6 years ago
Why You Need a Mentor in Your 20s


Your twenties are arguably the self-defining decade of your life. Take a tally of a people in a room. More than half have spent their days at a part-time job and their nights alternating between drunken jubilee and stupor (Ah, college). While the smaller half of people took on a daunting choice; finding a mentor.

How-to and self-help books are centered on reigning in these precious developmental years and using them to your full advantage. One key misconception about mentorship is that these relationships are strictly professional. The best mentors understand more than just their mentee’s career goals. A good mentor will know enough about your personal life to understand how external factors could affect progress.

find a mentor

Positive Impacts

Let’s face it, no one likes being told what to do. But trying to jump start a career on theoretical knowledge, and last semester’s work experience won’t get you anywhere.

In a recent interview with Vanity Fair, Jimmy Fallon credited his mentor Lorne Michaels for his success.

Lorne helped me with everything—with relationships, with me getting famous

The right mentor can help elevate more than just a bank account, or career worth. Though it isn’t easily quantified, guidance based on valuable life experience passed down from a mentor is arguably that which makes the most impact. Such is the case of Michaels and Fallon.

How to Get Started

The first step to finding a good match is to identify your goals and expectations. With all plans, knowing what you want from the mentorship is the biggest hurdle. Next, lay out a realistic schedule for how much time you can commit to meeting with a mentor. Be sensitive to the fact that some groundwork will need to be done in order to hammer out the ideal time to meet for both parties.

find a mentor

Finding a Mentor

Don’t go combing through the Yellowpages! Cold-calling is a sure-fire way of alienating a potential mentor. Use direct connections first and then work your way to outer circles.

If you’re lacking in the networking department, try using resources like TiE Global, SCORE, or FindAMentor.

Another way, which has worked for thousands of people, is to find a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mommy mentor on SeekingArrangement. The financial arrangement of a monthly allowance sweetens an already calorific deal!

Being a Good Mentee

Fact of the matter is being a mentee involves a level of submission. Which is why finding someone who can be brutally honest and you can trust 100% is vital. Each mentoring relationship should be mutually beneficial. You may be thinking: What can I give in return? It can be as simple as showing thanks and maintaining humility throughout the process.  The latter is one asset every striving entrepreneur, or professional, should maintain throughout their career. It doesn’t matter if you’ve made it to the corner office, or just landed that first job.

A mentor is more than just an asset. The right one may just be the most meaningful relationship created in your life.Take the first step on your journey to find the ideal mentor!

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155 Responses to “Why You Need a Mentor in Your 20s”

  1. Jay says:

    I personally believe anybody can be a mentor regardless of the type of relationship or status. It just depends on the person needing the guidance, are really serious about whatever it is they are seeking mentoring for. And also mentoring someone can began at any age or stage in someone’s life because we all can become better at whatever it is we are doing or want to do 🙂

  2. Prettyeyez says:

    I think that having a SD as a mentor could be very beneficial. I am in my 20’s and currently a student. So, I would love to receive advice and tips to help me reach my goals. I like having intelligent conversations. In all honesty, I want a SD that doesn’t mind intellectual conversations. I may be a SB, but I still think it’s important to get to know a person and build a connection.

  3. Newbie Needs Help says:

    thanks rob that’s great advice!

  4. SD-Rob says:

    @Newbie- The couple of times I gave the advances was based on some portion of the discussed monthly allowance. I did this with my current SB, we agreed on a monthly that varied depending on meeting frequency to be fair to each other, and I gave her about 1/4. I do consider that an advance SugarSpicey since I did not sleep with her on that first date. So, she had the allowance before any sugar from her. By the way, the monthly allowance has since changed to per meet when we met again and both felt more comfortable with per meet for at least the first month until we see where this goes. So far so good 🙂
    Also, Homer is right. You should talk it over with your SD and let him know that you may not be open to sleeping on even a second or third, or whatever date. I do think that some SD may not be open to waiting that long, but if they do then they must really like you! If he is not open to even talking about it, move on!

  5. Latina barbie says:

    I can’t find a sugar daddy in my area and all the ones that are emailing me have been blocked in the past. I want a real sd are there any out there that are real and are there any recommendations?

  6. Latina barbie says:

    I can’t find a sugar daddy in my area and all the ones that are emailing me have been blocked in the past. I want a real sd are there any out there that are real and ate there any ad recommendations?

  7. Newbie Needs Help says:

    thanks WCSD for the eloquence! and everyone else as well for the mentoring! and don’t worry I like the mentoring 😀

  8. sweetie says:

    Newbie, yes, full on sex.

  9. WCSD says:

    Oh no! I must be becoming one of those SDs who is an annoying mentor…..

  10. WCSD says:

    Damn. Homer essentially said the same thing I did, but in about 90% less space…

  11. WCSD says:

    @spicey – “It’s like giving a deposit on a car before the dealer has committed they can get you the car at your agreed upon terms”. I disagree with this analogy. I can get a deposit back…

    @Newbie – From my point of view, sex just happens faster in sugar than in a real life relationship. Maybe it is because both sides go into the sugar world knowing what the relationships are about (short term (when compared to ‘regular’ relationships), mutually beneficial, no strings attached, etc.). As for what a SD expects, really there is no blanket answer. Some expect something during the first meet, some like to ‘grow’ the relationship more. The key really is that you are both on the same page. Sugar relationships should make this communication easier (again, because of the expectations above). When you are first chatting with a SD you talk about expectations, how you see this progressing, etc. If you both can’t agree on those steps, then it isn’t a match, and really it is as simple as that.

    What everyone needs to realize is that some decisions made could affect the pool of matches that are available. Take for instance if I expected 3 hole fun in my car after the first date (this isn’t true, but let’s make an easy example). Then the pool of SBs that would meet this criteria is fairly small. Can I find them? I’m sure I could. But it wouldn’t be easy. It is the same as the women who have GPS (golden pussy syndrome). They expect large $$ to even meet, think $10K per month is a necessity to even sniff in your direction, don’t want any type of sexual contact at all (i.e. I’m paying for a friend),etc. The pool of SDs that are available for those type of relationships is slim. They do exist (why? I don’t know…but that is just my opinion), but it doesn’t happen often.

    So you (and me) fall somewhere between those two examples. I honestly wouldn’t worry to much about it. Talk it through with your pots, agree to what you are comfortable with, and then go on a few meets (dates) and see what happens. Is there a connection? Are you a match? And then tweak your approach based on your experiences. If you only do what you are comfortable with, you won’t get in any trouble.

  12. Homer says:

    @Newbie–I think it’s been answered above. No intimacy, no allowance for MOST, not all, SDs. Just say what you want to do from the beginning and you’ll know if he’s cool with it

  13. Newbie Needs Help says:

    hope that all made sense i’m a bit out of it right this second

  14. Newbie Needs Help says:

    What I meant is: it seems from posts that it is common and almost expected from some SDs to jump into bed by the second meet. so i was asking how off put would an SD be by having to wait a bit longer. Yes there would be progressive intimacy between one date and the next but I’m not the lets sleep together the second type we meet kind of person.

    What I meant regarding partial allowance was giving half lets say at the beginning of the month and the other half at the end, that way you know I wont bolt with all of your money on the first meet when he had talked about seeing each other 4 times that month.

    @sweetie by tasting the sugar…how much tasting are we talking about? full on sleeping with someone?

    @rob/sugary/flyer that’s what I meant by an advance, sugar will flow both ways and i wouldn’t take it from someone i wouldnt get intimate with but it takes the pressure off a little bit and makes it seem less like getting paid for sex

    @rob when u gave the advances had u already agreed on an amount before hand? i.e. a certain allowance amount for the month or u talked that after on subsequent meets

  15. SugarySpicey says:

    Either way, it’ll be a delightful adventure!

  16. Richard says:

    @Sugary – Yes, they fall in love, especially with blondes, and respond by drugging you, kidnapping you, and adding you to their harem. (Of course, you’d probably end up as senior wife and running the country from behind the scenes.) So be careful, I still have plans for you!

  17. SugarySpicey says:

    Flyr – from what I hear, the problem with the Turks is that they fall in love very easily with the slightest provocation. ~ she says, licking her chops.

  18. flyr says:

    @spicey – I’m sure you will improve our deteriorating relations with Turkey

    If you have some folks with you consider renting one of the smaller boats for a ride across to the Maritime or Naval museum……. Being out on the water in a small boat is a whole lot different from the ferry. Don’t go alone or you may be sold into slavery and shipped off to the eastern regions…..

  19. SugarySpicey says:

    Rob – if you slept with her it’s not an advance, it’s just allowance paid differently. That’s what I’m saying, a sugar girl shouldn’t expect anything (except nice dates and good treatment) until she’s ready for intimacy. It’s nice that some of these men on the blog have done it, but these are experienced SDs – most men on SA won’t “advance” sugar while the girl decides if she wants intimacy or not. It’s like giving a deposit on a car before the dealer has committed they can get you the car at your agreed upon terms.

