9 years ago
Communicating with Sugar Daddies

“I take screening to another level. We all have “haves” and “have nots”, but then you want to make sure this person is genuine. Part of that is done via communication and some is homework. Sometimes (not all) a genuine SD is willing to let you know who he is, what he does, etc and you can verify it on the internet. There are also free public records (in the US) that help confirm is someone is from a particular area. Lastly, you can search e-mail addresses and cell phones to see if they have posted them on CL or other sites where you may learn he’s into pros or BDSM. I just recently learned you can use tineye dot com to reverse search images to see if he/she lifted an image from somewhere else.

The communication side of things include asking open-ended questions such as:

1- Have you ever had an sb before?
2- What did/didn’t you like?
3- How long have you been on SA? What was your experience so far?
4- What do you see as your ideal arrangement?
5- Why is he looking here instead of other sites?
6- What is he looking for in a lady?

You get the idea. Ask the question, then do nothing but listen intently. Resist the urge to respond until you are sure he is done talking. You will learn a great deal from his reply. You will find out what a mutually beneficial arrangement is in his mind. You will find out if he is comfortable giving an allowance. If he’s new, find out what he knows and how he decided to join SA. Don’t be offended if he doesn’t have a full grasp on it yet, but instead invite him to the blog. Red flags will come up naturally…trust your instincts and know that if it sounds questionable there is a high likelihood it is questionable.

Mind you – don’t drill him with every question. Just ask a few that appeal to you and incorporate them into the conversation. Even add, “if I were your sb, what would make you happiest?” while asking the others to keep him from feeling interviewed or defensive. If you don’t understand a reply, ask him to clarify in a curious fashion. Some people skip this and go straight to the meet, but I have found it to be very useful in my approach and I’ve managed to stay away from the flakes. We’ve all had different experiences, so do what works best for you. Overall, be SAFE!”

– Midwest SB

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77 Responses to “Communicating with Sugar Daddies”

  1. Anna Molly says:

    Wow! The Gala last night was AMAZING! Mario Batali, Michael White and other incredible chefs and delicious wine. The live auction offered some amazing lots, but we didn’t win anything. :(
    Oh well, there’s always next year. :)

  2. KayCee says:

    Good luck Miss Lunah!!!!

  3. Alleycat says:

    new blog subject!

  4. MissLunah says:

    AudreySB I agree… I have learned a lot.. and I have met quite a few pot SB so far and they have all been very straghtforward and nice… I have one dinner on Monday, and then one on Friday… wish me luck!

  5. AudreySB says:

    Is it wrong if I check this blog more than my profile messages? This is so fun and addicting.. and so many nice people and interesting and useful advice 😉

  6. Enigma SD says:

    I agree with Aphrodite about the 30 second review. When perusing profiles, the first picture catches my interest. Then I look at the rest of the pictures (if any). Then I quickly skim to see: 1) if we have any common interests, 2) what the SB is seeking in a sugar relationship, and 3) if the SB can write grammatically correct sentences with minimal typos. If I am interested after that, I send an email and see how it goes from there. As an aside, it is great if the SB would say the age range of the SD she is seeking, whether she can travel (geographical distance she would consider), and if a married SD is a deal killer (can be subtle — like I can be discreet). Have a great day everyone!

  7. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    AudreySB – I’m so happy for you. Then this is the time to sweetly bring up…”I have some goals I’d like to reach with your help…” and see if he comes through with an allowance.

    Wildatheart – If he used the words “gf exp” it means he wants sex without condoms…it’s prostitute speak. Sorry sweets.

  8. Aphrodite says:

    I’m realizing that I should probably post in the profile blog :)

  9. Aphrodite says:

    Aw I wasn’t implying that you don’t appreciate more specific details Tally, I’m just trying to emphasize it IS the focus on the SD that matters :) And also that you shouldn’t not be yourself when you do meet him! I might want my cake and eat it too ; )

  10. AudreySB says:

    You are so right! I really need to be careful about these kind of things…. Thank you!
    I have an another first date (at my city) tomorrow. Very excited about him. We are just going to lunch but he seems real and honest. I guess I will see when I meet him.
    Goodnight sugars! Thank you again for all of the helps and advice!

  11. talleyrand says:


    The profile quotes I provided, good and bad, were meant to be illustrative of where the SB’s focus was: either on her wishes or a potential SD’s needs. The profiles usually had additional specifics.

  12. AudreySB says:

    Ah I see! I should be more careful next time. Thank u guys u all are super awesome!
    @Midwest. I guess that guy I talked about isn’t gone. He called like 3times today and said he will come to my city next week 😉 and he wants plan a trip tosomewhere warm. I guess its a good thing since I really liked him …

  13. Aphrodite says:

    KINDRED SPIRIT- I agree with much of what you say! I do have a slight twist on it though. I completely agree with the SB resume/interview analogy and the SB being proactive, and I think those all combine into one based on the profile. (I again apologize for caps.) I do work and have been through the “getting a resume based job gambit” so I absolutely understand your take. I look at the profile as being the resume, HOWEVER if you submit your resume to a resume bank i.e. SA: remember, SDs are BUSY they want to SKIM and if they aren’t interested they move on; you need to CAPTURE ATTENTION. This is standard of any resume review in any HR dept. most resumes are never given more than a 30 sec. glance; and to reiterate the SDs may be even more critical (does NOT mean biased.) That is the reason I said focus on an SD in the profile, and agree with Midwest’s opinion on a picture. Second step is his reply. Then SBs you get the choice: do you want his attention? Is he interested in you? Yes? GREAT those are where your common interests shine and you find a mutual match. Think of it this way: in your profile you state “I only listen to country music” and an SD hates it, he might pass you by BUT what if you both also love skydiving and that matters more? You can discover this in your emails/phone calls, your INTERVIEW. So in my original post when I said STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU that is what I was referencing. Look at Talleyrand’s posts, his examples of the turnoff comments are perfect examples of saying too much; and he agrees that it is not a good choice, appreciate an SDs input!

