desert?

  80. flyr says:

    We have spent a lot of time talking about allowances. If the vibe is right I’ll generally cook a dinner for a POT second or third date.

    A few observations.
    Interesting to see how a woman handles the role reversal from the typical woman preparing food

    A sensual woman will generally want to taste the food while it’s being prepared. The corner off the tritip or salmon off the grille, the homemade chocolate sauce for the strawberries, rosemary potatoes etc If negotiations are still in process it is a great opportunity for the SB to add to perceived value or monetizable lust -both of which may add to soon to be completed allowance negotiations. Much more effective allowance raiser than need based arguments.

    To be brutally cold – if I wanted to really maximize relief for the needy I would put everything in the Salvation Army bucket. Sugar is about doing some good but not trying to maximize the good vs the pleasurable

  81. flyr says:

    RE eating – I’m wondering if this is a normal distribution or if the std deviation fled to the suburbs leaving only the tails of the curve. I only draw the hard line on sharing at my toothbrush. Perhaps the problem is that my coed dining instructor was the movie Tom Jones..

    I’m one of those who believe you learn the character of your male companions sailing on a dark stormy night and of your female companions sharing finger foods.

  82. Exotic SB says:

    I had a mother who forced me to eat everything on my plate – I would gladly share my plate with someone! I don’t have a very large appetite, never really have. My mom was projecting her eating issues onto me IMHO…and I rebelled lol…!

  83. DorkyGuy says:

    @gtt~ I am glad that the analogy has never applied to your dinner table! If you don’t understand the conversation, then that is a good thing.

  84. gtt_envy says:

    Great analogy but I don’t see how it applies to the dinner table at all. I’ve never had food taken except in Kenya by a starving child.

  85. DorkyGuy says:

    @gtt~ The conversation really doesn’t have anything to do with sharing. The conversation is about taking.

    I have a pretty nice car… If one of my kids asks to borrow it, no problem. I would give them the shirt off my back if they asked. But if they sneak it out of the garage, then there’s a problem. If they ask for money, they’ll probably get it. If they take it out of my wallet without asking, then we have a problem.

    If someone takes without asking, it is not sharing. There are different words for that concept, depending on context.

    To me, “sharing” requires that the person doing the sharing have a choice in the transaction, so that they have the opportunity to be generous or not.

  86. SugarySpicey says:

    GTT – what I was saying was that a person who grew up very poor, for whom dining out/treats were a rarity might be more bothered by sharing a scarce resource and then take those feelings into adulthood.

    Richard – at least 50% of the time, he’d hop in, hump away mindlessly, then after he got off he’d ask if I had. Really? If you’re so caught up in yourself that you don’t know if your partner got off, you’re a lousy lay. He had a good penis, and we had fun kinky role play, but mechanically … You nailed it! Selfish in bed! Which equals bad in my book!

  87. sweetie says:

    All about sharing, quite a communist myself. There, I said it!

  88. gtt_envy says:

    I can’t even understand this……how does someone not share regardless of wealth? I could have just ordered the most expensive meal on the planet and I would share it….

    Very hard conversation to follow.

  89. Richard says:

    If I like someone, they are welcome to anything on my plate. If we run out, we can always order more! But I would never simply stick my fork into something they are eating, I’ll always ask first. Until I know they are okay with it.

    @Sugary – for lack of a better phrase: OMG. That’s just rude, to a friend let alone a girlfriend. With that kind of selfishness, I find it hard to believe he was a good lover.

  90. sweetie says:

    Sugary “make sure it wasn’t poisened”. My dad would do and say the same thing! Middle child here as well.

  91. SugarySpicey says:

    This us funny, growing up if we got a treat my perpetually-dieting mother would never get one for herself, but she’d always “make sure it wasn’t poisened” by taking a bite. My dad would charge a “gift tax” also a bite. I saw both of these actions as funny idiosyncrasies and never much minded, and would have considered it ungrateful to begrudge either of them a portion – hey they paid for it.

    I wonder how much birth order and a family’s economics play into the perceived offense of this. I am a middle child who grew up well to do – sharing was expected, but resources weren’t scarce, so a little bite here or there didn’t bother me.

    A first, youngest, or only child might be more likely to take offense (because they never or always have to share). Same thing for a child for whom treats were rare.

  92. NC Gent says:

    Devi & Dorky- I would likely feel differently if I shared your experiences 🙂

  93. lisa says:

    Can’t wait for the party tonight !!!

  94. DorkyGuy says:

    @DancingDevi~ After a while, the justifications became hard to *ahem* swallow 😛

    BTW, nice use of “ameliorate”! I am adding that to my arsenal! I knew the meaning, but just never think to use it, and couldn’t have spelled it correctly without help.

  95. DancingDevi says:

    DorkyGuy – I’m pretty sure you’re not my daddy, because I know him pretty darn well! I’d make some joke about you possibly being my sugar daddy, but I’ve a pot SD in the works and I’m so taken with him that it borders on silly (not love, mostly just tons of respect, appreciation, and lust)!

    You said, “As a result, to me, reaching uninvited for food that is not yours symbolizes selfishness, lack of respect, and lack of boundaries. These are personality traits that I am no longer willing to tolerate.

    It is a visceral programmed reaction, ingrained by a lot of bad experience, that may not always be rationally justified.

    it is nice to see from the comments of others that this correlation may not be valid, and taking food may not be a reliable indicator of these personality traits… But it is difficult to rewire the brain not to make that connection.”

    YES, exactly! Although I managed to learn how to ameliorate the knee-jerk mental reaction awhile ago, so I’d stop glaring at people I care about who I know don’t mean anything by reaching for my plate.

    My mother doesn’t have an eating disorder; she’s just very selfish (she’s gotten better, over the last decade or so) and isn’t so good at respecting boundaries or considering others before she acts. She stopped stealing from my plate when I threatened to never have another meal with her (I mean, seriously – you want to steal food from my plate at a holiday gathering when there is plenty?! Do I need to go refill your not-empty plate for you?!?!).

  96. DorkyGuy says:

    @DancingDevi~ I hear ya. Wow. We know the same woman.

    I think living with someone who has an eating disorder can affect ones attitude toward food in much the same way that living with an alcoholic can affect attitudes toward alcohol.