  20. SD-Rob says:

    @ onyx, flyr- I have been fortunate to be two out to two when I gave an advance including my current one.
    @ Spicey- I think you misunderstood. I did give a portion (1/4 about) of the allowance in cash on the first meeting , as well as dinner as a good faith gesture since we were not sleeping together on that date. So it really was an advance! The second time also treated her to a better dinner , little shopping, but she already had the cash allowance in hand from the first meeting when we slept together. Of course, this is because we really clicked and I liked her and wanted to make her feel secure about my intentions, and not because her back was against wall by the way, since she is quite ok even without the arrangement and just wants some extra spending $ which I’m indeed providing now. If her back was against the wall, I would not have proceeded since in past experience that could mean trouble.

  21. SugarySpicey says:

    Heading to the bank to pick up some Turkish Lira – leaving in three days!!

  22. onyx_percula says:

    @ FlyR — Well I’m one for three.

  23. flYr says:

    Advances – A number of times i have run into SB candidates who were with their back to the wall. Many were great women, may the bolggies forgive me for I have sinned for I have advanced funds on I think four occasions – two absolute gems where taking the pressure off well before we had sex really made them relax. Two disappeared. Even breaking the cardinal rule, I got a better return than I get from my taxes.

    I also rationalize the losses in that it is worth a half month of sugar to discover early that there’s a character flaw.

    Sadly I think we are seeing more desperate SB’s due to the state of the economy.

    Test Drives – perhaps a good decision 1% of the time. Odds are not good and you surrender the initiative.

  24. SugarySpicey says:

    Err psychologically not physiologically – fatthumbs.

  25. SugarySpicey says:

    I agree with Rob, NEVER trust that an SD will deliver sugar after sex. The guy who tries to pull that is a sleazebag. The sugar flows THEN the panties got the floor, but it is probably on the same day.

    That said, Rob’s example of an “advance” isn’t really an advance, it’s courting to try to get to sex/arrangement. A nice dinner and evening out, an expensive show, +shopping is all just seduction, allowance is a much trickier (physiologically and logistically) to close. As an SB who needs $$$, don’t get distracted from your needs by trappings that look like dating.

  26. SD-Rob says:

    @ Newbie- I am really concerned that you mention you are desperate. I think others have mentioned above (Sweetie I believe) that do not go into this with desperation. I have come across at least 3 SBs that I did not have an arrangement with but ended up hearing their painful stories of how they got fooled because out of desperation they took the words of scum bags who promised them all kinds of things, slept with them as many as 3 times and then disappeared. Very heart breaking and unfortunately for me was the signal to run. One even I know was willing to have sex with one guy in the morning and another in the evening if things turned out well to make the $ she needed for her rent. I know you are far from that, so do NOT jump into this including sex if you do not like the guy, and he has not given you at least one meet’s allowance that YOU are comfortable with. I think it was Ash a couple of topics ago who was concerned with being left $250 after a P4P session , but at $500 and if she liked the guy then she was happy. You have to find your comfort point, and not out of desperation .
    I have personally given at least a couple of SBs that I liked and clicked with, one meet’s allowance on the first date where we did NOT have sex. Then we met the next time, had sex (wonderful) and they understood that they had their allowance. On one I spent over $600 on dinner, ride, shopping as well on the first sexual date, before we got busy. So, getting an “advance” is not unheard of and depends on the connection and level trust between the two. If no advance, then at least a very nice dinner, or something to that effect. I would NOT recommend the other way around, where on trust you give him sex with no money. My two cents worth, good luck with your dates tomorrow.

  27. onyx_percula says:

    @ sweetie — “Flyr, it looks like they are like that from the posts we’ve seen on the blog. They meet, have dinner or whatever, then sex, and back to each other’s business. Repeat next time.”

    Sure sometimes that is exactly what it is. Sometimes its a lot more. Sometimes its a lot less.

  28. SugarySpicey says:

    GTT – My sugar experience is far more diverse than what I blogged about this summer. But a girl never shares her number, in sugar or IRL. 😉

  29. SugarySpicey says:

    Sweetie – I got the feeling Newbie wanted a P4P without the P, or a half-allowance during the “getting to know you” non-sex phase. My feeling, If a girl isn’t ready to open her legs for a guy, why would he be ready to open his wallet to her? In sugar land friendship/click/spark is established, then the sugar flows – in both directions. But, if you want to wait for physical intimacy, then wait, just expect that your SD will want for financial intimacy.

    Reverse the scenario: “I think I like this SB, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to provide for my SB financially. I’d like to have sex with her a few/9 times and then, if I’m comfortable, I’ll give an allowance.” You know what we call those guys? Creepy test drive sleazeballs!

  30. gtt_envy says:

    I’m not being obtuse……I’m fine with your new description of pre allowance/intimacy time.

    The dates should be awesome and there should be some sort of perk over and above that.

  31. sweetie says:

    Sugary, I don’t particularly like texting all day even if I like the guy. A few here and there ok, but nothing crazy.

  32. sweetie says:

    Sugary, I don’t think Newbie is trying to avoid intimacy while getting an advance on allowance. From what I understood, she was asking if it was common not to jump in the sack by second meet and whether SDs would be ok with that. As far as partial allowance, I’m a bit confused myself as to what Newbie means. As has been said before, no SD will hand out any doe without tasting your sugar first.

    Newbie, I know you mentioned getting laid off. Since money is tight, don’t do anything desperate and don’t feel pressured to, either. If you don’t like the guy, move on. There will be others. Keep in mind you want to look forward to seeing him in the future because you like him/his company etc. Last thing you want is to dread your meetings and keep an agreement only because of finances.

  33. SugarySpicey says:

    Softie – if I’m digging a guy the texts can easily get into high numbers, you’re showing your age in your aversion to frequent texting.

  34. SugarySpicey says:

    GTT – you are being intentionally obtuse. Introducing allowance at the same time as intimacy doesn’t make the arrangement any more or less transactional, treating an arrangement like a transaction is what makes it feel transactional.

  35. SugarySpicey says:

    Newbie – Why would a man begin giving you an allowance before you’ve gotten intimate? Should he take you out to nice places, be charming, try to coax you into intimacy with a little spoiling, yes. But, the likelihood you’ll find an SD who gives more generously than you is highly unlikely. I’m sorry dear, you’re going to have a very difficult time if you’re wanting such a one-sided exchange.

  36. gtt_envy says:

    I agree with sweetie!! What happened to trips, big events, nights out on the town?

    SB’s aim higher don’t settle 🙂

  37. sweetie says:

    Flyr, it looks like they are like that from the posts we’ve seen on the blog. They meet, have dinner or whatever, then sex, and back to each other’s business. Repeat next time.

  38. flYr says:

    “””Judging by some of the allowances that have been thrown around lately maybe it just is though. 1000/mo for 4 meets is cheaper than a escort!!””””””

    If all that’s being exchanged is sex and money it might be true but hopefully few sugar relationships are like that.

  39. flYr says:

    “Classic cars are nice to look at but are disappointing to drive. Thats why they get retired.

    On the other hand you have lots of race car drivers still doing their thing long after their prime :-).”

    Some like their life to be soft and cushy , compliant, almost idiot proof,,,,,,, others like a walk on the wild side with something that challenges

  40. flYr says:

    “Classic cars are nice to look at but are disappointing to drive. Thats why they get retired.

    On the other hand you have lots of race car drivers still doing their thing long after their prime :-).”

    Some like their ride to be soft and cushy , compliant, almost idiot proof,,,,,,, othes like a walk on the wild side with something that challenges

  41. flYr says:

    @newbie – “onyx answered the question of his limit being about 8 dates…but for everyone else seeing as it looks like most SBs are willing to get intimate by the second date would you be put off by someone that wanted to wait a longer? i get that it is all about chemistry but i still want to have an idea”

    For me it depends, heat accelerates most chemical reactions. Unless there are some warm fuzzy feelings by date 2 or barriers falling by date 2-3 then I will normally assume that I am on the reserve squad.

    SA dating starts with the assumptions that it’s not an IRL mate, there is no cancellation cost on the part of the SB, you both understand the relationship has sex and financial components and other benefits.

    Personal 4 step program a) verify mutual interest using SA, b) move to email and verify expectations are reasonably similar. I’ll usually note that i and not into things painful or in any way demeaning- she’ll usually reply that either I am missing a lot or that she’s very comfortable, we’ll discuss allowance and time expectations along with interests. c) talk a couple of times d) arrange meeting

    Over the years my guess is that 25%-30% of the SB’s came to the first meeting expecting to have sex unless there was something unexpected transpired. A couple went past 3 dates and the rest were unexpected first date or 2-3 date.

    I’m not married so I feel comfortable using real name if we are meeting and giving enough info that they can verify .

    I think it’s all about comfort on the part of both. If you are new to this, especially SB you probably want a slower pace and more time to digest information.

    Sugar relationships are like Sharks – they are either moving ahead or they are dying. (sand sharks excluded)

  42. sweetie says:

    NC, you are right. The subject has been debated plenty. Perhaps it is inevitable to avoid calculating how much per round of action. Regardless, lately SD/SB arrangements and negotiations haven’t been music to my ears. Maybe it’s not for me after all.

