We all know that being self-centered is a bad thing. Or is it? The newest dating trend, “selfish dating,” encourages singles to be a little self-centered – but it’s not what you think.

Selfish dating is characterized by daters putting their own needs, time, and mental well-being above all, both in their dating life and in general. Basically, the “selfish dating” mindset is: “If it doesn’t serve me, I don’t want it!”

Despite the negative association with the word “self-centered,” selfish dating is not about being self-absorbed or rude to others. Instead, the selfish dating trend empowers singles to put themselves first, take control of their dating lives, and surround themselves with people who truly uplift them and help them elevate their lifestyles.

“[Selfish dating] is about recognizing that in order to find the right person, we must first be the right person for ourselves,” said Emma Hathorn, resident dating expert for Seeking.com.

A big part of being the right person for yourself is refusing to settle for anyone who doesn’t fit into your life or have your best interests in mind. In 2023’s dating landscape, this idea is becoming increasingly popular.

For years, daters in their 30s and 40s have known that it’s a good thing to be a picky dater when it comes to who they make time for in their busy lives. Naturally, when singles have to balance their dating lives with their busy work schedules, it makes perfect sense that they’re more selective about who they choose to date.

Beyond this, the selfish dating mindset is becoming popular among Gen-Z as well. After TikTok popularized the mindset of “Main Character Energy,” it’s becoming increasingly trendy for daters to put themselves first, and only seek out partners who will complement the lives they are already living.

You might be thinking that selfish dating is similar to Main Character Energy, and you’d be right. But singles who practice selfish dating are even more committed to putting themselves and their needs first when it comes to dating.

While Main Character Energy is the mindset of eschewing connections with those who don’t meet your standards, a big part of selfish dating is simply letting partners show you their true colors. If you embody the selfish dating mindset, you let go of any legwork trying to figure out if your connection is supportive or meets your standards. If they treat you well, then you can continue to invest time in them.

If you get even a hint of an initial disinterest or red flag, you simply let them go – as simple as that.

Someone who is “selfless” or a “people-pleaser” when exploring a new connection can easily get taken advantage of (which, of course, would mean that connection is not a good fit).

Instead, selfish dating is about focusing entirely on your own needs, wants, and whims. If you are practicing selfish dating, you text your connection whenever you want, and plan dates that fit your schedule and life. Selfish daters don’t wait for their connection to text them first, if you want to text, you go for it.

All of this can lead you to finding a partner who genuinely is a good fit for you, rather than someone who is simply pretending to be. It also curbs daters pretending or trying to fit into someone else’s life. We all know this never ends well.

At Seeking.com, we are all about encouraging singles to be the best versions of themselves and then finding the perfect partner to elevate their lives. We think that when it comes to your dating life, not only is there nothing wrong with being a little selfish, but putting yourself first is the first step to creating a truly amazing connection.

Put yourself first and join Seeking.com today!