    And absolutely be proactive! Don’t just randomly post your resume on SA, find the fit you want and go from there!

  14. Aphrodite says:

    Why thank you alleycat, you sweetheart ; )

  15. Wildatheart says:

    Thank you Midwest. I am hot!!! lol.
    I just want other SBs to know the fake tactics some SDs try. After the second date, when it was time to talk about ‘allowance’ he tells me that he took off his profile and is looking for a real gf exp. ?? Hes lying because the profile is still there, hes looking for sex for free as he asked me go home w/ him the first date. That should have been a red flag! He said he met a girl two times and ‘loaned’ her money and never saw her again. She must have saw through him and didnt want to waste her time. Basically, hes saying he wants the gf exp without paying anything for it. I had this happened few yrs ago w/ an older man who I was dating, they make you feel like you are their GF or close to a wife and would not lift a finger to help you when you need it. So just beware because this recent SD was the same. He wanted the benefits of a girlfriend for free. He wasted my time and strung me along for weeks. I got nothing out of it but a headache. To all SBs you have my support and love. I want all to know how it feels when you’ve been a target and you get free-loaders. But Im sure not all are the same.

  16. DallasBaby says:

    AudreySB – flight option is also a ploy for an sugar daddy to get your personal info so he can snoop !

  17. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    AudreySB – For your safety and a myraid of other reasons, ask him to come to you for the first meeting. Too many women end up in precarious situations…usually with men who have no intention of starting an arrangement when they travel for a first meet.

  18. Ty says:

    Recently a “sugar daddy” went off on me for not being the object he attempted to treat me as. I responded with the following and I post this to remind any sugars out there who may be uneasy and intimidated by any daddies that the ones who push are only disillusioned, lonely men who are the farthest from true gentlemen. There are amazing, compassionate, RESPECTFUL daddies out there, and I hope you all find the ones of your dreams :}

    You never had a childhood and so you behave like a child in the worst of ways. You pay for intimacy so you’re always in control and no one can get close to you. Your superficial connections and lack of authentic emotions leave you isolated and alone. Not just tonight, always. I wish you all the best. But you’re going to need more than that to live a happy and normal life.

  19. AudreySB says:

    * let’s decide on the allowance

  20. AudreySB says:

    One more question…
    I get invitation to other places sometimes.. they say they will pay for tickets and hotels for 2 nights of travel… So if we never met and I go to see him, how do I get out of the pressure of sleeping with him? One time this SD invited me to LA and I went, he said he really liked me and said let’s decide on the arrangement so we can start the arrangement. But the rule is not to sleep with the SD for the first two dates, no?
    I am so confused… :(

  21. Anna Molly says:

    Beautiful day in NYC! :)

  22. AudreySB says:

    Thank you Midwest!
    I understand what u saying… I read a lot of comments on here last night.
    I wish I read it earlier…. but I did it not because of the allowance I really liked him…
    I guess I will just move on and do better next time.

  23. Anna Molly says:

    Oh, hi everyone! Midwest, Kindred, Alleycat, Enigma, Dallas, and all the new Bloggers! :)
    Hope all of you have a great day! 😀

  24. Anna Molly says:

    Great KayCee! Good luck! :)

  25. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Audrey SB – It’s likely you won’t get an arrangement with him at this point. It’s been said over and again not to sleep with someone unless you want to…not because you think it will get you an allowance. Next time, wait. Not because you’re playing games, but because you want to maintain a little mystery and have him desiring you. His comment about getting plenty out of sugar shows a lack of respect for you and arrogance on his part. Next him before he does it to you. Call it a learning opportunity.

    Wildatheart – Sorry to hear. You can’t really report him for looking for a hot gf. What you can do is screen early and watch for “relationship” flags. They’re usually in the profiles as well as the e-mails. A real SD knows the difference b/w sugar and a a relationship.

    Kaycee – Good luck!

    Hey Dallas and Kindred!

  26. KayCee says:

    Anna & Alleycat- met a pot sd yesterday. He is taking me to dinner tomorrow! lets hope he is a good one!

  27. Wildatheart says:

    I need to vent! I just had a horrible exp w/ a SD. He was a total free loader, promised he would take care of the arrangement and we went on the second date yesterday and we kissed and that was all. Today he tells me hes no longer looking for an arrangement. WTF? Hes been lying to me all these weeks wasting my time w/ endless emails and texts. Thank God we did not sleep together but he totally left a very bad taste in my mouth. I had been so nice and honest with him all along. Arrghh. Should i report him and how ?