    In my family, it was constant. Ordering more wasn’t always an option, because when we ate out, it was usually a rare luxury, and we had a budget. NC Gent/Flyr, believe me, eating from our plates wasn’t about the intimacy, it was about the food. The woman attained the size of a rhinoceros.

    It was annoying when she did it to me, but when she did it to the kids, it made me angry. Even a decade later, I won’t take a bite of anything intended for my kids or grandkids, even if I know there is plenty and they would never know..

    As a result, to me, reaching uninvited for food that is not yours symbolizes selfishness, lack of respect, and lack of boundaries. These are personality traits that I am no longer willing to tolerate.

    It is a visceral programmed reaction, ingrained by a lot of bad experience, that may not always be rationally justified.

    it is nice to see from the comments of others that this correlation may not be valid, and taking food may not be a reliable indicator of these personality traits… But it is difficult to rewire the brain not to make that connection.

  97. DancingDevi says:

    NC Gent – I suspect that you did not grow up with a parent who never let you eat anything without taking a bite (or ten) – every meal from solid food until I moved out at 16, every candy bar, every treat at the fair, every popcorn at the movie (even when she had her own!), every soda, every consumable item I had around my mom for the entire time I lived with her, without asking, and she did it even after she said some particular treat would be all mine! I love it when someone I know is comfortable enough to reach for my food while asking if they can (too late to say no!) just so they don’t hit that persistent trigger and annoy me. Generally speaking, I won’t get upset at someone I care about even if they don’t ask, but they might get a pouty face for stealing a bite I really wanted! Annoyance is pretty easy to shrug off, after all. It’s not about whether or not I can order more – it’s about the fact that that meal is mine, and I want to eat it, and I got chastised for “forced sharing” techniques like snatching toys or food from people as a kid but had it done to me consistently for 14 years straight.

  98. onyx_percula says:

    Talking about people taking for granted things like sharing food… I have to preface this with, I am pretty much an open book to my SBs, they know who I am, often where I work and live, I’m not ashamed of my sugaring and really have nothing to hide.

    So SB#1 on our third meeting after making our arrangement, “pick pocketed” my wallet and ransacked it! She went through everything in it. Later that night sitting in my car, the glove box got a similar through going over. Why I asked… What’s in a man’s wallet and glove box will tell me a lot about him. So what did you learn? Nothing I didn’t already know…

    Personally I got one hell of a laugh out of it. I know most would freak out.

  99. NC Gent says:

    I agree with Flyr and there have actually been studies that show sharing food unconditionally is a sign of affection. I always am flattered when my date or partner reaches for food on my plate — it shows they are comfortable with me and I take it as a sign of affection. If I want more, it is just as easy for me to order more as it for her, no? I have to admit, I never expected such strong opinions on food sharing either though.

  100. DorkyGuy says:

    I think I am pretty much in line with dancingdevi… If we discuss sharing while ordering, then no problem! If we discuss trading after food arrives then no problem! If i offer or she offers, no problem! If she sticks her fork in my plate without having the common courtesy to ask, then what the hell!?

    I don’t actually mind sharing, but I consider it polite to ask before pilfering my plate.

  101. sweetie says:

    Flyr, I have to agree with you. Joan Miro always used to eat from the same plate with his wife. I thought that was pretty cute. They had a good marriage.

  102. DancingDevi says:

    With respect to food sharing, sometimes I offer to share and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I mind sharing and sometimes I don’t, but I always object to someone assuming they can take food off my plate without the common courtesy to ask first. In very private situations, there are times when I absolutely love sharing food with each other, especially if we’re feeding each other with our forks – there are few things so erotic as feeding each other in semi-or-complete privacy. I think something like this is very personal and situation-dictated, so there is no set rule of thumb for it in my head. I hate eating alone because a meal is and has always been such a social, communal experience for me, but there are still niceties and common courtesy to take into account. Very little ticks me off as much as someone taking a bite I was really looking forward to (you know, some just look tastier than others, with the right amount of char/seasonings/etc) off my plate without so much as a by-your-leave first! There are people who can get away with it without annoying me, though, since they’ve taken the time to learn my preferences and can always manage to steal a bite or two that I would happily give up without having to ask – they also know me well enough to ask if they can steal a bite or two as their fork skewers the food on my plate.

  103. flyr says:

    I’m sitting here in stunned silence as I always thought sharing food was a form of foreplay and a good indication of happy times ahead. …..

  104. sweetie says:

    @Dorky “Holy cow, were we married?!

    I don’t know how many times I had this conversation with my ex: “If you wanted some, you could have ordered some… would you like me to order you some some?” “No thanks, I just wanted a few”, proceeding to eat half of mine.”

    That’s funny, Dorky. To my defense, I don’t mind people eating off my plate and do not take over their dish, only try a few bites. Hehehe, I know, sounded like your ex, again.

  105. onyx_percula says:

    Re sharing food — So I am a very light eater, to the point that I virtually never finish even smaller portions dinning out. SB#1 noticed this on our first date… Everytime we dined out after that we order one entree and one dessert. We both tend to be full at the end, lol. Had another SB that LOVED left overs, so everytime we dined out I just ordered whatever she wanted (assuming it wasn’t just nasty), eat my fill and get a box, she would call it a 2 for 1 dinner. Another was a vacuum and would just switch plates with me and finish mine too. Considering she is 5’9″ and 145lbs with a hard body with her only exercise being sex… she was having way more sex than I knew about or had the metabolism of a hummingbird.

  106. genbaby says:

    Wish this was in Los Angeles, I luv dressing up 😉

  107. DorkyGuy says:

    “My ex would give me a hard time about sticking my fork in his food, but hey, it comes with the territory.” ~ sweetie

    Holy cow, were we married?!

    I don’t know how many times I had this conversation with my ex: “If you wanted some, you could have ordered some… would you like me to order you some some?” “No thanks, I just wanted a few”, proceeding to eat half of mine.

  108. SunShineSD says:

    SS’ analysis is valid for typical salary/wage earners living paycheck to paycheck, especially if the young gentleman has to maintain a wife who tries to keep up with the Joneses (perhaps the reason why he is seeking escape with sugar). The big housing payment, multiple brand new luxury cars, boat payment and kids’ private schools are usually what reduce their disposable income to peanuts.

