We pour over the reels and storytimes of popular influencers as they stand on elegant, wrought-iron balconies, champagne in hand, watching the flurry of the Monaco Grand Prix. We have a window into the world of the rich and famous, the dates of celebrities, the private jets and the superyachts. We lay in bed on our phones, and for a bright second, we’re face to face with what life could actually be— what we dream about, what we truly imagine when we think of the words ‘ultimate success”.
These potential futures have never been so easy to imagine; we just have to follow the hashtags in the right direction, and suddenly, our daydreams are playing out in front of us on those screens.
Social media is the vehicle of modern Hypergamy; it’s what brings it directly to us— the idea that a life exists in a world that is so far from ordinary, that it involves the reality of a movie, rather than a mundane life.
Dreaming a Little Bigger
Instagram and TikTok have created a whole new kind of visibility for lifestyles that embody the ideals and vision of modern Hypergamy. Influencers and everyday users alike share glimpses of luxury living, often showcasing relationships where one partner’s wealth and status play a key role— these are the power couples, the dream teams, and they’re constantly flashing across our screens.
This visibility has a dual effect: it sets aspirational standards and normalizes the pursuit of hypergamous relationships. For instance, influencers often share their luxurious lifestyles, subtly convincing their followers to begin looking for partners who can provide a similar standard of living.
In Celebration of Power Couples
On TikTok, trends such as “delulu” or “dating up” have gained traction, with users sharing tips and experiences on how to put yourself in the position of meeting someone of a higher standard. These trends often celebrate hypergamous relationships, framing them as #goals worth pursuing. Videos showcasing “luxury dating” and “high standards” vlogs highlight the benefits of hypergamous relationships and encourage viewers to aspire for partners who can elevate them— as well as how they can elevate themselves in order to find these partners.
The interesting aspect of these vlogs also can be in how they offer us a view of what it’s like not to date hypergamously.
From Heartbreak to Hypergamy
We see the heartbreaks, the ways that so many women date down— the horror stories of how much partners were able to endure before they left are often framed as comedy, but they provide a relatable mirror for ourselves. Searching the “Things My Exes Did and I Stayed” trend provides reels upon reels of jaw-dropping moments—from cheating ex-husbands to two-timing boyfriends, to screaming matches in line at a KFC. These stories are eye-openers. Other people have had low standards, and have endured the opposite of Hypergamy too.
Getting to watch other people’s heartbreaks and failed relationships can often be a way to reflect on our own relationships; seeing that there is a universal need for raised standards, and that many have come to that conclusion independently, is a subtly Hypergamous message.
Through every crying breakup vlog, there is the realization that self-respect and Hypergamy go hand in hand.
Curated Realities
While social media often displays the glamorous aspects of hypergamous relationships, it can obscure the complexities and challenges involved in dating someone from outside of your socio-economic realm.
The curated nature of Instagram and TikTok content means that followers often see a highly filtered version of reality (often quite literally), where the difficulties and compromises inherent in hypergamous relationships are downplayed or ignored. This selective portrayal can create unrealistic expectations and pressures for individuals seeking similar relationships.
Hypergamy takes two— it requires both partners to be on a path to success; they are each others’ perfect complement. They provide each other with support where needed, in areas of weakness. This is not an aspect of Hypergamy that can be ignored, and often, social media can make it seem that all one needs to do to participate in Hypergamy is to find a wealthy partner.
This is far from the reality of a Hypergamous duo; we’re talking about power couples, not a radical relationship power imbalance. Hypergamous partners are each other’s closest confidant, support system, and inspiration; they are a team, not a charity.
Breaking the Mold
Social media also provides a platform to challenge traditional hypergamous dynamics, and to usher in the era of modern Hypergamy.
Content creators and influencers sometimes share stories that critique or subvert the traditional “marrying up” narrative (see: Bridgerton or Pretty Woman; definitely not a modern look at Hypergamy).
For example, some influencers emphasize the importance of mutual respect, emotional support, and equality in relationships, while still maintaining high standards for success and wealth. These narratives challenge the notion that hypergamy is solely about financial or social gain, highlighting the significance of personal compatibility and emotional fulfillment. Success might be attractive, and so might that jetset lifestyle, but influencers, particularly Gen-Zers, are looking for the whole package instead.
There is a strong emphasis on genuine compatibility, and with the access that people have through the internet, online dating, and niche dating platforms, there are ways to meet partners who offer you every aspect of what you’re looking for. Influencers have begun to show us that we can have the megayacht, as well as the love of our lives.
Naturally, we know exactly where you’ll find that.
Seeking.com. Join Seeking today.
For more hypergamy dating stories and information, visit the rest of the Seeking Blog.
