The Real Secrets of Radical Accountability
Alex shows up naked at my door concealed in a long, gray windbreaker, holding one green plant and one white envelope. I try not to roll my eyes, because I just know there’s a long note in that envelope. She won’t stop calling and begging me to take her back, but she knows I don’t want to see her. I’ve been ghosting her ever since she ruined our relationship.
A Sad Love Story
For a full spring, I’d swept Alex off her feet with massages, mind-blowing sex, concerts, walks with her dog and treating her like royalty.
When summer came, I asked, “Do you want to go on a cruise to the Caribbean?”
“For real? Of course!” Alex exclaimed.
We departed from Miami. On the boat, we danced in the discotheque and indulged in regal banquets.
On beach excursions, we played with stingrays, dolphins and each other. But then a funny thing took shape.
Around other people, Alex started treating me like a pal. Unromantic. At arm’s length. In swimwear, she flirted with money men, boys of summer, muscular ship workers. Right in front of me. Degrading.
The Turning Point in Our Relationship
Before the cruise, Alex bragged about me to other people while I stood next to her. She’d won me over with deep kisses, loud passion and respect.
Despondent, I hid my shame on the ship and the flight home.
When we returned, I forlornly sat her down and politely broke up with her and told her why.
She understood and cried. For weeks, I’ve been dodging her calls. But here she is at my door, smiling and standing 5 feet 10 inches, perfect posture, in her former ballerina stance.
“Alex …” I started to say, exasperated.
“I know you don’t want to see me, but I brought you this plant,” she interrupted.
A warm summer breeze brings me the smell of her perfumed skin, her shampooed hair.
I accept her little green plant in its dainty planter.
Signs Your Ex Wants You Back (The Naked Truth)
“This is what I really want to give you,” she said as she opened her windbreaker and showed me the goods.
She’s utterly and completely naked, except for heels. Just about anyone in my position would have taken her back and forgiven her. But I was still upset. She violated my standards.
“Look, Alex, I appreciate your effort. And thanks for the plant. But you have to go because we’re broken up.”
Crestfallen, she hands me the envelope.
“OK. Just please read this letter. I am so sorry, again, that I hurt you. If you find it in your heart to forgive me, I’ll be waiting for you.”
She turned and walked back to her car.
After going inside, I read her letter. It’s nine pages. Handwritten. But it’s so good.
How To Apologize to an Ex: The Proven Right Way
“You’re the first person who ever made me realize my actions have consequences,” she started.
Wow.
“I’ve completely changed the way I talk to people. I’m nicer. I listen better. I’ve promised myself I’ll never hurt anyone I love as much as I hurt you.”
This is the best letter I’ve ever read.
“If you never talk to me again, you should know you helped me become a better person.”
I’m stunned. In this moment, I realize Alex is the only lover who’s taken full accountability for bad behaviors. I told my friends, and they were impressed.
“I always did like her,” they said.
The Reconnection: Makeup Sex And Mutual Respect
So guess what? Alex called the next day, and I asked her to come over. We talked. We reunited. We had makeup sex.
“I love you,” she said.
“I love you too,” I responded.
As the months rolled on, we drifted apart more naturally, and we got through a sweeter, more tender split. On good terms forever. I still love her.
The Real Secret To Getting Your Ex Back
When people ask me for definitive relationship advice on how to heal broken love, I tell them. The secret isn’t just lust, soft-stalking and grand romantic gestures. You win your ex back through radical accountability, self-awareness and a genuine apology.
You get your ex back the way Alex did. By saying, “I’m so sorry I hurt you. You’re right. I was wrong. Please forgive me. I’ll do everything I can to never hurt you or anyone else like this ever again.”
She lived her words, written in tears with love.