    The picture is quite different for people with high asset to taxable income ratio. If the SD fully owns the home without mortgage payment, that $2-3k/mo normally needed for a $500k house now no longer necessary would suffice to afford temporary sugar “housing” for his little head. If the guys owns multiple buildings, his _disposable_ cash alone every month may even be higher than his nominal pre-tax income due to building depreciation tax write-off’s. On top of that, assets growing in value are not considered income until sold, and still excluded from income if re-invested in like-kind exchanges.

    The interesting question becomes, if a hypothetical single SD has $50k a year taxable income, but $7k/mo disposable cash (after housing, tax, utilities, cars, food, phones, clothing, etc. all paid for) due to legal tax write-off’s making the taxable number much lower, and over $100k-200k a year growth in asset towards nest egg (not selling) . . . if he wants to stay honest, what’s the fair number to enter as income in order not to be excluded by SB’s who are only looking at the top line number?

  109. flyR says:

    @Jersey > I agree that the best demonstration of willingness to pay is offering to pay. The entrepreneur making only $125K may have many of his expenses covered by the company. The entrepreneur may also have lower home and auto costs. I would worry more about getting a reasonable allowance going from someone who is willing to share.

    Re food – “he poured himself a third without asking if I wanted more ” Never cease to be amazed at the number of women who come to a sudden discovery that Mr Wonderful has less zero concern for her well being.

  110. SugarySpicey says:

    Butterfly, assume networth includes his house (to be on the safe side, so many of the SDs include shit that really isn’t material to an SB in calculating worth). At $125K he’s bringing home $7K per month-ish after taxes. Assume he’s paying $2K for the aforementioned house. Another $500 in transportation, $500 in insurance, phone, blah blah – now we’re at $4K before he’s eaten, bought shoes, saved anything for the future, etc. Using 50% of his disposable income on sugar would , technically be possible, but not likely. He’d be more in the $1-$1.5K range. Yes, he could pay more, but since he mentioned he has a very low season all winter, I’d think that is unlikely.

    But, I think even if you’d asked for $1K he’d have said no. Clearly he wasn’t hooked yet or he would have countered. If a man wants a woman, he’s going to go after her. He may be one of those SDs who started with good intentions then discovered that SA is a great way to find bargain basement bareback sex with beautiful, naive young girls, all on his terms, at $100 bucks a pop – happens all the time and it turns decent guys into dickheads.

    Next time, lead the little head and the big head (and his wallet) will follow.

  111. Butterfly says:


    I know you were just naming an example, but my pot SD listed he made…..125k to 150k per year and net worth from somewhere around 500k. From guru’s links I figure that’s not enough for 2k either….. Your thoughts???

    Anyways, I see where both of you are coming from and you both have very valid points in my book.

  112. Butterfly says:

    sweetie, it took me a minute to figure out what he meant too. lol

    P.S. ya’ll, I wanted everyone to find your lovely advice to me on this post in case it helps others, so I linked this post/comments in a post of mine just now.

    @SD_Guru, I bookmarked all of those links…but can’t find them 🙁 My bookmarks are so unorganized. But I’ve re-routed readers and future readers to here (and the comments on my blog) so that everyone’s thoughts are available and helpful to others in need (and hopefully learn from my experience!!)

    Thanks again, ya’ll! Ya’ll rock!!

  113. SugarySpicey says:

    If a guy only makes $70K, it simply does not matter how generous he is. The math is not in favor of him being able to shell out a $2K per month allowance. There is a threshold, and regardless of how generous the $70K “entrepreneur” might be, his generosity is probably going to cap out at about $1,000 per month – if that. Seems that sometimes noob SBs and SDs don’t do the math of what an arrangement really costs.

  114. Jersey Darling says:

    Lol there *are* ways to share food with utensils before the other person eats it 😉 It’s the thought that counts!

    And while it’s true that someone with millions in the bank may give you a small slice of their pie and someone with less money may give you a larger slice, I’ve simply found based on my own experience that working class folks tend to be more generous, probably because they know what it’s like to struggle. As a side note, It’s one of many reasons why I love when I find an entrepreneur – they usually know what it’s like to struggle and fail and come back from it, and that builds character. And I’d suspect the majority of SBs on this site would have more in common with someone who’s worked for a living.

    To come back from that tangent, you have a much better chance of determining how likely someone is to be generous with their money than determining how much money they have. And determining their generosity takes you one step further – it helps you determine their character.

  115. sweetie says:

    Gtt, when you said “AA woman,” I thought you meant bra size 🙂 Oh, that’s funny! I think I have no brain left after these finals.

  116. sweetie says:

    Sugary “Beneath a certain income a man simply cannot meet allowance needs, and an SB needs to reevaluate if this guy could be her budget SD or just a BF.”

    Yeah, I like that BF reference. Why are they broke, or not generous enough? And yes, what TP did was not considerate at all. I gotta say, manners matter.

    About food sharing and drinks, I am a big fan. I want to know what you’re eating and I’ll help myself to your food! After that, I’ll declare which dish I like better. My ex would give me a hard time about sticking my fork in his food, but hey, it comes with the territory.

  117. Butterfly says:

    @Jersey & Surgary on wealth/genorosity

    both really good points!


    I’m mixed. half black half white.
    You will attract those who either don’t mind mixed chicks or those who love them. And that’s all that matters, right?
    But if you are wondering if there is a barrier, I would say yes. Majority of wealthy men are white and some of them prefer only white. HOWEVER, like Sugary Spicey said, you will come across those who want other ethnicities only.
    Don’t let the “barrier” be an issue. You will attract those who matter 🙂


    I read plenty of blogs from black SB. Just keep looking, you’ll find one. lol 😉


    Then I think we can all agree you are a stingy wealthy guy. lol, kidding!!!
    I share food and drink easily enough. Not so much on a first date, but I share food with my kids, family and friends all the time.

    But I know plenty of people that hate that too.

    Hmmm….maybe. I’m not sure. I honestly expected him to bring me down lower in negotiating and give me a different payment plan.
    I liked him a lot, and I suck at negotiating. It would’ve been easy to bring me around to whatever he wanted. But he didn’t even consider that!

    Next time, I’ll do it in person and not try to be so buisness-y, I just like to make sure there are no misunderstandings, you know? Once the talk is over with, we can go back to fun and w/e and not speak of it again.

    I’m learning.