  43. NC Gent says:

    @sweetie — I understand that my post was very likely unappealing, but do SBs really want to compare their rate to an escort? There has been discussion ad nauseam on how SBs aren’t escorts, but there has also been numerous posts on setting allowances to what an escort gets for her services. If they are different, should escorts be used to set prices?

    As another example, I took one of my SBs to Vegas with me for two days and two nights. On top of her allowance, it cost me about $3500 to bring her along. We were intimate three times during the trip, so before you even throw in allowance, it was about $1200 each time we were intimate, which is way more than an escort would charge for sex, one hour at a time. The whole experience was well worth it though, and not once did the math go through my head of I could have saved a lot of money if I just would have hired local hookers. For a real sugar relationship, it isn’t about maximizing the number of times you have sex per dollar (for the SD) or maximizing the amount of money you get per time for being intimate (for the SB). If it is, it isn’t a sugar relationship IMHO.

  44. Newbie Needs Help says:

    thanks all for the advice!!
    yeah i agree with GTT on the having a problem with I would consider it bad form to ask for (or expect) anything other than the guy picking up the check until you are ready to get intimate” not to mention the undue pressure it puts on being intimate

    I’m meeting someone tomorrow for coffee just for a couple of hours during the day and then perhaps someone in the evening although i have a feeling that one wont happen

  45. FatBastardSD says:


    Classic cars are nice to look at but are disappointing to drive. Thats why they get retired.

    On the other hand you have lots of race car drivers still doing their thing long after their prime :-).

  46. Eloquence says:

    Arguments sake……You do realize the Alternate option is the classical luxury vintage car which can be rented, leased or purchased for a price as all others, however it signifies distinction and for the record… this is the class that few seem to take into account upon the projected options available.

  47. FatBastardSD says:

    @SB’s reading this blog

    What would you rather have:

    A guy who gives a $1K monthly allowance that you can have fun with four days per month (and who respects your boundaries).

    A guy who texts you 3000 times a month.

  48. sweetie says:

    Sounds like shopping for the best bargain and very unappealing.

  49. NC Gent says:

    @gtt — when I rent a car, it is about $75 to $100 per day. When I lease a vehicle, it is about $600 a month and far less then multiplying the daily rate by 30. There is usually a discount for a long-term lease 🙂

    Apologies in advance for anyone I might have offended with this analogy.

  50. gtt_evny says:

    @SS, how many actual arrangements have you had? Haven’t you only had 1 or 2?
    If you are saying the SB should receive nothing before intimacy well then I agree with all of the outsiders that this is just a glorified prostitution, so I hope you don’t mean that!

    Judging by some of the allowances that have been thrown around lately maybe it just is though. 1000/mo for 4 meets is cheaper than a escort!! Or 250 a meet gimme a break the guy is getting steak for McDonald’s pricing.

    Newbie, don’t sell yourself short any guy worth anything should be giving you some inclination that you are more than sex for $$ and if there is no gift or at least a extravagant date than please move on to the next one!!

    Just a refresher escort rates in the lowly south are $250-300hr+ so this talk of 6-8 meets a month well you better be getting at least the going escort rate…$1500-$2400 minimum!

    All imo 😉

  51. Homer says:

    @Spicey–Damn you for being so eloquent and to the point!! From now on I’m just gonna follow your posts with “That’s what she said…”

  52. SugarySpicey says:

    Newbie – you should not expect anything you are not willing to give, and that especially applies to sugar. While some men give a gift on a first date don’t expect it – just as men shouldn’t expect intimacy. Generally, you’ll get as you give. I would consider it bad form to ask for (or expect) anything other than the guy picking up the check until you are ready to get intimate.

  53. Homer says:

    @Newbie–Listen to GTT. There are no rules about when to get intimate and some may need more time to get comfortable than others. As long as you acknowledge that at some point, things are heading to the bedroom. The longer you take to seal the deal, the greater the chance the SD gets impatient and moves on. As for sugar for a get to know you meeting/dinner? Depends on the SD, but most will give you a little token of appreciation in good faith, but not a full allowance.

  54. onyx_percula says:

    @ Newbie Needs Help — It’s less about the number of dates, as it is about the time span. That could be 4 dates or 16 dates, but after two months time IME if its not happening or all but happening its never going to. After that long one or both parties will have knowingly or unknowingly moved the other into the friend zone making them either unacceptable or undesirable as a sexual partner.

    I’m more tolerant the younger the SB. And frankly I have very few if any hard and fast rules. We are talking about people here, they are an ever changing target. The fear for a SD that seeks to have an intimate relationship with his SB is that she is scamming him, promising intimacy “when she is comfortable” while trying to or flat out getting the full sugar treatment. So while I use 2 months time as a mile marker, place to stop and consider, a place to revisit the subject with the girl and make decisions its not a cut off for sure date.

    IME the older a pot SB the more likely she is going to take less time to become intimate. Of course these are people and there are exceptions, like the 26 year old that didn’t want to be physical for over a month or the 19 year old virgin that crawled into my bed at 3am after being rejected earlier in the day… the same day we met.

    @ NC Gent — Numbers. I generally will suggest moving off the site messaging platform around the 3rd to 5th message and will give the pot SB my email and cell number. IME some girls are very casual about their number others very protective. I think a fair amount of that is rather they know how to deal with a problem txt’er or caller on their phone or not. For example on a later model iPhone its very easy to deal with… create a contact for the number, then “block all”. You will never see another txt or call regardless of how many they make.

    Honestly unless she is long distance anything approaching 40 emails without a face to face meeting is beyond me, much less not talking or at least txt’ing. I would have moved on long before nearing 40…

  55. gtt_envey says:

    @Newbie, listen Newbie and listen closely there are many types of SB’s there are no rules you need to be who YOU ARE not what people tell you YOU should be. Know what you are comfortable with before entering into this world!

    IMO, as a lowly SD in the $1500/mo 1-2 dates a month range and under 40 I always give a token gift on the first meet. Usually a gift card or card with a $100 bill and always pay for all incidentals!! As you have probably read we usually will have asked each other every question in the book and txted a bazillion times too before meeting lol. So, the first meet is really just to see if we are who we say we are in appearance, perceived personality, and if there is a shot this will work.

    The next date is usually respectful and it’s 50/50 sex or just other elements and 1/2 of the agreed upon monthly allowance.

    The next date is always sex and the remainder of the allowance.

    Best of luck!!

  56. Newbie Needs Help says:

    @sugary ok no allowance but at least a pay per meet right?

  57. Newbie Needs Help says:

    i wouldn’t give my phone number until we meet at least once but im new so that might not be the norm

  58. Newbie Needs Help says:

    @sweetie hahah yes of course I meant SBs…onyx answered the question of his limit being about 8 dates…but for everyone else seeing as it looks like most SBs are willing to get intimate by the second date would you be put off by someone that wanted to wait a longer? i get that it is all about chemistry but i still want to have an idea

  59. NC Gent says:

    Hello Sugars — off-topic question for the group… How many emails do you exchange before you are willing to provide a phone number? I had been talking to two potential SBs and was approaching 40 emails and they were still unwilling to talk on the phone, so I moved on. I am usually pretty patient. I usually am willing to provide my cell# after about 10 emails. Also, what is the limit of emails when you say enough and move on?

  60. onyx_percula says:

    Newbie Needs Help — This kinda falls under the general topic of mentoring too I guess… What I have been recommending of late is doing a P4P allowance for a couple of months, then twice monthly allowance, then some more months and a monthly allowance. On the first meeting with intimacy that the SB receive double the normal P4P allowance. This is not a “buy two, get one now and one later” deal, its to help insure some give and take, so help you if he splits after hitting it.

    I generally do casual dates until we are both ready to be intimate. I don’t close doors and typically come prepared on the first date, but I also come knowing its rare to find that kind of heat on a first date. I don’t worry too much about numbers as they tend to a) not fit people specifically and b) the induce unnecessary pressure into the relationship. However I do rather I tell a pot SB or not typically draw the line at two months. So that is to say we go out at least once a week for two months, thats apx 8 dates, if we aren’t ready to jump each others bones by then, chances are really good we never are going to.

    Someone mentioned long distance being more apt to have a mentoring aspect to it and I have found this to be true too. After contacting or being contacted by two pot SBs that arrangements weren’t immediately possible, I befriended two young newbie SBs, one 18 and the other 20.

    The 18 year old is a very sweet girl that until recently was a virgin. Yes she was intending to have a SD without having full sex. She lives in a rural area of FL and was home schooled, aka very little social skills to be learned. We email, talk and txt several times a week. I have been someone to listen to her vents, I have given her advice on school, finances, sugar, men and sex. I have given her an unflinching view of sugar and men. She has learned a lot, and I like to think I have saved her from some serious mistakes along the way. I will be seeing her this spring and will likely start an arrangement with her then. She has expressed to me several times when considering pot SDs “I just wish it was you instead!”. Having been privy to most of her pot SDs dealings I have to say FL sure does have some low life scum trolling the waters for young naive girls, thankfully she is only young now. 😉

    The 20 year old I have lost contact with, which is sad because it likely means she has gone way down and is beyond my ability to help anymore. She was in a pretty fucked up situation involving abuse. She told me about an incident involving her BF “selling” her for sex to settle a debit to a mutual “friend”. All I can hope for is she took my advice and got the fuck out of dodge and went off the radar for the time being.

