9 years ago
Here, There, Sugars Everywhere

9 years ago
Here, There, Sugars Everywhere

Lot’s of sugar daddies and sugar babies prefer certain areas for making arrangements more than others. One sugar baby says that after moving to LA from NYC, she noticed some differences between the women in both places:

“New York SB’s are much more sophisticated, wear darker clothes and usually have darker hair…” – Loni

While there are endless stereotypes about people in different places, there are certain places in Sugarworld with unique reputations…

Have you found a certain area/region where the sugar is sweeter?

What impressions do you get from sugars in different parts of the US or the word? Are you open to dating sugars outside of your country?

How’s the sugar been for you lately?

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392 Responses to “Here, There, Sugars Everywhere”

  1. Dandelion Wine says:

    Midwest SB, the question was in jest…

  2. Midwest SB says:

    New blog!

  3. Midwest SB says:

    SD Guru – Zumanity ROCKS! Saw it last time. Truthfully, it’s been a month, so we may just lounge in each other’s arms and enjoy the pool. Did Trump before, now staying at a boutique, eclectic style hotel…he’s hoping the new investor gets tired of it so he can buy it for a steal :-)

    Sherri & Stormcat – I LOVE experiments! BTW – Sherri and I are likely neighbors…balances out the small town issue.

  4. Midwest SB says:

    Noledgeseeker – so sorry for your rough date. Please, please, please always trust your instincts from this point forward…the will keep you safe.

    Sherri, Sugarbekhai & Sasha – It takes one good view from a potSD…one good e-mail from a pot. What you can say to those who viewed you and moved on is “thank you for not wasting my time…thank you for not putting me through what Noledgeseeker went through” and move on. Have a thick skin because rejection is a big part of the search no matter who you are and how you look. It takes literally months to meet and set up an arrangement with a genuine SD. Meanwhile, you tweak your profile, vent on the blog, change your pics regularly and keep shining.

    DW – you and I have different views on what has been said repeatedly, but I digress. To answer your question: why should a SB turn down an otherwise great SD if he is not able to provide the allowance she wants?”
    That is entirely up to her preferences. If they have amazing chemistry, she may be willing to take a lower allowance…especially if some other perks are involved, On the other hand, She may feel he won’t help her reach her goals and if he wants exclusivity, he limits her ability to attain them. It’s a more business-like approach, but it’s also practical.

    ElegantSB – I have heard of SDs saying that to ladies. The things I’ve heard SDs do not want to support are:
    1- a SB’s significant other
    2- women who only want luxury items
    3- women who don’t “need” the money

    It’s not always the case, but I hear it a quite a bit from the regular SDs on here.

    Have we met before. YES!
    Since October, I’ve met with three separate groups of SDs/ SBs – New York, Chicago and Toronto. These are amazing people who are just like you and I.

  5. cleo says:

    me too nyc sb, pay my expenses and savings for a year and we’ll talk about me chucking my life for you, otherwise? go away or respect my work.

    new blog everyone

  6. NYC SB says:

    aspiring-doc – i think you are on point about being reluctant to be totally dependent on an SD… i have had the offer multiple times and never accepted it… the arrangements have ended partially because i did not “trust” the SD… however, NSA is a no strings attached relationship… how can i feel comfortable putting my life and well being in someone elses hands (yes im a bit dramatic)… i think looking back the only way i would do it is if a years allowance was deposited in my account… food for thought :)

  7. Sherri says:

    @Viking – lol, yeah in retrospect he was a jerk. The whole thing only lasted a few months so I got over it pretty fast. Just realized I don’t even remember his name anymore, lol.

  8. Sherri says:

    @Stormcat – For the location experiment I’m thinking that I’ll use exactly the same profile (headline and all) and only vary the city. I’ll log in once a day at roughly the same time. I plan to read but not respond to emails and record the number of views/favs. I plan to try NYC, LA, Chicago, and Miami. I should probably do at least a week in each location to be sure day of the week doesn’t matter. I won’t contact anyone.

    RQ1: Keeping the profile the same, does one location yield more views/emails/favs than another?

    Hypothesis1: All locations will do better than my small, midwestern town. Hypothesis2: Based on comments about dating preferences in different areas made by other bloggers, my profile will fare best in New York and worst in Chicago.

    It doesn’t assess the quality of SDs but should say if the same person can get more/less pots based on location. What do you think about the design? Any major flaws?

  9. cleo says:

    viking hybrid: we teach little girls nearly everything except how to believe in themselves and how to say “no”

    interesting innit?

  10. Stormcat says:

    Shugabeckha ~ Thank You for your reaction to all our comments. I have seen many react defensively to criticism and it is refreshing to find someone who can take it all in stride, evaluate it’s content as ot os relevent to your situation and experience and utilize that which is valuable, all without taking it as a personal attack. Actually, as I say this, I realize that you are a rare parson in that regard.

    Sasha & Sherri ~ Experiments? Indeed! Can I get in on this. I am highly trained as a Scientist/Independant Investigator, and can help with your experimental design. First you need a benchmark. Some place from which to start the investigation and to which the data from all subsequant experiments can be acurately compared. Second you need an array of defined and standardized assays. (Tests that can be used over and over and answers a question, or questions.) Third you need a series of theories/hypotheses which pose the questions that will acurately parse the reality of the subject. i.e.
    ‘the truth” Then you can begin to conduct your experiments.

    For example Question 1: Does location make a difference in the success of obtaining an arrangment? With your approach you set up profiles using stated location as your only variable. Well what is the test – The number of unsolicited inquiries? What about solicited inquiries. Also, How many different profiles will be set up? Will the profiles be matched or mismatched to the culture of the prevailing local culture of each area? What about the minority cultures? And what does the result tell you? Are the inquiries from ligitimate SDs or from “wannabes, fakers, creeps, perverts etc.”
    You see your experiment is on the serface a wonderful idea but if it isn’t done carefully it will result in nothing that can be interpreted confidently. Your best chance of producing answers to your real questions of what can be done to improve the chances of making an arrangement cannot be actually answered by the experiments you propose because the results won’t be addressing any specific question other than I wonder would would happen if we do this. And even that only brings up more ambiguity rather than producing practical and useful data.

  11. aspiring-doc says:


    Im sorry- but what a jerk. The fact he shrugged off getting tested on the phone and sent u messages with inappropriate sexual overtones would suggest red flags to me. However im sure you are wiser and smarter because of it. Pherhaps it would help you to meet for lunch or go into an evening meeting with a set schedule. ie you have to be at a friends by 10pm. I often get a friend to ring me at a certain time or i set a fake ring to go off at a certain time so i have an excuse to get away should i need it. :).

  12. aspiring-doc says:


    Just to comment a few posts up. Im already in med school. In nz- med school is an undergraduate degree of 6years (bachelor of medicine and sugery) we dont do a degree first…we get selected from high school results into an intermediate year and then selected into the first professional year. Those who dont make 1st professional year- usually finish the biomedical degree or apply for entry into the other health sciences. Entry wasnt THAT hard- just good grades, UMAT and a sound interview.

    @Sd guru-
    We haven’t had any issues before- i guess i’m just reluctant to be totally dependent. I know come next week my schedule will hit insane. I tried to talk to him after class last night..but it didn’t go brilliantly. Weekends are out of the question as he has family commitments. So its weeknights. The only solution i’m seeing is asking for an cash advance so that i can quit my job knowing that i have extra cash in the bank…should the worst unfold. This could sound greedy. I guess im looking for an exit clause so to speak!.

  13. Viking Hybrid says:

    @Stormcat: Thanks for the info. Will definitely be contacting SA with the details when I have the time. It’s nice to know they take people using their site for malicious purposes seriously. Even if it’s only a form of damage control on their part, anything that helps keep those in the community safe is great. The last thing any of us want to see on the evening news is that someone has been victimized by a “SA Killer” (a la Craigslist Killer).

    @Sherri: LOL! Your ex sounds like a real a-hole! His loss. I like your “what you see is what you get” attitude. As someone with some very ethnic features, men react to me the same way – totally enamored, or entirely indifferent. I’m appreciated most by European and Asian businessmen, and I believe this is because – to echo what others have stated – I am well-educated and articulate. The biggest erogenous zone is the brain :)

    @Noledgeseeker: Girl, I feel for you. If it’s any consolation, we’ve ALL been there once. Maybe not in the sugarbowl, but in real life at least. We’ve all let some jerk go way too far with us when we should have spoken up for ourselves and put a stop to it. I think it’s partly because of the way women are (at least indirectly) socialized in this society to be submissive to men. To be “nice.” Part of it is youth and inexperience, and not having been taught how to assert oneself, so one ends up learning the hard way. In any case, you’re a stronger, more street smart woman now. Trial by fire sucks, but you made it through, and you won’t ever have to be in a situation like that again!

  14. Sherri says:

    @Sasha – I’m curious, too. I’m going to try the location one since that’s been my big question. My SA profile is hidden anyway since I stopped looking so I think I’ll move it around the country and see what, if anything, happens.

    Oddly, I’m not that curious about looks. My first boyfriend when I was a teenager dumped me saying, “all of my friends think you look good but I just don’t see it”. lol, it’s been like that my whole life some men are very attracted, others don’t know what the hype is so I’ve developed an unapologetic, take me or leave me attitude when it comes to my look.

  15. SugaBeckha says:

    O.k ……. O.K ……. first sign of my imperfection LOL…… in the second paragraph of my post regarding beauty and brain….. I noticed that I left out the word “Intelligence”……. so excuse the typo…. I have my moments. Well speaking of intelligence level ….lol

    sugar sugar

    kiss kisss


  16. SugaBeckha says:

    First let me say……. Happy Monday Sugarland,,,,,,,, :) Thank you to Sheri,SdGuru,Stormcat,and Dorky Guy for the insight and advice I appreciate it. When I made that comment, by no means did I expect tons of anwsers or responses, or was I being a little on the brat “entitlement” side. No….. No…. thats not me so if I came across that way, my apologes :) Thank you again for the responses. Now, if I can address the other topic regarding brains and beauty.

    Of course it is impossible to gauge a person’s level on first sight, however you can gauge your attraction to them on fist sight, as harsh as it is. I also agree with beauty gets ’em, but intelligence, and a personality keeps ’em. I by no means am a model size. ( 5’4″. 165-170. 38d. thick legs) however, I do think I am a pretty lady. Everyone should not just think, but KNOW that they are handosome, hot, and/or sexy.. Women should KNOW that they are, beautiful, smart, and sexy. Everyone is not for everyone, and unfortunately not everyone has a confidence level or the insight to remeber that even if you are not for one person, that the next one might be for you.

    I am not narcissistic ( i’m sure thats spelled wrong, OH well sue me lol) , but I am confident and I do tell myself in the morning that I am a Hot little piece of (……..shut yo mouth…….lol) aned it works. So although I am frustrated that only 25 people looked at my profile, and/or that I have not had any intamate relations with someone other than (B.O.B) ( ladies you know a b.o.b somewhere lol) but I will keep my head up and continue to keep movin and be patient ( typo? maybe lol)

    Thanks again for the responses, advice, and opinons Love it and I would love to be part of a community of great sugars and sugaress lol ……

    Till next time Sugar Sugar

    kiss kiss kiss

  17. cleo says:

    sasha i am so excited to see the results of your experiment!

  18. cleo says:

    Sasha: i’m 5’11 and heads turn when i walk down the street. now that i’ve lost the extra weight and gotten myself into “i can see my shoulder striations” land instead of “i can see my back bacon” land i get stared at constantly as i walk down the street

    but never spoken to… and rarely emailed here. there are like 50sbs for every real SD… patience is a virtue for a reason. (and no, this isn’t my ‘seeking’ profile… but i should put up a more current pic)

    or, do what i do when i get discouraged, take a break from the search… [i have been searching with more or less seriousness since october… still no SD so right now i’m not searching at all while i recharge…

  19. Sasha says:

    @sherri…That sounds pretty cool. I like experiments. Yes I think I just may do that. I can do this while I’m taking a break from this. Create another profile that will be a mock one with no intention of meeting anyone cuz they would be really pissed if I place a pic of this exotically beautiful girl and then they end up meeting me. I’m not so much concerned with location because I have sent too many emails to sd’s in my city and got no response. Also I believe the words in my profile and great to because I had some veterans tell me what to say to attract the right sd’s. So I guess that leaves looks. I will report my findings to the blog. Oh this is going to be sooo much fun! I may even send emails to the same guys I ‘ve sent ones too previously.

    • SD Guru says:


      Have you even been told by an SD, that you weren’t Allowance material, because you made too much money, and weren’t needy?

      I think it’s been discussed before that being “needy” is not an attractive trait for a SB. I suppose there are SD’s who are into the “knight in shining armor” role and want to rescue a damsel in distress. But they’re probably in the minority. It’s his loss, not yours!


      So irratated by the comments of sd’s value brains over beauty…BULLS**T!… Beauty wins out initially ever single time…period.

      Let me put it this way. Being attractive will get you in the door, but it’s your brain that will keep you there. And that’s no bull.

      Let me be clear about this…whether you are short, tall, busty, etc. I’m refering to waay above average looks. Girls who draw attention from everyone based off their looks.

      Each SD will draw the line differently on how attractive he would like his SB to be. Some will want tall buxom playmate type and nothing less, while others will prefer an attractive girl next door type that doesn’t draw unnecessary attention to herself. See Sherri’s post above on why she said “There’s a lot more an sb can offer besides being model perfect.”

  20. Sherri says:

    @Sasha – I’ve never tried this but I got an idea while I was reading your post. I was thinking one way to really find out whether it’s looks, profile, or location is to run some experiments. If you are getting really frustrated how about turning it into a game to figure out what really attracts SDs? For example, you could try listing your same profile in LA or NYC to see if it’s just a location thing. Even if you don’t want to meet ppl in those areas your curiosity would be satisfied. You could play around with other variables like same words but different pics taken from the internet to see if it’s the photos . Or same photos but radically different words? Maybe make a new account just for trial and error so you can keep your current one open for serious pots?

  21. Sasha says:

    @stormcat I just read your last post and I feel like I need to apologize if my last post sounded harsh. I know that everyone here is only here to help and offer the own opinions and experience. Just really frustrated right now, but I’m working on it. Trying to figure out why I send email after email to sd’s and get NO responses.

    I pose this to the blog. Would anyone who is experienced in sugarland care to give me one more critique on my new revamped profile? Any more tips?

    @sugabekha…I kind of felt like how you felt at the beginning of me joining the blog, but I have received so much great feedback that this place is the best place for a new sb. Not ever post I put on the blog was responded to, but most of my questions were answered just by reading other’s posts. So keep reading and posting.

    @noledgeseeker Your experience was awful and I have been there too. Don’t beat youself up about it. Its just another experience on the road of life and something that you can learn from for next time.

  22. DorkyGuy says:

    @Sugabeckha…. Just wanted to note that the archives of the blog are a great resource. There are literally years of wisdom and experiences archived in the blogs…

    Many of the blog topics are specifically focused on common issues, such as tweaking your profile, safety issues, how to define boundaries, how to negotiate, and dozens of other specific topics.

    If some of the folks here have responded negatively, it might be because they feel like they’ve already answered the same questions a hundred times to a hundred different people, and the answers are all there if someone takes the time to read.

  23. Stormcat says:

    Sugabeckha ~

    You said “I am curious to know do you all live in the same area and do u you all know each other from outside of here. I am new here and am not quite sure if this is where I go for advice or if this is a blog for friends to catch up and communicate just curious”

    I can’t imagine the blog lasting for long were it not for the friendships that develop here. It is a community. But most of the bloggers have never met IRL. We know each other as a community: 1 by our posts which we consider public, 2 by our e-mail communications (considered private), 3 by our common interest, and 4 by our reputations (people do talk about each other and they always will. Once in a while we get to meet each other. When that happend it is usually cause for celebration because we have already developed feelings of love and respect for each other.

    Your post could easilly be considered hostile because it seems to indicate an attitude of entitlement. Just who did you expect to take their time todrop whatever they were doing and answer your questions specifically for you which are questions that are asked and answered patiently over and over here in this forum. Did you think that experienced busy people (who by the way are not paid to do this) should just sit here and wait for all he newbees to ask whatever they can think up. What reward would there be for that. If there were no comradary or mutuiality amongst the community members not only would the blog be so tedious that no one would want to be here to answer your questions but the answers would be so dry and unreadable that no one would waqnt to wade through the answers.

    The old saying “you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar” applies. I believe you are frustrated and want an easy, quick, answer to ease the feelings and make everything better. The way to get that is simply to join in, without expectation, add a little to the banter and enjoy it all the while engaging the community with serious thoughts and opinion. Not everything you post will be responded too, but that is OK, rephrase it and ask again. Eventially you will find your voice and those who share your concerns will speak up. Friendships will develop and soon enough you will be an experienced SB, addicted to the blog, and a dear part of the sugar community.

  24. cleo says:

    nycsb: thanks babe :)

    aiming to live between 21.5 and 22

  25. Bicentennial Baby says:


    I forgot to mention but saw your Myspace photos on your link. My goodness you are HOT!!! I’m jealous! Your profile is the level of what I would imagine a fierce sugarbaby should look like.

    I’ve got almost 15 years on you but I’m motivated to hit the gym more after seeing that! Wowza girl…good luck in your modeling. You’re going to do great.

  26. Sasha says:

    Ok so I have sat back and read lots of post. I can’t hold it in any longer. So irratated by the comments of sd’s value brains over beauty…BULLS**T! No one knows that you have a great and smart personality until they send you an email wanting to chat with you. All they have to go off of is pics and your profile. I have revamped my profile to reflect what I’m trying to attract. I actually had help from some veteran sb’s from the blog. I’ve even sent out soooo many emails that haven’t got any response. Even emails to sd’s who live right in my city, but nothing. I don’t want people to keep sweeping away the simple fact that a girl in a bikini with a smokin hot body usually gets more chances to show her personality over the covered up girl with a face shot. So this being said, it may come across bitter because I haven’t found the sugar that I want, but please let’s not kid anyone here. Beauty wins out initially ever single time…period.
    Let me be clear about this…whether you are short, tall, busty, etc. I’m refering to waay above average looks. Girls who draw attention from everyone based off their looks.

    @stormcat…I loved your story. I could only dream of finding a sd that could feel that way about me. See into the person who sweet, loving, genuine and ready to give to someone who will appreciate me. It is competitive on the site and I’m working on toning up the exterior, but hearing your story gives me hope that I can start to get more chances to show what I have to offer.

  27. Bicentennial Baby says:


    I’m glad you shared your story, because it helps those of us starting out. While it’s easy to say “of course I’d never go back to a pot’s room”, the reality is well, different, when you’re trying to do IRL what you resolved to do beforehand. We all tend to think the best of someone and your only crime is thinking this man was the gentleman he should have been. That just means you have a good heart, that’s all. I guess as time goes on you learn to let your head override your generous nature and that’s probably good advice for ANY of us to keep in mind.

    What happened to you could happen in ANY dating situation and honestly, I’ve run into guys I was dating before I was married that tried the same exact type of stuff…on the first date no less!!! If there are creeps out there who are 100% OK with trying that sort of thing with NO allowance or arrangement, I’m sure there’s an equal number out there who somehow feel entitled when the subject gets brought up. Sad really.

    I for one propose you get one of those Alice-In-Wonderland dresses that is so popular right now, the kind that has about 9,000 laces with a corset and zipper. That way if you ever run into another crummy guy, he’ll hopefully die of exhaustion before he ever gets a peek at what he doesn’t deserve to look at!

    Being a student of statistics in school currently, look at it this way: each jerk you cross off the list brings you one more step closer to the SD of your dreams! The odds are now back in your favor next time. :)

  28. Noledgeseeker says:

    thank you Sheri and ElegantSugarBaby. to be able to come here admit to stupidity among people who get the situtation completely and all it entails, the sd/sb life and all. I don’t know any of you, and to be so nice and understanding, sympathetic and encouraging. (lackng punctuation skills today) I am so grateful for this blog, there is no where else I could have gone with this and gotten some much understanding and without withstanding loads of judgement.
    thank you.

    p.s. already comming up with some great escape plans for the future : )

  29. Sherri says:

    @Noledgeseeker – Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes myself included. Just plan a short lunch, dinner, or coffee date going forward.

    I know it happens on both sides, but some SD’s are not what they pretend to be in their profile or for whatever reason the chemistry isn’t there so it’s good to have an out. I’m still trying to get out of the nice girl thing, too, so I know it’s hard to walk away when someone is pressing you to stay. Maybe have an excuse lined up and then if you like him you can pretend to send a text to your friend or whatever canceling. I tell guys that I have an early morning/big day ahead and need to go for that reason.

    Also, if the guy continues to be pushy about sexy stuff over email or phone after you change the subject or ask him to back down then don’t meet him. I usually say I don’t want to talk about it until after we meet and I know the interest/attraction is there because it’ll just be awkward if we get into a bunch of detail and the feeling is not there one one end. If a guy backs down I know he’s capable of self control but he keeps pushing I’ll stop talking to him.

  30. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    Great advice SdGuru. As always!!

  31. Noledgeseeker
    Sweetheart!!!! Wow!!

    First off, don’t beat yourself up! He was a schmuck! And not even an SD.
    There are MANY men and women on here SD/SB alike, who will try and take advantage of the other party.

    Being it a woman who uses someone she isn’t remotely interested in just to drain their pockets, or a man who wants to pressure a woman into making mistakes and or getting physical just for the sake, of him saying he is a true SD. (Not hitting the SD right now but I will just for the sake of your interaction) Some men claim to be SD, and claim to have this and that and all the worlds wealth and they find an emotionally or mentally unstable or fragile woman who is in need of something they say the possess, and they take advantage of her. They are nothing short of users! Liars, rapists, alike. Scum.. This goes both ways, I am just exercising it for the sake of her argument!

    When I first started looking for an SD, and trying to figure out what I truly wanted from my friendship, I was young and dumb.
    I made mistakes, and overlooked red flags, and gut instincts.
    Some of those instincts were subtle clues, and others very big.

    But for the sake of needing at the time, I thought, I had to make him happy. Even if we weren’t even a Sugar couple yet. I had to make him want me as a Sugar, after all, there is such a sea of beauties out there to choose from!

    Now, after meeting with Prof SB Leidra Lawson and SD seminars, and many many years of experience. I don’t even meet someone, if I get any bad feelings.

    I never go to an SD’s home, unless I genuinely feel comfortable with them, and I state my boundaries. Never let an pot SD take advantage of you. Especially if you are not in an arrangement with them, or don’t even know their intentions. Respect your gut! And learn from this! There are many scum bags women and men alike out there. Learn from this, but do not be afraid to try again. There are hundreds of great REAL SD’s out there.

    Big Hugs!!! I have been there!!

  32. Noledgeseeker says:

    Thank you SD Guru
    : )
    thats the last time i wear a dress that ties around the neck…next one’s gonna have zippers and snaps and wierd buckles and some laces… and buttons, lots of buttons

    I learned much more than that but… I’m lighthearted and being sad and victimized just doesn’t suit me for very long.

    Thank you for the kind words.

  33. Interesting topic…
    Have you even been told by an SD, that you weren’t Allowance material, because you made too much money, and weren’t needy?

    I had a pot Sd I have known for a while tell me yesterday, when I brought up allowance, than he doesn’t want to give me an allowance, because I already have a degree, home and car, and I make too much money…
    He would rather give it to someone, uneducated and or in school, who was poor…. ;( Yet, this same SD, also told me I intrigue him, because I have been the only SB who has stimulated him mentally, and the only SB who actually knows about what he does, and knows about his field in general. He also wanted to meet every day and still does…

    Is this the general consensus?
    Should an SD prefer someone who is on the rough side of the income bracket?

    I am self made, and also appreciate the nicer things an SD has to offer, with little commitment, and lots of passion….

    This is the first time I have ever been told I am more educated or on a higher income bracket then they want to support…. ;(

    Maybe, I should quit with running my own business!! Or fib and say I work for McD’s!! ;p

    His loss, Next SD!!! ;p Hi Sugars!!!

  34. SD Guru says:


    I’m sorry to hear about your experience. This is what I wrote last Friday:

    It’s no secret that there are unsavory characters with malicious intent in the sugar world looking for prey. The blogosphere is full of stories from inexperienced SB’s complaining about bad experiences and being taken advantage of, while they’re often motivated by greed or getting themselves into situations that they shouldn’t be in the first place.

    Guys like the one you described do what they do because they knew they could get away with it. The best thing to do is to not get yourself in that situation in the first place. But you already knew that. As you become more experienced in dealing with these predators you’ll be able to spot them from a mile away and avoid them like the plague. In this journey sometimes you have to take two steps back before you can take a step forward. So the most important thing is for you to learn from the experience, shake it off, and take that next step forward when you’re ready. Good luck!


    i guess no one has advice for me here…… I am curious to know do you all live in the same area and do u you all know each other from outside of here. I am new here and am not quite sure if this is where I go for advice or if this is a blog for friends to catch up and communicate just curious

    You’ve posed several questions in this blog and got plenty of good advice, so I’m not sure why you feel that way. This is a place where SB’s and SD’s share their experiences and learn from each other. Some may enjoy the bantering more than others but that’s just the normal course of diaglog on a blog.

  35. Sherri says:

    @SugaBeckha – 25 views is not really that many in the grand scheme of things. It might take a while to meet and connect with someone.

    I’d also say it’s probably not a good idea to focus a lot on # of views. I think that being able to see how many/who viewed your profile is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you can get a feel for how popular your profile is and whether you should make changes. On the other hand, you can start to get self-conscious about why people are looking but not messaging. But it’s not all rejection, I know I’ve looked at hundreds of SD profiles and liked some of them but still didn’t email because I was just browsing or whatever.

    The other thing is since (I think) you asked for feedback about your profile on here, a lot of the views may be from bloggers or lurkers checking you out.

  36. Noledgeseeker says:

    There were so many red flags I see now I can’t count them all. He didn’t take me to dinner. He said, so do you have some nice lingerie on for me? What? I already had told him I’m not intimate on the first date, why would he ask that? shouldve left then. I specifically told him he’d have to get tested first on the phone beore we met, its also in my profile and when i brought it up in person he said, aw baby I’m good. Dismissing it and my other boundaries like they were wrapping paper on Christmas morning. *shakes head* I’d say no don’t do that and he try again and again to do something i just said i didn’t want to do, but by then I was just trying to leave but didn’t have the courage to just get up and do it. It was like he couldn’t even hear me or he just didn’t care what I was saying. I did feel like we were clicking and he gunuinely seemed like a good person, he said we were just going to kiss…*shakes head* but he had my dress off faster than I could grab it and hang onto it.

  37. SugaBeckha says:

    ok so
    i guess no one has advice for me here…… I am curious to know do you all live in the same area and do u you all know each other from outside of here. I am new here and am not quite sure if this is where I go for advice or if this is a blog for friends to catch up and communicate just curious

  38. Bicentennial Baby says:


    What lines did he cross early on?? Is there any way for any of us to know someone is going to be a creep??

    I wouldn’t have the first idea what to do in your shoes except to leave, and it’s hard to do that and keep the “good girl” polite image we all work so hard to cultivate as women.

