It’s an eternal question: Who do you wear lingerie for—your partner or yourself? Some women swear they wear pretty, skimpy bits of lace or leather under their clothes on an everyday basis as a way to boost their confidence. Others can’t see why someone would put themselves through the discomfort for a look nobody but them will see. If you don’t need to look sexy, why not stick to comfy cotton granny panties?
A new survey by lingerie brand Bluebella reveals data that answers that question. It shows that a significant portion of women, especially queer women, are wearing lingerie for themselves rather than a partner. In a survey of 1,500 women, 33% of straight women and 38% of queer women said they wear lingerie as an act of self-love.
According to Bluebella, buying patterns reflect that too: The queer women who were surveyed buy lingerie more often than straight women—up to once a month—and are more likely to see lingerie as an important part of their personal style.
“I wear it more as a celebration of my sexuality and to show off my sexuality for myself, instead of simply as pleasure for my partner,” said one survey respondent.
Lingerie as outerwear also has become a rising fashion trend over the past several years; Harper’s Bazaar Australia even dubbed it one of the defining “sartorial highlights of the 2020s.”
This adds a third possible answer to the question: Who am I wearing this for? It’s not yourself, it’s not your partner; it’s for the general public to admire your fashion sense. According to Alexandra Cracknell, a senior lingerie designer at Dorina, headquartered in London, lingerie is a staple of your outfit, which has evolved from being “worn to be seen into worn to be accessorised.”
“Lace bodies and bras mix lace and sheer elements designed to be accessorised with a blazer or shirt,” she recently told Who What Wear.
In this way, lingerie can be seen as similar to a minidress or high heels. While you’re probably not wearing it to the office, you can show it off on a night out whether you’re partnered or single. Stars like Charli XCX, Rosé and Hailey Bieber regularly rock lingerie looks; and you can probably go out on a Friday or Saturday evening and see dozens of twentysomethings in jeans and a lace bodysuit too.
For many, wearing lingerie as a visible part of an outfit and wearing it for self-love overlap.
“I started doing a new sport and I gained more confidence from it, so I’ve been feeling more daring lately and wondering why my lingerie always stays hidden under other layers of clothing. I’d love to explore ways to show more of my lingerie collection in some creative/expressive ways,” wrote one Redditor on r/LingerieAddiction earlier this year.
The comments brought up many suggestions, including wearing a bodysuit or corset under an unbuttoned button-up or blazer; layering lingerie looks under sheer clothing; or pairing a garter belt with shorts or a skirt.
Many women—straight or queer—who love lingerie complain that their partner doesn’t appreciate it. If you haven’t experienced that yourself, you’ve probably heard at least one friend say something like, “My partner would rather I just be naked.”
“I’d rather you just be naked, but lingerie is cool sometimes. I’m not going to get wildly excited about it. Frankly, a messy bun, t-shirt that’s a size too small with no bra, and some big pj pants you can barely keep from falling off is almost always more sexy,” a Redditor on r/AskMen wrote. Some queer women feel the same about their girlfriends, as one thread in r/lesbian demonstrates.
But for lingerie fans, the way beautiful pieces make them feel means wearing lingerie is worth it even with a partner who says meh—or with no partner at all.
“I could be wearing sweatpants and an old t-shirt, but I still feel feminine and sexy because my matching bra and panties are made of lace and bows. If Iʼm going to a fancy party and have a killer dress on, wearing my sexy lingerie underneath just shoots my confidence through the roof,” wrote boudoir photographer Laquel Wright in the article, “The Psychology of Lingerie: What’s the Point?” on her website.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “when you look good, you feel good,” and the same applies in reverse. When you feel good, you look good. To put it another way, if it makes you feel confident and sexy to wear lingerie—whether it’s part of your outfit or hidden under your clothes—you give off a certain glow. And even if you’re alone, that feeling and radiance is a good reason to buy the pretty bustier you’ve been eyeing.