  28. AudreySB says:

    Hello Sugars!
    I am on this website now about two months and have had few interesting dates.
    I really interested in this one SD, but we haven’t decided anything yet.
    However, we saw each other first time and he took me to drink with his friends and we slept together (did it too). He strongly mentioned that he has no problem getting a girl outside of sugar bowl ( I can tell).
    He’s a single, good looking SD but I don’t know how to keep him interested in me and set an arrangement.
    He lives in LA which is couple hours flight from where I am at.
    So I don’t know what to do or I should call or text him at all….
    Please help ~~~~

  29. DallasBaby says:

    More info I found :

    Sugar Daddy Dating Tips

    Dating a Sugar Daddy & keeping him!
    This is it girls. You have found a man who fits your Sugar Daddy requirements and you have his attention. Indeed, you have been on a few dates and you know he is interested in you. What’s next? Now you must put all your energies into keeping this man interested and developing this blossoming relationship into the mutually beneficial arrangement you have been searching for. The early days of your relationship are crucial. You don’t want to be overbearing and push him away, yet you need to show interest so he knows to pursue this relationship. It’s a question of striking the perfect balance. Maintain an air of mystery, but never be rude. Make it so he has to take the lead, or at least so he feels like he is taking the lead. Most important of all is that throughout the relationship, but particularly at the beginning, never make any reference to money. Pretend as though money is the last thing on your mind. The last thing you want is for him to catch on to your plan.

    How to be a Sugar Baby?

    1. Don’t Call Him
    Call your mother. Call your friends. Call the lady from the wake-up call service in your city. But, whatever you do, never call him. If he doesn’t call you, it means he’s probably not interested in you. If you call him, he will most likely agree to a date with you simply to humor or distract you, but this is not your goal. Usually, he will wait a few days before calling. When he does, try not to sound like you have been waiting right next to the phone. Better, feign distraction, like he caught you in the middle of something. Better yet, don’t answer. Let the call go to voicemail and let him leave a message. Call back, but after a few hours. If you’re any good at playing hard-to-get, you might even choose to not return all of his calls. Instead, return every other one and leave him begging for your attention.

    Dating a Sugar Daddy is hard work!
    2. Magically Appear
    It is possible, albeit unlikely, that he hasn’t returned your call because he lost your number or even his cell phone. To cover yourself against this possibility, return to the place where you met just in case he is there. If he is, that will give him the opportunity to ask you out, and if he doesn’t want to do that, then at least you’ll make him feel a twinge of guilt for a moment. Even if you are still in touch with him, and you have a date planned for the future, think about going to the places he goes and hanging out there too. Play a game of tennis with a girlfriend at the tennis club; go hit some balls at the driving range. Grab a café latté at his local Starbucks. But make sure you’re not stalking him!!! If you do see him on one of these chance encounters, he will say something like “What are you doing here?” or, “I have never see you here before”. Be ready with your responses. Tell him your girlfriend is a member and recommended it or something like that.

    Being able to magically appear in the places he might be hanging out is an important part of the planning process. During your encounters with your Sugar Daddy, ask discreet, and I mean discreet, questions about his friends, places he frequents like the gym or the golf club and these will be the places you might look when searching for the Sugar Daddy. These places will also become good hunting ground in the future if your current arrangement doesn’t work out the way you plan. This technique also helps because your actual or potential Sugar Daddy will think you have similar interests. You can even take it one step further and start eating lunch at the diner round the corner from his office, or even solicit his services. If he is an accountant, perhaps you can ask him for some tax advice and if he is a financial advisor, perhaps he can help you with some investment advice. Of course, if you don’t have any money, you will need to be more creative than this, but the general idea is that you are suddenly in his office, looking professionally seductive and you maintain yourself at the top of his mind. Before embarking on these tactics, you should probably rent Fatal Attraction and study Glenn Close’s behavior so you know what not to do!!!

    3. Take Control
    In all aspects of the relationship, from telephone conversations to dates and encounters, you need to make sure you are in control. Never let him be the first to say goodbye or the one who ends the telephone conversation. Let him know you have “something to do”, bid him goodbye and be polite, saying that “it has been a pleasure chatting with you”. Don’t try to drag the conversation out, rather cut it short, leaving him keen to talk to you again soon.

    Sugar Babies always have to stay in shape!
    4. Don’t Get Comfortable
    Cast your mind back to my initial advice of always looking your best. Your Sugar Daddy was initially attracted to you because of your appearance and the time and energy you invest in looking your best. Now that you have snared him, don’t go back to slouching in your pajamas. Instead, everyday you should strive to look better than the last. Also continue to prepare yourself mentally and physically for each encounter with your Daddy, this way you always have something interesting to talk about, you always look your best, and he will not be able to resist seeing you again.

    Over time you will show him how simple and low-maintenance you are and he will have the chance to appreciate your inner beauty. But to get to this stage, you must first enchant him with your charming exterior.

    5. Fulfill His Needs, both Physical and Mental
    The Sugar Daddy has chosen to be in this relationship for a variety of reasons. He is most likely looking for an escape from his regular life, a break from the repetitive humdrum of going to work and returning to his family where he is not appreciated for everything he does. Chances are his wife hasn’t shown him any real affection or romance in years and quite frankly, he is bored. He might not be married, which is the ideal (albeit unlikely) situation for you, in which case he is looking for excitement and he wants a beautiful woman to accompany him to social events and charity galas.

    Always keep your daddy sexually attracted to you!
    No matter his situation at home, you must fulfill his needs. Make sure you are always a joy to spend time with and then, he will always want to be with you, regardless of his “other life”. Even if you have had a bad day and need to talk about it with someone, don’t weigh your Sugar Daddy down with your problems. Save them for coffee with a friend in the morning. By the time you have spent a few dates with him, you should have an idea of whether he is looking for a sexual arrangement with you. If he does want to make this an intimate relationship, you must be prepared to go along with that. If you are looking for a non-sexual arrangement, this is the time to get out. In the bedroom, you should be a very selfless lover, always pleasing your Sugar Daddy before he pleases you. With time, you might find that he is a “giver” in bed and chooses rather to spend hours pleasing you, but in the beginning, make it clear that you are in this relationship to please him in every way you can.