    Was there something he said that tipped you off that looking back you go “aha!” or was it just a gut feeling things weren’t clicking??

  39. Noledgeseeker says:

    Wow, took me a bit to catch up on the blog this morning.

    @ Stormcat. You are adorable : )

    I had a terrible date with a pot sd last night. I feel sick just thinking about it. I put myself in a bad situation, ignored my gut and alowed myself to get taken advantage of. I can still smell him…probably just my imagination but it disgusts me.
    Lesson learned. Thank God it wasn’t any worse. (Let me say here I wasn’t raped, we didn’t have sex and he didn’t physically hurt me.) I was really stupid and trusting and greedy I guess….(someone pointed that out many posts ago, that greed plays a part in these situations and I guess its true, though hard for me to admit about myself, if money was not involved I would have not been there in the first place)….. when I should have seen the red flags and just left.
    I just kept thinking, okay this is as far as its going to go, and he’d cross the line again and again…and I let him. At that point I didn’t care about money anymore and was racking my brain trying to figure out a way outa there. (I sit here and shake my head ‘no’ running over the string of bad decisions I made.) He had asked earlier in the night if I had to end my night at a certain time and I STUPIDLY said I have nothing else going on…so as I was in his room (No need to reply with some “Noledgeseeker, never go back to their room…” I get it, it was stupid and the consiquences of that stupid decision were immediate) …racking my brain, how do I get out of here I already said I have nowhere else to be….I can’t believe I was still trying to be polite!
    I finally just broke down and walked away, my eyes tearing up and got dressed, mubling something about me not being the girl he though I was….youre thinking oh good, Noledgeseeker, you finaly got out of there…but I didn’t…he sat down and *a disgusted look comes over my face now* talked me into staying “don’t leave like this” he says….and I FKING stayed! GDDAMMIT I am so angry with myself. I mean WTF, I want to go back there and grab myself by the shoulders, shake myself and say “HEY, wake up! Get the fck outa here!”
    Anyway…later as I am finally really about to leave he says’ “I feel bad, I mean should I give you something, you know” I say firmly with the last shred of pride and self confidence I had left “No, I am not an escort” Yeah, I’m just an idiot. Finally, I get out of there and I spend the rest of the evening crying and ranting and feeling physically ill.

    Today I wake up disgusted with him and myself. I feel like an idiot and ashamed. I feel like people can see the evidence of my bad decisions last night when they look at me. I know I will get over this and end up stonger and smarter, but it was a shtty way to get there.

    I know most of you would be smarter than I was but maybe some of you could learn something from what happened. Don’t do what I did.


  40. Reddamsel38 says:

    @sugabeckha Same here but I haven’t put up any pis yet sooo… I’ll do that right now and see what happens.

  41. SugaBeckha says:

    Good Morning Sugars….. Well I redid my profile have 25 views but no responses….. I am getting a little flustered at this. I am a great outgoing girl and very adatable to life’s changes, so now I sit and wonder, I know it’s not me,,,,, so what is it? Advice please…… have a great day

  42. Dandelion Wine says:

    Midwest, to be fair, BiBaby wasn’t saying “omg, I’m so smart and beautiful”
    She made a point that a woman who takes care of herself is in a higher demand than same woman would have been otherwise.
    “be the best you can be” hardly seems unfair.
    And to put the shoe on the other foot – why should a SB turn down an otherwise great SD if he is not able to provide the allowance she wants?

    • SD Guru says:

      I hope everyone had a nice weekend! As usual there is a lot to catch up on. Isn’t it time for a new blog topic?

      I know age, size/weight, and sex are the 3 taboo subjects men should stay away from in mixed company. So I’ve enjoyed reading all the different perspectives from the ladies. Speaking from personal experience, an attractive appearance obviously can open doors, but on top of that it’s the personality that keeps me coming back.


      I now know I’d been played but I don’t care. She had me where she wanted me and could have gotten anything.

      Thanks for sharing your story! You wear your heart on your sleeve and are not afraid to admit it, I think that’s rare for a SD.


      No word from any sd’s….hmmm. Sd guru????

      Did you see my reply to you in this post?


      what should i do….my SD isnt happy because he knows im not going to see him much now the semester is started (certainly once week 2 hits) and he wants me to quit work

      How long have you been with your SD, and is this the first time you’re dealing with this issue? As you further your studies and start working in your field in the future, your availability will only get worse. I’d suggest that you have an open an honest discussion with him about his expectations regarding your availability and see if you can come to a common understanding. I don’t know if he is the type that can become clingy and controlling, but it’s better to have that discussion now than when the situation gets worse.


      SD Guru I come out to play and you are not on the playground.

      I don’t usually blog on weekends due to family commitments, but I’ll be happy to make an exception for you! :)


      Question to all, have some of you had luck with some of the other sites more so than on SA?

      Here’s my take on the other sites. Sugardaddie has become mostly a regular dating site. SD4me is more of a hook up site like AFF. On CL you never know what you’re going to get. There are several other copycat sites for sugar relationship/arrangements but none have the critical mass of members to be useful yet. Having said that, I know others have had some success at all these different places so it’s not impossible. But from my personal experience sa.com remains the best resource for finding pot SB’s online.

      @NYC SB

      To me there is no better foreplay than a heated debate on an issue with a successful man

      I agree, but I like other types of foreplay as well! 😉

      @Midwest SB

      PS – Just booked a weekend in Vegas…yes!

      Have fun in Vegas! Is watching Zumanity on a love seat in your plans? 😉

  43. Dandelion Wine says:

    Midwest, to be fair, BiBaby wasn’t saying “omg, I’m so smart and beautiful”
    She made a point that a woman who takes care of herself is in a higher demand than same woman would have been otherwise.
    “be the best you can be” hardly seems unfair.
    And to put the shoe on the other foot – why should a SB turn down a wonderful and caring

  44. Midwest SB says:

    Doc- I read too quickly :-) Since your job has little to do with your career, you may be better off following Michael’s advice.

  45. Midwest SB says:

    BiBaby – I’m not typically harsh on anyone, but you simply do not get it. Perhaps you should spend a little time being the student. As for narcissism…a smart woman doesn’t have to tell the world she is smart…a beautiful woman doesn’t have to tell the world she is beautiful…. a little humility can go a long way in life. Otherwise, SDs will sense drama and high maintenance. Your call.

    Doc – I’m not sure about NZ, but in the states it is recommended to have a job in a clinical setting. The competition to secure a spot in med school is fierce and every advantage is necessary. I understand your SD’s need for flexibility and availability and he is providing an allowance that gives you that freedom. Tough call, but I would consider all aspects of what you need to accomplish and see if there is a way to compromise. Perhaps a committed 2-day or 3-day weekend once a month, or a way to visit mid-week without it taking time away from studies.

  46. MarieUK says:

    I adore reading through blog posts and it’s great to see some UK based people. I have commented on it before but I agree that the concept doesn’t seem to be getting through over here. It’s definately become apparent to me, however I live in hope! how is everyone today? xx

  47. Michael Alleycat says:

    Good to know it us not $40 per hour….. lmao at that one!

  48. aspiring-doc says:

    haaha note he does not pay $40 an hr …:) hmm neway i might hit the dance studio and dance this one out till i have a decision. Then its books and reviews for me 😀 night all

  49. aspiring-doc says:


    I dont think the argument meant you couldnt have beauty and brains. It just meant that in general brains are preferred over beauty. It didnt suggest that the two cant co-exist. frequently they do. I think the emphasis was that you dont have to be a beauty queen to have a SD.

    For example im 5’3, toned, slim and good looking but not model proportions by any means. Im not a D cup and Ive shown up for the odd lunch date in scrubs. I think it was meant to encourage woman of ‘average’ looks not to get too hung up on it, rather than insult anyone

  50. Bicentennial Baby says:

    wow, I’m gone IRL meeting some pots (got 3 biz cards and a meeting next week, not a bad weekend…) and I am getting cooked out on the BBQ, so to speak, in my absence!

    I’m not a celebrity, no need to roast me…

    My post was not to say person “x” can’t be a SB or person “y” isn’t able to get a SD at whatever size she is. My post was a knee-jerk reaction to all the fussing and carrying on I’ve read over weeks and weeks about why people don’t get more success as SB’s.

    I’m sorry, but in the world I come from, if you don’t have at least a certain set of standards that the industry seeks, there’s no point in whining about why you’re not winning contracts or contests, because it’s your own darn fault. you either 1.) have the goods and stuff to work with and don’t use the discipline or 2.) don’t have the stuff to work with, and need to get out of the game. There’s no inbetweens.

    If you meet the criteria, it’s a numbers game and eventually, you will win at it, it’s just who shows up that day that determines which one of you goes home a winner. Show up enough, and you’ll eventually win. I have. Others have as well. If a person has the self confidence to be a sugarbaby, then we have to disregard possibility #2 and assume the problem is possibility #1. Which means go lose the weight, get a haircut, change your clothes, go different places to meet and generally continue the natural efforts everyone should be doing to improve themselves.

    I’m just one of those people who gets so, so irritated when people try to make excuses for why things aren’t happening in their lives. If that makes me the bad guy, like ToughLove, so be it….I’d rather be respected for who I am than ever liked for who I’m not.

    Midwest – don’t let things phase you… You have been in the sugar bowl to know that beauty pageant winners for the most part cannot appeal to the sds intellectual level… I would much rather be an average looking with a beautiful mind..etc…

    while I understand you’re supporting your friend, and I agree with that, I’m in graduate school and my experience is that 99% of beauty contest winners in the big leagues (Miss America/Miss USA/Mrs America, Ms United States) are smarter than the average woman by a long shot. the stereotype of a dumb beauty queen is just that—-a sterotype.

    Maybe in the Hooters pageant or in swimsuit contests but NOT in anything that requires a personal and/or onstage interview. Most contests require a volunteer platform of community service. I would exhort anyone who disagrees with me to actually WATCH a large, televised contest where there’s a heavy interview portion, not Toddlers and Tiaras or whatever, and actually see what’s being asked and the answers given. Contrary to public belief, not everyone is miss Teen SC who couldn’t find the US on a map, etc.

    Sorry, but it chaps me to be called either narcissistic OR stupid when I neither. Were I narcissistic I wouldn’t think I needed improvement (I have weight to lose, clothes to buy, social talents still to develop and an ongoing education in school underway) and were I stupid I wouldn’t be in post-graduate level studies right now with an equivalent 3.9 average. I graduated from college cum laude and am the 1st in my family to graduate from college at all.

    Actually my conversational skills are probably on a par above my looks but that’s a topic for another day. And if having self esteem makes me narcissistic, well, that’s life. FACT: we’re ALL a little narcissistic anyway to think someone should be paying money to spend time with us, and personally, I think that’s perfectly ok. It means we have something to offer…and I don’t know how anyone could possibly take that wrong.

    /rant off/

  51. aspiring-doc says:

    that sounded negative- i really appreciate the advise though :)

  52. aspiring-doc says:

    SD pays twice what my work pays but i only work parttime.
    I teach ESOL at a local school for about $20 an hr (nz dollars). it works out about average salary here if it were a fulltime job. (42,000/annum)

    SD pays me enough to cover all my expenses without the job. ..plus the odd treat :). not many back up SDS here- the other offers i had were ‘pay and play’ and alot of jokers who didn’t understand the concept. Have a search of SD- new zealand- its limited.

    The extra cash ive generated from work ive locked in a term desposit fund- so im not keen on breaking it. Though i guess if worst comes to worst i could. I just want to have the means to pay off my loan fast on graduation so i can get out of the country without debt and start doing the things i want to do!

    Thanks for that on my profile- the pics arent great though- if i did a re-search/sd reapplication i should probably update them?

    hmmm how to keep everyone happy!!

  53. Michael Alleycat says:

    A-Doc – who pays more? SD or the job? What is your job? If your SD is long term and reliable, I would ditch the job. Make sure you have a 3+ month store of cash in case of the worst. You will be able to get another job or’ another SD if things fall apart. Btw I loved your profile – to the point, you laid out yr aspirations, no wonder you had lots of offers. People like to help others who have a grand plan and are working towards it!

  54. aspiring-doc says:

    …what should i do….my SD isnt happy because he knows im not going to see him much now the semester is started (certainly once week 2 hits) and he wants me to quit work yet if i quit work i become totally dependent on him. if i dont quit work- he might get too frustrated at me

  55. JSB says:

    Hey Michael – Calgary was amazing, and we brought the sunshine. I was there for the last weekend of the Stampede so the energy in the city was awesome and the people were so sweet!

    I actually made it to Banff as well, which was probably a highlight! We climbed a mountain and went off the path so that we could go behind a waterfall. It was incredible.

    Did you raft down any of the rivers in Calgary? It took 4 hours but it was a lot of fun, esp if you stop for ice cream half way.

    How was the Fairmont? I would have loved to play a round at the course in Banff if we spent more time there.

  56. aspiring-doc says:

    @stormcat- what a beautiful story!!! I nearly cried. I think what nz needs is sugar daddies like stormcat and michael. Seriously I think I scored the only non creepy one in my city. !

    Where did Lisa go? Im getting a tad worried.

    Back to uni today- I think i’m going to cry! Its like survivor this semester. 5 papers plus 2 days in the hospital- plus im still working parttime. I could give up work as my allowance from my SD covers living expenses. Im just a tad reluctant to get to that level of dependency. atm i just funnel all the money from work into my bank account and let it gain interest. so when i graduate and have to start paying it back- i have a pool of cash. hmmm decisions

  57. Michael Alleycat says:

    Hey JSB – how was Calgary? I was there about 3 weeks ago with my SB, plus a side trip to Banff. Stayed at the Fairmont both places, nice pub. How was the weather? Saw it had been raining quite a bit. Hope you had a great time!!

  58. Michael Alleycat says:

    Hey MidWest – is it that obvious? Trying really hard to be cool about this, but OMFG it is just great when we ae together.

  59. Dandelion Wine says:

    Bicentennial Baby, generally correct.
    Champagne flute is meant to prevent champagne from going flat (small surface area comparing to other wine glasses)
    For parings, if you have interest in that, my advice would be to actually try mismatching wine and food, and that will *quickly* teach you what doesn’t work and why.
    Also it might be easier for you to learn to appreciate the nuanced differences between wines by first figuring out the range parameters that please you and then just experimenting within that range.
    For example, i like my whites with a hint of sweetness, but not from the actual sugar (pinot grigio is too sweet for me most of the time), but rather a brain association filling in- i like my chardonnays a little (non-citrus)fruity and even flowery, and I think your brain associates fruit like peaches and apricots with sweetness, so that kind of fruity aroma tricks your brain into thinking that what you taste is sweeter than it is.
    On the other end, Sav Blanc is almost always too dry for me to enjoy it on its own, but it goes very well with some foods (but i think that is an the issue of the acidity more so than the dryness)

  60. Natali says:

    Stormcat~ I don’t know how I missed your post the first time scrolling down, but I read it now. Reading it made me tear up a little, it was like wow! That is the kind of connection I dream of! Then again what girl doesn’t haha. I hope I find that one day!

  61. JSB says:

    Evening Everyone!! Just got back from Calgary and I have quite the catching up to do.

    Hope everyone is doing well, can’t wait to read what you have all been up to.

  62. Midwest SB says:

    BostonAva – There were a few Bostonians a few months back. Stick around and share…they may return.

    BiBabyBoy – Please don’t think you’ve been glossed over. I feel you deserve an answer, but would be best served from another male sb. There are a few who post, so be patient. I will say that intimacy is common in arrangements, but there are some who have not had intimate relations with their SDs. If he is hinting at it, he is likely to want to hook up on the first meet, so be careful. The gentlemen I have met did not push for intimacy until I was ready. We did talk about expectations of intimacy before meeting though. Hope that helps a little.

    Stormcat – goosebumps indeed. That is quite the connection.

    Michael – you are glowing :-)

    Evening sugars!

  63. Michael Alleycat says:

    Just stopping in to say hi as well!! Busy day here – my SB is arriving tomorrow morning to stay at my house until Friday. Will be a great time!! Juggling my 11 y.o. daughter as I have to keep her busy for most of the time, away sleepovers etc etc. We will spend a night at one of the resorts here, then go up in the mountains for a night. The funniest thing – her favourite horse’s name is Alleycat!!

  64. Just stopping in to say Hi, Sugars!!! ;p

  65. Natali says:

    ESB~ I agree with having more than one to offset what my needs are financially. I am asking 4k/mo so if I have 2 that is only 2k/mo and I will still be able to see them a few times a month each.

  66. ESB says:

    Natali: I have spoken to a few pots who would prefer for me to have more than 1 SD for a few reasons… a) it would take the pressure off them to give me what I want and they can’t afford. b) They want me to be happy, and if he can’t see me very often, I can have someone else to entertain me and c) the one wanted me to tell him all the details of the other SD, sexually.. geez, you find all kinds on here!! I’m not opposed to it, but it’s not for me. If you can handle more than, one, go for it, and be carefull!! Also, be honest with them about it. Just me, but I think the men in you life should know if you are putting them at risk for any STDs.

  67. Natali says:

    I believe as humans, we see the flaws before our best features. I know many men who are the same way, but think us women are more open about it. We talk more about how we have a little pudge her or a bit too much jiggle there.

    I have a little belly, and could use some muscles on my arms, but I know I will get back to that point. I have been helping out at my recent’s restaurant for the last year and gained 15lbs. All that yummy unhealthy food! I did the P90X for a while and loved it. Saw some great results too, but stopped. I think I will do that again. I would reccommend it to anyone and everyone. Even the mealplan is so simple to follow!

    Asfar as my sugar status… I am talking to two different pot’s one here in ID and one in Vegas. I am interested in both and although I said I wouldn’t have 2 SD’s at once, they only want to meet once or twice a month, so who knows! Naughty me haha!

  68. ESB says:

    WOW, the size issue… after eating myself out of depression last winter, I am back to my normal weight… and it is a stuggle for me to stay this way. I am a small size 8, 5 more lbs, I’d be a 6… but I look unhealthy when I loose that last 5 lbs. I can not work out at the moment, I have a torn ligament on my hip. Hurts like the devil, and was told no running, jogging, or walking more than necessary until it heals…for another 6 weeks. He should have added dancing. Went out Fri. night, and I’m in pain again!! LOL… I’m so silly. Anyway, I did this jogging!!

    I’m keeping my weight down by eating less, and smarter!! My daughter, who is 1/2″ taller than me is a size 1, sometimes 3. She is to thin, but very athletic. She tries to gain weight, and it all goes to her tummy, and that looks just weird on her. But for a 15 YO, I think she looks good. She has the model body, and looks more and more like me, I am told, as she matures. She has no BF, she says boys are all morons (love THAT attitude!) but has her eye on one… my point here is this. You may look at me and think “I wish I could look like that”, I look in the mirror, and see the flaws. BG is the same way. She has that model thin body, and she sees her poor posture, and acne. Are we as women ever happy, completely, with what we look like? I know I’m not. Guess I’m always trying to improve upon myself. Right now, I’m in to much pain to worry about it to much. But I’m NOT obsessed about it. I know there are more than a few men out there who see me and see no flaws at all, and I’m going to be the LAST one to point them out to them!!

  69. ESB says:

    Hello Sugar Family!! I’ve had a crazy few weeks. Just now getting the courage to come back here… not sure I can tell you eeverything, but will hit the highlights, but first…

    Stormcat, I love your story!! Aww.. you are such a romantic!! How long did that last, with her I mean.

    Last weekend, I was in heaven. Thought I met the dream SD.. limo at the airport, had me trying on Louboutin shoes so he bought me the right size, wanted my measurements to when I got there he had the perfect outfit for me at the spa to put on after I got the “royal treatment”, I was thinking, this is to much!! THIS is what I’ve been waiting for… then he told me what he wanted in return. Serioulsy, I think he was looking to fill his stables. Wanted to share me with all his friends, some of them women, and that is the mild part. Sorry, no pair of shoes or spa treatment is worth what he wanted from me. It was a nice ride while it lasted… sigh.. I’m not out of the game though. Have a few that might be worth looking into!!

  70. Reddamsel38 says:

    SD Guru Where r u?

  71. Stormcat says:

    Cutie, Viking ~ both of you are right Safety is the number one consideration. And SA is very responsive to this and has ways of identifying this type of activity warning and then if necessary banning the abuser from the site entirely. Go to the main page and then find the report abuse page and/or contact us page and simply tell them the concern. They will write back and then you can give them the details.

  72. Tatiana says:

    As for me I’m a New York sugar baby…I can only speak for myself…but I’m a pretty sweet deal. I’m sweet, fun, bubbly, intelligent, and ambitious. So in my opinion I’m the best of both worlds.

  73. Viking Hybrid says:

    @CutieSB: Your internal alarm system is going off for a reason. Trust your instincts. Without knowing the details, it sounds creepy to me. Sometimes it’s better to just cut your losses. No amount of sugar is worth your safety/sanity/freedom!

    Unfortunately sites like these can become magnets for mentally/emotionally ill men, hiding behind their computer, looking for easy prey. Some guy has been stalking me on here lately – creating new profiles and repeatedly emailing me. It’s pretty disturbing. I wish there was a way to report this to SA so that a) there’s a record of the harassment and b) these assholes can be banned! I’ve been keeping my own record of this and if it doesn’t stop, I guess I’m just going to have to delete my profile because it is seriously CREEPY!

  74. CutieSB says:

    I met a SD and he is clingy and obsessive, he wants to move to where I am. Should I be scared?

  75. Stormcat says:

    Hi everyone it took me a while to write this so I’m way behind on keeping up with the posts
    Sasha ~ As I read the posts here from other SBs I realize that the landscape in sugarland is pretty competitive on the SB side. But that isn’t how it has always been. It was more the reverse when I first started and the SDs were competing for a limited pool of quality SBs. Then it was a numbers game for us. At the start I sent out several hundred messages at a time and then worked through the limited number of responses, making notes and strategizing about each one. After 6 weeks I had experienced dozens of first meets, made every mistake possible (some more than once) and had even had a few second dates. But still no arrangement! During that time I went out with one person on a date that I will never forget. From the second I saw her profile I just knew she was the one I wanted. I even declared it on the blog, inquiring about how one told the other pots that I had made my choice, and the bloggers there at the time really made fun of me for that.
    The first meet was like magic. I had a pair of Japanese motif gold earrings that I had bought in a vintage shop in Halifax 15 years ago and had kept them, thinking that I would eventually give them to someone when it became appropriate. I don’t know what possessed me but I brought them along to that first meet (I already had another gift that I had purchased for the occasion). I was nervous as hell, arrived more than a half hour early, so I ordered a Cognac and exchanged jokes with the bartender to pass the time. But, the closer it got to the appointed time the more nervous I became. I couldn’t distract myself anymore . . . check my watch, get up and look at some decorative painting on the wall, come back and sit again, swirl my drink, take a sip, check for messages, lean on the bar, take another sip, check my watch again and only 1 1/2 minutes have gone by. OMG what a torture. The time came. 5 min more. My cell rings and I think she’s either late or not coming. I answer, she says I’m here, I turn around and she’s standing right behind me. . . relief at last.
    I can’t imagine what she read in my expression, (There was so much emotion inside at the time and I’m an open book, the type of person who just can’t hide it.) We exchanged greetings, ordered her a drink, and started chatting. Time seemed to disappear. Her softness of her voice, her relaxed look, the shine in her eyes, the understated dress, nothing done to impress/everything impressive. After a time, I introduced her to the concierge (We know each other well and he always gets me in and gives me the best tables) He seated us in the booth in the back corner. We sat across from each other and talked about the menu. She seemed intoxicating . . . all my nervous energy was gone. . . we were connecting! Big time!!!!
    I asked if she traveled and she told me of her many adventures. Then came the question, where haven’t you been that you really really want to go someday? Halifax, she said. I still get goosebumps thinking about it. I moved to the other side of the table, slid in next to, a just sat silent for a minutes. I felt her draw near and knew she was facing me as I could feel the slight movement of air from her breathing. I slowly turned toward her, wanting to explain about the earrings in my pocket, but when my eyes met her’s there were no words to speak. I don’t know how long we were like that, holding each other’s gaze, but at last we just drew closer and kissed softly. Words finally returned to my mind, and I was able to tell her about my trip to Nova Scocia and explain about the earrings. It was her turn for goosebumps! I pulled them from my pocket and gave them to her. After dinner we went out and walked around for a while, chatting, holding hands, getting used to each other’s pace while walking arms around, window shopping while discussing fashion, etc. At last, I hailed a cab for her, gave her cash to pay for it, kissed her good night, promised to call, and watched as she was driven away, her silhouette waving good night through the back window.

    I had never had an experience like that before, but alas an arrangement was not to be forthcoming. We met for a second wonderful date where we drove out, top down, visited a local vineyard, and had a lovely dinner at a restaurant in the countryside. The topic of the arrangement came up and we both stated that this was what we wanted. But when we started to discuss allowance I told her that 3K was all I could swing. She said that she wanted 4. Finally we agreed that 3K would do for a while but that as soon as my royalty income improved it would become 4 and more. We agreed to begin the following weekend, but I got an uneasy feeling when I dropped her off at her apartment. Two days later I found out why. She called and told me that someone from the past had come back into her life so that she couldn’t be my SB. Needless to say, I was very disappointed. I groused about it on the blog for several months. I met a lot of other pots after that but I was spoiled by the experience. Nothing could come close equaling that date and eventually I gave up on the idea of having an arrangement. So I just started using my sugar funds for helping some of the SB’s here on the blog without making an arrangement with any of them. It was good, cause I made so m any good and lasting friendships here. I even kept in touch with her, e-mailing back and forth once every couple of months.
    So, Sasha, what is the point of telling this story. It’s that eventually I did get myself an SB, but it didn’t happen by trying harder to find one. It just happened.
    6 months after that awful phone call, ending the possibility of having an arrangement with her, I received an e-mail from her that said she was disappointed by her choice and asking if I might still be interested. Boy was I ever, at any allowance amount. I now know I’d been played but I don’t care. She had me where she wanted me and could have gotten anything. But, to her credit, she only still wanted the 4 and we became a sugar couple. So you can never tell if one of your poof daddies/babies or one of the ones who never answered or only wrote a couple of times, will come back around. And that might just be the connection of a lifetime.
    That’s all.

  76. Stormcat says:

    Oh So many long time friends are here . . . I want to blog but I’m so tired. Please everyone come back tomorrow so that we can all catch up!!!

  77. Michael Alleycat says:

    NYC SB and Midwest – totally agree. I would take a beautiful and intelligent mind (that is also being used) over a beautiful body any day. If I can get both, so much the better eg my SB but the brain ALWAYS comes first. No brain, no deal.

  78. Midwest SB says:

    PS – Just booked a weekend in Vegas…yes!

  79. Midwest SB says:

    NYC – I shouldn’t have, but I am glad to see that I’m not alone in this matter. Intelligence is sooooo sexy. Narcissism is not.

    Goodnight sugars!