  118. SugarySpicey says:

    I just realized, first reason I should have known The Pirate cum Bootlegger was a complete asshole: we went out for drinks, he ordered a bottle if wine, we each had two glasses and he poured himself a third without asking if I wanted more, and ordered a shrimp cocktail for himself and never once asked if I wanted any.

  119. DorkyGuy says:

    @Jersey, I think I’m a pretty generous guy, but sharing food off of each other’s plates on a first date? I don’t even share food with my kids, and I’ve known them a couple of decades. Especially if it’s Applebees.

  120. gtt_envy says:

    @Sugary, I’ve had horrible luck with AA woman. I dated two AA women IRL, but in the world of sugar I’m batting a .000

    I find when I do message a really pretty AA woman they have crazy train expectations.

    The last was “Well, I need at least 1k/meet nothing physical for at least a month!”

    Its always something crazy like that and super direct like a contract.

    I love dark women it sucks!! I’m lucky that spanish women have filled the bill……..lol. I’m always looking though 😉

  121. SugarySpicey says:

    Mixed – it probably depends on the “mix” a number of chocolate sugars post about their frustration with the number of white SDs who’s profiles say “I don’t date outside of my race.” But, there are also SDs who specifically prefer different ethnicities – it’s all over the board. Anecdotally speaking, I haven’t heard white girls complain about the race barrier, but I have heard it from others. That may just be a selective sample though and there may be tons of happy, pampered SBs of color doing great in the sugar bowl so they have no need to post. I’ve also seen SDs who are only interested in size two’s, no fake breasts, or only women over 5’9″ it varies greatly. Whatever your race, put your best foot forward with a perfect, sexy profile, a beautiful collection of photos, and a sweet, friendly, sexy attitude and then expect that your search will probably take a few months.

  122. SugarySpicey says:

    Lol, damn fatthumbitis, that post wasn’t even English.

  123. SugarySpicey says:

    Well well may not correlate to generosity it certainly limits access to generosity. Sharing a bite of your dinner may be generous, but I don’t know many SBs hoping fur a half eaten Applebee’s dinner as an allowance. Beneath a certain income a man simply cannot meet allowance needs, and an SB needs to reevaluate if this guy could be her budget SD or just a BF.

  124. Jersey Darling says:

    I don’t try to determine wealth; I try to determine generosity. When on a date, does he offer me some of his food or his drink? Does he send me little tokens that let me know he’s thinking about me? Those little things, to me, show me that you are a generous person and that he is thoughtful/cares about those he is with. That is what I screen for.

    The wealthiest man I met on this site was one of the stingiest. Wealth does not always correlate and definitely doesn’t cause generosity.

  125. MixedChick says:

    Are guys on SA into Mixed race girls ? I don’t see color but I’m wondering if there are certain profiles that get more hits because of race.
    I will be joining the site soon.

  126. gtt_envy says:


    No, I definitely need the internet lol no doubt about that. I hate the game and uncertainty of meeting people in bars etc blech.

    I much prefer what this site provides versus guessing when I’m out and about! Kudos to you though 😉

  127. Studio says:

    ditto GTT

    I don’t need a social event to find sugar, I don’t actually even need the internet. When I am on business the top hotel bars always have girls looking for sugar, as well as the more blatant!!!

  128. gtt_envy says:

    @Studio, with the anonymity most SD’s seek why would they go to a Social event? I know for me this life is 100% hidden and no one knows NOT A SINGLE PERSON except the SB I may be with and the internet.

    I would never attend a social event for fear of being “discovered”!!

  129. gtt_envy says:

    @SD_GURU, my arrangements are always based on my schedule not theirs. We all have our reasons, but my SB’s are NEVER local always hours away or in cities I travel too.

    We normally try to play a weekend around a event concert, musicals, etc etc, but every so often work/life steps in and says “No, weekend of fun for you!!” and I only have a day.

    Since it’s not their fault only mine I always give the same amount………lol. It’s not even broken down by time. I’ve also seen a SB two whole weekends in a month before and still the allowance is $1500, so I guess it all evens out in the end.

    It’s never just physical either always flight here, based around a event, truly fun stuff!!

  130. Studio says:

    Get the impression not many tickets have sold???/

    I do.

  131. SD Guru says:


    Do you give your SB’s the same allowance regardless of how much time they spend with you per meeting? If so, what would be the “incentive” for them to spend more time with you? Yes I know you’re all about the “connection” with your SB’s and they wouldn’t need any incentive. But… 💡

  132. gtt_envy says:

    Sugaryspice, the goal is a weekend, but rarely is that the case. Usually its just a overnighter……..and this month it was about 5hrs lol.

  133. flyR says:

    Butterfly – consider the possibility that he’s moping around thinking he should have reached a little further (I have not read all the posts as I subscribe to the cliff notes) If you are still interested you might drop a note . If the end was final let it go.

  134. Butterfly says:

    No, I was offering more than a few hours at a time. He’s normally not available during the day or for an entire weekend, but I would’ve slept over. He wanted to go away on some weekends as well.

    And with him, I liked him enough that I would make even more time for him if he wanted it. If he had the time, he’d get 2 entire weekends from me a month as opposed to one evening and night (sometimes) two every other weekend. But he said he doesn’t (he works 6 days out of the week; is up by 5 am every morning and is gone shortly thereafter so sleeping over wouldn’t have been ideal, but I’d have dealt with getting up early and leaving early). I just didn’t want to guarantee time outside of that in case I couldn’t regularly keep to it.

    Honestly, I’m the type to do MORE than what is agreed upon on my end. This he knew. He also couldn’t give me every weekend even if he wanted to because his schedule wouldn’t allow it.

    This is all stuff him and I had talked about, so I didn’t feel I needed to spell it out in my offer. But obviously, the reader needed more information.

  135. sweetie says:

    And Daisy mentioned she made plans, but had lodging trouble.

  136. sweetie says:

    One of the blog SDs said he’d go… I don’t recall who it was.

  137. MicahSB says:

    I am going to attend the Masquerade Ball with a girlfriend of mine if anyone is going solo or freaking out you can contact me 🙂

  138. sweetie says:

    @Flyr “I like to think in sugarland most of us would like our sd or sb to stay longer”

    Me, too.

