Playing small is a waste of your time.
For years, we’ve been told to tone it down. To want less, need less, and be satisfied with whatever love, time, or attention someone was willing to give you.
It was called “being low maintenance.” But let’s call it what it was: emotional austerity.
Now, in 2025, something radical is happening. We’re moving past beige romance and budgeted intimacy. We’re done pretending that having high standards somehow makes you hard to love. We’re done editing ourselves just to be chosen
Because “too much” is what it looks like when you know who you are while refusing to shrink for someone who doesn’t.
Goodbye, Quiet Luxury. Hello, Loud Intentionality.
The minimalist look and approach had its moment, and it was influential. Capsule wardrobes, vast empty spaces, whispery brands that seemed allergic to color ruled editorials and our lives. Even in dating, minimalism appeared as restrained expectations and bland text threads.
Then came 2023’s “quiet luxury” aesthetic, made famous by Succession wardrobes and Sofia Richie’s TikTok-era bridal glow. It celebrated timelessness, muted everything, and subtlety, creating a sense of understated luxury that spoke volumes without saying a word
But as we entered 2025, the restrained whisper turned into a roar: a full-on rebellion of expression fueled by maximalist energy and soft life sensuality. It even upended dating, encouraging clarity, precision, and emotional velocity.
Google searches for “abundance mindset” are trending while TikTok is full of daters declaring that “if it’s not a yes, it’s a no,” and that “being delulu is the solulu” if it means refusing to settle. And to be clear, we’re not talking about excess for its own sake—this is about self-worth presented as a lifestyle.
You Were Never “Too Much.” They Just Couldn’t Keep Up.
Especially if you’re a woman you’ve likely been told that wanting love as well as luxury; emotional depth and ambition; tenderness plus a travel budget, somehow makes you unreasonable.
But let’s be honest: you were never asking for too much. You were just asking people who hadn’t done the work to meet you. And when the dominant dating advice says things like “be realistic,” it usually means “be easier to manage.”
But what if realistic is just code for settling? What if you stopped negotiating with your own needs and started filtering with them instead?
High Standards Aren’t a Red Flag—They’re a Love Language
Clarity is powerful. And wanting more— honesty, effort, intimacy and champagne, if that’s your thing—doesn’t make you greedy. It expresses your needs, clearly.
Setting the bar high isn’t about testing anyone. It’s about calling those ready and able to rise to it.
Whether it’s emotional availability, shared values, or a lifestyle that includes yachts and meaningful conversation, what you want isn’t outlandish. And if you’re tired of being asked to shrink your dreams just to fit into someone else’s comfort zone? Good. Get ready for real connection.
If “Too Much” Turns Them Off, Let It
Here’s the shift: wanting more isn’t a dealbreaker. It’s a deal filter. Read that again.
If someone thinks your standards are “too high,” they’re telling you everything you need to know. You may want to keep looking. You’re not dating to impress everyone—you’re dating to connect with the one who gets it.
When you carry yourself with clarity, it shows. Confidence—also about what you want—is magnetic. It repels the misaligned and attracts those already living and loving with intention.
The Abundance Mindset Isn’t Delusional—It’s Discerning
Dating with an abundance mindset means believing that emotional ease, chemistry, and shared ambition are not mutually exclusive. It’s refusing to confuse “settling down” with “settling for.”
It means you believe love should add to your life, not shrink it. It suggests that you expect reciprocity as a baseline, not a bonus. Lastly, it signals that you don’t apologize for having preferences, goals, or a vision.
On Seeking, this isn’t a radical viewpoint. It’s the norm. Our members aren’t guessing. They’re choosing—with clarity, courage, and yes, a little luxury.
If You’ve Ever Doubted Your Desires, Read This
If you’ve ever:
- Been told to “just go with the flow” when you knew what you wanted
- Dressed down your expectations to keep someone around
- Settled for bare-minimum effort dressed up as modern dating
Let this be your reminder: you’re not “too much.” You’re just not for those who want less.
And you need a dating platform where stating your standards isn’t viewed as aggressive. You know this already but it bears repeating: on Seeking, “too much” isn’t a red flag. It’s precisely the right amount.
Because “too much” was never the problem. Settling was.
The era of quiet, play-it-cool dating is over. We’ve entered the audacity era—where bold love, clear vision, and open communication are finally in style.
Self-knowledge is the new status symbol. And knowing what (and who) you want? That’s not high maintenance. That’s high-frequency.
So go ahead: Want the whole thing. Want presence, effort, and the expensive wine at dinner. Want someone who sees you in high definition—and dare to have it all.
Ready to connect on your own terms? Seeking.com is where chemistry meets clarity—without the outdated rules. Join Seeking and date smarter.