  80. NYC SB says:

    Midwest – don’t let things phase you… You have been in the sugar bowl to know that beauty pageant winners for the most part cannot appeal to the sds intellectual level… I would much rather be an average looking with a beautiful mind that beautiful with an average or sub average mind :)

    Most SDs I have ever met were taken back when I was able to converse with them about their line of business … To me there is no better foreplay than a heated debate on an issue with a successful man :)

  81. aspiring-doc says:

    There are no ugly woman- just lazy ones :) this is what my mother always said. Im a size 6 but some of my friends are beautiful curvy 12’s. They arent ‘fat’, they dont not exercise or eat well- they have a certain body frame and work with it :). sometimes im jealous- especially when i cant find clothes in some stores that fit! ;).

    I think midwest is right- work your niche. :) Confidence and self value is probably the only 2 univerally attractive things i can think off. Beauty is reflected in who are you are, as much as ‘what you look like’. Ive heard SDs turn down barbie girls because they dont reflect inner beauty.
    So work with what youve got- look after yourself and work your best assests :)

    love x

  82. DorkyGuy says:

    @Sherri, you’re absolutely right. Personally, I wouldn’t want someone so modelesque (or so young) that everyone’s looking at me thinking “there’s a guy in his mid-life crisis”. And I wouldn’t want folks looking at her thinking “gold digger” or “she’s just with him for the money”. I especially wouldn’t want to start those kind of rumors if I bumped into someone either of us knows. But that’s just me.

  83. Midwest SB says:

    DorkyGuy – Love your posts! They add value and it’s always nice to hear a SD’s perspective. Welcome!

    Viking – Agreed. TLG always said “we all want something different”.

  84. DorkyGuy says:

    I think there are two kinds of people in the world:

    1) A person who looks at another person, and instantly catalogs all her flaws.

    2) A person who looks at person, and focuses on the attributes they find attractive.

    Maybe it’s an over-generalization, but I think most women catalog flaws evaluating other women (and especially when evaluating themselves) and most men fall into the second category.

    Chances are, the guy’s not judging you to the same level of perfection to which you are judging yourself… especially if you have a strong, confident smile and a warm personality.

    Sorry, I’m supposed to be lurking 😛 I’ll let y’all have the thread back.

  85. Viking Hybrid says:

    @Sherri: Well said!!!

    @Dorky Guy: Good for you for nurturing your daughters’ self-confidence. Women are, naturally, all different shapes and sizes. Our diversity is what makes us so interesting and beautiful! What’s important is not obsessing about what’s in the mirror, but taking care of one’s health – physical, emotional, social, financial, etc.

    Given our differences, there is no such thing as a universally accepted “perfect 10.” A girl that one man passes over, another man will find stunning. Some men want a Barbie doll. Some men want a schoolgirl. Some men want an Eastern European. Some men want an Ebony queen. Whatever! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – work your niche!

  86. Midwest SB says:

    I said that wrong….I want to correct the misconception that you have to walk out of Cosmo to have a SD.

  87. Midwest SB says:

    BUBaby- You are right, but I just want to correct the misconception that you don’t have to walk out of Cosmo to have a SD.

  88. BoltonUKbaby says:

    Where r the UK SB’s? Anyone?lolxx

  89. BoltonUKbaby says:

    As long as we r healthy and happy, there is really no need to go back and forth about beauty because it certainly is in the eyes of the beholder.xxx

  90. DorkyGuy says:

    On the topic… do a youtube search for “lane bryant commercial”. The top one is called “Not what mom would wear”.

    If you google search the term “curves are in and they are here to stay”, you’ll find a good companion article that talks about the commercial.

    I’ve got daughters, and the body image issues are important to me. It feels great every time I hear them say “That girl’s way too skinny.”

    Beauty isn’t a math formula based on ideal dimensions. There’s so much more to it than that.

  91. Midwest SB says:

    James- (((hugs)))

    Sherri – EXACTLY!!!

  92. Sherri says:

    For what it’s worth, I’d like to chime in on the beauty question. I think beauty helps a lot and certainly can’t hurt, but we’re forgetting about a lot of pot SDs if we take ourselves out of the running for not having model looks.

    1) what about the men who are in it not for the arm candy because they’re too busy for a traditional gf?

    2) what about the men who don’t want an obvious sb who draws a lot of stares wherever they go?

    3) what about men who just crave the attention they’re not getting at home?

    4) what about the ones who value a travel companion or someone w/flexibility above all else?

    and so on…

    There’s a lot more an sb can offer besides being model perfect.
    and so on…

  93. james.m says:

    And you, ladies, should aspire to be half as good an SB as SB Midwest is!

  94. Midwest SB says:

    Attitudes such as this are why we have 16 year old girls with eating disorders. If all an SD can see is a tiny waist, then he is not the man for me. We can set the standards and we have allowed the media and shallow people airbrush and sculpt THEIR idea of what the perfect woman looks like. They can have it, but don’t say “it’s the norm so we have to go with it”. BULL!!! WE can change that attitude or buy into it. Which one are you?

    Did you know Marilyn Monroe was a size 12?

  95. BoltonUKbaby says:

    I am not trying to take sides but I think she was trying to say that the SD’s are influenced by modern standards of beauty and even though it may not be fair, it is oh so true. This is not to say that there are not some SD’s that like the more voluptous women, but most of them already have these @ home and want something more modern,fresh,young or just someone society would expect them to be seen with. This is what I understood by the post anyway and I dont think anyone was trying to say who should and should not be a SB, it is nobody’s place to judge another. Its just like the size 0 modelling drama, it may not be fair but it is oh so true and if you are not that size, you arent good enough. I dont mean to cause any drama and this shouldnt.xx

  96. Beach_Girl says:

    Midwest~ Kitten, I totally Adore and agree with you , love ya Girl!!! xoxo

    OC~ Nice to see you back, hope all is good!!

  97. Midwest SB says:

    @Bibaby – according to your post, I shouldn’t be a sugar baby…more than once.

    Arrgghhhh…don’t like the mood I am in. Was fine before I read that post. Those who know me, know better.

  98. Midwest SB says:

    I have to say I am SICK at people who want to shatter others’ hopes and aspirations as a sugar baby or any other goal in life because they aren’t 5’10”, 113″# former pageant contestants. Step down from the pedestal and get over yourself.

    My stats don’t match those by a close shot and I do not have trouble meeting quality SDs. Enough said.

    Ladies – confidence, being the best YOU can be, enjoying what a SD has to offer is what you need. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not qualified to be a SB. There are men who like women with curves…especially if you like who you are. Let the shallow naysayers have the shallow men who want a f*ck and move on. Let the genuine ladies shine! To the ladies who do have those stats and DON’T think it’s the end all be all to securing a SD…they are the ones who will provide great advice!

    Sheesh…came here to say hi to friends and end up aggravated and posting a rant. Sorry to the others.

  99. Midwest SB says:

    PrtMinCA – He’s not a SD…NEXT!!!

  100. Midwest SB says:

    Are we still talking about beauty contests?

  101. BoltonUKbaby says:

    @Prt, I think you should meet with him again if you like him and go for dinner,drinks or whatever. However DO NOT have sex with him (unless of course you really fancy him and ur really horny,lol). But most guys say the next week story just to get what they want and then they poof. So Ill say u do what u think feels right and not because u believe he will come through next week cos more often than not, they poof once they have sex and if u didnt enjoy it, ud feel played. I hope I helped.xx

  102. PrtMinCA says:

    I’m a newbie and my first encounter was with SD who started making excuses after I laid out my allowance but still wanted to meet but was willing to pay for my gas? Flat out and said I can’t issue that amount until maybe next week? What do you think?

  103. Bicentennial Baby says:


    dumb question, but I have to ask as I do not often drink wine (red makes me sick).

    Red-with meats, heavier flavors
    white-fish,chicken, lighter textures and flavors
    Red wine, fuller glass, and you cup with fingers to “warm” the aroma?
    white wine, taller thinner glass use the stem as normally served chilled?
    Champagne, fluted glass to allow the bubbles to rise, very thin, use stem?

    This is all I know about wine and only from reading/observation. Is this correct? DH does not drink anything at all (which is nice, don’t have to worry about alcoholism!) so I have no frame of reference.

    Is there a rule about what to pair with? sorry not exactly topic but I know prob 90% of those posting here know this sort of thing…

  104. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Sorry, I thought in saying:
    **this is a GENERAL observation…I don’t know anyone personally yet***, which I did in my 1st paragraph, that of course this would exclude it from referencing anyone who posts here, as I’ve not met anyone to know otherwise.

    It’s like talking about who wins a pageant. while there’s always exceptions, the statistical model appears to be equally split between white blonds and brunettes who have a BMI of 17 or 18, are between 5’6 and 5’10”, majoring in Music Education or Journalism and whose talent is singing. Yes, there are redheads and women of color who are studying veterinary medicine BUT if you fall in that big category I just mentioned above, the odds are you’re going to make top 5 in nearly any beauty comeptition you enter IF you’ve got the minimum required goods, i.e. you’ve got a pretty face and can get through a 5 minute interview conversation. Think about the fact we’ve just NOW had a few black Miss Americas and USA’s in the last 10 years and you can’t tell me that only white women are beautiful (I’m not fully caucasian either). It’s just what was winning for so long because that unfortunately was the preference.

    Please do NOT consider lipo or surgery. Let me tell you something, you can win modeling contests and still think you’re overweight or ugly. I don’t care how beautiful you are, someone always comes along making you envious. In order to win a beauty contest, I read you must be in the top 2% of women for looks/proportion and intellect. I consider myself in the top 2% quite easily, but the top 1% intimidates the livin’ bejeebes out of me! I wanted fake boobs and lipo and I have a BMI of 18, because I see girls who have them and sport a 22″ waist. Mine’s 25. I feel fat looking at them then myself in a swimsuit.

    Obviously I’m being stupid but that’s what the world does to us. It’s ridiculous for me to expect to be in my early to mid 30’s and look like I’m 18…yet both my husband and society have an unwritten expectation that should continue indefinitely. I fear the day when I am no longer thin & pretty, and I have a witty personality and strong intellect. But who will get near enough to see that if I look like the Crypt Keeper because of all the wrinkles? I know, bad analogy, but my point is only that NO ONE should butcher their body to meet an unachievable standard, NO ONE. It took Marilyn Monroe 3 hours a day to put on her makeup and even she said she felt like walking in the gutter when Joe Dimaggio walked on the street beside her. Geez. Puts it into perspective.

    Demographics do seem to matter, I almost think I would be better off if I were closer to LA because intellect seems to be rare there in the majority of arm candy gals….here in the east coast most women are well educated, at least that I meet that are attractive. It’s like we have university crammed down our minds because there’s a heavy emphasis in the society here, even for the working class, to be well educated. I DO know how to act at a scotch tasting though, and scotch is actually the only drink I really like, so maybe I’ll be ok knowing that. 😉

    whoever mentioned the “mentoring/Eliza Doolittle” aspect, I like that comparison, My Fair Lady is one of my all time favorite movies! I would be flattered to meet someone like that, just with the understanding unlike Eliza, I’m aware of my shortcomings and do want to improve myself in all aspects of life, not just material resources. Hopefully that’s not an uncommon attitude for a SD to have!

  105. Viking Hybrid says:

    Hey sugars!

    To my NYC sisters: Battery Park, near the World Financial Center, looks like an excellent place to meet SDs. I saw many SD/SB couples there last Friday, and some potSD looking gents floating about. I was with a guy friend so sugar hunting was out of the question that day, but perhaps next time? Has anyone had any luck in that area? What other areas or establishments do you recommend for NYC SD hunting?

    Off to get some sun, and possibly some sugar later on 😀

  106. DorkyGuy says:

    I haven’t read this blog in ages… been working so much I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t working. This was a nice diversion for a Saturday :)

    Had to laugh at the SB’s passing around “the art of seduction” and “mind control”. Us guys don’t really stand a chance, do we? 😛

  107. BoltonUKbaby says:

    Ive been on this site for while now but I am just making my first comment….Hello everyone in sugarland, I hope you are all having a great time. I saw a previous post by a UK sugarbaby and I was relieved because I felt it was me. In my opinion, the SD’s in England are fascinated by the concept but are not really ready or willing to put in the effort or finances. Iv spoken to a few pots who seem very excited and then they poof. I think SD has a larger number of pots in UK but they need schooling as to how the SD/SB relationship works as most of them think its just about good food and fine wine with nice hotels and lots of sex. Ive met a very nice pot from SD who is willing to give me a little less than Id like but I get on well with him and so Im willing to compromise for now, while I keep searching. Id like to hear from SB’s in UK, your experiences and tactics if u may and also if anyone would like a get together down this way.xxxxx

  108. Dandelion Wine says:

    NYC SB, I didn’t bring up a bf, but had to bow out after dinner as well :)
    Thanks for the tip, I was worried I just had bad luck lol

    I think Vegas atmosphere in general attracts *really* new money. Friend’s SD (genuine and generous) ordered red with fish and held the glass by the stem.

  109. Nico says:

    @ Bi Babe

    I read through your post and agree with most of it; however, while the SD options decrease as the age of the SB increases, they are still out there without having to fudge the numbers. Additionally, while I personally am not overweight and have a healthy BMI, I happen to know a gal on here (dear and local friend of mine) who is a little ‘healthy’ and she’s not lacking in potential SD’s. I would only caution you then when using a ‘general statement’ to make certain people know it’s a general statement. Give her the opportunity (especially if she may be lurking on the blog) to better herself by providing constructive criticism as opposed to judging her. Many of us on this blog probably wouldn’t have the more refined profiles and better photos on our sites if we didn’t have others to bounce our thoughts/ideas off of.

    Just sayin’,……again, I don’t disagree….just hoped to ’round the corners’ a bit.

  110. NYC SB says:

    Lily – Stormy is such a gent… of course he offers dinner (unlike other unmentionables)… u will have a blast with him… on many levels your energies vibe (having met both)

    ElegantSB – what a poser! He rented a Jag… and he expected you to put out because of it??? What world is he living in? if he was smart he would have lied about the rental and claimed it was his own… rolls eyes

    Noledgeseeker – regarding safety… just let him know when you get in the car that you will need to check in with a friend during your trip to ensure your safety…if he is offended by this RUN… I have a blog post on safety… check it out and learn from my mistakes
    SugaBeckha – lately our mixers have been blog friends being in the same town and making plans to meet… I am not sure where you are from but why not reach out to bloggers from your area and making plans for drinks one evening?
    Speaking of which I had an awesome night out with my Muse … mani/pedi’s drinks, food, laughs… couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate the end of my busy time at work… oh wait … I can… but that is taking place on MONDAY! LOUBOUTINS … here I come 

    Brownskinsb – I would love to see a blog on your irl sugar hunting and in particular advice on places to check out (nyc spots if you could)… in addition how do you introduce sugar when meeting a man of means in real life

    Bicentenial baby – while I agree with a lot of your requirements the key issue you are missing is demographics… which invalidates your 34b vs 32d woman’s success statement… let me explain… in nyc huge boobs are not a requirement, however, knowing how to act at a scotch tasting is… in vegas though a woman with small breasts will not do well.
    I would summarize your whole post in two sentences. The woman that is sucessful as a sugar baby is one that knows her demographic and plays up on her advantages. One who knows how to mend her personality and is camilion like quickly adapting and appealing to any man she meets.
    This and this alone will make you successful… looks of course help… but they are not key… especially in NYC where everyone is a “model” … well I have never modeled but what I have done is had multiple successful arrangements yielding high range allowances. It has nothing to do with my masters degree, or my 34bs but it has everything to do with my keen assesment of men and knowing how to appeal to them.

    Dandelion Wine – I bankers do not make good SDs… especially the younger ones… why? They think they are too good to support a woman and that you should be on their beck and call because they are I bankers…. They are fun to talk to for a night and then smile and say “well thanks for dinner, now I must hurry home and see my bf” talk about a great mind f**k

    Cleo – Congrats on the amazing BMI 😀

  111. cleo says:

    sasha one of our blog sds looked at me straight in the face once and said “you used to model right” and i laughed and was flattered… so read that to mean i am 5’11 have amazing cheekbones and an hourglass

    now ask me how many sd’s i’ve had. honey it’s not the looks it’s the attitude. if you really have the personality you say you do someone will see that who loves curvy little girls… just make the most of your assets and learn to love yourself…

    (and if you’re me? stop sugar dating because you’re forgetting why you love men in the first place – gah i swear i get all the bad ones)[okay i did meet a great one, but life interfered for us instead]

    • Sunny Sugary Hello to Everyone from OCsugarBaby!
      California is a wealth of sugar. I enjoyed reading what
      BrownskinSugarBaby said about the quality of sugar out
      here! So true, so true. Educated gentle and caring SugarBaby
      personalities are not the norm out here.
      I am over the 35 year old mark and tell my real age, it seems
      to work for me. Education, personal and professional goals and a
      winning attitude will take you to a sugar planet you only imagined existed!
      All of you have stated confidance to be at the top of the Sugar must have list, I agree.
      Just wanted to jump in and say HELLO!
      SD Guru I come out to play and you are not on the playground.
      Sugar sprinkles all around…. ~OC

  112. cleo says:

    lily: ahh aren’t you a love :)
    stormcat: there is a lady named blossom in nyc at a place called bridge pilates. she inherited the legacy of the best teacher we ever had and if anyone knows the good practitioners in your neighbourhood it’s her…

    fair enough?

  113. Sasha says:

    @bicentennial baby…thank you for all you said in your post. I think that everything you stated is harsh but true. Sometimes people don’t want to admit that, but the reality is looks get you far in this game and in life. If I had a dollar for the number of times people commented on my personality and intelligence in person, I would definitely be a millionaire by now. I think that honestly I might not be pretty enough at the moment to be successful on this site. I am short and about 15-20lbs heavier than I care to be. Men of wealth can really care less if you have a sparkling personality because at the end of the day you need to look hot in a little black dress. A cute face will get you in the door and believe me…I get in the door often, but I’m just being honest. I don’t have the smokin hot body so visually I might not be able to keep the attention of really really well off sd’s who are only accustomed to dating models and such. I’m giving this another week or so and then I might need to take a break. Its really wearing on me.
    Note though…I have had the epic battle of my life trying to get off this last 15-20lbs with no luck so I’m checking into lipo and plastic surgery. Its extreme, but I’m really seeing that it might be necc for my success in the quest for sugar and mainly for my singing career.

  114. bibabyboy says:

    I need some help please.

    I have been in contact with my potential SD for over a month now and we have agreed to meet. He lives out of town so he is flying me out to meet him next weekend.

    I’m nervous. I feel comfortable with him so far, and I know the safety precautions I have to take. I’m concerned about raising the topic of a comfortable arrangement. I have seen from our daily discussions that he is one who prefers to have certain topics/subjects raised and I have no clue as to how I am going to do this. He is charming, witty and I like him.

    Also, he keeps hinting sexually. Really? Sex in a relationship like this? I’m not sure I would be comfortable with that.

    I’m a bi male sugar baby. Any tips would be highly appreciated! If any SDs are reading this, I would love to hear your views.

  115. aspiring-doc says:

    and i know my sentence structure is bad above- im just too tired!

  116. aspiring-doc says:


    very interesting observations re: what makes a sugar baby.

    Heres some other things i’ve observed (im by no means an expert- elegants comments are far more researched and informed!)

    confidence: if you value urself- he will too

    Ability to hold a conversation: are u educated, articulate, do you possess some wit and charm about you? can you hold his attention? what are your pragmatic skills like?

    are you beautiful inside as well?: outer looks are important but if you have a bad attitude, are unforgiving, etc etc – thats not going to work for you either.

    Im not a model by any means of the word. Im 5’3 and petite.
    BUT My SD says his high school sweetheart had the same proportions as me and he finds me irresistible (yes.. a man who doesnt want a 5’9- D cup SD).

    The comments i have got from Pot SDs usually revolve around how i carry myself, my ability to hold a conversation, my aspirations and my passion for study/work.

    I play on my strengths. I know im not going to give him wild and sexy…but I can give him lovely, graceful, kind, sweet, affectionate, beautiful. If i play on my natural strengths i attract the right SDs. if i play up my academics- academics are naturally drawn to me. by playing up certain qualities i probably limit my selection but for those SDs drawn to someone like me- it gives me a higher chance with those who are looking for the qualities i have.
    Im in NZ so my pool of SDs is really limited (do a search- theres literally 30 results) unless i stretch into Australia as well (which i considered).

    I found by letting my profile reflect exactly what i was about- even though i had limited interest (20 emails for 313 views)- all the SDS i met with offered me an allowance.

    What are your strengths? what do people love about you? what drives you? what inspires you? what are your passions? There are lots of things other than looks that you can use to ur advantage. :)

  117. Dandelion Wine says:

    I had a lot of sugar luck when I lived in LA, that’s pretty much where i got initiated into being a SB by a celeb. Guys in great shape in their late 30’s. A couple of platonic SDs. Most that approached me were in fashion, entertainment, or foreign.

    I haven’t lived in NYC yet, but the times that I got approached, it was by investment bankers.

    In TX however… Old money, trust funds and oil.
    My college sweethearts still send me gifts :)
    I had a 19 year old, a 21 year old and a 22 year old wanting to be my SDs. (mind you i’m a bit older than they). Of course they wouldn’t have been able to provide at a level that I expect, but it’s the thought that counts :)
    Rich middle-aged and older ladies LOVE me, I’ve had so many introduce me to their sons, invite me to their country clubs, etc. Most, of course, see me as a potential daughter-in-law, but there was one lady that was exalting the warm caring relationships between a rich older man (maybe even married, but who’s to judge? :)) and a younger woman.

  118. Pardon the grammatical errors, I had a glass of Shiraz. 😉

  119. Sorry about the multiple posts, I keep having afterthoughts….

    To piggy back on you Bicentennial Baby, some of these women just don’t know. They don’t frequent the blogs, and depending on their backgrounds they’ve never actually been in the presence of refined men or people of wealth in general. And if they have, they felt out of place. They don’t know what a true SB lifestyle is like and what it’s all about. They’ve likely seen or heard about the site through one of the many media in which it is featured and figured, well why not me, let me try. So they present what they know. I guess ignorence is bliss, lol.

    Then there are guys who like a project. Maybe a real life Pygmalion. An Eliza Doolittle. So women can clean up quite nicely and if her personality speaks to him and he is interested, you never know… Even she might strike gold. Most people don’t know the proper way to put together a profile either on this site, on other SD sites, or even regular dating sites for that matter. But those who learn find success.

  120. Bicentennial Baby ~ Brava, great post!

  121. Oh and in comparison, Upper East Side money favors not the SB, lol. Especially if she’s on the arm of a handsome eligible white daddy. I think that made it all the more fun lol. However, I win a lot of people over, they didn’t hate me for long (well except the old ladies, but who cares about them, lol).

  122. Bicentennial Baby says:


    I’m not sure if I’m right, but I really am of the thought process that it’s a combination of having 15 SB’s for every 1 SD, their personal tastes, the economy (more SB’s to choose from and even less SD’s…), and the fact that let’s face it, unless a SB’s at least a 7 or 8 on the looks scale, a very intelligent/witty conversationalist with at LEAST some college education under your belt, no drama issues (crazy BF/husband interfering, kids being brought up, mental instability…), a great dresser and height/weight proportionate, then success as a SB is going to be limited if happening at all. (not that you personally are not *ALL THAT* AND the bag of chips!!!…this is a GENERAL observation…I don’t know anyone personally yet).

    My impressions are that the ideals of a sugarbaby who can command nice gifts and an allowance are pretty much as follows:

    1.) Between 18 and about 35, older & you pretty much have to fudge the numbers and LOOK the age you claim

    2.) Be either IN or able to travel to a fairly large metro area, such as DC/NYC/LA/Miami

    3.) Be well versed in at least some of the aspects of the class of people you wish to associate with…ie I don’t drink very much and wine makes me sick. So I would not be able to be a good judge of a fine wine, HOWEVER I have traveled overseas several times and lived abroad. I think that cancels out the lack of fine dining experience since I have broadened my own understanding of culture somewhat from traveling.

    4.) Height and weight must be what about 90% of men find attractive, which IMHO is a BMI of between 18 and 24% at most. Translated this means a 5’2″ woman can be around 100-125lbs and a 5’9″ lady could carry closer to 140lbs since she’s taller. A size 2 to 6 is probably the likely range most men desire, whether they admit it or not. There are of course exceptions, but as a size 2 myself, I can assure you certain ranges do better than others in getting an initial glance or chance to chat with a man.

    5.) good proportions are probably more desirable or get more “hits”, i.e if you’re a 32D you’re going to fare better than the 34B cup girl, esp if your photos show that in a classy way. I think there’s a way to show you’re well endowed/got a nice butt/great gams, etc but do so in a classy way.

    6.) your education should include at least SOME college, and likely a college DEGREE if you are over 25. Additional schooling and education as the age increases is obviously a plus. Education shows up in how ones’ profile and posts are composed. I never cease to be amazed by the number of people who spell words the way they sound and not how they’re actually listed in the dictionary. If you don’t know the spelling, it’s probably better to use an easier/different word.

    I imagine ToughLove is more the norm than the exception on how picky wealth men are. They didn’t get wealthy by being stupid or having bad grammatical usage in their dealings with others.

    7.) a sunny attitude without being “entitled” or too much of a DIVA is likely a winner.

    8.) It’s unfair, but statistically probably true, that there are certain “types” that do better than others. It’s the same in beauty pageants. Blonds do better than brunettes and redheads if considered over a large study group. Girls who tan outscore the paler set in swimsuit. Bigger boobs if all else is proportionate, are an asset. It’s only once a man gets PAST the way a woman looks that he stops to consider her personality, her profile and what she does with her time.

    9.) Perhaps its’ also unfair, but just in browsing the profiles I’ve seen on many different sites and having the experience I do with modeling and contests, many people have a much higher opinion of their looks than perhaps they should. No one on here I’m speaking of, but for ex I saw one profile that was in my area of a SB (checking out the comp, so to speak…) “wannabe” who was 25, had a small kid in the picture with her, 2 colors of chunky hair, clearly is 20+ overweight and wearing a t-shirt that just screams “I’m lower class and shop at Walmart”. Her profile was abyssmal and she posted she wanted a $3,000-$5,000 per mo allowance!

    there’s just no way in Hell that’s gonna happen for her and I have NO clue who told her she could either command that range, or that she should even be on a site like this. Now if she lost the weight, got a classy haircolor and cut at a decent salon, wore something that didn’t have a cheesy saying on it, ditched the kid in the photo and lost 30#, she could probably very well get a SD. But if her profile communicates that she’s been a loser in the past by how she dresses and comports herself, what on Earth would a wealthy, successful man want to have to do with her? Why drive an AMC Gremlin when you can afford a Ferrari (or at the least, a Dodge Charger!)?

    So to my mind, if you’re not what a SD’s looking for (whatever that is, it could be a 5’1″ redheaded woman with brown eyes, pale skin and 220lbs because that’s HIS type…), then all the rest of what you do doesn’t make any difference, he’s not going to email or chat. The points above are just things that they probably use to screen, just as we screen by the level of gifts/allowance and the fact we don’t want someone trying to play at being a SD and taking us to Mcdonalds in his 95 Escort!