  61. onyx_percula says:

    So I got my “wings clipped” Friday morning. I had a good laugh at my doctor. “So you need to continue to use regular methods of BC until you have tested clear twice. I want to get a test after 30 times and again after another 30 times. So I usually schedule the lab test for 12 weeks from today, how does that sound to you?”, I suggested we do the first one in two weeks instead, LMAO. Then he reminded me I will be “out of the game” for seven days to heal… See ya in three weeks doc!

    Since I’m sure someone will want to know… Yes its fucking hurts! The first few hours after I was sure there was an invisible person squeezing the holy living shit out of my balls! Why? Because as any adult knows no BC is not always perfect and sleeping with fertile women I would prefer to be sure. Yes the live-in to be SB loves and supports the idea as she hasn’t been able to use BC that didn’t cause more problems than it was worth and hates condoms.

    Thinking about that last… I guess I should just call her my GF now. I meet one of her parents this coming weekend. The step-mother. Her father want his wife to meet me first. I have never asked but I think I might be a year or two older than him…

  62. SugarySpicey says:

    I’m not crazy about The W, the rooms can be small and the buildings (when they’re in historic areas) can be old and rickety – the hotel was chosen by out booking agent. I do like the W’s room service app though – I can order food up to be waiting when I arrive. Every hotel has something negative and the location of the W is perfect for what I’ll be doing.

    The hotel with the Austrian … I can see it has gotten great reviews and has excellent views, but the rooms are awful, a bordello but more ostentatious.

  63. DarkHorseSD says:

    @Richard Tonight I asked more detail and she said the elevators were rickety, creepy, old, and the rooms tiny and cheap.

  64. DarkHorseSD says:

    @richard The one we were passing on Lex, I suppose. Across from the Waldorf.

    The girls seem to swoon sooooo much at the thought of the W. But maybe that was so 27 months ago.

  65. SugarySpicey says:

    Newbie – typically, one doesn’t expect allowance until intimacy is on the table. It is considered I’ll-advised for an SD to give allowance before an arrangement has arrived at the intimacy level.

  66. sweetie says:

    @Newbie “@SDs would you ever be turned off by a potential SD if intimacy doesn’t take place by second date? and would a half now half later allowance make ya all feel better about it?”

    You meant if a potential SB doesn’t put out by the second date? (not SD, as I don’t think men have a problem taking their pants off as soon as possible). SDs on the blog have mentioned the allowance in installments for peace of mind.

  67. SugarySpicey says:

    It makes me such a bitch, but a bad hotel room = no bueno for this girl!

  68. SugarySpicey says:

    Softi – Actually I probably could find a $70 hotel in Istanbul that I’d love, but this one makes no sense at all though. It looks like a grandma’s house with random rooms added on. It must be located near something he wants to see? That’s the only reason I can imagine. Well, and you’re right, that I make the experience so special, unfortunately for him, he doesn’t. Nothing about that room is sexy!

  69. sweetie says:

    Sugary, tell the Austrian you’re not feeling it and why, if that’s the case.

  70. FatBastardSD says:


    I had no idea that $70 hotel rooms in Istanbul were dumps. I guess they figure that you make any ordinary location very special so there is no need for a luxury room.

  71. Richard says:

    @Sugary – Makes no sense, and being cheap isn’t some new phenomenon. I’m a Courtyard kinda guy when I’m traveling by myself, but I definitely go very upscale if I’m staying somewhere with a woman…just makes the whole experience that much more enjoyable (to me).

    @DarkHorse – Which W? I didn’t find the two I’ve stayed at in NYC especially nice…much better choices for the money (in my opinion). I think they are resting on their brand.

  72. DarkHorseSD says:

    Walking down Lex last night SB called the W quite the flop house.


  73. Newbie Needs Help says:

    @SDs would you ever be turned off by a potential SD if intimacy doesn’t take place by second date? and would a half now half later allowance make ya all feel better about it?
    @rob it is def nice to know that SDs want a connection as well but with the texts and all the connections can someone explains me where the line between GF and SB starts. so no prospect of marriage, no meeting each other’s friends or family, what else? it seems a bit blurry at points….
    i would prefer a single SD but at this moment i dont have the luxury i just got laid off and havent managed to find anything else and i’m tight for money…once i find a job it would take some of the pressure off but at this point allowance is a bigger factor than i would like it to be.

  74. SugarySpicey says:

    What is this?!? I’m staying at the W in Istanbul for the first four days, then the Swiss on the coast for a couple days, then my “friend” the kinky Austrian doctor is coming to Istanbul for another two nights but he has booked us at this weird, run down, $70 a night hotel in old town for the days he is coming to town. I’ve been to his penthouse in Vienna, driven in his car, seen his office – why would he book us at a dumpy hotel when I know he lives much better? Gross! The bedding looks like a whore house without the restraint. The Pirate made me stay at a shit hole too. What is up with these successful guys booking nasty hotel rooms?! If this is some new dating phenomenon I’m not playing! It makes me want to cancel the whole stay – and certainly doesn’t warm my loins.

  75. FatBastardSD says:


    When your SD’s asked you what you were doing last week did you tell them than you were flying around to meet with other SD’s?

    I am impressed that you found that lifestyle fun for a few years. Traveling around became very tiresome for me. Did you find SD’s that you enjoyed spending time with or was the traveling the main attraction?

  76. FatBastardSD says:


    I am here to help. You really are obsessed with having a romantic connection with your SB (and you seem to think you do), and yet you claim it is impossible for a 20 year old woman to have any desire for a 40 year old man. Does this means that you will stop sending 100 texts per day on your 40th birthday?

  77. Mike says:

    Oh, I did forget one thing, the man that told me that man think between their legs, was an African American person, a very respectable and honorable man, and no, I am not an African American man, sorry.

  78. Mike says:

    @sugary, @ sweetie, @zack, yes I did find a SB, (not a foreigner, or leave you guys, can’t get rid of me that easy….LOL just playing 🙂 ) She is a very wonderful woman, 20 something. And so far I have not been intimate with her, we just met. If it comes to intimate, so be it, if not oh well. In this blog it’s my opinion that if an SD offers an SB that wants to be mentor by an SD, it would be up to SB decision, besides being intimate and just $ can only go so far. If the SD wants to offer an SB what she can do for her future, that would be awesome. And yes I did offer my SB a “possible” future for herself and she was very receptive, willing to give it try, of course there are no guarantee it would work for her, and if she succeed that would be a very beneficial for he financially, and she can be self sub-stainning and independent for herself. So there are good SD out there, they maybe harder to find. Someone told me (a man) that guys think between their legs. I am not saying it’s wrong or right. You decide for yourself either as an SD or SB.

  79. Bastian says:

    @ SD-Rob, GTT – I agree with the emotional part that is necessary in what I also think a SB/SD relationship should be like. Meeting, having sex, then no contact until a couple of days before the next sexual meeting is no different than an escort situation. I have come across this and it has been a huge turn off, no matter how attractive a SB or how great the sex. In fact, someone called all SBs half hookers in a previous post and everyone jumped on him. But in fact, the SBs who operate this way are IMO not far from that. AND the SDs that like to operate the same way, like the guy who left the comment, are not far being half Johns! It goes both ways!
    Of course, this is all a matter of definition. I am still not sure what a traditional SB , SD relationship or arrangement is supposed to be, but identify with the two of you in my definition of reasonable correspondence between meetings, great physical and some emotional connection (how can you not and sleep with someone), helping the SB out in a genuine manner based on the agreement. However, what I have seen on SA is far from JUST that, with various parts missing except usually the sex, making substantial number of contacts no more than a transaction. And openness in terms of exclusivity or not so each side can make an informed decision, but maybe this is a fantasy too. Good luck to you guys (all of us in fact looking for such more meaningful arrangements).

  80. Euphoria retired sb says:

    @DelloTT- I do agree with SD Rob. You would have to be able to put a lot of trust into someone two states or even city’s away to be able to just hand them $X,XXX amount of lifestyle expectancy rewards up front. most out of state arrangements did start out with very generous offers for the first few trips. Not exactly p4p but sort of like a lifestyle expectancy agreement for the entire weekend. Then after x amount of visits, it was re evaluated.