    Be aware that some men get into these arrangements because, while they have an active sex life with their wives, they are looking for something more than their wife will give them. Nowadays, with so much pornography on the internet, men see videos of women doing things their wives would never dream of, much less actually be willing to perform. You might get some very unusual requests from your Sugar Daddy. Remember at all times that you should never feel pressure to do something you don’t want to do. Sure, it might be a deal-breaker and you may never see the man again, but never do something that you find degrading as a woman. If he wants this thing so bad, he will find someone willing to do it for him, but depending on how grotesque or strange the request, it may well be something that only a prostitute would be willing to perform.

  30. Alleycat says:

    @Aphrodite – great profile, v cute photos too! Almost makes me want to send a plane ticket to you right now lol!!

    Hope all is good in sugar land for all! I still have a sugar (candy) hangover from last night.

  31. Kindred Spirit says:

    I wrote, thought about it, wrote some more…then eventually posted, so if I overstepped any redundancy after Aphrodite’s 6 PM post from other posters after, my apologies! :)

    @Talleyrand~ Wow, those three are the best ones you found that describe what they can do for a man in your area? Seriously??? I’m surprised and disappointed at the lack of specifics even those three gave! O_o


    Yes, it is essential to speak on your profile what you can offer your man, but I have something more to add to that.

    Be. SPECIFIC. As much as possible. Tell those men out there…WHAT separates YOU from all the other women who want to be there for him with warmth and a smile. True, men may want something a little different as personalities certainly differ and their interests on looks differ.

    However. It’s a lot like attempting to land a job interview, and your profile is your resume. Sound unromantic? Perhaps, but here’s the point: there’s no better aphrodisiac than telling it like it is, with an honest, positive spin. Like in most things, the best chance you have in getting your foot in the door is to really know yourself WELL, what you’re good at, what men like specifically about you (don’t know? Ask honest male friends, maybe), and having examples on hand.

    Yep, it is possible to do all that in your profile and not mention exact dollar amounts vs. frequency of sexual episodes and sounding like an escort/prostitute (like, don’t advertise how great you’ve been told you are giving oral, that’s TMI for a profile. Show ’em later, if that’s the case 😉 ). There’s a flirty balance to be noted when writing….

    Read your profile back to yourself with different eyes. Sounds warped, but it works: for instance, on a resume for a job, would you hire You? So~ for Seeking an Arrangement, if you were your ideal SD, would you want to meet/date You? Think about it. 😉

    ~~~ ~ ~~~

    To those women who sit around and wait for the messages to come to them~ only do that if it’s working for you. If not, try being proactive:

    * Do say “Hi” to someone and mention something specific about his profile that catches your eye.
    * Finish with a few interested, specific questions about himself to entice him to respond. Worst that can happen is he doesn’t respond, but you’re already checking out other interesting profiles to care much, right? Keep the flow going, and wonderful things will happen!

    The right SD’s are out there. They just don’t know about you yet! 😀

  32. DallasBaby says:

    I found this, I hope it helps ! Juggling More Than One Sugar Daddy
    The title of this piece may sound a little sneaky, but there is actually nothing wrong with having more than one sugar daddy if that’s what you want. Sugar daddy dating can be what you want it to. If you want to meet, date, and eventually marry a wealthy man it is possible, but if you’re a woman who wants the freedom of being single and the variety of what 2 or more sugar daddies can offer, then that’s fine too!

    Finding Multiple Sugar Daddies

    Sugar daddy dating sites are the perfect way to find yourself multiple sugar daddies because there are so many to choose from. Given that you can browse for potential sugar daddies anytime of the day or night; finding them can be quick and easy. A good start is to sign up for a couple of different sites. If quantity is as important as quality to you, then use sugar daddy dating site reviews to choose the sites with the most members and the best perks to help you on your search. And once on the sites, don’t hesitate to send a quick but enticing message to each of the men who tickle your fancy. This doesn’t mean that you need to go out with all of them, but it sure is a good way to try several on for size so that you can narrow down your favorites!

    To Tell or Not to Tell

    You don’t need to tell your sugar daddy that you’re seeing other men, depending on the arrangement that you have. For some, discussing their expectations about exclusivity is something that happens right at the start of an arrangement, but for the most part dating a sugar daddy is a pretty casual and open deal that runs just fine on the don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy. And, if your sugar daddy is married, then there’s no reason for him to expect you to be exclusive. You can have a few dates with a sugar daddy before deciding if you want or need to tell him that you’re seeing other daddies. Some women just feel it’s the right thing to while others don’t want to risk putting him off. In the end, it’s up to you how you handle this and you need to do whatever works for you.