    I’m not saying the above observations are right, or morally correct, only that I imagine the closer any of us are to meeting that list of requirements, the higher the volume of pot SD’s we may hear from. Some ladies will be closer to the magic combination and thusly get more replies/pots than others. I know women who literally win EVERY modeling contest they go into, they’re just that pretty. That’s life. It doesn’t keep the rest of us from trying out, it just means you have to work that much harder when the competition is that stiff. Just because some don’t get as many emails as others means NOTHING in finding the SD that’s right in the end….they’re like raffle tickets…it only takes ONE to be a winner at the game, no matter how many tickets were sold!

  123. Hey all, great posts, so many I need to catch up on. Great points all over the place.

    I’m a NY gal, and I’m living in LA now. I feel like I live in bizarro world at times but the West Coast is a COMPLETELY different PLANET than the East Coast. Here’s my take as a black SB from both coasts.

    In NY, most of my SDs/Boyfriends were older white CEO’s, European Aristocrats, Business men, etc. More sophisticated, worldly (as in used to being in the presence of various Monarchs as their norm), Ivy educated type of men. In LA, it’s been more billionaires/millionaires who’ve made money in the film/tv/Broadway world, fashion designers, men who dabble in oil, jewlers, and trust fund babies.

    LA is like a huge candy store where being kept is an expected norm if you’re a beautiful woman. Because to these men image is everything and they like hot women (no matter what age, it depends on the man’s preference) on their arms. At the same time, hot women (and men) are a dime a dozen so it takes a lot more to KEEP HIM by your side for the long term. A VERY easy task if you’re educated, articulate, intelligent, and sophisticated as most of LA’s population is COMPLETELY VAPID!! Vapid to the point of utter retardation. I’ve found that being the opposite of that has actually attracted even more men to me than I care to handle (wealthy or not), but not every guy is worth one’s time so it’s really not that big of a deal. I do enjoy what both coasts have to offer.

    As far as the websites are concerned, as I see that’s been brought up in the blog… I’ve taken myself off of all the sites because they were getting on my damn nerves. It’s kind of useless anyway in my location because I can easily meet and encounter potential sugar in everyday life. And for me, it’s actually a lot less stressful. When I’m bored I put up a profile for a few weeks, see what happens, and go from there. I’ve found there are a lot of time wasters and men with rediculous egos (who should really check that ish at the door because they’re NOT all that in the first place) to want to deal with that as my main source of finding a guy I vibe well with. For some it works wonders, but I’m super picky too, so meeting someone IRL is a lot more my speed in any case.

  124. Sasha says:

    yes thanks for all the advice ladies. No word from any sd’s….hmmm. Sd guru????
    Right now I’m just so baffled. I guess I’m just too nice and maybe this process is just not right for me. I hate getting close and then being back to square one. Really liking someone and then feeling like what the hell? where did you go? I dont want to feel like a stalker, but geez I thought if a guy likes you then he will make an effort to call/text/email on a regular basis. I was talking to my pot sd on the phone 2 days ago and got disconnected. I tried to call back but got his vm. Left a message and havent heard from him since. Should I call again? Just let it go and say hey he wasn’t as interested as he stated? Why do some girls have 4 good sd’s and others have minor league ones? Dont get me wrong…Im being a brat right now because I’m frustrated but I do have 1 sd that puts about $300 into my paypal from time to time. Really? Its nothing to write home to mom about. I’m so borderline about to quit. I have been trying to find someone for almost a year now. Sent out hundreds of emails with no response. Why god why????

    thanks for letting me vent!

  125. BostonAva says:

    Hi everyone,
    I don’t know if its just me but I’ve had no luck at this SD/SB arrangements. I live in Massachusetts (Boston to be exact) and I feel like the sugar around here is non-existent…or my whole approach is just wrong. Someone help me!

  126. Bicentennial Baby says:


    I hope you’re feeling better soon! It’s awful not to feel well and be unable to sleep. Neato you’re going to NC, you’ll pass right through my neck of the woods on your way down if you’re heading down 95. NC is beautiful and is one of the highest winner-producing states in the pageant world BTW.

    Question to all, have some of you had luck with some of the other sites moreso than on SA? I saw the sugardaddie site and it looks promising, but I wasn’t clear on whether or not that one or the SD4Me site only accept unattached sugarbabies or not? I know it’s ok on SA for either SD or SB to be married, but is this considered a violation or problem to be upfront about this sort of thing on other sites?

    Any experience or advice from others on this? What about CL? I’m worried the kind of guys on CL might be serial killers though…guess it’s possible anywhere, but for some reason I fear CL. Thoughts?

  127. SugaBeckha says:

    ok…..ok… I redid my prfile again it only shows one pic now but i definetely changed some wording on it to express me and who I am lol happy sugarssss

  128. aspiring-doc says:

    This may sound a tad ridiculous but when searching- if we were meeting in a public place- id make sure someone knew where i was and to give me a call at a certain time to make sure its okay. public is obviously fairly safe- because u can walk away.

    I did travel to sydney once (on his expense) to meet a SD. (3 hr plane flight). and that was a little nerve wracking. I asked him for his hospital id card (he was a surgeon) and a copy of the address of his second home. This meant that had it turned bad someone had ALL his details. the fact he sent them to me willingly put my mind at ease more.

  129. aspiring-doc says:

    @storm. Sorry to hear that- i’m still learning- dehydration, lack of electrolytes? (are u drinking enough?) overuse (partic in a hot environment) are they just in ur back? :)
    hope someone finds a reason sooon!!

  130. SugaBeckha says:

    @ elegantSugarBaby…….. Thanks sweetie for the input and advice, Ive been getting looks at my profile but yet no emails…..hmmmmm I took off the third pic and left the other two…. Anyone else got any ideas or tips for me…… I am getting slightly frustrated and starting to fet sexually frustrated been awhile since ive had any lovin lol…… But today is a good friday in calinfornia…. the weather is nice and im feelin great have a a suggariffiicc dayy all…oh and BTW I NOTICE THAT THERE ARE MIXERS IN NYC WHAT ABOUT A MIXER FOR US WEST COAST SD/SB’S THAT WOULD BE GREAT….. seein as though i dont have a SD yet cant travel to NYC yet……… kisss kiss

  131. Aysa says:


    It seems like those requirements don’t give you a lot of choices to pick from. Standards are great, but can they be unrealistic in this type of dating world?

  132. Noledgeseeker says:

    Morning Sugars!

    I’m all caught up on the blog. I’m meeting a pt sd next week, the one I spoke with on the phone the other night. I am so deliciously excited. Its so nice when we both have the same sense on humor and he is just as adamant about safe sex as I am. It’s a dream come true lol. He’s going to pick me up in a limo at the airport and he’ll be there with me. Can’t buy mace in the airport. Whats the best way to make sure I don’t end up in a dumpster before I get checked in to the hotel? (I’ll have my own room)
    I think it’s really sweet that he’s going to be there to pick me up though so the whole “Well don’t ride in the same car with him” idea is not my first choice. I have a gps on my phone so my husband will know my location at all times (We have an open marriage).

    @ ElegantSugarBaby.
    You mentioned riding in the same car from the airport, how do you make sure you are safe, because once you are in the car, they are pretty much in control of your destination.

    Thanks bloggers!

  133. Stormcat says:

    Good morning (barely still) Sugar cats and kittens
    I did finally get to sleep last night but at around 4AM it all started up again. So I just decided to get up and take advantage of the cool morning air amd do a little Zen digging out in the back. The result is that I got going and didn’t want to stop so I missed my coffee shop blog session.

    Cleo ~ thank you darling, I’m in Up-state NY, actually not too far from you. (The Western Addirondack Park)

    A-Doc ~ actually I have had all kind of tests done, including two scans, ultrasound, several nerve conduction studies, and lots of blood work. Just nothing conclusive comes out. I guess it will have to wait till it gets bad enough that something becomes obvious.

  134. @FrayedEdges
    You are very near me… Wondering if we know some of the same Sugars… ;p

  135. @ SugaBeckha
    I like some of the changes I noticed on your profile. Love the second picture best. I would consider making that your main image. I do not particularly care for the third image. Do you have someone who could take a pose of you standing up against a one colored wall. In possibly a popping color? they could also do a wonderful headshot this way. Less distraction is best!

    Right now I only have one image up…
    I change images and my profile like I change my clothing…
    If I did it right, you should be able to take a sneak peak at my profile up above…

    As far as poofers, I get that all the time…
    Here is my .02 on your “sd/sb” swimming pool…
    I am picky! Meaning, if you don’t stimulate me in some way, I won’t be stimulating you!

    So I need someone, I am attracted to….
    Ok, checks off 8 of the 9 emails I get.
    Ok, I can get passed looks! If the personality is there!!
    Ok, wonderful, but I only click with 5 of the 9…..
    (On a good day)
    Ok, but then they start discussing their ideal friendship… (knock off 6 of the 9)
    Ok, we are down to 3… So then I get the occasional “disappearing Sugar”.. You know, the one who is so interested and wants to go for what you want, and is head over heels for the idea, but then flakes?!
    Ok, so there goes 1 more. I’m down to 2..

    Then we have the in person meet and greet!!
    My favorite part!!
    This is where I find out Mr. 6’0 190 tan and charming, is the 5’9 220 tan and arrogant counterpart… Ok, I can get over a few small errors on his size… But the arrogance, and the down right unSD like attitude. No way…

    (The sad thing, and I am considering writing up this topic to discuss, is the down right nasty approach some sb/sd have. As in, they are beyond rude and distasteful, if you turn them down, or pass them by.)

    It’s called a choice people, everyone has it, and personally I can tell if you are a scum bag right away, or vice versa an escort. Don’t treat me with utter disrespect because I value my right to have a choice as well. We are not all desperate!) Ok, where was I? Back to the numbers..

    Ok, and maybe they are exactly what they say, but think that because I said I am attracted to them they automatically get sexual favors for ummm “paying for my dinner”…

    No, sorry!! Ok, so one more off the list..
    I am down to 1 if that.. Usually none…

    You will also have the gentleman on the phone, the one you decide to meet in person, whom flies you out to LA, and you meet in person, you get in his Jag and admire the leather, only to be told its a rental, and he was deciding if we could just go to the hotel and then go to lunch, because he has to return the car right after??

    Yeah, no!! How about you stop the car and let me out right here.

    Ladies I must urge the need for you to be safe! Think about your surroundings, and if something isn’t sitting right with you, politely remove yourself from the situation.

    I never travel somewhere if I don’t have both to and from tickets in my hands. And I stick with destinations where I know someone nearby.
    This being a friend relative, or SB/SD.

    Once you know your sd and have no worries, disregard this information.

    This is especially important for first meetings when the SD can not travel, and you decide to travel to them.
    (Now this happened long long ago for me, and I have more than learned from it now) But you need to protect yourself at all times.
    Anyone can promise you anything, and say they are anyone they want to be, they can provide you great references, but at the end of the day, there are sick people who would go this far, and have.

    Meet only in places you are comfortable with, and always try and meet your pot sd in your area, or in an in between area. If they can travel to you, that would be the ideal scenario.

    Good luck, ladies.

    • SD Guru says:


      You’ve spoken like a true veteran in the sugar world with battle scars to prove it! The process of elimination you described illustrates how difficult and time consuming it can be to find the right sugar. Its fine to be picky, and the pickier you are the longer the search may take, but it can also be sweeter when you finally find what you’re looking for.

      Ladies I must urge the need for you to be safe!… you need to protect yourself at all times. Anyone can promise you anything, and say they are anyone they want to be, they can provide you great references, but at the end of the day, there are sick people who would go this far, and have.

      It’s no secret that there are unsavory characters with malicious intent in the sugar world looking for prey. The blogosphere is full of stories from inexperienced SB’s complaining about bad experiences and being taken advantage of, while they’re often motivated by greed or getting themselves into situations that they shouldn’t be in the first place. I hope newbie SB’s heed your advice and don’t become the next prey!

      Nice profile, by the way! :) Have a good weekend everyone!

  136. Vee says:

    Just moved to a new area. Will see if the sugar here is sweeter.

  137. Lily says:

    Clep = Cleo ! Whoops!

  138. Lily says:

    FYI to men reading: Clep is hotter than hot these days & any guy would be lucky to snap her up!!

  139. Lily says:

    Michael – thx for making me laugh until my stomach muscles ache!! :) mwah!!!!

    Storm – what a sweet and touching thing to say (that you’re excited to meet me). I’ll surely disappoint if you build me up to be larger than life, though, so watch it! I’m emailing you…

    Michael – why not come to NYC for a couple of days when I’m there!

  140. cleo says:

    stormcat i know some very smart people who might have useful information for you… whereabouts are you?
    beach: hey bella, nice to see you back here!
    midwest how are you my lady? and yes you should totally post after a few drinks, you’re still coherent when you drink!

  141. aspiring-doc says:

    Hey sugas

    SO many posts- i dont really have a 2cents to put in. – uve pretty much covered all good advice :).

    stormcat- have you seen a GP- thats abnormal! I can think of another of reasons- what about a scan? :) hope u feel beter soon and it didnt last too long!

  142. Michael Alleycat says:

    Lily – I assume that you will be making it to Phoenix as well? I was looking forward to helping you with that frustration of yours…

  143. Nico says:

    Gotchya…MMJ is legal in CO and while I don’t partake I do know some who do. I know it helps them and I wish there were some way to help you too. Valerian root is good but not near powerful enough to keep me out. I do wish you a good night…as good as it can be. I myself am off to bed to attempt at sleeping too.

  144. Stormcat says:

    Nico ~ It’s not about not being able to go to sleep it’s that if I do then I am not aware of what is happening and my muscles just seem to contract out of control. If I can get a hold of strong muscle relaxants like those that they use in surgery, then they help a lot but they are really hard on the kidneys and i pay for it with swolen feet for a couple of days. The best thing is a couple hits of medicinial marajuana before bed, but I only get that when I’m in San Benito.
    I don’t know about Valerian root but I’ve tried quite a few other herbally derived meds and only get marginal results.

  145. Stormcat says:

    Lily ~ next month, that’s Aug, I’ll need to be in N. Carolina for a couple of days around the 10th but can arrange my schedule otherwize.
    Drinks would be fine but if you can spare a little more time I’d be happy to arrange dinner. I myself have been rather craving a plate of linguini with clams and a cool buttery chardonay. for example: Gurgich Hills Reserve. I know it’s simple fare but it is really rare up here in the mountains so that is what I always want whenever I can get to the city.
    Let me know the date range of yuur visit and we can work out a good time to finally make each other’s acquaintance. I think you already have my direct contact info, but if not just yahoo stormcatgl and I’ll send it to you.
    Wow, I’m so psyched . . . I get to meet lily!

  146. Nico says:

    Storm that sux….do sleep aides not provide any relief? I take advil PM or melatonin….done Valerian root too….just doesn’t seem to work for me.

  147. Stormcat says:

    Hello sugarcats and kittens.
    I’m feeling a little out of sorts tonight because I know that I am not going to be able to sleep. I Haven’t even started toward the bedroom yet I already having muscle spasms in my legs and arms. Everyone who knows about this tells me things that are the cause and/or a cure but none of it works. It’s cyclic and I can feel the worst of the cycle coming on so i know better than to go to sleep. (That’s when they hit) Anyway I’ll be here all night because of it. So I hope some of you sugar bloger night owls are going to be hanging here tonight.

  148. Beach_Girl says:

    Cleo~ looking good girl, How have you been? haven’t seen you in so long!

    Midwest~ always great advice kitten!

    Hi everyone

  149. I’ve had great luck in both NYC and Los Angeles. My SD experiences on the east coast did seem to be a little more refined and generous. I’ve been with my SD for 4 years now and we met in L.A. I think the level of what you get will be a direct correlation to the level of what you give in SB/SD relationships.

  150. Midwest SB says:

    lady’s…where’s that red marker? :)

  151. Midwest SB says:

    Sugarbekha – you have a ton of personality in your profile! So fun and flirty! Here’s the thing….you need to work those assets sweetie! Take some pics in a lbd showing off that badda boom and that badda bing! Put on some heels and show off those gams! Your pictures should match your personality, but they are blurry and a bit solemn. I bet you have an amazing smile! Let’s see it! Have a pic doing something you find fun…dancing, hiking, being outdoors, whatever! You have great lips and eyes….mess with Picasa or Photoshop to crop / black and white and show some unique angles. You have to get these guys to click through to your profile before they read it, so put your absolutely best pic up. You have so many great things to say, but I think 3 paragraphs about you and 2 about him are more than enough….a little mystery is a ladies best friend.

    You are going to make a special SD very happy, but put that confidence to work for you!

  152. Midwest SB says:

    Hi Cleo!!! ***waving madly***

    Should I be posting after a few cocktails and sushi???

  153. Midwest SB says:

    Natali and Sweet Sugar – Many SDs will take what you give. I mean this to be taken a few ways:
    – The fakes will take full advantage of a woman who is willing to “bend over backwards”. A genuine SD will typically offer to come see you…take them up on it. If you feel you are worth the trip, so will he…and likely it’s true!
    – Genuine SDs will recognize your efforts and appreciate all you do. In fact, it tends to make the sugar sweeter.

    Where am I going with this? Screen, screen, screen!

    Natali – tell him you would love to meet him, but feel safer if he would meet with you first. If it means waiting a few weeks or a month, it’s ok. It’s completely worth the wait. If he makes concessions….confirmed flight and hotel that cannot be canceled and shares his true identity, then perhaps there is a good compromise. If he balks, you saved yourself a lot of time.

    Good luck!

  154. cleo says:

    wow, so many changes in the names posting here since i was last here… just wanted to say hi.

    Have you found a certain area/region where the sugar is sweeter?

    there is a certain anywhere but here feeling about sugar dating in toronto i must say. people here are so strange when it comes to dating, i get stared at constantly but never approached whether i smile or not… and the sd’s attracted to my profile tend to be pretty hrm… less than very appealing shall we say.

    What impressions do you get from sugars in different parts of the US or the word? Are you open to dating sugars outside of your country?

    i get the impression that i would do very well in florida if i didn’t live way up here. in fact i seem more attractive the further from toronto i get. it seems if i lived in nyc i’d have been snapped up long ago. instead no sd ever so far.

    i get the impression florida, california and new york are the hotbeds of sugar in north america.

    How’s the sugar been for you lately?

    no change, still haven’t had an SD… but would love to; really do think i would make someone a really excellent sb (and have a bmi of 22 now rather than 26 which may help matters)

  155. Noledgeseeker says:

    @ Natali

    I’m a newbie here but I agree with WCSD

    @ SweetSugar

    That stinks Babe. I’m sorry to hear that. Pot sds should be respectful at the very least and if they don’t notice you are bending over backward to please them I think you’re better off without them! I know I would notice someone being so thoughtful for me. Too bad I’m on the wrong side of the game : ) Hang in there Sugar.

    Maybe someday I’ll get to change teams, any other sbs have sm aspirations?

  156. SugaBeckha says:

    442471 my profile number i made some edits as suggested someone please take a look for me i appreciate it, I have noticed that a lot of POTS sd have erased the emails that I have sent….. Still no contact im starting to wonder is it me?????

  157. Dandelion Wine says:

    NYC SB, thanks for the tip! Fascinating read, burned almost half-way through already.

    A book in a similar venue I liked for a long time is Haha Lung’s “Mind Control”.
    It doesn’t concentrate on seduction techniques, but discusses psychological attack and defense strategies, and which methods are best for different intended targets. I think “Art of Seduction” and “Mind Control” would go great together

  158. WCSD says:

    Natali – I don’t think it is unreasonable. Really for first meets I’m flexible to whatever the SB is comfortable with (since in general she is the one putting herself at the most risk safety-wise).

  159. Natali says:

    I just received a message from a sd who has a vacation home 3 hours from where I live. Is it wrong to not want to drive that far? Even if he provides me gas money, I don’t like driving that far without knowing. If that makes sense. Should I ask if we can meet half way? Meet for dinner and if all goes well and we want a second date we can figure things out later. I don’t want to seem like I am asking him to do all the work, you know. Does meeting half way seem reasonable?

  160. Reddamsel38 says:

    Thanks Guru when I get some pics up I’ll let you know. Would like to know what you think.

    Is anybody going to attend the party?

  161. SeekingUte says:

    Thanks Nico for clarifying, I just didn’t want it to sound like to him that the cash was the only incentive to show up, but if he offers again, by all means!

  162. Nico says:

    Seeking….some gentlemen bring a ‘gift’ to the first meeting. You didn’t ask for it therefore it’s no reflection on you whether you accept it. It is a gift….I would treat is as such :)

  163. SeekingUte says:

    Meeting my first pot today for afternoon cup of coffee. He’s married and made it VERY clear to me that he does not want an extra wife/girlfriend, his previous SBs got too attached. Its perfect for me since I am in a common law marriage and have a child and am not in for the long haul either.

    He offered me a sum in order to meet me, my first reaction was to turn it down, was this the best move for me? An allowance is extremely important to me, but I wanted him to understand that if I don’t feel that we’d get along, I am in no place to pretend for it. Respect and true chemistry come first above any amount of money, I’d like to think of myself as a very worthwhile lady. What do you think?

  164. Nico says:

    @ SD Guru….I agree completely. Honestly, it’s specific to the gentleman. I really do take my cues from him and go from there. Good points :-)

  165. NYC SB says:

    If anyone wants the art of seduction do a simple google search. The whole book in pdf is available on curezone

    496 pages! Wowza!

  166. SweetSugar says:

    I have always bent over backwards to hold up my end of the bargain and almost all of the SD’s I met treated me like absolute SHIT!
    I feel tired and worn out.

    • SD Guru says:


      If you’re serious about attracting pot SD’s on the west coast, then I’d suggest that you change your profile location to a major city on the west coast (Seattle, SF, LA, etc, take your pick) while clearly stating where you’re actually located and your flexibility to travel in your profile description. My former SB from Van put her profile location in CA and that’s how I found her. Try it and see what happens, and if it doesn’t work then you can always change it back.


      You have received great advice from Midwest SB and Nico. Here are my two cents, spend them wisely! :)

      First, whether your pot SD is local or out of town, single or married, are factors to consider as I’ve explained in my blog. In addition, he sounds like an experienced SD, and if so, ask him about his previous experiences and what he provided for his former SB’s. Find out his expectations on how often he can see you and how much time he would like to spend with you. In a long distance/travel situation, it will take more time, money, and effort to make it work and that need to be taken into consideration by both parties.

      Second, based on personal experience, I’d suggest that you don’t make it sound like a business proposal even though others may have success with that approach. Discuss your priorities, what’s important to you, and your goals and aspirations. Depending on the SD, it may not be a good idea to ask “what’s your budget?” because serious SD’s should be looking for someone compatible to build a relationship with, not buying a “product” based on his budget. Think in terms of your expenses and what you can use help with, such as rent, car payment, insurance, utilities, credit card bills, tuition, student loans, etc and see how that compares to his expectations.

      I’d also suggest that you don’t become completely dependent on your SD because it may result in too much pressure for both parties in what is supposed to be a NSA situation. Lastly, there is no lack of wealth in the Midwest, but I don’t think it’s a good region for sugar relationships compared to other places because of the culture. I hope this helps!


      Your profile looks good! As I mentioned before, pot SD’s will more likely contact you based on your pics, and you just need to make sure what’s in your profile doesn’t turn them off. So put up some attractive pics and see what happens!

      @NYC SB

      Sounds like you need an iPhone or iPad! Feel free to comment on my blog and ask tough questions :)

  167. Noledgeseeker says:

    Morning Sugars!

    I talked with a pot sd last night…so charming! I tend to fall to fast and swish away details with my hand saying…I’m sure it’ll all work out. so far I’ve been lucky and things have. I don’t sweat the small stuff and have a good time. I keep my eye on my safety and don’t take it lightly by any stretch.
    Have a wonderful day Sugars!
    : )

  168. Lily says:

    Greetings all!
    Working a lot lately, not much time on the blogs, but I will catch up asap! Hope there’s some interesting stuff to peruse when I have a dull half hour to skim!

    Just wanted to say hi!

    Stormcat- thank you for the reassurances! I’ll be in NYC on a work trip next month. Le’ts have a drink.

  169. Nico says:

    @ SB ~ ALL very valid points. I didn’t have an exit clause with my first; however, he was quite the gentleman. He began to experience feelings for me and felt it time to bow out gracefully. He put my allowance on a declining scale.

  170. Midwest SB says:

    If I may add my $.02 on negotiations:

    The first time around SD and I were both new, so we BOTH reached out to the blog for advice. We discussed goals/needs/ wants then moved on to details like exclusivity and safe sex. We did have the “I can see you this many times” discussion because a) it made sense and b) we both had to see if the schedules worked out. We came to our agreement and agreed to review the “terms” in 3 months to make sure both parties are happy. It worked well for both of us.

    This time around was quite different. If I could do it again, I would change a few things, but overall it is a good arrangement. The biggest difference is he travels constantly, so most often I visit where he is working at the time. We don’t see each other as often as I would be accustomed and I have to say it can wear on the arrangement. You have to work at keeping the fire going in-between visits. He’s not what I would call “high maintenance”, so he makes it easy. Travel does add a major expense to the arrangement. Although it shouldn’t be counted as part of the allowance, he was used to ladies who did not ask for an allowance, so I found myself saying that I would take a lower allowance for the travel opportunities. We did agree that if I needed extra funds, I could ask. He has kept his promises and then some. The travel has been great and he has come through when I needed something extra. I will share this with others: don’t compromise if you have a gut feeling it will not be what you hope to attain. You can become resentful of the compromise and that will show in your sugar. I respect sugars who only want gifts/travel, but for those of us with financial goals, those decisions can be very important.

    Lastly, one should consider an “exit clause”. It can take a SB 3-6 months or more to find a new SD. If she depends on the allowance for her living expenses, it would be debilitating to not have an allowance for that period of time. Discuss a full or partial allowance and notice if the arrangement seems like it is faltering or that circumstances have forced the arrangement to end.

    Overall, we are responsible for our happiness, our goals and our finances. Use the allowance as agreed upon…if you splurge on travel when you are supposed to be paying down debt, then resentment will surely follow. Come to an agreement that serves both and you will be a happy SB.

  171. Nico says:

    @ Midwest ~ You’re a sweetheart…thanx for the plug 😉

    @ Sasha ~ I can’t tell you ‘how’ to do it but I can share my experiences with you.

    My first SD and I met on here. We chatted via e-mail through this site and then exchanged phone numbers. We got to know each other’s personalities and test the chemistry. He drove to my side of the state (lived in FL at the time) and he got a hotel room. I met him for dinner that night and had a fabulous time. There was no talk of details that night. I returned home and then back again the next morning for brunch and a nice long walk on the beach. I’ve negotiated settlements before so I knew ‘generally’ how to start off. I preferred he start the numbers discussion so I gave him a gentle nudge (something like, “what did you have in mind?”) If you leave a conversation quiet long enough the other person is usually nervous enough and more apt to talk to fill the dead air…so he just talked. I took note of all he said, compared it against my own notes and we reached a number CONSIDERABLY higher than I had anticipated.