  81. Belle says:

    What should I do to encourage more activity on the website? Would anybody wish to @ mentor” on me in how to be successful in this site? I’m actually serious 🙂

  82. SD-Rob says:

    @ GTT- Yes, I could not agree with you more that when I got into this I thought there was going to be a large emotional part to it. It stemmed from my perception that this was more like finding a classical mistress for the married guys. Just like in some cultures they even have a second wife, sometimes hand picked by the first wife, or like in France where wives of some high profile men pick mistresses for them! Also, again, in many other countries and cultures the stigma of a 40 year old with a 20 year old is not there, or a 50 with a 30, and so on. In Hollywood that stigma does not exist either by the way!!
    But on SA (and the other SD site I joined originally) I soon found out that the hobby part was a main part of it. I think it is positive feedback loop where some SDs are looking to hobby in reality, the naive SB taste the reality of that, they decide to do the same, then the next genuine SD they meet gets a taste (bitter) of it, they get jaded and they do it to the next naive, newbie SB, and so on. This has been my experience and an eye opener as I mentioned a couple of topics ago and led to my categorization of SB. To find this new SB, I specifically looked for one that claimed they wanted one SD, then had the conversation with them, gauged which one I connected with the most, had same frequency, allowance and sexual expectations, clearly asked about the one SD desire and asked if it meant exclusive on both sides, or she expected me to have her as a single SB, but she could have multiple SD, and vice versa, based on the above, decided on one (since there were interestingly a number of choices) and started the arrangement, and we decided to close profiles which gives me some confidence, but of course, she may have a contact book full of numbers even with the profile closed, but still a step in the right direction.
    The only thing with this one is that since she is not in her early 20s , an age group who seem to relish on texting, she is just not good texting and therefore, the several texts or so (or sometimes just one) a day. Also, she is a little worried that she does not want to mix the two sides of her social life, although she has already told her closest friends about me (as a guy she is seeing not a SD), she has been very open with her identity, and she is getting more comfortable. I have given her this space and decided that I will trust her on her word that she has nothing else going on IRL or SD world, one reason is that she is quite busy with work and school, so leaves her very little time.
    @DelloTT- continuing this thought, my SB is in a city I visit for business. This is usually the easiest scenario I think from a SD point of view, where you do not have to pay for travel and hotel, etc, and focus the $ on the SB herself and my SB loves it, and my allowance is quite generous. By the way, based on my experience, it is pay per meet as agreed on both of us, and could transition to monthly if we continue to have this great arrangement and develop trust. She does not feel obligated to carry it on longer if things had not worked out, and I would not be worried about her taking off with the entire month’s allowance.

  83. Euphoria retired sb says:

    I’ve actually found that in certain cases a SD that I have to travel to see is a very beneficial thing. They actually liked hearing my story’s about crazy plane rides, interesting people I met at the airports and what I had been doing over the past two weeks or so that we had spent away from each other. Sugar from a distance makes it easier to end the relationship if needed and keep the arrangement alive. Also, a guy who is willing to put up $500-1000 for a plane ticket and all of my travel expenses/hotel accommodations is a sd that I usually don’t have to worry about the lifestyle expectancy’s from. A few of my former SD’s actually referred to me as their Gypsy SB. (I liked that!)
    The first two years I was on this site, I actually ditched my apartment and rented a tiny bedroom for $300 per month. It was fun jumping on planes and jetting around the U.S meeting all kinds of amazing potential SD’s. I think I was only home about four days out of the month so it was no big issue to have such a tiny bedroom and just save money.

  84. gtt_envy says:

    @Beauty, I would think that is fairly accurate too. I screen heavily and usually don’t fit well with a SB looking for the latter “Show me off, take me to fancy dinners, and give me lots of money!”

    I do better with the SB wanting to travel, see new things, new experiences, with guy who isn’t as old as her Dad, with a “practical” allowance.

    The great thing that has been noted time and time again is the Sugar bowl is a big place and we all have been able to find what we are looking for 😉 everyone is different!!

  85. gtt_envy says:

    @SDRob, just wanted to touch on the txting piece a little bit and I agree 100x a day is nuts that only happened with 1 girl and it wasn’t 100x a day everyday. It was more like 1000-1500x in the first week and then tapering off, but still a solid 20-50x day afterwards probably hit 100 a few times afterwards. I just looked at my phone and 15-25x a day is very normal for any SB I’ve had. Remember I only see a SB 1-2x a month, so that is part of the reason usually a weekend together or 2 nights it depends.

    You touched on something I’ll quote it: “Currently, I have been lucky to find one SB who also claims she wants a single SD (and like you say tells me she does not want to fool around with more than one man including IRL and I pretty much believe her – maybe foolish of me). She has closed her account and I did not renew premium, so even though I still get a ton of winks and emails, I cannot and have no desire to check any of them out, although curious.”

    That is the best type isn’t it 😉 we don’t want to feel like a number just like SB’s don’t want to be treated like a prostitue. When you connect with someone and they stop logging in or better yet delete their profile it’s a good thing. It feels special doesn’t it!!

    There needs to be a emotional piece in these relationships even being NSA and imo for it to be special that emotional piece needs to be there. I received Christmas presents from my current SB “Aweee how sweet of her!”, we talk about her work, school, fun plans, music, movies, whatever is going on in our day, sxt, really almost everything. I would argue that anyone in a SB/SD relationship if you don’t have some sort of emotional component than what you really have is much more inline with a hobbyist/escort dynamic even if you don’t know it. You obviously don’t Rob, I was just making a statement 😉

    My SBs have always been like Onyx’s very much like long distance relationships not a couple messages a week, have sex, couple of messages have sex, again that’s a hobbyist not a SB/SD relationship.

    Sounds like you have a winner Rob 🙂 best of luck!!

  86. latin says:


  87. SD-Rob says:

    @ Newbie- from last topic, you asked how many SB I have. I got into the sugar bowl, genuinely hoping for only one single SB. But as it turned out, I have had quite a few , and at one time , at least two at the same time, which I did not feel good about, but it was driven because I realized that the SBs themselves also had several SDs. They were doing that so that they could maximize their income during a given week. Since I only had one day per week that I could meet a SB, I decided to try several as well, and the fact that almost every SB I met wanted intimacy on the first date, I ended up in a situation I would have never imagined and never had in my real life ever before. It was too enticing, but it also smelled (for me) of something more professional that what I was looking for, although NONE of the SBs were professionals, but rather had regular day jobs, some very good jobs, and as I mentioned before, they fell into the category of those who really liked sex and with various men, and in the process could get more money.
    Currently, I have been lucky to find one SB who also claims she wants a single SD (and like you say tells me she does not want to fool around with more than one man including IRL and I pretty much believe her – maybe foolish of me). She has closed her account and I did not renew premium, so even though I still get a ton of winks and emails, I cannot and have no desire to check any of them out, although curious. I hope this continues, as I am also giving her a nice allowance since I can now focus on one girl. That is IMO the advantage of an exclusive arrangement on the part of a SD towards a single SB, but of course, the SB can still have several SDs who are exclusive with her, but she is not with them, the ideal case for a SB looking for more $ or more sex, or whatever it is. This is the part I have an issue with , especially if the SB tell her various SDs that she is exclusive with each one of them!
    @ Onyx- from last topic – You mentioned you were ripped off by one SB about whom you had a lot of personal data. I was curious to know how were you ripped off? In what sense , if you are willing to share.

  88. SD-Rob says:

    @ Newbie – Actually, I would love to get a few texts a day from my SBs, but as I mentioned, the ones who were jumping around would only text just a day or so before the meetings. The others, that I know were not jumping around varied, one was really good about just sending a note or two during each day to keep in touch and I happily reciprocated, while the other one just was concerned about getting her other circle mixed up with mine too much due to the several texts I sent her, but eventually when I stopped texting her regularly and waiting for her texts only, she started texting herself more and more to the point that I had to joke with her that she was texting more than she had complained I did! We had a good chuckle about it.
    I do not know about GTA since I am in CA.
    What GTA ?

  89. DelloTT says:

    How do you look at those SDs or SBs who live out of your area (say a plane or good car ride away)? Do you immediately turn them away?

  90. beauty&brains says:

    I’ve met a few men on here who were like mentors to me. Im a college sugar baby and so far the oldest sd I’ve dated was 57 which is 30+ years older than me. However surprisingly that relationship worked out amazingly for me. my most recent sd is still close to 30+ years older than me but still in his 40s. With this website many women that I know who have used it our not looking for a mentor. They are looking for someone to give them some money and a SD who will take them out to nice dinners and show them off then in return give them a large some of money. That which just doesn’t usually happen.

  91. Newbie Needs Help says:

    now regarding the original post…any business/sustainable technologies mentors in the GTA area???

  92. Newbie Needs Help says:

    @rob interesting to hear that txts perspective, personally although i would like to keep in touch i wouldn’t unless the SD said that’s what they wanted. it would feel like imposing for me…i guess i better ask about it the next sd i meet..actually the first haven’t meet up with anyone yet :'(

    i wouldnt date anyone while in the sugar bowl and would never date a married SD, in terms of exclusivity in sugar it depends on the connection and the allowance

    also yeah 100 txts per day is crazy

  93. SD-Rob says:

    @ GTT and FB – I am not sure anyone really cares about the topic you guys go back and forth on, but when I was in San Diego many years ago, there was a restaurant/bar by the ocean in La Jolla which at happy hour saw the gathering of many hot looking 20-early 30 year olds, hanging around older 40-50+ year old business men, in the bar area. I was in my late 20’s then and my friends and I were amazed at the scene. about 20 years later now I see what was going on of course. So, GTT, I agree with you, IRL the connections with 20+ difference are rare in general compared to couples with 5 -10 year age difference, but they are not impossible and depending on what area you are, it may actually be more prevalent. It is also cultural too, where in a number of cultures marrying an older man is deemed the thing to do. My brother-in-law in fact, at 49, married a 32 year last year and they are expecting a baby soon. One my SBs was from Europe and she always told me that the stigma she has seen in the US about dating older men is no where near as much in Europe and in fact, she had one SDs in Europe (not through the site) who was in his early 60s when she was in her early 20s.

