It’s that time of year again. Gym memberships—well more likely Peloton purchases—have spiked. Sales on planners and other organizational tools have surged. Nicotine gum is gone from your drugstore’s shelves. And the line at your favorite juice shop is getting longer each morning.
The unfit are toning up, the scatterbrained are getting organized, smokers are quitting and fast food aficionados are suddenly all about green juice and antioxidants. Yes, it’s New Year’s Resolution season!
Defined by Merriam-Webster as a “promise to do something differently in the new year,” New Year’s resolutions often entail bettering one’s self in some way—kicking a habit, improving one’s health, increasing personal wealth, meeting career goals.
One other common area to improve many resolution makers choose to take on is their love life. Married couples resolve to go on more dates, a fiancé decides to be more agreeable and less “Bridezilla” and singles everywhere are signing back onto dating websites. Relationships are an important part of one’s life, so it’s no surprise that they become the focus for many every January 1.
Approximately 50 percent of Americans make New Year’s resolutions each year—but less than 10 percent end up sticking to their resolutions after a couple of months. We’re a few weeks into January now, which means many have already fallen short of their well-intentioned goals.
Keeping resolutions can be difficult, though. We’re leading busy lives—working long hours, going to school—and sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of a goal, no matter how passionate you might have been in the beginning. Maybe some direction and a little advice would help?
If your New Year’s resolution was to meet someone new in 2021, congratulations! You’re already well on your way to meeting your goal by signing up for Seeking and consulting this very blog for some advice! Here are a few tips and tricks that will no doubt help you snag a date soon.
Make Your Love Life a Priority
It’s easy to put your love-life on the back burner, especially if you’ve only recently started dating again. Depending on how long it’s been, you might even not know how to fit dating back into your usual routine.
Sure, working toward a big project deadline at work, planning upcoming travel arrangements and getting some chores done around the house are all important, but so is scrolling through dating profiles, flirtatiously answering messages and planning where and when to meet someone! You’re not going to find a date without putting in a little work!
Consider scheduling some time into your daily grind that’s devoted to your dating life—and actually schedule it, just like you would with work meetings, dentist appointments or a friend’s birthday celebration. Then, use the time to actively date—sign onto Seeking, search some profiles and send some messages. Or, if you’re already involved with someone, research some restaurant options for your next dinner date or keep the conversation going with a simple yet thoughtful message.
Define What You Want
What do you want out of a relationship? What does your ideal relationship look like? What do you “bring to the table” in a relationship? If you’re very serious about finding a relationship, it’s important to give these questions some consideration—especially if you’re on Seeking!
Remember that Seeking is where people can find upfront and honest relationships, so knowing what your requirements are is important. If you know what qualities you’re looking for in a partner, not only is it easier to identify potential matches—it’s also easier to notice red flags to avoid!
Consider sitting down and writing a list of the qualities you’re looking for in a partner and relationship. Don’t hold back—nothing is too big or too small for this list that only you will see. Do you want someone who likes to travel? Is a particular career field important to you? How often do you like to message with someone you’re dating? Not only will such a list help you make decisions about people you’re chatting with, it will also give you some talking points that will help you get to know one another better.
Don’t Forget About “Me” Time
Spending time alone can be immensely beneficial for our mental health, as it helps us unwind, reduces stress and allows our brains to “reboot.” But healthy solitude is not beneficial only for us! Psychologists have also studied and discussed its ability to keep relationships healthy.
Alone time promotes self-reflection and self-assessment, which helps us to better understand ourselves—and thus, how we are in a relationship. And being content with ourselves is necessary to being content with someone else, right? As RuPaul says, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
So, remember to take some time for yourself! Get a massage, take a yoga class, go on a hike, indulge in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or watch your favorite movie—alone. Just don’t bail on date night for it!
Pay Attention To Details
Your Seeking profile is your first impression—and depending on what’s listed on it, it could be your last impression, too!
Be open, honest and upfront when filling out—or updating—your profile. As previously mentioned, knowing what you want is important—now you just need to list your expectations and wait for a match! Getting detailed will also let others know if they’re right for you.
It’s also a good idea to thoroughly—and we mean thoroughly—read through profiles of Seeking members who have expressed interest in getting to know you. It’s easy to get lost in the photos and simply do a cursory review of main profile points. But you could be missing some important details that signal this might not be a match. What if they like adventure and you’re more of a homebody? Or they might enjoy the opera and Michelin-starred restaurants, while you’re more of a concert and cocktails kind of person. Or maybe they’re looking for something short-term, and you’re looking for something that will last.
And being thorough is great for spotting daters who aren’t right for you, but it’s also good for potential matches too! Reading the entirety of someone’s profile should provide endless fodder for your messaging, as well as talking points for when you finally do meet up for a date IRL!
Remember To Be Present
This last tip might be obvious, but it’s also extremely relevant. In this fast-paced world, it’s far too easy for us to get caught up in ourselves—or really, our phones.
It’s important, then, to live in the moment and appreciate what’s in front of us. When you’re on a date, put that phone away and enjoy someone’s intimate company instead of your thousands of Facebook friends.
Also, don’t stress yourself out thinking about the future. Sure, the clock is ticking, but you’re having fun, right? Forget formalities about dating and relationships and just enjoy yourself, enjoy those who you date and enjoy living a fabulous single life—for now, at least!
So, whether you’re just joining Seeking or jumping back in, remember these tips! They’ll help you navigate the dating scene a bit better and hopefully you’ll find your ideal partner soon!