Communication, as we hear often, is key. Hypergamy, due to the fact that it is a meeting of minds and a relationship between complementary partners, is built on good communication. It’s the most necessary aspect of a powerful, hypergamous relationship— clarity, understanding and the ability to speak one’s mind are not just vital, but they are the cornerstones of a successful hypergamous match.
Communication in all relationships is important, however, when partners are each other’s complement, when they are effectively a ‘yin-meets-yang’ style match, this is even more necessary. Differences, strengths, and weaknesses are natural to hypergamous relationships, and in order to align on these, there must be a constant, open dialogue between partners. Without the ability to sit down and discuss both your own feelings, and your partner’s, then the cracks will begin to show in the surface of a hypergamous relationship— you have to be able to argue and discuss, to go back and forth, to plan and to do so all with mutual respect, mutual admiration, and again: clarity.
In his Four-Sides model of communication, Friedemann Schulz von Thun (1981) pointed out that every communicated message has four different aspects to it:
- Fact: What I inform about (data, facts, statements);
- Self-revealing: What I reveal about myself (information about the sender);
- Relationship: What I think about you (information about how we get along);
- Appeal: What I want to make you do (an attempt to influence the receiver).
There is never the same emphasis put on each of the four facets, and the emphasis can be meant and understood differently, depending on the participants. In a hypergamous relationship, it is vital that we teach ourselves, and our partners to hear correctly. It is also important to understand that what we hear might not be what the other person was trying to get across— all communication styles are subjective.
In order to overcome these communication barriers, we have 10 key tips for improving your conversations, and unlocking the method to communicating like a power couple.
Practice Active Listening
Daydreaming and zoning out during stressful conversations can be tempting, but paying sharp attention to your partner during a discussion is both important to your own ability to respond, and to making them feel heard. Half of communication is what we say, and the rest—? It’s all about how we are made to feel throughout the process.
Show Non-verbal Communication
This is an underrated strategy for communication— to show that you are interested, and that you are trying to understand someone, all through body-language, can really help to move a conversation in a positive direction.
Consider Before Replying
Often, we are just waiting for our turn to speak, formulating responses in our minds, and not truly taking the time to pay attention to what our partner is saying. Hear them first, give yourself a pause, and then move into your reply.
Ask for Clarification
Always ensure that you are understanding something without adding your own interpretation— do not be afraid to gently ask for clarification when something strikes you as confusing or convoluted. It might surprise you how many assumptions we make in our conversations; it’s better to be sure.
Separate Feelings From Thoughts
Come into a conversation with an open mind— establish at the very beginning your stance on the matter, and what you want to achieve, and then ensure that you move forward with this goal in mind. Strong emotional reactions have no place in a discussion, and it is better to face a problem with a business-like, yet compassionate approach, than to allow things to tumble into a shouting match.
Avoid Over-Communicating
In relationships, people tend to not communicate enough, rather than overdoing it. But still, there can be too much of a good thing, especially when it comes to the constantly connected world that we live in today. Some couples are in touch online throughout the entire day, while others would prefer to speak in person. Ensure that you and your partner are aligned on how much, and in what manner you want to communicate, and be prepared to reach a compromise that suits you both— the key to hypergamy is alignment.
Paraphrase
If you’re confused about the way something was worded, say it back to your partner in your own words. Show them your understanding of what they said, and allow them to either confirm or correct how you interpreted their words.
Take Your Space
If you need to take time to consider something more deeply, then be upfront about that. Sometimes, ideas and arguments are wound up in our immediate reactions, and the best thing that you can do is to put them aside, and think them through calmly.
Lead with Positivity
You and your partner are a hypergamous match; this is all about a belief that together, you can accomplish anything. Always keep things positive, even if you disagree— hypergamy is about mutual support and upliftment, and in the end, you both want what is best for each other.
Remember the Goal
You want to be a power couple, you want to achieve mutual dreams, mutual goals, and to uplift each other to heights that would not have been possible alone. Always keep this at the core of every discussion— remember what you both want, and that in the end, you share a common dream for your lives.
Meeting people who offer us the space to communicate and be heard is a rare thing— particularly when it is someone that is looking towards the future with you. Power couples aren’t just happy coincidences, they are created; forged through solid communication and reasoning. It takes time to build these skills.
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