If you’ve ever been swept up in a whirlwind romance that felt too good to be true, you’ve likely encountered future faking. It’s the art of making grand promises about a shared future—talking about moving in together, planning extravagant vacations, hinting at marriage—without any real intent to follow through. It’s not just misleading; it’s emotionally exhausting.
The Rise (and Fall) of Future Faking
At its core, future faking is a con—not necessarily out of malice, but often as a way to create excitement without putting in real emotional effort. It sells a dream rather than builds a relationship. And in an era where people are finally seeing through the fantasy, the real flex is showing up with something more than just words.
Future fakers thrive in a dating culture obsessed with instant gratification. They know how to create excitement and make someone feel special in the moment. However: excitement isn’t depth. A weekend getaway means nothing if the person planning it ghosts you a week later. A partner who talks about “forever” but won’t commit to next weekend isn’t building something real.
And yes, there is a strong relationship between future faking and love bombing, as both are manipulative tactics used to gain control in a relationship. Love bombing provides the intoxicating rush of now—grand gestures, intense affection, and overwhelming attention that make the target feel uniquely cherished. It’s designed to create emotional dependency, making the recipient crave more of that high. Future faking, on the other hand, introduces the promise of what’s next—painting a vision of an ideal future together, complete with commitments, dreams, and long-term plans that may never actually materialize.
This tactic prolongs the emotional hold, keeping the victim invested even when the love bombing fades. Together, they form a psychological trap: love bombing hooks someone in the present, while future faking keeps them clinging to the idea of a future that will never come. Of the two, future faking is the one that often inflicts the most lasting emotional damage, as it exploits hope and trust, leaving victims disillusioned and doubting their own judgment. Because of this, it’s a manipulation tactic that deserves closer scrutiny.
Excitement vs. Depth: Know the Difference
It gets tricky quickly because future faking feels like deep connection. The texts are constant, the attention intoxicating, and the chemistry seems undeniable. But the real test of a relationship isn’t how fast it burns—it’s how well it sustains.
Depth requires patience. It’s the ability to show up consistently, handle difficult conversations, and build something solid instead of just selling a dream. It’s easy to fall for someone who promises you the world. It’s harder to find someone willing to build it with you.
Randi Fine—whose blog Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance is read in 180 countries—writes, “future fakers are predators and always misrepresent their motives to trap their prey.” Fine doesn’t hold back. “Many of them are pathological liars. They lie without any reservation or hesitation.”
In an ecosystem where people crave connection but fear vulnerability, future fakers provide a shortcut—an illusion of intimacy without any actual risk. They share just enough to appear open but never truly let you in. They keep things exciting and buzzing along without ever making them real.
How to Spot (and Avoid) Future Faking
So how do you tell the difference between someone genuinely interested in a future with you and someone who just likes the idea of it? Watch for these red flags:
- Big promises, no follow-through. They discuss extravagant vacations but can’t commit to dinner plans next week.
- Too much, too soon. Love-bombing, constant texting, and sweeping declarations of devotion way too early on.
- No real-life consistency. They’re all-in when convenient for them but distant when it matters. It doesn’t feel like they have your back.
- Vague when it counts. They’ll tell you they “see a future” with you but can’t define that. And, worse, the wishy-washy details seem to shift focus constantly.
All this had me wondering: what is the easiest way to see through future faking? It’s simple really. Focus on actions over words. Someone serious about you won’t just talk about a future—they’ll actively build one with you.
But Why Do We Fall for Future Faking?
Because it’s exciting. Humans are wired to respond to compelling stories, and future fakers tell an incredible one. They make love feel cinematic—like something from a whirlwind romance film. In a dating culture that can sometimes feel transactional, that kind of intensity—being swept up—is intoxicating.
But there’s a difference between a fantasy and something that can last. Real connection isn’t about spectacle—it’s about stability.
Breaking free from future faking means rewiring what we see as “romantic.” It means valuing consistency over charisma, depth over spectacle. It means resisting the urge to rush into something just because it feels right and instead paying attention to whether it is right.
Chicago therapist, Mel Bridge, says “future faking goes hand in hand with the tendency to appease others by saying what they want to hear. At its most innocent it’s a case of people pleasing.” Bridge doesn’t think future faking is necessarily intentionally bad. “Some are so caught up in the gratification of their response, they don’t give thought to the expectations they are setting—or the commitments they’re implying.”
Building Something Real: The New Luxury in Dating
If sincerity is the new status symbol, how do you embody it? How do you build a relationship that’s real instead of just impressive?
Be intentional with your words. If you’re making promises, mean them. If you’re receiving them, make sure there’s follow-through.
Prioritize presence over projection. It’s so easy to talk about the future; it’s harder to show up fully in the present. Do a reality check before you get swept up in the thrill of it all.
Slow it down. Look before you leap. Not everything has to be instant. As with all good things, in life, real connection takes time.
Look for consistency. Someone who wants something real will prove it—not just once, but over time. And you don’t have to wonder about them or their ability to follow through.
Trust patterns, not potential. People can promise you the world, but their patterns reveal whether they’re worth your time.
The irony? While future faking feels like the “easier” path to romance, it almost always leads to emotional exhaustion. Real relationships—the kind that last—aren’t built on grand promises. They’re built on small, everyday choices. On showing up, on being honest, on valuing connection over illusion.
The Real Flex: Showing Up
Luxury in dating isn’t about playing a part or selling a dream. It’s about being real. It’s about creating relationships that don’t need to be dressed up in fantasy to be exciting—because they’re already fulfilling in reality.
The best relationships don’t rely on borrowed time, exaggerated promises, or flashy gestures. They exist in the present. They thrive in truth. And they don’t need to be faked—because when something is real, it speaks for itself.
So next time someone tries to sell you a dream, ask yourself: Are they actually building something with you, or just narrating a love story they never intend to finish? The answer makes all the difference.
Anyone ready for real dating is ready for Seeking. Join Seeking today.