  94. SD-Rob says:

    Well, I had a SB who was very forthright about multiple lovers. She was actually in her mid 30’s not 20’s. She had a BF, several other lovers and me as a SD and I am sure other SDs if she could get her hands on them. It was actually refreshing. She admitted that she liked me since the sex was good , non vanilla and kinky (she was quite that). You knew where you stood and if you wanted to continue then you could, or decide that was not it for you.
    My point is not that there should be exclusivity, but the SBs themselves bring this up, saying things such as ” I want to be with only one man, and same in return, no jumping around from one SB to another, and vice versa”. I think others have mentioned this scenario as well, but in practice, one can never be sure unless they are indeed honest about this, but as Richard says you cannot bank on that since if they do hook up with others they are likely not to tell you maybe fearing that they would lose you, as opposed to being open about it and cut the BS about exclusivity to begin with, and let you decide.

  95. Richard says:

    One correction to my previous post. Young women are not only going outside of their committed relationships for sex to MEN, but also to other WOMEN. The percentage of women having sex with other women has doubled in the last 20 years, while it’s stayed about the same for men having sex with other men.

    It’s an interesting trend.

  96. Homer says:

    Agree with Richard. Exclusivity in a relationship is based on a real emotional bond between two (or three Devi) people. If the only thing keeping you together is money, you can’t expect any exclusivity. Legs is the perfect example of this. SD was fine, but she wanted a real relationship.

  97. Richard says:

    The reality is most young women cheat in their committed relationships. I think the percentage is up to about 70% for women in their late teens and early twenties. Apparently it’s about equal with men (or even slightly higher) for the first time ever. Young women are also having more sexual partners, about double the number from 20 years ago.

    The reasons are likely complex, but one reason that I’ve seen cited is that young men raised on Internet porn are terrible lovers and women have higher sexual expectations than they used to, so they are going outside of their committed relationships for sexual satisfaction. (Probably to OLDER men…LOL.)

    Ideally, we should all be completely open and honest in our relationships, but in reality there are so many complicated factors that’s probably just not realistic.

  98. FatBastardSD says:


    No need to respond I like to hear myself talk so to speak. Based on the way you write on the blog, your reading of and posting to coed forums (still interested in address of these coed forums by the way), and the amount you like to text you sound more like a coed yourself rather than a guy lurking in the shadows.

  99. gtt_envy says:

    @FB, you are hillarious and incapable of having a discussion without personal attacks. Like you usual you assume far too much 😉

    Why not just ask “Why do you spend alot of time at SEC colleges?” instead of attempting to paint a picture of some guy lurking in the shadows of college campuses ………give me a break.

    No longer responding to your replies 😉

  100. SD-Rob says:

    @ Legs- by the way, why would you continue to stay with your SD secretly? Money? Lingering connections and feeling of guilt? Interested to know. But horrible basis IMO for your new relationship, which will be doomed to fail. Do what spicey says only if you are not serious about your regular guy. And from the SD side, a good reason for quitting this whole thing when you are told the SB expects an exclusive arrangement and then in the meantime she is running around behind your back. Or as someone else said before you just give up on the idea of exclusivity in sugar world and never take the SBs who ask for that seriously in that regard and play around behind their backs since you just cannot trust any. Then you are called the scum bag serial SD that GTT was being accused of above.

  101. SD-Rob says:

    @Flyr- yes 100 texts per day is insane. I have only had that experience when in the first couple or so exchanges with a POT SB we texted about our expectations and usually got to become may texts when we started talking about what we like sexually. Currently, my SB and I text maybe once or twice a day, usually something about we are doing that is fun. I think that is about right to keep the anticipation and connection going.
    @ Legs- Thanks for the honest comment. I do not think it is fair to do what you are doing IF either one of them has asked you whether the relationship or arrangement is exclusive and you have lied. I believe you lay it out on the table and if the two parties are open to that then great. If not, you and they can make an informed decision. You may be afraid of losing either one of them, but you will eventually. Has happened to me. Usually, the SD may be the one who is more open to that since he may not want it exclusive either. BUT if you and your SD had agreed on an exclusive arrangement in the beginning , then this is not being genuine but maybe someone like SugarSpicey may say who cares and it does not matter. I think it does matter for a good SD/SB arrangement.

  102. FatBastardSD says:


    Almost the same thing. Super rare becomes rare. Reading coed forums. Hanging around the coed dorms…

    You should modify your profile. Let any POT SB know that texting 3000 times per month is part of the sugar that you are offering.

    P.S. I almost forgot ;-).

  103. gtt_envy says:

    @FB, my previous post from the other blog topic says almost the same thing 😉 here is the quote. My take has not changed it is rare and not the norm if it was we wouldn’t need SB sites at all 😉

    @FB, it’s not common FB and you know it!!

    early 20′s and early 40′s super rare
    early 20′s and early 50′s lightning strike
    early 20′s and early 60′s better chance at winning the lottery

    The older the SB those chances get much better! Real life is a great predictor and even in LA with gold diggers everywhere it’s rare to see such a thing, but hey who am I to bust a bubble!!

    As far as texting I have met women that were really into social networking glide, intsagram, snapchat, etc when talking back in forth you would be amazed how fast the txt messages add up. I would say most average about 1000/month ongoing.

  104. flyr says:

    @Leggs – It doesn’t sound good if you are looking for LT although there are a couple of possible interpretations

  105. FatBastardSD says:


    You have gone from 20 and 40 being impossible (even in LA) to being rare. Welcome to the real world. What do the coed forums have to say about this?

    I am sorry that you cannot find a smoking hot 20 year old coed who wants you as a BF. That is life. Most men never have a smoking hot 20 year old coed GF.

    I have never had a smoking hot GF either but I have a feeling that texting up to 3000 times per month with your SB does not help build attraction.


    If my logic made you unable to post than I would consider that an accomplishment.

  106. SugarySpicey says:

    Legs – why would a guy need to think about being in an exclusive relationship or not? Play both sides, I don’t think you need to give up anything for a guy who hesitates when you ask to define your relationship status.

  107. legsfordays says:

    Regarding us SB’s and our boyfriends in our day to day lives…
    I was going on ‘regular dates’ with guys my age (I’m 21) all last year while going on sugar dates on the side. Met a ‘regular’ guy who I’ve been dating for a while now… I really like him, so I’ve asked if he wants to be in an official, committed relationship. I find out that answer when he gets back from vacation with his family in a week or so. Meanwhile, I have my amazing SD who I’ve been seeing since October. I am currently sleeping with both of them. Neither one of them know about each other. And soon I might have to make the decision if I should stay with my SD secretly while I enter an official, committed and “exclusive” relationship… Sigh…

  108. flyr says:

    @SD Rob

    100 textx a day, Sounds like an obsession. May be that my large fingers are not made for texting.

    100 per day sounds like generals who are thinking about their privates.

  109. SD-Rob says:

    On how many SB have BF or other in their lives.
    Would be interesting to hear from the SBs.
    As I have mentioned I have come across SB who have had several SD at the same time and one who also had a boyfriend. Several other blogs by SBs on the net confirms this as well.
    My current SB who I see once a week claims she has no time for anyone else … ??

  110. SD-Rob says:

    @ Gtt – on the question of getting bored and moving on.
    I have run into that with the two SB that I have had that lasted a month each , not because I was bored of the sexy, but because IME the SB do NOT communicate very much in between meetings. Then you sort of only connect when you get together which is mostly spent having sex and for me it becomes less interesting of a relationship. When you only get a text a day or so before the meeting it tastes more like an escort type deal than what I imagined of the sugar world. I can’t imagine 1000 texts a month!! I have had like a hundred or more per day for a couple days from some but only in the very start. Some have even complained about too many texts at several a day. Also, it seems like the number drops as the SB age increases from the low 20’s to late 20’s and early 30’s.
    Currently, I have a new SB who’s in her early 30’s , does not like to text much, great sex for both, have seen each other 3 times, twice intimately, and I hope that it lasts longer than previous ones … We will see

  111. gtt_envy says:

    @FB, I’m already in a relationship she is 36. Yes, I’m not going down that road again with you we will agree to disagree 🙂

    I stand by:
    20 and 40 rare
    20 and 50 really rare
    20 and 60 unbeloevably super rare

    And you and others can keep thinking its normal day to day activity 🙂

    Makes you wonder why sites like Sa even exist when the lust coeds have for men 2-3x their age is so normal in todays society.

  112. Homer says:

    @FB–Your logic has left me speechless. Just because I can spell, that doesn’t mean I can be successful at everything. I only meant to imply that many of the actors and actresses in the adult industry may not be the most academically gifted. And as you probably know, you don’t have to be smart to be rich. BTW you may assume that I have a 12″ dong made of gold…

  113. FatBastardSD says:


    If the members of that billion dollar industry are as stupid as you believe then you should be able to walk right in, do a better job, and make a fortune. This assumes that you don’t already have a fortune.

  114. FatBastardSD says:


    I don’t care that you think a SB in her 20’s would never date someone 40+. The real problem is that you have a mental issue because you think your SB’s are not attracted to you. It is obvious from your posts that you want to find a SB in her 20’s to be your GF or love you like one.

    Try this advise. Go after the caliber of women you could have dated in your 20’s (or when you looked your best). If you are successful guy, you should be able to overcome 10-15 years of aging and get the same type of woman today. Anything beyond these parameters will require some sort of “allowance”.

  115. beauty&brains says:

    I think this topic is pretty interesting. I once had a SD who really enjoyed showing me new places and helped me to experience new things. All of that was great and I really appreciated it. However at times he did come off as condescending and somewhat annoying when he would try to explain things/concepts to me that I was not interested in what so ever. He was a very sweet man despite being around 35+ years older than me and a chain smoker but I did learn a lot from his stories and business experiences which he shared with me.

  116. gtt_envy says:

    @Homer, I think the number is 90% unless you are seeing them weekly which in my experience is alot. If it’s not a relationship I know few woman who don’t have “friends” they see every so often.

    What do I know lol I’m the guy who thinks a 20 yr old would rarely if ever date a guy 40+ IRL let alone 50+. Which always ignites a $hitstorm here 😉

  117. Homer says:

    A billion dollar industry based in the San Fernando valley would disagree. Although to be fair, the majority of the members of that industry couldn’t spell either to save their lives, but tomato, tomato. (When I type it instead of say it, doesn’t make much sense).
    My way just sounds dirtier

  118. gtt_envy says:

    @SS, I’m already in a longterm relationship so no need for super deep emotional bonds, intellectual conversation, or really deep talks though we talk a ton. As I’ve said before a typical month is well over 1000 txt messages and has even topped 3k at times. Sugar for me is just a break from the norm, friendly banter, and the occassional slightly deeper current events discussion. Still, I would wager I communicate far more than most SD/SB’s do.

    At some point after a certain amount of months I can start to feel emotions and that’s usually when I know I need to wind it down because what I’m feeling is real and not what she signed up for. Emotionally there is only so far the relationship can go and that prevents growth. I know a real relationship isn’t in the works and I can’t have sugar affecting my IRL anyway. Really the relationship is based on newness, fun, something beneficial, and hopefully leaving it better than you found it. Someone has to end it no matter what and it’s never easy if it was a good arrangment.

    You are adding a little bit SS remember I’m the guy who didn’t even sleep with my first 3 sbs because it almost felt wrong. I identify much more with the white knights on the board then the bang em and leave types.

    To reiterate have to guard my heart and make sure emotional intimacy isn’t rearing it’s ugly head it can happen easily for me. Most SB’s I’ve had always have had a BF of some sort even if not serious and IMO most do anyway regardless of what they say.

    So, while I agree that I’m a serial SD type I try not to be the guy you described even if I somewhat am that guy.

  119. SugarySpicey says:

    Homer, it’s not cum, it’s never cum.

  120. Richard says:

    Oh, no, not the old “come” versus “cum” argument. Now you’ve done it, Homer! 🙂

    I think there are as many different stories as there are personalities here. I can get bored DURING sex with someone for the first time, other women keep me interested much much longer. I’m with Sugary, it probably has as much to do with emotional “age” (which isn’t always the same as chronological age) as anything…although someone who shares my kinks is likely to keep me interested longer. And intelligence and ambition and a good sense of humor make a big difference.

  121. Homer says:

    @Spicey–Ah, I see where you’re coming from there. That’s probably true, although the cynic in me would say that the average 19-22yo on here is looking to make a buck, not form any kind of relationship. At least the one’s that sleep with the SD, not the ones looking to “meet a friend” and get paid for platonic relationships, so I’m not sure how damaged these young ones are going to be. More than likely they just move on to the next guy.
    What percentage of young SBs 19-25yo, just as an example, have BFs or other SOs on the side, do you think?
    Oh, and as a side note, it’s “Cum Dumpsters”, at least in the acclaimed and award winning adult film series 😉

  122. flyr says:

    @redpaint “It’s interesting to me and that knowledge is hard to come by with my circle of friends who are more similar to my age than my SD’s, or even just reading on the Internet on my own.z’

    couple of examples from a long sugar road

    SB was going back to school after a couple years . Her friends had her ready to enroll in a community college – a few miles away is a second community college the difference is that the second one has a guaranteed pipeline into the University of California and sends more kids to the UC than any other community college. They also have ivy league schools pursuing their students. My admn assistant left the same school with a full boat scholarship to Brown and had Columbia and Univ of Chicago calling.

  123. SugarySpicey says:

    Homer – I tell the very young SBs to do self-protect, not SDs. Reverse this from GTTs SB perspective: he’s a serial SD who goes for women who are far too young/not that smart, bangs them for a couple months, gets bored (of course) then moves on to the next fluffy bunny. Poor, young, impressionable SB is now dumped, and out the $ugar he used to give her. She’s poorer, sadder, and more bitter about men while he’s off repeating the cycle with the next unsuspecting 22 year old.

    The SD can get attached (it’s better for everyone when he does), but the SB should protect herself from guys like GTT who habitually pursue women like come dumpsters, moving onto the next once they’ve filled the first.

  124. Homer says:

    @Spicey– I think you’re sending mixed messages here. On one hand you advise SBs to keep the arrangement professional, keep the SD at arms length and to keep any “real” emotions out of the relationship. If someone like GTT is involved in a relationship where the only components are sugar and sex, how do you not get bored? Relationships built solely on sex all have a limited shelf life. What keeps real relationships going is the emotional connection you develop which lasts beyond the physical and if you’re always at arms length away from your SB, that can never happen, no matter how smart, charming and interesting the girl is.

  125. SugarySpicey says:

    GTT – if you’re getting bored it’s because you are choosing women who are too young/dumb/boring from the get go and basing purely on appearance. Now that’s fine, if you want serial sugar, but if you want to be entertained you might try looking harder for physical AND intellect.

  126. gtt_envy says:

    Offtopic 😉 question for the SD’s how often do you end a arrangement because let’s be frank you got bored? We all know the perks, but after you have had a few rounds of Monkey sex, trips, shared tons with each other do you find yourself saying “Hmmmmm……..now what?” and start thinking about ending and looking for a different girl to spoil and have fun with?

  127. DelloTT says:

    Interesting stuff…as I noted in the last blog in conservation with SD-Rob, we talked about how many SDs go around to comfortably afford the $3,000 and up/month allowance (and I assume you want him to have a decent lifestyle himself, so he would have to make some serious coin).

    The mentoring idea is nice. I guess the question is, do SBs just want the gifts and allowance, or should their be some emotional sharing (bouncing ideas, moments, stories…supporting each other) in a sugar relationship? I guess a close friendship with benefits? After the sugar ends, do you still remain friends and in touch with your sugar “exes”?

    Sugary-terrible advice for others here to tell you not to negotiate when it comes to a job. Always negotiate. Especially if you know they want you badly.

  128. redpaint says:

    I would think that mentoring is more of a by-product of some sugar relationships due to the constant texting/meetings and actually having a real life personal relationship (not much for P4P unless you guys spend a great deal of time together) I think SDs would also want to try and add value into the relationship in that sense, more than just allowance or gifts. It’s more of an informal sharing of experiences and personally I would appreciate that. It’s interesting to me and that knowledge is hard to come by with my circle of friends who are more similar to my age than my SD’s, or even just reading on the Internet on my own. It may not be mentoring per se and more of support and guidance in those areas of the SB’s life, in which some SDs are genuinely happy to help. And they get a positive ego boost when their expertise are valued!

  129. Euphoria (retired SB) says:

    I have been very lucky with this. Every former SD that I have had, with the exception of one has been an amazing mentor to me. This site is a great way to find people to mentor you. I couldn’t think of anyone better to ask life, relationship and financial mentoring from then amazing SD who is already helping me in so many ways. I don’t know where I would be if all of them weren’t around.

  130. mike says:

    @SugarySpicey, maybe we can have an e-mail exchange or a phone conversation sometimes. It would be nice to exchange some thoughts. If not, no problem. Moderator please give @sugary my e-mail, if she would like to have a chat with me, thanks.

  131. SugarySpicey says:

    I may be projecting here based on my most recent “relationship” and job negotiations.

    1. The Pirate couldn’t/wouldn’t see me as a successful professional though my title, responsibilities, and performance appraisals would say otherwise. So he would “mentor” me with tips any 2-year lackey would know.

    2. Milk patronizingly “explained nuances” to me of a deal I spent three years closing, acting like an expert on the field because he’d brushed up against it a little – but completely underestimating the incredible sweetheart deal I’d been able to land due to years of legwork. (A deal legal council at a huge company who ended up assuming the contract said they were amazed at, it weighed so heavily in my favor).