    My second SD and I had a similar connection. We chatted for a very long time and really knew a lot about each other, which included our needs, desires, wants etc etc. When he flew to FL to meet me (he lived out of state) he already knew his boundaries and his max $ figure. To me, the connection was too much to ignore so, despite the fact I was hoping for more I agreed because it just felt right.

    I find, in ‘negotiating, it’s always best to get them to state their position first, i.e. what do they want/need and what is their budget. If they’re smart, and they usually are (*hugs* to SD bloggers*) they will not start with their top number. You’ll obviously need to go into it know what you want/need etc. but, at a minimum, you’ll get an idea of where you’ll end up meeting (somewhere in the middle). I also added that the $ was the allowance portion of it but I do enjoy surprises every once in a while too 😉

    Lastly, if he does hold back and get you to throw out a number first, don’t sell yourself short. Know what you want and/or need. The number will likely shift based on how often you two spend together. You may find yourself with a guy that is very generous or you may be willing to sacrifice some of that if the chemistry is undeniable.

    It sounds very ‘contractual’ on paper (here in print) but it can all be worked into your conversation and made to be very personal :)

    GOOD LUCK TO YOU and sorry if this was TMI….was just on a roll 😀

  172. Reddamsel38 says:

    @nico sorry about that. Thought it was you got my wires crossed.
    BiCB Thank you for the authors name. I will defoinitely get the book. It should be required reading for all new sbs.
    @Guru profile approved tell me what you think now. #492358

  173. Sasha says:

    @beach_girl & aspiring-doc…thanks ladies for your advice.

    @sd guru Could you offer up some advice from a sd perspective? How would a business proposal come off to you if a sb approached you with it.

    @toughlove I’m almost afriad to ask your opinion about this…lol.

    Question to all…is there any sb’s in or around missouri/kansas….just curious???

  174. Midwest SB says:

    Hi Sugars!

    Katania/ Noir – I, too, found the online SD scene in Chicago to be disappointing. I’m 1.5 hours away and list it as a range for my location in my profile. I’ve had much more success with Michigan and traveling SDs personally. Rather shocking to tell the truth.

    I see the focus tends to shift from mentoring SBs and SDs. That would be a shame. I came here as a newbie and it was the best move I ever made. I asked questions and listened much more than I posted. I’d like to ask the newbies to ask questions about how they can improve their searches, negotiate better, etc. Nico, Elegant, NYC, BSSB, et al and the SDs will fill in the gaps with quality advice. What modeling agencies are looking for has no bearing on sugar. There is no competition here ladies.

  175. NYC SB says:

    Well sugars today is the last day of my crazy work schedule! I’m celebrating monday with a pot by going to the louboutin boutique monday! Psyched

    Sd guru- sorry for misspelling your name I blog from my crackberry and the y and u are next to each other. I’m catching on your blog during my lunch break :)

  176. aspiring-doc says:

    the thing i hated most is bringing up the money. Its tricky because you dont want to come across as ill do X for X. But you dont want to be giving freebies either. How many dinners can you have until he should compensate ur time?

    I found this the trickiest thing to navigate. I want him to feel like i desire him – so i want him to feel like hes more than just money. But i also genuinely need the allowance!

    Pherhaps a business proposal- but just word it nicely :) I refer to it as being like building a fire- its the money that serves as the match to keep the fire burning…but if ‘the character of him and the chemistry’ werent there (aka building the fire correctly) then it would burn out fairly fast.
    Same with him- my beauty lights his fire, but my character is what keeps it burning.

    Otherwise it would be pay for play.

  177. SugaBeckha says:

    Divia, Elegant and beachy thank you so sos os osososososos much for the advice. I so appreciate it, I owe you ladies a drink (I am a bartender by trade:)

    HYave a greaqt night sugars


  178. SweetSugar says:

    oh yeah? what?

  179. Stormcat says:

    BG ~ Oh that’s nothing! You ought to see what I have planned for my private living room?

  180. Beach_Girl says:

    Storm~ Stripper pole in the main living room??? LMAO 😀

  181. Stormcat says:

    Alleycat ~ White Leather? So Provincial . . . I thought you just spent a month or so touring europe in order to cure yourself of such attitudes. Well who am I to judge, I’m thinking about lining the inside of my front door with leather secured by copper tacks and putting a stripper pole in the main living room.

  182. Beach_Girl says:

    Hi Everyone!!!

    Anna~ hey girl, long time no see xoxo… miss ya!

    Sasha~ I think it’s a good Idea, business proposal. You need to make your expectations clear and exactly what you want. He might try and negotiate, but be firm in what you need and expect! Best of luck to you girl!!!

    SugaBeckha~ Some SDs poof, their loss not yours! there are many poofers, just be yourself. Finding a SD isn’t easy. It takes work and time. Be patient!

    ElegantSugarBaby~ great list for clothes and such!!!

  183. Michael Alleycat says:

    Stormy – I took it seriously…. I’m looking for a Gulfstream at the very least. White leather seating is my preference, please.

  184. Stormcat says:

    Oh come on tough love, don’t blame SD guru, nobody really took it seriously!

  185. Sasha says:

    Damn! I leave for one day and so much has been discussed.
    @ toughlove you are a mind trip…lmao. I have met so many guys like you that it just makes me laugh. Keep it coming.

    I have read that book the “the art of seduction” Its a powerful book. Almost borderline evil in the wrong hands. I have applied alot of the concepts in the book and it really does work. The sd’s that i don’t pay alot of attention to and really guys in general seem to be blowin up my phone. When I get too overly focused on another sd, those seem to be the guys who let me down. All sb’s that book should be required reading.

    I just got back from meeting a pot sd. I was nervous at first, but then I thought..what the hell do I have to be nervous about. He’s gotta meet my expectations. All went well, but now I’m at the crossroads. He wants to meet again very soon and he told me to write down my expectations and what I want. I don’t know what to really say. If I ask for too much I’m afraid that I will scare him away. I’m even thinking of almost making it a buisness proposal…ya know…speak his language. Has any other sb’s been in the spot before. Should I start high and work my way down or start with a moderate amount? Is a business proposal a good idea? Atleast he would know in detail what I need the money for.

  186. Natali says:

    Thak you for the advice. I am always told I am too kind, which this situation proves to be true. I just found out today that the place I work is closing then end of Aug, so I will stay until then and I am gone. I figure this will give uus time to ocome to an agreement on the car. And to make sure that I have everything taked care of on the. Vegas end.

  187. Nico says:

    Natali….I remember when you posted initially about the car. I see no responses just yet so I’m going to give you my knee jerk response….

    While I understand and respect what you’re trying to do, you too cannot be responsible for other people’s actions. She bought the car (in your opinion) to keep you there. She took on that responsibility and also the result that came of her actions (i.e. you could’ve flipped out angry, “how dare you try to buy me”, or fallen in lust all over again). Either way, she owns the results and you cannot be responsible for it.

    If you want to help (and you can afford to), you can offer to make payments and of course you have a written and binding agreement or you can sit her down and tell her face to face that the car is not going to keep you there. Be kind and sympathetic but firm on your position while talking.

    There’s no doubt you’re in a tough position…it’s much easier to give advice from a distance. Wish you luck.

  188. ElegantSugarBaby says:


    I am definately not a SD. But I am an experienced SB. I’d like to say, I know the ropes.

    A brief run down of your profile.
    Are there any less blurry photos of yourself, that you have?
    Second, a few spelling mistakes in there, but don’t correct them just yet, as it take forever to be able to read mail again until they will approve the new profile.

    I also tend to like paragraphed writing. Not to say run on sentences aren’t my thing! Because, they so are!!! ;p
    But cutting up the profile always looks better and reads better.
    Love the Looking for part, as far as wording! I speak the same in mine.

    Also, possibly ad whether you are looking for a close by or long distance SD or if you can travel.

    I would also suggest some interests of yours? What do you like to spend your time doing? You like to cook? So do you have a mean favorite dish? Or do you like reading? Ambitions? Goals for being on here?

    Good profile so far, but you could spice it up a little more!!

    Also, love the end about the games… ;p Shows a fun side, while being serious at the same time!

    Good luck here!

  189. Divia12 says:

    Hello everybody, I hope you are all having a good day!

    Welcome to Sugarworld. I am also pretty new to the site. I have a few pot SDs at the moment, but have also ran into the problem you are having. I just brush it off and continue looking. After reading what others on the blog have written its common for a pot SD to poof. You’ll find what you’re looking for.

    I’m so sorry about your situation. Do you know how long ago she purchased the car, or where she purchased it from? I ask because some dealerships have a return policy on their cars. I got a new car about a year ago, and there was a 7 day no questions asked return policy. So find out asap, and hopefully you can get out of your situation. I hope it all works out for you. Its terrible that they are using guilt to make you stay.

  190. SugaBeckha says:

    442471 My profile number can someone preferably male lol please look at it and let me know what I can do to improve this…… thanks folks

  191. SugaBeckha says:

    For some reason I am not finding any sugar or when A Pots
    SD approaches he sounds good then dissapears ????? Not sure what the cas eis HELPPPPPPPP please thanks

  192. aspiring-doc says:

    @ pinky.

    yes ive lost interest in regular dating. When i start dating regularly again it will be when im through school and thinking about marriage and family. atm regualr dating is too time consuming especially during semester :)
    I find guys my age just need more time than i can give. they moan if you limit ur dates to a sat night so you can focus on study during the week.

    Ontop of this you are still having to work parrtime to pay rent…and then shock horror- you end up paying 50% of the dinner bill 😉
    With a SD I can give up working during semester- spend more time on studies and hes happy with my restricted schedule :)
    hmmmm….this could be a dangerous road- will i ever want to go back? hehe

  193. Anna Molly says:

    I haven’t found an area where the sugar is sweeter….of course, I live close to NYC so I can’t complain too much! 😉

  194. Anna Molly says:

    *everyone* sorry for the typo!

  195. Anna Molly says:

    Good Evening!!! I haven’t caught up on all the posts, but, I hope eveyone i s doing well!!! XOXOXOXO

    Anna Molly

  196. aspiring-doc says:

    morning sugas :)

    sounds like america is beautiful and sunny. its 7 degrees here but crisp winter sunshine :).

    @bicentennial baby

    “Because honestly the whole point of this is not to invest a ton of your own money UP FRONT when you need to be paying for school”

    yes exactly – if he wants designer outfits- its all good if he wants to foot the bill :) Im trying to get through school not revamp my wardrobe :). Most woman have the staples anyway. (you cant get through grad dinners, prizegivings, prom, dates and end of semester parties without them!)

    talking of wardrobes- its time i cleaned out mine 😉


  197. ToughLove says:

    @SD Guru

    Very bad form. Not even close to being funny.

  198. Aysa says:

    “Bicentennial Baby says:
    July 13, 2010 at 9:49 pm


    I finally figured out how to pull up profiles without having to have one up yet. Yeah! I just replace the last 6 of whatever comes up on the “free” preview profiles on the main website with the profile# of the poster in blue.

    I pulled yours (and several others) up and I must say, you look like a lot of fun and more importantly, very very intelligent. Lucky girls in NYC! I’m only a flight away myself, perhaps I could say hi sometime! I’ve actually never been to the Big Apple, Trenton NJ is as far as my travels have taken me. NYC is a little intimidating to go to alone and I have no one I know anywhere north of Maryland.

    Your profile is fascinating. My first book as a child was an old 1950’s paperback called “the Field Guide to Gems and Minerals”, and it was very helpful since my mom worked in the jewelry field, she is GIA certified. I worked with her as a little girl in jewelry stores and esp love those traveling gem & mineral shows. You’re probably one of those people who realize that there are a LOT of stones worth more than a diamond (certain star sapphires, for ex) and infinitely more rare. And that boron in diamonds is what makes them blue, for example, and can also add flourescence which while considered a flaw, I especially like. I think of those as “happy” diamonds, because the boron gets excited by sunlight and radiates accordingly.

    I digress, back to watching Kitchen Impossible while ironing my clothes for tomorrow. Back to our regularly scheduled programming”

    Now I’m curious to check out the greatness that is Stormcat and his profile. :)

    Doesn’t show up though, unless I got his # wrong.

  199. pinky says:

    Hey Sugar Family!

    I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer! The weather in my town is beautiful, not too hot but warm enough not to wear a jacket.

    Thanks BiBaby for your response.

    Thanks for your response Guru! I want another SD only because my current SD is usually very busy with work and definitely doesn’t have a lot of time to travel. I want another SD who I can go on trips with while also spoiling me. Maybe I’m asking for too much hahaha!

    Ever since I started this lifestyle I have completely lost interest in regular dating! I enjoy going out with guys even more actually because I don’t expect nor want anything beyond friendship with them. I feel a lot more relaxed! The funny part is, more and more guys keep asking me out and are baffled as to why I will not get into an exclusive relationship. There are always like, why is a pretty girl like you still single!

    Do any other SBs feel the same?

  200. Stormcat says:

    Okay, I give up!

  201. Stormcat says:

    and I meant meant

  202. Stormcat says:

    wekk here goes the double klutz again I ment faux pas

  203. Stormcat says:

    omg i ment guys not gays. Wow what a feaux pas that is!!!

  204. Stormcat says:

    Lol guru ~ Good idea! About Tough love’s jet. That could lead to checking off something that ‘s on my bucket list. To fly a jet, (preferably a Lear or Citation) But that is not fly in a jet, and I highly doubt you gays are going to be happy with me at the controls. The closest I came to flying a plane like that was a twin Comanche that I owned back in the 80s.

    Actually my bucket list predates bucket lists because I made mine back in the early 70’s before the movie made its debut. And no . . . I am not going to publish it to the blog.

  205. Natali says:

    ok so for the spelling mistakes, sorry!

  206. Natali says:

    Yay, I got mail from my pot, asking when I will be in town… hmmph. I am in a pickle I am not sure how to get out of. I have mentioned that my most recent here just bought me a car, to which she can not afford with me gone. I can not leave her in that situation. But I want out and want to move… what to do! Oh and the car is in her name so if I left with it then how would I pay her for it and I don’t want to risk it being ‘stolen’ if you know what I mean. No jail time for me thanks!

    Should I be upfront with my por, and sound like a gold digger… since I am still here cuz of the car? I can’t just be like… ok I need $16K before I can go… that would be the fastest poof in history.

  207. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Greene is the author, the book is fairly inexpensive on Amazon. Ordered it last night. Oh, the places we will go!….

    I have to agree with the nice jeans and beautiful top “uniform”. I feel my sexiest in this killer pair of jeans I own, they’re dark (not acid, ugh!) and tapered nicely to my ankles, tight but not she’s-fat type tight, suggestive in a shapely way. I have purchased a few brightly colored tops in purple, pink and cobalt to go with these, all are inexpensive but have such a nice color and flattering style that I feel confident in them. If I don’t make the cut because they’re not $200 labels or made from cotton, well, then next. Because honestly the whole point of this is not to invest a ton of your own money UP FRONT when you need to be paying for school and besides, if a SD is buying outfits for me, I’d like him to help pick them out. That way we’re both happy!

    BTW, I LOVE dressing the men in my life, esp picking out suits/ties/shirts and nice accessories…is this something SD’s appreciate or would they be offended to have a SB help them choose items for themselves? I enjoy shopping WITH others too and it’s not all about me after all. Or would my lack of experience with higher end designer labels prove detrimental to trying to go shopping with a pot SD and just appear inept?

  208. SugaBeckha says:

    Thank you beach Girl muahhhh

    have a sugggariffic day all

  209. Nico says:

    @ Red

    That wasn’t me that gave you the name….just want to make sure credit is given where it’s due :)

  210. Reddamsel38 says:

    Guru, made some changes what do you think now?
    @Nico Thanks for the author’s name of the book art of seduction. Greene. Thanks

    Does it really matter if a dress is designer? I always thought that if you put effort in how you dress in simple clothes, regardles if it’s designer, it will show. As long as your inner beauty shows, what’s the deal? A lady must always look well put together, proper attire, and well groomed. That’s what my Momma taught me.:)

  211. Noir says:

    @ Katania its Located atop the John Hancock Building(875 N. Michigan Ave. Chicago, IL 60611 ), The Signature Room on the 95th floor and The Signature Lounge is on the 96th floor. It is the best view of the city skyline.

  212. sweetbabyrae says:

    I just wanted to say hi. I’m new to SA :] I have been trying to do as much research as possible and I’d like to thank all you gals and guys out there you’ve provided tons of insight. I’m sure that being a SB wont come automatically but I feel now I know a little more and wont be complacently blind sighted.

  213. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    I’m posting lightly and skipping some conversation.
    I will say, that it isn’t the cost of the dress that matters.
    You can find a dress that suits you at an affordable price, and although your SD may notice it’s not a label, he won’t care, because of how it looks on you. Being comfortable in what you wear is a big step towards being a successful SB.

    I wore jeans and a tank top on my first date with my current SD. Which, I felt were suitable for the situation. And much to my surprise when I arrived he was also wearing jeans and a tank top.

    One of the first things he said to me when we spoke was how he wanted a woman who knew how to dress for the occasion and not dress up just for dressing up. (Although I think I look just as stunning in jeans as I do a dress) Slacks are a great option and affordable in many markets.
    Saks and Neiman Marcus all do clearance sections and if you follow their schedules, you’ll find amazing markdowns. Think 75% -90% off…

    I do understand about the upfront costs though.
    I did drive the 3 hr round trip to see my current SD many times without asking or expecting (although declining) reimbursement. He covered dinner, drinks, events, and we got to know each other. We weren’t in an arrangement yet, and so I didn’t feel right with him footing the bill for my expenses.
    Now of course that is different.

    I have been lucky enough to find a few very generous and wonderful SD, who insisted they cover expenses plus more on our first few dates. They have made amazing long term and very generous daddies.

    Find a SD that suits your style.
    Invest in a few simple staples.

    Little Black Dress <- Of course!!
    Little RED Dress
    Floral/Patterned Summer Dress
    Off the shoulder/One shoulder gown
    Dinner Dress
    I have a very diverse selection of jewelry, as these can make or break an outfit. And you should have a base set of Black strappy sandals, Black pumps, Red pumps, Neutral Pumps, Neutral sandals and don't forget either a sexy thigh high boot or clear "stripper" shoe for private (if that thing turns on your SD)!!!
    I am pretty sure those simple items, started me off very well, in the SD/SB market.

  214. Katania says:

    @ Noir- :-) is that off of Rush.. The Triangle.. For some reason tthat area just popped in my head.

    @ Sherri- Thank you so much. 😀

    • SD Guru says:

      Regarding the blog topic:

      Please understand the following are just generalizations based on my experiences, which is what the blog topic asked for. There are always exceptions and individual cases may vary so please don’t take it personal! :)

      I think the top sugar cities in the US are NYC, LA, Miami, and Vegas. There are plenty of SB’s in those cities and some SD’s specifically look in those places for various reasons. NYC SB’s are generally more sophisticated and materialistic, LA is the land of plastic enhancements, Miami has plenty of hot women in haute couture, and Vegas women tend to be mercenary. If a SD is looking for a tall buxom playmate/model arm candy type, then he is more likely to find that in LA. But if a SD is looking for the pretty girl next door type, then he is more likely to find that elsewhere. Along with location, the cost of living is a factor as well. SB’s in a high cost city will generally have higher expectations than one’s that are in a lower cost location. Which brings an interesting question, if a SD does not live in a high cost area, should he consider a SB in a high cost city?


      I don’t really care about the location so much as the climate. If we are going to have it in the SW US it ought to take place in the fall/winter. If its a summer meet, might I suggest some place North and/or at a higher elevation

      That’s a good suggestion. Perhaps we should agree on the time frame first and then pick a location. How soon would you guys like to meet? With ToughLove pulling in 8 figures, I’m sure he can send his private jet to pick all of us up! :)


      the sugar bowl in my town is so small that I’ve sent emails out to the few guys who I thought I would be interesting. Some I’ve met and now one is my SD. Guru and all you other SD what do you think of emailing SDs in different provinces and including the ones in the states?

      Since you already have a SD and are doing well financially, what’s the reason for you to look for more? I’m not judging, just curious. Even though Van is a big city, you’re right about the small town feel in certain circles. I’ve only visited my former SB there once and we typically traveled to various fun places for our meetings. If you’re thinking about broadening your search, there are lots of pot SD’s in the west coast for you to explore. It will take more time and effort to make a long distance sugar relationship work, so keep that in mind as you consider how you will juggle more than one SD.


      Guru I’ll put up some pics, but overall how does it seem to you?

      I’d suggest that you add some description about your preferences and limitations. For example, what are your limitations regarding your availability and travel? Do you prefer local or out of town, single or married SD’s? In the second paragraph, I’d suggest removing “I’m looking to tighten up a bit more, get a little firm and trim” because you’ve already described your body in a positive tone and the rest of the paragraph reads fine without it.

      NYC SB was spot on in her blog about profile tips, “About 80% of the time they would have made up their mind as to whether they want to contact you based on your age, location and picture. The profile usually serves as a confirmation of their decision.” Once you put up attractive pics in your profile you should start to get more inquiries. Good luck!

  215. aspiring-doc says:

    I think I was just really lucky with it. It works great- Its NSA, fun and drama free. Theres noone to moan at me if I need to study, or cant see them more than once a week.
    In addition the sugar means i can work less, and have more time for study :). Hes also incredibly helpful with some of my papers :).

    I was born near London- love london :D- have a safe flight!

  216. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Cali and NYC? Score!! Sounds like a great SD relationship you’ve got!! Will be cold in NYC tho, but what a great city. Gotta go and pack, we are in London now, going back to Arizona in a few hours. Been on the road for 3 weeks now, had enough. Talk to you all tomorrow!

  217. aspiring-doc says:

    Thanks michael :). Haha hes a neuroscientist :) a real ‘dr’ if you will. Its all very nerdy at times…:P

    On a light side- we might be going to california and NYC in my summer break late nov/eary dec. ( its winter beak now for 2 weeks but i get a month over summer). 😀 exciting

  218. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    A-Doc – my point is that for me, they don’t have to dress in $$ clothes to look great. I have passed over many gorgeous, beautifully dressed, potSBs who think that beautiful clothes & shoes, perfect mani/pedi etc are all that is needed. I would rather spend time with someone who has spent time and money developing a life with great aspirations, instead of a great wardrobe. Dont get me wrong, i love beautiful women as much as the next guy!! You talk about “looking the part” – it depends what you and your SD want from the relationship. Not every SD/SB relationship revolves around glamour, expensive restaurants and beautiful outfits. Not right or wrong, just my preference.

  219. aspiring-doc says:

    I hope that doesnt come across as critical. Im generaly am interested as to what the consensus is. I’m not very educated when it comes to looking the part!

  220. aspiring-doc says:


    Thanks, yes I just don’t seem to care that much. I look after my body through exercise, sport and a healthy diet. And I like to look after my skin, hair and nails- to the point where they are healthy. But thats about it really. I love pretty clothes- but they dont need to be expensive. and on a day-day basis id wear nice fitting jeans because its practical for running around in. Ill wear makeup for an occassion but i find fresh air does wonders for my complexion neway.
    I guess i opt for the girl next door look- pretty, comfortable and feminine. I dont pass as all that chique!

    Was just wonderign what the general consensus on this was- ive read on some blogs that men like women to be wearing the latest things-because they need a woman who dresses upmarket :). nothing wrong with that! Ive also read alot of SB worried of the cost of being a SB and dressing like one. pherhaps there is more cost involved in the US

    Given the choice though id opt for the $100 dress and the $1000 roadtrip 😛 (rather than the 1000 dress).

    Lisa x

  221. Beach_Girl says:

    Natali~ I totally understand… Sometimes we have to let go and move on… just my opinion! I have held back many times because it’s just not worth it, We have so much drama in our daily lives … we don’t need it here!

    Sugabeckha~ if you go to the archives of the blog you will find a lots of help in SB/SD etiquette and to find out if he’s real, what questions to ask and such… You can check their names on google, some don’t like to give you all the info, but most will. Most real SDs don’t want to play games…

    Have a good night sugars!

  222. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hey Lisa – I am not a designer guy, couldn’t care less really. I look for that inner beauty, glow and confidence that comes from someone who knows themselves. I am not interested in a good looking clothes horse, just not me. I am very interested in appearance, but that is so much more than just clothes. What type of clothes they wear, do they dress to the occasion etc – basically are they just put together in a pretty way with nothing behind the facade, or is there a real person there? The real person shows up in the idiosyncrasies in the way they dress, behave etc. I also look to see how their dress reflects their lifestyle – I am Australian, so I put a big emphasis on outdoor activities, sports, exercise etc. Generally that shows up in dress, nails, shoes etc. There is a VERY large cultural difference between US approach to life from Oz or Kiwi, tends to be very focused on $, appearances etc. Before I get flamed, please note that this is an observation, not a judgement! My current SB is Canadian and is a horse person. While she is gorgeous, she does not rely on designer clothes to look beautiful. With her, it very much comes from within, especially when she us training or riding.

  223. Natali says:

    I want to offer my sincere apologies to everyone here, I didn’t mean to create a negative mood. I just find it disrespectful when someone basically tells me that my experience are not real. But enough of that!


  224. SugaBeckha says:

    I am new to this site and am wondering how does one start the process what is the etiquette of the sugababy or sugardaddy and do u know f he is real or not????? Please help

  225. aspiring-doc says:


    wow so many posts. my patient died today- everyone kept telling the family- you cant feed him or he’ll get aspiration neumonia- we tried and tried and tried- even the speech therapist didnt have any luck (and thats her field). So not feeling fantastic- nature of the work i guess!

    Im fascinated by the emphasis on dress/appearance, What do the SDS think? do u take note of a womens clothes/what labels she wears? does she need to be designer?

    have nice hair but I dont get manicures and i wear dresses- but not designer. Heck the millionares here- look like normal people anyway- you would never guess!

    what are the men looking for? or is this entirely subjective?

    Lisa x

  226. Bicentennial Baby says:


    I finally figured out how to pull up profiles without having to have one up yet. Yeah! I just replace the last 6 of whatever comes up on the “free” preview profiles on the main website with the profile# of the poster in blue.

    I pulled yours (and several others) up and I must say, you look like a lot of fun and more importantly, very very intelligent. Lucky girls in NYC! I’m only a flight away myself, perhaps I could say hi sometime! I’ve actually never been to the Big Apple, Trenton NJ is as far as my travels have taken me. NYC is a little intimidating to go to alone and I have no one I know anywhere north of Maryland.

    Your profile is fascinating. My first book as a child was an old 1950’s paperback called “the Field Guide to Gems and Minerals”, and it was very helpful since my mom worked in the jewelry field, she is GIA certified. I worked with her as a little girl in jewelry stores and esp love those traveling gem & mineral shows. You’re probably one of those people who realize that there are a LOT of stones worth more than a diamond (certain star sapphires, for ex) and infinitely more rare. And that boron in diamonds is what makes them blue, for example, and can also add flourescence which while considered a flaw, I especially like. I think of those as “happy” diamonds, because the boron gets excited by sunlight and radiates accordingly.

    I digress, back to watching Kitchen Impossible while ironing my clothes for tomorrow. Back to our regularly scheduled programming :)

  227. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Ok, let’s be positive!!!