  139. SugarySpicey says:

    Gtt’s allowance isn’t for a “meet” it’s for a long weekend. Butterfly sounds like she was offering more like a few hours. And I’m sticking to my statement, you MIGHT find an SD to give you what basically equates to $700 per meeting, it will just take longer to find him, and the competition will be fierce to land/keep him and/or he’ll be a saggy old man with Moobs.

    Richard – a big man truck is different from the Toyota I mentioned. It still communicates status. A small, old Toyota truck communicates “I wanted a truck, but couldn’t really afford a TRUCK so I bought this.”

  140. flyR says:

    Swee – I return to Dick Morris’ timeworn definition of paying for sex. When confronted by an irate female reporter who accused him of paying for sex Morris replied, “I’m not paying her for sex, I am paying her to leave when I am done.” That’s the definition of a pro. I like to think in sugarland most of us would like our sd or sb to stay longer

  141. sweetie says:

    I don’t think 3 meets/2k is a lot, it’s reasonable. I mean a meet is more than just fuck and go your way, I would hope. No matter how much we debate this sugaring as not cash for sex, it looks like that’s what it is in the end. Otherwise there wouldn’t be so much back and forth about it. And even when people want to hop on the sugar wagon, they do so without knowing what they’re getting into. Like Butterfly’s guy, he had no idea what he wanted. He probably assumed giving Butterfly a pack of peanuts is sugaring. Or this guy that I met from SA, he said he didn’t mind paying for dinner and drinks, but the rest he sure was having doubts about… oh, and the ethics of it… really? Well, then don’t be on SA! Go on a dating site.

  142. Butterfly says:


    Race is not an issue for me, but for some people are more attracted to certain races more so than others; and some race don’t usually appeal to them. Doesn’t mean a person is a bigot or racist and doesn’t believe in interracial dating per se; but the they should understand that attraction is a funny thing and there are exceptions to your rules. So if they find someone they like they normally wouldn’t, they should be open to it 🙂

    @gtt_envy yeah, I heard from plenty of SD (and not just exaggerating or lying SB) that pay about what you do for 1 or 2 meets a month. I’ve had SD tell me what I asked for isn’t a lot at all. And, yes, everything I read and hear should be taken with a grain of salt, but I read posts and comments by SD too (and I give a bit more weight to what they say)

    I think everyone is just different and values different things.

    Every opinion I get or find is conflicting. Hard to judge if you’re being reasonable or crazy with things. What one man or woman finds crazy is quite reasonable to another man or woman

  143. flyR says:

    GTT – If one time is not a 4+ day fornithon my answer would be yes. However, with an SB (like all fine art) beauty and value are in the eyes of the beholder..

  144. gtt_envy says:

    @SugarySpice, wow I’m getting screwed using your math. If 3 meets for 2k is a tough sell for a SB I’m getting ripped off for 1 meet and $1500/mo lol.

    Maybe I need to lower my allowance lol.

  145. flyR says:

    “skill at the helm” (need more pruf reading)

  146. flyR says:

    @ spicey “He MIGHT surprise you, but don’t count on it, even if he has the money, he’s showing you the the doesn’t spend it – which is the same to you as not having it.”

    I rarely disagree with Spicey but I think much of this discussion is missing three critical elements
    other obligations and future obligations
    SD mission
    Local conditions

    The 30’s SD with wife, large mortgage and 2 kids in private school, a maid, new cars etc, alimony to wifey #1, may need $300K/yr pre-tax to breakeven. The divorced, older SD with no adolescent kids has a whole different cost structure. He has accumulated savings, paid down his mortgage and lives very comfortably on much less and thus has equal or greater SB allowance.

    The SD looking for arm candy to impress his associates fishes in a smaller pool. Even with his high intellectual demands ( knowledge of the ENTIRE alphabet) the pool of impressive 10’s who will tolerate his needs to have her expose maximum skin in public may be very small. The SD who drafts for great intellect, character and good looks generally has a much larger pool and lower level of competition. ((Hint for SB’s do your profile in word and run spelling and grammar before posting))

    Local conditions vary, Santa Barbara is a relatively isolated area with a huge population of college students and graduates who do not want to leave the area. There’s a huge population of SB’s who would like to find someone local. SBA also lacks the wall street / large law firms which seem to spawn a lot of SD’s. In an earlier day they probably had a wink and nod arrangement with the receptionist or girl in the mailroom who understood why she got the out of range offer or took the initiative to make it clear during the interview that she would be available if the job were hers. As an aside I’m not sure if the old way or the SB way is better for either party.

    Hobbies may be a good clue for not only disposable income but also needs. The collector of classic cars from the era when he was in high school or college may be looking to relive that era. The SB may not be aware for some time of what’s hidden away in the garage, hangar, the boat slip or the little cabin in the mountains. In a display of ungentlemanly bigotry I would note that powerboat owners are generally more concerned about getting to the destination as quickly as possible, generally on autopilot, while sailboat owners want to savor the journey and his skill at the help , the difference may be important to the SB.

  147. sweetie says:

    Yes, sir!

  148. Richard says:

    @sweetie – Yes, I fly my own plane. It’s not a jet, though. And I don’t tend to mention it casually. No boats. 🙂

  149. sweetie says:

    Richard, didn’t you mention something about a private jet/boat at some point?

  150. sweetie says:

    @Natalia “Question to throw out there for the ladies: How important are looks for you in an SD? Do you have restrictions when it comes to race?”

    For me looks are very important. I wouldn’t want an arrangement with someone I was not attracted to physically, no matter how much he paid. I want to be able to go out in public with him, not hide and snoop because I’m embarrassed to be seen with him. As far as race, no preference there. Dark haired over blondes seems to be the case for me, at least so far. Attraction is a funny thing, I just go with it.

  151. Richard says:

    In the winter I drive a 2001 F350 diesel pickup most of the time. Probably wouldn’t drive my “stupid” car to meet a woman even in the summer. I don’t own an expensive watch (don’t wear jewelry at all), don’t golf, and don’t spend much on clothes or shoes (for myself). On the other hand, I don’t fly Southwest or stay at crappy hotels. Hmmm…wonder how I come across?

  152. Butterfly says:

    Thanks Onyx! I was aware which is why I gave him the benefit of a doubt.

    And thanks, Spicey, for those tips!! I’ll keep them in mind 🙂

  153. Natalia says:

    Onyx, that wasn’t me. My profile is just fine. It was Nadia up above who mentioned the P4P.

