We hear about it on TikTok, it’s all over our feed— everyone is talking about a dating idea that is referred to as “hypergamy.” 

The current online vision of hypergamy is a vague image of dating someone who is either successful, or more successful than previous partners. The term hypergamy, however, holds many connotations; some positive, some steeped in prejudice. The heart of hypergamy— its essence— is where it finds its relevance in today’s society. While it is a subjective term, it is, and always has been, about upgrading one’s relationships, choosing partners that uplift you.

In fact, Seeking.com has decided to take this term, this approach to dating, and reinvent it for a world that is now looking for something a little better.

How do we define the wish to date better, to live better, and to love better? There are many ways of referring to that search for more. The term “hypergamy” has been through a myriad of changes and redefinitions over the years, but now, the luxury dating website has claimed this term for itself, and for its user base. 

Hypergamy in the modern era is not the same as it was. In fact, it’s something we have all been aspiring to, even without realizing it.

What is Hypergamy?

In the dating world, and historically too, the concept of hypergamy has long been a topic that has sparked debate and a certain amount of controversy. 

Traditionally defined as the practice of marrying or forming relationships with individuals of higher social, economic, or educational status, hypergamy has often been viewed through a narrow lens, focusing solely on the loveless aspect. It’s marrying without thought for one’s own wishes, emotional needs, and overall emotional wellbeing— it’s a relationship of transaction, not of care or love.

According to an Oxford University study, the word, which at its core means “marrying upwards,” actually stems from Hindu tradition and is approximately 3000 years old. It is derived from ancient Sanskrit, which was the foundation of all modern human language. 

The term, along with its inverse, hypogamy—which means marrying someone of a lower social class or status (a.k.a. marrying down)—was coined in the 19th century when translating classical Hindu law books from Sanskrit to English. This historical version of hypergamy is antiquated. 

It does not allow for the way that society has evolved.

But, at its core, it is about upgrading one’s relationships and social standing—about finding a partner who represents the life one aspires to.

Traditional vs Modern Hypergamy Graphic

The Modern Dating World

As societal norms continue to evolve and relationships take on new forms, Seeking has sought to revolutionize the concept of hypergamy, and bring it into our modern world. 

It’s not going to look the same— it can’t. But, the baseline definition of hypergamy is a message that Seeking has long supported: finding someone who elevates you, finding someone who brings you the inspiration that you lack in your own life, as you do the same for them.

Seeking wishes to redefine the concept of hypergamy by focusing on building relationships based on mutual growth, ambition, and a connection beyond traditional expectations. A hypergamous partnership now works both ways; it is a complementary style of dating that allows for two people, both with different strengths and weaknesses, to meet with the intention of creating a power couple, with each party bringing vital stepping stones to the relationship. 

This kind of collaboration, and vision for the relationship, is a powerful thing.

Modern Hypergamy is About This: Wanting More

Now, it’s not about greed— material wealth is a byproduct of success, not something to gain from a significant other. Hypergamy is about reaching that point of success with an individual at your side that not just exceeds your expectations, but forces you to raise them even higher. 

Wanting more from our relationships, wanting more from our lives, from our experiences, from every single thing that we come across in life— this is hypergamy. It is a revolutionary raising of standards that brings both parties in the relationship into a space that levitates above all things mundane. 

Two minds that are ambitious and aligned, and both complementary to each other: this is what leads away from unhappy, broken relationships. When you enter into a relationship with someone who has strengths where you have weaknesses, who has experience where you lack it, who believes in your ideas enough to help you realize them? This is the doorway to a better dating experience and a far more long-term partnership that could change both of your lives for the better.

Finding Your Way to Hypergamy

You are dissatisfied with your romantic relationships. Your dating life leaves you anxious, and you check your phone— only to find that the conversations that you are having do not inspire you, but rather leave you feeling drained. Time is spent chasing after people who seem disinterested, who in the end, you don’t truly know.

In order to change this, a change in yourself has to be made, too.

Hypergamy begins with our entire attitude towards dating— it is what we allow into our lives, and where we choose to spend our time and attention. Curating a dating life with the intention of finding a partner who can actually uplift us is not that easy— and it all begins with where we choose to date, and how. 

We must ask ourselves this: what do we want out of our lives? Where do we see ourselves in the future, and who do we want by our sides in that future?

The reality is, that traditional dating methods simply do not allow us access to the people that we aspire to meet; of course, there is the chance that you could meet a hypergamous partner in a coffee shop, but the odds are stacked low. These people are busy, they travel the world, they are on business in Tokyo, London, New York. Due to their busy schedules, often, the only way that they can date is online.

A key step towards making the decision to date in a hypergamous way is to choose a dating platform that embraces partnerships based on mutual success. Openness, honesty, and the hope for a partner that understands and supports our goals is a cornerstone of Seeking.com’s philosophy.

Hypergamy may have had its roots in traditional marriage, but now, Seeking has taken it, and turned it into an idea that is no longer tied to tradition, but instead is tied to evolution. Evolution, but more importantly a desire for everything that the world has to offer— at its core, as in all things, are love, connection, and empowerment.


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