    I’d really like to know the books recommended by sugarbabies/daddies alike. Already mentioned have been The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, & How to Marry the Rich by Ginie Polo Sayles. Of course we know there’s Seeking Arrangement (the book) as well.

    Anyone have any opinions about SugarDaddy 101 by Leiticia Lawson (sp??), or Baje Fletcher’s Gold Digger’s guide?

    What book has helped YOU learn how to operate in the sugar world successfully? What reading would you recommend? any books that are conversely, a waste of time?

  228. SoftlySearching says:

    @ Dandelion
    as I said, I did refuse for the sheer ridiculousness of it…I am an artist, a mural artist and I thought the same thing as you mentioned at the time and knew my knowledge of such things too limited to venture into something without research. But as I had no interest in it, I didn’t think it worth my effort. I just mentioned it earlier because I had heard the term and asked about its meaning and was sharing what was told to me.

  229. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello everyone and Welcome new bloggers 😀

    Now I am going to be a little rude, so sorry in advance to everyone reading..
    Who F’ing cares how tall a model is or not… Kate moss is 5’7 and is known because she is so short… but really, do we have to talk about this?
    There are models that are shorter than that, CATALOG…. and most are tall! but really…WHO CARES!!!
    sorry, just tired of all the drama and bull crap! We all think differently and we will have different opinions, but come on, lets keep this nice!
    It’s not fun to read all the crap and fights… debates are another story… but this doesn’t feel like a debate…

    So lets all be sugary, as someone I know would say

  230. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Not taking sides in this isssue, but only contributing my own experience, I am 5’7″ and while I have won a few modeling competitions that were beauty contest type events, I learned from the talent agencies that were there that I was too short for runway. I pretty much knew that anyway, having done local store modeling since I was about 12 or so.

    I was informed by one NYC agent that I was perfect for a 30-something trophy-wife type who is with the 50-something husband as pictured in ump-teen million cruise commercials and magazine ads. You’ve seen them before, they allude to a sugar relationship age difference but have the air of married legitimacy in how they are presented. I spoke directly with 2 scouts who were both impressed with my runway fashion skills but who both told me that at my height, catalog and magazine work was all I would be able to get, being genetically too short for any high fashion runway work even though I was told I could definitely strut it otherwise.

    Many places advertise “go sees” and local modeling agencies all pander to the masses that they can get you work regardless of height and weight but that’s just BS. On Track Modeling or Millie Lewis or many others will at times “sell” that concept to their clients, but what they usually sell is photos at a profit to them for taking them.

    This was regardless of my age or the type of fashion being modeled. Perhaps it is different in other countries, but this was a prominent Wilhelmena agent telling me 5’7″ is way too short for runway and I was advised to consider catalog and perhaps even television work instead.

    Perhaps you are lucky and one of the only people who have bypassed this rule, but I have modeled and done contests for nearly 20 years including tear sheets, composites, etc and was never able to break into runway and this being nearly the perfect measurements and size for clothing work otherwise. Again, your experience may vary but just understand most people’s experience in the modeling world will be more similar to mine.

  231. Dandelion Wine says:

    Natali, I encourage you to peruse agency websites and report back with the number of 5’6 girls you found there.
    For runway you need to be 5’10 – 5’11. There are exceptions, but they are exceptions.

  232. Dandelion Wine says:

    Softly, asked by whom?
    Regardless of your age, appearance, experience level etc etc – if the proposition came from 1 person, you were very wise to decline it :)
    People that successfully shoot mainstream commercial content do not usually dabble in porn.
    The mention of commercial print and lingerie was more that likely just an opening line to a further discussion about shooting porn with you.

    All I’m saying is that in a *modeling* world there’s no such thing as “adult modeling”.
    In *adult content* world there are “adult modeling”, “edgy independent films”, “erotic artwork” , “sexual performance art” etc etc. Just like there are “roses” on craigslist.

  233. Sherri says:

    @Noir ~ I’m surprised to hear that about Chicago! I’m a Chicago native and just assumed it would be great for sugar if only I were close enough to list myself there now. Actually, that makes me feel a little better.

  234. Noir says:

    @ Katania, my sd was in town on business and was leaving the Signature Room saw me (and was stricken as he put it) and asked to buy me a drink, we talked for a few hours over drinks that night and it took off from there.

  235. Katania says:

    @ Sherrie~ Not at the moment. Do you know of any decent ones?

    @Noir- That’s great. I’m also trying outside of Chicago as well. In what kind of scene did you meet your SD?

  236. Noledgeseeker says:

    My sd lives 30 flight away. We’ve never met in my city, not that I mind. I love to travel. Although someone in my hometown would be nice to have for weeks like the rest of July when my sd is going to be so busy with work that there is no time for me : (.

  237. Noir says:

    @ Katania
    I’m in Chicago as well and believe that the Chicago online SD pool is a bit shallow for certain types of SB’s. For some reason there is an enormous amount of online pot SD’s (fakers/newbie’s) who treat the sugar scene as such (escort service). Maybe some of them don’t know any better. It has actually been easier for me to meet sugar in an everyday scene as opposed to being online. I definitely recommend trying outside of Chicago. My last SD lived in Florida, and it actually worked out for most of the time.

  238. Sherri says:

    @Katania ~ Are you on any other sugar sites? That helped me since I haven’t had much luck on SA in this area. Also, I have noticed that men in smaller cities/towns are more open to distance, because they also have a shallow dating pool. But whether it would work out probably depends on how often they can get into the city to see you.

  239. Katania says:

    I’ve considered the suburbs as well and no such luck. I also don’t have a car. I live minutes from downtown and parking here is ridiculous and expensive. I usually walk and only take transit when I have to. I thought as well since I was in the city it would be easier, just haven’t had much luck.

  240. Sherri says:

    @Noledgeseeker ~ no prob! I hope things work out. We should keep sharing our money saving tips until we get really set like some of the other SBs.

    @Katania ~ I’m surprised that Chicago’s not that good for sugar. I actually wish I lived close enough to put myself in the Chicago dating pool. I’d be willing to drive there if I already had an SD there, but it doesn’t seem worth it to me for pots. You could try expanding your search to northern Indiana maybe all the way out to Merrillville depending on how far you’re willing to go. Are you considering suburbs, too, like, Hinsdale, Naperville, Schaumburg, etc?

  241. Natali says:

    D, I am not going to waste my time arguing that Ford, W, and many others are indeed reputable agencies and that 5’6″ is not too short, I have done runway, which the usual minimum is 5’7″. Again I wish not to argue with someone who obviously is only familiar with runway and sees that as the modeling world. You being so narrow minded about the modeling industry is like saying all sb’s are blonde with big breasts or something. Clearly that is not true.

    Don’t try and discuss this topic further with me, I will simply not respond. Thank you.

  242. Reddamsel38 says:

    Guru I’ll put up some pics, but overall how does it seem to you?

  243. Reddamsel38 says:

    I would really like some sugar. :(

  244. Katania says:

    Hi all.

    I’m new to the blog. I’m in Chicago and despite the big city that it is, the SD pool is a bit shallow. I’ve met very few SD in the area and it didn’t get past the first meeting once knowing that they wanted more of an escort service than a SB. I’ve actually put on my profile for those type to stay away. I’m an attractive looking woman. I’m an exotic-looking version of the girl-next-door lol. I’m intelligent and well-rounded with a great personality. I’ve decided to try for SD’s outside of Chicago. Any midwest or Chicago SB’s have the same problem or any luck with SD’s outside the area?

  245. Noledgeseeker says:

    Thanks Sherri!

    I’m happy to hear I’m not the only one who struggled with this. I do the same thing with outfits! : D A sister in sugar ; p, I feel all connected and stuff lol. I’m ahead of the game by one visit now as I’ve new outfits to see him next visit and one dinner dress I haven’t worn yet : ). I won’t be seeing him again until August so I’m letting the mani/pedis slide until then. Thanks for all the great advice! : )
    Now I just have to keep myself from getting lonesome until then : )

  246. Sherri says:

    @Midwest ~ I agree. It’s hard to maintain anonymity in a small town so I wouldn’t ask.

  247. Sherri says:

    @Noledgeseeker ~ I was thinking the exact same thing when I first started sugar dating! Definitely lost money on a few dates when I wasn’t interested in the guy after meeting, not to mention being stood up. In the long run it only takes one good SD to pay off the upfront costs. My strategy was to keep track of which outfits I wore with whom and wear the same thing for first dates even if it’s the same week. Stretch out the mani/pedi by changing the polishing myself as long my cuticles look good and the shape is still there or else going in and just getting a polish change to freshen things up.

  248. SoftlySearching says:

    @ Dandelion Wine
    I know nothing of the modeling world, but I have been recently asked to do commercial print, lingerie, and adult modeling. I thought it rediculous because of my hieght, age, ect. so didn’t persue it, but I was curious and asked what was considered adult modeling and was told it was soft nude. Maybe “adult” modeling is just a laymans term for the defintion. As I said, I know nothing about it, just repeating what was explained to me. :)

  249. Noledgeseeker says:

    answering the last question…
    The sugar has been nice for me lately. I’m new to the scene. I’ve been here 2 months-ish and have gotten very lucky and found myself a great sd. He gives me cash every visit and is very respectful. We haven’t been intimate yet after about 3 meetings because he’s yet to get tested. My only issue thus far has been the ‘start up’ costs of being a sb. I’ve finding as with any new interest there are some expenses up front that must be done to get the ball rolling. I did not have a wardrobe suitable for meeting and going out with a millionaire. New outfits, shoes, purses, mani/pedi, getting hair done a suitcase for travel, checking luggage and taxi rides are racking up and right now I’m in the red as far as sd gifts vs expenses go. I know as I accumulate a wardrobe and accessories my expenses will be limited to maintenance which aren’t going to run cheap but will be less than what I spending now. But for the moment, my credit card bills look so ugly. I don’t want to complain because I feel so grateful and I know I am just lucky to have found such a great guy. I’m just hoping things level out soon. : )
    Hope everyone is having a lovely day : )

  250. Reddamsel38 says:

    Hey Toughlove what is the author for the book art of seduction? Greene or O’neal?

  251. Dandelion Wine says:

    1. plenty of fashion models “show nips or more”, and nobody calls them “adult models”
    2. you are not tall enough to have been associated with any reputable agency in a capacity of a model (vs. a stylist/mua). *Maybe* you were a child model when you were 11
    3. Yes, I do have a greater insight into the modeling industry (which is not really an industry in and of itself, but that is outside on the scope of this topic) and no, there’s no “adult end” to it.

    There are art models ( but no agencies representing them) that pose for artistic figure work fully nude, there are glamour models (again, no agencies, unless they also do lingerie/swimsuit) that pose for playboy, and they can also be porn actors, but when they do porn – they are porn actors, not glamour/art models.

    Porn is porn, if you are comfortable with doing it – that’s your personal business, but don’t call it something else, and especially do not taint another profession by claiming that what you do is somehow a subset of that.

    If you are wondering about what is the difference between a fully nude figure model and you, I believe the US law very clearly states the boundaries.
    You would be well advised to research them, lest you get yourself in trouble unknowingly.

  252. SeekingUte says:

    As my 45 year old partner says, the desire to know someone’s age disappears gradually as you age yourself, and it becomes beneficial not to know. When you’re five years old, its a different experience being on the playground with toddlers vs seven year olds. You don’t ask everyone’s age followed by name when introducing yourself at a conference meeting, lol.

    Its rather easy to bias base on age (not everyone who has recently hit thirty will be at the same place in life) therefore I personally wait as long as I can before I ask a person’s birth year. I’ll ask before I get to the point where I’m starting to assume age based on what the person has told me, you just never know. Much better to respect a person based on their actions rather than justify their actions based on age.

  253. Natali says:

    Softly you hit the nail on the head!

  254. SoftlySearching says:

    Hi sugar fam, I so love reading this blog and hearing the opinions and thoughts everyone. I just wanted to comment on being ourselves vrs changing gears to suit a situation or person. I think everyone, whether they realize it or not, adjust their behavior for any given situation. I am always true to who I am, actually quite comfortable in my own skin. But I have always adjusted my “behavior” and “mannerism” acordingly. We do this instinctually from childhood. It certainly doesn’t mean we are being deceitful or misrepresenting our true personalities. For example: Lets say the person you are at home is quite reserved, because of children, family, work, ect. and yet when you leave your home inviroment to be with said sd/sb you adjust to become more free- spirited, fun, outgoing… yes, that is a whole different side of you but not necessarily, not you. How we behave in the sugar world may have very little resemblance to how we behave outside of it, and I think that is the beauty of the whole arrangement. NSA means no strings, you have your life, I have mine, we come together and can be to one another what we dont have outside of our sugar arrangement… SWEET!!!!

  255. SweetSugar says:

    Why can men get away with the non-disclosure of their age and we can’t? Because this is sugar daddy/baby dating!

    Age matters to a sugar daddy here the way money matters to a sugar baby. Having said that, you can always date someone much older than you. I find that the 60’s range want the 40’s range more than the 20-somethings and 18-year-olds.

  256. Stormcat says:

    BB ~ I don’t believe that I have the insight to answer that question.

  257. Natali says:

    DWine, interesting to hear you say there is no such thing as an adult model. Perhaps I should use the term erotic model? I have been modeling since I was 11 and every agency I was affiliated with called the models who show nips or more as adult models as it is adult content. Do you perhaps have greater incite to the modeling industry, especially the adult end? If so I would love to hear what knowledge you have. Oh, and adult model refers to stills rather than video, that would be adult talent.

    Everyone else, Thanks for your advice. I was thinking along the same lines, but wasn’t sure how it would be received by a pot. Good to know that there are some out there who will not be bothered by it.

  258. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Well I don’t have sugar (yet!), but your concern isn’t one just from SB’s…everywhere you go it seems somebody wonders “how does she pay for X?”.

    first, it’s really nobody’s business, it’s a tacky and classless thing to ask how people pay for things or what they cost. My closest girlfriend and I discuss these things but only because we are, well, close. I’m curious how people are actually asking or insinuating wanting to know how you pay for stuff. I would be horrified to ever ask such a tasteless question of another. If you’re close enough to ASK the question, you’re close enough to already know the answer!

    I do understand what you’re trying to say however. If you work part time, depending on your industry, you could say you get occasional bonuses based on productivity/sales/reviews and you are of course a very hard worker, so naturally you’re doing better than others.

    Another alibi is family money. I truly have a grandmother who’s financially stable, and she has been known to stroke checks for several K at a time for my daughter’s various needs and even for me from time to time, though she considers me old enough to pay my own way in life (and I agree, a child should benefit more). Perhaps you can just allude you have the proverbial “rich old uncle/cousin/aunt/grandma” and you just don’t talk about them much because there’s so much more to your relationship than just money in the family. That way you answer their question and force them to drop it lest they be tacky in pursuing the line of questioning.

    I hope that’s helpful, either of those are believeable options to use to explain but truly my sugar sister, I don’t think you should be explaining yourself and how you live to ANYONE who doesn’t already know the true answer. It’s really no one’s business!!! It’s like asking if you’re a bottle blond, it’s your little secret and should remain so.

    Just my opinion, perhaps others can contribute some insight if these are good ideas.

  259. Pinky says:

    Ahh back to the numbers games. I try to personalize my emails so it takes a lot of effort. This is only because I’m very picky, taking my time reading through the profiles.

    Oh yeah happy birthday aspiring doctor. My birthday is fast approaching, I’ll be turning 23! It’s crazy how fast time flies!

    Are you guys finding it to be a bit difficult to keep your sugar world a secret. People are so curious how I’m doing financially well when I only work part time. It’s rather uncomfortable especiallly since my city is known for girls having SDs because it’s so expensive here.

  260. Bicentennial Baby says:


    Well then, what type of reward/punishment can we extract to find out said exploits I wonder?? Hmmm.

    Inquiring minds want to know!

  261. Stormcat says:

    BB ~ I can think of quite a few ways that one could feel compelled to speak that has nothing to do with state actions.
    Your grandmother shames you into telling.
    Your boss threatens to fire unless you tell.
    You father will cut off your inheritence unless you tell.
    The girl next door offers to sleep with you if you tell.
    The girl next door refuses to sleep with you any more unless you tell.
    . . . on and on. It is still a matter of choice but it is also a matter of accepting the consequences of that choice. Tell and get the reward/avoid the punishment, -or- dont tell and lose the reward/get the punishment.

  262. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hey Pinky – messages from out of state SBs are always nice to get but unless I travel to that area often, or vice versa, for me it is just “thanks but no thanks” But that is just my current personal circumstances. For those who travel to your city often, it is a good strategy. I think in your case it will be just a numbers game – reach out to all pots in states that border yours and see what happens.

  263. Stormcat says:

    SD guru ~
    SD meet! I’m up for that, but I’d also like to add my two cents worth that I don’t really care about the location so much as the climate. If we are going to have it in the SW US it ought to take place in the fall/winter. If its a summer meet, might I suggest some place North and/or at a higher elevation (or so far South that we are getting into the other hemisphere.)

  264. Pinky says:

    Hey guys!

    I’m freezing in set but otherwise fine.

    I guess I need to start sending out emails
    again. The thing though is the sugar bowl in my town is so small that I’ve sent emails out to the few guys who I thought I would be interesting. Some I’ve met and now one is my SD. Guru and all you other SD what do you think of emailing SDs in different provinces and including the ones in the states? I think I’ve messeges maybe 5 guys in different cities and neither responded. Perhaps if a guy is willing to travel to my area he would have checked out the sugar bowl in my town and so would have already messages me first if he was interested. What do you guys think. How do you feel about getting messeges from SB out of your state or country?

  265. Dandelion Wine says:

    Natali, there is no such thing as “adult model”.
    Modeling is a very different activity.
    What you are describing is an actor (as in actor-actee, not actor-actress, although “porn actress” is often used).

  266. Bicentennial Baby says:


    True about the 5th amendment….but…wouldn’t it be equally valid to argue that no one OTHER than the State can compel Toughlove to share his exploits, as after all, criminal actions (which is what this addresses, as the State cannot involve themselves in our personal lives so long as we do not offend “society”…which is the basis of all criminal law to begin with, offending the laws deemed just by our society..) can only be PROSECUTED by the State’s officials.

    Having said this, I’m pretty certain unless you are an agent of the State investigating said criminal allegations, he’s pretty safe from compelling exposure. Now if he CHOOSES to self-incriminate, well, then we have a case! 😉

    I do so enjoy the law, and yes, I work in a legal field, tee hee!

    I have a bucket list as well, checked off snorkeling and Carribean travel last year. I have Disneyland, owning a new pocketbook over $1,000, seeing Rome and taking a gourmet cooking class from an Iron Chef as a few examples on my list. I have to keep it long enough that I have plenty to do before I die!

  267. ToughLove says:


    The other question is, what’s already been checked OFF the list…? Conversation best left off-blog. I will say, the modern world leaves us few occassions to exercise our fangs and claws (unless you look really hard). Every now and then, its good to get into a little mischief, if only for the pleasure of getting yourself OUT again…

  268. Stormcat says:

    Natalie ~ I just waqnt to say that it is not going to be much of a deterrant to be up front about it. It is simply a matter of context. If you say it in a nonchalant manner accepting that it is as natural as waitressing, nursing, acting, dancing, selling products, cleaning houses, teaching school . . . there can be no real objection from a truely open minded person. besides it is part of who you are and you yourself would not be happy in an arrangement with an individual who would reject you for such behavior or use it to usurp control over you against your will. I think that the way you should be thinking here is from the other direction whether you can accept a pot as your SD if he dissapproves of such or is unable, at the very least, to take your a background in stride.

  269. Nico says:

    Good morning Natali.

    It’s easy for people to pre-judge. Society is far too quick to judge. Sometimes full disclosure is good and sometimes, as you are well aware, it can hurt you.

    If you feel as though people are not taking you seriously, act on your instincts and remove that part of you from the conversation. You can say you ‘model’ (as you said above) without having to go into details. If nothing else, it’s worth a shot and see if you have a different/better outcome.

    ps ~ I would also caution you to not put such an emphasis on your bedroom skills. Give them the opportunity to discover this on their own 😉

  270. Stormcat says:

    Tough love ~ you said:
    “Regarding my MO, “Your Honor, I’d like to take this opportunity to exercise my rights under the fifth amendment to the U.S. Constitution…””

    Are you aware that the constitution doesn’t cover anything other than State action. So while The State can not, under the constitution, compel you to reveal anything that it can use against you, is has no authority to prevent anyone else from doing that. Since I see no State action here I believe that you’re going to have to leave it on your list. Sorry!

    Just out of cureosity, though, what else is on your bucket list?

  271. ToughLove says:

    Claro que si

  272. ToughLove says:

    Some of the things possible are…frightening. If I could somehow download the skills/info inside my head, there is NO reason for you to EVER be without all the sugar you could possibly want.

  273. Natali says:

    Oh and my profile is 483019 if anyone would like to let me know what they think. I need to put newer pics of me, as my hair is different. But the written part I am not sure It is ok. I don’t seem to get much interest even for being under the vegas area. I think I am going to change it back until I figure out what is going on with me here.

    • SD Guru says:


      I’m curious though, how does a SD pick up on whether or not that contextual personality is only a shift or adjustment, or if it’s being “fake”? Where does one draw the line and what makes it genuine vs. fake?

      A real gentleman will treat everyone with dignity and respect regardless of his net worth and context. While I agree in principle that “a SB’s behavior (language, demeanor, world view, etc.) can influence how she is treated,” by no means is that an excuse for bad behavior from a pot SD. I can’t really put in words how a SD draws the line between genuine vs fake, I just know in my case I know it when I see it. After meeting women from a wide range of socioeconomic backgrounds over the years through online sugar dating, I’ve learned to put my BS detector to good use at all times like some women have. Maybe there is a book somewhere that explains this better.


      I think I like the sugar world. its sooo uncomplicated. Men my age are a pain to deal with. (generally).

      I think you’ve just summed up why some young women prefer the sugar world.


      Can I plug for the West Coast / Southwest area? I’m in.

      Sure, there are lots of fun spots in that area we can meet at. Anyone else in?


      Since you plead the fifth, I’m sure you’re well versed in the “Pickup Artist” and “The Game”. So when and where are we having that drink? :) The “sorority girls in LA” story involves them getting drunk after a night of partying and passed out on my bathroom floor. I have many stories to tell, and I’ll do so in my blog in due course.


      I am grateful for this opportunity being offered me, but is this going to affect my chances in the sugar world?

      The answer is it depends. Some SD’s are non judgmental about what a pot SB does for a living, these are also the type that are serious about NSA. While other SD’s may want more than NSA, and therefore may care more about what a SB does for a living. Know what you’re dealing with and respond accordingly, while being true to yourself.

  274. Natali says:

    Omg I so agree with you. There is a lot of people similar to me, but noone quite like me. I wish people would appreciate that, rather than be like oh she did porn, who cares! It is part of my past and who I am, but don’t make that what you like about me. Ok so sounding a bit self absorbed here, yes I am good in bed. Obvious seeing what I do, but there is more to me. I want someone to have an interest in me for my mind and not just what happens behind closed doors. I get enough of that ‘modeling’.

    Ok now that I have vented yet again :p. When if at all should I bring things like this up to a pot? Or am I better off leaving it in the dark and just amazing them with my ability to pleasure? Can you tell I am proud haha!
    Seriously though!

  275. Bicentennial Baby says:

    I’m with Natali, just *what* IS a deal-breaker as to background, etc with a pot SD?

    Many men would be 100% fine with an adult star, and I immediately think “darn, she must be hot” when you read that a lady has been in that type of industry. But then you always have your holier-than-thou types who will want a SB and be married themselves, but Heaven Help You if YOU happen to have a secret or two in your background! Ugh.

    The whole concept of screening worries me a bit. I plan on shaving a few years off my age, so I can come into a better search group, but then if the fact I want to be seen for what I look like as opposed to the DOB on my license, then I’m screwed. It’s like we as SB’s are supposed to be 100% honest about everything, yet the SD’s are all allowed to non-disclosure contracts about what THEY did in their past and how old they are, etc.

    I don’t give two blips what my SD’s REAL age is. Why would I care?? My job is to make him happy and his age has zippo bearing on that. So why is mine important? So a guy can go “ewww…she graduated college 5 years before I thought she did….CRYPT KEEPER!”. I know, a bit dramatic, but I really wonder now why this is so one-sided. If I’m funny, light-hearted and true in my conversation about my experiences (whether they were in the 80’s or the 90’s or whenever) and who I am as a person/character, why does it even matter? I honestly think if he says so long because of something so utterly trivial, well, your loss my dear because as Kanye West says “there’s a 1,000 yous out there…there’s only one of me!”

    I’m ordering said book, I’m utterly FASCINATED in just what I read on Amazon. I had NO idea there were skills you could develop to that level! Wow. What a powerful tool to have and I’m glad my other half doesn’t own a copy. Kinda looking forward to researching. I believe I’m a combination between The Siren, The Natural and the Charismatic. I actually already DO some of those techniques in the book and never realized there was a science to it! !Esto libro es muy interesante, verdad! (no Spanish keyboard, else my punctuation would be correct….) :)

  276. Natali says:

    So, back to square 1. Poof went the last pot’s but that just means they are out of the way for the right SD. I hope :)…

    My current dilema, my girl here just bought me a new car. I talked to her about how I wasn’t happy and was leaving. To be considerate seeing she is my boss, I gave 2 weeks notice and had moved into another part of our house. I came home from work 2 days ago to find a car in the drive and a note from her saying how much she loves me. I know she will barely be able to scrape enough together to afford the car payments each month, so she is using that to guilt me into staying. Well it is downright pitiful, but working. How can I leave the situation like this? I can’t screw her over like that. Oh what is a girl to do. I thought about seeing if I could fins some sugar closer to here and buy the car from her. Being honest the entire time that I am merely staying in this remote part of the country to simply do that, not for her.

    Any advice? Left confused and a little hesitant…

    On another note… I was just offered a modeling opportunity here as well. A profit sharing opp to be exact. So that is a plus to stay. :ere come an honesty that I hope no one will judge, although I understand some of you will look at me in a different light for. The type of modeling I am being offered this for is adult oriented. I am a adult model, both stills and film, but have been out of the scene since the AVN’s focusing on trying to make my most current relationship work. We all know how well that seems to be going. Anyways, I enjoy it, I am a very sexual person and love attention, but what girl doesn’t?! I am grateful for this opportunity being offered me, but is this going to affect my chances in the sugar world? It is something I can hold back from discussion, but what if he, or she for that matter, finds out and is less than pleased? Being new I don’t want to ruin my chances of anything, but also do not want to change who I am just to please another. I have been doing that in my recent relationship thanks.
    Sorry about the length and sounding a bit scatterbrained. I am typing from by phone at work so kinda have to be quick.

    Oh, and before I go, let me explain what I am seeking to get out of a sugar relationship and tell me if you think it is too much…
    I want to be able to go back to school for interior design and architectual drafting. I have a cert in a. Drafting already. I also need to be able to afford a car payment, rent, and a new laptop as mine just crapped the bed. I am thinking that $3-5K/mo should suffice, but is that too much?

    Ok now I am really done! Thanks loves and as always I appreciate you all. I look forward to reading responses!

  277. ToughLove says:

    @SD Guru
    This is me… reminding you… to write about the two sorority girls you flew to LA. Details???? I’m sure you have lots of stories. Regarding my MO, “Your Honor, I’d like to take this opportunity to exercise my rights under the fifth amendment to the U.S. Constitution…” (Thought I’d never get to say that, crossing it off the bucket list.)

    And, yes, our different perspectives on the blog give the SB’s some additional tools. If one approach doesn’t work, try something else.

    Thanks…I think? Yes, I understand the whole sounding like an “ass” thing. It’s NOT a coincidence; more on that in a future post.

    @ Michael
    It’s funny how being “complex” can make some people uncomfortable.

    That song was stuck in my head after I read you post. Damn, now I’m hearing the others…

    Hey, beauty queen. I want to address ALL of your questions. Just taking a moment so as not to “hog the blog”.

    Straight forward, harsh, direct. If you find the information useful, then I’ll keep posting…

  278. Divia12 says:

    Good luck meeting you pot SD. I hope it goes well!

  279. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    SD Guru said “Here’s what I said in an earlier post. In addition to finding out if there is mutual attraction, chemistry, and common expectations during a sugar date, I also make assessments about a number of criteria that are important to me. Such as, is her story consistent about her age and background, is she reliable and dependable, how stable is her current situation, her history with relationships, the potential for drama, etc. Sometimes it may take more than one date to find out. This is similar to using proven interview techniques in the corporate world to assess candidates for executive positions. It can be done during the normal flow of dinner conversation without the pot SB feeling as if she’s on the hot seat or get pissed off at being unreasonably delayed by some kind of test.”

    I am with SD Guru on this. The first meet-and-greets I have are generally over a meal, after a few emails and maybe a phone call or two. I have found that I can generally figure out someone quite quickly one way or the other, and certainly over a 2 hour meal. I just ask a lot of questions, loop back to cross-check for consistency, and let the person relax over the meeting, especially with a glass of wine or two. As they relax, you would be surprised what people say and do! People generally do themselves a lot of damage towards the end of the meeting – relaxed, they think all is going well, and the defences drop. If I cannot figure them out in the first meeting, I will have another couple of dates, and if I haven’t understood them by then, I am out of there. There has to be connection, chemistry and understanding between the two parties for this to work, so if I cannot get a handle on the real person after 3 dates, that’s it.

    My current SB – we swapped a few emails, one phone call to confirm the first lunch, and within 20 minutes of meeting we both knew that this was going to be a great partnership. Others I have met for dinner, drinks, outings etc and some have been absolute disasters even though – on paper – all looked good.

    My rule is – treat it as a cross between a first date, a job interview and development of a business partnership, which is basically what it is.

    “The SB’s have had occasional meets so maybe we can plan one for SD’s as well.”
    Can I plug for the West Coast / Southwest area? I’m in.

  280. aspiring-doc says:

    had an amazing birthday thanks :) first day of break- cant get better than that. beautiful sunshine.. the weather is stunning here atm. 16 degrees with crisp winter sunshine :D..went down to the beach and had dessert and wine at the local restaurant. Enjoyed the winter sunshine aswell as stimulating post exam conversation :D…ie totally shallow and i wouldnt have it any other way right now!

    I think I like the sugar world. its sooo uncomplicated. Men my age are a pain to deal with. (generally).

    SD Guru- thanks for that- sounds like fairly standard measures. :). similar to what a Sb would attempt to size up in a SD I guess.

    stormcat- where are you- sounds beautiful??

    Ive been thinking about the whole contextual thing.
    I think SD Guru made a very good point. Personally I stick to ‘who i am’ and that works for me.

    Aslong as im not being untrue to myself I dont see the harm in working within a certain radius if you will. Im naturally affectionate in terms of physical touch and i love quality time (see love languages) but if a SD really really appreciates words of affirmation…I will send the odd midday message or let him know im thinking of him from time to time. If he likes feminine woman- i can play on that- im naturally feminine anyway- so i make sure to wear my prettier dresses around him and keep my hair long :). Im not going to change my basic personality- but i can be flexible 😀

    Lisa xxx

  281. MindyNYC says:

    Hi ALL,
    Just catching up before bed…enjoying the interesting dialogues.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY Aspiring-Doc!


  282. aspiring-doc says:

    I think its just about being honest with each other. Sex doesnt have to be part of the equation- but may be tricky findign someone who doesnt want that level of intimacy.
    However patient, honest men can be found with relative ease :)

  283. aspiring-doc says:

    Hey Dorothy,

    Some good questions. This has been new to me aswell.

    Its interesting you posed the virgin comment? what sort of walls are u talking about? Were u raised with certain morals or have certain religious convictions against it? Have you had bad experiences? I guess it depends on what the walls are?

    Also do u want a SD or a REALATIONSHIP? your post was a little unclear. obviously a SD/SB realationship is a little different from bf/gf. Id make a bf wait around a bit before sleeping with him!

    My first (and present) SD posed the question around sex. We both come from christian backgrounds- and very traditional ones at that. Nothing wrong with Christians- just some tend to adapt the ‘no sex before marriage rule’ (which isnt actually in scripture). Id never had sex outside a commited traditional realationship before.

    Because we talked about it, he understood it well. Because he was patient and understanding- I felt safe to go ahead with him. We did draw it out a bit- but it was fantastic in the end. 😀

  284. Bicentennial Baby says:

    interesting conversation about “contextual personality”…we were taught this very concept in Whitewater sales training. I believe the concept is called “mirroring”? I find I do this unconsciously, i.e. I’ll be speaking with someone from the deep South and this brings out automatically my southern accent and a more natural/intimate style of conversation vs. when I speak with my Jersey friends, who tend to keep discussions short and on track as to the point & direction.

    I’m curious though, how does a SD pick up on whether or not that contextual personality is only a shift or adjustment, or if it’s being “fake”? Where does one draw the line and what makes it genuine vs. fake?

    I always think that if I’m mirroring to make the other person feel more at ease and relaxed, then it’s courtesy. If I’m mirroring to patronize them or they feel as if I’m doing that, or it comes off that I’m trying to manipulate them or be a sycophant, then it’s insulting and fake. I believe the definition of class is “to always make the other person comfortable and to be pleasant while doing so” and this is what I strive for in interactions.

    Back to my original question, anyone heard if Washington DC is a good sugar bowl? And is 2-3 hours too far to be considered local for a drive down? I would prefer someone not in my hometown honestly.

    May I ask what exactly led your colleague to make that proposal as acceptable to the hot Russian server vs. say an attendee? I understand the obvious, that she’s working in a serving CAPACITY but how does this place her in a lower social standing?? Perhaps her parents are making her work her way through school whether they’ve got oodles of 9-figure net worth or not….or is that something that just isn’t ever done? If not, I am grateful then that I am in the so-called middle class, because I have a strong work ethic as does my daughter. Even were I worth a 7, 8 or 9 figure sum, I don’t believe myself or my children too good to not work at least through school to appreciate an honest living.

    I could understand the lower standing if for ex, she swore, or displayed horrible manners, or carried herself like your average white trash “I’m with Stupid” T-shirt wearing chick. What significantly bothers me is that it is automatically assumed because you’re working for a living that you are of lower standing and therefore offered a “proposition” instead of respect and the chance to let that proposition play out naturally as it would with someone attending.

    Does my question make sense to you? Also, your post is a tad confusing, as Ginie Polo Sayles claims in her book “How to Marry The Rich” that working these events in a serving capacity, if you cannot get tickets purchased yourself, is a wonderful way to meet and possibly get to know a rich man for marriage. Is she full of bull then??

    QUESTION TO ALL SD’s/SB’s: What book(s) have you found invaluable or at least greatly helpful in developing yourself and/or skills to be in the sugar world. Toughlove suggested “Art of Seduction” which I will be checking out via Amazon if possible. I highly recommend Ginie Polo Sayles, she married a wealthy stockbroker after winning a beauty pageant!

    • SD Guru says:


      SD Guru- what are you sizing up in a Sb?

      Here’s what I said in an earlier post. In addition to finding out if there is mutual attraction, chemistry, and common expectations during a sugar date, I also make assessments about a number of criteria that are important to me. Such as, is her story consistent about her age and background, is she reliable and dependable, how stable is her current situation, her history with relationships, the potential for drama, etc. Sometimes it may take more than one date to find out. This is similar to using proven interview techniques in the corporate world to assess candidates for executive positions. It can be done during the normal flow of dinner conversation without the pot SB feeling as if she’s on the hot seat or get pissed off at being unreasonably delayed by some kind of test.


      I’ve enjoyed bantering with you on the blog. Perhaps someday we can compare notes and hash this out over drinks. The SB’s have had occasional meets so maybe we can plan one for SD’s as well.

      I mean, in college, we didn’t go to Cancun and meet girls who were thinking “who’s going to pay for my tuition, my airfare and hotel for this trip, etc.” No, for the most part their attitude was, “which guy am I taking back to the room, I’m on Spring break damn it!”…. my interactions were mainly driven by fun and personality, not sugar… many SB’s have lovers outside their sugar lives.

      From what I can tell, your MO seems to be focused on casual encounters and getting laid with random women you meet in real life. If that’s the case, then who am I to pass judgment on what you want! :) I mean, who wouldn’t want to screw college co-eds during spring break (remind me to write about the two sorority girls I flew to LA), or proposition a hot looking Russian waitress at a club…. but I digress.

      With apology to the ladies… as the saying goes… “You don’t pay them for sex, you pay them to leave.”

      If a guy just wants sex, there are many ways to go about it as your examples have shown. But of course a NSA sugar arrangement/relationship is much more than just sex. It’s comparing apples and oranges.

      you don’t seem to understand that men AND women will drastically alter their behavior based on the person with whom they’re dealing. Why? Human behaviors are contextual…. Arrogant SOB SD was not a “person”, it was a role that emerged within a specific context…. Women often watch a man’s tipping habits on a first meeting to TEST for generosity. Or, they’ll observe how he interacts with wait staff to TEST for respect. The list goes on and on.

      Of course human behaviors are contextual. And that implies if a SD passes the test in one context, he could still turn out to be an Arrogant SOB SD in another context. So what good are the tests then? As I’ve said before, a person’s true character will reveal itself over time, regardless of the contextual differences.

      if you want a certain type of man (SD or otherwise) you will need to change who you are accordingly… to match what that man finds attractive. If you do not make those adjustments, your “spot” will simply be taken by another woman who does.

      Is it such a bad thing to have the spot taken by someone else? Or perhaps she’s better off by looking for a SD that’s a better fit?

      There is no right or wrong answer, just different perspectives. As Pinky noted earlier, there are plenty of conflicting advice and opinions on the blog. Since everyone’s situation is different and what works for one person may not work for another, just take all the advice/opinion here and go with what you’re most comfortable with and can identify with and see how it goes. Between ToughLove, myself, and others, hopefully we’ve got most of the angles covered and that’s one of the reasons why this is a great blog!! :)

  285. Nico says:

    Dorothy I can tell you from experience that I had a SD…great relationship….for approximately 6 months and intimacy was not a part of the equation. While these guys are out there it will be much more difficult to find.

  286. Dorothy says:

    Hello all!

    OK, I’ve been lurking for almost a year now. I started a profile before but chickened out. I’ve been interested in this kind of relationship for three years. I have (what I see to be) one big problem though. I’m a virgin, and I don’t know how on earth this would work since usually intimacy is something to be desired. I just have so many walls that need to be broken down with that one fact though. I’m 24, I am attractive (most people tell me I’m a 9 on a scale of 1-10, and I’m satisfied with that), I’m intelligent and I’m not crazy. I’ve just never had a boyfriend since I’ve moved around a lot, and guys my age are extremely annoying to me.

    I’m frustrated. I want a mutually beneficial relationship for several reasons:

    1) Older men are usually more mature
    2) I have goals that I need a bit of help with (I’m going to school to do fashion design)
    3) I think it would be healthy for me to have a relationship with someone more experienced than I am.
    4) etc…

    Am I crazy? Are there going to be any men patient enough to deal with this part of my life?

    Thank you.

  287. Nico says:

    Oooh Storm…you shouldn’t give me that kind of power *wink*

    I have a dear friend that I recently turned on to the blog. We’ve been talking about making a trip….I might see if it’s something she’s interested in doing….I will certainly let you know 😀

  288. Stormcat says:

    Nico ~ I went to the first one but missed the second. I would have been indifferent except that i got to meet some of the other bloggers and that was really cool. If you are going to this next one let us know here cause it would make me want to come just to be able to meet you and others might be motivated similarly.

  289. Sasha says:

    toughlove~ I just got a chance to read your last post. Insightful once again. Why is it that you seem like an ass at the beginning of your emails, but I still understand the point you are trying to make. Its always like that with alot of the wealthy guys I have met….hmmm interesting.

    Well wish me good luck everyone. I fly out to meet a pot sd tomorrow morning. Will report back on wedesday.

  290. Beach_Girl says:

    Nico~ email sent! 😀

  291. Nico says:

    Can anybody from the Blog share their experience at any of the past (2) Sugar Parties in NY? Good bad or indifferent….

  292. Nico says:

    mine is ……nicowells04 on aol …I rarely use that account

  293. Beach_Girl says:

    I have MSN only… but I am reluctant to put my email on here again … got that stalker a way back….

  294. Nico says:

    BG ~ Gotchya….well, I guess our timing seems to be in sync. Hesitant to share about my *sugar* online….do you have yahoo?

  295. Beach_Girl says:

    Nico~ I haven’t been on, just the last few days… So I didn’t see you! How is your sugar world?

  296. Nico says:

    Hey girly!!! Fab to see you too!!! I’ve been lurking a lot lately and making a few random *easily missed* posts.

  297. Beach_Girl says:

    Nico~ how are you ? it’s been so long since i’ve seen you on!!! Nice to see you again

  298. Nico says:

    @ ToughLove

    Ahhh…”the rain in Spain”. I always enjoy reading your posts and seeing things through your eyes. Very insightful and well stated. I’ll be checking back for the ongoing banter between you and SD Guru 😉

  299. Beach_Girl says:

    Storm~ Well you have sugar so… that’s good right?

  300. Stormcat says:

    BG ~ It is a matter of timing that’s not by my choice. But I am the type of person to make the best out of it. I work on my house, I play my drums and harps, I write and I invent. It is my opportunity to make something hapen in my life that came when something unwelcomed happened in my life. As they say, make lemonaide. Well to do that all you have to do is add sugar. And this is sugar heaven if you accept it that way.

  301. Stormcat says:

    another verse

    Solitude . . .
    you elude me in my prime
    But then when I grow old
    you’re gonna be there all the time
    And you’ll force me to believe that
    all my longings are a crime.

  302. Beach_Girl says:

    Storm~ you seem to be writing a lot lately… I think the solitude of the mountains are making you creative!!!

  303. Stormcat says:

    I’m not lonely, it’s to be a blues song about the difference between lonliness and solitude. This is just one of the verses. I thought I would share the song as I created it. But maybe that’s not such a good idea.

  304. SweetSugar says:

    Why are you lonely?

  305. Stormcat says:

    Well I only got one verse written. I don’t yet know if it will be first or not till I get some others written but . . .
    (think drawn out whining crying pain)

    Am I lonely . . .
    or have I simply lost my charm?
    Has my lady gone away or
    just no longer hangin off my arm?
    Can I make it on my own . . .
    or should I pull down the alarm?

  306. Beach_Girl says:

    Jamesm~ Hey you!!!!

    Storm~ will reply to you tomorrow! And it’s not nature telling you a joke it’s telling you DON’T PEE IN MY WOODS!!! 😀

    Hi everyone, Hope you all had a great day!

  307. Midwest SB says:

    Ahhhhahhahahahah….The men are witty tonight! Easy does it Stormcat! How are the blues treatin’ you?

  308. Stormcat says:

    Nature is now telling me jokes!
    mixed emotions – the feeling one gets when peeing in the woods of wanting to swat the mosquito that just landed on your balls.

  309. james.m says:

    Midwest – you shouldn’t have shared my email to you without checking with me first!

  310. Midwest SB says:

    Happy Birthday Aspiring-doc!!! Hope you get to celebrate all week long :-)

    ToughLove and SD Guru- I love the different perspectives you offer. I tend to relate being a SB to sales…you do adapt, put your best forward and go for the “big fish”. There are sales tactics that work nicely in all scenarios…including sugar. I believe both of you have confirmed this.

    Sherri – I was thinking the same thing. It’s a small town, so I don’t want to disclose on the blog. I’m sure you understand.

  311. Divia12 says:

    I haven’t been on the blog all weekend and wow I missed alot of posts!

    Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day celebrating. I understand what you mean about finding motivation to do anything after exams. During finals I go days without sleeping and I am dead to the world when I finish.

    When I initially read your post, it came off a bit harsh. However, when you went into greater detail I completely got what you were saying. People do adapt their behavior to fit their environment. I do enjoy your straight forward approach to giving advice, no matter how harsh it seems so keep the posts coming!

    Now to answer the question. I’m still a newbie to the site, but I do have a couple pot SDs. One happens to live in my state and owns a loft near my university (yay!). He’s very attractive and offered me an extremely generous allowance, shopping, and use of the loft whenever I want. We’re meeting this week to make sure the chemistry is there. He does seem to be the exception though. Alot of the guys who have contacted me do not fit what I am looking, come off creepy, or fake. So sugar in my state isn’t very sweet IMO. I’ve noticed that alot of the profiles I am drawn to tend to be SDs who are located in CA and NYC.

  312. aspiring-doc says:

    Lots of good advice. :) Bday was fantastic. Mid winter sunshine…friends, family and a little sugar. :).

    I think theres alot of negative stuff here…not all men on here are ‘pay and play’ or ‘arrogant’. I’m not a 5’9 model by any means. Im 5’3 petite, and sun streaked blonde…more of your girl next door. I came on here after watching a doco on television. I met 3-4 Sds from my city, and had around 5-6 from austrailia.

    I screened off a few of them within a couple emails. I was lucky the second meet was the one. Im constantly amazed by how well this works.
    Im very grateful not to have to juggle parrtime work with study anymore :)…i also get a wonderful mentor. I sincerly hope he benefits just as much!

    SD Guru- what are you sizing up in a Sb?

  313. Reddamsel38 says:

    So in other words Toughlove, people will and have to “adapt”. And because of the time factor, I should expect to be “tested” for certain character traits?

    Is anyone going to attend the party?

    • SD Guru says:


      I didn’t mean to tease! It’s just the truth.

      It just pains me to see a pretty young lady sexually frustrated, that’s all. It shouldn’t happen!

      Actually I am not sugarfied these days. It is generous men who have stepped into my life and made a tremendous impact this month, but it wasn’t sugar… I don’t think I’ll ever consider myself an ‘SB’ who is ‘in an arrangement’ again… and my ’seeking’ days are over.

      Congratulations on finding your benefactors and exiting the sugar world! Remember a while back I mentioned that SB’s should think about their exit strategy. Apparently you’ve thought about it and have reached the end of your journey. The lessons you learned and the connections you made in sugar world should serve you well in life. Good luck to you!


      Showing your true nature to someone takes time, you mean to tell me that a pot Sd can spot that at first sight? Other than this site how can a sb find her pot sd?

      Experienced SD’s can usually size up a pot SB within the first few minutes of a meeting and have a hunch on how things might go. During the rest of the date he will assess whether his hunch is right or wrong. Several posters have mentioned previously that sugar can be found IRL, so I hope they will chime in here with their experiences.

      would you mind taking a look at my profile?

      Is there a reason why you don’t have pics in your profile? If it’s because of discretion, then partial pics are better than no pics at all. With so many SB profiles out there not having pics is definitely a disadvantage. NYC SB wrote a really good post about profile tips in her blog. Have a look and adjust accordingly.


      I’m even starting to understand SD-guru and realizing that I probably won’t find my LadyI here, but I will find a network of like-minded friends who will understand my value and value my understanding and experience.

      Exactly! I hope you’ll continue to find happiness in the sugar world knowing what it can and cannot bring to your life.


      I always enjoy reading your post regardless of how many zeros you have. Even though I don’t always agree with you, which is understandable since we’re coming from different perspectives, please keep it coming and I’ll respond to your post later this evening.

  314. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hey ToughLve – nce post re context. My past partners have sometime described me as a chameleon (which really confused them) but to me it is a matter of modifying style, behavior and content according to wherever I am. To me, it was a matter of manners, good business and opportunism. All the while staying true to myself. Life is all about context.

  315. SeekingUte says:

    Hi Sugars,

    Been lurking for a while and learning a lot, but have only been actively looking for so long, and so far I’m coming into SDs that like to dominate conversation or who won’t take no for an answer, so, back to the drawing board! I’d hate to give up so quickly, I am in LA after all and from what I understand there is plenty here, my goal is to find someone kind enough who knows the ropes as a first SD.

    There does not seem to be a draught right now where I live. I have a friend who is prancing all around Beverly Hills and living the good life. Lucky her, but I think she’s one of the more promiscuous types?

    A wealth of information here and I’m enjoying the reading material. Thank you so much for sharing.. xo

  316. Sherri says:

    @Midwest ~ Not 100% sure but I get the feeling that we live in different parts of the same state. :-)

    As for the topic, I think location makes a HUGE difference. There will be tons of choices for those who live in places like NYC/LA, but not so much if you live in a small midwestern town like me. I signed up for several websites and see a lot of the same faces everywhere I look, so the pool around here is pretty small. I’ve been pretty lucky, though. Following advice from bloggers like Midwest, VikingHybrid, SD Guru, LadyIntim, BabyBlonde, etc I’ve been able to meet SDs even where I live so there’s hope even in the not-so-great locales.

  317. ToughLove says:

    The Rules are Different in the Deep End of the Pool

    @SD Guru

    Now this is getting fun. As a point of reference, I’ve spent many years of my life and career (actually since my teens) around families with significant wealth (9-figure net worth.) So, my perspective may be a little different than the average man. On a personal note, and without reciting my resume, this will possibly be an 8-figure year for me, assuming I don’t suffer some major head trauma, ala “Regarding Henry”. And if I were to go into needless detail about the women I’ve “known” over the years in the U.S., Latin America, and Europe, it would be very similar to the one you provided…except my interactions were mainly driven by fun and personality, not sugar. (BrownSSB confirmed many SB’s have lovers outside their sugar lives.) So, it is what it is. Moving on…

    Now, the Angelina Jolie comment was funny for two reasons. First, your point about celebrity “access” is way off. Second, you don’t seem to understand that men AND women will drastically alter their behavior based on the person with whom they’re dealing. THAT WAS THE POINT FOR THE NEWBIES. I have witnessed it first-hand more times than I care to count. For example, there was a charity function at a private supper club in NYC where I watched an acquaintance from work (charming, well connected, wealthy) approach a hot, blond, Russian member of the catering staff. When I asked him about it, he said he invited her for a drink and offered to “make it worth her while”. He would NOT have made that kind of offer to another attendee, only to the server because he recognized her lower social position. Again, it is what it is. To me, that’s NO different than the woman who makes a man wait for months and jump through hoops (buying her gifts, clothes, allowance, etc.) before she has sex with him. Then, that same woman (again, first-hand observation), will go on vacation with her girlfriends and act out the most extreme porn fantasy with the first hot guy she meets (no waiting, no sugar required). Same person, yet different behaviors. Why? Human behaviors are contextual. In one situation/environment, we’ll do things that we’d never consider in another. Women understand this because they have to compartmentalize their lives just to get through the week. And each role has a corresponding set of behaviors and beliefs (some of which contradict other roles). Translation: Arrogant SOB SD was not a “person”, it was a role that emerged within a specific context.

    SD Guru told Reddamsel, a person’s true character will reveal itself over time. That was the point of my Tests post; we don’t have time for that. The risks are too high. So, in the absence of time, we create a scenario where a person’s character is forced to reveal itself. Not a new concept. Women often watch a man’s tipping habits on a first meeting to TEST for generosity. Or, they’ll observe how he interacts with wait staff to TEST for respect. The list goes on and on. Anyone can “say” they are generous, respectful, drama free, etc. during a conversation, but you won’t know the TRUTH until they’ve actually demonstrated those behaviors when they think no one is watching.

    My answer to Reddamsel, if you want a certain type of man (SD or otherwise) you will need to change who you are accordingly, ala “My Fair Lady”, to match what that man finds attractive. If you do not make those adjustments, your “spot” will simply be taken by another woman who does. Several veteran SB’s have provided advice on the subject.

    Keep ‘em comin’, SD Guru…

  318. Stormcat says:

    Need you ask? It’s a givin! And not just a coffee or a glass of wine but the best I can find. Nothing less than I’d demand for myself!

  319. Lily says:

    We have a couple of sugar friends in common who we’ve both bonded with, face to face, so since you’ve passed their litmus test after a live bonding session, I also consider you to be screened and on my ‘grandfathered-in’ list. So no more wistfulness, Stormcat, you’re a-ok by me and I’d love to someday meet for a drink & a chit-chat, when I’m in NYC. You’ll hold the door open, pull the chair, and buy me a coffee or a glass of wine, though, right? :) That’ll suffice to keep me smiling and happy.

  320. Stormcat says:

    that is – reach it too

  321. Stormcat says:

    Lilly ~ I did that last year and . . . the strange thing about it is that when I sort of gave up the search, that is when everything started actually happening. I mean I got frustrated with the screening process that seemed to result in lots of hype and bravado but no substance and no connection and hense no arrangement. So I just joined the blog went into a no expectations mode and the whole sugar world opened up to me. Now I’m a believer. I’m even starting to understand SD-guru and realizing that I probably won’t find my LadyI here, but I will find a network of like-minded friends who will understand my value and value my understanding and experience. Hooray for your transformation to sugar nirvana, I hope to reach it to someday and just wish I could count myself as one of your grandfathered ones.

  322. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    And, Good morning everyone!!
    Hope you all enjoyed yourselves this weekend!!

  323. ElegantSugarBaby says:

    I will say it’s harder to find reliable sugar in my area….
    That being the NKY/OH area. When I lived in Texas and California, there was always plenty of sugar around, so now it is harder, but finding a matching SD for me, will be hard no matter what as I do go based on feelings and connection with my SD…
    I did notice a difference in looks with SB’s from the West to now Ohio/NKY area. Many more platinum blondes, some augmentation. But in getting to know them most are equally as intelligent. They just don’t have the girl next door looks I possess, more over the girl out west look!
    Which is beautiful in its own ways!

    Intelligent, affluent, versed Sugar is all the same all over the globe, its just finding that Sugar. You will have many dull, undereducated SB’s no matter where you go, just as some SD’s are overweight, unattractive, and talkers.
    Search for who compliments you! Any side of the globe!!

  324. Reddamsel38 says:

    ok SDGuru, Showing your true nature to someone takes time, you mean to tell me that a pot Sd can spot that at first sight? Other than this site how can a sb find her pot sd?

    Is anyone going to attend the party?

    Guru would you mind taking a look at my profile?
    my profile # is 492358. Tell me what you think. I’m open to hear your thoughts.

  325. Beach_Girl says:

    Hello Sugars!!!

    Happy Bday Aspiring-Doc, hope it’s an amazing day!

    Storm~ Thinking of Moi??? lol, Hope all is good with you and looking forward to you mail!

    TT~ Girl, I miss you!!!! We will catch up later , for sure…

    SD Guru~ As always, Great advice!

  326. Lily says:

    SD Guru & Alleycat – I didn’t mean to tease! It’s just the truth. However, there’s someone (some fabulous, generous someone) out there thinking about me and planning a rendesvouz in August and I have a feeling I’ll be out of breath and smiling afterwards. Until then I have to just be content with the fantasy.

    I am not sure I’m a sugar anymore. I am earning enough money, my life is working, and I have made strong connections in the sugar bowl which continue to pay dividends of every sort, but I don’t think I’ll ever consider myself an ‘SB’ who is ‘in an arrangement’ again. Never say never, but…. I think I have the people I want to have in my life already in my life, and my ‘seeking’ days are over. I don’t want to deal with anymore wild cards (Alleycat can be grandfathered in for a get together of whatever variety he likes) but I will hang on to my sugar sisters and local, former SDs who are now generous, sexy, good friends of mine. Plus all my regular friends from outside the sugarbowl who I am blessed to have.

    I may try going out on a couple of regular dates, just to see what it’s like. I just pray to god he doesnt’ try to calculate what 50% of dinner costs and ask me for that amount because I think I’ll run screaming out of the traditional dating marketplace if that happens! I need real gentlemen, even if the dude is only, say, 30!

  327. TT (AKA Tantalizing Taz) says:

    Very happy bday to aspiring-doc!!

    I hope everyone else has a great week…been home packing and now back to Toronto this morning :)

    Hey BG – so nice to see you around here :) hopefully we can catch each other on msn soon darling! I wanted to ask you if you have heard anything about that situation?

  328. Stormcat says:

    Good Morning Sugar cats and kittens
    Alleycat ~ Ah Scotland, My ancestral homeland. If you happen to be in Edinburgh Go to the worlds end pub and have a pint of Guinness for me. Make sure to tell them that you’re from the US as the English . . . well let me just say that they aren’t highly regarded there.
    BeachGirl ~ :) :) :) I’ve been thinking about you so much lately that I’m just going to have to write you an e-mail or something.
    A-doc ~ Happy B-day. Happy to hear you were spoiled.
    Sasha ~ Oh dear MoKa and all this time I thought you were from Ukrane.
    Anyone from Spain ~ Hooray to you! Congrats on winning the World Cup. And a sweet victory it was at that!!!

  329. Michael AZ SD says:

    and a big Happy Birthday to A-Doc!!! Have a great one!!!

  330. Michael AZ SD says:

    Morning all, from bonnie Scotland!! Heading home tomorrow.

    Anybody around the blog?

  331. aspiring-doc says:

    oooooooo i love today!!! suga world is soooo sweet. its my bday and i had the day of uni and flowers and cards and afternoon tea from friends. and dinner with family and then suprise presents from my SD… I feel so indulgently spoilt 😛

  332. Aysa says:

    Thanks Midwest SB. Great stuff.

    I got ZZ Top’s Sharp Dressed Man in my head now. :)

  333. Sasha says:

    Well let me be the first to say that there is a sugar drought in missouri/kansas. We have some of the wealthiest areas in these two states out of the whole country, but these guys must be tight with their sugar. I first logged on and search for pot sd’s in these areas and there was a very short list. I have had to search outside my area and often hear…you are cute but too far away. Could be an excuse..but it happens more often then not. Don’t move to this area and expect to be a successful sb…lol.

  334. Bicentennial Baby says:

    Anyone have any thoughts on how the Washington DC & Charlotte NC areas are for the sugar bowl???

    I do hope all the hullaboo that I missed while traveling this weekend didn’t run off Midwest/Elegant and all my other mentoring brothers and sisters on the blog from sharing wisdom!

    I, for one, really appreciate all that I’ve learned from reading over the past week as a newbie and I think have just in what I have assimilated may have saved myself months of no progress so that when I get my profile done, I’ll be successful, hopefully in the first month or two. I’m not desperate and can wait to be choosy, so I am fine with waiting for myself (and any pot SD’s around me) to cure and mellow, kind of like a fine wine! LOL!

    I was under the impression that a meeting taking place sooner rather than later is often a good thing? Not sure why I was reading it should take longer, other than the possibility of a long distance to travel, for which I would naturally expect both parties wanting to take time to know the other since there’s more cost and effort involved in even getting to a 1st meeting.

    Toughlove, where are you to share your secrets from the dark side??? 😉

    • SD Guru says:

      It’s too bad I can’t spend most of the weekend on the blog like you guys. There is so much to catch up on before I can even get to the blog topic!


      would Angelina Jolie EVER state she deserves to be treated like a “princess”? NO!!!! Because it’s automatically a part of her reality… Ask yourself, how likely is Arrogant SOB SD to present Angelina Jolie with a “pay for play” offer?

      As usual I agree with you in principle, but we differ on the subtleties. Perhaps your POV from outside the sugar world looking in is different from mine. To play along with your example, Arrogant SOB SD would never get close enough to AJ to make an offer anyway. She would spot him from a mile way and make sure he gets no closer, and you don’t have to be AJ to know how to do that. Hint to newbies, don’t let an Arrogant SOB SD waste your time!

      Secondly, a genuine SD would enjoy mentoring and helping an upcoming AJ type to get to where she aspires to be regardless of her background. As Midwest SB said it best: “A woman can command respect regardless of her background. Bicentennial and I have similar experiences in youth, but that has not trapped me into being less worthy than those who have either been brought up with or have learned the social circles early on.”

      Perhaps you’ve been hanging out at the Hamptons for too long? :) I’ll get back to addressing the location topic in a later post.


      Not because the SB is looking to “date up”, but because she really wants that “arrangement” and just doesn’t know how to navigate that type of situation? WHat happens then?

      Experienced SD’s can tell if a pot SB is trying too hard or trying to be someone she’s not. So the best thing to do in that case is to be comfortable with who you are and be true to yourself. A person’s true character will usually reveal itself over time.


      What I have learned living in my city is that, if you are blond who isn’t too overweight nor too ugly then you will receive a lot of attention….
      But my pics alone hardly get any messages. I’m not sure why. You had a SB in van guru! that’s sooo interesting. when?

      Van is a great city and I miss going there! You got some really good advice from Midwest SB about your profile (better than mine!), so try it out and see what happens. I’d also suggest that you change the expected amount to “negotiable”. There are pros and cons of doing it but it doesn’t hurt to try. I don’t think you have to be blond to get lots of attention. My former SB in Van is blond and she worked as a personal trainer. It was several years ago and she was my first long term SB, but her looks wasn’t the only reason I was attracted to her. Unfortunately the relationship ended with an ugly breakup (not quite as dramatic as LadyI’s) and maybe I’ll write about that in my blog someday.

      I must point out that successful veteran SB’s do provide conflicting advice.

      As I have often said, everyone’s situation is different and what works for one person may not work for another. Take all the great advice you get from this blog and go with those that you’re most comfortable with and can identify with and see how it goes.

      @NYC SB

      SD Gury – I like this tough love guy… he might be in the running to take over your reining as my favorite blog SD!

      I had no idea I was even in the running as your favorite blog SD… is there a prize involved?? And why do you keep on spelling my name wrong? :)


      I’m sexually frustrated as hell and haven’t gotten laid in ages. Darn it!

      Must bite my tongue…. must not take the bait… must resist temptation… must go take cold shower! 😉

  335. Beach_Girl says:

    As for where the sugar is sweeter??? It’s not here for sure… I would say that everyone on this blog, where ever you are from, adds and helps one another. I wouldn’t say one region against another… I do love Midwest’s advice always on point. SDs add their views which is a great way to see how they think… Thank you all!

  336. Beach_Girl says:

    Storm~ Hey, I finally get here and you leave??? Talk soon!!!

    Midwest~ always full of amazing advice Kitten, love ya!

    Hi everyone!!!

  337. Stormcat says:

    Michael Midwest Huni A-doc Lurkers ~ Good Night everyone, Have a great week.

  338. aspiring-doc says:

    Man I need to stop watching movies and do something. I get into post exam slump and cant move!!! my bike is waiting! hehe and its a sunny day.

    It is different- but what motivates the men here is the fact that its not about money to me- its about getting through school :) I have found from talking to a couple men here that they dont want to be supporting a ‘party habit’. THis is not something im frowning at- just merely a preference :). May also be because i aim for the intellectual men . :P.
    of course i get gifts/haircuts/nice dinners too… but only because he believes i ‘deserve them for working so hard’. hehe :).

    Its beautiful but still has its bad points. we have a bit of a dependency state with regards to welfare. In addition theres still a fair bit of reverse racism. Scholarships are only payed out to the indigenous people and when applying for professional school- theyre grades get bumped up by 1 point.

  339. Michael AZ Alleycat says:

    Hey ADoc – I grew up in Oz but I have been to NZ many times and I agree, it is gorgeous. Truly God’s country. I live in the US now.

    I am sure it is v different trying to find a SD there, the culture is v different. The US (generalizing here) is all about the money, whereas NZ & Oz it’s all about outdoors and having a good time. Good luck with Med school and your SD!!

  340. Midwest SB says:

    I’m not sure about locations thus far. Being close to Chicago, I thought I would strike gold, but neither SD was from there. :-) I find the sugars from NYC to be so helpful and the ladies from overseas to be very open-minded. I do hate the generalizations, but there you go.

    Sugar has been sweet! Thanks SD!

  341. SanDiego sb says:

    no he was from another site, but it was very creepy. id be on the phone with one of my gfs talking about how i jsut got out of the gym, and he would text me when i get off the phone “hope you had a good time at the gym” and just stuff like that.

  342. SweetHuni-UK says:

    Well it’s 0200 here – way past bedtime….thanks for the chat and hope can catch up again soon…nite nite…

  343. Midwest SB says:

    I will get to the blog topic soon…I thought I would put this on both blogs just to make sure Aysa sees it.

    SpiritualBaby -Congrats! You sound so excited! I’m sure your views on sugar dating will evolve as experience and the trials, tribulations and successes of sugar dating come your way. I would love to read your blog as you venture deeper into the world of sugar. This takes some common sense as well as intellect, patience and perseverance. There is chatter on this blog, but there is also a wealth of information that I as a newbie used to great success. Don’t be too hasty to pass judgment.

    BTW – I have often met potSDs in less than a week…but that’s just me. I do my homework on potSDs and if the opportunity sits well with me, I will do so.

    Aysa said:
    “Midwest SB-Thanks. By attraction, do you think that genuine SBs are more realistic in this of dating? In regular dating, an attractive woman will have no shortage of having attractive men. Here, with a small pool of wealthy SDs who have a very large pool of attractive SBs to choose from. Out of that small pool of wealthy SDs, I’m guessing a small number of them aren’t what you may call universally attractive? Am I wrong on this? I know idea of attractiveness is subjective, but I’m curious if you feel the SBs understand the odds and the type people they are looking for and adjust for this fact.”

    I think it’s fair to say everyone will answer this differently, but here goes….
    I am attracted to a man’s sense of humor, intellect and his genuine interest in me more than I am his physical looks. I am completely put off by men/women who feel their looks give the the right to look down on others and that they deserve all the world’s treasures. That could very well be a characteristic of a woman who has dated very attractive men in the past and realized looks play such a small part in the bigger picture. Don’t get me wrong…an attractive man will make me swoon…until the first “hey baby, U R hot and I wanna…” and I’m gone. An average looking guy who makes me laugh will win my heart every time.

    If you are concerned about your physical appearance, may I be so bold as to offer a few suggestions?
    1- Let the ladies be a judge of that…we are our own worst critics :-)
    2- Be open to a makeover
    3- A well-dressed man can overcome his physical appearance
    4- Most important…Be CONFIDENT!!!
    5- Have professional or semi-professional photographs taken. Black and whites are very forgiving. One in a suit at a different angle that the typical straight-on picture, one doing a sport or activity you enjoy and perhaps one in a henley (my favorite). I would seek the advice for poses, dress, etc.
    6- Trust that your charisma, sincerity and general sense of self will carry you far.
    7-Lastly, realize that the wealthy, so-called attractive SDs may not have characteristics you have.

    How to approach? I have learned from a wise mentor that “seeking advice” is a safe and welcoming approach when you’re not sure how a person will react. Example…E-mail to me:

    Dear Midwest,
    I find your profile most intriguing and your pictures endearing. You have a terrific smile and knockout legs! I, too, enjoy Chicago, traveling and live music. May I ask…how would you feel about meeting a genuine and experienced SD who is younger than you? Would you have any advice for approaching lovely ladies such as yourself?

    I look forward to hearing your response.


    I can’t say it’s a foolproof plan, but it’s a good start. Ladies…what do you think?

    Does that help?

  344. Stormcat says:

    SD sb ~ That is not only an invasion of privacy and falls under civil law as trepassing but in many states is a criminal offense. While you may not have the stomach for a trial/Lawsuit I doubt he will either and will be quickly disuaded from further stalking.

  345. SweetHuni-UK says:

    SD sb – oh dear, that’s scary…was that from this site?

  346. SweetHuni-UK says:

    SC -I know, but one of the first things people want is to see a pic of you (and by that i mean just a general pic lol)…maybe i should ask for theirs first…? what’s the general protocol?

    ADoc – good it’s worked out for you. I had a colleague who recently moved back to NZ to have her baby. There’s a lot of NZ people in Uk working in the care industry.

  347. SanDiego sb says:

    ive had a guy put spywear on my phone so he could find out who i was talking to and where i was when i wouldnt return phone calls.

  348. aspiring-doc says:

    haha same in New Zealand for normal dating :) people dont get the concept of normal dating. Everyone puts labels on things too quickly.
    and everything is small town here- everyone knows somebody somehow- makes sugar dating quite tricky- we tend to fly to other cities so we can be a bit more free :)

  349. Stormcat says:

    OMG Huni: you really need to read the archives about safety.

  350. SweetHuni-UK says:

    Stormcat – I don’t know if it’s just the UK but we are known to be a bit less free and easy as the rest of Europe…if a guy goes out for a meal or cinema with a girl in UK then people talk and they ‘must be dating’ – in other countries is perfectly normal for people to do this without anything sinister…it’s all a bit small town mentality…maybe different in the city?

  351. aspiring-doc says:

    cant say ive had that. sweet-huni people outside america probably dont get the concept so much. the SD pool in nz is literally 30 or so. Similar level of difficulty i imagine. I had a few offfers from austrailia too. some of the men here did see it as a sex for cash and you just run!

    I think I just got lucky- i adore my SD. hes smart and helpful and sweet and its worked out better than i anticipated.

  352. SweetHuni-UK says:

    Frayed Edges – thanks for your advice…yes, best to stick to one’s intuition and not relapse…i spoke to a guy on here who must have been a fake as when he sent me his pic there was def no attraction in it for me. i tried to let him down gently – not based purely on the pic but also on my gut instinct as i was getting to know – and he got really funny and threatened to report me as a hooker! scary thing is people have your pics and could be really vindictive if they wanted to…

  353. Stormcat says:

    Huni ~ I have never quite got the UK culture. I spent a sabatical there in london and made a lot of friends but have yet to figure out why other than they like people/things that are outrageous. However when it comes to closeness I doubt there is anything easy about that. Perhaps that is a socialogical barrier to such a concept as Sugar Dating.

  354. SweetHuni-UK says:

    Thank you A-Doc…glad to hear it’s not just me that has that opinion..

    Yes Stormcat it seems patience is what is needed here…there aren’t many UK SD’s on here (currently using the site that is) and I haven’t been here that long…but, hate to say it, UK guys and dates…well, i won’t say it!

  355. aspiring-doc says:

    MONEY! :) i will graduate in 3 years on about 75k with 100k in loans. I move to aussie and goodbye student loan!!

  356. Stormcat says:

    A-doc btw ~ if NZ is so beautiful, why is it that all the New Zealanders move to Australia.
    Don’t answer that, I already know!

  357. aspiring-doc says:

    no im at school in new Zealand. I have british citizenship and PR in New Zealand. I cant study in britain on domestic fees cause i havent lived there for three years- so decided to stay here and study. The government pays 75% of the cost so its not too bad!

  358. FrayedEdges says:


    You already have a fair idea of what you want, so you’re set. Don’t waver on it even if the process gets to be discouraging. Anyway, it sounds like you’re already able to sift through who’s real and who’s not. Anyone can put up a profile and paint themselves as a sugar daddy. An arrangement must first be discussed before intimacy can take place. If the guy wants to sleep with you first, most likely he’s a fake. The scenario goes along something like this: he’ll suddenly poof once you bring up an arrangement if he’s already received sex. So, you’re good to trust your intuition because you’re right on that account. I’m young, therefore thought to be naive, so I’ve come across PLENTY of this. So much that I’m sick of harping that I’m not an escort and not looking to trade sex for cash straight up. In the process, I’ve learned what to do and not to do. I got many stories, lol, and I’ve done plenty of rants…just know that it’s not over. lol. In a way, that’s the downside of having SDs that are local — you don’t spend enough time getting to know them through email and phone calls before you meet them. On another hand, long-distance SDs come with a lot of expectations for a first meet.

  359. aspiring-doc says:

    lol……storm cat. I wouldn’t know. :) I was born in the uk but have been here since i was 13 and study here.

    From what ive been told..nz woman are more down to earth. But some men prefer american woman because of this. (alot of my male friends idolise the americans). THere is a big empahsis on the outdoors- i mountainbike, surf and run.

  360. Stormcat says:

    A-doc are you going to Med Sch in the US?

  361. Stormcat says:

    SweetHuni ~ Patience love, we see you and you will be rewarded for your perserverence. I have no doubts!

  362. aspiring-doc says:

    yes i can see sweet-huni :D. yes i can realate to ur comments re UK sugar daddies- i had a couple in nz who thought it was a call girl type arrangement…or acted like it!.

  363. Stormcat says:

    I am not trying to userp any exclusivity but I have only met three New Zealanders and had chemistry such that I dated or had arrangements with all three. So I have developed a particularly strong interest in what it is that makes New Zealand woman so in tune with me. Or vice-versa!

  364. SweetHuni-UK says:

    Just checking….can anyone see my contributions? I’m not a paying member…does that make a difference? :-)

  365. aspiring-doc says:

    but i shall stop there- before it gets tiresome :D.

  366. aspiring-doc says:

    the west coast is rugged and unspoilt- lots of sealions, penguins and just stunning scenary. :D. I could rave on and on about my own country.

    wellington is the nicest city- lots of character and awesome people :D.

    generally we expereince a more laid back lifestyle. I get awed when i read these blogs because of all the talk about guichi bags and luibutton shoes ;). Noone really dresses like that here. Some men as a consequence prefer european woman…each to thier own. I guess there is more of an emphasis on sport and the outdoors :D.

  367. FrayedEdges says:

    Aspiring-doc, I’ve never been to NZ, but I already know it’s the most beautiful country in the world. 😉 I would LOVE to visit…seems so enchanting.

  368. SweetHuni-UK says:

    Hi there – new SB here, have been following the blogs with interest

    It’s a coincidence that this is the topic, as I’ve had very little interest from gentlemen in the UK that are actually willing to accept what an arrangement is.

    I’ve had several contact me and then expect me to meet them on the proviso that something intimate will happen on the first date, before an arrangement is even discussed. When I’ve said I’m not some call girl they then get quite defensive and disappear. Luckily for me I’m quite switched on but it does lead me to worry that there are guys out there who may be fake (who do not have the financial capabilities of an SD) who will pretend to be something they are not and try to get a ‘free trial’. Then they could just disappear.

    Reading through the previous stuff on here and going on the gentlemen that have contacted me, I’ve noticed that guys in the UK (yes I’m generalising, sorry if I have to apologise for not being seen to be PC, I mean MOST not ALL) seem to be less enthusiastic about a proper arrangement; On reading the contributions of some of the SB’s on here it seem the US is the place where real SD,s exist…

    Forgive me if I’m wrong, just MHI…anyone else find this?….

    You have to be SO switched on and it worries me for the younger SB;s on here

  369. FrayedEdges says:

    Perhaps off subject, but I’m from a small island in the Caribbean and growing up, it was very usual to see SD/SB relationship taking place between local girls and white foreign expats. Although some of these relationships bordered on inappropriate (IMO) and frowned upon by the elders, in a way, it was very accepted by the society. Many of these girls counted on tourists and expats to lift them out of poverty. I’ve seen many girls’ lives changed for the better though. I knew this girl, very beautiful and intelligent, but literally plucked from the street by an older Italian gentleman. He taught her the art of Italian cuisine and now, she runs a highly successful (and best recommended) seaside restaurant which she started herself and from which she’s earning a pretty decent income. I’ve known others who were put through school, got taken care of, taught professions by sugar daddies.

  370. aspiring-doc says:

    im not permanently blogging by the way- just on my first day of holiday and recovering from a night shift- aka i should be sleeping :)

    New Zealand is the most beautiful country in the world imho. My parents travelled alot when i was in my mid teens- so ive done england, LA, austrailia and asia. I still have a desire to see New York and the rest of the states though.

    I live in auckland (the biggest city- hehe 1million!) and flat on the north shore. I have three beautiful beaches within 5min drive. I run most days along the beach. There are lots of sheep – but they dont roam around the streets 😉 just to dispel any myths.

    If you go to NZ though- id suggest the south island- think snow, mountains, beautiful scenary. (seen lord of the rings). doubtful sounds is one of the most beautiful places in the world- snow capped mountains, crystal clear waters and dolphins :D.

  371. Stormcat says:

    Oh . . . Oh My . . . Aspiring-doc you’re from New Zealand! Sorry but I have an unreasonable admiration for New Zealand. It’s like a dream thing! Tell us more . . . . . Pleeeeease!

  372. SanDiego sb says:

    Well hes never been an sd but the other man has that wants to give the allowance (alot more sugar than i asked for btw + gifts)

    The man has alot of potential to be a great sd and the means to do so, ive made it clear to both of them that i would want it to be NSA so i can date freely and come and go as a please but still have a commitment to them to be they’re sb’s. The “new” sd (ill just call him that) didnt have a problem with that, the otherrrr guy… well lets just say the only reason why he’ll do nsa is because i said so lol.

    Im honest with both of them and like them both, ive read a few blogs (outside of this site) that some sb’s have a sd for allowance,one for travel, and a gift sd.

    This might sound awful to some sd’s out there who want only one sb and doesnt want them with any other sd’s.

    buttt this isnt new to me, ive always dated multiple people IRL, so i dont see how it could be any different now.

    Maybe the new sd could be a gift sd? since he has no problem with that. what do you all think?

    and thank you stormcat and frayed :)

  373. aspiring-doc says:

    Sandiego Sb :)

    yay a fellow student. If he isnt comfortable with an allowance- why? im sorted with a SD- and he just puts it in a bank account- so we dont need to discuss it. I also make sure he knows just how much I appreciate it :) I fuel it straight into paying my fees- but i make sure he knows how much i love the ability to study without finacial strain. :). (i figure this makes him feel good aswell?).

    as for the blog question

    sugar is harder in New Zealand- our wages our lower- but then so is our cost of living. my allowance is no where near what a NY SB might get- but it doesnt need to be :).

  374. FrayedEdges says:

    SanDiego SB,
    why is he on a sugardating site if he’s not comfortable with the allowance part? I’ve encountered that before and when I did, I just put a lid on it. Simple as that. The way I see it, if the allowance part makes you uncomfortable, go fish in match.com or eharmony.
    I think it’s unfair when so-called SDs put SBs in that position. Even if it’s not something brought up in the first talks, it’s expected…although the sooner you get that out of the way, the better.

  375. Stormcat says:

    My crrently tenuous SB/girlfirend/muse is originally from out of the country but, 15 years here, spent all but the last few years in CA and has now moved to NY. I think that part of what helped us click was that I being from the west coast originally was much more in tune with the CA girl style and always struggled with fitting in with eastern US attitudes and styles. It’s not that “I wish they all could be California girls” but it has taken me some time and effort to adapt.

  376. FrayedEdges says:

    I don’t know where the sugar is sweeter, but it sure ain’t where I live. LOL. As for preferring certain areas to make arrangements, it’s no duh that most would rather go local. There’s less pressure on the initial meeting and you can quickly find out if that someone is for you or not, rather than go through a string of endless emails and phone calls to only meet the person and find out that they don’t live up to your expectations. I would expect NYC SBs to be more sophisticated and mature and LA SBs to be the blond arm candy type with a vacant head. Sorry for stereotyping and being offensive. I’ve talked to a SD for a long time who was based in LA. My impression of him was that he was very jaded and he admitted that he had been taken advantage of by women in LA. One SD in NY liked that I wasn’t upfront about the money, but he was quick to anger and getting verbal. My better impression has been a guy out of the country in Europe.

  377. Stormcat says:

    Allycat ~ are you still on walkabout or doing the forign experience? When are you coming back to the real world?

  378. Stormcat says:

    San Diego ~ OK look, I’m an
    sd and you are an SB. Daddy-baby. From the daddy perspective it is like having a daughter that you can take care of but even better because it is also like having a girlfriend that everyone envies. If my SB becomes my lover I’m not going to be ostrisized for perversion or even worse incest. As a sugar daddy I am going to treat this beautiful princess gem lover with awe and admiration and I am going to make her life wonderful. I have never heard of any daddy who doesn’t give his baby an allowance! ! ! Tell him that snd if he still isn’t willing, then move on.
    BTW If the one you want isn’t going to provide an allowance, and the one who is willing to provide an allowance is not the one you want, then you should move on, as neither one is right for you!

  379. SanDiego sb says:

    I think the sugar ive found is in the obvious places, i live in san diego but theres more sd’s in LA that are willing to meet your standards and what you want, they are also ALOT more attractive in LA than they are in san diego (personal opinion).

    However i get messages from men in NY who are way more my type and have no problem with what Im looking for, but the distance is an issue, being a student the only time for an arrangement where he wants you to travel is during the summer.

    Ive met two pots so far, both in san diego, one has kinda fell head over heels for me (for once lol, if you look back on blogs months and months ago i used to complain alot lol) the other i met for drinks in downtown kinda spur of the moment ( a couple emails on SA) then spoke on yahoo messenger for about 45 mins when he invited me out. We met and i was completely attracted to him, veryyy handsome fit older man. Not a fake at all, he looked a lil familiar though. He put up some more pictures on his profile (he had only been on for 2 days when i contacted him) He had a picture up with him and two guys that used to hit on me alot, just from being out and about in the social scene.

    I kinda let him know just incase we were out together and someone saw and who knows what else (san diego is worse than “the hills” in my opinion lol) He went to japan for two weeks and we’re still in contact and decided to go through with everything, the only thing is hes not comfortable with an allowance, the other man is, but the one in japan isnt.

    any ideas on how to handle this sb’s and sd’s

  380. Michael AZ Alleycat says:


  381. flbuckeye says: