Everyone on Seeking has a specific motivation for deciding to jump onto it. Established men are looking for interesting and beautiful women to be on their arm; they’re looking for companionship, for a chance to meet someone they enjoy spending time with. And as for attractive daters, there are countless reasons to ditch traditional dating—mentorship, access, influence and even companionship with a more seasoned and successful gentleman who has seen the world and therefore can offer it to them as well.
Taking motivation aside, a mutual attraction is good in any relationship—naturally they would want to be with someone who they enjoy—someone who entertains them, makes them laugh, entices them. Nobody likes a bore, no matter how wealthy and successful or stunningly beautiful they are.
While those in honest relationship do benefit from the fact that expectations and boundaries are spoken about in an upfront and casual manner, Seeking members only get to that point after getting to know each other and doing a quicker, fast-tracked form of traditional dating. A lot of people want to know that the person they are dating is “into” them before deciding on any kind of relationship—but how do you know that with just a handful of messages delivered online, maybe a couple of video chat calls (with Seeking’s new video chat feature!) and that first meeting where each party gets to finally spend time in person?
Well, there are a handful of ways to discover this—one just needs to keep their eyes and minds open and remain observant for a few telling clues. We identified a handful of ways to decipher what’s to be read between those proverbial lines and, maybe more importantly, the signs being delivered at your first date.
They’re Opening Up To You
Small talk is a great way to open up a conversation, but if it continues for quite some time that might be a sign that your date might not be feeling a connection with you. Such questions—where are you from, what do you do, where did you go to school, etc.—make what’s supposed to be an intimate conversation feel more like a job interview over time.
If your date is asking introspective questions—and even better, answering some themselves—that’s a great sign that they are willing to let you into their world and see them for who they really are. They’re sharing their personal experiences, their opinions, funny stories from their past—nobody does this for the grocery store cashier or even the person hitting on them in line at Starbucks.
The Messages Become More Frequent
You might hit it off digitally by exchanging a number of messages one night, sharing some basic information and potentially divulging personal stories like those we mentioned above. But what happens when the communication starts to slow down or, even worse, halts altogether? That might be a sign that your date wasn’t feeling your vibe or they might have found someone more in tune with their personality and style, as well as their expectations and motivations.
That’s why you should always be on the lookout for messages beyond that initial conversation. Are they asking you how your day is? Did you tell them about an important meeting at work and they asked how it went? Are you traveling abroad and they’re asking how your flight was and what the weather is like where you’ve landed? Simple, subtle messages like these indicate that your date wants to keep you engaged—and if they want to keep the conversation going, they want to keep this potential relationship of yours going, as well.
Think about it like this: Those messages are letting you know that this person has your undivided attention. Sending messages purely for the sake of sending messages isn’t high on the priority list for daters who aren’t interested in those who they’re talking to.
They Are Engaged and Want To Know More About You
A number of Seeking blogs before this one have discussed the gentle art of conversation—and that’s also important when gauging someone’s interest in your personal company. Conversations need to have an effortless flow, a back-and-forth, an ease to them for each party to feel like they aren’t in the middle of a job interview or police interrogation.
Unfortunately, a lot of people can fake this, too. Some conversationalists are skilled in letting you think both of you are enjoying the discussion. Business professionals need this particular skill to close deals, maintain relationships with colleagues and potential partners, move up in their company and careers and make sure that their bosses and employees enjoy their presence. Shifting this to the relationship can be difficult for many, but easy for the few who have perfected it.
So, how do you know your date is for real? One way is by noticing if they remember details about your previous conversations. One way to keep conversations going is to simply ask questions, comment on what’s being discussed in that current moment, and sometimes the telling of a somewhat related joke. But if someone is really engaged in what you’ve been discussing, they’ll bring up subjects you’ve already discussed that are pertinent to the moment-at-hand.
The Excitement is Palpable
After you’ve exchanged the messages, done the video chat thing and gotten to know each other on a surface level, it’s time to meet in person! Even the most confident daters often have the proverbial “butterflies,” but successful gentlemen and beautiful women can often hide those at the first meet.
But even if your date isn’t visually nervous, it still will be plain to see if they’re excited to finally be spending time IRL with you. Dreamy gazes into your eyes, playful banter (more on that later) and wide smiles that don’t seem to be forced are all great ways to gauge that initial interest when you show up for each other the first time.
Taking some of the aforementioned tips into consideration would also be a smart way to vet this, as your communication in-person should (hopefully) be even better than the discussions you were having through emails and text messages. And there’s something to be said about relaxation, as well—if your date is at ease with you, that means they’re comfortable with you and are enjoying their time with you.
And at the end of the date, if they mention seeing you again first, well, you’ve likely nailed it. The excitement at the date is a great sign, but the excitement at meeting again is extremely telling!
They’re Poking Some (Gentle) Fun at You
It’s easy to be enamored with your date when you’re meeting for the first time. Wealth and success can be exciting and intimidating all at the same time—and the same goes for beauty, poise and refinement.
But if someone can subtly tease you—get in a few good-hearted jabs at something you’ve said—that’s a sign that they’re relaxed and comfortable enough to really be themselves with you. Usually this kind of banter is only seen in relationships between good friends, specific family members or close coworkers. If your date can get on that level in your first meetup—and you feel good about it—they just might be a keeper.
They Keep You on Your Toes
And speaking of those gentle jabs, straight up being called out is a good sign, too—within reason, of course. If your date is being real with you and, more importantly, making sure you’re being real with them, that’s a sign that you’ve found someone to be completely open and honest with—and those are the foundations of successful honest relationship.
So, if your date isn’t letting something ridiculous you said go by without some light comments, don’t tense up and get upset. You’ve found a formidable partner to not only enjoy your time with, but someone who’s going to keep you honest.
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