    The Benefits of Dating More Than One Sugar Daddy

    Dating more than one sugar daddy comes with a whole slew of benefits, only one of which is security. By security I am referring to the fact that you always have backup should one sugar daddy relationship fall apart. Along with that there’s the perk of being able to have a little bit of everything you want without expecting to find it all in one man. Dating rich men who are very different can keep things exciting because you can have one guy who satisfies your adventurous side, another for your passionate side, and even one for when you’re craving something more laidback. Some sugar babies find that the best way to get a bit of everything is to date men of different ages. Your experiences with an older sugar daddy will be different than those with a younger sugar daddy. And if you choose the right men then you get to enjoy all kinds of great experiences. The financial benefits of dating more than one sugar daddy is also another great reason to give it a go. Not only do you get more overall, but you can also make different arrangements with each so that all of your wants and needs are covered. Your arrangement with one sugar daddy can be expensive gifts and shopping while another provides you with financial aid. Think about what you want and work out arrangements that get you everything. Just remember that a sugar daddy relationship is a two-way street so you’ll have to make it gratifying for them too.

    Time to Juggle!

    If you’re going to have more than one sugar daddy then you need to learn to juggle them and your time so everyone’s happy. The best way to do this is to set your expectations from day one with each of them. Find out what his expectations are as far as the amount of time you’ll spend together and what your arrangement entails. Being rigid won’t work for a sugar daddy that is busy so you need to be as flexible as possible without short-changing anyone. Come across as sweet and accommodating when working out your arrangement so that your sugar daddies are more likely to accommodate your schedule when needed as well. Another very important part of juggling multiple sugar daddies is to make sure that you always make each one feel as if he is the only one. No man is going to be happy feeling like he’s been squeezed in and is playing second (or third or fourth!) fiddle in a woman’s life. When you’re with him, be sure that you’re giving him all of your attention and making him feel like a king. He won’t want to be generous and giving with his money if you’re not generous and giving with your time and attention. Again, it’s a two-way street so don’t forget that no matter how busy your daddies are keeping you! Finally, you need to be realistic about what you can handle. Having multiple sugar daddies can get tricky and leave you with very little time for yourself so you can enjoy all of the generous gifts and financial aid you’re getting. Being your most energetic, happy, and gorgeous self is important as a sugar baby, so if having too many daddies is running you ragged then you may need to make some changes. The last thing you want to do is burn out and feel like being a sugar baby is a chore. As important as the financial aspect with this type of relationship, being able to really enjoy it is just as important. Know your limits and don’t let the greed cloud your judgement.

  33. Aphrodite says:

    I noticed some comments stating that we need to put some info about ourselves on here and I do, but they are definitely qualities that in my opinion would enhance an SDs all-around experience with me. I have about a 20% view/to reply ratio, which may not be a lot they have been very nice responses and am close to meeting a few potentials. And I do agree with Cougarlicious that a full body shot probably does help (even if it’s a bit scary to do.) Here is my profile 769831. I also recommend setting allowance amount that’s more than you really expect, makes negotiations more favorable ; )

  34. talleyrand says:

    I cannot agree with Aphrodite’s initial comment enough! SBs are providing paid companionship, and like it or not, that makes the dynamics of the relationship tilted in favor of the SD’s considerations. Of the 62 potential SBs who live in my general area, and within the age and height ranges I requested, only *3* wrote a profile focused on what they can do for an SD. Their profiles contained statements like these:

    “I love to pamper and please. Making your life easier really makes me happy.”
    “I’m looking for someone who is looking for a beautiful sexy woman who he can look forward to seeing whenever he can break free. Who may have a very strong sex drive, or just needs someone to make him feel appreciated, and treated the way a good man should be.”
    “I’m looking for a long term connection with one man to have a fun, drama free relationship. I am comfortable in my skin, can converse with just about anyone, and can dress up or down as the activities and events require.”

    Profiles that turned me off immediately contained statements like this:

    “I’m a hard working mother of one who needs a break! I’d like to have a little fun and I would like to meet a quality man!”
    ” I consider myself mindful, ethical, positive, playful, adventurous, and productive…Although I appreciate the many colors of human nature, I try to surround myself with like-minded individuals.”
    “I am seeking a man who will help me handle the basic survival stuff like rent and living expenses, so that I can keep stoking the fires of my creativity, sharing my gifts, learning, loving, living an amazing, inspired/inspiring life.”

    See the difference in focus?

    I’m not saying that the financial dimension of the SD/SB gives the SD license to be a completely self-centered a**hole. SBs are due the respect, consideration, and kindness owed to anyone involved in an intimate relationship. But this type of relationship is limited in scope, depth, and focus. SBs, please keep this mind when you create/revise your profiles.

  35. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Aurora – I echo Enigma. Go on the second date…and be prepared! Know what you need and be passionate about your goals in the sugar world. Sell him on your dreams. Do not apologize for what you seek or get drawn into “negotiations”. (general rule…state what you seek and hush. Even if it’s an awkward pause, stay confident and let him make the next statement) Many men suggest a pay for play…don’t fall for it. If anything, suggest a base allowance with bonuses. Ideally, a set monthly allowance with his expectations are all out in the open. Suggest re-visiting the terms in three months to be certain everyone is happy. Hope it helps.

  36. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Nicole – You do promote yourself a bit much. I like the flirtatious comments, but limit it to just a few. I couldn’t have written the “ideal arrangement” any better. It is a little redundant, so you could remove a few passages and make it more succinct. I would also eliminate the smiley faces.

    MissLunah – Men like to see a full body shot as well. A man will respond better if he knows what to expect in the first place. Many men here like curves, so don’t be afraid to share. I would also break up your narrative into easy to read paragraphs. He’s going to skim your profile, so make sure what you say catches his eye quickly.

  37. MissLunah says:

    oh yeah my #762561

  38. MissLunah says:

    Hello, could somebody check out my profile and give me some feedback as well pleaaase?… I am going to update it sometime soon as I want to remove the “easy going that likes to have fun” I didn;t even think about it when I wrote it but it is one of the most common used lines… I also have to change it around and fix some grammar… but what about the stuff I wrote? etc.. I would appriciate an honest answer.. thank you.

