Hypergamy has been around for a while.
Around two thousand years, give or take a few centuries.
Often discussed but frequently misunderstood, Hypergamy is a bit of a talking point around the globe. It’s looked at from so many angles, is dismissed as anti-feminist, yet at the same time, is hailed as a kind of postmodern feminist approach. We watch it on the silver screen, we see the stereotypical couples, the flashy fantasies of the everywoman meeting her millionaire CEO.
Now, often hypergamy can look like this— but in reality, it is as nuanced as the people who approach it. No two couples want the same things out of their relationship, and particularly in 2024, those relationship aspirations have transformed alongside the traditional gender roles.
We aren’t stuck in the 1950’s— Hypergamy is an educated choice.
In fact, it works both ways; Hypergamy in the modern world is a relationship built not just to last, but to elevate, to educate and, above all, to inspire.
The Money Myth
One of the most persistent misconceptions about Hypergamy is that it revolves exclusively around financial gain.
The stereotype suggests that individuals (and let’s be honest, the criticism falls most heavily on women’s shoulders), seek partners who can provide them with wealth and status. However, research indicates that while economic factors may play a role, they are not the sole motivators behind hypergamous relationships— Hypergamy involves an all-round approach to dating and to romantic relationships; it’s about not settling. It’s about deciding that there is an ideal partner, and that you are deserving of that ideal.
A recent study by Talker Research has shown that people often prioritize a partner’s education, ambition, and social status alongside financial considerations. For instance, a woman may be attracted to a man who demonstrates intelligence, drive, and a sense of purpose in life, qualities that extend beyond finances (but often result in them). Similarly, men may seek partners who also challenge them intellectually, and in whom they see traits that they either aspire to have, or lack in their own lives.
In the study, 42 percent of Americans claimed financial stability was among the most attractive traits, while 24 percent of people liked potential partners to have an extravagant home. Twenty-one percent of those who replied to the questionnaire said having cultured music tastes was a top trait, while 20 percent said if someone had a good fashion sense it would make them attractive.
In addition, Seeking discovered that globally, male PhD holders get 37% more messages and favorites on the site than those with Bachelor’s degrees or other qualifications. Similarly, female PhD holders receive 29% more interaction (messages and favorites) compared to those with Bachelors’ degrees or other qualifications. Intelligence matters, in connection, and even more-so in a hypergamous match.
These are all hypergamous factors— and yes, some of them do involve having healthy finances, but they reflect a range of tastes, interests and aspirations.
The Gender Myth
It has to be said, because in reality, so much of Hypergamy’s criticism is steeped in misogynistic modes of thinking: we’re talking about the myth of the gold digger.
She is beautiful, and seduces men for their money. An age-old image that has plagued some of the most ambitious and driven women in history.
Hypergamy is not about one party having to sacrifice something in order to be with their partner; Hypergamy is inherently about love— which leads to elevation. Not just for women, but for men, too. The notion of the ‘gold digger’ is that there is a loveless relationship; she is with the man purely for his money. This cancels out any association with Hypergamy.
Gender stereotypes are not part of modern Hypergamy’s equation, in fact, both parties involved should see traits in their significant other that they view as deeply admirable.
The best image to represent Hypergamy would be a yin and yang symbol; where one sphere overlaps the other, it patches the empty circle with its own.
This is the essence of a hypergamous relationship; where one lacks, the other steps forward. While the history behind Hypergamy might involve gender dynamics and traditional gender roles, as the world moves forward, those roles have begun to dissolve— it’s about complementary characters.
Ambition has no gender, after all.
The Power Myth
Critics of Hypergamy often argue that it perpetuates unequal power dynamics within relationships, with one partner wielding their influence over the other due to disparities in wealth or status. This contradicts the very nature of what a hypergamous relationship is all about— one partner might have wealth and status, however, they might lack a fundamental sort of inspiration that their significant other provides. They can exist without each other, but they choose not to— coming together is what enables them to build, to grow.
Where there is a strong mutual admiration, there cannot be a power imbalance. That kind of respect negates it altogether; in reality, and when practiced correctly, Hypergamy does not permit a power imbalance.
Successful hypergamous relationships always involve reciprocity and mutual respect. Each partner contributes to the partnership in ways that extend beyond financial or social status— it’s a different kind of compatibility, because the core value is achieving goals, dreams, and aspirations together.
Hypergamy in Practice
There are thousands of examples of Hypergamy, and hypergamous relationships, but it can be narrowed down to a few archetypes:
Educational Hypergamy
The intellectual version. One partner holds a PhD while the other has a bachelor’s degree. Despite the educational gap, both individuals respect and value each other’s intellectual pursuits, creating a relationship based on shared interests and their passion for their subjects. One learns and elevates their own intellectual status through their partner, fostering an air of admiration.
Career Hypergamy
Imagine two people who both share a vision— they come together with a dream for not just their own lives, but for many. They set their sights on that goal, and together, they drive a company forward to new heights, forging a path as a team, and gradually building an empire that they oversee as a pair. Sure, this might describe Seeking’s founder, Brandon Wade, and his wife, Dana Rosewall, but their relationship is one of the truest examples of modern hypergamy.
Cultural Hypergamy
A couple from different cultural backgrounds who navigate the complexities of blending traditions and values. When two people have a deep appreciation for each other’s sensibilities, tastes and aesthetics, they can come together to share those— it’s a meeting of minds, not too different from educational hypergamy. The pair can teach each other their languages, share their food and music, and form a partnership that is multicultural and inspired.
Money, power, and success go hand in hand— ambition and drive result from these things.
There’s no denying that this is a part of Hypergamous relationships, but not for the reasons one might think. Partners who mirror each other, who offer traits that their partners lack— they create a system of support and mutual inspiration. This can have extraordinary results; a burst of inspiration for a new business venture, an injection of passion into an old one.
Hypergamy takes what is already there, and makes it bloom.
Find your perfect complement on Seeking.com, and see for yourself just how powerful a hypergamous partnership can be— you might find that you’re able to debunk some of these myths yourself. Join Seeking today!