  154. SugarySpicey says:

    Regarding money, for every $1K in allowance you want, the SD probably needs to make a minimum of $200,00K. Assume whatever income posted is the man listing best case scenario and that in his net worth he probably includes his house. That’s not always the case, but it will give you an idea if the guy can “afford” you.

    Then pay attention to the little things (not clothes and cars, some men have no style) ask about hobbies. Does he golf? Where? Does he travel? Where did he stay. A man who is serious about an SB is a man who puts his discretionary income into his hobbies. If he golfs at cheap courses, flies Southwest Airlines to his three-star hotel in Vegas, and drives a 2004 Toyota Tacoma – he probably won’t provide much in the way of allowance.

    He MIGHT surprise you, but don’t count on it, even if he has the money, he’s showing you the the doesn’t spend it – which is the same to you as not having it.

  155. onyx_percula says:

    @ Butterfly — The money aspect can be a tough one to spot. A good example is the wealthiest man I knew. I NEVER seen him in new clothes, jeans with holes from wear not fashion, dirty beat up cowboy boots and hat. Never seen him with a shirt that didn’t have a tear or hole in it. He never bought a brand new car, the only new transport I seen him buy was a couple of planes, said he had bad luck with used one “they crash too easy”, lol. He wasn’t some weird eccentric billionaire, just regular good ol boy that had billions. To this day I know several wealthy to very well off men that don’t show anything or much of anything externally of their wealth, they drive cars in the $20K-$40K range, buy their clothes at Penny’s and Kohl’s, have modest homes, etc. All of them can easily afford to play the real sport of kings.

    @ Natalia — So what happened with your profile and P4P? I can see them maybe not approving a profile for explicit P4P talk, but why on earth would you approve it then delete it?

  156. jesslynn says:

    This looks like fun ! Wish I was attending 🙁

  157. Butterfly says:

    FlyR & Spicey,

    Thanks you so much! Very VERY helpful!!

    SD Guru, thanks! I’m looking at those articles now!!

    Onyx was also very helpful on my blog as well!

    I’m definitely wiser now, and am also reconsidering some things. Thanks 🙂

    Yeah, I’m pretty positive he shouldn’t have entered the sugar bowl….he clearly cannot afford a sugar baby. Especially if 2k would take up most of his income. There were several other things that were remiss as well that indicated income level.
    I truly believe he didn’t know what he wanted either, even if he could afford the sugar life.

    But I’m glad I’m getting a more realistic view of things 🙂 Thanks guys!!

  158. Natalia says:

    Reposting, because took forever to moderate:

    Check it out. The perfect song?

    I really like what SD Guru and SugarySpicey said. Negotiating in person, knowing your value, etc. I’ll have to keep in mind when I meet with a POT soon.

    Also agree with NC Gent. Butterfly wrote in her blog that he said he was new, well he wasn’t lying. Would have been best for both of them if he’d done his research, but what can you do but move on?

    Question to throw out there for the ladies: How important are looks for you in an SD? Do you have restrictions when it comes to race?

  159. NC Gent says:

    Butterfly could have been the best seductress and negotiator in the world but there is no way to get sugar out of someone who isn’t a sugar daddy. She has the right attitude and hopefully is a little wiser now.

  160. sweetie says:

    Daisy, this is your post that appeared on the Happy Thxgiving thread:

    “Does anybody know how long it takes for comments here to actually show up here? I made a post two days ago and still not here… ???

    Anyone going to Toronto Party? I am!!! Sure hope all this money spent to get there will pay off!”

  161. SugarySpicey says:

    Daisy – research hostels in the area, no reason to miss the party when you can easily find a dorm room for 10-20 a night.

  162. Daisygirl says:

    I can’t believe this… Tickets bought for party and air fare paid for but because I lost my place to stay for free I won’t be able to attend and will lose all the money I paid out… nuts! nuts!! nuts!!!
    I was so looking forward to going even though I was going alone. Nuts!
    P.s. how long does it take for moderators to approve a post? I have made three posts and have never saw one reappear. Or at least have not been able to find the post again to see if there were any responses. Frustrating!

  163. flyr says:

    @Spicey ” Get him so hot and hard for you he can’t think straight, then gently, softly, sweetly remind him you met on an arrangement site and ask how he can take care of you, because you really want to take care of him. You should already know his kinks before an allowance discussion so that you can use that to make the little head think for the big one. Start talking sex early and often – not in a Pro way, in a “gosh I just love sex, that’s what attracted me to the idea of an arrangement like this, it just seems so sexy the thought of it gets me wet.”

    Spicey understands marketing.

    The possible exception is that being the one to make the first offer is not necessarily giving up something in every situation.

    Keep in mind the positive benefits of a SB. Productivity increases, income increases and pretty soon you have an SB who pays for hereself. All of this focuses back on what need are you fulfilling.

    If you walk into the showroom and ask what the car costs chances are that the salesman (or woman) will divert the conversation to your needs and wants. Then move the conversation to how this car will take care of all of your needs. You don’t ever want to be offering test drives but that doesn’t mean you can not offer some pretty effective arousal techniques to move the conversation along.

  164. Natalia says:

    Check it out. The perfect song?

    I really like what SD Guru and SugarySpicey said. Negotiating in person, knowing your value, etc. I’ll have to keep in mind when I meet with a POT soon.

    Question to throw out there for the ladies: How important are looks for you in an SD? Do you have restrictions when it comes to race?

  165. flyr says:

    @Spicey ” Get him so hot and hard for you he can’t think straight, then gently, softly, sweetly remind him you met on an arrangement site and ask how he can take care of you, because you really want to take care of him. You should already know his kinks before an allowance discussion so that you can use that to make the little head think for the big one. Start talking sex early and often – not in a Pro way, in a “gosh I just love sex, that’s what attracted me to the idea of an arrangement like this, it just seems so sexy the thought of it gets me wet.”

    Spicey understands marketing.

    If you walk into the showroom and ask what the car costs chances are that the salesman (or woman) will divert the conversation to your needs and wants. Then move the conversation to how this car will take care of all of your needs. You don’t ever want to be offering test drives but that doesn’t mean you can not offer some pretty effective arousal techniques to move the conversation along.

  166. SugarySpicey says:

    Butterfly – here are my thoughts. I’m going to be very blunt so that less is caught up in nuance, but imagine this said in the stern voice of a loving older sister:

    1. Do NOT mention that any part of your allowance wants or needs are to support your daughter (another man’s child). It may be true, but it isn’t sexy, and it doesn’t make him feel NSA, it makes him feel tied down and guilty if things don’t work out. In general, try to keep your kids so far removed from your sugar life he forgets she exists. You don’t know him well enough to be exposing your daughter to a potential perve. The sugar is for you, all you, so you can feel relaxed and sexy and dote on him (if day care makes you feel relaxed and sexy, that’s your business).

    2. Get him so hot and hard for you he can’t think straight, then gently, softly, sweetly remind him you met on an arrangement site and ask how he can take care of you, because you really want to take care of him. You should already know his kinks before an allowance discussion so that you can use that to make the little head think for the big one. Start talking sex early and often – not in a Pro way, in a “gosh I just love sex, that’s what attracted me to the idea of an arrangement like this, it just seems so sexy the thought of it gets me wet.”

    3. Know your market value, $2K for three visits is going to be hard to justify (unless you’re very kinky, a perfect 10 available at the drop of a hat, or willing to hold out for months of SD shopping). $300-$500 per visit averaged over a month is far more attainable, and the comment about social obligations with friends you want to spend time with makes you seem like a party girl who doesn’t make your SD a top priority. He may not BE a priority, but he should feel like one.

    And, always remember: in a negotiation the person who gives a number first loses the upper hand.

  167. flyR says:

    Butterfly —– What was the pot screen name

  168. NC Gent says:

    Butterfly – did he counter offer?

  169. sweetie says:

    Butterfly, sorry to hear that. You have a good attitude, though. So, good luck with the next one!

  170. Butterfly says:

    Quick update, ya’ll:

    My offer was not accepted! So back to the drawing board 🙂

    I’d love to visit Brazil one day!! Have fun guys!!!

  171. KatPaw says:

    Heeeelllllooooo my lovely Sugars! Missed you all RL been crazy!

  172. sweetie says:

    Nadia, did your profile get deleted?

  173. sweetie says:

    Well, there’s a good intensive portuguese summer program at Middlebury College, very good, you learn a lot. Maybe your company would like to send you there. Look into it. I did it this summer. It was tough, but extremely helpful.

    • SD Guru says:

      “What are other ideal locations to host our annual masquerade ball?”

      Miami and Vegas!!

      “I know exactly what I want, I just don’t know how to go about negotiating it.”

      I see that you’ve posted his responses on your blog. While you may have approached it the “right” way (in a by-the-book sort of way as a newbie would do), some of the finer points and nuances will come as you gain more experience. Here are some suggestions…

      1. An arrangement discussion/negotiation is best handled in person when possible. Going back and forth with lengthy/detailed emails may seem too business like for some people. It’s much easier to say no by email compared to in person. It may feel more uncomfortable to have this discussion in person, but once you master this skill you should have better results.

      2. How serious was he about having an arrangement with you? He mentioned “I have received “offers” from $100.00 a “date” up to $3,000.00 a month.” How many pots has he talked to, and what’s his criteria for deciding which is the right arrangement for him? I wonder if he was just a tire kicker to see what’s out there without really knowing what he wants. The fact that he didn’t even counter in his second reply may be a sign that he wasn’t all that serious to start with.

      3. He wrote “The idea of $2,000 a month for three days together is simply too excessive in my opinion. There are some months (such as December through February) where 2K would take up a great deal of my income.” So why does he want to be a SD, and does he have the means to be one? Having the answer to that question will help you become better prepared for the allowance discussion.

      4. In your reply to him outlining the arrangement you want, I didn’t see anything there to convince him why he should choose you. In his case it probably didn’t matter anyway because I don’t think he was all that serious. But the “convincing” part is also better expressed in person, not by email.

      Here are some articles for further reading: “How to Negotiate with a Sugar Daddy“, “Questions Newbie SB’s Should Ask“, and “Allowance in Real Dollar Terms“. Also, in your blog you mentioned that you will now consider married SD’s. Here’s what I wrote about “Married vs Single SD’s“.

      I hope this helps.

  174. NC Gent says:

    Yes — I will be going to Brazil on a regular basis, and we have won several large projects there so I need to learn Portuguese. A small percentage of people in Brazil speak English unfortunately for me.

  175. sweetie says:

    Sounds like a plan to me. No better way to learn than having a lady teach you 🙂
    Is the Brazil business serious, as in do you think you’ll have a lot of it in the future and Portuguese is essential for you?

  176. Nadia says:

    Men talk about pay per play openly yet is a female does she gets her profile deleted . What’s with the double standard ?

  177. NC Gent says:

    Good idea Sweetie! I’m doing a couple of online interactive pograms. Was also thinking about looking for an SB in Brazil so I would have someone to interact with.

  178. sweetie says:

    NC Gent, may I suggest watching Brazilian TV online? Have it on even if it is just to hear them speak. It helps with comprehension.

  179. Natalia says:

    @Sugary – Business or pleasure? Either way we’re all jealous!

  180. NC Gent says:

    Oi SS — I am heading to Brazil next month also. I am trying to learn Portuguese, but it is going kind of slow.

  181. SugarySpicey says:

    Right Sweetie, Portugese not Spanish.

  182. sweetie says:

    Sugary, you mean quente!

  183. SugarySpicey says:

    Heading to Brazil next month, Caliente!

  184. Butterfly says:

    and for the record, I’m not in love! lol

    i just value the experience more then the $$ (but both are a factor) for me.

  185. Butterfly says:

    Love your 2 cents FlyR. I think you’re very right. All those other things very much determine what the arrangement may be worth to either party.

  186. Carnaval Queen. says:

    ugh…i wish i could attend.

    i’ll definitely be on the look out for the photo’s of the event 🙂

  187. flyR says:

    re Negotiating The Agreement

    Take a sheet of paper and divide into four columns

    Item He Wants Agreed She Wants

    Frequency 8/month 6/month

    Type (night, overnite)

    Intimacy Limits


    Non $ Benefits



    I’m a fan of having a good understanding of whats under the arrangement umbrella before you negotiate the $; otherwise its like trying to agree on the price for the car without knowing what comes with it. It should also help identify relationships that are not going to work – He wants 4 evenings a month the two of you at the neighborhood swing party while you are not comfortable with one man and the lights on. Probably 95% of the men are fine eliminating the party scene but for one it will be a deal breaker.

    Is the SD really prepared and capable of being a mentor. How hard will he work at it.

    There should be an agreement on the minimum number of meetings per month

    It’s fine to use the allowance as a preliminary screening tool but then it should be parked until the parties know enough to believe there is a good chance of success

    Just my thoughts

  188. Leroy says:

    To Everyone,

    It is especially satisfying to see you all band together and help fellow members who seek advice. I’d love to actually begin a guest blog in that features some of our more experienced members. That way, your advice can benefit others in the future.

    If you’re interested in contributing a blog, or would like for us to address certain topics, please feel free to drop a comment or e-mail me at [email protected].

    Thanks guys!

  189. Butterfly says:

    Everyone! Thank you so much for your advice! You were all so very, very helpful!!! You guys totally freaking rock!! I hope you all know that. Not just for helping me out, but you guys help everyone out and provide such a wonderful community 🙂

    I have went ahead with an offer to my pot SD. I will update everyone in my blog (and I’ll have you guys be privy to my actual message to him so you may critique it so that I may learn for next time) so you all know how everything turns out!!

    You guys rock!!! Thank you so much!

  190. gentle(man)soul says:


    Oooh , BF is in looove ! LOL .

    Unless you are prepared to date this Gent IRL and take what you get you need to have THE Talk . You say you know exactly what you want ,so at some sober communication you need to tell him how happy you are to have him in your life and that you appreciate his generosity ,and you want to make your relationship more secured . You both need to talk about specifics in accordance with the Sugar Doctrine that is written in stone . I know he is aware of Sugarhood since he found you on SA ,so he is wondering about it as well . He will probably be relieved when he finds out what you expect of him . The risk for you is wanting more allowance than he is comfortable paying or that he has fallen for you and doesn’t look at you as a SB.

    Good luck ! I enjoyed your blog

  191. onyx_percula says:

    @ Butterfly — I can’t really comment on the amounts as those are really a combination of the living expense of the area and the people involved in the arrangement.

    So here is what I normally do, with flexibility for different situations and needs…

    First I follow the crude saying of “The panties hit the floor when the sugar flows”, which is there to protect both people from abuse and misuse, that is a steadfast rule for me. Too many fake SBs trying to include intimacy then find a way to avoid it.

    Second I try to limit my risk in the first couple of months. I do this by manipulating how much allowance is given at a time, rather it be P4P, weekly or bi-weekly, but never a full month up front. Trust is earned not given. It’s a two way street hence my willingness to do something more than just P4P.

    Third I have zero expectation of meeting a pot SB, deciding that I want to pursue a arrangement with her and to immediately and go run off and have the panties hit the floor. So if there is basically a “agreement in principal” aka we both agree on the terms, but haven’t executed yet. We date for a given period of time during which I have no problem with giving small gift$ if for no other reason than her time, effort and expense.

    My SB#1 who has been a sugaring for close to 7 years has some real pearls of wisdom… “Let’s see each other as often as our busy schedules will allow. Right I…” and go on to explain the current situation and what you expect you can do. He tells you what he can do, and you find common ground.

  192. sweetie says:


    I left you a comment on your site. Hope it helps.

    Ladies and gents, Butterfly needs your input. Let’s give her a hand.

  193. JazzySB says:

    Vegas!! Vegas!!

  194. VeraWangP says:

    Are there any SB’s out there that want to the masquerade as well ?!?! I really want to go! But kind of chicken to go by myself… (I just changed my name i posted previously)

  195. Butterfly says:

    Guys! I need serious help. I asked my pot SD about setting the terms of our arrangement and he replied saying he was new to this, do I have any ideas. See my blog for more info. I know exactly what I want, I just don’t know how to go about negotiating it. My blog is called SB diaries, @ WordPress but it should be linked to my name!!

    P.S. I’d love to go to the masquerade one day!! Awesome deal. Can’t wait for the recap!!

  196. flyR says:

    I think the best approach to BF hunting here is, as others noted, being really specific as to what you are looking for (ie unmarried, looking for similar) and how you want to be treated. I have seen some profiles that said to the effect that while the SB did expect an allowance, the other criteria were far more important to her than a large allowance.

  197. DancingDevi says:

    @JerseyDarling – Agreed! If I could get there, I’d go (since I could always crash at my friend’s house – she’d love to see me for the first time in years)! Of course, trying to find transport there/back at this late date is completely out of my financial capability. So, I’ll just have to wait for the in-depth re-cap, after spending my weekend working on my thesis – it’ll be nice to have the time to work on it for a month without having to juggle it with classes.

  198. Kellyv23 says:

    What in the world is an outliner?

  199. DorkyGuy says:

    “Are you suggesting Anna Nicole Smith was a outliner?”

    She’s not bad… she just draws that way.

  200. onyx_percula says:

    @ FlyR — Are you suggesting Anna Nicole Smith was a outliner?

  201. Kellyv23 says:

    WOW that price is amazing for students! lol I was thinking “I totally want to go but I do not know if I will be able to afford it…”

    Now the only issue is WHO can I ask to come with me lol. NO ONE knows that I have even dipped my toes into the sugar bowl

    Are there any SBs that intend to arrive to this event solo?

  202. flyr says:

    Obviously if you are looking for a BF you’ll probably want to stay within an appropriate age range which in turn may reduce initial sugar due to supply and demand curves for BF appropriate specimens intersecting near the zero price axis.

  203. onyx_percula says:

    @ Tlaxseea — From prior topic…

    Yes. Just be perfectly clear in your profile what your goal is. Be open to a more traditional SB/SD arrangement with a single SD. Those can grow into something more, its not an uncommon tale to hear here. I see more and more ladies looking for a BF and more SDs looking for a GF. One of my favorite sayings… “Sugar is what you make it!” and many are making SA a place to meet the people they are attracted to for traditional relationships, i.e. the younger/older dynamic.

    As Dorky mentioned there are alternatives, I would suggest another site too whatsyourprice.com which is a sister site to this one too.

  204. Jersey Darling says:

    $20 for students? Not bad.

  205. SugarySpicey says:


  206. Leroy says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog…