With the spooky season already well underway, here at Seeking, we’ve got more than just Halloween on our minds.
Whether you’re fresh out of a breakup, or dealing with the emotional remnants of relationships past, sometimes a breakup can feel like a scene in the build-up to the Exorcist. Moving on is a complex process— but in the end, it’s one that you’re ultimately going to grow from.
It’s not as if you can simply slide your planchette to ‘goodbye’ on the ouija board of a dysfunctional relationship— closing out doesn’t always work as cleanly as that. Relationships linger, as do the patterns, beliefs, and feelings we may still carry from them.
The key to finding your route out of the haunted house is all about knowing how to navigate it.
Not all ghosts are there to give you a jumpscare on a Friday night at 3am with a spooky ‘wyd’ as they reappear on the Halloweekend. In fact, sometimes, they have something vital to teach us as we move towards a life that allows us to sleep peacefully through the night.
Step One: Identify the Entity
Not that this will take much work— they’ll be on your mind; either a nagging, unwanted ping on your phone that you can’t quite ignore, or a genuine place of emotional hurt. But, understanding what it is about your ex that drew you to them in the first place is a good way to begin. Think of the qualities that you liked about them, and then, think of the qualities that they lacked. There is a good reason why the two of you didn’t work, but there will always be aspects of that relationship that you can take into account for when you feel ready to date again.
We learn through our relationships, but the key here is to take a step up in the wake of a haunted one. The time wasn’t necessarily wasted if it taught you something, even if that lesson was how to better protect yourself and your space from emotional vampires.
By identifying the entity that looms over you, you’ll be able to approach all of your relationships in a different way. At Seeking, there is no exorcist needed— let’s be honest, that’s done for you when you choose a platform that promotes Hypergamy. No garlic involved.
Step Two: Purification Rituals
Nothing says a fresh start like a space that’s free of the ghosts of situationships past, and it’s worth treating this step as your very own ghost-busting ritual. Smudge stick and holy water optional.
Tidy away anything that holds your ex’s emotional residue, and curate your space into a kind of sanctuary for yourself— one that pays homage to where you want to be in life. Buy yourself small indulgent gifts that remind you that you deserve to be cared for; when you curate an air of luxury around you, and when you elevate your self-worth through self-care, you create a proverbial ring of salt around both you and your space.
Think of it as a boundary; you treat yourself with respect and honor, and this is how you ought to be treated by those that you do allow through the door.
Step Three: Sacred Spaces
What’s that superstition about ghosts not being able to set foot on sacred ground? Well, think of changing your social circles as a prevention technique. You don’t want to encounter more of the same thing, after all, exorcizing an ex means that they’re gone for good. Patterns love to reappear, so it’s up to you to take yourself out of the places that encourage them.
You’re only going to run into the same energies if you keep slumming it at your local bar, or reminiscing about the horror show at you and your ex’s favorite hang out. When you move on, you have to forge new patterns, and find places to socialize and date that give you a window into a better life, better people, and bigger dreams.
Consider deleting that dusty, spider-web covered app that you used to swipe on, it’s time to choose a platform that offers you a glimpse into an upgraded dating system. Access to better people, who will respect your values and your time— now, that’s how you ensure that old ghosts don’t come knocking.
Step Four: Rites of Passage
While it’s true that the only thing that can truly settle a restless spirit is time, there are things that you can do, not only to take your mind off the situation, but to set yourself up for success. Both in your own life, and in your future dating endeavors. When you set concrete goals for yourself— to improve in a way that takes you far away from the claws of a toxic relationship— you begin to lay a foundation for completely new standards.
There’s a two-thousand year old practice that we often talk about, particularly in this context: Hypergamy.
Everyone has heard of it by now, but with that amount of time behind it, there’s something to the practice. Seeing yourself and any potential partners as two halves of a highly functioning, powerful whole forces you into a mindset that not only leads you to analyze your strengths and weaknesses, but to date with these things in mind. Lead with wisdom, rather than throwing yourself into the swamp of anyone will do. Look at potential partners with a discerning eye, and consider: are they good enough for you, rather than the reverse.
Moving on from a haunted past might not be as dramatic as an exorcism (then again, sometimes it can be even more dramatic, let’s be honest), but it can feel just as powerful.
By taking conscious steps towards moving forward you’re casting out the shadows and setting the stage for a future, and future partner that respects your worth. Letting go of these old ghosts isn’t just about purging the past; it’s about investing in relationships that resonate at a higher frequency, rather than dragging you down with them. The demons of your past will only be thwarted through the use of a platform that arms you correctly, and puts you in the presence of the right people, at the right time— let Seeking be the exorcist when it comes to those casual hook-ups and late-night texts.
The reality is, once you’ve cast out the shadow of that unreliable ex, you’re free to step fully into a world of new connections, richer experiences, and a life that’s yours to design— unhaunted and crystal clear.