    Oh! and I used a picture when I used to have my dreadlocks (I change my hair a lot) and so i put ” I do not have dreadlocks anymore ble ble” will that make my picture seem dated or not too bad since I am only 23? Thanks!!

  39. Enigma SD says:

    Nicole — I actually had viewed your profile with interest earlier this year. I almost emailed you, but I got the feeling that you were out of my league. I think your profile is well written, but maybe you can tone down a little bit how pretty you are (the pictures speak for themselves). Perhaps deleting the line… I look like a model, but I am not. Honestly, I don’t think that will change things though. Maybe changing from amount negotiable to the allowance range you were seeking — I was guessing at LEAST $3k plus.

    Aurora — it sounds as though you really like the guy. If you are concerned about losing him if you bring up allowance, I would bring it up in person. Investing in at least one more meeting shouldn’t be too painful. At that meeting, you might want to ask things like… how did the arrangement work with your previous SBs (if he had them). How were you thinking the arrangement might work? Be prepared for a … I don’t know what do you think. At that point, you have to not feel bad for asking what you seek by saying something like… I looked at my monthly expenses, and they come to X amount… if you could help me, I would have more time to spend with you…. or something along those lines. Another plausible scenario is that he knows he is hot, and he is looking for something for nothing, so you have to proceed with caution. Best wishes!

  40. Aurora says:

    Hey guys… This is totally unrelated to the last few posts, but I met (my first!) potential SD for dinner a few days ago, and I am in need of advice.
    I was feeling very shy during the date (which is unlike me), but he was a gentleman and we had a very good, albeit fairly platonic, time. He even brought me a thoughtful gift. He was charming and genuine and I can’t stop thinking about him since we saw eachother. We’ve texted a few times and talked on the phone since the date, but he hasn’t brought up the subject of an arrangement. I’ve looked around for advice but am really not sure what to do.

    How should I bring it up? Or should I? I don’t want him to think I’m overly concerned with money, because for the most part, I just want to secure an arrangement because I would really really like to see him again. Like, now. (Holy eff, older men are hot.) What should I do?

    Any advice, especially from an SD’s perspective, would be appreciated.

  41. DallasBaby says:

    DianaSBinOC – Time and time again I have found out that many sugar daddys do play both sides of the fence. They do like to pay less and get more and brag about doing so to the buddies . Girls need to be more hard nosed about the whole sex issue. Sex should not be rushed at all and most of all at cheap rates. Guys who get away with it just spread the word and they all try the same tricks . If you are going to play the escort game then iron out the money like an escort would. In a random search I see overnights are 2000 or more and as much as 4,500 -10,000 !

  42. NicoleinCA says:

    Hello again, after reading Aphrodite’s great advice, I now know that I need to totally revamp my profile. If anyone is interested in taking a look and maybe give me a pointer or two, my profile # is 749841. I do receive quite a response, but perhaps some tweaking will bring in more quality.

    Thank you so much for the great information!

    xo Nicole

  43. NicoleinCA says:


    I’ve been on the site (with a short break) since last January, and haven’t had much success. I screen properly, my profile is self explanatory, I’m open to meeting, and though I’ve met some interesting people, nothing yet. I was wondering if someone would be open to checking out my profile and possibly giving me some pointers? My profile name is Discreet and Beautiful 😉

    Thank you!!

  44. DianaSBinOC says:

    Interesting posts. I will say that many of the SD’s have actually been with escorts first. Again I’ve said it before. If he can give you $1000 to have sex 6 times he surely wouldn’t get this with an escort charging $500 per (umm moment). So even though you may be thinking in terms of pay for play this is generally because the SD is acting like a John and obviously needs to abuse his position. Trust that this man has paid much more in the past with escorts. I mean who really needs to have sex with a new person 6 times? I would like to say that this man is highly charged sexually but I think it was more about him getting his money’s worth.

    This issue starts with the SD because he treated her like a transaction. So she responded in the same manner. $1000 doesn’t seem too bad unless $700 was spent on an OBGYN visit. I mean there is fun and then there is abuse. That seems a bit much on a first time with ANY new person.

    Chances are that this SD will not be calling her again because he’s really a John not looking to be charged per moment.

    After looking at some of these posts from both sides. I actually wonder if the sugar bowl is for me.

    The site seems to be over run with Johns pushing P4P and really ugly men looking for hot gfs. That’s not something I would accept. It’s weird because I seem to do better when I’m not seeking an SD and then I end up meeting a young attractive man that wants to pamper and take care of me without the sex. Maybe that’s what I should get back to doing: NOT LOOKING. It just seems to work out better that way. It’s like a nice unexpected surprise:) But I so love these blogs. Really great wealth of information and view into what really goes on here.

  45. Aphrodite says:

    Sara-That did come off more harsh than I intended, I apologize. I simply meant that the way you phrased your question wasn’t going to result in the answers you wanted to hear.

  46. KayCee says:

    Thanks guys! Ill be changing my profile as soon as I get home!

  47. Semi-new sb says:

    You shouldn’t tolerate anything you are uncomfortable with. Be Prepared to walk away at any time.
    There are people here who are calling hooker. In all fairness, you do have a hooker mentality towards this. Many have said only sleep with someone if you truly want to, not because of the money. I think that the best advice because then you will not feel being taken advantage with sexually. My sd and I joked about sex and money in a sugar relationshiP and agreed that it’s “sex for sex, and money for the NSA part.”
    Anyway if you still believe in x sex for x money, I think this website may not meet your needs very well, since clearly most users dont think about it this way. Or you can communicate your expectations explicitly with you sd before hand.

  48. Alleycat says:

    Hi Kaycee – nice profile, great photos, but read Aphrodite’s advice above –

    “Unless you are a goddess most SDs don’t care that you like puppies or want a partner in crime. The best part about SA is the honesty. SD/SM/s want to pamper yes, but they’re here because they have incredibly busy lives or desire a discreet companion. In your profile keep it sweet and simple, tell them how you will satisfy their agenda. An SB takes care of her SD by putting his needs/times/hobbies first; and your SD/SM takes care of you period. Emphasize how much you want to care for your SD which means STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU AND INSTEAD TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT TO DO FOR HIM!!! “

  49. Anna Molly says:

    You’re welcome KayCee! :)

    I’ve been reading some of the earlier posts and just want to say that I’m not blonde (obviously..hehehe), 36, I don’t have a perfect body and I’m married. I’ve had amazing luck here and I’m very thankful. I don’t feel it has anything to do with race or size or anything of that nature. I feel its the way you present yourself and the confidence you exude that makes you attractive and super sexy to the opposite sex.

  50. KayCee says:

    anna-i am profile #762420. Thank you sooo much!!!

  51. Anna Molly says:

    Let me just say that when we are new to the sugar world we all can and probably will make mistakes so I will echo Midwest, a little empathy can go a long way around here. :)

    Also, if SB’s don’t talk about their interests a little bit in their profiles then how will the SD’s know if they have any common interests? I’m not saying the profile should be all about you, but you should speak about yourself a little bit.

  52. Anna Molly says:

    KayCee ~ Please post your profile number and I’m sure you will get some feedback on your profile. I would also re-post this on one of the most recent blog topics like: Sugar Dating: Union of the 99% and 1%. Hope this helps! :)

  53. KayCee says:

    I really need help with my profile. I know i’m not bad looking, yet I get all of these views and no one writes me :( I am a 20y/o black female with a full time job, i’m in college, and I have no kids/baggage. Help!

  54. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Sara – it’s not x dollars for x sex…it’s a relationship with perks. You determine your needs and he plans to meet them (tuition, debt, etc). The amount of time you spend together should be considered according to availability. Don’t let these men treat you like a pro…keep your standards high through the learning process and beyond.

    Khan/ Aphrodite – Many women get taken advantage of here…a little empathy would be nice.

  55. Aphrodite says:

    Wow. Men want to have as much sex a possible…newsflash.

  56. semi-new bs says:

    Oh, I thought after so many repeated postings, we have settled the race issue once and for all. It is personal preferences. Sexual attraction is not something one was able to choose. I’m Asian, and I’m not attracted to girls, anyone who’s 5 years younger or 20 years older than me, and people of certain races. But I don’t think I’m a racist, ageist, or a sexist. I have friends of different races, generations, and sexes, because I CAN choose my friends, and I choose them based on their character. I think anyone who avoid befriending a certain race is indeed a racist. But someone, like me, who doesn’t feel the strong urge to sleep with people of a certain race is not.
    So as an Asian SB, do I reject someone based on their races? Yes I do. Am I weary of someone states explicitly that they want an Asian SB when he’s not Asian? Yes, I am because I cannot understand why anyone is not attracted to his own race. Do I then automatically assume that they are perves and they have a yellow fetish? No, I don’t.
    Just my $0.02.

  57. DallasBaby says:

    sara – Lesson learned and get the money upfront !

  58. khan says:

    did you pay tax for this income .. you should be reported women

  59. sara says:

    Ouch. I was asking a serious question. There are a lot of guys on here who will try to have sex as much as possible. The guy I was referring to literally woke me up in the middle of the night because he was in the mood. I am just trying to figure out how much I should/shouldn’t tolerate.

  60. Aphrodite says:

    Sara my dear, google “hooker”. You’ll find more appropriate advice.

  61. sara says:

    Hey girls/guys, I could use advice.
    I agreed to meet a guy/have sex and he said would give me 500. He talked me into staying with him two whole days and he ended up giving me 1k, BUT we had sex 6 times (because he wanted it nonstop) 5 more than I had planned. So I asummed he would give me 3k at the end of it.
    So my question is, when you spend time with your sd, do you expect sugar based on how many times you have sex ? or do you think of it as “I’m giving my sd x amount of time and for that amount of time I expect x amount, and I’ll have as much sex as he wants during that alotted time?

    TIA :)

  62. Nicole says:

    Sugar for Sugar

  63. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    Amen Aphrodite!

  64. Aphrodite says:

    Ok let me clarify, when i say “satisfy his agenda” I don’t mean advertising yourself as an “escort” (which is the other mistake that I see.) One of the best things about SA is the explicit fact that we’re looking out for each other, so my darling SBs don’t go on about what you want in your profile, go on about HIM : )

  65. Aphrodite says:

    I think you should listen to my advice ladies ; ) I’m a new to the site and have a consistent flow of sincere SD inquiries and I am FAR from the hottest lady on here (over 30 average body pretty face.) I do check out other SB girls profiles and there is one big problem that I regularly see. Sorry for the caps but my fellow SB’s you MUST stop talking about yourselves in your profiles like it’s a common dating site. SA is special. Unless you are a goddess most SDs don’t care that you like puppies or want a partner in crime. The best part about SA is the honesty. SD/SM/s want to pamper yes, but they’re here because they have incredibly busy lives or desire a discreet companion. In your profile keep it sweet and simple, tell them how you will satisfy their agenda. An SB takes care of her SD by putting his needs/times/hobbies first; and your SD/SM takes care of you period. Emphasize how much you want to care for your SD which means STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU AND INSTEAD TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT TO DO FOR HIM!!! Men love women, race age weight matter to some men but don’t blame all men of being biased! The true SDs are successful and smart and don’t want fluff (unless she’s stunning, and that’s ok!) Remember why they chose SA and make them happy they did! Good luck SBs :)

  66. chine says:

    Race and class matter to SDs along with looks. Is someone’s social class reflected in their writing? Yes.

    Women of color have the lowest demand.

  67. My current Sugar Baby has sent me text messages with her just smiling and looking all sassy and cute. I was in a business meeting at the time and the image of her face and the light-hearted, cute text she sent me is just one of the ways she makes my life so much better. Her message was sandwiched between a reminder for a business deliverable and a quarterly tax filing message from my accountant. I was still smiling even after realizing my late filing would cause the IRS to send me a penalty.

    When it comes to communicating with your SD I would recommend doing what you can to keep yourself happily in the front of his mind. This way, an SD will naturally think of all the ways he can take care of his SB.

  68. Ana says:

    Meh. I respect everyones comments and ideas here. But, you do have to keep in mind that plenty of men (trust me Ive browsed and browsed) its the majority that says “I like blondes”. Others blatantly state what race theyre looking for. Specifically excluding those that have a deeper tint. Most stop at Latin women. Because of this I just refuse to send out any emails. Trust me when you grow up and constantly see that attractiveness and beauty doesnt include you, (unless you throw in another race) it comes down to us just waiting….No advancements. Just waiting. Same thing goes to those of us with a curvier build :-), those with a little more weight. However those cane be changed. Prefernces are offensive period. They exclude people. A seperate dating site for SB’s of colour? Jeez the seperation is enough. Some of us would just like others to open up to people that dont look like them. Funny thing, I came on here to figure out why I never get mail so I searched for a blonde SB who wanted a high allowance. (Im still asking for up to 3k). She was gorgeous but her description was written as if she were sending a text message. It was then that I had realized….One day a SD will email me and appreciate the fact that I know the differences between -there, their, and they’re- :-)

  69. princess says:

    Any tips or suggestions on making my profile not so “escort” sounding?! I’m new to this whole thing. Thanks :)

  70. steve says:

    Just a quick thought. I am new here today but from what I have seen it is much more about having class then what race you might be. I myself prefer black women if they have class and self respect. Hopefully I am right but who knows where racism might raise it’s ugly head.

  71. tattooed angel says:

    Desp8teangel & Honey. no this site isnt racist just your profile might come off as(escort type) A vary close friend of mine who is black has met her SD here as well as many others. Her SD is a vary rice while male who loved her profile. n pictures. nothing is racist. this site isnt about “fuckin n getting paid” its about getting everything you wanted n happiness yes some things are your part. If you have ppl proof read your profile n see your pictures before hand yo help you out not sound like “escort”

    I’ve been on here for 1 day and got 5 messages try n see and cut the drama racist rant

  72. Honey says:

    Desp8teAngel,yes,yes,yes to all your questions
    If you are not 19 blonde,slim and clueless looking, you may have a
    hard time. Where are you located? I’ll throw a few of my extras your way,but wait…what are YOU bringing to the table? It’s all good.
    Try some of the suggestions others have made and asked? Ask for someone to review your ad. Maybe it’s the wording, not JUST the color of the ad.. maybe there are not enough black guys on the site. Black usually dates black and so on. Maybe we need a brown sugar baby site….hhmm…black sugarbaby people meet? Black match? Well, we are only about 13% of the population, split that in half for black females, quarter that for people who what to be in a sugar relationship…pickings can get slim…..let me get back to you on that.
    p.s. Is “lighten up” an inappropriate term for this situation?

    Dark and lovely,
    Honey in fair Singapore.

  73. newsb says:

    despe8t angel : update your profile every week on sunday, change almost evrything that you wrote, look at the profiles of other sb to inspire you. I did it once ( putting one new picture, changed my text ( I made it shorter and more universal) and I got 7 new guys who wrote to me in the next week

  74. Enigma SD says:

    If someone doesn’t like me because I am overweight, does that make them a fatist?
    If someone doesn’t like me because I am too old for them, does that make them an agist?
    If someone doesn’t like me because I am not handsome, does that make them a looksist?

    My point is, it isn’t always about discrimination, and a lot of it is just plain personal choices.

    I am done venting now — have a nice day everyone!

  75. Midwest SB aka Cougarlicious says:

    This comes up regularly and couldn’t be farther from the truth. Our black SBs do very well here. If you would like to have someone look over your profile and offer some constructive feedback, it could be a good place to start. Come to the most current blog…5 Rules for Aspiring Sugar Babies and say “hi”. We’d love to help.

  76. despr8t angel says:

    I have had my SA profile for a little over a year now. I have had no messages ever only SDs viewing my profile. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Could it be that I’m black and not a blonde sb? I am starting to feel this site is racist. I’m not ugly and I have seen worse. What to do?

  77. Baby. says:

    What would make you happy with a sb? How many times a week would you like to see me?