    3. When it came time to negotiate salary in this new job I took, every single man on this blog told me not to. Had I listened to SD “mentors” in any of those situations I’d have been far worse off.

    The key is context. In the SB/SD context there is too much missing information (like my obsessive analysis and forecasting before I make a proposal) that an SD couldn’t know. I definitely benefited from a few mentors during my career, but they were supervisors whose opinion I could trust because they really knew my strengths, intellect, and weaknesses.

  132. WCSD says:

    I’ve found it very different from Spicey or NCGent. In general, mentoring/giving advice has been a part of my sugar relationships. I have found that it has been my longer distance SBs that this occurs with, and maybe that is because we are in contact more often via text/call between seeing each other, and this opens an opportunity to give some value with mentoring rather than me being there. But honestly I’ve never thought about it (why it is happening).

    I’m an Engineer by education (well, one of my degrees), and my mind is always analyzing every situation, event, problem, etc. and naturally this just comes out my mouth. So maybe I’ve found SBs that appreciate it, or maybe they are good actors and in reality they are like Spicey and hate it….I really don’t know. I guess in the end if I’m happy, and they appear happy, then there isn’t a problem!

  133. Zack says:

    I…I..oh, …lyricstranslate.com/en/oi-oi-oi-oi.html

    I think I had a second meet with a “mentee.” I’m infatuated, but I think we “click.” We’re interested in some similar things that we’re both interested in seeing in her future. 🙂 Anyway, I do think a mentor should actually be able to deliver something useful…and both should find out in the long run.

    Interesting topic…gtt…just a second meet for me, but if we’re lucky she might let you know how it works out over the next few years.

    Let me tell you about her eyes… Some other time 😛


  134. flyr says:

    I think Spicey and I will simply agree to disagree – it’s a big sugar tent…..

    My take is that there’s a place for formal and informal mentoring and that often the informal is more productive. But I agree with here that it’s not the place for half baked thoughts.

  135. SugarySpicey says:

    Flyer – that’s exactly it. A mentor should see the mentee in a professional/academic capacity in order to provide useful, actionable mentoring based on real experiences, not a random musing on what he thinks the mentee might do.

  136. gtt_envy says:

    @NCGENT, I agree 100% this is added fun I don’t want to talk work, jobs, careers, etc a escape from the norm is a great way to put it!!

  137. gtt_envy says:

    I haven’t meant any SB looking for any type of real mentoring! Sugar relationships going off the blog usually last months with some posters saying the average length is 2-3 months……really what type of mentoring happens in 2-3 months? Hook up for a summer internship, maybe?

    Usual the girls are just immersed in school I’ve never found a SB who was in engineering, let alone work as contractor for the government, so I can’t offer much anyway lol.

    I’m sure there are some great stories of mentoring…..Onyx has his that he has talked about a few times. Most SB’s just want a fair allowance, fun dates, respect, and not to feel like they are being treated like a prostitute.

    Good reed so far though 😉

  138. flyr says:

    Just to be clear the grad student mentoring is not in any way related to sugary delights

  139. flyr says:

    Mentoring comes in different forms. Mentoring grad students interested in a particular industry is a pretty formalized program with regular meetings and such although it often takes on special projects . However, my personal take is that the best SB mentoring is simply being a resource, illuminating opportunities, helping them talk through stuff, occasionally being a magician or dragon slayer, and finally being a friend.

    Often many of their friends are not into activities which let her blossom or get back to earlier interests.

    As others noted it might be about dealing with car problems, picking a school or getting around obstacles.

    Sometimes it’s very delicate and not mentoring but creating experiences – sb is methodically moving away from dreams as a result of childhood abuse and current “friends” . Really smart, loves physics but is about to be thrown out of the University + lose her scholarship as she is diligently snatching defeat from the jaws of victory . Arranged for her to help at neighborhood bbq I was hosting where several of our resident rocket scientists were guests- talking to them and finding that they respected her knowledge and were excited that such an attractive young woman was interested in physics got her enthused again. It was all an “accident” as she was asked to make sure that their glasses were always filled .

    Back in 08 – 09 there were a couple of SB’s who needed to understand that the banks were just bleeding them to death with the help of the govt

  140. NC Gent says:

    Personally, I am not entering mentoring either. If my SB asks for my opinion or advice, I will gladly provide it. However, I view sugar dating as a fun escape from my everyday life, and mentoring isn’t high on my list of exciting things to do.

  141. Homer says:

    I agree with @SS as well. Maybe I’m just too jaded, but any advice beyond “don’t spend it all at once” falls on deaf ears. Maybe SA could add a second “Expectations” category with things like “Life advice, Business advice, Diet tips, etc”

  142. Richard says:

    @Sugary – Can you elaborate? It’s really not clear to me how you feel….

    Personally, I’m not into the idea of “mentoring” someone like I’m the college professor and they are the undergraduate student. Or daddy/daughter (gag). On the other hand, I do enjoy sharing experiences and insight with someone, even advice if solicited. But it should go both ways…if she doesn’t have anything to share with me (other than sex) what’s the point? I hate the terms SB and SD, so maybe I’m not typical.

  143. SugarySpicey says:

    Gag!! Some I’m sleeping with trying to “mentor” me, huge, pompous, condescending, turn off! Find your mentors at work, where they can actually see your talents and skills. “Work” Spicey is totally different from “Sexy” Spicey, and any SD would be so completely without appropriate context their efforts would just be annoying! Though my gay SD has given useful comments on occasion I wouldn’t consider it mentoring, just a friend with a clever perspective.

  144. SD-Rob says:

    And how many really WANTS one or take advantage of the opportunity with a SD.
    This brings up another question I have had, which is the frequency of contact during a given week.
    IME, with the P4P SBs (even those that I have met several times overall), usually it is very infrequent, maybe a text or two the whole week, with a couple just before the meeting. Then an hour or so of conversation, then sex, which takes the bulk of the time, and then they are gone.
    With the more steady ones, maybe a text or two a day, maybe a phone call a week to firm up plans for the meeting, then basically the same when we meet, maybe a 2-3 of hours of conversation but if they stay overnight, then of course, laying together in bed, not much more.
    Don’t take me wrong, the couple of hours of conversation or so is great to talk about your week, life, extra, but leaves little time to get into mentoring other than occasional relating of experiences that they may or may not listen to.
    The younger ones, early 20, are more receptive, late 20s to early 30s mostly think they have it figured out.

  145. flyr says:

    My guess is that 10% of the SB population NEEDS a mentor; but 70% would benefit from one.

  146. SD-Rob says:

    I don’t know, I certainly did not preach anything, rather spoke of my experiences.
    Sex and hence not being able to be mentored ? Don’t know. I think it left no time for mentoring … 🙂 what’s been your experience then ?

  147. sweetie says:

    Obviously, they didn’t need a mentor or they thought you were preaching to them, patronizing them, or they were plain ole’ too young to see a good thing when it happened to them. Perhaps it’s difficult to mentor somebody you have sex with? The message just doesn’t get through if the mentee is immature and unresponsive.

  148. legsfordays says:

    Good topic indeed. Wish more SB’s understood this… look for a SD who doesn’t just come with a wallet, but also sound advice. Intelligence is actually pretty sexy. Maybe I’m weird but I kind of swoon a little bit when my SD teaches me how to beat up car salesmen & how to invest my money for my future.

  149. legsfordays says:

    Good topic indeed. Wish more SB’s understood this… look for a SD who doesn’t just come with a wallet, but also sound advice. Intelligence is actually pretty sexy. Maybe I’m weird but I kind of swoon a little bit when my SD teaches me how to beat up car salesmen & how to invest my money for my future.

  150. SD-Rob says:

    Hmmm, seriously, over the last 7 months or so on the sugar scene , I have yet to come across a single SB who wanted any mentoring ! All about intimacy, fn and support in $ terms.
    In fact, some took advice I tried to give them as sounding like their father !

  151. Sugasuga says:

    Finally! This is the reason I joined, not all sb have drug and daddy issues.
    Good read.

  152. sweetie says:


    Finally a down to earth topic. The previous ones were getting redundant. One can only take so much of “sugar baby has to be perfect in every aspect all the time,” ways to lure your sugar daddy, be sexy etc. Sounds like a pageant. As long as you’re pretty, smile at all times, nod your head and say “Yes, daddy. Anything you want” you should be good to go. Yikes!

    A mentor with the funds to support your ventures sounds perfect. It doesn’t happen too often, though. Even without the funds, mentoring is hard to find. I haven’t met many people who like to share their wealth of knowledge, less so in the academia, ironically. If you’re young and have a good head on your shoulders, you’ll be fine. Adults have their midlife crises, too. With that said, I wouldn’t freak out if you can’t figure out the rest of your like right out of college. Wouldn’t that be boring to have it all according to plan?

  153. Angela says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome in the blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” for more details. For the newbies, please take a look at the “Sugar Daddy Dating Tips” section on the right for a list of commonly discussed topics and the “SD and SB Blog List” section to see the perspective of other sugars. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog…